Original subtitles

sic]

This will be fun.

I’ve never been to a bachelorette party before!

Me neither.

It’s cool Speckle’s sister invited me.

I’ve only met her once and I was blackout drunk,

but I guess I made a good impression!

I’m worried she doesn’t like me.

Last time we visited for the holidays,

I got carried away during Puzzle Night.

Start with the edges!

Nobody do anything else until the edges are finished!

Can I get a snack?

No!

No.

Maybe Dottie thinks I’m an uptight weirdo.

Well, I’m just happy she invited me.

As you know, I must accept every invitation I get.

Just like a vampire.

‐ ‐Um...

Aren’t bachelorette parties really drinky though?

Will it be awkward if I don’t drink?

Well, what if I don’t drink either?

Oh, you don’t have to.

I don’t even like drinking that much.

I’ll be your sober wingwoman!

Aw, okay. And I’ll be your social lubricant.

I’ll lube you up good.

Yeah? You’ll stick with me?

Argh. I get so shy in groups.

And Dottie can be intimidating.

Of course, I’ve got your back!

Yo, over here!

♪ Bad, bad, bad bitch

Sup, bitches?

Oh, and I don’t mean "bitches" in a pejorative way.

I’m reclaiming it, you stupid whores!

♪ Tuca & Bertie, Tuca & Bertie

♪ Bertie & Tuca And Tuca & Bertie ♪

♪ Tuca & Bertie

‐♪ Tuca ‐♪ Bertie

Dang, what did you bring?

You know they have stores in Planteau, right?

I know, I overpacked.

I just like to be prepared when I travel.

Oh, me too!

I love that fanny.

I’ve had this trusty gal for 20 years.

You’re a good ol’ girl, ain’tcha?

Yes, you are! Yes, you are!

What else is in there?

A 20‐year‐old candy egg

and the best game of MASH ever played.

Check this out.

You’re a divorced shark trainer

who lives in a mansion with 56 children?

Mm‐hm.

Hey, girls, I’m Reese.

Dottie’s best friend from high school.

You both excited for this weekend?

‐Eh, yeah! ‐Sort of!

Good! ’Cause I’ve got a packed itinerary here.

Oh, it’s not all partying and penis hats?

Naw, we be classy bishes.

Tomorrow, I’ve booked a charity brunch.

Each brunch you eat buys a free brunch for a kid

who can’t afford brunch! What?

Then we’ll visit the cultural museum,

maybe do a little shopping...

and then we’re gonna get freakin’ drunk.

Yeah, we are!

Then Sunday’s packed, but if everyone’s feeling tired,

we can stay in and do a puzzle!

Maybe no puzzles.

‐Excuse me. ‐Bachelor coming through.

Watch out!

♪ Yeah, boy We gon’ keep on rocking ♪

Oh, I can’t see you.

The bachelors are not allowed to interact

with the bachelorettes!

Have a fun weekend, okay?

And if I’m forced to go to a strip club,

I’ll admire the pole dancing techniques and that is it.

I’ll be like, "Nice invert on that diva dive!

Here’s 20 dollars

because I respect your athleticism!"

Pfft, I don’t care, just do whatever!

You know, like they say,

"What entertains in Planteau, remains in Planteau!"

Don’t ask why my fiancé insisted

on having his bachelor party in the same place,

at the same time, as my bachelorette.

Red flag much?

I love you too, sweetie!

Whatever, stalker!

‐ ‐I’m Lulu.

‐Lotion? ‐Uh...

I’m Lola. Lavender oil?

Yes and yes!

Uh, no, thanks, I’m good!

"Planteau is an ecological wonder.

The city has a delicate ecosystem.

And the natural vegetation

is susceptible to outside infections.

Though recent efforts

have focused on making the area more hospitable,

tourists should still be mindful of their surroundings.

There are lots of poisonous flora and fauna in Planteau,

so avoid handling or ingesting the following..."

This is a long list!

Wait, when did we get to the hotel?

Twenty minutes ago.

Cheers, skanks!

‐Cheers! ‐Yay!

‐Woo‐hoo! ‐Cheers, you wanton strumpets!

A plague upon thee harlots.

Ah, too much, uh, sorry.

Y’all ready for that Planteau nightlife?

Aw, yeah!

I’ve already got my outfit picked out!

