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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:16,100 --> 00:00:17,350 (TURN UP THE RADIO PLAYING) 2 00:00:31,940 --> 00:00:33,320 MAN: (SINGING) Turn it up! 3 00:00:54,630 --> 00:00:58,140 Turn up the radio 4 00:00:58,930 --> 00:01:02,930 I need the music Give me some more 5 00:01:03,890 --> 00:01:05,560 NICK: Come on, Boots, you have three minutes left. 6 00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:08,730 You can do this. You came to me, remember? 7 00:01:08,810 --> 00:01:10,980 It's not about losing weight. It's about a lifestyle change. 8 00:01:11,070 --> 00:01:12,190 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 9 00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:13,320 (BARKING) 10 00:01:18,370 --> 00:01:20,490 Nick, you have a customer. 11 00:01:21,290 --> 00:01:22,620 Like we practiced. 12 00:01:22,700 --> 00:01:24,540 Right away, Terry. 13 00:01:27,710 --> 00:01:29,170 'Sup, dawg? 14 00:01:30,670 --> 00:01:32,630 Oh. Ha! Funny. 15 00:01:32,710 --> 00:01:33,840 It’s the name of the store. 16 00:01:34,010 --> 00:01:35,130 What can I do for you, man? 17 00:01:35,220 --> 00:01:38,090 Bono has been doing this for three days. 18 00:01:38,340 --> 00:01:39,340 (MOANING) 19 00:01:39,430 --> 00:01:40,640 It’s fucking disgusting. 20 00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:41,720 Bring him up here. 21 00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:43,430 Bono, Bono, come. 22 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:44,520 Bono, up! 23 00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:46,270 Don't yell at him like that. 24 00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:48,640 Okay. Okay. Cool. You're gonna. . . 25 00:01:48,730 --> 00:01:50,560 I might just look. . . 26 00:01:53,030 --> 00:01:54,070 (WHIMPERS) 27 00:01:56,900 --> 00:01:58,400 Do I know you? 28 00:01:58,530 --> 00:01:59,740 I know you. 29 00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:01,740 You're the singer from Chocolate Lipstick. 30 00:02:01,830 --> 00:02:03,530 You guys used to play at the Jam Shack on Friday nights. 31 00:02:03,620 --> 00:02:05,040 Damn! You remember that? 32 00:02:05,120 --> 00:02:06,200 You were so good. Yeah. 33 00:02:06,290 --> 00:02:07,540 Oh, my God, you still singing? 34 00:02:07,620 --> 00:02:10,120 Nah. That was a long time ago. 35 00:02:10,210 --> 00:02:12,460 Wow! What are you doing now? 36 00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:16,260 You get shit out of dogs' asses. 37 00:02:16,510 --> 00:02:18,220 That's great. 38 00:02:18,550 --> 00:02:20,180 You own a BMW? 39 00:02:20,590 --> 00:02:22,470 Yeah, can you tell? 40 00:02:24,970 --> 00:02:26,350 (EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST) 41 00:02:26,430 --> 00:02:27,850 Good boy. 42 00:02:28,890 --> 00:02:30,690 (ON ANSWERING MACHINE) Adam, it's Lou. Don't hang up, okay? 43 00:02:30,770 --> 00:02:32,730 It's not about money. It's about making money. 44 00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,400 You and me, buddy. 45 00:02:34,480 --> 00:02:35,820 LILY: Hi, it's me. 46 00:02:35,900 --> 00:02:38,820 So, I did everything according to your stupid fucking plan. 47 00:02:38,900 --> 00:02:40,660 I took everything with the yellow stickers 48 00:02:40,740 --> 00:02:43,870 and I left you everything with the red stickers. 49 00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:47,200 There was some stuff in your closet with no stickers, 50 00:02:47,290 --> 00:02:49,660 so I threw that in a pile and burned it in the backyard. 51 00:02:49,750 --> 00:02:50,790 (LILY CHUCKLING) 52 00:02:50,870 --> 00:02:52,670 Seemed like the right thing to do. 53 00:02:52,750 --> 00:02:55,000 And thank you for claiming that empty plastic bottle. 54 00:02:55,090 --> 00:02:57,800 I was prepared to fight you on that one. 55 00:02:58,260 --> 00:03:00,840 Anyway, I left you something on the counter. 56 00:03:00,930 --> 00:03:03,590 It's from the heart. 57 00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:05,010 (ADAM SIGHS) 58 00:03:05,930 --> 00:03:08,640 Oh, and one last thing. Um... 59 00:03:08,850 --> 00:03:12,600 The TV had a red sticker on it, but I took it anyway. 60 00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:14,230 (CHOKING) 61 00:03:14,310 --> 00:03:15,610 Bye. 62 00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:18,440 JACOB: Just keeping my head down. 63 00:03:21,450 --> 00:03:26,030 Not getting shivved today. Let's knock these reps out. Mmm! Mmm! 64 00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:32,960 Turn on a light, Jake. Open a window. 65 00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:35,750 Go outdoors. Jesus Christ! 66 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:37,460 Why don't you get out of the house this weekend, huh? 67 00:03:37,590 --> 00:03:40,630 What should I do out of the house, Uncle Adam? 68 00:03:40,970 --> 00:03:43,050 I don't know. Anything that corresponds with reality. 69 00:03:43,140 --> 00:03:45,550 Apply for a job. Maybe try to go to college. 70 00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:47,260 I don't know. That all sounds kind of overrated. 71 00:03:47,350 --> 00:03:48,890 You don't like it, you can move back in with your mom. 72 00:03:48,970 --> 00:03:51,020 No, I can't actually. She moved in with her new boyfriend. 73 00:03:51,100 --> 00:03:52,850 I will not be anywhere near that. 74 00:03:52,940 --> 00:03:54,020 She moved in with him? 75 00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:55,860 Yeah, the taxidermist. 76 00:03:56,770 --> 00:03:58,860 The taxidermist is stuffing my mother. 77 00:03:58,940 --> 00:04:00,030 Ugh! Kelly. 78 00:04:00,110 --> 00:04:02,450 She's your sister. You should call her once in a while. Check in. 79 00:04:02,530 --> 00:04:04,450 Well, maybe she should check in with me. Ever think of that? 80 00:04:04,530 --> 00:04:05,870 JACOB: Yeah. That's interesting. 81 00:04:05,950 --> 00:04:07,620 Listen, I've got a big court date in a few minutes. 82 00:04:07,700 --> 00:04:09,580 lf I miss it, I'm kind of screwed. Why do you waste your time 83 00:04:09,660 --> 00:04:11,040 with that Second Life bullshit? 84 00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:13,290 Look at you, you're still in jail. You were in jail last week. 85 00:04:13,370 --> 00:04:15,460 Yeah. I’m a prisoner. It’s called "doing hard time." 86 00:04:15,540 --> 00:04:17,130 Can't you be like a warrior or a shaman 87 00:04:17,210 --> 00:04:18,420 or an Orc or some shit like that? 88 00:04:18,500 --> 00:04:20,590 No, no. In life, you make choices, 89 00:04:20,670 --> 00:04:22,420 and if you screw up you have to pay for those choices. 90 00:04:22,510 --> 00:04:24,840 You're 20 years old, you haven't made an important choice in your life. 91 00:04:24,930 --> 00:04:27,600 What are you mad about? What is this? 92 00:04:28,890 --> 00:04:30,930 I don't know if you noticed, but Lily moved out. 93 00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:32,850 Is that what all the shuffling was? 94 00:04:32,940 --> 00:04:34,020 Uh-huh. 95 00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:36,350 What did you do? 96 00:04:37,940 --> 00:04:39,820 I didn't do anything. 97 00:04:44,110 --> 00:04:46,320 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON CAR RADIO) 98 00:04:46,410 --> 00:04:47,530 (TIRES SQUEALING) 99 00:04:55,540 --> 00:04:57,290 (HOME SWEET HOME PLAYING) 100 00:04:57,380 --> 00:04:59,170 No fucking way! 101 00:05:05,220 --> 00:05:08,260 (SINGING) You know I'm a dreamer 102 00:05:08,850 --> 00:05:12,140 But my heart's of gold 103 00:05:12,220 --> 00:05:15,350 I had to run away high 104 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:20,440 So I wouldn’t come home low Just when things went... 105 00:05:25,530 --> 00:05:29,200 ...song And you'll never be left all alone 106 00:05:29,280 --> 00:05:30,530 (ENGINE REVVING) 107 00:05:30,700 --> 00:05:36,580 I'm on my way 108 00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:40,170 Home sweet home 109 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:46,010 Tonight, tonight I'm on my way 110 00:05:46,090 --> 00:05:49,840 Home sweet home 111 00:05:50,050 --> 00:05:52,680 MALE NARRATOR: (ON TV) Even among the gentle prairie squirrels, 112 00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:53,760 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 113 00:05:53,850 --> 00:05:56,390 the mate-less male is subjected to a humiliating ritual. 114 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:00,770 Hello. 115 00:06:01,770 --> 00:06:02,980 What? 116 00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:07,650 Fuck! 117 00:06:11,070 --> 00:06:12,490 NICK: Hey. Adam. 118 00:06:13,410 --> 00:06:15,330 What's happening, man? Hey. 119 00:06:15,410 --> 00:06:16,790 You all right? 120 00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:20,420 Hi, Courtney. Hey, how you doing? 121 00:06:20,500 --> 00:06:22,170 Nice to see you. You, too. 122 00:06:22,250 --> 00:06:23,880 Yeah. Not here. 123 00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:25,380 Long time. 124 00:06:25,460 --> 00:06:27,260 Yeah. You know. . . 125 00:06:27,970 --> 00:06:29,800 Work's been crazy and. . . 126 00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:32,050 I know. I called a couple of times. 127 00:06:32,140 --> 00:06:33,220 Yeah. Yeah. 128 00:06:33,970 --> 00:06:35,430 Very, very busy. 129 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:37,930 You think this is a real situation 130 00:06:38,020 --> 00:06:40,690 or just one of his bullshit episodes? 131 00:06:40,770 --> 00:06:42,270 I don't know. 132 00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:43,690 You never know with Lou. 133 00:06:43,770 --> 00:06:45,900 Well, hey, Adam, how's your girlfriend? 134 00:06:45,980 --> 00:06:47,570 Oh, really bad. 135 00:06:48,030 --> 00:06:49,280 Okay. 136 00:06:51,660 --> 00:06:52,870 Happy times. 137 00:06:52,950 --> 00:06:55,830 Hi, folks. I’m Dr. Jeff. Lou's resting. 138 00:06:55,910 --> 00:06:58,910 He's denying that it was a suicide attempt and medically he's stable, 139 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:00,540 so legally we can't keep him here. 140 00:07:00,620 --> 00:07:02,920 But we do think that he should be monitored for a few days. 141 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:04,590 Does he have any family? 142 00:07:04,670 --> 00:07:06,170 Lou's family all kind of hate him. 143 00:07:06,250 --> 00:07:09,170 Okay. Well, then I guess it's up to you guys, his friends. 144 00:07:09,260 --> 00:07:11,340 You are his friends, right? 145 00:07:13,510 --> 00:07:14,970 It’s like that friend who's the asshole. 146 00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:16,680 But he's our asshole, you know? 147 00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:17,970 Right. 148 00:07:18,350 --> 00:07:19,520 Yeah. 149 00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:25,860 WOMAN: (ON PA) Dr. Jefferies to radiology. 150 00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:28,730 (WHISPERING) Lou. Why would he do this? 151 00:07:29,110 --> 00:07:31,360 Why? I mean, make a list. 152 00:07:31,450 --> 00:07:33,410 He's an alcoholic, he's divorced. 153 00:07:33,490 --> 00:07:35,410 Wife ran off with that Jamaican guy. 154 00:07:35,490 --> 00:07:38,370 He's failed at every jive-ass money hustle he's ever tried. 155 00:07:38,450 --> 00:07:40,040 ADAM: He's in a mountain of debt. 156 00:07:40,120 --> 00:07:41,160 NICK: He hates his mother. 157 00:07:41,250 --> 00:07:42,750 He hates himself. He hates everybody. 158 00:07:42,830 --> 00:07:44,080 He has erectile dysfunction. 159 00:07:44,170 --> 00:07:45,330 He's got halitosis. 160 00:07:45,420 --> 00:07:46,920 He's got that runt ball. 161 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,000 Huh. 162 00:07:48,090 --> 00:07:50,550 He said one of his balls was shriveled up. . . 163 00:07:50,630 --> 00:07:51,800 Oh, yeah. 164 00:07:51,880 --> 00:07:53,430 . . .like a spoiled grape. 165 00:07:53,510 --> 00:07:55,890 Wasn't it that quarterback on the Bears 166 00:07:55,970 --> 00:07:58,060 who had his ball crushed on the field. Right? 167 00:07:58,140 --> 00:07:59,640 Yeah. Yeah. 168 00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:02,480 Right, right. '82? Yeah, yeah. 169 00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:03,730 He came back from that, though. 170 00:08:03,810 --> 00:08:04,850 Strong as ever. 171 00:08:04,940 --> 00:08:05,940 Fuck yeah. 172 00:08:06,020 --> 00:08:07,190 But I don't know about Lou. 173 00:08:07,270 --> 00:08:08,820 It’s just like. . . No. 174 00:08:08,900 --> 00:08:11,820 (SIGHS) It’s just like an accumulation of punishment. 175 00:08:11,900 --> 00:08:12,900 Fuck you guys. 176 00:08:12,990 --> 00:08:13,990 Oh! Hey! 177 00:08:14,070 --> 00:08:15,990 There he is. Hey. 178 00:08:16,070 --> 00:08:18,580 I can fucking hear everything you're saying, all right? 179 00:08:18,660 --> 00:08:21,080 Look who's awake. What's up, man? 180 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,620 Hey. Hey, man. 181 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:24,920 What's up? 182 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:27,840 You look just like my friend Nick. 183 00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:30,000 And you look like my friend Adam. 184 00:08:30,090 --> 00:08:31,340 But you wouldn't be those guys because 185 00:08:31,420 --> 00:08:32,590 I’ve been calling and calling them, 186 00:08:32,670 --> 00:08:33,670 and they haven't returned my calls. 187 00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:35,430 So, listen, Violator. 188 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:38,680 Me and Nick got a little surprise for you. 189 00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:41,520 Something special that the three of us can do. 190 00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:42,890 Come on. You guys. 191 00:08:43,020 --> 00:08:44,270 ADAM: Are you curious? No! 192 00:08:44,350 --> 00:08:46,690 I didn't fucking try and kill myself. 193 00:08:46,770 --> 00:08:49,480 lf I wanted to kill myself, I’d fucking kill myself. 194 00:08:49,570 --> 00:08:50,730 I’d be awesome at it. 195 00:08:50,820 --> 00:08:52,530 A shotgun to the dick. 196 00:08:53,150 --> 00:08:54,360 I’m glad you didn't do it. 197 00:08:54,450 --> 00:08:56,860 It’s good to see you guys, anyway. 198 00:08:58,990 --> 00:09:02,040 So, just out of curiosity, what's the surprise? 199 00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:03,660 Tell him. 200 00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:06,710 Ko-di-ak. . . 201 00:09:07,330 --> 00:09:08,380 . . .Valley. 202 00:09:08,460 --> 00:09:09,540 No fucking way! 203 00:09:09,630 --> 00:09:10,630 NICK: Yes, sir. ADAM: Yeah. 204 00:09:10,710 --> 00:09:12,670 Fucking K-Vals? Holy shit! 205 00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:14,130 Yes, sir. Bang! 206 00:09:14,380 --> 00:09:17,050 We fucking ski, right? We fucking rage. 207 00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:18,340 Chimney Point at the end of the night 208 00:09:18,430 --> 00:09:21,930 with a bottle of scotch to wash it all down. Oh! 209 00:09:22,350 --> 00:09:24,810 And you guys are paying for the whole thing? 210 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:26,480 Sure. Yep. 211 00:09:26,560 --> 00:09:27,560 Let's go tonight. 212 00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:28,650 We go tomorrow. 213 00:09:28,730 --> 00:09:29,730 Let's go now. Let's go now. 214 00:09:29,810 --> 00:09:32,020 I just got to get rid of this thing. It’s really uncomfortable. 215 00:09:32,110 --> 00:09:33,280 You should wait for the nurse or something. 216 00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:34,780 (GRUNTING) I got it. I got it. 217 00:09:34,860 --> 00:09:35,860 Hold on, Lou. No, no, no, no. 218 00:09:35,950 --> 00:09:38,360 Let somebody do that for you. 219 00:09:38,820 --> 00:09:39,870 (GRUNTING) 220 00:09:42,330 --> 00:09:43,370 (EXCLAIMING) 221 00:09:46,830 --> 00:09:48,370 Oh, shit. God. 222 00:09:48,460 --> 00:09:49,500 Did I get that on you? 223 00:09:49,580 --> 00:09:50,790 Yes, you did. Damn it! 224 00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:53,500 It’s only pee. Relax, it's only pee. 225 00:09:58,430 --> 00:09:59,430 There's Lou. 226 00:09:59,510 --> 00:10:00,800 JACOB: Good, he's drinking already. 227 00:10:00,890 --> 00:10:02,350 Look at this shit. 228 00:10:02,430 --> 00:10:04,680 Do you remember when I was 12 and he tried to bite me? 229 00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:07,350 Yeah, but he. . . You had that coming. 230 00:10:08,140 --> 00:10:10,020 Hey, Violator. NICK: Lou. 231 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:12,020 What the fuck is he doing here? 232 00:10:12,110 --> 00:10:13,270 It’s nice to see you, too, Lou. 233 00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:16,030 (IN MOCKING TONE) "Nice to see you, too, Lou." Fuck you, Jacob. 234 00:10:16,110 --> 00:10:17,950 You suck and you know it. 235 00:10:18,030 --> 00:10:20,280 You just ruined my fucking weekend. 