Original subtitles

- THE SOUL MANIS RECORDED

IN FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE.

CHECK.

CHECK, LEVITICUS ONE.

LEVITICUS ONE, TWO, THREE.

HELLO, ST. LOUIS!

- BOY, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

- IT'S A MIC CHECK, DADDY. GETTING READY FOR MY PODCAST.

I'M REACHING OUT TO THE PARISHIONERS IN CYBERSPACE.

- WE'RE PREACHING TO ASTRONAUTS NOW?

- NO, DADDY. IT'S CYBERSPACE.

- I KNOW WHAT CYBERSPACE IS.

IT WAS A JOKE. I'M A FUNNY MAN.

- OH, YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I REMEMBER ABOUT MY CHILDHOOD,

JUST LAUGHING AND LAUGHING.

LESTER, WE READY? - ALMOST.

LOOK, REVEREND, THIS PODCAST WAS STAMPS' IDEA.

I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M DOING ALL THE WORK.

- BECAUSE I'M THE PRODUCER.

PRODUCER'S DON'T WORK. HA!

EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT.

- THEN YOU THE RIGHT MAN FOR THE JOB.

NOW WE'VE GOT SOME GROWN-UP BUSINESS TO TAKE CARE OF.

- WHAT YOU GOT THERE? - INSURANCE.

THE ONLY HUSTLE THE LORD APPROVES OF.

IT'S TIME TO RENEW THE CHURCH POLICY.

- DADDY, INSURANCE IS NOT A HUSTLE, ALL RIGHT?

IT IS A SAFETY NET THAT CATCHES US IN TIMES OF CALAMITY.

- IT SAYS YOU NEED A COMPLETE PHYSICAL.

- IT'S A PONZI SCHEME, AND I WON'T HAVE NO PART OF IT.

LOOK, I DON'T NEED TO SEE A DOCTOR.

I'M IN GREAT SHAPE.

- FOR AN UPSIDE-DOWN LIGHT BULB.

SON, YOU NEED TO GET YOUR PARTICULARS CHECKED.

- NO, NO, DADDY, I JUST DON'T TRUST DOCTORS.

ALL RIGHT? THEY'RE LIKE SLEAZY MECHANICS.

YOU GO IN FOR AN OIL CHANGE

AND THEY FIND 12 OTHER THINGS WRONG WITH YOU.

- HEH.

- PLUS, THEY GET PAID WHETHER YOU LIVE OR DIE.

WHERE'S THE INCENTIVE?

- SON, WHEN WAS YOUR LAST PHYSICAL?

- SEVENTH GRADE.

I HAD TO CLIMB THE ROPE WITH THE LITTLE ASIAN KID

ON MY BACK.

- WELL, THIS DOCTOR'S GONNA MAKE YOU DO MORE THAN CLIMB A ROPE.

THEY'RE GONNA PUT YOU ON A TREADMILL,

RAISE YOUR HEART RATE,

JIGGLE YOUR PARTICULARS.

GONNA MAKE YOU SWEAT.

- WELL, IT SOUNDS LIKE I HAD A PHYSICAL

LAST NIGHT WITH MY WIFE.

I PASSED THAT TWICE.

- UH, REVEREND, UH, WE LIVE.

- OOH!

COME ON, LESTER, WE GOT TO WORK OUT A SYSTEM NOW.

[soul music]

♪

- ♪ HEY

- ♪ THE SOUL MAN

- MM-HMM. YEAH.

HERE WE GO, BABY!

THE BALLENTINE BROTHERS' FAMOUS FRANKENSTEIN NACHOS!

- HA HA! - WHIZ ME, BABY!

- BAM! - HA HA!

NOW LET'S HEAT THESE BAD BOYS UP.

- YOU THINK YOU SHOULD BE EATING NACHOS

WHEN YOU GOT A PHYSICAL COMING UP?

- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, STAMPS?

I'M IN GREAT PHYSICAL SHAPE.

