All language subtitles for Californication S02E04 The Raw and the Cooked

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:10,260 --> 00:00:11,200 PREVIOUSLY ON "CALIFORNICATION"... 2 00:00:12,300 --> 00:00:13,330 SONJA. HEY. 3 00:00:13,360 --> 00:00:15,230 AWKWARD. 4 00:00:15,270 --> 00:00:16,530 [ LAUGHS ] 5 00:00:16,570 --> 00:00:18,030 OH! 6 00:00:20,340 --> 00:00:22,810 NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN. 7 00:00:22,840 --> 00:00:24,840 I AM PREGNANT. YOU DIDN'T NOTICE MY BUMP? 8 00:00:24,870 --> 00:00:26,240 JULIAN'S A WRITER, TOO. 9 00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:27,810 Hank: REALLY? MY CONDOLENCES. 10 00:00:27,840 --> 00:00:30,650 I LIKE TO THINK OF MYSELF AS MORE OF A CREATIVE MIDWIFE. 11 00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:32,720 WHAT, YOU'RE OFFICIALLY BACK TOGETHER? 12 00:00:32,750 --> 00:00:34,680 UNTIL WE FUCK IT UP. COULD BE ANY SECOND NOW. 13 00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:35,620 UGH! 14 00:00:35,650 --> 00:00:37,190 HANK! 15 00:00:37,220 --> 00:00:39,290 I GOT THIS, UH, BOOK DEAL. 16 00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:40,690 THEY WANT TO WRITE ABOUT 17 00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:42,790 WHY EVERYTHING I TOUCH TURNS TO GOLD. 18 00:00:42,830 --> 00:00:44,090 YOU WRITE IT. 19 00:00:44,130 --> 00:00:46,200 BEATRICE TRIXIE. HANK MOODY. 20 00:00:46,230 --> 00:00:48,330 ONE GIRL, TWO COCKS -- ULTIMATE SHOWDOWN! 21 00:00:48,370 --> 00:00:49,600 I'VE HAD BOTH OF THEM, 22 00:00:49,630 --> 00:00:53,200 BUT WHAT THEY SEEM TO FORGET IS THAT THEY BOTH PAID FOR THE SEX. 23 00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:54,040 HAVE WE MET? 24 00:00:54,070 --> 00:00:56,470 YOU ALWAYS HAVE SOME FUCKING EXCUSE! 25 00:00:56,510 --> 00:00:59,180 DUDE, THIS FUCKING PERV JUST TRIED TO MOUTH-RAPE ME. 26 00:00:59,210 --> 00:01:00,280 I ACCIDENTALLY WENT DOWN ON HER. 27 00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:01,580 I FUCKING HATE YOU! 28 00:01:02,580 --> 00:01:04,680 IF YOU SIT HERE, PEOPLE ARE GONNA THINK YOU'RE WEIRD. 29 00:01:04,710 --> 00:01:07,320 AND HERE I WAS, PLANNING TO RUN FOR PROM QUEEN. 30 00:01:09,820 --> 00:01:11,690 Lew: BACK TO WORK, ASSHOLES! 31 00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:13,660 WE'RE MAKING ROCK HISTORY HERE! 32 00:01:19,930 --> 00:01:23,130 [ LYNYRD SKYNYRD'S "FREEBIRD" PLAYS ] 33 00:01:25,770 --> 00:01:27,370 OW! 34 00:01:33,310 --> 00:01:34,280 OH, WOMAN! 35 00:01:34,310 --> 00:01:36,610 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I'M ROCKING "MEDIUM" NOW. 36 00:01:36,650 --> 00:01:39,150 86th PERCENTILE. DON'T SHUT THE "FREEBIRD" DOWN. 37 00:01:39,180 --> 00:01:40,820 WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CLEARING UP? 38 00:01:40,850 --> 00:01:42,750 WELL, I KIND OF FOCUSED ON THE PATIO. 39 00:01:42,790 --> 00:01:44,890 AND THEN I WAS SUMMONED BY THE GODS OF ROCK. 40 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:46,660 ONE MUST TAKE HEED OF THAT SHIT. 41 00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:47,660 RIGHT. 42 00:01:47,690 --> 00:01:49,530 WE'RE HAVING A DINNER PARTY. 43 00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:51,700 SO WHY WOULD YOU FOCUS ON THE PATIO? 44 00:01:51,730 --> 00:01:54,330 GOD! WHEN YOU SAY IT OUT LOUD LIKE THAT, IT SOUNDS AWFUL. 45 00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:55,770 IS IT TOO LATE TO CALL OFF? 46 00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:57,930 STOP IT. IT'S GONNA BE FUN, RIGHT? 47 00:01:57,970 --> 00:01:59,370 REALLY? MM-HMM. 48 00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:00,940 'CAUSE I THINK IT'S GONNA BE LIKE 49 00:02:00,970 --> 00:02:02,740 HAVING A Q-TIP JAMMED UP MY URETHRA. 50 00:02:02,770 --> 00:02:04,340 FOR THREE HOURS. 51 00:02:04,370 --> 00:02:05,440 WITHOUT LUBE. 52 00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:08,210 WHICH COULD BE FUN IF YOU DO IT...TO ME. 53 00:02:08,250 --> 00:02:09,350 WANNA? HANK... 54 00:02:09,380 --> 00:02:10,580 COME ON. LET'S GET GOING. 55 00:02:10,610 --> 00:02:12,820 BUT I THINK YOU SHOULD CHECK OUT THE PATIO. 56 00:02:12,850 --> 00:02:14,280 NO, NO, NO. I GOT -- 57 00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:15,720 I THINK YOU'LL BE PLEASED. 58 00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:20,820 JUDAS PRIEST, HANK. 59 00:02:20,860 --> 00:02:22,830 WHAT ARE YOU UP TO? 60 00:02:24,260 --> 00:02:27,330 I WAS HOPING YOU'D FINALLY MAKE AN HONEST WOMAN OF ME. 61 00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:28,530 WHAT IS THAT? 62 00:02:28,570 --> 00:02:31,570 IS IT NOT JAW-DROPPINGLY BEAUTIFUL? 63 00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:34,640 DOES IT NOT TO MAKE THE LOVE JUICES TO FLOW? 64 00:02:34,670 --> 00:02:35,640 HANK... 65 00:02:36,610 --> 00:02:39,940 I-I THOUGHT YOU GAVE THAT TO A HOMELESS WOMAN. 66 00:02:39,980 --> 00:02:41,810 WHO GIVES DIAMONDS TO THE HOMELESS? 67 00:02:41,850 --> 00:02:42,810 NOT I, RABBI. 68 00:02:42,850 --> 00:02:45,720 I...I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY... 69 00:02:45,750 --> 00:02:47,350 OKAY, WELL THEN, 70 00:02:47,380 --> 00:02:49,490 LET ME RELIEVE YOU OF YOUR ROOT VEGETABLES... 71 00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:51,790 AND ALLOW ME. 72 00:02:55,730 --> 00:02:58,260 I LOVE YOU, KAREN. 73 00:02:58,300 --> 00:02:59,960 AND I WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE 74 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:01,530 ANNOYING THE SHIT OUT OF YOU. 75 00:03:01,570 --> 00:03:02,600 [ CHUCKLES ] 76 00:03:02,630 --> 00:03:05,370 AND I WANT THE REST OF MY LIFE TO START RIGHT NOW. 77 00:03:08,640 --> 00:03:11,980 I'M SICK AND TIRED OF FIGHTING ABOUT THE PAST. 78 00:03:12,010 --> 00:03:15,310 WE'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE. I GET THAT NOW. 79 00:03:15,350 --> 00:03:17,910 THIS IS OUR HOME. 80 00:03:17,950 --> 00:03:21,520 BECAUSE HOME IS WHEREVER YOU AND BECCA ARE. 81 00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:25,020 I LOVE L.A. 82 00:03:25,050 --> 00:03:28,020 SERIOUSLY. I...I LOVE IT. 83 00:03:28,060 --> 00:03:29,590 I CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF IT. 84 00:03:29,630 --> 00:03:30,830 YOU ARE SO FULL OF SHIT. 85 00:03:30,860 --> 00:03:32,800 WILL YOU MARRY ME, KAREN? 