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1
00:00:01,734 --> 00:00:04,280
Brian. Hey, Brian.
2
00:00:04,305 --> 00:00:05,738
It's 4:00 in the morning.
3
00:00:05,763 --> 00:00:09,555
Can you do whatever this
is quieter and never?
4
00:00:09,580 --> 00:00:10,882
Hello?
5
00:00:13,348 --> 00:00:14,679
What are you doing?
6
00:00:14,704 --> 00:00:16,059
I'm using music to stimulate
7
00:00:16,084 --> 00:00:18,006
a colony of nocturnal smart plankton.
8
00:00:18,031 --> 00:00:19,953
Why can't it ever just be a party?
9
00:00:21,078 --> 00:00:24,100
It is. A plankton party.
10
00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:26,460
- Please go to bed.
- I can't sleep.
11
00:00:26,485 --> 00:00:28,625
Oh. Hey, buddy. It's okay.
12
00:00:28,650 --> 00:00:30,156
Brian's turned the music down.
13
00:00:30,181 --> 00:00:32,810
It's not Brian, it's girl Brian.
14
00:00:32,835 --> 00:00:35,334
Yori yoi denpa no ii basho ni ikimasu.
15
00:00:35,370 --> 00:00:37,637
Why are you awake and
dressed like you're halfway
16
00:00:37,672 --> 00:00:39,105
through a magic trick?
17
00:00:39,718 --> 00:00:42,546
I'm interviewing for
an internship in Tokyo.
18
00:00:42,571 --> 00:00:43,906
Can't it wait until tomorrow?
19
00:00:43,931 --> 00:00:46,015
In Tokyo, it is tomorrow.
20
00:00:46,813 --> 00:00:49,031
I have show-and-tell soon.
21
00:00:50,117 --> 00:00:52,595
You guys are killing me.
22
00:00:52,620 --> 00:00:55,201
Okay, guys, this isn't a Greek diner.
23
00:00:55,226 --> 00:00:56,492
We close here.
24
00:00:56,517 --> 00:00:57,968
- But my plankton.
- But my thing that actually matters.
25
00:00:57,992 --> 00:01:00,240
Okay, all right.
Fine, how much time do you need?
26
00:01:00,273 --> 00:01:03,750
Ten? 20? Just give me something
I can take upstairs to your mom.
27
00:01:04,808 --> 00:01:07,710
- What just happened?
- I lost Wi-Fi.
28
00:01:07,735 --> 00:01:10,569
The power is off for the night.
29
00:01:10,754 --> 00:01:13,706
And maybe the water.
I don't know, I hit a lot of things.
30
00:01:14,451 --> 00:01:18,481
It will come back on during
normal human awake time.
31
00:01:18,506 --> 00:01:21,231
To bed, all of you, now.
32
00:01:21,536 --> 00:01:23,708
You're worse than the yakuza.
33
00:01:23,879 --> 00:01:26,179
I don't know what
Freud saw in his mother.
34
00:01:28,825 --> 00:01:31,762
Well, I'm wide awake now.
I guess I'll go for a run.
35
00:01:31,787 --> 00:01:33,558
Yeah, get me two glazed.
36
00:01:33,583 --> 00:01:35,661
Okay, I don't always
go to the donut store
37
00:01:35,697 --> 00:01:38,028
when I go for a r...
Okay, but if the jellies are fresh,
38
00:01:38,053 --> 00:01:39,553
you're gonna want one.
39
00:01:47,592 --> 00:01:49,731
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
40
00:01:49,997 --> 00:01:51,137
Hey.
41
00:01:52,442 --> 00:01:53,813
What are you looking for?
42
00:01:53,838 --> 00:01:56,659
Oh, the popcorn fundraiser
starts today at Leila's school
43
00:01:56,684 --> 00:01:58,074
and I volunteered to bring the ribbons,
44
00:01:58,098 --> 00:01:59,752
but now I can't remember
where I put them
45
00:01:59,787 --> 00:02:01,919
or why I volunteered.
46
00:02:02,669 --> 00:02:06,025
That's funny. I can't remember
why I became a mom.
47
00:02:06,879 --> 00:02:08,903
I guess we all have our stuff.
48
00:02:09,543 --> 00:02:12,183
Brian and Nicole still mad
at you about the other night?
49
00:02:12,208 --> 00:02:15,590
Well, Nicole just yelled at me
in five different languages.
50
00:02:16,731 --> 00:02:18,653
Russian hurt the most.
51
00:02:19,217 --> 00:02:22,700
It's like being yelled at
by a car that won't start.
52
00:02:30,028 --> 00:02:32,462
But they did have a way I
could make it up to them.
53
00:02:32,487 --> 00:02:35,321
They sent me a 35-page
proposal explaining
54
00:02:35,348 --> 00:02:38,965
why we should let them move out,
into their own apartment.
55
00:02:39,809 --> 00:02:42,271
Oh, man. Are they out of their minds?
