Original subtitles

If I cannot bring you comfort,

then at least...

General Zeebo, I'm Owen Owens.

I'm sorry for the note of urgency in the telegram, but we don't think he has much

longer.

Actually, of course, he shouldn't even be here today.

You know your brother.

The doctor is a bit light. What's the status on Kenneth's condition?

He could go at any time.

Is that confirmed, or is that just scuffled by... Oh, no, no, no. The

doctors are in agreement.

It's imminent.

It was a heartbreaking decision to make, but I had no choice.

I'd always planned to turn the reins of the business over to my son, Les, or

even my daughter, Alsatia, but he's just not prepared at this time for that kind

of responsibility.

And she's, well... That's why I wanted to see you before I die.

I have a proposal to make.

I know you were always father's favorite.

You followed in his footsteps, and I didn't.

But I made this company what it is today, and I'm proud of that fact.

And I'm not about to let it die with me.

I want you to take over the presidency of Zebo Toys.

And give up the military?

Yes.

I know you haven't been happy since Vietnam.

They gave it away, Kenneth.

Let's face it, Leland.

Your glory days are over.

Your great war is never going to come.

It would be a shame to let your leadership qualities go to waste.

You want me to give up my commission and step into your shoes?

I think it would be well worth your while.

But more importantly, it's a new challenge, Leland. A chance for you to

be your own man for once in your life.

A place to be appreciated.

What do you think?

Total control of the company.

What about Alsatia and Leslie?

Well, I'd like them to remain with the company.

They love it. It's their world.

And I hope one day, with your help, Leslie will be able to succeed you when

you retire.

You see, he just doesn't have the ambition to...

Oh, dear.

I'll call the paramedic, sir.

Dorothy, call the paramedics, quickly.

What's going on here?

Are you all right, Kenny?

It's his heart. After his operation last year, he hooked up his beanie propeller

to his pacemaker.

It's sort of an early warning signal.

It's whimsical, Leland.

I beg you to reconsider your decision.

Owens, my brother holds the key.

The key to Leslie finally growing up.

Kenneth, it's such a terrible risk to take.

I mean, your son is such a... A flake.

I know.

So am I.

Leslie?

I'll set you.

Ready.

Finished tidying up?

Yeah. The limousine's waiting.

I'd rather drive Dad's car if you don't mind, Owen.

gentle man goes to his final rest, leaving behind him a legacy of innocence

and laughter.

When the child of today becomes the peace-loving citizen of tomorrow, he

will be partially indebted to this great man.

And yet, when I say man, I mean in body only, for he

was the eternal child in all of us.

The sorrow that we feel... The

sorrow that we feel... The

sorrow that we feel, however...

The sorrow that we feel is tempered, however, in the knowledge that

angels somewhere are trumpeting this man's tin horn.

Tin horns, I like that. Tin horns are fun.

Don't you think we should take out the barrel of glass?

No, Owen. Dad would want us to leave it. The batteries will run out in a few

hours.

I just love that. Tin horns. It just stays with me.

I know what you mean.

Owens?

Yes, sir?

I want a complete tour of the factory first thing in the morning.

Yes, sir?

Letting out the smell from the blue chimney.

Watching till the beat of the heart within me.

Hey ho, hey ho, we're off to work again.

Bells are ringing, we are singing joyous in our industry.

I love my job.

He loves his job.

Who will I leave him?

Don't be in trouble.

I bought the water, built the pressure, bushed the kitchen, dressed the mucking

ball.

We're making fun of people with small heads.

Either way, I think we're going to get letters from the royal family. I think

it's not good.

It's too shiny.

I have General Zevo with me.

Great, we're just watching some of the novelty tests right now. Care to join

us? No.

Doggy do test, take eight.

Oh!

That's very good. A sweater on the leash and then the poop dispenser. What do you

think? Maybe crap in a can.

That's it.

Oh, a bath product, shampoo.

Do people really want to take poop in the tub with them? Only if it floats.

Well, we've all done it.

This is not a shared experience.

Do they get paid for this?

He's just wondering something's wrong with this dog.

What's that?

What's I'll say, sir?

She likes to wear clip-on clothing and dolls way to work.

She insists on trying everything out on herself first.

Very, uh, dedicated.

Do any bird?

Let's get this over with.

Oh!

Everything's all set for you to see.

The fabrics are here.

The doll prototypes are here.

Some of the new fashion illustrations are right here. Not interested in

sisters, Doc.

Oh, well, don't you want to see some of the new doll designs?

I think they could be very endearing.

Lunch,

anyone?

I'm in the mood for smoked chicken. How about you?

Look, that's funny. Thank you. Is that you, Alastasia?

What is it?

It's a smoking jacket.

It's our new anomalies slash apparel thing. Well, that's a great deal of fun,

Leslie. But can't you put yourself out now?

I wish I could, Owen.

Let me find the off button.

I think a boat's coming up.

It's a large boat. Owen, take the women and children. I'll go down with the

general. General, light boat.

That's better. Remind me.

Make a note.

off-button more accessible.

Well,

General, now you've seen the factory, what do you think?

You ready to take over Devo toys?

There's one decision I cannot make on my own.

I have to see somebody else for it.

Come along, Owens.

Owen, Owen, who does he have to see? I believe he's going to see his father.

Granddaddy thought he was dead.

Oh, I know, I know. You're a four-star general, I know. You have four stars to

my three. Every time I come here, you turn that cursed light on to remind me,

to humiliate me. I could have had four stars, Daddy, if it wasn't for this

cursed British accent of mine.

You would have to be stationed in England during my formative years. It's

your fault.

I've never been taken for a real American.

Oh, I went to see a linguist, yes. I went to see a dialect coach.

And the best I can do is...

You men staying over there on a minor tension until further notice.

They didn't buy it.

Yeah,

well,

look, I need your advice, Daddy. You see, just before Kenny died, he asked me

to take over his company.

