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1
00:00:10,130 --> 00:00:11,030
PREVIOUSLY
ON "CALIFORNICATION"...
2
00:00:11,560 --> 00:00:13,330
FATHER?
DAUGHTER?
3
00:00:13,360 --> 00:00:15,800
WHY IS THERE A NAKED LADY
IN YOUR BEDROOM?
4
00:00:15,830 --> 00:00:17,800
REVENGE? WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT, REVENGE?
5
00:00:17,830 --> 00:00:20,400
DO MAKE IT LIKE IT WASN'T
THE LEAST BIT SATISFYING
6
00:00:20,440 --> 00:00:21,670
TO FUCK THE WIFE OF THE MAN
7
00:00:21,710 --> 00:00:23,640
WHO TURNED YOUR
PRECIOUS, LITTLE BOOK
8
00:00:23,670 --> 00:00:24,840
INTO A BIG, SHITTY MOVIE.
9
00:00:24,870 --> 00:00:27,210
SICK OF YOU TALKING SHIT
ABOUT ME IN THE PRESS.
10
00:00:27,240 --> 00:00:29,150
I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT HAVE COME BY
BECAUSE YOU FOUND OUT
11
00:00:29,180 --> 00:00:31,320
I FUCKED YOUR WIFE IN ALMOST
EVERY ROOM OF YOUR HOUSE.
12
00:00:31,350 --> 00:00:33,150
ASSHOLE.
13
00:00:34,180 --> 00:00:35,420
CHARLIE RUNKEL'S OFFICE.
14
00:00:35,450 --> 00:00:39,190
YOUR ASSISTANT MAKES ME WANT TO
TOUCH MYSELF IN A BAD PLACE.
15
00:00:39,220 --> 00:00:40,460
BUT FROM NOW ON,
16
00:00:40,490 --> 00:00:42,660
IF I MAKE A MISTAKE
OR I SCREW SOMETHING UP,
17
00:00:42,690 --> 00:00:44,760
YOU SHOULD FEEL FREE
TO DISCIPLINE ME
18
00:00:44,790 --> 00:00:46,360
IN WHATEVER WAY YOU SEE FIT.
19
00:00:48,730 --> 00:00:50,470
HI.
REMEMBER ME?
20
00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:51,340
HOW COULD I FORGET?
21
00:00:51,370 --> 00:00:53,170
BEST BLIND DATE OF MY LIFE,
ASSHOLE.
22
00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:54,670
WELL,
LET ME MAKE IT UP TO YOU.
23
00:00:54,700 --> 00:00:56,240
CAN I TAKE YOU OUT
SOMETIME?
24
00:00:58,780 --> 00:01:00,410
THE GUY YOU SAW ME WITH
LAST NIGHT.
25
00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:01,350
MM-HMM.
HE'S MARRIED.
26
00:01:01,380 --> 00:01:03,580
FUCKING A MARRIED A GUY
FOR FIVE YEARS?
27
00:01:03,610 --> 00:01:04,850
CALL HIM WHATEVER YOU WANT.
28
00:01:04,880 --> 00:01:06,680
AND, BILL, DON'T WORRY.
HE CAN STAY WITH ME.
29
00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:09,520
ONCE UPON A TIME,
I USED TO LOVE YOU.
30
00:01:09,550 --> 00:01:12,690
AND NO MATTER WHAT, YOU WILL
ALWAYS BE A PART OF MY LIFE.
31
00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:14,760
BUT I'M NOT IN LOVE
WITH YOU ANYMORE.
32
00:01:20,900 --> 00:01:25,200
YUSEF, WHAT'S A FIVE-LETTER WORD
FOR "EXCITABLE BOY"?
33
00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:26,700
ZEVON.
34
00:01:26,740 --> 00:01:27,770
BOOYAH.
35
00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:30,610
THAT'S A SMART DOG.
36
00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:32,740
THANK YOU.
37
00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:37,650
SO...
38
00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:39,150
LAST NIGHT.
39
00:01:39,180 --> 00:01:40,080
WHAT ABOUT IT?
40
00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:42,590
I DON'T WANT TO BE HYPERBOLIC
OR ANYTHING,
41
00:01:42,620 --> 00:01:45,590
BUT I THINK WE TOOK THINGS
TO A WHOLE OTHER LEVEL.
42
00:01:45,620 --> 00:01:48,790
AND WHY DO YOU FEEL THE NEED
TO RELIVE IT THE NEXT MORNING?
43
00:01:48,830 --> 00:01:50,290
THAT'S HALF THE FUN.
44
00:01:50,330 --> 00:01:51,630
YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE...
45
00:01:51,660 --> 00:01:53,860
IT'S LIKE
GETTING TO DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN.
46
00:01:53,900 --> 00:01:57,800
EXCEPT WITHOUT
THE AFTER-SEX SADNESS
47
00:01:57,830 --> 00:02:01,510
THAT COMES DOWN UPON ONE.
48
00:02:04,740 --> 00:02:06,280
[ SIGHS ]
49
00:02:06,310 --> 00:02:08,510
HANK,
I THINK WE NEED TO TALK.
50
00:02:08,550 --> 00:02:09,950
TALK, REALLY?
51
00:02:09,980 --> 00:02:14,950
HAS ANYTHING GOOD EVER COME
OF SUCH A THING EVER?
52
00:02:14,980 --> 00:02:16,890
I JUST FEEL LIKE
WE'VE BEEN SPENDING
53
00:02:16,920 --> 00:02:18,590
A LOT OF TIME
IN THE BEDROOM,
54
00:02:18,620 --> 00:02:19,960
WHICH IS NICE,
VERY NICE.
55
00:02:19,990 --> 00:02:21,690
BUT I'M ALSO
JUST COMING OUT
56
00:02:21,730 --> 00:02:23,930
OF THIS HORRIBLY
DYSFUNCTIONAL RELATIONSHIP
57
00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:25,900
THAT ONLY EXISTED
IN THE BEDROOM --
58
00:02:25,930 --> 00:02:29,400
OH, OKAY, YOU WANT ME TO DO YOU
IN THE SHOWER.
59
00:02:29,430 --> 00:02:30,600
YOU KNOW, I GET IT.
60
00:02:30,630 --> 00:02:33,740
YOU WANT TO GO OUT ON THE TOWN
WITH SOME HANK ON YOUR ARM.
61
00:02:33,770 --> 00:02:36,810
YOU WANT TO STROLL AROUND
WITH SOME OF THIS.
62
00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:38,940
THAT'S TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE.
WE CAN DO IT.
63
00:02:38,980 --> 00:02:40,410
WE CAN GO OUT.
ANYTHING.
64
00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:41,580
ANYTHING YOU WANT TO DO.
65
00:02:41,610 --> 00:02:43,350
WE'LL DO IT.
JUST NAME IT.
66
00:02:43,380 --> 00:02:44,680
LET'S GO.
RIGHT NOW.
67
00:02:44,710 --> 00:02:46,580
OKAY,
THERE'S THIS FUND-RAISER.
68
00:02:46,620 --> 00:02:48,250
NO, CAN'T DO THAT.
69
00:02:48,290 --> 00:02:50,290
THAT SOUNDS EXCRUCIATING.
70
00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:51,290
I WON'T DO THAT.
71
00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:52,960
IT'S AT YOUR AGENCY.
