Original subtitles

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Crap, I think I peed myself.

Ew!

Ew!

Uncle Chode, it's been three weeks

since you paid me my allowance.

You're not trying to avoid me, are you?

That's ridiculous.

I'll pay you right now.

300 cronics.

Oh, thanks, Uncle Chode.

Minus expenses, of course.

There's room and board, the 50 I advanced you

from your last allowance, plus interest.

Then there's the late fees on the porno download.

Wait, I didn't get to see any of those downloads.

News you lose, pal.

They were eating up all my memory.

Tell you what, we'll split that down the middle.

What's with you?

I just came back from the dentist,

and that new great dental plan

has signed us up for a game of this.

Whoa, that's got to be a mistake.

That bad dand is not covered.

Huh?

[SCREAMING]

I'm always responsible for replacing my WD-40 with WD-37.

Me?

I had a goob on for it.

[GRUNTS]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Bob, are you looking at what I'm looking at?

Are you kidding, Six?

I've had mysicopics on your fun bags

the moment you rolled out of bed.

I'm talking about these radiation levels from the

bridge.

Oh, yeah.

My sensors caught that a week ago.

There's radiation leaking from the fuel cell panels.

Why didn't you fix it?

The captain had me slide it down on a list of

priorities.

I'll get around to it as soon as I fix Choad's toilet.

He's trying to have him to jiggle it.

Choad, you know about this, and you didn't do

anything?

You're putting us all at risk.

Ah, you're just being paranoid.

There's no real danger.

Then what's that for?

A-- um, laundry day?

[GRUNTS]

The dancing ate up my quarter again!

That's nothing.

The tampon dispenser in the ladies room

is like playing the slots.

Yesterday, I got a breath mint.

[GRUNTS]

But have you taken a look at what we've got

this snack on around here?

Huh?

Harshaile and green as people.

That's it.

These working conditions are deplorable.

Never mind the sexual harassment.

Choad sexually harassing you?

No, but I wish somebody would.

At least it would take my mind off the rest of what

I have to put up with.

It'd be better to take a job working in a sweatshop

just for the increase in salary.

People, look.

This is why we're here, to air our grievances

and to talk about them with Choad.

Gus, you have something you want to add?

O-K-N, O-K-N.

I'm sorry?

O-K-N, O-K-N.

I think he said oil can.

Ah.

I can't take this anymore.

Choad may be the owner of both Six and I,

but it doesn't say anything in our manuals

preventing us from foaming a mutiny.

What do you say we string him up by his tentacles,

put electrodes on his gongnads, and turn the juice fob?

We kind of did that last night.

Boy, did that get him off.

Let go of me.

That smug bastard is going down for a gut.

First try it my way.

The power of the pen is sometimes stronger

than the power of the poison.

But poison's quicker.

And a hell of a lot more satisfying.

Don't underestimate the power of numbers.

If we stick together, Choad will have no choice but

to play ball.

Oh, it's a wasted time, Six.

So what should we do instead?

Just bend over and take it?

Well, when you put it that way, it doesn't sound so

bad.

We can't be treated like this anymore.

We're human beings.

Well, I'm not.

And you're not.

You're a lizard.

And nobody knows what you are.

But the point is, we still have rights

and deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.

In the grave, well put.

Choad, on behalf of the crew, I'm

here to present you a list of grievances and demands.

Now, none of us want to play hardball.

But if these items aren't met, we're all going to

walk out.

Mm, sounds serious.

Why don't you slip that list under the door?

Thanks.

That was out of paper.

But what about our grievances?

I told you.

We're ready to walk.

Yeah, sure.

Don't let the airlock hit your ass on the way out.

So what did Uncle Choad say about our list of demands?

I guess you could say he thought the contents were

very absorbing.

So he's willing to play ball?

In a word?

No, not at all.

That's it.

We're out of here.

I just got off the bow with a headhunter who's dying

to meet us.

He thinks he might have several ships in the galaxy

who would love to snatch us up.

That's awesome.

Except for you.

Since you're a minor, you're going

to have to lie about your age.

I may be boyish in spirit, but my vast experience

speaks for itself.

[SIGHS]

Tanook, I understand you have great people skills.

Well, yes.

Yes, I do.

Guess someone decided to pad her resume.

Put all that on it!

[BLEEP]

I'm talking here.

[COUGHING]

Six?

What other qualifications can I put on your

application?

Well, I'm a science officer, highly educated in--

Yes, I can see your PHDs from here.

And I'm also a sex cyborg.

Ah, space slut.

I just needed something to put in that box.

Gus, I see by your picture and resume you're quite

versatile.

Well, yes.

I played Tevye and Fiddler on the roof in Summer

Stark.

We were held over for six weeks.

I see.

And according to your special skills,

you also speak dialects, familiar with jazz dance,

and bareback riding.

Yes.

Oh, and I ride horses too.

Uh, well then.