No, no, you don't understand, Ed. You see, there's a serious problem with the

military right now.

It's whether it's worth the cost or not, the economic.

Hell, communism just went into the toilet and the whole damn budget went

out of the military.

The military is not what it once was.

There won't be another war, not the kind we know. War has changed.

You can't even trust your own troops anymore.

Why, Daddy, in Vietnam one night, one of my own men tried to frag

me.

No!

No, I said frag me. He tried to shoot me. Please, Mark, understand, Daddy. I'm

not giving up on the military. The military gave up on me.

Change sides.

I can't change sides, you silly old fart.

There's no sides to change sides to.

I've got no options left. I'm out of a job.

Look, please.

Please, Daddy. What the hell am I going to do? Will you tell me that?

Daddy, what am I going to do?

Daddy, could I take over Kenny's business?

You free tonight, Debbie?

Sure, Leland.

We must continue to modernize, but not just for the sake of modernization.

It requires the integration of new concepts and new designs with the

training of our employees and new technologies and with new equipment.

However, Kenneth felt very strongly that some of the older toys are unique

because we've never attempted to update them in pursuit of perceived trends.

To guide this modernization...

We need to have and initiate fundamental, functional area plans for

modernization to link the past with the future.

Fred, I think you want to take over this point.

Thank you. We've been getting good play from the new Mr. Minky doll.

It's a leader and a unique doll in the marketplace.

Our home video games are doing exceedingly well, particularly big old

guys.

That's a fabulous game. It's much better than Mr. Squirt's Night Out.

Fred, I haven't heard anything on the T-3100 racer.

Where are we in the development of that?

I'll answer that.

Well, we've been holding on that because apparently some of the advanced plans

for the T-3100 appear to be incorporating to Axel's new toy designs

for their mini racer, which would lead us to the market.

This is an unfortunate setback.

We're sure those plans were leaked to Axel.

Leaked?

Did somebody say the plans were leaked?

Oh, every so often, a degree of industrial espionage, so to speak, does

occur.

Espionage.

Owens, will you give me a moment of your time, please?

Yes, sir.

Oh, the toy called Carnival Joe.

You can add your own fingers and teeth.

That's amazing.

Oh, I don't know. What?

The whole new line.

Sir, we're in the supply closet.

Are we really? Ah.

Now, tell me about this FBI problem.

Well, General, keep your voice down.

Well, General, the stealing of toys... I can't hear you.

Well, General... I still can't hear you.

Well, General, the stealing... All right. That's fine. That's good.

The stealing of toy designs is not unusual in this business.

You see, we're not set up to protect ourselves.

I know the perfect man to deal with this espionage trouble.

Who? Patrick Thiebaud, my son.

I must apologize for my son.

He's usually very punctual.

Where is he coming from?

Alsatia. He's with covert operations.

So let's just leave it at that, all right?

Canapé, General?

Yes, perhaps I will.

The deviled eggs look good. Don't they?

Oh, that's a quick egg, isn't it?

Oh, look at that egg scramble. Get the little egg-sided.

Talk about fresh. These are rude.

These eggs are back-and-forth.

Maybe they really are deviled eggs.

Look at that.

Wave over, Diablo.

Make yourself get away from here. You must go from here quickly.

Get some toothpicks. Make a cross. Don't you see what's happening?

My yellow.

Quick, save us. Tell some of these appetizers from hell.

Quick, run.

Tell the village.

Oh, look at that.

Stand back. It's going to spit.

I can't control myself any longer.

How do you do that?

Magnets. It's one of Dad's favorite novelty items.

You're as big a fool as your father ever was.

You really think so?

Thank you.

I'm getting very hungry. I want my dinner now.

Let me.

Sophie's hungry, too.

Patrick, my son.

Dad.

It was wonderful.

That's a neat trick.

I don't play tricks, let me.

You twerp. Patrick's in camouflage, so he can have full surveillance of the

situation before his presence is known. That right, Pat?

100% Dad.

Is that all you're having?

White bread's the worst thing you can eat.

No, just that it's very soft and pliable. It slides down the system

without disturbing anything.

There's no nutrition in that sandwich.

Yes, there is.

Vitamin pills.

Well, something's working because you always look the same age to me.

Patrick, do you remember when you stayed here when you were a kid?

I'll never forget. I told your mother never to leave you here. When was that?

That time you called and had her join you in Vietnam.

That's right. She never came back.

I'm sorry.

You loved her very much, didn't you?

That's right.

And I'm not ashamed to admit it, because Dad did everything he could to save her,

didn't he? That's right, son.

Dee Dee was a wonderful woman, but Appendicitis is a respecter of no one.

By the time we knew something was wrong... Well, I never forgive myself,

Patrick.

That's just the vitamin B complex.

It's a vitamin E I really have the problems with.

Gelatin capsule gets stuck in between my teeth and the stuff inside.

Mixes with the mayonnaise and... Enjoying the wine, General? Oh, it's

fine, it's fine.

It's a good Bordeaux, isn't it?

It's got a good nose.

I can't get enough of it.

Patrick, now that you've joined the ranks of Zeebo Toys, what are your plans

for the situation?

Patrick's bringing in a special force to assist him.

We'll begin with the interrogation of every man and woman at the company.

After that, we'll set up a security system so no one could leave or enter

without our knowledge.

Can we get to wear badges?

Photographic identification.

I'd take a very nice picture.

As for me, Les, I'll be meeting with our designers so we can begin production of

our new line.

A new line?

I'm noodling with the idea of putting in some war toys.

You've never made war toys at SIVO.

That's most unusual.

It's a natural idea for you to make war toys.

Well, we never really did because Dad didn't like the idea of war toys. He

thought that war was the domain of the small penis.

What is that so, Leslie?

Well, I'd be most grateful, Leslie, if you would assist me in this area.

Is that all right?

Sure. Dad, to war toys. War toys.

What do you think of my bringing Leslie into the new war toy department?

Smart tactical maneuver.