I'M SURE YOU GOT AN INVITE.
72
00:02:52,990 --> 00:02:55,560
AND I'M SURE IT WENT
RIGHT IN THE CIRCULAR FILE.
73
00:02:55,590 --> 00:02:57,590
OH, COME ON, IT'LL BE FUN.
74
00:02:57,630 --> 00:02:59,430
IT'S FOR A GOOD CAUSE.
75
00:02:59,460 --> 00:03:03,630
WELL, I'M NOT MUCH ONE FOR
CAUSES, GOOD OR OTHERWISE.
76
00:03:03,670 --> 00:03:04,800
I'M NOT A JOINER.
77
00:03:04,830 --> 00:03:06,940
APATHY KILLS, HANK.
78
00:03:06,970 --> 00:03:08,270
I DON'T CARE.
79
00:03:08,310 --> 00:03:10,570
[ CHUCKLES ]
80
00:03:15,710 --> 00:03:17,610
DOES THAT FEEL LIKE APATHY
TO YOU?
81
00:04:15,470 --> 00:04:17,640
WOW.
82
00:04:17,670 --> 00:04:19,440
HEY.
83
00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:21,810
WOW.
84
00:04:21,850 --> 00:04:23,480
UM, YOU LOOK...
85
00:04:23,510 --> 00:04:27,320
YOU LOOK --
YOU LOOK HALF-- YOU KNOW --
86
00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:28,320
HALFWAY DECENT.
87
00:04:28,350 --> 00:04:31,090
GEE, THANKS.
88
00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:32,860
HOW'S BECCA?
89
00:04:32,890 --> 00:04:36,060
WELL, SHE'S A LITTLE BUMMED.
90
00:04:36,090 --> 00:04:38,460
WELL, THAT'S UNDERSTANDABLE,
BUT THIS THING CAME UP.
91
00:04:38,500 --> 00:04:40,660
I KNOW, I KNOW,
BUT SHE'S JUST...
92
00:04:41,470 --> 00:04:42,800
DAD.
93
00:04:42,830 --> 00:04:44,630
BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER.
94
00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:47,570
OH.
95
00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:50,540
GEE, I JUST --
I -- I DON'T KNOW WHERE THAT...
96
00:04:50,570 --> 00:04:51,780
A BRIBE?
97
00:04:51,810 --> 00:04:53,540
NO, I LIKE TO THINK OF IT
98
00:04:53,580 --> 00:04:55,980
MORE AS A TOKEN
OF MY PATERNAL AFFECTION.
99
00:04:58,150 --> 00:05:00,720
ARE YOU SERIOUS?!
100
00:05:00,750 --> 00:05:02,720
THIS IS AWESOME!
101
00:05:02,750 --> 00:05:05,460
JUST WHEN I THOUGHT
WE'D AGREED
102
00:05:05,490 --> 00:05:06,920
NOT TO GET HER
A CELLPHONE.
103
00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:08,120
I THOUGHT
WE DECIDED THAT, TOO,
104
00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:09,790
BUT THEN I REALIZED
THAT SHE CAN CALL ME
105
00:05:09,830 --> 00:05:11,630
WHENEVER SHE'S PISSED
AT YOU AND LURCH, SO...
106
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:15,600
...CHANGED MY MIND.
107
00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:18,670
DO YOU HAVE A DATE?
108
00:05:18,700 --> 00:05:20,470
I DO.
109
00:05:20,500 --> 00:05:21,840
DO YOU LIKE HER?
110
00:05:21,870 --> 00:05:23,570
SHE IS PRETTY COOL.
111
00:05:23,610 --> 00:05:24,640
AS COOL AS MOM?
112
00:05:24,670 --> 00:05:27,840
SADLY, I HAVE COME TO FIND
THAT THAT IS NOT POSSIBLE.
113
00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:31,850
WELL, IF IT'S A DATE
AND NOT JUST A RANDOM HOOKUP,
114
00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:33,580
I GUESS I APPROVE.
115
00:05:33,620 --> 00:05:34,780
YES!
116
00:05:34,820 --> 00:05:36,850
BUT I WANT TO HEAR
ALL ABOUT HER TOMORROW.
117
00:05:36,890 --> 00:05:39,990
ABSOLUTELY.
ABSOLUTELY.
118
00:05:40,020 --> 00:05:41,120
CALL ME.
119
00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:42,590
[ GIGGLES ]
120
00:05:42,630 --> 00:05:45,460
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU.
[ GROWLS ]
121
00:05:45,500 --> 00:05:47,530
SO...
122
00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:48,700
STOP IT.
123
00:05:48,730 --> 00:05:49,800
THE DATE.
124
00:05:49,830 --> 00:05:51,470
ARE YOU IN LOVE?
125
00:05:51,500 --> 00:05:53,140
OH, SHUT UP.
WHERE ARE YOU TAKING HER?
126
00:05:53,170 --> 00:05:54,600
RED LOBSTER?
DENNY'S?
127
00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:55,540
I WISH.
128
00:05:55,570 --> 00:05:58,010
I GOT THIS FUCKING FUND-RAISER
AT THE AGENCY
129
00:05:58,040 --> 00:05:59,980
I GOT ROPED INTO GOING TO.
130
00:06:00,010 --> 00:06:03,710
[ WOMAN SINGING IN FRENCH ]
131
00:06:03,750 --> 00:06:07,120
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]
132
00:06:07,150 --> 00:06:09,090
FASCIST ARCHITECTURE.
133
00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:10,820
HEY, CAN I ASK YOU
A QUESTION?
134
00:06:10,850 --> 00:06:11,920
GO FOR IT.
135
00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:13,620
WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?
136
00:06:13,660 --> 00:06:14,860
MIXING AND MINGLING.
137
00:06:14,890 --> 00:06:16,860
MMM, OH,
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.
138
00:06:16,890 --> 00:06:21,000
THAT EXPLAINS WHY MY SPHINCTER
TIGHTENED UP A COUPLE NOTCHES.
139
00:06:21,030 --> 00:06:22,500
[ CHUCKLES ] RELAX.
140
00:06:23,900 --> 00:06:25,130
THERE'S YOUR AGENT.
141
00:06:25,170 --> 00:06:27,700
[ TALKING INDISTINCTLY ]
142
00:06:35,180 --> 00:06:36,180
HEY, HEY!
143
00:06:36,210 --> 00:06:37,180
WHAT THE FUCK?
144
00:06:37,210 --> 00:06:38,620
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
145
00:06:38,650 --> 00:06:40,620
YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE
THAT MOTHERFUCKER.
146
00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:42,520
YES,
I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU HATE
147
00:06:42,550 --> 00:06:44,720
THAT A-LIST,
IN-DEMAND MOTHERFUCKER.
148
00:06:44,750 --> 00:06:47,190
AND YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I'VE BEEN
TRYING TO SIGN HIM FOR YEARS.
149
00:06:47,220 --> 00:06:49,590
DON'T MAKE ME
FIRE YOUR ASS ALL OVER AGAIN.
150
00:06:49,630 --> 00:06:52,460
HANK, IF I DEPENDED ON YOU AND
YOU ALONE FOR MY COMMISSIONS,
151
00:06:52,500 --> 00:06:54,530
MARCY AND I WOULD BE
SHARING A TV DINNER
152
00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:56,200
UNDER A BARE LIGHT BULB
RIGHT NOW.