236 00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:33,290 Hey, Lily will come back. Trust me. 237 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,460 No, she won't. LOU: No, she won't. 238 00:10:35,550 --> 00:10:36,840 No, she won't. No, she won't. 239 00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:38,670 She basically thinks I’m an asshole, you know? 240 00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:40,680 Like a completely self-absorbed, delusional. . . 241 00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:42,430 She's got a point. . . .narcissistic. 242 00:10:42,510 --> 00:10:43,970 Fuck you. LOU: You're better off. 243 00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:46,220 Take my word for it. Look at me. 244 00:10:46,310 --> 00:10:48,560 Fuck wives, man. Fuck kids. 245 00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:50,980 Lock it down or they will take everything from you. 246 00:10:52,860 --> 00:10:55,570 God damn it! Who the fuck are you texting with? 247 00:10:55,650 --> 00:10:56,730 Just a friend of mine. 248 00:10:56,820 --> 00:10:58,570 Male or fucking female? 249 00:10:58,650 --> 00:11:01,610 For your information, I’ve had a lot of girlfriends. 250 00:11:01,700 --> 00:11:02,700 Hot ones. 251 00:11:02,780 --> 00:11:05,450 You have had lots of boyfriends. Gay ones. 252 00:11:05,740 --> 00:11:07,700 (LAUGHING) 253 00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,830 Hey, hey, hey, check this out. 254 00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:13,830 I brought a regulation bar for tubbing tonight. 255 00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:14,960 ADAM: Nice. 256 00:11:15,050 --> 00:11:18,090 I’ve got vodka, fucking Tequilles O'Neals. 257 00:11:18,970 --> 00:11:21,220 You guys are gonna love this. Check this out. 258 00:11:21,300 --> 00:11:22,470 Chernobly. 259 00:11:22,550 --> 00:11:23,930 It’s like the Russian Red Bull. 260 00:11:24,010 --> 00:11:25,550 It’s got shit in it that's not even legal here. 261 00:11:25,640 --> 00:11:27,060 Like what shit? 262 00:11:27,310 --> 00:11:28,850 How the fuck am l supposed to know, dude? 263 00:11:28,930 --> 00:11:30,600 But it's illegal. 264 00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:31,940 Hey, why didn't we just go to Pinnacle? 265 00:11:32,020 --> 00:11:33,560 It would have taken, like, half the time. 266 00:11:33,650 --> 00:11:35,560 You wanna go to Kodiak Valley, trust me. 267 00:11:35,650 --> 00:11:36,900 You're at the right age for it. 268 00:11:36,980 --> 00:11:38,230 Really? 269 00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:41,240 Yeah. Nobody gets carded and everybody gets laid. 270 00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:45,870 MEN: (CHANTING) K-Val! K-Val! K-Val! K-Val! K-Val! K-Val! 271 00:11:45,950 --> 00:11:47,660 Oh, shit! K-Val! 272 00:11:47,740 --> 00:11:48,790 (ALL WHOOPING) 273 00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:55,420 This? This is the coolest town ever? 274 00:11:56,540 --> 00:11:58,300 LOU: Fuck! That used to be Papa Enzo's. 275 00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:02,090 I broke up with Jenny Stedmeyer there. 276 00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:03,430 What made you break up with her, again? 277 00:12:03,510 --> 00:12:05,970 I don't know. We swapped virginities junior year. 278 00:12:06,050 --> 00:12:07,680 All we did was listen to records and have sex. 279 00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:10,390 And she was epic, I mean she was. . . She was epic. 280 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:11,560 Yeah, man. She was hot. 281 00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:13,480 And then when l broke up with her, she was so mad, 282 00:12:13,560 --> 00:12:15,810 she practically stabbed me in the eye with a fork. 283 00:12:15,900 --> 00:12:17,940 Actually, she did stab me in the eye with a fork. 284 00:12:18,020 --> 00:12:19,190 She was a one-percenter, man. 285 00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:20,280 Yeah. 286 00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:21,690 All downhill from there. 287 00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:24,950 That was a big one. First love. 288 00:12:25,030 --> 00:12:26,280 The one that got away. 289 00:12:26,370 --> 00:12:28,330 MEN: The great white buffalo. 290 00:12:28,410 --> 00:12:29,580 Yeah. Yeah. 291 00:12:29,660 --> 00:12:31,160 The great what? 292 00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:33,040 BOTH: (WHISPERING) Great white buffalo. 293 00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:35,120 Why are you guys whispering? 294 00:12:35,210 --> 00:12:37,130 BOTH: (WHISPERING) Great white buffalo. 295 00:12:37,210 --> 00:12:39,840 That was really helpful, you guys. Thank you. 296 00:12:46,970 --> 00:12:48,640 JACOB: Look at this place. 297 00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:50,430 I’m gonna make a prediction right now. 298 00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:52,140 One of us is gonna start writing a novel, 299 00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:53,770 and then we all get snowed in, 300 00:12:53,850 --> 00:12:56,350 and then Lou's gonna ax murder all of us. 301 00:12:57,730 --> 00:12:59,230 (INDISTINCT CHATTERING) 302 00:13:01,230 --> 00:13:02,780 NICK: Motherfuck. 303 00:13:02,860 --> 00:13:04,400 What's that smell? 304 00:13:04,490 --> 00:13:05,450 Fucking cats. 305 00:13:05,530 --> 00:13:06,570 (MEOWING) 306 00:13:06,660 --> 00:13:09,490 JACOB: Kind of a lot of cats. This sucks. 307 00:13:09,700 --> 00:13:10,870 MAN: Hi. Hi. 308 00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:12,740 You got a reservation 309 00:13:12,830 --> 00:13:14,580 (CLEARING THROAT) for Webber-Agnew? 310 00:13:14,660 --> 00:13:16,120 Sorry. What was that name again? 311 00:13:16,210 --> 00:13:18,750 Webber-Agnew. Webber and Agnew. 312 00:13:19,380 --> 00:13:20,750 I got a "Nick Webber-Agnew." 313 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:23,460 I’m sorry, excuse me. What? What did you just say? 314 00:13:23,550 --> 00:13:24,590 Webber-Agnew? 315 00:13:24,670 --> 00:13:26,880 Webber-fucking-Agnew? 316 00:13:27,470 --> 00:13:29,970 You took your wife's last name? You're a fucking hyphenate? 317 00:13:30,050 --> 00:13:32,220 A lot of dudes are doing it. It’s progressive. 318 00:13:32,310 --> 00:13:33,970 No. No dudes are doing it. 319 00:13:34,060 --> 00:13:35,730 You look like a progressive guy. Is that progressive? 320 00:13:35,810 --> 00:13:37,390 Would you do that? No. No. 321 00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:39,020 And he has a goatee. 322 00:13:39,690 --> 00:13:40,690 (BELL RINGS) 323 00:13:41,190 --> 00:13:42,360 (CART CREAKING) 324 00:13:42,900 --> 00:13:44,490 LOU: Does this guy seem a little imbalanced to you? 325 00:13:44,570 --> 00:13:45,570 NICK: No. Come on. 326 00:13:45,650 --> 00:13:46,900 JACOB: He's right there. Shut up. 327 00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:50,370 Let me give you a hand with that. 328 00:13:50,450 --> 00:13:51,620 Hey! 329 00:13:51,700 --> 00:13:54,410 I am not going to tell you again! 330 00:13:57,420 --> 00:13:58,960 I can handle it. 331 00:13:59,710 --> 00:14:01,170 LOU: This guy's a fucking dick. 332 00:14:01,250 --> 00:14:03,380 NICK: Shh. He's disabled. JACOB: He can hear you. 333 00:14:03,460 --> 00:14:05,590 So what? He's exempt from common fucking courtesy 334 00:14:05,670 --> 00:14:07,090 'cause he can't start a round of applause? 335 00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:08,510 (DOORS CREAKING) 336 00:14:08,590 --> 00:14:10,090 He's gotta jerk off one-handed? 337 00:14:10,180 --> 00:14:12,220 I mean, I certainly don't take my hands 338 00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:13,970 and I put them together and oil them up. . . 339 00:14:14,060 --> 00:14:17,020 Hey, 420. Our old room. Check it out. 340 00:14:18,770 --> 00:14:19,980 NICK: That's okay man. Oh! Those are mine. 341 00:14:20,060 --> 00:14:21,730 I’ll just get those. 342 00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:32,620 This is the part where you tip the guy that helped you out. 343 00:14:32,910 --> 00:14:35,330 (LAUGHING) I’m not the guy that. . . 344 00:14:35,410 --> 00:14:36,580 Nick, pay the man something. 345 00:14:36,660 --> 00:14:37,870 I got it. Don't worry. 346 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:39,120 ADAM: This place looks like shit! 347 00:14:39,210 --> 00:14:41,330 NICK: What happened to that guy? 348 00:14:41,830 --> 00:14:44,500 Check this shit out. It’s still there. 349 00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:47,130 Adam sucks cocks 'n' dicks. 350 00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:49,340 ADAM: It’s your best work. 351 00:14:49,430 --> 00:14:50,800 Fucking burned you. 352 00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:52,720 Burned! 353 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:53,890 Hey, guys, come take a look at this. 354 00:14:53,970 --> 00:14:55,890 We got a hot tub. 355 00:14:56,930 --> 00:14:57,890 (ALL EXCLAIMING) 356 00:14:57,980 --> 00:14:59,770 NICK: Sweet Jesus! ADAM: Poor little fella. 357 00:14:59,850 --> 00:15:01,980 This is obviously unacceptable, right? 358 00:15:02,060 --> 00:15:04,820 We call downstairs, get somebody to fix this? 359 00:15:04,900 --> 00:15:06,020 Is anybody else hungry? 360 00:15:08,610 --> 00:15:10,490 A little school spirit this time, huh? 361 00:15:10,610 --> 00:15:12,450 We're in, man. Just play it like you fucking mean it. 362 00:15:12,530 --> 00:15:14,370 Like that. Yeah. 363 00:15:15,490 --> 00:15:19,370 Yes, I would like to get a hooker to fuck me and my friends. 364 00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:22,290 What? Adam, I’m not doing that. 365 00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:23,540 Whatever, semantics. 366 00:15:23,630 --> 00:15:27,590 I want an escort to escort our penises into her vagina. 367 00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:30,880 I want the girl in the picture, too. 368 00:15:30,970 --> 00:15:33,260 No tomfoolery. Wake her up, I don't care. 369 00:15:33,340 --> 00:15:34,550 Will you listen to him? 370 00:15:34,640 --> 00:15:35,800 Does she do four? 371 00:15:35,890 --> 00:15:37,600 What about three? 372 00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:39,270 Okay. Jacob, you're out. Okay. Good. 373 00:15:39,350 --> 00:15:40,930 I need $3,000. 374 00:15:41,020 --> 00:15:42,020 I’m not in. I’m married. 375 00:15:42,100 --> 00:15:45,360 Adam, I need $2,000. Me and you, buddy. Come on. 376 00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:46,570 I’m out there, Violator. 377 00:15:46,650 --> 00:15:48,110 Can I call you back, sir? 378 00:15:48,190 --> 00:15:50,280 Okay. Thank you. Bye. Sir? 379 00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:52,740 Let's do something fun. Let's create a memory, huh? 380 00:15:52,820 --> 00:15:55,410 Let's get some cocaine and break into a school. 381 00:15:55,490 --> 00:15:58,120 Or steal a cop car or some shit, huh? 382 00:15:58,200 --> 00:15:59,790 Do you have Ritalin? No. 383 00:15:59,870 --> 00:16:03,710 Don't fucking lie to me. Every one of you people have Ritalin. 384 00:16:03,790 --> 00:16:04,830 No, I don't. 385 00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:06,500 I’m sorry. You probably do have Ritalin. 386 00:16:06,590 --> 00:16:07,920 I have some Ativan, but it's different. 387 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,500 Let's stick it up our asses. ADAM: Just give it to him. 388 00:16:09,590 --> 00:16:11,010 No. It’s not a suppository. 389 00:16:11,090 --> 00:16:13,800 It doesn't matter. You crush it, you put it in a warm paper towel, 390 00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:16,470 run it under warm some water and you stick it right up your ass. That works. 391 00:16:16,550 --> 00:16:17,930 You put the paper towel up your ass, too? 392 00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:19,390 LOU: You crush up the. . . Hey, I got an idea, 393 00:16:19,430 --> 00:16:20,850 why don't we just play quarters? LOU: What? 394 00:16:20,930 --> 00:16:23,640 I don't know what the fuck I’m gonna do. I’m getting really sad. 395 00:16:23,730 --> 00:16:25,150 You know what I’m talking about? 396 00:16:25,230 --> 00:16:27,480 I’m gonna go to the bathroom and be alone with my own thoughts. 397 00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:28,980 Who knows what's gonna happen up there. 398 00:16:29,070 --> 00:16:30,070 Who knows what's gonna happen. 399 00:16:30,150 --> 00:16:31,690 You better plan something fun. 400 00:16:31,780 --> 00:16:33,200 (SLAMS PHONE) 401 00:16:33,820 --> 00:16:35,160 Jesus! 402 00:16:35,620 --> 00:16:37,370 Pussies. I’m going dancing. 403 00:16:37,450 --> 00:16:39,790 I don't know, man. Maybe coming here was a bad idea. 404 00:16:39,870 --> 00:16:43,660 Yeah. lf he kills himself, can we go home? 405 00:16:43,750 --> 00:16:45,080 Hard to believe this is the very room 406 00:16:45,170 --> 00:16:47,580 we had some of the best weekends of our lives. 407 00:16:47,670 --> 00:16:50,050 Really? In this room right here? 408 00:16:51,260 --> 00:16:52,590 How? 409 00:16:52,670 --> 00:16:55,880 We were young. We had momentum. We were winning. 410 00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:59,010 We were best friends. 411 00:16:59,100 --> 00:17:00,510 What do you mean, "were" best friends? 412 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:03,350 You know what I mean, man. Everybody seemed to care more. 413 00:17:03,430 --> 00:17:05,850 Everything seemed to matter more back then. 414 00:17:05,940 --> 00:17:07,230 Whatever. 415 00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:20,660 LOU: Check it out. They must have fixed it. 416 00:17:21,580 --> 00:17:22,910 Come on! 417 00:17:23,750 --> 00:17:25,540 How's the water, Violator? LOU: Oh, man. 418 00:17:25,620 --> 00:17:28,630 You guys gotta get in here. It’s gonna fucking change you. 419 00:17:28,710 --> 00:17:30,250 Wait, why are you naked? 420 00:17:30,340 --> 00:17:31,380 JACOB: You're all getting naked? 421 00:17:31,460 --> 00:17:32,670 Yep. 422 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:33,800 You don't think it's a little weird, 423 00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:35,050 a bunch of guys just piling up 424 00:17:35,130 --> 00:17:36,380 in a big bathtub together, naked? 425 00:17:36,470 --> 00:17:38,760 LOU: Are you afraid that some of these people might see you? 426 00:17:38,850 --> 00:17:40,220 I’m sorry. lf I’m being honest, 427 00:17:40,300 --> 00:17:43,600 I’m not totally comfortable being around a bunch of other naked dudes. 428 00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:45,180 It’s called male bonding, okay? 429 00:17:45,270 --> 00:17:47,520 Haven't you even seen Wild Hogs? 430 00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:48,980 Fine, get us some snacks. 431 00:17:49,060 --> 00:17:50,690 You know what? Fuck it. 432 00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:51,730 (ALL HUMMING) 433 00:17:51,820 --> 00:17:53,530 I’m leaving my underwear on. 434 00:17:53,610 --> 00:17:55,440 Yeah. Yeah. Very nice. Shut up! 435 00:17:56,070 --> 00:17:57,200 (ALL CHEERING) 436 00:17:57,990 --> 00:18:00,240 Damn, it's good to be here with you all again, man. 437 00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:02,280 It’s good to be back here with you guys. Yep. 438 00:18:02,370 --> 00:18:03,910 I want to toast to the good times. 439 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,960 And you, too, young blood. Come on in, here. 440 00:18:08,500 --> 00:18:09,710 ALL: Yeah! 441 00:18:09,790 --> 00:18:11,130 (LOUDER THAN A BOMB PLAYING) 442 00:18:11,420 --> 00:18:13,170 MAN: (SINGING) This style seems wild 443 00:18:13,250 --> 00:18:15,090 Wait before you treat me Like a stepchild 444 00:18:15,170 --> 00:18:16,970 Let me tell you why they got me on file 445 00:18:17,050 --> 00:18:18,430 'Cause I give you what you lack 446 00:18:18,510 --> 00:18:21,430 Come right and exact I stand accused of doing harm 447 00:18:21,510 --> 00:18:22,930 'Cause I'm louder than a bomb 448 00:18:23,010 --> 00:18:25,810 Come on Come on, louder 449 00:18:25,890 --> 00:18:27,270 Come on Come on 450 00:18:27,350 --> 00:18:28,850 ADAM: Go, Violator! I’m gonna throw up. 451 00:18:28,940 --> 00:18:30,940 ADAM: Snap out of it! Out the tub! Out the tub! 452 00:18:31,020 --> 00:18:32,480 I’m good. I’m good. I’m good. 453 00:18:33,690 --> 00:18:37,190 I am a rock hard trooper To the bone, the bone, the bone 454 00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:39,570 Full grown Consider me stone 455 00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:41,950 Once again and I say it for you to know 456 00:18:42,030 --> 00:18:44,030 The troop is always ready I yell "Geronimo" 457 00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:46,160 Your CIA, you see I ain't kiddin' 458 00:18:46,250 --> 00:18:48,290 Both King and X They got rid of both 459 00:18:48,370 --> 00:18:50,000 (LAUGHING) 460 00:18:51,500 --> 00:18:53,710 And not the braggin' or boastin' and plus 461 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,340 It ain't no secret why they're tappin' my phone 462 00:18:55,420 --> 00:18:57,130 Although I can't keep it a secret 463 00:18:57,220 --> 00:18:58,880 So I decided to kick it, yo 464 00:18:58,970 --> 00:19:00,090 And yes it weighs a ton 465 00:19:00,180 --> 00:19:01,130 I say it once again 466 00:19:01,220 --> 00:19:03,090 Tappin' my phone They never leave me alone 467 00:19:03,180 --> 00:19:04,260 (YELLING) 468 00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:06,560 'Cause I'm Louder than a bomb 469 00:19:23,870 --> 00:19:25,740 Hey, little buddy. 