Original subtitles

[thunder] [woman on TV screams]

- AAH! - OKAY, BABE, COME ON, NOW.

YOU ALREADY GOT A FRENCH NAIL IN MY ARM

FROM THE OPENING SCENE.

- I'M SORRY, BABY.

IT'S JUST THAT THESE TRUCK STOP KILLERMOVIES

SCARE THE PANTS OFF ME.

- REALLY?

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- I'M JUST TRYING TO SEE HOW SCARED YOU ARE.

[phone beeps]

OH, WHD THIS BE?

[phone chimes]

- OH, MY PHONE TOO.

- OH, NO.

OH, THIS CAN'T BE TRUE. IT SAYS, "WE'RE COMING."

- BOYCE, THAT'S WHAT MY PHONE SAYS TOO.

THEY'RE COMING! - OH, NO, NO! LOCK THE DOOR!

DID WE LOCK ALL THE DOORS? - I CAN'T REMEMBER!

- RED ALERT!

[thunder] - BOYCE...

BE CAREFUL.

- OKAY, THE BACK DOOR'S LOCKED.

[both scream]

- WHO IS THAT?

- I DON'T KNOW.

THE FRONT DOOR! GO TO THE FRONT DOOR!

GO! GO! G-G-G-G-GO.

ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT. WE'RE OKAY, BABY.

WE'RE GONNA BE SAFE. - ARE YOU SURE?

[phone beeps]

- OH. - [gasps]

- OH, I KNOW IT, I KNOW IT.

LOLLI, THE TEXTS ARE COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!

- HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?

- BECAUSE IT SAYS, "WE'RE INSIDE THE HOUSE!"

- SAY WHAT NOW?

- HEY, BESTIES! - WE'RE HERE!

[both laugh]

- AAH! - AAH!

[soul music]

♪

- ♪ HEY

- ♪ THE SOUL MAN

- [laughs] IT'S PAUL AND ROBYN,

YOUR OLD NEIGHBORS FROM VEGAS!

- WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY THAT EVERY TIME.

HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE?

- I LEARNED HOW TO PICK LOCKS ON YOUTUBE.

- WHAT--WHAT BRINGS YOU ALL HERE?

- THE HIGHWAY MASTER 6000 LAND YACHT.

300 SQUARE FEET OF RECREATIONAL VEHICLE LUXURY.

- WHICH BREAKS DOWN EVERY 1/4 MILE.

IT TOOK US 13 DAYS TO GET HERE FROM VEGAS.

- YOU'RE THE ONE WHO HAD TO STOP AND TAKE A PICTURE

OF EVERY FREAKIN' PRAIRIE DOG WE SAW.

- YOU SAID THAT THE PRAIRIE DOGS WERE--

- WELL, THE PRAIRIE DOGS ARE--

- PRAIRIE DOGS ARE BEAUTIFUL CREATURES.

- YOU'RE WEIRD. YOU ARE A WEIRD WOMAN.

[overlapping arguing]

WILL YOU STOP IT? STOP IT!

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?

- YO, YO, YO, YO! EXCUSE ME!

ANYBODY WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS?

- BOYCE, YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH ASIANS?

- WE GOT A PROBLEM WITH ANYBODY

DRAGGING A CORD THROUGH OUR LIVING ROOM!

- OH, HE'S JUST PLUGGING IN THE R.V.

OR HE CAN SNEAK OVER AND TAP INTO THE NEIGHBORS'.

HE'S LIKE A NINJA.

- WHO IS HE?

- OH, THAT'S OUR FOSTER CHILD. HIS NAME IS CHUNG.

CHA-CHING!

- THAT'S NOT HIS LAST NAME.

THE STATE PAYS US TO TAKE CARE OF HIM.

both: CHA-CHING!

- BABY, LET'S GO GET OUR BAGS.

AND DON'T FORGET THE LONG ROBES.

THE SHORT ONES MAKE PEOPLE UNCOMFORTABLE.

