All language subtitles for Dynasty.2017.S05E19.FIX.540p.x265.AAC.[9jaRocks.Com].-en-sdh-

What's wrong?

Are the eggs overdone?
I knew it.

I told Mrs. Gunnerson
her flame was too high.

No. [chuckles]
The eggs aren't the problem.

It's this check that I just got
from the Van Kirk family lawyer.

My mother's will
was finally executed.

Wow. I guess
she didn't have time

to cut you out before she died.

No, but she did
leave me this note.

"To my handsome son,
extra security to help

after your inevitable
failure as a writer."

[chuckles] Still charming
from beyond the grave.

Well, she is definitely
looking up

from her rightful place in hell.

You need to show her
how wrong she was.

How great would it be if you
turned in a best seller now?

You got to be close
to done, right?

I mean... [chuckles]

Look, no writer's
really ever done,

but I do have

a draft that's... ready-ish.

And my editor did say that
she wanted to give me notes

before she leaves for vacation,
but, Fallon, I-I-I don't know.

Oh, let me read it first.
I'm great at giving notes.

You know, as long as
it's not a fantasy novel,

or historical fiction,
or a mystery.

I appreciate the offer,

but I don't want you to read it
before it's perfect, and plus,

you're not exactly gentle
when it comes to giving notes.

Oh, I thought you
liked it rough.

Okay, fine.

To be continued.
I have to go now anyway.

Where you off to?

Heroic Hooves.
It's time to talk fundraising

now that poor Patty De Vilbis
has officially stepped aside.

CRISTAL: Mm. Someone went on a shopping spree.

Mm. I treated myself.

As you should.

Your face is all over
town and TV.

Between NordicStar
and FSN,

the past six months
have been a whirlwind.

Can you believe I turned down Atlanta Today?

You turning down publicity?
Are you feeling okay?

I'm better than okay.

Local television
is small potatoes,

and I have to leave
some things unsaid

for my interview
next week

in Vanity Fair.

Impressive.

Metaphorical doors
are flying open

since I won
the contract.

Three magazine covers,
billboards both inside

and outside
the perimeter,

and I'm set to be
a guest judge

on Project Runway.

Does this mean there's
no time for spa day?

Unfortunately, no.

I have to meet
a bodyguard later.

Turns out, fame has
brought out some crazies.

FSN security has intercepted
some creepy emails.

Creepy how?

Well, listen to this.

"You're an
undeserving fraud.

"Enjoy your time
in the limelight

"before it gets really dark,
and I take it all away.

Don't turn your back."

Sad, little people,
nothing more. I certainly

don't think I need to be guarded
like I'm the president.

I don't know, that was creepy.

Maybe this isn't the worst idea.

Aren't you supposed
to be opening

a hydroelectric plant
for Morell soon?

Why are you
so focused on this place?

Because I love
this organization,

and I want to do more
with it than just

an after-school riding program
and a rehab center

for retired race horses.

- Yeah? Like what?
- Well, I don't know yet,

but riding was key
in shaping me

into the person
I am today, you know?

It made me disciplined,
gave me confidence.

Well, I think you were born
disciplined and confident.

[chuckles]
Well, thank you.

Hey, do you want
to be heroic

and help me out with
a nice, generous donation?

Or maybe I can wait and see
what you do with this place?

Now that Colby Co.'s
back up and running,

I want anything I put
my name on to be big,

and this feels
a little small.

- Hey.
- Hmm?

The only thing small
about this place are the ponies.

But that's fine. We can
come back to this later.

If you don't want
to talk charity,

can we talk about
your personal life?

I really want you
to start dating again.

O-Okay, wait.
How much money do you want?

Because I will pay
any amount

not to talk about my dating life
with you, cousin.

MANDY:Hello.

Ah, Mandy

Von Dunkel, just the person
I was looking for.

Jeff, this is Mandy.
Mandy is a bigwig

on the Heroic Hoovesboard.

It's a real pleasure.
I'm actually doing some business

- with your family.
- So I heard. Good luck.

We're a particular bunch.

Noted. Well, I hate
to meet and run,

but I've got some work to do,
and I'm sure

you two have
plenty to discuss.

So, great to meet you.

- Great to meet you.
- Mandy,

walk with me.

[whistling]

You're certainlychipper,

or are you auditioning
for a remake of Snow White?

[laughs]
What's not to be chipper about?

Sales are soaring,
I'm dating a wonderful woman

who happens to be pregnant
with my nephew,

and I just got

taken off the waitlist
for the newest Rolex.

Well, I hate to burst
your bubble,

Dopey, but some people
have had serious side effects

with your new injectable.