153
00:06:56,230 --> 00:06:58,470
I GET THAT,
BUT DON'T DO IT FRONT OF ME.
154
00:06:58,500 --> 00:07:01,000
IT'S LIKE WATCHING YOU
CHEAT ON ME WITH ANOTHER MAN.
155
00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:02,910
YOU GIVE
MUCH BETTER HEAD.
156
00:07:02,940 --> 00:07:05,010
ALWAYS HAVE, ALWAYS WILL.
157
00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:06,210
I AM IMPRESSED.
158
00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:09,010
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU MANAGED
TO DRAG THIS NONPARTISAN ASSHOLE
159
00:07:09,050 --> 00:07:10,710
OUT OF THE HOUSE
FOR THIS SHINDIG.
160
00:07:10,750 --> 00:07:12,520
I HAD TO USE
ALL OF MY FEMININE WILES.
161
00:07:12,550 --> 00:07:13,850
AND A BUTT PLUG.
162
00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:16,050
[ Laughing ]
SPEAKING OF WHICH...
163
00:07:16,090 --> 00:07:17,820
WHERE'S MARCY?
164
00:07:17,850 --> 00:07:19,490
EMERGENCY WAXING SESSION.
165
00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:22,760
AS WE SPEAK, SHE'S LIKELY
STARING INTO THE BUSINESS END
166
00:07:22,790 --> 00:07:24,060
OF ANGELINA'S VAGINA.
167
00:07:24,090 --> 00:07:25,630
LET'S TAKE A TIME-OUT
168
00:07:25,660 --> 00:07:28,770
WHILE I MEDITATE ON THAT
FOR A FEW MOMENTS.
169
00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:29,870
YOU DO THAT.
170
00:07:29,900 --> 00:07:32,100
I SEE A FRIEND.
YOU COME FIND ME.
171
00:07:33,570 --> 00:07:36,010
I'M SORRY.
DID YOU SAY SOMETHING?
172
00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:38,270
[ CHUCKLES ]
173
00:07:38,310 --> 00:07:41,510
I TOLD YOU, MAN. YOU JUST NEEDED
TO MEET A NICE GIRL.
174
00:07:41,550 --> 00:07:42,610
SHE'S NOT SO NICE.
175
00:07:42,650 --> 00:07:43,980
OH, OH, OH.
NAUGHTY?
176
00:07:44,010 --> 00:07:45,850
HEY, DO I ASK YOU
177
00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:47,820
ABOUT MARCY'S
SEXUAL PROCLIVITIES?
178
00:07:47,850 --> 00:07:49,920
YES, ALL THE TIME.
IT'S ODD, ACTUALLY.
179
00:07:49,950 --> 00:07:51,920
SO, WHAT ARE WE
TALKING ABOUT HERE?
180
00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:53,860
A LITTLE "S" AND "M"?
A LITTLE LIGHT "B" & "D"?
181
00:07:53,890 --> 00:07:56,160
SETTLE DOWN, TIGER.
182
00:07:56,190 --> 00:07:57,530
MR. MOODY.
183
00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:58,930
MORTICIA.
184
00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:00,530
CALL ME HANK, PLEASE.
185
00:08:02,670 --> 00:08:03,870
SO, DO YOU STILL NEED ME?
186
00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:05,940
DID YOU FINISH READING
THAT MANUSCRIPT?
187
00:08:05,970 --> 00:08:07,040
YES.
188
00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:08,670
DID YOU WRITE
YOUR COVERAGE ON IT YET?
189
00:08:08,710 --> 00:08:09,770
NO, NOT YET.
190
00:08:09,810 --> 00:08:12,580
THEN, I THINK YOU JUST ANSWERED
YOUR OWN QUESTION.
191
00:08:12,610 --> 00:08:13,710
BACK TO WORK.
192
00:08:13,740 --> 00:08:15,080
YES, SIR.
193
00:08:19,650 --> 00:08:22,620
ANYTHING YOU WANT TO TELL ME
ABOUT THERE, CAPTAIN?
194
00:08:22,650 --> 00:08:25,920
PLEASE.
I'M A MARRIED MAN.
195
00:08:27,990 --> 00:08:30,960
ANYTHING YOU WANT TO TELL ME
ABOUT THERE, CAPTAIN?
196
00:08:35,230 --> 00:08:37,630
OH, CARR.
197
00:08:37,670 --> 00:08:41,240
CAN WE AGREE NOT TO THROW DOWN
WHILE WE HAVE OUR COCKS OUT?
198
00:08:41,270 --> 00:08:42,310
REALLY?
199
00:08:42,340 --> 00:08:43,740
YOURS IS OUT?
200
00:08:43,770 --> 00:08:46,180
[ SNICKERS ]
201
00:08:46,210 --> 00:08:47,180
FAG.
202
00:08:47,210 --> 00:08:48,280
I'M DONE FIGHTING YOU,
MOODY.
203
00:08:48,310 --> 00:08:49,480
THIS FROM A MAN
204
00:08:49,510 --> 00:08:52,220
WHO HAD A SIX-PACK OF WHOOP-ASS
OPENED UP ON HIM LAST WEEK.
205
00:08:52,250 --> 00:08:54,020
I COULDN'T HURT YOU
IF I WANTED TO.
206
00:08:54,050 --> 00:08:55,280
YOU'RE YOUR OWN WORST ENEMY.
207
00:08:55,320 --> 00:08:58,320
THAT IS A VERY
ASTUTE OBSERVATION
208
00:08:58,350 --> 00:09:00,620
COMING FROM A DUMB GUY.
209
00:09:00,660 --> 00:09:02,630
DID ME A BIG FAVOR,
ACTUALLY.
210
00:09:02,660 --> 00:09:04,230
GOT ME OUT
OF A HORRIBLE FUCKING MARRIAGE.
211
00:09:04,260 --> 00:09:07,160
OH, YOU AND SANDY
SPLITTING THE SHEETS?
212
00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:08,300
DO TELL.
213
00:09:08,330 --> 00:09:09,300
THAT BITCH IS CRAZY.
214
00:09:09,330 --> 00:09:11,840
LAST TIME I EVER MARRY
A FUCKING WHITE WOMAN.
215
00:09:11,870 --> 00:09:13,000
OH, I'M WITH YOU THERE.
216
00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:14,340
WELL, HOW'D SHE TAKE IT?
217
00:09:14,370 --> 00:09:16,770
HAVEN'T TOLD HER.
THINKING ABOUT DOING IT TONIGHT.
218
00:09:16,810 --> 00:09:18,310
HERE?
SHE'S HERE?
219
00:09:18,340 --> 00:09:19,640
THAT'S RIGHT.
220
00:09:19,680 --> 00:09:21,280
NO, NO, NO.
NO, NO.
221
00:09:21,310 --> 00:09:22,650
HEY, HEY, HEY.
222
00:09:22,680 --> 00:09:25,050
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]
223
00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:27,650
[ MELLOW JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING ]
224
00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:39,260
THERE SHE IS.
THE FORMER MRS. MOODY.
225
00:09:39,300 --> 00:09:41,400
I WAS NEVER
OFFICIALLY A MOODY.
226
00:09:41,430 --> 00:09:43,830
YOU WERE MOODY.
