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1
00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:34,920
Stuart. Stuart Williams.
Howdy, neighbour.
2
00:00:34,920 --> 00:00:38,080
God... How you doing?
You all right? Busy?
3
00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:41,000
All right if I have five minutes of
your time? Five minutes? What is it?
4
00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:47,200
So, I'm having a very serious
operation tomorrow -
5
00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:49,680
keyhole, to be 'pecific,
6
00:00:49,680 --> 00:00:52,920
and I'm just letting everyone in
the crescent know the score. Why?
7
00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:56,280
I'd rather not reveal the full
details of the procedure.
8
00:00:56,280 --> 00:00:58,240
No, no, no. Why are you telling
everyone?
9
00:00:58,240 --> 00:01:01,880
Well, I just need to let them know
that their crescent warden will be
inactive,
10
00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:04,640
just in case there's an emergency.
"Crescent warden"?
11
00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:09,920
Yeah, crescent warden. It's actually
a thing what I'm doing, as a pillar
of the community.
12
00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:13,760
I'm there for people,
for my friends, for my kin,
13
00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:17,760
and I need them to know that I will
be bedridden for two to three weeks
14
00:01:17,760 --> 00:01:19,960
while I convalesce within my house.
15
00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:21,640
What, is it serious, then?
16
00:01:22,960 --> 00:01:24,000
I have a growth.
17
00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:26,840
Gary, I'm so sorry, mate.
Is it treatable?
18
00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:32,520
It's a bunion. Right, so this has
been a complete waste of my time.
19
00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:34,600
No, not a waste of your time, mate.
20
00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:37,080
It's the most serious bunion
the specialist has ever seen.
21
00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:41,080
He said it's probably going to go in
a book or something. Sounds amazing.
Yeah, it is amazing.
22
00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:47,000
Enjoy this, whatever you're
doing...in your garage.
23
00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:48,760
Erm...
24
00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:51,880
Argh, argh.
Have you moved that, mate? No.
25
00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:55,800
That's been moved. It's not been
moved. It's definitely been moved.
That's not been moved, mate.
26
00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:57,360
What's that? Did you just say sorry?
27
00:01:57,360 --> 00:01:59,840
No, I did not. I thought you said
sorry, mate. No, I didn't.
28
00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:02,040
Bad manners. Idiot.
29
00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:22,240
Hello, all right?
30
00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:23,840
Oh, Dad! The pain, mate.
31
00:02:23,840 --> 00:02:26,320
The absolute pain with it all
32
00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:30,440
and the agony within my foot is
real bad. Still a little bit drowsy,
33
00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:34,040
what with the medical stuff
what they've got me on, but...
34
00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:37,000
What do you want?
OK, mate, emergency call-out.
35
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:40,240
Bromley Sofa Town has been
plunged into darkness.
36
00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:42,280
I'm talking a complete blackout.
37
00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:44,440
I'll give Winkle a call and shoot
over there.
38
00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:47,320
OK, just a little heads-up here,
though, Dad.
39
00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:51,000
Sally, the manager, is a little bit
of a worrier, OK?
40
00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:54,480
She's been through a very serious
break-up, she's 32, she's single...
41
00:02:54,480 --> 00:02:56,680
Am I doing her lights or dating
her?!
42
00:02:58,000 --> 00:02:59,920
OK, just hang up, mate. Whatever.
43
00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:04,960
Whoa, whoa, whoa, babe, babe.
44
00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:06,840
Tel, you are right, babe?
What's happened?
45
00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:08,200
This is unbelievable, Gal.
46
00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:11,240
I'm just going to have a little sit
cos my leg's gone funny.
47
00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:13,400
Yeah, take a seat, take a seat,
my girl, my world.
48
00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:15,200
Take yourself
a seat. What's going on?
49
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:20,320
This has been shared on Facebook.
50
00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:25,880
It's bad, innit? Yeah.
51
00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:29,360
OK, wow. Ah. OK.
52
00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:33,200
I mean, who'd put up an old clubbing
picture like that, hey?
53
00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:36,200
It's 3am and I look like I'm
totally off my swede at Bestival.
54
00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:39,600
I'm proper spangled. I look
horrendous, Gal. I look...
