Original subtitles

[British Interviewer] The Nests of Netherfield films

have made you a star.

Uh, all the roles I play are of rather big blokes

so being a big bloke myself does help me get into character

[British Interviewer] Jolly good.

[knock on door]

Bertie!

Wow, it’s so weird living apart.

It’s only been a day but I feel like

I haven’t seen you in forever.

I know, you’re like a stranger to me!

Yeah, it’s the mustache.

[soft music]

[rustles]

[Feather screams]

Lookin... good!

Notice anything different about me?

[soft music]

Oooh, very nice!

Huh. It looks so... Bertified in here!

Yeah, I got carried away.

I figured while I’m staying here,

I should make it more comfy.

I’m sure Tuca loves it.

Oh, Tuca actually hasn’t been here

or really talked to me in three weeks.

We’ve only texted a few times.

Whoa, that’s weird.

She hasn’t even dropped by?

Ever since we got back from our trip, she’s been at Kara’s.

‐Uh... ‐Um...

‐She’s busy! ‐Uh...

‐Let’s change the subject, okay? ‐Bertie?

Look, I, I did an app that smushes our faces together

to show what our baby would look like!

Aw, our child, Little Berkle.

[screeches]

Or Spertie.

Oh, god!

That’s an ugly baby, Bertie!

We’re gonna have an ugly baby?

No, I don’t want an ugly baby!

♪ Tuca & Bertie, Tuca & Bertie

♪ Bertie & Tuca And Tuca & Bertie ♪

♪ Tuca & Bertie [vocalizes]

[crowd cheers]

‐♪ Tuca ‐♪ Bertie

[Tuca and Bertie vocalizing]

[vocalizing continues]

[upbeat music]

[toilet flushes]

Uh, where am I?

[exclaims, sighs]

[thuds]

[rattles]

[panting]

[clanking]

Eep! Ouch! Crud!

I’m so glad Bertie gave us space

so our relationship could develop in a healthy way.

It’s totally normal that I haven’t even met Bertie,

even though she’s your best friend!

What the hell is... [pained groan]

Kara! No!

Bertie! Why couldn’t you let me have a love of my own?

[Bertie] I’m sorry!

[ball thudding]

[clanks]

Why am I a part of this?

You annoy me and my subconscious is conflating things!

[gasps]

[rustling]

[light switch turns off]

[Speckle] No peeking!

I won’t! This feels so naughty!

[in sultry voice] Hm. I’m into it.

[in deep, scary voice] Like really into it!

Whoa, this place is adorable. Wait!

Are we meeting classy fancy people?

Oh, I’m not prepared!

I need two weeks notice!

What? No.

Conversation topics! Uh, the arts!

‐Um... ‐"Did you see show?" Politics!

‐Bertie? ‐"What is a deficit?"

‐Jazz! ‐Uh...

"I like trumpet!"

♪ Dooby dooby doo wahhh!

What? Um... No!

This is our house that I’ve been fixing up

for the better part of a year?

Come on, I’ll give you a tour.

‐[gasps] ‐[chimes]

It is the prettiest doorknob.

I tried to make this a home we’d both enjoy.

The kitchen has two ovens for your baking

and I’ve set up my drafting table

in this corner.

So I can watch you bake.

And best of all...

We both have our own sinks

and this whole bathroom is soundproof!

[chuckles] See?

‐Did you hear that? ‐No.

Good. I’m, I’m glad. For no reason.

’Cause it wasn’t that bad.

It’s definitely didn’t sound like a duck opening a door

for a bigger, louder, wetter duck.

I love this house.

How did you pay for all these renovations?

I took out a predatory bank loan.

I don’t wanna talk about it.

There’s still some finishing touches to do

but it’ll be done in a few days

and then you can move in!

Will you be ready to leave Tuca’s?

Yeah, totally! [sighs]

I’m cramping Tuca’s style anyway.

Hmm. That doesn’t sound like Tuca.

She loves being cramped by you.

And having cramps. All kinds.

Menstrual, stress, big burrito.

How’s she supposed to bring Kara home

with me hanging around like Tuca’s weird guardian?

[in deep voice] Hello, I’ll just sit here

and watch you tongue‐kiss.

I mean, maybe the new girlfriend

will change your dynamic a little,

‐but, you know, you’re still‐‐ ‐Nah.

The one thing I know about Tuca

is that she’ll always be the same.

She needed space.

I gave her that.

Everything’s okay!

