Original subtitles

[music playing]

Hey, Macarena!

[yowl]

[music playing]

What in the universe is this?

Gus's chain found a workout tape.

I can't imagine what would compel you to improve your

physical well-being.

Your high school reunion? Are you serious?

Hey, I have an image to uphold. You don't age so you

don't get it.

Once upon a time, I was the coolest of the cool.

Hey!

[yowl]

Yeah!

I'll never watch this ass again!

Then let me tell you, old and fat ain't cool.

You know that grilled cheese sandwich I lost last

week?

It was under my breast the entire time.

I rest my case.

I got what you want, Uncle Chodey.

Good! Get over here. These love handles gotta go.

What is that?

An in-home liposuction machine. Why go to a plastic

surgeon when I can get the same thing at home for a

fraction of the cost?

[engine revs]

Nate, did you get your invite or do you actually have

to graduate to go to the reunion?

I graduated and I'm like Java over here. I haven't

gained an ounce.

[spits]

Let's hope his species has more than one.

Wasn't Darf Bobo in your class?

Yeah, he went to the same school, but he wasn't in my

class.

I mean, look, I was an insecure four-eyed zit farm.

He fell for every practical joke in the book. Good

You think he'll have the quavos to show up?

God, I hope so. We'll eat some while the laugh at.

Was high school really that good, Uncle Chodey?

Whip my boy. They were the best seven years of my

life.

Those were the worst four years of my life. That is,

until I married you, of course.

I'd have put you out of your misery years ago if I

could find a gun that didn't read bang.

Bang when I fire it.

High school.

Get from the fire drill.

There's one for the Yibba.

Chodey.

Chodey.

Chodey, don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me

when I'm angry.

I've been waiting for this day. My success is known

throughout the universe.

And now I'm going to rub Chodey's nose in it. All

their nose is in it.

They're all going to laugh at you.

Not anymore.

Sorry, Chode. There's a new cool kid in town.

I'm ready. Let's go.

Are you kidding? You're not going to wear that, are

you? I have a reputation to uphold.

It is a little revealing.

If not revealing enough, I want to see more Victoria,

less secret.

So who are you looking forward to this?

Well, I don't know.

See, there was this group of mean girls who gave the

other girls swirly's,

shook them down for lunch money, stole their boyfriends.

Oh, how terribly awful for you.

No, I was the mean girls' leader.

We swore we'd never lose touch, but when they went to

prison, if they don't show up,

this whole evening will be a bust.

Well, except for the buffet.

How'd you end up going to school with Chodey anyway?

Alien exchange student.

What did they exchange you for? An extra large?

[Laughs]

Bitch.

So, now that the fat's away, it's time for us to play.

Any ideas?

I've been dying for a good game of bridge.

How about we play a man's game?

A cribbage?

Poker!

[Music]

Hey, guys, looking good. Not you, me.

Okay, hang on. Wait, wait, don't tell me.

Veronica, is that you?

Oh, it is you.

And this must be...

Chodey, it's me. Robert?

Robert, my PE locker with "next to yours."

[Grunts]

[Cheering]

Tilt, I'll get the note.

I thought you two were doing life without parole.

We were.

We broke out. We couldn't miss this.

You girls are the best.

I can't believe Tanook and her friends have the nerve

to show up after what they did to me.

When I was a sophomore, they pulled a trampoline out

from under me and I landed on my head.

They pushed me in front of a bus.

They pushed me in front of a bus and then Tilt, Toc,

my boyfriend.

Tanook was the worst. I asked to borrow her pencil

once and she threw it at me.

How easy is that how you lost your ear to I?

I was born this way, but the pencil stuck in my arm

and left this blue mark that never went away.

Bitch.

So, you know, I took the liberty of inviting a fourth.

Oh, I don't know. I thought this was going to be a

friendly get-together.

That's exactly how I sold it to him. See, I thought

we could run a little confidence game on him.

That's dishonest.

It sounds like trouble to me.

Oh, and I hear he's rich.

We're in.

Oh my God. That's Bobo. He's really changed.

I hear he's the head of his own evil empire.

Hey, heart to then, weren't you voted most likely the

head of an evil empire?

Oh, shut up. I'm glad you can all finally recognize.

Great.

Now, for when you...

[laughing]

Send in the clown. Wait, he's already here.

Chill.

[music playing]

[laughing]

I still got it. That Bobo.

What a moron. We'll be laughing about that for the

next 20.

Jeez, look at those bloodshot eyes. What the hell are

you been smoking?

[groaning]

What the hell am I been smoking?

So chode, who's the cool one now?

Still me.

And now?

And Cormoran.

Oh, who am I kidding? I'm not cool. I'm pathetic.

Good. You figured that out a lot faster than I

thought you would.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. If all you want to be is cool,

crap, I can teach you that.

You can teach me?

Trust me, Bobo. When I get done with you, you'll be

cooler than liquid nitrogen.

[music playing]

[music playing]

[coughing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

Get him, hell.

Okay, he'll be here soon, so this is the plan.

We play Texas hold him, feel him out for a while, let

him win, get comfortable.

Then when the pots get bigger, we cheat like hell and

take him to the cleaners.

What's his name again?

Jim, Captain Jim.

[music playing]

I feel like Vinderella at the ball.

Well, go on, give it a test drive.

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

[music playing]

Hey, can I get a light?

Well, Bobo, you've changed, man. How'd you do it?

That would be me, Professor Chickens, at your service.

The mace in space, please, meet me in your face.

That was too funny. I'm laughing so hard. I'm crying.

[music playing]

Very funny, but the joke is on you. I cannot feel a

thing.

It's time for some payback.

So, what do we do?

Yeah, I've got an idea how to get Tink and Oka to Newt.

Anyone got his cell phone?

