All language subtitles for Tripping the Rift 02x05

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Ignore that check engine light.

I don't know why it flashes.

Ew!

No!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh, chode.

Oh, that's it.

Oh, yeah.

Shipping distress, up ahead.

Shipping distress.

You're so close.

What's wrong?

That's a damn SOS sensor.

Hold on a second.

Ah, that's better.

[GRUNTING]

Chode, I know you can hear me.

Quit screwing around.

Ew, I'm in the middle of something.

You mean someone, don't you?

I don't mean to remind you.

I'm your captain, and this is official business.

In that case, captain, I'm respectively requesting

that you put that pitiful pickle back in the jar

and get your ass to the bridge.

Don't make me come in there.

Oh, that's it.

I lost my wood.

This better be good.

Uncle Chode, we got a distress signal from a ship up

ahead.

I didn't answer at first because the caller ID was

blocked.

Good thinking, Bob.

Quick, put the ship's cond system on voicemail.

Too late, captain.

Tanooka ready picked up.

I can be a real sight for sore eyes

with a few crewmen in distress.

Ah, that scrap heap could just be floating through

space forever.

We don't even know if there's anyone alive.

I'm scanning for live forms, captain.

Bish.

Hold my finger.

There appears to be five faint life signals aboard

the ship.

And the hits keep coming.

If you want, I could always just shut off our lights

and pretend no one's home.

Whoever's on that ship could be hurt.

Ah.

Well, I'd better grab my medical bag

and start warming my hands.

There's nothing worse than cold steel

against the man's soft, warm dingle dangles.

What kind of pervert are you?

How dare you?

One of those men could have an undiagnosed hernia.

Chode, we're losing valuable time here.

Fine.

Bob, pull up alongside that crap heap and let's see

what's inside.

Damn, this is going to be fun.

Like the time we went garbage picking off the planet

Nebulus.

Oh, by the way, six, if I ever get a hernia,

just promise me you won't tell us.

My god.

We've stumbled upon a team of space pirates.

They're probably planning to climb aboard and ravage

everyone in their wake.

Thank god I put on clean panties this morning.

Pansy boy is correct, captain.

I can't pull away from their hold.

Relax.

Nobody wants to see that.

All right then, everyone to their battle stations.

Uncle Chode, don't you remember?

Last summer, somebody converted the battle station

into a hair salon.

What?

I couldn't stand for the girls to have another bad

hair day.

This ship is docking to our cargo hold.

What are we going to do?

Defend ourselves.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

No, me first.

OK, whoever's on this rust bucket,

better show yourselves now or you're dead meat.

Keltoy, Uncle Chode, I smell old people.

Chode, is that you?

Grandpa, what are you doing scaring

the crap out of my crew?

You're supposed to be back at the rest home.

I had no choice.

We had to escape.

We?

Tell it, roll out.

Meet my grandson, Chode.

This is Joey, no nuts.

He lost his balls in battle.

Two aliens?

No, his ex-wife.

She got him in the divorce.

That's stinky.

Enough said.

And then there's nana gumbums.

Not a tooth left in her mouth.

She can swallow the meat and the potatoes.

And who's that guy?

Well, that's my girlfriend, Maude.

God will get you for that one, Chode.

Wow, so much for my walk on this gang bang plank.

Veneto, I don't understand.

Why did you have to escape from the rest home?

It's the worst case of elder abuse I've ever seen.

You mean they were stealing your food?

No.

Reaping off your meds?

So they were routinely bitch slapping you

morning, noon, and night?

Not at all.

Doesn't sound like elder abuse to me.

What they were doing was worse than any of those

things.

They were stealing our brainwaves.

Oh.

Chode, I hate to be the one to tell you this,

but I think your grandfather is showing signs of senility.

You think?

Cesar?

That's why we had to make a run for it.

Well, I'm not about to let them get away with this.

Bob, set a course for Fun City.

You got it, El Capitan.

We're going to march back to that place

and open a can of whoop ass.

Yeah!

See?

I told you my grandson would take care of us.

Welcome to the butcher's shop.

It doesn't look that bad, Bonito.

Everyone looks pretty happy.

Yes.

That's just because you're here.

That's not true.

This place is great.

I don't want to be here.

I just want to go home.

OK, Pop.

Wait here till I bring the car around.

He's not coming back, is he?

[DOOR OPENS]

That's what we call the dumping ground.

Well, I don't get what the big deal is.

You're all old and decrepit.

What do you expect?

Round the clock, foot massages?

Just to be treated with dignity and respect.

Pal, was I talking to you?

Chode, this is just the front.

The real sick stuff happens in the back,

where they hook us up to the brainwaves sucker.

