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(TurboScribe tarafından transkribe edilmiştir. Bu mesajı kaldırmak için Sınırsıza Yükselt.) So, guys,

coach says if I keep improving my route

running, I might make the team, maybe even

second string.

That's cool, man.

Hey, Miss M, do you need any help

with the dishes?

You're so sweet to offer.

I'm very close to you.

Thank you.

You know, I'm really proud of how hard

you've been working on your football, Darlene.

It's really impressive.

You two are such good friends to help

my son.

We try.

We really want him on the team.

Anything for you, Mrs. Zimm.

Thank you.

Thank you.

You guys are the best.

Guys, can we focus?

Come on, we're trying to make the team.

What do I gotta do to get a

shot?

He's ready.

He's ready.

You gotta hit the weights, man.

Look at your arms, bro.

I've been working out a little.

A little?

A little's not enough.

All right.

What can I do to bulk up?

Peanut butter, bro.

A jar of peanut butter everyday.

Weights.

Ugh.

I'm allergic to peanut butter.

I'm allergic to peanut butter.

There's gotta be some way we can get

protein, though, sweetie.

I mean, like, vegans do it, right?

What?

Do they?

Is that even a thing?

I've never seen a buff vegan in my

life.

Your son looks vegan, actually.

He's got dietary concerns, but he's a growing

boy.

You're supposed to be helping him!

Let me get in front of him.

Yeah, I eat chicken in his diet.

I eat a ton of meat.

My mom buys meat for me all the

time.

Yeah, I cook steak, like, twice a week.

Lab steak?

No, no lab-grown stuff.

What do you eat, tofu, bro?

Tofu is a very complete source of protein.

Apparently not.

I don't know, I hear pea protein's good.

It's like the best one, right?

Pea protein?

Sure.

I've never seen that at a grocery store

before.

Just buy it online, mom.

You love online shopping.

Okay, just remind me later, sweetie.

I'll make sure to get it for you.

So, weights, more running, chest day, bench press.

Yeah, how much do you bench?

At least double my body weight.

How much do you bench?

What?

No way.

I can barely put up my body weight.

Oh man, you gotta get stronger.

Yeah?

Well, I don't believe what they say about

abs and weight in the kitchen.

I feel like you really need to be

going harder in the gym.

Obviously your son doesn't, though.

Well, he's still got time to develop, you

know?

It's a skill set you have to learn.

Tryouts are in a week.

I think I'm ready.

I mean, how much do you bench?

Double my body weight?

Easy.

What?

I can barely put up my own body

weight.

You gotta hop on gear, bro.

Gear?

Oh, like new mouth guards and pads for

the tryouts?

Not that kind of thing.

Honestly, this is so much for us.

I just got a little splashed with dishwasher.

Well, I mean, Mom, you have some extra

knee pads I could borrow, right?

You know, I did do that aerobics class

a few years ago.

I actually did.

I'll look in my closet later.

Every woman's got a pair of knee pads

in her closet, right?

I don't know.

I mean, it's been minutes since I pulled

out my knee pads.

You know, I've been doing so much yoga

over the last few years.

That's how I try to keep my body

right.

What do you guys think?

Is yoga a good idea?

No, bro.

Just stick to the gym.

Yeah, you gotta hit chest at least twice

a week.

Okay, but like, should I invest in a

home gym?

Do you think that'll make him more productive?

I was saving for his college fund, but

if football would make him more successful, then

we could invest in that instead.

Not necessarily.

Fifteen bucks a month at the gym, that's

fine.

Well, the question is, is he actually gonna

go?

Well, if he wants to make this team,

better make the effort.

The trials are in a week, bro.

You think that'll help me make the team?

It's a little polite, so might as well.

The performer is really hard work, okay?

Have you tried it?

Okay, well then maybe you guys can come

to the class with me and see how

hard it is.

He's got a lot more strength than you

would realize.

You're gonna let your son take your tofu?

I mean, I do make a mean tofu

scramble.

I'll eat tofu.

