Original subtitles

♪

[Scottish accent] - Boyce Ballentine,

is on the seventh green at St. Andrews'’.

There'’s a slight head wind coming from the northeast.

He'’s putting for eagle.

Concentration is the key.

If he makes this putt,

he gets to have the ice cream sandwich in the fridge.

- I can'’t believe it! - Oh!

- I'’m so mad!

[normal voice] - No--fan interference.

I still get to have the ice cream.

- Boyce, I am so angry.

- Well, what'’s wrong, ladies?

Aren'’t you supposed to be on your "Chocolate Chicks" weekend?

- You damn right we should be.

- We should be on that wine-tasting train right now.

- Boyce, it was an outrage.

All right, we were on the train, having a beautiful time,

lovely scenery... - Wine was flowing.

- When out of nowhere--boom!

They kick us off the train.

- What? Why?

- You ain'’t gonna believe this.

They said we were too loud.

- Mm-hmm.

both: Too loud!

- Uh, were you too loud?

- Uh, no.

We was just having fun.

- Uh-huh.

- Mm-hmm.

- Uh-huh?

[car horn honking] - That'’s Regina.

You know, we are so mad.

You know, we doing our own wine train.

Mm-hmm, gonna get us a bottle, honey,

and ride the metro.

- Wow. [chuckles]

- I mean, what, we weren'’t supposed to have a good time?

We'’re not supposed to laugh?

I mean, it'’s a wine train, not a library train.

- [chuckles] Definitely not.

I--I don'’t think they have those.

- Just like"that"

we were off the train.

- Without a warning?

- Oh no, they warned us a couple of times.

Made me mad.

- Babe, so did you quiet down?

- What'’s that supposed to mean?

- Oh, nothing, you know, I'’m just

trying to find out exactly what happened.

- I just told you exactly what happened.

- Okay. All right, all right, cool,

we good.

- You think we were too loud.

- Now, I wasn'’t there to witness.

- Oh!

So now you gonna take they side?

- I'’m not taking anybody'’s side.

- Oh, okay, I see how it is, Boyce.

We too loud for you and your little wine-train friends.

Okay, well, from now on,

Lolli is gonna be quiet.

- Lolli, come on-- it'’s not like that now.

[stomps]

♪

[soul music]

♪

- $300?

Ernie, my man, you'’re better than that.

Come on, every dollar goes directly to helping

Boyce Ballentine become your next mayor.

How about we say $500 and call it a day?

Ernie, you'’re my dog, man, I love you.

Now, will that be credit or debit?

- You got another donor, who is it?

- Just some telemarketer who called

to sell me some carpet cleaner.

I flipped it on him.

- Brenda. - Yes?

- You know your colors, right?

- Mm-hmm. - Okay.

Well, what color is this?

- Blue? - No.

This is cobalt blue.

Cobalt blue is weak, it'’s pathetic, it'’s surrender.

I asked you for

admiral blue.

- They look exactly the same to me.

- Oh, my God!

This is why we are 20 points behind in the polls.

Get out of my sight.

Now.

- She'’s on the warpath.

- Yeah, that'’s the third one she made cry this week.

I think the stress is starting to get to her.

You know, maybe I should go talk to her?

- Harrison, how are things looking up there?

- Where? - Your ass.

Now pull your head out, and get me those donor lists.

Our fundraising dinner still has empty tables.

Now, princess.

- I'’ll talk to her later.

- [sighs] Goodness.

- You'’re early.

- Oh, I cannot be at home right now, Dad.

Lolli is on one.

- What'’d you do?

- Oh, it wasn'’t me.

She got kicked off this wine train,

and accused me of taking their side.

I told her I'’m not on anybody'’s side.

- [sharply inhales]

- What?

- So your wife is upset, and you decided

the best course of action was to reassure her

that you were impartial.

- [sharply inhales]

- I'’m surprised I didn'’t hear her yelling from my house.

- Actually, she'’s not yelling.

She'’s being quiet.

[sharply inhales]

Hey, babe!

- Mm-hmm.

- Okay, Lolli, you remember Connie and Frank

from the church?

The ones all holier-than-thou.

And you always said, "Something up with those two."

