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1
00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:09,050
How many more
for the record?
2
00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:11,010
Two more tubs should do it.
3
00:00:13,597 --> 00:00:15,975
There really isn't a category
for eating jalapenos,
4
00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:17,977
but I think he's probably
suffered enough.
5
00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,645
I'm going to tell
him in a minute.
6
00:00:22,564 --> 00:00:26,067
I'm so close to
telling him, honest.
7
00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:30,781
Ninty-seven...
8
00:00:30,823 --> 00:00:33,074
Really, I'm going to tell him.
9
00:00:34,827 --> 00:00:38,747
♪ Yes, no, maybe ♪
10
00:00:38,789 --> 00:00:40,958
♪ I don't know ♪
11
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:44,085
♪ Can you repeat the question? ♪
12
00:00:44,127 --> 00:00:46,338
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
13
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:48,883
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪
14
00:00:48,924 --> 00:00:51,134
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
15
00:00:51,176 --> 00:00:53,136
♪ And you're not so big ♪
16
00:00:53,178 --> 00:00:55,764
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
17
00:00:55,806 --> 00:00:57,766
♪ You're not
the boss of me now ♪
18
00:00:57,808 --> 00:01:00,185
♪ You're not the boss
of me now ♪
19
00:01:00,227 --> 00:01:03,146
♪ And you're not so big ♪
20
00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:06,775
♪ Life is unfair. ♪
21
00:01:12,865 --> 00:01:15,910
Mom, Dad, can we drive out
to the country this Saturday
22
00:01:15,951 --> 00:01:17,285
to see the meteor shower?
23
00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:20,039
We only have to go, like,
25 miles to get a good view.
24
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,122
It starts around 2:00 a.m.
25
00:01:21,164 --> 00:01:23,751
How's that again, son?
26
00:01:23,792 --> 00:01:24,835
The meteor shower.
27
00:01:24,877 --> 00:01:26,127
They say it's going
28
00:01:26,169 --> 00:01:27,212
to be the best one
in a hundred years.
29
00:01:27,254 --> 00:01:29,214
Sounds science-y.
30
00:01:29,256 --> 00:01:30,382
No, thanks.
31
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:32,133
Come on, Reese,
a meteor shower.
32
00:01:32,175 --> 00:01:33,719
Fireballs zooming
around the air,
33
00:01:33,761 --> 00:01:35,846
smashing into the ground
right in front of you.
34
00:01:36,764 --> 00:01:37,806
That's not what happens.
35
00:01:37,848 --> 00:01:39,307
Can we ride one?
36
00:01:39,349 --> 00:01:41,142
No! It's 60 miles up,
37
00:01:41,184 --> 00:01:43,144
but it's beautiful
and interesting anyway!
38
00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:45,773
Look, if Malcolm needs to do
this for some school assignment,
39
00:01:45,814 --> 00:01:47,024
then we're going to do it.
40
00:01:47,066 --> 00:01:47,858
It's not for school.
41
00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:49,026
Then forget it.
42
00:01:49,068 --> 00:01:50,444
We're not getting up
at 2:00 a.m.
43
00:01:50,485 --> 00:01:51,946
just to look
at stars.
44
00:01:51,987 --> 00:01:53,948
Bran cereal?
45
00:01:53,989 --> 00:01:55,323
Why are you
eating that stuff?
46
00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:57,158
You said it tastes
like kitty litter.
47
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,160
I'm eating it
because I have to stop
48
00:01:59,202 --> 00:02:00,454
gaining weight.
49
00:02:00,495 --> 00:02:03,164
I've turned into
a gigantic, fat cow.
50
00:02:03,206 --> 00:02:04,165
Oh, you have not.
51
00:02:04,207 --> 00:02:05,250
Even the doctor said so.
52
00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:06,585
Oh, that's ridiculous.
53
00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:08,045
You're eating
for two now.
54
00:02:08,087 --> 00:02:10,171
What kind of doctor
doesn't know that?
55
00:02:10,213 --> 00:02:11,172
Hal, he's right.
56
00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:12,549
I'm huge!
57
00:02:12,591 --> 00:02:15,176
And I don't understand
how it's happening.
58
00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:18,055
Well, I think you're
beautiful no matter what.
59
00:02:18,097 --> 00:02:21,182
Oh, thank you, honey.
You're so sweet.
60
00:02:21,224 --> 00:02:23,477
Oh...
61
00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:29,566
Anything I want to do,
they don't understand.