470 00:19:26,870 --> 00:19:28,080 (ADAM SHUSHING) 471 00:19:34,670 --> 00:19:35,790 Dude. 472 00:19:38,550 --> 00:19:40,630 Where did the squirrel go? 473 00:19:42,180 --> 00:19:44,010 LOU: Yeah. Yeah! 474 00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:45,930 This is the black diamond? Shit. 475 00:19:45,970 --> 00:19:47,220 Terrifying. That's all you got? 476 00:19:47,350 --> 00:19:49,180 NICK: I don't remember this. ADAM: What do you think, boys? 477 00:19:49,310 --> 00:19:50,350 Tips down. 478 00:19:50,430 --> 00:19:52,440 Tips fucking down, right away. 479 00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:53,900 Let's ride. 480 00:19:55,820 --> 00:19:56,980 (ALL EXCLAIMING) 481 00:20:06,410 --> 00:20:08,290 I feel 19 again! 482 00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:13,580 What is that? 483 00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:15,210 Stop it, Lou. 484 00:20:15,290 --> 00:20:16,880 (IN MOCKING TONE) Stop it, Lou! 485 00:20:19,210 --> 00:20:20,300 Whoo! 486 00:20:22,300 --> 00:20:23,260 Coming through! 487 00:20:23,340 --> 00:20:24,890 You goddamn kids! 488 00:20:29,890 --> 00:20:31,100 Slow down! Hey! 489 00:20:31,180 --> 00:20:33,520 Yard sale, bitches! 490 00:20:38,190 --> 00:20:39,320 (ALL GRUNTING) 491 00:20:44,820 --> 00:20:45,990 (ALL SCREAMING) 492 00:20:54,670 --> 00:20:55,830 (ALL GROANING) 493 00:20:56,290 --> 00:20:57,460 NICK: Fuck! 494 00:21:00,670 --> 00:21:01,760 We dead. 495 00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:04,420 Are you guys alive? Holy fuck. 496 00:21:05,010 --> 00:21:08,970 By all counts we should be pretty fucked up right now, but l. . . 497 00:21:09,350 --> 00:21:10,430 I kind of feel great. 498 00:21:10,510 --> 00:21:11,890 I feel crazy right now. 499 00:21:11,970 --> 00:21:13,560 I feel fantastic! 500 00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:16,310 I wanna fuck something! 501 00:21:16,940 --> 00:21:18,100 (ECHOING) 502 00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:21,610 There they are. 503 00:21:21,690 --> 00:21:23,110 I see it, Chaz. Thanks. 504 00:21:23,190 --> 00:21:24,610 (ALL WHOOPING) 505 00:21:24,700 --> 00:21:26,740 What is that one plank thing that guy's got? 506 00:21:26,820 --> 00:21:29,490 I don't care. It’s going up his ass. 507 00:21:31,740 --> 00:21:33,660 NICK: Way to go, rookie! 508 00:21:34,330 --> 00:21:35,790 Wow! Nice. 509 00:21:36,370 --> 00:21:37,920 Whoa! Whoa! Whoa. . . 510 00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:42,710 Those are the kind of ski shenanigans I don't allow on my mountain. 511 00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:44,710 CHAZ: Yeah. Come on, guys. 512 00:21:45,510 --> 00:21:47,050 What are you looking at, Nancy? 513 00:21:47,130 --> 00:21:48,720 No. I mean. . . 514 00:21:49,550 --> 00:21:53,220 JACOB: Hey, look, it's the douche bag from Karate Kid III. 515 00:21:57,100 --> 00:21:58,770 (MUTTERS) I know that guy. 516 00:22:21,130 --> 00:22:22,210 Hey, guys. 517 00:22:22,290 --> 00:22:24,880 Is there some kind of weird retro thing going on this weekend? 518 00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:26,260 Can't get any bars. 519 00:22:26,340 --> 00:22:28,760 Morty! Yeah, it's Chuck. 520 00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:31,010 You're never gonna believe where I’m calling you from, man. 521 00:22:31,100 --> 00:22:34,260 I’m on a mountain on my phone! Yeah. 522 00:22:35,060 --> 00:22:37,980 Yeah, well, a bet's a bet. I want my $2. 523 00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:45,820 I’m telling you, something weird is going on. 524 00:22:45,900 --> 00:22:47,900 DAVID BOWIE: (ON TV) Demand your MTV. 525 00:22:48,700 --> 00:22:50,860 I want my MTV. 526 00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:52,660 (THE SAFETY DANCE PLAYING) 527 00:22:52,740 --> 00:22:58,710 MAN: (SINGING) S-A-F-E-T-Y 528 00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:01,620 Safe, dance! 529 00:23:06,340 --> 00:23:08,130 I love your hair. 530 00:23:10,260 --> 00:23:11,760 I have a question. 531 00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:13,930 ...can still tell me that's true. 532 00:23:14,010 --> 00:23:17,350 But the facts and the evidence tell me it is... 533 00:23:18,060 --> 00:23:19,430 (VOICES DISTORTING) 534 00:23:27,190 --> 00:23:28,740 Dude is rocking a cassette player. 535 00:23:28,820 --> 00:23:30,700 Just relax. I’m sure there's a reasonable explanation 536 00:23:30,820 --> 00:23:32,110 for all this shit. Don't fucking tell me to relax. 537 00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:33,530 I said relax for a minute. 538 00:23:33,620 --> 00:23:35,030 Leg warmers? 539 00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:36,660 Jheri curl? 540 00:23:36,740 --> 00:23:38,120 "Where's the beef?" 541 00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:41,330 Excuse me, miss, what color is Michael Jackson? 542 00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:43,250 Black. 543 00:23:43,330 --> 00:23:44,500 (SCREAMING) 544 00:23:48,210 --> 00:23:50,720 JACOB: Hold on! Sorry. Excuse me. Sorry. 545 00:23:52,380 --> 00:23:53,380 Nick, come on, man! Nick! Nick! 546 00:23:53,470 --> 00:23:54,470 (KNOCKING AT DOOR) 547 00:23:54,550 --> 00:23:55,640 NICK: Who the fuck is that? 548 00:23:55,720 --> 00:23:56,970 That's probably Ashton Kolchak right now 549 00:23:57,060 --> 00:23:59,140 telling us we've been punked or whatever. 550 00:23:59,230 --> 00:24:01,020 Okay. Come on. Come on. 551 00:24:05,310 --> 00:24:07,770 Hey. Hey, guys. I’ve got your luggage. 552 00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:10,530 He's got both arms. Get him! 553 00:24:10,860 --> 00:24:11,990 (ALL YELLING) 554 00:24:14,570 --> 00:24:16,450 What? JACOB: Check his arm. 555 00:24:16,530 --> 00:24:18,580 Are you raping? Wait! Hold on! Are we raping him? 556 00:24:18,660 --> 00:24:19,830 Nobody's raping anybody! 557 00:24:19,910 --> 00:24:21,620 Where's your missing arm, motherfucker? 558 00:24:21,710 --> 00:24:24,000 Hey! God! That's my arm! 559 00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:25,580 NICK: It’s fake! It’s real! 560 00:24:25,670 --> 00:24:28,170 It’s got freckles on it and shit! 561 00:24:36,930 --> 00:24:38,810 Do I really got to be the asshole that says 562 00:24:38,890 --> 00:24:41,390 we got in this thing and went back in time? 563 00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:44,730 It must be some kind of hot tub time machine. 564 00:24:47,730 --> 00:24:49,190 Wow, my old stuff. 565 00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:50,650 Look at this shit, man. 566 00:24:50,730 --> 00:24:51,820 You have a bong? 567 00:24:51,900 --> 00:24:52,990 I did. 568 00:24:53,070 --> 00:24:55,320 "Eddie Lives." This shirt got me so much fucking pussy. 569 00:24:55,410 --> 00:24:56,570 NICK: You wanna see what got a lot of pussy? 570 00:24:56,660 --> 00:24:57,740 JACOB: What's the tape recorder for? 571 00:24:57,830 --> 00:24:58,950 ADAM: Recording tape. I gotta take a piss. 572 00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:00,490 This jacket right here, baby. Holy fuck! 573 00:25:00,580 --> 00:25:01,870 JACOB: What are you, Hunter S. Thompson? 574 00:25:01,950 --> 00:25:03,960 ADAM: I thought I was. JACOB: Is that coke? 575 00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:05,960 NICK: What the fuck you think it is? Baby powder? 576 00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:07,130 JACOB: Wait. How is this happening? 577 00:25:07,210 --> 00:25:10,170 Can we talk about this for a minute? 578 00:25:14,090 --> 00:25:17,470 Holy fuck! Winterfest '86. We were here, man. 579 00:25:17,550 --> 00:25:18,930 Guys. ADAM: We are here. 580 00:25:19,010 --> 00:25:20,100 What if we run into ourselves? 581 00:25:20,180 --> 00:25:21,220 Guys! 582 00:25:21,310 --> 00:25:24,520 We see ourselves and we blow up and explode or some shit. 583 00:25:24,600 --> 00:25:25,690 LOU: Get in here! 584 00:25:25,770 --> 00:25:26,940 Didn't you all fucking see Timecop? 585 00:25:27,020 --> 00:25:28,940 God damn it! Get the fuck in here right now! 586 00:25:29,020 --> 00:25:30,900 Nobody wants to see your giant shit, Lou. 587 00:25:30,980 --> 00:25:32,440 ADAM: What, man? 588 00:25:43,870 --> 00:25:46,410 Yeah, we're not gonna run into ourselves. 589 00:25:46,500 --> 00:25:47,620 We are ourselves. 590 00:25:47,710 --> 00:25:50,340 Why are we in our young bodies and you in your regular body? 591 00:25:50,420 --> 00:25:51,380 I don't know. 592 00:25:51,460 --> 00:25:52,630 Shouldn't you be invisible? 593 00:25:52,710 --> 00:25:54,300 Or swimming around some guy's ball sack? 594 00:25:54,380 --> 00:25:57,550 I know. Because you guys exist here and I don't. 595 00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:00,720 Hey, why are you flickering? 596 00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:02,220 What? What? What? Who flickered? 597 00:26:02,310 --> 00:26:04,100 He did. He's flickering. 598 00:26:04,180 --> 00:26:05,560 I need you to touch my arm or something 599 00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:06,730 to see if I’m still real, okay? 600 00:26:06,810 --> 00:26:09,810 Just see if you can put your hand through me. 601 00:26:10,440 --> 00:26:11,480 (EXCLAIMS) 602 00:26:12,360 --> 00:26:13,520 Okay. 603 00:26:13,940 --> 00:26:15,190 That's good. 604 00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:19,030 I’m physically still here. That's good, I think. 605 00:26:20,740 --> 00:26:22,330 You look like Kid 'N Play. 606 00:26:22,410 --> 00:26:24,540 That's actually two people. 607 00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:28,870 ADAM: I knew this trip was a bad idea. 608 00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:31,420 Every time l hang out with you, man, it's some kind of shit storm. 609 00:26:31,500 --> 00:26:33,040 I got guilted into coming on this trip 610 00:26:33,130 --> 00:26:34,590 and now I’m back in the fucking '80s. 611 00:26:34,670 --> 00:26:35,760 And I hate this decade! 612 00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:37,260 Maybe it's your fucking fault! 613 00:26:37,340 --> 00:26:40,010 You're a fucking insurance salesman, you're practically the devil. 614 00:26:40,090 --> 00:26:42,300 Guys! This is scientifically possible. 615 00:26:42,390 --> 00:26:45,850 Oh, my God. Okay, Professor Hawking, tell me in your robot voice 616 00:26:45,930 --> 00:26:47,600 how this is scientifically possible. 617 00:26:47,690 --> 00:26:49,390 All right, I write Stargate fan fiction, 618 00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:51,310 so I think I know what I’m talking about right now. 619 00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:53,980 I seriously almost passed out, you're such a dork. 620 00:26:54,070 --> 00:26:56,730 Okay. The tub is obviously some kind of energy vortex, right? 621 00:26:56,820 --> 00:26:57,860 Like a black hole. 622 00:26:57,950 --> 00:27:00,030 But, instead of being in space, 623 00:27:01,070 --> 00:27:02,740 it's in a hot tub. 624 00:27:02,830 --> 00:27:05,740 Time is not linear, we just perceive it that way! 625 00:27:05,870 --> 00:27:07,580 What? (YELLS) Like The Terminator! 626 00:27:07,660 --> 00:27:09,620 It’s cyclical, right? 627 00:27:09,710 --> 00:27:12,330 The machines send Schwarzenegger back to kill Sarah Connor 628 00:27:12,420 --> 00:27:14,290 so that John Connor could never be born. 629 00:27:14,380 --> 00:27:17,210 But if John Connor don't send Michael Biehn back to protect her, 630 00:27:17,300 --> 00:27:21,550 then they never fuck, and John Connor ain't born in the first place! 631 00:27:22,050 --> 00:27:23,640 It checks out. Yeah, that's pretty good. 632 00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:26,310 Wait, wait, check the fucking drawer. See if the carving's there. 633 00:27:26,390 --> 00:27:28,560 Check the fucking drawer. 634 00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:30,890 ADAM: Fuck! 635 00:27:33,190 --> 00:27:34,190 It’s gone. 636 00:27:34,270 --> 00:27:35,320 (SIGHING) 637 00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:36,440 This shit is real. 638 00:27:36,530 --> 00:27:38,740 The carving you made 20 years ago, 639 00:27:38,820 --> 00:27:40,740 about me sucking cocks and dicks, 640 00:27:41,910 --> 00:27:43,910 it's not there. Wait. 641 00:27:44,530 --> 00:27:45,700 Is "cocks" still there? 642 00:27:45,780 --> 00:27:47,240 Nothing. I mean, it's not there. 643 00:27:47,330 --> 00:27:48,410 What about "dicks"? 644 00:27:48,500 --> 00:27:51,120 Neither "cocks," nor "dicks," nor "sucks." 645 00:27:51,210 --> 00:27:52,750 Oh, God! 646 00:27:53,250 --> 00:27:56,630 That's it. We stuck in the fucking '80s! 647 00:27:57,170 --> 00:27:59,550 How am I supposed to get a job? 648 00:28:00,090 --> 00:28:01,720 I’m so scared. 649 00:28:02,220 --> 00:28:03,380 (EXCLAIMS) 650 00:28:03,470 --> 00:28:05,180 Looks like you burned out your. . . 651 00:28:05,260 --> 00:28:08,010 Heck, you fried your timing crossover. 652 00:28:09,850 --> 00:28:11,060 Would you mind putting that down, sir, 653 00:28:11,140 --> 00:28:14,270 that coal shovel, before somebody gets hurt? 654 00:28:15,310 --> 00:28:16,810 Did somebody call you? 655 00:28:16,900 --> 00:28:18,360 Excuse me one minute. 656 00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:19,440 (FARTS) 657 00:28:23,820 --> 00:28:25,490 Who ever calls us? 658 00:28:25,570 --> 00:28:26,570 (LAUGHING) 659 00:28:26,660 --> 00:28:29,580 And who answers when the call comes from within? Huh? 660 00:28:31,120 --> 00:28:35,500 I thought maybe I could pull the part from one of the other tubs. 661 00:28:35,580 --> 00:28:39,050 But it turns out this is a very special model that you have here. 662 00:28:39,130 --> 00:28:41,420 You've got to be very careful, I tell you. 663 00:28:41,510 --> 00:28:46,260 One little thing is changed, the whole system can go haywire. 664 00:28:46,350 --> 00:28:48,300 Do you understand what I’m saying? 665 00:28:48,390 --> 00:28:50,520 The whole system can go haywire 666 00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:52,850 if you change one little thing. 667 00:28:53,270 --> 00:28:56,190 Wait a minute. We need that to get back in time? 668 00:28:56,270 --> 00:28:57,310 Well, you're back here. 669 00:28:57,400 --> 00:29:01,110 I mean, I can tell you've all been to Kodiak Valley before. 670 00:29:01,190 --> 00:29:02,650 I haven't. Maybe not her, 671 00:29:02,740 --> 00:29:05,240 but I know that you were here. 672 00:29:05,320 --> 00:29:07,870 You know what's going on here, don't you, old man? 673 00:29:07,950 --> 00:29:09,160 Yes, I do. 674 00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:12,080 Your tub is on the fritz. It'd behoove you to fix it. 675 00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:13,200 (HOT TUB STARTING UP) 676 00:29:13,290 --> 00:29:14,500 What? 677 00:29:14,620 --> 00:29:16,170 It’s working. 678 00:29:19,670 --> 00:29:21,550 NICK: Damn. I think it's still broke. 679 00:29:21,630 --> 00:29:22,710 Shit. 680 00:29:24,220 --> 00:29:25,260 JACOB: Where'd he go? 681 00:29:25,340 --> 00:29:27,140 That motherfucker's in on it, man. 682 00:29:27,220 --> 00:29:28,890 What was all that cryptic shit he was saying 683 00:29:28,970 --> 00:29:30,100 about not changing one little thing? 684 00:29:30,180 --> 00:29:32,600 I know exactly what he meant. He was talking about the butterfly effect. 685 00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:34,100 That was a great fucking movie. 686 00:29:34,180 --> 00:29:36,640 One little change has a ripple effect 687 00:29:36,730 --> 00:29:38,100 and it affects everything else. 688 00:29:38,190 --> 00:29:40,110 Like, a butterfly floats its wings 689 00:29:40,190 --> 00:29:43,780 and Tokyo explodes, or there's a tsunami in, like, somewhere. 690 00:29:43,860 --> 00:29:45,860 Dude, yes, exactly. Or you step on a bug 691 00:29:45,950 --> 00:29:47,910 and the fucking Internet's never invented. 692 00:29:47,990 --> 00:29:50,450 Then you have to talk to girls with your mouth. 693 00:29:50,530 --> 00:29:52,950 Yeah. I was more concerned about bigger consequences, 694 00:29:53,040 --> 00:29:54,290 like me not being born. 695 00:29:54,370 --> 00:29:55,790 Oh, yeah. No, I don't care about that. 696 00:29:55,870 --> 00:29:58,290 The point is, what did we do 20 years ago? 697 00:29:58,380 --> 00:29:59,630 Let's figure it out right now. 698 00:29:59,710 --> 00:30:02,500 We gotta do the exact same thing. 699 00:30:02,590 --> 00:30:04,300 I had that gig. That's right. 700 00:30:04,380 --> 00:30:07,550 You got up on stage and you were wildly mediocre. 