Original subtitles

- THE SOUL MAN IS RECORDED IN FRONT OF

A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE.

- [laughs] WELL, LOOK AT YOU, MAN.

"LESTER HARRIS, LICENSED REAL ESTATE AGENT."

I'M PROUD OF YOU, MAN.

- WELL, TRUTH BE TOLD,

I DIDN'T PASS THE TEST THE FIRST TWO TIMES.

THEN, I READ REAL ESTATE LICENSES FOR DUMMIES.

IT WAS LIKE IT WAS SPEAKING RIGHT TO ME.

- HEY, THANKS FOR COMING OVER.

- [clears throat] - OOH.

DON'T YOU LOOK CUTE IN YOUR REAL ESTATE JACKET?

- BABE, I JUST REALIZED THAT MY GRANDMAMA'S COUCH

WAS A REAL ESTATE AGENT. - STOP.

- WELL I HOPE IT WORE THE COLOR AS PROUDLY AS I WEAR THIS.

I'M EXCITED Y'ALL ARE THINKING ABOUT BUYING A NEW PLACE!

- WELL, LESTER, WE'VE BEEN DISCUSSING

THIS FOR SOME TIME NOW,

AND WE'RE READY TO MOVE ON TO OUR PHRASE THREE.

- "PHASE THREE?"

- YEAH, PHASE THREE OF OUR LIFE.

PHASE ONE WAS FULFILLING OUR PROFESSIONAL DREAMS.

- NAILED IT.

- PHASE TWO-- RAISE AN OUTSTANDING FAMILY.

together: CHECK!

- I MEAN, LYRIC IS ENGAGED...

I MEAN, TO A REALLY OLD DUDE, BUT STILL.

HER MUSIC CAREER IS ON TRACK.

AND WE GOT STAMPS OUT OF THE HOUSE.

- SAY IT AGAIN, BOYCE!

- WE GOT STAMPS OUT OF THE HOUSE!

SO PHASE THREE IS ALL ABOUT US.

- AS IT SHOULD BE.

NOW, HOW CAN I MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE?

- WELL, YOU KNOW, WE'D LIKE TO LIVE SOMEWHERE LIVELY,

WHERE WE CAN WALK TO EVERYTHING. UM, THEATER...

- OH, SHOPPING... - RESTAURANTS...

- SHOPPING...

- SO YOU'RE NOT JUST LOOKING FOR A HOME,

YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A... LIFESTYLE.

- A LIFESTYLE NEAR SHOPPING.

- SO HOW SOON CAN WE GET STARTED, LESTER?

[door opening] - HEY, Y'ALL.

WE'VE GOT TO USE YOUR WASHING MACHINE AGAIN.

OURS IS BROKEN. - YEAH, AND WE MAY BRING

SOME DISHES WITH US TOMORROW. YOU KNOW,

WE DON'T HAVE ONE GOOD APPLIANCE?

- YO.

MAKE SOME ROOM ON THAT COUCH.

I ORDERED A BOXING MATCH ON YOUR TV

'CAUSE I'M ON A FIXED INCOME.

- THE SOONER THE BETTER, LESTER,

THE SOONER THE BETTER.

[soul music]

♪

- ♪ AH

- ♪ THE SOUL MAN ♪

- WELL, AS YOU'VE SEEN, THE RIVER VIEW TOWERS

HAS AN EXPANSIVE LOBBY,

A FULL-SERVICE SPA,

PLENTY OF SHOPPING ON THE GROUND FLOOR,

AND TWO HELICOPTER PADS.

- GOOD.

BECAUSE HOVERING IN MY HELICOPTER

IS ONE OF MY PET PEEVES.

- WELL, PASTOR, FIRST LADY, PREPARE TO BE DAZZLED.

- [gasps]

OH, MY-- - GOD!

- BOYCE, THIS PLACE IS UNBELIEVABLE.

- BELIEVE IT! LOVE IT--

"LIVE IT,"

PASTOR, YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS LITTLE PERK.

- OH, HO. WOW.

WHAT ARE THE NEIGHBORS UPSTAIRS GONNA SAY

WHEN THEIR TV STARTS SINKING THROUGH THE FLOOR?

[laughs]

[doorbell rings]

- MR. AND MRS. BALLENTINE, WELCOME TO THE TOWERS.