62
00:02:29,608 --> 00:02:32,193
And if they do understand,
they just make fun of it.
63
00:02:32,235 --> 00:02:34,362
But why should I expect them
to be any different
64
00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:35,781
than the rest
of the world?
65
00:02:35,823 --> 00:02:37,616
Let's face it--
everyone on this planet
66
00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:39,618
is a brain-dead,
butt-scratching half-wit.
67
00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:41,787
Bite... us.
68
00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:45,457
How could you possibly think
that the Nimzovich defense
69
00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:46,708
would work
against me?
70
00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:48,251
You tried it two games ago,
71
00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:50,004
and I slaughtered you.
72
00:02:50,045 --> 00:02:53,256
You tried it four games ago,
and I slaughtered you.
73
00:02:53,298 --> 00:02:56,718
Seriously, how do you find
your way home at night?
74
00:02:56,760 --> 00:03:00,055
What...?
Where-where you going? What?
75
00:03:00,097 --> 00:03:02,223
Oh, okay!
76
00:03:02,265 --> 00:03:03,725
Who wants to play?
77
00:03:03,767 --> 00:03:05,226
Eddie, come on.
I'll tell you what.
78
00:03:05,268 --> 00:03:06,937
I'll hit myself in the head
with a rock.
79
00:03:06,979 --> 00:03:07,938
I'll even it out.
80
00:03:07,980 --> 00:03:09,064
No?
81
00:03:09,106 --> 00:03:10,315
Chubbo?
82
00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:12,943
You can eat with one hand,
play with the other.
83
00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:14,611
Oh, I can't
believe this.
84
00:03:14,653 --> 00:03:17,031
You're all cowards.
85
00:03:17,072 --> 00:03:19,240
Hey, funny-looking kid,
86
00:03:19,282 --> 00:03:21,242
you want to learn
how to play chess?
87
00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:22,243
No, thanks.
88
00:03:22,285 --> 00:03:23,244
Come on.
89
00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:24,913
Look, it's not
that hard.
90
00:03:24,955 --> 00:03:27,248
See, this one looks like
a pretty little horsey.
91
00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:28,625
I know what a knight is.
92
00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:30,418
I also know how to counter
a Nimzovich defense
93
00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:32,629
without leaving my queen's
bishop wide open.
94
00:03:32,671 --> 00:03:34,548
Your whole left flank
was Swiss cheese.
95
00:03:34,589 --> 00:03:37,051
Hey, junior champion.
96
00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:38,259
Read your Kasparov.
97
00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:40,679
The second you go
after my bishop,
98
00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:44,183
you can kiss your rook
and two pawns bye-bye!
99
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:45,642
Oh, okay, I get it.
100
00:03:45,684 --> 00:03:47,686
You're scared
to play me!
101
00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:50,772
Yeah, I'm really scared
of some troll in the park
102
00:03:50,814 --> 00:03:52,107
beating me at chess.
103
00:03:52,149 --> 00:03:53,567
Evidently,
you are!
104
00:03:53,608 --> 00:03:55,527
Now you're confusing fear
105
00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:57,154
with pity.
106
00:03:57,196 --> 00:03:59,447
Fear triggers a fight
or flight response
107
00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:00,908
while pity allows me
108
00:04:00,949 --> 00:04:03,326
to turn my back and walk away
with a sadness
109
00:04:03,368 --> 00:04:04,327
for your misery!
110
00:04:04,369 --> 00:04:07,288
I would've
kicked your ass.
111
00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:09,290
All right, that's it.
112
00:04:09,332 --> 00:04:12,002
Couldn't see... that coming.
113
00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:27,184
It's so nice to have
the kids out of the...
114
00:04:27,226 --> 00:04:28,727
Dewey!
115
00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:29,895
What are you doing?!
116
00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:31,563
Painting the wall.
117
00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:33,314
What is the matter
with you?
118
00:04:33,356 --> 00:04:35,358
Why on earth
would you do this?
119
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,318
The baby told me to.
120
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:38,570
The ba...?
121
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,321
What, this baby?
122
00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:41,990
It chose the color, too.
123
00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:43,992
I would have gone with more
of an earth tone.
124
00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:46,620
Look...
125
00:04:46,661 --> 00:04:50,373
Listen, son, I know you're
worried about the baby coming,
126
00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:52,584
but you don't have to be.
