All language subtitles for 6.06 The Sinkhole

Since the dawn of time,

there has been one truth about men...

if they can toss it, pass
it, dribble it, or throw it,

they will.

Heads up.
I'm open.

Knock it off, guys.

Stop throwing things in the house.

Why'd you buy fruit if you
don't want us to throw it?

I didn't buy it.

I took it from the Holiday Inn lobby

when I stopped to use the bathroom.

Get open!

Another son right over here!

Oh, yeah.

Another spudsy check...

going straight into savings
like the rest of them.

Now I know why it's so important
to write down your goals...

because if I didn't have the visual

of the Sue-mometer
tracking my college savings,

I could so easily have blown
this at the pillow pet kiosk.

They have this cross-eyed dolphin

that is the cutest thing you've ever seen.

Way to stay strong, Sue.

Yeah. Hey, look alive.

Just trying to be a part of the family.

Okay, so, that's $78 spudsy money,

$25 babysitting and... hey!

I found a dime!

No. It's a button. But I needed a button!

The year of Sue, baby!

Oh, I am so proud of you, honey.

And every little bit helps.

Aah!

Hey!

You almost hit your sister.

Don't worry. I'll get her next time.

Look alive.

Okay. No.

Listen. Cut it out, you guys.

You two are gonna break something.

No more throwing in the kitchen, all right?

You know fruit ball never ends well.

Ahh! Aah!

Ah! Oh, my God!

Here! Here!

Get some... get something
big! Get something!

Here! Here! Here! Here! Here! Here!

Aah! Good!

Turn it off!

Come on! Somebody get over here!

So, Sue, I called you in

because I was going through your records,

and I found a little "uh-oh!"

"Uh-oh"?

Yeah. Not to worry. It's nothing.

It's just about you not
getting into college.

Uh-oh.

Yeah.

I'm afraid you're short
a P.E. credit to graduate.

But I shouldn't be short.
I did wrestlerettes.

Extracurricular sports
count for one credit.

Oh, that's right. I forgot
you did wrestlerettes.

That would certainly give
you your missing credit...

If it wasn't a pretend sport.

What do you mean, "pretend sport"?

Why does cheerleading
count, but not wrestlerettes?

We do everything they do,

and we do it in homemade uniforms

in front of confused crowds.

Sue, I don't want you to
get stressed out about this.

Every senior gets worried
they're not gonna graduate.

Are you saying I'm not gonna graduate?

Oh, no!

Not without P.E., no, won't.

But I'm applying to colleges.

There's a Sue-mometer.

I already planned how
I'm gonna thank my parents

on the top of my graduation cap.

Okay, now, don't you worry.
We'll get you all fixed up...

... Unless we can't.

Okay.

Now, you're a couple months behind,

but we can slip you out of study hall

and slide you right into
coach tink Babbit's P.E. class.

Really? That'll do it?

I'll switch the classes
and I'll get the credit

and everything will be fine?

Yep, not to worry.
Everything will be just fine.

Fingers crossed.

Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't
know you wanted to die.

I'm gonna die anyway, so
you might as well kill me.

I'm intrigued. You can have one minute.

I broke dad's lawn mower.

I'll start writing your funeral song now.

Plug me back in! Look, I came to you

because, of all the family,

you're the most evil and conniving.

Ooh! Flattery! I'll give
you 20 extra seconds.

Wait. Why were you even
near dad's lawn mower?

I was gonna impress Cindy

by driving it past her house.

Pbht. Okay.

There's a lot of issues to
deal with in that statement,

but first let's deal with the lawn mower,

then we'll circle back
to your lack of game.

Go on.

Well, the lawn mower wouldn't start,

so I opened the lid thing,

smacked it with my fist like dad does,

but when I did, I smacked
the key out of my hand

and down into the engine.

I could see it, so I poked around
to see if I could fish it out,

but I think I might have made things worse.

Easy. Just blame the Glossners.

If only.

One of the things I jammed
in there was a bookmark.

Aw, Brick, seriously?

That's like the penguin
leaving his umbrella.

I know. Dad's gonna kill me.

He's already mad about the sink.

Add wrecking his lawn mower to the mix,

and who knows what he's gonna do?

Ooh. Hang on. Hang on.

I think I can help you.

I was saving this one for myself
in case I ever got in trouble,

but, uh, I'm crazy responsible
now, so I'll never need it.

Here's what you're gonna
do. You take dad's wallet.

He'll go nuts looking for
it, think somebody stole it.

Then, when he discovers the lawn mower

and starts to get mad about it,

you run in, say you found his wallet.

You're the big hero.

He can't get mad at you for the lawn mower.

You're welcome.

Now, uh, I'm gonna play you off.

Oh, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.

You're not gonna blow it

with your whole "I'm lying" thing, are you?