YOU JUST WEREN'T A MOODY.
227
00:09:43,870 --> 00:09:45,300
WELL, YOU COULD'VE
MADE ME LESS MOODY
228
00:09:45,330 --> 00:09:47,000
IF YOU'D MADE ME
INTO A MOODY.
229
00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:48,400
I'LL MAKE YOU A MOODY
RIGHT NOW.
230
00:09:48,440 --> 00:09:50,240
IT'S TOO LATE.
IT'S FOUR HOURS TO VEGAS.
231
00:09:50,270 --> 00:09:52,180
NO, IT'S TOO LATE.
232
00:09:52,210 --> 00:09:53,910
WE'LL STOP IN BARSTOW,
IN-N-OUT BURGERS,
233
00:09:53,940 --> 00:09:55,380
SHAKES, FRIES,
CELEBRATORY COUPLING,
234
00:09:55,410 --> 00:09:58,780
WHICH I BELIEVE IS PART
OF OUR SORDID SEXUAL HISTORY.
235
00:09:58,820 --> 00:10:02,250
YOU KNOW, IT'S VERY TEMPTING,
BUT I'M GONNA HAVE TO SAY NO.
236
00:10:02,290 --> 00:10:04,290
BUT THANK YOU.
237
00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:07,660
COULD YOU BE
ON YOUR BEST BEHAVIOR TONIGHT?
238
00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:08,930
PLEASE, PLEASE.
239
00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:11,290
LIKE A CHILD YOU TALK TO ME.
WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M GONNA DO?
240
00:10:11,330 --> 00:10:12,360
YOU ARE A CHILD.
241
00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:13,830
STIR THE PUNCH BOWL
WITH MY DONG?
242
00:10:13,860 --> 00:10:15,360
QUITE POSSIBLY, YES.
243
00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:18,170
THAT'S THE THING WITH YOU,
HANK.
244
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:21,370
ONE NEVER KNOWS
WHAT TO EXPECT FROM YOU
245
00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:22,740
OR YOUR DONG.
246
00:10:22,770 --> 00:10:24,710
AND HOW IS THIS
NOT A VIRTUE?
247
00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:30,850
YOU KNOW, HONEY,
YOU DO LOOK BEAUTIFUL TONIGHT.
248
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:32,320
WELL, THAT'S --
THANK YOU.
249
00:10:32,350 --> 00:10:33,420
THANK YOU.
250
00:10:36,290 --> 00:10:38,720
STOP IT.
251
00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:40,320
NO, NO, NO, NO. YOU JUST SAID
YOU WERE GONNA BEHAVE.
252
00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:42,430
BILL IS AROUND THE CORNER.
253
00:10:42,460 --> 00:10:43,930
OKAY, COME ON.
WE CAN BE ADULTS.
254
00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:46,030
IT JUST GETS
SO LONELY SOMETIMES.
255
00:10:46,060 --> 00:10:48,000
I NEED A HUG IN A MOMENT,
THE MOMENT PASSES, AND I'M GOOD.
256
00:10:48,030 --> 00:10:49,370
SMELL YOU LATER.
257
00:10:51,430 --> 00:10:53,440
[ TELEPHONE RINGING ]
258
00:10:53,470 --> 00:10:55,000
YOU FINISHED YET?
259
00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:56,310
PUTTING IT TOGETHER
RIGHT NOW.
260
00:10:56,340 --> 00:10:57,940
BRING IT TO ME
IN MY OFFICE.
261
00:10:57,970 --> 00:10:59,340
[ RINGING CONTINUES ]
262
00:10:59,380 --> 00:11:02,250
U.T.K. --
CHARLIE RUNKEL'S OFFICE.
263
00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:04,080
IT'S YOUR WIFE.
264
00:11:07,820 --> 00:11:09,920
HEY, BABY.
265
00:11:09,950 --> 00:11:12,090
YEAH, IT'S GOING WELL.
266
00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:14,920
HOW ABOUT YOU?
HOW IS ANGELINA'S COOKIE?
267
00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:20,730
REALLY?
268
00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:24,700
WELL, THAT'S ONE
OF THE BENEFITS OF ADOPTION.
269
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:30,240
YEAH, UM, YOU KNOW WHAT?
270
00:11:30,270 --> 00:11:32,910
YOU'RE -- YOU'RE --
YOU'RE BREAKING UP.
271
00:11:34,510 --> 00:11:38,920
UH, YEAH, YOU'RE -- YOU'RE --
I'M LOSING YOU, BABE.
272
00:11:38,950 --> 00:11:41,280
OKAY, UM, GOT TO GO.
273
00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:43,820
[ PHONE CLICKS IN CRADLE ]
274
00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:50,930
TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
275
00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:55,460
WHAT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO DO
WHAT I TELL YOU TO DO?
276
00:11:55,500 --> 00:11:56,800
[ SCOFFS ]
277
00:11:56,830 --> 00:11:59,100
I THINK
YOU'RE MISSING THE POINT.
278
00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:09,110
THANK YOU.
279
00:12:11,350 --> 00:12:13,250
THERE YOU ARE.
280
00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:14,380
[ GIGGLES ]
281
00:12:14,420 --> 00:12:17,050
HANK MOODY, PLEASE SAY HELLO
282
00:12:17,090 --> 00:12:22,430
TO MY COLLEAGUE JONATHAN MANDEL
AND HIS LOVELY WIFE, NIKKI.
283
00:12:22,460 --> 00:12:24,490
HANK MOODY?
THE WRITER?
I USED TO BE.
284
00:12:24,530 --> 00:12:26,200
NOW I'M HANK MOODY
THE BLOGGER.
285
00:12:26,230 --> 00:12:28,100
SOON TO BE
HANK MOODY THE BARTENDER.
286
00:12:28,130 --> 00:12:29,270
[ CHUCKLING ]
287
00:12:29,300 --> 00:12:32,070
MEREDITH TURNED ME ON
TO YOUR BLOG.
288
00:12:32,100 --> 00:12:33,900
HIGHLY ENTERTAINING, HANK.
289
00:12:33,940 --> 00:12:35,440
WELL, THAT'S WHAT I DO.
I ENTERTAIN.
290
00:12:35,470 --> 00:12:36,870
I'D BE INTERESTED TO SEE
291
00:12:36,910 --> 00:12:39,310
WHAT YOU WRITE ABOUT
THIS LITTLE SHINDIG.
292
00:12:39,340 --> 00:12:42,850
WELL, JUST OFF THE TOP
OF MY HEAD...
293
00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:44,810
I FIND IT INTERESTING
THAT ALL THESE PEOPLE
294
00:12:44,850 --> 00:12:47,080
ARE RANTING AND RAVING
ABOUT SAVING THE ENVIRONMENT,
295
00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:48,480
WHEN THEY'LL PROBABLY BLOW
296
00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:51,050
LIKE 10,000 POUNDS OF FUEL
ON THEIR PRIVATE JET PLANES
297
00:12:51,090 --> 00:12:52,860
GETTING DOWN TO CABO
THIS WEEKEND.
298
00:12:52,890 --> 00:12:55,420
THAT'S RIGHT, BABS.
YOU HEARD ME.
299
00:12:55,460 --> 00:12:57,490
TELL OPRAH I SAID SO.
300
00:12:57,530 --> 00:13:00,330
PUT THAT IN YOUR PIPE
AND SMOKE IT, LADIES.