ASK CHUNG.

- MISS US WHILE WE'RE GONE.

- BOYCE, WHAT ARE THEY DOING HERE?

THEY NEVER SHOW UP UNLESS THEY WANT SOMETHING.

WHAT DO THEY WANT, BOYCE? WHAT DO THEY WANT?

- I DON'T KNOW, BABE, BUT WHATEVER IT IS,

WE'RE GONNA SAY NO.

- NO!

I WAS JUST PRACTICING.

- OH! THAT'S GOOD, THAT'S GOOD.

LISTEN, WE JUST GOTTA STICK TOGETHER.

- OKAY.

- AS LONG AS THEY DON'T SEPARATE US,

WE ARE INVINCIBLE.

- OKAY, ALL RIGHT.

[laughs]

I WAS JUST CHATTING WITH SOME OF YOUR NEIGHBORS.

THEY SURE ARE INTERESTED IN HOW LONG WE'RE STAYING.

- BET YOU'RE DYING TO KNOW WHY WE'RE HERE.

- NO!

- SHE MEANT, "YES."

- WE'RE MOVING HERE TO ST. LOUIS!

- NO!

- HE MEANT, "WHY?"

- NOW THAT WE HAVE A KID, WE REALIZE THE IMPORTANCE

OF RAISING HIM NEAR FAMILY.

- OH, YOU--YOU--YOU HAVE FAMILY IN ST. LOUIS?

[Paul and Robyn laugh]

- SHUT UP!

WE MEAN YOU TWO!

YOU'RE OUR FAMILY!

- YOU'RE ALL WE GOT. - OH.

- CAN I CHITCHAT WITH YOU IN THE KITCHEN FOR A SECOND?

- OKAY, WELL, NO, BECAUSE SEE--BOYCE!

- LOLLI! LOLLI! LOLLI! - BOYCE!

- BE STRONG!

- OH, LET THE HENS HAVE THEIR HEN TALK, HUH?

[laughs]

BOYCE, I KNOW IT LOOKS

LIKE ME AND ROBYN GOT IT MADE

WITH THE R.V. AND THE ASIAN KID.

- SO THE R.V. CAME WITH THE ASIAN KID?

'CAUSE I GOT A NEW LEXUS,

AND I DIDN'T EVEN GET A REAL SPARE TIRE.

- I KNOW--THE PROBLEM-- THE PROBLEM IS THAT, UH,

I REALLY NEED A JOB, BOYCE.

I WAS HOPING YOU MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING FOR ME AT THE CHURCH.

- BUT YOU WERE A GONDOLIER AT THE VENETIAN.

I MEAN, LAST I CHECKED,

THE CHURCH HAD-- LET ME COUNT 'EM--

UM, ZERO CANALS.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO.

- [laughs] AW! THANK YOU, BOYCE.

I'M GONNA GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE A LONG BATH.

THE SHOWER IN THE R.V. DOESN'T WORK THE SAME

SINCE ME AND ROBYN WERE PLAYING A LITTLE GAME--

- OKAY, THIRD DOOR ON THE RIGHT.

- NO, NO, NO, NO. IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK.

WE WERE HAVING SEX. - AAH!

WHERE'S ROBYN?

- SHE'S IN THE KITCHEN, MAKING HERSELF A SANDWICH.

SHE SAID THE FRIDGE IN THE R.V. HAS BEEN BROKE DOWN,

AND THEY'VE BEEN EATING BEANS SINCE DENVER.

LISTEN, I GOT BAD NEWS, BOYCE.

- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

WORSE THAN A GIANT GUY

WHO AIN'T BEEN EATING NOTHING BUT BEANS

IN MY BATHTUB?

- BOYCE, ROBYN TOLD ME SHE WANTED ME

TO HELP HER FIND A HOUSE IN OUR NEIGHBORHOOD,

AND I SAID, "NO!"

AND IT CAME OUT "YES."

