Original subtitles

- Hey, babe.

You'’re up early.

- Of course I am. It'’s Election Day.

It'’s your big moment,Boyce.

It all comes down to this.

- Yes, it does.

So can we talk?

- Sure, babe.

- You know, I'’ve been thinking that--

- I made you some eggs.

- Thank you.

Uh, Lolli, but look, here'’s the thing--

- You want toast or an English muffin?

- English muffin. Babe.

Look, I'’ve been trying to talk to you about this

for a few days now, and it seems as though--

- Dang, we got jelly and no English muffins.

- [chuckles] Okay.

Lolli, forget about the English muffins.

All right, I want to talk to you about

what I overheard you tell my dad.

- Definitely, but I got to run to the store

to get some English muffins, Boyce.

What you gonna do? Just have jelly?

- Look, Lolli, stop.

Now, we can'’t keep pretending that you'’re not

having second thoughts about this whole mayor thing.

- Boyce, why would you say that?

- Because I overheard you tell my dad

you'’re having second thoughts about this whole mayor thing.

- Oh...that.

- Look, babe, if we'’re gonna get through this day,

I need to know that you are with me 100%.

Tell me the truth.

- All right, Boyce,fine.

I like our life the way it is.

I'’m happy.

And if you win as mayor,

everything is gonna change

big time; and not just for you,

for me, too, and it'’s freaking me out.

And that'’s my truth, babe.

- How could you tell me that today out of all days?

- You made me!

- You could have lied about it one more day.

- Oh, I cannot have this conversation right now.

- Well, when are we gonna have it?

- I just said we'’re not gonna have the conversation

so stop trying to have it.

- This is not the conversation.

This is the conversation about the conversation.

- Well, it sure sounds like the conversation.

- You--

So you not gonna go get the English muffins?

♪

[soul music]

♪

- Lester, Shirley.

- Yes, Lolli.

- Who in the hell screwed up the bunting?

- Not me.

What'’s "bunting?"

- It'’s the draping banner.

- Oh.

That was me.

- It'’s lopsided.

When you put it up, did you have a seizure?

- No.

Although my family does have a history of---

- Just fix it!

- What'’s crawled up her behind?

- Excuse me?

- I said,

"What'’s crawled up

your behind?"

- Why didn'’t you say something

that sounded similar but wasn'’t offensive?

- I couldn'’t think of anything fast enough.

- You know what, no.

Shirley is right.

I'’m stressed out, and I'’m taking it out on you guys.

And I'’m sorry.

Who in the hell got carnations?

This ain'’t a 8th grade prom!

- No, no more pokes in the arm, no more peeing in a cup.

I'’m done with all these tests.

- I just need to take your blood pressure again.

You'’re not 100% yet.

- My 30% could whup your 100%, junior.

Come on, let'’s arm-wrestle.

- Sir--

- Oh, I get it, you'’re scared.

Come on. Give me your arm.

- What the hell--

are you seriously arm-wrestling a 70-year-old man?

- Ah-- he'’s hurting me.

- Okay, all right, Daddy, ease up.

Daddy, Daddy, come on, now. Let him go.

- [groans]

- Sorry about that, buddy.

Hey, vote for Boyce!

What--what you doing? You can'’t leave.

- I'’m going to the bathroom, in the toilet,

like God intended.

- [sighs] Gosh.

- No.

Oh, Daddy, no.

- He'’s in the bathroom.

- Oh, cool.

Hey, so why are you all down?

You could be mayor by the end of the day.

- Yeah, right.

- All right, what'’s up?

- Look where we are,Stamps.

Dad'’s in the hospital because I pushed him too hard.

- Yeah, but come on, Pops does what he wants to do.

- And Lolli and I had a big fight today

because I found out she doesn'’t want the life

of a mayor'’s wife.

- How could she tell you that

today of all days?

- That'’s what I said.

I don'’t know, man, it just feels like

everything'’s all upside-down.

- Ah, you'’ll be okay.

Hey, like you always tell me:

keep the faith, right?

So right back at you.

- [chuckles]

You know, Stamps, I never thought I'’d say this,

but thanks for being my rock, man.

You know I give you a hard time sometimes,

but you'’ve always been there for me, little bro.

- [slowly] Yeah.

So here'’s the thing, uh,

I'’m kind of moving to Virginia to work with Alicia.

- What?When?

- A day and a half.

