All language subtitles for Spy.Intervention.2020.720p.WEBRip.HEVC.x265-RMTeam

Subtitles by @NAIM2007
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At the dawn of time,

the roles of men and women
were well-defined.

He who lived an
adventurous life,

hunting, foraging
and providing,

while she stayed in thesecurity
of their cave dwelling

and made what little
they had at home.

But over millions of years,
something strange happened:

the lines blurred.

Call it evolution or
straight up confusion,

but the modern relationship
is so complicated.

Just like every other
couple throughout history,

we had plenty of
our own issues.

While most people plan
a date night,

see a therapist or
secretly take out

their frustrations during sex,

we needed something
much more intense.

We needed an intervention.

I guess we should start
at the beginning.

When Pam and I first met,
like every other guy,

I was just trying to scratch out
a living.

- What about Venice?
- Nah, too cliche.

Yeah.

Tokyo?

You know, I don't think
Francesca eats sushi.

Yeah well,
we can't just take 'em

to New York for
dinner this month.

That's amateur.

I don't know, they're Black Ops.

Their standards are pretty high.

Well I'll think of somethin'.

Yeah.

What about Paris?

Well with everything
goin' on there,

I don't wanna feel like
I'm on-call.

Nah, you're right.

I'll think of somethin'
a little more exotic

off the grid.

You didn't see that or this.

- I've got it.
- What?

Kathmandu.

Kathman-fucking-du, yes!

The girls are gonna love
the little restaurants

and dive bars in the Himalayas.

The important thing is what
happens in Kathmandu,

stays in Kathmandu.

I've got our target,

Egan Doyle.

We don't know what
kind of weapon

he's trying to acquire
or from whom.

He's moving quickly
through the concourse.

I'm so sorry, are you okay?

No no, I'm not okay.

What?

That really fucking hurt.

Corey, (taps) what's goin' on?

I just don't know what would
make you in such a rush.

You don't have to be running
recklessly through a mall

without looking where
you're going.

I mean it was rude

and I've just gotten
to a point in my life

where I'm gonna be one of
these people that speaks up,

so this is me speaking up.

And I'm just curious what
you might have to say

other than you're sorry

because you've already
fucking said that.

I don't know.

- Sorry, I overstepped.

Here I am giving lectures
when I should just be

I'm handing out free samples.

What the hell are
you doin', Corey?

Go get Egan.

It's all about customer
appreciation

and I want you to know
that I appreciate you.

I feel appreciated.

Whoa, your hands.

They're like sandpaper.

What, are you in construction
or something?

What the?

No, I'm not in construction.

I work in cardboard,
sell cardboard boxes.

Right well if you want,

you can join our
membership club.

We can send you,
you know information,

specials and coupons.

I just need your email.

Yeah, join the club.

Great.

I'm Corey.

I'm Pam.

Corey.

Is this thing even working?

Corey.

Corey, Corey!

Shit, I'm sorry.

I have to go.

Is everything okay?

Just a business meeting.

What about your email?

Don't worry, I'll find you.

Fuck, shit.

We lost Egan.

We lost Egan.

What the fuck?

Jeez, thought it was a bug.

Don't freak out, Corey's
gonna be here any minute.

So you're looking
at Havenshire County's

year five figure skating champion.

Wow, you're really good.

Oh my god.

Were you in the Olympics
or something?

Just a little ice
hockey growin' up.

- I knew it.
- What?

You're gonna be one
of those guys

who's good at everything.

What's wrong with being good
at everything?

Knowing you're good
at everything,

nothing will ever
make you happy.

That's not true.

- I'm totally happy.
- Are you?

Yeah, I am.

You wanna know what I think?

I think you're one of those guys

who's always gonna be
looking up at the clouds

tryin' to figure out
the next dream,

the next accomplishment
trying to see

every little part of the world
and how to escape to it

all so you don't have to look
in the mirror

and find out who
you really are.

Where's the adventure
in that, my dear?

The adventure is finding out
what's really inside.

It's still kinda early.

What do you feel like doin'?

No, it's your turn.

You can't expect me to come up
with everything.

All right, well we can hop

a jet to New York,
catch a play.

Jump on a yacht to Tahiti.

Yeah.

Or we can head to Kenya
for a safari.

Your head, it's in the clouds.

For a guy who sells cardboard
boxes for a living,

you have quite the imagination.

Yeah, I guess I do.

Look, I've gotta get up early
in the morning

to open the store, so I think
we should call it a night.

Yeah.

Yeah, we'll call it a rain check
on our next adventure.

(Corey sighing)

Look, I hope I didn't freak
you out earlier

with my whole anti-thrill
seeking diagnosis.

There's something about you.

There's a word for it.

- You're just--
- Oh god, no.

No, look I've been on way
too many dates

where people pretend.

You know,
they're not themselves.

It's not me.

What you see is what you get.

No, I get it.

I'd much rather have
you be real than--

Present something I'm not?

Right, yeah.

I guess if you do wanna
come over, you can.

But I'm gonna be
watching a movie

and I have laundry,
like a lot of laundry.

Stacks of it, in fact.

Love to do laundry
and watch a movie.

Great.

Great.

- Are you good?
- Yeah, I'm good.

You?

Yeah.

- Fuck!
- What the hell

is wrong with you?

You're messin' me up.

- Coffee.
- You never miss.

Yeah well, it must be the gun.

You know ever since we failed
that Egan mission,

you haven't been the same.

All right Smuts, I failed one
fuckin' mission one time.

It's bound to happen
sooner or later, 'kay?

Well it wouldn't have happened

if you weren't off
flirting with Pat.

- It's Pam.
- Whatever.

Just tell me you're not gettin'
serious with this girl.

Trust me.

Pam and I,
we're just havin' fun.

There's nothin' serious about it.

45 seconds to play

in the sudden death overtime.

Who would you do

if you could be someone
completely different?

What do you mean?

Don't you ever think about
making some drastic change?

You know, taking some risk
and chance

just to be something else.

Oh yeah, sure.

I mean why not buy
a three-bedroom house

and sell boxes from one place

rather than chase corporate
accounts all over the world?

- No no no no, you have
to be something else.

I mean like for me, I've always
always always

wanted to have
my makeup line.

- Really?
- Yeah, absolutely.

I mean I can see the packaging
field the products.

I once even worked
for the chemists

in developing this firming cream.

Firming cream,
what is firming cream?

Oh you don't have to worry
about it, you don't need it

yet.

All right.

So if you got it over here,
why not do it now?

- Now?
- Yeah, now.

So says the cardboard
box salesman.

Why don't you just
change your career

and become what
you're dying to be?

How do you know I won't?

Well, I know.

I mean as much as I see myself
commanding a makeup empire,

I don't wanna sacrifice
everything I have now.

I think it'd be easier
climbing Mount Everest.

I don't know 'bout that.

It's pretty difficult.

I'd imagine.