I GOT THE BODY OF AN ACTION FIGURE.

- YEAH. THE PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY.

- [giggling]

STOP.

NOW I BET YOU I CAN DO 30 PUSHUPS

BEFORE THAT TIMER GOES OFF.

- 30? - YEAH.

- BET.

[joints cracking]

- AH!

[microwave dings] 29, 30.

AH.

- GIRL, YOU SO CRAZY! NO, YOU DIDN'T!

- YES, I DID! - NO, YOU DIDN'T!

- YES, I DID! - YOU SURE ENOUGH DID!

- WHAT IS THAT?

- OH, LOLLI'S SISTER'S IN TOWN.

WHEN THOSE TWO GET TOGETHER,

IT'S LIKE TWO CATS STUCK IN A DRYER.

- OH, MAN, KIM IS COOL. WHAT YOU GOT AGAINST HER ANYWAY?

- NOTHING.

I MEAN, SHE JUST HASN'T LIKED ME SINCE LOLLI MARRIED ME

INSTEAD OF BO JACKSON.

- YEAH, I LOVE YOU, BIG BRO,

BUT LOLLI DID DROP THE BALL ON THAT ONE.

- GIRL, SO I THINK YOU SHOULD RENT THAT TOWNHOUSE

OUT IN CLAYTON.

NOT TO MENTION THAT CUTE LANDLORD

SEEMS LIKE A GOOD CATCH.

- OH, WELL, I THINK IT'S BEEN CLEARLY ESTABLISHED

THAT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT A GOOD CATCH IS.

OH, HEY, BOYS!

[laughter]

both: HE DON'T WANT IT!

- OH, KIM, YOU KNOW WHAT A GOOD CATCH FOR YOU WOULD BE.

A FLIGHT BACK TO CHICAGO.

[laughing]

HE DON'T WANT IT!

- DON'T BE PETTY, BOYCE.

I TOLD YOU WHEN MY SISTER MOVED HER

WHEN SHE FINISHED HER RESIDENCY

SHE WAS GONNA STAY WITH US UNTIL SHE GOT HER OWN APARTMENT.

- MM-HMM. AND I'M PICKY.

UNLIKE MY SISTER.

all: HE DON'T WANT IT!

- REALLY, STAMPS?

- MY BAD. I WAS IN THE MOMENT.

- ALL RIGHT, GIRL, FIRST THING'S FIRST.

WE'RE GONNA GET YOU AN APARTMENT,

AND THEN AFTER THAT,

WE'VE GOT TO FIND YOU A DECENT MAN!

- OH, WELL, UH, LET ME CHANGE MY SHIRT

AND I'LL HELP YOU LOOK.

WE DONE?

- STAMPS, DID YOU KNOW YOUR NIPPLES ARE ASYMMETRICAL?

- I HEAR IT ALL THE TIME.

- BOY, PUT YOUR SHIRT BACK ON

BEFORE YOU GET COCOA BUTTER ALL OVER MY NACHOS.

- I'LL TAKE THAT.

YOU DON'T NEED THIS UNTIL AFTER YOUR PHYSICAL.

- WHOA, WHOA, WAIT! HOLD ON, HOLD ON!

WHAT--THIS IS MY LUNCH AND DINNER.

- NOW, BABE, LOOK. I'M A HEALTHY MAN.

I JUST GAVE MYSELF A PHYSICAL ON WEBMD LAST NIGHT.

- FIRST OF ALL, STOP IT.

SECOND OF ALL, YOU'RE GONNA SEE A REAL DOCTOR, ALL RIGHT?

OH! MAYBE KIM COULD GIVE YOU YOUR PHYSICAL.

- HA! NO. SHE'S BEEN A DOCTOR FOR LIKE TWO MINUTES.

SHE IS NOT GONNA BE CHECKING ME WITH ONE HAND

AND READING PHYSICALS FOR DUMMIESWITH THE OTHER.

- I DON'T DO PHYSICALS.