- TO BE HONEST, I HAD A NO-YES SWITCH TOO.

- WHAT? - YEAH.

PAUL ASKED ME FOR A JOB AT THE CHURCH.

- BOYCE, HOW DO THEY DO THIS TO US?

- I DON'T KNOW. THEY SEPARATED US, LOLLI.

THEY PULLED US APART, AND THEN THEY USED

SOME KIND OF MAGIC THEY BROUGHT FROM VEGAS.

both: BLACK MAGIC.

[thunder]

[people grunt in video game]

- OH, MAN.

I KNEW DAD'S DAYS IN VIETNAM WOULD COME BACK TO HAUNT US.

- I'M PAUL AND ROBYN'S KID.

YOU MUST BE "STAMPSTHEYARD."

I BEAT YOUR HIGH SCORE. - SAY WHAT?

- I ALSO CHANGED YOUR GAMER NAME TO "STAMPSTHESUCKS."

- HOW'D YOU ACCESS MY ACCOUNT?

- SERIOUSLY?

- LOOK, NOBODY RIPS THE HEART OUT OF A HOOKER

FASTER THAN ME.

MOVE OVER.

NEW GAME. - ALL RIGHT.

- FIGHT!

[video game sound effect]

- YOU'RE DONE. I WIN.

- WHAT HAPPENED?

- OH, WELL, YOU SEE, WHEN YOUR FIGHTER'S HEAD FALLS OFF

AND THE VULTURES FLY AWAY WITH IT,

THAT MEANS YOU'RE DEAD.

- I KNOW. ONE MORE.

FIGHT!

[video game sound effect]

- YOU'RE DEAD.

- DAMN!

ONE MORE.

FIGHT!

[video game sound effect]

- DEAD.

THIS IS REALLY GETTING HARD TO WATCH.

- WHO ARE YOU, KID?

- THEY CALL ME... CHUNG.

- WHERE'S PAUL AND ROBYN? IT'S ALMOST NOON.

- WELL, THEY COULDN'T BE TOO FAR.

THEIR HOUSE IS STILL PLUGGED IN.

- LISTEN, I GOT A REALLY GOOD IDEA.

I'M GONNA TAKE ROBYN HOUSE HUNTING,

AND WHILE SHE'S DISTRACTED

TAKING PICTURES OF THE ARCH,

I'M GONNA DRIVE HER OVER TO EAST ST. LOUIS.

[snaps]

- OH, INTO THAT NEIGHBORHOOD

WHERE THE GOVERNOR CRIED ON TV?

- MM-HMM.

THEY'RE FINALLY LETTING PEOPLE BACK IN THERE.

- OH.

THAT'S PERFECT. YOU KNOW WHAT?

I ACTUALLY THINK I HAVE

A GREAT CAREER OPPORTUNITY FOR PAUL

DOWN AT THE CHURCH.

I'M GONNA HAVE HIM CLEAN UP

THE BACKED-UP SEWAGE FROM DOWN IN THE BASEMENT.

- THERE'S A PLUMBING PROBLEM AT THE CHURCH?

- YEAH, YOU KNOW, IF YOU DRAIN THE BAPTISMAL POOL

AND FLUSH THE UPSTAIRS TOILET AT THE SAME TIME,

NOT EVEN JESUS WOULD WALK ON THAT WATER.

- OH! YOU ARE EVIL!

BABY, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA TELL GOD

WHEN YOU GET TO HEAVEN?

- I'M GONNA TELL HIM THAT PAUL AND ROBYN

ARE THE REASON I'M HERE EARLY.

- OOH! [laughs]

- GOOD MORNING, NEIGHBORS. - HEY.

- THANKS FOR THE SHOWER CAP, LOLLI.

TOO MUCH STEAM,

AND MY SCALP TURNS INTO A PLAYGROUND OF BLISTERS.

- WHY DON'T YOU JUST KEEP IT?

- SO WHERE'S CHUNG?

