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1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:07,720
♪ Ah, push it ♪
2
00:00:11,840 --> 00:00:12,920
[Colin clears throat]
3
00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:15,160
♪ Ah, push it ♪
4
00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:16,920
[Colin groans]
5
00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:19,120
Oh.
6
00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:20,880
Oh, yeah.
7
00:00:21,920 --> 00:00:22,760
Okay.
8
00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:28,160
Talk to me.
9
00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:29,840
♪ Oooh, baby, baby ♪
10
00:00:29,920 --> 00:00:30,840
Hello.
11
00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:32,280
♪ Baby, baby ♪
12
00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:34,520
♪ Oooh, baby, baby ♪
13
00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:36,040
Tell me what you're doing to me.
14
00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:38,960
Um, we're gonna... We're having sex,
we're having intercourse.
15
00:00:39,480 --> 00:00:40,440
And, uh...
16
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:42,080
Have I been bad?
17
00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:44,440
I don't know, have you?
18
00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:46,560
Oh, for God's sake, Colin!
Just call me a dirty bitch.
19
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:48,880
- I don't know if I want to. Uh...
- Say it.
20
00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:50,120
Uh...
21
00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:51,280
- Say it!
- Uh...
22
00:00:51,920 --> 00:00:53,120
- Uh...
- Say it!
23
00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:56,600
Okay! Uh, you're... you're...
you're a lovely little female dog.
24
00:00:57,320 --> 00:00:58,520
You're lovely.
25
00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:01,080
["Push It" by Salt-N-Pepa playing]
26
00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:06,680
[chuckles]
27
00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:08,400
♪ Ah, push it ♪
28
00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:09,960
♪ P-p-p-push it ♪
29
00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:10,920
♪ Push it ♪
30
00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:14,960
[Morris] Parade, shun!
31
00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:18,600
Slope arms!
32
00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:23,680
General salute.
33
00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:26,480
Present arms!
34
00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:34,280
Slope arms!
35
00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:53,920
Not my fault, sir. The rifle's broken.
36
00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:56,920
We don't deal with excuses
in this establishment, Groff.
37
00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:00,160
Keep practicing,
38
00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:02,720
and try asking
some of your peers to help you.
39
00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:04,960
I don't need help, sir.
40
00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:07,040
We all need help sometimes, son.
41
00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:13,680
Parade will turn to the left.
42
00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:16,200
Left turn.
43
00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:19,200
To your duties.
44
00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:21,480
Fall out!
45
00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:28,120
[Morris] Everyone inside.
Get your breakfast.
46
00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:29,760
- Come on, man, give it...
- What's wrong?
47
00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:31,520
This isn't funny,
just give me back the hat.
48
00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:33,240
- What's wrong with him?
- [boy] Hey!
49
00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:34,760
[Luke] Give me the hat.
50
00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:37,320
- Give me the hat.
- Don't be a pussy, Luke. Oi, Groff!
51
00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:39,440
[boys jeering]
52
00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:41,160
[boy 2] Nice one, muppet!
53
00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:46,560
Sorry.
54
00:02:46,640 --> 00:02:47,840
Bad luck, new kid.
55
00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:52,080
- War. [laughs]
- [Luke] Yeah, all right.
56
00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:24,400
[alarm beeping]
57
00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:25,920
[sighs]
58
00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:30,480
[sighs]
59
00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:32,560
[clears throat]
60
00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:35,680
[Jakob singing indistinctly in the shower]
61
00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:38,120
[knocking on door]
62
00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:40,200
Um, I'm late for school.
63
00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:42,360
[singing continues]
64
00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:43,440
Yeah...
65
00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:45,120
How long are you going to be?
66
00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:47,880
[singing continues]
67
00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:56,680
- [Jean] Morning.
- Has Jakob moved in?
68
00:03:57,920 --> 00:03:59,680
No. Why?
69
00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:00,880
Bathroom is free.
70
00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:08,480
Darling, I've been looking through
your SRE textbook.
71
00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:13,640
There is no mention
of female pleasure at all.
72
00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:18,399
I was thinking of talking about it today
in assembly, what do you think?
73
00:04:19,079 --> 00:04:20,160
[sighs] I don't know.
74
00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:21,120
[Jean] Otis.
75
00:04:21,839 --> 00:04:23,200
I'd like your opinion, please.
76
00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:26,680
- Why?
- I've never worked with teenagers before,
77
00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:28,680
and you are a teenager.
78
00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:30,600
Yep, I'm a teenager who...
79
00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:34,840
doesn't want their mother
talking about sex at his school.
80
00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:37,680
There has been a sexual health crisis,
81
00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:40,160
and it's my duty to help.
82
00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:41,400
You know, he is right.
83
00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:42,920
It is a bit strange.
84
00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:44,120
[Otis] Mmm, I mean,
85
00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:47,200
my mum's a sexual health expert
so it's not that strange, actually.
86
00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:49,640
Which doesn't mean
you should have said yes.
87
00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:56,720
Would you prefer to call me Mum
or Dr. Milburn at school?
88
00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:59,080
Neither.
I'll be pretending you don't exist.
89
00:04:59,160 --> 00:05:00,320
Otis.
90
00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:03,440
[sighs] Okay. Just try and...
91
00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:05,440
[blender whirring loudly]
92
00:05:07,280 --> 00:05:08,400
Try and be a bit...
93
00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:10,000
[blender whirring loudly]
94
00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:18,960
Try and be less intense.
95
00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:20,440
It freaks people out.
96
00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:21,760
And it's embarrassing.
97
00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:25,800
I don't know, Mum, just be normal.
Try and be more relatable.
98
00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:27,920
Whatever, just don't humiliate me.
99
00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:31,320
Bye, darling. I'll see you later.
100
00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:33,000
- You want a smoothie?
- [door closes]
101
00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:36,200
No.
102
00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:38,720
["The Queen of Hearts"
by Ezra Furman playing]
103
00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:45,200
♪ And I watch you with your purse
From the adjacent coffee table ♪
104
00:05:45,280 --> 00:05:49,240
♪ At the Starbucks they built
Inside my heart ♪
105
00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:54,880
♪ When your makeup starts to run
You can see you're getting older ♪
106
00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:58,440
♪ You can see your life has been hard ♪
107
00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:03,800
♪ Your face is worn
Like an old playing card ♪
108
00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:06,720
♪ The Queen of Hearts ♪
109
00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:10,720
♪ The Queen of Hearts ♪
110
00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:12,000
[sighs]
111
00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:24,840
[Otis] My mum is everywhere.
112
00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:26,840
It's like it's her mission
to ruin my life.
113
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:29,360
- Were you up all night wanking again?
- No.
114
00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:31,960
I've got a handle on that, actually.
115
00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:34,400
I didn't sleep much
because I've been doing research.
116
00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:36,240
- Research?
- Yeah.
117
00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:38,360
So, Ola and I were kissing the other night
118
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:42,360
and she kept guiding my hand down
to her... area.
119
00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:44,480
- So I've been looking up...
- Fingering!
120
00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:46,360
Don't yell "fingering," please.
121
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,280
- [laughs]
- But, yes,
122
00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:52,320
she's coming over later,
and I think I'm fully prepared.
123
00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:55,120
Well, Otis, it's a vagina.
It's not an exam.
124
00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:56,720
Actually, it's very complicated.