HOW MAY I BE OF SERVICE?

- WHO ARE YOU?

- I'M FREDERICK, YOUR PERSONAL CONCIERGE.

- FREDERICK IS HERE TO BRING YOU ANYTHING YOUR HEART DESIRES.

- I HAVE A FEELING THE GENTLEMAN IS DESIRING

A BOTTLE OF COGNAC.

- I WAS DESIRING THAT.

- AND, FOR THE LADY, FINE CHOCOLATES

COVERED IN GOLD LEAF.

- [gasps] I LOVE HIM!

- LET ME SAY, IT'S AN HONOR TO HAVE A STAR

OF YOUR STATURE IN THE TOWERS, SIR.

NOW, I DON'T MEAN TO NAME-DROP,

BUT, WHILE HE'S SHOOTING HIS NEXT BIG MOVIE,

YOUR NEIGHBOR IS A VERY FAMOUS ACTOR,

WHOSE NAME RHYMES WITH "BLENZEL SPLOSHINGTON."

- BOYCE, BLENZEL SPLOSHINGTON!

- OOH, OOH, I'M GOOD AT THIS. GIVE ME A SEC.

BLENZEL, BLENZEL...

[groans] I GOT NOTHING.

- IF YOU REQUIRE ANYTHING MORE, JUST PRESS THIS BUTTON

ON YOUR REMOTE CONTROL,

AND I'LL BE HERE IN A JIFF.

- SEE THAT, BABE?

A REMOTE CONTROL THAT BRINGS A TV OUT OF THE CEILING

AND A WHITE MAN TO YOUR FRONT DOOR.

both: WE'LL TAKE IT.

- AND THEN INITIAL HERE, HERE, AND HERE.

- OKAY. - OOH.

- [laughs] - THIS IS ALL SO EXCITING.

WE ARE OFFICIALLY ENTERING PHASE THREE!

- I'M HAPPY FOR ALL OF US.

MY FIRST COMMISSION.

I'VE BEEN EYEING A MINI COOPER IN RUBY RED.

- YOU IN A MINI COOPER?

YOU BETTER GET ONE FOR EACH FOOT.

- [laughs]

- HEY, LESTER, HOW FAST DO YOU THINK

YOU COULD SELL THIS HOUSE?

- I DO ALREADY HAVE AN INTERESTED PARTY.

I THINK WE'RE VERY CLOSE TO AN OFFER.

- REALLY? - NAH.

THEY TELL US TO SAY THAT AT REAL ESTATE SCHOOL.

IT'S CALLED "EXAGGERATED OPTIMISM."

I GOT AN "A."

- REALLY? - NAH.

- HEY.

- WHAT'S UP, DAD? - BARTON?

WHY ARE YOU WEARING SHORTS?

- BECAUSE I HAVE THE CALVES FOR IT.

AND I'M ON MY WAY TO THE SENIOR CENTER

FOR OUR DODGE BALL TOURNAMENT.

- DADDY, THERE'S TWO WORDS

THAT SHOULD NOT EVER GO TOGETHER.

"SENIOR" AND "DODGE BALL."

- LOOK, I LOVE THE SPORT.

I LIKE TO GET ANGRY BEFORE THE GAMES,

SO I THOUGHT I'D STOP BY AND SEE MY FAMILY.

- MAN, I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE Y'ALL ARE MOVING.

YOU SURE YOU WANT TO GET RID OF ALL THIS FURNITURE?

- YEAH.

NONE OF OUR PHASE TWO DECOR GOES

WITH PHASE THREE.

- WELL, WHAT ABOUT THIS COUCH?

- HMM, I DON'T KNOW.

I MEAN, YOU THINK THIS IS OUR STYLE?

- BABY, IT'S FREE. IT'S OUR STYLE.

- OOH! YOU SAID THAT!

- NOTHING MAKES ME ANGRIER

THAN AN UNMARRIED COUPLE SHACKING UP.

I'M READY FOR MY DODGE BALL GAME.

THANK YOU, SINNERS.

- OH, WOW. THAT WAS GREAT.

I FEEL LIKE A NEW MAN.

HERE WE GO. - OH, NO, PLEASE.

GRATUITIES AREN'T ACCEPTED HERE AT THE TOWERS.

