Original subtitles

Excelsa film and Tot�

are pleased to present

a performance of

MISERY and NOBILITY

Don Artu', is it true that this is Scarpetta's best comedy?

Donna Margheri', any time that Scarpetta writes a comedy...

they say it's the best! And since this is the last one...

Do you know the actors? - It's all here in the programme. Let's read it.

How many people! Too many, maybe? Let's hope it's funny!

Donna Margheri'...! Keep quiet, they're about to begin!

They rang the doorbell! - So, why didn't you open?!

Because I'm not your servant! And by the way they rang..

I guessed it's someone looking for you.

We are not expecting anyone, so we are not going to open the door!

No, dear Concetta, I understand too well that it's very difficult..

for two families to share this scrumptious apartment..

and that you ladies have all rights to quarrel anytime you wish,..

but the door needs to be opened. It could even be the good fortune..

that comes knocking. If she finds the door locked..

she gets mad and leaves. Now I'll go myself, alright? Myself!

You're lucky that my dumb husband is obsessed with luck,..

but you're kidding if you expect me to open the door!

Mah!

Pasqualino? - Eh?

Who was at the door? - No one. Feli', then you had heard the bell!

So what? It's for you from the bottom floor to open, or not?

When they'll knock at the attic, then I'll open!

This charade about opening the door must come to an end!

People knock first and then leave!

Tell me, Pasquale...would you expect them to leave first, and then knock?!

It's so obvious! - But it might be a customer..

somebody looking for you to have a letter written..

or looking for me to have a photograph taken. You never know!

Pasquale, dear, I do know! I do! No one will look for us!

Not even the cops, I tell you. I know!

Unfortunately, our jobs are out of fashion..

People learned how to write...who would need to have a letter written?!

Eh, but the photographs!

- Photographs, worse than ever!

People go to real photographers today, don't you think?

We should change our jobs. - I was born to be a photographer!

That was your mistake! You shouldn't have been born!

Forgive me for being born, uh? What can you do...now you're here.

Pupe'!

Pupe', are you eating? - But dad, I'm hungry!

In such a poor house, you dare to wake hungry?

Pasqua'! She didn't wake up hungry, she went to sleep hungry!

But she shouldn't eat in secret without treating the father to a bite.

Dad, it's a piece of onion. - Onion! - Right.

A girl like you...eating this stuff? You should eat rose petals!

Give it here! Onion! This stuff is good for porters... and photographers.

Where's the water? One hardly gets some, and it's finished already!

Don't look at me. I don't wash myself.

And I, instead, wash up sometimes. Because I'm a man of letters...

I'm a clean person. Slobs, I can't digest them.

Speaking of digestion, before you leave, leave me some money.

Why, is the bicarbonate finished? You need to digest? Stomach problems?

Don't change the subject. I don't want to digest, I want to do some shopping.

It's only fair! And, as you see, I'm about to get out to get,...

to work, earn some money, bring it home, and buy what's needed.

I know you! As soon as you earn a penny, you eat it up with other women.

Me?! Pasquale, I eat it up with women? And he knows!

Yes, it happened, but so many years ago.

Now, you're trying to tell me that it's many years that you don't look at women?

No, no Luisella! We live on misunderstandings here.

I meant to say: it's been years since I could afford a nice meal. And he knows!

Alright, but remember that if I find you speaking to that Piedmontese woman...

Piedmontese? What Piedmontese? Pasqua', have I been in Piedmont? - Never!

Did I ever move from Naples? - Never! - And he knows!

I'm talking about the dressmaker at the floor below.

The dressmaker? - Eh! - The floor below? - Yes. - A woman!

Pasqua', below us there's a woman.

There's a woman? - I don't know, look well. What woman?

As you wish! But remember that you mustn't fall for women!

Me, if I fall, I fall dead from hunger! Clear? And he knows! - I know it all!

Peppine'! - Where is he? Ah! Let's go! - Let's go!

Pasqua'!Remember that this poor daughter of yours didn't dine last night.

This poor husband of yours didn't either! I'm getting out just for that!

Let's go! - Let's go! - Au revoir, my femmes!

Let's hope that today will be better than yesterday. - Mah!

And the soldier who came to have his letters written? - Discharged!

Mah!

Don Gioacchino, our respects. - Tell me Gaetano, those people at the 3rd floor...

Yes.

Dad! - What?

The landlord! - The landlord? - Don Gioacchino?

By Jove! Every man for himself!

No, no Feli', here! - Where? - Here!

It's open...- Here! Here! Go! - Yes!

Come! Come!

Boby! Boby!

Boby, come here you stupid naughty one!

Always run away, eh? Shame! Always under the bed. Come here!

Oh! Rascal of rascals! I won't do you anything!

I won't do you anything! Come out! Don't run away, come on!

You're mischievous. I can't stand it anymore!

But, don't run away! Boby!

Boby...Oh! Excuse me. I was just looking for my dog.

And you found us. - He he! - You must excuse us, madam,..

we dared getting in just to play hide and seek.

Yes, to amuse the boy. - But I'm too naked!

No, no! Quite the contrary! By all means! Too little!

It's quite alright! - Right Pasqua'?

It's the Piedmontese lady? - Right, the Piedmontese lady. The one below us.

At home we always talk about her! - Oh, yes?

My wife is just nuts for you! Eh, Pasqua'? - Sure!

How nice, the lady! Don Felice, I meant to ask you a favor.

Tell me. - You still work under the San Carlo arcades?

Don't worry! If you need, I can come and work here. - Sure he does!

Oh, no, no! I just wanted to know if the Gala show in honor..

of the Persian Shah will or will not take place tomorrow.

I believe it will. It will, it will.

Because the Neapolitan ladies are driving me crazy.

They all want their hats by tomorrow, and I worked all night long.

I didn't sleep a wink...I'm dead beat!

So, as soon as they put up the poster, will you come and tell me? -Sure enough!

If Felice won't come, I will! - The lady gave the task to me,..

and I'll come and tell her. - Thank you. You're such a nice man!

Am pias tant, tant, tant! I like him really much!

The lady likes the tam-tam.

No. She likes you so, so, so much! - Ah, I...Don't look! Don't look!

But I was looking at the marmalade! - Rightly that one, I mean!

I can look at her, can I? - I understand you, she looks good, eh?

The jam? - Also!

Please. - Be my guest.

It's no use, at this time of the day I've got to eat. - Really?

You understand, Pasquale? She, at this time, has got to eat! - She...!

Eventually I'm not hungry, but it's such a habit that I've got to eat anyway.

We, instead, at any time... - Never. - Never.

And then, I'm not used to your food yet.

To our food? - And just how can you get used to it!?

We aren't used to it either! - I meant, the Neapolitan food.

Yes, the Neapolitan one... - Here in Naples, you use olive oil everywhere..

whereas we, up north, do everything with butter.

Everything with butter. - Yes? - Yes.

You do everything with butter? - Everything!

We use oil instead. - Yes. We consume gallons of oil!

We even put it in the salad.

Our stains, we make them with oil. - Really?

See? These are oil stains.

Whereas they, the stains... - ..with butter.

Well, not to this point, but surely we consume lots of it.

We even put butter in milk and coffee.

Oh no! We, in milk and coffee, don't put anything.

Neither milk, nor coffee! - Oh, Lord! They don't put anything!

Let's change the subject... - Why, don't you like milk and coffee?

Yes, but... - Would you prefer a cup of chocolate?

Uh? With brioche, pastry... - I beg you!

How many times did I tell you not to touch other people's stuff?

Oh no! Let him be! What do you expect? He's a child, no?

Well, but there are grown-ups too! - Oh no. Here, dear.

Thank you! Dad, I'm going to see if Don Gioacchino is still outside.

Go, little one. May an indigestion catch you! Greedy!

Excuse him. - For goodness sake! Kids, when they see the marmalade, you know...

Then they grow up, they become men, and they can't see it anymore.

Actually, we do not see any...anymore.

Why do you always hide under the bed?

You musten't, you know? Now be good, neh?

Don Felice! - Tell me! - Don't forget that poster!

Leave it to me. As soon as I'll see the poster of...

Thank you. - He he...

Ahi! - What happened? - A mosquito.

