Original subtitles

[CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP]

>> HEY OREL, WHAT DID YOU PUT FOR NUMBER THREE ON THE SCIENCE TEST?

FOR NUMBER THREE ON THE SCIENCE TEST? >> JESUS.

TEST? >> JESUS. >> OF COURSE.

>> JESUS. >> OF COURSE. >> HEY DOWIE, I'LL MEET YOU IN

>> OF COURSE. >> HEY DOWIE, I'LL MEET YOU IN CLASS.

>> HEY DOWIE, I'LL MEET YOU IN CLASS. I AM GOING TO THE BATHROOM.

CLASS. I AM GOING TO THE BATHROOM. >> OK.

I AM GOING TO THE BATHROOM. >> OK. >> HI, CLICKY.

>> OK. >> HI, CLICKY. >> STAND UP STRAIGHT.

[STRAINING]

[GRUNTING] >> WHO'S HAVING TROUBLE IN THERE?

>> WHO'S HAVING TROUBLE IN THERE? >> OH, NO TROUBLE HERE, CLICKY.

THERE? >> OH, NO TROUBLE HERE, CLICKY. >> THAT YOU, OREL?

>> OH, NO TROUBLE HERE, CLICKY. >> THAT YOU, OREL? >> YES.

>> THAT YOU, OREL? >> YES. >> YOU SHOULD EAT MORE FRUIT.

>> YES. >> YOU SHOULD EAT MORE FRUIT. >> WHY?

>> YOU SHOULD EAT MORE FRUIT. >> WHY? >> HELPS YOU GO NUMBER TWO.

>> WHY? >> HELPS YOU GO NUMBER TWO. >> I AM NOT GOING NUMBER TWO.

>> HELPS YOU GO NUMBER TWO. >> I AM NOT GOING NUMBER TWO. >> NO ONE SHOULD BE GRUNTING

>> I AM NOT GOING NUMBER TWO. >> NO ONE SHOULD BE GRUNTING LIKE THAT GOING NUMBER ONE.

>> NO ONE SHOULD BE GRUNTING LIKE THAT GOING NUMBER ONE. >> I AM NOT GOING NUMBER ONE

LIKE THAT GOING NUMBER ONE. >> I AM NOT GOING NUMBER ONE EITHER.

>> I AM NOT GOING NUMBER ONE EITHER. >> WELL, IF YOU AIN'T GOING

EITHER. >> WELL, IF YOU AIN'T GOING NUMBER ONE AND YOU AIN'T GOING

>> WELL, IF YOU AIN'T GOING NUMBER ONE AND YOU AIN'T GOING NUMBER TWO, WHAT THE HELL

NUMBER ONE AND YOU AIN'T GOING NUMBER TWO, WHAT THE HELL NUMBER ARE YOU GOING?

NUMBER TWO, WHAT THE HELL NUMBER ARE YOU GOING? >> NUMBER THREE?

NUMBER ARE YOU GOING? >> NUMBER THREE? >> HUH?

>> NUMBER THREE? >> HUH? >> JESUS H. RODRIGUEZ!

>> HUH? >> JESUS H. RODRIGUEZ! >> OH, I WAS SO CLOSE.

>> JESUS H. RODRIGUEZ! >> OH, I WAS SO CLOSE. >> WHAT'S NUMBER THREE?

>> OH, I WAS SO CLOSE. >> WHAT'S NUMBER THREE? YOU KNOW; AIN'T ONE OR TWO.

>> WHAT'S NUMBER THREE? YOU KNOW; AIN'T ONE OR TWO. NUMBER 1, GOLD AS THE SUN,

YOU KNOW; AIN'T ONE OR TWO. NUMBER 1, GOLD AS THE SUN, NUMBER 2, I NEED TO GO POO.

NUMBER 1, GOLD AS THE SUN, NUMBER 2, I NEED TO GO POO. NUMBER 3, SET MY SPERM FR--

NUMBER 2, I NEED TO GO POO. NUMBER 3, SET MY SPERM FR-- OREL, YOU'VE BEEN MASTURBATING.

NUMBER 3, SET MY SPERM FR-- OREL, YOU'VE BEEN MASTURBATING. >> YES, PRINCIPAL FREAKY.