I thought you'd see it that way.

Like you always said, treat your friends like your enemies, and your enemies like

your friends.

Dad? Yeah?

Tell your driver to stop here.

Why? You get me?

You don't know where you are. That's right.

Always in training, huh?

100%. See you in the morning.

That's my boy.

Cat chased the rat all day till they finally found each other's name.

What? I don't understand.

Well, it's a fable.

No, no, no. I don't understand why Daddy let Uncle Leland take over Zevo Toys.

I don't know. He'd think he would have left Owen in charge.

Or you.

No, Dad knew better.

Well, one thing I know is strange.

And that man is strange.

How are you going to work with him, especially on war toys?

Sometimes it's better to dress up like a lamb to tempt the wolf.

Oh, I see. Just like Daddy always said, treat your friends like your friends and

your enemy like your enemy.

Yeah, you use your noodle.

Good night.

Sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite.

Night night, Obsession.

Thank you.

to determine if there's an internal security reason.

Would you mind if I ask you a few questions? No, not at all.

So that's it.

Six weeks of work. And that's all you've come up with? These are just preliminary

drawings to give you an idea of what direction we're moving into.

Come in, Larry.

Sorry I'm late.

I had a little problem with my ID check.

Maybe we did live near a toxic dump. This is our new body of sound code.

Mercury switches the movement in... Sit down, Leslie.

Sit down, Leslie.

You behave like a buffoon.

Buffoon? Oh, very interesting word. I wonder what the derivation of that is. I

love entomology of words. Maybe it's a combination of balloon and buffalo.

Or maybe buffer and fool.

Or maybe it's from the Latin word, buffer modest.

he who carries the pickle.

All right, Miss Drum, is that the extent of what you had to show the general?

Miss Drum.

Yes, it is.

In terms of military toys, do you consider this competitive with other

companies? With most of the products, definitely.

What do the rest of you think?

Well, I'll tell you what I think.

I think this is baby shit compared with what other companies have on the market.

I want realism. I want imagination.

I want to... I... Sir, I... All right.

You're all excused now.

Out you go.

You think they're a little rough on them, General? I don't think

that was necessary, really. They're civilians.

They're employees.

This wasn't a social cause.

I understand that, but they've been with the company for years. They're like

family members. That's enough, Leslie.

You're right.

I should get cream for my coffee. I really do need some cream.

Thank you very much.

Can I get you anything? Go on, maybe a Kaiser roll, honey butter.

Anything for you, Jamie? Ooh, a cruise missile, something like that? Automatic

weapon? All right, sorry, sorry.

I'll work this out eventually. It's really easy looking, but... I've got my

work cut out, Ellen.

Surrounded by tombs.

I've been a bad boy.

Miss Quintala?

We're doing some routine questions. We'd like you to cooperate, all right?

Okay.

Is there any duplicating going on around here when you're not present?

Uh... Huh?

Yeah, maybe.

Do you duplicate alone?

I think that's kind of a personal question. You're laughing, Miss Tyler.

Are you taking my duplication investigation seriously?

Or are you disrespecting my duplication investigation? No, no, I'm not

disrespecting. I'm just saying that there's no real way I can check, you

know, because I leave at a certain time.

I'm not... Duplicating is taking place.

And when duplicating takes place, that means that there's more than one.

It may be two or three, Miss Tyler.

Two, three, or four.

I do.

Y'all are joking.

Are y'all kidding with me? I'm talking about duping.

Duping. Okay.

Duplication.

I just work here.

You going to charge a duplication?

Yes, sir.

Show me how a duplicating machine works.

I want to learn all about the process.

Duplication.

You understand that? Mm-hmm. And that means whatever was doing... What the

hell's going on here?

Security check.

Everything looks pretty secure to me.

I mean, let's go.

See you later, cousin. Oh, yeah, I'll chill, Will.

Hey.

The coach says three of you can come out now.

That can't be good for your hair.

You can come out now.

Will you?

I'm fine. It's all right. I'm okay. Okay.

You're new here, aren't you?

Yeah.

Listen, I know you're a little upset, but you've got to let it go or get over

it. Pick one of those.

Any one. Who was that man?

Well, that's my cousin. He does the cute... I'll tell you what. I can't...

What? I can't believe the treatment around here. Well, I'm sorry.

How about a little smile or something?

Look at these. Wait a minute. Is this what you were up to?

Arts and crafts.

This is fabulous.

Look at that face. Come on, is that a great face or what? That's Michael

Jackson before and after. I've never had surgery.

Never, ever.

You have a look like a deer in front of a peter belt. Kind of... Hit the brakes,

Al. Hit the brakes.

I love this one. This is a very attractive one.

This one should go on the cover of Sports Illustrated. Not the swimsuit

issue, but the boxing.

I should have never gotten in the ring, but I will take him in three rounds. I

want the belt to go with my purse.

See?

There you're laughing. That's good.

Hi. How are you?

I'm Leslie Zeebo.

I know.

You're back. Welcome to the living.

You're silly.

I'm very silly, but that's what I do for a living.

What kind of sandwiches do you have today, Joe?

Oh, salmon cheese, turkey, chicken salad, shrimp salad.

You know, Joe, I'm very disappointed that you never once had an applesauce

sandwich on your menu.

Applesauce? Miss Devo, the sandwich will get all soggy.

Oh, I don't mind.

I'll make you one tomorrow, okay?

Okay, thank you very much.

I'll just go ahead and have a mayonnaise sandwich again today, then.

Thank you.

Is this seat taken?

No.

Do you

like my security badge?

It's very nice. I told you I take a good picture.

That you did.

What's the matter? Don't you like your lunch?

I hate it when food touches me.

You know, you remind me a lot of my brother.

Impossible way to back out.

That's what I mean. He's all silly and soft on the outside, and on the inside,

he's really strong, and you're just the opposite.

Hi, Joe.

Hi. Can I have the Timber Pilots, please?