[crying] Nothing’s okay!

I think Tuca’s done being my friend!

It’s been three weeks since we talked!

But, well, she’s just distracted by her new relationship, right?

This is normal?

Hmm, that’s a toughie.

Magic Therapist Ball says, "Let’s unpack that."

I haven’t even met her new girlfriend yet!

Isn’t that weird?

Why don’t you call her?

She might need you as much as you need her.

I can’t. I, I can’t be the reason

it doesn’t work out with Kara. Augh!

But, see, tomorrow is the annual Bird Town carnival

and we usually go together every year!

So ask her to go!

It’s a tradition so it won’t feel so out of the blue.

I guess I could.

Oh, I’m scared.

What if she doesn’t like me or wanna be my friend anymore?

[sloshing]

"Nobody hates you, you just need to drink more water,

get eight hours of sleep,

and invite your best friend to the carnival."

Okay. You’re right.

Everything is fine.

[keypad clicking]

[phone chimes]

[beeps]

Huh, based on your frequent, detailed stories about Tuca,

that’s not what I expected.

But, hey, she said yes!

Let’s run with that!

Yeah. Okay.

[carnival music]

Oh‐oh‐whoo!

I’ve been looking forward to this all year.

[whispers] I love the prizes.

Yeah, me too.

I hope it doesn’t start to rain too hard.

‐You okay? ‐I’m great!

[screeches]

Okay, fine! I’m anxious as hell.

I’ve never been nervous to see Tuca before.

Well, I mean, it’s only 4:15.

Tuca’s probably another hour away.

Oh, wow, there she is!

Wearing... pants?

[foreboding music]

‐Uh... ‐Are you gonna say hi?

Um... I’m shy.

Bertie. Speckle.

It’s a pleasure to see you both.

Never not a privilege.

Tuca... you’re early!

Kara says being early is on time

and being on time is late.

Oh, right.

Weird.

Well! I’m gonna go get the tickets.

Bye!

So, what have you been up to?

Well, we did some bar trivia

with Kara’s co‐workers last night.

They know the names of all the bones.

Sure. Yeah. That... that’s sweet.

Three tickets, please!

No need for that.

All tickets for rides and games

can be purchased and scanned in our new Moss App!

Well, then what’s this line for?

This is the umbrella line.

Rain protection courtesy of community champion,

carnival sponsor, and your landlord,

Moss!

[grand music]

You know, it’s pretty ironic

Moss is sponsoring an event like this

when it just evicted half our building.

It would be ironic

if Moss understood irony but it doesn’t.

Because it’s moss! [laughs]

And this is popcorn! Enjoy!

[carnival music]

I hate this stupid Moss!

Why’s it gotta get its slimy slippery mossy self

all over everything good?

Yes, well, things change.

Are we going to complain about it

or are we going to download the Moss app?

[zipper unzips]

Hey, look at all those pins! Cute!

Yes. They’re from Kara.

She gives me a pin every time we have a disagreement.

Uh... well, like, how many "disagreements" have you had?

A regular amount.

[indistinct screaming]

Oh, look, Tuca, it’s the Gut Scrambler!

Maybe you’ll beat last year’s record

for how much you can barf after riding it!

I’ll go get the hot dogs!

I’ve got the garbage bag!

Are you ready for this?

Maybe this time I won’t cry!

Hmm, I don’t wanna get any stains on my new shirt.

Let’s just keep things mild this year.

But you hate mild.

You don’t even like mild salsa.

You bully everyone who gets it at the taco stand!

Kara makes a killer pico de gallo.

Her secret’s adding a little lime juice.

[whispers] Everyone uses lime juice!

[exclaiming cheerfully]

Who’s ready for delicious hot dogs

followed by some not so delicious barfing?

We’re not doing the Gut Scrambler.

Don’t worry, boys. I’ll do right by you.

[gulping]

[light music]

Step right up, step right up

if you wanna toss balls into fish, or whatever.

Wanna play ball toss? It’s stain‐free!

Yes, I’d enjoy that.

The fish are hungry for balls and they must be fed.

Yay! We can do our yearly tradition

where I win a game and give you the prize.

I do like that flirty frog.

[Tuca] And the panda in the Hawaiian shirt.

Ooh!

Oooh!

Cool flamingo!

I want her! I want her!

Flamingo it is!

[beeps]

[Kara] Room for one more?

‐[beeps] ‐Kara! You made it!

You wanted me to.