701 00:30:07,630 --> 00:30:08,970 And that led to nothing of a career. 702 00:30:09,050 --> 00:30:11,600 Okay, first of all, fuck you, motherfucker! 703 00:30:11,680 --> 00:30:14,810 I could have had a career, but I got married and I went a different way. 704 00:30:14,930 --> 00:30:16,310 Which way is that? The way that sucked? 705 00:30:16,390 --> 00:30:17,770 Didn't you also bang that groupie? 706 00:30:17,850 --> 00:30:19,520 What was her name? Tara. 707 00:30:19,610 --> 00:30:22,320 You banged her. You got to go do that again. 708 00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:25,740 I did do that. But, fuck, no, I’m married! 709 00:30:26,070 --> 00:30:27,610 I can't go around banging girls in hot tubs. 710 00:30:27,700 --> 00:30:31,070 Nick, it's 1986. You can't cheat on someone you don't know yet. 711 00:30:31,160 --> 00:30:33,410 You haven't even met Courtney. 712 00:30:33,490 --> 00:30:35,660 Lucifer, itinerary please. 713 00:30:35,750 --> 00:30:36,750 Uh. . . Nothing really happened. 714 00:30:36,830 --> 00:30:38,620 I actually fucked a chick, too. So I’ll just do that. 715 00:30:38,710 --> 00:30:40,920 I seem to remember you getting your ass whooped. 716 00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:42,040 (LAUGHING) 717 00:30:42,130 --> 00:30:43,670 ADAM: Oh, yeah. NICK: That's right. 718 00:30:43,750 --> 00:30:46,590 That ski patrol dude pummeled you like it was his job. 719 00:30:46,670 --> 00:30:47,760 Yeah, no. I don't remember it that way. 720 00:30:47,840 --> 00:30:48,880 I do. 721 00:30:48,970 --> 00:30:51,470 Yeah. He fucked you up. You cried and peed. 722 00:30:51,550 --> 00:30:54,510 Fuck this, man! This is fucking bullshit! 723 00:30:54,600 --> 00:30:56,600 Would you just think of somebody other than yourself, man? 724 00:30:56,730 --> 00:30:57,730 There's four of us. 725 00:30:57,810 --> 00:30:59,730 It’s the fucking '80s, guys! 726 00:30:59,810 --> 00:31:02,520 Let's do what we wanna do. Free love! 727 00:31:02,610 --> 00:31:04,270 JACOB: That's the '60s, dipshit. 728 00:31:04,360 --> 00:31:06,320 No, we had, like, Reagan and AIDS. 729 00:31:06,400 --> 00:31:08,280 Let's get the fuck out of here, okay? 730 00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:09,700 Do the right thing, Violator. 731 00:31:09,780 --> 00:31:12,620 God damn it! This is fucking bullshit! 732 00:31:12,700 --> 00:31:14,700 Tonight's the night you broke up with Jenny Stedmeyer. 733 00:31:14,790 --> 00:31:15,990 Shit. LOU: Yeah, you got stabbed 734 00:31:16,080 --> 00:31:18,040 in the fucking eyeball tonight! 735 00:31:18,620 --> 00:31:20,790 Hey, man, do you want backup? 736 00:31:20,870 --> 00:31:22,330 I can't, the butterflies won't let me. 737 00:31:22,460 --> 00:31:23,830 JENNY: Yo, Adam? You guys in there? (KNOCKING AT DOOR) 738 00:31:23,920 --> 00:31:25,130 Oh, shit. 739 00:31:28,010 --> 00:31:30,090 There you are. Hey! 740 00:31:30,180 --> 00:31:32,680 How come you guys didn't meet us at the chair lift this morning? 741 00:31:32,760 --> 00:31:33,890 You were going to show me some moves. 742 00:31:33,970 --> 00:31:36,430 Hi, baby. I missed you. 743 00:31:38,930 --> 00:31:40,520 I must have forgot. 744 00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:42,650 Perv. That's from Mandy. 745 00:31:43,020 --> 00:31:44,520 Hey, new guy. What's up? Hey. 746 00:31:44,610 --> 00:31:46,980 So we're in 214. I’m gonna go get ready. 747 00:31:47,070 --> 00:31:48,360 Okay. Meet me in my room, okay? 748 00:31:48,440 --> 00:31:49,860 Okay. Okay. 749 00:31:50,150 --> 00:31:52,070 Love the PJs, Nick. You look hot. 750 00:31:54,120 --> 00:31:55,990 Poison's tonight. 751 00:31:56,080 --> 00:31:57,200 Wow! 752 00:31:57,290 --> 00:31:59,080 I don't remember her being that fucking beautiful. 753 00:31:59,160 --> 00:32:02,750 And tight. She's so tight. 754 00:32:02,830 --> 00:32:03,920 She's really fucking tight! 755 00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:05,330 She's the great white buffalo, man. 756 00:32:05,420 --> 00:32:06,670 Great white buffalo. Great white buffalo. 757 00:32:06,750 --> 00:32:08,380 Don't start that. 758 00:32:08,460 --> 00:32:09,920 Great white buffalo. Great white buffalo. 759 00:32:10,010 --> 00:32:10,970 Why did I ever break up with her? 760 00:32:11,050 --> 00:32:12,090 Why would l break up with her? 761 00:32:12,180 --> 00:32:13,180 JACOB: Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. 762 00:32:13,260 --> 00:32:14,930 'Cause you have to do it again. Right? 763 00:32:15,010 --> 00:32:16,640 Right, right, right. 764 00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:18,010 JACOB: All right. We're all gonna meet back here. 765 00:32:18,100 --> 00:32:20,180 Hopefully that hot tub's fixed and we can get the fuck out of here. 766 00:32:20,270 --> 00:32:21,770 Okay, let's party like it's 1986. 767 00:32:21,850 --> 00:32:22,980 All right. On three? 768 00:32:23,060 --> 00:32:24,060 One, two, three. . . One, two, three. . . 769 00:32:24,150 --> 00:32:25,900 Hot tub time machine! Wait. . . 770 00:32:25,980 --> 00:32:26,980 What are we. . . What's the. . . 771 00:32:27,070 --> 00:32:28,070 Who said, "Hot tub time machine?" 772 00:32:28,150 --> 00:32:29,320 We didn't tell you about the new thing, with our hands? 773 00:32:29,400 --> 00:32:30,900 No. On three, we always. . . 774 00:32:30,990 --> 00:32:32,280 From now on, we're gonna say, "Hot tub time machine." 775 00:32:32,360 --> 00:32:33,610 I told you, I think that's fucking stupid. 776 00:32:33,700 --> 00:32:34,700 You were in the bathroom. 777 00:32:34,780 --> 00:32:35,780 No, but this is a real bonding event for us. 778 00:32:35,870 --> 00:32:36,870 This doesn't happen all the time. 779 00:32:36,950 --> 00:32:38,330 Come on. I’m telling you, it's stupid. 780 00:32:38,410 --> 00:32:39,620 Do it once. Do what you want to do. 781 00:32:39,700 --> 00:32:40,910 It would have been 3-to-1anyway. 782 00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:42,290 ALL: One, two, three. . . 783 00:32:42,370 --> 00:32:43,460 . . .hot tub time machine! 784 00:32:43,540 --> 00:32:44,710 It felt good. Admit it. 785 00:32:47,170 --> 00:32:48,380 (POP MUSIC PLAYING) 786 00:32:55,680 --> 00:32:56,890 Hey! 787 00:32:58,350 --> 00:33:00,640 Let's get this party started! 788 00:33:01,270 --> 00:33:03,390 Who is carrying me home tonight? 789 00:33:03,850 --> 00:33:04,890 Mom? 790 00:33:04,980 --> 00:33:06,440 Sweet fucking Lord. 791 00:33:06,520 --> 00:33:07,610 Kelly. 792 00:33:07,690 --> 00:33:08,810 Hey, bro, Nicholas. 793 00:33:08,900 --> 00:33:09,940 Hey, girl. 794 00:33:10,030 --> 00:33:11,030 Who's the geek? 795 00:33:11,110 --> 00:33:12,150 He's your son. 796 00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:13,190 (LAUGHING) 797 00:33:13,280 --> 00:33:14,950 That's not appropriate. 798 00:33:15,030 --> 00:33:16,410 JACOB: I’m sun. . . Sunshine. 799 00:33:16,490 --> 00:33:17,530 Sunshine. 800 00:33:17,620 --> 00:33:18,660 'Cause I’m here to brighten your day. 801 00:33:18,740 --> 00:33:21,080 That's Jacob. Your. . . 802 00:33:21,410 --> 00:33:22,700 He's totally cool. 803 00:33:22,790 --> 00:33:23,790 He doesn't look cool. 804 00:33:23,870 --> 00:33:26,830 He's not that cool. Hey, Kelly. 805 00:33:26,920 --> 00:33:28,880 Lou Dorchen. Yeah. . . 806 00:33:28,960 --> 00:33:30,000 You don't remember this? 807 00:33:30,090 --> 00:33:31,050 I don't remember everything. 808 00:33:31,130 --> 00:33:33,090 What the fuck, man? This is freaking me the fuck out. 809 00:33:33,170 --> 00:33:34,630 You freak out every time you leave the basement. 810 00:33:34,720 --> 00:33:35,880 All right, kiddies, get your snow boots on 811 00:33:35,970 --> 00:33:38,260 because tonight there is gonna be a blizzard. 812 00:33:38,350 --> 00:33:40,010 Really? It looked pretty clear out. 813 00:33:40,100 --> 00:33:42,310 Anybody wanna go for a little sleigh ride? 814 00:33:42,390 --> 00:33:45,890 You can't do cocaine! It’s so unhealthy for you. 815 00:33:45,980 --> 00:33:47,190 Kelly, in public? 816 00:33:47,270 --> 00:33:48,310 Whatever. 817 00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:50,020 I’m gonna go to a party at the ski patrol house, 818 00:33:50,110 --> 00:33:51,570 I’m gonna find a sexy instructor 819 00:33:51,650 --> 00:33:54,110 and I’m gonna wax his fucking pole. 820 00:33:54,190 --> 00:33:56,610 Later, homos. Don't drink my fucking drink. 821 00:33:56,700 --> 00:33:57,780 Ugh! 822 00:33:59,070 --> 00:34:00,030 Hey, Adam? 823 00:34:00,120 --> 00:34:03,490 What she means is that she works at the ski rental place, right? 824 00:34:03,580 --> 00:34:05,750 And that's her job, is cleaning the poles. 825 00:34:05,830 --> 00:34:08,330 I could be off, but I think it's in reference to blowing a dude. 826 00:34:08,420 --> 00:34:11,380 Thank you, Nick. But that's. . . You don't need to. . . 827 00:34:11,460 --> 00:34:12,880 Or fucking a dude. Because the wax, 828 00:34:12,960 --> 00:34:15,130 it can be interpreted either way. 829 00:34:15,220 --> 00:34:17,550 She was a free spirit, you know? 830 00:34:17,630 --> 00:34:21,470 Or maybe she's the pole and there's two dudes that she's waxing. 831 00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:24,180 Let's just get it done, man. Come on. 832 00:34:24,890 --> 00:34:26,060 Hey, Lou. What? 833 00:34:26,140 --> 00:34:29,060 Did my mom, like, sleep with a bunch of dudes? 834 00:34:29,150 --> 00:34:30,150 I don't know. Shut up. 835 00:34:30,230 --> 00:34:31,610 But she seems kind of slutty, right? 836 00:34:31,690 --> 00:34:33,980 Does she seem that way to you? 837 00:34:34,070 --> 00:34:35,900 It’s just, she never told me who my dad is. 838 00:34:35,990 --> 00:34:37,400 It could be any one of these guys. 839 00:34:37,490 --> 00:34:39,530 'Cause I was born, like, nine months from now. 840 00:34:39,610 --> 00:34:41,200 Yeah? So what does that mean? 841 00:34:41,280 --> 00:34:42,580 It means do the math, dipshit. 842 00:34:42,660 --> 00:34:44,700 I could have been conceived this weekend. 843 00:34:44,830 --> 00:34:46,500 Oh, shit. Check this out. 844 00:34:46,580 --> 00:34:49,580 That's that fucking bellhop. I hate that guy. 845 00:34:50,830 --> 00:34:53,500 This must be where he loses the arm! 846 00:34:55,260 --> 00:34:56,550 (CROWD CHEERING) 847 00:34:56,630 --> 00:34:58,380 Shit! PHIL: Thank you! 848 00:34:58,470 --> 00:35:00,180 I think we should tell him. This is gruesome. 849 00:35:00,260 --> 00:35:01,260 Don't you dare fucking tell him. 850 00:35:01,340 --> 00:35:04,180 You'll screw the time thing up. 851 00:35:09,390 --> 00:35:10,520 (YELLING) 852 00:35:11,440 --> 00:35:12,520 (CROWD GASPING) 853 00:35:13,980 --> 00:35:15,610 (SAW WHIRRING) 854 00:35:16,740 --> 00:35:17,780 Yeah! 855 00:35:17,860 --> 00:35:18,820 (ALL CHEERING) 856 00:35:18,900 --> 00:35:19,900 Yes! 857 00:35:19,990 --> 00:35:21,030 What the fuck? 858 00:35:21,870 --> 00:35:23,030 Yeah! 859 00:35:24,410 --> 00:35:27,700 Boo! We just got fucking robbed. 860 00:35:27,790 --> 00:35:28,910 What are you talking about? 861 00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:30,160 He's great, man. Come on! 862 00:35:31,040 --> 00:35:32,290 (WHISPERS) Jenny. 863 00:35:33,790 --> 00:35:34,790 Jenny? 864 00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:36,710 JENNY: I’m in the bathroom. Come in. 865 00:35:37,670 --> 00:35:39,220 What do you think? 866 00:35:39,300 --> 00:35:40,800 Oh, my God. 867 00:35:40,880 --> 00:35:42,760 What? Do I look fat? 868 00:35:43,550 --> 00:35:46,060 No. You look really beautiful. 869 00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:47,600 (SIGHING) 870 00:35:47,680 --> 00:35:50,310 Aw! Thank you. 871 00:35:53,190 --> 00:35:54,650 How about me, do I look different? 872 00:35:54,730 --> 00:35:56,400 Do I look kind of older? 873 00:35:57,110 --> 00:35:58,280 No. 874 00:35:59,190 --> 00:36:01,070 You look cute, though. 875 00:36:01,400 --> 00:36:03,160 God, I can't stop thinking about last night. 876 00:36:03,240 --> 00:36:05,450 It was like frigging hot. 877 00:36:05,530 --> 00:36:08,370 It was? What did we do? I don't remember. 878 00:36:08,700 --> 00:36:11,540 You lasted, like, 10 minutes. 879 00:36:11,830 --> 00:36:13,000 (CHUCKLES) Oh! 880 00:36:13,170 --> 00:36:14,580 Good, good. 881 00:36:15,000 --> 00:36:16,170 And I was good. 882 00:36:16,250 --> 00:36:20,340 I think I came. I think. I can't even tell you what it was like. 883 00:36:20,420 --> 00:36:23,130 I got some vague recollection of that. 884 00:36:23,760 --> 00:36:25,340 Wanna maybe just sit and talk for a minute? 885 00:36:25,430 --> 00:36:26,720 "Talk." 886 00:36:26,810 --> 00:36:30,850 Well, I mean, you know, it's just so good to see you again. 887 00:36:34,810 --> 00:36:36,770 It’s not you. It’s me. 888 00:36:38,320 --> 00:36:39,400 (EXCLAIMS) 889 00:36:41,610 --> 00:36:42,860 Lamp. 890 00:36:43,450 --> 00:36:46,070 You know what, I think we should go to Poison now. 891 00:36:46,160 --> 00:36:47,370 You're weird today. 892 00:36:47,450 --> 00:36:49,200 I know. You are funny. 893 00:36:49,290 --> 00:36:50,240 Let me just get dressed. 894 00:36:50,330 --> 00:36:51,870 Okay. 895 00:36:53,420 --> 00:36:54,420 Wow! 896 00:36:55,630 --> 00:36:57,130 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 897 00:36:58,710 --> 00:37:00,000 Oh, man! 898 00:37:00,550 --> 00:37:02,050 This is trippy. 899 00:37:02,130 --> 00:37:03,720 What's up? 900 00:37:03,970 --> 00:37:07,600 Man, I can't even remember the last time I saw you guys. 901 00:37:08,350 --> 00:37:09,720 Yesterday. 902 00:37:10,560 --> 00:37:12,730 Oh, yeah. Yesterday. 903 00:37:15,440 --> 00:37:16,520 Yep. 904 00:37:21,650 --> 00:37:25,150 It’s not cheating. It’s not cheating. It’s 1986. 905 00:37:25,280 --> 00:37:26,700 You don't even know Courtney yet. 906 00:37:28,990 --> 00:37:30,580 You know, it's okay if you're scared, Lou. 907 00:37:30,660 --> 00:37:33,160 I’m not scared, idiot. I’m fucking pissed. 908 00:37:33,250 --> 00:37:34,910 I have a full head of hair and a functioning penis, 909 00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:37,170 and I’m looking for some guy to drill me in the fucking jaw. 910 00:37:37,250 --> 00:37:38,750 (SIGHS) We're not gonna find him here, anyway. 911 00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:40,130 I don't even remember what he looks like. 912 00:37:44,840 --> 00:37:46,430 Walk much, faggot? Sorry. 913 00:37:46,510 --> 00:37:48,090 What? No, don't touch me. The fuck, you're sorry. 914 00:37:48,180 --> 00:37:50,140 You scuffed up my Jordans. 915 00:37:51,180 --> 00:37:54,560 You wanna go for it? Come on, take a shot, pussy. Wanna party? 916 00:37:54,640 --> 00:37:56,520 (ECHOING) Wanna be a hero? 917 00:37:56,690 --> 00:37:58,810 And here it comes. 918 00:38:02,570 --> 00:38:05,990 Yeah, you gonna cry? You gonna cry, titty baby? 919 00:38:06,070 --> 00:38:09,620 You gonna fucking cry? Look at him he's crying. 920 00:38:09,700 --> 00:38:11,910 Your fucking bag is mine now. 921 00:38:12,660 --> 00:38:14,040 Is that it? 922 00:38:14,250 --> 00:38:15,660 No. 923 00:38:15,750 --> 00:38:17,500 No, I yell back at him 924 00:38:17,580 --> 00:38:19,420 and I challenge him to a rematch at midnight saying, 925 00:38:19,500 --> 00:38:20,880 "You bring your friends and I’ll bring mine." 926 00:38:20,960 --> 00:38:22,420 And my friends don't fucking show up. 927 00:38:22,500 --> 00:38:24,670 So I get pummeled by six guys instead of one. 928 00:38:24,760 --> 00:38:27,380 All right, fantastic. Let's do this. 929 00:38:29,220 --> 00:38:31,390 Lou, come on. You have to. 930 00:38:33,720 --> 00:38:35,220 Hey, Blaine. 931 00:38:35,890 --> 00:38:38,440 Is that all you got? Pussy. 932 00:38:40,560 --> 00:38:41,610 (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) 933 00:38:41,690 --> 00:38:44,230 NICK: Oh, God. Yeah. 934 00:38:45,360 --> 00:38:47,990 I’ll never go back. I’ll never go back. 935 00:38:48,070 --> 00:38:49,110 (SOBBING) 936 00:38:50,160 --> 00:38:51,740 Are you crying? 937 00:38:52,240 --> 00:38:53,410 No. 938 00:38:53,490 --> 00:38:55,910 It’s the water splashing my face from all the fucking. 939 00:38:56,580 --> 00:38:57,750 Okay, good. 940 00:38:58,120 --> 00:39:01,420 Because I thought you were crying, and I was like. . . 941 00:39:01,710 --> 00:39:02,840 Yeah! 942 00:39:02,920 --> 00:39:04,420 I’m sorry, Courtney. 943 00:39:04,500 --> 00:39:06,300 It’s Tara. Courtney! 944 00:39:06,380 --> 00:39:07,340 Tara. Tara. 945 00:39:07,420 --> 00:39:08,840 Courtney! Courtney! 946 00:39:08,930 --> 00:39:11,340 No, seriously, my name is Tara. 947 00:39:11,590 --> 00:39:13,760 No, my wife, my wife. 948 00:39:15,100 --> 00:39:16,100 You're married? 949 00:39:16,270 --> 00:39:18,640 No, I’m not married. Not now, anyway. 950 00:39:18,730 --> 00:39:21,400 I will be. She's nine right now. 951 00:39:27,030 --> 00:39:30,110 Can I tell you something that I haven't told anybody? 952 00:39:30,610 --> 00:39:32,240 She cheated on me. 953 00:39:33,950 --> 00:39:35,700 I found a e-mail. 954 00:39:36,290 --> 00:39:38,200 And now every time I look at her, 955 00:39:38,290 --> 00:39:40,370 all I can see is her getting rammed by 956 00:39:40,460 --> 00:39:43,710 some faceless dude with a better body and a bigger dick. 957 00:39:43,790 --> 00:39:46,210 Truth of it is, I can't even bring myself to say anything 958 00:39:46,300 --> 00:39:48,960 because I just love her so fucking much. 959 00:39:50,300 --> 00:39:53,220 I don't even know if I can live without her cheating ass. 960 00:39:53,300 --> 00:39:54,890 Hey, what's an e-mail? 961 00:39:54,970 --> 00:39:56,720 That's not the point! 