It’s this one. I’m wearing this.

So, what inspired this choice of destination?

They say the air is so fresh here,

it gets you wasted twice as fast!

‐

Okay, guys, listen up.

I appreciate you all coming on this trip.

For real. You’re my inner circle.

You’re my bro fam.

And I trust all of you to be cool, all right?

So this is your last chance to leave

if you can’t handle this shizz.

Huh? Handle what shizz?

Why is everyone nodding? Why am I nodding?

As most of you know, I’ve gone deep into debt

paying for this wedding.

The wedding industrial complex

is a beautiful, blood‐thirsty succubus

who has dug her sticky wet claws

deep into my throbbing pecs.

So here’s the plan.

Tomorrow, we’re gonna go to the Planteau Cultural Museum.

We’re gonna get a cutting from a rare plant

called the "Scarlet Headcup".

I’ve connected with a plant smuggler

who will give me big money for it.

Any questions?

Oh, so... no strip club? Huh. Okay.

Wow, he’s so talented.

Do you think he gets benefits?

Do strippers even have unions?

Here, this’ll benefit him!

‐Ah! Hyah! Hyah! ‐

Yeah, Tuca.

Oh, make it rain on that tomato!

Go on, Dottie! Get rocked!

You don’t have to if you don’t want to, okay?

It’s up to you!

You have agency!

Get that tomato, girl!

‐

Woo!

Argh! Congrats on your engagement!

Woo! Yeah! Take another bite!

Keep eating him!

Eat his whole body and digest him

and then poop him out!

Ooh!

‐Sorry. ‐I liked it!

Oh, I ordered dirty palomas for everyone!

Thanks, but Tuca and I aren’t drinking.

Could I get a tomato juice, though?

I’m suddenly craving it like crazy!

Hey, look, I got you a mocktail!

It’s pineapple! And pork.

My favorite!

Man, this is tough.

I don’t even drink that much normally,

but it’s hard to socialize without it.

‐You can drink if you want. ‐No way.

I said I’d stay sober. I can do it!

Ladies, let’s go check out the roof!

Ooh, this is nice!

Wow, Lola, I wish we could go swimming.

But, Lulu, we didn’t bring suits!

Y’all ever met a pool slut before?

A pool slut will do anything to get in a pool.

Anything!

Whoo!

Whoo, normally, I would need a drink to loosen up here.

‐Want a sip? ‐Oh, no.

Like I said, "No drinking for me this weekend!"

Oh! I feel so free!

Oh, I’m comfortable with my body!

I felt nervous but then Tuca made it okay!

Dottie, girl, get in here!

Nuh‐uh, I can’t risk being seen nude in public,

my work would shit.

But, you, biotches, go for it!

Forward! March!

Hyah!

Whoo!

Bertie, why aren’t you getting in?

Oh, I prefer to watch.

Not in a pervy way!

I, I just appreciate the feminine form!

‐Nope, that’s worse. ‐Oh, god.

You ladies need to get out! Please!

So, Dottie, how’s your life been‐‐

You’ll never catch me!

‐Viva Pool Slut! ‐

Ugh, bachelorettes!

Oh, what was that, Bertie?

‐ ‐Ha!

Tuca is such a riot!

Yeah, she is.

Wait! What?

You didn’t mention we were getting the cutting

from the Mayor of Planteau?

Keep your voice down!

And, yes, I told you, it’s a very special plant.

Wait, I’m sorry, but it’s super weird that he’s the mayor,

but he’s also just a plant in a pot at the museum?

Well, this is also the Planteau City Hall

if that helps it makes sense.

No. It doesn’t!

‐

Come on here, right over here.

Over there.

Ah!

‐

‐Oh. ‐Hmm.

‐ ‐Cheers!

Oh!

‐ ‐Whoo!

Tuca, come over here and serve me some moves!

Coming right up!

Wait, Tuca!

‐

‐Drugs? ‐Yogurt‐covered almonds.

You all wanna get really crazy?

Drugs?

Chocolate‐covered espresso beans.

Oh, shit.

‐Oh, shit! ‐

Oh, my god, Bertie, I’m so happy to see you,

today has been so wild...

Ha ha, shush.

I don’t wanna hear about all your lap dances, party boy!

No, you don’t understand,

I’m worried we’re in big trouble.

Argh!