301
00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:02,600
MEREDITH,
CAN I GET YOU ANOTHER DRINK?
302
00:13:02,630 --> 00:13:04,400
WILL YOU EXCUSE US?
303
00:13:07,540 --> 00:13:09,370
YOUR WRITING IS SO GOOD.
304
00:13:09,410 --> 00:13:11,070
OH, WELL, THANK YOU.
305
00:13:11,110 --> 00:13:13,440
I'M A BIT OF A SCRIBBLER MYSELF,
YOU KNOW?
306
00:13:15,310 --> 00:13:17,210
NIKKI MAN--
OH, THAT NIKKI MANDEL.
307
00:13:17,250 --> 00:13:19,350
YOU WRITE ALL THAT
HOLLYWOOD, TROPHY,
308
00:13:19,380 --> 00:13:20,980
CLIT-LIT STANK, DON'T YOU?
309
00:13:21,020 --> 00:13:22,190
THAT'S ME.
310
00:13:22,220 --> 00:13:26,220
MASTURBATION MATERIAL FOR
THE NORTH OF MONTANA HAUSFRAU.
311
00:13:26,260 --> 00:13:28,260
WOW, YOU HAD ME
AT MASTURBATION.
312
00:13:28,290 --> 00:13:29,330
I WAS HOPING SO.
313
00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:30,330
YOU GOT ME ALL WET.
314
00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:33,360
THE TRICK IS COMING UP
WITH GOOD STORY IDEAS.
315
00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:35,100
I WOULD IMAGINE.
316
00:13:35,130 --> 00:13:37,470
I'M ALWAYS ON THE LOOKOUT
FOR NEW MATERIAL...
317
00:13:37,500 --> 00:13:39,000
IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
318
00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:41,070
YEAH, IT'S HARD NOT TO KNOW
WHAT YOU MEAN,
319
00:13:41,100 --> 00:13:43,340
ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE BEING
SO SUBTLE ABOUT IT.
320
00:13:43,370 --> 00:13:45,310
DOESN'T PAY
TO BE A WALLFLOWER.
321
00:13:45,340 --> 00:13:47,480
YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND SEEM FINE
TO ME. WHAT'S THE DEAL?
322
00:13:47,510 --> 00:13:48,580
LOOKS CAN BE DECEIVING.
323
00:13:48,610 --> 00:13:52,620
THOSE TWO HAVE BEEN PLAYING
GRAB-ASS FOR YEARS NOW.
324
00:13:54,620 --> 00:13:59,660
"I SEE,"
SAID THE BLIND MAN.
325
00:13:59,690 --> 00:14:01,090
EXCUSE ME A MOMENT.
326
00:14:02,990 --> 00:14:05,630
CAN I TALK TO YOU
FOR A SECOND?
327
00:14:05,660 --> 00:14:07,030
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
328
00:14:07,060 --> 00:14:08,330
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
NO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
329
00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:11,030
THAT'S MARRIED GUY.
COME ON.
330
00:14:11,070 --> 00:14:12,440
I DIDN'T KNOW
HE WAS GONNA BE HERE.
331
00:14:12,470 --> 00:14:14,270
COME ON.
332
00:14:14,300 --> 00:14:17,010
OKAY, I KNEW.
333
00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:18,240
I'M SORRY.
334
00:14:18,270 --> 00:14:19,640
I DON'T CARE.
IT'S STILL A LIE.
335
00:14:19,680 --> 00:14:22,410
LOOK, YOU WANT TO CREATE
A FUSS WITH ME?
336
00:14:22,450 --> 00:14:24,350
THAT'S FINE.
I'M LISTENING.
337
00:14:24,380 --> 00:14:27,120
I'M KID CHAOS.
I'LL CREATE SOME CHAOS FOR YOU.
338
00:14:27,150 --> 00:14:28,480
HOW?
339
00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:30,020
HOW?
340
00:14:42,100 --> 00:14:45,000
I WANT TO BE
A 40-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN.
341
00:14:45,030 --> 00:14:47,300
WHY?
342
00:14:47,340 --> 00:14:50,170
BECAUSE IT SEEMS LIKE,
ONCE YOU GET LAID,
343
00:14:50,210 --> 00:14:52,510
YOUR LIFE BASICALLY
TURNS TO SHIT.
344
00:14:54,980 --> 00:14:56,680
IT'S NOT SO BAD.
345
00:14:56,710 --> 00:14:59,020
YOU'VE HAD THE SEX?
346
00:14:59,050 --> 00:15:02,490
SURE.
347
00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:04,490
WHAT'S IT LIKE?
348
00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:08,220
UH...
349
00:15:08,260 --> 00:15:09,460
GOOD.
350
00:15:11,130 --> 00:15:12,560
BAD.
351
00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:15,160
UM...
352
00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:16,230
WEIRD.
353
00:15:16,270 --> 00:15:18,500
POWERFUL.
354
00:15:18,530 --> 00:15:20,070
I DON'T KNOW.
355
00:15:20,100 --> 00:15:22,140
LISTEN, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY
ABOUT THIS STUFF.
356
00:15:22,170 --> 00:15:23,370
YOU GOT PLENTY OF TIME.
357
00:15:23,410 --> 00:15:24,440
WATCH THE HAIR.
358
00:15:24,470 --> 00:15:25,670
SORRY.
359
00:15:28,140 --> 00:15:31,050
YOU MISS YOUR DAD,
DON'T YOU?
360
00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:33,620
YEAH.
361
00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:37,650
I MISS MY MOM.
362
00:15:37,690 --> 00:15:42,230
FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH,
I KNOW MY MOM REALLY LIKES YOU.
363
00:15:44,660 --> 00:15:46,700
I LIKE HER, TOO.
364
00:15:46,730 --> 00:15:50,530
IT'S JUST, UH,
NOT THE SAME, YOU KNOW?
365
00:15:55,140 --> 00:15:57,370
DO YOU LIKE BILL?
366
00:15:57,410 --> 00:15:58,610
SURE.
367
00:15:58,640 --> 00:15:59,740
HE'S NICE.
368
00:15:59,780 --> 00:16:01,040
YEAH.
369
00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:03,150
BUT HE'S NOT LIKE HANK.
370
00:16:04,810 --> 00:16:08,420
SERIOUSLY,
YOU'RE REALLY LUCKY.
371
00:16:16,090 --> 00:16:20,300
[ PLAYS GUITAR ]
372
00:16:20,330 --> 00:16:21,700
NICE.
373
00:16:26,540 --> 00:16:29,140
HEY, WATCH IT!
GREAT!
374
00:16:29,170 --> 00:16:31,040
YOU COULD LOOK
WHERE YOU'RE GOING.
375
00:16:31,070 --> 00:16:33,510
AND YOU COULD BE
A LITTLE BIT LESS OF A CUNT.
376
00:16:33,540 --> 00:16:36,680
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
WHAT DID I SAY?
I CUNT HEAR YOU.
377
00:16:36,710 --> 00:16:40,380
WHOA,
BACK IT UP, LADY.
Bill:
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE?
378
00:16:40,420 --> 00:16:44,320
THE GUY SPILLS HIS DRINK
ON ME, AND THEN HE HAS THE
BALLS TO CALL ME A CUNT.
