Original subtitles

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Opera, I'm in love!

I'm in love!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Ziggs, did you remember to pack the sunblock?

You know how I turned eggplant under the sun.

It's in the side pocket along with my unmentionables.

Hmm.

I saw that, Captain.

Just making sure it's downy fresh.

What are you doing spying on me anyhow?

It's my passive aggressive way of thanking you

for not bringing me along on your big vacation.

Get over it, Bob.

You're a ship, for God's sake.

What are you hoping to hook up with?

The Queen Mary?

Hey, it's possible.

I still think we should have picked a planet

other than Gilebus IV.

And miss out on those screaming off-season packages?

Sure.

There's nothing like half-price hotel rooms,

open buffets, and two-for-one prostitute specials

to make a cheapskates while it's sing.

That's it, Bob.

Here's the line.

And this is where you crossed it.

Relax, Chode.

Hmm.

We're going on vacation.

That's right.

A week and nothing but sipping my ties,

massages, and doing a horizontal mamba.

[LAUGHING]

Huh?

Bob?

I'll be fine.

I'll just veg out, watch a few movies,

eat some comfort food, and trick myself

to a blind stupor until you come back.

That's the spirit.

I plan on bronzing my ass at the pool

until it's a golden crisp and sit around eyeballing

the half-naked studs as they roll by.

If something tells me that would you and that thong,

they'll be rolling by at a quick clip.

They can run, but they can't hide.

Well, I plan on taking the antiquey tour around the

planet.

If I'm lucky, I might just find myself

a soulmate who enjoys souvenir shopping as much as I

do.

Bring me back a t-shirt that says, "I went to Gillibus

4 and all I got was this crappy t-shirt."

We'll do.

Now, you're an extra, extra, extra large, right?

Chicks on vacation are ripe for the hookup.

I bet I'll be tasting more tang than all the

astronauts

combined.

Now, let's move it, people.

The Remedians Happy Hour Bonanza only runs from 3 to

6.

Oh, you're right.

I've got a major Jones for a fuzzy navel.

You already got one.

Pull it out.

You're grossing me out.

I meant the drink.

This place is hopping.

That's strange.

Maybe your best kept secret is starting to slip out.

Yeah, excuse me.

Dish.

Yes?

We're here to check in.

The name's McBlob.

Well, it seems the computer doesn't have anything

under that name.

What?

Check again.

I made this reservation months ago.

Oh.

Let's just have another look.

See then, shall we?

No.

Nothing.

Zip.

I believe the technical word in hotel jargon is "you're

screwed."

Oh, yeah?

Well, if that's your attitude, what do you say we

take our business

to the four sleazers?

Good luck.

They've been completely booked up for months.

Hey, come on, buddy.

Come on, please, please, please, please, please.

There's got to be something available in this place.

Something's wrong.

I haven't seen Uncle Chod kiss as much ass

in six-cod-a-minute three-way at the Android

convention.

Yeah?

Will you catch more flies with me than you do with

honey?

I'm sorry.

I can't find an opening.

Then check again, pencil-neck, or I'll

make you an opening that sleeps four if you catch my

drift.

Just so happens I have exactly one vacancy.

We'll take it.

Nice work.

Damn, if anyone's got a screw with my vacation.

Dish.

Well, I guess you could say it's cozy.

Don't get it.

Last year, they were comping me all over the place.

And now I'm rooming with bleach, borax, and whiteners.

We'll just have to make up for it with all the towels

and soap

we can pile back into our suitcases.

We can always swipe these mattresses,

but they kind of look like a Royshad test.

You know, you could have tipped the bell

hop to bring up the rest of our things.

I could have.

But why waste the buck?

Did you manage to get the low-down-witest place

is so busy?

No, but I did get a few numbers of some lonely

business

travelers in the lobby.

What happens in Gillibus 4 stays in Gillibus 4.

Chode, let's not let this little setback ruin our

trip.

Yeah, I suppose you're right.

Why don't we just go down and have our fill at the

buffet?

Can't you make the path any baggier?

Fatty Cloud needs to appeal to the kids.

I think P. Diddy meets Chris Kringle.

This way, we'll include the ever-profitable 18

to 34-year-old demographic.

What do you think?

The people of Gillibus 4 are going to eat you up

and crap out Santa Claus.

This holiday has enough ancillary potential

to buy yourself three death orbs from your lips

to those poor smuck wallets.

Too blousy.

This line wasn't too bad.

Yeah, looks like we're next.

Don't fill up on bread.

That's where they get you.

Start with the main courses and work your way counterclockwise

to appetizers, then dessert.

Finally.

The buffet is now closed.

Huh?

Thank you for staying at the Rabbit Inn.

All right, that's it.

This place is officially gone down the toilet.

Where are you going?

Follow me.

I know a better joint around the corner.

Oh, not that cheesy topless place

that advertises lunch boxes after three.

By the way, Whip, if anyone asks,

tell me you left your ID back on the ship.