55
00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:44,080
..like a disco stinker.
56
00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:47,840
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
No. No-no-no, not in here.
57
00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:49,400
You are no stinker, babe.
58
00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:53,560
You are beautiful in whatever
pickled state you find yourself in.
59
00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:54,760
Thank you.
60
00:03:56,280 --> 00:03:58,800
Who would do that, Gal, eh?
It ain't right.
61
00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:00,960
That's not right. It is, it's...
62
00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:03,640
It's awful. It's awful,
is what it is. Huh?
63
00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:05,440
I'm a member of the PTA, Gal.
64
00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:08,680
I can't have the teachers and other
school mums seeing me like this.
65
00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:09,920
I mean, what about Teddy?
66
00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:12,040
What about Teddy's mates?
Teddy's mates' parents?
67
00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:14,400
I'm friends with Mr Brown
the headmaster on there.
68
00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:16,480
What's he going to think, hey?
Yeah, I know.
69
00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:20,320
This is a serious breach of
protocol.
70
00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:25,040
This is a level-one
FaceyB code violation.
71
00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:27,040
Get yourself over here.
Get yourself over here.
72
00:04:27,040 --> 00:04:28,240
Gal, no, cos I'm going to go.
73
00:04:28,240 --> 00:04:30,280
Babe, you need a cuddle.
You need a cuddle, girl.
74
00:04:30,280 --> 00:04:31,520
Come here. Come here, babe.
75
00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:37,440
Now, who shared this memory?
Who came at you like this?
76
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:42,040
Who do you think, Gal?
77
00:04:42,040 --> 00:04:43,840
No, no, no.
78
00:04:43,840 --> 00:04:45,720
I didn't think you two were talking
any more.
79
00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:48,640
Going to have to track her down,
Gal. Get her to remove it,
80
00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:50,400
before she may strike again.
81
00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:52,560
Why don't you just message her?
Already have.
82
00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:56,920
And I've seen that she's read it but
she ain't replied.
83
00:04:56,920 --> 00:05:00,080
Read receipt, no reply.
The ultimate head-mash.
84
00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:03,000
And to make it even more
diabolical, Mad Kay,
85
00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:04,840
she's gone and double
shared it, soppy mare.
86
00:05:04,840 --> 00:05:06,960
What's she playing at?
What is she playing...
87
00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:08,440
She's supposed to be your mate!
88
00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:11,320
I mean, I've got five,
potentially six hours,
89
00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:13,400
before peak Facebook feed time.
90
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:15,760
But I need to move on this
el pronto, babe.
91
00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:17,680
Then go. Go.
92
00:05:17,680 --> 00:05:20,400
I am sorry, babe. I know I should
be looking after you today.
93
00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:24,200
Don't you worry about me,
I'll be tickety-boo right here.
94
00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:27,440
I love you. I love you, too.
95
00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:30,920
Now go. Go, Tel, go. Thank you.
96
00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:35,960
Bye.
97
00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:59,840
Morning, mate. Hey, you all right?
Sorry, I'm a little banged up. I've
just been at home convalescing.
98
00:05:59,840 --> 00:06:03,240
You OK to sign for this?
It's number 39, Stuart Williams.
99
00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:05,320
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
100
00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:08,800
Ouchy.
101
00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:12,880
Cheers, mate.
102
00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:45,560
Hey, hey, hey. You nearly took
the door off its hinges.
103
00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:50,200
Are you OK to sign for this for
across the road. I'm in a rush?
Yeah, no problem. Who's it for?
104
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:53,040
Number 39, Stuart Williams.
105
00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:55,520
Can I get your name?
Gary. Gary King.
106
00:06:55,520 --> 00:06:59,040
Actually, on second thoughts,
do I have to sign for this?
Well, you just said you would.
107
00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:02,760
Yeah, that was before I knew who it
was for. But I've already put your
name. Gary Gary King.
108
00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:05,840
My name isn't Gary Gary King.
Gary isn't my middle name, as well.
109
00:07:05,840 --> 00:07:09,800
I haven't got time for this, mate.
No-one else is in and I've marked
you down that you'll accept it,
110
00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:11,360
so you have to sign.