- WHO'S THAT NOW?

- YOUR FOSTER SON.

- OH, CHA-CHING.

- COME ON, STAMPSTHESUCKS, LEARN TO DIE WITH HONOR.

- ONE MORE! FIGHT!

[video game sound effect]

SON OF A--

- UH, CHUNG, SWEETIE, DID YOU SLEEP OKAY?

- YES, MA'AM. THE R.V. WAS VERY COMFORTABLE.

- MORE IMPORTANTLY, DID YOU REMEMBER

TO TURN YOUR BED BACK INTO A TABLE

LIKE YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO?

- WHOA, WHOA.

Y'ALL MADE HIM SLEEP OUTSIDE BY HIMSELF?

- NO, NO, HE LIKES THE OUTDOORS.

DESPITE WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE, THEY ARE A TROPICAL PEOPLE.

- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

THAT CONCLUDES TODAY'S SENSITIVITY TRAINING.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S ROLL.

COME ON, PAUL.

HEY, HEY, WHOA, WHOA.

AREN'T YOU GUYS FORGETTING, UH--

- OH, YES. CHUNG, JUMP IN WITH THE GIRLS.

- US? HE SHOULD BE BONDING WITH HIS DAD AND HIS UNCLE BOYCE.

- I TOOK HIM LAST TIME.

- I THOUGHT WE WEREN'T KEEPING SCORE.

OH, FORGET IT. I'LL TAKE HIM.

THE KID ALWAYS ENDS UP WITH THE MOTHER, GIRL.

THIS IS A THING. THIS IS A THING.

- COME ON, CHUNG. CHOP-CHOP.

- SOMEWHERE, A GRAND WIZARD JUST WENT, "NOT COOL."

HEY, LOLLI, HOW'S IT GOING ON YOUR END?

DID YOU CONVINCE ROBYN NOT TO MOVE HERE?

- I'M DOING THE BEST I CAN.

THE NICEST HOUSE I SHOWED HER

HAD A POLICE CAR... IN THE DRIVEWAY...ON FIRE.

TRUST ME, SHE'S SEEN NOTHING BUT CRAP.

- WELL, THE SAME WITH PAUL.

HE IS ANKLE-DEEP IN HOLY SEWAGE AS WE SPEAK.

BABE-- NO, I THINK HE'S COMING.

YOU KNOW, I SEE A FLY BANGING ON THE WINDOW TO GET OUT.

- [laughs] YEAH!

[laughs]

[groans] LUNCH BREAK.

MIND IF I, UH, JOIN YOU?

- UH, WHOA, LET ME GET A SWEATER FROM LOST AND FOUND.

YOU KNOW, I LIKE THIS COUCH.

YEAH.

SO...

AH, MAN,

IT'S GOTTA BE ROUGH DOWN THERE, HUH?

I WOULDN'T BLAME YOU IF YOU JUST QUIT

AND HIGHTAILED IT ON BACK TO LAS VEGAS,

TAKING OUR FRIENDSHIP WITH YOU.

- ACTUALLY, UH, I LOVE IT.

I'VE ALWAYS ENJOYED WORKING WITH MY HANDS.

- YOU USED YOUR HANDS?

- MMM.

- WHERE'S CHUNG?

DON'T TELL ME YOU LEFT HIM BEHIND AGAIN.

- NO, I LEFT HIM IN THE CAR

IN CASE A METER MAID COMES AND HE HAS TO MOVE IT.

WATCH OUT, ST. LOUIS. [laughs]

- LISTEN, ROBYN, I'M REALLY SORRY

THE REAL ESTATE PICKINGS SEEM TO BE SO SLIM,

BUT ST. LOUIS HAS GOTTEN PRETTY ROUGH.

- OOH, IT'S NOT THAT BAD.

- THIS IS WHERE THEY FILM THE FIRST 48.

- OOH, I LOVE THAT SHOW.