Happy Clownsville.

Huh?

What the [BLEEP]

This must be why the planet's so busy.

There must be a big holiday coming up.

Oh, goodie.

I wonder if we get to wear costumes.

I want a remote controller, wireless scooter,

holographic visualizer.

Of course, little boy.

Santa Clownsville will bring you everything you want.

He will?

[LAUGHING]

That'll be 2,500 cronics.

Unless you want Santa Clown to break

Little Junior's heart on Clownsville morning.

They're celebrating Clownsville?

I don't give a rat's ass if they're celebrating

Rosie O'Donnell's left nut.

I'm starving.

Who's with me?

Here, here.

I'm in.

[GROANING]

[BELL RINGING]

Happy Clownsville.

Now, this phony holiday stinks to high heaven,

a Darth Bobo.

He figured out a way to piss all over my vacation

by creating a holiday of his own.

Cho, that seems a little extreme, even for him,

don't you think?

No, really?

[GASP]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Santa Clownsville's here to bring the joy of the

season

by offering a 10% off voucher at participating

retailers.

[GASP]

That's it.

We're out of here.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[SIGHS]

Cho, calm down.

All this tension is going to make you sick.

I can't help it.

This is just another one of his harebrained schemes

to finance his dream of buying his own deaf orb.

But it won't work.

[GASP]

[SIGHS]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[SIGHS]

How the hell did Bobo manage to dupe these people

into spending their hard earned money on his bogus

holiday?

I mean, what kind of moron would buy into this crap,

huh?

Happy Clownsville, a day when nobody's down, Zob, not

me.

But what are you doing?

Just getting in the Clownsville spirit.

We're all picking names to buy gifts for secret Clownsville.

[GASP]

What's that?

I bought an album of Clowns-a-carols

to listen to while we decorate the room.

There's no such thing as Clowns-a.

You'd better watch yourself, mister.

I don't think Santa Clown will bring you anything

with that attitude.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

What's the matter with you idiots?

Am I taking crazy pills here?

Oh, oh, oh, here comes the Clowns-a-flow.

Hey, Santa.

Room 216.

Betcha I can make you come more than once a year.

[GASP]

[GASP]

[GROAN]

Can't you see?

Darth Bobo has manufactured this sugar-coated holiday

to commercialize and profit from these innocent

people.

Chode, I never realized you had so much integrity.

I'm proud of you.

Yeah.

What did I think of this?

That clown is going down.

Who could play at this game?

Chode, come out of there.

Give me a minute.

I think I'm on to something.

Just make sure you flush twice.

I'll light a match.

All right.

Here it comes.

So what do you think?

Oh, for the love of God, you look pathetic.

Pastels are yesterday's black.

Uncle Chode, why can't you just accept the joy of Clowns-a?

No, no, no.

This will work.

I'm cute.

I'm cuddly.

The people of Gillibus 4 won't be able to resist the

how.

By undercutting Clowns-a in half.

Trust me, they'll forget that frizzy-haired phony

ever existed.

With a 99-cent knockoff of the Easter Bunny?

Chode, if you stoop to Bobo's level,

you're no better than he is.

She's right.

In order for this to work, you need a backstory, a

legend,

a holiday name that's a real grabber.

You mean like a pester?

Wow.

It's gold.

You know it, and I know it.

Now, once upon a time there was an evil clown

who tried to steal the love and joy of every child

by bribing them with toys.

Clowns-a was nothing but a marketing ploy

to bulk parents out of their hard-earned savings.

While being the real joy of the pester season,

pester stands for unity.

Rebirth of all that is good, represented

in the gifts of chocolate eggs and candy left

for the children by the pester bunny.

Come on, six.

Put your heart into it.

Someone's got to stand up for the little guy

and bring Bobo down to his knees.

Hey there, mister.

How about helping the children of pester?

That's my girl.

Nice work, Tanook.

How'd you get the hotel to put up all this stuff?

Gus and I played good cop back up.

I made a polite request to the manager

to give equal time in his hotel for pester.

Well, I threatened to roast his chestnuts on the open

fire.

I think all our hard work is really starting to pay

off.

Hey, happy pester.

How am I supposed to buy my own death form

with these quarterly results?

Today should be the biggest shopping day before clowns-a.

Should.

But it isn't.

Turns out your holiday coincides with the birth of pester.

Pester?

Yeah, he's a cute purple body who

spreads joy and peace to children all over the world

in the form of delicious chocolatey sweets.

By the way, I'm going to need tomorrow off.

We're having a little pester potluck at my place.

You're welcome to come by.

Go.

No thanks.

I've made other plans.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Go.

I'll get you, Chode!

This pester bunny is turning out to be a cash cow

business.

What are you doing?

Laundering the money.

The way we're making it in here,

why are we still staying in this dump?

The room rate's tripled during pester season.

I'm behind the frigging thing, and they won't even

give me a discount.

Chode, don't you think you've taken this all a little

too far?

Yeah, you could be right.