127
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:55,545
Yes, you're not going to be
the youngest anymore,
128
00:04:55,587 --> 00:04:58,840
and it is true the baby will get
all of our attention
129
00:04:58,882 --> 00:05:02,343
for quite a while, and you will
have to do a lot more work
130
00:05:02,385 --> 00:05:04,429
around the house, and probably
have to share the bathroom...
131
00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:06,347
What your father's
trying to say is,
132
00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:08,600
there is no reason for you
to be acting out like this.
133
00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:10,602
Now get this mess cleaned up.
134
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:13,147
And the baby is not
talking to you.
135
00:05:13,188 --> 00:05:15,315
It said you'd say that.
136
00:05:20,612 --> 00:05:22,322
Draw.
137
00:05:25,408 --> 00:05:27,244
Draw?
138
00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:32,666
Draw.
139
00:05:32,707 --> 00:05:34,876
Draw.
140
00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:36,461
One more.
141
00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:38,213
No!
142
00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:40,381
It's been four hours!
143
00:05:40,423 --> 00:05:42,550
All right, all right. God.
144
00:05:42,592 --> 00:05:46,387
Who designed these damn
cement benches anyway?
145
00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:47,848
Probably some
stupid civil servant
146
00:05:47,889 --> 00:05:50,184
never made it
through design class.
147
00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:52,393
Now he takes
his frustrations out
148
00:05:52,435 --> 00:05:54,271
on the asses
of the general public.
149
00:05:54,313 --> 00:05:55,856
What the hell
is with that guy?
150
00:05:55,897 --> 00:05:57,316
He is so annoying.
151
00:05:57,356 --> 00:05:59,400
First it's too warm,
then it's too cool,
152
00:05:59,442 --> 00:06:01,402
then the pigeons
are walking funny.
153
00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:02,696
He didn't shut up
for one second.
154
00:06:02,737 --> 00:06:04,405
I mean, give it a try,
stop complaining.
155
00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:05,991
No, you want to know
the worst thing about him?
156
00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:07,534
He kept picking at his...
157
00:06:09,619 --> 00:06:11,788
Four-nine-seven-
three-six-seven...
158
00:06:11,830 --> 00:06:13,081
Stop doing that.
159
00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:14,415
Sorry.
160
00:06:14,457 --> 00:06:15,917
I'll be back in
a couple of hours.
161
00:06:15,959 --> 00:06:16,835
Wait. Where you going?
162
00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:18,003
I told you, I'm posing
163
00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:19,338
in Otto's art class tonight.
164
00:06:19,378 --> 00:06:21,422
Posing? As in naked?
165
00:06:21,464 --> 00:06:23,091
Yes. We had this conversation.
166
00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:24,509
No, we haven't.
167
00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:26,678
I remember conversations
with the word "naked" in them.
168
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,429
You can't strip
in front of Otto.
169
00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:31,308
I'm not spinning my tassels
on a runway, Francis.
170
00:06:31,350 --> 00:06:32,893
I'm modeling at an art class.
171
00:06:32,934 --> 00:06:34,102
It's a job.
172
00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:35,436
They pay $250.
173
00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:36,479
Piama,
174
00:06:36,521 --> 00:06:37,480
I want to make sure
175
00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:38,648
I have the right pastels.
176
00:06:38,690 --> 00:06:39,900
What color
are your nipples?
177
00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:41,109
It's all
very tasteful,
178
00:06:41,151 --> 00:06:42,443
which is beside
the point,
179
00:06:42,485 --> 00:06:44,445
because, guess what,
it's my body,
180
00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:46,447
so you can't tell me
what to do with it.
181
00:06:46,489 --> 00:06:47,741
If you're not
mature enough
182
00:06:47,782 --> 00:06:50,409
to handle this, then
that's your problem.
183
00:06:51,328 --> 00:06:54,413
$250?!
184
00:06:56,499 --> 00:07:00,461
Everything I knew about beauty
was a lie.
185
00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:03,715
So this morning, Dewey tried
to go to school in his underwear
186
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:06,467
because apparently the baby
doesn't like his wardrobe.
187
00:07:06,509 --> 00:07:08,469
The kid is driving me
up the wall,
188
00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:10,264
and I keep gaining weight
like crazy.
189
00:07:10,305 --> 00:07:11,848
More than a
pound a day.
190
00:07:11,890 --> 00:07:13,725
Nobody gains
a pound a day.
191
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:15,643
It doesn't make
any sense.
192
00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:16,770
Ah, I know, honey.