Here you are. Thank you.

Getting the tuna? I hope that dolphin's safe.

Joe, how long do you think she can be out of the water?

Oh, I'm so glad he finally discovered her.

I think love is wonderful.

You know, your mother once said to love... Can we talk about something else

besides my mother? I forgot. I know what a delicate subject that is with you.

I can't even eat.

The food keeps touching.

I like military plates. I'm a military man. I want a military meal.

I want my string beans to be quarantined.

I like a little fortress around my mashed potatoes so the meatloaf doesn't

invade my mashed potatoes and cause mixing in my plate.

I hate it when food touches.

I'm a military man.

You understand that? And don't let your food touch you either, please.

No calories.

Oh, that's good. Because if I have a whole calorie, I just blow up. I

really... I get such a blow. Do you? Two or three calories and I'm like the

Michelin Man.

Oh. Put on that much weight. Do you have that problem? No, my mama does. Oh. Oh,

really? Yeah. I mean, I usually don't drink this kind of stuff. Artificial

sweeteners. I like plain old soda, you know? Oh, yeah.

I mean...

Sugar can't hurt you, really. What?

I mean, I once did an experiment where I put a little sugar down and a little

artificial sweetener, both on the sidewalk, and then within a minute, ants

are all over the sugar. They're just doing the little ant dance. And by the

artificial sweetener, they've actually put up barricades, and they have little

ants in hard hats going, keep on, move on through, move on through.

Where are you from?

Right here. Like what I've done with it?

Were you born in here? No, I was not born here, no.

I was born in the back of a bumper car.

That's what's wrong with you, I think.

That's it.

It's a boy.

Hi.

This is your boy.

You don't have a lip.

Well, I'm working on that.

That's the insecure face. Well, yeah, that's the face of two people. Who don't

like themselves.

No, they can be okay with it. Yeah. They just don't. If they kiss, they

basically, you know.

They bump teeth.

Yeah, and they hurt each other, and then they lock jaws.

Then they feel bad about each other. They do.

And then, you know, then they're like two lizards in the sun.

Here, that's it.

That's attractive.

Isn't it?

That's the type of face you basically want to go.

Bye. Time out.

I don't think I've laughed this much in years. Me too.

You know, you ever get that thing where you just laugh like, oh, God.

These are a lot of fun. Put your finger in there.

Don't be afraid.

These are good for laughs.

Why is it that bodily findings are always funny? Well, I think it's

because, you know...

Where are we going?

Into town.

I want to see what the competition's like.

Good idea.

I'll take the back way.

Ow!

You okay, Dad?

No problem.

Practicing. Practicing?

For what?

Later in the day, Leslie likes to come in here and we sing.

You sing in the ladies' room?

Acoustics. Good acoustics.

In the cell.

Oh, see?

I just don't understand the two of you.

Well, we love to sing and do moves.

And, of course, she likes to joke around a lot. And that makes me laugh.

Let me go get something to eat.

In the still, in the still

I'm so glad you appreciate him.

Maybe it would be better as a duet.

Yeah. Maybe your voice would sound a little more acceptable that way. Okay.

points. Tank, 300 points.

What's the penalty here?

Minus 1,000 for shooting a U.N. truck.

That's an awfully big penalty for hitting a United Nations truck.

Give me a quarter, Pat.

I'll put it in.

All right.

We hit the U.N. Oh, goddamn U.N.

Now, they have no business being there.

Who is with or not wanted?

I'm going to get that tons of bitches right.

Gosh, what a truck.

I nearly hit a tank there.

Don't want to start doing that.

It's a great name. That's what we'll call it, the Woozy Helmet.

What do you think about it? Oh, I think it's a winner.

You really do? Oh, yeah. Oh, you bet. I didn't know where I was, and then I was

coming up through the thing, and then I thought I was going to fall off, and I

felt seasick, and... It's just a prototype. It's going to get better.

I think this is some of your best work.

Oh, thanks.

You know what?

You put in a different cartridge, you get an entirely different experience in

sight, sound, and smell.

I mean, you could take an incredible ride, never have to leave the safety of

your own helmet. I mean, take trips, not have to lose your bags.

I think Danny would be very proud of you.

Thanks, Al.

Hugo.

This is a little uncomfortable, though.

Well, that's supposed to go in your ear.

Oh.

You want to take another trip?

Oh, yeah. Okay, here we go.

I asked my designers for decent war toys. They gave me diddly sweat.

Well, all the companies had a head start. They've been designing war toys

for years. I don't have years.

Gotta get on with it. Time's ticking.

Gotta push these designers.

Stop the vehicle.

Stop the vehicle.

I've been here before.

I know it. I'm sure of it.

Perhaps in another lifetime.

Or maybe even in a battle.

You were probably here with Kenny. I guess you guys played here together when

you were kids, Dad.

Oh.

Want a ride?

No, thank you.

Just learning?

Yeah, yeah.

A little long in the tooth for training wheels.

You drive all the way out here just to insult me?

Oh, au contraire, ma chère. This is my way home.

No, it isn't.

How about this?

No, how about this? Can you get over because you're hogging the road?

You're hogging the road.

Come on, let me give you a lift and I'll teach you how to ride that bike.

Why? Just want to get laid.

No. Oh, my daddy would just have a field day with you.

I bet I'd be swinging from some tree.

Yeah. Yeah.

No.

I like you.

Well, I like you, too.

That's why we shouldn't see each other.

Why?

You don't take things very seriously, do you?

What are you... Take things seriously? What about this hat?

Of course I take things seriously.

Like what?

Well, like Save the Whales won interesting prizes.

I found that.

Okay,

well, how about this?

You know the general?

Well, I'm going to have a confrontation with him.

Because I don't want them to make war toys anymore.

I'm going to get him to change his mind.

Are you serious?

No, yeah, really.

Yeah, sure.

Maybe.

There is no hope.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

whoa. Seriously, I convinced the general no war toys.