56
00:02:42,296 --> 00:02:44,614
We would never read 35 pages.
57
00:02:45,801 --> 00:02:49,184
So, this is something else
I'll have to say no to.
58
00:02:49,209 --> 00:02:51,247
You know, it just really sucks.
59
00:02:51,272 --> 00:02:53,172
Everything I do is for them,
60
00:02:53,197 --> 00:02:55,831
and the thanks I get is
them hating me for it.
61
00:02:55,856 --> 00:02:57,820
Yeah, well, it's tough.
62
00:02:57,845 --> 00:03:00,801
Got to have a thick skin
to be in this bidness.
63
00:03:02,474 --> 00:03:04,339
Like you would know.
64
00:03:04,364 --> 00:03:08,354
You're Mr. "20 more minutes"
or "Let's hear them out"
65
00:03:08,379 --> 00:03:11,583
or "I would say yes if it
weren't for merp-merp."
66
00:03:12,727 --> 00:03:14,193
I am merp-merp.
67
00:03:15,020 --> 00:03:17,995
All right, look, if I'm being honest,
68
00:03:18,020 --> 00:03:21,934
I think that you can be a little
trigger-happy with the noes.
69
00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:24,804
Sometimes I think you actually
like being the bad guy.
70
00:03:24,839 --> 00:03:28,347
No one likes being the bad guy.
71
00:03:28,372 --> 00:03:32,161
But I have to do it because...
how should I put this?
72
00:03:37,053 --> 00:03:38,795
What is happening?
Why are you a chicken?
73
00:03:38,820 --> 00:03:42,183
You are scared of having
the kids be mad at you.
74
00:03:42,208 --> 00:03:45,324
You need to be liked,
which means I have to be the bad guy
75
00:03:45,349 --> 00:03:47,149
because you can't handle it.
76
00:03:47,174 --> 00:03:49,240
Excuse me.
77
00:03:49,637 --> 00:03:52,865
I can be the bad guy. Okay?
78
00:03:53,043 --> 00:03:55,612
I'll prove it.
I'm gonna go up there right now
79
00:03:55,637 --> 00:03:57,347
and I am gonna tell them
that there is no way
80
00:03:57,371 --> 00:03:59,168
they are moving out of this house.
81
00:03:59,193 --> 00:04:01,694
Because-because I am the
opposite of a chicken.
82
00:04:01,719 --> 00:04:04,754
I'm a-a... Uh, what's the bravest bird?
83
00:04:04,779 --> 00:04:06,176
Uh...
84
00:04:07,239 --> 00:04:11,793
Owls are wise, uh, penguins are fancy?
85
00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:15,120
Turkeys are kind of sassy.
86
00:04:15,567 --> 00:04:17,536
- Are you stalling?
- It started out that way,
87
00:04:17,561 --> 00:04:20,036
but now I really want to
crack this bird thing.
88
00:04:21,312 --> 00:04:23,519
The devastation is catastrophic.
89
00:04:23,544 --> 00:04:25,489
You know you'll have
to kill any survivors.
90
00:04:25,514 --> 00:04:27,809
Leila, what did we learn from Chernobyl?
91
00:04:27,834 --> 00:04:31,059
The mistake wasn't the meltdown,
it was letting word get out.
92
00:04:32,486 --> 00:04:33,486
Mom,
93
00:04:33,511 --> 00:04:35,490
did you have a chance to review
the material we sent over
94
00:04:35,514 --> 00:04:37,808
regarding our exciting
living opportunity?
95
00:04:37,833 --> 00:04:39,715
We also have a hard copy.
96
00:04:40,466 --> 00:04:42,925
Actually, your mom filled me in,
97
00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:45,284
and unfortunately, it's going to be...
98
00:04:45,319 --> 00:04:49,675
Mike, these are our
profoundly gifted children.
99
00:04:49,700 --> 00:04:51,606
I think we should hear them out.
100
00:04:52,419 --> 00:04:53,862
I see.
101
00:04:53,887 --> 00:04:55,409
Throwing my words back at me.
102
00:04:55,434 --> 00:04:57,563
Aren't you the sassiest of turkeys?
103
00:04:57,942 --> 00:04:59,887
Brother, you have the floor.
104
00:04:59,912 --> 00:05:01,590
If the other night has
taught us anything,
105
00:05:01,615 --> 00:05:04,115
it's that our current living
situation is untenable.
106
00:05:04,140 --> 00:05:07,067
Or what you might call a bummer.
107
00:05:08,137 --> 00:05:10,558
It's clear Brian and I
need more space and freedom
108
00:05:10,583 --> 00:05:11,977
to reach our full potential.