Here, I got you this.

[Kara] It matches your new outfit!

I love it.

Oh, my god! This is Kara?

Uh, I’m so excited to meet you.

I mean, hey, what up?

[chuckles] You must be Bertie.

Oh, it’s so nice to finally meet you!

Ah, I already said that! [laughs]

That’s a real red sweater.

I guess you can spill all the ketchup you want

and no one will notice.

Oh, it is covered in ketchup. [chuckles]

Whoo! [laughs]

[burps] Carnival dog?

No, thank you.

I’m a nurse, so, y’know, we try to only eat real food.

Right. Yeah, yeah.

Don’t listen to her, boys. You’re real to me.

[munches]

Watch out, Bertie’s really good!

You don’t think I can take her?

I, I didn’t mean that.

Yeah, I know. I’m joking.

I know I can take her!

[awkward chuckle]

Ready, set, toss. If you want.

Agh! Whoo!

Ugh.

[grunts]

Ah, ah, yeah!

[singing]

[hums]

Tuca, you’re so off‐beat.

Ah!

Yes. Skills.

Whoops!

[gulps]

[dinging]

Whoo!

One flamingo, please!

[chuckles] Great game!

Ah, you’re tough competition!

Yeah.

Here you go, Tuca!

Great, just what you need. More stuff!

Um... thanks, Bertie,

but I don’t know where I’d put it.

Oh. Okay.

Here you go, Speckle.

‐[gasps] ‐[squawks]

Spemingo.

Hey, does Kara seem a little, like, um...

Is she maybe kinda...

Oh, she fully sucks.

Right! [groans]

since they’ve been together.

Three weeks go by and now she doesn’t want any hot dogs?

Her body is like 70% hot dogs!

I know! I had to eat all of them myself.

I’m fine. It’s fine.

My insides wanna be outsides, but they don’t get to decide.

I’m the one who decides.

I’m the one who chooses what stays in and what goes out.

I’m in control.

Aw, man.

Okay. Fine.

So... Kara, you’re a, a nurse...

uh...

[burps]

What kinds of public health hazards

should we look out for at, at this carnival?

If you know... what, what kinds?

Oh, small talk? Yeah, sure.

Well, food safety is an issue.

And there are dangerous microbes on every surface.

Uh‐huh. Tell me more.

[Bertie groans]

Bertie, what are you doing?

I left Kara all alone out there.

Listen, I’ve been trying really hard

‐to give you space, but, uh... ‐[beeps]

‐Silly! ‐Aargh!

I don’t know if Kara’s good for you.

Kara’s great for me.

If anything, she’s way too good for me.

Sexy baby!

She’s de‐Tucafying you.

You’re barely recognizable.

What’s happening?

‐So I changed. Zombie! ‐[beeps]

[low grunt]

[camera shutter clicks]

You’re wearing pants!

Where are your short‐shorts?

I want my clothes to convey follow‐through.

Shorts are just pants that quit before they get to the ground.

Who thinks that? You or Kara?

[beeps]

[camera shutter clicks]

Look, I’m usually too much for people.

So, if I can make myself not be too much,

then maybe Kara will keep liking me.

Just tell me is she changing for you?

Or is it all one‐sided?

Tuca. Snap out of it.

[resonates]

[rustles]

[curtain rattling]

What’s going on?

Better not be talking about me!

[light music]

You wanna get out of here soon? I’m beat.

‐Let’s ride the Ferris Wheel. ‐[groans]

It’s just one ride. It’ll be fun.

These rides are so germ‐y.

You could probably lick the seats to vaccinate yourself.

How do you think I’ve never had the flu?

Girl, I don’t even have health insurance.

Okay, fine, we can go.

If you really want to.

‐Great! ‐Even though it’s gross.

[croaks]

[whirring]

[croaks]

Next!

[both shriek and laugh]

[irritated sigh]

[cell phone buzzes]

‐[beeps] ‐Hello?

Oh, I have to take this. It’s work.

Hello, work?

Can’t you call them back?

It doesn’t work like that.

‐[croaks] ‐Whoa, whoa, chikita,

this line’s only for couples.

You gotta go to the single rider line.

Seriously?

[chanting] [Couples Line] Shame! Shame!

Shame! Shame!

Well, hello there.

Ugh.

Okay, next two saddies who came to a carnival alone,

step on up!

Tucaboose!

We free‐wheel dangle’n our dingles on this wheel or what?