125
00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:58,320
- Okay.
- I've been learning about something
126
00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:00,400
- called the clock technique.
- Oh, my God.
127
00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:02,360
Otis,
I think you might be overthinking this.
128
00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:05,480
She knows I'm a sex therapist now.
I need to get this right.
129
00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:12,040
[indistinct chatter]
130
00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:26,400
Why is Angel Man staring at me
like he's plotting my death?
131
00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,880
I don't know. French people are intense.
132
00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:32,320
[laughs]
133
00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:33,920
- Morning, dickhead.
- Oh, hey.
134
00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:36,880
- I've got an 8:30 and an 8:45.
- Okay.
135
00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:40,200
Why... why do you look so clean?
136
00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:44,520
- What does that mean?
- It's just an observation.
137
00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:48,680
Your aptitude scheme, of course.
Very professional, Maeve.
138
00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:49,800
Shut up.
139
00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:52,520
Can you do a session after school today,
by the way?
140
00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:54,400
Uh, I can't. I'm going to the fair.
141
00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:56,840
I thought you hated rides.
142
00:07:57,520 --> 00:07:59,960
Yeah, but Ola loves them, so...
143
00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:02,520
Are you going to be there?
144
00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:06,200
Funfairs are simply a distraction
from the inevitability of death.
145
00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:08,160
Oh, I guess they are.
146
00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:10,760
- Hmm.
- Have fun with the smart kids.
147
00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:12,760
You look great.
148
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:16,960
- Oh, hey! How you doing?
- Hey. I'm good.
149
00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:19,640
[Otis] This is nice. Shall we, uh...
150
00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:24,800
Oh, hi, Jackson.
151
00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:28,480
[clears throat]
152
00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:32,240
Hey, I'm sorry about your hand.
153
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:36,280
- At least you don't have to swim anymore.
- What are you talking about?
154
00:08:36,799 --> 00:08:39,280
- You said you didn't want to swim.
- Listen, Maeve,
155
00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:41,039
you're not my girlfriend anymore,
all right?
156
00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:43,600
So you don't need to pretend
that you care.
157
00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:46,800
Whatever it is you thought I said,
you're wrong.
158
00:08:57,640 --> 00:08:59,640
[indistinct chatter]
159
00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:01,760
[sighs]
160
00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:05,560
Don't worry. You're gonna be fine.
161
00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:13,840
- May I sit here?
- Uh...
162
00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:15,520
Yes.
163
00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:17,080
Yeah, we'll find other seats.
164
00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:18,680
No. No, no. I mean next to you.
165
00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:23,320
Okay, sure.
166
00:09:24,560 --> 00:09:27,360
Rahim, you may sit with us.
These people are insignificant.
167
00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:29,280
No, I'm fine here. Thank you.
168
00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:32,920
[Mr. Groff clears throat]
Good morning, Moordale.
169
00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:38,880
Today we shall be hearing from
a sexual health expert
170
00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:42,800
who is here to review
the school's sex education curriculum.
171
00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:46,800
Please give Ms. Milburn...
a very warm welcome.
172
00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:54,240
Hello.
173
00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:58,080
My name is Dr. Milburn,
174
00:09:58,160 --> 00:10:02,480
and I'm here to start an open conversation
175
00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:06,560
about S-E-X.
176
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:07,520
Uh, sex.
177
00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:12,320
We adults know
that some of you are having sex
178
00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:17,520
because when we were your age,
some of us were having sex.
179
00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:20,840
- [pupils chuckling]
- In fact, many of us still have sex.
180
00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:27,320
I'm sure even Headmaster Groff
sometimes has sex.
181
00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:32,360
And so, I would like you to tell me
182
00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:37,080
what you would like
on your sex education curriculum.
183
00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:40,240
Take control.
184
00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:42,200
[microphone feedback]
185
00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:50,480
Perhaps you'd like to know about
the female orgasm...
186
00:10:50,560 --> 00:10:51,400
[laughter]
187
00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:54,360
...or mutual masturbation.
188
00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:56,360
[laughter]
189
00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:59,320
[Jean] Or maybe you've always wondered,
190
00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:03,040
is my labia a normal length?
191
00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:05,680
[laughing]
192
00:11:11,560 --> 00:11:13,480
What I'm saying is...
193
00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:22,920
- ♪ Let's talk about sex, baby ♪
- [audience groans]
194
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:25,960
♪ Let's talk about you and me ♪
195
00:11:26,040 --> 00:11:28,480
Didn't you wank off a courgette?
196
00:11:28,560 --> 00:11:30,080
[audience laughing]
197
00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:32,240
[audience chanting] Courgette! Courgette!
198
00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:34,200
Courgette! Courgette!
199
00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:36,160
Courgette! Courgette!
200
00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:38,320
Courgette! Courgette!
201
00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:40,400
Courgette! Courgette!
202
00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:41,760
Anyway...
203
00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:42,920
[laughing]
204
00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:45,920
...there will be an empty box
at reception.
205
00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:48,560
If you have any questions,
it is anonymous,
206
00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:51,400
so put anything in there
that you would like to see
207
00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:54,000
- in the curriculum.
- Courgette wanker!
208
00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:55,280
[audience laughing]
209
00:11:59,680 --> 00:12:02,240
[Mr. Groff] Thank you very much, Moordale.
210
00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:06,080
I'm sure we would like
to say thank you to Ms., uh...
211
00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:08,520
Forgive me, Dr. Milburn, for her...
212
00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:11,200
I don't understand why
everyone is laughing at this nice lady.
213
00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:12,160
Uh, uh...
214
00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:13,880
Because it's high school. [laughs]
215
00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:17,760
[Mr. Groff] ...happening this evening,
um, available at all prices.
216
00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:19,560
- Please be careful...
- I'm Rahim.
217
00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:20,840
...nut allergies...
218
00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:22,600
Uh, I'm Eric.
219
00:12:22,680 --> 00:12:23,960
...said issues...
220
00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:25,200
Goodbye, Eric.
221
00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:28,600
Bye.
222
00:12:28,680 --> 00:12:32,240
...nice place to go. I highly recommend
you, uh, you sign up to that.
223
00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:33,360
What was that?
224
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:44,600
- Ah. Emily, howdy.
- Good morning, Mr. Hendricks.
225
00:12:47,520 --> 00:12:50,400
Now I see where you get
your terrible sex therapy skills from.
226
00:12:56,640 --> 00:12:58,640
Fancy putting in a question? [chuckles]
227
00:12:58,720 --> 00:12:59,960
[laughs]
228
00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:02,160
No. Nay. Thank you.
229
00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:03,280
Um... [chuckles]
230
00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:06,080
I'm usually the person who answers
the awkward questions.
231
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:08,120
- I'm Colin Hendricks.
- Oh...
232
00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:10,680
- You're the SRE teacher.
- Yes.
233
00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:11,920
[Jean] Mr. Groff?
234
00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:18,400
I'd really like to observe
one of Colin's SRE classes, please.
235
00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:22,600
As I keep saying Ms. Milburn,
our curriculum is quite satisfactory.
236
00:13:22,680 --> 00:13:24,440
Well, if it's as...
237
00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:27,880
satisfactory as you keep saying,
then you won't mind
238
00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:29,640
if I sit in on one of the classes.