379
00:16:44,350 --> 00:16:46,720
I DIDN'T SAY A WORD!
I BUMPED INTO HER. MY BAD.
380
00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:48,690
YOU LIAR!
YES, YOU DID!
381
00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:49,830
SHE JUST
FREAKED OUT ON ME.
382
00:16:49,860 --> 00:16:52,660
WHY DIDN'T YOU GET ME?
I WOULD'VE TAKEN CARE OF THIS.
383
00:16:52,700 --> 00:16:54,530
I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.
CLEARLY.
384
00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:57,600
SWEETIE, THIS IS HARDLY THE TIME
OR THE PLACE FOR A SCENE.
385
00:16:57,630 --> 00:17:01,070
CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG? I'M
NOT LOOKING TO PRESS CHARGES.
386
00:17:01,100 --> 00:17:02,470
HEY, HEY!
387
00:17:02,510 --> 00:17:03,840
HONEY, GET OFF OF ME.
388
00:17:03,870 --> 00:17:05,610
HE'S TRYING
TO BE DECENT.
389
00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:07,640
NO, HE'S NOT.
HE'S TRYING TO BE A DICK.
390
00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:10,380
YOU WANT ME TO HAVE HIM
THROWN OUT? JUST SAY THE WORD.
391
00:17:10,410 --> 00:17:11,780
I DON'T.
I JUST WANT TO GO.
392
00:17:11,810 --> 00:17:12,820
OKAY, OKAY.
393
00:17:12,850 --> 00:17:15,750
NOW, LOOK, THERE'S A COUPLE
I WANT YOU TO MEET.
394
00:17:17,790 --> 00:17:20,460
TURNS OUT THEY BOUGHT
THAT HOUSE YOU RE-DID.
395
00:17:21,890 --> 00:17:24,360
Charlie:
THERE WE GO.
396
00:17:25,530 --> 00:17:27,760
COME ON, LEAN FORWARD.
397
00:17:28,660 --> 00:17:30,300
JUST LIKE THAT.
398
00:17:30,330 --> 00:17:32,600
OH, LOOK AT YOU,
YOU DIRTY, LITTLE ANIMAL.
399
00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:34,700
LIKE THIS?
Charlie: OH, YES.
400
00:17:34,740 --> 00:17:35,800
YEAH.
401
00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:37,270
OH, YEAH.
402
00:17:37,310 --> 00:17:38,610
OH, I MISSED.
403
00:17:39,810 --> 00:17:42,280
OH, YES.
LOOK AT THAT.
404
00:17:42,310 --> 00:17:44,150
HOLY FUCKNUTS!
405
00:17:44,180 --> 00:17:45,280
OH, SHIT!
406
00:17:45,310 --> 00:17:46,780
WHAT,
DON'T YOU FUCKIN' KNOCK?
407
00:17:46,820 --> 00:17:49,550
DON'T YOU LOCK?
[ PANTING ]
408
00:17:49,590 --> 00:17:53,690
HEY, WHY DON'T YOU GO GRAB HIM
SOME WATER OR SOMETHING?
409
00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:56,460
OH.
410
00:17:57,890 --> 00:18:00,530
HEY, TAKE IT EASY THERE,
DIANE ARBUS.
411
00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:02,800
[ COUGHING ]
DON'T HAVE A CORONARY,
412
00:18:02,830 --> 00:18:06,270
'CAUSE I WOULDN'T KNOW HOW
TO EXPLAIN THAT TO YOUR WIFE.
413
00:18:06,300 --> 00:18:07,570
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
414
00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:11,510
MAYBE IT'S TIME TO PUNCH OUT
THERE, BETTIE PAGE.
415
00:18:12,580 --> 00:18:15,710
OKAY?
ALL RIGHT.
416
00:18:15,740 --> 00:18:17,550
MMM, MMM, MMM.
417
00:18:17,580 --> 00:18:19,650
WHOO!
418
00:18:21,850 --> 00:18:23,290
MMM.
419
00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:24,650
HERE.
420
00:18:26,290 --> 00:18:27,490
FIRST THINGS FIRST --
421
00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:30,160
YOU'RE NOT GONNA STROKE OUT
ON ME, ARE YA?
422
00:18:30,190 --> 00:18:32,300
GOOD.
YOU JUST RELAX.
423
00:18:32,330 --> 00:18:35,260
YOU'RE GOOD, YOU'RE GOOD.
IT'S ALL GOOD. IT WAS ME.
424
00:18:35,300 --> 00:18:37,900
YOU'RE LUCKY IT WAS
ME COMING IN THAT DOOR, HUH?
425
00:18:37,930 --> 00:18:40,240
[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]
426
00:18:40,270 --> 00:18:41,940
LOOK AT ME.
LOOK AT ME.
427
00:18:41,970 --> 00:18:43,510
LET ME SEE THOSE EYES.
428
00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:46,280
YEAH, OH,
YOU'RE GOOD, YOU'RE GOOD.
429
00:18:46,310 --> 00:18:48,410
OW! WHAT THE FUCK?
"WHAT THE FUCK"?
430
00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:49,810
WHAT THE FUCK
WERE YOU THINKING,
431
00:18:49,850 --> 00:18:51,550
FUCKING AROUND
WITH YOUR SECRETARY?
432
00:18:51,580 --> 00:18:54,320
"HOW MUCH OF A BIG,
FAT CLICHé CAN I BE"?
433
00:18:54,350 --> 00:18:56,390
SHE STARTED IT, MAN.
434
00:18:56,420 --> 00:18:58,220
COME ON.
435
00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:03,630
I GUESS I GOT
A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY.
436
00:19:03,660 --> 00:19:04,760
YOU THINK?
437
00:19:04,790 --> 00:19:06,730
I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT HAPPENED, MAN.
438
00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:08,830
ONE MINUTE,
I AM SAILING ALONG,
439
00:19:08,860 --> 00:19:12,440
I'M BEING THE GUY WHO WOULD
NEVER, EVER CHEAT ON HIS WIFE.
440
00:19:12,470 --> 00:19:14,970
THE NEXT SECOND, I'M SPANKING
THE BARE, NAKED ASS
441
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:17,740
OF A 22-YEAR-OLD GIRL.
442
00:19:17,770 --> 00:19:20,240
I'M NOT GONNA BE JUDGMENTAL,
BECAUSE "A" --
443
00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:21,710
WHO THE FUCK
AM I TO TALK?
444
00:19:21,740 --> 00:19:24,750
AND "B" -- WHAT YOU JUST
DESCRIBED SOUNDS INCREDIBLY HOT.
445
00:19:24,780 --> 00:19:27,450
BUT YOU GOT TO GET
YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.
446
00:19:27,480 --> 00:19:29,790
ALL RIGHT?
YOU OWE IT TO MARCY.
447
00:19:29,820 --> 00:19:33,360
I KNOW. I KNOW.
I'M SUCH A FUCKING ASSHOLE, MAN.
448
00:19:33,390 --> 00:19:36,660
IF ANYBODY DESERVES
TO BE DISCIPLINED, IT'S ME.
449
00:19:36,690 --> 00:19:38,830
IT'S NOT AN INVITATION.
450
00:19:41,700 --> 00:19:44,970
YOU KNOW, IF YOU'RE HAVING
PROBLEMS IN THE BOUDOIR,
451
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:47,700
IT'S WORTH A CONVERSATION
WITH THE OLD LADY.