193
00:07:16,811 --> 00:07:18,188
It is baffling,
194
00:07:18,230 --> 00:07:20,899
but look, you've just got
to stop obsessing
195
00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:22,483
about this weight thing.
196
00:07:22,525 --> 00:07:23,568
Let me pour you
some juice.
197
00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:24,778
I don't want
any juice, Hal.
198
00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:26,487
I know what's going on.
199
00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:28,698
You do?
Of course I do.
200
00:07:28,740 --> 00:07:29,741
I'm not an idiot.
201
00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:30,909
I-I'm sorry. It's just...
202
00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:32,493
It's because I'm not working.
203
00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:33,578
Huh?
204
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:34,996
It's obvious, Hal.
205
00:07:35,038 --> 00:07:37,082
I'm not getting the exercise
I got
206
00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:38,541
with the other
pregnancies.
207
00:07:38,583 --> 00:07:39,793
With the other kids,
208
00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:41,669
I was on my feet all day.
209
00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:44,131
Th-That makes perfect sense.
210
00:07:44,172 --> 00:07:45,465
Celery stick?
211
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:49,177
My system must be
so screwed up.
212
00:07:49,219 --> 00:07:52,055
This celery tastes
exactly like bacon.
213
00:07:53,056 --> 00:07:54,515
Honey, listen to me.
214
00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:57,936
Don't make yourself crazy
over a few pounds.
215
00:07:57,978 --> 00:08:01,481
You look amazing to me.
216
00:08:09,572 --> 00:08:12,367
No matter how big and round
217
00:08:12,409 --> 00:08:14,411
and jiggly you get.
218
00:08:20,375 --> 00:08:21,793
Hello.
219
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,253
Hi, Mom.
220
00:08:23,295 --> 00:08:25,213
Tell the baby I got
the stupid pail of sand,
221
00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:27,424
but now the buses
have stopped running
222
00:08:27,466 --> 00:08:28,549
so I can't get home.
223
00:08:28,591 --> 00:08:30,551
Dewey?! Where are you?!
224
00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:31,970
I don't know exactly.
225
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,596
Somewhere down by the pier.
226
00:08:33,638 --> 00:08:34,722
You're at the pier?!
227
00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:35,723
Where?
228
00:08:35,765 --> 00:08:36,808
Dewey, listen to me.
229
00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:38,059
You stay right where you are.
230
00:08:38,101 --> 00:08:39,478
We're coming to get you
right now.
231
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:42,272
Okay, but bring
another pair of socks.
232
00:08:42,314 --> 00:08:44,274
I stepped in fish guts. Ew.
233
00:08:44,316 --> 00:08:45,775
What is wrong with that kid?
234
00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:47,444
I'm really getting worried.
235
00:08:47,486 --> 00:08:48,987
Let's just stay calm.
236
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:51,072
We'll get in the car,
go pick up some doughnuts,
237
00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:53,533
and we'll figure this out
on the way.
238
00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:57,912
Another draw?
239
00:09:01,791 --> 00:09:05,379
Hey, Casey Kasem, why don't you
do everybody a favor
240
00:09:05,420 --> 00:09:06,963
and turn that crap down?
241
00:09:07,005 --> 00:09:07,964
It's not loud.
242
00:09:08,006 --> 00:09:09,799
I didn't say it was loud.
243
00:09:09,841 --> 00:09:11,551
I said it was crap.
244
00:09:12,635 --> 00:09:15,596
So, uh, is this all
you do every day?
245
00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:17,640
Just hang out
in the park
246
00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:20,477
and play chess
with strangers?
247
00:09:20,519 --> 00:09:23,230
No.
248
00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:27,067
I also enjoy long walks
on the beach and bubble baths.
249
00:09:27,108 --> 00:09:31,196
Of course, I'd have to say
my greatest turn-on is honesty.
250
00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:33,614
So basically,
the only human contact you have
251
00:09:33,656 --> 00:09:36,617
is playing chess with people
who can't stand you?
252
00:09:36,659 --> 00:09:40,455
I hate to burst your little
after-school-special bubble,
253
00:09:40,497 --> 00:09:42,499
but I'm not some kind of loser.
254
00:09:42,541 --> 00:09:43,875
I have a perfect life.
255
00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:46,711
I have a great job
selling toner over the phone.
256
00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:49,297
I make a few calls--
bing, bang, bing, it's 10:00.
257
00:09:49,339 --> 00:09:51,132
I've got the rest
of the day to myself.
258
00:09:51,174 --> 00:09:53,051
You can't possibly make
enough money doing that.
