Original subtitles

- The good news is, your father'’s out of the woods.

Due to the nature of his heart event,

we were able to administer a PCI.

- PCI?

- Percutaneous coronary intervention.

- Well, yeah, that'’s the best kind.

- Oh.

- Now, unfortunately, we need to keep him here a few days.

We found indications of hyperplastic arteriolosclerosis

and possibly arterial stenosis.

Do you have any questions?

- Uh--no. No--good. - No, I don'’t think so.

- Thank you.

Do you have any idea what that guy was telling us?

- I was hoping you did.

- What did the doctor say?

- Well, in the beginning, he said "massive."

- Massive?

- I didn'’t like the sound of it either.

- But wait, at one point in time, he did say "mild"--

- Mild?

What was massive? What was mild?

Come on! I need answers!

- The two important things are is that he'’s out of the woods,

and secondly,

you need to be here whenever I talk to a doctor.

- Well, that'’s obvious.

- Your father'’s awake, but, uh, keep in mind,

he'’s pretty heavily medicated.

- Thank you. - Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You'’re not going anywhere. I have lots of questions.

- Good luck, Doc!

Hey, Dad. - How you feel, Pop?

- Fantastic.

This bed goes any position I want; I had four Jell-Os;

there'’s a "Gimme a Break!" marathon on the television--

What could be bad?

- Well, the doctor said you had something called

a myocardial infarction.

- [laughs]

"Infarction."[laughs]

That'’s funny.[laughs]

- Well, yeah, I--I-- I don'’t think it is.

- What is?

- Infarction.

- [laughs]

- Hey. Okay, I got the info.

The doctor said that Barton has hyperplastic

arteriolosclerosis-

- Yeah, you know, I was gonna get to that.

What is it, again?

- His arteries are clogged.

It'’s very common and treatable, Barton.

But they'’re gonna need you to stay in the hospital

for a couple days so they can run some tests.

- They'’re the doctors.

I'’m not one to argue.

- I'’m gonna find out what that doctor gave him

and see if I can get some to go.

- What'’s that word, again, son?

- "Infarction?"

- [heartily laughs]

♪

[soul music]

♪

- Hey, Alicia. - Hey, Stamps.

How'’s your father?

- Oh, he'’s doing okay.

He'’s loving the Jell-O.

So what'’s going on here?

- Well, I'’m trying to pick out a dress

for this stupid wedding I'’m going to.

I have to look amazing.

Everyone I ever hated in college is gonna be there.

Basically, my whole sorority.

- Sounds fun.

- Well, it'’s in Richmond, if you want to take the trip

with me, you could go apartment hunting.

- Uh, yeah, you know, about that.

I know I told you that I would, you know, take the job

with you in Virginia, but I can'’t go now.

Not with my dad getting sick and all.

- Well, what did the doctor say it was?

- Well, um, he actually said a lot.

He said that he had a hypo-plasmo-radic

sciss-ree-osis of the bi-cuspit.

I'’m not sure you'’d understand.

- Hey, hey, everybody!

It'’s five days to election.

Alicia, you got those poll numbers yet?

Come on, tell me something good.

- Well, you'’re within a percentage point of Saxby.

He'’s got 49%, and you'’ve got 48%,

but looking at the breakdown, I just don'’t see

a lot of room for growth.

- Wait, there'’s 3% missing.

- Oh, it'’s not missing, it'’s going to that ridiculous

third-party candidate, Zagelman.

- The anti-government nutcase. Who'’d vote for him?

- Well, he'’s big with the tinfoil hat crowd.

♪

- These Zagelman idiots have to know he can'’t win.

He'’s never held public office.

He'’s a dentist.

- Well, to be fair, babe, I'’m a singer-turned-minister.

- Don'’t get all logical with me, I'’m on your side.

And at least you have a plan for the city.

Zagelman just wants to get rid of the whole government.

- Well, I can'’t believe that 3% of the citizens of St. Louis

are stupid enough to vote for him.

- Yeah, they should be voting for you.

Well, not '’cause they stupid.

- I wish he'’d just drop out.

- Well, why don'’t you just ask him to?

- Why would he do that?

- '’Cause it'’s 3%, and he can add.

- I guess there'’s no harm in trying.

We can invite him to dinner, butter him up?

- Yeah, tell him if he drops out of the race,

and throws his support your way,

you'’ll give him a job on your staff.

- Like what?

- Who cares?

Make something up, some administrative job

that sounds important but doesn'’t mean anything.

With big words, like "executive" and "liaison."

You know, the kind of thing you give Stamps.

♪

- Zagelman is coming to your house?

- Yep, and we'’re gonna wine him, we'’re donna dine him,

then offer him the title

of "executive administrative liaison."