239
00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:32,400
Of course not. [clears throat]
240
00:13:32,480 --> 00:13:34,760
But I'm sure that any questions
that appear in this box
241
00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:38,240
will very easily be answered
by Mr. Hendricks, isn't that right, Colin?
242
00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:39,400
Uh...
243
00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:40,480
Absolutely.
244
00:13:41,080 --> 00:13:42,920
Yes. Yes.
245
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:45,280
I am, um, I'm-I'm a master of sex.
246
00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:49,640
Very good.
247
00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:55,000
Good day.
248
00:13:59,000 --> 00:13:59,840
[door closes]
249
00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:01,920
[Mr. Groff]
The school is right behind you, Jackson.
250
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:05,560
We will do everything in our power
to support your speedy recovery.
251
00:14:06,560 --> 00:14:07,560
Thank you, sir.
252
00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:12,240
However, your parents and I feel
it would be in your best interest
253
00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:15,440
to be paired with an academic tutor
for the rest of term.
254
00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:16,360
A peer.
255
00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:18,160
But my... my grades are fine.
256
00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:22,000
Well, you can get by on fine
when you're a star in the pool,
257
00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:25,800
but when you're not... you have to work
as hard as everybody else.
258
00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:30,120
Good morning, brains of the future.
259
00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:33,800
I'm very happy to welcome Maeve Wiley
to the program.
260
00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:36,320
Make her feel at home, please.
261
00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:38,440
All right.
262
00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:41,480
Let's read out our ten-years'-time essays.
263
00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:43,520
[whispers] We have to read them out loud?
264
00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:46,080
[Emily] Who wants to go first?
265
00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:50,640
I strive for excellence
in everything I do.
266
00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:54,160
The points I gain
from my extracurricular activities
267
00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:56,560
will earn me a place in Oxbridge
where I will...
268
00:14:56,640 --> 00:15:00,240
Compete in the IFBB
Bodybuilding Championships whilst...
269
00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:03,360
Keeping me on track to become
the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom
270
00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:04,960
by the age of 30, which will...
271
00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:09,080
Land me an Erasmus scholarship
to NYU Film and Television School
272
00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:12,160
and then I'll make
investigative documentaries using my...
273
00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:13,400
Purple penis hands.
274
00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:18,080
The Chronicles of Glenoxi
is an epic alien love comic book series
275
00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:20,200
that will be made into
a global movie franchise
276
00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:21,760
and eventually be screened in space.
277
00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:27,320
Right, last but not least.
278
00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:28,880
Maeve, you're up.
279
00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:38,320
[clears throat] I left my essay at home,
Miss Sands. Sorry.
280
00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:42,120
Maeve, this class is for people
who want to plan for their future
281
00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:43,920
and optimize their opportunities.
282
00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:46,280
Organizational skills are key.
283
00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:47,760
Don't let it happen again.
284
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:51,720
All right, uh, thanks to Maeve,
you can all...
285
00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:53,600
head off to lunch early.
286
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:56,080
Oh... eh, um, uh...
287
00:15:56,160 --> 00:16:00,360
On a side note,
since Nigel moved back to Australia,
288
00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:03,280
the Moordale Quiz Heads
are looking for a new member
289
00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:04,960
to join the team and compete
290
00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:08,400
at the National Student Quiz Championships
this year.
291
00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:11,680
So, who's interested in joining
Viv, Dex and Steve
292
00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:13,120
in representing their school?
293
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,040
Oh, right, all of you then?
294
00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:22,640
Okay, well, I'll make my decision
by tomorrow. Off you go.
295
00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:34,040
Man, I just don't get why
Maeve Wiley is in this class.
296
00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:42,920
Are you Vivienne Odesanya?
297
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:44,200
Yeah, that's me, why?
298
00:16:44,280 --> 00:16:46,240
- Jackson Marchetti.
- I know who you are.
299
00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:48,080
Okay.
300
00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:50,760
So, Headmaster Groff said
you'd tutor me this term?
301
00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:51,680
[exhales]
Did he now?
302
00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:53,680
Apparently, you're the smartest kid
in the school.
303
00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:55,040
That's true, but I'm also busy.
304
00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:56,200
Okay, wait, wait, wait.
305
00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:59,320
Headmaster Groff said he'd give you
extra credit if you'd help me out.
306
00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:01,320
And we don't actually have to do any work.
307
00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:03,920
I've just got to keep Groff happy
until I'm back in the pool.
308
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:06,319
- Okay. Your first session's tonight.
- Yeah?
309
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:08,599
Yeah, but it's the fair tonight.
310
00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:11,599
Listen, my schedule's organized
for optimum time management.
311
00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:12,599
Take it or leave it.
312
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:14,720
Picnic tables, six o'clock.
313
00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:17,079
Bring your maths homework,
and don't be late.
314
00:17:25,119 --> 00:17:27,400
Should have seen this smug look
Ola gave me earlier.
315
00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:29,960
I don't like her.
316
00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:32,560
Why? She seems nice.
317
00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:34,400
She's still hung up on Otis.
318
00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:37,680
It's got nothing to do with Otis.
I'm over him.
319
00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:43,800
- How you getting on with your form?
- [Aimee] Everyone has a thing except me.
320
00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:47,000
I'm hoping this form
is gonna tell me what my thing is.
321
00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:49,040
- Your thing?
- Yes, my thing.
322
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:51,680
You have your feminine books.
323
00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:54,920
- Feminist.
- Steve has his Quiz Brains thing.
324
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:56,040
Quiz Heads.
325
00:17:57,600 --> 00:17:58,880
So great being part of the team.
326
00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:00,400
What's so good about it?
327
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:02,080
Well, facts are fun,
328
00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:06,360
and if we get through to the final,
it's going to be a very big deal.
329
00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:10,160
[Maeve] What's your form say?
330
00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:13,000
It says I should be a baker.
331
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:17,000
Aims, I think it might be banker.
Baker's not on there.
332
00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:18,760
[mouthing] Banker?
333
00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:20,400
Hmm.
334
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,320
I think I'm going to stick with baker.
335
00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:26,360
I do really like toast.
336
00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:31,160
Wow.
337
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,760
Maeve thinks she's so scary
and revolutionary
338
00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:39,640
just because she used to have pink hair.
339
00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:41,920
Is it because she hangs out
with your boyfriend all the time?
340
00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:42,920
No.
341
00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:45,400
She's just not my kind of person.
342
00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:51,040
Why? Do you think it's weird
that they run the sex clinic together?
343
00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:52,440
Yes.
344
00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:58,240
- So, how's it going with Otis?
- Good.
345
00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:02,040
Yeah, well, kind of.
Yeah, we're taking things slow.
346
00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:03,200
Which is fine.
347
00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:06,560
I sometimes just wish
we'd move along a bit, you know.
348
00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:08,120
Not overthink so much.
349
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:09,840
Has he touched your vagina?
350
00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:10,800
Not yet.
351
00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:13,800
He sort of hovers
and then loses his nerve.
352
00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:15,920
It's... really frustrating.
353
00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:19,160
- Just tell him what you want.
- I think it'll freak him out.
354
00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:22,440
Human boys are so fragile.
355
00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:37,040
[door opens]
356
00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:40,600
- [man 1, laughing] Such an idiot.
- What are you laughing at?
357
00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:43,000
Nothing.
358
00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:45,800
Then what's so funny?