OREL, YOU'VE BEEN MASTURBATING. >> YES, PRINCIPAL FREAKY. >> CLICKY, START BOILING THE

>> YES, PRINCIPAL FREAKY. >> CLICKY, START BOILING THE BATHROOM.

>> CLICKY, START BOILING THE BATHROOM. I'LL DEAL WITH THIS ONE.

BATHROOM. I'LL DEAL WITH THIS ONE. >> YEP.

I'LL DEAL WITH THIS ONE. >> YEP. >> OREL, DO YOU KNOW WHAT

>> YEP. >> OREL, DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO LITTLE BOYS WHO

>> OREL, DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO LITTLE BOYS WHO MASTURBATE?

HAPPENS TO LITTLE BOYS WHO MASTURBATE? >> WELL, NOT UNTIL A WEEK AGO.

MASTURBATE? >> WELL, NOT UNTIL A WEEK AGO. BUT NOW, MY WHOLE

>> WELL, NOT UNTIL A WEEK AGO. BUT NOW, MY WHOLE WORLD'S OPENED UP.

BUT NOW, MY WHOLE WORLD'S OPENED UP. >> IT'S EVIL, SON.

WORLD'S OPENED UP. >> IT'S EVIL, SON. >> IT IS?

>> IT'S EVIL, SON. >> IT IS? >> WORSE THAN MURDER.

>> IT IS? >> WORSE THAN MURDER. >> YIKES.

>> WORSE THAN MURDER. >> YIKES. >> YIKES IS RIGHT.

>> YIKES. >> YIKES IS RIGHT. >> WHY?

>> YIKES IS RIGHT. >> WHY? >> WHY?

>> WHY? >> WHY? WELL, SIT DOWN.

>> WHY? WELL, SIT DOWN. OREL, THERE ARE SOME THINGS

WELL, SIT DOWN. OREL, THERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT ARE BURNT SO DEEP INTO A

OREL, THERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT ARE BURNT SO DEEP INTO A PERSON'S SUBCONSCIOUS THAT YOU

THAT ARE BURNT SO DEEP INTO A PERSON'S SUBCONSCIOUS THAT YOU FORGET JUST WHY THEY'RE THERE.

PERSON'S SUBCONSCIOUS THAT YOU FORGET JUST WHY THEY'RE THERE. YOU ONLY KNOW THAT THEY'VE

FORGET JUST WHY THEY'RE THERE. YOU ONLY KNOW THAT THEY'VE SCARRED YOU IN SUCH A HORRIBLE

YOU ONLY KNOW THAT THEY'VE SCARRED YOU IN SUCH A HORRIBLE AND PERSONAL WAY THAT THEY MUST

SCARRED YOU IN SUCH A HORRIBLE AND PERSONAL WAY THAT THEY MUST BE RIGHT.

AND PERSONAL WAY THAT THEY MUST BE RIGHT. >> OH.

BE RIGHT. >> OH. >> BUT I THINK I CAN POINT YOU

>> OH. >> BUT I THINK I CAN POINT YOU TO SOMEONE WHO IS

>> BUT I THINK I CAN POINT YOU TO SOMEONE WHO IS SCIENTIFICALLY QUALIFIED TO

TO SOMEONE WHO IS SCIENTIFICALLY QUALIFIED TO EXPLAIN THE INNER WORKINGS OF

SCIENTIFICALLY QUALIFIED TO EXPLAIN THE INNER WORKINGS OF THE HUMAN BODY.

EXPLAIN THE INNER WORKINGS OF THE HUMAN BODY. >> WHO?

THE HUMAN BODY. >> WHO? >> PRINCIPLE FREAKY IS RIGHT,

>> WHO? >> PRINCIPLE FREAKY IS RIGHT, OREL.

>> PRINCIPLE FREAKY IS RIGHT, OREL. REGULAR MURDER IS BAD ENOUGH,

OREL. REGULAR MURDER IS BAD ENOUGH, BUT IN ONE DISGUSTING ACT YOU

REGULAR MURDER IS BAD ENOUGH, BUT IN ONE DISGUSTING ACT YOU MURDER MILLIONS OF POTENTIAL

BUT IN ONE DISGUSTING ACT YOU MURDER MILLIONS OF POTENTIAL PEOPLE.

MURDER MILLIONS OF POTENTIAL PEOPLE. >> WHOOPS.