- YEAH, I KNOW, BUT THIS WAS

'CAUSE I BROKE WIND ON THE TABLE.

OKAY, THAT STAYS BETWEEN US NOW!

- [sighs]

- BABE.

WHOO.

YOU WON'T BELIEVE THE STUFF

THAT WOMAN DID TO MY BODY.

I GOT LOTION WHERE WATER'S NEVER BEEN.

- BOYCE, NORMALLY, WHAT YOU JUST SAID

WOULD'VE MADE ME MAD.

BUT I SHOPPED IN FOUR DIFFERENT STORES

AND NEVER LEFT THE BUILDING.

SO I'M GOOD.

OOH. YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE WOULD BE GOOD?

CHAMPAGNE.

[doorbell rings]

- THOUGHT YOU MIGHT ENJOY CHAMPAGNE.

- I DON'T KNOW HOW HE DOES IT,

I JUST LIKE IT THAT HE DOES.

- EVERYTHING IS ALL LINED UP

FOR YOUR SOIREE THIS EVENING.

MOST OF YOUR NEIGHBORS ARE COMING.

AND I JUST SAW THE CATERERS UNLOADING DOWNSTAIRS.

- OOH, I'M SO NERVOUS.

DO YOU THINK THEY'LL LIKE US?

- OH, THE TOWERS PEOPLE ARE A LOVELY BUNCH.

VERY OPEN AND ACCEPTING

AS LONG AS YOU'RE EXACTLY LIKE THEM.

BY THAT, I MEAN, QUIET, NO DRAMA.

THEY DON'T LIKE LOUD AND BRASH.

- HA! THEN WE GOT THIS! - GOT IT.

- ♪ GOT IT, GOT IT [doorbell rings]

- I'LL GET THAT.

[singing continues]

- BABE, IT FINALLY LOOKS LIKE

OUR PHASE THREE IS BEGINNING.

IT'S JUST US AND FREDERICK

AND OUR NEW NEIGHBORS.

- OW.

MM--

AND YOUR DADDY.

- DADDY, WHAT HAPPENED?

- LEG'S BROKE. DODGE BALL ACCIDENT.

THEY WANTED ME TO LAY UP IN REHAB.

I TOLD THEM MY SON WOULDN'T HAVE THAT.

- WHICH SON?

- THE SON WITH THE COOL APARTMENT.

THIS WORKED OUT QUITE WELL.

- I REARED BACK, CLOCKED BROTHER DAVIS IN THE KISSER.

GLASSES WENT ONE WAY,

HEARING AID AND DENTURES THE OTHER.

IT WAS LIKE SOMEBODY HAD DROPPED A MR. POTATO HEAD.

I STARTED DOING MY VICTORY DANCE,

STEPPED ON THE DODGE BALL, AND BROKE MY LEG.

GUESS GOD DOESN'T LIKE A SHOW-OFF.

- HE APPARENTLY DON'T LIKE DUDES WITH NEW CONDOS EITHER.

[doorbell rings]

- OOH, THAT BETTER NOT BE DENZEL

WHEN I STILL GOT ON MY PLAY CLOTHES.

- DADDY, ARE YOU SURE YOU CAN'T FIND

ANY PLACE ELSE TO STAY?

WE'RE EXPECTING PARTY GUESTS IN A FEW HOURS.

- YOU WON'T EVEN KNOW I'M HERE.

TURN YOUR TV ON TO LET'S MAKE A DEAL.

NOT THE ORIGINAL ONE.

THE NEW ONE WITH THE BLACK FELLOW

WHO SOUNDS WHITE.

- YEAH, YEAH, THIS IS NICE, BRO.

- OH, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. - OH, YEAH. THIS IS VERY CHIC.

- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

WHAT ARE THE TWO OF YOU DOING IN HERE

AND WHY DO YOU HAVE LUGGAGE?

- WELL, WHEN WE GOT THE FURNITURE IN,

WE DECIDED WE WANTED TO RE-PAINT.

- YEAH, WE FOUND SOME GUYS

THAT GOT GREAT REVIEWS ON ANGIE'S LIST TO DO IT.

NOW THE PLACE SMELLS LIKE PAINT,

SO HERE WE ARE.

WHERE SHOULD WE PUT OUR BAGS?

- HOW ABOUT BACK IN YOUR CAR?