Will you let me take off your training wheels?

I'll think about it.

You ever wonder why an airplane has to be a certain size?

Because somebody has to get inside it, right?

Right. What happens if you don't need a pilot?

What happens if you just have remote control planes that carry deadly

weapons? You saw it back there at the store. There were toy tanks, toy planes.

Can you imagine what it'd be like if we perfected a toy-sized plane that had

deadly fighting capabilities?

Little remote control planes.

Yes.

You saw those kids back there at the arcade.

Those kids have better hand-eye coordination than any pilot you'll ever

see. Little children can fly remote-controlled planes.

Patrick, it's only the weaponry that's missing.

Can you imagine the savings if we reduced the cost of planes? Say, $450

million apiece down to $5,000.

That's what I'm talking about.

The military today, Pat, costs too much. I'm talking about a cheap military.

An inexpensive military for the future.

You can't eliminate the military. So you have to have a military you can afford.

Little tank, little plane, little helicopter.

Toy-sized military with deadly fighting weapons.

You give me half a billion dollars, the cost of one stealth bomber, I'll give

you one million toy-sized planes.

And I guarantee you one thing, Pat.

No one's going to spot them on the radar screens.

Hey, remember that kid flew a beach nut right into Red Square?

Beach crap.

What? He flew a beach crap, not a beach nut. Oh, beach crap, beach nut, beach

blanket, beach ball, beach bum. What difference does it make?

He flew the plane right into Red Square.

Do you remember those kids with the video screens blowing things up? What

difference does it make if it's real or whole?

It's all the same to them. It's all the same on the video screen.

It's just another James event.

It's warfare without a counter.

It's the greatest concept ever known.

It's brilliant.

I ride like a genie from the ashes to greatness.

Me, the greatest military genius the world's ever known.

Tomorrow, we start building the littlest armada known to mankind.

See you then.

Helena! Vivo!

Let there be a lesson to you.

Always carry a flare.

Owen, I always feel like I'm witnessing the last temptation of Barbie.

Well, this model's holding up nicely.

The only way a child could pull this one apart is if he took it to a tractor

pull.

May I speak to you?

Certainly. In private, by all means, jump in. Carry on, Owen.

General, it's the first time in my life I've given something... No! Oh!

Why don't you watch where you're going, you great egghead?

Let's go.

Oh, no, don't. You should stop. You'll be guilty if you hit and run.

Always run when you hit.

General? Yes, Lizzie? I think it'll be a terrible mistake for us to make word.

Oh, you do, do you? Yes.

We have a tradition of women's toys.

Dad began that tradition with Milton the Friendly Elephant and it carried all the

way through the new line. And the Woosney Helmet. And to make us

manufacture military toys would be a philosophical contradiction.

It would be like an Amish video game. And I cannot support that.

You're absolutely right.

Absolutely.

Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely.

Thank you. Thank you very much. You know, I have to be honest with you, Les.

I thought the war toy department was a good idea. But I've seen how it would

take too long.

It would be a difficult task to establish a department that's never

existed in the company.

A bit like going against the grain.

Why tamper with the traditions of this firm?

That's my thinking exactly.

Oh, hallelujah and goodbye.

You know what I'd like to do, Les?

No, me what? I'd like to have a little more space to myself.

Develop a few toy ideas of mine. Oh, ideas.

Noodle about this.

Noodle? Noodle.

Just a few things.

I'd like to.

How's it going?

Fine, fine.

I might need a little more space.

Okay, sure. Thank you. Bye-bye.

Gonna need a teeny bit more space.

We're gonna all take classes here.

Gonna need that...

People, this is some very innovative vomit.

Except this one. It looks like you could put maybe a nice piece of carrot and a

pea there to kind of draw your eye to it. Don't you think? Yeah, I agree with

you. It should have more consistency to it.

You know, since your uncle started his private project, the budget for novelty

items has been cut in half. Are you telling me we don't have money for peas

and carrots anymore? Come on, now, that is a classic.

Without it, it's not funny. It's almost frightening.

Peas and carrots are traditional. No one's going to buy vomit without them.

Well, what about noodles or spaghetti? They're pretty cheap to make.

Well, normally you don't feed noodles and vomit.

Have you ever been to the pasta barn? No.

You know what?

In order to be competitive in the world market, maybe we need more of an

international knowledge here. You know, something... Can we cater to Asian

people, please? That would make me very happy. I mean, this vomit is very Anglo,

very ethnocentric. This is obviously the vomit of the white man. It's impressive.

Well, we could have something like the teriyaki toast.

That one. That's a Bavarian blow.

That's very interesting, but it's too much. I mean, there's a lot going on

here. You know, it titillates me, and to me, that's the wrong reaction. Yeah,

this is almost like Braille. It appeals to a male market. Is this room getting

smaller or am I bloated?

I don't know.

We're being attacked by a crossword puzzle.

I like this one very much. Well, yes, that's our Oktoberfest model. It's

bratwurst and notwurst. The brat's flat.

How'd it taste?

Very well. 90% highly recommended.

What's the gag factor?

Instantaneous. We are working here.

What is this?

It's very nice. I mean, that's no work for the kosher people, the Hasidic Eve.

Why do we have coconut and mushrooms here? This is diarrhea. This doesn't

belong here. I'll send over to Peter in the poop department.

This is ham and pineapple.

Yes, we're calling that Maui Chawi or the Danho Eve.

I like that. That's very colorful. What's that?

That's our duck sausage and cilantro. We call it the whooping chuck.

And look, there's the Wyatt Earp. I love that one. Ah, but we added okra. Now

it's a Bible belt. That's very nice.

What the hell is going on here?

Sorry, Les. The general needed more room.

Didn't mean to scare anyone.

You guys need to change your diet.

Owen, what the hell's going on here? How much room does he need?

Well, it's not just a matter of space. We're losing valuable people every day.

Some more designers just quit.

What could he be building that takes this much room? Is he building Paul

Bunyan toys?