259
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:55,720
I thought you were a little
smarter than that, Malcolm.
260
00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:58,557
It's not about money.
It's about freedom.
261
00:09:58,598 --> 00:09:59,849
I am my own man.
262
00:09:59,891 --> 00:10:02,643
I do what I want, when I want.
263
00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:06,565
I don't answer to anyone
for anything, ever.
264
00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:09,025
Where's my 20 bucks, Leonard?
265
00:10:09,067 --> 00:10:10,818
You said you'd
have it on Monday.
266
00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:12,362
Yeah, I have it,
It's right here.
267
00:10:12,404 --> 00:10:14,114
I... you know, I was...
I was looking for you.
268
00:10:14,155 --> 00:10:15,949
You know, I couldn't find you,
269
00:10:15,990 --> 00:10:17,700
and then I had some
important business meetings
270
00:10:17,742 --> 00:10:21,580
that I had to get to,
but here... 13, 14...
271
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:22,830
Um, uh, you take
272
00:10:22,872 --> 00:10:24,332
cigarettes, right?
273
00:10:24,374 --> 00:10:25,666
I quit.
274
00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:26,667
Oh, good for you.
275
00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:27,919
That's so good
because, you know,
276
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:29,504
these things will
kill you slow.
277
00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:30,922
Th-That's the truth,
you know, and...
278
00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:32,673
and the cost is...
279
00:10:35,343 --> 00:10:37,178
Give him six bucks!
280
00:10:42,601 --> 00:10:44,102
Take it easy, George.
281
00:10:46,729 --> 00:10:48,898
What a dumbass!
282
00:10:58,116 --> 00:10:59,700
Well, I'm afraid
time's up, everyone,
283
00:10:59,742 --> 00:11:02,579
but once again,
let's thank our models
284
00:11:02,621 --> 00:11:05,039
for their hard work.
285
00:11:08,418 --> 00:11:10,337
Thank you.
286
00:11:10,378 --> 00:11:12,713
I'm just glad I had
this opportunity
287
00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:14,382
to give something back.
288
00:11:14,424 --> 00:11:16,134
You were just wonderful,
as always.
289
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:17,718
Well, that's what I do.
290
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,220
Oh, and Piama did well,
too, don't you think?
291
00:11:20,639 --> 00:11:22,807
Francis, you have inspired me
to new heights.
292
00:11:22,849 --> 00:11:24,351
See how I have captured
293
00:11:24,392 --> 00:11:26,353
the confident power
of your torso,
294
00:11:26,394 --> 00:11:28,313
the sheer arrogance
of your ass.
295
00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:29,523
Francis,
296
00:11:29,564 --> 00:11:30,815
come on, let's go.
297
00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:32,984
I'm talking to people here,
if you don't mind.
298
00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:37,614
Sadly, someone's
doing this with his soul,
299
00:11:37,656 --> 00:11:40,241
and somebody isn't.
300
00:11:42,410 --> 00:11:43,537
Hi, Mom.
301
00:11:43,578 --> 00:11:45,539
Hi, Dewey.
302
00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:51,545
You get in
that house right now, mister!
303
00:11:51,586 --> 00:11:53,796
The baby did not tell you
to drive the car!
304
00:11:53,838 --> 00:11:55,756
Well, it didn't exactly
use the word "car."
305
00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:58,176
It called it a "go machine,"
but that's what it meant.
306
00:11:58,218 --> 00:11:59,760
What's this?
307
00:11:59,802 --> 00:12:01,596
Somebody had a birthday
at the office,
308
00:12:01,638 --> 00:12:03,640
and nobody ate it
because it's "fat-free."
309
00:12:03,682 --> 00:12:05,766
How come it doesn't say
"happy birthday" or anything?
310
00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:08,769
Well, you know, office politics,
but you wouldn't believe
311
00:12:08,811 --> 00:12:11,398
how PC some of
these jerks can get.
312
00:12:12,106 --> 00:12:14,025
♪ ♪
313
00:12:35,338 --> 00:12:37,632
♪ ♪
314
00:12:46,765 --> 00:12:48,809
Look at this.
315
00:12:48,851 --> 00:12:50,270
I'm looking.
316
00:12:51,854 --> 00:12:52,980
You're really improving, Rubio.
317
00:12:53,022 --> 00:12:54,815
You've stopped making
the "vroom" noises
318
00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:56,234
when you move your pieces.
319
00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:57,444
Hey, Leonard.