Y'ALL JUST CAN'T MOVE IN HERE.

- COME ON, Y'ALL. WE GOTTA CRASH HERE.

- I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING.

YOU TWO ARE NOT SLEEPING IN THE SAME BED.

- POP, KIM AND I ARE ADULTS.

- IF YOU'RE AN ADULT, DO THE ADULT THING

AND MARRY THE GIRL.

- I'M NOT GETTING MARRIED.

I'M DEFINITELY NOT GETTING MARRIED

'CAUSE YOU SAY WE SHOULD.

- HOW ABOUT SO YOU WON'T BURN IN HELL?

- WHEN DID YOU DECIDE YOU DIDN'T WANT TO MARRY ME?

- BABE, IT'S NOTHING PERSONAL, OKAY?

I DON'T WANT TO MARRY ANYBODY.

- LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. THIS AIN'T NO JOY RIDE!

- OKAY, ALL RIGHT.

LISTEN, LOVE & HIP-HOP: ATLANTA,

WOULD Y'ALL STOP IT?

WE ARE EXPECTING PARTY GUESTS SOON.

- YEAH, AND "RATCHET" IS NOT ON THE MENU.

- IS A SANDWICH ON THE MENU?

'CAUSE I'M NOT VERY PLEASANT WHEN I'M HUNGRY.

- HE MUST ALWAYS BE HUNGRY. - YEAH.

- WHAT YOU SAY? - HUH? I AIN'T SAID NOTHING.

- SO DENZEL WAS IN THE JACUZZI IN THIS BUILDING?

TELL ME EVERYTHING.

NO DETAIL TOO SMALL.

- AND I TOLD SIEGFRIED WHEN I MET THE TIGER,

I SAID, "LOOK, THAT'S THE ONE I WOULD NOT TURN MY BACK ON."

- BOYCE, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT STAMPS.

- OH, KIM, I WAS IN THE MIDDLE

OF EXAGGERATING SOME REALLY MEDIOCRE STORIES.

- HOW DO YOU NOT HAVE A VIDEO

OF THAT MAN IN THE JACUZZI?

YOU PUT THE CELL PHONE UP TO YOUR EAR,

THEN PRESS RECORD.

OOH, I GOT SO MUCH TO TEACH Y'ALL.

OKAY. - LOLLI, YOU GOT A MINUTE?

- NO, I'M TEACHING CLASS. - OH, GREAT. LISTEN.

I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT KIM.

- HAS STAMPS EVER TOLD YOU HE NEVER WANTS TO GET MARRIED?

- ALL I SAID WAS THAT I DIDN'T WANT TO GET MARRIED,

AND NOW SHE WON'T EVEN TALK TO ME.

- I MEAN, THAT'S SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEONE

BEFORE YOU COMMIT TO A FREE SOFA TOGETHER.

- [sighs]

- JUST BECAUSE WE'RE LIVING TOGETHER

AND ACCUMULATING FURNITURE AND ALMOST HAD A BABY,

WHERE DOES SHE GET THE IDEA THAT I WANT TO GET MARRIED?

- I SWEAR, SOMETIMES, I DON'T KNOW

WHAT GOES ON IN THAT BOY'S HEAD.

- WHY DON'T YOU JUST ASK STAMPS WHAT HE'S THINKING.

SOMETIMES HIS ANSWERS ARE REALLY FUN.

- WHAT--WHAT IS LYRIC DOING HERE?

- I MEAN, IS KIM CRAZY? KIM'S CRAZY, RIGHT?

- STAMPS, SHUT UP.

I CAN'T PRETEND TO LISTEN TO YOU ANYMORE.

BOYCE, LYRIC IS HERE.

GIVE ME THAT.

- YOU DID NOT JUST SNATCH MY GRABBER.

- BABY GIRL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

- OH, I HAD A FEW DAYS BETWEEN TOUR DATES,

AND I THOUGHT I'D COME IN AND SEE THE NEW PLACE.

- WELL, WHO IS THIS? - MOM, DAD.

THIS IS JAMESON. - HEY.

- HE'S MY NEW DRUMMER/BOYFRIEND.

- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. DRUMMER/BOYFRIEND?

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FIANCE/OLD GUY?

- I GOT RID OF HIM.

ONCE HE BROKE HIS HIP,

HE WASN'T AS MUCH FUN.