Right.

Well, then, it's about time someone

gets to the bottom of this.

I want to talk to who's in charge here right now.

Can I help you?

Yes.

How dare you let these old geezers escape for the

money

I'm paying you, Chode.

Huh?

Relax, old man.

I'm just good cop band copper.

Why don't you and the boys go take a nice hot sits

bath

while I sort things out?

But Chode, you're sucking our brainwaves.

You did the right thing, Chode.

Sucking their brainwaves, yeah, right.

What would that power of flashlight?

What would that power of flashlight?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[LAUGHING]

Right now there's an afternoon we'll never get back.

I can't just leave like this.

Chode, I know you're feeling bad about Benito,

but you did the right thing.

No, it's not that.

I forgot to get my parking validated.

[SIGHS]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Well, look at that.

We got validated for the whole day.

Chode, something doesn't smell right here.

I think we should have a look around.

I agree.

According to the geriatric newsletter,

7 and 1/2 Flags Amusement Park is right next door

to this mausoleum.

No way!

Why?

And with this senior citizen discount,

we got in for 10% off.

That settles it.

Let's go.

Not until we check in on Benito.

Uh-uh.

Bad idea, Six.

It's best to walk away and never look back.

It's like dropping off an old dog.

You got to put to sleep.

Chode.

[SIGHS]

Ah, don't worry.

When we get back, I'll sign him up for a Fruit of the

Day

Club, just to keep him regular.

[SIGHS]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[GASPING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[GROANING]

[GROANING]

Whoa.

Bad vomitizer ride really lives up to its name.

Let's do it again.

I lost my appetite.

Me too.

Just stick it in the box.

I could hear a horse.

You mean another one?

[COUGHING]

All right.

Now, who's up for a little spin on the world of

madness?

I'm all over it, Uncle Chode.

Yeah, let's see.

There's a shortcut through Clonopalusa,

where we can make our way down the Seltzer log

ride over there to the land of the HOOHOOHOOS.

Chode, listen to the names of all these places.

Don't you see a thing here?

Hmm.

Let me think about it.

Now, let's go.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Is this the coolest ride of the park?

Yes, fool, whatever, kid.

Keep your hands and your legs in the vehicle at all

times.

[SCREAMING]

Hold on.

I'm not in the vehicle, Ed.

Yeah, fool, whatever.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[GASPING]

[SCREAMING]

[GROANING]

Get what?

This ride sucks.

Get out!

I am the orifice.

The time has come for you to choose.

The red pill will bring you to a world of tomorrows,

giving you the ability to control your destiny.

The blue will take you to another world,

where you will see things beyond your imagination.

What flavor is the red pill?

Cinnamon.

And blue?

Wintergreen.

Got anything in bubblegum?

No.

Oh.

You're about to meet up with danger

beyond your understanding.

What?

If you ever need a way out, find the house phone.

What the-- hey!

[COUGHING]

Stinky!

Where am I?

The rat mix, an alternative universe between limbo

and hell.

The only upshot are the cool threads we get to wear.

Tell the truth.

You'd never guess I had on a pair of adult diapers,

huh?

Where's my grandfather?

Oh, he's not well chowed.

His physical form is in the generator room at Fun

City.

Don't start with that brainwave-sucking thing again.

It's true.

Our energy is being sucked dry to power up seven and

a half

flags.

If that's true, then six was right.

This scheme stinks to high heaven, a Darth Bobo.

Or it could be me.

How do we get out of here?

The one who controls this universe

is known as the interior decorator.

Don't answer that.

Chode?

Yes?

Are you happy with your longest in service?

I told you not to end your act.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

What do we do now?

Rainbow.

What happened to Chode?

Don't look at me.

I'm on break.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[SCREAMING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Chode?

Chode, wake up.

I think this could be serious.

This is going to hurt me a lot more than it hurts you.

[GRUNTING]

[GROANING]

Oh, this is bad.

That kind of lip block should have woke him up

and had him spilling chow over the porcelain.

Welcome, Mr. McBlob.

We've been expecting you.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

All right, Bobo.

What have you done with my grandfather?

[GRUNTING]

Wrong answer.

[GRUNTING]

[SCREAMING]

You've got to live a clown that laughs on the outside

and fries on the inside.

[GASPING]

Oh, crap.

I hate when that happens.

[GRUNTING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[GRUNTING]

I'll admit, this is all pretty damn visually

stimulating,

but it doesn't make a stitch of sense.

Show's over, boys.

I still await.

Hi, you've reached the orifice.

I'm not in right now.

If you'd like to bypass this recording

and leave me a personal message, press star 66.

If you're an abject danger, press star 75.

Now.