I KNOW WE MIGHT HAVE TO SETTLE FOR A FIXER-UPPER,

BUT I'M GREAT AT THOSE.

PAUL WAS KIND OF LIKE A FIXER-UPPER,

AND LOOK AT HIM NOW.

- OH.

YOU'RE DONE?

- CAN I CONFIDE IN YOU, BOYCE?

- OH, I PRAY THAT YOU WON'T, BUT I KNOW THAT YOU WILL.

- ME AND ROBYN'S MARRIAGE WASN'T DOING SO WELL,

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY.

IF YOUR MARRIAGE IS IN TROUBLE, FIX IT WITH A KID.

[laughs]

- YOU'VE GOT TO STOP LISTENING TO YOUR MOTHER, PAUL.

SHE IN THAT HOSPITAL FOR A REASON.

- WE TRIED TO HAVE A BABY, BUT PAUL'S SPERM WERE CROOKED.

THEY KEPT RUNNING INTO EACH OTHER

LIKE THE 3 MILLION STOOGES.

- BUT ROBYN'S EGGS ARE SO OLD, THEY'RE HARD-BOILED.

SO WE DECIDED TO ADOPT.

- BUT WE DIDN'T WANT TO WAIT FOR A CUTE LITTLE BABY.

EVERYBODY WANTS THOSE.

- TURNS OUT, YOU CAN JUST WALK IN OFF THE STREET

AND JUST TAKE A TEENAGER.

THEY'RE PRACTICALLY GIVING THEM AWAY.

AND THE ASIAN ONES-- - OKAY.

I'M GONNA STOP YOU RIGHT THERE. - OH, NO, NO, NO.

HOLD ON. THE ASIAN ONES ARE BORN WITH COMPUTER KNOW-HOW.

CHUNG'S OUR OWN LITTLE GEEK SQUAD.

- WHY DID I STOP STOPPING YOU?

- BUT THE BEST PART IS, WE GET TO TEST-DRIVE HIM.

[laughs]

- IF HE DOESN'T WORK OUT...

both: WE CAN TRADE HIM IN!

- LOLLI, I TALKED TO MY FRIEND

AT CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES.

TURNS OUT THEIR FOSTERING SITUATION IS LEGIT.

- WHAT? - YEAH.

- IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE THE CITY OF LAS VEGAS

WOULD GIVE THOSE TWO A CHILD.

- MAYBE IT'S A DRIVE-THRU PLACEMENT AGENCY.

YOU KNOW, YOU PULL UP TO A WINDOW

AND ELVIS JUST HANDS YOU A LITTLE ASIAN BABY

AND YOU'RE ON YOUR WAY.

[imitates Elvis] THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

- STOP PLAYING AROUND. IT COULD BE WORSE.

- YEAH.

- CHILD SERVICES CALLED AND SAID

THE BOY IS OURS TO KEEP!

WE'RE ADOPTING HIM! - [laughs]

- SEE? WORSE.

- ALL RIGHT, NOW LET'S GO DOWN TO CHINATOWN

AND CELEBRATE!

FIRST ROUND OF SAKE'S ON ME.

- PAUL, SAKE IS JAPANESE.

- YOU'RE STARTING TO SOUND LIKE WHAT'S-HIS-NAME.

- CHUNG. YOUR SON'S NAME IS CHUNG.

- OKAY, OKAY, YOU KNOW, I HAVE TO SPEAK ON THIS.

CHUNG DESERVES TO BE WITH PEOPLE WHO LOVE HIM,

WHO REMEMBER HIS NAME

AND WHO DON'T FEED HIM ICE CREAM WITH CHOPSTICKS.

- WELL, IT HAD NUTS.

I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY EAT THEIR ICE CREAM.

- LISTEN, WE'RE JUST SAYING THAT SOME PEOPLE,

YOU KNOW, AREN'T MEANT TO BE PARENTS.

I MEAN, YOU SAID YOURSELF THAT ROBYN COULDN'T CONCEIVE.