Whip.

According to this, you're a real go-getter.

[SNORING]

Whip!

So what do you think?

Is there anywhere you can place us?

I'm afraid not.

Except for the one holding the casavas.

You're all unemployable.

And by the one holding the casavas, you mean--

I guess the rest of us are stuck working for Uncle Chod.

Guess again, you will find us a better job.

Or I'm going to start drop kicking your Weasley

heads across the galaxy.

[GASPING]

Hey, Six.

What happened to my five o'clock massage?

Where did everyone go?

Bunch of ingrates.

Who needs them?

Who needs them?

Who needs them?

Who needs them?

Who needs them?

[BEEPING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Welcome aboard, shipmates.

I'm Captain Gavin.

I can't tell you how happy I am to welcome you aboard

as my crew.

Your credentials certainly speak for themselves.

I'm just amazed I was able to pry you away

from your former employer.

Yes, it wasn't easy.

But there comes a time when you need to move off.

Yeah, like the day we started.

Well then, I'm sure you're all eager to get settled

in.

Yes, Captain.

If you like, I can meet you at your cabin before

lunch

and sex you up.

No, no, no.

That won't be necessary.

Really?

You do know I'm a sex android.

Oh, yes, of course.

I just believe women should be treated with respect.

You mean you're gay?

No, not at all.

Damn, all the good ones are either married or

straight,

right, Gus?

[GASPING]

So, Captain, if you want to tell us our duties,

we can all go to work.

Oh, nonsense.

You just got here.

Why don't you take the first few days to get settled

in

and explore the diversities of the ship, like our

heated pool,

workout room, and full spa?

You see, I subscribe to the adage

that a happy employee is a better worker.

Buffet lunch is served on the Lido Deck from one to

three.

I must be dreaming.

Somebody pinch me.

I said, somebody pinch me.

I don't know what we're all amazed about.

This is the way employees are supposed to be treated.

It's true.

We've lived off the scraps so long with Chode,

we didn't know any different.

Speaking of scraps, last one to the Lido Deck

is a rotten alien.

I wonder how Uncle Chode's holding up on his own.

I'll bet he's miserable.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Just take those old CDs off the shelf.

I'm going to listen to them by myself.

Guess those old CDs have got some scratches.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Comfortable, Captain?

Now this brusky's a little warm, but aside from that,

life is good.

How about you?

Well, the core temp in the engine room is critical.

My computer system's infected by viruses

from your porn sites, and the only warning light's

not

blinking on the ones whose bulbs need replacing.

What are you trying to tell me, Bob?

The ship's falling apart.

We need to hire a qualified personnel

to keep this place running.

We never needed them before.

[GROWL]

Can't you just throw this puppy on autopilot?

The autopilot jumped ship an hour ago.

My battery power's already sucking on reserve.

Danger, Will Robinson, danger!

Fine.

I'll bike the bullet and hire a new crew.

Happy, Bob?

Hi.

You've reached Bob.

If you'd like to leave a message,

wait for the beep or press star now.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[ENGINE REVVING]

Illegal alien aliens?

Yeah, you got a better idea.

OK, do you know how to handle the engine room?

No problem!

Sweet.

Why don't you start cleaning up this crap hole?

No problem!

You go fix the jingling in the toilet,

and why don't you slip into something more

comfortable?

No problem.

See that, Bob?

Problem solved.

How much are you paying them?

Half of what I had to dole out to those deadbeats.

Plus, all the oranges I can eat.

Mm, mm, mm.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Splendid.

That's a wrap.

Do I get photo approval?

I really think the gold was the shot of me on the

bear skin rug.

Of you or the bear?

I'm going to let that one slide, because I

don't want to ruin my makeup.

Captain, what exactly are these pictures used for?

The ship's newsletter.

Looks like it's going to be a tough race

for crew member of the month.

Crew member of the month?

Yes.

Winner receives an extra month's salary.

I swear, this is the best job I've ever had.

Tell me about it.

It almost feels too good to be true.

I know.

Why would anybody ever leave this job?

Uh-huh.

Lucky us.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Let's start the bidding at 14,000 cronies.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Huh?

Hey, you might be giving that a rest.

Most of them.

Captain, according to my gauges,

there's still a leak in the fuel line in the engine

room.

That was supposed to be fixed hours ago.

Check it again.

I don't have to.

I'm sniffing enough fumes here to power my own rocket

launcher.

Oh, shit.

Hey, I thought you said you checked on that leak in

the fuel

line.

No problem.

You got cotton in your ears?

It's still broken.

No problem.

You don't speak English, do you?

Put down that leaf blower and tickle my ass.

No problem.

Just stay here.

I said, stay here.

No problem.

[GROANING]

Guess you got a big problem.

Now's not the time, Bob.

It's like what I always say, Captain.

You get what you pay for.

You never said that.

I didn't?

Well--

I'll fix this.