Bruising around
the injection site

is a common occurrence
with injectables.

It's on the packaging.

Consumers on a beauty industry
watchdog site

have reported heart problems,
and now the FDA

- is involved.
- Oh, it's just cranky customers

with unrealistic expectations.
I'm not worried about it.

Well, maybe you should
get worried.

The FDA confiscated
some of the product

this morning and are
testing it tomorrow.

They are not
going to find

anything objectionable,
are they?

The clinical trial adhered

to the highest
possible standard.

I promise,
we have nothing to hide.

I guess I just
needed reassurance.

I've worked so hard to get
this company to where it is,

I can't let
your product ruin it.

Mm, interesting. It's my product
now that the FDA is involved.

I thought we were a team.

Only when
it suits me.

Huh. Hmm.

FALLON: Every race track

should have a corresponding
Heroic Hooves.

We can start helping
the backstretch workers

and their families,
and that's just the start.

Well, clearly you haven't read
the annual report.

Expansion of that magnitude,

that's not
financially feasible.

I know that, Mandy.
I'm talking big picture here.

Well, the little picture
shows that

Heroic Hooves is in danger
of shutting down

due to lack
of donations.

Well, I'm not surprised.

I mean, that's what you get
when you give so much power

to someone like
Patty De Vilbis.

We should just be grateful
she's gone.

Patty was the one person
keeping the charity afloat.

She wrote a check
every year

for operating expenses.

Of course,
that all stopped now that

she has been cut off
from the De Vilbis fortune.

Maybe it's
just gossip,

but I heard

you had something to do with it.

[laughs]

Well, you know what they say
about gossip.

It's the devil's radio.

So, how much do we need?
You know a Carrington

never leaves home
without her checkbook.

No, a single donor
is a Band-Aid, not an answer.

I didn't like that Patty
was the sole underwriter either.

See, charities aren't meant
to be funded by one person.

You're right. Diversifying
funding sources is a good idea.

Well, I hope for your sake

that the Hooves annual
charity luncheon

later this week will
bring in a lot of money.

- For my sake?
- Well, you're trying to make positive change,

but the old guard

is fine with the status quo,

and they're hard to get excited.

Mandy, if there is one thing
that I know,

it's how to get people excited.

I am going to

shake things up with an event

that will make that luncheon
look like... well, a luncheon.

Mm, bless your heart, Fallon,
but this isn't a crowd

that appreciates anything shaken
but their martinis, okay?

They like their sweet tea cold
and "Amazing Grace" on Sundays.

Well, they better get ready
for Amazing Fallon

because I'm about to
bust out a miracle.

♪

♪

- Hey. How are you?
- Hey.

I'm still a little freaked out
about your mentor's death,

and I barely knew the guy.

Yeah. I'm, uh,
I'm hanging in there.

Cheese?

Humboldt Fog has a way
of making things better.

Actually, I just came out here
to find a quiet place to write.

You know, since the hotel
didn't work out too well.

Right. How's that going?

It's, uh...

You know what?
I-I really don't like talking

about current projects. You mind
if we just change the subject?

No problem.

We can talk about these trolls
on the internet

who have nothing better to do
than complain about the hotel.

Complain about what?
La Mirage is beautiful.

- I mean, the rooms are amazing.
- Our tuna melt is mediocre.

Especially compared
to the Waldorf's, apparently.

Well, I'm sure that's not true.
People online are morons, Sam.

Yes, that's true,

but the Waldorf's sandwich
has an Instagram page.

It's famous.

It makes our tuna melt
look like grilled cheese.

[sighs]

So just make their tuna melt.

Huh?

Hypothetical question.

If no one would ever know,

would you steal

and use the Waldorf's
tuna melt recipe as your own?

Why? Do you have it?

No. No. That's why I said hypothetically.

Well, I think there are only so
many ways to make a tuna melt,

Liam. My chefs
just need

to get a little creative
and make tuna magic.

Okay, what if their
creativity's tapped out?

You know, what if they
have no inspiration,

and using this
new recipe as their own

will get them back
on the right track?

[scoffs]
I appreciate your concern,

but we are talking
about a sandwich, right?

Yes. I guess we are.

Too many unsecured entrances.

Too many people
with an alarm code.

I'm gonna need a list
of everyone who has a key.

To be honest with you,
I'm a little shocked that FSN

would take this long
to assign you protection.

I haven't agreed

to this whole
bodyguard plan yet.

How does this
even work?

What if I have a date?
Do you come with me?

Well, do you have a date?

No, but I could.

Well, then I will come with you.