Remind me to dial it down a notch when

I launch my line of brother's day cards

for my new holiday next summer.

Hey, Uncle Chode, look at this.

They've already got a cartoon special for your

holiday.

Call the station in the morning and see

if I'm entitled to DVD royalties.

Hey, dude, what happened to your leg?

The pester bunny bit it.

It's true.

Yeah, right.

You mean to tell me you don't know the real story

behind the pester bunny?

What is this?

Shh, I smell a musical number coming up.

Damn monster, there's some magic.

'Cause the bunny's one big scam.

He treats the kids with lots of treats.

The fat numbob like pans.

Oh, pester the bunny, it's children night and day.

Linkeron and Highboy will have his fun when he drops

them

on his way.

[ROARING]

Oh, tell me when it's over.

What's happening?

Link, for your life, kids, the pester bunny's

back for seconds.

[HUMMING]

Isn't there anyone to save us?

No.

[GUNSHOTS]

How could this happen?

It looks like Santa clown put an end to pester

forever.

Oh, finally, those pastels were really starting to

grate on me.

Back to the boldness of primary colors.

Oh, clowns-a-tree, oh, clowns-a-tree, the love of

clowns

fulfills me with glee.

Can the carols.

This is far from over.

I know who's behind this smear campaign.

And if a war is what he wants, a war he's going to

get.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[CHEERS]

Remember to tell your parents there's

still two shopping games left on clowns-a-tree.

Oh, no, there he is.

[CHEERS]

This is Tony, big enough for the both of us, bobo.

Hello, chode.

I figured it was your purple tentacles behind this pester

holiday.

It's time to take some final markdown.

[GROAN]

Go ahead and shoot.

See how they think of you after you kill

a defenseless purple bunny.

Don't worry, pester bunny.

You're packing, too.

[GRUNTS]

[LAUGHING]

Huh?

[GUNSHOTS]

[GUNSHOTS]

[SCREAMING]

I'm going to cut you, chode.

You break it, you bot.

[GUNSHOTS]

[SCREAMING]

[GRUNTS]

[GUNSHOTS]

[GUNSHOTS]

[GUNSHOTS]

It's tough to find good help nowadays.

I'll finish you off on my own.

[GUNSHOTS]

[GUNSHOTS]

[GUNSHOTS]

[GUNSHOTS]

[GUNSHOTS]

[GRUNTS]

[GUNSHOTS]

[GUNSHOTS]

[GUNSHOTS]

[GUNSHOTS]

[GUNSHOTS]

[GUNSHOTS]

Don't tell me you're actually eating that stuff.

What?

It's still good.

[GROANING]

[GROANING]

[GRUNTS]

You're going down, clown boy.

[GUNSHOTS]

[GROANING]

[GROANING]

Oh. What I really meant by going down was, uh,

ah, hell, can't we just all get along?

I know what you're thinking, punk.

Seeing this here is a 44 million volt electrolysizer,

the most powerful weapon in the galaxy,

which can instantly incinerate you to space dust.

You got to ask yourself one question.

Are you feeling lucky?

Chode is going to get killed.

We've got to do something.

Six is right.

I'm coming up empty.

Me too.

Merry clown, the jerk-off.

[GROWLING]

[GROWLING]

[GRUNTS]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Guess you're going to need to find an extension cord

for that thing.

Yes, I can!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[GRUNTING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[GRUNTING]

I haven't seen a fight this doll since Liza Minnelli

was caught on tape.

Don't you think it's about time you both give up?

Then why don't you take a look around at all the

holiday spirit you've created?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Don't worry, Santa Claus is just about to finish

fricafying the Pistor Bunny.

Then we can all start thinking Carol's an exchange

gift.

Don't listen to him.

The Pistor Bunny's hidden a bunch of eggs under all

this rubble.

The kid who finds the golden egg wins a Pistor basket

valued at 2,000

Keronics.

Huh?

See, what your holiday lack was a lottery marketing

angle.

You've got five seconds to get off our planet.

What about the joy of clowns?

And the generosity of Pistor.

Five, four, three, two.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Get the money, Trails!

Stop here!

Magic in grace.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Ugh.

Who put the bee in your Pistor Bonnet?

You did.

You ruined our vacation by trying to steal the

innocence of the people

of Gilebus IV just to make a few bucks.

Yeah, well, you win some, you lose some.

Come on, six.

Those poor bastards are willing to swallow any cock

and bull story.

I actually did them a favor.

I taught them all a valuable lesson

about believing in false gods.

I suppose you do have a point.

So you're not mad at me anymore?

I guess not.

Good.

Then give me some makeup, six.

[GROANING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Behold, I bring you hope and love.

And in exchange, all I ask you to do is worship me.

[SCREAMING]

Get lost.

Who threw that?

Fine.

If that's the way you want to play things,

then here is a plague of locusts on me.

[SCREAMING]

Why is it that that one never fails to crack me up?

[COUGHING]

[LAUGHING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

(upbeat music)