I'M AN ANESTHESIOLOGIST.

WE PUT PEOPLE TO SLEEP.

OH, YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST LIKE ONE OF YOUR SERMONS.

- YOU ARE GOING TO THE DOCTOR.

SO MADE A LIST OF EVERYTHING THAT'S WRONG WITH YOU. BOOM!

- WHOA. WAIT A MINUTE.

MY PINKY TOE IS CROOKED?

MY EARS JUST DON'T HANG RIGHT?

- AND NOBODY WHO'S HEALTHY SNORES LIKE THAT.

- BABE, LOOK, ALL GROWN MEN SNORE.

YOU JUST WOULDN'T KNOW THAT

BECAUSE I'M THE ONLY MAN YOU'VE EVER BEEN WITH.

- [stifled laughter]

- [hysterical laughter]

both: HE DON'T WANT IT!

- WELL, YOUR VITALS LOOK PRETTY GOOD.

- YEAH, YEAH, I'VE ALWAYS BEEN TOLD I HAD ATTRACTIVE VITALS.

HEY, UH, DOC OWENS,

ARE YOU RELATED TO DEE DEE OWENS

THAT PLAYED FORWARD FOR UCONN?

- KIND OF. THAT'S ME.

- YOU'RE KIDDING.

YOU KNOW, I SAW YOU PLAY

IN THE FINAL FOUR AGAINST LOUISVILLE.

25 POINTS.

CAN YOU STILL PALM A BASKETBALL LIKE THAT?

- YEP! BEND OVER.

- UGH.

YEAH, OOH.

HEY, IT'S A LITTLE DRAFTY IN HERE.

YOU KNOW, DAMN, I WAS REALLY HOPING

WE COULD SKIP THIS PART, YOU KNOW.

- YEAH, WELL, I'D BE WORRIED IF THIS WAS YOUR FAVORITE PART.

- HEY, COME ON, DOC.

I MEAN, NO WINE, NO PLAYFUL TEXTING.

YOU KNOW, I BARELY KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT YOU.

- I LIKE BIRDWATCHING,

EARLY MILES DAVIS,

AND GETTING HOME BEFORE 7:00.

NOW KISS THE TABLE.

- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, NOW.

DON'T YOU THINK WE SHOULD ESTABLISH A SAFE WORD?

- FINE. HOW ABOUT "CO-PAY"?

NOW STOP STALLING.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

PLEASE JUST, YOU KNOW, GIVE ME A WARNING.

AND PLEASE BE GENTLE!

- I HAVEN'T EVEN TOUCHED YOU YET.

- OH. OH, OKAY, SORRY. I THOUGHT I FELT SOMETHING.

KIND OF JUMPED THE GUN A LITTLE BIT.

CO-PAY! CO-PAY!

- WELL...

PROMISE ME THIS ENTIRE AFFAIR SHALL NOT LEAVE THIS ROOM.

- YOU THINK I'M PROUD OF WHAT HAPPENED HERE?

[intercom beeping]

woman on P.A.: DR. OWENS, CALL ON TWO.

- I'M WITH A PATIENT.

- IT'S RAZIZ FROM THE BENTLEY DEALERSHIP.

- OOH, GOTTA TAKE THIS!

- BENTLEY? - RAZIZ!

LOOK, I DIDN'T I'M GONNA GO AHEAD AND CUSTOMIZE THE CAR.

- I GOT GOLD RECORDS AND I AIN'T NEVER DROVE A BENTLEY.

- I KNOW IT'S GONNA COST ME ANOTHER 20 GRAND,

BUT HEY, WHY NOT?

RAZIZ, LET ME CALL YOU BACK.

BOYCE, I'M GONNA HAVE TO SCHEDULE A COLONOSCOPY FOR YOU.

- OH, OF COURSE YOU DO

I MEAN, HOW ELSE YOU GONNA PAY FOR YOUR BENTLEY?