It bit me. It bit me... a big mosquito.

How sorry I am! - Gi..give me back my nail.

I too am sorry...a terrible bite. They cause malaria.

Alright, it means that when you shall drink, I will drink too,..

but today I won't go get the water! - If you think I will, you've had it!

Mom! Donna Luise'! There's the landlord, Don Gioacchino, coming up.

I'm going to get the water! - No, I'm going!

I'm going! - I'm going! - Let go! - Be quiet!

Let go!

Good morning, donna Luisella. - Good morning, Don Gioacchino.

Is your husband in? - No, but there's donna Concetta, speak with her!

Remember don Felice, I'm always alone. When you want to come and see me..

I'll always be pleased. - The pleasure is mine. I'll come definitely

If Felice can't come, I will. - There!

Eh, no, Pasqua'! The lady is for me to visit!

And eventually I'll come too! So we make a nice party!

Again! Once more!

And you have the guts to deny even! You piece of scoundrel!

Don't you come back home!

This is the gratitude for all the sacrifices I've done for him.

Don Gaeta', you must believe me, I was a lady,..

but if it goes on this way, I take my stuff and go back to my mom.

You'd be right.

Donna Luise', my beauty. - Eh?

Please, would you do me a very small favor?

What do you want? - Well, you know, I'm in love with that angel of Pupella..

so, you should tell her, please...

You tell her, please! 'Cause, I'm not into this kind of job!

As you wish, my beauty.

I'm in credit for 5 months rent, this is the last time I come here!

And we couldn't ask for better. - I'll sit here and I'll wait.

Excuse me, why do you always speak to my husband? Speak to Don Felice as well.

To both of them! And I won't move from here until they return!

The must pay me, or...first citation, then second citation,..

then verdict and then seizure!

And what do I seize here? Look in what shape they are!

Pasqua'!

The matinee for the Persian Shah will be held, will be!

So we can go back to the Piedmontese!

Listen, Peppine'!

As soon as you see the first client, run to the pizza parlor and order..

a nice little pizza, the usual one. - Don't worry dad.

Stay, stay. Excellency, good morning. Good morning.

I'm going and order the pizza! - Tell me.

- An information, please. - Tell me, tell me.

The way to the railroad station, which way is it?

Peppinello! Peppinello! False alarm!

How? With so many people in Naples,..

you come right here to ask me the way to the station?

Do you think I'm here just for fun? I can give you the information.

I can give it in writing! I can even draw you a map..

but you got to pay for it! - But...for goodness sake!

I asked you an information, not a letter!

For goodness sake to you! Sucker of human blood!

Dad, what then? - My son, you see?

We got close! It takes patience, what do you want to do about it?

By Jove! This must be a client! Don't look!

He might not even stop, out of shyness. Here he is!

Dad, may I go? - Just a moment.

You do know where the station is?! - Yes. What's with the station?

I did came 'cuz gotta write me a letter!

A letter? Run! Go!

Well then... - A letter on paper!

Why, do they write'm on porcelain? - A good thing!! - So then,..

are you uneducated? - Me? Yes.

Good! - Did you notice? - Hurrah for ignorance! They should all be like you!

And if you have children, don't send them to school!

I dunna have any. - Let them roll in ignorance!

I got a buddy nephew, and it's quite to him I gotta write!

Good. How old is he? - He's 45. - 45...

There! This will do just right! - And what's it that?

The letters, we write them beforehand, so, when the person arrives...

None! You don't know what I must write in there!?

So what? We save time. - And what, you know my business?

Excuse me, you told me that your nephew buddy is 45.

This one, I wrote it 3 years ago for a man of 42.

And this man is my buddy? - It's unimportant...

I dunno like. - It will suit alright. - No!

You want it from scratch? - Right from scratch. - Let's write it from scratch!

I was doing it for you. With this letter you would save money.

You want a new one, we'll make a new one. - Good.

That's what we're here for. Well then..

would you dictate, please? - Write. - Yes.

Naples.

Eh!

Go on.

Naples, etcetera, etcetera...Yessir.

Dear Giuseppe buddy nephew. - Well, "Dear Giuseppe".

He's my buddy and my nephew. - OK. You want so...well.

Dear. - Dear.

- Giuseppe... - ...buddy nephew. - Buddy nephew.

Faster, faster! - Nephew. Yes...yes.

In Naples I'mma doing the life of the lord.

In Naples... - I'mma doing.

I'mma...I'mma, you'mma... It doesn't exist.

Don't you like I amma? - Ah!... I am!

Am! - I am! You make me write...

It's shorter! - You make me write "I'mma"!

Dear God! How can we do? How can we do?

Hey pal!

This suit, I bought it myself!

You're making it change of color.

It's always me who pays! - Good! It's always you that pays. Good!

Peppinello! Those pizzas, make it two!

At night I goes to the night-club. - Good! At night I ...

I goes to the night-club. - I goes...I go!

And I leave when it shoots.

When it shoots... but here it's shooting ink, pal.

When it shoots? Yes. They shoot the doors.

Ah! When it shuts! When it's over! It's over!

He says shoot! He says...shoot!

Shut! Shut!

And for this... - Tell me the whole thought!

And for this... - And for this...

send me some money... - send me some money...

because I don't even have the money to pay for the letter..

to the scribe who's writing the present letter!

And then? - And then, put in my greetings, period.

What greetings, what greetings! - What is it?

What greetings! - What is it? - Away, you rascal, go away!

I can't throw you the ink-stand, because I need it!

Go away! - What the...?

Shoot! Goes! Shoot! I'mma!

Makes me waste my time!

Pizzas are ready, give me the money!

What money? What pizzas? I'm not hungry anymore.

I don't want to eat anymore. Come here.

Take this, go to the Chevalier and let's hope he will help us today as well.

It's up to Don Pasquale to pay the rent. Felice must maintain me and his son.

For what you care about that boy! You even let him go around without a shirt.

It's too much already. After all, he's not my son.

He's the son of the first wife. - You meant, the real wife!

Donna Conce', shut your mouth, or I'll get in trouble for you!

No! I'll get in trouble! - No, no, no, no, no, no. I will!

No! I will! - I will!

I! - I! - I! - I!

No! I am in trouble...renting you this house!

Mom, never mind!

OK, let's not mind!

Don Gioacchi',..

you know it! That's not Don Felice's wife. The real wife is not dead!

They're separated since 6 years! - Donna Conce', what do I care about this?

Mom, it's 2p.m. and dad is not here yet. Just when are we going to eat?

Dear child, what can I do? Surely I cannot ask..

Don Gioacchino for a loan! - I'd like to see that! Nonsensical!

I'm going to pawn something again. - Good, mom.

I'm going to pawn your father's coat and a bed sheet.

So he'll know better than leave us at home without food.

Dear Felice, things are not changing!

Eh, yes. He who learned how to write, who poured his sweat on books,..

is at the mercy of those who don't even know how to write.

Hey! There's a client, go check.

No, it's the young Marquis Eugenio. - Who? - Marquis!..

What an honor! A photograph? - No, thank you, no photograph.

What then? - You should do me a favor.

At your orders! - This note is for miss Gemma, on the stage. - No problem!

They are rehearsing, I cannot get in, you instead...

Im very well known! - But personally to her.

Personally. I'll be right back, you stay here. - Yes.

For the reply. - Yes. - Then I'll find you here.

I won't move, rest assured. - No, because I'm not assured...

Feli' please, will you keep an eye on the premises? - Don't worry!

Don Pasqua', where are you going? You can't! - I'm going to the stage..

to deliver a note from the Marquis.

Are you a photographer or a postman? - Both, to keep my head above water.

That one will give me a tip and we'll share.

OK, I'll get distracted for a moment, so you can...- That's it, get distracted..

but keep an eye on the Marquis! - No.

I'll be right back! - I'll take care of it.

Excuse me miss, who is this miss Gemma? - That one!

The first one? - No, the second one. The tall one...the blonde.

Thank you. - But don't make yourself noticed, or they'll kick you out.

Miss Gemma! - What do you want?

A note from young Marquis Eugenio. - Thank you.

Is there a reply? - No.

None at all? - No. You may go, thank you.

Dear Gemma, I'm waiting for you at the usual time to tell you about my plan.