- "Executive administrative liaison?"

I was hoping for that.

- That'’s what I'’m talking about.

- Alicia, do you have a second?

- First, don'’t think, just react.

Which one of these three is the sexiest?

- Ooh, that girl in the middle is hot.

- Not the models, the dresses!

- Oh. - Ugh. I hate shopping.

So what did you want to talk about?

- Well, it was about the Virginia job.

Sorry to leave you in the lurch like that.

- It'’s fine. I'’ll call Bruce Peters.

He'’s great, excited to do it.

- Oh. Oh, cool, you know, uh,

I was worried you wouldn'’t be able

to replace me, yeah, you know.

I'’m happy for Bruce, whoever he is.

- He'’s great. - Yeah, you mentioned that.

- So, Alicia, what is it you'’re shopping for?

- A dress.

Will you help me?

- [chuckles] Girl.

It'’s too hard to translate all of this into that.

- Please, I am dying here.

- Okay, what is it for? I'’ll help you.

- A wedding.

- Oh, that is my specialty.

- Well, I was thinking about this floral one.

- No, no, no, Alicia.

Look at me.

Look at me!

I'’m the captain now.

You will meet me here tomorrow at 11:00.

Bring a strapless bra and a thong.

- Well, I don'’t have a thong.

- Well, then we have another stop to make.

♪

[doorbell rings]

- That can'’t be him.

It'’s not even close to 6:30.

Hey, Harry. You'’re early.

- That happens a lot. I don'’t obey stop signs.

I reject the notion that the government has the right

to tell me when to stop.

- 3%.

- Come on in, man.

- Uh, Labka? Labka.

Come.

- Well, hello, uh, welcome.

- Nice to meet you.

- Don'’t bother, she'’s Russian.

Doesn'’t speak a lick of English.

- So she'’s your, uh...

- Fiancée.

- What do you talk about?

- Anything I want to talk about.

- [chuckles] Well.

Uh--um, Harry, I hope you brought your appetite

and a translation dictionary.

- I'’m starving; the only thing

I like more than the free market, a free meal.

- Well, that'’s great because I'’m grilling filets tonight.

- Excellent. I like my meat

like I like my government: lean.

- You got one for everything, don'’t you?

Ooh! No, no, no-no-no.

Don'’t smoke this in the house.

No-no-no. No ,no, no, no, no.

Don'’t smoke any of them.

- Harry, so while we'’re waiting on the filets,

again, since you'’re way early,

what do you say we have a little private talk?

- Oh, anything you want to say to me,

you can say in front of Labka.

- [chuckles]

I guess that is true.

- I'’m gonna go in the kitchen

and get some hors d'’oeuvres started.

Um, Labka, why don'’t you come with?

I say Labka!

Why don'’t you come with me in the kitchen?

I'’ma be in there if you change your mind.

- [speaking Russian]

- Um, I'’m sorry, what did she just say?

- I don'’t know.

- Look, Harry,

the election'’s four days away, and we'’ve all seen the numbers,

and we know where this thing is headed.

- I hear you, Boyce.

The last thing we want is a split vote

and end up with another four years of Saxby.

- Exactly.

So, you know, the painful reality is

it'’s time to talk about conceding.

- Oh, Boyce, don'’t feel sheepish about bringing it up.

I came here prepared, um.

I would like to offer you the job

of "deputy consulting liaison."

- Wait, wait--wait-- you'’re offering me a job?

- I mean, not for nothing.

You'’d have to concede and throw your support my way.

- You can'’t offer me a bogus job.

I was gonna offer you a bogus job.

At least my bogus job had the word "executive" in it.

- Not interested.

- But I'’m crushing you.

- Yeah, only if you believe the lame-stream media.

- Guys, I'’ve got wine.

- You are completely out of your mind.

- Uh--uh red and white.

- I don'’t have to listen to this.

Let'’s go, Labka.

Labka, we'’re leaving.

Ah, I'’ll be in the car.

- You got to go, honey.

Shoo.

Let her stay, Boyce, she look like she could use a meal.

♪

- Dad?

- How you feel, Pop?

- Fantastic. Damn bed keeps moving.

There'’s nothing on TV but "Diff'’rent Strokes."

And the Jell-O--

Well, the Jell-O'’s all right.

Just not enough of it.

- Looks like they turned down the dosage on your happy juice.

- Hey, I'’m not one to complain.

So how'’s everything going with that moron Zagelman?

- The man won'’t answer my calls.

I mean, one time someone did pick up,

but didn'’t say anything.

I'’m assuming it was his fiancée.

- I'’d like to get out there and help you son,

but these damn doctors don'’t know what they'’re doing.