359
00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:48,520
Luke spilled some water
and it looks like he's pissed himself.
360
00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:51,880
You need to chill out, man.
361
00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:53,680
Look...
362
00:19:56,920 --> 00:19:58,240
grab it with your right...
363
00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:01,080
and let your left slap it.
364
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:03,840
Took me ages to get it as well.
365
00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:26,760
Is this okay?
366
00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:27,880
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
367
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:32,920
[exhales nervously]
368
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:36,080
[Otis] Okay.
369
00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:40,160
[both chuckle]
370
00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:41,200
[Otis] Yep.
371
00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:49,520
Oh!
372
00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:54,160
Oh. Ah.
373
00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:58,720
[Otis, whispering] Twelve o'clock,
three o'clock, six o'clock, nine o'clock.
374
00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:00,720
Did you say something?
375
00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:02,840
No, sorry.
376
00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:04,640
Are you enjoying it?
377
00:21:09,360 --> 00:21:10,400
[Ola gasps]
378
00:21:11,120 --> 00:21:15,040
- Then spread it. Back to 12 o'clock...
- [moans, chuckles]
379
00:21:15,120 --> 00:21:17,080
...three o'clock, nine o'clock.
380
00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:20,880
[Ola moaning]
381
00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:23,040
[laughing]
382
00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:27,400
- Ooh.
- Ooh?
383
00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:28,840
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
384
00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:30,320
- Wow.
- Yeah.
385
00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:31,440
It was good?
386
00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:33,920
It was... so nice.
387
00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:37,480
Okay.
388
00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:41,680
It was really, really bad.
389
00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:45,160
He was moving his fingers
like he was dialing a 1920s telephone,
390
00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:48,080
but really fast, with no rhythm.
391
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:50,960
And then he was kind of, like,
jabbing at the same time.
392
00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:52,920
And then he kept looking at the clock
on his wall
393
00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:55,040
like he was timing himself or something.
394
00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:57,200
You need to tell him it was bad.
395
00:21:57,280 --> 00:21:58,960
Uh-uh. It'll hurt his feelings.
396
00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:01,560
Maybe it will be better next time?
397
00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:05,240
I-I definitely have to tell him.
398
00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:06,720
- [Eric] Did you do it?
- Uh-huh.
399
00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:08,560
- [laughing]
- I know!
400
00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:11,120
I knew you had
a freshly-fingered glow about you!
401
00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:12,920
- Tell me everything.
- So...
402
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:16,560
I think I might have facilitated
a crescendo.
403
00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:19,000
- The big O?
- Yeah.
404
00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:20,480
- First time round?
- Yeah.
405
00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:23,720
I stuck to my clock technique,
and I don't know, bingo.
406
00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:25,680
- My God.
- Orgasm town.
407
00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:29,560
I feel like maybe fingering
is my sexual superpower or something.
408
00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:31,160
Oh, dude, I'm so proud of you.
409
00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:32,760
- Thanks, man.
- Let's go celebrate.
410
00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:35,440
- What shall we do first?
- You don't think it was beginner's luck,
411
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:37,040
- do you?
- No.
412
00:22:37,120 --> 00:22:39,440
No, no, no, no, no,
you're definitely Fingertron.
413
00:22:39,920 --> 00:22:43,560
Oh, my God!
They have Crazy Jungle, come on.
414
00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:47,000
[Otis grunts]
415
00:22:49,120 --> 00:22:50,560
[Eric laughing]
416
00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:54,000
Why am I here? I hate fairs.
417
00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:56,160
You're here because
Steve is doing extra study
418
00:22:56,240 --> 00:22:59,080
for your stupid altitude scheme.
You're my date.
419
00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:01,120
- Aptitude scheme, Aimee.
- Yeah, that's what I said.
420
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:02,920
- Yeah.
- Can you win me a giant pig?
421
00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:06,600
Hi.
422
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:08,600
Hey.
423
00:23:23,720 --> 00:23:25,000
[exhales]
424
00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:27,640
[man] And we have a winner.
425
00:23:32,440 --> 00:23:33,520
I need to go find Otis.
426
00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:38,480
That's the kind of competitive spirit
427
00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:40,760
you should be bringing
to aptitude scheme, Maeve.
428
00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:47,000
See you tomorrow in class.
429
00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:51,680
I'll be right back.
430
00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:56,440
Ms. Sands. Ms. Sands.
431
00:23:56,520 --> 00:23:57,480
Um...
432
00:23:57,560 --> 00:24:00,280
I did write the...
the ten-years'-time essay.
433
00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:04,120
I didn't realize we had to read it out,
so I got embarrassed.
434
00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:08,520
"In ten years' time, I want to live
in a house with big windows,"
435
00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:12,120
I want the house to be large enough
to have a kitchen table with four chairs
436
00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:15,200
but not too roomy
to ever feel the depth of my aloneness.
437
00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:18,600
Because I'll probably be alone.
438
00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:23,320
But I think aloneness won't feel
so all-consuming with windows
439
00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:26,360
"that protect me from the world
but still let me watch it."
440
00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:28,160
I'm sorry. Sorry.
441
00:24:31,120 --> 00:24:33,120
I don't think I belong in the class.
442
00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:39,720
You're a beautiful writer, Maeve.
443
00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:44,360
You can have more expansive dreams
than four chairs and some windows.
444
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:48,520
Think about it.
445
00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:55,920
[sighs]
446
00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:57,720
[indistinct background chatter]
447
00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:01,640
- What? What?
- You're really not good at this.
448
00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:06,200
Have you got a problem with me
or something?
449
00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:08,080
Look, uh, it's simple.
450
00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:10,440
So this is hidden quadratics.
451
00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:13,360
You need to substitute the Y...
452
00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:16,160
- Mm-hmm.
- ...and then back substitute...
453
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:18,120
the X.
454
00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:21,720
Oh. See, no one's ever explained it
to me like this before.
455
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:24,760
You dating Pythagoras, Jackson?
456
00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:26,600
Nah, mate, we're just studying.
457
00:25:28,680 --> 00:25:29,880
They were just being idiots.
458
00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:31,640
It's fine.
459
00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:34,120
Men who engage in sporting activities
at school
460
00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:38,160
are statistically more likely
to work in menial jobs as adults.
461
00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:40,120
Well, that's a bit harsh.
462
00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:42,160
No, it's realistic.
463
00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:44,880
Look, if your hand doesn't heal,
464
00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:47,160
what is your backup plan?
465
00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:49,760
And even if it does heal,
466
00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:53,000
professional athletes
statistically peak at 21.
467
00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:57,720
So it might be worth
acquiring some other skills.
468
00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:01,840
Statistics are a real buzzkill,
you know that?
469
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:10,720
[Morris] Parade, shun!
470
00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:14,320
Slope arms!
471
00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:18,160
General salute!
472
00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:21,800
Present arms!
473
00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:27,280
Slope arms!
474
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:39,880
That...
475
00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:42,920
is a real improvement, Groff.
476
00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:49,880
To your duties.
477
00:26:50,360 --> 00:26:52,440
Fall out!
478
00:26:55,120 --> 00:26:56,960
- Well done, mate.
- [Luke] Good job, man.
479
00:27:03,360 --> 00:27:05,920
- We're going on the Ferris wheel.
- Wind isn't good for my hair.
480
00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:08,400
I don't think I was clear.