I don't think it's a matter of working big.

Leslie, look down there.

More of them arrive every day.

You better be making something very cute or I'm gonna be really annoyed.

Oh, Daddy.

Oh, Daddy, I need you.

The General closed down my department, and Owens is afraid, and Leslie's been

doing anything, and nobody knows what anybody else is doing, and there's all

these new people, and...

All these old people are quitting, and remember Faye McIntyre, the one who used

to paint the lips on the alligators? Well, she's gone. Can you believe it?

Faye McIntyre's gone.

If something doesn't happen really soon, we're all going to be in this shithouse.

Well, Fisher?

I think you know I don't use that term very loosely.

I most often mean it.

Boy, those are great batteries.

Leslie. I know. I heard about it. They closed down my office.

I know.

Are you going to do something about it?

What is happening here?

A fish is a pet?

He's fragile.

I mean, I don't know what to do.

I mean, I got him to stop making war toys, but he is up to something. I want

to know what he is doing next.

I think we'll live early for the parade.

Do you have enough healing?

Oh.

I like that one, Bob. Here he comes. It's the incredible Yuppie Float.

Why don't you ask him?

What do you mean?

Why don't you...

Just go up to him and say, what are you doing?

Get out of here.

Just... Just go up and ask the general directly what he's doing. Cut through

the fabric of our very society of obtuse and avoidance.

I mean, where did you get off?

So that is fair.

No,

I'm not. Yeah, you are. I need a glass of champagne. Would you like one?

Yeah.

Yeah.

How about a little more champagne?

Whoa.

Stick around. You may be too tired to walk back.

There you go.

Just a tad.

Just a hair of the dog.

Toast? Melvin.

Your daddy was right.

What? He told me I'd like you.

You met my dad?

When he hired me.

My father hired you?

Mm-hmm.

The day before he passed away.

And picked.

I don't know why.

Maybe I do know why.

Pick a state.

New York.

Wrong.

Pick another one.

California.

Really wrong.

What the hell is

that?

It's here.

Fine. You're absolutely right.

I've got to walk right up to him and ask him what's going on.

Tomorrow.

Busy right now.

Maybe I'll pack him.

Damn. Spook the horse.

I'm going to have to walk back.

General?

General?

How long? General?

I need some answers.

Will you tell me what's going on in the restricted area? No.

I was wondering if you'd give me a sneak preview of the new area. No.

Besides, I don't want you to laugh at my efforts. You being a consummate toy

maker, me being a novice, so to speak.

I have to run along, you know. Before you go, I'm curious to know, why are you

hiring children? Children?

Little people. You saw little people? I think so. I was looking down from my

window and I think... Ah, that you're angry looking down on them.

All I know is that they were little, small, not to scale. Oh, couldn't be. If

you knew Empire State Building looking down, people look like ants. Same thing

here. You're looking from the third floor window. People look very much

smaller. That is it.

General... See, Owen, I've got the security card.

Get us into the restricted area.

That's a coup, isn't it? But the problem is, getting down that corridor past the

surveillance camera.

Leslie.

Leslie,

have you any idea at all...

Uh, Chimera, would you check if anyone handed in my glasses? I can't see a

thing without them. Sure, Mr. Owens.

Harvey, you want to look in your drawer, too?

Uh, they have wire rims.

Not here, Mr. Owens. Sorry. Thank you.

Can't find his glasses. Like, they're in my drawer.

Steve, you go ahead.

One hundred attack by...

Well, it looks like some kind of mutated plant.

It's enormous.

We're going to try to break loose. Stand by.

500 yards.

Reduce speed to one-third and stand by the reverse engines.

Aye.

Who are they?

This is Yolanda and Steve.

I think that's a root beer.

MTV. Here we go.

I think it's passed into the cable.

How the hell did we get passed into the cable?

I don't know.

I told you it would work.

Leslie.

Leslie, are you playing around?

I have to talk to the Washington boys.

The time has come.

Leslie, are you playing around?

Whose side are you on?

No, forecast calls for showers later this evening.

There's a madman at the factory and it's no longer me.

What?

You want to tell me about it? Well, Fish and I broke into the restricted area. We

actually danced and saw children playing video games.

There's this thing. That's my vibration.

It tried to kill me.

I'm warming myself in front of a fake fire.

Something is not right.

Very wrong.

What is wrong?

What happened? I found this room full of children. They're playing video games.

Actually, war games.

Captain Zeebo, Captain Zeebo, come in.

That's Captain Zeebo. Come in, Baker. Can I have your position, please?

That's been an inappropriate question at this time, Baker.

We have a position on Lashley, sir.

Report, please.

He's at the residence of Miss Tyler.

Out.

Thank you.

if I spent the night.

Yeah, looks like it's getting on.

Yeah. Cut to the chase, Ace.

Yeah, there it is. All right, it's on now. Here it is. Come on, though.

It's all right now.

It's all right. Go for it, then. What happened?

Oh. Oh.

Fix it, man. It was getting hot, man. Fix it.

You always messing up man, you always messing up.

Did you bring the manual?

This doesn't come with a manual.

I think they're sleeping.

What does he know?

Well, I don't think he's seen enough, or at least not enough to make any sense

out of it anyway.

Well, listen up. We're making some arrangements to meet with the Washington

boys to discuss the general's new military.

I want it to be a maximum security situation.

We're lucky that Leslie didn't find out anything.

For this Washington meeting, I want maximum surveillance on neutral ground.

You get that?

What the hell is this?

We taped out of the corridor monitor, sir.

We like it, uh, Steve and Yolanda. They're great. Yolanda and Steve.

Yolanda and Steve. If you want your MTV soldier, you better want it on your own

time.

I told him we shouldn't be watching.

Tell me, what exactly happened?

Did something actually kill you?

I saw big bulging eyes in the water.

Bulging eyes.

Something was coming after you. Yes.

