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[music playing]
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[music playing]
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[music playing]
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[music playing]
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[music playing]
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[music playing]
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[music playing]
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[music playing]
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[music playing]
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Help me! Help me!
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[music playing]
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[music playing]
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[music playing]
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[music playing]
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[music playing]
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[music playing]
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Kick him into juice!
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I said the jewels, you overgrown ape!
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That boy of yours is going down, Uncle Jude!
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I wouldn't mind seeing him go down on a certain young
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lovely.
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Thank you. I didn't know you were into watching.
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Not you, cyber-jogs! I'm at me!
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Is that all you girls think about?
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Rip off your shorts, Randy. Let's see what he's
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really packing.
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My interest is purely scientific.
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I hear steroids concern a man's gonads into a pair of
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acorns.
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Let's go away, Bob Mark!
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Bob? What the hell's going on?
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I don't know, Captain. I'm working on it.
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We'll work harder. This is pay-per-view.
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Are you kidding? You're pirating the signal from a
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beam off Darth Bobo's ship.
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Yeah, well, someone's paying for it.
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I didn't know there was a dimmer on that thing.
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Oh, this lighting makes us all look ten years younger.
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Well, almost all of us.
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- Figure out the problem, Captain. - Well?
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It's you. You didn't buy gas for the ship.
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Ridiculous. Everyone knows you can go at least four
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light-years on E.
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It's when the sensor goes off that your ass is cooked.
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How would you like your ass? Sauteed, baked, or fried?
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We're on critical reserve.
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How critical? Put it this way.
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We've barely got enough juice to power that freaking
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warning beep.
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All right, people. I'm going to make an executive
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decision here.
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Bob, pull us over to the next service station.
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Duh.
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We're running on fumes, Captain. The closest station
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is a half-light-year away.
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Oh, I know one. It has a delightful men's room with
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this clever little hole inside all the stalls.
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Pull up the mat, Bob. There's got to be something
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closer by.
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What are you talking about, Bob? There's a fueling
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station five minutes away.
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See here? B-17.
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What's wrong? Is my dingle dangling out of my fly?
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What fly? You don't even wear pants, P-brain.
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In order to get there, we have to pass through the Bermuda
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Quadrant.
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Where did that come from?
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It's one of the themes I programmed into my auto
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voice bank.
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It's triggered only when someone says Bermuda Quadrant.
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Captain, that area is the most dangerous stretch in
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the universe.
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For centuries, legend has it that ships have mysteriously
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disappeared in this area,
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never to be heard from again.
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It's true. Those foolish enough to ignore the warning
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vanish from the galaxy
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faster than Jodie Foster's film career.
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It's a known fact that that stretch of space is
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cursed.
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I'd like to curse that stretch of space between all
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your ears.
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We're going in there, aren't we?
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Barb, set course through the Bermuda Quadrant.
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Will you knock that off?
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We're all gonna die.
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Why, can't you hear me?
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Can you call me the drama queen?
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You are!
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Well...
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The ship's hull can't take much more of this.
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Just hang on. We'll get through this storm.
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Oh, you've become another casualty.
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Don't say it.
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Don't say what? The Bermuda Quadrant?
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I think it's passed.
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See? Nothing to worry about.
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Now we're just floating on air.
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Literally. We're out of fuel.
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[screaming]
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I guess it's true. In space, no one can hear you
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scream.
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Okay, okay. Nobody panic.
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We'll just call the AAA and get towed to the station.
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That would be good if you remembered to pay your bill.
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What?
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You're really going to pay?
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You really should pay that AAA renewal.
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Hey, look! We might already be a winner.
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Okay, we'll just have to improvise.
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Bob, start sending out distress flares to ships in
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the area.
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With all due respect, Captain, we're floating adrift
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in no man's land.
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It could be a hundred years before another idiot
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decides to pass through here.
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It's all useless! Useless, I tell you!
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There's a ship?
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I never lost hope.
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All better now.
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Huh? Who's the idiot now? Don't answer that.
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I suppose you're going to want me to go outside and
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start waving a handkerchief to get them to pull over.
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Any times are desperate. Wave your crotchless panties.
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Oh my God. It's a ghost ship.
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Put a sock in it, Mary Jane.
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Captain, I just did a scan of that ship.
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Although it's got power, there's absolutely no signs
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of life aboard, which technically makes it a ghost
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ship.
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I told you!
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I'm not buying into any of this superstitious crapola!