111
00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:14,040
Yeah, all right, OK.
112
00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:19,000
You're supposed to sign in the box,
not just scribble all over it.
113
00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:22,560
Well, my hands are full. Hey, hey.
Mrs Lady! Mrs Lady!
114
00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:26,480
Can you do me one favour? Give
number 39 another knock for me.
115
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:29,680
No, mate. I've already rung and
banged, there's no-one in.
116
00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:44,080
Hello, darkness, my old friend.
117
00:07:45,120 --> 00:07:48,640
No sign of life, Captain. Hello!
118
00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:50,760
Hello? Hello?
119
00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:52,360
Was that your echo, Winkle?
120
00:07:52,360 --> 00:07:54,920
No, Big Gal. Sounds like a bird.
121
00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:01,640
Is that a pigeon? Too easy.
122
00:08:02,680 --> 00:08:05,160
Can you do a chaffinch?
I can do all the English ones.
123
00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:12,680
Chaffinch, first bird of the spring.
124
00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:14,640
I did not know that.
125
00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:17,640
Sorry, er... Shh! Let him finish.
126
00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:24,040
Big Gary King, King's Property
Maintenance. What's occurring here?
127
00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:26,000
Oh, thank you. Thanks for coming
so promptly.
128
00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:30,440
I came in this morning and I tried
to put on the master lights and
there's nothing.
129
00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:33,040
Yeah, and you're a little in
the dark about what's happened?
130
00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:39,360
Yes. Look, it was fine yesterday.
131
00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:41,280
Have you checked your fuse box?
132
00:08:41,280 --> 00:08:43,720
Yeah, that was the first thing I did
when I came in. It's fine.
133
00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:46,480
You'd be surprised. We could have
a code 700.
134
00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:49,880
A code 700? What does that mean?
Nothing. Don't mean anything.
135
00:08:49,880 --> 00:08:52,040
"It doesn't mean anything!"
136
00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:56,320
Look, I'm confused. Do you want
to look at the fuse box or not?
Do you need my torch?
137
00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:59,560
No, I think we'll be all right.
Winkle here eats more carrots than
Bugs Bunny.
138
00:08:59,560 --> 00:09:01,920
I don't even like carrots!
139
00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:03,840
What's up, Doc?
140
00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:08,840
My lights, that's what's up, yeah.
They're not working. Look, I really
don't have time for this.
141
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:11,240
Winkle, I want you to go and get as
many of the boys
142
00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:14,680
as possible on this,
throw some serious manpower at it.
143
00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:16,760
Lady, it's in hand.
144
00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:21,120
You have the honour of having
THE best property maintenance man
in the game on this job today.
145
00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:22,760
She don't need to know that, Winkle.
146
00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:25,800
She does, she should know,
everyone should.
147
00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:28,800
I want to shout it from the bloody
rooftops!
148
00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:32,240
OK, look. How long is it going
to take for this job to be done?
149
00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:34,440
We'll be done by dusk, EOP today.
150
00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:36,600
"End of play" today.
151
00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:38,760
I know what that means.
Sooner rather than later.
152
00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:40,760
Why, you got a sale on?
153
00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:43,440
I love the way your mind works!
154
00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:47,240
They've always got a sale on,
these places. He's so observant!
155
00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:50,120
I don't like sales, I hate sales!
156
00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:51,760
But I've got to do them to survive!
157
00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:54,960
Are you going to get the lights
fixed and do the damn job?!
158
00:09:56,840 --> 00:09:58,080
Yep.
159
00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:08,480
Mm, you are everything what
I dreamed you would be.
160
00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:11,680
Come on...
161
00:10:29,680 --> 00:10:31,160
What have you got there, mate?
162
00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:34,080
Delivery for number 39,
Stuart Williams.
163
00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:36,880
They didn't tell me they was getting
a new fridge freezer.
164
00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:39,240
Do you live here?
No, but my boy does.
165
00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:43,200
Can you sign for it?
Yeah, course I can.
166
00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:47,840
..He had an operation yesterday.
167
00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:49,640
Nothing serious I hope?
168
00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:53,880
Gary, what are you doing sitting in
the dark? It's like you're 16 again
with your mucky video.