- And you wait to tell me this now?

- W--well, I was gonna tell you, but then Pop got sick.

And then I was gonna tell you, but you were concentrating

on getting the endorsement from Zagelman.

And--and then I was gonna tell you,

but I dinged your car with my car door, and I--

- You ding my car door?

- I was gonna tell you about that, but then--

well, actually, I was hoping you wouldn'’t notice it

until I was in Virginia.

- You making it real hard to miss you, right now, Stamps.

Real hard.

- What-- Come on, Boyce.

Come on, bro, don'’t be like that.

- What happened?

- Lolli upset Boyce. - [scoffs]

- All right, I have to go meet Boyce at the polling place.

I need one of you to drive the van

to Sunset Cove Retirement Village.

Lester? - Uh--not me.

I have to go to Party Depot to pick up the balloons.

Right after I fix that hideous bunting.

[pained chuckle]

- Well, we'’ve got two dozen seniors who need rides

to the polls and we need all the votes we can get.

Shirley?

- Don'’t look at me.

Old people give me the heebie-jeebies.

- I would do it,

but my license isn'’t exactly in my name.

- Whose name is on it?

- Jerry Greenberg.

But don'’t trip,he dead.

What? I didn'’t do it.

- Just give me the keys. I'’ll do it.

- Great.

- Styrofoam plates?

Girl, this ain'’t a backyard picnic!

I'’m--wait--

let me get one of these.

I'’m having a flash.

- Remember, Boyce, there are cameras here.

Vote with a smile.

- Look, I'’m trying.

It'’s just that Lolli'’s upset and my dad'’s

stuck in the hospital, my brother'’s moving away,

and I'’m starting to wonder if this is even worth it.

- Aw, you poor thing.

Is there anything I can get for you?

Maybe a blankie, a juice box,

a new pair of gonads?

- Seriously,

were you ever held as a child?

Daddy?

What are you doing?

- I'’m voting.

Barton Ballentine, Delmont Circle.

- You'’re supposed to be in the hospital.

- Technically I'’m still there.

I paid the janitor to lay in my bed.

$20 in pain medication.

When I go back, I'’m gonna have to tough it out.

- Well, thanks, Dad.

You know, I'’m just worried about you,

and one vote doesn'’t matter that much.

- It matters to me.

This is voting, son.

People have died so that we can do this.

If I couldn'’t have walked in here, I would have crawled.

And I'’m not just voting,

I'’m voting for my boy.

I'’m proud of you, son.

This is the proudest day of my life.

- Thanks, Dad.

All right, man, come on, let'’s get you to the booth.

- Let'’s do this.

- You see that?

That man left his death bed to come and vote for his son.

- Is he really dying?

- If he were, would you lead the 5:00 news with it?

- Reverend Ballentine,

you and your father just cast your votes together.

How did it feel?

- Well, it feels good, Connie.

I mean, voting is one of our most important duties.

And to be able to do that with my...

[crying] My hero--my daddy,

is, uh...

one of the greatest moments of my life.

[crying]

- Takes a real man to show his emotions like that.

- Damn, he'’s an ugly crier.

♪

- Thanks, Dad. All right.

Alicia, would you make sure

my dad gets back to the hospital?

There'’s something I got to do.

- No, Boyce, Boy-- we need to be getting the vote out.

- I know. And I will.

But if I'’m gonnado this,

there'’s one voter I got to win over first.

- He'’s talking about Lolli.

- Yeah, no, I got that.

- Okay, sir, can you scoot over

a little bit to make room? Come on, dear.

- I cannot sit next to Jasper.

He'’s chewing gum without his teeth in.

It sound like two catfish bumping uglies.

- The polling place is only four miles away,

you can switch seats on the way back.

- Can you slow down?

- We'’re still parked.

- Tone.

- Boyce?

What are you doing here?

- Lolli, I have been driving all over town looking for you.

We need to talk.

- Who'’s that?

- Uh, I think that'’s the boy that was crying on TV.

- Boyce, you cried on TV?

- Wasn'’t nobody crying.

- Hey, that'’s what made me want to vote for you.

- Okay, maybe I was crying a little bit.

Look, Lolli, we have to talk.

Babe, I'’ve been looking for you everywhere.

- Well, we can'’t do it now, Boyce.

I got to get these people to the polls, so.

- No. No, no, no, no, no.

You and I are not going anywhere until we settle this.