962 00:39:57,470 --> 00:40:00,560 JACOB: Seems like you might've took one defensive swing against him. 963 00:40:00,640 --> 00:40:03,730 I mean, honestly, what the fuck, man? That was. . . 964 00:40:03,810 --> 00:40:07,070 I don't know how you've lived with yourself all these years. 965 00:40:07,150 --> 00:40:08,730 It was pathetic. 966 00:40:08,820 --> 00:40:11,400 It was pathetic. You couldn't have kicked him from the ground? 967 00:40:11,490 --> 00:40:12,990 What happened? 968 00:40:16,080 --> 00:40:17,160 Uh. . . 969 00:40:17,740 --> 00:40:20,580 This is a crazy story. I got hit by a truck. 970 00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:22,660 Yeah, yeah. 971 00:40:22,750 --> 00:40:25,290 Trying to save a baby deer, if you can believe that. 972 00:40:25,380 --> 00:40:26,460 Oh, my God! 973 00:40:26,540 --> 00:40:28,840 Is there anything that I can do? Are you okay? 974 00:40:28,920 --> 00:40:30,050 (CLEARS THROAT) 975 00:40:30,720 --> 00:40:33,800 Oh, my God. No, I’m fine. This is nothing. 976 00:40:33,890 --> 00:40:36,260 You know what? Come with me. I’m gonna take care of you. 977 00:40:36,350 --> 00:40:37,680 And bring your friend. 978 00:40:37,760 --> 00:40:38,850 No, we can't. 979 00:40:38,890 --> 00:40:40,600 We'd love to, but we can't. We can, we can. 980 00:40:40,680 --> 00:40:42,560 We should probably go check on that deer, actually. 981 00:40:42,640 --> 00:40:43,690 No, we can go. We can go. 982 00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:45,480 (TALK DIRTY TO ME PLAYING) (PEOPLE CHEERING) 983 00:40:45,560 --> 00:40:47,770 (SINGING) I know you cannot wait 984 00:40:47,860 --> 00:40:49,900 Wait to see me, too 985 00:40:49,980 --> 00:40:51,190 Oh, my God! 986 00:40:51,280 --> 00:40:53,450 This is like the best song ever! 987 00:40:53,530 --> 00:40:54,700 Maybe not ever. 988 00:40:54,780 --> 00:40:55,860 (WHOOPING) 989 00:40:56,240 --> 00:40:57,910 At the drive-in 990 00:40:57,990 --> 00:40:59,620 God, he's so hot! 991 00:40:59,700 --> 00:41:01,950 In the old man's Ford 992 00:41:02,040 --> 00:41:04,500 Behind the bushes 993 00:41:04,670 --> 00:41:06,120 Can I get 3,000 beers? 994 00:41:06,210 --> 00:41:08,170 Until I'm screaming for more 995 00:41:08,250 --> 00:41:10,380 Down the basement 996 00:41:12,220 --> 00:41:14,300 MAN: Who's next? Who's next for the beer luge? 997 00:41:14,380 --> 00:41:16,640 This guy! This guy's next! He wants it so bad. 998 00:41:16,720 --> 00:41:17,720 You can do it, man. 999 00:41:17,800 --> 00:41:18,970 He wants it. 1000 00:41:19,060 --> 00:41:20,350 (ALL CLAMORING) 1001 00:41:21,720 --> 00:41:24,350 CROWD: (CHANTING) Luge! Luge! Luge! Luge! Luge! Luge! 1002 00:41:26,020 --> 00:41:27,150 (CROWD CHEERS) 1003 00:41:28,110 --> 00:41:32,280 That was so lame. That wasn't, like, even violent a little bit. 1004 00:41:32,360 --> 00:41:34,150 Who are you, and why did you do that to me? 1005 00:41:34,240 --> 00:41:37,200 Why? Because you looked like you needed a luge. 1006 00:41:37,280 --> 00:41:39,320 I’m Adam. I’m April. 1007 00:41:39,410 --> 00:41:40,410 How are you doing? 1008 00:41:40,490 --> 00:41:41,660 All right. 1009 00:41:41,740 --> 00:41:43,330 What brings you here? 1010 00:41:43,410 --> 00:41:44,450 Hot tub. 1011 00:41:44,540 --> 00:41:45,540 Huh. 1012 00:41:45,620 --> 00:41:47,370 You? Poison. 1013 00:41:47,960 --> 00:41:49,750 Right. That band. Poison. 1014 00:41:49,920 --> 00:41:52,960 I’m a journalist. I’m covering the band for Spin magazine. 1015 00:41:53,050 --> 00:41:54,510 You don't really look like you're the type. 1016 00:41:54,590 --> 00:41:57,510 The Poison type? God, no. I’m not. I’m really not. 1017 00:41:57,590 --> 00:41:59,680 I basically just got onto this bus 1018 00:41:59,760 --> 00:42:03,720 and it took me here, to goddamn Winterfest. 1019 00:42:03,980 --> 00:42:05,430 JENNY: Adam! 1020 00:42:06,140 --> 00:42:07,270 Whoo! 1021 00:42:07,730 --> 00:42:09,480 You know what? I can't talk to you. 1022 00:42:09,560 --> 00:42:10,650 You can't? 1023 00:42:10,730 --> 00:42:12,400 But I’m awesome. I can guarantee that. 1024 00:42:12,480 --> 00:42:15,150 I’m sure. You see, I have to walk in the exact same footsteps. 1025 00:42:15,240 --> 00:42:17,030 This didn't happen. 1026 00:42:17,110 --> 00:42:18,740 Well, it kind of happened. 1027 00:42:18,820 --> 00:42:19,870 I wish it did. 1028 00:42:19,950 --> 00:42:21,530 I just saw it happen. It really didn't. 1029 00:42:21,620 --> 00:42:23,410 Yeah. No, I contributed. 1030 00:42:23,490 --> 00:42:24,660 I wish it did. 1031 00:42:24,750 --> 00:42:25,830 All right. 1032 00:42:26,460 --> 00:42:27,460 See you. 1033 00:42:28,120 --> 00:42:29,370 (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) 1034 00:42:32,550 --> 00:42:36,090 I brought you some ice. It'll make you feel better. 1035 00:42:36,260 --> 00:42:37,840 Let's see that. 1036 00:42:38,470 --> 00:42:39,470 Feel better? 1037 00:42:39,550 --> 00:42:41,600 That ice does make me feel better. 1038 00:42:42,140 --> 00:42:43,310 (CLEARING THROAT) 1039 00:42:43,720 --> 00:42:45,220 (COUGHS) Butterflies. 1040 00:42:45,310 --> 00:42:48,140 Hey, you know what? I just remembered I gotta meet a guy. 1041 00:42:48,230 --> 00:42:49,390 No, no. Wait. 1042 00:42:49,480 --> 00:42:50,600 (LAUGHING) 1043 00:42:50,690 --> 00:42:52,650 No, you can't go. 1044 00:42:52,820 --> 00:42:54,480 'Cause guess what? 1045 00:42:54,570 --> 00:42:55,610 What? 1046 00:42:55,690 --> 00:42:57,650 I only do two at a time. 1047 00:42:58,450 --> 00:42:59,450 What do you mean? 1048 00:42:59,530 --> 00:43:00,950 What do I mean? 1049 00:43:04,490 --> 00:43:06,290 There those are. 1050 00:43:06,580 --> 00:43:08,250 LOU: Yeah, let's do this. 1051 00:43:08,330 --> 00:43:09,920 Him first? Okay. 1052 00:43:10,000 --> 00:43:11,460 It’s your thing. I don't wanna tell you what to do. 1053 00:43:11,540 --> 00:43:12,580 (PHONE RINGING) 1054 00:43:12,670 --> 00:43:14,540 Hold on, I gotta get the phone. 1055 00:43:15,760 --> 00:43:18,670 Hello? Mom? 1056 00:43:19,010 --> 00:43:20,010 What? 1057 00:43:20,090 --> 00:43:21,220 I wanna know what the doctor said. 1058 00:43:21,300 --> 00:43:23,680 Lou? Lou, we can't do this. 1059 00:43:23,760 --> 00:43:24,930 Yes, we can. 1060 00:43:25,010 --> 00:43:26,310 No, this didn't happen. 1061 00:43:26,390 --> 00:43:27,390 We can't do this. Yes, we can. 1062 00:43:27,520 --> 00:43:29,100 This didn't happen in the past. Yes, it did. Shut up. 1063 00:43:29,190 --> 00:43:31,020 This did not fucking happen in the past. 1064 00:43:31,100 --> 00:43:32,900 You shut the fuck up, please. 1065 00:43:32,980 --> 00:43:34,610 We're gonna make, like, Hitler president or something. 1066 00:43:34,690 --> 00:43:36,270 We can't do this. 1067 00:43:36,360 --> 00:43:40,030 Look, can you be fucking normal? Please? 1068 00:43:40,110 --> 00:43:42,110 Every young man's fantasy is to have a three-way. 1069 00:43:42,240 --> 00:43:44,280 Not with another fucking guy. It’s still a three-way. 1070 00:43:44,370 --> 00:43:46,030 What about the policy of the butterfly effect? 1071 00:43:46,120 --> 00:43:48,750 The butterfly effect can suck my nuts! 1072 00:43:49,710 --> 00:43:52,620 Look, we're gonna have sex with this girl, okay? 1073 00:43:52,790 --> 00:43:54,790 You, me, together. 1074 00:43:55,550 --> 00:43:57,750 Enough of this queer shit. Let's get the mood right. 1075 00:43:57,840 --> 00:43:58,960 (ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING ON TAPE) 1076 00:43:59,050 --> 00:44:00,130 All right. Look, right there. 1077 00:44:00,220 --> 00:44:01,220 What? 1078 00:44:01,300 --> 00:44:03,930 You don't wanna seem overzealous with a full-on rager. 1079 00:44:04,010 --> 00:44:05,970 You don't want to insult the woman, either. 1080 00:44:06,060 --> 00:44:08,930 You're gonna wanna get at least a half-a-chub going, right? 1081 00:44:09,020 --> 00:44:10,390 Look at me. No. 1082 00:44:10,480 --> 00:44:11,730 Look at that. No. 1083 00:44:11,810 --> 00:44:13,810 Look at how, like, perfect that is. 1084 00:44:13,900 --> 00:44:15,900 I’m not gonna fucking look. 1085 00:44:16,820 --> 00:44:17,860 Look, look. Here. 1086 00:44:17,940 --> 00:44:18,980 What the fuck, man? 1087 00:44:20,240 --> 00:44:21,900 I’m out of here. Come on, Jake, 1088 00:44:22,030 --> 00:44:23,700 I was just getting you started. Don't care! 1089 00:44:23,780 --> 00:44:24,780 Guys do that. 1090 00:44:24,870 --> 00:44:26,580 No one does that! (DOOR SLAMS) 1091 00:44:26,830 --> 00:44:28,410 Hey. Onesies? 1092 00:44:31,250 --> 00:44:32,500 Sorry. 1093 00:44:33,000 --> 00:44:34,250 Okay, cool. I’m out of here. 1094 00:44:36,590 --> 00:44:37,670 (EXCLAIMING) 1095 00:44:41,760 --> 00:44:42,880 Hey. 1096 00:44:42,970 --> 00:44:44,970 How did it go with Jenny? 1097 00:44:45,050 --> 00:44:46,220 (JENNY WHOOPING) 1098 00:44:46,300 --> 00:44:47,470 Oh, my God. 1099 00:44:49,100 --> 00:44:52,890 Oh, my God. Whoo! Why aren't you dancing? 1100 00:44:53,560 --> 00:44:54,900 Whoa! What's your name? 1101 00:44:54,980 --> 00:44:56,940 That's Jacob. That's Jenny. 1102 00:44:58,570 --> 00:45:00,110 What the fuck are you doing? 1103 00:45:00,150 --> 00:45:01,610 You're supposed to break up with her! I know. 1104 00:45:01,690 --> 00:45:03,200 No, no, no. Just check it out, okay? 1105 00:45:03,280 --> 00:45:05,160 Maybe she's the key to something. 1106 00:45:05,240 --> 00:45:07,740 And I messed it up when I broke up with her before, 1107 00:45:07,830 --> 00:45:10,120 and now the universe is giving me another crack at it. 1108 00:45:10,200 --> 00:45:13,000 And if you thought you could really start over 1109 00:45:13,080 --> 00:45:14,580 and do something totally different, 1110 00:45:14,670 --> 00:45:16,250 you wouldn't even consider it? 1111 00:45:16,330 --> 00:45:17,670 You're absolutely right. 1112 00:45:17,750 --> 00:45:18,710 You think so? Really? 1113 00:45:18,800 --> 00:45:19,960 No. Fuck, no! 1114 00:45:20,050 --> 00:45:21,300 Come on! 1115 00:45:23,840 --> 00:45:25,090 What do you mean, you didn't do it? 1116 00:45:25,180 --> 00:45:26,640 I’m getting to it. 1117 00:45:26,720 --> 00:45:28,800 No, we were supposed to do everything that we did. 1118 00:45:28,890 --> 00:45:29,890 That's what I remember. 1119 00:45:29,970 --> 00:45:31,390 Yeah, Adam, what the fuck, man? 1120 00:45:31,470 --> 00:45:32,600 You were supposed to fucking dump her. 1121 00:45:32,680 --> 00:45:35,140 You think l liked getting my ass fucked up and down the entire street? 1122 00:45:35,270 --> 00:45:36,650 Because I didn't. It’s not that I’m not gonna do it, 1123 00:45:36,730 --> 00:45:38,480 I just haven't done it yet. There's a big difference. 1124 00:45:38,560 --> 00:45:39,730 Look at my face, dude. 1125 00:45:39,820 --> 00:45:41,480 Look at my fucking face! Drink me in. 1126 00:45:41,570 --> 00:45:42,980 You think I wouldn't have liked to have changed this? 1127 00:45:43,070 --> 00:45:46,400 Shut the fuck up, Lou. You tried to rope me into a three-way. 1128 00:45:46,490 --> 00:45:47,530 What? Did you? 1129 00:45:47,620 --> 00:45:48,740 No. Yes. 1130 00:45:48,820 --> 00:45:50,160 Lou! Did you? 1131 00:45:50,240 --> 00:45:53,410 I didn't fuck that girl. Okay? 1132 00:45:53,580 --> 00:45:56,620 Because I’m committed to not changing the past. 1133 00:45:56,830 --> 00:45:58,040 Right. It had nothing to do with her 1134 00:45:58,130 --> 00:45:59,670 wanting to be a Chinese finger trap. 1135 00:45:59,750 --> 00:46:01,710 And I’m not saying that because she was Asian. 1136 00:46:01,800 --> 00:46:04,170 So you're telling me I cheated on my wife for no reason. 1137 00:46:04,260 --> 00:46:05,260 (IMITATING BABY CRYING) 1138 00:46:05,340 --> 00:46:06,380 ADAM: Just relax, okay? 1139 00:46:06,470 --> 00:46:08,010 I’m gonna do it. I just haven't done it yet! 1140 00:46:08,090 --> 00:46:09,090 You're unbelievable. 1141 00:46:09,180 --> 00:46:10,930 Hey, Nick, can I ask you a question? Yes. 1142 00:46:11,010 --> 00:46:12,810 Does this seem like it's all about Adam again? 1143 00:46:12,890 --> 00:46:15,180 Yeah, just like Cincinnati. 1144 00:46:15,850 --> 00:46:17,520 What? You gonna bring that up? 1145 00:46:17,600 --> 00:46:19,900 We said we weren't gonna talk about Cincinnati ever, okay? 1146 00:46:19,980 --> 00:46:22,770 Is this why you have that shoebox in your closet that says "Cincinnati"? 1147 00:46:22,860 --> 00:46:23,860 Yeah. 1148 00:46:23,940 --> 00:46:25,030 What? That's fucking admissible! 1149 00:46:25,110 --> 00:46:26,700 You keep it in the closet? 1150 00:46:26,780 --> 00:46:29,160 What was I supposed to do with it? You can't bury those things. 1151 00:46:29,240 --> 00:46:30,870 And you wrote "Cincinnati" on it? 1152 00:46:30,950 --> 00:46:33,870 How do I know which one it's supposed to be? 1153 00:46:34,200 --> 00:46:35,250 Is it a fetus? 1154 00:46:35,330 --> 00:46:36,710 My friends are ridiculous. 1155 00:46:36,790 --> 00:46:38,120 Why are we still talking about this? 1156 00:46:38,210 --> 00:46:40,080 Okay, we said we would never talk about that. 1157 00:46:40,170 --> 00:46:43,460 By the way, where does it say in the fucking friendship handbook 1158 00:46:43,550 --> 00:46:47,090 that you are the only one who is allowed any fucking problems? 1159 00:46:47,170 --> 00:46:49,260 I forgot that it says in the asshole handbook 1160 00:46:49,340 --> 00:46:52,100 that you can just fuck over your friends whenever you want! 1161 00:46:52,180 --> 00:46:53,810 Actually, it would say that in the asshole handbook 1162 00:46:53,890 --> 00:46:55,310 if it was, like, guidelines for being an asshole, 1163 00:46:55,390 --> 00:46:56,850 that's what it would say. NICK: Why wouldn't it say that 1164 00:46:56,930 --> 00:46:58,060 in the asshole handbook? Yeah, it would say 1165 00:46:58,140 --> 00:46:59,310 to fuck your friends. "Fuck over your friends." 1166 00:46:59,400 --> 00:47:00,690 No, no, no. JACOB: Have you ever read a book? 1167 00:47:00,770 --> 00:47:04,020 You're right. I’m sorry, my bad. You guys are right. 1168 00:47:04,190 --> 00:47:06,480 But if you're changing the fucking past, okay, 1169 00:47:06,570 --> 00:47:08,900 then I’m changing the fucking past, all right? 1170 00:47:08,990 --> 00:47:10,450 No! Lou! 1171 00:47:10,530 --> 00:47:13,030 Okay! We're in the game! I like this. 1172 00:47:13,120 --> 00:47:14,870 I didn't change anything yet, I just didn't do it. 1173 00:47:14,950 --> 00:47:16,120 And if we're changing shit, 1174 00:47:16,200 --> 00:47:18,120 you better be there at midnight to get my fucking back. 1175 00:47:18,210 --> 00:47:19,580 Done. ADAM: I’ll be there. 1176 00:47:19,670 --> 00:47:22,080 JACOB: Guys! Guys! Come on, man. Talk to me about this! 1177 00:47:22,170 --> 00:47:23,670 LOU: Fuck off. Fuck! 1178 00:47:23,750 --> 00:47:25,050 I’ll be back in a minute. Where are you going? 1179 00:47:25,130 --> 00:47:26,210 I gotta go. I’m getting out of here. 1180 00:47:26,300 --> 00:47:28,010 No, no, Adam, listen to me, please. 1181 00:47:28,090 --> 00:47:30,510 Jenny Stedmeyer is not your fucking destiny, okay? 1182 00:47:30,590 --> 00:47:31,720 She's just some girl. 1183 00:47:31,800 --> 00:47:33,850 Some girl you dated in high school, okay? 1184 00:47:33,930 --> 00:47:35,510 I know! I just got some emotions coming up. 1185 00:47:35,600 --> 00:47:36,930 I got some feelings that I got to deal with. 1186 00:47:37,020 --> 00:47:39,020 I’m gonna do it. I believe in you. You're awesome. 1187 00:47:39,100 --> 00:47:40,690 You know what? That's fine. Everybody just take off! 1188 00:47:40,770 --> 00:47:41,980 I don't need to be born. 1189 00:47:42,060 --> 00:47:45,270 I’ll just go find the repairman myself and fix the time machine. 1190 00:47:46,280 --> 00:47:48,650 That's the dumbest thing I’ve said in a while. 1191 00:47:49,150 --> 00:47:50,150 (BUZZING) 1192 00:47:50,990 --> 00:47:52,530 You made the best decision of your life, 1193 00:47:52,620 --> 00:47:54,030 choosing me as your friend over Adam. 1194 00:47:54,120 --> 00:47:55,580 NICK: I’m pretty sure that's not what's going on here. 1195 00:47:55,660 --> 00:47:57,620 LOU: Don't be afraid. I’m gonna treat you right. 1196 00:47:57,950 --> 00:47:59,500 Daddy's gonna take care of you. PHIL: Whoa! 1197 00:47:59,620 --> 00:48:00,660 Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! 1198 00:48:00,750 --> 00:48:03,330 Here we go. It’s like a slow-motion guillotine. 1199 00:48:03,420 --> 00:48:04,750 (GRUNTING) 1200 00:48:05,130 --> 00:48:07,300 (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) What the F-ing fuck? 1201 00:48:10,220 --> 00:48:11,380 (EXHALES) 1202 00:48:15,640 --> 00:48:18,140 LOU: Here we go. Here we go. Round two. 1203 00:48:18,470 --> 00:48:19,520 (GRUNTING) 1204 00:48:19,890 --> 00:48:20,890 Should we help him? 1205 00:48:20,980 --> 00:48:22,270 No. No. This is his destiny. 1206 00:48:26,770 --> 00:48:27,860 (BOTH YELLING) 1207 00:48:28,650 --> 00:48:29,610 (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) 1208 00:48:29,690 --> 00:48:30,740 Fuck you! 1209 00:48:30,820 --> 00:48:32,610 Did it happen? No. 1210 00:48:33,990 --> 00:48:35,410 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 1211 00:48:35,990 --> 00:48:37,330 lf that guy doesn't lose his arm soon, 1212 00:48:37,410 --> 00:48:39,580 I’m gonna fucking take it from him myself. 