I'll do whatever I gotta do to make

the team.

How do you guys do it?

Do you do, like, arms every other day

and then legs?

Do you do everything in one day?

Push, pull, legs seven days a week, bro.

Recovery is really important.

How do you recover if you work out

every single day?

Lots of water.

Chicken, rice, sleep.

You'll be alright.

Should he try doing ice baths?

I feel like I see that all over

the internet.

Maybe after a game day, but after working

out, not really.

He's training extra hard right now.

He's gotta make the team.

Yeah, I eat tons of chicken.

How much is tons?

Obviously not enough, dude.

Every day.

And I get lots of sleep.

I mean, loads of sleep.

Well, I think that's the best thing you

can do as a grown boy.

Have a healthy sleep schedule.

You know, I do keep an eye on

the team.

Who do you listen to in the gym?

What do I listen to?

Why does that matter?

Because.

Do you listen to, like, Selena Gomez or

something?

No.

Yeah, maybe for Pilates.

Some, like, heavy metal will get me, you

know, fired up.

What's your go-to heavy metal song, bro?

I don't really have heavy metal playing around

the house.

You know, it can lead to bad thoughts.

Dark music.

Yeah, but working out makes you happy, so

then.

Don't tell me you're listening to metal music

while you're at the gym.

Yeah, you know, that one they play on

the radio all the time.

You know that's not allowed.

We'll talk about this later.

Never going to make the team being that

soft, man.

Do you even know how to read a

defense?

Mom, you never let me do anything fun.

I mean, I didn't know you were supposed

to be reading defenses.

I don't even know what that means.

What does that mean?

Do you know the difference between a drop

back and a check in?

Like.

Look, like I said, if I just keep

improving my route running, I'll be fine.

But I think I do have to bulk

up a little bit.

What's your 40 ton?

40 ton?

Yeah.

Like 40 meters?

40 yards, dude.

40 yards?

Coach is going to quiz you on this.

You guys don't have to do like a

weigh in or anything to join the team,

do you?

There's a minimum, but yeah.

I mean, is that for JV or for

varsity too?

For all levels.

For both.

But I don't see your son making varsity

anytime soon.

Dude, I barely make the cuts, so.

So, do you think if I brought the

coach a fruit basket?

That would help his odds?

I think it's a very welcoming thing to

do.

You should go talk to Coach in his

office.

Yeah.

Or do you, does he have any special

interests that I could try to talk to

him about?

Try to get a leg up on the

rest of the, you know.

You might have a couple.

Yeah.

I see a few interests he might be

interested in.

I know a really incredible tropical fruit.

They distribute here specifically very rare fruits.

If he's a fruit guy, he could be

into that.

Yeah.

My mom hits it off with everybody.

I'm sure the coach will like her.

If she really cares about you joining the

team, she might go talk to Coach too.

You know I definitely will.

I could go tomorrow morning.

But this isn't about me.

This is about my son, you know.

Getting a real manliness about him.

Making the team is my top priority.

Don't worry, Mom.

It's all he's ever talked about.

You know, I'm just concerned for him.

This has been the biggest dream of his

whole life.

If he doesn't make the team, then I

don't know what's going to happen.

You guys will be there for him, right?

You'll support him as his friends.

Yeah, for sure.

I hope he doesn't come to that.

I've always been such a good mom.

You know I just try my best, sweetie.

I care about you so much.

You always take care of me.

It's the least I can do.

I really keep my priorities on track.

Well, I do need to update your chore

chart, speaking of which.

Chores?

Well, you still have to maintain your duties

around the house in addition to making the

team.

Does that mean I get a bigger amount?

Well, maybe you could get a bigger package

at the gym.

Would that motivate you?

I think you should just buy me a

home gym, Mom.

I mean, you make enough money.

$3,000?

I mean, you could be spending $15 a

month.

Well, I'd invest in something a little bit

nicer than that.

You know, my baby deserves the best.

It'd be a waste of money.

You just stay strong.

Well, you boys wouldn't come over and train

with him?