PEOPLE. >> WHOOPS. >> WHOOPS IS RIGHT.

>> WHOOPS. >> WHOOPS IS RIGHT. THAT'S A MAJOR SIN, MY BOY.

>> WHOOPS IS RIGHT. THAT'S A MAJOR SIN, MY BOY. >> BUT I DIDN'T KNOW.

THAT'S A MAJOR SIN, MY BOY. >> BUT I DIDN'T KNOW. >> OREL, HAVEN'T YOU HEARD THE

>> BUT I DIDN'T KNOW. >> OREL, HAVEN'T YOU HEARD THE HANDY RHYME?

>> OREL, HAVEN'T YOU HEARD THE HANDY RHYME? NUMBER 1, GOLD LIKE GOD MADE

HANDY RHYME? NUMBER 1, GOLD LIKE GOD MADE THE SUN.

NUMBER 1, GOLD LIKE GOD MADE THE SUN. NUMBER 2, GOOD LORD HELP ME

THE SUN. NUMBER 2, GOOD LORD HELP ME GO POO.

NUMBER 2, GOOD LORD HELP ME GO POO. NUMBER 3, THE DEVIL SETS MY

GO POO. NUMBER 3, THE DEVIL SETS MY SPERM FREE.

NUMBER 3, THE DEVIL SETS MY SPERM FREE. >> NO, I'VE NEVER HEARD THE

SPERM FREE. >> NO, I'VE NEVER HEARD THE PROTESTANT VERSION, REVEREND.

>> NO, I'VE NEVER HEARD THE PROTESTANT VERSION, REVEREND. >> WELL, IT'S BEEN BASTARDIZED

PROTESTANT VERSION, REVEREND. >> WELL, IT'S BEEN BASTARDIZED OVER THE YEARS.

>> WELL, IT'S BEEN BASTARDIZED OVER THE YEARS. >> BY WHO?

OVER THE YEARS. >> BY WHO? >> BASTARDS, OREL, FATHERLESS

>> BY WHO? >> BASTARDS, OREL, FATHERLESS BASTARDS.

>> BASTARDS, OREL, FATHERLESS BASTARDS. >> WOW!

BASTARDS. >> WOW! >> ANYWAY, THE POINT IS,

>> WOW! >> ANYWAY, THE POINT IS, SPILLING THOSE SEEDS IS FROWNED

>> ANYWAY, THE POINT IS, SPILLING THOSE SEEDS IS FROWNED UPON BY GOD HIMSELF.

SPILLING THOSE SEEDS IS FROWNED UPON BY GOD HIMSELF. I'M NOT JUST TALKING SOME

UPON BY GOD HIMSELF. I'M NOT JUST TALKING SOME WORTHLESS ANGELS OR A COUPLE

I'M NOT JUST TALKING SOME WORTHLESS ANGELS OR A COUPLE OF GOOFY SAINTS HERE.

WORTHLESS ANGELS OR A COUPLE OF GOOFY SAINTS HERE. GOD, OREL, THE SCARY GUY HATES

OF GOOFY SAINTS HERE. GOD, OREL, THE SCARY GUY HATES IT WHEN YOU MASTURBATE.

GOD, OREL, THE SCARY GUY HATES IT WHEN YOU MASTURBATE. [GULP]

IT WHEN YOU MASTURBATE. [GULP] GULP IS RIGHT.

[GULP] GULP IS RIGHT. SPERM IS THERE FOR PROCREATION,

GULP IS RIGHT. SPERM IS THERE FOR PROCREATION, NOT RECREATION.

SPERM IS THERE FOR PROCREATION, NOT RECREATION. JEEZ-IT?

NOT RECREATION. JEEZ-IT? >> NO, THANKS, REVEREND.

JEEZ-IT? >> NO, THANKS, REVEREND. >> IT'S CATHOLIC FREE.

>> NO, THANKS, REVEREND. >> IT'S CATHOLIC FREE. >> OH, OK.

>> IT'S CATHOLIC FREE. >> OH, OK. SO, IT'S NOT A SIN IF THE SEEDS

>> OH, OK. SO, IT'S NOT A SIN IF THE SEEDS ARE USED TO MAKE BABIES.

SO, IT'S NOT A SIN IF THE SEEDS ARE USED TO MAKE BABIES. >> EXACTLY.