109
00:05:12,002 --> 00:05:14,836
We need to be able to make calls
on an international schedule,
110
00:05:14,861 --> 00:05:16,828
to grow whatever we need in the bathtub
111
00:05:16,853 --> 00:05:19,089
and we can finally
have our own refrigerator
112
00:05:19,114 --> 00:05:20,619
to ensure that our liquid nitrogen
113
00:05:20,655 --> 00:05:23,756
doesn't get used to make Jell-O shots.
114
00:05:25,871 --> 00:05:27,904
And frankly,
anything we need you guys for,
115
00:05:27,929 --> 00:05:29,361
we can do on our phones.
116
00:05:29,397 --> 00:05:32,693
Rides, meal delivery,
and for emotional needs,
117
00:05:32,718 --> 00:05:34,661
you can still call us.
118
00:05:35,747 --> 00:05:37,317
So, what do you think?
119
00:05:37,342 --> 00:05:38,808
Pretty convincing.
120
00:05:38,833 --> 00:05:41,528
Yeah, I don't know
how you can say no to that.
121
00:05:43,152 --> 00:05:45,488
Well, I'm out.
122
00:05:45,513 --> 00:05:47,224
Looks like you're gonna
be pretty busy here,
123
00:05:47,248 --> 00:05:49,448
so I'm gonna take Leila's popcorn thing.
124
00:05:49,473 --> 00:05:50,840
Come on, Leils.
125
00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:53,285
That felt like a yes from Mom.
126
00:05:53,318 --> 00:05:57,903
Yeah, I now really see how
unhelpful that quality is.
127
00:05:57,928 --> 00:06:00,887
This really means
a lot to us, Dad. Please.
128
00:06:00,912 --> 00:06:02,872
I appreciate all the thought and work
129
00:06:02,897 --> 00:06:06,481
that you have put into this,
but I-I have to say...
130
00:06:08,723 --> 00:06:10,281
... yes.
131
00:06:11,645 --> 00:06:13,926
Really? T-Thank you.
132
00:06:14,286 --> 00:06:15,714
Oh.
133
00:06:18,129 --> 00:06:20,489
But really, the answer is no.
134
00:06:20,514 --> 00:06:21,979
What?
135
00:06:22,004 --> 00:06:24,401
I-I know you're gonna hate me for this,
136
00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:26,495
so I just wanted to bank some love.
137
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:28,621
What is wrong with you?
138
00:06:28,656 --> 00:06:31,523
You would lie to your
children for a hug?
139
00:06:32,727 --> 00:06:35,044
And it worked. Let's celebrate.
140
00:06:39,352 --> 00:06:40,833
Whatever.
141
00:06:42,336 --> 00:06:44,570
In a few days,
they'll forget all about this.
142
00:06:44,595 --> 00:06:46,695
We have photographic memories.
143
00:06:48,197 --> 00:06:50,298
I remember things from the womb.
144
00:06:51,512 --> 00:06:53,145
That's not possible.
145
00:06:54,738 --> 00:06:57,036
You used to sing that to me.
146
00:06:58,381 --> 00:07:00,448
I didn't care for it.
147
00:07:12,203 --> 00:07:13,991
- Hey.
- What are you doing here?
148
00:07:14,016 --> 00:07:15,937
Doesn't Mike usually come
to this kind of stuff?
149
00:07:15,976 --> 00:07:17,709
Oh, he's home proving a point to himself
150
00:07:17,745 --> 00:07:19,654
that's gonna ruin his weekend.
151
00:07:19,679 --> 00:07:23,687
So I get to have some mindless
fun with my mindless child.
152
00:07:24,437 --> 00:07:26,530
- That's a compliment.
- Yeah.
153
00:07:27,124 --> 00:07:30,419
Well, if you're looking for fun,
you come to the wrong place.
154
00:07:30,444 --> 00:07:32,546
'Cause this is where fun comes to die,
155
00:07:32,571 --> 00:07:35,438
then gets fried in butter
and put in these little bags.
156
00:07:35,463 --> 00:07:39,616
Yeah. The vibe in here
is a little untenable.
157
00:07:40,124 --> 00:07:41,906
I just learned that means bummer.
158
00:07:42,743 --> 00:07:46,171
Well, you can thank
Kourtney Kamanski for that.
159
00:07:46,196 --> 00:07:47,863
She's the president of the PTA.
160
00:07:47,888 --> 00:07:50,826
Why is she making that woman
count unpopped kernels?
161
00:07:50,851 --> 00:07:54,029
Doesn't she know this is
just a volunteer popcorn party?
162
00:07:54,054 --> 00:07:56,559
Hmm, yeah. Somebody need to tell her.
163
00:07:56,584 --> 00:07:57,935
You need to tell her.
164
00:07:57,960 --> 00:08:00,185
- Huh?
- Oh, this is a perfect job for you.
165
00:08:00,221 --> 00:08:03,576
Oh, no. You can take her down.
166
00:08:03,601 --> 00:08:06,492
Why me? Why does everyone
think I want to pick fights
167
00:08:06,517 --> 00:08:08,951
and be the bad guy? No. No.