169
00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:56,760
Well, I'm trying to enjoy my big
sandwich.
170
00:10:56,760 --> 00:10:58,480
Didn't you hear this man knocking?
171
00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:02,040
What, pray tell, is that?
172
00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:05,280
It's a fridge and a freezer for
Stuart. Just plonk it down here,
love.
173
00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:08,320
No, no, no, don't plonk it down
there, mate. I'm not signing for it.
174
00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:10,760
Oh, your mum's already signed for
it. Then unsign it.
175
00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:12,360
That's his third delivery today.
176
00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:15,400
I'm sorry, once signed and
documented I can't unsign it.
177
00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:18,960
I didn't sign for it, she signed for
it. Dump it at her house.
178
00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:21,400
I don't want it cluttering up
my house. You can dump it here.
179
00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:24,360
I'm afraid she signed for this
address, so I have to dump it here.
180
00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:27,880
You're a real piece of work,
you are, mate! Thanks, Mum!
181
00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:29,440
Oh, behave yourself.
182
00:11:38,680 --> 00:11:40,400
Kay.
183
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:43,520
Oh, no. You haven't come here to get
your toenails done, have you?
184
00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:45,360
I haven't got the big belt sander
in!
185
00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:49,880
Do us a favour, babe, skedaddle.
186
00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:53,200
Go grab yourself a little frothy
coffee while you're at it, hey?
187
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:57,000
Ooh! Someone means business.
188
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:12,800
Oh, no. How funny! How funny...!
189
00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:15,680
How funny is that picture?
190
00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:22,680
Oh, no! Oh, no, it's such a corker!
I've actually missed it.
191
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:27,720
Yeah, well, actually, I think
it's quite mean to snap
unsuspecting revellers
192
00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:30,960
when they're not suspecting it,
so can you please remove it, please?
Thank you.
193
00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:34,880
Are you being serious? Yeah.
Oh, is this Serious Terri?
194
00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:39,240
Yes, that's me. What, like really,
really, really?
195
00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:41,480
Like really, really. Really-really.
196
00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:45,920
All right, I'll unshare it. How do
you unshare it? I'll unshare it.
197
00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:53,280
Oh, look at it!
198
00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:58,480
Her face looks inside out!
199
00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:01,280
Yes, ha-ha-ha. Yeah, ha-ha.
It was a long time ago.
200
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,400
Have a look at that.
Oh, show the whole place.
201
00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:05,800
She looks like she's been dropped
on her head. Ha-ha-ha.
202
00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:09,880
Babe, can you stop showing that
please. Get it down now. All right,
I don't want to fall out about it.
203
00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:12,440
You've got to understand
my predicament, it is so funny.
204
00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:14,200
Yes, I think we've established that,
205
00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:18,320
but can you unshare it immediately
now, please. Time is of the essence.
206
00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:20,200
Jesu!
207
00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:24,640
Is it done? Yes, it is done.
All right, all right.
208
00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:28,000
So I've still got time to get to the
source, then. That's all right.
209
00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:30,560
What, you're going to go and speak
to Jodie Simone?
210
00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:34,800
Yeah. Oh, that will be fireworks.
211
00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:38,000
Whiz, pop, bang, babe. Do you want
me to come with you?
212
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:39,920
Nah, nah.
213
00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:41,840
I'm going to have to do this on
me jacks.
214
00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:43,800
Nah. Yeah.
215
00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:45,520
Nah. Oh, yeah.
216
00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:47,720
No.
217
00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:49,000
Yeah.
218
00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:53,240
I love work,
I can watch it for hours.
219
00:13:55,480 --> 00:14:00,000
Oh, it's good to be back, Winkle. I
feel a rush of blood. I feel alive.
220
00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:04,720
"Just when I thought I was out,
they pulled me back in."
221
00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:10,680
It don't have to be one last job,
boss. Come back!
222
00:14:11,680 --> 00:14:15,800
I could do. It ain't no bed of
roses, this retiring lark.
223
00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:19,000
A little part of you dies.
I miss the boys, Winkle.
224
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:21,080
I miss the banter.
I don't mind admitting it.