Shall we take one? - Yes!

Photographer! Where is the photographer? At your command!

Are you the photographer? - No, I'm not the photographer, I'm his helper.

Pasquale, the photographer, is my partner. I can do for him.

Well then, we want to have a picture taken.

A photograph? Both of you? - Yes, both of us! - Newlyweds? - Yes.

Married for two days. - Two days? How wonderful!

She's cute! - Eh!

By Jove! Do you mind? Very cute!

No, no, no! Alright! - No...I'm just paying my compliments!

What compliments?! - Let me be...I'm a man with a vast experience of life.

Yes! A nice photograph! Let's go!

Oh, let's go, come! Well then, yes...

Be still, eh! - Yes.

But...it comes out with no heads, does it matter? - How, no heads?

We'll make it in two takes. What two takes!

First the head, then the body...and then we'll stick them, as a whole.

Why, no! I want a regular photograph! Are we kidding?

I wanted to make it easy on you. Nothing doing! Take this photograph!

Ready? Bend down! Bend down!

Lower! Lower! Bend lower!

Down, down, down, down, down, down! Down!

I don't see you any more! So, what now?

Newlyweds! Newlyweds! - Eh? - Where are you?

Where you put us, no? - Stand up, you!

Slowly. That's it, right. Stand up. You, get behind, get behind.

No, no, behind, behind. Stoop down as much as you can.

Good. - But, will I get into the picture this way? - No.

What then? Really! - It spoils the photograph.

What spoil? I want a regular photograph!

What's Felice messing up?

By Jove! It's wonderful! Come and see, come and see. - Yes!

I'll take your place, OK?

Yes! - Were you like this? - Yes!

I would rather hug her like this. - But I can't see anything!

How come you can't see anything? - Nothing! - How possible? - Eh!

But....

And now is it ready? - Hello!

Hello! - Hello!

Hello! - Hello!

Excuse me, who's speaking? - The groom!

And what does the groom want? - I can't see anything!

How's that possible? - I just see a black dot!

Yes, yes, yes, yes! Me too. Wait! Hold it! - Yes.

Eh! Darn devices! They catch the dirt...

Did it go away? - But... - Yes!..

it went away! What the hell happened?

It was your eye! - What an insolent! What a photographer! Look!

Come here, let's go away! What a madhouse!

What airs!

Feli', Did you see? - Did you see?

- No, I say "Did you see"! - And what do I say? Did you see?

Can one work this way? With such clients?

One month that I don't take a photo! - If you care so much, take one of me!

No!

Pupella! I go downstairs for a moment, but I'll be right back.

As you wish. Anyway, should you not, it won't matter.

What matters is that my mother does!

Madam, it's been closed for over 5 minutes.

My beauty, what were you doing in that house?

I'm owed five months of rent by those gentlemen.

You rather, what are you looking for in these whereabouts?

I'll tell you, my beauty, but you mustn't tell my dad.

I'm in love with Pupella. - And with your father..

are you in peace or in clash?

Always in clash, my beauty. Yes. Just think that two months ago..

I snatched him 3.000 lire from his desk!

He got mad, he got upset, and he kicked me out of home!

What sort of father! - Eh! What sort of father!

After all, what do you need money for? You found a girl with a dowry!

Don't be so smart. I know that Pupella is not rich.

Rich? If I were you, I wouldn't trust much kissing her. - Why?

Because when she feels something tender, she bites. See, it's over 3 days that...

The mother had to go to the pawn shop. - What are you telling me?

My Pupella in such a predicament? We got to help her immediately!

I haven't got a dime. - Me neither.

I enjoy credit at all the restaurants. You know what I'll do?

I shall order a slap-up meal. Let's go! - No, no, no, no.

Until they come back, I won't move! - How much do they owe you, my beauty?

Five months, my beauty! - I will pay for them!

Your word of honour? - My word of honour!

Speaking of the devil! Here is donna Concetta.

Donna Concetta, did you conclude anything? - I found it closed.

Good bye, give my greetings to Pasquale. - Aren't you waiting for him?

No, I'll come back in a few days. That is, in a few months!

I'll come back when I can, so there. - As you wish.

Donna Concetta! Bon appetit! - Thank you.

Bon appetit, my beauty!

But how can you pay me, if you don't come to terms with your father?

What do you say, my beauty? Do you know my sister?

The ballerina? - Prima ballerina! Prima!

She's my sister, she adores me, dad does anything she wants.

Now let's go to the restaurant. - Yes.

It's no use, my parents consider your father a parvenu.

My father is a respectable person! - But to them, sick with nobility,..

he's still a chef whe had the luck to inherit from his employer.

If you only knew how severe is my uncle, the Prince of Casador!

Ah! Then marry your uncle! - No, Gemma, I love you, and..

I'll find a way out. This morning I met someone who will be able to help us.

Yes. - Do you remember the type who brought you my note?

We don't eat since 3 days and that one says: "bon appetit"!

What does he know about our shape?

Ah! It must be dad, here!

Dad, you're back at last! Get the money out so we'll do some shopping!

What shall I get out? I haven't earned one penny this morning!

Nothing? - Nothing.

This poor child is hungry! - Are you hungry? - Very, dad.

Let it grow, it's a healthy sign. These are bad days.

I always told you to change job!

I tried to be a postman, and I didn't succeed in that either!

How're we going to do? - When Felice comes home I'll ask him for a loan.

Sure! - Well, I helped him so many times, he might well help me one time!

This must be Felice. Pupe', go open the door!

When you saw it was getting late, you could have hocked something.

No need for you to tell me. I went, but found the pawnshop closed! - Better yet!

It's Peppinello.

Where did you leave your father?

He's coming. I ran ahead of him because he wanted to kick me.

Kick you? - Kicks are nothing...He should kill you,..

so we get rid of the worry! - Why? What did you do?

Nothing, he had given me a letter to deliver to the Chevalier.

I put it in my pocket with a pizza. - And it got stained with oil!

The Chevalier didn't want to read it and threw it after me.

You know what? You'd better learn a trade and leave this house!

You got that? Because we cannot maintain you!

Sure! I'll leave! I'm going to the godfather's, he at least..

will give me something to eat. - I'm tempted to come along.

He'll give me a job, and I won't come back here anymore!

Peppine'! Peppine'!

You let him go away like this? - Poor thing, they always mistreat him!

Mind your own business! This is nothing of your concern.

Who's ever meddling? I just spoke out of compassion.

Look who's talking about compassion! - With our weakness,..

we waste our energies to argue?

This must be Felice. - Ah! At last!

Good morning, Feli'! - Good morning, Pasqua'!

We were waiting for you. - You could have eaten, I'll eat later.

What did you understand? We were waiting for you for some money!

I haven't got anything done today.

And you were waiting for me? What has got into your head?

Today I didn't write even a postcard. - Nothing? - Nothing.

I had sent Peppinello to the Chevalier for an urgent rescue...

I met him on the stairway, he was running, where was he going?

He went away. - Ah.

He said he'd work with his godfather. - He probably went for another pizza.

Pizza...pizza... Here, we talk, we talk..and never eat!

Alright! Don't get depressed! While there' life there's hope.

By the way, Conce', this morning I met the young Marquis.

How nice! I lost my appetite!

One cannot touch any subject with you. He's a Neapolitan aristocrat.

When his mother died, I took her photo on the death bed.

If your wife doesn't care about it, why should I?

It's just for chatting. - Never mind!

You should know the father of this Marquis! A woman chaser!

Speaking of woman chasers... - What did you name that for?

Woman chaser, panhandler, that's enough, you hear? It's enough! - Enough now!

Really, enough.... Really, enough!

This is hell! Here we eat bread and venom!

No, Pasqua'! Just venom! - Concetta! What did you want to hock?

Your coat. - My coat.

What? What? What? You still have a coat, and you don't say anything?

Winter is approaching; you want me to catch pneumonia? - I'll say...

I'll sacrifice it!

Since the pawn shop is closed, go to the charcuterie at the corner.

Where to? - To the charcuterie at the corner.

Who is this "sciacquettier"? - The grocer!

The pork-butcher! - Yeah! - Speak frankly!

The shopkeeper. - Oh!