Although, the Napelese

food is pretty good I hear.

So how long have
you been thinking

about that three-bedroom house
with the white picket fence?

Ever since I met you.

Yeah?

I sort of had a similar thought.

You did?

Yeah, like this morning.

I was at Target and I saw
this dinnerware set

and I just suddenly thought
these would be perfect

for our dinner parties.

You want dinner parties?

Corey,

we're gonna have a lot of
dinner parties.

There you go.

Is that all?

Is that gonna make me young
enough to make you the cougar?

Yeah, well

they do come highly
recommended.

You ever seen one of these?

They take ya all over
the world.

You could ride the Harry
train with me there.

Okay, maybe one day.

Don't take me off
your boyfriend list.

I won't.

Cheers.

- Have a great day.
- See ya soon.

Bye, thank you so much.

I don't have a gag reflex
in case you were wondering.

Here we go.

- You are a moron.
- Mm-hmm, why?

'Cause he had a frickin'
black card.

So?

So that card is an
insurance policy, Pam.

That card says you
never have to work

at this shitty job ever again.

That card says sorry, Brianna.

I can't make it
to your birthday party

because my husband and I are
vacationing in the Swiss Alps

and then we're going
to our Italian villa

where we're gonna be
waited on hand-and-foot

by bronze-chested man servants.

Brianna, you know I'm in
a relationship.

Corey sells boxes, Pam.

Okay?

I mean is he cute?

Yeah.

Does his ass look good
in a pair of jeans?

Sure.

Does he have a
good personality?

Why not?

But at the end of the day,

he sells cardboard
fucking boxes, Pam.

Do you know how
boring that is?

It's not boring.

Is he James Bond?

No, but like I don't want
a James Bond.

Well good 'cause you got
James Bland.

I just want someone
I can depend on.

Someone that is stable,
like-minded, consistent.

Well you shoulda told me
you were looking for that

'cause I woulda hooked you
up with my grandfather.

Okay.

Okay.

What does he do, eat
your pussy really good?

I don't know, I don't get it.

I can't answer that question.

You just quit, what the hell?

This whole spy life isn't what
I want anymore, Smuts.

You said it yourself,
I haven't been the same

since I failed that last mission.

It's 'cause I'm not.

God.

Please don't start with that
romantic dribble about Pat.

It's Pam.

And yes she's what I care about,
Smuts all right?

I love her.

I'm ready to live
that normal life

that we've always
been protecting.

Really?

Wow, okay.

So you're telling me that
you can't wait to go out,

assume your cover,
sell cardboard boxes

be chained to a desk,
join a bowling league,

start paying taxes,
get a mortgage,

have a car payment,
fly commercial,

start swimming in
credit card debt?

I mean, what are you gonna
tell me next,

that ya like drinking
domestic beer?

I love domestic beer.

Done.

Holy, it's a bit of a fixer-upper.

Yeah, but it's ours.

Well our boxes are made
of 100% recycled material.

No, I can't give you a discount.

What I can do is enroll you

in our customer
appreciation program

which does offer rewards
on both orders.

Well I'm sorry to hear that, sir.

But if you happen
to change your mind,

don't hesitate to call back
and ask for cardboard Corey.

Ooh.

Welcome to the team.

Well let's knock 'em down
and knock 'em back, huh?

- Honey, I'm home.
- Taste this.

Mmm, that's good; what is it?

Nepalese Momo.

I found them in this amazing
cookbook that I picked up

this week and I couldn't find
the Jimbu,

but I think this'll taste all right.

A what?

It's a Nepalese dried onion.

I'm testin' for our dinner party.

What dinner party?

- Corey.
- What?

We're gonna have a lot of
dinner parties.

God, I hope it stays
like this forever.

And for the cave people,
it did stay like that forever.

But unfortunately, well
we ain't livin' in a cave.

I thought you were gonna
call and have that fixed.

I thought you were gonna
call and have that fixed.

No, we don't have
any plastic bins.

We don't have any
metal containers.

We don't sell steel drums,
just boxes.

Plain old fucking
cardboard boxes.

It's all about personality.

It's all about passion.

It's all about believing
what you sell.

Look I don't know what you
want me to do here, Rick.

All right?

I watched the training video,
I followed the sales manual.

At the end of the day, I mean
they're just boxes.

No, Corey.

They're not just boxes.

These are containers that move
the treasures of our lives.

Right, okay.

Remember our motto,

"Think outside the box."

Hey, Freddy.

C'mon baby, let's go.

You got this.

Four pins, that's all we need.

C'mon.

- Loser!
- Woo!

Hey, what the fuck?

First we lose to Polly's Pies,

then Tim's Auto Body
and now Diana's Floral?

I mean what is this?

I don't get it.

Do you even realize that
we are the laughing stock

of this league?

Every time you throw a gutter
or miss a spare,

you guys just laugh if
off and it's not funny.

I mean I've tried to help
you guys, right?

I mean Ted,
I bought you finger grips.

Where the hell they at?

Fred, I bought you lessons.

Bob.

Bob you know if anybody
was on my side,

I thought it'd be you.

I bought you a wrist guard
and you don't even wear it.

- Well why don't you quit?
- No.

Winners don't quit, Ted.

Winners win.

I honestly don't give
a shit about winning.

Yeah, man.

Do you know how much shit
I have to deal with at home?

I don't need extra pressure,
I don't want stress.

I come here to drink beers
and catch up with my guys.

Hey, I forgot to tell you guys.

My dual hood grill
just showed up.

It's incredible.

Oh man,
I am so jealous right now.

I'm kinda tired.

Yeah, I'm kinda tired too.

Maybe tomorrow.

Definitely tomorrow.

Wow, you were totally right.

This definitely beats happy hour.

You know serial killers
hang out here, right?

Okay look,
you didn't have to come.

I told you I had to get
the track lighting.

Listen to yourself.

You've been on like
this Joan of Arc,

mother of misery routine
for a week.

Here we go.

I'm just saying I get why
you're depressed.

You get up, go to work,
you come home.

You watch "Dance
Mom" for 12 hours,

then you pass out and do it
all over again.

It's enough to make
anybody miserable.

If I lied to you and told you
I was miserable,

would that make you stop?

I don't want you to be miserable.

I just want you to be that Pam

that I used to know,
you know?

The Pam who was like it's
four p.m., who cares?

Let's go get drunk or let's go
on a crazy shopping spree

even though we both have no
money in our bank accounts.

The Pam that just had
that like joie de vivre.

Brianna, I am happy.

Look,
you just don't understand

what it's like to be
in a relationship.

There's a lot going on.

Corey and I've gotta you know
finish stuff with the house.

We're decorating rooms,
refinishing hardwood,

installing track lighting.

It's a lot.

You know, there's just not
enough time for joie de vivre.

Okay, well we better make
some time for margaritas

'cause this bitch is craving.

Okay.

I wish you would've
married James Bond

instead of James Bland.