Rahim's going on the Ferris wheel,
481
00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:10,000
so we're going on the Ferris wheel.
482
00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:15,520
You can squeeze in with me and Anwar
for the next ride, Rahim.
483
00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:16,960
No, thank you.
484
00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:19,040
What do you mean why are we going on it?
It's fun.
485
00:27:19,120 --> 00:27:21,200
It's the least safe
of any of the rides here.
486
00:27:21,280 --> 00:27:22,840
- It's fun.
- How do you know it's fun?
487
00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:25,320
Because I'm telling you that it's fun,
that's how I know.
488
00:27:25,400 --> 00:27:27,040
[Otis] Oh, I am going to die.
489
00:27:27,120 --> 00:27:29,400
- [Eric] Come on then.
- I'm coming, I'm coming.
490
00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:30,840
- [ride rattling]
- [Otis] Ooh!
491
00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:33,160
- What was that? That was really unsafe.
- Calm down.
492
00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:38,160
- Eric. Ahh, I'm sorry. I feel vulnerable.
- Excuse me, Oatcake! Get back here!
493
00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:39,640
[Otis] It'll be fine, you're fine.
494
00:27:43,560 --> 00:27:45,440
- Hello.
- Hi. Hello.
495
00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:47,000
[Ferris wheel music playing]
496
00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:57,200
- Why won't he notice me?
- Do you think they do vegan hotdogs?
497
00:27:57,600 --> 00:27:58,760
[Ruby exhales sharply]
498
00:28:01,240 --> 00:28:03,000
Milburn, can I have a word, please?
499
00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:04,000
Um...
500
00:28:04,080 --> 00:28:06,480
It's about your... biology test.
501
00:28:07,360 --> 00:28:09,760
What... What biology test, sir?
502
00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:13,440
It's not really about a test.
There is no test. Listen...
503
00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:18,560
I heard on the grapevine
that you deal with matters of the heart.
504
00:28:19,360 --> 00:28:21,720
And I'm desperate for some advice.
505
00:28:22,120 --> 00:28:24,160
Thing is, I have a friend
who speaks Spanish
506
00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:26,440
and I can't understand her at all.
507
00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:27,880
She says things like, "Hola...
508
00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:30,440
[speaking broken Spanish]
509
00:28:30,520 --> 00:28:33,160
...and... all I can hear is...
510
00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:35,320
Shakira, Shakira.
511
00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:37,560
I don't speak Spanish, sir.
512
00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:39,320
I can't do dirty talk.
513
00:28:41,640 --> 00:28:42,960
I find it mortifying.
514
00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:45,000
Oh...
515
00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:47,400
Well, uh...
516
00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:52,080
sometimes when we learn new skills,
we can feel exposed.
517
00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:54,440
Right? And you wouldn't go
to a foreign country
518
00:28:54,520 --> 00:28:57,880
without some basic understanding
of the language.
519
00:28:57,960 --> 00:29:01,280
So why don't you write a script
for yourself
520
00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:04,280
and practice speaking the words
until they feel more comfortable?
521
00:29:05,520 --> 00:29:08,960
It's about making an effort
to take little steps to meet her halfway.
522
00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:10,960
Does that makes sense?
523
00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:13,120
Yes.
524
00:29:14,600 --> 00:29:16,560
Muchas gracias, maestro.
[chuckles]
525
00:29:17,560 --> 00:29:19,800
- What shall we say, a pony?
- Ah... Uh...
526
00:29:19,880 --> 00:29:21,920
- Or a monkey?
- Please don't pay me.
527
00:29:22,840 --> 00:29:24,360
Let's not speak of this again.
528
00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:27,760
You bet.
529
00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:41,000
[ride hinges squeaking]
530
00:29:43,760 --> 00:29:46,160
- So, what are the interesting landmarks...
- Um...
531
00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:47,280
...around here?
532
00:29:47,360 --> 00:29:50,320
There's nothing interesting
to see round here.
533
00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:51,440
[laughs]
534
00:29:51,520 --> 00:29:52,640
Very boring.
535
00:29:53,440 --> 00:29:54,280
Sorry.
536
00:29:55,920 --> 00:29:57,560
Only boring people get bored.
537
00:30:03,760 --> 00:30:05,960
"As if you were on fire from within.
538
00:30:06,040 --> 00:30:08,400
The moon lives
in the lining of your skin."
539
00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:13,160
Uh, pardon?
540
00:30:13,920 --> 00:30:16,560
- It's about finding beauty in the world.
- Oh.
541
00:30:16,640 --> 00:30:18,760
- It's a poem by Pablo Neruda.
- Oh.
542
00:30:21,640 --> 00:30:22,760
I don't know her.
543
00:30:26,640 --> 00:30:28,640
[ride motor whirring]
544
00:30:40,600 --> 00:30:42,640
- Goodbye.
- Uh, bye.
545
00:30:50,520 --> 00:30:52,680
[Ola] I think you're jabbing the duck
too hard, Otis.
546
00:30:52,760 --> 00:30:55,960
Maybe you should just try it
a bit softer...
547
00:30:56,600 --> 00:30:58,320
a bit slower maybe.
548
00:30:58,960 --> 00:31:00,680
Yes! See, I got... See.
549
00:31:01,840 --> 00:31:03,160
Thank you. Thank you, sir.
550
00:31:04,600 --> 00:31:05,680
Ta-da!
551
00:31:05,760 --> 00:31:06,720
For you.
552
00:31:07,280 --> 00:31:08,680
- There you go.
- [mouthing] Tell him.
553
00:31:08,760 --> 00:31:10,880
Okay. Um, thank you.
554
00:31:12,040 --> 00:31:13,520
I need to tell you something.
555
00:31:13,600 --> 00:31:14,600
- Um...
- Sure.
556
00:31:15,360 --> 00:31:16,680
Okay. Uh, I...
557
00:31:19,640 --> 00:31:22,800
Uh, I really, really don't like...
558
00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:26,920
goldfish.
559
00:31:27,800 --> 00:31:28,640
Here you go.
560
00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:30,400
- [chuckles]
- Yeah.
561
00:31:30,480 --> 00:31:32,360
Okay, thanks.
562
00:31:32,440 --> 00:31:33,480
Yeah.
563
00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:36,600
Hey, do you wanna hang at mine?
564
00:31:36,680 --> 00:31:38,960
- We could, you know...
- No.
565
00:31:39,800 --> 00:31:41,760
I've got loads of homework
that I need to do.
566
00:31:41,840 --> 00:31:44,320
- In fact, I need to go... now.
- Okay.
567
00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:49,320
- But thank you so much for the bear. Dog.
- Thank you for the fish.
568
00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:51,440
Okay, I'll see you. [clears throat]
569
00:31:53,680 --> 00:31:54,760
[gasps]
570
00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:57,520
My friend's boyfriend doesn't know
how to finger her properly.
571
00:31:58,520 --> 00:32:00,280
I'm off duty, sorry.
572
00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:01,720
He's really bad at it.
573
00:32:01,800 --> 00:32:03,440
Tell your friend's boyfriend
574
00:32:03,520 --> 00:32:05,600
to look up something called
the clock technique.
575
00:32:05,680 --> 00:32:08,000
It looks a bit complicated at first,
granted,
576
00:32:08,080 --> 00:32:11,240
but once you get it right,
the results are astounding.