86 00:03:34,860 --> 00:03:36,930 QUEEN OF MY DREAMS... 87 00:03:36,970 --> 00:03:40,340 MOTHER OF MY CHILD... 88 00:03:40,370 --> 00:03:42,570 LADY OF THE VALLEY... 89 00:03:42,610 --> 00:03:44,610 ANY MORE? 90 00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:46,780 FUCK, NOW I'M OUT. 91 00:03:48,650 --> 00:03:51,010 I'M SO WET RIGHT NOW. ARE YOU? 92 00:03:51,050 --> 00:03:53,020 [ LAUGHS ] 93 00:03:53,050 --> 00:03:55,520 IT MUST BE LIKE NIAGARA FALLS DOWN THERE, HUH? 94 00:03:55,550 --> 00:03:59,360 YOU COULD ALWAYS CHECK IT OUT FOR YOURSELF. 95 00:04:46,740 --> 00:04:47,570 WHY AM I HERE? 96 00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:50,370 THE QUESTION THAT PLAGUES US ALL, MIA. 97 00:04:50,410 --> 00:04:51,340 WHY A YOU HERE? 98 00:04:51,380 --> 00:04:54,440 SHE'S HERE BECAUSE THE POOR LITTLE WUNDERKIND 99 00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:56,410 IS SPENDING TOO MUCH TIME ALONE. 100 00:04:56,450 --> 00:04:57,510 OH, "WUNDERKIND"? 101 00:04:57,550 --> 00:04:59,980 ARE WE JUST TOSSING THAT TERM AROUND NOW? REALLY? 102 00:05:00,020 --> 00:05:03,450 I MAY BE ALONE, BUT I AM FAR FROM LONELY. 103 00:05:03,490 --> 00:05:06,120 YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE HOW MANY FACEBOOK FUCKTARDS WANT TO BE MY FRIENDS. 104 00:05:06,160 --> 00:05:09,890 HEY, MIA, COULD YOU USE YOUR BIG-GIRL WORDS RIGHT NOW? 105 00:05:09,930 --> 00:05:11,500 OH, UM... 106 00:05:11,530 --> 00:05:13,560 HISTORICALLY, BILL WAS ALWAYS FINE 107 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:15,630 WITH THE CREATIVE USE OF PROFANITY. 108 00:05:15,670 --> 00:05:16,730 SO I RECALL. 109 00:05:16,770 --> 00:05:18,670 BUT I GUESS YOU WEREN'T. 110 00:05:18,700 --> 00:05:21,640 MAYBE THAT'S WHY THINGS DIDN'T WORK OUT BETWEEN YOU TWO. 111 00:05:21,670 --> 00:05:24,470 [ BLENDER WHIRS ] 112 00:05:24,510 --> 00:05:26,680 YOU SEE, I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY WE INVITE HER. 113 00:05:26,710 --> 00:05:29,050 WE ALREADY HAVE ONE SULLEN, DISRESPECTFUL SHE-DEVIL 114 00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:30,050 IN OUR MIDST. 115 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:32,120 HANK! 116 00:05:32,150 --> 00:05:34,020 HOW IS THAT ANY BETTER THAN THE LAST? 117 00:05:34,050 --> 00:05:35,950 YOU SAID TO CHANGE, I CHANGED. 118 00:05:35,990 --> 00:05:37,020 CHANGE AGAIN. 119 00:05:37,050 --> 00:05:38,820 YOU'RE MAKING ME MAD, MOTHER. 120 00:05:38,860 --> 00:05:40,760 [ BLENDER WHIRS ] BECCA... 121 00:05:40,790 --> 00:05:42,090 HUH? HANK, ENOUGH! 122 00:05:42,130 --> 00:05:43,590 I AM MAKING YOU MAD? 123 00:05:43,630 --> 00:05:45,600 [ WHIRRING STOPS ] ALLOW ME TO DEFUSE. 124 00:05:45,630 --> 00:05:47,630 NO. MRS. MOODY? 125 00:05:47,660 --> 00:05:48,700 MS... 126 00:05:48,730 --> 00:05:49,930 MOODY. 127 00:05:49,970 --> 00:05:51,940 MR. MOODY. 128 00:05:51,970 --> 00:05:54,000 NOT SO FAST. WHAT? 129 00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:56,070 DID YOU HEAR ME SAY "YES" AT ANY POINT? 130 00:05:56,110 --> 00:05:58,640 YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO. YOUR EYES SAID IT FOR YOU. 131 00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:00,910 AS DID THE ARCHING OF YOUR BACK 132 00:06:00,940 --> 00:06:03,810 AND THE SOFT, GENTLE SWELL OF YOUR FLOWER, 133 00:06:03,850 --> 00:06:05,750 THE URGENT RELEASE OF... 134 00:06:08,150 --> 00:06:09,120 MM... 135 00:06:09,150 --> 00:06:11,490 YOU SMELL LIKE CIGARETTES. 136 00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:12,720 WHAT? YEAH. 137 00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:14,660 NO. IT'S, UM, MIA. OH. 138 00:06:14,690 --> 00:06:16,860 MIA'S BEEN SMOKING. AS FOR BECCA... 139 00:06:16,890 --> 00:06:18,860 I WOULDN'T WORRY -- SHE'LL BE BACK TO HER SWEET, LITTLE, 140 00:06:18,900 --> 00:06:20,560 UNICORN-LOVING SELF IN NO TIME. 141 00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:21,800 10 OR 12 YEARS, TOPS. 142 00:06:21,830 --> 00:06:23,800 YOU PROMISE? I PROMISE. 143 00:06:23,830 --> 00:06:26,040 IN THE MEANTIME, LET'S FOCUS ON THE GOOD. 144 00:06:26,070 --> 00:06:28,000 WE'S GETTIN' HITCHED, WOMAN. 145 00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:31,610 AND JUST A FEW SHORT HOURS AGO, YOU HAD A BIG, FAT ORGASM. 146 00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:32,840 THIS IS HEADY STUFF. 147 00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:34,740 Yours was pretty rockin', as well. 148 00:06:34,780 --> 00:06:36,810 OH. YES, I WAS CONCERNED FOR YOUR SAFETY. 149 00:06:36,850 --> 00:06:38,110 You were? YEAH. 150 00:06:38,150 --> 00:06:40,950 How come? I WAS AFRAID THAT THE SHEER FORCE OF MY EJACULATE 151 00:06:40,980 --> 00:06:42,590 MIGHT DO SOME INTERNAL DAMAGE. 152 00:06:42,620 --> 00:06:44,550 YOU OKAY DOWN THERE? DON'T FLATTER YOURSELF. 153 00:06:44,590 --> 00:06:45,720 [ KNOCK ON DOOR ] 154 00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:47,060 THAT'S HIM. 155 00:06:47,090 --> 00:06:48,560 HIM WHO? THE BOY. 156 00:06:48,590 --> 00:06:51,460 WHAT BOY? YOU DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT A BOY. 157 00:06:51,500 --> 00:06:54,200 NO, BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO DO THIS FOR DAYS. 158 00:06:54,230 --> 00:06:57,100 UM, GO GET THE DOOR. AND BE NICE. 159 00:06:57,130 --> 00:06:59,470 I'M NICE. I'M ALWAYS NICE. I LOVE GENTLEMEN CALLERS. 160 00:06:59,500 --> 00:07:00,600 OKAY. 161 00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:02,870 FUCKING KID BETTER WATCH HIS ASS... 162 00:07:02,910 --> 00:07:04,140 MIA? LOAD MY SHOTGUN. 