225
00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:24,800
I've loved every second. I don't
want it to end, Big Gal. Come back!
226
00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:28,840
Maybe I will. I'll have to run it
past the wife.
227
00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:33,560
A couple of days a week perhaps.
Part-time hours could suit me.
228
00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:36,360
It's great news. Yes! Yes!
229
00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:38,880
Let's get a selfie,
document the occasion.
230
00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:41,480
The old team, back together.
You're a nutter, William boy.
231
00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:46,120
Oh, that's a keeper.
232
00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:48,360
So, you think he's done this on
purpose?
233
00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:51,840
Course he has. He's hitting me
when I'm at my weakest.
234
00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:54,960
Could be another explanation.
Don't jump to conclusions.
235
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:58,760
Nah, this is clearly some kind
of high jinks.
236
00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:00,960
He knows I'm at home.
237
00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:05,440
Maybe, just maybe, it's an accident
with smaller items,
238
00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:07,600
but for large, white goods,
239
00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:09,960
you make sure you're in for them.
240
00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:12,600
What kind of psychopath
isn't in for them?
241
00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:15,440
You think he thinks you're that much
of a mug?
242
00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:17,400
Oh, yeah. He definitely does.
243
00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:24,080
Then maybe you need to act before
he walks all over you?
244
00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:25,760
OK, Mother.
245
00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:36,400
Nah, mate. No, no, no, no...
246
00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:39,080
No way, Jose, am I signing that,
let me tell you.
247
00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:42,480
Enough of it is enough of it.
No more, I'm afraid.
248
00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:46,080
But Mr Williams tell warehouse
to deliver here.
249
00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:50,320
Sorry, I need to drop or I don't get
paid. We have to make delivery.
250
00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:52,320
Yeah, I understand that, pal.
251
00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:56,240
But, right now, someone is trying
to pull my underpants down.
252
00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:58,920
I've just had a very
serious medical procedure,
253
00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:01,280
I'm not even meant to be up
and about on my feet.
254
00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:03,480
It's a miracle I've made it here
out onto the drive.
255
00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:06,800
He has had...a bunion removed.
256
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:11,880
But Mr Williams, he has nominated
this as his safe place,
257
00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:13,560
so no need to sign.
258
00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:17,320
His "safe place"? Mate, this is far
from being his safe place.
259
00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:19,840
He's taking the
absolute Michael, boy.
260
00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:22,200
He say to leave with Gary King.
261
00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:24,280
He said that? They're his actual
words, are they?
262
00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:27,400
He's going for checkmate, Mum! He's
actually going for checkmate.
263
00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:29,760
Yeah, it's his final move,
but he ain't checked the board.
264
00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:32,040
See, he's got me pegged as a rook,
or a bishop,
265
00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:34,200
but what he don't know
is I'm a queen, mate.
266
00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:35,760
I'm a massive big old queen
267
00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:38,440
and I can go anywhere on the board
where I want.
268
00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:40,160
You leave them boxes here,
all of them.
269
00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:42,080
You just leave them all on
the drive there.
270
00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:43,920
Gary, what are you doing?
271
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:46,680
Don't you lay down, boy.
Don't you melt.
272
00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:47,840
Oh, I'm not melting, Mum.
273
00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:50,680
I'm ice cold.
274
00:16:57,160 --> 00:16:59,360
Sally, what's happened here?
What's the coup?
275
00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:01,400
Your men, they've gone!
276
00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:04,000
Like, their phones started bleeping
and that was it!
277
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:06,360
That's highly irregular.
What was said?
278
00:17:06,360 --> 00:17:08,640
Nothing. I tried to stop them but...
279
00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:11,440
Winkle, answers. We need answers.
280
00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:15,400
Get on the blower to anybody and
find out why all my lads were pulled
off this job.
281
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:16,720
I'm on it, Big Gal.
282
00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:21,480
Hello, where the hell are you?
283
00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:24,400
Well, why aren't you at Sofa Town?
Big Gal commands it so!
284
00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:25,800
What?!
285
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,840
I just want my lights fixed,
it's that simple.
286
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:34,720
I could have got the steps myself! I
could have fixed the lights myself!