Well, guess what?

They'’re swingers.

You called it. [chuckles]

- Yeah, that makes sense.

- That'’s it?

I was expecting more like,

"I knew it! I know it, I know it,

"I know it.

I could have spotted those freaks from a mile away."

- Is that supposed to be me?

- Look, Lolli,

I'’m sorry you thought I didn'’t have your back.

- You didn'’t have my back!

- There go my baby right there.

[chuckles] Look, I was wrong.

I should have never questioned you.

I'’m sure it wasn'’t your fault, all right?

So how can I make it up to you?

- Well, we can go down

to the wine-train people and confront them

about their crimes against humanity.

- Yeah, I was thinking more like a nice dinner

and a couples'’ massage.

- Oh.

I guess you'’re still on their side.

- No. No, no, no, no, no, wait.

You know what, you'’re right. We should go.

- Really, baby, you mean it?

- Absolutely. Let'’s do it.

- Thank you, baby. - All right.

- Ooh! Connie and Frank--

I know it, I know it,I know!

Freaks!

I called it!

♪

- So because your wife was on some kind of "chocolate tour..."

- No, no, it was a wine tour.

They'’re the "Chocolate Chicks,"

that'’s what they call themselves.

- And they were being drunk and loud?

- Well, we don'’t know what really happened.

- But we know Lolli.

- Well, there is that.

- Boyce, I'’ve got enough stress right now.

We'’ve got six empty tables at your fundraiser,

I'’m working with color-blind idiots,

Brenda.

We simply cannot afford another mistake.

Do not go down to that train office.

- Daddy, what you think?

- I think what she'’s saying is pretty smart

if you want to be mayor.

But pretty dumb if you want to stay married.

- There he is!

My knight in shining armor. Mm!

It'’s about to go down.

- Do not let it go down.

- Hey, babe. - Babe, I just love it

when you have my back.

It makes me want to give you my front.

Come on.

- It might have to go down.

♪

- Mr. Peasley will see you now.

- About time.

Come on, Boyce, we gonna give this man hell.

- Hey--Lolli,

look, babe,

I think I should go in there by myself.

- What you mean?

- Babe, if a guy goes into a cage fight with his woman,

then the other guy knows that he'’s holding back.

But if he walks in there alone, then the other guy knows

that a ass-whooping is imminent.

- Got you, baby.

Okay, now, you not gonna go too crazy, are you?

- I can'’t make no promises, Lolli.

I mean, the guy insults my woman?

[scoffs] Ain'’t no telling

what might jump off.

- Aww.

Okay. - Okay

[knocks twice]

Can I holler at you for a second?

[inaudible]

I know you'’re confused right now,

but here'’s the thing: I have to look like

I'’m yelling at you or my wife will never forgive me.

- [stuttering] I'’m sorry, what is going on?

- My wife--

[inaudible]

Kicked off your train for being loud.

and I have to take her side.

You married, right?

You married?

- Yes.

- Is your wife out of her mind?

- Oh, yeah, sometimes.

- Then you feel me.

So please play along, you perfectly nice man.

[inaudible]

Look, don'’t pay attention to the gestures.

You have to listen to my words.

I like you.

I think we could be friends.

Do you golf?Do you?

- Tell him, baby.

- Where'’d you get this chair?

- Uh, Katz'’s on Fifth.

- That'’s a nice store.

What I'’m gonna do now is smash this on the floor.

But soon as I leave here,

I'’m gonna send you a cashier'’s check to replace it.

Plus shipping and handling.

- Don'’t!

Have you thought about going to a marriage counselor?

- I'’m a minister.

I am a marriage counselor.

So thank you so much for your time.

And let me know about the golf.

- You handled that!

- It had to go down in there, babe.

Come on, let'’s get out of here.

♪

♪

[doorbell chimes]

- Hey, girl. - Hi.

Whoo.

Please tell me you saw that video Nikki sent.

- I don'’t open Nikki'’s videos.

I am still a pastor'’s wife.

- No, no, no, no, no, no.

It'’s the video of us on the wine train, girl.

It provesthey mistreated us.

Just watch the video, watch it.

- Oh, shoot.