ARE USED TO MAKE BABIES. >> EXACTLY. >> I SEE.

>> EXACTLY. >> I SEE. >> JUST REMEMBER.

>> I SEE. >> JUST REMEMBER. YOU'RE A GOOD-LOOKING KID.

>> JUST REMEMBER. YOU'RE A GOOD-LOOKING KID. YOU DON'T NEED TO RESORT TO THE

YOU'RE A GOOD-LOOKING KID. YOU DON'T NEED TO RESORT TO THE PATHETIC, HUMILIATING, TASK OF

YOU DON'T NEED TO RESORT TO THE PATHETIC, HUMILIATING, TASK OF SELF-PLEASURE.

PATHETIC, HUMILIATING, TASK OF SELF-PLEASURE. >> OH, BUT REVEREND PUTTY, HOW

SELF-PLEASURE. >> OH, BUT REVEREND PUTTY, HOW WOULD I ACTUALLY GO ABOUT

>> OH, BUT REVEREND PUTTY, HOW WOULD I ACTUALLY GO ABOUT PROCREATING WITH MY SPERM, SO

WOULD I ACTUALLY GO ABOUT PROCREATING WITH MY SPERM, SO THAT I CAN MAKE BABIES.

PROCREATING WITH MY SPERM, SO THAT I CAN MAKE BABIES. >> WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

THAT I CAN MAKE BABIES. >> WELL, I DON'T KNOW. OK, I'M PUNCHING OUT.

>> WELL, I DON'T KNOW. OK, I'M PUNCHING OUT. SEE YOU SUNDAY.

>> SPERM. HUH-HUH.

[KNOCK ON DOOR] >> WHY? I MEAN, YES.

>> WHY? I MEAN, YES. >> DAD, ARE YOU BUSY?

I MEAN, YES. >> DAD, ARE YOU BUSY? >> A LITTLE.

>> DAD, ARE YOU BUSY? >> A LITTLE. COME ON IN OREL.

>> A LITTLE. COME ON IN OREL. >> WHAT'S UP?

COME ON IN OREL. >> WHAT'S UP? >> DAD, HOW DO YOU MAKE BABIES?

>> WHAT'S UP? >> DAD, HOW DO YOU MAKE BABIES? >> UH-HUH.

>> DAD, HOW DO YOU MAKE BABIES? >> UH-HUH. UH-HUH?

>> UH-HUH. UH-HUH? OH, NO.

UH-HUH? OH, NO. UMM -- HA-HA-HA.

OH, NO. UMM -- HA-HA-HA. NO.

UMM -- HA-HA-HA. NO. HMM.

NO. HMM. HOW OLD ARE YOU NOW OREL, 9?

HMM. HOW OLD ARE YOU NOW OREL, 9? >> 11.

HOW OLD ARE YOU NOW OREL, 9? >> 11. >> UH-HUH.

>> 11. >> UH-HUH. 11.

>> UH-HUH. 11. HMM.

11. HMM. OH, THIS IS INTERESTING.

HMM. OH, THIS IS INTERESTING. NOW, THAT YOU'RE 11, YOU

OH, THIS IS INTERESTING. NOW, THAT YOU'RE 11, YOU CAN KNOW THE REAL STORY.

NOW, THAT YOU'RE 11, YOU CAN KNOW THE REAL STORY. BABIES ARE MADE BY GOD'S CHEF,

CAN KNOW THE REAL STORY. BABIES ARE MADE BY GOD'S CHEF, VISITING LADIES AT NIGHT WHILE

BABIES ARE MADE BY GOD'S CHEF, VISITING LADIES AT NIGHT WHILE THEY'RE ASLEEP AND INJECTING

VISITING LADIES AT NIGHT WHILE THEY'RE ASLEEP AND INJECTING THEM WITH THE DELICIOUS GLAZE

THEY'RE ASLEEP AND INJECTING THEM WITH THE DELICIOUS GLAZE FROM HIS HOLY PASTRY BAG.

THEM WITH THE DELICIOUS GLAZE FROM HIS HOLY PASTRY BAG. HUH, BRILLIANT.

FROM HIS HOLY PASTRY BAG. HUH, BRILLIANT. >> GOD'S CHEF?