- YOUR TEST RESULTS SHOW THAT YOU HAVE SOME BLOOD

IN YOUR LOWER GI TRACT.

I NEED TO TAKE A LOOK.

- SURE! TAKE A LOOK!

MAYBE YOU'LL FIND SOME ALLOY WHEELS UP IN THERE.

- LOOK HERE.

I'VE HAD FOUR YEARS OF MEDICAL SCHOOL,

THREE YEARS OF RESIDENCY, AND TEN YEARS OF PRACTICE.

I WORK 60 HOURS A WEEK,

HALF OF THEM AT A FREE CLINIC.

SO IF I WANNA GET HOME ON A DAMN FLYING CARPET,

I BELIEVE THAT I'M ENTITLED TO IT!

- OKAY, B-B-BUT WHY YOU YELLING THOUGH?

- THIS COULD BE ANYTHING FROM A BENIGN HYPERTROPHY

TO A FULL-BLOWN NEOPLASM.

YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

- NOT A WORD.

- WHAT I'M SAYING IS THIS COULD BE SERIOUS.

GET YOUR ASS CHECKED!

- SO YOU GOTTA DRINK ALL THAT LAXATIVE

BEFORE YOUR COLONOSCOPY TOMORROW?

- AGHH! YEP! AGHH!

OOH, IT'S NASTY TOO.

IT'S LIKE I'M DRINKING BABY THROW-UP FROM A DRUNK BABY.

LOOK, YOU OKAY WITH DRIVING ME TO THE DOCTOR?

- YEAH, AS LONG AS THAT LAXATIVE BOMB

DOESN'T GO OFF IN MY CAR.

WHY ISN'T LOLLI TAKING YOU?

- I DIDN'T MENTION IT.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW LOLLI.

MEDICAL STUFF FREAKS HER OUT.

SHE PANICS, THEN I PANIC.

I WENT TO GET MY TOOTH FILLED ONCE...

TSK! THEY HAD TO GIVE HER LAUGHING GAS.

- HEY, YOU KNOW, THIS MIAMI VICESTILL HOLDS UP.

- YEAH.

YOU EVER NOTICE THAT NO MATTER HOW HOT IT GETS IN MIAMI,

PHILIP MICHAEL THOMAS' JERRY CURL NEVER DRIES UP?

- SO YOU'RE NOT WORRIED ABOUT TOMORROW?

I MEAN, LIKE, WHAT IF THEY FIND SOMETHING?

- FIND SOMETHING?

[nervous laughter, stammering]

OH, MAN, THEY AIN'T GONNA FIND NOTHING.

RIGHT?

- PROBABLY NOT.

BUT HEY, IF YOU MAKES YOU FEEL ANY BETTER,

IF SOMETHING WERE TO HAPPEN TO YOU,

YOU AIN'T GOTTA WORRY ABOUT YOUR BROTHER.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

- OH, WELL, BACK WHEN WE WERE TOURING,

I TOOK OUT A LIFE INSURANCE POLICY ON YOU.

- HOW MUCH IS THIS POLICY?

- LET'S JUST SAY THAT IF YOU DIE,

IT'LL BE BITTERSWEET.

- BOYCE, WHAT YOU STILL DOING UP?

- OH, HEY, BABY, I'M JUST--

YOU KNOW, JUST CATCHING UP ON MIAMI VICE.

- WELL, YOU NEED TO BE CATCHING UP ON YOUR SLEEP.

- OH, DON'T WORRY.

HE CAN SLEEP THROUGH HIS COLONOSCOPY.

- COLONOSCOPY!

YOU DIDN'T SAY NOTHING ABOUT A COLONOSCOPY.

- STAMPS!

- DID SOMEBODY SAY THEY WANT SOME POPCORN?

I THINK I DID.

- BOYCE BALLENTINE,

DID THAT DOCTOR SAY SOMETHING YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?

DID SHE? DID SHE, DID SHE?

- BABY, LISTEN. NO, I'M FINE, ALL RIGHT?