They were bulging eyes, but they might have been bald. I don't know what they

were. There was something big pulsating in the water, and it wasn't me.

Well, what can I say?

How can I alleviate this doubt?

Why was Patrick so concerned? Why was he yelling, shut it down, Hogan Stern?

Don't move, Leslie. Why was he yelling that?

Because you might have broken it.

Broken it?

We haven't tested it yet to make sure it's childproof.

Leslie, anything else?

Yeah, I want to know why he looks like a Russian Ralph Cramden.

That was a highly restricted area back there.

You scared us half to death in there, faking that you had drowned.

What exactly are you working on?

I'm working on a wonderful new water toy.

Oh, a tub toy. Yes.

I have some terrific video games for kids.

Look, we've talked about that. It's very tedious.

Well, better see them. I'd love to see them. Wouldn't it be nice to have a

tour? Oh, yes, a tour would be very nice.

I tell you what.

Give me two weeks to put my house in order, get my ducks in a row, so to

speak.

And I'll be more than willing to show you my work.

Okay? Okay.

Sir!

Patrick!

Dad!

Don't mind that. Just a diversionary tech.

Marvelous. The Washington boys are set.

The Washington boys!

It's done.

Thursday, 1600 hours. Oh, my moment in the sun.

Break out the sink outside.

Leland, I understand.

the need for security.

But don't you think this is just a little extreme?

Cool. Man, look at this. You can see right through them.

Look like they're halos on them, like little bony angels.

Now, that's a general right there, right?

Yeah, don't waste any time on him. We know he doesn't have a wife.

Move over to the Washington boys.

They definitely don't have to work out.

Hey, look right here.

I think we got a bug, my man.

See right there? No, no, no. That's some kind of a shrapnel or something.

Shrapnel. Shrapnel.

Shrapnel. Shrapnel.

How are you feeling since your operation, McGraw? Well, not too bad,

but I'm getting a few chest pains that I didn't have before the operation.

It looks like scissors or something, like, you know, like a clamp.

Well, let's not tell him.

We'll move on to the technical part.

Well done.

Is that everything I told you it would be?

A miniaturized military, remote-controlled planes being operated

by kids on video screens?

You know, the Israelis have been flying model planes with small video cameras

attached to do surveillance.

It might not be a bad idea.

But you know, Leland, we're going to have to go back to Washington with your

proposal for discussion.

You've got to look to the future.

The future is anarchy.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about lawlessness.

I'm talking about the dividends of the future.

I'm talking about the breakdown of the whole system.

The military defending people against people.

You won't get your appropriations waving that flag, but no, no glory in that kind

of warfare.

How can you possibly justify that one stealth bomber costs more than the

government spends on cancer research in the whole of the United States of

America? But one million little planes. $5,000 a piece. You see what I'm saying?

Well, I think this is something that we'll have to review and discuss

further. Well, what's to review? What's to discuss? This is the program.

This is what works. This is the future.

All I'm trying to say is calm down. Don't tell me to calm down.

I didn't bother to call back.

They think I don't know what I'm doing.

I'll soon show them.

engagement. We always have to keep everything a big secret.

Very sorry.

Now let's have a different kind of engagement.

Oh, Leland.

What?

You said Leland.

I said Leland.

Oh,

you called me Leland.

No, no, no. I said lean in.

You know, lean in.

Debbie.

Debbie. You didn't do my dad, did you?

Well.

Did you?

It was an accident.

It was an accident?

Yeah, you were away and he was having these bad depressions. Also because he

gets a little depressed. God almighty, Debbie. Wait.

You don't know how tragic it is. He goes on and on about the fact that he was

responsible for your mother's death. I know, I know.

Appendicitis, appendicitis.

Debbie, how could you? What do you mean appendicitis?

My mother died from appendicitis, Debbie.

Uh-uh. He sent her on a reconnaissance mission.

Reconnaissance? Yeah.

Well, he sent your mother in disguise of the Jane Fonda lookalike. I don't know.

Something happened.

What does the man know about toys, Mother Teresa? He has no sense of fun.

He's a heart of spam.

Well, how can he come up with a design better than our designers? We've been

doing it for 50 years.

No, no, no. Give me your soup.

Okay.

What do you think, Owen?

Well, we'll be able to see you in a couple of weeks.

Why two weeks?

That's a good question. That's a very good question.

You want to know what the general's building?

A deadly war machine.

Oh, he is so good.

He's the best. That red is a hard color to match.

You want the truth?

I'll take it.

There's nothing but the truth.

We have a breach of security. Call the general.

Never liked him anyway.

I knew he'd defect that boy. I knew it. I knew it. One word about his mother and

he goes, fuck, like a little kid.

It's not just a game. Those lethal weapons he's creating and building in

the factory, it's just phase one. Phase one? Yeah.

He wants to build a new technology for tomorrow's warriors.

Oh, my God.

See, it was thought as a great philanthropic gesture.

He would establish daycare centers in all the poverty areas.

Mothers could leave their children there all day long, and they'd be taught to

read and write. A video computer? Let's check.

To educate them. But at the same time, to create a special variety of video

games. To develop coordination.

Teach the child how to handle sophisticated equipment.

simulated flight experiences, visual laser lock on screens.

And the last step, the final frontier, is to fly a real combat mission with

remote-controlled weaponry. I mean, the kids, they don't know the difference.

They still think it's a video game. They think they're racking up points and

they're actually wiping out whole cities.

Well, he's got to be stopped, y'all. We have to call the police.

No, no police.

What? Because it's family business.

What's been done has got to be undone, right?

We're going to take care of it. But how can we do it?

I'll put the entire security system in.

With your help, I can take it out.

Well, well, well.

Look what we've got here.

A mutant.

First of all, we've got to be a unit. We can't all talk at the same time.

We've got to be one mind, one body, one goal, one soul.

Stand up and join me.

Very good. We are now one.

The body, the soul, the dedication.

We have one thought alone.