No memberships.

We've got saunas, steam rooms.

There's lots of chicks at the gym.

But they don't make you snacks.

I could really make me pad thai with

some fried tofu.

What do you know about chicks, dude?

We share a gym with the cheerleaders.

The cheerleaders?

She goes for the tofu again.

Mom, I'm not eating you tofu.

Look, it's a healthy alternative for a gone

boy.

Especially one allergic to peanut butter, bro.

Good luck.

I'll just stick to chicken and rice.

Well, it's fine if he adds, like, sriracha

to it, right?

Not a lot of protein in sriracha.

But like, a lot of flavor.

Yeah, flavor's good.

I like spice.

You've got to have something that's exciting in

your life.

It's just chicken and rice.

This is boring.

You all have a cheat day and go

crazy.

Ground turkey and rice is real good, too.

Okay, okay.

A little bit of spinach and avocado.

See, these are the real tips that he

needs.

Grass-fed ground beef, bro.

Grass-fed?

Grass-fed.

What do you guys think about the keto

diet?

Should I cut out carbs?

No.

All the carbs are necessary.

Really?

All the carbs are necessary.

I thought that keto was all the rage

nowadays because it's just so much protein.

If you want to stay weak in the

gym.

Well, like, what about ketosis?

I don't really understand what that is.

Can you explain it to me?

It's nonsense.

You don't need to know about it.

I just want to do whatever it takes

to help my baby.

Your body makes energy from glucose.

And if it doesn't have glucose, then it

uses ketones.

What are ketones?

I think it's like from fat and protein.

Okay, so that seems like that could be

helpful.

Are you sure it's not?

Have you tried it?

You need carbs for strength in the gym,

bro.

Yeah, I have them.

That's what I'm saying.

Carbs should not be cut out.

I'm never going to be able to do

max bench with no carbs.

I'm just worried about my testosterone.

And I know your body makes testosterone from

fat.

So I figure a high-fat diet would

be the way to go.

Wait, you can't have potatoes if you're keto?

I thought that potatoes were okay.

Potatoes are carbs, right?

I'm going to focus on the keto diet.

No keto around here.

So what kind of diet is the best

diet?

Carnivore diet.

Okay.

Carnivore.

Carnivore diet.

That sounds pretty manly.

What does it even look like on a

day-to-day?

Can I meal prep that for him?

Or is that going to spoil in the

fridge?

Mom, just make me cheeseburgers.

Well, you know those are my favorite.

Yeah, my mom loves meat.

I'm sure she does, bro.

Like mean, mean pot roast.

Lots of ketchup.

But I use an organic kind.

Have you ever had pot roast with organic

ketchup?

No, I usually only eat steak.

It's the only way to really grow big.

Okay.

Steak chicken.

Camerized eggs.

Greek yogurt.

Non-fat Greek yogurt, though.

Not full-fat Greek yogurt.

I should be writing down.

I should be taking notes.

Your son should be taking notes, not you.

Well, he's too busy to do the grocery

shopping.

He's got to focus on his studies.

Like you boys should.

He needs to focus on football.

Unless it's on school.

Well, there's more to life than football.

We've been over this.

What position do you think I should try

out for?

I feel like wide receiver.

Kicker, bro.

Trust me.

What?

Kicker?

It's the lamest position.

Have you seen your arms?

Kicker.

I don't need big arms to catch a

football.

Besides, I can run really fast.

Yeah, he's really, really fast.

I think I got it.

I think I'm going to make the tea.

I'm going to pick up some Ensure at

the store.

Yeah, grab that pea protein too, Mom.

Ensure and pea protein is for grandmas, bro.

Yeah.

I need some real protein.

Ensure?

Really?

Yeah.

It's for people who have no teeth and

can't chew.

I'm never going to get swole on Ensure.

You'll get fat, that's it.

Ew.

You won't get fat if you're going hard

in the gym.

Is he able to go hard in the

gym?

Sweetie, what do you think?

I run a lot, so I think I'll

be fine.