320
00:12:57,485 --> 00:12:59,112
Oh, you got to see this.
321
00:13:00,779 --> 00:13:03,199
Physically hurts, doesn't it?
322
00:13:03,241 --> 00:13:05,034
Listen, I was talking
to this guy I know.
323
00:13:05,076 --> 00:13:06,411
I got you a job interview.
324
00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:08,204
What the hell are
you talking about?
325
00:13:08,246 --> 00:13:09,914
You are a miserable person.
326
00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:12,709
You barely have a job, and
you're completely dysfunctional
327
00:13:12,751 --> 00:13:14,835
when it comes to
communicating with people.
328
00:13:14,877 --> 00:13:16,254
And that's my fault?
329
00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:18,839
It's not everyone else
in the world?
330
00:13:18,881 --> 00:13:20,467
It doesn't have
to be like that.
331
00:13:20,508 --> 00:13:22,843
If you have a job where
you're around people,
332
00:13:22,885 --> 00:13:26,055
you can get used to each other
and maybe turn things around.
333
00:13:26,097 --> 00:13:27,848
Forget it.
I'm not wasting my time
334
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:30,017
on some stupid job interview
because you have
335
00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:32,853
some desperate need
to save yourself through me.
336
00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:35,231
Why don't you invest some
of that neurotic energy
337
00:13:35,273 --> 00:13:37,317
in confronting your
own fear of failure?
338
00:13:37,358 --> 00:13:40,737
Oh, goodness,
the clouds have parted,
339
00:13:40,779 --> 00:13:42,863
and I can now commit
to a new life,
340
00:13:42,905 --> 00:13:46,326
thanks to your Oprah-esque
psychological insights.
341
00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:48,911
And now you're trying to
invalidate the real issue
342
00:13:48,953 --> 00:13:51,247
by dancing around it
with what you think
343
00:13:51,289 --> 00:13:52,624
is clever wordplay.
344
00:13:54,917 --> 00:13:56,252
Screw this.
345
00:13:56,294 --> 00:13:58,879
I'll play you for it.
346
00:13:58,921 --> 00:14:00,674
Why bother? We
draw every game.
347
00:14:00,715 --> 00:14:01,882
Not this time.
Fine.
348
00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:03,343
But if you don't win,
349
00:14:03,384 --> 00:14:04,927
you never bring
this crap up again.
350
00:14:04,969 --> 00:14:06,179
You're on.
351
00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:20,901
Where's my money, Leonard?
352
00:14:20,943 --> 00:14:24,905
George, uh, I got it, uh,
just the other...
353
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,868
Run!
354
00:14:31,621 --> 00:14:33,790
So, how much does this job pay?
355
00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:36,417
What are you doing?
356
00:14:36,459 --> 00:14:38,753
Can you hold these
for a second?
357
00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:40,129
Sure.
358
00:14:45,009 --> 00:14:46,553
What's this for, anyway?
359
00:14:46,594 --> 00:14:47,887
You'll see.
360
00:14:51,850 --> 00:14:53,226
Are you crazy?
361
00:14:53,267 --> 00:14:54,644
It wasn't my idea.
362
00:14:54,686 --> 00:14:56,187
The baby told me to.
363
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:58,231
Wait a minute-- Mom's baby?
364
00:14:58,272 --> 00:15:00,941
You think Mom's baby
talks to you?
365
00:15:00,983 --> 00:15:02,402
Yes!
366
00:15:02,443 --> 00:15:04,362
It's telling me to do
all these crazy things.
367
00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:06,823
Let me give you
a little advice.
368
00:15:06,865 --> 00:15:08,783
You've got to ignore the voices.
369
00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:11,578
They are not on your side,
and you never tell
370
00:15:11,619 --> 00:15:13,954
anyone about them--
especially your teachers.
371
00:15:13,996 --> 00:15:15,665
They get panicky for no reason.
372
00:15:15,707 --> 00:15:16,750
You understand?
373
00:15:16,791 --> 00:15:18,752
I think so.
Attaboy.
374
00:15:18,793 --> 00:15:21,045
You're going to be okay.
375
00:15:24,173 --> 00:15:25,633
This is a terrible idea.
376
00:15:25,675 --> 00:15:27,385
No, this is
just what you need.
377
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:29,220
Remember?
A job, people, a life.
378
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:30,555
But why here?
379
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,223
Because this is
the only guy I know
380
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:33,974
that would trade
a job interview
381
00:15:34,016 --> 00:15:35,602
for a Hong Kong Fooey
lunch box.