163 00:07:04,170 --> 00:07:06,580 COME ON! LIPSTICK! 164 00:07:09,850 --> 00:07:11,150 WHO ARE YOU? 165 00:07:11,180 --> 00:07:12,650 DAMIEN. 166 00:07:14,050 --> 00:07:15,550 WHAT DO YOU WANT? 167 00:07:15,590 --> 00:07:17,890 UH, I'M HERE TO SEE BECCA MOODY. 168 00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:18,890 HMM... 169 00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:21,560 DO YOU LIKE THE RAP MUSIC? 170 00:07:21,590 --> 00:07:23,660 UM...YEAH. YEAH? 171 00:07:23,690 --> 00:07:26,200 G's UP. G's UP, HUH? 172 00:07:26,230 --> 00:07:27,900 HMM. 173 00:07:27,930 --> 00:07:30,130 WHAT ABOUT ROE v. WADE? 174 00:07:30,170 --> 00:07:33,870 UM, I-I MEAN, I THINK IT'S THE WOMAN'S CHOICE. 175 00:07:33,900 --> 00:07:36,270 WHY SHOULD I LET YOU IN? 176 00:07:36,310 --> 00:07:40,880 WELL, 'CAUSE I'D KIND OF REALLY LIKE TO GET AWAY FROM...THEM. 177 00:07:40,910 --> 00:07:44,650 YEAH, I DON'T BLAME YOU. W-W-WHY ARE THEY DOING THAT? 178 00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:45,880 I DON'T KNOW. 179 00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:47,580 IT'S REALLY CREEPING ME OUT. 180 00:07:47,620 --> 00:07:50,250 ALL RIGHT. GET INSIDE, QUICK. GO PLAY SOME GUITAR HERO. 181 00:07:50,290 --> 00:07:53,260 I'M ON "MEDIUM" NOW -- 86th PERCENTILE. 182 00:07:54,190 --> 00:07:56,530 HEY, ASSHOLES... [ GROANING ] 183 00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:58,560 HEY! BREAK IT UP. 184 00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:01,100 WE DROPPED SOME "E". 185 00:08:01,130 --> 00:08:03,770 YOU GUYS ARE FUCKIN' RETARDED! 186 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:05,870 EEEEEEEEEE! YOU'RE WORSE THAN SID AND NANCY. 187 00:08:05,900 --> 00:08:08,000 YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. I NEVER DID IT BEFORE. 188 00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:08,770 ME LIKEY! 189 00:08:08,810 --> 00:08:10,570 OH! JUST WAIT TILL WE GET NAKED. 190 00:08:10,610 --> 00:08:12,710 THAT'S, UH, SOMETHING I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO. 191 00:08:12,740 --> 00:08:13,780 HEY, HERE'S A NOVEL IDEA -- 192 00:08:13,810 --> 00:08:16,150 WHY DON'T YOU GET NAKED AND FUCK YOURSELVES GOOFY 193 00:08:16,180 --> 00:08:17,810 IN THE PRIVACY OF YOUR OWN HOME? 194 00:08:17,850 --> 00:08:20,320 NO WAY. WE'RE STARVING. LET'S EAT. 195 00:08:20,350 --> 00:08:23,090 OH, THAT'S A VERY NICE... 196 00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:24,520 SHIRT. 197 00:08:25,250 --> 00:08:27,260 WHERE ARE ALL THE WHITE BITCHES AT? 198 00:08:27,290 --> 00:08:28,260 WHOOOO! 199 00:08:28,290 --> 00:08:29,960 HA HA HA! THERE SHE IS. 200 00:08:29,990 --> 00:08:31,630 I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. 201 00:08:31,660 --> 00:08:32,630 YOU DO? 202 00:08:32,660 --> 00:08:33,630 MIA... 203 00:08:33,660 --> 00:08:35,770 HOW ARE YOU? NICE TO SEE YOU. 204 00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:37,170 EW! GROSS! IS THAT A HARD-ON? 205 00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:38,170 MIA! 206 00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:40,640 SOMETHING POKED ME! 207 00:08:40,670 --> 00:08:41,970 HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON? WHERE ARE THEY? 208 00:08:42,010 --> 00:08:43,040 OH, IN HER ROOM. 209 00:08:43,070 --> 00:08:44,310 WHAT IS UP WITH YOU, WOMAN? 210 00:08:44,340 --> 00:08:46,680 SHE COULD BE IN HER FIRST TRIMESTER BY NOW. 211 00:08:46,710 --> 00:08:47,910 Karen: HANK! 212 00:08:47,940 --> 00:08:49,680 BECCA. DAD? 213 00:08:49,710 --> 00:08:51,050 DOOR OPEN AT ALL TIMES. 214 00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:52,850 GET IT? GOT IT? GOOD. 215 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:53,950 DAMIEN... 216 00:08:53,980 --> 00:08:56,590 IF THAT IS YOUR REAL NAME, AND I'M NOT CONVINCED... 217 00:08:57,190 --> 00:08:58,990 ...I'M WATCHING YOU. 218 00:08:59,020 --> 00:09:00,190 I'M NOT JOKING. 219 00:09:00,220 --> 00:09:02,660 Charlie: [ In distance ] I'M SORRY. OKAY? 220 00:09:02,690 --> 00:09:04,990 YOUR HAIR IS SO GORGEOUS, MIA. 221 00:09:05,030 --> 00:09:08,160 [ KNOCK ON DOOR ] I WANT TO CHOP IT OFF AND SLEEP IN IT, MAN. 222 00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:09,770 MMM! OH, BOY. 223 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:11,270 [ DOORBELL RINGS ] 224 00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:14,900 OH, MY GOD! I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TIME TO GET CHANGED. 225 00:09:14,940 --> 00:09:15,910 WELL, HELLO, DALI! 226 00:09:15,940 --> 00:09:17,070 YOU LOOK GORGEOUS! THANK YOU! 227 00:09:17,110 --> 00:09:18,710 HEY! YOU LOOK GORGEOUS, TOO. 228 00:09:18,740 --> 00:09:19,940 OH, MY GOD. SORRY. 229 00:09:19,980 --> 00:09:20,940 VERY FRIENDLY. 230 00:09:20,980 --> 00:09:22,210 YOU LOOK GORGEOUS. 231 00:09:22,250 --> 00:09:23,910 CAN I GET YOU... 232 00:09:23,950 --> 00:09:25,950 HI, MAN, HOW ARE YA? HI. MWAH! 233 00:09:25,980 --> 00:09:26,880 UGH! 234 00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:29,120 WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? [ Laughing ] WHAT? 235 00:09:29,150 --> 00:09:30,890 YOU JUST KISSED ME ON THE LIPS. 236 00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:32,060 OH, SORRY, FRIEND. 237 00:09:32,090 --> 00:09:34,020 I DIDN'T MEAN TO STIR UP ANY FEELINGS YOU COULDN'T HANDLE. 238 00:09:34,060 --> 00:09:35,220 OH, NO, I CAN HANDLE IT. 239 00:09:35,260 --> 00:09:37,060 I JUST THINK IT'S WELL WITHIN MY RIGHTS 240 00:09:37,090 --> 00:09:38,930 TO NOT WANT THE TASTE OF YOU ON MY LIPS. 241 00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:40,660 OR MY LADY'S LIPS, FOR THAT MATTER. 242 00:09:40,700 --> 00:09:42,770 BUT THANKS FOR THE VINO. MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME. 243 00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:43,770 THANK YOU. 244 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:46,070 THAT'S BEAUTIFUL. 