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Bob, hail the other Captain and put him on the screen.
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In a second, Captain. I just have to throw some salt
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over my left shoulder.
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Okay, just tapped into their video link. Here you go.
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Well, I guess it's true what they say. Coffee can
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kill you.
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What do you have? Ice water in your veins? Can't you
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see the tin fairies been right all along? That's a
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ghost ship!
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I feel insulted, yet oddly flattered at the same time.
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Yeah, fine. It's a ghost ship. We'll drift up to its
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siphon, the fuel will be on our way.
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Unless you want to stay here, floating through space
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until we run out of sustenance and end up eating one
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another like the Donner party.
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Mmm. I got dibs on a whip.
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Oops, pardon me. Oops, pardon me again.
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One more time and we'll be engaged.
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Stop!
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Hold on. I'm walking us in now.
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You getting all this, Six?
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Roger that, Chode. Proceed with caution.
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[music]
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[screams]
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You all right?
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I'm okay, Six. Just tripped over the hatch.
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Hmm. Place appears completely empty. Void of any life.
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Chode, something is right behind you.
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[gasps]
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Oh, that's just a nuke. It's been quite a while since
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she shaved her legs.
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Ah, place looks like it hadn't been inhabited in
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years.
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Cleaning comps by nerves.
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Let's move, people.
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Take it slow, Chode.
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As soon as we find the ship's fuel depot and get out
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of here, the better.
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Oh, now you're a gentleman?
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Now let's face it, I'm irreplaceable. But if
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something happened to you, well, we're just down one
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big, ugly, uh, whatever the hell you are.
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Oh, that really made me want to go ahead of you. Not!
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[grunts]
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Oh, Uncle Chode, where did all these spider webs come
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from?
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I mean, we're on an abandoned ship in the middle of
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space.
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Good question, kiddo. Remind me to Google it when we
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get home.
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[laughs]
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Chode, help me.
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[grunts]
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What are you doing?
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I was hurry. I thought the moment needed something.
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Whoa, Mama, you can't believe what I found.
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Six, I think we found the fuel depot.
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[laughs]
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Chode, I've lost visual contact. What's going on?
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[laughs]
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You won't believe this, Six.
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This isn't the fuel depot.
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What the hell with the fuel? Let's grab the gold.
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[screams]
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Uh-oh, that can't be good.
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The door to the cargo hold is locked shut. You mean
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we're trapped?
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It's the gold. You never should have touched the gold.
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That's ridiculous. I'm sure the gold has nothing to
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do with this.
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You might want to rethink that.
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[tires squeal]
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You think they could have put those signs outside the
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room?
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[humming]
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Get relaxed. I'll just get Six to beam us back aboard
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with the gold.
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You getting all this, Six?
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Bob said it can't be done. The transporter beams are
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jammed.
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What do you mean the transporter beams are jammed?
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Try them again.
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It's no use, Chode. There's nothing we can--
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Six?
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Chode?
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Can you hear me?
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Now can you hear me?
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Now can you hear me?
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The line's dead, and we're going to be dead, too.
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Look, now's not the time to panic.
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Still not time. All we need to do is come up with a
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game plan.
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In case you haven't noticed, we're trapped aboard a
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ghost ship.
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We've lost all communications,
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and I believe someone very close to me has soiled
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herself.
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Whoever smelt it, deltak!
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Okay, let's just split up and try to find a way out
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of here.
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But, Uncle Chode, whenever they do that in the horror
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movies, everyone ends up dead.
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That's the movies. This is real life!
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[groaning]
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Oh.
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Bob, this is useless. The comlink signal is
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completely dead.
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I guess that'll teach Chode for signing up for a two-year
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agreement
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with that fly-by-night communicator outlet.
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There's got to be something we can do.
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Why don't you say the two of us get a little more
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acquainted.
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Pour yourself a little more low and let your hair
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down.
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Bob, we've been over this before. We're just friends.
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Yeah, well, friends don't let friends dry hump.
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That's drive drunk.
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Whatever. What's a little pity sex between friends?
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Bob, I need you to call the database and show me
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everything you can on the USS El Dorado.
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And then we can do the horizontal mambo?
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All right, all right. Here it comes.
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The curse of the El Dorado harkens back to the
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greatest disasters of all time,
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including Titanic, Apollo 13, and Gile.
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Lost in the Bermuda Quadrant, the entire crew went
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mad.