Now, I know if I win, it'’s gonna mean some big changes,

but we'’ve made big changes before.

- Boyce, not like this.

Kay, when you were a singer, and we toured all around,

yeah, we never knew where we were gonna end up.

But wherever we were, we were together.

- Except for that time y'’all left me behind in Phoenix.

- I told you, we thought you was

sleeping in the back of the bus.

And then, when you became a preacher,

we moved here from Vegas,

that was a huge change, Boyce, but I didn'’t mind it

'’cause we were in that pulpit together.

And now?

A mayor?

Boyce, you'’re gonna be pulled

in a million different directions.

And God knows,

I'’ma be busy getting my Michelle Obama on.

But we won'’t be together.

And what do you think that'’s gonna do to us?

- Lolli, I don'’t know

what'’s gonna happen in the next few years,

but I do know one thing.

Nothing is gonna come between us.

- How can you be so sure of that?

- Because I'’m not gonna let it happen.

In fact, here, hold this.

I, Boyce Ballentine, do solemnly swear

to uphold the office of Husband to Lolli Ballentine,

that I will to the best of my ability

preserve and protect and defend

your place next to me.

- Uh--and--and

do the freaky thing I like?

- And do the freaky things that you like.

Just to be honest, babe,

I can'’t stand it when you'’re too far away from me.

- Aww, Boyce.

- Did he just swear on the owner'’s manual?

- This is the bible of the car.

So are you with me?

- There'’s no place I'’d rather be, Boyce.

- Mmm.

- Keep your eyes on the road.

- I haven'’t even started the engine yet, lady!

- Lollipop!

Come on, babe, we got to get back to the campaign office.

The polls are about to close.

- Kay. I'’m ready.

- No. Mm.

Okay, no.

Back upstairs.

- You don'’t like it?

- I love it.

I want to take it off of you.

- Boyce.Stop it.

- Wait--but--baby-- only like three minutes, Lolli.

- Really? - Lolli, five minutes, please.

- Boyce, stop, you so nasty!

You so nasty, stop.

- Hey, guys.

- And then there'’s that.

- Hey, thanks for, uh,

letting me store my boxes here

until I get settled in Virginia.

- Stamps, do you really need all that stuff?

- It'’s not stuff. It'’s my memories.

- What is this from?

- I don'’t remember.

- Then it'’s junk, Stamps, throw it away.

And--

what are those?

- Ah.

These remind me of Keesha.

- We know Keesha.

She can'’t fit that.

- You telling me.

She broke up with me when she found them in my bed.

- Then whose are they?

- I don'’t remember.

- Then they'’re not memories, Stamps.

They'’re just nasty.

- Stamps, you don'’t need any of this stuff.

All right, you'’re gonna start a new life in Virginia.

So put all this stuff behind you, man.

And just go there and grab life by the balls.

- [snaps] Vickie.

- What?

- What you just said reminded me; these are Vickie'’s panties.

And you know, I--I know what you guys are saying though.

I'’ll get rid of it and make a clean start.

You'’ll throw this away for me, won'’t you?

- Wow. - Yes, yes.

Come on, come on, guys, let'’s get going.

- All right, let'’s do this.

- Okay, well, Stamps, why don'’t you run ahead

and--and Boyce and I will meet you there.

In about three...

to five minutes.

- [chuckles]

- Okay, everyone,

the polls are closed

and the results are about to start coming in.

- Oh, Lord, this is it! This is it!

You know what, I think I'’m about to throw up.

- Yeah, me too.

- Okay, just keep everything in perspective.

These first numbers are very preliminary.

- She'’s right, everyone, okay?

We'’re okay, we'’re okay, here.

Oh, wha--what?

72% for Mayor Saxby?

I'’m losing, man. [all groan]

- You tried your best. - No, no.

- Oh--okay, okay, that'’s still, that'’s just 1%

of polling places reporting.

That means nothing, okay?

See! See, look.

- Oh, yeah, okay.

81% for me! - For Boyce!

- Who'’s the mayor? [all cheer]

Who'’s the mayor! Mayor right here!

- [whistles]

Guys, it'’s still less than 2% reporting.

God, this is gonna be a long night.

- Hey, Dad, they released you?

- Yep.

The test results came back great.

As long as I cut back on the fat and salt,

I'’m gonna live forever.

- Pops, you'’re about to eat a bacon-wrapped shrimp.

