Original subtitles

It is written in the book of Luke

that he who humbles himself shall be exalted.

And that's how we should all live.

I mean, look at Jesus.

The man walked on water.

Water!

But he wasn't like,

"Oh, yo, check me out, son."

He wasn't like these rappers

who make a couple of hit records and then call themselves God.

If anybody had the right to call himself God,

it was Jesus.

I mean, think about it.

The man hadn't dropped a new verse in 2,000 years,

and he's still on top of the charts.

Now that's swag.

[Barton] Hey, Boyce, we need some more bread.

- Boyce? - Oh, okay.

I'ma get the ladle in the shot,

and I need you to look more downtrodden.

Yeah, yeah, that's good.

God bless you.

Boyce, what are you doing?

Oh, I'm putting this picture on Instagram.

Aw, man, this dude doesn't look that homeless.

Maybe it's his first day.

Would you put that phone away and help?

I am helping.

Boyce the Voice lending his face to the cause.

As a celebrity, I can do more good

for these troubled souls by publicizing their troubles.

You know, shining my light on their plight.

Found my hashtag.

I got 50 people to feed.

I don't need Boyce the Voice.

I need Boyce the soup server.

Afternoon, Pastor.

The soup looks really good today.

Old family recipe.

My grandmother used to make it with whiskey,

but we thought that might not be the best idea here.

And, by the way, Lewis, meet my son, Boyce.

Oh, Boyce.

Oh, oh, your daddy talks a lot about you.

Well, you know how he can be--

Ahh!

Can I get a squirt of that?

No offense, but I don't know where you've been.

Sure.

Boyce, part of being a pastor

is coming down out of the pulpit

and getting your hands dirty.

It's important to show compassion

to all God's children.

Stamps, you idiot, get out of that line.

What was that about showing compassion, Dad?

He's not God's children. He's my children.

What are you doing?

I'm trying to be frugal.

Pop, the IRS is after me.

They're claiming I didn't pay taxes on my cupcake business.

Well, is that because you didn't pay taxes

on your cupcake business?

Oh, so you one of them now?

Does your business pay taxes?

My business is the church.

I work for God.

Oh, that's a good angle.

It's not an angle.

It's a calling.

Ah, calling.

Good angle.

Hey, hey, Stamps,

get a picture with me and that dude right there.

He got the gloves with the fingers cut out.

Classic hobo.

[soul music]

♪

♪ Hey

♪ The soul man

Lolli?

Hey, girl.

What is going on in here?

Girl, my styling business is blowing up.

Oh, so making those dead ladies look fly at their funeral

really paid off?

Mm. Yes, it did, and now I'm styling the living,

which is a lot better for repeat business.

Yeah, but why aren't you doing it at your salon?

Oh, because I'm remodeling it.

Turns out, in order to do hair and clothing,

I needed a conditional zone permit,

and the building inspector is only there every other Tuesday.

- So when I went down there-- - Okay.

I don't care anymore.

Lolli, I love it.

I love it. I love it.

Oh, I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

I wanted to give you something to accentuate your curves,

but you just look like something a lion would eat.

Oh, you know what?

I got just the thing. Hold on.

Ugh. Coming back over.

Hold on.

There. Try that.

Thanks.

Lolli, how can you even work like this?

Oh, no, Nikki. I have a system. Okay.

This is my 3:15.

That right there is my 4:30, and--ooh!

You just sat on my 5:00.

Well, why don't you just clear out Boyce's junk

from the spare bedroom?

Shh! Don't you let that man hear you call his stuff "junk."

Mm-mm. He refers to it

as the Boyce-onian Museum of Priceless Memorabilia.

[both] Junk.

Look, Lolli, I'm telling you,

you got to make a stand.

Now, I lived with a hoarder once,

and I told him it was either 30 years of the TV Guidesor me.

- And? - And here I am.

Babe? Honey?

Yeah, babe?

I need you to give me something.

Yes, you do.

You are the only one who can give it to me, Boyce.

I'ma give it to you. Come on.

So you're gonna let me have it?

Yes. I'm gonna let you have it.

Oh, Boyce, you're gonna let me have this room for my business?

Get it, get it, get it, get it, get it--

No, no, no, no, no. Babe, babe, babe, you want the Boyce-onian?

Everything in here is a rich tapestry of my artistic glories.

Really, Boyce?

What about this nasty jacket? Ew. It smells like wet dog.

Dog?

Babe, this is a 100% pony hair.

I wore this when I performed on the Soul Train Music Awards

in 1988.

Bell and DeVoe thought it was fly.

Biv, not so much.

Fine.

Keep your pony,

but do you have to keep all of the rest of this stuff, Boyce?

Lolli, this is 20 years of my life here.

I mean, a great career of sold-out shows,

all over the world. This stuff is valuable.

You damn right it is, Boyce,

and we can sell it on eBay.

Nikki can help us do it.

She's done it before. We can make a ton of money.

We don't need the money.

No, no, no. Not for us.

For charity, huh?

Well, we could give it to your father's soup kitchen.

All this junk ought to buy a lot of soup.

You know what?