You trade in this, in exchange for 1.5 kilos of spaghetti.

Don't take the rough gauge type because I can't stomach it.

Pasqua'! You, with your hunger, would stomach even double bass chords!

Never mind. Then you'll get a big tomato can,..

I like pasta full of sauce. By the way,..

how do we make the sauce? With sausage? - Eh.

With sausage? - Eh?

Sausage..? - With sausage! Take 1 Kg of With sausage.

Not the aged one, the packaged one.

He's got the mincer, he takes the skin, inserts it, trr... tat�!

He can make it expressely for you. Clear?

But then, do we stay this "dry"? Just spaghetti and sausage? - Eh!

Shall we have a nice big pan of eggs? Fried eggs? Eggs? Eh?

Eggs? Yes. - Yes. Then. ten eggs.

You eat eggs, don't you? - If you treat them, yes!

Make sure they're fresh! You shake'm, if they're fresh, you take them,..

else, you desist, eh? How shall we cook them? With mozzarella?

Yes! With mozzarella. Eggs must be done with mozzarella.

You get a half kilo of mozzarella from Aversa, the freshest.

Make sure it's good. Take these fingers, squeeze the mozzarella,..

if the milk leaks, you take it, else, you desist. - Mh!

What else? Nothing more. Some dry fruits...

Ah! You also make yourself give 5 lire, go to the winery in my name, you say:

"Don Pasquale sends me", and you get two liters of Gragnano,..

sparkling. Make sure it's Gragnano. You taste it...

If it's sparkling, you take it, else... - ...I desist. - Yes.

What else? Ah! Coming back home, by the entrance there's the tobacco store;

you get two cigars, one for you and one for me. And you bring me the change.

Oh, Pasqua', tell me something: what's in here, Napoleon's coat?

What's the point? - Well?

It's the coat from when I married Concetta.

I know this coat. If I go to the "chartonier" with this coat,..

he'll kick my butt! You got it? - Why? - And then, I cannot go there.

- Why? - He's got a pawn of mine for 3 months now.

I cannot either. - Why? - He's got my winter blankets.

May I?

Marquis! What an honor!

Come in! - Good morning.

A chair for the young Marquis! - A chair for the young Marquis!

Please. This one. - Here!

Did you get it? - Yes. Let go.

Have a seat. - The chair! - What are you doing?

The chair for the Marquis! - Here! - No! The best one! - There's no the best one!

The one below! - The one below! - Excuse us, Marquis.

Please. - As soon as someone comes... - Please.

Please! Please! Have a seat! What do you do? Do you stand?

Excuse us! Have a seat! - An inattention, sorry.

This morning I didn't see you any more. What is this honor due to?

I came and see you because I need you.

Don Pasquale, you must help me. It's a favor that only you..

and your wife can do me.

Feli'! - Eh? - What if he came to ask us money?

If he ever puts forward this request I'll give him a punch on the hea..

Go ahead, Marquis. - Listen, Don Pasqua'...

Actually, I don't know if I may speak freely in front of this gentleman.

For goodness sake, you can trust him! Felice, more than a friend is a brother!

Allow me to introduce him: Felice Sciosciammocca.

Hey! Up! Up! - I can't! I'm stuck!

Up! - Pull! Oh! Pull! - Oh! Pull!

Oh! - Let go!

What, he pulled the fishnet!

Pleasure. - Not so much. My back, you know...

Well, it's about this: have you seen the girl this morning?

The ballerina? Good looking! - I want to marry her!

He wants to marry her. - Well, let him.

I know, but my parents won't let me. She's daughter to a chef,..

to some Gaetano Semmolone. He inherited his boss' money.

A chef... - What a beautiful word: chef!

I understand your parents, to marry a ballerina, daughter of a chef!

Marry the chef! - Don't joke! - I'm serious!

I'll marry her anyway. So they'll face a fait accompli. But...

But? - But? - Gemma's father wants me to introduce him my relatives.

But! - Don Pasquale, only you can save me.

But how? I don't get it! - Marry the chef. - Don't joke!

I'd marry him. A chef in the family is always a pleasure.

You should become the Marquis Favetti, my father. - Me? - You?

Donna Concetta, the Countess of Pero, my aunt. - Me, a Countess?

And a friend of yours...that's it, the gentleman, for instance,..

the Prince of Casador, my uncle. - Me? The Prince of Casserole?

Casador! - Alright. It's not possible. I'm not up to the level.

What about a more modest relative? The chef, for instance!

What do you say? We have a chef already. - The vice chef. - We got one!

The under chef. - There is one!

I want to be in the kitchen! - Let's be serious! I beg you! - OK!

Think well about it. If your fiance's father, the chef,..

perceives the sham... - Eh right!

he can have us beaten. - And we are not physically shaped..

to bear that. - Rest assured, everything will be alright.

Let's hope. - Let's hope. Help!

Again? Oh!

Oh! - Pull! - Oh!

Come! - Oh!

Pull! - Oh! Ah! - What's up? - A nail.

Careful! - Uh! All my lowlands!

Careful, careful! - Oh! And my back!

It's agreed then? May I go? - Just a moment, I don't remember. Who am I?

The Prince of Casador, my uncle. - Ah!

And I? - The Marquis Favetti, my father.

I'm Favetta. - I'm Casserole! "Favetta & Casserole"!

And who am I? - The Countess of Pero, my aunt.

Dad, nothing for me? - It's true, I can't leave my daughter at home.

Isn't there a character for her? - Yes! The Marquis is so good..

he'll find one. I'll think of it! Let's see, he said: Prince, Marquis,..

The Countess of Pero... The Queen! - Let's be serious!

Wait! My aunt has a daughter! She could be my cousin, the Contessina of Pero.

How wonderful! I'm a Contessina! - I recommend you airs of nobility,..

and pride, over all. - Don't worry! My uncle had a bride for 30 years!

What's that got to do? - He said bride! - Pride!

I understood bride, excuse me. - By the way, how do we come?

Not by foot...we can't make it. - I meant, what do we wear?

Ah! - You may wear your holiday suits.

Marquis, you see, we have..

Easter, New Year's eve and mid August. - It's all there.

I got it. Tomorrow I'll let you have the garments. - Yes.

And possibly some wool vests. - What's that got to do?

You can't see the vest. - But we need it!

If you'll perform well, you'll be well rewarded. - Thank you.

One thing, with the Marquis' permission. We would come over already eaten,..

but if we were slightly hungry, is there something to bite?

Yes indeed! There is everything! Soup,..

pasta, appetizers, caviar, oysters... - Oysters!

beef fillets, omelettes. - Cod fillets...

Cod omelettes! - Then dessert, cheese, tea...

Tea... - Coffee, pastry... - ...me... - English trifle...

French trifle! - Vanilla slice! - Millipeds!

Pasquale!

Come! Pull yourself together! Pasquale just ate,..

naming all these dishes brought him nausea.

Excuse me - Think of the hungry!

A spell. - Up, up, up!

Marquis, I meant to ask you: is it far?

This is the address. - Yes. - Yes.

"Chevalier Gaetano Semmolone. Riviera di Chiaia, 155". Yes.

Do we agree? - You're in good hands!

Donna Concetta! Good day. - Escort the Marquis! - Best regards!

- Marquis, allow me a question.

Please. - This man, who should act as your uncle,..

the Prince of Casador, didn't he say he has a wife, that is me?

I might come too. I could be the Princess, don't you think?

I'm sorry, it isn't possible. My aunt, the Princess, is very ill.

Chest illness, they all know it. She hasn't been out for over a year.

Did you hear? If there were to play another character,..

the Marquis would have proposed it to you. Is it clear?

The Marquis' aunt is very ill. Maybe, once home, he'll find her dead!

You want to play the dead? Go and make lunch, it's late already!

Forget it Marquis! - Goodbye. - See you tomorrow!

Escort the Marquis! - Best regards!

Don't forget the garments! - The vests!

No need for vests! - I got no shirt! - Oh, alright...

Listen! - Oh! Feli', don't...

Who's this? - Me!

As weak as I am, you send me on the ground!

Feli', enough! I can't stand it anymore! And tomorrow, see what you got to do!

Take all my stuff out of pawn! You got that? All my stuff!

Ueh! Don't shout! What will people think?