168
00:08:08,976 --> 00:08:10,506
I am not doing this.
169
00:08:10,531 --> 00:08:12,798
Besides, I'm sure she's not that bad.
170
00:08:13,601 --> 00:08:16,335
That's 927 kernels.
171
00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:17,360
Good.
172
00:08:20,174 --> 00:08:23,175
Now do it again and
get it right this time.
173
00:08:24,583 --> 00:08:28,418
Well, it is a school.
People should know how to count.
174
00:08:34,417 --> 00:08:36,966
Oh. Hey, guys. Who's hungry?
175
00:08:36,991 --> 00:08:39,091
I made my famous
three-eese grilled cheese.
176
00:08:39,126 --> 00:08:41,460
Except it's only got two cheeses,
it's microwaved
177
00:08:41,495 --> 00:08:43,515
and one of the cheeses is love.
178
00:08:44,031 --> 00:08:46,271
Let me guess,
the second we reach for it,
179
00:08:46,296 --> 00:08:48,171
you rip it out of our mouths
because you don't think
180
00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:49,434
we're mature enough to chew?
181
00:08:49,470 --> 00:08:52,538
Yeah, well, I can chew
with the best of them, mister.
182
00:08:52,734 --> 00:08:55,741
Okay, I get it.
You guys are still mad at me.
183
00:08:55,776 --> 00:08:57,209
Whatever, it-it's fine.
184
00:08:57,244 --> 00:08:59,491
We're not mad at you, Michael.
185
00:08:59,976 --> 00:09:01,187
Based on our projections,
186
00:09:01,211 --> 00:09:03,250
our anger won't fully
actualize until tomorrow.
187
00:09:03,275 --> 00:09:05,516
Then the animosity builds from there.
188
00:09:07,473 --> 00:09:11,175
By 2024, I'll be watching
you guys enjoy Thanksgiving
189
00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:12,594
from my parked car outside?
190
00:09:14,292 --> 00:09:15,407
Be grateful.
191
00:09:15,432 --> 00:09:17,813
By 2025, you don't even have a car.
192
00:09:19,637 --> 00:09:22,305
Hey, guys, guys. Come on. Look...
193
00:09:22,330 --> 00:09:24,313
Don't you think you're
being a little unfair?
194
00:09:24,338 --> 00:09:26,512
We're unfair?
195
00:09:26,537 --> 00:09:30,032
You didn't even read this
before euthanizing our idea.
196
00:09:30,057 --> 00:09:34,226
This house is a kill shelter
for our hopes and dreams.
197
00:09:34,251 --> 00:09:36,818
We addressed every possible issue.
198
00:09:36,843 --> 00:09:38,500
Safety, practicality.
199
00:09:38,525 --> 00:09:41,086
We even called the financial section
"money stuff"
200
00:09:41,111 --> 00:09:42,688
so you'd understand.
201
00:09:44,968 --> 00:09:46,219
W-What is that number?
202
00:09:46,244 --> 00:09:48,922
- That's the rent for the year.
- What?
203
00:09:48,947 --> 00:09:51,250
That says $15,000.
204
00:09:51,275 --> 00:09:53,493
W-Why would you
think we can afford that?
205
00:09:53,518 --> 00:09:56,743
Well, based on
your estimated income, 401K,
206
00:09:56,768 --> 00:09:59,008
an approximation of your
investment portfolio...
207
00:09:59,033 --> 00:10:00,868
We don't have any of that stuff.
208
00:10:01,470 --> 00:10:04,250
So we don't have money
for the new apartment?
209
00:10:04,275 --> 00:10:06,438
N-No, we don't.
210
00:10:07,757 --> 00:10:12,618
And-and that is the real reason...
211
00:10:13,589 --> 00:10:15,877
why I said no before.
212
00:10:16,654 --> 00:10:19,008
Look, if you guys want to be mad at me,
that-that's fine.
213
00:10:19,033 --> 00:10:21,547
I totally understand.
But just know that you can never be
214
00:10:21,572 --> 00:10:23,860
more mad at me than I am at myself.
215
00:10:26,254 --> 00:10:29,383
It's already 2024 on your chart...
216
00:10:30,808 --> 00:10:32,610
... in here.
217
00:10:35,425 --> 00:10:36,891
Oh, Dad.
218
00:10:37,199 --> 00:10:39,180
- Your secret shame.
- Oh...
219
00:10:39,205 --> 00:10:40,704
Thanks, Bri.
220
00:10:40,729 --> 00:10:42,228
Come on, Nicole, bring it in.
221
00:10:42,253 --> 00:10:44,532
Luckily, hugs are free.
222
00:10:45,245 --> 00:10:46,594
Quick follow-up:
223
00:10:46,619 --> 00:10:49,055
If you're saying the
money's the real issue,
224
00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:51,461
what if Brian and I could get it?
225
00:10:52,026 --> 00:10:53,328
What?