245 00:09:46,100 --> 00:09:48,640 MY FATHER GAVE HER A RING ONCE, TOO. 246 00:09:48,670 --> 00:09:49,640 DIDN'T TAKE. 247 00:09:49,670 --> 00:09:51,310 UH, THANK YOU, SWEETIE. 248 00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:53,410 SO, KAREN, WHEN'S THE WEDDING? 249 00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:54,540 OH, MY GOD. 250 00:09:54,580 --> 00:09:57,310 HE JUST, LIKE, PROPOSED TO ME A COUPLE OF HOURS AGO. 251 00:09:57,350 --> 00:10:00,650 YOU KNOW WHAT? IF YOU WANT, JULIAN CAN MARRY YOU. 252 00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:02,190 HE'S AN ORDAINED MINISTER. 253 00:10:02,220 --> 00:10:04,790 WHY DOESN'T THAT SURPRISE ME AT ALL? 254 00:10:04,820 --> 00:10:06,420 IT'S CALLED CHURCH OF THE SILENTDAWN. 255 00:10:06,460 --> 00:10:08,320 AND, UH, HE'S MARRIED SO MANY COUPLES. 256 00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:10,430 WHICH IS ODD 'CAUSE, OF COURSE, 257 00:10:10,460 --> 00:10:12,800 HE SURE WON'T, YOU KNOW, MARRY ME. [ CHUCKLES ] 258 00:10:12,830 --> 00:10:15,200 MAYBE THE BABY IS GONNA CHANGE HIS MIND. 259 00:10:15,230 --> 00:10:18,030 OR MAYBE HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. 260 00:10:18,070 --> 00:10:19,340 [ CHUCKLES ] 261 00:10:19,370 --> 00:10:21,140 Karen: HEY! 262 00:10:21,170 --> 00:10:22,910 MIA, THAT'S RUDE. 263 00:10:22,940 --> 00:10:25,270 DON'T SHOOT THE MESSENGER. 264 00:10:25,310 --> 00:10:27,140 [ ROCK MUSIC PLAYS ] 265 00:10:27,180 --> 00:10:29,210 WHOO! YEEE-AAAAH!! 266 00:10:29,250 --> 00:10:30,410 Becca: STAR POWER! 267 00:10:30,450 --> 00:10:33,050 YOU SHOULD COME TO, UH, ONE OF MY WORKSHOPS. 268 00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:34,050 FREE OF CHARGE. 269 00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:35,320 Hank: YOU DO WORKSHOPS NOW? 270 00:10:35,350 --> 00:10:36,750 I AM DOWN WITH THAT SHIT. 271 00:10:36,790 --> 00:10:38,020 SEE WHAT IT'S ABOUT. 272 00:10:38,050 --> 00:10:40,690 MAYBE IT'LL HELP YOU WITH YOUR WRITING. 273 00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:42,090 WHEN YOU EXTRACT THE ARTIST WITHIN, 274 00:10:42,130 --> 00:10:43,330 DOES HE CUT YOU A CHECK, TOO? 275 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:46,230 WELL, I SUPPOSE YOU COULD MOCK IT IF YOU WANT, 276 00:10:46,260 --> 00:10:49,330 BUT IT DOES SEEM TO BE STRIKING A MINOR CHORD OUT THERE. 277 00:10:49,370 --> 00:10:50,330 [ CHARLIE LAUGHS ] 278 00:10:50,370 --> 00:10:52,770 HE'S BEING VERY MODEST. 279 00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:53,940 THE THING'S SELLING 280 00:10:53,970 --> 00:10:56,210 LIKE MICHAEL JACKSON'S "THRILLER" ALBUM. 281 00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:58,880 IT'S A GREAT RECORD. DEFINITELY ONE OF MY TOP 10. 282 00:10:58,910 --> 00:11:00,080 [ SINGS INDISTINCTLY ] 283 00:11:00,110 --> 00:11:01,440 WHOO! 284 00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:04,950 YOU'RE JUST PRINTING MONEY OVER THERE, AREN'T YOU? 285 00:11:08,180 --> 00:11:10,890 THAT'S A VERY NICE MATERIAL. WHAT IS THAT? 286 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:11,920 I DON'T KNOW. 287 00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:13,290 IS THAT A LINEN OR -- 288 00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:14,320 NO IDEA. 289 00:11:17,230 --> 00:11:18,960 YOU DONE? 290 00:11:20,100 --> 00:11:22,030 YOU KNOW, I'M NOT SURPRISED 291 00:11:22,070 --> 00:11:24,170 THAT YOU ATTAINED BEST-SELLER STATUS, 292 00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:26,070 BECAUSE I THINK YOU TAPPED INTO 293 00:11:26,100 --> 00:11:28,170 ONE OF THE BIGGEST MARKETS THERE IS. 294 00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:30,110 EVERYBODY WANTS TO FEEL SPECIAL. 295 00:11:30,140 --> 00:11:31,140 THEY ARE. 296 00:11:31,170 --> 00:11:33,440 EVEN YOU -- HANK MOODY. 297 00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:35,780 WOW! FIRST A KISS, NOW THE SWEET-TALK. 298 00:11:35,810 --> 00:11:37,810 WHAT'S NEXT, A LITTLE HAND RELEASE? 299 00:11:38,950 --> 00:11:41,750 [ KNOCKING ON DOOR, DOORBELL RINGS ] 300 00:11:41,790 --> 00:11:43,890 WILL YOU EXCUSE ME A MOMENT? 301 00:11:46,820 --> 00:11:50,090 HEY, GUYS, MOVE THAT OVER. IT'S A LITTLE TIGHT. 302 00:11:50,130 --> 00:11:52,460 [ KNOCKING CONTINUES ] 303 00:11:52,500 --> 00:11:55,230 ALL RIGHT, THAT'S GOOD. 304 00:11:55,260 --> 00:11:56,900 [ LAUGHING ] 305 00:11:56,930 --> 00:11:58,030 ASHBY! MOODY! 306 00:11:58,070 --> 00:11:59,970 WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG, MAN? 307 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:02,270 UH, STOPPED TO PICK UP SOME DESSERT. 308 00:12:02,310 --> 00:12:03,810 YOU'LL THANK ME LATER. 309 00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:05,310 MUSIC PEOPLE TIME. 310 00:12:05,340 --> 00:12:06,810 OH. 311 00:12:06,840 --> 00:12:08,280 OH! 312 00:12:08,310 --> 00:12:10,550 DESTINY, MOODY. MOODY, DESTINY. 313 00:12:10,580 --> 00:12:13,080 YES, WE HAVEN'T BEEN FORMALLY INTRODUCED... 314 00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:15,480 YOU BROUGHT ME TO THE MOUTH-RAPIST'S HOUSE? 315 00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:17,390 OH, SHIT, FROM THE PARTY. 316 00:12:17,420 --> 00:12:19,920 [ Laughing ] I'M A FUCKING IDIOT. 317 00:12:21,830 --> 00:12:23,330 SHOULD I LEAVE? YEAH. 318 00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:25,130 NO, REALLY. COME ON, DON'T BE SILLY. 319 00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:26,530 WHAT'S YOUR OLD LADY'S NAME AGAIN? 320 00:12:26,560 --> 00:12:27,500 KAREN. KAREN. 321 00:12:27,530 --> 00:12:30,470 GOT IT. KAREN, KAREN, KAREN, KAREN, KAREN. 322 00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:33,040 YOU READY? COME ON, LET'S GO DEEP. 323 00:12:37,510 --> 00:12:39,840 [ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ] 324 00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:46,450 Hank: WH-WHY DON'T, UH... DOES SOMEBODY WANT TO SAY GRACE? 