James Bond?

James Bond, really?

'Cause he was an emotionally
unstable womanizing alcoholic.

Yeah, but that's kinda hot.

Wow, this place is amazing.

How come we've never
hung out here before?

You're not funny.

You're wrong.

You see I'm Rodney fuckin'
Dangerfield, man.

I'm tellin' you comedy is tragedy
and this place

is fucking depressing.

I warned you I had to pick up
a light package, right?

You knew what you
were gettin' into.

Yeah, you warned me all right

and all this really excites you.

Yes, this really excites me.

Damn, you need a vacation.

What?

A vacation.

A place you can swim
with dolphins,

squirrel suit off a cliff,
hovercraft over a lake.

I don't know, just anything
to feel your mojo

that's so obviously been neutered
by this suburban insanity.

Yeah well, I'd love to go
to some tropical destination

with warm sunshine
and cold drinks, Smuts.

But what problems does
that solve?

Hello.

What the hell, I'm here now.

Well why would you have me
come here

if you were gonna get it?

Okay.

You really do have
a lotta problems.

Spy means nothin'.

Yeah well,
you're not a spy anymore.

I feel like we should take
a trip somewhere,

get outta here.

Go where?

I don't know, anywhere.

England, France, Nepal.

- Cool.
- Yeah,

instead of reading
and tryin' to replicate,

you know let's go.

Boots on the ground, taste
the food, see Mount Everest.

Just escape.

I've always wanted
to see Mount Everest.

Could cash in some
airline miles,

go for a week,
just enough time to recharge.

- Refresh.
- Invigorate.

Just forget about all our
troubles, you know?

What troubles?

Not troubles, just stresses.

Life's little crosses
we all have to bear.

Yeah?

But we agreed that we'd spend
money on the house

instead of carelessly
dropping out on vacations.

I mean for instance,

we still have to install
the track lighting.

Yeah, but do we really
want the track lighting?

Of course we want
the track lighting.

It's part of the lighting
package that we picked out.

And if we don't have that,

what is the point of
having this island

in the kitchen without
the island?

Where are we gonna put the stools
that we had pre-ordered?

Without stools, where's
everyone gonna congregate

at the dinner party?

What dinner party?

- Corey.
- What?

We're gonna have a lot of
dinner parties.

We are?

Yeah.

What the hell is this?

This is an intervention.

Hi, Corey.

An intervention.

What the fuck do I need an
intervention for, Smuts?

Listen man, we know
you're miserable.

Miserable?

No, I am not miserable.

My life is great.

We've been watching.

Your life sucks.

You've been spying on me.

We're spies.

That's what we do.

Oh my god.

We wouldn't be true spies

if we allowed you to waste away
like this.

Yeah,
so you decided to shoot me.

Great.

I had to test the new tranq gun.

Who the hell is this?

Remora aka Suckerfish.

Smuts gave me
the code name.

After you left, he brought me
into handle the grunt work

he didn't wanna do.

Isn't that right, Smuts?

Yeah, thanks.

I mean he's
my minion basically.

As much as I appreciate
being dragged

all the way down here
and told my life sucks,

you're wrong.

I love my life.

I love that I get to wake up
every morning,

go to work and come home.

No chance of being shot.

No chance of being blown up.

Now call me crazy,

but the change is actually
quite refreshing.

Really?

Corey, this is a safe place.

Why do you keep
talking like that?

Corey, Smuts and I wanted
to create a circle of trust

so you felt comfortable.

Corey,

there's somebody
we'd like you to meet.

Oh, fantastic.

Fine, but then I'm leaving.

Okay, thank you.

Corey,
my name is Dr. Studebaker

and I have been doing
some analysis

on the field research
I was provided.

I prepared a few images.

Frustration,

anger.

Big one.

Denial

and finally, acceptance.

Bravo, Smuts.

You put a few pictures together,
what's the point?

My point is the reason you
can't settle into suburban life

has nothing to do
with the life itself.

Oh, well
I can maintain an erection

if that's what you're gettin' at.

I know, we have the slides.

Corey,
you have unfinished business.

What the hell are
you talkin' about?

You failed your last mission

and rather than face your
failure, what did you do?

You ran away.

I believe that failure's causing
these strong emotions

of frustration in your present life

and until you succeed
at a final mission,

you won't be able
to settle into

a peaceful and
tranquil existence.

Well, thank you very,
very much

for the psychobabble bullshit.

But trust me when I tell you

my life is perfectly fine, okay?

And the last thing I need is
to chase some lunatic

half way across the globe.

You know,
you wouldn't have to go far.

The mission's here.

Egan's back.

Great.

Then you won't have to go far
to get him, will ya?

Egan recently got married

and is mysteriously
honeymooning here.

We believe he's tryin' to acquire
plans for a weapon

from a local sell.

We've arranged for you to come
back for this one mission.

You start tomorrow.

What the hell don't
you understand, Smuts?

I'm just not interested, okay?

Corey, they're only doing this

because they care about you.

They want to help.

I don't need their help

and I damn sure don't need
this fucking intervention.

Okay.

Lemme guess,

the shrink was right and
you're only doing this

so you can settle down
in your married life?

I hate you.

Welcome back.

Egan's set to arrive
Friday before noon.

He'll be stayin' in a suite
at the Pines Hotel

and unlike your perfect marriage,

we're convinced his is a cover.

So what's our strategy?

You're to mirror his every move.

You've come in town
for your honeymoon

and will be stayin'
in adjacent suite

with one of our field agents

who's gonna pretend
to be your wife.

Hold on, hold on.

You want me to pretend to be
married to someone else?

Yeah.

This is the best you guys

could come up with?

Wow you didn't drag me all
the way down here for this

did you, Smuts?

Smuts has had me
prepare the research

and all of our modeling confirms

that pretending to be married
gives us the greatest access.

Relax, Corey.

You can still clip coupons,
trim hedges

and come home
to Pam every night.

I just need you to bond
with Egan and his Mrs.

and get the plans for a weapon
that could wipe us all out.

We don't know what it is.

It could be a laser,
it could be an atom bomb.

I don't know.

I just know that
lives are at risk!

Are you willing to have
blood on your hands

because you're married
all of a sudden?!

That's on you, brother.

All right.

Fine I'll do it, but I'm only
doin' it for Pat.

Once you befriend
Egan and his new bride,

you should be close
enough to use this.

Smuts told me to play around
in a lab for a few weeks

and I came up with this.

It's actually a visual lie detector.

See these buttons?

Itty-bitty cameras.

When you speak
directly to Egan,

it'll scan his face,

send that information
back to these monitors

where we can determine
if he's lying or not.

And we're sure this works.

Corey, you ever think
about leaving Pam?

No, absolutely not.

It works.

Let's make sure to fully
weaponize Corey's house

for his own protection.

Oh and since you're back, we'll
go ahead and pick up the tab

on your domestic beers.