226
00:10:53,353 --> 00:10:54,391
Yeah.
227
00:10:54,416 --> 00:10:57,000
The live-work loft is
on hold until Friday.
228
00:10:57,025 --> 00:10:58,725
Based off what you're saying,
229
00:10:58,750 --> 00:11:01,083
if we get the money, you'd sign off?
230
00:11:03,636 --> 00:11:06,345
That does seem to be where we're at.
231
00:11:07,350 --> 00:11:10,236
But yeah. Yeah, I mean, yeah.
232
00:11:10,261 --> 00:11:12,876
If the two of you,
who have been burning money
233
00:11:12,901 --> 00:11:14,651
since the second I made you...
234
00:11:15,261 --> 00:11:18,445
... can make $15,000
by Friday, then, yeah.
235
00:11:18,470 --> 00:11:19,906
Happy housewarming!
236
00:11:19,931 --> 00:11:22,203
- Huzzah!
- Thanks, Dad. You're the best.
237
00:11:22,228 --> 00:11:24,962
No, you... you guy... You're the best.
238
00:11:25,895 --> 00:11:29,797
There he stood. Proud,
despite his folly.
239
00:11:30,867 --> 00:11:34,086
It was the first time I recall
feeling shame for my father.
240
00:11:34,933 --> 00:11:37,211
But it would not be the last.
241
00:11:40,177 --> 00:11:43,045
Marc, don't narrate
with your mouth full.
242
00:11:43,527 --> 00:11:45,125
Popcorn shot.
243
00:11:47,322 --> 00:11:50,256
- Ooh. Hair of the dog.
- Uh-huh.
244
00:11:50,281 --> 00:11:53,850
Popcorn misuse. That's going in the log.
245
00:11:54,396 --> 00:11:56,492
Ooh. I know that look.
246
00:11:56,517 --> 00:11:58,422
That's the same look
that came right before
247
00:11:58,447 --> 00:12:00,714
the gym teacher's wife
ripped your earrings out.
248
00:12:01,191 --> 00:12:04,140
Well, maybe I should
say a little something.
249
00:12:04,165 --> 00:12:06,172
Yes! There she is. There's my girl.
250
00:12:06,197 --> 00:12:07,229
- But...
- Mmm?
251
00:12:07,254 --> 00:12:08,786
I am going to be nice.
252
00:12:08,811 --> 00:12:10,177
Okay, yeah. Whatever, you know.
253
00:12:10,202 --> 00:12:12,539
Just open your mouth.
See what comes out. Go ahead.
254
00:12:13,856 --> 00:12:16,445
Hey... Kourtney.
255
00:12:16,953 --> 00:12:20,055
I just want to talk to you, you know?
256
00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:21,947
About how things are run around here.
257
00:12:21,972 --> 00:12:23,696
Before she keeps talking,
I would like to go on record
258
00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:25,387
that I don't know this bitch.
259
00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:27,553
What was that?
260
00:12:28,820 --> 00:12:32,578
Look, I know it's hard
being the one in charge.
261
00:12:32,603 --> 00:12:35,375
You know, you're the one
keeping everyone in line.
262
00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:38,086
And the thanks you get is
everyone hates you for it.
263
00:12:38,111 --> 00:12:39,111
What?
264
00:12:39,495 --> 00:12:41,295
Everyone hates me?
265
00:12:41,937 --> 00:12:45,297
Well, um, obviously,
266
00:12:45,322 --> 00:12:47,883
you're not the most popular person here,
267
00:12:47,908 --> 00:12:49,609
but you must have known that.
268
00:12:49,634 --> 00:12:51,534
I mean, you made Rachael cry.
269
00:12:51,984 --> 00:12:54,719
I thought that's because her
husband is cheating on her.
270
00:12:56,377 --> 00:12:58,810
- Never mind.
- No.
271
00:12:58,835 --> 00:13:00,359
I understand now.
272
00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:04,635
I don't need to be
somewhere I'm not wanted.
273
00:13:05,256 --> 00:13:07,672
Good luck raising the money
274
00:13:07,697 --> 00:13:09,664
to get the raccoons
out of the music room.
275
00:13:14,392 --> 00:13:15,875
Whoo!
276
00:13:15,900 --> 00:13:16,969
Yes!
277
00:13:16,994 --> 00:13:19,461
That is my girl!
278
00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:25,530
So, you really laid into Kourtney, huh?
279
00:13:25,555 --> 00:13:27,601
Leila said you "owned her ass."
280
00:13:27,875 --> 00:13:30,358
It was an accidental owning.
281
00:13:30,383 --> 00:13:32,148
I was trying to be nice.
282
00:13:32,173 --> 00:13:33,476
Two pair.
283
00:13:35,086 --> 00:13:37,241
On the bright side,
now that Kourtney's gone,
284
00:13:37,266 --> 00:13:39,032
tomorrow might actually be fun.