What abides in Planteau resides in Planteau!

Oh, too much bacheloretting.

Whoo...

Oh, my throat is so sore from "whoo‐ing".

Whoo... Can’t even.

You girls go hard.

You gotta try this cocktail.

It’s peeshes and... grass?

No, thanks, Lola. I’m not drinking.

I refuse to buy a new chapstick until I’ve used the whole thing.

♪ You’re gonna lose it

Oh, damn, is that a candy egg?

I haven’t seen one of those since I was a kid!

Yeah, they stopped making them

because too many kids were choking on them.

Or not enough kids? I don’t remember.

Well, what else you got in that fanny?

Check these out.

Twenty‐year‐old baseball cards,

some of these guys are hot!

This is my portable spank bank.

What about you, Bertie? What’s in that big bag?

‐Oh, well... ‐She’s got everything in there!

There’s a miniature pharmacy, general store,

library, ranger’s station, OBGYN...

Tuca, stop.

I just like to be prepared.

What’s this! Why would you need this?

Well, what if a building collapses, and I’m trapped,

and the only food I can reach is in cans?

Bertie, you’re so intense.

How did you even get this on the plane?

I don’t know.

I’ve got a can‐do spirit.

Heh heh!

Tuca, come pick a song on the jukebox!

Okay, but it’s gonna be the worst song.

Eighteen times in a row ’cause that’s how I do it!

‐ ‐Ooh, yeah!

Chug it, Bertie! Whoo!

‐Oh, yeah! ‐Huh?

Whoo‐hoohoo!

Ouch!

Okay, wow.

That was freakin’ crazy,

but we all got away and we’re all safe.

Uh, the buyer should be on his way right now.

‐Speckle, you got that cutting? ‐Yep.

You know, after we do this plant hand‐off,

there’s still time to have some bachelor weekend fun.

I found a brochure

for disco bowling at the airport.

‐My dude, the cutting? ‐Oh, sure.

Whoa. It’s... so pretty.

Wah!

Oh, crap!

‐ ‐You okay, bro?

I’m fine. I feel... a little woozley?

Oh, is it jus’ me or did it jus’ get extremely okay in here?

‐ ‐Oh, no!

Dude, that’s the buyer. Okay.

Uh, just, just sit tight, Speckle.

We’re gonna get you some...

like ginkgo biloba or something, all right?

Hang in there, baby boy.

This is your home.

Uh, hello. It’s just right over there.

She has to stay.

‐Hey, buddy. ‐No, no...

Time to, uh... Time to hand over the plant, okay?

No. You keep away!

Argh! Bye!

Damn! I’m a bad brother‐in‐law.

‐No, dude, no. ‐No. Bro. I am.

You’re a good dude, man.

Hey, where are you going?

I’m just heading back to the hotel.

I got tired.

I’m ready to leave too, I’ll walk with you.

Wow. What a fun night.

Yeah.

Those girls are wild.

Hard to keep up with them.

I’m usually in bed by now.

Did you enjoy your drink?

I just wanted to relax.

‐We’re on vacation. ‐Okay.

It’s harder for me, Tuca, you know that.

I can’t just get naked and jump in a pool like you can.

I never asked you to stay sober for me!

Well, I wanted to, but‐‐

Why would you lie about it?

I don’t know! I... I felt embarrassed, okay!

Look, I told you I was nervous about what Dottie thinks of me,

and, Tuca, you just left me alone.

Why do you care what she thinks anyway?

‐

‐Ooh! ‐Huh!

No. Screw that. Hmm.

‐Bertie, don’t! ‐You don’t need to take this!

Bertie, just let it go!

You’ve been working on that candy egg for 20 years!

It means nothing to them! And you.

You can’t just point guns at people, it’s dangerous!

How dare you!

We’re guests in your town

and we’ve been very respectful of the native flora!

Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

Come on.

Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Run, Speckle! Run for your life!

You should get the outta here!

You guys are bossy.

Ooh, get it, Speckle!

Kick, kick, kick!

Hey! Let me go!

I no longer smuggle, I am one with the plants now.

I am but their mulch.

Aw, that’s great.

I’m so happy for you!

Hi, I need to cancel a credit card

for Roberta Songthrush.

And they grabbed your fanny pack?

Did they take anything else?

No, Bertie got my stuff back.

They only took her bag.