Victory. Put this place on a red alert.

They're as good as dead.

That's your center.

War has no relative.

Now, I'm gonna get him.

All right, sir, you're here.

And so it begins.

Now is my time.

It was not Korea.

It was not Vietnam.

But now.

Tonight on this battleground, this field of innocence, this shall be my

finest hour.

I can almost hear the ticking of the second hand of destiny.

A moment.

one wonderful moment when fate takes your hand.

And this is my moment.

I once in a lifetime when I can explore a new...

That's my new man.

That's my new man.

Turn on the twin system.

Not even passing.

I trust no one.

Let the game begin.

I'm going to shut down the control center to make sure the weapons are

deactivated. I want you guys to meet me at the Manhattan model in five minutes.

We don't know which way.

We hit them now, sir.

Let them separate a little more.

What do the flashing red lights mean?

Well, red usually means caution or beef if it's a bullion cube.

Thank you. I know where I'm going. I just don't know how to get there. Maybe

that's the covert way not to tell you. We need a helper or some fruit.

Hey, I'll look.

Isn't that great?

control to that.

Paul and Dolly just killed each other.

Put in the Tommy tank and activate the Hurley Burley helicopters.

Building egg-listic toys?

Why couldn't I see it coming?

I mean, I saw the warning from the restricted areas. I saw the phone.

Someone tried to kill me. I really screwed up.

I thought I'd lost you. You didn't know we were here. How do you know?

Well...

where the general stuck all the old toys.

Everything that's evil was is here.

Oh, dance with me.

Look at that.

They let themselves get trapped.

That means Patrick must be in there.

It's not like him to make such a poor tactical maneuver.

I used to love to play with the general's weapons track movement. Owen,

do you think these will still work?

Oh, if you wind them up.

I imagine I will. I've got an idea.

What?

We're going to fight fire with marshmallows.

That's a complete answer.

Ladies and gentlemen, our army.

Let's wind up the troops.

Someone get me a cup of tea.

Greenberg. Yes, sir.

Tea for the general. Eight lumps.

Sorry, it's something a bit...

Who would believe when we made Milton a friendly elephant that some of you today

would be wound in anger?

Four stores, many Christmases ago, my father brought forth a factory conceived

in innocence and joy and squeezable fun for everyone.

But today may be the beginning of the end, or the end of the beginning, or the

beginning of the beginning.

And when you go fourth today, or fifth, depending on your order in line,

We are here today to put you in harm's way because we determine today in this

warehouse the future of toys as we know it.

Whether it be toys of fun and innocence or toys for total, taut warfare.

Mr. Penguin, if you don't do it today, you're an endangered species. You know

that.

Now, many of you have never seen your own fluff.

Many of you are just out of the boxes.

You've never seen your own springs lying on the ground. But I tell you today,

that's not going to be the case. I want you to wade into them. I want them to

spill their batteries.

I want them to break off their antenna.

I want those plastic behemoths to be a bubbling box of goo.

In the words of Barbie, I had a dream house.

I know you can do it. Spin your balls, move your plates, skip your ropes.

You, Mr. Twirly, blind them with the best you can.

In the words of Mahatma Gandhi, we are toys of tolerance, but there's only so

much that a toy can tolerate.

Do what you must, you simple, gentle few, for I would rather have you by my

side than any remote control gadget that I've ever seen.

Because you are, and even you, even you, alien owl, pay a little attention

because you were never a big seller.

But we stood by you.

So now is the time not to ask what Zeebo can do for you, but what you can do for

Zeebo.

Let's all bow our heads for a brief moment of prayer.

Those who can.

I know, Fisher. Yeah?

That's what they attacked us while we were at prayer, like Pearl Harbor.

Mr. Kahn, hold until you see the lights in their eyes.

I've got to get to Manhattan.

Keep diversion going. I'm going to find a way to stop him.

That must be lasting.

How the hell did he get there?

Look, during the time he tanked his own tail.

Not good enough.

Activate the feast swine.

Sir, it's not too reliable.

Activate it.

Feast swine activated.

Now. Switch it over for amphibious attack.

Feast swine in amphibious attack mode. Now.

No time to shop?

Hip-hop?

And you thought I was a fool! I'm gonna kill you!

You tried to kill us all.

Oh, come on, Leslie. Can't you take a joke?

Oh, yeah.

I can.

I love jokes.

I love all kinds of jokes.

But you know what I don't think is funny?

Is when somebody tries to kill me, my family, and destroy the world as I know

it. I mean, that just doesn't sit well. I don't know why.

Call me crazy.

close to being just like you oh come on boys can't we all sit down together and

talk this thing out

Now, Stacy's a robot?

Yeah, my dad built her for me. My mom died so early, I thought I needed

somebody. I always thought she seemed the same age.

Um, I'd like to have... Can you put her back together again?

Oh, yes.

Her plans are in your father's safe.

Everything's going to be all right, Al. Do you love me?

Of course I do, Al.

I give you a big hug, but your body's over there.

I miss my heart.

We'll get you back together real soon.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Al, you're going to be all right.

Oh, yeah, I'm going to be fine. I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm

fine. Hey, look, Al.

It's Christmas.

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, you can't.

Thank you.

You look stunning.

So

this

is Paris.

What?

She still needs a little work.

Can you carry me?

I think it's better if you walk.

Dad, you don't have to worry. Evo Toys is in good hands.

Well, I gotta go now.

Country calls.

Well, you'll be back for Easter.

Of course.

We'll be having eggs.

Take care.

Oh! Don't know your own strength.

Keep it.

You can always use a good hair.

See you later.

Peace.

He's funny.

Sporty and mysterious.

Uh-oh.

Patrick?

of whimsy here at Seagull Toys.

Dad began that tradition with Milton the Friendly Elephant, and it carries all

the way through the new line.

Always looked the same from every angle and

never cast a shadow. But we changed the way I thought about you.

Would always be would always be would always be the

Well,

I don't know just