Oh, I outgrew that.

Now I just fart when I
lie, but nobody notices.

Mm. That Cindy's a lucky gal.

Well, we've still got a sink.

It's just down there.

The faucet lines and the lines
to the dishwasher are busted.

Ugh, not the dishwasher.

I loved the dishwasher.

It's a huge job, Frankie.

I'm scared to start pulling threads here.

I start taking that counter apart,

and next thing you know,
the garage door won't open.

Okay, hear me out.

It's only a huge job... If we fix it.

What are you talking about?

Listen, if the sink is at all functional,

we don't have to spend the money.

We'll just plug, patch, and
work around what's broken.

Isn't that what we've been
doing for the past 20 years?

We're starting to run out
of things to work around.

This sucks, Frankie.

No matter what kind of Frankie
spin you put on it, it sucks.

No. You know what sucks, Mike?

That poor guy in Muncie who's
just sitting in his recliner

when the ground opens up
and swallows his house.

Okay, yes, there's a hole
where our sink used to be,

but I'd rather have a sink hole in my house

than my house in a sinkhole.

You sure?

I'm kind of jealous he
got to sit in his recliner.

Well, you will not believe
what happened to me today.

Not if it's something good, we won't.

I met with my college
counselor at lunch today,

and she told me that
wrestlerettes doesn't count

for a P.E. credit because I "made it up."

Well, you did kind of make it up.

Yeah, but everything was
made up at some point...

soccer, rugby, golf.

Golf? What even is that?

Wait. Is she saying this is
gonna delay your graduating?

College or not, let me know.

It'll decide if I use copper
or duct tape down here.

Oh, I am graduating.

I-I will go to P.E. I
will do whatever it takes.

But if they give me any pushback,

I will start throwing some serious

sergeant-at-arms weight around.

Yep.

Sometimes it's good to be the
kid nobody pays attention to.

Everyone thinks gym's an easy "A,"

all you got to do is show
up and put on your shorts.

I mean, you do have to put on your shorts.

It's 10% of your grade.

But if you want an "A,"

you're gonna have to earn it... earn it.

Don't you worry, Coach Babbit.

I will do whatever it takes.

Well, it's gonna take a lot.

We're right in the middle
of our unit on tinikling.

What's tinikling?

Ugh. You're kidding, right?

So long as you're coordinated,
it should be no problem.

Okay, people, let's hustle!

Okay, you can turn it off!

Thanks, Nancy!

No problem!

You seen my wallet?

Oh, no.
Oh, yes.

I can't find my wallet.

I checked my car, my
desk. I-it's not anywhere.

Are you sure you didn't go on
one of your cleaning binges,

where everything ends
up in a different drawer?

Oh, you got me.

Place looks amazing, doesn't it?

It's really coming together.

Damn it. All my credit cards
are in there, my license.

I've had that wallet since I was a kid.

I love that wallet.

It's one of the only things I care about.

Oh... I said "one of the only."

Well, where did you have it last?

That is the
world's stupidest question.

If I knew, I'd have it.

Don't get mad at me.
I'm just trying to help.

Well, you're not helping.

This is nuts. I don't lose stuff.

You're the one who loses stuff.

Hey, I don't lose things
any more than anybody else.

Really? Where's the blue bag, Frankie?

It's not lost.

We had it when we were at Disney World.

And it's around here somewhere.

Your keys, the checkbook, your sunglasses,

the remote, the keys, the
snack bag, your keys...

oh, and... don't you say my car.

Did you not lose your car?

Okay, you promised we weren't
gonna bring that up again.

I admitted it was stupid,

but do we have to...
I don't even care about that anymore.

What I care about is my wallet.
Do you want me to help

you find your wallet?

Whoa. Getting pretty heated in there.

You're not gonna crack, are you?

Are you kidding me?

I've never felt so alive.

Mm.

This is a nightmare.

How does she expect us
to be able to do this?

One week to the final, ladies.

You got to make it through your
entire routine, or you fail.

A snapped ankle is no excuse.

You can't tank tinikling,
not on tink's time.

Heck, get in there!

"Wow" us!

Ugh!

Oh!

I thought I told you that's creepy!

Slight snag with the plan.

I seem to have misplaced dad's wallet.

What are you talking about?

Well, I hid it between the
pages of "A Tale of Two Cities,"

but that was too obvious,
so I moved it somewhere.

Long story short,

"A Tale of Two Cities" still holds up,

and I can't seem to find the wallet.

You've lost dad's wallet

and you've read a book
you already read before?

Those are two of the dumbest
things you've ever done, Brick.

Good news, though...

to make up for the wallet,
I stole his car keys.

You did what?!

Oh, I never should have
wasted my plan on you!

I should have given it to
some kid from the Inner City

who could have used it to
make a better life for himself.