IT'S JUST A LITTLE BLOOD. - BLOOD!

- SHE JUST WANTS TO RUN SOME MORE TESTS.

- TESTS! OH, WHY!

- COME ON, IT COULD BE NOTHING.

- BUT IT COULD BE SOMETHING. AH!

OKAY, BOYCE, WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY?

- I DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE SAID. SHE USED A LOT OF BIG WORDS.

- SEE? THAT'S WHAT DOCTORS DO.

THEY USE ALL THEM BIG WORDS WHEN THEY THINK YOU GOT CANCER!

AHH! - AH!

COME ON. SEE, LOLLI, THERE YOU GO.

YOU GETTING ALL WORKED UP AND NOW YOU'RE GETTING ME WORKED UP.

- BOYCE BALLENTINE, I PROMISE YOU,

IF YOU DONE MESS AROUND AND GOT CANCER,

I WILL KILL YOU!

- HEY, BABY, LISTEN. I'M NOT DOING IT.

I'M NOT TAKING THAT TEST.

IF THEY WANNA SEE WHAT'S IN MY COLON,

THEY GONNA HAVE TO MEET ME IN THE BATHROOM IN FIVE MINUTES.

- SEE, AND THAT, WEBTITIONERS,

IS WHY I AM NOT GETTING A COLONOSCOPY.

SEE, EACH YEAR, 99,000 PEOPLE DIE

FROM INFECTIONS THEY GET IN THE HOSPITAL.

SEE, RIGHT HERE.

THIS GUY WENT IN TO GET HIS APPENDIX REMOVED

AND WOUND UP WITH FOUR KIDNEYS.

HE CAN DRINK A 12-PACK WITHOUT PEEING.

LESTER, WHERE DO YOU FIND THIS STUFF?

- MY COUSIN.

- LOOK, THE POINT IS IS THAT THE GOOD LORD

IS GONNA TAKE ME WHEN HE WANTS TO TAKE ME,

AND THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT THAT.

NOW, AM I RIGHT, OR AM I ABSOLUTELY RIGHT?

WE GONNA TAKE A CALLER.

YOU'RE ON WITH BOYCE.

- [high-pitched voice] YOU NEED TO DO THE RIGHT THING

AND LET THAT DOCTOR WORK ON YOU.

- MA'AM, WITH ALL DUE RESPECT,

HAVE YOU NOT BEEN LISTENING TO ANYTHING I BEEN SAYING?

- WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, PASTOR,

WHAT KIND OF MORON ARE YOU?

- DADDY?

- THAT'S RIGHT.

ALTHOUGH, AT THE MOMENT,

I'M ASHAMED TO ADMIT IT.

BECAUSE THAT MEANS I RAISED A JACKASS FOR A SON.

- LESTER, LET'S GO TO COMMERCIAL BREAK.

NOW, DADDY, YOU'RE THE ONE THAT TAUGHT ME TO WALK IT OFF.

WHEN I HAMMERED MY THUMB,

YOU TOLD ME TO WALK IT OFF.

WHEN I FELL OFF THE BIKE AND BROKE MY ANKLE,

YOU TOLD ME TO WALK IT OFF.

WHEN I BROKE MY OTHER ANKLE 'CAUSE I'M RIDING A BIKE

WITH A DAMN BROKE ANKLE,

YOU TOLD ME TO WALK IT OFF.

- I WAS JUST TRYING TO INSTILL SOME BACKBONE IN YOU.

NOW I'M GOING FOR COMMON SENSE.

BOYCE, YOU HAVE A FAMILY

AND A RESPONSIBILITY TO YOUR FLOCK.

ARE YOU GOING DOWN TO THAT HOSPITAL

OR AM I GONNA HAVE TO DRAG YOU DOWN THERE?

- HA!

I'M A GROWN MAN.

YOU AIN'T DRAGGING ME NOWHERE.

- HOW'D YOU GET THESE BRUISES ON YOUR ARM?