I just don't know what to do.

Well, if I were you, I'd trust my instincts.

Me, come on, you've won the last eight hands.

I didn't know you could beat a full house with an

almost straight queen high.

Is that even a real--

Ow!

Hey, what do you say we up the stakes here?

Give us a chance to get our money back.

You leave me no choice, but to continue to take

advantage of your poor play.

Great! Deal 'em, Whip, and this time, give me the

good stuff.

Hey, why don't you cut a rug with old sex here?

Okay!

I don't think so. I don't really know how to dance.

No, sure you don't. It's just like sex, only more

vertical.

Wait, wait, wait a minute. We have sex standing up

all the time.

Let's see.

Oh, it's just like sex with only with your clothes on.

No, no, no, we do that too.

I guess it is just like sex.

Huh?

Oh, good, yeah, like that.

This evening of getting better and better,

your phone line on your feet.

Well, my feet.

[music]

Hey, hey guys, you remember the time I taped that

centerfold on the scroll map of the universe?

Old Mr. Bookser pulled it down.

The whole class got to look at more than Uranus, if

you know what I mean.

Didn't he get fired for that?

Dude, that was classic.

Not half as classic as the prank I've got planned for

Bobo.

Hey, when I give T'Nook the signal, she's gonna...

[music]

[applause]

You've done your charity. You can go back to Joe now.

Actually, I'm having a wonderful time.

I think we should vote for you.

Oh, I don't know. I've never won anything.

Except if Merkin wants an FA contest on the stupidest

thing ever done with an electric razor.

This is too rich for my cold blood. I got nothing.

Yeah, what he said.

I see it will once again be man versus...

machine. I feel at most uncompelled to go all in.

Big deal. How about growing a sack and put some real

money in the line?

If the stakes are to be raised, I must have my crew

transport more money.

It's Jim. Pick up.

I need you to do something for me.

First, I need 50,000 cronics bean to this location.

Once the money is safely aboard, wait 15 seconds and

fire a...

[sneezes]

I'm John Walsh, the 12th. Tonight, thanks to a hot

tip,

we follow local police as they pursue two dangerous

fugitives.

The morons probably don't even know they're about to

be captured on universal television.

[laughs]

Huh?

[screams]

It was great catching up with you two.

It was just like old times.

Yeah! Well, that's two down, one to go.

[sighs]

[speaking gibberish]

Fat cow, it should eat anything.

That's it. I've got the perfect way to make Tanook

regret everything she's ever done to us.

[burps]

[burps]

Ah, just as I asked. 50,000 cronics.

But that's more than I've got.

There must be something called this flying death trap

that would equal if not surpass its value.

[screams]

[screams]

Relax. I assure you, it was merely an accident.

Are you prepared to make your wager?

Let's not worry about the details. I'll find a way to

cover it.

[laughs]

All right, everybody. The moment you've been waiting

for.

The crowning of the king and queen of the reunion.

I think it's gonna be you, pal.

Why are you building up his hopes?

Because, I believe in him. Finally his day to shine.

And, uh, I kinda stuffed the ballot box.

And the reunion queen is, as expected, Queen Amidala.

She's not the queen. I am. Don't mind her. That's

just my servant, Padme.

I am the real queen. The hell you are!

[screams]

Okay, while they sort that out, let's move on to the

king.

It's Darf Bulb.

[screams]

[laughs]

[screams]

[gasps]

[music]

[laughs]

Trust me, pal. Trust me, pal.

[screams]

Wow. How the hell are you doing that?

[screams]

What are you talking about?

That was a three-pointer!

No chance. Your foot was on the line.

It's not my fault I have cloud feet.

[screams]

Thanks.

Bobo, stop! You're behind all this.

Whoa, what are you talking about? This whole thing's

just a big mistake.

How the hell am I faked?

No, no, no, no. That didn't make a mistake. It's a

misunderstanding.

Yeah, the pig's blood is an initiation.

Really?

We all went through it, right, guys?

Right!

Of course!

No one ever dumped blood on me.

Ow!

I know, I know. The dorky pig's blood thing is a

little 1976 Earth,

but, you know, it's kind of a tradition.

Now, those flaming pies, they rocked.

Yeah, but, uh, that was pretty cool of me.

Hell yeah!

You guys don't know how much this means to me.

I love you. I love you all.

Okay, heading for uncool at rift speed.

Uh, right. Sorry.

[laughs]

Hey, everybody! Drinks are on me!

[cheering]

Yeah, that's cool.

Bobo, tell us how you suddenly gained the power of

telekinesis.

I don't know. See, it's usually something clowns only

go through during puberty.

It all exists. Your penis unfurling like a party

favor.

So, it's temporary?

Yeah, once I walk out of here, I'll be returning to

normal.

Good to know.

Speaking of walking out of here, I gotta get going.

This has been the best night of my life.

I'll always cherish our dance.

And, Chode, you made it all happen.

Oh, never forget this.

It was nothing. That's what friends are for, right?

Thank you. Thank you all.

Remember, what's cool, always cool.

In the hell, you owe me one after saving your life

and all.

Under the bleachers?

Red lima.

It wasn't hard. It's written at a third grade level.

[sighs]

[music]

I love the gratribution.

The heifer never could resist a snack.

I don't feel so good.

Here it comes.

Ah! Oh, my God!

Oh, no! What have we done?

[music]

Ah, that bobo. Let us sucker.

[music]

What the hell happened?

Just a friendly game of poker.

It's not just bobo.

You men turn everything into a childish competition.

A challenge. A chance to one up each other.

Don't you realize that sooner or later, it comes

around to bite you and--

Oh, no! Here we go again!

Get out of the way! I gotta get to the toilet!

Uh, Chinook, he took the bathroom, too.

[screams]

[music]