Original subtitles

[CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY

TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP]

>> � MY GRANDMA FELL OFF OF

THE ROOFTOP

OH, GRANNY, YOU'VE GOT SOME

BAD LUCK

BUT, OH, WHAT SHE SAID

WHEN SHE FELL ON HER HEAD

SHE YELLED OUT AN EAR SPLITTING

F--OLLOW JESUS

HAVE FAITH IN THE LORD

PRAISE HIS NAME

AND RECEIVE YOUR REWARD �

>> REVEREND COLESBY!

>> HA HA, OK, THAT WAS THE

STOOGEMATAS WITH "SAVING CREAM."

AND HERE'S THE NUMBER ONE

HOLY-LARIOUS HIT

FROM THE VIRGIN HARRY,

"HOMOSEXUAL HOP."

[WOLF HOWLS]

>> � I WAS WALKING THROUGH THE

VILLAGE ONE FINE DAY

WHERE THE GODLESS GAYS

ALL ROMP AND PLAY

IT WAS A HOP

A HOMOSEXUAL HOP

IT WAS A-- �

>> YIPPEE, CHURCH!

FINALLY.

>> WHOA, THERE.

WHAT'S THE RUSH?

GOD'S NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

>> OH, HI, COACH STOPFRAME.

>> OREL, THIS IS MY NEPHEW JOE.

HE'S KIND OF NEW TO THIS WHOLE

CHURCH THING.

I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU COULD BE

HIS BIBLE BUDDY.

>> SURE THING!

COME ON, JOE, I'LL SHOW YOU MY

FAVORITE BARTHOLOMEW QUOTES.

>> UH, YIPPEE.

>> DANIEL.

>> CLAY, THERE HE IS.

>> MINE!

>> HEH HEH.

IT LOOKS LIKE EVERYBODY WANTS

A PIECE OF ME LATELY.

HA HA HA.

>> HA HA HA.

>> HA HA HA.

>> HA HA HA.

AHH.

>> FRIENDS...NO,

I'M NOT CALLING YOU FRIENDS,

MY SERMON IS ABOUT FRIENDS.

HA HA!

GOTCHA.

GOD WANTS YOU TO BE LOYAL TO

YOUR FRIENDS,

JUST LIKE THE WAY JESUS WAS

LOYAL TO HIS DISCIPLES.

SURE, THEY EVENTUALLY

SCREWED HIM...

I MEAN, HERE YOU HAVE JESUS,

THE SON OF GOD,

RIGHT IN YOUR BACK POCKET,

AND JUDAS BLOWS THE WHOLE THING

BY TATTLING TO THE JEWS.

TALK ABOUT EGG ON YOUR FACE.

JUDAS HAD A SERIOUS OMELET

FACE MASK.

HMM, THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.

OMELET...FACE MASK.

HA HA HA!

SOMETIMES YOU JUST WING IT

UP HERE, AND IT WORKS.

ANYWAY.

AVOID YOUR OWN OMELET FACE

MASK.

STAY LOYAL TO YOUR FRIENDS,

DO WHAT THEY WANT, HUMOR THEM,

EVEN LIE TO THEM IF IT MAKES

THEM FEEL GOOD.

THAT WAY, BOTH JESUS AND GOD

WILL LOOK DOWN UPON YOU AND

SMILE.

AND NOT IN A MOCKING WAY,

EITHER. AMEN.

>> AMEN!

RIGHT, JOE?

>> DON'T ASK ME.

>> OK.

>> REVEREND PUTTY?

>> YES, OREL?

>> I AGREE WITH YOUR SERMON

THAT BEING DISLOYAL IS LIKE

WEARING AN OMELET MASK.

>> OMELET FACE MASK.

GET IT RIGHT...

AND YOU'LL GO TO HEAVEN.

>> RIGHT.

I WANT YOU TO MEET MY NEW

FRIEND JOE.

I'M GOING TO PRACTICE SOME

LOYALTY ON HIM.

>> HELLO, JOE.