285
00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:40,312
Yeah. And if it's not,
286
00:13:40,337 --> 00:13:42,680
you can always find
another stranger to yell at.
287
00:13:42,855 --> 00:13:44,233
Tough talk from someone who I guess
288
00:13:44,257 --> 00:13:46,436
told our teenagers they
could move out of the house.
289
00:13:46,461 --> 00:13:48,208
I didn't say they could move out.
290
00:13:48,244 --> 00:13:50,608
I said they could move out "if."
291
00:13:50,633 --> 00:13:52,679
I knew you'd "if" this up.
292
00:13:53,070 --> 00:13:54,748
Flush.
293
00:13:55,039 --> 00:13:57,551
Admit it. You can't handle them
294
00:13:57,576 --> 00:14:00,375
being mad at you, so you crumbled.
295
00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:02,280
No... no.
296
00:14:02,305 --> 00:14:04,123
I just figured out a better way.
297
00:14:04,148 --> 00:14:06,160
See, we don't have to be the bad guy.
298
00:14:06,185 --> 00:14:08,419
Reality can be the bad guy.
299
00:14:08,464 --> 00:14:09,763
See, the good news is,
300
00:14:09,788 --> 00:14:11,354
we brought the kids into a cruel world
301
00:14:11,379 --> 00:14:13,679
that shoots down people's
dreams all the time.
302
00:14:13,704 --> 00:14:17,350
Why should we say no when
that fat blue jerk, the world,
303
00:14:17,375 --> 00:14:19,006
will do it for us?
304
00:14:19,930 --> 00:14:21,875
You're not worried they
might call your bluff
305
00:14:21,911 --> 00:14:23,030
and get the money?
306
00:14:23,055 --> 00:14:24,144
How?
307
00:14:24,169 --> 00:14:26,357
I couldn't get $15,000 by Friday
308
00:14:26,382 --> 00:14:29,349
if I found $14,000 and a magic lamp.
309
00:14:29,385 --> 00:14:31,018
Ooh.
310
00:14:31,148 --> 00:14:35,555
Might as well just call me
Uncle Jesse, 'cause full house.
311
00:14:36,091 --> 00:14:39,490
Royal flush. Ha-ha.
312
00:14:39,515 --> 00:14:41,414
You know what that means.
313
00:14:43,415 --> 00:14:44,857
Oh, wait.
314
00:14:49,255 --> 00:14:51,062
Do it slow.
315
00:14:53,588 --> 00:14:55,554
Whoo!
316
00:15:00,250 --> 00:15:01,448
What's going on?
317
00:15:01,484 --> 00:15:03,617
Why isn't popcorn happening?
318
00:15:03,652 --> 00:15:05,052
Well, without Kourtney,
319
00:15:05,077 --> 00:15:07,272
we don't really know what
we're supposed to do.
320
00:15:07,297 --> 00:15:08,922
We're like a bunch of high school kids
321
00:15:08,947 --> 00:15:10,192
trying to sell a suitcase of cocaine
322
00:15:10,216 --> 00:15:11,506
that we found in the woods.
323
00:15:11,531 --> 00:15:14,156
Well, we figured that out,
we can figure this out.
324
00:15:14,719 --> 00:15:18,065
Come on, guys. We are all adults here.
325
00:15:18,090 --> 00:15:19,710
We can do this ourselves,
326
00:15:19,735 --> 00:15:22,035
and we're gonna have to,
because Kourtney is gone
327
00:15:22,060 --> 00:15:23,412
and not coming back.
328
00:15:23,437 --> 00:15:24,972
She's right.
329
00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:29,243
Without Kourtney here,
we don't even need to be here.
330
00:15:31,086 --> 00:15:33,351
Wait. No, um, n...
331
00:15:33,376 --> 00:15:35,032
At least leave the donuts!
332
00:15:39,978 --> 00:15:42,500
Mike-Mike? Hey. Whoa.
333
00:15:43,095 --> 00:15:44,194
What is this?
334
00:15:44,219 --> 00:15:46,460
Some crazy genius science stuff?
335
00:15:46,495 --> 00:15:47,640
What are they getting at today?
336
00:15:47,664 --> 00:15:49,709
A pill that takes the
hair from your back
337
00:15:49,734 --> 00:15:51,431
and puts it on your head?
338
00:15:52,539 --> 00:15:55,435
No. Actually, they are
starting a coffee business.
339
00:15:55,460 --> 00:15:58,961
Oh, excellent.
Another guinea pig. Try this.
340
00:16:01,253 --> 00:16:02,609
Mmm!
341
00:16:02,637 --> 00:16:06,321
- Mmm.
- Brian. The Sumatra's a hit!
342
00:16:06,346 --> 00:16:07,572
Mmm...
343
00:16:08,317 --> 00:16:11,118
Crap! That was terrible.
344
00:16:11,153 --> 00:16:12,853
And I'm not even picky.