You see, you really don't have
a say in the matter.

This is the network's call.

Because a few Internet lunatics

sent vaguely threatening emails?

No, because if you refuse,
then FSN will suspend you.

Fine.

Here.

A list
of my employees.

Ow!
[gasps]

Ow. [chuckles]
Ow, that's my neck.

This is my assistant. Emerson,

are you okay?

I just... just need
a minute. [grunts]

I'm sorry. I...
I was just doing my job.

Emerson...

Was able to sneak up
on you in seconds.

What if she had a weapon?

She had a burrito.

Maybe you can
take it down a notch.

That's not in my vocabulary.

This is going to be
a lot of fun for everyone.

[knock on door]

I'm in the middle
of a game right now.

Who are you playing?

The only worthy opponent
I've had since Anders died, me.

Listen, I... [chuckles]

I have an actual problem
that I really need your help

with fixing, but you
got to promise me

that you
won't get angry.

Yeah, only a moron would
make that promise. No.

Um, I used an illegal plant

called Bokocho in my injectable,

and, uh, as of this morning,
the FDA is investigating it.

Well, the FDA is an understaffed
government agency.

All right, just
change the plant

before they get to you,
it's a moot point.

Small issue. Uh, I have been
moved to the top of the pile

because apparently,
a handful of people

have, um, suffering some heart
irregularities after using it.

How did this even happen?

Well, anti-aging medicine works
by tightening capillaries,

so in some cases, it can cause
irregular heartbeats.

I don't care about
how your drug works.

How'd you get approval
in the first place?

Oh, I used your FDA contact,

and I omitted some key tests

because, well,
it wasn't moving fast enough,

and I wanted
to hurry it out to market.

You used my contact
without asking me?

What were you thinking?

Well, I didn't think it would be
a problem. I-I omitted

Bokocho from
the ingredients list,

and I called it bee pollen.

No one would've known
anything, except...

Except you're almost
killing people now.

What's gotten into you?

The spotlight's been
on Alexis for months now,

and I'm not getting any credit.

This whole thing

is my idea.
This injectable was my thing,

and I...

I couldn't fail.

Does your mother know
about any of this?

Mm-mm.

Okay,

I will see
what I can do to fix it.

SAM: Fashion show,

ladies' lunch, golf outing.

Nope. Boring.
Seriously?

Hey, at least I'm trying.

No wonder fundraising is down.
Who wants to eat

another soggy Chinese chicken
salad and make small talk?

- Not me.
- Do you think this is all a waste of time?

Just HHF, in general?
Is it too small and unimportant?

Look, you're not curing cancer,
but who is?

Scientists? Oncologists?

Whatever. My point is
we all do what we can,

and since you don't have
a medical degree,

right now, it's all about
saving horses and helping kids.

Yeah, yeah, you're right.

We all help the world in
- our own way.
- Mm-hmm.

What's next on your list?

All right, I got, um,
tennis tournament... Mm.

Bike-a-thon.[door opens]

Hey.

Now that is a great way
to raise some money.

- Male escort business?
- Bachelor auction. What?

Yeah.

That's what I meant.
Bachelor auction.

Did you guys say something?

Mm-mm.

No.

How did you know
I needed something strong?

It's usually
a pretty good assumption.

Well, definitely
a good call for today.

I spent the day
with my publicist

making sure to keep the company

out of the press,
thanks to Adam.

I thought things were good
between you two now.

Oh, we're not fighting,
but the FDA is investigating

his injectable because,

apparently, it's causing
heart issues in some people.

That sounds serious.
What can I do?

Draw me a bath?

I meant more as a businessman,
less as a butler.

Oh, it's fine.

Adam assured me that he did
everything right. I trust him.

Well, I hope
he's telling the truth.

Once a government entity
flags you,

you are under a microscope
for a while.

But my old lawyer's
now chief counsel at the FDA.

Maybe I should call him,

see where this is at.
Just to be safe?

I appreciate
your concern, honey,

but everything is under control.

By the time I get done
with my bath,

maybe it'll be a distant memory.

Does this mean you're
not running it for me?

Indeed it does.[whines] Fine.

You're too stingy
with the bubbles anyway.

♪

WILLIAM: So, after getting

my PhD in macrobiology,

I decided to study land
organisms in foreign countries.

Brazil, India...

Look, William,
I love that you're smart,

but I am gonna need you
to take off your shirt

because it's
really about

what's on the outside
that counts right now.

So, can you
do that for me?

Oh. Okay.

- Not bad.
- Not good.

Okay, we'll be
in touch.

- Thank you,
- William.

