Original subtitles

What is it?

It's good news.

You can have a child now.

Don't we have to have sex first?

You'll be breeding like rabbits when you complete my course.

Mama says, if he won't come to you, you must go to him.

I've never had that problem, but can't hold out forever.

Can't he?

It's been four months.

Time for your lesson.

Let's start with revision.

Seduction begins with a kiss.

And a kiss begins with your eyes.

And I made it.

Goodbye, goodbye.

Superb!

Give it to me, Julie.

It must be the prince.

So sorry.

I forgot the time.

Yes, it's very helpful, Prime Minister. Thank you.

Perfect timing. I need a gentleman's opinion.

Darling.

Which do you prefer?

This ring?

Or that bracelet?

Neither.

Dickelior has just shown me your accounts.

I'll take both.

Excellent choice.

And you, de Guillaume?

Are you planning to slash my allowance from the pretty purse?

I am told that being sensible can't kill you.

But why take the chance?

Who started it this morning, France?

You choose, my love.

I'm on a side.

hopeless. And she hates men.

I know.

But if we don't find a wife, Papa, we will never get rid of that trumpet.

Good God, Prime Minister.

We have been here so many times before.

This could mean war.

Why?

France would be obliged to take a stand against Austria if she joined the

macabre of Poland.

How can we go to war with our ally?

Our treaty has not been ratified.

Austria has not yet performed her duty to France.

It's perplexing.

Especially when Austria attests to be willing.

One can't help wondering if the problem lies with France.

There is nothing wrong with my

grandson.

The little dolphin.

arrived here completely unprepared.

Were you aware that she knew nothing about the marriage bed?

Madame du Barry has taken it upon herself to leave the girl for heaven's

sake. She hadn't even started her menses.

And if I don't care...

Someone was standing by my bureau.

Perhaps you were dreaming.

I can't assure you I wasn't.

If Mobs had been with me, he would have chased them off.

I will put in another request.

Your friends seem remarkably reluctant to allow him to return.

How are you settling in with your household?

Madam Etiquette doesn't stop smiling at me.

Perhaps she's not amused by her nickname.

I can't think of a point in it.

You look delicious.

Oh.

Let's go hunting.

You knew she wasn't menstruating when she left Vienna?

I had no idea, Prime Minister.

Extraordinary.

That an Austrian diplomat with your experience would take France for a

complete fool.

not riding with us today, little Dauphine?

I can't ride, Papa Bois. What?

Mama's a bit sick.

We shall have to find our way around that imperial dictat.

Ah, a little Italian.

Oh, we're so very late.

I'm so sorry, Majesty.

I'm pleasing you, child.

Isn't he magnificent?

Be careful,

poor fellow.

No, but I will never agree.

She's a shrinking violet.

The ostrich bitch will do our work for us.

It was a dream.

Did you enjoy the hunts, little Dauphine?

It was thrilling.

Look at you.

Isn't she adorable?

Someone's taking your seat.

Go and chum the pants off your husband.

Monsieur?

Waiter.

You were so brave this morning.

I... I could have been certain the stag was going to get the better of you, but

he didn't stand a chance.

I have never seen anything like it.

Would you like to visit me this evening?

Eat.

Eat.

Look at them.

I can't take any more.

He has got to go.

Why don't you come with me?

Sorry. I can be an absolute devil.

It's a love apple.

From Spain.

An aphrodisiac.

Apparently.

It's often confusing to be here.

To be confronted with the unfamiliar.

I've always found it best just to plunge in.

Oh,

the skin is tight.

My care, my meeting, my resistance.

If you just gently...

Am I making any sense at all, my boy?

Should I eat it?

I thought I would.

Let me eat it.

Are a natural.

Surely the Empress can't complain about you riding a donkey now, can she?

Well, I'm not going to tell her, Papa.

Neither will I.

Oh, France.

Let her rest.

She's already had one ass between her legs today.

Be careful, child.

Papa Roy has a penchant for virgins.

My dog was sent back to Austria at the border. Oh, what a pity.

Why wouldn't it allow the bay?

Well, didn't have a passport.

To business.

We have been searching all over Europe for a suitable wife for Papa.

And we finally found her.

Right here, under our nose.

Who have you chosen this time, madame?

Ta-da!

Me.

Why not?

She's less his type than all the others put together.

She'll do.

She's the princess of the blood.

Don't you want to be the queen of France?

No.

Do I?

Perhaps our little dolphin can assist us.

Papa will listen to you.

Does he want to wait?

What he wants is irrelevant.

Duty and decorum dictate that the king has a wife.

Then why doesn't he marry Madame de Paris?

How can the king of France marry the whore of Babylon?

What?

Do you know what a whore is?

Allow me, allow me.

She is a woman who screws for her supper.

Your friend was your age when she first spread her

legs.

Not in the mood?

What's new?

Oh, Lord.

Oh,

dear.

Too much?

Not enough.

Is it true?

I suppose you found it funny, but I didn't

know.

What is this place?

Is this...

My life now.

Draft. Why can't draft? No one.

Not even you.

You. Monsieur.

No. Look at me.

Look at me.

Why?

Why don't you like me?

What have I done wrong?

Friday the 21st.

The Dauphine lost her temper with me.

I think she is not suited to life at Versailles.

Ready for your lesson?

Put that in the drawer for me, will you?

Time to explore what turns us ladies on between machines.

I'm busy.

I'll come back after supper.

We can have a good night in.

I'm busy.

Tomorrow?

Let me guess.

You're busy.

Have Madame been filling your head with nonsense about me?