He has been on me about helping out down there.

Exactly.

Think about it, Boyce.

How many of your fans

would love to own a little piece of Boyce the Voice?

I guess I am being a little selfish

keeping all this magic to myself.

I'm not judging, but since you said it, I agree.

I mean, we could kill two birds with one stone.

Ha! Two dead birds.

Come on.

Lollipop, I got the boxes.

Come on, let's go.

What's up, my coworker?

Stamps, what are you talking about? Coworker?

You, my brother, are looking at a freshly ordained minister.

Yeah. I did it online.

All you need is $40 and a valid email address.

Oh, and a desire to serve the Lord.

Since when did you have a desire to serve the Lord?

Since I got audited.

Now, when the IRS comes looking for my profits

there won't be any profit,

because I'm a non-profit prophet.

The second prophet's a prophet with a "PH."

I get it, Stamps.

Ah, ah, ah.

- It's Father Stamps, now. - No, it's not.

- You're not Catholic. - Whoo, good,

because that abstinence thing was not gonna work for me.

Hey, Stamps.

While you're here you want to help us carry some boxes

- out to the car? - I'm sorry.

I'm busy doing the Lord's work.

May God be with you, child.

You're not Catholic.

- Did he just touch my weave? - He just touched your weave.

He just touched your weave.

Nikki, girl, thank you so much

for helping us out with the auction.

Oh, hey, I am the queen of eBay.

That's how I did most of my business.

Didn't you sell dildos on eBay?

Oh, yeah.

Girl, I got a whole bunch of 12 to 18-inch shipping tubes,

if you need them.

- No, we're good. - All right.

Now, the key to a good auction is good pictures.

You're really gonna have to work to sell these.

Oh, trust me.

I can sell this.

[funk music]

♪ Make your feet move around ♪

♪ Get loose tonight

♪ Take that pizazz

♪ Boogie woogie woogie in my soul ♪

[Lolli] Okay, baby. Give me cool.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

Give me excited.

Okay, work it.

Give me sexy.

Yes!

- Did you get it? - Oh, we already had it.

Those last two were for me.

All right, while I'm uploading these pictures,

y'all need to start pricing the items.

Hey, you know what?

Let's start with these leather pants.

Start them out at $900.

$900? Are you crazy?

You know what? You right.

I bought them for $500, and then I wore them on Arsenio,

so $1,200.

Let's say $150.

$150?

Boyce the Voice Ballentine wore these on television.

Boyce, you got to price them low to stir the pot.

Draw people in.

Fine. Start them low.

Babe, remember this?

My cologne.

Unctuous by Boyce Ballentine.

Smell the Voice.

I never understood what that meant.

Yeah. Ah.

[inhales deeply]

[coughs]

Whoa. That voice is loud.

Hey, Pop.

- So no Boyce today, huh? - Nope.

Well, it's a shame he didn't show up,

because we men of the cloth have to stick together.

Take this, and eat of it.

Okay. You're gonna have to stop talking like that.

You are not a pastor.

I am, and I don't talk like that.

Thank you, Pastor Ballentine.

[both] You're welcome.

Stop that. You are not a pastor.

I think the omniversallifechurch.org

would disagree.

Reverend Fletcher "Stamps" Ballentine.

This doesn't mean anything.

It's laminated.

It's not about the lamination.

It's about you always taking shortcuts.

Trying to treat everything like a hustle.

Being a pastor is about helping people.

I am helping people.

I'm helping myself.

Charity begins at home, right, Pop?

All right. I've had enough.

Mm-hmm. See?

Don't mock the lamination.

Come partaketh of my bounty.

This leopard print bathrobe is the last item on the list.

We are about to take this auction live.

Ooh, Boyce, this is all so exciting.

Boom.

Okay, good. Any bids, yet?

Honey, it's only been two seconds.

I know. I know, but come on now.

How about now?

Boyce, you got to be patient.

This auction is going to last a few days.

I'm cool. I'm cool.

- Okay, anything? - Stop looking.

[funk music]

I ain't tripping. It's still early.

Come on, people. Let's get this going.

Are you kidding me?

This is real alligator.

Not the soup.

The boots.

If you weren't homeless, how much would you pay for these?

Let us pray.

Oh, Lord, you're killing me.

Come on, Vera. Just try that on, okay?

And lose the granny panties.

And take off that battle bra.

Lolli, what's going on, baby?

Boyce, these ladies are buying my clothes

like they're going out of style,

which they are not, 'cause Looks by Lolli is selling them.

Good for you, babe.

Oh, what's happening with the auction?

Well, actually I--

One second.

Hold that thought.

Ooh, my bad.

Put the battle bra back on.

She lost that war a long time ago.

Hold on, honey.

Ah.

What is wrong with you?

And I'm not asking because I care.

I'm just asking 'cause I'm polite.

You know what's wrong with me,

Miss Queen of eBay.

My stuff's not selling.

And that's my fault?

Yes, because you price stuff too low.

People think it's bootleg or something.

Bootlegs that you posed for pictures with?

You know what? You right. I'm just frustrated.