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Some say because the pirated stash of gold was cursed.
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Trapped aboard, the men of the El Dorado were forced
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to face their greatest fears,
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causing them each to lose their minds.
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My greatest fear is to spend the rest of my life
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being associated with a character
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I played for just three friggin' seasons.
268
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:26,370
They forget I'm the one who directed three men and a
269
00:11:26,370 --> 00:11:27,000
baby.
270
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:32,150
The point is, the building paranoia drove the crew of
271
00:11:32,150 --> 00:11:34,000
the El Dorado to kill one another.
272
00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:37,000
Did you hear that, Bob?
273
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:39,460
Yeah, I'm not crying for him. The guy's been pissing
274
00:11:39,460 --> 00:11:41,000
him on in the same story all the way to the bank.
275
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:43,000
No, I mean about the ghost ship.
276
00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:45,680
Chode and the others are going to face their worst
277
00:11:45,680 --> 00:11:48,000
fears, which will drive them all mad.
278
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:50,000
They'll end up the same way as the crew of the El Dorado.
279
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:54,000
All right. That really sucks.
280
00:11:54,000 --> 00:12:00,000
Jeez, it's freezing in here.
281
00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:06,000
That's better.
282
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:14,000
Maybe this day's getting better after all.
283
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:22,000
They're ginormous!
284
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:28,000
Oh my god!
285
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:30,000
Help! Help!
286
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:48,000
Huh?
287
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:53,000
How bizarre! But I'm willing to go with it.
288
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:55,000
I'm starved.
289
00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:58,000
Huh?
290
00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:09,000
You're making a big mistake! No one likes to eat me!
291
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:24,000
Hello, handsome.
292
00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:26,000
Are you a crew member?
293
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:30,000
You could say I'm a private.
294
00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:33,000
Take off that ratty old fur coat and show yourself.
295
00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:40,000
It's a giant vagina! A giant!
296
00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:43,000
Leave me!
297
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:44,880
Sex, this is a suicide mission. There's no guarantee
298
00:13:44,880 --> 00:13:46,000
you'll be able to get them out.
299
00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:48,000
Well, I've got to try.
300
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:50,460
I understand. Hey, while you're gone, you mind if I
301
00:13:50,460 --> 00:13:52,000
reorganize your underwear drawer?
302
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:54,000
That's better.
303
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:57,000
Hey, you're making a big mistake.
304
00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:59,000
I'm willing to go with it.
305
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:02,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
306
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:04,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
307
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:06,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
308
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:08,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
309
00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:10,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
310
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
311
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:14,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
312
00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:16,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
313
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:18,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
314
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:20,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
315
00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:22,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
316
00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:24,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
317
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
318
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:28,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
319
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:30,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
320
00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:32,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
321
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:34,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
322
00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:36,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
323
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:38,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
324
00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:40,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
325
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:42,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
326
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:44,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
327
00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:46,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
328
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:48,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
329
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:50,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
330
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:52,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
331
00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:54,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
332
00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:56,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
333
00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:58,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
334
00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
335
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
336
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:04,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
337
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:06,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
338
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:08,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
339
00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:10,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
340
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:12,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
341
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:14,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
342
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
343
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
344
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:20,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
345
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:22,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
346
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:24,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
347
00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:26,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
348
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:28,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
349
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:30,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
350
00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:32,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
351
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:34,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
352
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:36,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
353
00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:38,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
354
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:40,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
355
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:42,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
356
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
357
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:46,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
358
00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:48,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
359
00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:50,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
360
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:52,000
I'm not sure I'm going to make it.
361
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:55,000
It's time I corrected you.
362
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:57,000
Oh my God.
363
00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:59,000
I still think about you bending me over your desk
364
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:01,000
and spanking me with that ruler.
365
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:03,000
You know, now I gotta pay hookers to do it.
366
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:05,000
Come on, Miss Maxwell.
367
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:08,000
You'll give it any good for old times' sake.
368
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:14,000
Six?
369
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:17,000
Can anybody hear me?
370
00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:19,000
Can anybody hear me?
371
00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:27,000
I'm old and hideous.
372
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:29,000
That's what I've always feared.
373
00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:31,000
You're a cyborg, Six.
374
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:32,000
You can't age.
375
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:34,000
You're going to be a hot piece of ass forever.
376
00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:36,000
Oh, that's right.
377
00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:41,000
That's the key.
378
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,000
Once you confront your fears, the curse is broken.