- RIGHT.

AND ROBYN, YOU SAID THAT PAUL GOT KICKED BY A DONKEY

AND HIS SPERM WERE CROOKED.

- YOU JUST LOVE SPREADING THAT LIE, DON'T YOU?

- YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES WHEN YOU--

- PLEASE, PLEASE DO NOT START WITH ME TODAY.

PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T START.

- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

LISTEN, GUYS, I'M JUST SAYING

THAT SOMETIMES GOD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS, ALL RIGHT?

AND IN YOUR CASE,

MAYBE HE WORKS IN VERY OBVIOUS WAYS, YOU KNOW?

- ARE YOU INSINUATING THAT ME AND PAUL

ARE NOT FIT TO BE PARENTS?

- OH, NO, NO, NO. WE'RE NOT INSINUATING IT.

WE'RE COMPLETELY "SINUATING" IT.

YOU ALL ARE NOT FIT TO BE PARENTS.

[both gasp]

- [whines]

- YOU KNOW WHAT, HONEY?

MAYBE ST. LOUIS ISN'T THE RIGHT PLACE FOR US AFTER ALL.

- MM-HMM.

- WERE YOU WAITING ON US

TO DISAGREE WITH YOU OR SOMETHING?

- WOW.

COME ON, ROBYN.

- GUYS.

- YOU KNOW WHAT?

CLEARLY YOU ARE NOT THE FAMILY WE THOUGHT YOU WERE!

- WE ARE NOT RELATED TO Y'ALL!

WHO KNEW IT'D BE SO EASY TO GET RID OF PAUL AND ROBYN?

ALL WE HAD TO DO WAS INSULT THEM.

- YEAH, IT'S LIKE THE RUBY SLIPPERS.

THEY WERE ON OUR FEET THE ENTIRE TIME.

I DO FEEL BAD FOR CHUNG, THOUGH.

THAT BOY IS GONNA BE IN HELL

IF HE GOES BACK TO VEGAS WITH THEM.

- YEAH, WELL, AT LEAST IT'LL BE A DRY HELL.

- I DON'T KNOW.

- I JUST--I JUST WISH THERE WAS A WAY

TO GET THAT KID SOME DECENT PARENTING.

- YEAH, FOR THAT TO HAPPEN,

HE'D HAVE TO HAVE SOME DECENT PARENTS.

- WE WERE DECENT PARENTS ONCE.

- WHOA, WHOA. - WEREN'T WE, BOYCE?

- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. - WHAT?

- YOU KNOW, SUDDENLY I DON'T LIKE WHERE THIS IS HEADING.

LOLLI, WE JUST GOT AN EMPTY NEST.

WELL, EXCEPT FOR STAMPS.

WE'RE NOT RAISING ANY OTHER KIDS.

both: EXCEPT FOR STAMPS.

- YEAH.

AW, SHOOT.

- BOYCE, A WISE PREACHER ONCE SAID,

"YOU HAVE TO DO THE RIGHT THING

"EVEN WHEN IT'S THE HARD THING--

ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S THE HARD THING."

- LOLLI, I MEAN, WHAT?

SO, QUOTING DR. KING, I'M SUPPOSED TO JUST CAVE?

- UH, NO.

THE WISE PREACHER THAT I'M QUOTING IS YOU.

OH, YOU'RE TRYING TO KEEP IN TOUCH

WITH YOUR CHINESE HERITAGE.

- YEAH, PAUL AND ROBYN THINKS IT HELPS ME FEEL MORE AT HOME.

BY THE WAY, I'M FROM FLORIDA.

ALSO, MY NAME ISN'T CHUNG. IT'S CHARLES.

- THEY PROBABLY GOT "CHUNG" OFF A BOTTLE OF SOY SAUCE.

- NO. DUCK SAUCE.

- LISTEN.

HEY, LOLLI AND I HAVE BEEN TALKING,

AND WE WANTED TO ASK YOU A QUESTION.