HUH, BRILLIANT. >> GOD'S CHEF? >> IT'S ALL RIGHT HERE IN BLACK

>> GOD'S CHEF? >> IT'S ALL RIGHT HERE IN BLACK AND WHITE.

>> IT'S ALL RIGHT HERE IN BLACK AND WHITE. >> CLEANER, CLEANER, CLEANER,

AND WHITE. >> CLEANER, CLEANER, CLEANER, CLEANER.

>> CLEANER, CLEANER, CLEANER, CLEANER. >> YUMMY.

CLEANER. >> YUMMY. >> SHAPEY, NO.

>> YUMMY. >> SHAPEY, NO. >> MINE.

>> SHAPEY, NO. >> MINE. >> NOT ON YOUR LIFE.

>> MINE. >> NOT ON YOUR LIFE. I HAVE SO LITTLE LEFT.

>> NOT ON YOUR LIFE. I HAVE SO LITTLE LEFT. THERE, THERE, LITTLE ONE.

I HAVE SO LITTLE LEFT. THERE, THERE, LITTLE ONE. >> HEY, MOM, DO YOU HAVE A

THERE, THERE, LITTLE ONE. >> HEY, MOM, DO YOU HAVE A PASTRY BAG I CAN BORROW?

>> HEY, MOM, DO YOU HAVE A PASTRY BAG I CAN BORROW? >> WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE?

PASTRY BAG I CAN BORROW? >> WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE? >> MY DELICIOUS GLAZE.

>> WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE? >> MY DELICIOUS GLAZE. >> UMM.

>> MY DELICIOUS GLAZE. >> UMM. ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE MOMMY

>> UMM. ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE MOMMY SOMETHING NICE?

ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE MOMMY SOMETHING NICE? >> GEEZ, MOM, YOU'VE GOT TO BE

SOMETHING NICE? >> GEEZ, MOM, YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING.

>> GOD'S CHEF? >> UH-HUH. >> WHY?

>> UH-HUH. >> WHY? >> SO I CAN MASTURBATE AND GO

>> WHY? >> SO I CAN MASTURBATE AND GO TO HEAVEN.

>> SO I CAN MASTURBATE AND GO TO HEAVEN. IT'S GOD'S PLAN.

TO HEAVEN. IT'S GOD'S PLAN. >> AND HOW ARE YOU GOING TO GET

IT'S GOD'S PLAN. >> AND HOW ARE YOU GOING TO GET IT INSIDE THE LADIES?

>> AND HOW ARE YOU GOING TO GET IT INSIDE THE LADIES? >> DOWIE, DON'T YOU EVER LISTEN?

IT INSIDE THE LADIES? >> DOWIE, DON'T YOU EVER LISTEN? ALL I DO IS SNEAK INTO THEIR

>> DOWIE, DON'T YOU EVER LISTEN? ALL I DO IS SNEAK INTO THEIR HOUSES WHILE THEY'RE SLEEPING,

ALL I DO IS SNEAK INTO THEIR HOUSES WHILE THEY'RE SLEEPING, AND SQUIRT MY SPERM INTO THEM.

HOUSES WHILE THEY'RE SLEEPING, AND SQUIRT MY SPERM INTO THEM. >> SQUIRT INTO WHERE?

AND SQUIRT MY SPERM INTO THEM. >> SQUIRT INTO WHERE? HOW?

>> SQUIRT INTO WHERE? HOW? >> GOSH.

HOW? >> GOSH. I'M NOT REALLY SURE.

>> GOSH. I'M NOT REALLY SURE. WELL, I GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE TO

I'M NOT REALLY SURE. WELL, I GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE TO HAVE FAITH THAT GOD WILL SHOW

WELL, I GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE TO HAVE FAITH THAT GOD WILL SHOW ME THE WAY.

HAVE FAITH THAT GOD WILL SHOW ME THE WAY. ALL I NEED IS THIS HOLY PASTRY

ME THE WAY. ALL I NEED IS THIS HOLY PASTRY BAG, AND MY SEED.

ALL I NEED IS THIS HOLY PASTRY BAG, AND MY SEED. HE WILL DO THE REST.

BAG, AND MY SEED. HE WILL DO THE REST. >> SOUNDS MORE LIKE YOU'RE

HE WILL DO THE REST. >> SOUNDS MORE LIKE YOU'RE GOD'S BAKER TO ME.