- MY DADDY TOLD ME TO TELL PEOPLE I FELL.

- DOCTOR?

- THAT PILL YOU GAVE ME MUST'VE BEEN BAD, DOC,

'CAUSE THAT LADY LOOKS LIKE MY SISTER-IN-LAW.

- BOYCE, I'M GONNA BE YOUR ANESTHESIOLOGIST.

LOLLI WAS WORRIED ABOUT YOU. SHE WANTED THE BEST.

SO HERE I AM.

- I WANNA TELL YOU SOMETHING.

AND I MEAN THIS AS A COMPLIMENT.

WHEN I'M A LITTLE HIGH, YOU'RE NOT THAT UGLY.

- HMM.

AND IF MY SISTER WAS A LITTLE SMARTER,

THEN I'D BE STARING AT BO JACKSON'S BARE ASS RIGHT NOW.

- HEY, HEY.

PROMISE ME EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE OKAY.

- HAVE FAITH, BROTHER-IN-LAW, ALL RIGHT?

I GOT YOU.

- GET READY TO GO NIGHTY-NIGHT, BOYCE.

- HEY, HEY, DOC.

I MEAN, I'M A LOT OF MAN, SO YOU MIGHT NEED ANOTHER BAG.

SAM!

MR. TATE'S ON HIS WAY OVER!

I CAN'T BE ABRAHAM LINCOLN!

♪ 877-CASH-NOW!

- LIVE, DAMN YOU!

LIVE!

I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU DIE ON ME!

- WHAT! WHAT! GE--GET OFF ME!

OH, IT'S YOU.

- [laughing]

I'M JUST MESSING WITH YOU, BABY.

- WHY IS IT EVERY TIME I'M STRESSED OUT

YOU SHOW UP STIRRING UP THE POT?

AND WHAT THE HELL KIND OF TRICK-OR-TREAT OUTFIT IS THAT?

- OH. I JUST CAME FROM A WICKED POLO MATCH

WITH THE ALTER EGOS OF PRINCE HARRY,

THE SULTAN OF BRUNEI,

AND DAKOTA FANNING.

- WELL, DID YOU WIN?

- LET'S JUST SAY ONE OF 'EM CRIES LIKE A LITTLE GIRL,

AND IT'S NOT THE ONE YOU THINK.

[laughing] YEAH. CLEAR!

- WHAT DO YOU WANT?

- WELL, SOMEBODY'S A LITTLE GROUCHY.

I GUESS YOU'RE NERVOUS ABOUT MEETING

THAT BIG BOSS IN THE SKY.

- WHY SHOULD I BE WORRIED?

I'VE LIVED A GOOD LIFE.

I DON'T GAMBLE. - MUCH.

- WELL, I DON'T DRINK. - IN PUBLIC.

- WELL, I DON'T LUST AFTER WOMEN.

- EXCEPT ON THE INTERNET.

- OKAY, THAT WAS THAT ONE TIME I WAS GETTING LINGERIE FOR LOLLI

AND CLICKED ON THE POP-UP.

- COME ON, MAN.

YOU CAN'T TELL ME YOU'RE NOT A LITTLE SCARED.

- YEAH.

I MEAN, I'M SCARED.

I MEAN, WHAT IF THEY FIND SOMETHING?

OR WHAT IF THE ANESTHESIA KILLS ME?

- SEE, YOUR FEAR TELLS ME YOU'VE LOST YOUR FAITH.

AND WITHOUT FAITH, YOU CAN'T LEAD PEOPLE.

SO LET'S CHUCK THIS PREACHER THING, MAN,

AND GET BACK TO DOING WHAT WE DO!

SINGING, PARTYING, AND POPPING BOTTLES, BABY!

[cackling]

- YEAH, THOSE WERE GOOD TIMES.

- YOU DAMN RIGHT THEY WERE!

NOW LOSE THE PAPER DRESS AND LET'S GET TO IT.

- OH, MAN, I DON'T WANNA GO BACK THERE.