287
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:39,440
Well? It's Little Gal... He's pulled
them all for some emergency job.
288
00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:42,080
What's the plum playing at?
What is actually happening here?
289
00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:45,240
Not just here, Big Gal,
it's the entire firm.
290
00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:46,520
The whole corporation.
291
00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:48,520
Winkle, go and get the big steps,
292
00:17:48,520 --> 00:17:51,240
it looks like me and you are doing
this, kid.
293
00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:53,840
It'll be an honour to serve
with you again, sir.
294
00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:27,800
Gentlemen, thank you
for your speedy arrival.
295
00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:33,880
I'm being pushed and pulled,
kicked whilst down.
296
00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:39,440
I feel like a beached whale,
sat upon the sand,
297
00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:42,280
and I need dragging back into
the surf,
298
00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:44,360
so I can swim amongst my own,
299
00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:47,400
amongst orcas and dolphins and such.
300
00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:50,520
Gal, Gal, your old man's going
potty.
301
00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:52,680
That's not my concern, Wayne.
302
00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:57,080
My concern is this. My loyalists of
soldiers, you have been called here
303
00:18:57,080 --> 00:19:00,320
to help me take my vengeance against
my enemies.
304
00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:03,680
I shall not let the crescent fall,
not tonight.
305
00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:07,400
Do I have your support?
Will you join me in this mission?
306
00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:09,400
Gary. Yes?
307
00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:11,440
Are we getting paid overtime?
308
00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:15,360
Mm-hm, yeah. And we still get paid
time and half?
309
00:19:15,360 --> 00:19:18,960
Mm-hm, yeah. And, Gary, will you
sign the time sheet please?
310
00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:24,960
Yes, Voytek, I will do that for
definite, mate. So, with that, I ask
you, boys, are you with me?
311
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:26,760
Yeah. Yeah.
Let's go to work.
312
00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:43,760
Check...mate.
313
00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:04,480
Gal, call me when you get this,
yeah?
314
00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:08,280
I can't find her, babe.
I'm done for, mate.
315
00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:11,760
It's the end of the road for me.
I have no other choice.
316
00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:13,880
I'm going to have to delete
Facebook.
317
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:16,360
Erase my entire profile.
318
00:20:16,360 --> 00:20:20,240
18 years' worth of memories,
friends, holiday pals, Christmases.
319
00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:24,520
Gone! Done. Everything. I'm just
going to have to wipe it all.
320
00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:29,240
It's over.
321
00:20:33,120 --> 00:20:35,120
Have you been looking for me?
322
00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:43,760
Course I've been looking for you.
What you playing at?
323
00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:46,720
I'm not playing. Putting bits of
cheese out on social media,
324
00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:49,080
hoping I'd come scurrying like
a little mouse.
325
00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:52,200
And you DID come scurrying.
I needed to draw you out.
326
00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:54,080
Yes, but you cannot be putting
pictures of me
327
00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:55,360
up like that on the internet.
328
00:20:55,360 --> 00:20:58,760
I've just joined the PTA,
I'm a valued member of society now,
329
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:02,000
and I look absolutely munted
in those pictures.
330
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:05,040
Like, a proper gurn on, like,
rave caviar all round my gob.
331
00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:07,720
I cannot be seen like that,
do you understand?
332
00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:10,040
Don't shout at me.
333
00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:11,160
I'm not...
334
00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:14,040
I'm not shouting at you.
335
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:20,200
I just...had a few cans
and a jazz fag last night.
336
00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:24,640
I was reminiscing about us and
the things we used to do together.
337
00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:29,120
The festivals, old-school rave-ups
338
00:21:29,120 --> 00:21:31,240
and I found that picture and I just
thought...
339
00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:35,240
..I miss you.
340
00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:38,040
I miss you, too, Mum.
341
00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:42,400
You could have just called me and
told me that or text me.
342
00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:43,960
I haven't seen you in months.
343
00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:49,040
How you doing? You all right?
344
00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:51,200
Yeah, I'm all right, getting by.
345
00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:56,480
Might do all the closing parties in
Ibiza this year, do you fancy it?
346
00:21:57,920 --> 00:22:01,280
Nah, we've booked up to go Portugal
with the family, so...