577
00:32:11,880 --> 00:32:12,720
It's you.
578
00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:14,600
You're my friend's boyfriend.
579
00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:16,320
You're bad at fingering.
580
00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:18,640
Please don't tell Ola
I said anything, but...
581
00:32:19,040 --> 00:32:19,920
sort it out?
582
00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:30,840
[doorbell buzzing]
583
00:32:34,960 --> 00:32:36,400
I'm ready to talk dirty.
584
00:32:45,800 --> 00:32:46,960
[Colin gasps]
585
00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:49,160
I'm gonna do nasty things to you.
586
00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:50,480
- [Emily groans]
- Yeah.
587
00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:53,040
I'm gonna get you so wet.
588
00:32:53,520 --> 00:32:55,560
You're going to feel like
your water just broke.
589
00:32:57,360 --> 00:32:59,240
- What?
- I'm gonna treat you so badly,
590
00:32:59,320 --> 00:33:01,840
you'll be late for work tomorrow
and I'm gonna get you fired,
591
00:33:01,920 --> 00:33:03,440
completely ruin your life.
592
00:33:03,520 --> 00:33:04,520
[chuckles]
593
00:33:05,360 --> 00:33:07,160
Wait that's not... Is that right?
594
00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:08,280
Um...
595
00:33:09,360 --> 00:33:10,360
[gasps]
596
00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:12,240
[sighs]
597
00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:14,920
Uh... this isn't working.
598
00:33:17,480 --> 00:33:18,480
Isn't it?
599
00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:28,360
[sighs]
600
00:33:31,480 --> 00:33:33,640
[whispering]
Grab your stuff. Come with us.
601
00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:37,080
[door opens]
602
00:33:49,720 --> 00:33:51,440
[sniffs]
603
00:33:57,000 --> 00:33:58,840
[Luke] Here you go. That'll keep you warm.
604
00:33:59,440 --> 00:34:00,720
[Eli] Are you homesick yet?
605
00:34:01,400 --> 00:34:03,440
I was proper homesick
when I first got here.
606
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:04,840
Yeah.
607
00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:08,040
- He used to cry every night for his mummy.
- Did not.
608
00:34:08,120 --> 00:34:08,960
[laughs]
609
00:34:10,120 --> 00:34:11,719
I miss my mum a bit, but...
610
00:34:13,239 --> 00:34:14,600
not my dad though. He's...
611
00:34:14,679 --> 00:34:15,800
An arsehole?
612
00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:18,719
Yep, my dad's a dick too.
613
00:34:18,800 --> 00:34:20,320
My dad's a pussy.
614
00:34:21,120 --> 00:34:22,360
A mean one.
615
00:34:23,840 --> 00:34:25,440
[loudly]
Fuck all the mean dads.
616
00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:28,679
Fuck 'em! [laughs]
617
00:34:31,199 --> 00:34:32,719
Fuck all the dads.
618
00:34:35,440 --> 00:34:37,040
- You got a girlfriend?
- Yep.
619
00:34:40,040 --> 00:34:41,000
Her name's Aimee.
620
00:34:42,120 --> 00:34:43,360
Big tits.
621
00:34:45,320 --> 00:34:47,000
You a boob or an arse man?
622
00:34:47,800 --> 00:34:49,679
I like elbows.
623
00:34:50,840 --> 00:34:52,199
[laughing]
624
00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:11,000
- I love you.
- [Sofia] Oh, hold on, darling.
625
00:35:12,840 --> 00:35:14,000
I'm not training, Mum.
626
00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:15,680
Got to keep on track.
627
00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:17,440
You'll be swimming again
before you know it.
628
00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:20,360
Well, what if I'm not?
629
00:35:21,480 --> 00:35:24,480
You know, maybe I should get,
like, a new hobby or something.
630
00:35:24,960 --> 00:35:26,520
But your hand is going to heal.
631
00:35:27,720 --> 00:35:28,640
- Yeah.
- Yes?
632
00:35:28,720 --> 00:35:29,760
- Yeah.
- Okay.
633
00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:31,240
Go on.
634
00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:33,880
- Have a good day.
- Yeah, you too.
635
00:35:35,080 --> 00:35:37,080
[indistinct chatter]
636
00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:40,600
- Well, what do I do?
- [stammers]
637
00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:43,280
You're kind of asking the wrong guy
about fingering, dude.
638
00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:46,360
I don't know. Shit.
639
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:49,520
For you to read.
640
00:35:50,680 --> 00:35:51,640
Thanks.
641
00:35:54,520 --> 00:35:55,640
Thank you.
642
00:35:58,960 --> 00:36:00,560
First, he looks at me
like he wants to kill me,
643
00:36:00,640 --> 00:36:02,680
then he calls me boring,
and now he's giving me books.
644
00:36:02,760 --> 00:36:05,480
- Maybe he wants to be your friend.
- Or maybe he's a teenage Ted Bundy.
645
00:36:05,560 --> 00:36:06,840
This is serious, okay?
646
00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:10,440
I need to find someone
who understands vaginas.
647
00:36:10,520 --> 00:36:11,400
Your mum.
648
00:36:12,160 --> 00:36:14,960
- I'm being serious.
- No, Otis, your mum is here.
649
00:36:20,240 --> 00:36:21,480
Okay. All right.
650
00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:25,920
Good luck, Fingertron.
651
00:36:26,400 --> 00:36:27,480
[laughing]
652
00:36:37,480 --> 00:36:38,560
[mutters to himself]
653
00:36:39,920 --> 00:36:42,000
I'm branching out. You should audition.
654
00:36:42,760 --> 00:36:45,240
[chuckles] That's not really my thing.
655
00:36:45,640 --> 00:36:46,480
Thanks, though.
656
00:36:47,720 --> 00:36:49,280
But you're acting all the time.
657
00:36:51,920 --> 00:36:53,720
And you'll probably get a sword.
658
00:37:04,520 --> 00:37:05,480
No hats.
659
00:37:05,960 --> 00:37:07,280
Take it to your dorm.
660
00:37:08,840 --> 00:37:09,760
Come on.
661
00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:13,200
[Eli and Luke moaning]
662
00:37:15,760 --> 00:37:17,840
I've still got your, uh, hat.
663
00:37:17,920 --> 00:37:19,760
[moaning continues]
664
00:37:19,840 --> 00:37:22,760
- We're not poofs or anything.
- Yeah, I was thinking about my girlfriend.
665
00:37:22,840 --> 00:37:26,360
And I was thinking of your girlfriend,
you know... with the big tits.
666
00:37:29,240 --> 00:37:30,320
I won't tell anyone.
667
00:37:56,280 --> 00:37:57,680
I need your advice.
668
00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:00,160
I'm pretty...
669
00:38:00,720 --> 00:38:04,680
I'm bad at fingering. Really bad.
And my girlfriend is actively avoiding me.
670
00:38:05,080 --> 00:38:06,040
Please help.
671
00:38:07,360 --> 00:38:08,240
Okay.
672
00:38:10,320 --> 00:38:11,800
But only because I pity you.
673
00:38:17,160 --> 00:38:19,520
- Show me what you did then.
- I was about to eat that.
674
00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:27,040
- You want me to...
- Mm-hmm.
675
00:38:29,120 --> 00:38:30,240
Okay. Um...