>> SOUNDS MORE LIKE YOU'RE GOD'S BAKER TO ME. >> SAY, I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT,

GOD'S BAKER TO ME. >> SAY, I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT, DOWIE.

>> SAY, I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT, DOWIE. HA-HA-HA.

DOWIE. HA-HA-HA. OOPS.

>> OOH, UH. OH. GOD BE PRAISED.

OH. GOD BE PRAISED. >> HOW ARE YOU DOING AS GOD'S

GOD BE PRAISED. >> HOW ARE YOU DOING AS GOD'S CHEF, OREL?

>> HOW ARE YOU DOING AS GOD'S CHEF, OREL? >> PRETTY GOOD, I THINK.

CHEF, OREL? >> PRETTY GOOD, I THINK. WELL, IT'S ONLY BEEN A MONTH

>> PRETTY GOOD, I THINK. WELL, IT'S ONLY BEEN A MONTH AND I'VE PRETTY MUCH COVERED

WELL, IT'S ONLY BEEN A MONTH AND I'VE PRETTY MUCH COVERED THIS WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD WITH

AND I'VE PRETTY MUCH COVERED THIS WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD WITH NUMBER 3.

>> HUNDREDS OF MARRIED WOMEN ARE MYSTERIOUSLY FINDING THEMSELVES WITH CHILD IN THE

ARE MYSTERIOUSLY FINDING THEMSELVES WITH CHILD IN THE 1800-2400 BLOCKS OF NORTH

THEMSELVES WITH CHILD IN THE 1800-2400 BLOCKS OF NORTH ABSTINENT WAY.

1800-2400 BLOCKS OF NORTH ABSTINENT WAY. >> HORRIBLE.

ABSTINENT WAY. >> HORRIBLE. >> NEWLYWEDS RICKIE AND JENNY

>> HORRIBLE. >> NEWLYWEDS RICKIE AND JENNY COLDSHOULDER HAVE NO IDEA HOW

>> NEWLYWEDS RICKIE AND JENNY COLDSHOULDER HAVE NO IDEA HOW THE MISSUS CAME TO BE

COLDSHOULDER HAVE NO IDEA HOW THE MISSUS CAME TO BE BLESSED AGAINST HER WILL AS

THE MISSUS CAME TO BE BLESSED AGAINST HER WILL AS THEY HAVEN'T EVEN SHARED THE

BLESSED AGAINST HER WILL AS THEY HAVEN'T EVEN SHARED THE SAME BED IN THEIR ENTIRE 3-WEEK

THEY HAVEN'T EVEN SHARED THE SAME BED IN THEIR ENTIRE 3-WEEK MARRIAGE."

SAME BED IN THEIR ENTIRE 3-WEEK MARRIAGE." >> SHOCKING.

MARRIAGE." >> SHOCKING. >> DO-DO-DO-DO-DO...

>> OH. >> AAAHHH! >> JESUS CREW CUTS.

>> I'LL TAKE HIM FROM HERE, DON. >> WELL... >> TO MY STUDY.

>> WELL... >> TO MY STUDY. >> [GULP] [GULP] [GULP].

>> TO MY STUDY. >> [GULP] [GULP] [GULP]. >> THAT DOESN'T EXPLAIN WHY YOU

>> [GULP] [GULP] [GULP]. >> THAT DOESN'T EXPLAIN WHY YOU WERE OUT PAST CURFEW.

>> THAT DOESN'T EXPLAIN WHY YOU WERE OUT PAST CURFEW. >> BUT DAD, HOW ELSE WAS I

WERE OUT PAST CURFEW. >> BUT DAD, HOW ELSE WAS I GOING TO BE GOD'S CHEF?

>> BUT DAD, HOW ELSE WAS I GOING TO BE GOD'S CHEF? LADIES NEEDED TO BE ASLEEP FOR

GOING TO BE GOD'S CHEF? LADIES NEEDED TO BE ASLEEP FOR ME TO BE ABLE TO SHOOT MY YUMMY

LADIES NEEDED TO BE ASLEEP FOR ME TO BE ABLE TO SHOOT MY YUMMY CONTENTS INTO THEM.