1213 00:48:39,750 --> 00:48:40,750 Man! 1214 00:48:45,380 --> 00:48:46,840 Blaine! 1215 00:48:47,000 --> 00:48:49,090 Come on down, man. Have a brewski with us. 1216 00:48:49,170 --> 00:48:50,210 There's a party. 1217 00:48:50,300 --> 00:48:53,300 BLAINE: "No foreign army has ever occupied American soil. 1218 00:48:53,380 --> 00:48:54,840 "Until now." 1219 00:48:55,220 --> 00:48:56,680 Watching Red Dawn again, or. . . 1220 00:48:56,850 --> 00:48:58,640 Wolverines! 1221 00:48:59,520 --> 00:49:00,930 They're Ruskies. 1222 00:49:01,020 --> 00:49:02,930 And these are their secret Commie weapons. 1223 00:49:03,020 --> 00:49:04,440 What are you talking about? 1224 00:49:04,520 --> 00:49:06,230 Look at this stuff, man. 1225 00:49:06,310 --> 00:49:09,230 They could be spies or something. 1226 00:49:09,400 --> 00:49:11,110 I don't know, Blaine. I mean, they seem a little young 1227 00:49:11,190 --> 00:49:12,610 to be spies, you know. 1228 00:49:12,700 --> 00:49:13,860 Come on, Chaz. 1229 00:49:14,700 --> 00:49:17,490 They could be some kind of 21Jump Street 1230 00:49:17,660 --> 00:49:19,990 spy battalion-type dudes. 1231 00:49:21,910 --> 00:49:25,210 Yeah. Yeah. Or not at all, you know? There's also that. 1232 00:49:25,670 --> 00:49:27,080 What the fuck is this? 1233 00:49:28,250 --> 00:49:29,290 ADAM: There's something I wanna talk to you about. 1234 00:49:29,380 --> 00:49:31,710 It’s something I’m supposed to do but I don't wanna do. 1235 00:49:31,800 --> 00:49:32,960 You know why? Okay, Adam. But. . . 1236 00:49:33,050 --> 00:49:36,470 Because I was thinking about how good we are together, right? 1237 00:49:36,590 --> 00:49:38,800 Don't you think? I really think so. Okay. 1238 00:49:38,890 --> 00:49:40,930 And I was talking about the future and I was thinking about, 1239 00:49:41,020 --> 00:49:43,140 well, my future is this way and maybe it could be this way. 1240 00:49:43,230 --> 00:49:45,310 I know I’m rambling now. God, you're so beautiful. 1241 00:49:45,390 --> 00:49:46,810 But we got along so great and. . . 1242 00:49:46,900 --> 00:49:48,520 What is that? 1243 00:49:49,020 --> 00:49:51,570 It’s a note I wrote to you. You should read it. 1244 00:49:51,860 --> 00:49:53,900 Right now? Okay. Yeah. 1245 00:49:53,990 --> 00:49:57,490 "Dear Adam, you're a super-terrific guy and I love you. 1246 00:49:57,620 --> 00:49:58,740 Aw! 1247 00:49:59,160 --> 00:50:00,450 "And that's why this is so hard for me. 1248 00:50:00,530 --> 00:50:03,950 "You're one of the most amazing people that I’ve ever met. I can't. . ." 1249 00:50:04,120 --> 00:50:07,540 Are you breaking up with me? That's what this. . . This is a break-up note? 1250 00:50:07,920 --> 00:50:09,170 I’m sorry, Adam. 1251 00:50:09,250 --> 00:50:11,670 All these years! You stabbed me in the eye with a fucking fork 1252 00:50:11,750 --> 00:50:13,510 and you were gonna break up with me anyway? 1253 00:50:13,590 --> 00:50:14,670 Is that what you're saying to me? 1254 00:50:14,760 --> 00:50:15,800 I did what? 1255 00:50:15,880 --> 00:50:18,720 Why are you breaking up with me? That's not how this works. 1256 00:50:19,390 --> 00:50:21,850 You're such a great guy and you're gonna find the right girl, 1257 00:50:21,930 --> 00:50:23,140 but it's not me. 1258 00:50:23,220 --> 00:50:26,890 And everybody knows what a big deal you're gonna be some day. 1259 00:50:27,940 --> 00:50:31,270 No, I’m not. I’m not. I’m not anybody. 1260 00:50:31,440 --> 00:50:35,110 Adam, okay. It’s not you, it's me. 1261 00:50:36,950 --> 00:50:39,570 I say that to you. You don't say that to me. 1262 00:50:39,660 --> 00:50:41,530 That's not how this works. 1263 00:50:41,620 --> 00:50:44,620 Do you know what happens to you if we don't go back? 1264 00:50:45,250 --> 00:50:46,290 You end up with Billy Lavatino. 1265 00:50:46,370 --> 00:50:47,370 I like him. 1266 00:50:47,460 --> 00:50:50,380 You may like him, but then you end up pregnant with, like, trucker hips, 1267 00:50:50,460 --> 00:50:52,170 and you have a baby with Billy Lavatino, 1268 00:50:52,250 --> 00:50:54,130 and you're addicted to Weight Watchers, you little bitch. 1269 00:50:54,260 --> 00:50:56,010 What did you just call me? Take this fucking back! 1270 00:50:56,090 --> 00:50:58,420 Don't you. . . Jesus! 1271 00:50:58,720 --> 00:50:59,880 (CROWD GASPING) 1272 00:50:59,970 --> 00:51:01,140 (GROANING) 1273 00:51:01,600 --> 00:51:03,010 I don't get fat! 1274 00:51:03,970 --> 00:51:04,970 MAN: Gross! 1275 00:51:09,230 --> 00:51:12,150 lf we're changing shit, we gotta be taking advantage of shit. 1276 00:51:12,310 --> 00:51:14,320 No. Mulligan. 1277 00:51:14,820 --> 00:51:16,150 No mulligan. Come on! 1278 00:51:16,240 --> 00:51:17,780 You had, like, five mulligans. Dude. 1279 00:51:17,950 --> 00:51:20,070 I’m not talking about bad stuff, either, okay? 1280 00:51:20,160 --> 00:51:21,200 I’m just talking about good stuff. 1281 00:51:21,280 --> 00:51:24,910 Like keeping Manimal on the air, you know? 1282 00:51:24,990 --> 00:51:26,200 Or preventing Miley Cyrus. 1283 00:51:26,290 --> 00:51:27,910 Preventing her from what? 1284 00:51:28,000 --> 00:51:29,210 Just preventing her. 1285 00:51:29,290 --> 00:51:32,080 MALE ANNOUNCER: (ON TV) And there's the catch! First down! 1286 00:51:32,170 --> 00:51:33,500 (ALL CHEERING) 1287 00:51:37,340 --> 00:51:38,760 Oh, shit! 1288 00:51:39,430 --> 00:51:40,630 I know this game. 1289 00:51:40,720 --> 00:51:41,840 Yeah? 1290 00:51:41,930 --> 00:51:43,760 Yeah. This is the Denver-Cleveland playoff game. 1291 00:51:43,930 --> 00:51:45,510 This is the fucking Drive, man. 1292 00:51:45,600 --> 00:51:46,680 Yeah? 1293 00:51:48,680 --> 00:51:50,180 I know what we're gonna do. 1294 00:51:52,150 --> 00:51:54,110 (I JUST DIED IN YOUR ARMS PLAYING) 1295 00:51:56,860 --> 00:51:59,530 Adam, hey. You're back. Awesome. 1296 00:51:59,990 --> 00:52:02,240 What's going on here? Where are the guys? 1297 00:52:03,370 --> 00:52:04,870 What's this? Read it. 1298 00:52:05,030 --> 00:52:07,660 "Dear Adam, you are a super-terrific guy and I love you, 1299 00:52:07,750 --> 00:52:11,460 "which is why this is so hard for me. I cherish our friendship." 1300 00:52:12,170 --> 00:52:13,290 (LAUGHS) 1301 00:52:13,380 --> 00:52:14,960 She broke up with you? 1302 00:52:15,130 --> 00:52:17,500 And you still fucking got stabbed in the eye? 1303 00:52:17,880 --> 00:52:19,550 Leave me alone. Get out of here. 1304 00:52:19,760 --> 00:52:21,590 What are you doing here? You writing poetry? 1305 00:52:21,680 --> 00:52:23,550 Just leave me alone and get out of here. No. 1306 00:52:23,640 --> 00:52:25,300 You're writing fucking break-up poetry. 1307 00:52:25,390 --> 00:52:27,720 All right, I’m writing break-up poetry, okay? 1308 00:52:28,720 --> 00:52:30,180 Because my heart hurts. 1309 00:52:30,390 --> 00:52:31,430 She stabbed me in my heart and my eye. 1310 00:52:31,520 --> 00:52:32,520 Holy shit, you're wasted. 1311 00:52:32,600 --> 00:52:35,940 Look, I’ve had like two wine kills, Captain Buzzcooler. 1312 00:52:36,020 --> 00:52:37,690 God. You're fucked up. 1313 00:52:39,030 --> 00:52:41,820 "Jenny's eyes, like a gypsy's lies Cut right through the night 1314 00:52:41,900 --> 00:52:44,110 "Now those eyes are another guy's And I’m alone with my pain" 1315 00:52:44,200 --> 00:52:45,320 That was clean. 1316 00:52:45,410 --> 00:52:47,410 Are you shitting me with this, Adam? 1317 00:52:48,740 --> 00:52:49,950 Look, you can recite it straight 1318 00:52:50,040 --> 00:52:51,410 or to the tune of Sweet Child O' Mine. 1319 00:52:51,500 --> 00:52:52,580 It doesn't matter. 1320 00:52:52,670 --> 00:52:56,000 Are these mushrooms? Did you eat these mushrooms, Adam? 1321 00:52:56,090 --> 00:52:58,630 I like to eat them, you know? A couple of them. 1322 00:52:58,710 --> 00:53:00,420 Holy fuck, man, you gotta stay straight! 1323 00:53:00,550 --> 00:53:02,420 You gotta help me get the guys back! Just relax. 1324 00:53:02,510 --> 00:53:04,260 You know, it's not always about my emotional journey. 1325 00:53:04,340 --> 00:53:05,840 It could be about yours. Put the coke down! 1326 00:53:05,930 --> 00:53:07,430 God damn it, you little fucker! Give it to me! 1327 00:53:07,510 --> 00:53:10,180 Don't you fucking get it? I’m not gonna be fucking born! 1328 00:53:10,270 --> 00:53:11,600 (EXPLOSION) 1329 00:53:13,810 --> 00:53:16,440 How much worse can it get? 1330 00:53:16,610 --> 00:53:18,230 What? The '80s? 1331 00:53:18,820 --> 00:53:20,690 New part shorted out another part. 1332 00:53:20,780 --> 00:53:22,690 I hope we can get that thing working before dawn. 1333 00:53:22,780 --> 00:53:23,860 Wait, wait, hold on, 1334 00:53:23,950 --> 00:53:25,740 is that when the time portal closes, at dawn? 1335 00:53:25,820 --> 00:53:27,200 That's when the party's over. 1336 00:53:27,280 --> 00:53:28,700 Fuck you, man. Listen. 1337 00:53:28,780 --> 00:53:31,200 I am at my wit's end with him, so you gotta level with me. 1338 00:53:31,290 --> 00:53:33,580 Are you the mystical time-travel guide-guy or not? 1339 00:53:33,660 --> 00:53:35,920 Don't you put your hands on me, young lady! 1340 00:53:37,080 --> 00:53:38,960 I’m just trying to do my job, here. 1341 00:53:39,040 --> 00:53:41,130 Fuck, hold on. Quit eating mushrooms, man! 1342 00:53:41,260 --> 00:53:42,960 I wanna have a few more. 1343 00:53:45,300 --> 00:53:48,300 What the fuck is happening to me? I can't. . . 1344 00:53:49,140 --> 00:53:50,140 Dawn. 1345 00:53:50,220 --> 00:53:51,510 (THUNDER CRASHING) 1346 00:53:53,980 --> 00:53:55,060 Hey, Adam. 1347 00:53:55,140 --> 00:53:58,060 All right, so anyway, the repairman's doing his thing. 1348 00:53:58,150 --> 00:53:59,360 I’m gonna go find Nick and Lou, 1349 00:53:59,440 --> 00:54:00,860 and you stay right here. Okay? 1350 00:54:00,940 --> 00:54:01,900 I’m gonna stay. 1351 00:54:01,980 --> 00:54:03,570 You got it, but you can't leave. 1352 00:54:03,650 --> 00:54:06,150 I can't move, because I’m broken. 1353 00:54:06,950 --> 00:54:08,780 Man, you and my mom are so fucked. 1354 00:54:09,700 --> 00:54:10,950 (INHALES DEEPLY) 1355 00:54:11,040 --> 00:54:12,490 Hungry. 1356 00:54:14,160 --> 00:54:15,160 Evening. 1357 00:54:15,250 --> 00:54:16,410 You've got two arms. 1358 00:54:17,170 --> 00:54:19,080 But you're not going to. You're gonna lose one. 1359 00:54:19,670 --> 00:54:20,710 What? 1360 00:54:20,790 --> 00:54:22,170 You're gonna lose that arm. 1361 00:54:24,170 --> 00:54:25,550 (LAUGHING) You're one of those joker guys. 1362 00:54:25,630 --> 00:54:26,670 Right. Right. 1363 00:54:26,760 --> 00:54:29,430 I don't care if you put that arm in a steel fucking vault, 1364 00:54:29,510 --> 00:54:31,180 that arm's coming off! 1365 00:54:31,510 --> 00:54:32,810 You're gonna lose your arm. 1366 00:54:32,890 --> 00:54:34,270 You're gonna lose your arm! 1367 00:54:34,350 --> 00:54:35,640 I’m gonna rape you. I’m gonna rape you! 1368 00:54:35,730 --> 00:54:37,890 I’m gonna rape you. I’m gonna rape you. 1369 00:54:37,980 --> 00:54:39,650 Have a great night. Okay. 1370 00:54:39,980 --> 00:54:41,690 MALE ANNOUNCER: (ON TV) ...to the end zone. Touchdown Cleveland! 1371 00:54:41,940 --> 00:54:43,110 (ALL EXCLAIMING) 1372 00:54:44,320 --> 00:54:46,150 LOU: Pay up, suckers! Pay up! 1373 00:54:46,240 --> 00:54:49,660 How does he do it? How is he right all the time? 1374 00:54:49,740 --> 00:54:51,410 Let me ask you something, McFly. 1375 00:54:52,200 --> 00:54:53,450 How you getting so lucky? 1376 00:54:53,540 --> 00:54:55,540 I know the fucking future, douche bag. 1377 00:54:55,700 --> 00:54:57,330 Really? One more bet. 1378 00:54:57,410 --> 00:55:00,080 Ricky, come on. You said one more and then you'd be done. 1379 00:55:00,380 --> 00:55:02,630 I also said to shut the fuck up. Remember that? 1380 00:55:02,710 --> 00:55:04,590 Okay, I love you. Shut the fuck up. 1381 00:55:04,800 --> 00:55:05,960 By the way, I love your coat. 1382 00:55:06,050 --> 00:55:07,880 I don't give a shit about animals, either, so. . . 1383 00:55:08,380 --> 00:55:09,840 One more bet. High stakes. 1384 00:55:09,930 --> 00:55:12,430 All right. All right. Bring it on, Spader. 1385 00:55:12,510 --> 00:55:14,060 Bring it on, Jo-Jo. 1386 00:55:14,180 --> 00:55:15,970 I bet Elway throws a touchdown pass 1387 00:55:16,060 --> 00:55:17,890 with 37 seconds left on the clock. 1388 00:55:18,060 --> 00:55:20,310 Fat chance, asshole. Elway's done nothing all day. 1389 00:55:20,400 --> 00:55:23,690 Well then, in the spirit of high stakes, let's make it interesting. 1390 00:55:23,770 --> 00:55:24,820 Let's make it interesting. 1391 00:55:24,900 --> 00:55:28,490 lf I win, your wife gives me a blowjob. 1392 00:55:28,900 --> 00:55:30,110 RICKY: Really? 1393 00:55:30,200 --> 00:55:31,360 A classy one. 1394 00:55:34,160 --> 00:55:35,790 Hey, screw you, kid. Hey, okay, 1395 00:55:35,870 --> 00:55:38,200 and if you win, name your price. 1396 00:55:39,750 --> 00:55:41,750 Touchdown pass at 37 seconds, exactly? 1397 00:55:41,830 --> 00:55:43,250 LOU: Exactly. 1398 00:55:44,040 --> 00:55:45,250 Fine. 1399 00:55:45,500 --> 00:55:46,920 You lose, I take all your winnings. 1400 00:55:47,010 --> 00:55:48,050 Done. 1401 00:55:48,130 --> 00:55:49,510 And you give your buddy a blowjob. 1402 00:55:49,590 --> 00:55:51,510 What? Hell, no. 1403 00:55:51,590 --> 00:55:52,760 Wow! 1404 00:55:52,850 --> 00:55:53,930 Deal. Deal? 1405 00:55:53,970 --> 00:55:55,720 Well done. I like your style. I like your style. 1406 00:55:55,810 --> 00:55:56,890 He's very creative. 1407 00:55:56,970 --> 00:55:59,390 I don't like you taking liberties with my dick. 1408 00:55:59,560 --> 00:56:01,020 Relax, okay? 1409 00:56:01,100 --> 00:56:03,600 We know the fucking future. We can't lose. 1410 00:56:06,570 --> 00:56:10,610 Hey. Hey, there. What are you doing? 1411 00:56:11,360 --> 00:56:12,820 Hi. Hey. 1412 00:56:13,660 --> 00:56:15,240 Okay, how's the view from down there? 1413 00:56:18,120 --> 00:56:19,120 (SIGHS) 1414 00:56:19,200 --> 00:56:20,620 It’s nice. 1415 00:56:22,290 --> 00:56:23,500 Adam, right? 1416 00:56:24,710 --> 00:56:25,840 Yeah. 1417 00:56:25,920 --> 00:56:27,380 Why are you bleeding in the snow? 1418 00:56:27,460 --> 00:56:28,590 That? No, l. . . 1419 00:56:28,670 --> 00:56:31,300 I got stabbed in the face with a fork. 1420 00:56:31,840 --> 00:56:34,800 I saw it coming and I avoided it. I mean, I didn't avoid it. 1421 00:56:35,010 --> 00:56:37,930 It just happened again to me in a slightly different way. 1422 00:56:38,390 --> 00:56:41,520 Boy, I really wish I knew what the fuck you were talking about. 1423 00:56:43,190 --> 00:56:45,730 All the choices we make in our life, they're pointless. 1424 00:56:45,810 --> 00:56:47,690 There's no escaping the inevitable. 1425 00:56:48,190 --> 00:56:49,650 I don't know, man. 1426 00:56:52,320 --> 00:56:55,910 So, you're saying that your whole entire life is predetermined to suck, 1427 00:56:55,990 --> 00:56:57,200 no matter what you do? 1428 00:56:57,280 --> 00:56:58,700 It’s not the way I want it, but. . . 1429 00:56:58,870 --> 00:57:01,450 Kind of seems like a really, really good excuse 1430 00:57:01,540 --> 00:57:04,620 to do something totally amazing right now, tonight. 1431 00:57:06,080 --> 00:57:07,290 Like what? 1432 00:57:07,960 --> 00:57:12,130 Like perhaps hang out with a girl that you just met 1433 00:57:12,220 --> 00:57:14,590 before her bus has to leave in two hours? 1434 00:57:15,180 --> 00:57:16,260 Right-o. 1435 00:57:17,260 --> 00:57:18,970 I thought you said we were going to get some food. 1436 00:57:19,060 --> 00:57:22,020 We are. We're about to get some food. 1437 00:57:22,100 --> 00:57:24,690 I’m pretty hungry, actually. 1438 00:57:24,850 --> 00:57:27,100 Damn it. They forgot to leave the key. 1439 00:57:27,270 --> 00:57:28,360 Who did? 1440 00:57:28,440 --> 00:57:31,900 Carol and Stan Stapleton. They're my friends. They live here, 1441 00:57:31,990 --> 00:57:34,780 and I housesit for them when they go to Nepal, sometimes. 1442 00:57:34,950 --> 00:57:36,820 I thought you said you came in here on a bus. 1443 00:57:36,910 --> 00:57:39,990 They usually do leave, like, a side door open. 1444 00:57:40,200 --> 00:57:42,040 They do? So let me. . . I’ll be right back. 1445 00:57:42,370 --> 00:57:43,370 Okay. 1446 00:57:43,710 --> 00:57:44,750 (GLASS SHATTERING) 1447 00:57:44,830 --> 00:57:46,710 APRIL: Yep, it's unlocked. 1448 00:57:51,460 --> 00:57:52,670 Cheers. 1449 00:57:53,220 --> 00:57:55,380 So which one's Carol? 1450 00:57:58,350 --> 00:57:59,640 Carol's on the left. 1451 00:58:00,810 --> 00:58:03,060 MALE ANNOUNCER: Elway’s Last stand. 45 seconds Left on the clock. 1452 00:58:03,390 --> 00:58:05,810 I’m really good at getting head. You'll see. 1453 00:58:07,060 --> 00:58:08,480 Elway takes the snap. Go, baby. 1454 00:58:08,560 --> 00:58:11,820 He fades back. Elway fires. He's got Jackson open. 1455 00:58:11,900 --> 00:58:13,650 He's impossibly open! 1456 00:58:13,740 --> 00:58:15,320 Wait, what's this? Vermin? 1457 00:58:15,400 --> 00:58:16,900 No, no, no! I know this squirrel. 1458 00:58:16,990 --> 00:58:18,990 That's a magic fucking squirrel. This doesn't count. 1459 00:58:19,070 --> 00:58:20,370 He's distracted by a wild squirrel! 