Smuts, I'm on-site.

The preventative
security measures

are ready to be installed.

You can count on me.

I'm takin' care of business,
doing it by the book:

tackling objectives,
checking boxes.

Smuts?

Where the hell is Corey?

He wanted me to tell you

that he has set up several
off-site meetings

with potential buyers and that
you should be proud of him

because he's thinkin'
outside of the box.

All right, get back to work.

A-B-C, always be cardboarding.

Here's your key.

Agent Panzant's
waiting for you inside.

I hear she's hot.

What's your point?

My point is it's your job
to hook up with her.

I'm married, remember?

I'm only doin' this to get
Egan, find closure.

Uh-huh.

Trust me.

Once this is over, it's gonna
take my relationship

to a whole other level, all right?

Sure.

Whoa hey, hold up.

You're not comin' in?

Why would I do that?

I don't know, we just always
worked together.

Right.

Oh my gosh.

Oh my gosh!

You're afraid to be alone
in a room with a hot girl.

What, are you afraid you're
gonna give into the temptations

on the other side of that door?

All right, all right.

Like a real therapy session

where you're just takin' out
your daily aggressions.

- Is that how you do it?
- Then when it's all done,

you guys just lay in like a kiddie
pool of your own sweat

in the middle of the bed
exhausted, but feelin' good.

Secret is safe with me, dude.

Spy's honor.

You're an idiot.

I hope you don't mind.

I'm a sort of a method spy.

Method spy, huh?

You know,
like a method actress.

I have to live it to be it.

- Right.
- And to be honest,

our whole relationship,
our marriage,

I'm just not really feeling it.

- Feeling what?
- Us, together as a couple.

I mean, think about it.

Would someone like me
ever actually

be attracted to someone
like you?

Oh okay, I see.

Then how do you know
someone like me

would be attracted
to someone like you?

'Cause you look married.

Okay.

♪ Please don't give up on me ♪

♪ I know that ♪

Where are you?

Is everything okay?

Everything's fine.

Everything's fine.

I got a ton of work to do
so don't wait up, okay?

This is much better.

I'm not agreeing, but
I'm not disagreeing.

I totally think we should be
one of those couples

who just can't keep their
hands off each other.

See you at nine tomorrow.

Yeah, see you at nine.

Smuts, fill me in.

Gimme the details.

What's the skinny?

I had to buy 50k
in boxes from Corey,

so his boss wouldn't
get suspicious.

Got it.

Did you consider spacing
out the deliveries

to make it look more legitimate?

Just an idea.

You wanna grab a beer
after this?

Smuts?

- Corey?
- You're still up.

Yeah, I couldn't sleep.

What?!

What, what's goin' on?

Your hair.

Oh yeah, got it cut.

Just thought a little
style couldn't hurt.

But it's kinda ridiculous.

All right, so maybe she went
a little overboard.

I don't see why you have
to freak out about it.

I'm not freaking out.

A little bit.

Okay, I am.

But if I suddenly came home

with some weird and crazy
hairdo, you'd freak out too.

You did.

You cut your hair short.

Okay wait, you're saying
you don't like my hair?

What?

When I came home with it cut,
you said you loved my hair.

What was I supposed
to say, Pam?

Wow honey,
did you just join the Marines?

Oh okay, I'm sorry.

I didn't realize that
our relationship

was one based on looks alone.

You know what I'm tryin' to say.

No, I don't.

Something else
you haven't told me yet?

No.

What is going on?!

What's goin' on?

What's wrong?

Your chest.

Oh yeah, I used a little men's
hair body removal cream.

- What's the big deal?
- Oh my god.

- What?
- Nothing, it's just

you call me to tell me
that you're working late

and little did I know that you
were on your way to the spa,

turning yourself
into a metrosexual.

Everything just seems a little bit
suspicious, that's all.

Nothing is going on

that needs to make
you suspicious, okay?

What was that?

Just somethin' else
I'm gonna have to fix.

Oh god, it's not happening.

It can't be happening.

Oh, it's happening.

He's having an affair.

Well fuckin' duh, dude.

God, it'd be so much easier

if his ass didn't look
so good in jeans.

I mean,
where the fuck did it go wrong?

Where did it go wrong?

I mean come on,
look at the guy.

He sells fuckin'
boxes for a living.

He's desperate.

Of course he's gonna fall
for some firm ass model

who lives for alcohol
and orgasms.

He probably shocked
he could get her.

I mean, I was shocked.

Come on, can you believe it?

But what should I do?

You know,
do I steal his phone?

Yes.

- Hack into his email?
- Fuck yeah.

I can't just spy on the guy.

Oh, yes you can.

Really?

But I can't.

- You can.
- I shouldn't.

You should.

What am I even talking about?

I'm driving myself crazy.

It's okay.

It's okay to go crazy 'cause
he's a dick, okay?

And dicks make bitches crazy.

Look at me,
you need to spy on him.

That way you can catch him
in the motel,

you can kick down the door

and kick that collegiate
nympho to the curb.

I'll be there and I'll be
videotaping everything.

We'll put it on YouTube,
we'll get a ton of views.

It'll be great.

The sound's drivin' me wild.

Are we really gonna sit here

and listen to this shit all day?

Trust me, I've done a lotta
sex stakeouts in my day.

Either Egan's a really
good spy

or homeboy's really fuckin'.

- Get the camera.
- Excuse me.

Told you I'm method.

My character's in the mood.

All right, I am not method
and my character--

Actually this is a really
bad angle for you.

Can you just crane your neck
to left a little bit?

What the hell are you doin'?

- Huh?
- You better not be gentle.

C'mon, man.

This is for my Christmas
party blooper reel.

Remember that footage I got
of you and Graciela

from two years ago?

Smuts, how many times
do I have to tell you

that I am fuckin' married?

Personally,
I think open relationships

are quite progressive.

Wow you're a real freak,
aren't you?

Just shut up and point
the camera, all right?

Now if you could just get
a little closer,

make it feel real.

Hello?

Hey, baby.

No no no, we'll never use
any of this wife stuff.

It's not that kind of a movie.

What am I up to?

Just bangin' lots of boxes.

There we go.

No no no no, do not do that.

Do not do that.

I will do it in 15 minutes
and I'll be there.

Just bring it down
a little bit please.

Okay, bye.

Listen as much fun as this is,
I have to go.

- Now?
- Now?

Yeah, now.

You're the one who told me

not to let Pam get
suspicious, remember?

You totally killed it.

Well Smuts can fill in.

Have a blast.

You can't leave.

We're in the middle
of a mission.

So am I.

It's called savin' my marriage.

Sound like a mission
impossible, right?

What, that's stainless.

Thought we talked about
brushed nickel.

Oh, well we changed our mind.

But the brushed nickel
goes with the vanity hangers.

Yeah, I'm changing
the vanity hangers.

So then what's the purpose
of me being here, Pam?