ME TO BE ABLE TO SHOOT MY YUMMY CONTENTS INTO THEM. >> YOU WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE

CONTENTS INTO THEM. >> YOU WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE GOD'S CHEF OREL.

>> YOU WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE GOD'S CHEF OREL. GOD'S CHEF IS ONLY A WHIMSICAL

GOD'S CHEF OREL. GOD'S CHEF IS ONLY A WHIMSICAL FELLA LIKE SANTA OR CHARLES

GOD'S CHEF IS ONLY A WHIMSICAL FELLA LIKE SANTA OR CHARLES DARWIN.

FELLA LIKE SANTA OR CHARLES DARWIN. >> COME ON, POP.

DARWIN. >> COME ON, POP. I'M TOO OLD TO BELIEVE IN THAT

>> COME ON, POP. I'M TOO OLD TO BELIEVE IN THAT STUFF.

I'M TOO OLD TO BELIEVE IN THAT STUFF. >> WORTHLESS PIECE OF SUGAR!

STUFF. >> WORTHLESS PIECE OF SUGAR! >> ALL BECAUSE I DID NOT I DID

>> WORTHLESS PIECE OF SUGAR! >> ALL BECAUSE I DID NOT I DID NOT WANT TO SIN BY SPILLING MY

>> ALL BECAUSE I DID NOT I DID NOT WANT TO SIN BY SPILLING MY SEED AND NOT PROCREATING.

NOT WANT TO SIN BY SPILLING MY SEED AND NOT PROCREATING. >> IS THAT WHAT THIS IS ALL

SEED AND NOT PROCREATING. >> IS THAT WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT?

>> IS THAT WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT? >> YEAH.

ABOUT? >> YEAH. I HAD A LITTLE TALK WITH

>> YEAH. I HAD A LITTLE TALK WITH REVEREND PUTTY.

I HAD A LITTLE TALK WITH REVEREND PUTTY. >> I SEE.

REVEREND PUTTY. >> I SEE. WELL, OREL, I THINK I'M

>> I SEE. WELL, OREL, I THINK I'M PARTIALLY TO BLAME FOR ALL OF

WELL, OREL, I THINK I'M PARTIALLY TO BLAME FOR ALL OF THIS.

PARTIALLY TO BLAME FOR ALL OF THIS. YOU SEE, BY NOT TRUSTING YOU

THIS. YOU SEE, BY NOT TRUSTING YOU ENOUGH TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH

YOU SEE, BY NOT TRUSTING YOU ENOUGH TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH ABOUT PROCREATION, I LED YOU

ENOUGH TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH ABOUT PROCREATION, I LED YOU ASTRAY AS TO HOW GOD WOULD WANT

ABOUT PROCREATION, I LED YOU ASTRAY AS TO HOW GOD WOULD WANT YOU TO GIVE WOMEN BABIES.

ASTRAY AS TO HOW GOD WOULD WANT YOU TO GIVE WOMEN BABIES. >> WHAT DO YOU MEAN, DAD?

YOU TO GIVE WOMEN BABIES. >> WHAT DO YOU MEAN, DAD? >> WELL, I MEAN THE GOOD

>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN, DAD? >> WELL, I MEAN THE GOOD REVEREND WAS RIGHT.

>> WELL, I MEAN THE GOOD REVEREND WAS RIGHT. >> SPILLING YOUR SEED

REVEREND WAS RIGHT. >> SPILLING YOUR SEED WASTEFULLY IS A SIN.

>> SPILLING YOUR SEED WASTEFULLY IS A SIN. BUT IT'S ALSO A SIN TO

WASTEFULLY IS A SIN. BUT IT'S ALSO A SIN TO PROCREATE IN ODD, EXCITING WAYS.

BUT IT'S ALSO A SIN TO PROCREATE IN ODD, EXCITING WAYS. MEN AND WOMEN HAVE ONLY ONE

PROCREATE IN ODD, EXCITING WAYS. MEN AND WOMEN HAVE ONLY ONE HOLY POSITION, AND THAT'S

MEN AND WOMEN HAVE ONLY ONE HOLY POSITION, AND THAT'S CALLED THE MISSIONARY POSITION.

HOLY POSITION, AND THAT'S CALLED THE MISSIONARY POSITION. >> THE MISSIONARY POSITION?

CALLED THE MISSIONARY POSITION. >> THE MISSIONARY POSITION? >> YES.