Chode, are you OK?

Six.

I've been to the other dimension.

We've got to save Benito.

Darth Bobo's drawn off the brainwaves of the old

folks home

to run seven and a half legs.

Sinility must run in his family.

I'm not nuts.

I saw it with my own three eyes.

Then Benito was right.

And to think you dragged him and his friends right

back to Bobo's lap.

[GRUNTING]

You must feel as crappy inside as I do.

Chode, we've got to save your grandfather.

I need to find the orifice.

This really isn't the time.

No, no, no, no.

The orifice gave me pills that'll

take us back to the rat mix.

We need to find a way to take down the interior

designer.

Hey, if you're going to keep doing that,

at least wait until I look away.

Yo, lookie what I scored back in this door room.

Gus, you and Tarnok need to find a way to sneak into

Fun City

and break out Benito and the others

while the rest of us shut down the rat mix.

Ooh.

What are you smiling about, you tin freak?

I feel a makeover coming on.

Mrs. Fishwater needs to be douche'd.

Wouldn't it be easier if I were the nurse?

I am a woman.

Can I help it if the nurse's uniform just

happened to come in my size?

It's your nurse's uniform.

You took it from your closet back on the ship.

Well, a robot should never be underprepared or underdressed.

You all right, old man?

Does he look all right?

Well, the black duster really makes his eyes pop.

We're going to get you out of here.

We just need to find the interior designer.

I can take you to him.

You sure you're strong enough?

My two-a-day gray is starting to kick in.

Congratulations.

You've reached the end of the rat mix.

Why are you doing this, Bobo?

Because old people are useless and disposable

commodities.

Nicely put, but not so useless after all.

I have found a method to extract life energy

and convert it to electricity to power seven and a

half flags.

That's sick.

You wouldn't say that if you saw the savings off my

utility, Bill.

Don't tell me you're still pinching pennies for that

dream

of buying your own death orb.

I've almost got enough for a down payment,

as long as the interest rates stay low.

This must be the place.

Chode, this is awful.

What are we going to do?

Just keep him talking.

I've got an idea.

Now I've got to tell you, Darth, this plan of yours

sounds pretty complicated.

Not at all.

Einstein said energy can neither be created nor

destroyed,

which forms my basis for converting mental energy

from geriatrics into a stable force of power.

Bo, if I wanted a history lesson, I'd take a night

course.

How does it work?

You don't know, do you?

Of course I do.

Uh-huh.

Oh, very well.

The linchpin of the mechanics lies with the Star's

Guard,

a hexagon-shaped device made of the hardest metal

found in the galaxy.

What's the Star's Guard connect through the cross-panel,

known as the jerpa?

OK, let's get started.

How the hell are we getting them out of here?

But neither alone weighs more than my left-ass cheek.

Just unhook the rest of them.

I've got an idea.

Then, after the chirpers are tightened to form a seal--

Keep going.

I'm listening.

The planes are connected, and the project is complete.

I just need to check my voicemail.

Wait a minute.

This isn't the owner's manual to the rat mix.

Damn!

Why am I even saving this?

I'm not going to use my handbook for my ethering

machine.

The contract for my cell phone?

Where the hell is the manual to this place?

That's the last of them.

Ah, here it is.

Oh?

Ah!

No!

[GUNFIRE]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Well, that was close.

One more second, and we'd have been toast.

Hey, what's going on?

Get the app me.

Stinky, get your elbow out of my butt.

That's not my elbow.

Nice work, old man.

I hope next time this teaches you to trust your

elders.

Trust me, there won't be a next time.

Cho, did you mean that?

Of course.

How much longer do you think he's going to be around?

He's older than Methuselah.

[SIGHS]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Cho, this place is great.

We've even got a 99 cent shrimp cocktail.

Well, I figured you and your pals

deserved a little R&R after everything you've been

through.

I helped you use the bathroom.

Just a sec, stink.

Go have yourself a good time.

We'll drive around, pick you up in a few hours.

Sure you and your friends don't want to come along?

Well, it would, but parking here's a bet.

Then take my handicapped parking pass,

and you can pull up out front.

Sweet, see?

Being a geezer has its perks.

I guess so, but the downside must be that whole

"gonna die soon" part.

That might be.

Guess now you know why we get forgetful as we get

older.

Your grandfather's wisdom goes beyond his years.

Now, and say that.

He did give me this baby, and he ain't getting it

back.

Cho'd, you're not leaving your grandfather

at this glorified truck stop.

Yeah, but it's better than dumping him at another

rest home.

If they play their cards right, their golden years

will be completely comped.

And if they don't?

Well, better hope luck being a old lady tonight.

(upbeat music)

(upbeat music)