[sighs]

[whirring]

Eek! Ooh!

‐I’m scared, I’m scared... ‐[laughs]

‐Oh! ‐Like the view?

Bruce, no!

I have a girlfriend and self‐respect.

That wasn’t what you said three years ago

when we last did it on this same Ferris Wheel!

I believe your words were, "Pass the nachos."

Put your shirt back on. Now.

I like when you’re bossy.

I bet your girly likes it too.

Not really.

I’m trying to tone it down for her.

That’s a shame.

You’re a dirty, wild, and sexy bird.

Blottoed or not.

She should be showing you off.

And having a threesome with us right now.

Ugh. That’s the last thing she’d ever do.

Well, every relationship is give and get, kiddo.

Girly needs to meet you in the middle.

Or as I call it...

the taint.

I wanna get off!

At your service.

[scraping]

I wish I could change myself for her and be a better man.

Oh, well!

Hey. A patient isn’t responding to pain meds,

it’s a whole thing.

It was gross, right? The ride?

Yeah. You were right. It was gross.

See, you gotta listen to me, I’m always right!

[thunder rumbles]

[rain pattering]

Wait, hold on, you’re breaking up.

It’s raining at this ridiculous carnival.

Stop it! Don’t you dare!

Come on!

We’ll kiss in the rain like we’re in a romantic movie!

Speckle! No!

It’s too cold!

Oh, okay!

Kiss me under this heat lamp!

[squawks]

No, no, I’m, I’m happy to leave.

♪ Hoy te vi

♪ Sentada en la arena

♪ Hoy te sentí

♪ Peleando en la marea

♪ Mírame a la cara Cuando me hables ♪

♪ Y no me digas nada Si no quieres ♪

♪ Pero no me falles, me duele

♪ No exagero cuando te digo

♪ Pero no me falles, me duele

♪ No exagero cuando

♪ No exagero cuando

♪ Eso que tú haces

♪ Eso que tú haces

♪ Eso que tú haces

♪ No es amor

♪ No es amor

[thunder rumbling]

What are you doing, weirdo?

Hey. We need to talk.

Okay.

So... today you made it clear you didn’t wanna be here

and didn’t care about meeting my friends.

It hurt my feelings.

We talked about this.

I work all night

That’s why I wanted to stay home.

This carnival is the one thing I’ve wanted to do in weeks

and you couldn’t even pretend to enjoy it?

So you’re mad at me

because I think carnivals are gross?

I’m a nurse!

Oh, my god. You’re a nurse?

I had no idea!

Listen, I like you.

But I can’t add pressure to my life.

So let’s just keep things easy.

You could move in with me, I can buy you more clothes...

We always follow your schedule.

We hang out with your friends.

You’re leading this dance.

You need to meet me in the taint!

What?

I mean the middle!

I’m not asking for much.

Just dance to my rhythm, once in a while.

Okay.

I’ve had this issue with partners in the past.

I’m not good at bending.

But you mean a lot to me, Tuca,

and I would never wanna hurt you,

so thank you for being honest with me.

I need to go to work.

Okay. You can call me later.

I will. Definitely.

[smooches]

[light music]

[soft upbeat music]

[soft upbeat music continues]

Hey.

I’m making you a butt cake.

It’s a cake you make after you totally butt

into your best friend’s relationship.

It better have chocolate filling otherwise it doesn’t make sense.

It does.

Hey, uh, are you and Kara okay?

Yup. We had a talk and everything’s good!

Oh, okay. Uh, hey, listen.

Um, I’m sorry if I overstepped earlier.

I, um, I, I saw the cup in your bathroom.

The one that says I’m keeping you alone.

Ugh, Bertie.

That was just a feeling I had once.

It doesn’t mean anything. It’s gone.

It’s not gone.

That cup wasn’t about you. Just forget it.

You just don’t seem happy.

Of course, I am!

Don’t I look happy?

Are these not the hands of a happy person?

[chimes]

Well, do you wanna talk about it?

Just drop it, okay?

Kara and I talked

and I’m going to move in with her.

Wow, okay.

She’s gonna call me right after she gets off work.

Oh, good.

[Bertie] I hope she does.

[thunder rumbles]

["Eso Que Tu Haces" by Lido Pimienta playing]

♪ Haces, yah

♪ Eso que tú haces

♪ Eso que tú haces

♪ Yeh, oh

[groans]

[grunts]

Oh! [exhales]

[low groan]