You should have told me!

Why? Why didn't you?

My past. is of no interest to me.

Why is it of any interest to you?

So you were making a fool of me?

Au contraire.

I was trying to help you.

Who else is there around here to do the job?

Oh, what a loyal friend I have.

Do not indulge in the frivolity of the French.

Remain a good Austrian, our Duchess. I have said it before to your sister, and

I will say it again to you.

Don't go near a horse until you have a bouncing, bourbon air.

And despair. Why didn't she tell her daughter how to fuck?

At least my mother had the decency to prepare me for my career.

And what a career.

Street girls have a king's favourite.

And all the way back again.

I'm going nowhere.

I wasn't dreaming, Murphy.

Someone's told it.

Someone's told Mama's letter.

I'll look into it.

In the meantime, keep out of trouble.

I'm not in trouble.

Have Madame been drawing you into their little scheme?

What about that?

Everyone knows about it.

There are no secrets here.

Right.

So you knew. You knew about Madame du Barry. What difference does it make who

she was?

Difference?

What would Mama say? The Empress says that if she is the king's favorite,

you should be her friend.

Ah.

What about Madame?

Don't get caught up in the crossfire between them and Madame du Barry.

It's their war, not yours.

I can't win.

Whichever way I turn, there's a trap.

Mes dames, on manoeuvres.

Not again.

Who is it this time?

Lombard.

The only rival I have in my side is our little Dauphine.

If my brother won't jump on her, perhaps Papa Hoa will do the deed.

What did little Dauphine protest?

If she pulls that stunt, I will chase her all the way back to Vienna.

Shall I come back later? Provence is just leaving.

Poor Provence.

Always the fair, never the air.

He wants me to be friends with her.

She is not worthy to kiss your feet.

I thought she was looking out for me.

Do Barry only looks out for herself?

How can I help you?

Will you marry Papa Juan?

Do you like me too?

Pull out your hands.

Now these are the most

expensive beings in the whole world.

They have precious diamonds.

But you, uh... You would appreciate them.

Hmm? Lombard?

You're Italian. You love coffee.

Don't you?

Lombard prefers hot chocolate.

Oh?

Just you wait until she's tried my coffee. Hmm?

They're everywhere.

I'm sorry. I'll just... I'll just get them from...

Oh, dear.

Are we all right back here?

Still searching for coffee beans.

Here you go.

That's how it is.

Here we are. You have reduced the king of France to a scullery maid.

Why were you crawling around on the floor? What did he say to you? Did he

upset you?

Good Lord.

You've been a great help to us.

Thank you, Antoinette.

Did you have fun with Papa Roy?

He made us coffee.

So

you

have made your choice.

I don't know... Oh, please, madam. I have been plotting to replace me since

the day I arrived.

You're either in bear camp or mine.

It's not too late to change your mind.

Is she staying? She is most definitely going.

Bye-bye, little Dauphine.

You won't be missed by anyone, except Papa Roi.

I'll talk to Franz.

Isn't it time you spoke to him about me?

We barely notice it like this.

You're on top of my list as soon as I've dealt with her.

Our spies inform us that Austria is preparing to invade Poland.

So this means war against Austria.

Not if you sign this, sire.

The Empress can't make a move against Poland if our troops are sitting on her

border.

Oh.

Item two.

Louis.

Specifically his inability to shag his wife.

She is the problem. Besides, they're totally unsuited to one another.

Royal marriages are not made in heaven.

Only a politician would try to mate them.

She's frigid.

He's mute.

He is the heir to my throne.

Exactly.

The boy needs a wife who will satisfy him.

The matter will be decided by my grandson.

Item two.

Thank you.

Good work.

I'm learning stuff.

We must stand on our troops.

Madame du Barry is plotting to remove Toinette.

Why do you think I got you to be neutral?

I didn't believe she would go this far.

If Louis has to choose, I don't stand a chance.

Can't you win him over?

How?

How?

I've tried.

What else am I supposed to do?

Perhaps your mother will be able to guide you.

Burn it after you eat it.

Don't lie down and give up, Trinette. You are an Austrian archduchess.

Habsburgs never take no for an answer.

Now tidy your hair, fix your face, and fight back.

YouTube.

This is where you like to hide.

And he's yours.

It's glorious when you remove all the people

You

will

be a good king, yeah I

hope you will let me help you

It was a coincidence.

I'd pay good money for a portrait of a little vixen face at that moment.

Would you, Monsieur?

I hate authentic quarrels.

Why don't we kiss and make up?

Then we can get down to the business of ruling France together.

Your business, madam, is to service the king.

Mine is to govern France.

Is that so?

It's time to make up your mind, boy.

Come in.

Prime

Minister.

I never doubted you would succeed.

I'm staying.

I'm staying!

Looking for something.

I found it.

Why don't you join me for supper?

You don't like expecting me.

You really think you're something, don't you?

I am something.

I'm an astronaut, that's it. I'm the Dauphine of France. Who are you?

I'd rather be the king's whore than a frustrated virgin.

Still no progress in that department.

Maybe you weren't such a great teacher after all. You're a poor student.

No grasp of the subject. No flair at all.

It won't be long before he gets rid of you.

Haven't you heard?

He has asked me.

Safe journey to Vienna, Rohan.

As our new ambassador, send our warmest wishes to the Empress.

Thank you, Countess.

Bye.

Now,

we

have got to find Poirot's wife.

It's the only way to secure an heir.

Have you missed me?

Come in.

What is that thing

doing here?

My husband delivered him to me.