- Okay, how many times do I have to tell you

to pour me a full glass?

- Ma'’am, this is a wine-tasting.

- Exactly, and I want to taste

a whole glass. - Okay?

- Hey, I mean, you know what, just leave the whole bottle.

- See that? He did not leave the bottle.

Girl, that'’s just bad customer service.

- Chocolate Chicks!

both: Ride or die! Chocolate Chicks!

- Hey! - Come on, get it, come on.

- Get it, get it, ooh-- - Ladies, ladies, I'’m sorry.

But we'’ve gotten a few complaints.

Is there any chance you can keep it down?

[laughter]

- Does that answer your question?

[laughing and yelling]

- He don'’t want it!

- You know he don'’t want it, girl!

- Marshawn, I think maybe he actually didn'’t want it.

- Hey.

- [sighs] Boyce is gonna kill me.

- Wait, why?

- Uh, are you watching the same video?

I had him out there trying to be my knight in shining armor,

and all the while his queen was acting a straight fool.

- What are you talking about?

That is a lawsuit there.

- Yeah, maybe against you

for sexual harassment.

- Ooh, damn.

We need to get rid of that video.

- I could have just deleted it.

♪

- Uh, hey. Where have you been?

I need you on the phones, filling tables.

- You know it only takes a second to say "please?"

- Get on the phones before I kill you...

please.

- That'’s all I was asking.

You'’re a little tightly wound.

- I know, I know. I'’m sorry.

When I'’m in the heat of campaign,

I work such long hours, I have no life whatsoever.

- Well, do you ever do anything to relax?

- I used to kickbox before I injured my...

instructor.

- Hey, I do a little kickboxing. I'’ll spar with you.

- I don'’t know; when I'’m stressed, I don'’t hold back.

[scoffs] Bring it.

- [exhales]

[both panting]

- Now, that wasn'’t kickboxing,

but I ain'’t mad at it.

You know, I think I pulled something

that I didn'’t know I could pull.

- That'’s how I injured my instructor.

- So am I your first...

You know? - Black guy?

No.

- Uh, I was gonna say co-worker.

- Oh.

No.

♪

- ♪ Buh-buh, buh-buh, buh-buh ♪

- Boyce, we need to talk.

- About what?

- Well--Nikki sent the video of us on the train

and, well...

it turns out we were kind of

completely at fault.

- Really?

- Boyce, it was terrible.

We were loud and obnoxious.

I would show you the video,

but my iPad broke.

- Look, babe, we all make mistakes, all right?

No harm, no foul.

- But, Boyce, I feel terrible.

You went down to the train office

and ripped that guy a new one.

- Eh...I barely ripped the old one he had.

- Boyce, this is all bad.

You'’re running for mayor, and I got you out there

screaming at a innocent man.

If we don'’t go down there and apologize,

I will never forgive myself.

- Look, babe, I really think

you'’re being too hard on yourself.

- No, I'’m not.

- All right, babe, look.

Here'’s the thing, all right,

and, you gonna love this.

[chuckles]

All that yelling and chair-throwing

that you saw down there,

that was all fake.

[chuckles]

- Boyce, I saw you do it.

- Well, I know what you thinkyou saw,

but, really, I know the Chocolate Chicks,

and I know how you get when you with the Chocolate Chicks.

So I just made you think I was chewing that guy out,

but I wasn'’t. [chuckles]

- Really?

- Isn'’t that great?

- [sighs]

Great...

that my husband didn'’t have my back.

- Okay, [stuttering] what are you doing right now?

- And then lied to me about it.

- Lolli, don'’t-- don'’t get all quiet on me.

Lolli.

[sharply inhales]

♪

- All right.

Who made this e-vite to Boyce'’s lunch event?

- Uh, I-- I did.

- "I Wanna Have Lunch Wichoo?"

- Yeah. It'’s from his song.

♪ "I wanna have lunch wichoo." ♪

- Very creative.

We'’re not gonna use it, but hey, you can'’t win home runs

without taking big swings. Good job!

- What happened to that woman?

I'’ve never seen her like this.

She was...nice.

- Well, you know, something happened last night, Pops.