452
00:19:49,340 --> 00:19:51,770
[ SIGHS ]
453
00:19:51,810 --> 00:19:55,240
I'M AFRAID THAT SHIP
SAILED SOME TIME AGO.
454
00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:56,350
I DON'T KNOW,
YOU KNOW,
455
00:19:56,380 --> 00:20:00,580
MARCY, TO ME, IS NOTHING
IF NOT A DIRTY, LITTLE GIRL.
456
00:20:00,620 --> 00:20:04,420
I THINK, WITH ALL DUE RESPECT,
IF YOU TALK TO HER,
457
00:20:04,450 --> 00:20:09,490
I THINK SHE'D BE INTO
SOME SERIOUSLY FREAKY SHIT.
458
00:20:11,660 --> 00:20:12,830
UH-OH.
459
00:20:12,860 --> 00:20:14,400
[ PATS BACK ]
460
00:20:16,630 --> 00:20:17,830
BIG BOY.
461
00:20:17,870 --> 00:20:21,340
YOU'RE NOT CRYING,
ARE YOU?
462
00:20:21,370 --> 00:20:23,570
A LITTLE BIT.
JESUS CHRIST.
463
00:20:23,610 --> 00:20:25,570
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]
464
00:20:27,540 --> 00:20:29,950
[ Slurred ] MAY I HAVE
ANOTHER GLASS OF WINE?
465
00:20:29,980 --> 00:20:33,650
HEY, TIME TO HANG UP
YOUR DRINKING SHOES, LADY.
466
00:20:35,450 --> 00:20:37,550
YOU LOVE ME,
DON'T YOU, HANK?
467
00:20:37,590 --> 00:20:40,290
I'VE CERTAINLY GROWN
VERY FOND OF YOU.
468
00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:42,690
BUT I THINK THAT'S --
LET ME GUESS.
469
00:20:42,730 --> 00:20:46,760
IT'S A LITTLE EARLY FOR
THIS PARTICULAR DISCUSSION.
470
00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:49,300
SOMETHING LIKE THAT,
YEAH.
471
00:20:49,330 --> 00:20:52,870
WE'LL PROBABLY NEVER MAKE IT
TO THIS PARTICULAR DISCUSSION.
472
00:20:52,900 --> 00:20:55,840
WHY DO YOU
SAY THAT?
473
00:20:55,870 --> 00:20:59,710
WELL, WHEN YOU'VE SPENT
THE LAST FIVE YEARS LOVING A MAN
474
00:20:59,740 --> 00:21:02,880
AND WONDERING WHY
HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU BACK...
475
00:21:05,710 --> 00:21:08,720
...YOU TEND TO GET
A WEE BIT CYNICAL ABOUT THINGS.
476
00:21:12,490 --> 00:21:14,490
YOU STAY RIGHT HERE...
477
00:21:16,590 --> 00:21:19,090
...AND YOU HYDRATE.
478
00:21:19,130 --> 00:21:21,330
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
479
00:21:26,940 --> 00:21:28,470
[ WHISPERING ]
480
00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:37,410
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
481
00:21:37,450 --> 00:21:39,550
YOU NEED A DOUBLE DOSE
OF VIAGRA TO GET WOOD,
482
00:21:39,580 --> 00:21:42,020
AND YOU WEAR A FANNY PACK
ON THE WEEKENDS.
483
00:21:42,050 --> 00:21:42,990
[ CHUCKLES ]
484
00:21:43,020 --> 00:21:45,450
THINK YOU'RE PRETTY CLEVER,
DON'T YOU, HANK?
485
00:21:45,490 --> 00:21:47,090
YOU WANT TO FUCK AROUND,
THAT'S FINE.
486
00:21:47,120 --> 00:21:48,690
FUCK AROUND ALL YOU WANT,
I'M NO JUDGE JUDY.
487
00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:52,600
JUST DON'T STRING A WOMAN
ALONG FOR A MAJOR CHUNK
OF HER CHILDBEARING YEARS.
488
00:21:52,630 --> 00:21:53,760
THAT'S JUST NOT COOL.
489
00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:55,730
WHO ARE YOU --
DON QUIXOTE?
490
00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:57,700
NO, I'M NOT EVEN
DON FUCKIN' KNOTTS.
491
00:21:57,730 --> 00:21:59,970
I'M JUST A BIG FAN
OF THE LADY IN QUESTION.
492
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:01,040
THAT'S INCREDIBLY NOBLE,
493
00:22:01,070 --> 00:22:04,570
CONSIDERING HOW THE LADY
IN QUESTION TALKS ABOUT YOU.
494
00:22:04,610 --> 00:22:06,580
I WAS CURIOUS,
495
00:22:06,610 --> 00:22:09,450
BECAUSE DESPITE WHAT YOU SAY,
I DO CARE ABOUT HER.
496
00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:13,080
SO, I ASKED, "WHO IS HE? IS THIS
SOMEONE I NEED TO WORRY ABOUT?"
497
00:22:13,120 --> 00:22:14,650
YOU KNOW WHAT SHE SAID?
498
00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:18,550
"HIM? HE'S NOBODY,
A LOSER,
499
00:22:18,590 --> 00:22:23,130
SOMEONE TO PASS THE TIME WITH
WHEN I'M NOT IN BED WITH YOU."
500
00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:27,860
SO, MAYBE YOU'RE THE ONE WHO
NEEDS TO BE CUT LOOSE, PAL.
501
00:22:28,900 --> 00:22:31,800
YOU'RE VERY LUCKY,
MY FRIEND.
502
00:22:31,830 --> 00:22:32,970
AND WHY IS THAT?
503
00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:36,100
'CAUSE I PROMISED SOMEONE
I'D BE ON MY BEST BEHAVIOR.
504
00:22:36,140 --> 00:22:38,110
FUCKING
FUCKER!
505
00:22:38,140 --> 00:22:39,110
OHH!
506
00:22:39,140 --> 00:22:40,580
OH, MY GOD!
507
00:22:40,610 --> 00:22:41,710
WHAT
ARE YOU DOING?!
508
00:22:41,740 --> 00:22:43,680
I'M GLAD
WE CAME.
509
00:22:44,750 --> 00:22:46,520
THAT WAS FUN.
510
00:22:46,550 --> 00:22:47,980
YOU'RE FUNNY.
511
00:22:48,020 --> 00:22:49,450
[ LAUGHS ]
512
00:22:49,490 --> 00:22:53,190
THERE YOU GO.
YOU'RE GOOD, YOU'RE GOOD.
513
00:22:53,220 --> 00:22:54,990
[ HORN HONKS ]
514
00:22:57,160 --> 00:22:58,560
PROUD OF ME?
515
00:22:58,590 --> 00:23:02,630
ALMOST NEVER, BUT,
YEAH, I APPROVE.
516
00:23:02,670 --> 00:23:06,640
OH, NO, NO, NO, NO.
MY BEHAVIOR -- ME AND MY DONG.
517
00:23:06,670 --> 00:23:09,470
OH, RIGHT.
UM...GOOD.
518
00:23:09,510 --> 00:23:11,640
DID NOTHING.
CONGRATULATIONS.
519
00:23:11,670 --> 00:23:14,740
YOU A PROUD OF ME.