I wanted your input.

Get here.

Where's the gun?

Where is it?!

- What the hell was that?
- What?

Nothing, gonna be fine.

Corey, you just had
a guy in a headlock.

You know it's better to be safe
than sorry, right?

I mean,
imagine if someone we knew

had seen you acting like that.

Never would've come to one
of our dinner parties.

What dinner parties?

Hey, Rick.

Corey, get your ass
in the office now.

Okay, I'm on my way.

I gotta get back to the office,
I'll see you then?

Sure.

Nice hair.

Nice clothes.

Nice ass.

You wanted to see me
there, Rick?

Cardboard Corey's back.

He is.

Goin' to Pines Hotel.

Three days, two nights,
all-expense paid.

Boy, the Pines.

I don't know what to say.

You think you're shocked.

I couldn't believe it

when that 10,000 box
order came through.

10,000.

You broke the company
record, broke my record.

You damn near broke
the world record.

How'd you do it?

Oh you know, Rick.

I just took your advice

and thought outside the box.

Mm-hmm, well you're not
gettin' off that easy.

I'm not?

Starting today, I'm gonna have
the rest of the guys

follow us to your meetings.

You know, see how a real
professional does it.

Wow Rick, you know.

I don't want the other guys
to know.

You know I like to work alone.

Just me, you know?

It helps me kinda focus in.

Takes teamwork to make
a dream work.

You did watch tape two, right?

Yeah.

Hey Corey,
congrats on that hotel thing.

Yeah thanks a lot, Bob.

I thought I was gonna
win this year.

But 10,000 boxes, huh?

That's somethin'.

Trust me, it's nothin'.

Yeah, but I don't need
a five-star suite.

Just another place my wife
wouldn't have sex with me.

Okay, yeah.

We'll see you tonight.

- Tonight?
- Bowling, remember?

Got the tournament,
Diana's Floral.

Shit.

Yeah, right.

Of course,
I'll see you guys there.

I told you to be here at 6:03.

It's 6:10,
where the hell were you?

Oh I'm sorry, Smuts.

Before your little intervention,

I had something called a life
that I had to deal with.

I always just called it pitiful.

How tight are these?

Well it's funny you say that

because this whole time I've
been dealin' with the fact

that you bought 10,000
boxes from me in one day.

What happened to the fact that
I told you to space it out,

you know make it look legit?

What'd you expect me to do,

go in and fill out
a form every day?

I'm not gonna waste my time.

I've got things to do.

Things to do.

Oh, that's great.

Well just so you know
thanks to you,

now I'm dealing with heat
from home, heat from work.

Actually, I'm in heat.

Is that odd?

- Actually, I'm in heat.
- Yes.

Goddammit.

All right,
let's get our head in the game.

Claudia and Egan's restaurant
reservation is for seven p.m.

How come your suit fits?

Oh, thank you.

He is not even going
to recognize you.

Brianna, I look like a hooker.

I'm supposed
to be undercover,

not auditioning for strip clubs.

Look, every year when I wanted
to start my own business,

I would go out and buy something
smart, sophisticated.

Something that says
I mean business.

So this is me.

I'm finally saying
I mean business.

I love it.

You just need to hire my lip girl
and you're done.

God, who am I kidding?

I can't do this.

I don't want to do this.

This is not who I am.

Pam, you listen to me, okay?

You need to reclaim yourself.

You are a sexy, wild bitch.

That would be embarrassing.

Some risks aren't worth taking.

You see 'em?

Oh you mean the sexy couple

that's actually having
a good time?

- Vodka, meat.
- Club soda.

He'll have a martini.

- Club soda.
- Straight up with a twist.

What are you doin'?

What are you doing?

You know, you should be
believable as my husband.

Believable?

Let's not forget I'm the one
who's married here.

Oh please.

Another big night for you
at home

is probably watching reruns
and eating leftovers,

but our marriage is not stuck

on opposite sides of the bed.

Oh trust me, darling.

My marriage happens
all over the bed.

Thank you.

Cheers.

Okay, big picture.

We need to connect
with Egan,

so you need to connect
with me.

So drink up, look at me
like you wanna fuck me

and check your baggage
with the bellhop.

What baggage?

What do you mean,
what baggage?

Remember Corey,
this is your intervention.

You knew about that.

Has anyone considered
they might actually

just be here
on their honeymoon?

No chance.

Everything they do is
too connected, forced.

Trust me, that's not
what married people do.

Ooh.

What are you doin'?

What?

Should I stop?

Is it bad?

Huh?

Is it not
what married people do?

Alex, sit down.

Why?

Because you're
drawing attention.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Who's looking at me?

Are the waiters watching?

What about Egan?

Is he watching?

What about you?

Are you watching?

You're gonna blow this.

Oh, you.

Get up.

I'm sorry,
I borrowed your husband,

but this place was a little dead.

Are you kidding?

That was the most fun,
we've had on our honeymoon.

Wait,
you're on your honeymoon?

We're on our honeymoon.

- Shut up.
- Yeah.

- Shut up.
- Oh, I love you.

Hopefully we'll see you guys
some more.

Well we're gonna be hanging
by the pool tomorrow.

Just drop on by.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

I hope you don't mind
if we turn in.

I just got super tired.

Bye.

Okay, so now we have a pool
date with them tomorrow.

I guess you convinced
them you wanna fuck me.

Shit, I gotta go.

Go where?!

- Bowling tournament.
- Pfft.

You guys shoulda seen
this Home & Garden Show.

Took up the entire Civic Center.

I mean they had pools, tubs,
lawn care, everything.

I even won a raffle.

What'd you win?

Leaf blower, a good one too.

- Nice.
- No shit.

You're excited about
a leaf blower, Bob?

And you'll be too.

Come fall all those
trees in your yard,

you're gonna be beggin'
me to borrow it.

No, I just mean
there's gotta be more

to get excited about, right?

Leaf blowers and goddamn
home shows, is that it?

It's an acquired appreciation.

Look, all I'm sayin' is
you guys even notice

that all we ever talk
about is the yard

or adding a deck or
buying a new grill?

There's got to be more to life

than the fuckin' hardware store,
am I right?

No, not really.

The only thing that
excited me last year

was when I put a kegerator
in my garage.

That was awesome.

So you're tellin' me that
this is all there is to life?

What we're livin' right here,
right now, this is it?

Yeah, how hard is it?

You get married.

You watch each other go
to complete hell.

Have a kid maybe two,
stop having sex.

Save for retirement, get
the golden handshake.

Play golf on the weekends.

Take a dick pill, realize
that was a mistake.

Pick out where you want
your ashes scattered,

leave everything to the kids
and hopefully you know,

a lotta people show up
at your funeral.

I'll come to your funeral, Fred.

Thanks, Ted.

Corey, it's not like there's
some grand adventure

out there waiting for us.

We're just livin' life
like everyone else.

And you guys are
okay with that?