What did I pawn of yours? A villa? A palace? A ship? A tricycle?

A miserable little ring, for which they gave me 100 lousy lire.

When you needed them, they were not lousy! - Oh!

When one loves a man, one does any sacrifice!

Shut up! I have you here, you! - No! I'll speak!

I've told you many times that when your husband is there, you must not butt in!

Of course! When there's a man, let the man speak! - It's obvious.

Why, Pasquale is a man? - Why, I'm not a man?

No, I mean, is Pasquale a man to argue? Oh!

Listen, tomorrow I'll take all your stuff out of pawn! - Bravo, Felice!

Even if I had to borrow the money from Pasquale! - Don't play games, Feli'!

Let her drop, Don Felice. - Who?

You! - Come here!

Enough! - Shall we stop it or not?

We are decent people, or not? I'm a gentleman!

I'm not at my ease in this muddle. Is that clear?

What are we? Guelphs and Ghibellines? Am I a Ghibelline, I?

One can no longer live here! - What people!

Can no longer live! - Mamma mia!

One really eats bread and venom! - Pasqua', I've already told you:

here we eat venom only!

A mirage.

I dreamed the ballerina's father: the chef.

May I? May I?

Excuse me so much, I forgot my gloves when I left this morning.

Here they are. - Ah, yes. Thank you so much.

Best greetings! - Goodbye! - Goodbye!

Excuse me!

But, what are you doing? - Well, yes,..

we are not hungry, so we do some hops.

I wanted to tell you that I, in this house, will never set foot again.

Ah! - Good riddance!

It's the third flower basket that I deliver here,..

is there a party? - It's miss Gemma's name day.

Then my best whishes! I'm sure we'll meet again soon.

Thank you. Bye! - Goodbye.

Excuse me! - Who is it?

Do you know a certain Don Vincenzo? - Sure I know him, it's me.

Then I've got a letter for you. - A letter?

It's from Don Michele the broker. - But, it's all stained with oil!

Don't pay attention, it always happens to me. - Ah! It always does?

"Dear Vincenzo, this poor boy is son to my godfather,"..

"but it's as though he were alone." - Yes.

"His parents don't take care of him, he must earn his food by working."

"Try to provide him a job with your boss."

"Best greetings from your friend Michele."

What's your name? - Peppinello.

Peppine', now I'm going to try, but if my boss says no, then you must leave.

And where do I go? I'm dying of hunger! - I see that!

Do this, get behind there, you see? Behind there, and don't move!

I'm going to try, if everything works out, I'll call you. What's in there?

A servant suit that Michele gave me.

A servant suit? If we want to get you into this house,..

you need to say that I'm your father, you got it? You must call me dad.

As long as you let me eat, I'll even call you mom. - Good! Go.

I would willingly wait for her, but I can't, dear commendatore.

My daughter is out for a walk, she's due..

back any minute. - I shall go and applaud her at the theatre.

Thank you. Eh! How many flowers! Flowers are all beautiful!

But your casket is the best. - You mean: basket!

Yes! - It's a trifle. I also brought a small diamond ring.

Really? - Yes! With my initial B, Beb�.

Ah! Beb�? - Yes!

But if I may, what's your name? - What do you care?

Just call me Beb�, my pseudonym.

Then I'll call you: Beb� Pseudonym. What up? - Excuse me, Chevalier,..

I wanted a word with you. - Wait! One moment!

I'm speaking with the gentleman! Bad mannered! I'm coming!

For now, dear Beb�, I thank you myself. Later, my daughter will thank you too.

Goodbye, commendatore. - Dear Beb�! Dear, bye.

Well? What do you want?

My dear Gemma! - Beb�! - Oh!

I'm here to wish you all the happiness that you may desire. - Thank you.

And also to offer you this gift, as a memento of Mr. Beb�! - Good.

Uh! Cute. - How, cute? That's a B all made in diamonds!

So? Bettina, put it away. - Yes, miss.

Miss Gemma! - Eh? - If you were less cruel with me,..

I could do so many things for you! - You'd do anything for me,..

except marrying me. - Miss Gemma, I belong to a noble family..

and my relatives, you understand... - Your relatives are right.

Ballerine are the ruin of men: don't mingle with them.

But I cannot live without you! - Then marry me.

Marry you? Today I'll applaude you at the theatre, and tonight I'll come here..

to have a coffee. Your father begged me to come.

If that pleases my father, do come. Goodbye. - Goodbye.

You always meet noble people with relatives who oppose the wedding?

Eugenio's relatives will have to accept the fait accompli.

What if they discover the scam? - Everything will be fine, you'll see.

Be careful. Nowadays men take great fun in deceiving women.

What are you saying? You know that Eugenio is mad about me. - Yes.

Even that shameless husband of mine was mad about me!

But, are you married? - I am miss, since eight years.

I married a notary clerk: a certain Felice Sciosciammocca. - Is he dead?

I wish he was! After two years of marriage we separated. - Why?

He had an affair, that scoundrel! I came to know it, and we parted.

Poor Bettina, I imagine how much you suffered! - And how much I still do!

Not for him, for my son, whom he took away and never let me see again.

You have a child too? - Yes miss.

You never saw your husband again? - Not a bit! But that's better for him!

'Cause, if I ever meet him, I swear it on my honor,..

I'll stop being a separated woman, and I'll become a widow!

Poor Bettina!

Look, in order to have you hired, I had to say that you are my son.

So, if anyone asks, how do you answer?

If they ask me, I'll reply that Vincenzo is my father.

Good! If anyone asks you'll say: "Vincenzo is my father". Let's go.

Did you want something? - I wanted to check to what extent..

the second valet sleeps. I ring, I ring, and he never comes!

You must forgive him, he's a little dumb.

And who is this boy? - Peppinello. Greet the gentleman.

- Your servant Excellency! - Oh! Dear! At last!

You are Vincenzo's son? - And Vincenzo is father to me.

Yes. Eh! It's obvious! To this kid I'll give..

some ten lire a month. - Chevalier, it's too much!

Then, if he'll do right, I'll raise. -Thank you so much Chevalier Excellency!

What do you say to the Chevalier? - Vincenzo is father to me.

Yes dear, I got it. Well, pay attention, this is a bell, eh?

One ring: I'm calling my daughter's maid. Nothing to do with you, don't move

Two rings: I'm calling your father or the other valet.

At your command! What do you want?

You rang twice. - It's 5 months that I ring to call you..

and you never came, this time that it was't for you, you came.

Go away! Today is a celebration day and I don't want to get upset. Go!

Boy, pay attention: if I ring twice, it is to call..

either your father or that ass you just met. - And I don't move!

You don't move. If I ring three times, it's to call you, and then you show up.

Don't doubt Chevalier, the boy is very clever. Is it so, Peppinie'?

Vincenzo is father to me! - Vincenzo, the boy might be clever,..

but I'm not deaf, it's the third time he tells me that.

You must forgive him, Chevalier, it's a boy.

Chevalier! At the gate a coach just stopped, so full of people!

It's the nobles! The Marquis' relatives who are coming here..

to ask me for Gemma's hand! Go welcome them dear. No! - Yes, yes!

Come here, have mercy! With that face you got, they're liable to go back home!

No! You go, you're more intelligent. I'll take care of the boy! Go, go!

And don't forget, a nice bow! - I'm going right away, Chevalier.

Now you go that way!

And you, come here. Come here!

Still, eh? Motionless! But not like that!

Motionless! And for anything that might happen, don't move!

But what if I had to sneeze? - You hold it. But motionless!

The gloves!

The Marquis Ottavio Favetti and his son Eugenio!

Oh! Dear! - Come father. Here is the Chevalier.

Marquis sir, it's so great the honor that you do me today..

that I feel like I almost became dumb.

Come aunt! Please uncle, come in.

Chevalier, I'm glad to introduce you the Countess of Pero, my aunt.

Very fortunate, madam. - The Contessina of Pero, her daughter.

My pleasure, miss. - And the Prince of Casador, my uncle.

Prince sir, it's so great the honor that you do me today...

Enough! - ..that it almost seems a holiday to me.

Enough. - No, I meant to say, Mr. Prince, that I'm impotent..

because I cannot return what you today...