>> COME ON, OREL, IT'S ABOUT

TIME WE HAD SOME FUN.

>> OK, JOE.

>> OREL, LOOK BOTH WAYS CROSSING

THE STREET IN YOUR GOOD SUIT.

>> DRINK!

>> NO, SHAPEY, YOU ARE CUT OFF.

>> MINE.

>> HEY, REVEREND,

WOULDN'T DEVILED EGG MAKE MORE

SENSE THAN OMELET FOR JUDAS?

>> NO.

>> COME ON, OREL,

DO IT WITH ME.

IT'S FUN.

>> OK, JOE.

YAY!

>> HEY, OREL, INSTEAD OF

THROWING ROCKS AT MY DAD'S CAR,

HOW ABOUT PLAYING WITH ME

AND TOMMY AND HIM?

>> CAN'T, DOUGHY,

I'M BUSY HANGING OUT WITH

MY NEW FRIEND, JOE.

>> YEAH, SO SCRAM.

[THUD]

>> I'VE GOT TO BE LOYAL!

HA HA HA!

>> DIE, YOU DIRTY ANTS.

THAT'S FOR MOVING OUR DIRT

AROUND.

HEH HEH HEH.

>> YEAH!

HA HA.

>> BOY, THAT JOE SEEMS LIKE BAD

NEWS.

>> YEAH, TOMMY, AND I'LL BET

OREL IS GONNA END UP BEING BAD

NEWS, TOO, BECAUSE OF JOE.

>> GEE, I HOPE NOT.

>> DO YOU REALLY THINK WE

SHOULD BE DOING THIS?

>> YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.

THIS IS BORING.

HEY, I GOT IT.

I KNOW THIS PLACE IN BLACKLIST

FOREST WHERE A BUNCH OF BOYS

MEET UP AND DO IMMORAL THINGS.

LET'S GRAB SOME BASEBALL BATS

AND CLOBBER THEM.

>> OH, WELL, IT MIGHT BE

GETTING LATE.

>> OH, I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY

LOYAL FRIEND.

>> WELL, OK, IF YOU REALLY

WANT TO.

THEN I'LL DO IT FOR YOU.

>> THANKS!

NOW, LET'S GO BASH SOME

WEIRDIES.

>> HEY, THERE'S MY FRIENDS.

>> LET'S DITCH THEM.

HEH HEH HEH.

>> YOU'RE NICE.

>> YOU'RE NICE.

>> YOU'RE NICE.

>> YOU'RE NICE.

>> YOU'RE NICE.

>> YOU'RE NICE.

>> NOTHING WEIRD GOING ON HERE.

>> ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

I DON'T KNOW AS MUCH ABOUT GOD

AS YOU DO, BUT I SURE KNOW

THEY'RE GOING TO HELL.

>> HUH? THEY ARE?

OH, I MEAN YEAH, THEY'RE

GOING TO HELL ALL RIGHT.

>> AND HELL IS STARTING NOW.

LET'S GET THEM!

HA HA HA.

UH.

WHEE!

>> GEE, GOD, I KNOW I'M BEING

LOYAL TO JOE AND ALL,

BUT SOMETHING ABOUT THIS JUST

DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT.

>> OREL, SHUT UP AND KEEP

CLOBBERING.

>> YOU GOT IT, FRIEND!

>> THIS SURE ISN'T GOOD,

IS IT, TOMMY.

>> IT SURE ISN'T, DOUGHY.

JOE'S GOT HIM WRAPPED AROUND HIS

LITTLE FINGER.

>> TOMMY, DOUGHY, WE SHOULD GO

LET OREL'S DAD KNOW.

>> YOU'RE RIGHT!

LET'S GO, COME ON, TOMMY.

>> HERE, SHAPEY, PLAY WITH THIS

IN THE GRASS.

BUT DON'T SPILL IT.

>> MINE!

>> HA HA HA.

AHH.

>> HI, MR. PUFFINGTON.

>> WELL, IF IT ISN'T DOUGHY,

TOMMY, AND THE GANG.