325 00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:48,580 ANYBODY? DAMIEN? NO GRACE FROM YOU? 326 00:12:48,620 --> 00:12:50,490 I'LL SAY GRACE. 327 00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:53,320 FANTASTIC. TAKE IT AWAY, DAUGHTER. 328 00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:57,090 UM, CAN YOU CHOOSE YOUR WORDS REALLY CAREFULLY? OKAY? 329 00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:01,530 I WOULD LIKE TO THANK THE LORD BELOW 330 00:13:01,560 --> 00:13:05,200 FOR GIVING ME THE STRENGTH TO MAKE IT THROUGH THIS DINNER. 331 00:13:05,230 --> 00:13:06,940 PRAISE HAIL SATAN. 332 00:13:06,970 --> 00:13:08,370 Damien: OH, THAT WAS COOL. 333 00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:09,370 AND SCARY. 334 00:13:09,410 --> 00:13:11,910 SERIOUSLY. I HAVE CHILLS. 335 00:13:11,940 --> 00:13:13,980 Charlie: CAN YOU SCRATCH MY BACK, BABY? 336 00:13:14,010 --> 00:13:15,010 THAT'S INTERESTING. 337 00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:17,350 OH! THAT FEELS AMAZING. YOU'RE LIKE A WIZARD. 338 00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:19,480 Karen: [ Laughing ] BECCA'S GOING THROUGH 339 00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:21,480 A BIT OF A PHASE RIGHT NOW. 340 00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:23,350 IT'S NOT A PHASE, MOTHER. IT'S MY RELIGION. I KNOW. 341 00:13:23,390 --> 00:13:25,150 ALSO SHE'S WILLING TO SUFFER FOR IT. 342 00:13:25,190 --> 00:13:27,290 SHE WAS SENT TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE 343 00:13:27,320 --> 00:13:30,030 THE OTHER DAY FOR POSSESSING A SATANIC BIBLE. 344 00:13:30,060 --> 00:13:31,490 Hank: NOTHING LIKE SENDING YOUR KID 345 00:13:31,530 --> 00:13:33,300 TO A "PROGRESSIVE" PRIVATE SCHOOL 346 00:13:33,330 --> 00:13:35,500 THAT WANTS TO BURN YOUR KID'S BOOKS. 347 00:13:35,530 --> 00:13:37,100 YEAH, BUT, THEN AGAIN, 348 00:13:37,130 --> 00:13:39,500 THEY MIGHT BE RIGHT TO RAISE AN EYEBROW. 349 00:13:39,540 --> 00:13:41,370 AFTER ALL, WHERE DOES IT END? 350 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:42,510 WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 351 00:13:42,540 --> 00:13:45,340 WELL, IT'S ALL WELL AND GOOD TO INDULGE YOUR CHILDREN, 352 00:13:45,370 --> 00:13:47,010 BUT TO ENDORSE A POINT OF VIEW 353 00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:50,110 THAT PROFANES EVERY SACROSANCT CONCEPT IN OUR CULTURE 354 00:13:50,150 --> 00:13:51,110 IS WRONG, NO? 355 00:13:51,150 --> 00:13:52,380 OKAY, I THINK IT'S TIME 356 00:13:52,420 --> 00:13:55,080 TO PUT SIR WALTER RALEIGH BACK IN THE CAN. 357 00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:56,150 [ LAUGHS ] [ CLEARS THROAT ] 358 00:13:56,190 --> 00:13:58,490 HONEY, IT'S NONE OF OUR BUSINESS. 359 00:13:58,520 --> 00:14:01,360 CHAPTER FOUR -- LOSE YOUR FILTER, FIND YOUR WAY. 360 00:14:01,390 --> 00:14:03,930 HOW COULD I FORGET? GEFILTE? DID SOMEBODY SAY "GEFILTE"? 361 00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:05,330 HAVE YOU READ IT? 362 00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:07,360 EXCUSE ME? 363 00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:09,270 HAVE YOU READ THE BOOK? 364 00:14:09,300 --> 00:14:12,040 I DON'T THINK I NEED TO, HONEY. 365 00:14:12,070 --> 00:14:14,170 DON'T "HONEY" ME, MISTER. 366 00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:18,070 THE SATANIC BIBLE IS ACTUALLY THE ULTIMATE SELF-HELP BOOK. 367 00:14:18,110 --> 00:14:20,440 IT'S NOT ABOUT WORSHIPPING THE DEVIL. 368 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:23,150 IT'S ABOUT BELIEVING IN YOURSELF FIRST AND FOREMOST 369 00:14:23,180 --> 00:14:25,480 AND NOT WASTING YOUR TIME ON PSYCHIC VAMPIRES. 370 00:14:25,510 --> 00:14:28,080 IF YOU READ IT, YOU MIGHT LEARN A THING OR TWO 371 00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:30,620 BECAUSE IT ACTUALLY MAKES A HELL OF A LOT MORE SENSE 372 00:14:30,650 --> 00:14:32,960 THAN THE GOBBLEDYGOOK YOU'RE PASSING OFF 373 00:14:32,990 --> 00:14:35,620 ON THE AVERAGE, EVERYDAY BARNES & NOBLE BOTTOM-FEEDER. 374 00:14:35,660 --> 00:14:38,260 THAT'S RIGHT -- I'VE READ YOUR BOOK. 375 00:14:38,290 --> 00:14:40,360 I WANT MY MONEY BACK. 376 00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:41,970 Marcy: O-TAY! 377 00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:43,700 Hank: I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU GUYS, 378 00:14:43,730 --> 00:14:47,240 BUT I THINK THAT DESERVES A SLOW HANDCLAP. 379 00:14:47,270 --> 00:14:49,110 Karen: HANK. [ SLOW CLAPPING ] 380 00:14:49,140 --> 00:14:50,670 THAT'S RUDE. BRAVO! 381 00:14:50,710 --> 00:14:53,340 HANK, NO. NO, NO. STOP. 382 00:14:53,380 --> 00:14:55,950 Lew: THAT GIRL'S MAGIC. 383 00:14:55,980 --> 00:14:57,010 W-WHAT'S HER NAME? 384 00:14:57,050 --> 00:14:58,080 BECCA. BECCA. 385 00:14:58,110 --> 00:15:00,950 SO WHEN ARE YOU DUE, SWEETIE? 386 00:15:00,980 --> 00:15:02,350 YOU ARE PREGNANT, RIGHT? 387 00:15:02,390 --> 00:15:04,350 OH, NO. YEAH. I AM, UH, I AM PREGNANT. 388 00:15:04,390 --> 00:15:05,350 YES, I AM. 389 00:15:05,390 --> 00:15:06,290 CONGRATULATIONS! THANK YOU. 390 00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:08,460 AND MY DUE DATE IS NOT FAR ENOUGH AWAY. 391 00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:11,130 Lew: DID YOU GUYS HAVE A LOT OF FUN TRYING, 392 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:14,500 OR DID YOU HAVE TO BEAT OFF INTO A TEST TUBE OR SOMETHING? 393 00:15:14,530 --> 00:15:16,130 I'M JUST ASKING. 394 00:15:16,170 --> 00:15:19,270 I MEAN, PEOPLE DO THAT SHIT -- STUFF -- A LOT NOWADAYS. 395 00:15:19,300 --> 00:15:22,640 NO, WELL, THIS HAPPENED THE OLD-FASHIONED WAY. 396 00:15:22,670 --> 00:15:23,910 OH, OKAY. 397 00:15:23,940 --> 00:15:27,540 YOU GAVE HER A LITTLE BIT OF THE OLD ARTIST WITHIN, DIDN'T YOU? 398 00:15:27,580 --> 00:15:28,680 SALTY DOG. 399 00:15:28,710 --> 00:15:30,610 ACTUALLY, I'M NOT THE FATHER. 