1460 00:58:20,450 --> 00:58:21,490 LOU: What the fuck? 1461 00:58:21,580 --> 00:58:24,450 Incomplete! Game's over! Cleveland wins! 1462 00:58:24,540 --> 00:58:26,790 The Dawg Pound is going to the Super Bowl. 1463 00:58:26,870 --> 00:58:28,000 Oh, yeah! 1464 00:58:28,080 --> 00:58:29,540 I've never seen anything Like it! 1465 00:58:30,880 --> 00:58:32,000 He did it. Got to go! 1466 00:58:32,090 --> 00:58:33,500 Congratulations. Look at all that money. 1467 00:58:33,590 --> 00:58:36,800 I was kidding about the blowjob thing. Obviously, we're comedians. 1468 00:58:36,880 --> 00:58:38,380 Hey, guys. Guys. 1469 00:58:39,090 --> 00:58:40,470 A bet's a bet. 1470 00:58:42,760 --> 00:58:44,600 Motherfucker! 1471 00:58:45,930 --> 00:58:47,180 APRIL: So you're a Time Lord? 1472 00:58:47,270 --> 00:58:48,390 ADAM: Mmm-hmm. 1473 00:58:48,480 --> 00:58:51,480 And a Jacuzzi is your spaceship? 1474 00:58:52,320 --> 00:58:53,520 That is correct, madam. 1475 00:58:53,690 --> 00:58:55,440 That's the only part of this whole thing 1476 00:58:55,530 --> 00:58:57,190 that doesn't make sense to me. 1477 00:58:57,280 --> 00:58:59,740 You're not the only one. Believe me. 1478 00:58:59,820 --> 00:59:02,660 I mean, the whole thing is just totally insane. 1479 00:59:02,780 --> 00:59:03,830 Ew! 1480 00:59:05,160 --> 00:59:07,080 So, how's the future working out for you? 1481 00:59:07,160 --> 00:59:09,670 I mean, are you like a happy grownup? 1482 00:59:10,000 --> 00:59:11,040 Not particularly, no. 1483 00:59:11,130 --> 00:59:12,130 Yeah. 1484 00:59:12,210 --> 00:59:14,630 My friends actually think I ended up being 1485 00:59:14,710 --> 00:59:17,090 a completely selfish, fucked-up person. 1486 00:59:17,880 --> 00:59:19,880 And they may have a point, actually, if I think about it. 1487 00:59:19,970 --> 00:59:21,010 Hmm. . . 1488 00:59:21,090 --> 00:59:23,430 I’ll tell you something I haven't told somebody for a long time. 1489 00:59:23,720 --> 00:59:24,890 When I was a kid, 1490 00:59:24,970 --> 00:59:28,140 every Friday night, my father used to take my sister Kelly and me 1491 00:59:28,230 --> 00:59:31,850 to this place called Flatirons for steak sandwiches. 1492 00:59:31,940 --> 00:59:32,980 It was a family tradition. 1493 00:59:33,070 --> 00:59:34,860 That's sometimes a good thing. 1494 00:59:35,030 --> 00:59:37,570 But one year, we saw this commercial 1495 00:59:38,200 --> 00:59:40,820 for this place called The Enchanted Forest of Pizza. 1496 00:59:41,490 --> 00:59:45,120 So the next Friday, my dad's loading us up into the car. 1497 00:59:45,290 --> 00:59:48,290 We're like, "Daddy, we want to go to The Enchanted Forest of Pizza." 1498 00:59:48,370 --> 00:59:50,080 And he's like, "What are you talking about? 1499 00:59:50,170 --> 00:59:52,170 "We always go for steak sandwiches." 1500 00:59:52,250 --> 00:59:53,920 But we just stay at him 1501 00:59:54,000 --> 00:59:56,960 and we're whining, and we're badgering, and finally he relents. 1502 00:59:57,050 --> 00:59:58,510 Nice. So, you win. 1503 00:59:58,590 --> 01:00:01,260 You deviated from the plan in a really big way. That's good. 1504 01:00:02,220 --> 01:00:04,300 33 people died of E. coli. 1505 01:00:05,560 --> 01:00:06,970 Including my father. 1506 01:00:07,520 --> 01:00:09,640 Before he died, he looked at me and he said, 1507 01:00:09,810 --> 01:00:11,310 "Adam, you did this." 1508 01:00:11,480 --> 01:00:12,850 No, he didn't. 1509 01:00:13,020 --> 01:00:14,190 Yes, he did, 1510 01:00:14,560 --> 01:00:15,610 with his eyes. 1511 01:00:15,690 --> 01:00:18,440 I don't think that that's what he meant with his eyes. 1512 01:00:18,530 --> 01:00:22,450 The point is that Kelly and l dealt with the guilt of this in very different ways. 1513 01:00:22,610 --> 01:00:24,030 She went wild, right? 1514 01:00:24,200 --> 01:00:25,870 She didn't want to have control over anything. 1515 01:00:26,030 --> 01:00:28,290 But I vowed to master the chaos, 1516 01:00:28,370 --> 01:00:30,120 to impose order. Adam, I really don't think 1517 01:00:30,210 --> 01:00:33,870 that you can let a poison pizza ruin the rest of your life. 1518 01:00:34,420 --> 01:00:37,250 You got to embrace the chaos. You have to. 1519 01:00:37,420 --> 01:00:40,970 That way, life might just astonish you. 1520 01:00:50,430 --> 01:00:52,310 MAN 1: I had so much fun tonight. MAN 2: I know! 1521 01:00:52,390 --> 01:00:53,730 Fuck! Game on. 1522 01:00:56,230 --> 01:00:57,230 MAN 2: You look so hot, by the way. MAN 1: Thanks. 1523 01:00:58,610 --> 01:01:00,570 I said, start sucking, gaylord. 1524 01:01:01,190 --> 01:01:03,240 Yeah! Suck! 1525 01:01:03,320 --> 01:01:04,450 MAN: Suck that shit, man! 1526 01:01:04,530 --> 01:01:07,830 ALL: (CHANTING) Suck! Suck! Suck! Suck! Suck! Suck! 1527 01:01:07,910 --> 01:01:09,830 Who are you people? 1528 01:01:09,910 --> 01:01:12,200 God, who are you people? 1529 01:01:12,290 --> 01:01:14,290 Let's get on with this. My fondue's getting cold. 1530 01:01:14,370 --> 01:01:15,880 MAN: Choke on that horn, man! 1531 01:01:17,130 --> 01:01:18,250 (GROANING) 1532 01:01:19,750 --> 01:01:20,800 Oh! 1533 01:01:20,880 --> 01:01:22,720 Wow, good for you. 1534 01:01:22,800 --> 01:01:23,880 I know, right? 1535 01:01:23,970 --> 01:01:26,510 It’s like Gary Coleman's fucking forearm. 1536 01:01:26,600 --> 01:01:28,600 It’s so black! 1537 01:01:28,720 --> 01:01:31,180 It’s so impossibly black. 1538 01:01:32,270 --> 01:01:34,640 I love you, buddy. Don't say that! 1539 01:01:34,730 --> 01:01:36,060 I’m sorry, I do. 1540 01:01:36,980 --> 01:01:38,190 No, no, no! 1541 01:01:38,520 --> 01:01:39,940 (CROWD CONTINUES CHANTING) 1542 01:01:50,620 --> 01:01:52,540 Hey, you. 1543 01:01:52,950 --> 01:01:55,210 Maybe what you need isn't in here, after all. 1544 01:01:55,370 --> 01:01:59,500 Maybe what you need has always been in here. 1545 01:01:59,920 --> 01:02:01,340 Really? No. 1546 01:02:04,720 --> 01:02:06,630 The tub? Is it fixed yet? 1547 01:02:06,800 --> 01:02:08,800 Can be. Ready to go? 1548 01:02:08,890 --> 01:02:10,100 Wait, go where? 1549 01:02:10,180 --> 01:02:12,220 To the room, check it out. I’ve got the part right here. 1550 01:02:12,310 --> 01:02:13,470 Yeah. Yeah, let's go. 1551 01:02:13,560 --> 01:02:14,640 Let's go. Right. 1552 01:02:19,060 --> 01:02:21,110 Where did he go? Who? 1553 01:02:21,190 --> 01:02:22,820 This fucking guy. 1554 01:02:24,240 --> 01:02:26,740 Nicholas. 1555 01:02:28,030 --> 01:02:30,410 Nicky. Nicholas. 1556 01:02:31,740 --> 01:02:34,040 Hey! There he is! 1557 01:02:34,580 --> 01:02:36,000 What? What the fuck? 1558 01:02:36,080 --> 01:02:37,210 What? What? 1559 01:02:37,330 --> 01:02:38,420 (SCREAMING) 1560 01:02:38,500 --> 01:02:40,500 What, do I still have some on my face? 1561 01:02:41,550 --> 01:02:42,920 Oh, God! 1562 01:02:43,000 --> 01:02:44,260 Damn! 1563 01:02:45,550 --> 01:02:47,220 Did you have pineapple today? 1564 01:02:47,300 --> 01:02:49,640 I can't go home. What the fuck? 1565 01:02:50,050 --> 01:02:51,850 I’m fucking with you, dude. 1566 01:02:51,930 --> 01:02:53,140 It’s hand soap. 1567 01:02:54,350 --> 01:02:56,430 Oh, my God. Relax. 1568 01:02:56,520 --> 01:02:58,270 It’s like you haven't seen a little come 1569 01:02:58,350 --> 01:03:00,230 on your friend's face before, or something. 1570 01:03:00,310 --> 01:03:02,110 NICK: What the fuck is wrong with you, man? 1571 01:03:02,190 --> 01:03:04,860 LOU: I’m just kidding. It’s what friends do. God! 1572 01:03:04,940 --> 01:03:06,110 You didn't? 1573 01:03:06,190 --> 01:03:08,570 Gargle your hog? No, man. 1574 01:03:09,030 --> 01:03:11,160 After they pulled you off of me, me and Rick talked it out. 1575 01:03:11,240 --> 01:03:12,740 He's actually a pretty cool guy. 1576 01:03:12,830 --> 01:03:16,370 We have a lot in common. We both love tits and Mötley Crüe. 1577 01:03:16,540 --> 01:03:17,750 It’s cool? 1578 01:03:17,830 --> 01:03:19,370 Yeah, I just told him a bunch of shit 1579 01:03:19,460 --> 01:03:21,000 that's gonna make him rich in the future. 1580 01:03:21,170 --> 01:03:23,210 I saved the good stuff for us. 1581 01:03:23,960 --> 01:03:26,420 Let's go to the bar, plan our empire. 1582 01:03:27,970 --> 01:03:29,430 (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) 1583 01:03:31,390 --> 01:03:34,640 Fucking iPods, you know? Fucking Prius. 1584 01:03:35,060 --> 01:03:38,680 Match.com. Anything .com. Fucking lnternet.com! 1585 01:03:38,850 --> 01:03:43,110 Fucking Zac Efron. Nobody invented him yet. 1586 01:03:43,190 --> 01:03:45,980 What about Twitter? Whatever the fuck that is. 1587 01:03:46,070 --> 01:03:50,610 Hey, we could combine Twitter with fucking Viagra. 1588 01:03:51,740 --> 01:03:53,200 Twitt-agra. 1589 01:03:54,580 --> 01:03:55,950 What's the matter, dude? Come on. 1590 01:03:56,040 --> 01:03:59,290 I’m sorry, man. I’m just preoccupied. 1591 01:03:59,750 --> 01:04:02,830 You just kind of down about being black and out of shape? 1592 01:04:02,960 --> 01:04:05,000 What the fuck is wrong with you? No. 1593 01:04:05,090 --> 01:04:06,750 Because you look good, you know? 1594 01:04:06,840 --> 01:04:08,710 This is a great time for black people. 1595 01:04:09,090 --> 01:04:10,090 I mean our time, not this time. 1596 01:04:10,180 --> 01:04:11,550 This is a terrible time for black people. 1597 01:04:11,640 --> 01:04:13,890 I don't see one other black person in here. 1598 01:04:15,140 --> 01:04:16,430 Talk to me, man. 1599 01:04:16,680 --> 01:04:18,180 I found out she fucking cheated. 1600 01:04:18,350 --> 01:04:21,310 What? Courtney's fucking cheating on you? 1601 01:04:21,650 --> 01:04:24,730 I gave her my life, I gave up my passion. 1602 01:04:24,940 --> 01:04:26,190 And she's just out there. . . 1603 01:04:26,270 --> 01:04:28,150 Why the fuck didn't you say something, man? 1604 01:04:28,230 --> 01:04:31,450 That's just it! I never see you guys anymore. 1605 01:04:31,910 --> 01:04:34,490 I don't have my music, I barely have friends. 1606 01:04:34,990 --> 01:04:36,200 Without Courtney, 1607 01:04:36,870 --> 01:04:37,950 I’m nothing. 1608 01:04:38,040 --> 01:04:40,290 You're just fucking Courtney's bitch right now. 1609 01:04:40,370 --> 01:04:42,870 You need to be your own man, you know? 1610 01:04:43,040 --> 01:04:44,830 "Nick Webber-Agnew"? What the fuck is that? 1611 01:04:44,920 --> 01:04:46,290 It’s terrible. It doesn't work. 1612 01:04:46,380 --> 01:04:48,960 No. Nick Webber, that's who you are. 1613 01:04:49,760 --> 01:04:51,220 That's who I was. 1614 01:04:51,510 --> 01:04:53,470 Maybe you gotta find him again. 1615 01:04:53,760 --> 01:04:57,100 You know, she's getting hers, you go get yours. 1616 01:04:57,930 --> 01:04:59,310 I can't, man. 1617 01:04:59,470 --> 01:05:01,100 It means something to me to be married. 1618 01:05:01,180 --> 01:05:03,140 You're not fucking married. It’s 1986. 1619 01:05:03,230 --> 01:05:04,270 In my heart I am. 1620 01:05:04,350 --> 01:05:05,810 Your heart's a fucking liar. 1621 01:05:14,990 --> 01:05:17,830 You know what? You know what you got to do? 1622 01:05:17,990 --> 01:05:19,030 What? 1623 01:05:19,580 --> 01:05:21,660 You gotta get your ass up on that stage. 1624 01:05:23,330 --> 01:05:24,500 You're right. 1625 01:05:26,000 --> 01:05:27,000 I’m gonna do it. 1626 01:05:27,090 --> 01:05:28,130 Yeah. Do it. 1627 01:05:28,210 --> 01:05:31,340 Hey, hey, hey. Do it fucking quickly, okay? 1628 01:05:31,510 --> 01:05:32,720 You better be at that fight with me. 1629 01:05:32,800 --> 01:05:33,760 Don't leave me hanging this time. 1630 01:05:33,840 --> 01:05:35,340 I won't. I promise. All right. 1631 01:05:35,840 --> 01:05:38,260 Hey, Adam. Fuck. 1632 01:05:41,680 --> 01:05:42,850 Guys? 1633 01:05:43,520 --> 01:05:44,690 (WATER BUBBLING) 1634 01:05:48,690 --> 01:05:49,940 You're good to go. 1635 01:05:50,570 --> 01:05:51,650 Holy shit. Really? 1636 01:05:51,740 --> 01:05:53,530 Some sort of sticky liquid got into 1637 01:05:53,610 --> 01:05:56,030 the crossover housing, I don't know. 1638 01:05:56,200 --> 01:05:58,200 Must have had some nitratriminium in it. 1639 01:05:59,200 --> 01:06:00,530 It’s Chernobly. 1640 01:06:00,620 --> 01:06:03,450 Whatever it was, it ravaged the hell out of the electronics. 1641 01:06:03,540 --> 01:06:05,750 Worked out for you and the boys, though. 1642 01:06:05,830 --> 01:06:06,960 Wait, hold on, are you saying that 1643 01:06:07,040 --> 01:06:08,130 that's the key to the whole thing? 1644 01:06:08,210 --> 01:06:09,460 We need the Chernobly to get back? 1645 01:06:09,540 --> 01:06:13,510 All I’m saying is, whatever your poison, I wouldn't tub without it. 1646 01:06:13,590 --> 01:06:15,260 Especially after dawn. 1647 01:06:15,340 --> 01:06:17,720 It'd kill you to give me a straight answer? 1648 01:06:18,640 --> 01:06:20,470 You know, you're kind of a dick. 1649 01:06:20,890 --> 01:06:23,600 MAN: Hey, everybody, you ready to jam? 1650 01:06:23,770 --> 01:06:25,020 All right. 1651 01:06:25,100 --> 01:06:28,310 Ladies and gentlemen, help me welcome to the stage 1652 01:06:28,400 --> 01:06:30,230 Nick Webber! 1653 01:06:31,320 --> 01:06:32,480 Hi. 1654 01:06:33,650 --> 01:06:35,490 It’s been a long time. 1655 01:06:36,740 --> 01:06:37,910 (MOUTHING) 1656 01:06:41,080 --> 01:06:43,160 (SINGING) No, I'm never gonna dance again 1657 01:06:43,240 --> 01:06:46,620 Guilty feet have got no rhythm 1658 01:06:49,750 --> 01:06:51,250 (JESSIE'S GIRL PLAYING) 1659 01:06:55,920 --> 01:06:58,090 (SINGING) Jessie is a friend 1660 01:06:59,090 --> 01:07:02,600 Yeah, I know he's been a good friend of mine 1661 01:07:03,100 --> 01:07:06,480 But lately something's changed It ain't hard to define 1662 01:07:06,560 --> 01:07:09,940 Jessie's got himself a girl And I want to make her mine 1663 01:07:12,650 --> 01:07:14,860 BLAINE: These guys are dangerous. Look at this stuff. 1664 01:07:14,940 --> 01:07:16,780 Blaine, it looks like a skinny soda can. 1665 01:07:16,860 --> 01:07:20,700 No, a soda-can bomb! This stuff's straight out of Moscow. 1666 01:07:20,780 --> 01:07:22,740 Let's go kick that Commie's ass! 1667 01:07:22,830 --> 01:07:23,870 Chaz. 1668 01:07:23,950 --> 01:07:26,450 Shouldn't we call the cops or the FBI or something? 1669 01:07:26,910 --> 01:07:29,920 No, we're gonna handle this internally. 1670 01:07:33,960 --> 01:07:35,300 (AUDIENCE CHEERING) 1671 01:07:39,470 --> 01:07:40,630 I wish that I had 1672 01:07:40,720 --> 01:07:42,390 Jessie's girl 1673 01:07:42,720 --> 01:07:44,010 I wish that I had 1674 01:07:44,100 --> 01:07:45,810 Jessie's girl 1675 01:07:50,650 --> 01:07:55,110 Yeah 1676 01:07:57,150 --> 01:07:58,400 (ALL CHEERING) 1677 01:08:00,360 --> 01:08:03,490 This song is from the future, but since you've been good, 1678 01:08:03,580 --> 01:08:04,830 you get it early. 1679 01:08:04,910 --> 01:08:06,580 Just like we rehearsed. 1680 01:08:07,540 --> 01:08:10,330 (SINGING) Let's get it started 1681 01:08:10,460 --> 01:08:12,500 in here 1682 01:08:16,050 --> 01:08:18,920 And the bass keep runnin' runnin' And runnin' runnin' 1683 01:08:19,010 --> 01:08:26,100 And runnin' runnin' And runnin' runnin' 1684 01:08:26,180 --> 01:08:28,430 In this context There's no disrespect 1685 01:08:28,520 --> 01:08:30,640 So when I bust my rhyme You break your necks 1686 01:08:30,730 --> 01:08:32,940 We got five minutes For us to disconnect 1687 01:08:33,020 --> 01:08:35,230 From all intellect Collect the rhythm effect 1688 01:08:35,320 --> 01:08:37,770 So lose your inhibition Follow your intuition 1689 01:08:37,860 --> 01:08:40,110 Free your inner soul And break away from tradition 1690 01:08:40,190 --> 01:08:41,950 'Cause when we beat out Girl, it's putting heat out 1691 01:08:42,030 --> 01:08:44,490 You wouldn’t believe How we wow shit out 1692 01:08:44,570 --> 01:08:46,620 Burn it till it's burned out Turn it till it's turned out 1693 01:08:46,700 --> 01:08:49,330 Act up from north, west, east, south 1694 01:08:49,410 --> 01:08:52,790 Everybody, everybody Let's get into it 1695 01:08:52,870 --> 01:08:55,130 Get stupid Get it started 1696 01:08:55,210 --> 01:08:56,960 Get it started Get it started 1697 01:08:57,050 --> 01:09:05,840 Let's get it started Let's get it started in here 1698 01:09:07,720 --> 01:09:10,890 Everybody, everybody Let's get into it 1699 01:09:11,060 --> 01:09:13,350 Get stupid Get it started 1700 01:09:13,440 --> 01:09:16,980 Get it started, get it started Let's get it started 1701 01:09:17,070 --> 01:09:19,020 Hey, where's the Kodiak Club? 1702 01:09:19,110 --> 01:09:20,400 Down the street, dude. 1703 01:09:20,570 --> 01:09:22,360 Okay. Okay, thank you. 1704 01:09:22,530 --> 01:09:25,320 Listen, me and my boys got some shit-kicking to do. 1705 01:09:25,620 --> 01:09:26,990 But this 1706 01:09:27,080 --> 01:09:29,830 (GRUNTING) 1707 01:09:30,240 --> 01:09:31,410 ain't over. 1708 01:09:32,120 --> 01:09:33,540 Get out of my way, stool. 1709 01:09:34,670 --> 01:09:36,960 Transmit hits with no delusion 1710 01:09:37,040 --> 01:09:39,710 The feeling’s irresistible And that's how we moving 1711 01:09:39,880 --> 01:09:41,670 Everybody Everybody 1712 01:09:41,760 --> 01:09:43,010 Let's get into it 1713 01:09:43,090 --> 01:09:44,220 That's my boy, right there. 1714 01:09:44,380 --> 01:09:46,090 The singer? Yeah. 1715 01:09:46,260 --> 01:09:48,550 Let's get it started 1716 01:09:48,720 --> 01:09:51,600 I’ll be back. My friends are over there. I’ll come right back. 1717 01:09:52,270 --> 01:09:54,270 Lose control Of body and soul 1718 01:09:54,350 --> 01:09:56,850 Don't move too fast, people Just take it slow 1719 01:09:56,940 --> 01:09:59,400 I’m caught right in the middle of a thing right now, 1720 01:09:59,480 --> 01:10:01,020 but can I text you later? 