- YEAH.

- WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MOVING IN WITH US?

- BECAUSE WE'D LOVE TO HAVE YOU.

AND WE THINK PAUL AND ROBYN ARE TERRIBLE PARENTS.

- BECAUSE PAUL AND ROBYN ARE TERRIBLE PARENTS.

BUT THEY'RE GOOD PEOPLE.

ONCE YOU GET PAST THEIR INNATE RACISM,

STINGINESS, AND JAW-DROPPING IGNORANCE.

- IF YOU GET THAT FAR PAST THEM,

I THINK YOU'RE BEHIND 'EM.

- THEY'RE KIND OF SWEET.

THEY'VE TAKEN ME TO EVERY PANDA EXPRESS

BETWEEN NEVADA AND HERE.

THEY CALL THAT THE GREAT WALL OF DELICIOUSNESS.

- WOW.

- THAT EXPLAINS WHY PAUL'S ANKLES ARE SO SWOLLEN.

- I'LL BE FINE.

I'LL ONLY BE LIVING WITH THEM FOR A FEW MORE WEEKS.

- WHAT HAPPENS IN A FEW WEEKS?

- I'VE BEEN OFFERED A FULL SCHOLARSHIP TO M.I.T.

I'LL BE IN AN ACCELERATED TWO-YEAR PROGRAM.

PRIVATE DORMITORY, FULL ROOM AND BOARD.

- GOODNESS! CONGRATULATIONS, CHARLES!

- THANK YOU.

- JUST A LITTLE ADVICE FROM AN OLDER GENTLEMAN.

I'D BE CAREFUL ON HOW I BREAK THE NEWS TO PAUL AND ROBYN.

- OH, YOU THINK THAT THEY'LL BE THAT SAD?

- NO, I THINK THEY GONNA TRY TO MOVE IN WITH YOU.

- OH. - YEAH.

- WHY DIDN'T CHUNG TELL US ABOUT M.I.T.?

- OR THAT HIS NAME WAS KEVIN?

- AND THE BOY'S NAME IS CHARLES.

- SHUT UP!

I HAVE TO WRITE THAT DOWN.

- BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS, BABY,

OUR BOY IS OFF TO COLLEGE!

I'M PROUD OF US!

- WE DID IT!

WELL, WHAT ARE WE WAITING ON?

THERE'S A LOT OF PANDA EXPRESSES

BETWEEN HERE AND M.I.T.

- GRAB MY COMPRESSION STOCKINGS, BABY.

WE'RE ROAD TRIPPIN'! - [laughs]

- NO HARD FEELINGS. HUGS AND KISSES.

- [laughs] - OKAY, ALL RIGHT.

- WHEW! - [laughs]

- YEAH, I BEAT HIM. I FINALLY BEAT HIM.

I BROKE HIS NECK, RIPPED OFF HIS HEAD, AND DUNKED IT!

- IT'S TRUE. I STAND IN THE PRESENCE OF GREATNESS.

- IN YOUR FACE, "LAMECHUNG."

WANG CHUNG?

WHOO!

- OKAY, YOU LET HIM WIN, HUH?

- DON'T TELL HIM. IT'S ALL HE'S GOT.

- YEAH. [R.V. starts up]

- I'M SORRY, CHARLES.

I THINK THEY FORGOT YOU AGAIN.

- DON'T WORRY. I GOT THIS.

I'VE GOT THE WHOLE R.V. RIGGED.

[tires screech]

I CAN EVEN STEER IT

FROM MY PHONE IF I WANT.

SEE YA.

[laughs]

WHERE ARE YOU GOING, PARENTS?

- WHAT A FINE, INTELLIGENT, BRIGHT YOUNG MAN, HUH?

- YES, HE IS. - YEAH.

- DOES HE SCARE YOU TOO?

- A LITTLE BIT, YEAH.

[soul music]

♪

- ♪ THE SOUL MAN