400 00:15:30,650 --> 00:15:32,380 NOT THE FATHER? 401 00:15:32,420 --> 00:15:34,020 Karen: OH, MY GOD. 402 00:15:34,050 --> 00:15:36,150 I-I-I HAD NO IDEA. I'M SORRY. 403 00:15:36,190 --> 00:15:37,690 NO, NO, NO. I HAVE NO SECRETS. 404 00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:39,760 THERE IS NO SHAME. 405 00:15:39,790 --> 00:15:44,990 BUT, UH, WHEN WE MET, SONJA WAS ALREADY PREGNANT. 406 00:15:45,030 --> 00:15:47,100 I COULD SMELL IT ON HER. 407 00:15:47,130 --> 00:15:48,100 Karen: SMELL IT? 408 00:15:48,130 --> 00:15:49,270 [ LAUGHTER ] 409 00:15:49,300 --> 00:15:51,100 Sonja: YEAH, YEAH. 410 00:15:51,130 --> 00:15:53,640 REALLY, HE IS, UH, SERIOUS. I DIDN'T KNOW. 411 00:15:53,670 --> 00:15:55,540 THAT'S...POSSIBLE. 412 00:15:55,570 --> 00:15:58,540 YEAH, YEAH. I KNOW, RIGHT? 413 00:15:58,570 --> 00:16:01,280 IT WAS QUITE A WEIRD FIRST DATE, IT WAS. 414 00:16:01,310 --> 00:16:07,020 I'LL RAISE THE CHILD AS MY OWN. AND I'LL LOVE IT AS MY OWN. 415 00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:09,290 Marcy: I THINK THAT IS AWESOME. 416 00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:11,520 THIS IS A GROWN MAN WILLING TO STAND UP 417 00:16:11,550 --> 00:16:14,490 AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANOTHER MAN'S SEED. 418 00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:16,260 BIG UPS... THANK YOU. 419 00:16:16,290 --> 00:16:18,460 MAD LOVE... MUCH RESPECT. 420 00:16:18,490 --> 00:16:20,560 Charlie: WHAT IS SHE DOING? 421 00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:23,270 SO YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHO THE FATHER IS? 422 00:16:23,300 --> 00:16:25,570 [ LAUGHS ] I'M NOT THAT BIG A SLUT, KAREN. 423 00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:27,140 NO! I... 424 00:16:27,170 --> 00:16:28,370 HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY. NO ONE'S JUDGING. 425 00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:29,570 NO ONE'S JUDGING, BABY GIRL. 426 00:16:29,610 --> 00:16:31,240 SOME OF MY FAVORITE HUMANS ARE SLUTS. 427 00:16:31,270 --> 00:16:33,210 Charlie: MY WIFE IS A SLUT. 428 00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:35,040 Julian: I, PERSONALLY, DON'T BELIEVE IN THAT WORD. 429 00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:37,250 I THINK THAT A WOMAN WHO INDULGES HERSELF SEXUALLY 430 00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:39,150 SHOULD BE CELEBRATED AND NOT CONDEMNED. 431 00:16:39,180 --> 00:16:41,420 Hank: HEY, CHAPTER SEVEN -- "LET A HO BE A HO," RIGHT? 432 00:16:41,450 --> 00:16:42,420 THAT'S RIGHT! 433 00:16:42,450 --> 00:16:43,450 AMEN TO THAT. 434 00:16:43,490 --> 00:16:46,420 THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THE SATANIC BIBLE WOULD SAY. 435 00:16:46,460 --> 00:16:47,390 Lew: HAIL SATAN! 436 00:16:47,420 --> 00:16:49,390 THERE WAS ONLY ONE GUY, ACCORDING TO SONJA. 437 00:16:49,430 --> 00:16:52,660 AND, UM, YOU KNOW, SHE WAS, UM, LONELY. 438 00:16:52,700 --> 00:16:54,730 HE WAS THERE. 439 00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:57,770 YOU NEEDED A LITTLE POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT, DIDN'T YOU? 440 00:16:57,800 --> 00:16:59,140 AND HE GAVE YOU THAT. 441 00:16:59,170 --> 00:17:01,800 SO, THERE IS NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF. 442 00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:02,940 WE ALL DO IT. 443 00:17:02,970 --> 00:17:06,840 THE POINT IS TO RISE ABOVE IT AND TO LOVE OURSELVES. 444 00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:08,640 Marcy: TOTALLY, TOTALLY. 445 00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:10,510 YOU JUST COME UP WITH THAT SHIT 446 00:17:10,550 --> 00:17:12,780 OR DO YOU HAVE CUE CARDS WRITTEN SOMEWHERE? 447 00:17:12,820 --> 00:17:15,350 Mia: OKAY... 448 00:17:15,380 --> 00:17:18,550 SO I'M JUST DOING A LITTLE MENTAL MATH OVER HERE, 449 00:17:18,590 --> 00:17:23,190 AND I THINK WHAT YOU'RE SAYING, SONJA -- 450 00:17:23,230 --> 00:17:25,660 AND CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG -- 451 00:17:25,690 --> 00:17:29,630 BUT THAT HANK COULD VERY WELL BE THE FATHER OF THE CHILD. 452 00:17:29,670 --> 00:17:32,100 BECAUSE YOU GUYS DEFINITELY BUMPED UGLIES 453 00:17:32,140 --> 00:17:34,670 THAT ONE NIGHT AT MY FATHER'S, RIGHT? 454 00:17:36,310 --> 00:17:37,610 YOU WEAR A COCK BAG? 455 00:17:38,670 --> 00:17:41,280 NOPE. HE HATES RUBBERS. 456 00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:43,310 YEAH. ME TOO. I CAN'T FEEL A DAMN THING. 457 00:17:43,350 --> 00:17:44,450 Charlie: I LOVE RUBBERS. 458 00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:46,820 Marcy: KEEPS HIM IN THE GAME. KEEPS ME IN THE GAME. 459 00:17:49,590 --> 00:17:52,660 Sonja: GOD, I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T... 460 00:17:52,690 --> 00:17:54,520 I DIDN'T WANT IT TO COME OUT LIKE THIS. 461 00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:56,860 UM... 462 00:17:56,890 --> 00:17:58,390 [ SNIFFLES ] 463 00:17:58,430 --> 00:18:00,660 I'VE BEEN TRYING TO FIND A WAY TO TELL YOU. 464 00:18:00,700 --> 00:18:02,130 BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER. 465 00:18:02,170 --> 00:18:05,270 YOU KNOW, I MEAN, I WANT THIS BABY NO MATTER WHAT. 466 00:18:07,370 --> 00:18:09,670 Lew: DUDE, THIS IS MY FAVORITE DINNER PARTY EVER. 467 00:18:09,710 --> 00:18:11,140 I'M SO GLAD I CAME. 468 00:18:11,170 --> 00:18:12,280 [ MIA LAUGHS ] 469 00:18:12,310 --> 00:18:14,440 WELL, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU GUYS, 470 00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:16,810 BUT I THINK A CHEERS IS IN ORDER, HUH? 471 00:18:16,850 --> 00:18:20,680 TO YET ANOTHER FINE MESS. GOOD JOB! 472 00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:22,590 Lew: I'LL DRINK TO THAT. 473 00:18:23,820 --> 00:18:25,290 WELL DONE. 474 00:18:27,190 --> 00:18:28,590 LET'S GO. 475 00:18:32,630 --> 00:18:35,830 TO FINE MESSES... AND NEW DADDIES. 