I mean, this has been the worst week of my life.

Honey, this is the best week of my life.

Boyce, would it help if I told you that this

happens all the time on eBay?

The most valuable stuff

- never sells. - Is that true?

[laughs]

No, I was just being polite again.

Honey, this is going so well.

I'm killing it.

Get it. Get it. Get it. Get it. Get it.

I'm happy for you, babe.

Ooh, um, what about you?

How are things going with the auction?

It's great.

It's going great, yeah. It's going great.

See? I knew your fans were gonna eat that stuff up.

Yeah. Well, you just do your thing, babe.

I'ma go in and make a sandwich.

[woman screams]

I'm so--I'm sorry. I wasn't looking.

I ain't see nothing.

I--babe, there's a naked lady in there, next to the bread.

I'm sorry, Boyce. I got women

- changing everywhere. - It's okay.

You know what, I'm just gonna go back down to the church.

Pervert.

She was naked, by the bread.

Boyce, will you tell your brother

there's more to being a pastor than just spending $40 online?

I know, Pop. It's usually $80.

I had a Groupon.

Guys, guys, come on. I'm not in the mood, man.

Hey, what's going on, bro?

My eBay auction.

It was a bust.

Oh, well, that sucks.

Well, it's not like you need the money anyway, right?

No. I was gonna give it all to the soup kitchen.

Aw, man. Well, you can write a check to Dad's soup kitchen.

What's really got you upset?

I don't know, man.

Lolli's business is taking off.

It's all over my house,

and she got Nikki down there talking all kinds of trash.

There was a naked lady in my kitchen.

No, no.

It--bumpy face Lisa.

Well, it sounds like, to me, man, you're mad at Lolli.

Well, yeah, man. I mean,

it was her idea to do this whole auction thing.

And if Lolli would have just left your things

in that room, none of this would have happened.

Exactly.

And you would have been happy, because you could believe

Boyce the Voice is as popular as he was back in the day.

But now you know he isn't.

You know, if you're trying to cheer me up,

it's not working.

Bro, maybe God was speaking to you through eBay, you know?

Yeah, you know, telling you that it's time to move on.

You know, sometimes, you know, you got to let go of the past

in order to really live in the present.

Huh? Where-- Where'd you get that, man?

Fortune cookie.

You know, that's really smart.

Not much of a fortune though, you know.

They never are.

I know, why is that?

I don't know.

Anyway, you got to let go of Boyce the Voice.

He's your past, man, and you got a new voice.

And if you ask me, that voice is way more important.

Wow. Hey, that's deep, Stamps, all right.

- Thanks, man. - I got you, bro.

Aw, man.

Hey, Dad? Look,

I'm sorry if I let you down, at the kitchen.

It's okay, son.

I know how you can make it up.

Hey, you name it.

I need somebody for the breakfast shift,

tomorrow morning. 6:00 A.M.

Okay. Name anything else.

6:00 A.M., I'll be there.

What you told Boyce,

That was pretty good counseling.

I was just trying to help my brother out.

In a preacherly way.

Maybe I was too quick to judge you, son.

If you want to come into the family business,

I want you to know I back you 100%.

Thanks, Pop.

Now, if you want to do it right,

you got to go to seminary.

It's hard work, but you can make it through

in a couple of years.

Way ahead of you, Pop.

I just took a Buzzfeed quiz.

Turns out, I may already be a bishop.

I take back what I said.

You a damn fool.

- Boyce, are you okay? - Oh, I'm fine.

Well, I talked to Nikki,

and she told me about what happened at the auction.

I'm sorry, babe. I didn't know.

It's okay, Lolli.

I'm just happy that your business

is doing great, all right?

This room is yours, now.

I'm putting the last of Boyce the Voice in this box,

and I'm moving on.

Well, I mean, you're not even keeping your pony hair jacket?

No. Come to find out it's not even pony hair.

That's yak. That's why I was sneezing like that.

Well, I am proud of you, babe.

I mean, letting go of all your stuff.

Well, I didn't let go of everything.

Shut up!

I do not remember Boyce the Voice wearing that.

Oh, Cameo gave these out at their album release party.

Yeah, I actually had to have mine let out.

You so nasty.

You know it.

[Cameo's Candyplays]

[imitating Larry Blackmon] Oww.

♪

It's good to have you back, Boyce.

Yeah, so what did you end up doing with all your stuff?

I donated it to Goodwill.

In retrospect, I wish I hadn't taken it to the one right

around the corner.

Well, It's nice people are getting some use out of it.

Nice. Yeah.

Nice that I'll be reminded of it day, after day, after day.

Thank you, Pastor Ballentine.

[all] You're welcome.

He meant me.

Aw, man. Is that Boyce the Voice?

There may be three Pastor Ballentines,

but there is only one Boyce the Voice.

I'm a huge fan.

That guy doesn't look like me.

I can see it.

Sir, can I borrow a pen? I want to get Boyce's autograph.

I'm--fine.

He spelled "Boyce" wrong.

I'm putting this on eBay.

Good luck with that.

[soul music]

♪

♪ The soul man

♪ Hey