- LYRIC, YOU COULD'VE TOLD US.

- I SENT YOU A TEXT.

LOOK.

OH...

I DIDN'T HIT SEND. THERE.

- WELL, JONATHAN, WE HAVE IT FROM HERE, OKAY?

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

- OH, NO. I'M STAYING WITH YOU GUYS.

both: WHAT? - YOU KNOW WHAT?

THIS PLACE IS DOPE.

I'M GONNA HAVE A TON OF FUN HERE.

WHERE'S MY ROOM, MOM?

- SWEETHEART, WE ONLY HAVE ONE BEDROOM.

- WAIT, I DON'T HAVE A BEDROOM?

WHERE ARE WE GONNA SLEEP?

- "WE"? THEY ARE NOT SLEEPING IN THE SAME ROOM!

- GRANDAD! COME MEET HIM. COME ON.

[cell phone chimes]

- OH, LOOK AT THAT, BOYCE.

OUR DAUGHTER JUST BROKE UP WITH HER FIANCE.

- OVER HERE, BOYS. - OH, NO, NO.

THAT'S NOT COMING IN MY HOUSE.

DADDY, WHAT IS YOUR RECLINER DOING IN MY HOUSE?

- DON'T YOU WANT ME TO BE COMFORTABLE?

- WE--WE ARE HAVING A PARTY!

- IF YOU WEREN'T INTO IT, YOU SHOULD'VE JUST TOLD ME THAT.

- WELL, WE WERE FINE UNTIL POPS STARTED TALKING ABOUT MARRIAGE.

- DON'T DRAG ME INTO THIS!

[overlapping arguing]

- YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU GUYS, STOP IT!

NOW, WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR ALL OF YOU

WHENEVER YOU NEEDED US!

[shouting] AND WE ARE HAVING A PARTY RIGHT NOW

AND IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE DRAMA FREE

AND NOT LOUD!

- THIS IS PHASE THREE!

THIS IS A PHASE THREE SITUATION!

ALL RIGHT. IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT US.

WE CAN'T MAKE IT ABOUT US

IF Y'ALL IN HERE MAKING IT ABOUT Y'ALL!

- OH, SO THAT'S HOW YOU FEEL?

- YEAH.

- WELL, DON'T LET US CRAMP YOUR STYLE.

- I'M NOT STAYING WHERE I'M NOT WANTED!

- FINE. YOU WANT TO GO, GO AHEAD AND GO.

EVERYBODY, GO. AND TAKE JONATHAN WITH YOU.

- JAMESON! - COME ON, JA-MAIN-NATHAN.

- STAMPS, GET BACK HERE AND HELP ME STORM OUT.

SOMEBODY ELSE GRAB ME SOME OF THOSE MEATBALLS TO GO.

- DON'T. - DON'T YOU--YOU--

- BEEP, BEEP.

BEEP. [humming]

- [sighs] HEY.

- HEY, BABE. - WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?

I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA COME DOWN TO THE SPA

FOR ANOTHER MASSAGE.

- NAH, I CANCELED IT.

YOU KNOW, I JUST WAS TIRED OF BEING TOUCHED.

SO, YOU WANT ME TO TAKE YOU SHOPPING?

- I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M SAYING THIS,

BUT I DON'T WANT TO GO SHOPPING.

- I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M SAYING THIS,

BUT ARE YOU SURE?

- [sighs]

- YEAH.

[whistles]

- YOU ARE STILL ENJOYING PHASE THREE THOUGH, RIGHT?

- OH, YEAH. YEAH.

REALLY ENJOYING IT.

YOU KNOW, I WATCHED C-SPAN TODAY.

AND THEY WERE VOTING ON A BUDGET FOR A BRIDGE.

I DON'T THINK IT'S GONNA HAPPEN THOUGH.

YEAH. [doorbell rings]

- OOH! [laughs]

WE GOT COMPANY!

- HA! I HAVE AN OFFER ON YOUR HOUSE.

[laughs] IT IS ABOVE ASKING PRICE AND ALL CASH.

I'M THINKING ALL ONE DOLLAR BILLS.

HOW FUN WOULD THAT BE?

- YEAH, THAT'S GREAT, LESTER.