Enough. Enough! - But... - Enough!

Dear sir,..

we..

at today's date, deigned to come in this..

miserable house..

before you who, basically, although wealthy, are a wretched man.

Grab it! What kind of a house did I come in? What kind of a house!

Imbecile! The hat! Take it!

Why didn't you take the hat? - You told me not to move!

May I know what kind of a house did you lead to?

Forgive him, Excellency. - Enough!

You dropped these! - He insists! He insists!

But does this man know who we are? - Forgive him. - That's enough!

- But I... - Silence! Come on!

Could I know when I may speak?

Uncle, do you allow the Chevalier to address you two words? - Who? Him?

To me? Granted! - Thank you.

Prince sir, well, I wanted to simply tell you that I'm touched.

Touched to have met such a lustrous and illustrated family.

Opprobrious! You see that it was better if you kept silent?

Let's sit down.

What a house! - Please, have a seat.

What a sacrifice! - Go fetch the ice-cream!

(affectedly) So you arr the father of the girrl that my son says he..

loves so muach? - Yes. - Touch?

Muach? - Ah! Roach!

Exactly. I assure you that my daughter will bear for him an unspeakable love.

She's truly got a great passion, that girl. - Heresy!

But when has one ever heard that ballerine have passion?

Don't make me laugh, my good man! - Prince, maybe you're right.

Ballerine have an extravagant character, but my daughter...

Sir, I was against this marriage, at first. - It's true.

But, seeing my son cry in the morning, cry at noon, cry in the evening..

cry at night... - He cried all the time!

He cried all the time! - Always! - I said to myself:

"Let's satisfy him and get it over with!"

On the other hand he can do as he wants. He has a 600.000 lire income.

600.000 lire?! - Golly! 600.000 lire!

But what is 600.000 lire? - Who did ever see them?

I mean, who did ever see them, in cash, because we use cheques.

Yes. - And he knows. - All cheques.

Each cheque is this big. - Ah!

Besides, my brother here has already made his will all in his favor.

Oh! Yes, yes! All my millions are his. What have I got to lose, I?

Excuse me, there's my daughter, who's your niece too!

But dear sister, with my millions, I do what I want.

We'll talk about it at home. It's not the right time now.

Yes. Right. As I was saying, I was somewhat against this marriage,..

but the Countess wasn't for it as well. At first, she was a little hard,..

how should I say? A little hard! - Yes, it's true. The Countess..

was a little hard, but many years ago. Now instead the Countess is flabby.

Quiet. - She's flabby. - Be quiet!

Sure. I couldn't be pleased to get related to a ballerina.

but then, since the Marquis Ottavio, the Prince of Casserole...

No, of Casador! - This Countess gets all the names wrong!

Since they were favorable and since the girl hade sane principles..

and even better aims, I comply as well.

Chevalier Excellency, the ice cream is served.

The ice cream. - The ice cream! - The ice cream!

You like the ice cream!?

Why did you have to bother? - We are used to eat ice cream.

Always ice cream. - Always!

How's yours? - Mamma mia!

I like to pluck into others' ice cream!

But when are you going to show this miss Gemma?

Let us see the Gem.

Right away! Vincenzo!

Go and call miss Gemma, and ask her to come down.

Luigi, go away! Dad doesn't want to see you anymore!

That's why it must be you to convince him to make peace!

Else why would you be my sister, my beauty? - But how can I? Dad is right!

Before, 500 lire were enough, now you took 3.000 from him!

Is it my fault if the cost of life increases? - Alright, I'll speak to dad.

Now go, come back tomorrow. - Tomorrow? - Eh!

And how do I get there? No! I have to make peace now! It's urgent!

How do I do? We have guests here!

Okay, then leave! I'll wait here for dad,..

and I'll tell him that those are not the nobles.

Holy Virgin! You truly are a blackmailer! Have you no shame?

Eh...I was kidding. - Ah!

Help me make up with dad, and I'll help you with your scheme.

Miss? - What is it? - The Chevalier is waiting for you. - Coming.

Okay, hide. I'll call you as soon as I can. - Thank you.

I recommend you, my beauty!

Not because she's my daughter, Prince, but she's a little jewel.

It's true, I saw her dance several times, she's very good!

To me, she's better than all the ballerine I saw in Paris.

Has the Prince been to Paris? - But I know Paris better than Naples.

Brother! - Eh! - Say, how many times have we been to France? - Uh!

Here is Gemma! - Do come! Lucky daughter! Let me introduce you..

to your noble relatives. Come! - I'm honored, gentleman.

Blow me, Carthage and all the Carthaginians! Move.

Make so that I can look! What a nice piece of daughter-in-law you got!

My niece, come into your uncle's arms! We shall welcome you..

into our family's bosom...and you, welcome us on yours!

Uncle, that's enough! I understand your affection, but..

What can you understand, at your age? These are things that we can understand!

Prince! My brother! I'd like to understand some too!

The Countess is right.

You can't afford hardships! After your meningitis, you must stay calm!

Dear! - Dear uncle. - I, to this niece, would like to..

put some questions! If you excuse me. I'd like some details about the wedding.

Willingly. - Come, dear, come.

Excuse me, eh?

� tout � l'heure, messieurs dames! - Excuse me. - � tout � l'heure!

How democratic your brother is!

My little niece! - Eh?

This marriage was really a good idea. - Listen, Prince!

Uh, don't call me Prince, call me uncle! - It seems that the role of the uncle..

you're playing it all too well! - Oh God, but then you know..

that it's a farce? - Why, sure!

Well, alright. The uncle is a farce, but the hugs are real!

I'll allow you to hug me only in my father's presence!

Eh! - All too right!

Do come in.

By Jove! - Uh? - Your father!

Marquis. - Please. - Do me a favor,..

do the honors of the house. I must give some orders.

Don't worry, I'll take care of it.

This way, please. - Yes dear.

Pupella!

Luigino! - Pupella!

I had told you to wait! Not now!

What are you doing here? - I'm the man of the house!

What are you doing here? - These are the people that fake being..

my relatives. - Then we're all set!

So we can always be together, my beauty!

Young man! I'm the father! - Oh, yes? Pleased to meet you!

You're my father-in-law, my beauty! - What, you want to act democratic too?

Gemma! Where are you? Gemma! - Dad!

My dear noble relatives! Today I thought of something,..

but I fear to offend you. - Offend us?

Watch your tongue, neh! - Let's hear it! Let's hear it!

Since today is my daughter's celebration I gave orders to the cook..

to prepare a special meal.

But maybe the Prince might feel offended.

But speak up! But speak up, come! - Shall I say it or not?

Say! Say! - And don't change your mind, clear?

Prince, it would be for me a very great honor, to have you...

To have us? - To have us? - To...

Come on, speak up! To have us... - to dine with us!

What an offence! - Eh! - What an offence!

We are not used to... - to eat. - Ah!

We are not used to eat with people that are not of our rank.

Too bad. - Anyhow, it's not the case to resign oneself.

To resign is cowardice! One must insist! Deep down, even we nobles have..

a stomach. - A heart. - A heart in the stomach. - At the side.

At the side. - At left. - Right out the door..

you find the heart in the stomach. - Alright.

You Coun-tess, what do you thin-k of it? - If it is to please you...

And you, Prince? - We accept. - Eh?

Oh! We accept! - Prince, I'll be grateful to you for all my life.

But, does it really give you so much pleasure that we eat here with you?

Immensely. - Then, just to please you, we'll stay tomorrow as well.

And the day after too? - Even a week?

Even two weeks! - By Jove!

Even one month? - Even six months!

One year? - Two years! - Two years? Two years! Two years!

Two years! Done! Agreed! - Thank you! Vincenzo! Vincenzo!

I'd blind you an eye! - Why?

How? We were dealing so well! - Oh, alright.

And you break at two years. - Eh... - Pasqua', two years! We're so young!

Thank you! Prince my dear! What a luck for me!

To have these four nobles in my house for two years!

Remember, the two years are renewable. - Sure! As you wish.

I have the option. - Prince! How fortunate!

I'll go and make arrangements. - Go. - Who would have said it?

Such a luck! Prince! - Don't tell me!?

Feli', how wonderful! Can you imagine? Eating every day for two years!