I'll find us another crew.

Looky here.

A real slave auction is going on.

Can't get much cheaper than slave labor.

In this day and age, I can't believe those places

still exist.

Oh, they exist all right.

And holy cow, according to this,

six in the crew are being sold as we speak.

What?

That's horrible.

Tell me about it.

The bidding's already up to 200,000 cronigs.

Oh, well, too rich for my blood.

You've got to put your pride aside, Captain.

You can't let your own crew be sold off as slaves.

I know, I know.

Damn.

I haven't seen airbrushing this good since Barbara

Streisand's

wedding pictures.

[PHONE RINGING]

Who is it?

Chode.

Hm?

Let it ring.

Maybe he wants to offer us our jobs back.

The lizard's right.

Put him on speaker so we can all hear him grovel.

Hey, Uncle Chode.

What's up?

You guys are in danger.

He's right.

We're almost out of chocolate-covered strawberries.

Should I call room service?

Listen to me, you overfed sow.

This is serious.

You're being sold as slaves.

What?

Yeah, I just came across the online auction

with all your faces on it.

Oh, no.

Did you hear that?

We're being sold as slaves.

Whatever will we do?

Give me your coordinates and I'll beam you aboard.

OK, coordinates coming.

Just follow the crack of kiss my ass.

Oh, I must admit, madam, that was one of your finest.

Can you believe that, moron?

Slaves, how long did it take him to come up with that

one?

Guys, we're on a slave ship.

And we've just been sold to the highest bidder.

Your crew is being sold as slaves,

and all you're doing is walking in circles

and making me dizzy.

You've been saying that on a continuous loop

for the past 20 minutes.

How about throwing me an idea?

You've got to find a way to save them.

That's your big idea?

I scanned my entire memory bank.

That's all I got.

Why can't you just trace their signal

for our last communication and just beam them aboard?

If with that easy, Sherlock, don't you think I would

have done it?

The slave ship is onto us.

Therefore, it's feel a block anyone

from beaming on or off that ship.

Then what's the truth?

Not necessary.

We can help.

Back on our home planet, we were freedom fighters.

I was a five star general.

And I was his mistress.

You speak English?

All that no problem stuff?

You were just messing with me?

What do you expect for five cronies an hour?

I don't understand.

But even still, you'd be willing to help me?

Well, after working for you for one day,

we know what it's like to be treated like slaves.

This subjugation must end now.

What?

It means slavery, Captain.

Oh.

Now this is what we've got to do.

Then we blitz them from behind before they know I hit

them.

Plan sounds kind of risky.

You think you can pull it off?

No problem.

[GROANING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Swing low, sweet cherry heart.

Come and forth to carry me home.

Put a sock in it, fairy conic junior.

We're doomed.

We should have never left Chode.

We should have never come here.

We should have never let Tanook answer that rescue

call

from Chode.

You think?

It's not over by a long shot.

Chode's not just going to stand by and let this

happen to us.

Did some of the silicone in those breasts of yours

go to your head?

We walked out on Chode with not so much as a two week

notice.

And the last image he has of us is Tanook's giant

hairy ass.

Hey, there are men who would have gladly

paid for a picture of that.

Weren't they all incarcerated or insane?

I told you that in confidence, Mr. Big Mouth.

It doesn't make any difference.

Chode doesn't look at us as just his employees.

We're his family.

Yeah, like the nephew you never talked to.

Well, I hope you enjoyed your time aboard the

princess.

If you could just be a tad more patient.

Your new owner is on his way to enslave you on his

planet.

I know the man is evil and everything,

but he has a way of making everything sound downright

pleasant.

I know.

It's hard to hate the bastard.

How much?

Boy, that's a deal.

I swear, I don't know how the hell they

make a profit on this stuff.

Chode.

Chode.

You came back for us.

Uncle Chode.

Oh, your cypress or eyes.

Chode, did you lose weight?

[GROANING]

Ooh, that's going to leave a mark.

[GROANING]

Yeah.

You got this handled?

No problem.

[GROANING]

Bob's got the ship dock beside us.

Come on, we've got to get out of here.

Hey, what about me?

I'm talking here.

[GRUNTS]

You [BLEEP] purple turd.

I'm glad we could finally sit down and work out our

issues

civilly.

We narrowed down the list to our major concerns.

Nobody wants this to be ugly.

That's right.

We're all friends here.

Bish.

All right, we don't hate one another.

I mean, we wouldn't wish ill upon you.

Ah, forget it.

Moving on.

You bring up some strong issues,

and this is what I'm prepared to offer you to stay on

board

as my crew.

Big fat no to items one through 15,

but I will fix the soda machine.

You've got a deal.

Good.

They get back to work.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

This ship is ours now, and you will set the

coordinates

to our home planet.

Do you understand?

No problem.

And how about a foot rub while you're at it?

No problem.

[LAUGHTER]

[MUSIC PLAYING]