476 00:18:51,710 --> 00:18:53,680 [ LEW LAUGHING ] 477 00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:55,450 Lew: UH-OH. 478 00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:57,450 WHAT THE FUCK?! 479 00:18:57,490 --> 00:18:58,950 THIS IS MY DAUGHTER'S BEDROOM! 480 00:18:58,990 --> 00:19:00,720 I KNOW. CHICK'S GOT GREAT TASTE. 481 00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:03,760 HAVE YOU NO SENSE OF SHAME? GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! 482 00:19:03,790 --> 00:19:04,930 YOU KNOW BETTER. 483 00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:07,360 MARCY... JESUS CHRIST, CHARLIE. 484 00:19:29,020 --> 00:19:31,250 OH! UGH! 485 00:19:31,290 --> 00:19:33,560 MOTHERFUCKER LEFT A FLOATER. 486 00:19:35,020 --> 00:19:37,460 GAME ON, BROHEIM. OH, I GET IT. 487 00:19:37,490 --> 00:19:39,460 I READ YOU, BROTHER. 488 00:19:40,830 --> 00:19:42,870 I HEAR YOU TALKING TO ME. 489 00:19:42,900 --> 00:19:45,500 [ TOILET FLUSHES ] 490 00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:47,700 NO. 491 00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:54,440 HI. 492 00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:56,480 HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? 493 00:19:56,510 --> 00:19:59,920 THE FUCKING "ARTIST WITHIN" LEFT US A TURD WITHIN OUR TOILET. 494 00:19:59,950 --> 00:20:02,420 CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT SHIT? LITERALLY? 495 00:20:02,450 --> 00:20:04,420 IT'S LIKE HE'S TAKING A DUMP ON TOP OF MY HEAD. 496 00:20:04,450 --> 00:20:05,820 I'M READING HIM LOUD AND CLEAR. 497 00:20:05,850 --> 00:20:07,820 I MEAN, IT'S A THING BETWEEN HIM AND ME. 498 00:20:07,860 --> 00:20:09,860 AND I THINK IT INVOLVES YOU. YOU'VE INFLAMED HIM IN SOME WAY. 499 00:20:09,890 --> 00:20:11,890 NOW IT'S LIKE "JAWS 3." IT'S PERSONAL. 500 00:20:11,930 --> 00:20:13,000 YOU WANT A BUMP? 501 00:20:14,330 --> 00:20:16,370 ARE YOU READY TO TALK ABOUT IT NOW? 502 00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:17,470 [ CRASHING, SCREAMING ] 503 00:20:17,500 --> 00:20:19,440 WHAT WAS THAT? 504 00:20:19,470 --> 00:20:21,640 [ GRUNTING, HEAVY BREATHING ] 505 00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:25,640 WHAT'S HE ON? THE COKE, I KNOW. WHAT ELSE? 506 00:20:25,670 --> 00:20:28,980 Destiny: NOTHING. HE DID A FEW LINES, HAD A FEW DRINKS, THAT'S IT. 507 00:20:29,010 --> 00:20:31,380 GET THE PEN. 508 00:20:31,410 --> 00:20:32,680 THE PEN. 509 00:20:33,620 --> 00:20:34,780 Charlie: I GOT IT. 510 00:20:34,820 --> 00:20:36,820 GET THE PEN! THE PEN! THE PEN! 511 00:20:38,020 --> 00:20:40,460 AHHH! AAAAAH! FUCK! 512 00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:43,990 UGH! OH, MY GOD! WH-WHAT -- 513 00:20:46,430 --> 00:20:49,300 [ GROANING ] 514 00:20:49,330 --> 00:20:52,540 [ BREATHING SLOWS ] 515 00:20:54,540 --> 00:20:57,370 OH, I HATE WHEN THAT HAPPENS. 516 00:20:57,410 --> 00:20:58,870 [ SIGHS DEEPLY ] 517 00:20:58,910 --> 00:21:00,010 OH! 518 00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:03,710 WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? 519 00:21:03,750 --> 00:21:05,610 FOOD ALLERGIES. 520 00:21:05,650 --> 00:21:07,580 BANE OF MY FUCKING EXISTENCE. 521 00:21:08,620 --> 00:21:11,420 DID YOU EAT ANY OF THAT SASHIMI? 522 00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:14,760 AND THEN YOU SHOVED YOUR TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT. 523 00:21:14,790 --> 00:21:16,560 THERE YOU GO. 524 00:21:17,730 --> 00:21:19,830 THANKS, PAL. YOU SAVED MY LIFE. 525 00:21:21,030 --> 00:21:23,300 HEY, WHAT'D YOU DO WITH THAT COKE? 526 00:21:25,130 --> 00:21:27,070 YOU KNOW YOU CAN ALWAYS CRASH AT MY HOUSE, RIGHT? 527 00:21:27,100 --> 00:21:29,870 THANK YOU, BUT I DON'T THINK THAT'LL BE NECESSARY. 528 00:21:29,910 --> 00:21:30,870 I DON'T KNOW, MAN. 529 00:21:30,910 --> 00:21:33,610 I KNOW CHICKS -- THIS LOOKS LIKE SOME SERIOUS, 530 00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:35,580 EXTREME DOGHOUSE SHIT RIGHT HERE. 531 00:21:35,610 --> 00:21:37,710 READY, DARLIN'? 532 00:21:37,750 --> 00:21:38,810 UH, YEP. 533 00:21:38,850 --> 00:21:40,080 WHERE ARE YOU GOING? 534 00:21:40,120 --> 00:21:42,120 THEY'RE GIVING ME A RIDE. 535 00:21:42,150 --> 00:21:43,720 UH, MAYBE STOP FOR A DRINK. 536 00:21:43,750 --> 00:21:45,350 WORKS FOR ME. THE OTHER ROOM? 537 00:21:45,390 --> 00:21:48,090 GREAT. OKAY. 538 00:21:48,120 --> 00:21:49,830 GOOD NIGHT, MIA. 539 00:21:49,860 --> 00:21:50,890 [ SMOOCHES ] 540 00:21:50,930 --> 00:21:51,960 GOOD NIGHT. 541 00:21:55,160 --> 00:21:56,000 HEY, COME HERE. 542 00:21:56,030 --> 00:21:58,570 YOU BE COOL WITH HER BECAUSE SHE'S, UM... 543 00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:01,840 SHE DOESN'T SEEM LIKE IT, BUT SHE'S KIND OF A FRAGILE FLOWER. 544 00:22:01,870 --> 00:22:03,510 ALL RIGHT? SO PLAY NICE. 545 00:22:03,540 --> 00:22:05,740 LOOK, I HAVE MANY VICES, MY FRIEND, 546 00:22:05,770 --> 00:22:07,810 BUT JAILBAIT AIN'T ONE OF 'EM. 547 00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:11,110 WELL, I MEAN, THERE WAS THAT ONE TIME IN SALT LAKE CITY. 548 00:22:11,150 --> 00:22:14,150 BUT THAT WAS LIKE A MORMON MOTHER/DAUGHTER THING. 549 00:22:14,180 --> 00:22:16,920 PRETTY FUCKING HOT. OW. 550 00:22:16,950 --> 00:22:20,090 I PULL THAT OUT OF THE SPANK BANK EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE. 551 00:22:20,120 --> 00:22:21,620 MIND IF I BORROW IT? 552 00:22:21,660 --> 00:22:23,790 [ LAUGHS ] YOU KNOW WHERE I LIVE. 553 00:22:26,930 --> 00:22:29,770 MR. MOODY. THAT SOUNDS WEIRD. 554 00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:32,600 CALL ME "HE WHO WILL KILL YOU IF YOU TOUCH HIS DAUGHTER." 555 00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:33,870 RIGHT. 556 00:22:33,900 --> 00:22:35,700 I GET IT. 557 00:22:35,740 --> 00:22:37,440 SHE'S PRETTY AWESOME. 