Yeah.

Aren't you?

Yeah, 'course I am.

You're home late.

I had bowling.

Really?

Then why were there
two messages

from the guys wondering
where you were?

Well I showed up late
'cause I had to work late.

Big day at the office.

Another one?

Actually, I won the all-expense
paid resorts vcation.

Well then let's go.

Wait, you wanna go?

Yes, let's go this weekend.

No, I can't.

You can't what?

You were the one
that wanted to take

a spur-of-the-moment trip,
why not do it?

Because I can't, Pam.

You know, all right?

I mean plus, I thought
we were gonna do stuff

- around the house.
- Like what?

Track lighting.

Are you mocking me?

Are you mocking me?

Are you drunk?

I'm not drunk, Pam.

I had a few martinis
and a couple of beers.

- What's gotten into you?
- What's gotten into you?

I just wanna do
something different.

And I just wanna lay
on the couch.

Fine.

Fine.

What was that for?

The couch.

Goodnight.

Blissfully committed
to their simple routine,

the cave people never felt
the need to seek excitement

from the outside world.

Unfortunately for us,
well that outside world

was quickly unraveling
any sense of routine.

Morning.

Morning.

Operation: Catch
Corey is back on.

Rick says we're all goin'

on a sales call together.

Yeah,
lemme just confirm everything

and we'll get on outta here.

Alrighty.

Oh, that little sneak.

My god,
do you ever wear clothes?

Excuse me,
what you're seeing here

is top-of-the-line tactical gear.

This spy-kini she's wearing
is completely bulletproof,

fireproof and waterproof.

My character sees your
character wearing this.

Oh I assumed you're small.

You're tellin' me these
can stop a bullet.

Sure.

Don't get shot.

They're waiting down
by the pool.

Yeah, I'm not wearing these.

You're gonna have to.

They've already stitched
the cameras in.

Where?

Here, just put it on.

All right, I'll put 'em on.

But I'm not doin' it for you guys,

I'm gonna do it
for the mission, for Pam.

Oh hey, how are you guys?

I've got a visual.

I just feel so stupid.

I mean, here I am following
my own husband

into a fucking
honeymoon suite.

Oh my god,
he's a frickin' polygamist.

I knew it.

Everybody watches a couple
episodes of "Big Love"

and then they think they can do
whatever they want.

Sorry honey, we're closed.

Oh my god, there they are.

Oh it would just be so much
easier if she's a mess,

- but she's--
- Pam.

I do not even wanna hear
what she looks like

because there is
no way in hell

that she's prettier than you.

All right,
tell me what she looks like.

Like some femme
fatale Bond villain

that just graduated from
Harvard with a degree

in you know fucking up my life.

Stop.

You have to take
the reins here.

You're his wife, okay?

You cannot let this
other woman win.

Hey when you got it,
you flaunt it right?

When we first decided
to honeymoon here,

so many people were like,
"Well that's different,

"but it's just so beautiful here."

I know, I had never been
to upstate New York before.

But the moment he proposed,

he insisted he had
to honeymoon here.

I'm at a total loss.

This is not the man
that I married.

You need to go confront him.

- I can't.
- You can.

What do you want me to do?

You want me to drive up there?

I'll drive up there and I will
cut Corey's dick off.

I will Lorena Bobbitt
that motherfucker.

I will take his dick and I will
throw it in the forest

and a little squirrel will pick it up

and run away and
put it in its nest

and he'll never have it again.

He'll be dickless.

Brianna.

I can cut his nuts off
if that's better.

If the dick's too much,

you know I can always
take the balls.

My grandma used to do it
with the hens all the time.

Look, no one's nuts
are being cut off.

Well, then you need
to go confront him.

So, why did you decide to
honeymoon in Glens Falls?

We've been jet-setting
around the world

for the last two years
straight for business,

so we wanted something
quaint and charming,

a bit out of the way, off-the-grid.

How 'bout you guys?

What made you select
a place off-the-grid?

-Same.

Off-the-grid's the desired
honeymoon destination,

am I right?

You know service
is kinda slow here.

I think I'm gonna go
order from the bar.

Do you guys want anything?

Why don't we split a decent
bottle of champagne?

Great idea.

Little birdie's on the move.

That's my birdie.

You have something I need.

Shit.

What happened?

Can you help me?

- Almost got it.
- All right, all right.

That's fine.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

Honey, you're sweating.

Why don't you take
a dip and cool off?

And you should reapply
the sunscreen, sweetheart.

You're startin' to burn.

Fine.

All right, Corey, play it off.

Don't let Egan suspect anything.

Mmm, feels so good.

Do you wanna grab a beer
or something after this?

How many times do
I have to tell you?

I don't wanna hang.

I don't wanna grab a beer.

We're not gonna watch
the game together.

Okay, I just see how cool
you and Corey are

and I was hoping that someday
you and I might have that,

be more than just two
guys saving the world.

Suckerfish, Corey and I,

we've been buddies
since we were teens.

We were recruited together
and we trained together.

We've spoiled some pretty
crazy plots around the globe.

I mean,

you know I'm the only one
that knows Corey's real name?

Wow.

You and I, we just don't
have that history.

Yeah you and I don't
have that history yet,

but someday we might.

I just don't really see
that happening.

Oh shit, look who's here.

Aw, shit.

Aw, shit.

This is bad.

This is really bad.

- Hey, what's up?
- Oh nothing.

What's up with you?

Is there a reason you called me
three times, Pam?

I just stepped out of a meeting.

Oh, what kind of a meeting?

A business meeting.

Oh yeah,
what were you talking about?

Why are you acting like this?

Acting like what?

I'm just tryin' to ask you
about your day,

see if you're doin' all right.

Curious what you're up to.

- That's why you called?
- Mm-hmm.

Oh no, actually.

I need you to drop by the store.

- What?
- Yeah, it's on your way home.

Okay fine, just text it to me.

Why can't you write it down?

Pam.

Just tell me and
I'll remember, okay?

Okay some cinnamon,
cardamom,

semi-sweetened
dark chocolate,

pine nuts, mocha extract,
light syrup, cocoa powder,

pastry shells and some
Popsicle sticks.

Okay, got it.

Okay,
now repeat it back to me.

What?

Just repeat it,
so I know you know.

I know what it is, Pam.

Then repeat it.

Popsicle sticks, cinnamon.

Some cinnamon, cardamom,
semi-sweetened dark chocolate,

pine nuts, mocha extract,
cocoa powder,

pastry shells and
Popsicle sticks.

Fine.

Did you write it down?

Pam, I told you I'll remember.

Oh really?

Oh I'm so sorry.

I don't know
what's wrong with me.

Here I am rambling on and on
while you're trying to work.

That's it, you're hard
at work by the pool,

having some tramp rubbing
sun lotion in your back.

- Pam?
- What?

What's the matter?

You've too many
wives to remember?

No Pam, just wait.