- Who wants to live forever?

[all groan]

- No, no!

- Guys, it'’s still less than 4% reporting.

- You know what, this--

this too stressful for me, man.

- Baby, let'’s find a room without a TV.

- That'’s a good idea. - Okay, yeah.

- Yes! Yes! [cheering]

- 4%!

- Aww-- - I will cut you!

- Okay.

- This is nice, y'’all.

Just family.

- Yeah, you know, it'’s been a while.

- Yeah, and it might be a while till we do it again.

- You are gonna fix the ding in my car

before you move to Virginia, right?

- And I want my Costco card back.

- And don'’t even think about leaving town

with my blender.

- You know, y'’all are ruining this nice moment.

- Listen, family, I do want to say something.

Now I'’ve made a lot of big changes throughout my life

and you three have always rolled with me.

Win or lose...

I'’m lucky to have you on my team.

I'’m blessed, I'’m grateful,

and, um...I lo-- I love y'’all.

- Are you gonna turn on the waterworks again?

- No.

- [voice cracking] Me, neither.

- Aw, damn, here I go.

- See, I'’m crying now, but I wasn'’t at first.

- [crying] Bunch of girls.

[cheering]

- What'’s going on out there?

[cheering]

- Boyce, you did it! You won.

- I won? - They just declared it.

- I'’m the mayor? I'’m the mayor!

[cheering] - Baby!

- That won'’t happen in Virginia.

- Of course not.

- Mayor Ballentine, you'’re my hero.

- Oh. - Yeah, you showed me that

it'’s okay for a man to cry. - Oh, thanks, kids.

- I mean, you cried a lot.

- Okay, anybody know who little kids these are

right here?

- Lester... - Yes?

- It'’s time for the balloon drop!

- Aah! Let'’s do it! [cheering]

- Um...

- Did you get helium balloons?

- I did.

- Shut up! Shut up! [laughter]

- That'’s all right, it don'’t matter. You'’re the mayor!

- Who'’s the mayor? - You'’re the mayor!

- Who'’s the mayor? - You are!

- Who'’s the mayor? - I am!

[chanting] Who'’s the mayor? You the mayor.

- And finally, on behalf of myself and my whole family,

we want to thank my campaign manager.

Alicia Frizell and her whole staff, guys.

And I'’d like to conclude in the words

of the immortal Don Cornelius

and wish you love, peace, and...

all: Soul!

[soul music] - Hey, oh!

♪♪

[chanting rhythmically] You the man! You the man!

You the man! You the man!

You the man! You the man!

You the man! You the man!

[slow jazz music]

- So, how are you doing, Mr. Mayor?

- [chuckles] I'’m doing good.

How are you doing, Mrs. Mayor?

- Oh, I'’m good.

I'’m gonna be sleeping with

the mayor of St. Louis tonight!

- Oh, okay. Now they drop.

- [laughs]

♪

[dance music]

- It'’s about to go down.

- ♪ Put your hands together, y'’all ♪

♪ Come on, party people

♪ Hey, hey, let me hear ya say, "Hey" ♪

♪ Say, "Ho"

♪Say, "Hey, hey" ♪

♪ Say, "Ho"

♪Get your hands up ♪

♪ Get your hands up

♪ Get them hands up

♪Come on, y'’all, here we go ♪

♪Hey ♪

♪ This is the best time of my life ♪

♪Sing it with me, y'’all ♪

♪ Come on, hey

♪ This is the best time

♪ Of our lives

♪♪

♪ What a time to be alive

♪♪

♪Top'’s down, my boo thing she'’s by my side ♪

♪Sunglasses on, the future is bright ♪

♪Yeah ♪

♪ Get your hands way up there in the sky ♪

- Ha! both: Ha!

- Wow. - Wow.

- Wow.

- ♪ Do the time

♪ The party just won'’t stop ♪

♪ '’Cause this is the best time ♪

♪ Of my life

♪Y'’all sing ♪

♪'’Cause this is the best time ♪

♪ Of our lives

♪♪

♪And this is the best time ♪

♪ Of my life

♪Come on, hey ♪

all: ♪ '’Cause this is the best time

♪ Of our lives

[cheering] - Thank y'’all, man,

for "Soul Man" five seasons on TV Land.

We love y'’all and thank y'’all.

I'’ll holla!

[cheering]

[soul music]

♪

- ♪The soul man ♪ - ♪ Hey