- Sorry about my dad, Dr. Prizant.

- It'’s okay. You don'’t get to choose your patients.

You pull back the curtain,

sometimes it'’s a sweet, little old lady--

sometimes it'’s not.

- You know what, Zagelman'’s a dentist.

He sees patients.

I'’ll just make an appointment.

- He'’s not gonna see you.

- Well, sure, he may not take a call from Boyce Ballentine,

but he will make an appointment with Dirk Benedict.

- The actor from "The A-Team?"

- Huh?

No, I'’m just saying I'’ll use a fake name.

You know what, I knew that sounded familiar, man.

He was the tall one, right, with the grey, with the sideburns?

I'’m just gonna make a call.

- Aren'’t you gonna miss your ride?

- No, don'’t worry about it, Dad. I'’ll stay here with you.

- Well, suit yourself.

Got a couple of lime Jell-Os hidden behind those flowers.

Grab me one and get one for yourself.

- All right.

There you go.

Say, uh, this is nice.

- You should trythe red.

- No, no, no, I mean, spending time with you.

You know, hey, everything'’s been so crazy,

it makes me realize what'’s really important.

- Stop talking like I'’m gonna die, you drama queen.

- Well, it'’s not just that.

Pop, I haven'’t told anybody this,

but Alicia offered me a job in Virginia.

- Well, I'’m not surprised.

You'’re kicking butt on the campaign.

- Thanks, Pop.

Obviously, I'’m not gonna go, though.

Not with everything going on with you.

- You know, that'’s incredible, Stamps.

For a full 20 seconds there, I thought you weren'’t an idiot.

- What-- - Son.

You finally found something you'’re great at,

and you got a job offer doing it.

Now, if you don'’t want the job, fine.

But don'’t use me as an excuse just because you'’re a wuss.

- Point taken, but you know,

I wouldn'’t hate it if they put you back on the juice.

- Leave the Jell-O.

♪

- I don'’t know about this dress, Lolli.

- Just come out and show me.

You look fantastic!

- I'’m not sure it'’s--it'’s me.

- No, it'’s not you.

But we'’re not going for you.

- Well, that'’s hurtful.

- Alicia, why am I here?

- To watch me suffer.

- No, why am I really here?

- Because you thought the dress I was buying online was ugly.

- No, you thought the dress you were buying online was ugly.

So I'’m gonna ask you one more time, why am I here?

- Because you always look good.

You are sexy and confident,

and when you walk into a room, people go "Wow!"

When I walk into a room, people go "Eh."

So I am going to this wedding, and I hate buying dresses,

but two of my ex-boyfriends are gonna be there.

And I would really like people to go "Wow."

And that is why you are here.

- Wait a minute, two ex-boyfriends?

Daphne, we'’re gonna need a low-cut red number.

Oh, and some chicken cutlets.

- Is that really necessary?

Bring the cutlets.

♪

- Okay, how we doing today, Mr. Martin?

- Oh, actually, doctor, it'’s me.

- What are you doing here?

I have nothing to say to you.

- Look, you have to talk to me, I'’m your patient now.

- No, mister, uh,

"Marty Martin" is my patient.

Couldn'’t you have been more creative with the fake name?

- I was in a hurry.

Fake names are hard.

- Please leave.

- I'’m not going anywhere.

- This is a dental office, I have other patients.

- You haven'’t examined me yet.

- Clearly you'’re not here for that.

- No, I am.

I want a dental exam. Come on, let'’s do this.

Oh, whoo, that is bright.

- Okay, if you, uh, really want to do this.

- I do.

Look, Zagelman, about the other night, man,

I--I know things got a little heated, but I think

that if you and I-- - Open wide.

- Sit down--ahh. - Wider.

Wider. - Ahh.

Look, man, if we could just sit down--

- Oh, I don'’t like the look of that.

- Huh--wha? [tool buzzing]

- You have an abscess by your third molar.

- Okay, all right, man.

You'’re only saying that because you'’re mad at me.

- I don'’t joke around with teeth.

Okay. - Ah!

- Peggy, get the anesthesia ready.

- Why?

- Marty Martin'’s gonna have a little surgery.

♪

- Check me out.

- Yes, hot-a-momma!

Now, this is the you that you want you to be.

- Is it too much?

- Look at who you asking and then ask it again.

- You'’re right. I am hot.

[sizzles] Ow!

- Well--well, let'’s not do that at the wedding.

- How are we doing, ladies?

- Daphne, she'’s gonna take all three.

- Yeah. Wait, how much is this one?

- No, no, no, no, no.

The first rule of shopping: you never look at the tag.

- YOLO.

People still say that?

together: No.