[sighs]

Well, that's not gonna work.

I thought this was about
offering fun dates,

not naked playtime.

No, but we're also selling
the fantasy.

That guy's a scientist.

Nobody was gonna bid
on Gali-lame-o.

Where are all
the hot gays from the gym?

Okay, that's a stereotype,

and they're all too busy
working out

to donate their time
to charity, so...

So, it's true?

That a woman your age
shouldn't be wearing

a white tennis outfit?
Yeah, it's true.

As I was winning my match,

I heard
my good friend

Sassy Jackson
on the next court over

talk about your plan
to hold a bacchanalia

at the Heroic Hooves ballroom.

I am planning to host
a perfectly dignified

bachelor auction,
if that's what you meant.

HHF is not
about sex.

You'll have to find
a new venue.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
This is not about sex.

Okay? It's just about
people letting loose

and having
a good time,

something you clearly need
a lesson on.

See, this whole enterprise
just proves

how little you understand
about our organization.

Newsflash, Mandy:
I read the annual report--

the last two actually--
and we need money.

So, here is my offer:

back off, and if I don't double

the last two years
of fundraising, I'll step aside.

Well, that's a deal
too good to pass up.

But you'll still have to find
someplace else for your party.

We need more bachelors, ASAP.

Hmm...

I guess it's time
to hit the gym, right?

Yeah, it is.

And bring Culhane, Liam,
and Jeff with you.

If I am gonna
pull this off

in two days, you guys are
gonna be the main attraction.

The competition's tuna melt.

So, you can decide
for yourself.

Mmm. That is delicious.

Okay, so just steal the recipe.

Who's gonna know? I won't tell.

Look, I got bigger fish to fry.

Sorry, couldn't help it.

Well, I haven't sunk low enough

to steal a sandwich recipe,
not that I'd know how.

Why are you
so obsessed with this?

Because I'm just
showing you that people

steal from each other
all the time.

Okay, look, don't you remember
"Blurred Lines"?

Liam, what are you
talking about? I'm not Pharrell.

Can't I just enjoy this
amazing sandwich in peace?

Not until you hear
what I have to say.

Okay.

I found an old manuscript

that Professor Kingston
and I co-wrote,

and I'm thinking about
sending it to my editor.

Okay, why is that
a problem?

Because, technically,

we didn't co-write it.

He wrote it.

Okay, now I'm starting
to understand

the stolen tuna melt obsession.

Listen, if you want
my advice,

I wouldn't ruin my reputation
by plagiarizing

a sandwich recipe,
let alone a book.

Yeah. Yeah, you're right.

Can we just forget this
conversation ever happened?

Here.

One bite of this,

and you'll forget
your own name.

[phone chimes]

Why does Fallon
want us at the club?

And what does she mean
by "rehearsal"?

I'll explain on the way.

Oh, that's gorgeous.

Thank you. I have
a private client

coming in from Paris
next month,

and I want the crème de la crme
to be out peacocking.

Speaking of peacocking,

Fallon's hosting
a bachelor auction

for charity
tomorrow night.

It'll be ridiculous.
We're going.

I'm in. I've been
so focused on work,

I've neglected
my personal life.

And I have cash to burn
for a good cause

- and great abs.
- Hey, hold on.

An event like that
is a security issue,

and with threats
still out there,

I need to bring in more eyes
to keep you safe.

Can you believe
how absurd this is?

I'm sorry
you find your safety absurd.

Do what you need to do.

I need to figure out
what dress says,

"I can take care of myself,

but I still like a man
to pay for dinner."

Make yourself scarce
so I can try on a few things.

He's insufferable.

JOE: Five, six,

seven, eight.
No clapping. Walk, walk.

Hips. Hips. Turn.

Come on.
All right, next.

Turn, turn, turn. Hip.

You on your phone. You not
supposed to be on your phone.

Come on, put it away. Pose.
That is not the pose. Stop.

[music stops]
You're making my stomach hurt.

- What?
- FALLON: Okay, you know what?

Joe, why don't you
go take a five.

Okay? You've earned it.
Thank you, Joe.

Everyone say,
"Thank you, Joe."

Fallon, why are we
doing this?

Because Heroic Hooves needs
three times the donations

we normally get so that I can
start my expansion programs.

No, I'm actually talking about
the dance. And where's Jeff?

Well, I just thought the dance
was a super fun opener

to get the crowd excited,
and Jeff

is refusing to participate
because he is doing business

with Mandy's family.

But I want you to know

that I appreciate all of you
for agreeing to participate

and for letting me use the club.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Can I refuse

on account of I'm in
a relationship with Nina?