What's with the hat?

God.

Swear to god, we need to put
an restraining order on her.

Yeah, she can be a little crazy.

Maybe I should just check.

That's his ex-fiancee.

She's a tad bit delusional.

Shit, yeah?

- I hate making these calls.
- What calls?

The ones where I let people go.

What're you talkin' about, Rick?

I'm your best salesman, righT?

I mean I won the free trip.

My sales are through the roof.

T-E-A-M.

I want team players,
not prima donnas.

Guys see what you're doin'
and start coppin' attitudes,

doin' things their way.

Next thing you know,
the whole company goes to shit

because you wanna play
the game your way.

I mean I think I'm settin'
an example here, Rick.

You know,
raising the bar a little bit.

What bar, what example, huh?

You just left.

I don't even know where
the hell you are right now.

- I went on assignment.
- Bullshit.

That's what I used
to say to my wife

when I was fuckin' her sister.

That's it, Corey.

You're fired.

Fuck.

Pam, you gotta let me explain.

I would love to hear
your explanation

or you could just go with
I'm screwing somebody else.

I'm not having an affair.

I know, I know.

You married her.

You're on your honeymoon,
congratufuckinlations.

Pam, just listen to me.

Calm down and let me
explain myself.

Who the fuck is that?

The dinner party.

- Dinner party?

What fucking dinner party, Pam?

I mean my god,
you keep goin' on and on

about these dinner parties
that don't exist!

We bought dishes.

We bought a bar.

I installed a water feature

all for these dinner parties
that never seem to happen.

I am not canceling
my dinner party

just because you had
some sordid affair.

I wasn't cheating.

All right look, I'm gonna tell 'em
that we made a mistake

and we'll do this another night.

No!

No no, no you won't.

You are not ruining
my dinner party

just because our
marriage is over.

Hey, everybody.

Is this one of them
swingers parties?

'Cause we didn't
bring any rubbers.

We just thought that

it would be fine for tonight.

Just would be fun to get
dressed up because--

Yeah, well we wanted
tonight to be a--

- It's a theme party.
- Yeah.

What kinda theme?

- A spy theme dinner, Bob.
- Yes, exactly.

You see 007 just
got outta the pool.

And Agent 99 here

was just about
to make some drinks.

I've got martinis,
shaken, not stirred.

Who wants to be Money Penny?

All right, shall we?

Cheers.

You know Pam, we woulda
perfectly understood

if you needed to cancel.

Why would I have to cancel?

Well if I got fired,
the only party

we'd be havin' that night
is my funeral.

You know what?

I think he did say
something about that.

You weren't supposed
to say anything, Ted.

Here are my Parmesan
portobello slices

with sun-dried tomato.

Pam, these are so good.

Do you have
a secret ingredient?

Oh I'm sorry, Bob.

My secret is what you see
is what you get.

No little white lies, no half-truths,
no funny little fibs.

Bob,
will you excuse us a second?

Why?

No, they're fine.

They already know that
you lost your job.

I just found out from Fred.

Oh, I'm Ted.

Pam,
you have to let me explain.

Trust me, this way
it'll be so much easier

to split up the assets.

Corey, now that we're not
competin' over the trip,

you wanna tell me how you
sold so many damn boxes?

What the fuck is this?

Brianna, are you okay?

Am I okay?

Am I okay?

I just spent an hour in the car
convincing myself

you didn't leap to your death
and here you are having a--

A dinner party.

- A dinner party.
- Yeah.

Well why wasn't I invited?

It's sort of a couples-only.

Oh, couples-only.

Why are you still wearing
that costume?

'Cause it's a spy
theme dinner party.

Oh, a spy theme dinner party.

Ooh, so fancy.

You know what, Pam?

I just can't believe
after hours of me

listening to your marital woes,
this is how I'm treated.

But if the name's not taken,
I'm Pussy Galore.

The hell are you doin' here?

- We have to get you--
- Hi, I'm Pam.

I didn't get to introduce
myself earlier

because you're whoring yourself
around with my husband.

But I just want to let
you know that tomorrow

we are getting a divorce.

But tonight I'm having
my dinner party, okay?

I came by to say that I'm sorry.

Sorry you got caught or sorry

that you're a whore
that lacks style?

Sorry because this isn't
what it looked like.

Exactly.

Don't insult my intelligence.

No, I'm serious.

Alexandria here is an actress.

A method actress actually.

Superbly talented.

Okay I saw, remember.

Right.

You see, sweetheart.

I found out that a huge
potential client and his wife

were gonna be honeymooning
over at that hotel.

So I thought why not hire
an actress to play my wife,

go to the hotel, bond with guy
and make the big sale.

Yeah I mean,
it was completely legitimate.

I've been in the business
since I was a kid.

Lots of musical theater.

Yeah, whatever.

Look, why don't you help
yourself to a doggie bag

and then you can choke on it?

Oh, I'm staying here
'cause Corey hired me

to be here for the dinner party.

That's right, I did.

To do what?

To teach dance.

Cue the music.

Dance with me.

You lucky son of a bitch.

Spin me.

Egan's on his way.

You could not have
hired her tonight.

You didn't even remember that
we were having a dinner party.

You have to get these
people out of here.

Go ahead and ask
your wife to dance.

You have to get these
people out of here.

Fine.

If people are dancing,
we're dancing.

♪ You can try to stop me ♪

♪ You can ♪

♪ You can try to stop me ♪

♪ And I'm goin' 'til
the wheels fall off ♪

I need you to come clean.

Just be honest with me.

I mean, if I have ever
meant anything to you

in any level at any point,

I deserve to know
what's going on.

You're right.

Nobody moves.

Where is it?

Don't know.

I want my pen back.

All right all right, take it easy.

But leave them outta this,
they're innocent.

No no, yeah you're right.

We should just keep
this between us,

but I like a little bit of insurance.

No.

I want my pen back
with the plans on it

delivered in an hour and why
don't you gas up the jet?

- A jet?
- Mm-hmm.

And if I can't get it here by then?

Then your wife will die.

She's not his wife.

This is his wife.

Yeah, could someone
just please explain to me

what the hell is going on?

Honey, I'm a spy.

Okay, enough of that
charade already.

No, I am.

I'm serious.

We work for the government
as part of an elite taskforce

trained to stop high-tech
futuristic weapons

from falling in the hands
of fuckfaces like this guy.

Okay, well this definitely falls

under reconcilable differences.

Hello?

Smuts, I need you to bring me
the pen right away.

Okay.

You guys weren't
actually married?

No.

But your ring seemed so real.

It was cubic zirconia.

- Shut up.
- Mm-hmm.

- Shut up.
- Yeah.

So is mine.

Wait, but you guys seem
so happy together.

No, you guys seemed
so happy together.

- Thank you.
- Okay.

Nobody's actually
happy here, okay?

Let's review: you and I
aren't married.

These two aren't married.