THE THING IS, THEY WANT TO MEET YOU TWO

BEFORE THEY PULL THE TRIGGER.

AND THEY'RE A LOVELY COUPLE WITH TWO KIDS,

BUT THEY'RE KIND OF "NEW AGE-Y."

IT'S ALL ABOUT "VIBE" AND "WANG CHUNG"

KIND OF STUFF.

WOULD YOU MIND MEETING THEM AT THE OLD HOUSE?

- YOU MEAN ACTUALLY GO SOMEWHERE?

- THAT'S NOT HERE?

- IT WOULD REALLY HELP SEAL THE DEAL.

- OOH, LET'S DO IT, MAN. I'LL GET DRESSED.

OH, WHERE DID I PUT MY PANTS?

[over P.A. system] - THEY'RE CRUMPLED AT THE FOOT

OF YOUR BED, SIR.

OKAY, THIS IS STARTING TO GET CREEPY, FREDERICK.

[over P.A. system] - WELL, IT'S NO PARTY

FOR ME EITHER, SIR.

- LESTER'S ALREADY SOLD US ON THE HOUSE.

BUT WE WANT YOU TO SELL US ON THE HOME.

- WELL, WHAT CAN WE SAY?

IT'S A PRETTY DARN GOOD HOUSE.

AS YOU CAN SEE IT'S BEEN TREATED

WITH A LOT OF LOVE AND CARE.

- YEAH, OUR LITTLE GIRL WAS RAISED IN THIS HOUSE.

SO MANY GOOD TIMES.

- OH, YEAH, YEAH? WE ALL LOVE GOOD TIMES.

WHY DON'T YOU TELL US ABOUT THEM?

AND BE DESCRIPTIVE.

- WELL, BIRTHDAY PARTIES, BARBECUES,

WE USED TO HAVE FAMILY GAME NIGHTS RIGHT HERE.

OH, IT WOULD GET SO COMPETITIVE.

- AND THE LEAVES ARE ALWAYS GREEN HERE,

AND THE SUN IS ALWAYS SHINING,

AND, WELL, THE HOUSE PRACTICALLY PAINTS ITSELF.

- OH, UM,

AND--AND I AM AWAKENED

BY SINGING ANIMALS

EVERY MORNING

WHILE BIRDS DRESS ME

IN A GOWN OF THEIR OWN MAKING.

- OKAY.

- DO YOU FEEL IT, HONEY?

THE ENERGY?

- I DO. RIGHT IN HERE.

- OH. - [laughs] OH.

YEAH, YEAH. THERE IT IS. - OH.

- OH, BOY. [laughs]

WE ARE HOME. - HOME.

- LET'S GO CHECK OUT THE BACKYARD AGAIN.

- WE BOTH HAVE BIG FAMILIES.

THEY ALL SHOW UP FOR THANKSGIVING,

WE HAVE A HUGE TOUCH FOOTBALL GAME.

- WE'RE PRACTICALLY KENNEDYS. - [squeals]

- [laughs]

YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T WANT TO SAY NOTHING WHILE THEY WERE HERE,

BUT THIS AIN'T NOTHING BUT AIR CONDITIONING RIGHT HERE.

- BUT BOYCE, DID YOU HEAR WHAT THEY SAID ABOUT THANKSGIVING?

WE DIDN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT THAT.

WE ALWAYS HAVE THANKSGIVING.

WE CAN'T HAVE THANKSGIVING AT THAT CONDO.

WE DON'T EVEN HAVE A DINING ROOM.

- NO, NO WAY OUR FAMILY

CAN FIT AROUND THAT LITTLE BITTY TABLE.

AND YOU KNOW HOW DADDY CARVES UP A TURKEY.

IF HE DOESN'T HAVE A FOUR-FOOT SAFETY ZONE,

SOMEBODY GONNA GET STABBED.

- BOYCE, WE GOT STAMPS, WE GOT KIM,

WE GOT LYRIC--

WHAT ABOUT OUR GRANDBABIES, BOYCE?

WHERE ARE THEY GONNA PLAY?

YOU KNOW, OUR BACKYARD IS 14 STORIES DOWN.

DID WE DO THE RIGHT THING BY BUYING THE CONDO?

- YES! YES!

YES, OF COURSE YOU DID!

THAT CONDO IS WAY BETTER.