No, because I spoke to Nina,
and she's on board.

And the fact that
I am your husband?

Unfortunately, this is one
of those non-negotiables

in a marriage,
but no one

is having sex with anyone, okay?

You're just showing
a lucky bidder

what it's like
to date a rich guy

for a day,
and speaking of, I have

some ideas of what you can
offer up at the auction.

Culhane, a ride
in your Aston Martin

and a visit to
Tiger Mountain Vineyards.

Sam, a private day
of shopping on you

- at Shops of Buckhead.
- Well, with a limit, obviously.

Maybe.

And, Liam, a package

I am calling
"Coffee with the Author."

Uh, it sounds a little more
like a panel than a date.

Oh, perfect, considering
we're still married.

Well, I'm glad

that we're all on the same page.

Okay, we need to get back
to rehearsal. Where's Joe?

I'm pretty sure I just
heard him driving away.

Perfect.

What's going on?

Why are you giving a bag of
needles to this strange woman?

Look, I'm having the injectable
tested in a private lab.

That way, we can get ahead of
any problems the FDA may find.

But I told you
I didn't need your help.

I know, but...

Just because
we are married does not mean

you get to make
decisions for me or my company.

There's no "they" in Alexam.

Well, technically,
Adam is...

Forget that. Look,

if I'm wrong, no harm done,
but if I'm right,

then you'll be ahead
of the problem

and can deal with it from
a place of control, not crisis.

How about I deal
with it right now.

I will take those,
and you can go.

Clearly, you don't trust me
to make smart decisions.

What're you gonna do next? Go
through my credit card charges?

It's not you I don't trust.
It's Adam.

He did frame you
for murder

and let you rot
in jail, remember?

What I remember is that you
told us to go to therapy

to work on our issues,
and we did,

and ever since,
I have been open and honest

and all of this other
therapy mumbo jumbo,

and now you are trying to plant
doubt back into mind.

That's not what I'm trying
to do. I'm looking out for you.

We are in
a partnership now.

If something hurts you,
it hurts me.

Plus, I'm a prominent
figure in the business world...

[scoffs]...and now that
we're married,

your scandal can quickly
become my SEC headache.

Oh, well, I'm sorry
I'm not thinking about

your stupid hedge fund when
I'm focusing on my company.

My "stupid" hedge fund
is as important to me

as Alexam is to you,

but if you really think
that's what this is about,

then you're missing
the point.

[sighs]

Are you sure
you're sure?

Because Fallon can be
very convincing,

and by convincing,
I mean a bit of a bully.

[laughs] Do you think
I can be bullied?

It's a ride in your car
and a wine tasting.

Though, that sounds kind of
romantic when I say it out loud.

I can back out
right now.

[chuckles] I'm kidding.
It's for charity.

[sighs] Fine.
The truth is,

I was worried you would think

I wasn't all in
if I agreed to this.

Whoa, whoa, you're all in?
I'm, like, half in.

I got one foot out the door.

Whoa.

That felt like a
"this is serious" kind of kiss.

It was.

[knock on door]

Come in.

[coughing]

Shouldn't we be leaving
for the event?

As you can see,
there's been a change of plans.

[continues coughing]

I'm too sick to go now.

I must've caught
something from you.

I don't have a cold.

Probably because
you gave it to me.

Now, I'm in all night.

Well, I'm sorry
you're gonna have to miss

meeting your future husband,

but it's probably for the best.

And it's probably best
you leave. I need my rest.

No, I'm under
strict instructions

to watch one of FSN's
most valuable assets.

Well, be my guest.

I'm watching a marathon
of The Real Housewives.

You're welcome to join.

[coughing]

Yeah, uh...

Well, since you're gonna
be here all night, um...

I guess I can leave,
but don't go anywhere

and don't answer the door
for anyone.

I'm not moving. Good night.

All right.
Call me if you need me.

[door closes]
Ready?

Almost. I need to make sure
the bodyguard leaves.

He seems like the type to sit
in the car and do crosswords.

I can drive us, but
my car's parked at the manor.

How are we gonna get back there
if he's lingering?

We have to go out the back.

Can you climb down
the fire escape in that dress?

Can you?

[chuckles]
We'll have to see.

My FDA contact gave me
the name of the lab director

and the location where
your sample's being tested.

That's great.
That gives us plenty of time

to plan before
the morning.

No. It's happening in two hours.

Apparently, your drug

is such a danger to the public

it's now a high priority.

So what do we do now?

Well, you have
two hours to produce

20 samples that'll test clean.