347
00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:04,000
Much of a party scene out there,
is there?
348
00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:07,880
No, Mum, there's no partying,
it's just relaxing and chilling.
349
00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:13,640
Just take that picture down, yeah?
350
00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:15,240
I will.
351
00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:19,600
Can you lend me a oner?
352
00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:27,000
Yeah, course I will.
353
00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:29,640
Get Gary to ping it over.
354
00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:35,680
It is a good one, though,
that picture, innit?
355
00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:40,040
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, that's a corker. Hm.
356
00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:50,920
Nice one, Wink. I enjoyed that.
357
00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:53,560
Nothing like being thrown at it,
hey?
358
00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:55,840
Any chance I can lure you
for a beer?
359
00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:58,760
A bit of hard work's always a good
excuse for a pint.
360
00:22:58,760 --> 00:23:00,320
Or six!
361
00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:03,400
You don't need an excuse, boy,
just being awake's enough for you.
362
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:04,880
I am a lad!
363
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:08,360
But, nah, mate. Denise has made me
sausage and mash,
364
00:23:08,360 --> 00:23:10,360
and to be honest, I'm shattered!
365
00:23:10,360 --> 00:23:13,240
Me shoulders are aching and
me knees are throbbing.
366
00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:18,680
Maybe next time. Like next week,
when you're back at it.
367
00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:22,480
Nah, I think today
was a one-off, Wink.
368
00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:24,040
I don't think I've got it no more.
369
00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:27,520
It's graft, it knocks your pipe out.
It ain't in me.
370
00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:29,960
You said you was coming back.
371
00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:34,880
Yeah...I was dreaming, William.
372
00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:37,520
It's a young man's dance, this.
373
00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:40,400
You're the only one who gets me.
374
00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:43,800
Everyone else thinks I'm weird.
375
00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:56,000
House martin.
376
00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:58,560
Right first time.
377
00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:05,880
I love this movie.
378
00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:09,240
Oh, yeah. It's beautiful,
it's a cracker.
379
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:11,480
To be fair, I love all of
Vin Diesel's stuff.
380
00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:15,120
I'll get it. Nah...
381
00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:17,960
..I've got this.
382
00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:28,080
What's that, an apology?
You taking a knee?
383
00:24:28,080 --> 00:24:31,640
Well, it's just my way of saying
thanks for everything you've done
today.
384
00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:33,880
Sorry, sorry, can you just have a
little check for me?
385
00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:36,280
Is there a sign above
my house that says sorting office?
386
00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:39,280
Sorry? The man knows what's going
on here.
387
00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:42,080
You thought you could get me when
I was delibertated
388
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:46,120
and I proved you that, like a little
injured bird with a bad wing,
389
00:24:46,120 --> 00:24:47,800
I can still fly if tested.
390
00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:50,320
What are you going on about?
How did it feel?
391
00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:51,840
"How did it feel"?
392
00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:54,080
How did it feel this evening when
you got home from work
393
00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:56,600
and you saw those boxes stacked up
on your driveway?
394
00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:58,840
I'd've actually
paid to see your face, mate.
395
00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:02,840
Sorry, I thought you signed
for them all. Yeah, mate, I did.
396
00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:07,000
But I don't legally have to keep
them in my home. I checked online.
397
00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:09,320
Look, let's just face it, mate.
398
00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:11,880
You thought you could have
a practical joke with the master
399
00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:13,080
and you got schooled, boy.
400
00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:15,200
What? No, my mother-in-law
had a fall.
401
00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:17,600
We're actually all
very worried about her.
402
00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:19,880
That's horrible news. I'm...
403
00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:23,480
Yes, well, I just assumed that our
self-appointed crescent warden,
404
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:25,160
who I knew would be in,
405
00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:27,280
would be kind enough to take in
our deliveries.
406
00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:31,400
Mm-hm. Interesting, yeah.
407
00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:34,080
So, you're still under the
impression
408
00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:36,200
that your kitchen's in my home
409
00:25:36,200 --> 00:25:39,240
cos I left it out there
on your front drive.
410
00:25:39,240 --> 00:25:43,120
It's not on my front drive.