Did they match either of these?

This one is sumac, this one is poison oak,

and this one is poison ivy.

They have leaves in groups of three.

Um, I’m not sure. It was dark.

Aw, just guess and pick one! Please?

It’s okay, you can just look at a line‐up later

and pick anyone.

Ooh, yay, I love line‐ups!

Yay! This is fun!

I got this job right out of high school!

Thank you for returning my daughter.

You’re welcome, Mayor of Planteau.

She has a rich and fecund future

and will do many great things in Planteau.

I plan to get her a position on the city council,

for starters.

It isn’t nepotism.

She’s just the right plant for the job.

Oh, okay.

To show you my gratitude,

I shall bestow you with a valuable reward.

Oh, great! I can give it

to Gordon to help him pay for his wedding.

Wah!

Oh, no...

You’re welcome! Enjoy!

Shit.

It’s a really deep, hallucinogenic high.

Lasts a long time.

Yeah! I can feel the brain fingers

scratching the inside of my skull.

Yes.

Brain fingers will do that.

Ah...

Good morning, everyone!

Here’s today’s schedule.

First, we’ve got a fungus tasting,

then if we’re quick, we can catch the lizard races,

followed by pole dancing classes at two,

an authentic Planteau parade,

and then more bar hopping!

What do you say?

Wow, uh, we, we might sit some activities out,

we’re still worn out from last night.

I’m totally freaked!

I don’t feel safe!

Oh, okay. Okay, I hear you,

but how about we just process all of this

on the way to the tasting?

’Cause we lose our spot at ten.

You know... I could really use a chill day.

Why don’t we just order a pizza and watch a movie?

Okay. Is that... Is that what everyone wants?

Okay. ’Cause I mean I’ll just cancel

all the fungus and the lizards. I just...

I really worked hard to make this weekend perfect!

Reese...

Hey, that was one hell of a schedule you put together.

Air‐tight. Gave me a real spreadsheet boner.

Reese, you must really love Dottie

to put so much work into planning all of this.

Uh‐huh! I really do.

I love you back! You’re my best friend.

And nobody could have planned a better bachey!

Okay, you want pizza and a movie?

I’ll find the best goddamned pizza in Planteau.

Thanks, Bertie.

I was born to slay the likes of you.

You slay me with those luscious brown eyes of yours.

‐Oh! ‐Wonderful.

Oh, hey, my cousin’s baby showr is this Friday,

wanna be my date?

A vampire must accept every invitation, so...

Ugh, regrettably, yes.

Are you okay?

‐You’ve been so quiet all day. ‐I didn’t sleep.

I don’t know what happened last night,

I just completely froze!

He could have shot us.

It was really scary.

I thought I could deal with anything.

I’m a confident, fearless toucan!

Your reaction was totally normal.

You handled that shit.

Yeah.

I yelled at that guy!

That was so dumb of you.

I loved it!

Hey, I’m really sorry I drank, Tuca.

It was shitty of me.

That’s okay.

I’m sorry I left you alone when you were feeling nervous.

Sometimes, I forget you feel that way.

Because you’re actually really brave, you know?

‐Nah. ‐

Eek, careful, my nails are still wet!

Hey, I finished it. What’s the prize?

Ugh.

‐Hey, you okay? ‐Yeah.

I guess I didn’t really need my huge bag.

Good thing I keep an extra passport

tucked in my underwear at all times!

Okay, so it looks like that plan didn’t work out,

but I have another idea.

What if I start printing money?

‐No, no, no. Check it... ‐

Whoa, Speckle! Overdid it a bit?

Berziee! Berzee.

My sister...

sheez marrying a crime. Crime‐inal?

He’s an animal but does crimes...

Shush.

What’s applied in Planteau stays inside of Planteau!

‐Let’s go, dude! ‐Come on!

The Mayor knows everything!

My brother is such a clown.

Hey, I’m so glad you girls could make it.

I mean, I’m sorry you got robbed,

but I hope you still had fun.

I’m really glad we came.

I know you and Speckle aren’t married,

but it still feels like you’re my cool little sister!

Ugh, before Speckle met you,

all his girlfriends were like super‐hot,

confident, self‐actualized, successful, mean girls.

It sucked!

What?

♪ Now, work, work, work, work Work, work, work, work ♪

♪ Now, ladies...