Look, even if I could
get clean samples,

how do we get into an FDA lab

and-and swap them out
without anyone noticing?

This is why it's important
to have friends in high places.

You worry about the samples,
I'll get us in.

Good evening, everyone.

Thank you all
for coming out tonight.

Dating for a good cause
is fun for everyone.

So is a good old
musical number

to start the night,
and, luckily,

we have both for you.

Come on out, boys.

♪ I'm too sexy for my love

♪ Too sexy for my love,
love's going to leave me ♪

♪

♪ I'm too sexy for my shirt

♪ Too sexy for my shirt

♪ So sexy it hurts

♪ I'm too sexy for your party

♪ Too sexy for your party

♪ The way I'm disco dancing

♪ I'm a model,
you know what I mean? ♪

♪ And I do my little turn
on the catwalk ♪

♪ Yeah, on the catwalk

♪ On the catwalk, yeah

♪ I shake my little tush
on the catwalk. ♪

[music stops][scattered applause]

Okay! How great was that?

Well, I thought it was.

Heroic Hooves is a charity
near and dear to my heart.

As somebody who spent their life
around horses,

I know how they deserve
a healthy retirement.

Definitely more than some humans
I know. [forced laugh]

Okay. Tough crowd.

Anyway, HHF is the reason
we are all here tonight.

So, let's start
this auction off.

First up we have Cole.
Come on out here, Cole.

There he is.
[chuckles]

Cole is the perfect bachelor
with the perfect job,

and I would imagine
perfect abs.

Cole, tell us a little bit
about your date package.

Uh, well,

I'm a "work hard, play hard"
kind of guy,

so my date package is a trip
to the Atlanta Fair,

where you can have all
of the deep-fried cookies

and cotton candy you can handle.

Wow. Okay. Sounds, uh...

Sounds sweet.
Who could say no to that?

Let's start the bidding
at, say, 1,000?

Do I hear 1,000?

1,000 from anyone?
Anyone at all? No.

Well, Cole, it looks like
we have a crowd

with impossibly
high standards.

Is there anything else
you'd like to add?

Uh, yeah, I'm into
doing complex Lego

- and puppetry.
- That's not gonna help.

Um, why don't you flex
for the crowd.

Can you flex for us, Cole?

A normal flex
with your arm.

Mandy, you are a horse's ass.

A Shirley Temple?

She's probably rolling over

in her grave right now.

She would be as appalled
as I am if she were here.

Well, is that why you're
stopping people from bidding,

because you're living
in the 1940s?

It's not because I hate charity.

But between this spectacle
and your gambling,

it doesn't really seem

that you are in it
for the giving back.

I know about that horse race
you and Patty bet on.

That sweet girl loved
this charity.

Now she has nothing.

Wait a minute.
This is all about Patty?

You know, I've been at this
a long time,

and I am not gonna let you
come in here

and upend the system.

Well, maybe the system
needs to be upended.

You are on the verge of
being shut down every year.

Your failure is inevitable.

And when that happens,
I'll take back the reins,

and I will bring Heroic Hooves
back to its traditional ways.

This isn't just
a hobby for me.

I am committed to
making it work.

So if you want to come after me,

you better be ready.

[fire alarm bell ringing]

[indistinct chatter]

Well, this is inconvenient.
Maybe we should get out of here.

No, we're not going anywhere.
This is happening

exactly the way
it's supposed to.

Okay, but maybe it's not
the best idea

for me to be seen here,
considering that law enforcement

is swarming the place, and I'm
under the FDA microscope.

Yeah, I'd like to be home
playing chess with myself,

but we need to fix this,
and you're the only one

who can identify the Alexam
vials to make the switch.

Building's clear
and will stay that way

for approximately
six minutes.

So get in there,
do your thing and get out.

Thank you, Chief.

Say hello to Bristol and
the kids for me, would you?

Mrs. Gunnerson sends her best

and her strawberry
rhubarb pie.

All right, let's go.

Did I mention Mario also
drives race cars for a living?

Two thousand.

He's cute. Are you sure
you don't want to bid?

I don't like race cars.
Too loud.

Anyone else out there
not afraid of Mandy,

or too drunk to care?

Two thousand is
a good start.

Okay, and apparently
a good finish.

Congratulations,
inebriated lady.

You're gonna have
a great date. Thanks.[woman laughs]

All right, let's take
a little five-minute break,

and when we come back,
I'd like to see

some smiling faces
and some attitude adjustments.

It's called generosity, people.

KEVIN:
Really?

What are you doing here?

What are you
doing here?

I went back to the loft
to tell you

I tracked down the person
who's sending you

those creepy emails.