Guys, get in here!

Breakfast!

I'm losing my mind. Now
I can't find my keys.

Oh, no. Did you check the sink hole?

Really not something
people should have to say.

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

I told you... not out of
a glass, out of the carton.

My back is killing me
from doing floor dishes.

We're using minimal dishes, people.

No unnecessary dishes!

Breakfast!

Move over. I need to get to school.

No. Hey, no skimming!

Axl's skimming the top so he can
get all the marshmallow charms.

He's gonna get all the luck.

We're drinking from a hose, Brick.

That ship has sailed.

I said move!

I need to get there early so
I can practice my tinikling

so I can pass P.E. so I can get to college

so I can be the generation
that does better than my parents

because apparently my entire future depends

on whether I can jump through
a couple of frickin' sticks!

Ugh. Gah.

Have you ever thought of
asking to be the stick person

instead of the dancing,
tripping, falling person?

Aah! Sorry!

Ooh. Sorry.

Really, really sorry.

Can I make one small request?

Now that we're washing dishes in the tub,

can we not have spaghetti?

I told Brick to scrape them first.

What was he, raised in a barn?

Ooh, dad, wait. I need your
help with my P.E. homework.

Can you do the other end
of the sticks with mom?

I'm on my way to mow the lawn.

We can't be the house
with no sink and no yard,

or we're treading into Glossner territory.

Nice try. You haven't
mowed the lawn in a week,

and now all of a sudden, you have to do it?

If I'm tinikling, you're tinikling.

Get down here.

Okay, so, it's twice on the ground,

then once together, then the same again,

then the next time, once on the ground,

then together, then back to twice,

and I dance through it.

Got it?
This is P.E. now?

What happened to singling out the weaklings

and nailing them with a ball?

All right, come on.

One, one, two.

One, one, two.

One, one... no, two.

Mike, you got to feel the rhythm.
You're not feeling the rhythm.

Hey, you got me slapping
sticks against the floor.

You get what you get.

Okay, now dad's going faster
because he's getting mad.

I'm not getting mad. Just go, Sue!

Okay, okay, okay. I'm going in.

Ohh. Dah!

Well, it's harder than it looks.

Oh, ho!

Hoo!

Hee!

Stop being good at everything!

Tell the sun to stop shining!

Axl, dad's about to mow the lawn

and I can't find his wallet or his keys.

Oh, God, why did I ever listen to you?

Hey, stealing dad's wallet,
then returning it to him

to become a hero was a rock-solid plan.

If you can't pull that off, that's on you.

I should never have done this.

I'm not cut out for a life of crime.

I don't have your deviousness.

Or my good looks, but let's
not start naming everything,

or we'll be here all day.

Okay, where did you have them last?

Why do people ask that?
If I knew, I'd have them.

Hey! Dad's wallet!

All this time, I thought it was my wallet.

But wait... I don't have a wallet.

I'd like a wallet, but I
wouldn't keep it in this pocket

'cause I'd forget about it,

so I would put it in this pocket.

Oh! Keys!

Brick, get in here now!

Uh-oh.
Show time.

You're on. Now, uh, remember...
whatever happens in there,

you and me... Do not know each other.

Brick, you want to explain

what this was doing in my lawn
mower and why it's not working now?

Looks like somebody who
was told not to touch it...

I found your wallet.

What? You're kidding?
Hey!

I've been looking everywhere
for this. Where'd you find it?

By the mailbox... In the grass.

I know everyone else kind of gave up,

but I stuck with it

'cause I knew how important
it was to you, dad.

Huh. It was just laying
there in the grass, huh?

Yes. Yes, it was.

Huh. Well...

Well, thanks, Brick.

I was just about to cancel
all these credit cards.

No problem, dad.

Oh, and I found your keys, too.

Wait. You found my keys, too?

Yes.

Yes, I did.

Where'd you find them?

Well, I...

Brick, don't answer that!

For the love of God, dad,
stop asking him questions.

I just mean... the point
is you got them back,

so, uh, who cares about
anything else, right?

Hmm. Well, let me check to see
if everything is still here.

Ah!

The credit card that's making payments

on the other two credit
cards... still here.

That's good.

Oh, come on.

This is the picture you have of me?

I look so happy. You got
to get a newer picture.

Oh, hilarious.

You have a blockbuster card.

Hey, get out of my wallet.

Uh, Mike, why is there a picture

of Jeannie Phillips behind mine?

We used to go out.

Yeah, I know... in high school.

What?!
Classic. Let's see!

Really?
Come on. Get out of my stuff.

Whoa, dad. Hot. Really
fills out a Jean vest. Hmm?

I can't believe you've had another woman

against your butt cheek
for all these years.

To think... every time I've
taken money out of his wallet,

there was another mom lurking in there.