379
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:46,000
You mean, that's the way we get out of here?
380
00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:48,580
All we have to do is face the thing that frightens us
381
00:16:48,580 --> 00:16:49,000
the most?
382
00:16:49,000 --> 00:17:09,000
It's terrifying, I'm telling you.
383
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:10,000
You've got to save me.
384
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:12,000
It's not that scary, Gus.
385
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:14,000
Just be nice, and she'll be nice to you.
386
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,000
Go on.
387
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:20,000
Nice, Kitty.
388
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:27,000
See how easy?
389
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:33,000
We forgot to say you're a lizard.
390
00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:35,000
Why are you running away from them?
391
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:38,000
Because they're so big and there's so many of them.
392
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:40,500
Just remember, the bigger they are, the better they
393
00:17:40,500 --> 00:17:41,000
taste.
394
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:43,000
Are you sure?
395
00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:45,000
Mm-mm.
396
00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:51,000
Who's next?
397
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:53,000
I still got room for dessert.
398
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:15,000
You got quite a six-pack there, handsome.
399
00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:17,000
I noticed you're not wearing a wedding ring.
400
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:19,000
Are you single?
401
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:24,000
Well then, come to the drama!
402
00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:29,000
Wow, Tanook. You figured it out all by yourself.
403
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:31,000
What are you talking about?
404
00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:34,140
In order to escape the curse, you have to face your
405
00:18:34,140 --> 00:18:35,000
worst fear.
406
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:36,000
Ah, whatever.
407
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:39,000
Still, I wished I had time to give him my number.
408
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:40,000
Too long.
409
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:42,000
It's unlisted.
410
00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:44,000
Can we please just get out of here?
411
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:48,000
Call me.
412
00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:55,000
It won't bud, Jungle Chod.
413
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,000
If only we had some Crisco or Missola.
414
00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:58,000
To grease the door?
415
00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:00,000
Oh yeah, for that too.
416
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:02,000
This doesn't make sense.
417
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:05,000
By confronting our fears, the door should open.
418
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:09,000
Well, maybe not. Everyone confronted their fears.
419
00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:11,600
Huh? Yeah, well, that's because I don't have any
420
00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:12,000
fears.
421
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:17,000
Get away from me, you freak.
422
00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:22,230
That'll teach him I kicked the green bastard in his
423
00:19:22,230 --> 00:19:23,000
unlucky charms.
424
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:25,000
Chod, that's why the door won't open.
425
00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:28,000
You haven't faced your worst fear yet.
426
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,000
Oh yeah? And what's that?
427
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:31,000
Losing the gold.
428
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:33,000
That's ridiculous.
429
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:34,000
Oh really?
430
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:37,000
Get away! It's mine, I tell ya.
431
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:39,000
It's all mine.
432
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:42,000
Well, looks like we figured out that unsolved mystery.
433
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:45,000
Hey, I may be shallow, but I'm not that shallow.
434
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:48,690
There's no way my greatest fear is not giving up this
435
00:19:48,690 --> 00:19:50,000
measly gold.
436
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:53,000
Just give it a try and see what happens.
437
00:19:53,000 --> 00:20:00,000
See? No gold. Not me.
438
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:01,000
Chod.
439
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:04,000
Fine.
440
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:07,000
[Grunting]
441
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:10,000
Chod.
442
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:12,000
Oh, all right.
443
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:17,000
[Grunting]
444
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:26,000
Chod, are you going to come?
445
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:28,560
Let me try something first. With the door open, I'm
446
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:31,000
gonna try tossing the bags of gold over to you.
447
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:33,000
[Sighs]
448
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:38,000
[Grunts]
449
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:42,000
That's... OK, OK, OK. Keep your stinkin' gold.
450
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:48,000
Yeah, that's it, Six. Suck harder.
451
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:51,590
They'll be shy. Go at that thing like it's your last
452
00:20:51,590 --> 00:20:52,000
meal.
453
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,000
[Grunting]
454
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:57,000
Go stop now. You're almost there.
455
00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:59,000
[Grunting]
456
00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:02,000
When you get tired, let me know.
457
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:06,000
We should get to a gas station as fast as possible.
458
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:09,220
Yeah, and this time, let's steer clear of the Bermuda
459
00:21:09,220 --> 00:21:10,000
Quadrant.
460
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:13,000
[Grunts]
461
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:15,580
(upbeat music)
32517
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