WHAT'S UP?

>> I'M WORRIED ABOUT OREL.

>> AHH, YES, WORRY.

I REMEMBER THAT.

>> ME, DOUGHY, AND HIM ARE ALL

WORRIED, MR. PUFFINGTON.

>> WHY?

>> WELL, IT'S KIND OF

EMBARRASSING.

>> YEAH, IT'S HARD TO TALK

ABOUT.

>> WELL, WHY NOT DO WHAT I DO

WHEN I HAVE SOMETHING THAT'S

DIFFICULT TO TALK ABOUT?

>> SO, THEN, WE JUST CAME

OVER HERE.

>> YEAH, YEAH, AND ANOTHER

THING--JOE IS REALLY MEAN.

[LAUGHING]

>> THEY BOTH RAN AWAY LAUGHING.

>> OK, BOYS.

ALL RIGHT.

WELL, THANKS, I'LL HANDLE IT.

>> YOU'RE NOT GOING TO HIT HIM,

ARE YOU, MR. PUFFINGTON?

>> OH, DOUGHY, GOD WANTS US TO

BEAT YOU KIDS WHEN YOU ARE BAD.

>> HE DOES?

>> YES.

>> WHY?

>> BECAUSE.

>> GEE, I WISH HE WAS MY DAD.

>> DAD!

>> OREL, FUN'S OVER.

GET IN THE CAR.

>> BUT I'M BUSY BEING LOYAL

TO JOEY.

>> TIME TO BE LOYAL TO YOUR

FATHER.

IN MY STUDY.

>> YOU'RE NICE.

>> YOU'RE NICE.

>> YOU'RE NICE.

>> YOU'RE NICE.

>> OREL, I CAN'T IMAGINE THAT

YOU DIDN'T FEEL SOME GUILT OVER

WHAT YOU WERE DOING WITH JOE.

>> THAT'S JUST IT, DAD.

I DID FEEL GUILT, BUT I COULDN'T

PUT MY FINGER ON WHY EXACTLY.

>> THAT'S HARD TO BELIEVE, SON.

YOUR FRIENDSHIP AND LOYALTY TO

JOE LED YOU TO HURTING OTHER

PEOPLE.

>> YEAH, THOSE BOYS IN THE

FOREST.

>> NO, I'M TALKING ABOUT YOUR

3 REAL FRIENDS.

DOUGHY AND TOMMY AND THE REST.

>> OH, YEAH.

>> YOU WENT OUT ROMPING AROUND

AND GALLIVANTING WITH JOE, AND

YOU NEVER ASKED THOSE 3 LONG-

TIME PALS OF YOURS TO JOIN IN.

>> HMM.

YOU REALLY THINK THAT'S WHAT

BOTHERED ME?

>> ARE YOU QUESTIONING ME,

YOUNG MAN?

>> OH, NO, DAD.

>> I DIDN'T THINK SO.

GOD DOESN'T WANT YOU TO BE LOYAL

TO ONE FRIEND

AND DISLOYAL TO OTHER FRIENDS

AT THE SAME TIME, OREL.

YOU KNOW THE LOST 18th

COMMANDMENT.

THOU SHALT BE LOYAL TO ALL THY

FRIENDS AT THE SAME TIME.

>> OH, YEAH.

>> SO, YOU SEE, FRIENDSHIP IS A

COMPLICATED HEADACHE,

BUT IT'S ULTIMATELY WORTH IT.

>> BUT WHAT ABOUT THOSE KIDS

WE BEAT UP?

>> SON, KIDS YOU BEAT UP WILL

ALWAYS COME AND GO, BUT FRIENDS

ARE FOREVER.

>> WOW.

THAT'S REALLY WISE, DAD.

THANKS!

>> NO PROBLEM.

>> NOW, LET'S GO DRINK DINNER.

>> DON'T YOU MEAN EAT DINNER?

>> YEAH.

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TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP]

[CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL

CAPTIONING INSTITUTE

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