- So is there where you'’re gonna get your new dress

for Boyce'’s inauguration?

- Inauguration?

There might really be an inauguration.

I--I hadn'’t even thought of that.

- Yeah, if Boyce gets Zagelman'’s votes,

he could win this.

- That'’s insane.

Boyce could actually be the mayor.

And I'’d be married to the mayor.

That means I got to get a cause.

And all the good ones like healthy eating

and "say no to drugs" are already taken.

- True. Your life is about to change.

You thought the election was crazy.

[blows raspberry]

- Well, at least the campaign is over.

- Yeah, for a couple of years,

but then you got to start gearing up for the next one.

- Daphne, we'’re gonna need another bottle of champagne!

- Alicia, there you are.

Well, why aren'’t you--

Wow.

- There'’s your "wow."

- Why aren'’t you answering your phone?

- Oh, I guess I must have left it in the dressing room.

- And Stamps, there are no pockets

in this tight little number.

- Yeah.

[phone ringing] - Oh, that'’s me.

- So what is the emergency,Stamps?

- I want the job. Don'’t hire Bruce Peters.

- I was never gonna hire Bruce Peters.

He'’s an idiot.

- I thought you were giving him my job?

- No, I just said that to motivate you to take the job.

- Well-- now I don'’t want the job.

- Yes, you do.

- No, I will not be manipulated like this.

- Fine, I'’ll call Andre Glover.

- Ha, yeah, right, Andre Glover'’s probably an idiot.

- No, actually, Andre Glover is brilliant.

I don'’t know why I didn'’t think of that in the first place.

- I'’ll take the job.

- Smart move.

Andre Glover'’s an idiot.

- That was Zagelman'’s office.

They said that Boyce is there and he had anesthesia.

- At Zagelman'’s office? - That'’s what they said.

And he needs a ride home.

Stamps, you gonna have to drive.

Daphne, get us some to-go cups.

♪

- Okay, Reverend, it'’ll take a while for the gas to wear off,

and, uh, no solid foods or cold beverages until tomorrow.

Now, uh, what was it you wanted to say to me?

- [slurring] Nah, screw it, man.

- Excuse me?

- I hate this.

You know, the stupid politics,

the speeches, and the deal-making crap.

I don'’t need this.

I could go on tour and sing my old songs

and make a fortune.

Ooh, I feel good.

Uh--and Peggy,

let me get another squirt of that gas.

- Peggy, no, no.

- Come on. Come on, now.

Okay--look--come on-- Here'’s a hundred.

Ju--ju--fill the room up with it.

Peggy?

- If you hate politics so much, why are you running for mayor?

- What?

- Why are you running for mayor?

- Zagelman, man, man, I love this messed-up city.

It'’s where I grew up.

It'’s where my peoples is from.

You know, it'’s where I first rode a bike,

where I made love...

It'’s the Lou!

- Okay, you win.

- What?I do?

What do I win, a little, tiny tube of toothpicks?

- I'’m dropping out of the race and I'’m endorsing you.

- You are? - Mm-hmm.

- That'’s so neat.

- Well, I have to admit, I don'’t see a clear path to victory,

and you love this city almost as much as I hate government,

and plaque.

You have beautiful teeth, Reverend Ballentine.

If you take care of St. Louis half as well

as you take care of your mouth, we'’re in good hands.

- Boyce.

What'’s going on?

- Lolli,

is this real life?

- What did you do to my baby?

- Dr. Zagelman just gave me his 3%.

- [gasps]

- That'’s fantastic! - All right.

- Yeah, come on, Doc.

Let'’s hug it out.

- Ah, this is nice.

Labka isn'’t into physical contact.

- Okay, okay.

- Oh, come on. - Oh.

- Yeah, sure. - Oh, okay.

- Nice.

Hey? - Uh-uh.

♪

- So with Zagelman'’s voters in my column,

I might just clinch this thing.

- [chuckling] - Can you believe it?

- That'’s great, son, let'’s go grab a beer and celebrate.

- Dad--

How about I get you an apple juice and you can shake it up?

- Fine.

That'’s great news, huh?

- I'’m so happy.

- Maybe you should tell your face that.

- I'’m trying, Barton.

- What is it?

- Well, I just realized something today.

Boyce might actually win this thing.

- Isn'’t that the goal?

- Well, yes, b-but, I'’ve been so focused on the campaign,

I never really thought about what would happen afterwards.

I mean, don'’t get me wrong, I want this for Boyce.

I--I just don'’t know if I want it for me.

- Have you told Boyce how you feel?

- No. I-it'’s my crazy,

and I'’ll deal with it.

So please, don'’t say anything.

♪

[soul music]

♪

- ♪ The soul man

- ♪ Hey