The only people here that
are really married are them.

Oh, no.

No, actually we're
getting a divorce.

Oh fuck, my lasagna.

Whoa, excuse me?

My lasagna, it's burning.

I need to get it.

Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding me?

Do you want this house
to burn down?

I don't care.

To him sweetheart, I don't think

your lasagna's
the key issue here.

It's actually not my lasagna,
it's Stouffer's.

You want me to serve
Stouffer's at our dinner party?

Well I was gonna make it
from scratch,

but you in the midst were
playing spy meets adulterer

meets probably the worst
husband in the world.

Honey,
I think you're overreacting

just a little bit here, all right?

I'm gonna take care of this.

Overreacting?

Overreacting.

Do you know how
humiliating this is?

You know how
heartbreaking it is

to have your marriage
be over within...

Okay.

Oh, in a year?

Seriously?

I'm now a statistic.

I'm one of those,

one of those people
where you probably

had some I don't know Navy
SEAL mental training shit

where you know how to handle
all these sorts of situations

to probably diffuse a bomb
under pressure.

The hell is she doin'?

I'm leaving.

I'm packing my things.

You can shoot me if you want,
but otherwise I'm moving out.

Can you stop her?

Can you stop her?

Yeah, I could shoot her.

Let's go.

I knew we should've
gone to Nepal.

If not Nepal, Paris.

If not Pairs, London.

I mean just done something,

anything to escape the confines
of this ridiculous place.

Pam, sweetheart.

Let's just get through this
and we can reset, okay?

We'll call it
a second honeymoon.

We can go to all those places,
I promise.

Okay, so now you don't mind

about skipping our
weekend projects?

You know putting off
the track lighting,

not even fixing the ceiling
that constantly crumbles.

How many times do I have
to tell you, Pam

that I will get to it
when I fucking get to it.

Press the red button
under the bed.

Holy shit.

Okay, what is that?

That's a high-tech electrical
charge particle solidifier.

In short, force field.

So you just had this stuff here
the whole time?

Yeah, pretty much.

Sorry.

You never thought about pulling out
one of these gizmos

when we were getting intimate?

You would've wanted that?

Yeah, I would've tried that.

Well, we can.

Corey, I'm not having
anymore dinner parties.

Anyone for charades?

Who wants a nightcap?

60 off 10th Avenue.

Come on.

I just have one question.

Yeah?

Is your real name Corey?

I wish it was.

Goodbye.

- Where are ya headed?
- Does it matter?

Whoa, hey.

Were you serious?

Brianna, wasn't it your idea

for me to get out of here
and see the world?

I mean it was and then
we tried it

and it was really exhausting,
you know?

It's like kinky sex.

You think you want it
'til you actually have it

and end up with a penis
in your ear.

That's disgusting.

Do you even have a plan?

Yeah.

What's your plan?

To climb Mount Everest.

To climb Mount Everest, really?

What, are you working for
"National Geographic" now?

Undercover: Discover
who you really are.

What about Cairo?

Yeah?

- Cozumel?
- Cozumel's cool.

Dude, what's wrong?

Nothin's wrong, man.

Okay.

Oh, what about Rio?

I like Rio, you know that.

I love Rio.

What?

You're not excited about Rio.

Okay, you must've forgotten

about that night
in the rainforest.

I didn't forget about the night
in the rainforest, Smuts.

Why can't we keep it simple,
you know?

Like in the movie.

What?

Okay, okay.

Three feet, three feet,
three feet.

Okay, that's it.

The sun's sizzling your brain.

We've climbed too close.

C'mon, we need some UV.

Here, use this.

It really works.

Yeah, I know.

I got the whole line.

Even their eye moisturizer's
incredible, isn't it?

Soothing, too.

You really miss her, don't ya?

I do not.

From my perspective,
you never stopped loving her.

No matter what your cover was,

you can't disguise
what's in your heart.

Yeah.

Yeah, maybe.

You know, I really didn't hear
what you said.

But that sounded really
fucking beautiful, Suckerfish.

Thanks, man.

Hey, you wanna get a beer
with me later on?

I'd like that.

Just kidding.

I'm not for the sweet stuff,
let's move.

Hold up, we got a problem.

Excuse me, sir.

Jimbo?

Very good Jimbo.

Debit or credit?

"Pam,
I hope you enjoy the basket.

"I think it would've been perfect

"for the second dinner party
we never got to have."

Dinner party.

What dinner party?

What the hell is this?

Corey, this is an intervention.

Oh god, not again.

For what?

Because you're miserable.

I'm not miserable.

Oh, no no no no.

What?

Yeah, we started dating
after the dinner party.

You've been dating
Brianna this whole time

and you didn't tell me?

Look,
what was I supposed to say?

I mean I'm in covert ops with
your ex-wife's best friend?

I love it when he talks like that.

You guys?

I figured you hated me.

I was a total pain in the ass
and completely self-centered.

I don't care what you were.

After I canned your ass,

these guys wouldn't shut
up about your spy tactics.

When I finally let them try it,

they broke all
your sales records.

Yup, made him go method.

We also got a bowling coach

and kicked the shit
outta Diana's Floral.

Bob's been wearin'
his wrist guard.

All right, well

this is all well and good, guys.

But somebody please tell me

why the hell you went through
all this trouble and what for?

Because I had to test
the new tranq gun.

Hey.

- It's actually my tranq gun.
- Dude.

So, you're the reason
for this intervention?

Well, if you're not too busy
tryin' to save the world,

I thought we should
give us another shot,

a different shot.

You know if you hadn't
been a spy,

I would've never woken up
and realized who I really am.

What about just being
still looking in the mirror?

Where's the adventure
in that, my dear?

So, does this mean we get
to take a second honeymoon?

Anywhere you want.

What do you think
about Kathmandu?

Oh you know what they say,
"What happens in Kathmandu,

- "stays in Kathmandu."
- "Stays in Kathmandu."

Okay, so maybe the whole
intervention thing

was a little extreme.

But if we embrace our
primal caveman instincts

instead of hiding from them
in suburbia,

we'll realize that every day
can be an adventure.

♪ But I'm goin' 'til
the wheels fall off ♪

♪ You can try to stop me ♪

♪ You can try to stop me ♪

♪ But I'm goin' 'til
the wheels fall off ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ You you ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ You you you ♪

♪ You can try to stop me ♪

♪ You can try to stop me ♪

♪ But I'm goin' 'til
the wheels fall off ♪

♪ Don't call me your baby ♪

♪ Mistake me for a lady ♪

♪ Don't you ♪

♪ Don't you know
that I'm crazy ♪

♪ Don't you know that I'm ♪

♪ Don't say that you want me ♪

♪ Don't say that you ♪

♪ You need me ♪

♪ Don't you dare believe me ♪

♪ Don't you know that I'm ♪

♪ But I'm goin' 'til
the wheels fall off ♪

Subtitles by @NAIM2007
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