It's just I'm running like 20% of

the problem.

Working out.

Yeah, but if I'm hitting three miles a

day, I'm not going to gain weight.

What's your problem?

You're burning more calories than you're eating, bro.

Yeah.

Let's just focus on lifting.

And eating more?

Seems like your mom gets a decent amount

of protein.

Yeah, your mom puts it down.

You know, I try to be healthy.

She definitely does.

I want to stick around for a long

time for my boy.

I think you're doing a good job, Mom.

I'll always do whatever I can.

Maybe I should try out for quarterback, too.

I think that's a great idea.

Yeah, that position is taken.

Is it really?

I haven't met him or seen him playing

up.

You'll get demolished at quarterback.

That's a bad idea.

Second string.

Like the understudy.

You're going to hold the ball for the

kicker?

That's what second string does.

Well, that's better than an understudy, right?

That's fucking horrible.

As long as I get that scholarship.

And the jacket.

Yeah, and the jacket.

You're not getting no jacket, bro.

I'll be on varsity in no time.

I believe in you, baby.

Dude, just like the Titans did.

Remember the Titans?

Remember all the little giants?

I don't know these guys.

Well, if I can't run, there's always baseball.

Well, I don't know.

I feel like...

Isn't that season already over?

It's right after football someday.

Okay.

I just get so confused.

All this football.

You know, it's just kind of all the

same.

I recommended he go out for the bowling

league, but he said that wasn't cool enough.

Yeah.

Nobody gets laid bowling, Mom.

Unless you're 60.

I mean, I think it would be good.

It'd keep you out of trouble.

It's air-conditioned.

You won't get a sunburn.

Like, there's so many perks.

I got a pretty good tan going.

I mean, yeah, but I don't want you

to get skin cancer and being outside all

day in the sun.

Mom, you know how I feel about sunscreen.

It gives you cancer.

No, the sun won't give you cancer.

You have to listen to me, son.

Maybe I'm just destined to get cancer either

way.

Okay, look.

That's a little bit harsh, don't you think?

I think that if you eat right and

you stay healthy in the gym, that's all

you need.

P-protein's going to give you cancer.

It doesn't have, like, estrogen in it, does

it?

I don't look at lactate.

I think your son has enough estrogen already.

I mean, I think it's healthy for him

to be in touch with his feminine side,

don't you?

Well, is he fucking bottle-fed as a

baby?

I don't know.

Are you a test-tube baby girl?

No, absolutely not.

I'm in touch with my feminine side.

Inside chick.

In your dreams, dude.

In your dreams.

When was the last time you touched pussy

when you came out?

No, I've been trying to crawl back inside

of pussy since I came out of it.

You guys are being ridiculous, okay?

There's games to be discussed.

There's only one week until the tryouts.

This is really important.

Mom, watch the way you talk to my

friends.

You gotta respect them.

Son, you'll have to respect me, about all

else.

Sorry, Mom.

You know what?

How about we do, like, some push-ups

to get started on a different routine?

You could just do right now.

Yeah.

I'll give you 20, bro.

I think that's a great idea.

Make it 25.

What are you waiting for?

Come on, you've just been standing around this

whole time.

I know.

I'm trying to game plan, alright?

I'm gonna figure this out.

I think you can warm up with some

jumping jacks and do some push-ups.

Don't you guys think that's a good idea?

It's a great idea.

Start training him now, just a little bit.

You know, warm up.

He can't even do push-ups here.

What makes you think he'd be determined in

a gym?

I mean, he does have a point, son.

You got seven days until tryouts.

Better make something work.

Do you think there's any gyms that are,

like, closer to our house that maybe he

should be trying?

Oh yeah, there's quite a few of them.

There's even some 24-7 gyms.

Oh, I feel like that could be really

motivating.

He seems like the Planet Fitness type.

Are they open 24-7?

Yep.

Okay, well, that's great.

Too many fat girls in there.

Hey, the Tortas are the best.

I mean, they must be clearly committed to

working on their health.

Isn't that what you want in a lady?