345
00:16:12,888 --> 00:16:14,488
I once found a glove in a salad,
346
00:16:14,513 --> 00:16:16,013
and I just ate around it.
347
00:16:16,534 --> 00:16:19,798
My kids might be smart,
but they have no common sense.
348
00:16:19,823 --> 00:16:21,986
They actually think
they're gonna make $15,000
349
00:16:22,011 --> 00:16:23,150
selling coffee?
350
00:16:23,175 --> 00:16:25,899
When this blows up and they
don't get the apartment,
351
00:16:25,924 --> 00:16:27,595
I'm still the good guy.
352
00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:29,147
Yeah, Mike, but you could've
just told me that
353
00:16:29,171 --> 00:16:31,698
without letting me drink
this hot cup of garbage.
354
00:16:34,839 --> 00:16:36,810
Why am I getting
trade confirmation alerts
355
00:16:36,835 --> 00:16:38,969
from my investment account?
356
00:16:38,994 --> 00:16:40,327
I'm no wolf of Wall Street,
357
00:16:40,352 --> 00:16:43,057
but sounds like someone's
confirming trades.
358
00:16:43,917 --> 00:16:45,940
For an account I opened three years ago,
359
00:16:45,965 --> 00:16:48,542
with 20 bucks and then
immediately lost the password?
360
00:16:48,567 --> 00:16:52,685
- What are you buying?
- I don't know. Seems like, uh...
361
00:16:55,130 --> 00:16:56,489
... shares of coffee!
362
00:16:56,514 --> 00:16:59,692
Wait, M-Mike, Mike.
Should my mouth be numb?
363
00:17:00,255 --> 00:17:02,771
I think this coffee broke my mouth!
364
00:17:07,161 --> 00:17:08,977
- Hi.
- Hey, how was...
365
00:17:10,591 --> 00:17:12,391
Stick up a multiplex?
366
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:16,996
Nope. Popcorn Day,
which apparently never ends,
367
00:17:17,021 --> 00:17:18,472
- blew up in my face.
- Oh.
368
00:17:18,497 --> 00:17:20,230
Well, not gonna say "I told you so",
369
00:17:20,255 --> 00:17:21,722
and I hope you remember that.
370
00:17:21,747 --> 00:17:23,413
I also hope you remember
that we love each other
371
00:17:23,437 --> 00:17:25,804
unconditionally,
in a legally binding way.
372
00:17:25,829 --> 00:17:27,786
Hmm. Oh, and you screwed up
with the kids.
373
00:17:27,811 --> 00:17:28,811
Yeah, maybe.
374
00:17:28,836 --> 00:17:30,214
But at worst, it's white collar crime,
375
00:17:30,238 --> 00:17:31,599
and I've seen those prisons.
376
00:17:31,624 --> 00:17:33,302
Nicer than this house.
377
00:17:39,810 --> 00:17:42,763
Well, we can say adiĆ³s to
the Spanish Club's money.
378
00:17:43,481 --> 00:17:44,771
We've got bigger problems.
379
00:17:44,796 --> 00:17:47,482
This algorithm's got
us $1,300 in the hole.
380
00:17:47,915 --> 00:17:50,614
We need more cash. Think. Think!
381
00:17:50,639 --> 00:17:52,319
What's the name of that
guy that didn't invite you
382
00:17:52,343 --> 00:17:53,505
to his bar mitzvah?
383
00:17:53,530 --> 00:17:54,911
Be more specific.
384
00:17:55,323 --> 00:17:58,708
Zack Rosenfeld. He's
swimming in gift cards.
385
00:17:58,733 --> 00:18:00,066
I'll make the call.
386
00:18:00,449 --> 00:18:03,685
Zach, baby, mazel!
387
00:18:04,098 --> 00:18:06,700
Excuse me, uh, h-hello?
What are you two doing?
388
00:18:06,725 --> 00:18:08,966
I keep getting investment
alerts on my phone.
389
00:18:08,991 --> 00:18:10,755
Nicole developed a
stock market algorithm
390
00:18:10,780 --> 00:18:12,591
to crack the coffee market.
391
00:18:12,616 --> 00:18:14,247
Hey, Dad. How would you like to be
392
00:18:14,272 --> 00:18:16,904
a part of an exciting new
investment opportunity?
393
00:18:17,912 --> 00:18:20,146
Okay. Wait. Why were you having us
394
00:18:20,171 --> 00:18:22,038
taste all those terrible coffees?
395
00:18:22,063 --> 00:18:24,084
It was research.
We had to figure out the worst ones,
396
00:18:24,108 --> 00:18:25,364
so we could sell them short.
397
00:18:25,389 --> 00:18:28,457
Oh, so you're gonna
listen to your mommy now?
398
00:18:28,634 --> 00:18:30,529
I don't care what your rabbi says,
399
00:18:30,554 --> 00:18:32,154
you're not a man!
400
00:18:33,869 --> 00:18:35,544
Zack's out!