558 00:22:37,470 --> 00:22:39,910 SHE IS. BUT THANK YOU FOR SAYING THAT. 559 00:22:39,940 --> 00:22:42,610 DO YOU NEED A...DO YOU NEED A RIDE HOME OR SOMETHING? 560 00:22:42,650 --> 00:22:43,980 UH, NO, I WALKED. 561 00:22:44,010 --> 00:22:45,410 I LIVE CLOSE-BY. 562 00:22:45,450 --> 00:22:47,150 [ Sarcastically ] OH, FANTASTIC. 563 00:22:47,180 --> 00:22:49,920 YEAH, SO I GUESS WE'LL BE SEEING A LOT OF EACH OTHER. 564 00:22:49,950 --> 00:22:51,550 DON'T PUSH IT. 565 00:22:51,590 --> 00:22:53,060 GOODBYE FOREVER. 566 00:22:56,690 --> 00:22:59,630 [ "FREEBIRD" PLAYS ] 567 00:23:02,770 --> 00:23:05,870 I TOLD YOU WE SHOULD HAVE CALLED THE WHOLE THING OFF. 568 00:23:05,900 --> 00:23:08,600 THEN WE WOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN THE HAPPY NEWS -- 569 00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:10,870 THE MAN WITH THE FRESH VASECTOMY 570 00:23:10,910 --> 00:23:13,640 IS ABOUT TO BE A DADDY. 571 00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:15,480 OH... 572 00:23:15,510 --> 00:23:17,780 YOU CAUGHT ME. 573 00:23:17,810 --> 00:23:19,180 YEAH. 574 00:23:22,250 --> 00:23:25,020 AT LEAST YOU CAN SEE THE COMEDY IN ALL OF THIS. 575 00:23:25,050 --> 00:23:27,690 OH, RIGHT. I EITHER LAUGH OR I CRY, RIGHT? 576 00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:30,460 OR BOTH. 577 00:23:30,490 --> 00:23:33,900 MAYBE I'M PMS'ing, BUT I FEEL LIKE I COULD USE A GOOD CRY. 578 00:23:35,630 --> 00:23:38,730 I'M NOT -- I'M NOT MAD AT YOU. 579 00:23:40,700 --> 00:23:43,710 HOW IS THAT EVEN REMOTELY POSSIBLE? 580 00:23:45,740 --> 00:23:48,510 'CAUSE THIS ISN'T ABOUT ANYTHING YOU DID 581 00:23:48,540 --> 00:23:50,010 WHILE WE WERE APART. 582 00:23:50,050 --> 00:23:53,020 THIS IS ABOUT WHAT I DID. 583 00:23:53,050 --> 00:23:55,750 I MADE A HUGE MISTAKE. 584 00:23:55,780 --> 00:23:57,890 NO. DON'T SAY THAT. YOU DIDN'T. 585 00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:01,890 I DID. I JUMPED IN THE CAR WITH YOU THAT NIGHT. 586 00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:04,760 THEN WE CAME BACK HERE AND WE HAD SEX 587 00:24:04,790 --> 00:24:06,500 AND THEN WE JUST -- 588 00:24:06,530 --> 00:24:09,770 WE JUST TRIED TO PICK UP WHERE WE LEFT OFF. 589 00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:12,600 I MEAN, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW... 590 00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:15,040 FUCKING DYSFUNCTIONAL THAT IS? 591 00:24:17,070 --> 00:24:19,940 YOU KNOW, SILLY ME, 'CAUSE I'M... 592 00:24:19,980 --> 00:24:21,680 I'M SITTING HERE THINKING 593 00:24:21,710 --> 00:24:23,780 THAT IT'S LIKE A DREAM COME TRUE. 594 00:24:23,810 --> 00:24:25,980 IT WAS. IT WAS A DREAM. 595 00:24:26,010 --> 00:24:27,980 BUT WE WERE CRAZY, HANK. 596 00:24:28,020 --> 00:24:31,850 LIKE, THINKING WE COULD JUST WAVE A MAGIC WAND 597 00:24:31,890 --> 00:24:34,560 AND -- AND EVERYTHING WOULD BE AS IT WAS. 598 00:24:34,590 --> 00:24:38,290 I MEAN, IF IT WAS EVER AS WE THINK IT WAS, 599 00:24:38,330 --> 00:24:40,300 IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. 600 00:24:40,330 --> 00:24:41,200 RIGHT. 601 00:24:41,230 --> 00:24:46,130 BECAUSE WE... WE JUST IMAGINED EVERYTHING. 602 00:24:46,170 --> 00:24:49,140 WE CAN'T DO THIS TO HER ANYMORE. 603 00:24:49,170 --> 00:24:51,670 YOU KNOW, WE'VE BEEN RECKLESS WITH HER HEART. 604 00:24:51,710 --> 00:24:53,280 OR I HAVE. NO, NO. 605 00:24:53,310 --> 00:24:55,040 I-I-I-I-I... IT'S MY FAULT. 606 00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:57,710 I-I SHOULD'VE GONE AWAY. I SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN MY SH-- 607 00:24:57,750 --> 00:24:59,280 YOU ARE A WONDERFUL MOTHER. 608 00:24:59,310 --> 00:25:01,650 ALWAYS. 609 00:25:03,090 --> 00:25:06,990 I WILL NEVER, EVER REGRET 610 00:25:07,020 --> 00:25:08,990 GETTING INTO THE CAR WITH YOU THAT NIGHT. 611 00:25:09,020 --> 00:25:10,930 'CAUSE IT WAS SO MUCH FUN. 612 00:25:10,960 --> 00:25:11,960 [ CHUCKLES ] 613 00:25:11,990 --> 00:25:16,200 AND MARRYING BILL WAS DEFINITELY NOT THE ANSWER. 614 00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:22,710 [ Voice breaking ] I DON'T... KNOW HOW TO SAY THIS, BUT... 615 00:25:22,740 --> 00:25:24,870 Don't. 616 00:25:28,340 --> 00:25:31,180 ...NEITHER IS MARRYING YOU. 617 00:25:35,820 --> 00:25:39,960 THIS ISN'T THE ANSWER EITHER, YOU KNOW? NO. 618 00:25:44,690 --> 00:25:48,800 ANGEL, I LOVE YOU SO, SO MUCH. 619 00:25:52,370 --> 00:25:54,700 I can't stay. 620 00:25:54,740 --> 00:25:57,740 I'M NOT ASKING YOU TO. 621 00:26:03,910 --> 00:26:05,050 I can't stay. 622 00:26:09,890 --> 00:26:12,290 [ CRYING ] 623 00:26:16,290 --> 00:26:18,890 [ "FREEBIRD" CONTINUES ] 624 00:26:18,930 --> 00:26:24,170 * ...IF I STAY HERE WITH YOU, GIRL * 625 00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:26,030 I'M GONNA GO OUT FOR A LITTLE WHILE. 626 00:26:26,070 --> 00:26:29,100 IT'S OKAY, DAD. YOU TRIED YOUR BEST. 627 00:26:31,370 --> 00:26:34,680 IT WAS NICE WHILE IT LASTED. 628 00:26:34,710 --> 00:26:40,180 * ...'CAUSE I'M AS FREE AS A BIRD NOW * 629 00:26:42,850 --> 00:26:47,760 * AND THIS BIRD YOU CANNOT CHANGE * 630 00:26:47,790 --> 00:26:50,790 * OH, OH, OH, OH, OH 631 00:26:50,830 --> 00:26:55,230 * AND THIS BIRD YOU CANNOT CHANGE * 632 00:26:58,170 --> 00:27:05,810 * AND THIS BIRD YOU CANNOT CHANGE * 633 00:27:05,840 --> 00:27:13,050 * LORD KNOWS I CAN'T CHANGE * 634 00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:20,820 * LORD, HELP ME, I CAN'T CHA-A-A-A-A-NGE * 635 00:27:20,860 --> 00:27:25,690 * LORD, I CAN'T CHANGE 636 00:27:25,730 --> 00:27:32,800 * WON'T YOU FLY HIGH, FREEBIRD, YEAH * 637 00:27:32,840 --> 00:27:35,370 [ GUITAR SOLO ] 638 00:27:46,410 --> 00:27:49,380 -- Captions by VITAC -- www.vitac.com 639 00:27:49,420 --> 00:27:52,390 CLOSED CAPTIONING PROVIDED BY SHOWTIME NETWORKS 640 00:27:52,420 --> 00:27:54,420 AND BLIND DECKER PRODUCTIONS 44669

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