676
00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:33,360
Sorry.
677
00:38:33,440 --> 00:38:34,480
Well, I...
678
00:38:35,440 --> 00:38:36,560
I started at...
679
00:38:37,440 --> 00:38:38,560
I started at 12 o'clock...
680
00:38:39,200 --> 00:38:40,760
and went to three o'clock,
681
00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:42,320
and then back down to six.
682
00:38:42,400 --> 00:38:44,320
Oh, it's juicy. And then there was nine.
683
00:38:44,400 --> 00:38:46,200
Congratulations, you can tell the time.
684
00:38:46,920 --> 00:38:47,840
[stammers]
685
00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:52,080
Then I carried on, clockwise,
then I flipped it anti-clockwise.
686
00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:53,720
So you DJ-ed on her vag.
687
00:38:53,800 --> 00:38:55,240
What's with the clock thing?
688
00:38:55,720 --> 00:38:57,280
- It's a technique.
- It's weird.
689
00:38:59,480 --> 00:39:00,400
Continue.
690
00:39:01,600 --> 00:39:03,600
Well, I sort of continued that motion...
691
00:39:03,680 --> 00:39:05,160
Oh, then I had a spread,
692
00:39:05,240 --> 00:39:07,560
which was kind of like that. That's...
693
00:39:07,640 --> 00:39:11,400
- And continued to apply pressure, and...
- Stop jabbing.
694
00:39:11,480 --> 00:39:14,760
- It's not, I'm not really jabbing.
- I think I'd know, it's my orange.
695
00:39:14,840 --> 00:39:16,520
- Actually, it's my orange.
- Shh.
696
00:39:16,600 --> 00:39:17,560
Okay, um...
697
00:39:17,640 --> 00:39:20,920
- This is ridiculous. I'm sorry.
- Look...
698
00:39:23,600 --> 00:39:26,280
there's no magic technique that works
with all women.
699
00:39:27,440 --> 00:39:29,280
Every orange is different,
700
00:39:29,360 --> 00:39:32,960
but you shouldn't be asking me,
you should be asking your girlfriend.
701
00:39:33,040 --> 00:39:34,760
Tune into her orange.
702
00:39:35,320 --> 00:39:36,280
Yeah.
703
00:39:37,240 --> 00:39:38,360
Okay, we're done now.
704
00:39:40,280 --> 00:39:41,320
Thank you.
705
00:39:52,080 --> 00:39:53,840
[Colin] Okay, everyone.
706
00:39:53,920 --> 00:39:56,520
It's SRE question time.
707
00:39:57,520 --> 00:39:58,560
Okay?
708
00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:02,320
In the old box, and... Ah! [laughs]
709
00:40:03,440 --> 00:40:05,680
It doesn't matter. [clears throat]
710
00:40:06,880 --> 00:40:07,880
Okay.
711
00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:12,840
"Can I get pregnant
from only giving hand jobs?"
712
00:40:13,520 --> 00:40:14,800
[class laughing]
713
00:40:14,880 --> 00:40:16,560
[Colin] Okay, um...
714
00:40:16,640 --> 00:40:21,920
Well, fertilization only occurs
when Mr. Sperm enters Mrs. Egg.
715
00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:25,000
So, no is the answer.
716
00:40:26,040 --> 00:40:27,240
Okay...
717
00:40:28,840 --> 00:40:29,720
Good.
718
00:40:30,480 --> 00:40:31,600
[Colin] Um...
719
00:40:32,520 --> 00:40:34,920
"My boyfriend
doesn't want to wear a condom.
720
00:40:35,680 --> 00:40:37,240
What should I do?"
721
00:40:37,760 --> 00:40:39,760
Uh... Hell.
722
00:40:40,480 --> 00:40:42,960
Condoms protect the egg
from fertilization.
723
00:40:43,520 --> 00:40:44,880
- Okay.
- Monsieur,
724
00:40:44,960 --> 00:40:46,520
what about gay sex?
725
00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:51,200
Well, you can't get pregnant
from, um, homosexual activity.
726
00:40:51,280 --> 00:40:52,840
[Rahim] But what about pleasure?
727
00:40:53,360 --> 00:40:55,720
People don't always have sex
to make a baby.
728
00:40:56,640 --> 00:40:57,880
[Colin] Mm. Um...
729
00:41:00,440 --> 00:41:02,280
Where was I? The, uh... The egg...
730
00:41:02,360 --> 00:41:06,760
What type of lubricant would you recommend
for doing anal sex?
731
00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:12,640
[Jean] Well, you should always use
a water-based lubricant.
732
00:41:12,720 --> 00:41:17,280
Oil-based products will decompose
the latex in the condom.
733
00:41:18,800 --> 00:41:22,560
And, sorry, just to answer
the previous question,
734
00:41:22,640 --> 00:41:25,760
no matter how persistent
a sexual partner is
735
00:41:25,840 --> 00:41:28,520
about not using contraception,
736
00:41:29,120 --> 00:41:33,320
remember it is always your right
to say no.
737
00:41:33,760 --> 00:41:34,720
Always.
738
00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:37,240
Cool.
739
00:41:40,640 --> 00:41:41,720
Uh, Ms. Milburn?
740
00:41:42,400 --> 00:41:44,760
Has that given you enough information
for your report then?
741
00:41:44,840 --> 00:41:48,080
Well, quite frankly, Mr. Groff,
I'm shocked by the ineptitude.
742
00:41:48,920 --> 00:41:51,360
I'll be spending the next few weeks
getting to know the students
743
00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:52,800
and their needs a bit better.
744
00:41:52,880 --> 00:41:54,560
I'm not sure the board will agree
to anything that drastic.
745
00:41:54,640 --> 00:41:58,000
I've already spoken to Maxine Tarrington,
and she approves.
746
00:41:59,200 --> 00:42:01,720
I'm looking forward
to working with you, Mr. Groff.
747
00:42:08,240 --> 00:42:09,760
Oh, for God's sake!
748
00:42:12,760 --> 00:42:17,520
Did you know you need, like,
sugar and flour and an oven to bake?
749
00:42:17,600 --> 00:42:21,520
And you don't just shove it all in,
you have to follow all these rules.
750
00:42:21,600 --> 00:42:23,040
Yeah, it's called a recipe.
751
00:42:23,120 --> 00:42:26,080
Hey, Maeve,
you're our new Quiz Head. High five.
752
00:42:27,840 --> 00:42:28,920
Don't let me down.
753
00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:33,040
Hey, have you guys...
Have you seen Ola anywhere?
754
00:42:34,080 --> 00:42:37,440
- Maeve got on the quiz team.
- Oh, good job.
755
00:42:37,520 --> 00:42:39,520
If you see Ola, I'm looking for her.
756
00:42:40,680 --> 00:42:42,240
Are you happy, babes?
757
00:42:45,440 --> 00:42:46,960
I don't think I'm over Otis.
758
00:42:48,320 --> 00:42:50,040
That is what I keep saying.
759
00:42:55,000 --> 00:42:59,320
Oh, my God! Your mum is everyting.
760
00:42:59,400 --> 00:43:01,760
She talked about anal sex
in front of Mr. Groff.
761
00:43:01,840 --> 00:43:05,600
- Jean actually gives me life.
- That's not good news, Eric.
762
00:43:05,680 --> 00:43:08,640
Oh, and I think Rahim is gay.