Is it not? No, where is it?
411
00:25:44,880 --> 00:25:47,120
Well, well, well. That...
412
00:25:47,120 --> 00:25:50,200
That is strange, you know?
Where has that gone?
413
00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:53,720
I don't know. I'm not the one
who left out there.
414
00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:58,200
No, no, I did. You see, I thought
you was testing me.
415
00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:02,080
You know, making moves against me
because I was like ill,
416
00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:06,880
cos I was sort of laid up and what
not. What? Who would do that?
417
00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:10,120
I thought like it was like tactical
warfare,
418
00:26:10,120 --> 00:26:13,360
you know, you're sort of
against each other.
419
00:26:13,360 --> 00:26:16,080
Right, so, you're telling me
my kitchen's been stolen?
420
00:26:17,360 --> 00:26:21,400
Yeah. Yeah, I mean it...
It certainly looks like that.
421
00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:24,840
My guess would be tinkers,
local tinkers.
422
00:26:24,840 --> 00:26:27,480
I mean, they'll take anything
what's not nailed down.
423
00:26:27,480 --> 00:26:29,440
I mean, basically,
they're like road pirates.
424
00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:32,600
Well, if you knew that,
why did you leave it there?
425
00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:35,320
For a joke. Erm...
426
00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:36,880
Oh, mate, you know what?
427
00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:39,560
This is what I'd do if I was in
your situation, call your insurance.
428
00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:41,320
Straightway, Stu,
get back to your house,
429
00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:43,280
call the insurance, tell them
what's happened.
430
00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:45,040
Right, and say what?
I'm making a claim
431
00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:46,880
because my neighbour
thought I sent him
432
00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:48,720
nearly 10 grands' worth of kitchen
as a joke?
433
00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:51,600
So, he left it on my front drive and
now it's been taken by road pirates?
434
00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:53,680
Yeah. Actually, now I've heard it
out loud,
435
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:56,400
I don't think they're
going to pay you out on that, mate.
436
00:26:56,400 --> 00:27:00,280
Well, this is going to cost me
a fortune, isn't it?
437
00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:01,680
Yep, yeah. It...
438
00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:04,720
Mate, I think it was probably
just medication what I'm on.
439
00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:07,120
Yeah, I sort of... Yeah, you know
what I think?
440
00:27:07,120 --> 00:27:08,840
I've misjudged the situation.
441
00:27:11,320 --> 00:27:13,520
How do I know you won't do anything
like this again?
442
00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:15,400
Well, I can only promise you, mate.
443
00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:18,520
Give you my word, I will never do
anything like this again.
444
00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:20,560
I don't believe you. Convince me.
445
00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:24,440
Honestly, mate, I'm so, so sorry.
446
00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:29,040
I'm... I'm mortified at my
behaviour, I'm disgusted at myself.
447
00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:31,160
Please, I beg of you, Stuart...
448
00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:33,520
Right, I've got the kitchen,
it's in my garage.
449
00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:43,800
Pardon, mate, what? What? Why...?
Why...? What? Why would you do that?
450
00:27:43,800 --> 00:27:46,120
To teach you a lesson...King.
451
00:27:46,120 --> 00:27:48,000
To respect other people's things.
452
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:50,840
Isn't that the main role of
the "crescent warden"?
453
00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:52,680
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Right, look...
454
00:27:52,680 --> 00:27:56,400
I've marked your house as "do not
leave" with the delivery companies
455
00:27:56,400 --> 00:27:58,880
and I've had a word with some of
the people round the crescent.
456
00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:01,080
I've warned them not to leave
parcels at your address.
457
00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:03,760
Don't do that. Please don't do that.
I will always take a parcel!
458
00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:06,800
I'll take a parcel every day
of the week and twice on Sundays!
459
00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:09,760
I love taking parcels, mate!
I just thought this was a game!
460
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:11,480
I'm afraid you can't be trusted.
461
00:28:12,760 --> 00:28:14,360
Sorry, did you say something?
462
00:28:14,360 --> 00:28:15,840
No, nothing.
463
00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:17,320
Enjoy.
464
00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:20,880
By the way,
the word is "debilitated", moron.
38860
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