382
00:15:35,643 --> 00:15:37,729
Greetings, Earthlings.
383
00:15:39,021 --> 00:15:41,190
You've got to
be kidding me.
384
00:15:41,232 --> 00:15:43,192
Trust me, I know
it's going to be hard,
385
00:15:43,234 --> 00:15:45,361
but if you can just
keep your mouth shut
386
00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:47,988
for five minutes with this guy,
you're home free.
387
00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:49,990
I'm waiting, princess.
388
00:15:57,039 --> 00:15:58,792
My résumé.
389
00:15:58,833 --> 00:16:01,001
Forget this.
390
00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:04,004
You can't learn
anything from a résumé.
391
00:16:04,046 --> 00:16:06,966
So, tell me about
your employment history.
392
00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:11,011
Well, I...
393
00:16:11,053 --> 00:16:14,641
Interesting. You know,
I like to think of Lucky Aide
394
00:16:14,682 --> 00:16:17,393
as a kind of family,
and in this family,
395
00:16:17,435 --> 00:16:18,853
I'd be your father,
396
00:16:18,895 --> 00:16:20,271
and as a father,
397
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:21,689
there might be things
398
00:16:21,731 --> 00:16:23,650
I might ask of you
that don't make sense,
399
00:16:23,691 --> 00:16:26,277
but you do it because
I'm your father.
400
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:29,029
No sassing back, just do it.
401
00:16:29,071 --> 00:16:30,281
Understand?
402
00:16:34,076 --> 00:16:35,035
Think so.
403
00:16:35,077 --> 00:16:36,036
Now,
404
00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:38,247
who are you in this family?
405
00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:41,041
Are you the second cousin?
406
00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:43,544
Or maybe the kooky aunt?
407
00:16:48,090 --> 00:16:51,469
Well, you know, I've always
kind of seen myself
408
00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:55,222
in the role
of the younger brother--
409
00:16:55,264 --> 00:16:56,975
eager to learn.
410
00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:59,268
I never had a brother.
411
00:17:03,147 --> 00:17:04,231
Well, I'm here.
412
00:17:04,273 --> 00:17:07,067
We can get started
in a moment.
413
00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:09,529
Francis, I-I didn't call you.
414
00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:10,947
Yes, I noticed.
415
00:17:10,989 --> 00:17:13,658
I can't do your
job and mine, Gloria.
416
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:15,576
What? There's no Camembert?
417
00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:18,078
You expect me to have my wine
without any Camembert?
418
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:20,080
That ruins
my entire aesthetic!
419
00:17:20,122 --> 00:17:22,000
Francis...
Forget it.
420
00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:24,043
I'll work without cheese.
421
00:17:25,795 --> 00:17:27,087
Who is this?
422
00:17:27,129 --> 00:17:29,757
That's Jeremy,
our model for the evening.
423
00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:31,091
That's why I didn't call you.
424
00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:32,677
Francis,
425
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:35,596
we have already sketched
your fabulous haunches,
426
00:17:35,638 --> 00:17:38,098
and now it is time
for us to examine
427
00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:42,102
the interplay of light and
shadow on Jeremy's love handles.
428
00:17:42,144 --> 00:17:43,187
That's it?
429
00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:44,814
That's how it ends?
430
00:17:44,856 --> 00:17:48,568
You just casually discard me
like yesterday's fish?
431
00:17:48,609 --> 00:17:51,487
After you've sucked out
the essence of my soul?
432
00:17:51,529 --> 00:17:53,155
Francis, please,
try to understand.
433
00:17:53,197 --> 00:17:55,115
No, I don't understand!
434
00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:58,411
I let you see every color
in the spectrum of my being,
435
00:17:58,452 --> 00:18:00,120
and you have rejected it!
436
00:18:00,162 --> 00:18:03,123
Someday, you'll realize
what you turned your back on,
437
00:18:03,165 --> 00:18:04,709
and you will
curse yourself
438
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:07,336
for your banality
and your shortsightedness,
439
00:18:07,378 --> 00:18:10,840
but by then it will be too late
because I will be gone!
440
00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:14,635
Yes, gone!
441
00:18:21,642 --> 00:18:24,103
Um... can I have my robe?
442
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:30,026
Craig's been yammering nonstop
for almost an hour.
443
00:18:30,068 --> 00:18:32,319
He even made Leonard
follow him into the bathroom,
444
00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:33,654
but Leonard's tough.