763
00:43:10,560 --> 00:43:13,120
- That actually makes a ton of sense.
- Mm-hmm.
764
00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:15,400
Staring at you,
wanting to sit next to you all the time,
765
00:43:15,480 --> 00:43:17,040
giving you books. He probably likes you.
766
00:43:17,120 --> 00:43:18,200
Otis, I don't think so.
767
00:43:18,280 --> 00:43:20,840
Read the signs, Eric. I have to go.
768
00:43:32,880 --> 00:43:34,160
[exclaims]
769
00:43:35,160 --> 00:43:40,600
Sir! I was wrong. I was wrong.
You have to tune into her orange.
770
00:43:40,680 --> 00:43:44,960
Just listen to what she's actually saying.
That's how you learn Spanish, huh?
771
00:43:46,400 --> 00:43:47,360
Good luck!
772
00:43:51,720 --> 00:43:52,760
It's an apple.
773
00:43:55,400 --> 00:43:57,400
[grunting]
774
00:43:59,080 --> 00:44:00,600
- [bell ringing]
- [exhales]
775
00:44:01,480 --> 00:44:02,760
- [door opens]
- [clears throat]
776
00:44:03,640 --> 00:44:04,480
Hi.
777
00:44:05,720 --> 00:44:06,920
I know I'm bad at fingering.
778
00:44:07,000 --> 00:44:10,680
I was really busy trying to get it right,
and I wasn't listening to you.
779
00:44:11,200 --> 00:44:12,960
We don't ever have to do it again.
780
00:44:16,720 --> 00:44:17,640
Or...
781
00:44:18,400 --> 00:44:19,640
I could show you what I like?
782
00:44:28,920 --> 00:44:30,200
[knock at door]
783
00:44:36,120 --> 00:44:40,520
Could you explain why you enjoy dirty talk
so that I can understand?
784
00:44:41,080 --> 00:44:42,880
If not, I bought dips.
785
00:44:45,320 --> 00:44:46,240
Loads of them.
786
00:44:53,880 --> 00:44:57,080
I feel like a dowdy teacher all day, so...
787
00:44:57,760 --> 00:45:00,800
when I'm at home,
I want to escape and to feel...
788
00:45:02,480 --> 00:45:03,720
Like a female dog?
789
00:45:03,800 --> 00:45:04,960
No. [laughs]
790
00:45:05,040 --> 00:45:07,160
Colin, I don't care what you say.
791
00:45:07,720 --> 00:45:08,600
I just...
792
00:45:09,640 --> 00:45:10,840
want to feel sexy.
793
00:45:12,280 --> 00:45:13,160
[scoffs]
794
00:45:14,840 --> 00:45:16,400
So it's not about the words.
795
00:45:17,480 --> 00:45:19,480
["Sexy Boy" by Air playing]
796
00:45:23,120 --> 00:45:24,240
Spatula.
797
00:45:29,280 --> 00:45:30,560
Pepper grinder.
798
00:45:35,680 --> 00:45:37,040
Milk frother.
799
00:45:37,600 --> 00:45:39,840
♪ Sexy boy ♪
800
00:45:39,920 --> 00:45:41,520
Ice cream scoop.
801
00:45:42,680 --> 00:45:44,560
[moaning]
802
00:45:44,640 --> 00:45:46,680
Baba ghanoush! Oh!
803
00:45:46,760 --> 00:45:48,240
Baba ghanoush!
804
00:45:48,320 --> 00:45:50,880
Say it again! Baba... [moaning]
805
00:45:50,960 --> 00:45:52,600
Ghanoush!
806
00:45:53,120 --> 00:45:55,680
[both moaning]
807
00:45:56,640 --> 00:45:58,920
[both laugh]
808
00:45:59,320 --> 00:46:00,680
[both exhale]
809
00:46:03,400 --> 00:46:06,600
♪ Sexy boy ♪
810
00:46:23,120 --> 00:46:24,640
That's not mine.
811
00:46:30,320 --> 00:46:31,280
They planted it.
812
00:46:32,960 --> 00:46:34,360
And why would they do that?
813
00:46:37,120 --> 00:46:40,080
Does this... belong...
814
00:46:40,800 --> 00:46:41,760
to you?
815
00:46:48,640 --> 00:46:51,880
[sergeant] Left, right, left, right,left, right, left!
816
00:46:52,520 --> 00:46:56,160
Left, right, left, right,
left, right, left!
817
00:46:56,640 --> 00:47:00,360
Left, right, left, right,
left, right, left!
818
00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:14,560
I lied.
819
00:47:15,360 --> 00:47:17,000
I lied. It's not my weed.
820
00:47:18,320 --> 00:47:21,520
They wanted to get me expelled
because they're... poofs.
821
00:47:22,840 --> 00:47:23,680
Sir.
822
00:47:24,160 --> 00:47:25,000
Yes.
823
00:47:26,040 --> 00:47:28,160
Quite a lot of us are poofs
in this institution.
824
00:47:29,960 --> 00:47:32,200
But some things
are better left unacknowledged.
825
00:47:33,200 --> 00:47:34,400
So I don't have to...
826
00:47:35,120 --> 00:47:36,120
go home?
827
00:47:37,320 --> 00:47:39,880
You were found with drugs
in your possession, Adam.
828
00:47:41,240 --> 00:47:42,200
I'm sorry.
829
00:47:44,600 --> 00:47:47,520
["Bashed Out" by This Is The Kit playing]
830
00:47:54,200 --> 00:47:58,760
♪ And so the outside, it bashes us in ♪
831
00:48:00,360 --> 00:48:03,440
♪ Bashes us about a bit ♪
832
00:48:05,400 --> 00:48:10,360
♪ Feel it tugging you
Ploughing you flat ♪
833
00:48:11,400 --> 00:48:16,800
♪ Then feel it filling your sails
And warm on your back ♪
834
00:48:17,640 --> 00:48:19,000
♪ Ooh ♪
835
00:48:19,080 --> 00:48:21,440
[Mr. Groff] That was your last chance
at a formal education.
836
00:48:22,040 --> 00:48:25,680
If you put one foot out of line,
you won't have a roof over your head.
837
00:48:26,520 --> 00:48:27,360
Understood?
838
00:48:30,600 --> 00:48:36,160
♪ And blessed are those
Who see and are silent ♪
839
00:48:37,040 --> 00:48:42,120
♪ Blessed are those
Who see and are silent ♪
840
00:48:43,680 --> 00:48:48,280
♪ Blessed are those who see ♪
841
00:48:52,840 --> 00:48:58,280
♪ So won't you hoist up
The bucket now, Charlie? ♪
842
00:48:58,360 --> 00:49:01,200
♪ Hoosh it all over the deck ♪
843
00:49:03,400 --> 00:49:08,600
♪ 'Cause we've been getting most
Mightily filthy ♪
844
00:49:09,720 --> 00:49:12,880
♪ Mud marks up to our necks ♪
845
00:49:15,600 --> 00:49:20,520
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, oooh ♪
846
00:49:21,160 --> 00:49:24,320
♪ Ooh, ooh, oooh ♪
847
00:49:31,400 --> 00:49:37,120
♪ And they did unfold
And the wind, it did feel them ♪
848
00:49:38,000 --> 00:49:42,680
♪ And they did unfold and the wind ♪
61183
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