>> THE MISSIONARY POSITION? >> YES. IT'S THE MOST LOVING AND

>> YES. IT'S THE MOST LOVING AND SATISFYING POSITION THE BIBLE

IT'S THE MOST LOVING AND SATISFYING POSITION THE BIBLE HAS TO OFFER.

SATISFYING POSITION THE BIBLE HAS TO OFFER. IT GOT ITS NAME FROM

HAS TO OFFER. IT GOT ITS NAME FROM MISSIONARIES WHO TAUGHT

IT GOT ITS NAME FROM MISSIONARIES WHO TAUGHT BACKWARD CULTURES HOW TO HAVE

MISSIONARIES WHO TAUGHT BACKWARD CULTURES HOW TO HAVE MORALLY RIGHTEOUS SEXUAL

BACKWARD CULTURES HOW TO HAVE MORALLY RIGHTEOUS SEXUAL INTERCOURSE.

MORALLY RIGHTEOUS SEXUAL INTERCOURSE. >> NEAT.

INTERCOURSE. >> NEAT. WHO THOUGHT OF THE MISSIONARY

>> NEAT. WHO THOUGHT OF THE MISSIONARY POSITION, DAD?

WHO THOUGHT OF THE MISSIONARY POSITION, DAD? >> I BELIEVE IT WAS FIRST

POSITION, DAD? >> I BELIEVE IT WAS FIRST DEVELOPED BY NOAH, WHO WAS

>> I BELIEVE IT WAS FIRST DEVELOPED BY NOAH, WHO WAS DISGUSTED BY THE HOARY GODLESS

DEVELOPED BY NOAH, WHO WAS DISGUSTED BY THE HOARY GODLESS WAYS OF SOME EROTICALLY CHARGED

DISGUSTED BY THE HOARY GODLESS WAYS OF SOME EROTICALLY CHARGED ANIMALS ON THE ARK.

WAYS OF SOME EROTICALLY CHARGED ANIMALS ON THE ARK. >> WOW.

ANIMALS ON THE ARK. >> WOW. >> AND OF COURSE, IT'S THE

>> WOW. >> AND OF COURSE, IT'S THE ALL-IMPORTANT LOST 12th

>> AND OF COURSE, IT'S THE ALL-IMPORTANT LOST 12th COMMANDMENT, THOU SHALT ONLY

ALL-IMPORTANT LOST 12th COMMANDMENT, THOU SHALT ONLY HAVE SEX FACE TO FACE, MAN ON

COMMANDMENT, THOU SHALT ONLY HAVE SEX FACE TO FACE, MAN ON TOP.

HAVE SEX FACE TO FACE, MAN ON TOP. >> THAT EXPLAINS A LOT.

TOP. >> THAT EXPLAINS A LOT. >> I WAS ON TOP, THOUGH.

>> THAT EXPLAINS A LOT. >> I WAS ON TOP, THOUGH. >> YEAH, WELL IT IS ALSO A SIN

>> I WAS ON TOP, THOUGH. >> YEAH, WELL IT IS ALSO A SIN TO USE FUN EQUIPMENT.

>> YEAH, WELL IT IS ALSO A SIN TO USE FUN EQUIPMENT. >> OH!

TO USE FUN EQUIPMENT. >> OH! >> BUT ANYWAY I'M NOT TELLING

>> OH! >> BUT ANYWAY I'M NOT TELLING YOU ALL THE FACTS TO BEGIN WITH.

>> BUT ANYWAY I'M NOT TELLING YOU ALL THE FACTS TO BEGIN WITH. IT WAS MY MISTAKE THIS TIME

YOU ALL THE FACTS TO BEGIN WITH. IT WAS MY MISTAKE THIS TIME SON, NOT YOURS.

IT WAS MY MISTAKE THIS TIME SON, NOT YOURS. >> THEN DO I GET TO SPANK YOU

SON, NOT YOURS. >> THEN DO I GET TO SPANK YOU WITH MY BELT?

>> THEN DO I GET TO SPANK YOU WITH MY BELT? >> HA-HA-HA.

WITH MY BELT? >> HA-HA-HA. I THINK NOT.

[CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP] [CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL

TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP] [CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE

[CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--]

>> HELLO, GOOD-BYE.