Alicia was stressed, she need a release,

so we, uh...

did a little kickboxing.

- How dumb do you think I am, son?

- All right, Pop, look, I was just trying to help, okay?

I was thinking about Boyce.

I mean not during.

- So were you her first?

- Black guy?

- No, her first idiot.

What was going through your head?

What if this blows up and hurts Boyce'’s campaign?

- Okay, I hear you.

Let me talk to her before she gets ideas.

Hey, Alicia.

- Hello, I wanted to talk to you about tonight'’s dinner.

- Wha--tonight?

Um, isn'’t that kind of soon?

- What are you talking about?

It'’s been on Boyce'’s calendar for two weeks.

- Oh! The-- the fundraiser dinner.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Right, right, right.

Uh, so, um,

are we acting like last night didn'’t happen?

- No, it happened, it was fun, thank you.

- You'’re--you'’re welcome.

- Are you waiting for me to say something else or we good?

- Oh, no, we good.

- Oh, good. - Yeah, we good.

Yeah, I was just making sure

you weren'’t catching any feelings

'’cause you know I'’m good. [chuckles]

So, uh, I--I guess that'’s it then.

- Yep.

- Happy to be of service.

- Oh, there is one other thing.

Thursday night, Boyce has the League of Women Voters so

we can get together then.

- Right, cool, you know,

I know this little Indian place downtown we could--

- Oh, no. I'’ve got an hour, tops.

Just meet me at my place and we can knock one out.

♪

♪ Buh-buh, buh-buh, buh-buh ♪

- Hey, hey, Lo.

- Mm-hmm.

- Okay, so you still doing the quiet thing?

Well, cool.

I'’m about to do the loud thing.

Yeah.

Oh, dishes.

Hmm.

[chuckles]

Spoon!

Spoon!

Spoon!

Knife!

Fork!

Baby fork!

- Those were all dirty.

- Really?

I'’ll just have to clean them all.

- Would you knock it off?

- Oh, well, welcome back, Loud Lolli.

- I may be loud, but at least I'’ve always had your back.

- Babe, you watched the video.

You admitted to being wrong.

- That'’s when I need your support the most.

That'’s when you should be doubling down.

- Come on.

You'’re being a little unreasonable.

- I'’ve done it for you.

- What are you talking about?

- I'’m talking about your ninth album.

Your double-disc "hip-hopera."

- "Boyce Don'’t Cry?"

- "Rolling Stone" magazine gave it a half a star.

- You know what, I don'’t write my music for the critics.

The public loved it.

You saw all those reviews on Amazon.

- Oh, you mean from, uh, SoulFanPhilly...

- Mm-hmm. - Crystal from San Antonio,

BigKenny45.

That was all me.

- Wait a minute, you were BigKenny45?

- Yes, I was.

- [sighs]

- I created 75 accounts,Boyce,

so I could write you 75 great reviews.

- Damn.

In my mind, Big Kenny wore that album out, man.

So, baby, you--you lied to me to make me feel better?

- Exactly!

- So how is that any different than what I did for you?

- Oh, that'’s so different!

We--because...

Ca--okay--it-- my intention

was to--oh--listen.

When you really think about it...

- Mm-hmm.

- [sighs] When you really

think about it, Boyce, why would we lie to each other

about something like this?

- Because we love each other.

- Yes. - Come here, babe.

- I love you, and thank you for having my back.

Now let'’s go upstairs and get loud.

- [chuckles]

You know what, let me get a baby fork real quick.

♪

[R&B music]

- ♪ I'’m on the staircase ♪

♪ Left foot on the staircase ♪

♪ Almost to the bottom of the staircase ♪

♪ I don'’t know till I get ♪

♪ To the bottom of the staircase ♪

- Are we still on the first disc?

- Unfortunately.

- ♪ When he turns up, she'’s there ♪

♪ But she need to get her hair done ♪

♪ But who she'’s getting it hair done for? ♪

♪ I hope it'’s for me-e-e-ee ♪

- You know what, I don'’t think he'’ll know if we leave.

♪

- ♪ Ee-ee-ee-ee

Hey, where y'’all go?

[soul music]

♪

- ♪ The soul man

- ♪ Hey