I WAS JUST HAVING A MOMENT OF WEAKNESS.

- AND YOU KNOW WHAT'S GREAT FOR A MOMENT OF WEAKNESS?

THREE GIRLS.

THAT'S RIGHT, A FOURSOME!

ACTUALLY, IT'S A FIVESOME-- ME, YOU, AND THREE GIRLS.

AND YOU KNOW THE RULES.

NO CROSSING SWORDS.

EVEN IF THEY BOTH MINE.

- OKAY.

ALL RIGHT.

YEAH, YOU-YOU GOTTA GO.

I MEAN, I ADMIT I WAS SCARED.

I'M HUMAN.

BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I LOST MY FAITH.

- OH, YES, IT DOES.

- YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU DID ME A FAVOR.

YOU STRENGTHENED MY FAITH.

- I DID WHAT NOW?

- YOU REMINDED ME OF WHY

I BECAME A PASTOR IN THE FIRST PLACE.

I BELIEVE GOD HAS A PLAN FOR ME DOING HIS WORK.

- WELL, DAMN, THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT TO DO AT ALL.

WELL, GUESS I'M GONNA HAVE TO ROLL SOLO.

- WHERE YOU GOING?

LINDSAY LOHAN'S ALTER EGO'S HAVING A PARTY IN HER HEAD.

I'M GONNA SEE WHAT THAT'S ALL ABOUT.

I'LL GET YOU NEXT TIME.

- YEAH, TAKE YOUR BEST SHOT.

- BOOYAKA!

- BOYCE?

SWEETIE, IT'S ME.

HOW YOU FEELING?

- LOLLI POP. HI, BABY.

OH, MAN, I HAD A DREAM.

IT WASN'T A DREAM, IT WAS A PLACE.

AND...

NONE OF Y'ALL WAS THERE.

- DOCTOR, HE'S AWAKE.

NOW, CAN YOU TELL US HOW HE'S DOING?

- WELL, WE DID FIND SOMETHING. - SOMETHING!

- IT'S JUST A POLYP. - OH, LORD, IT'S A POLYP!

- IT'S BENIGN.

- BENIGN!

WHY! WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE BENIGN!

- RELAX, BENIGN IS GOOD.

- IT IS?

WELL, GIRL YOU GOT ME WORKED UP FOR NOTHING.

ABOUT TO RUIN MY MAKEUP.

- HE'S AWAKE, POLYP'S GONE, GOD IS GOOD.

SEE YOU LATER, SON.

- SO, UH, DOC...

I HEAR YOU DRIVE A BENTLEY.

- I HEAR YOU DON'T WORK.

- FOR THE CHURCH BULLETIN.

UH, DOCTOR, IS IT POSSIBLE TO GET ONE WITH THE POLYP?

- WELL, I'M JUST GLAD MY BOYCE-Y BEAR'S OKAY.

YOU KNOW, I WENT ON WEBMD. THAT IS A SCARY PLACE.

I PUT IN MY SYMPTOMS AND EITHER I GOT DEMENTIA

OR I'M PREGNANT.

- YOU BETTER HOPE IT'S DEMENTIA.

HEY, KIM, I JUST WANTED TO SAY SOMETHING TO YOU.

YOU KNOW, THANK YOU FOR TAKING CARE OF ME.

I MEAN, I KNOW WE KID A LOT,

BUT I REALLY DO LOVE YOU LIKE A SISTER.

- AW, WELL, I WASN'T GONNA LET ANYTHING HAPPEN TO YOU.

'CAUSE THAT WOULD JUST BE TOO MUCH PAPERWORK.

- [laughing]

YOU KNOW, KIM,

THERE'S A HORSE FARM DOWN THE ROAD.

MAYBE WE COULD TAKE THAT WIG DOWN THERE

AND REUNITE IT WITH ITS BIRTH PARENTS.

both: SHE DON'T WANT IT!

♪

- ♪ THE SOUL MAN