AND YOU CAN DO THANKSGIVING BUFFET STYLE.

EVERYBODY LOVES A BUFFET.

YOU CAN JUST DO IT IN THE LIVING ROOM

AROUND THE COFFEE TABLE, JUST KNEEL AROUND IT

LIKE THE PILGRIMS DID.

- YOU KNOW WHAT, LESTER? - PLEASE DON'T SAY IT, PASTOR.

- I JUST DON'T THINK BUYING THE CONDO...

- ♪ YOU'RE A GRAND OLD FLAG

♪ YOU'RE A HIGH-FLYING FLAG

- WAS THE RIGHT MOVE FOR US. - BUT--

- YOU REALLY FEEL THAT WAY, BOYCE?

- I THINK I DO.

- PASTOR, IF YOU DON'T SELL THIS HOUSE,

I LOSE THE COMMISSION.

- LESTER, JUST GET THE COMMISSION

WHEN YOU RESELL THE CONDO.

- HOW AM I GONNA UNLOAD THAT PLACE?

YOU CAN'T EVEN HAVE DINNER THERE!

- SO, WE'RE SORRY. WE MADE A MISTAKE.

WE WERE CHASING SOMETHING WE THOUGHT WE WANTED.

IT TURNS OUT WE REALLY DIDN'T WANT IT AFTER ALL.

I MEAN, WE MIGHT WANT IT SOME DAY,

BUT WE'RE NOT DONE

WANTING WHAT WE WANT.

- GOOD LORD, BOY, ARE YOU PAID

TO USE THE WORD "WANT"?

- WHAT WE'RE SAYING IS,

BARTON, WE'RE NOT SELLING THE HOUSE, OKAY?

WE TREASURE HAVING ALL YOU GUYS IN OUR LIVES.

AND WE OWE YOU AN APOLOGY BECAUSE YOU ALL

WERE TRYING TO TELL US SOMETHING EARLIER,

AND WE DIDN'T LISTEN.

- WELL, ACTUALLY, KIM AND I WORKED OUT

OUR MARRIAGE ISSUES. - YEAH.

YEAH, WE DID, AND WE HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE.

- OH, LORD.

- STAMPS PROPOSED.

- YEP, YEP, AND SHE SAID NO.

- YEAH, I JUST WANTED TO KNOW

THAT HE WOULD MARRY ME, BUT I'M NOT READY TO.

- YEAH, AND I WANTED HER TO KNOW THAT I WOULD MARRY HER,

BUT I'M NOT GOING TO.

- I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT JUST HAPPENED HERE.

- AS LONG AS IT MAKES SENSE TO THEM.

- HEY.

SO IF YOU GUYS ARE GONNA STAY HERE,

CAN JAMESON AND I GO STAY IN THE CONDO?

- ABSOLUTELY NOT! - NO, NO, NO.

- DON'T WORRY, SIR. WE'RE NOT GONNA SLEEP TOGETHER.

- UH-UH, - I'M A BORN-AGAIN VIRGIN.

- NICE. I USED TO USE THAT ONE TOO.

- WHAT THE HELL IS A BORN-AGAIN VIRGIN?

- DAD, HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?

HE'S HAD SEX, BUT HE'S SAVING HIMSELF

UNTIL HE HAS SEX AGAIN.

- ONCE YOU DONE HAD SEX, YOU DONE ALREADY HAD SEX!

- ARE YOU PEOPLE PAID TO SAY THE WORD "SEX"?

AND YOU'RE NOT TAKING THAT BOY ANYWHERE!

- BUT, GRANDDAD, THAT'S NOT--

- LYRIC, SAVE YOUR BREATH, OKAY?

POP MADE ME SLEEP IN THE GARAGE

LAST NIGHT WITH JONATHAN.

- THAT'S NOT HIS NAME!

- JAYCOLE, JER-MAIN-NATHAN.

I DON'T CARE WHAT HIS NAME IS.

YOU TWO ARE NOT SLEEPING IN THE SAME ROOM.

[overlapping arguing]

- THAT IS A BEAUTIFUL SOUND, BOYCE.

- YEAH.

THERE'S NOTHING LIKE PHASE TWO.

- THROW UP THE DUB. both: PHASE TWO.

[arguing continues]

[soul music]

♪

- ♪ THE SOUL MAN

- ♪ AH