There's more life than health, Mom.

You gotta live a little.

Well, I mean, I just thought you were

really laser-focused on making the team.

I'm not trying to, like, shame you or

anything.

I mean, you gotta think of the bigger

picture.

I'm trying to make the team so I

can get laid.

That's the truth of all of this?

Duh, Mom.

That's what's on everyone's minds.

No more pocket pussy for Ryan.

Hey, don't talk about team like that.

There's so many other ways that you could

get in touch with the ladies besides football.

Like, what if you were to do poetry

or start playing guitar?

Maybe you have other strong suits that you

could be exploring.

Fucking poetry?

He's always been a good writer.

Sounds like the quickest way to the friend

zone to me.

Ladies love a handwritten note, okay?

It works every time.

It's never worked for me.

I've never tried it.

Well, is that what I should do for

the coach?

You should do whatever the coach wants you

to do.

That's how I would make the team.

I mean, I feel like...

Even if you got a lot of plied

feel.

Well, I wasn't really anticipating manual labor.

I was more so thinking, you know, a

nice gift or something.

You know, like, something more personal.

Maybe let him try out those knee pads.

Doesn't he have his own already?

The coach is loaded.

I'm sure he's got plenty.

I mean, that's what I would think.

I would want to give him something a

little bit more special.

Like, maybe pea protein powder?

Pea protein powder is out of the question.

Another conversation.

No more pea talk.

No pea protein powder, bro.

I'm just saying, I got to get my

gains somehow.

His gains are the most important thing right

now.

I guess, you know, stay locked in and

focus on those gains.

You guys have to have more tips for

him.

Fish oil?

It's good.

Fish oil and vitamin D.

Lots of bananas too.

No cramps.

So I could just eat more sushi, right?

No, no, no.

I mean, it's not bad, but no.

The internet said pickle juice was great for

cramps.

What do you think?

Yeah, so is mustard.

Do you like mustard, honey?

I mean, I like it more and more

as I get older.

A little mustard underneath the tongue, let it

sit there for a minute or two.

Mustard on your chicken, bro.

I'm telling you.

Is that like a gym hat?

Something like that.

As long as I don't have to eat

tofu.

Oh, tofu is way out of the question,

bro.

Yep, no more tofu.

Also, stray away from the pea protein powder,

bro.

Not going to work.

It's going to make you lactate.

Way better?

Way is the way of protein.

Way is the way.

Way is the way.

Maybe I should just play pickleball.

You think I could still be late?

I think you could.

Think chicks like pickleball?

Mm-hmm.

Pickleball is a perfectly respectable sport.

I know chicks like pickles.

Pickle, pickleball.

Not your pickle, bro.

Especially the cheerleaders.

What about the cheerleaders?

What are their interests, their hobbies?

Do you know these things?

Or just do you think they're hot?

Guys who aren't allergic to peanut butter.

Oh, what is that supposed to mean?

I just know they like salty snacks.

Hot Cheetos?

Mom do.

Okay.

Surprising.

Think I have to stay away from sweets?

Yes.

Definitely.

We'll have cheat days, but they don't come

often.

Cheat day?

What's that day like?

Friday?

Kind of like this day.

I think you could earn it after the

tryouts, sweetie.

Yeah, you're right.

I gotta stay focused, Mom.

I'll keep you accountable.

You really know how to keep your priorities

straight, don't you, Mom?

Mm-hmm.

That's my job.

I mean, I think you're doing a good

job.

Thank you so much, sweetie.

No one does it like you do, Mom.

So, legs every day or every other day?

Every other day.

You don't want to stress your body out

too much.

But I hear the legs is what releases

the testosterone.

Is that true?

Mom, you just need to get more nut

butter.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Okay.

I think she's got a healthy amount lined

up today, bro.

I don't know.

You can always go more.

I don't know.

Yeah, it's good.

I'd do anything to make the team.

I'd fuck my own mother to get on

the team.

Let's not go there, see?

Just saying.

Maybe you could just fuck the coach.

Well...