445
00:18:33,696 --> 00:18:37,992
Now, let's talk
about respect--
446
00:18:38,034 --> 00:18:41,245
not self-respect but respect
for one's superiors.
447
00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:43,205
Now I remember a
time... think quick!
448
00:18:43,247 --> 00:18:45,165
That's just a little
449
00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:47,167
management test
I came up with
450
00:18:47,209 --> 00:18:48,962
to see whether you're
the type of person
451
00:18:49,003 --> 00:18:52,172
who confronts problems head-on
or avoids them.
452
00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:54,133
Which one were you?
453
00:18:57,053 --> 00:18:58,178
Both.
454
00:18:58,220 --> 00:18:59,597
Good.
455
00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:13,486
And I see that
you have no spine.
456
00:19:13,527 --> 00:19:15,195
Welcome aboard.
457
00:19:15,237 --> 00:19:16,572
Come back in an hour,
458
00:19:16,614 --> 00:19:19,492
and we'll get you
a trainee vest and a name tag.
459
00:19:20,701 --> 00:19:22,870
Congratulations.
I knew you could do it.
460
00:19:22,912 --> 00:19:24,831
Oh, my God, that
guy is an idiot.
461
00:19:24,872 --> 00:19:27,207
You only had to do
an interview with him.
462
00:19:27,249 --> 00:19:29,376
Trying having dinner
with that jackass
463
00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:30,837
and his stupid cat.
464
00:19:30,878 --> 00:19:33,213
The cat can't be
any stupider than this guy.
465
00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:35,508
This moron just tried
to use a Barbie doll
466
00:19:35,549 --> 00:19:37,718
to explain
the hygiene procedures.
467
00:19:38,469 --> 00:19:40,262
Brother, huh?
468
00:19:40,304 --> 00:19:43,182
I think I'll stay
an only child, thank you.
469
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:57,321
Mom! Dad!
470
00:19:58,280 --> 00:19:59,448
Dewey!
471
00:20:04,286 --> 00:20:05,454
Oh, right.
472
00:20:08,958 --> 00:20:10,543
I have had it
with you, Dewey.
473
00:20:10,584 --> 00:20:13,462
I have enough on my mind without
having to deal with this!
474
00:20:13,504 --> 00:20:14,630
But the baby says...
475
00:20:14,672 --> 00:20:15,756
Listen to me.
476
00:20:15,798 --> 00:20:17,257
That baby is not
talking to you.
477
00:20:17,299 --> 00:20:19,552
Honey, just try
to calm down, okay?
478
00:20:19,593 --> 00:20:21,054
I'll make you some tea.
479
00:20:21,095 --> 00:20:22,262
You have to stop using this
480
00:20:22,304 --> 00:20:23,764
as an excuse to get attention,
481
00:20:23,806 --> 00:20:25,307
because it is not
going to work!
482
00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:27,267
Now, I don't want to
hear another word
483
00:20:27,309 --> 00:20:29,311
about you talking to
that baby, understand?
484
00:20:29,353 --> 00:20:30,938
The baby says
to turn around.
485
00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:32,148
What?
486
00:20:37,361 --> 00:20:38,905
Hal.
487
00:20:38,946 --> 00:20:41,615
Well, you don't take yours
with maple syrup?
488
00:20:42,909 --> 00:20:44,785
Craig was pretty upset.
489
00:20:44,827 --> 00:20:48,288
He wouldn't come out of the
photo booth for two hours.
490
00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:50,083
Where's Leonard?
491
00:20:50,124 --> 00:20:51,792
Has anyone seen Leonard?
492
00:20:51,834 --> 00:20:54,378
He told me to give this to you.
493
00:20:55,337 --> 00:20:58,340
"Malcolm, I moved away,
494
00:20:58,382 --> 00:20:59,884
"but I want to thank you
495
00:20:59,926 --> 00:21:01,510
"for confirming
everything I said
496
00:21:01,552 --> 00:21:03,345
"about people being
giant jackasses.
497
00:21:03,387 --> 00:21:04,805
"One day you'll
understand.
498
00:21:04,847 --> 00:21:08,392
People like us
will never belong."
499
00:21:08,434 --> 00:21:10,978
What does he mean,
"people like us"?
500
00:21:14,398 --> 00:21:17,526
What?
I hate when you do that.
501
00:21:18,652 --> 00:21:19,319
If you have something
to say, just say it.
502
00:21:19,361 --> 00:21:20,279
That is so annoying.
34997
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