It's a woman named Lainie
in Pensacola.

Lainie?
She was the runner-up

for the NordicStar gig.
I knew this wasn't serious.

She's just a bitter loser.

You didn't need to
come here for that.

Well, now that I'm here,
all I see are threats.

And she wasn't the only person
responsible for the emails.

You look like you could
use a drink.

Not while I'm on the job.

Though I could use
a Shirley Temple.

'Cause I love me
some grenadine.

I'm sorry, Cristal, I can't
do this while he's here.

I'm leaving, without a bachelor
and with a bodyguard.

What a disappointing night.

I'm sick. Remember?

Could you politely step off?

[playing gentle melody]

Wow, I didn't know
you played piano.

Does it sound like
I play piano?

No, but this is me being
supportive and apologetic.

I'm sorry for doubting
your intentions.

It's been a long time since
I've had a true partner.

Someone I can trust blindly.

Come here.

I don't care about
my hedge fund, Alexis.

I care about you.

You're the most important
thing in my life.

You're the most
important thing in mine.

So, have you given the Adam
situation more thought?

I have.

And I want you
to run the tests.

I'm sure it's nothing,

but you're right;
I need to protect myself.

- I'll call the tech.
- Well, make it quick.

Because I skipped
Fallon's bachelor auction

to spend time with you,

and now you're gonna need to
make it worth my while.

I appreciate the sacrifice,
Mrs. Dexter.

FALLON:
It's not even close to the top.

And you still have to
go out there.

Why are you doing shots?

To loosen up. Cheers!

There's no way I'm gonna
make my goal.

And I told Mandy I would
resign if I didn't.

Shot?

Don't be so negative.

Maybe my date package
will get your numbers up,

'cause I think some people
are really interested.

Can you go away?

[slap]
Oh!

Feisty.

Don't even bother
with that crowd, okay?

They would much rather be
at a silent auction

sipping room-temperature chard
and bidding on a cheese basket.

Just because you told her
you'd resign

doesn't mean you have to.

All right, ladies and gentlemen,
put your hands together,

well, for me.[applause]

For those of you
who don't know me,

I'm Jeff Colby,
founder and CEO of Colby Co.

And I'm here tonight
to support Fallon Carrington.

Hey, this girl is hustling

to make this charity a success.

And okay, okay, maybe
she's not batting

her usual thousand tonight,

but she is trying to make
the world a better place

any way she can.

Which is what I'm here
to do, too.

But it's not a date with me. Sorry.

It's a flight on my private jet

for a week on my private island

with the date of your dreams.

Seven nights of
uninterrupted bliss.

Thirty thousand.

Thirty-five thousand.

JEFF:
Oh, sorry, one more thing.

Starting price is 50,000.

And with 52 weeks in a year,
there is plenty

of bidding to do.

Trust me,
this island is amazing.

- Okay, 50,000 right here.
- JEFF: Yes!

Yes, I see you.
Anyone else?

And remember,
it's all for charity.

So keep the bids coming, huh?

[applause]

- Thank you.
- MAN: All right, who else wants in?

- WOMAN: Over here!
- You there?

- WOMAN 2: Me, too!
- And you in the back.

What if I only want a date?

I don't actually have
50,000 to spend.

Well, I'm sure whatever
you do have can work.

It's all for charity, right?

I can afford surf and turf
and a bottle of wine.

We can make that happen.

Great.

MAN:
Private island, private jet.

- WOMAN: I'll do 50!
- MAN: Yes!

- Hmm?
- You are my hero.

Thank you. How can I...Oh. Handle that.

Okay!

Yes. Yes!

Let's hear it.
Now, who's ready for a date

with the author?

One million dollars.

- Sold!
- Get offstage.

[screams]

[lock clicks]

Well, would you look at that.

It appears my tawdry
little event

has raised enough money
to save Heroic Hooves and more.

Well, I suppose
when you appeal

to the lowest common denominator.

Mandy, if you have an issue
with the way I do things,

you can leave, and take
your snotty suck-ups with you.

Although, it does look like
they're having a good time.

No offense to your acolytes,

but I think I will be
courting a different crowd

in the future, when I start
my own foundation.

Perfect. What's next,
a wet T-shirt contest?

I'll add it to the list.

I'll be choosing which
organizations to support,

and how to support them.

So while you're at
your next bruncheon

choking on a stale muffin, remember,

I'll be changing the world.

Uh, wow, that was
quite the smackdown.

Look, I'm not saying
she didn't deserve it,

but still, ooh!

Oh, she deserved
much more than that.

I'm sorry if tonight ruined
your business with her family.