And me, overall, far from Luisella! Ah!

Donna Luise', be careful! - What are you afraid of?

I'll wear it for a couple of hours. I must pay an important visit,..

and I'll bring it back tonight. Goodbye. - If my mistress finds out,..

I'll be in trouble! - Don't worry! You'll have it back by tonight!

Goodbye. Thank you. - Goodbye.

Where is the Prince? I'm here!

Prince. - Mh.

Prince. - Eh?

The finger.

Well?

Oh, by Jove!

A mistaken identity.

How, Prince, you in the kitchen? - Unfortunately, for two years..

this shall be my fighting post, dear Chevalier.

Then, if you wish, we may go. - Where?

To the theatre, to cheer my daughter. - But...

Yes. Then, once back home, we'll sit at the table.

I think it's a little early now. - No, Chevalier, my uncle cannot come.

His wife, the Princess of Casador, is very ill. It would be indelicate.

Right. Then you go. I'll stay with the Prince, and organize everything.

Well, goodbye. - Good. Organize.

I like organization, I'm an orderly man.

Ehi!

What a magnificence! What a beautiful house!

It's no use! I was born to be a lord!

One calls...

one rings, a servant comes,..

one orders. And I shall order! Order me, Excellency!

By Jove! My wife! Ueh!

Have no fear, the miss told me everything.

You can trust me. - Can I trust you? - Yes.

For sure? - Certainly. - And I will, eh!?

Yes, yes. - Okay. so...Well.

What?! Felice! Shameless, is it you?

Well, don't start it now. You said I could trust you and I'm trusting you.

Is it this what you became? A cheater! Once again in my way?

Shh! Silence, don't shout! If that one hears, we're ruined.

What a heartless man! Shameless! Six years far from his wife!

Without caring if this poor woman was alive or dead!

Six years without letting me see once that poor creature!

My son! Peppinello! Speak up! Where is Peppinello?

Don't shout! - Where is he?

Don't shout! I made a two years contract in this house!

Right! You're right, I can't scream! I can't tell who you are..

or I would harm my miss! - Of course. - But...

You'd harm her! - You see this?

I'll kill you! - Let's not play with arms!

Tell me where he is or I'll kill you! - Rough play is poor breeding's way!

Speak up! My own blood, my creature where is he?

Madam! Enough! By Jove! Oh!

You are speaking to the Prince of Casador!

You can be what you like, I want my son!

I am the Prince of Casador! - I don't care! - I don't know you!

I want my son! - Enough! Shut up! Or I'll call...

a valet and I'll have you kicked out.

At your command, Excellency! - What's he doing here?

Who's he? - He's our son, Peppinello!

Oh! My son! My Peppinello! How beautiful you are!

Give me a kiss! - But, who are you?

I am your mother! Your true mother!

What is happening? - My son!

Vincenzo, this is my son! - No! - I haven't seen him for six years!

Speak, how come you're in this house? - Vincenzo is father to me!

My son, tell me all! Come with me!

Prince, you must excuse me, that boy is my son.

Your son? - Yes, my son.

I recommend you boys! They're coming, let me make a good impression!

We'll put the Prince here. Where is the prince?

He was sleeping on an armchair in the living room.

And was he sleepy! I tried by squirting some water on his face..

but couldn't wake him up. - You squirted water on his face!

Have you gone mad? I recommend you, Vincenzo, I don't trust this idiot!

At the end of the meal I'd like to make a nice toast, what do you say?

I'd say so. - What could I say?

The same you said at the wedding.

No, not that! It takes something more noble!

I found it: I toast to the happiness of such fine nobleness!

Bravo! Bravo, dad, my beauty.

Bravo, dad! - Bravo! Bravo!

The poor man got by, eh?

If he were closer to me...

Noble gentlemen! Shall we go in the living room and have coffee?

Yes! With pleasure. Please!

Go in. Go in! Please go in!

Prince sir, aren't you coming in the living room?

I'll stay here a while. The proverb says: "Good food keeps you young".

As you wish! Excuse me.

Ueh! Young man!

Where is Bettina's room? - Near Vincenzo's one.

Here, have another laugh for this moustache. Go!

Madam, allow me one word. Let me justify and then do what you want.

We'll talk tomorrow, when you'll have digested the champagne.

The champagne? But I didn't eat or drink. - One wouldn't say.

How? I cried throughout the whole dinner.

The tears fell on the plate, I drank a tear bouillon!

Impostor! Liar! - You're right, I'm wrong. I failed.

Everything would have ended there, if you didn't make that big scene..

when you knew about Luisella.

Did you want my good wishes? - No. But, you understand,..

it was for that mortification that I decided not to see you again.

And when you sent for our son... That is, what am I saying?

Your son! Yes! Because the boy said: "Vincenzo is father to me".

I denied him to you! I thought it was the only way to be able some day..

to make peace. - What excuses! Yet that poor son of mine is without a shirt!

How can a father let his son without a shirt?

It's true! But what would you say if the father of the boy without shirt,..

didn't have a shirt himself? - How nice!

How disgusting! By the way, how come that Vincenzo is father to my son?

Because Vincenzo, to have him hired, introduced him as his son.

And said to Peppinello: "Whoever asks, tell him I'm your father".

Is it possible? - Right so. - But then,..

if it is so, if you told me the truth, my Bettina, forgive me!

Forgive me! - Prince sir? - Who is it?

Who is it? It's me, Vincenzo.

Me who? It's me, Vincenzo, the valet.

I was just looking for you. Where are you?

Behind you, Prince. - Where are you? Ah!

They ordered me to bring you the coffee.

I was just looking for you, to tell you that I don't want coffee.

As you wish, Prince sir! - That's it.

Vincenzo! - Who is it?

Vincenzo, would you please explain the Prince why Peppinello calls you father?

So, out of curiosity, not else. A noble's curiosity.

Prince sir, I'll tell you, but Don Gaetano musn't know about it!

Complicity. - You understand...

Since the boy was out in the streets,..

in order to hire him I had to tell Don Gaetano that he was my son.

Although, I'd like to have the pleasure to meet his father...

Sure, knowing the father... - so that I could tell him: "Shameless!".

To the father. - To the father! - Eh!

"How did you have the heart to abandon a creature in the street?"

"You're a swine"! - The father. - The father!

And I assure you I'd have the force to break his head!

- To the father. - To the father alright! - Eh, right.

Why? Did the Prince believe that you were my wife?

Right, just about. - No, there's nothing between us,..

we are just good friends. - I see, I see.

Bettina is an honest girl and a hard worker. - By all means!

Not her husband! Her husband is a no-good delinquent!

The father? Ehm...The husband? - The husband!

Allow me, Prince sir. - The father...Sure, sure.

My Bettina, forgive me. I swear I won't upset you anymore.

We'll see. - Betti', Betti',..

I want to see Peppinello!

He's asleep, if he wakes up and sees you with that moustache, he'll get scared.

I won't wake him up, I'll be quiet. I'll give him a kiss on the epidermis.

Alright, let's go now.

The Prince was kneeling before Bettina, he held her hands saying:

"My Bettina, if you said the truth..."

But what truth? - I don't know! Maybe he thought that Bettina and I...

But she was telling him no. - What a mess! The Prince is married!

Bettina as well! - Bettina? - And she's got a son.

A son? - You know who? Peppinello!

That little boy? - Right! - Isn't he your son?

Yes! He's my son, but the father is Bettina's husband.

I can't make anything out of all this!

Look what a trouble! I was so happy today!

My daughter's engagement, I made peace with my son...

By the way, did you see how, at lunch, Luigino wispered with the Contessina?

Thank goodness that nobody noticed!

Dad, why did you leave us alone? - Without you there's no animation.

But my brother, the Prince, where's? - What?

- Where's? - Eh... - Where is he?

Dad! Dad!

I'll show the garden to the Contessina, if you permit...

No! I don't permit! Later on we'll all go to the garden, right, Marquis?

Chevalier Excellency, the Princess of Casador!

Your sister-in-law? - But...

But how? The Princess, so sick? Something serious must have happened!

Take this cigar and these garments back, we're going to get a good hiding!

Wait, there must be a misunderstanding! - What will happen?