401
00:18:35,725 --> 00:18:38,426
Well, your stupid algorithm
keeps buying us
402
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:40,585
worthless futures with
money we don't have.
403
00:18:40,610 --> 00:18:42,443
It wasn't ready to go live.
404
00:18:42,468 --> 00:18:44,268
This isn't the algorithm's fault.
405
00:18:44,293 --> 00:18:47,262
It's yours. Coffee was
your ridiculous idea.
406
00:18:47,287 --> 00:18:49,320
I wanted soy beans.
407
00:18:49,345 --> 00:18:52,179
Soy beans? I can't believe I
was gonna live with someone
408
00:18:52,204 --> 00:18:54,204
who thought soy beans
were a growth market.
409
00:18:54,229 --> 00:18:56,362
Okay, okay, okay. All right.
410
00:18:56,620 --> 00:18:57,809
Calm down.
411
00:18:57,834 --> 00:18:59,767
We can figure this out.
412
00:19:00,037 --> 00:19:01,481
What if you guys made a pill
413
00:19:01,506 --> 00:19:03,160
that could take the hair from your back
414
00:19:03,185 --> 00:19:04,895
and put it on your head?
415
00:19:06,408 --> 00:19:08,551
Trading floor's closed!
416
00:19:08,576 --> 00:19:11,344
Here's what happens
now: you're grounded,
417
00:19:11,369 --> 00:19:12,496
you're not moving out,
418
00:19:12,521 --> 00:19:15,238
and you're going to pay
back all of that money.
419
00:19:15,263 --> 00:19:16,929
And if you want to hate me for this,
420
00:19:16,954 --> 00:19:19,255
you can hate me, I don't care.
421
00:19:19,618 --> 00:19:20,996
Thank you so much, Mom.
422
00:19:21,021 --> 00:19:22,731
We need boundaries.
423
00:19:25,504 --> 00:19:28,942
Okay. Now, go downstairs
and hose down your sister.
424
00:19:28,967 --> 00:19:30,567
She is covered in butter!
425
00:19:36,387 --> 00:19:39,028
How great was that hug?
Can you describe it to me?
426
00:19:40,504 --> 00:19:43,559
Can somebody help me,
'cause it's really dark down here!
427
00:19:49,930 --> 00:19:51,435
Hey. Good news.
428
00:19:51,460 --> 00:19:53,943
I smoothed everything
over with Kourtney.
429
00:19:53,968 --> 00:19:57,271
Just flashed a smile,
a little Mike Bennett charm,
430
00:19:57,296 --> 00:19:58,967
and signed up for
four back-to-back shifts
431
00:19:58,992 --> 00:20:00,685
in the dunk tank at the Spring Fling.
432
00:20:02,131 --> 00:20:03,787
It's kind of helpful having a husband
433
00:20:03,812 --> 00:20:06,013
with a compulsive need to be liked.
434
00:20:06,389 --> 00:20:10,146
Also pretty great having a wife
who likes shutting things down,
435
00:20:10,171 --> 00:20:12,738
and doesn't mind that
people are terrified of her.
436
00:20:13,741 --> 00:20:15,420
Well, it worked out today.
437
00:20:15,445 --> 00:20:18,787
You screwed up so hard,
they actually hugged me.
438
00:20:20,120 --> 00:20:21,990
So I guess I kind of owe you.
439
00:20:22,015 --> 00:20:23,951
How you gonna pay me back?
440
00:20:23,976 --> 00:20:28,037
Well... I did figure out
what kind of bird you are.
441
00:20:29,093 --> 00:20:30,842
A dirty bird.
442
00:20:35,345 --> 00:20:37,513
Come on, Kay, I...
443
00:20:37,897 --> 00:20:39,006
I was excited there.
444
00:20:39,031 --> 00:20:41,464
I thought you really
figured out what bird I was.
445
00:20:42,606 --> 00:20:44,982
I'm sorry. I was just
trying to start something.
446
00:20:45,007 --> 00:20:46,388
No, I know, I know, I know, just,
447
00:20:46,413 --> 00:20:47,749
you really got my hopes up. I've...
448
00:20:47,773 --> 00:20:50,060
really been trying
to crack this bird thing.
449
00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:51,959
Fine!
450
00:20:51,984 --> 00:20:53,888
You're a...
451
00:20:54,059 --> 00:20:55,873
- ... a toucan.
- Oh, my God.
452
00:20:58,268 --> 00:20:59,625
Toucans are sell-out!
453
00:20:59,650 --> 00:21:01,367
It's like you don't even know me.
454
00:21:02,912 --> 00:21:06,254
Are we seriously not having sex
because of birds?
455
00:21:06,279 --> 00:21:08,521
I am not having sex
with someone who thinks
456
00:21:08,546 --> 00:21:10,185
that I am a toucan!
457
00:21:18,288 --> 00:21:20,288
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
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