Nah, that's okay.

I knew exactly what I was doing
getting up there.

So what made you
change your mind?

I saw Mandy trying to
tear you down earlier.

You stood your ground,

like you always do
when you believe in something.

I should never have
doubted you about this.

I wasn't about to let her win.

And you heard me:
this is just the start.

[sighs heavily]
All clear.

Thank you for racing
back over.

It all happened so quickly.

How did someone even
get on the property?

Changing of the guard is

the most dangerous time
of the day.

I'm confused.
I thought you said

Lainie was in Pensacola.

Well, she is. I mean,
as far as we know.

But I will get to
the bottom of this.

You're in the public eye now.

Crazies come out
of the woodwork.

If you stay on, I promise

there will be no more
sneaking out.

I'm taking these threats
seriously now.

I'm sorry I've been difficult.

I never considered
the dark side of fame.

I'm not a movie star.

Though, yes, I can
look like one.

But really,

I just make clothes.

Well, when you're talented,

it doesn't matter what you do.

Somebody somewhere
will want what you have.

Trust me,

you're not the first
difficult client I've had.

So, uh, I don't know, which...

which Housewives
are we watching?

[both chuckle]

That was so much better than
a conversation with the author.

Especially now that you're
gonna have a best seller.

I love the optimism, but
you haven't read the book.

That's where you're wrong.
I did read it.

And it's really good.

Wait, you read it?
When-when did you read it?

Okay, only the first
few chapters.

I had a little time to kill
in my glam squad chair earlier.

And I don't want you to
take this the wrong way,

but I was a little worried.

I mean, it just seemed like
you were really struggling

with this one,

and you were being so secretive,

but after reading it...

I mean, wow, Liam,
it was amazing.

Where did you even
come up with the idea?

[chuckles]

A writer never tells.

Okay, I think that's
a magician, but whatever.

When this book lands
on the Times' Best Seller list,

you and I are going to
drink champagne

and curse your mother's name.

If you're okay with that.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, of course.

I'm just, uh, I'm just shocked

that you liked it so much.
I mean, like,

I-I thought it was good.

I just didn't think
it was that good.

Would I spend a million dollars
on just any author?

Only the best.

[kissing]

BLAKE: Great.

Oh, great. Thank you
for the good news.

Did the samples pass?

Oh, no, that was my tailor.

My new suit is
finally ready.

But yeah, I also talked
to my source.

The samples passed.
There's nothing to worry about.

[exhales sharply]

Thank you.

But the less we talk
about this, the better.

And you need to fix your
plant problem immediately.

This watchdog group has you
in their crosshairs now.

Huh. Now I know what it's like

to have you on my side
in a sticky situation.

Well, of course I was
on your side.

I'm your father.

FALLON:
Big news, Sam.

Is this about
the horses again?

Or your new foundation?
Or the network?

Liam turned in his
new book this morning.

Oh. That is big news.

And frankly,
I would be shocked

if anyone had a single note.

Everyone gets notes.

Well, maybe Liam will get lucky

and get off scot-free.

Fingers crossed.

Ew, is there even champagne
in these mimosas?

I knew they looked weird.
Jeanette!

You turned it in?

Put yourself in my shoes.

Okay, yeah, sure,
it's easy to say

you'd do the right thing,

but trust me, when your wife
is looking in your eyes

and calling you a genius,
it's just as easy

to do the wrong thing.

Oh, she thinks
you're a genius?

For turning in a book
you didn't write?

I did some edits.

I took a pass
at a few chapters.

Oh, and by the way,
I saw you put the tuna melt

- back on the menu.
- Yes, I did.

But I didn't steal it.

I hired a new chef
and figured out a way

to make it my own.

Because that is a solution
I can live with.

Hope you can live with yours.

Glad to see you're
already drinking.

Maybe it'll take the sting
out of what I'm about to say.

I know you lied to me.

I know you put
our partnership,

our company and our reputation

on the line.

Oh, Mother,
don't worry about it.

It's been handled.
Tell her, Father.

I got your company
out of trouble,

so you can thank me by leaving.

I am not worried,
and I am not thanking you.

I handled my own business.

Come in!

Mother, what did you do?

These agents are from the DEA.

When I did my own testing
and discovered you were

importing and using
an illegal drug,

I called the authorities.

I can't believe you'd do this.

We're partners.

No, we are definitely not partners.

I couldn't trust you not
to turn on me again.

Frame me for murder once,
shame on me.

Frame me again?

[sighs]
Father, wha--

You're gonna--
You're gonna fix this, right?

I'll do what I can,
but I can't promise anything.