Princess, careful. Careful... - Thank you. Oh! Oh!

Careful. - Oh! - Luigino, a chair, quick!

It's Don Felice's wife! - It's Luisella! - Luisella!

Careful, be careful. Be careful. - Thank you. Thank you, sir.

How good of you! - Have a seat. - Thank you.

Careful! Careful! Careful! Please. Careful careful,careful careful...

Is she dead? - If only!

Why did you get out at this time and so sick?

Eh, I know, I know, I shouldn't have moved from home.

What do you want? I felt so lonely, abandoned by all, and I said:

"Since I must die, I want to do it among my beloved relatives".

Then hurry up! Try and make it quick.

I know that you little care about me and that you anxiously wait for my death.

But you know what they say: "A wished death never comes".

If you felt some love for me, you should have said:

"Poor Princess, what is she doing at home all alone? We're having fun,.."

"drinking, eating, and that poor Princess is on an empty stomach!"

On an empty stomach! - The doctor told the lady to fast!

Yes, he ordered me so, but now I feel much better. Yes!

Today I had two hard eggs and a piece of bread,..

just in order to have the energy to come here and see the bride myself.

And then because I need to speak to the Prince. By the way, where is the Prince?

Maybe in the garden. - Yes? Then let's go to the garden.

Let's go! - Let's go. Careful. Careful!

Look at her, what a comedian! She's all floured.

Don't pull me, I'm still too weak.

I'm weak. - Eh! - Of course! Because I'm sick.

My legs shake. Then, at this hour, I always have a little cough.

Anxiety, convulsions... And, you know when I calm down?

When I see the Prince. - Yes.

Let me see the Prince and I'll calm down. - Let's go.

Let's go and see the Prince! - Let's go!

I want to see the Prince! - Walk!

Let's go and see the Prince! - Move!

Let's go and see the Prince! - Move!

Euge'! Too many relatives! What will happen now? - Let's hope well.

How beautiful is this son of mine, eh?

His son? May we know whose son he is, this Peppinello?

Ours. Everybody's practically. - Oh!

Do you think the Prince will be bothered, if we call him?

Miss! - Eh?

There's Mr. Beb�! - And you tell me with that face?

Who is it, the same old suitor? - Yes.

Then I'll go and welcome him! - Eugenio!

I'm eager to meet him. - Give me a kiss first.

What pity!

Mr. Beb�!

Eugenio! - Dad!

Dad, what are you doing here? - How? I'm your father,..

I came to check what you are doing in this house!

So you are Mr. Beb�! And while you forbid me to marry a ballerina..

you don't disdain being her most assiduous woer.

Woer.. Anyway, I repeat, I'm your father!

And I don't want that you question my life! - Of course.

But we must see what will think of it my aunt, the Princess of Casador.

You won't do this to me, will you? - I will!

You won't!

Anyway, if you want to marry Gemma, I have nothing against it.

It's not enough. I want your consent.

With my consent, never! - Then I shall go and see the Princess of Casador!

One moment! Wait! Assassin! Quiet!

Let's find an agreement, let's try and understand each other!

Young Marquis, you're wanted by the Marquis, your father.

How? I want you? How? - Yes dad, now I'll explain everything..

Gemma's father...

Prince. - Eh? - Forgive me, if I disturbed you,..

do you know who wants to speak to you? - To me? Your daughter?

No, your wife. - My wife? - Yes.

Which one? - The Princess.

Ah! But, right the Princess Princess? - The Princess.

I'm going back to Bettina. - But, poor soul, she's so sick!

Rightly so, God forbid! I'm afraid of the infection! Send her away!

If she dies here, it's trouble! You cant even play it at the lottery!

Because a dead Princess makes 92. Chase her away! Chase her away!

Prince! At last I find you! I have so many things to tell you!

Hug me! Tell me something as well! - Dear wife, but how?..

So sick you got out of bed? Do you know you could have died?

She could die at any moment, and she's not dead! She's not dead!

Brother, what do you say about this unexpected visit?

It gave us so much pleasure! - We all remained speechless!

Excuse me, you nobles must talk of intimate things, if you'll excuse me,..

I shall withdraw. With your permission. - Please. - With your permission.

And if you permit, you nobles must talk, I'll withdraw as well.

No! Not you! You may go, good man.

I want to be alone with my husband. - My respects, Princess.

Ah! - Ah!

It seems you're not so pleased by my visit! - No! No and no!

You could do anything except coming here!

We're not amusing ourselves here! We're working, we're earning our soup!

And I want to earn it too! - The soup is finished! There isn't any!

Yes! - Let's not be known for what we are!

Don't shout! Quiet! - Quiet who?

Don't shout! - I don't want to see you anymore!

I can't bear this any longer! I dump you and I leave! - Good! Have you heard?

Bravo! Well! Encore! They are witnesses! She dumps me and she leaves. Witnesses!

These are not mere witnesses, these are eyewitnesses. Are you eyed? - Yes!

They're eyed. I'm leaving! But first you must take out of pawn..

all my stuff! - How much is this hock?

247 lire! - For 247 lire you make all this fuss?

247 lire!

Give me 247 lire! - Take an IOU.

Is it possible that there's no one who gives me 247 lire not to see her again?

I'll give'm to you!

Donna Bettina! - Your wife!

What? Are there cats on the roofs? - Ah! So you're here, you are.

Then it's all clear. It's all set! It means that you'll give me the 247 lire..

because they're nothing to you!

Of course they're nothing! I earn them with my work!

You know what? Go away by hook, or you'll go away by crook!

I'll go away by the crook? Me, go away by the crook!

You'll go by the crook, yes! - Do you hear her? Do you hear her?

Stop it, that's the wife! - Yes! - Yes!

And the wife should get upset with the husband for going around playing tricks!

No! With you, who went with a married man!

She's right!

Funicular without current! - Me?! - My wife got current aplenty!

Easy, I say! I say, easy! - Easy! Easy!

Gentlemen, nobles! Contessa! Princess! Baro...

Prince! - What's up?

You lost a moustache! - Me? - Yes. - You're joking!

By Jove! It's true! Let's not play tricks, eh? Who snatched it?

Don't pay attention, it's a blood reaction. Yes, yes!

You see, in quarrels there's those who loose their cool, some the patience,..

I loose my hair. This time, it was the moustache's turn.

What? - The blood reaction snatched my moustache!

But Marquis! Countess! Princess! - What Countess! What Prince?

Didn't you realize that they are four pennyless crooks?

This is Don Felice, the scribe! The other is Don Pasquale, the photographer!

But Princess! - What Princess and Princess!?

Is it possible you didn't understand? What sort of an idiot are you?

Come on please! I'm leaving now, but tomorrow bring me 247 lire,..

or, wherever you are, I'll give you a beat that'll open your skull!

Real good! These four crooks! The Prince! The Marquis! The Countess!

The Contessina! Shoo! Blow you! Ah!

Get out of my way!

No matter what she says, remember I'm a gentleman.

Marquis, what's this mess? - Forgive me, it was me who devised..

this stratagem, because I love your daughter too much. - Yes dad, forgive.

Now though I'm ready to marry her with the consent of my father, who is here.

You, his father?

Why did you call yourself Beb�? - It's very simple. I came into..

this house incognito in order to better know Gemma..

and check if she was worthy of my son. - Yes dad, I knew it.

Then, what should I say? Get married! And may heaven bless you!

Dad, my beauty, why don't you bless us too? - What? What?

Yes dad, bless them too! Come on! - And why should I bless them?

Because I love him. - My beauty!

Chevalier, since you go aroung blessing, do us a favor, bless us too.

But Bettina is already married. - I know. She's married to me.

To you? - Right. - And the boy, whose son is he?

He's my son! - He's our son. - Eh, right.

What a cheek this is!

I want to see if he still remembers. - Yes.

Here I am!

Order me, Chevalier Excellency! - Tell me, whose son are you?

Vincenzo is father to me! - And who is this?

Uh! Dad!

Yes, I'm your father! Who went through so many troubles, from true misery..

to false nobility... - What a pity, I got so well accustomed to be a lord!

Uh!

- Absent-mindedness... - Pasquale!

Excuse him, eh!

I go back to misery, but I do not complain.

Enough for me to know my audience happy again.