DID YOU HAVE A GOOD NIGHT?
520
00:23:14,780 --> 00:23:16,180
YEAH, I DID.
521
00:23:16,210 --> 00:23:19,620
FOR A RADICAL ENVIRONMENTALIST
SUCH AS YOURSELF,
522
00:23:19,650 --> 00:23:22,720
THIS WHOLE EVENING MUST HAVE
GIVEN YOU A CLIT-BONER.
523
00:23:22,750 --> 00:23:24,620
YOU'RE DISGUSTING.
Man: HEY!
524
00:23:24,650 --> 00:23:26,620
SEE YOU NEXT TUESDAY!
525
00:23:26,660 --> 00:23:28,590
FUCK YOU.
526
00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:32,860
WHAT IS THAT?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
527
00:23:32,900 --> 00:23:35,760
OH, HE'S JUST A CLASSY GUY.
HE CALLED ME A CUNT.
528
00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:37,570
THIS GUY
CALLED YOU A CUNT?
529
00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:39,600
I DEALT WITH IT.
I DEALT WITH IT.
530
00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:41,800
IT'S OKAY,
I JUST WANT TO...
531
00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:43,640
HEY, EXCUSE ME.
532
00:23:43,670 --> 00:23:45,640
[ PEOPLE GASP ]
533
00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:49,750
GOOD NIGHT.
OKAY.
534
00:23:49,780 --> 00:23:51,710
GOOD NIGHT.
535
00:23:58,220 --> 00:23:59,690
[ HORN HONKS ]
536
00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:09,200
HEY.
537
00:24:09,230 --> 00:24:10,800
[ Sleepily ]
HEY, MOM.
538
00:24:10,830 --> 00:24:14,100
I'M SORRY.
GO BACK TO SLEEP.
539
00:24:14,140 --> 00:24:16,140
MOM...
540
00:24:16,170 --> 00:24:17,170
YEAH?
541
00:24:17,210 --> 00:24:19,580
...CAN I ASK YOU
SOMETHING?
542
00:24:19,610 --> 00:24:21,880
ANYTHING, MY LOVE.
543
00:24:21,910 --> 00:24:23,850
DO YOU LOVE BILL?
544
00:24:24,910 --> 00:24:27,280
WOW...YEAH.
545
00:24:27,320 --> 00:24:29,950
YEAH, I DO.
546
00:24:29,990 --> 00:24:32,820
DO YOU LOVE DAD?
547
00:24:32,860 --> 00:24:34,020
YES...
548
00:24:34,060 --> 00:24:38,130
BECAUSE WE HAVE
YOU IN COMMON.
549
00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:41,160
I MEAN...
I DON'T LOVE HIM
550
00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:44,000
IN THAT BUTTERFLIES-IN-THE-TUMMY
WAY ANYMORE.
551
00:24:44,030 --> 00:24:45,700
I MEAN...
552
00:24:45,730 --> 00:24:48,900
NOT IN THE WAY THAT WE LOVE
JOHNNY DEPP, DEFINITELY NOT.
553
00:24:48,940 --> 00:24:51,110
RIGHT.
554
00:24:51,140 --> 00:24:54,680
IS DAD A BAD PERSON?
555
00:24:54,710 --> 00:24:55,810
NO, NOT AT ALL.
556
00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:57,980
I MEAN, HE DOES
HAVE A HABIT
557
00:24:58,010 --> 00:25:01,280
OF GETTING HIMSELF AND
EVERYONE ELSE AROUND HIM
558
00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:03,620
INTO TROUBLE
SOMETIMES, BUT...
559
00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:10,630
BILL IS A GOOD PERSON,
SWEETIE.
560
00:25:10,660 --> 00:25:15,800
YOU KNOW,
HE'S KIND, HE'S SMART,
561
00:25:15,830 --> 00:25:20,270
AND HE REALLY...
THINKS THINGS THROUGH.
562
00:25:23,770 --> 00:25:25,310
I LOVE YOU.
563
00:25:27,140 --> 00:25:28,810
[ SMOOCH ]
564
00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:31,180
GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT.
565
00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:39,590
UGH...IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME
SINCE SOMEONE
566
00:25:39,620 --> 00:25:41,760
HELD MY HAIR BACK
AS I PUKED.
567
00:25:41,790 --> 00:25:44,060
IT'S BEEN AN HONOR
AND A PRIVILEGE.
568
00:25:45,930 --> 00:25:48,800
[ GROANS ]
569
00:25:53,340 --> 00:25:55,370
CARE TO JOIN ME?
570
00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:59,040
WHEW, STILL KIND OF BARFY.
GET SOME SLEEP.
571
00:25:59,070 --> 00:26:01,180
HEY...
572
00:26:01,210 --> 00:26:04,180
THANK YOU.
573
00:26:04,210 --> 00:26:06,150
IT'S WHAT I DO.
574
00:26:06,180 --> 00:26:08,220
[ CELLPHONE RINGS ]
575
00:26:21,060 --> 00:26:24,700
"B" TO THE "E" TO THE "C"
TO THE "C" TO THE "A."
576
00:26:24,730 --> 00:26:27,240
Hi, dad.
WHAT UP, G?
577
00:26:27,270 --> 00:26:30,740
I CALLED BECAUSE I HAD
A FEELING YOU COULDN'T SLEEP.
578
00:26:30,770 --> 00:26:34,710
RIGHT AS USUAL, MY BEAUTIFUL,
PRECOCIOUS DAUGHTER.
579
00:26:34,740 --> 00:26:39,110
REMEMBER WHAT YOU USED TO DO
FOR ME WHEN I COULDN'T SLEEP?
580
00:26:39,150 --> 00:26:41,150
Dose you with opiates?
581
00:26:41,180 --> 00:26:42,150
NO.
582
00:26:42,180 --> 00:26:46,660
You'd look at the ocean
and count the mermaids.
583
00:26:46,690 --> 00:26:48,360
I DID DO THAT.
584
00:26:48,390 --> 00:26:52,060
I'M A BETTER FATHER
THAN I THOUGHT.
585
00:26:52,090 --> 00:26:56,830
MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRY THAT,
AND IT WILL HELP.
586
00:26:56,870 --> 00:26:59,330
YEAH.
587
00:27:03,740 --> 00:27:07,040
1...
588
00:27:07,080 --> 00:27:09,880
2...
589
00:27:09,910 --> 00:27:12,820
3...
NO, THAT'S A SEA LION.
590
00:27:14,780 --> 00:27:16,790
4...
591
00:27:16,820 --> 00:27:18,850
5...
592
00:27:18,890 --> 00:27:21,860
6...
NO, THAT'S A BUM.
593
00:27:24,230 --> 00:27:25,790
7...
594
00:27:25,830 --> 00:27:28,800
[ Sleepily ]
8...
595
00:27:28,830 --> 00:27:32,870
9...
NO, THAT'S DARYL HANNAH.
596
00:27:32,900 --> 00:27:37,140
10...
597
00:27:37,170 --> 00:27:40,210
11...
598
00:27:43,150 --> 00:27:44,710
TW--
599
00:27:48,080 --> 00:27:51,050
-- Captions by VITAC --
www.vitac.com
600
00:27:51,090 --> 00:27:56,090
CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY
SHOWTIME NETWORKS
AND BLIND DECKER PRODUCTIONS
41155
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