Look, it doesn't mean anything

other than I'm too lazy
to clean out my wallet.

I'm with you, dad. It's
good to have a backup.

Look, you should take it out, Mike.

That's what people do.

What if you got in an accident

and they're looking through your wallet

and they're like, "which one is his wife?"

"I don't know. Which one is she?"

Who do you want picking
you up from the hospital?

Nobody. Just let me die in peace.

Hey, dad, where's the picture of me?

You got mom, other mom, Axl, Brick,

Axl and Brick, and limestone,
the dead quarry cat?

Huh. Why do you have a
"Reservoir Dogs" ticket stub?

B-because it's... it's
meaningful to me, okay?

I'm below a stub?!

Hey, he has a punch card
to the good ice cream store.

You never let us go to the gelato barn

because you say it's too expensive.

He's one punch away from a
leaning tower of pistachio.

Enough, all of you! Stay out of my stuff.

A man's wallet is private.
Don't mess with that.

That's our will.

This is the death napkin?!

I don't want to see it.
I want to see it.

Hey! That's not for you guys.

That napkin's for the lawyers.

Wait. The death napkin's from Chi-Chi's?

Hmm, I expected it from somewhere
with a little more gravitas.

Come on! Let me see!

You guys are gonna kick it soon,

and since I'll be in charge,
I don't want any surprises.

There's no money. Surprise!

Can we just put the scary napkin away?

We are children. We're not
supposed to be seeing this.

I want to see it! I want
to know what I'll get!

Mom said this is not for us.

Mom's not in charge anymore! She's dead!

Okay.
Hey. No. Axl.

Hey, knock it off.

Why is this still here?

Whose job was it to shower

with the big cereal bowl this morning?

No. This is horrible. Now there's no will.

What did it say?

It doesn't really matter
what it said about me.

I imagine it was gonna be revised anyway

to reflect that I'm the
finder of the wallet.

Okay, all of you, take it down a notch.

Your mom and I aren't going anywhere.

Unfortunately, we have
longevity on both sides.

But what if, you guys? What if?

You have to make another will.

Without a will, there will be nothing

but fighting and accusations,

and eventually, the three of us

will stop speaking to each other.

And years will go by,
a-a-and our children

won't even know their cousins.

And we'll spend holidays apart.

I'll be with my husband and children,

and Axl will be across
town with his family,

each wondering if the other
is having a merry Christmas,

but each too proud to pick up the phone.

And Brick, who refuses to choose sides,

will be eating Christmas
dinner all by himself

at a Perkins Restaurant,

being served by a waitress
who feels sorry for him.

You have to make a will,

a specific, detailed,
who-gets-what,

or it'll tear us apart.

I've seen it before. Look
at Casey Kasem's family.

Wait. Why am I the one
being pitied by a waitress?

She's the one working on Christmas.

My God, can we start this
not-talking thing now?

You see how he treats us?

Can you imagine if he gets to decide

if I get aunt opal's purple cow creamer

that you already promised me?

Sue, that thing broke years ago.

You say it broke, but did you see it break?

Or is Axl looting from the estate already?

Doesn't matter. What matters
is I found dad's wallet.

Oh, no. I see what you're doing.

You're trying to get on dad's good side

so you'll get more of the inheritance.

Well, maybe he'd be interested to know

he didn't lose his wallet

'cause you took it in the first place!

Is that true?

No.
Don't lie.

Don't you dare lie right now!

It was Axl's idea!
Ah!

He masterminded the whole thing!
I have ideas, yes. Did I act on them? No!

My brain does not think that way!

He's the one who did it!
All right, you want a will?

Fine. You got it. We'll make a will.

"The last will and testament
of Michael and Frances Heck."

So, what do you guys want?

I'm good.
Nothing I want.

I can't think of anything
off the top of my head.

Well, I guess that's the good thing

about not having anything anybody wants...

there's no fighting...

Not like that Casey Kasem's family.

And would we like to be somewhere

between Casey Kasem's family

and people who do their
dishes in the shower?

Sure. There's room for improvement.

But maybe we are leaving
our kids something good...

the ability to pull
together in tough times.

And that's something you
can't put on a napkin.

Okay, Heck, you're up!

And remember...

your routine had better
be mastered... mastered.

And when I say "mastered,"

I mean you better bring it... bring it.

♪ I stay out too late ♪

♪ Got nothing in my brain ♪

♪ That's what people say, mm-mm ♪

♪ That's what people say, mm-mm ♪

♪ I go on too many dates ♪

♪ But I can't make 'em stay ♪

♪ At least that's what people say ♪

♪ I, I, I, I shake it
off, I shake it off ♪

Heck, you blew my socks off.

"B" plus!

All right!

Moving on to our next unit... gymnastics.