1721 01:10:01,110 --> 01:10:02,860 Can you what? Are you online at all? 1722 01:10:02,940 --> 01:10:04,530 I have no idea what you're saying. 1723 01:10:04,610 --> 01:10:05,820 How do I get a hold of you? 1724 01:10:05,910 --> 01:10:07,860 You come find me. 1725 01:10:07,950 --> 01:10:09,120 That just sounds 1726 01:10:10,030 --> 01:10:11,080 exhausting. 1727 01:10:11,540 --> 01:10:12,540 With no delusion (CLOCK DINGS) 1728 01:10:12,620 --> 01:10:15,160 The feeling’s irresistible And that's how we moving 1729 01:10:15,250 --> 01:10:17,040 There he is. Where are your boys? 1730 01:10:17,130 --> 01:10:18,880 I thought they were gonna hold your sack. 1731 01:10:18,960 --> 01:10:20,540 Let's kick his ass, Blaine. 1732 01:10:22,260 --> 01:10:24,550 Where are my fucking friends? 1733 01:10:24,800 --> 01:10:26,300 Whoo-hoo! Let's get 1734 01:10:26,470 --> 01:10:28,140 Whoo-hoo! In here 1735 01:10:28,300 --> 01:10:30,260 Let's get Whoo-hoo! 1736 01:10:30,430 --> 01:10:32,100 While I get Whoo-hoo! 1737 01:10:32,850 --> 01:10:34,730 You like that song? Yeah, it's great. 1738 01:10:34,810 --> 01:10:35,930 It’s gonna be a hit. 1739 01:10:43,530 --> 01:10:47,450 And runnin' runnin' And runnin' runnin' 1740 01:10:47,530 --> 01:10:48,820 (ALL CHEERING) 1741 01:10:52,700 --> 01:10:55,120 Thank you. Thank you. 1742 01:10:56,790 --> 01:10:58,040 Yes. 1743 01:10:58,120 --> 01:10:59,540 MAN: That was sweet. 1744 01:10:59,670 --> 01:11:01,420 ADAM: All right. All right, man. 1745 01:11:03,170 --> 01:11:05,090 Good to have you back, see you back up there, man. 1746 01:11:05,170 --> 01:11:07,260 Hey, it's coming back. I should have done this years ago. 1747 01:11:07,340 --> 01:11:10,260 Guys. Adam. Guys! About time. 1748 01:11:10,340 --> 01:11:12,260 Did you see him? Did you see him rock out? 1749 01:11:12,350 --> 01:11:14,890 Shut up! Okay, we gotta find the Chernobly to get out of here. 1750 01:11:15,060 --> 01:11:16,060 Chernobly? Why? 1751 01:11:16,140 --> 01:11:17,270 I don't know, exactly. 1752 01:11:17,350 --> 01:11:21,100 But the repairman said it's got nitro-trainium. . . 1753 01:11:21,270 --> 01:11:22,650 Nitratrinanium. JACOB: Thank you. 1754 01:11:22,730 --> 01:11:25,360 Or some shit in it that'll fix the time machine. 1755 01:11:25,530 --> 01:11:27,360 That makes sense. Where's Lou? 1756 01:11:27,530 --> 01:11:29,530 ADAM: Where is. . . What time is it? 1757 01:11:30,200 --> 01:11:33,330 Fuck! Fuck! Shit! Shit! 1758 01:11:34,290 --> 01:11:35,450 (GIRLS CHATTERING) 1759 01:11:36,040 --> 01:11:37,080 Lou! 1760 01:11:38,710 --> 01:11:40,370 Where is he? Fuck. 1761 01:11:42,130 --> 01:11:44,630 ADAM: Oh, my God! We missed it again! 1762 01:11:45,710 --> 01:11:47,760 Well, where do you think he went? 1763 01:11:49,220 --> 01:11:51,050 Same place as last time? 1764 01:11:52,470 --> 01:11:56,220 LOU: (SINGING) Keeps me together at the seams 1765 01:11:56,390 --> 01:11:59,020 I'm on my way 1766 01:11:59,560 --> 01:12:01,190 MAN 1: Shut up, you flamer! 1767 01:12:01,850 --> 01:12:04,730 I'm on my way 1768 01:12:05,570 --> 01:12:07,900 MAN 2: Hey, go home! Loser! 1769 01:12:08,070 --> 01:12:09,990 Hey, John Lennon gets shot! 1770 01:12:10,570 --> 01:12:12,070 Wait, did that already happen? 1771 01:12:14,490 --> 01:12:15,660 ADAM: Lou! 1772 01:12:17,080 --> 01:12:18,290 Whoo! 1773 01:12:19,160 --> 01:12:23,580 They made it, everybody! Whoo! Best friends in the world! 1774 01:12:23,750 --> 01:12:25,130 Almost just in time! 1775 01:12:26,880 --> 01:12:28,210 My buddies. 1776 01:12:28,380 --> 01:12:31,510 Fucking Chimney Point, right? Here we are. 1777 01:12:31,680 --> 01:12:33,930 Bottle of scotch, end of the night. 1778 01:12:35,600 --> 01:12:36,970 Where were you? 1779 01:12:37,180 --> 01:12:38,640 We were just. . . We came. . . 1780 01:12:38,720 --> 01:12:40,730 Not tonight. Every fucking night. 1781 01:12:41,270 --> 01:12:44,400 Huh? What happened? We were gonna do shit together, man. 1782 01:12:44,480 --> 01:12:47,480 We were gonna conquer the fucking world. Me and you. 1783 01:12:47,570 --> 01:12:48,980 And then you cut me off. 1784 01:12:49,070 --> 01:12:50,190 What was l gonna do, man? 1785 01:12:50,280 --> 01:12:52,950 I was gonna let you drag me down into your bullshit, Lou? 1786 01:12:53,110 --> 01:12:55,200 Yeah. Yes, because that's what friends do. 1787 01:12:55,280 --> 01:12:56,700 No, they don't, man! 1788 01:12:56,780 --> 01:12:58,450 Because then there's two people stuck in the bullshit 1789 01:12:58,540 --> 01:12:59,700 instead of your sorry ass. 1790 01:12:59,790 --> 01:13:03,960 You should stick by your friends through thick and thin! 1791 01:13:07,550 --> 01:13:10,630 Okay, great. I got two things to say to you. 1792 01:13:11,090 --> 01:13:12,380 Okay. Okay? 1793 01:13:12,720 --> 01:13:15,140 Number one, I hate you. 1794 01:13:15,600 --> 01:13:16,600 Got it. 1795 01:13:16,680 --> 01:13:18,470 Our friendship means nothing. 1796 01:13:19,470 --> 01:13:20,930 All right, is that the first thing or the second thing? 1797 01:13:21,020 --> 01:13:23,480 What? No, clearly that's still part of the first thing. 1798 01:13:23,640 --> 01:13:24,980 I mean, am I the asshole? Did you get that? 1799 01:13:25,060 --> 01:13:26,730 No, I didn't get it. I thought. . . He didn't get it. 1800 01:13:26,810 --> 01:13:28,060 He said A and B. . . 1801 01:13:28,150 --> 01:13:30,570 Let's agree to disagree about the "first" thing. 1802 01:13:30,650 --> 01:13:33,950 Lou, where is the Chernobly? We need it to get back. 1803 01:13:34,030 --> 01:13:35,950 (IN MOCKING TONE) "Where's the Chernobly at, Lou?" 1804 01:13:36,030 --> 01:13:38,240 That's all you ever fucking care about. 1805 01:13:38,330 --> 01:13:39,580 It’s the first time he mentioned it. 1806 01:13:39,660 --> 01:13:41,240 Yeah, and even if we had mentioned it before, 1807 01:13:41,330 --> 01:13:44,080 it's kind of a fucking big deal, okay? I wanna go home. 1808 01:13:44,250 --> 01:13:45,620 NICK: Come on, Lou. Let's talk about this inside. 1809 01:13:45,710 --> 01:13:46,920 You got no shoes on. It’s cold out. 1810 01:13:47,000 --> 01:13:48,500 Who took my fucking shoe? 1811 01:13:48,590 --> 01:13:51,050 Blaine apparently beat your shoe off of you, 1812 01:13:51,130 --> 01:13:53,090 which I don't even know how that could fucking happen. 1813 01:13:53,170 --> 01:13:57,140 Okay, fuck it! Fuck you, fuck you and fuck you! 1814 01:13:57,220 --> 01:13:58,260 ADAM: Easy, man. 1815 01:13:58,350 --> 01:13:59,550 JACOB: Whoa, Lou! 1816 01:13:59,850 --> 01:14:02,770 (ALL YELLING) 1817 01:14:04,730 --> 01:14:05,890 NICK: I got you. 1818 01:14:06,060 --> 01:14:07,350 JACOB: Oh, my God! 1819 01:14:07,520 --> 01:14:08,610 Is Lou dead? Shit! 1820 01:14:08,770 --> 01:14:10,230 JACOB: There he is. 1821 01:14:11,610 --> 01:14:12,780 NICK: I can't hold on. 1822 01:14:12,860 --> 01:14:13,820 Yes, you can! 1823 01:14:13,900 --> 01:14:14,950 Yes, you can hang on! 1824 01:14:15,030 --> 01:14:16,700 I’m slipping. ADAM: No, hold on. 1825 01:14:16,780 --> 01:14:18,780 JACOB: No, Nick. Hold on. Guys! 1826 01:14:18,950 --> 01:14:20,120 (SCREAMING) 1827 01:14:21,910 --> 01:14:23,790 JACOB: Phil! Phil! 1828 01:14:25,080 --> 01:14:26,540 Oh, fuck! 1829 01:14:26,620 --> 01:14:29,460 We're dead! This is how it happens! This is how he loses it! 1830 01:14:29,630 --> 01:14:30,790 Fuck it! 1831 01:14:30,960 --> 01:14:33,050 Fuck it, we're dead men! Just let me go. 1832 01:14:33,210 --> 01:14:34,800 JACOB: Lou, be positive. 1833 01:14:37,220 --> 01:14:38,930 LOU: The roof is scraping my nut! 1834 01:14:39,100 --> 01:14:40,800 NICK: Damn, you strong. 1835 01:14:41,010 --> 01:14:42,560 (ALL GRUNTING) 1836 01:14:44,480 --> 01:14:45,770 All right. 1837 01:14:45,940 --> 01:14:48,810 You're all right? I’m glad you guys are all right. 1838 01:14:50,400 --> 01:14:51,900 My fault. 1839 01:14:52,070 --> 01:14:53,940 Why do you do shit like that? 1840 01:14:54,110 --> 01:14:55,990 I’m sorry! Jesus! Thank you, Phil. 1841 01:14:56,570 --> 01:14:59,030 All right, here's the second fucking thing, okay? 1842 01:14:59,200 --> 01:15:00,660 Blaine's got the Chernobly. 1843 01:15:00,830 --> 01:15:03,240 Let's just get it from him, so we can get back to the present 1844 01:15:03,330 --> 01:15:05,370 so I can start never seeing you bitches again. 1845 01:15:08,000 --> 01:15:09,330 Hey, hey, hey, hey! Hey. 1846 01:15:09,420 --> 01:15:10,920 I was looking for you. Where'd you go? 1847 01:15:11,000 --> 01:15:13,840 I had to go. . . My friend got in trouble, but I had to. . . 1848 01:15:13,920 --> 01:15:15,130 I’m leaving right now. 1849 01:15:15,300 --> 01:15:16,420 You're leaving right now? 1850 01:15:16,510 --> 01:15:17,760 Yeah. That's not good. 1851 01:15:17,840 --> 01:15:19,550 I told you, I had two hours. I gotta go. 1852 01:15:20,680 --> 01:15:23,970 JACOB: Uncle Adam, come on! Who the fuck is that chick? 1853 01:15:24,140 --> 01:15:25,270 Do you wanna come with me? 1854 01:15:25,310 --> 01:15:26,350 LOU: Get her fax number and let's go. Come on. 1855 01:15:26,430 --> 01:15:27,850 I can't. Yes, you can. 1856 01:15:27,940 --> 01:15:30,150 You can do whatever you want, man. It’s your life. 1857 01:15:30,230 --> 01:15:31,440 I want to. 1858 01:15:31,520 --> 01:15:32,690 Good. Then come on. 1859 01:15:32,770 --> 01:15:35,780 But I can't because my friends need me and I gotta show up for them, 1860 01:15:36,860 --> 01:15:38,280 so I really can't. 1861 01:15:38,450 --> 01:15:39,740 Okay. 1862 01:15:40,990 --> 01:15:43,450 So what are we. . . I mean, do we. . . 1863 01:15:43,870 --> 01:15:45,240 What happens? I don't know. 1864 01:15:45,410 --> 01:15:46,910 I’m not really making any plans. 1865 01:15:47,000 --> 01:15:49,210 I’m just sort of letting the universe surprise me, right? 1866 01:15:49,290 --> 01:15:50,710 I like that. I like that a lot. 1867 01:15:50,790 --> 01:15:51,880 That's the sign of a happy man. 1868 01:15:51,960 --> 01:15:53,170 MAN: April, let's go! 1869 01:15:53,250 --> 01:15:54,460 Shit. 1870 01:15:56,920 --> 01:15:59,920 (WHISPERING) Maybe the universe will bring us together again. 1871 01:16:00,130 --> 01:16:01,340 I hope. 1872 01:16:08,810 --> 01:16:10,480 JACOB: Casanova, let's do this! 1873 01:16:12,190 --> 01:16:14,020 (BIZARRE LOVE TRIANGLE PLAYING) 1874 01:16:19,990 --> 01:16:21,740 Just turn it around and keep it running, okay? 1875 01:16:21,820 --> 01:16:23,240 PHIL: Yeah, sure thing. 1876 01:16:24,330 --> 01:16:26,030 Okay. You go this way, I’ll go this way? 1877 01:16:26,200 --> 01:16:27,580 No, I’m gonna do the opposite of everything you say. 1878 01:16:27,660 --> 01:16:28,660 Great. 1879 01:16:29,330 --> 01:16:30,660 (GIRLS LAUGHING) 1880 01:16:31,080 --> 01:16:33,080 Wonder which one's Blaine's room. 1881 01:16:36,590 --> 01:16:37,840 Housekeeping. 1882 01:16:45,010 --> 01:16:46,510 Go, go, go. 1883 01:16:59,190 --> 01:17:01,360 Let's try in here. Where is it? 1884 01:17:03,030 --> 01:17:05,030 Come on! Come on, come on. 1885 01:17:07,160 --> 01:17:08,620 (GRUNTS) 1886 01:17:09,370 --> 01:17:11,120 Panties, panties, panties! 1887 01:17:12,040 --> 01:17:13,500 What the fuck are you doing? 1888 01:17:13,580 --> 01:17:16,000 Why don't you shut your slut mouth 1889 01:17:16,090 --> 01:17:17,880 and mind your own fucking business? 1890 01:17:17,960 --> 01:17:19,460 You disgust me. 1891 01:17:22,800 --> 01:17:23,880 (GROWLING) 1892 01:17:25,090 --> 01:17:27,600 I love how much you hate you. 1893 01:17:30,220 --> 01:17:31,350 Thank you. 1894 01:17:36,230 --> 01:17:37,520 They're here, come on. Fuck! 1895 01:17:37,610 --> 01:17:39,440 "Fuck" as in, "The Chernobly's here and we're all good"? 1896 01:17:39,530 --> 01:17:41,400 No, "fuck" as in, "fuck!" 1897 01:17:41,570 --> 01:17:42,650 Where's Nick? 1898 01:17:42,740 --> 01:17:45,240 NICK: Admit it! You sucked his balls, you licked his booty, 1899 01:17:45,320 --> 01:17:47,070 you sucked his toes. 1900 01:17:47,240 --> 01:17:48,530 Was his dick bigger than mine? 1901 01:17:48,620 --> 01:17:50,580 You wore the heels, didn't you? 1902 01:17:50,660 --> 01:17:51,740 Admit it, bitch! 1903 01:17:52,620 --> 01:17:54,250 There's gonna be some changes, all right? 1904 01:17:54,420 --> 01:17:56,210 First, I’m dropping "Agnew" from my name. 1905 01:17:56,290 --> 01:17:57,330 No more hyphenate. 1906 01:17:57,420 --> 01:17:59,210 Next, I’m getting back on stage. 1907 01:17:59,300 --> 01:18:01,670 I’m going back to music because I jam. 1908 01:18:01,760 --> 01:18:03,170 But you wouldn't know nothing about that 1909 01:18:03,260 --> 01:18:05,970 because you're probably somewhere sucking a motherfucker's dick! 1910 01:18:06,590 --> 01:18:07,640 Excuse me? 1911 01:18:08,760 --> 01:18:12,140 Hang up the phone, Jerry. This shit don't concern you. 1912 01:18:12,220 --> 01:18:13,220 How do you know my name? 1913 01:18:13,310 --> 01:18:15,190 Hang up the phone, motherfucker! 1914 01:18:15,270 --> 01:18:16,770 This is between me and my wife! 1915 01:18:17,560 --> 01:18:19,520 Hey! Give me that phone! 1916 01:18:19,610 --> 01:18:21,070 Give him the phone, Nick. 1917 01:18:21,150 --> 01:18:23,230 I know what I’m doing. I know what I’m doing! 1918 01:18:23,320 --> 01:18:25,780 No, you don't, man. Let it go! Let it go, man. 1919 01:18:26,450 --> 01:18:29,280 Wrong number. But you're a bad girl and you hurt him. 1920 01:18:30,330 --> 01:18:32,700 Were you just yelling at your 9-year-old wife? 1921 01:18:33,910 --> 01:18:34,910 Yes. 1922 01:18:36,620 --> 01:18:39,040 God damn it. I’m gonna go nuclear on these guys. 1923 01:18:39,130 --> 01:18:40,250 BOY: They couldn't have gone far, man. 1924 01:18:40,670 --> 01:18:41,880 (LOU PANTING) 1925 01:18:42,250 --> 01:18:44,920 Lou! Come on, we gotta go. 1926 01:18:45,800 --> 01:18:47,630 Hey. Hey. 1927 01:18:48,050 --> 01:18:49,220 Mom? 1928 01:18:49,300 --> 01:18:50,600 Hey, did you find the Chernobly? 1929 01:18:50,680 --> 01:18:51,800 You motherfucker! 1930 01:18:53,600 --> 01:18:55,390 Where did he go? Jacob? 1931 01:18:55,480 --> 01:18:57,390 What the fuck? What's happened? 1932 01:19:00,480 --> 01:19:02,570 Oh, my God. I get it. 1933 01:19:03,690 --> 01:19:05,110 I’m his father. 1934 01:19:05,190 --> 01:19:06,280 What? 1935 01:19:09,450 --> 01:19:10,820 Wait, so what do we do? 1936 01:19:10,910 --> 01:19:11,990 Oh, my God. 1937 01:19:14,040 --> 01:19:15,160 Hit that. 1938 01:19:17,410 --> 01:19:18,960 You finish this. 1939 01:19:20,210 --> 01:19:21,330 Okay. 1940 01:19:21,630 --> 01:19:25,460 Lay down. We got a stupid baby to make right now. 1941 01:19:26,010 --> 01:19:28,010 LOU: (GROANING) I’m back inside of you. 1942 01:19:28,930 --> 01:19:32,550 I can't believe I’m fucking Adam's sister! 1943 01:19:32,640 --> 01:19:35,470 I’m doing it! I’m doing it! 1944 01:19:36,060 --> 01:19:38,890 It’s gonna take me a while 'cause I’m a little drunk. 1945 01:19:39,060 --> 01:19:40,400 Oh, no, it's not. Here I come. 1946 01:19:40,560 --> 01:19:43,480 Oh, my God, I’m gonna come! I’m gonna. . . 1947 01:19:43,650 --> 01:19:46,070 Oh, Shia LaBeouf! 1948 01:19:46,240 --> 01:19:48,650 Dropping loads! 1949 01:19:48,990 --> 01:19:53,240 So much fucking semen. Little tiny Jacobs! 1950 01:19:54,540 --> 01:19:56,370 (JACOB WHOOPING) 1951 01:19:56,700 --> 01:19:59,000 (LAUGHS) There's my boy. 1952 01:19:59,160 --> 01:20:01,790 It was so beautiful. You sack of shit! 1953 01:20:04,300 --> 01:20:06,460 I knew there was a reason I fucking hated you. 1954 01:20:06,630 --> 01:20:07,760 And now I know why. 1955 01:20:07,840 --> 01:20:11,130 I’m gonna tell everybody in prison that I traveled back in time 1956 01:20:11,220 --> 01:20:12,720 to kill my own father! 1957 01:20:12,850 --> 01:20:14,760 ADAM: Jacob, get off him. Come on! Time out, young man. 1958 01:20:14,850 --> 01:20:17,640 Get the fuck off of me! You're a fucking dead man! 1959 01:20:17,730 --> 01:20:18,770 ADAM: Jacob! 1960 01:20:18,850 --> 01:20:20,310 Nobody fucks my mother in the past! 1961 01:20:20,390 --> 01:20:22,190 I feel pregnant. 1962 01:20:23,400 --> 01:20:24,900 You're welcome. 1963 01:20:31,610 --> 01:20:32,990 (CROWD EXCLAIMING) 1964 01:20:33,070 --> 01:20:34,620 You Commies looking for this? 1965 01:20:34,700 --> 01:20:35,910 Yes, actually. Yes, we are. 1966 01:20:35,990 --> 01:20:37,240 That's what we're looking for. 1967 01:20:37,330 --> 01:20:38,580 You think we could get that back? 1968 01:20:38,660 --> 01:20:39,790 No, you may not. 1969 01:20:39,870 --> 01:20:42,960 But bad news for you, sport. I’m a patriot. 1970 01:20:43,040 --> 01:20:45,250 And I’m not about to let some Ruskie fucks come into my town 1971 01:20:45,340 --> 01:20:47,920 and blow shit up with some red-soda-can bomb. 1972 01:20:48,010 --> 01:20:49,590 Just give it to us, turtleneck. 1973 01:20:49,670 --> 01:20:52,090 Yeah, okay, you can have it back. 1974 01:20:52,260 --> 01:20:55,260 As long as that sack over there comes and takes it from me. 1975 01:20:56,430 --> 01:20:58,010 I think he's talking about you. He's talking about you. 1976 01:20:58,100 --> 01:20:59,600 He's obviously talking about me. 1977 01:21:02,980 --> 01:21:04,310 Blaine, hello. 1978 01:21:04,860 --> 01:21:05,940 Um. . . 1979 01:21:06,270 --> 01:21:08,190 Can I please get the soda back? 1980 01:21:08,360 --> 01:21:09,610 Yeah, sure you can. 1981 01:21:10,610 --> 01:21:11,610 Oh. 1982 01:21:11,700 --> 01:21:12,950 Okay. 1983 01:21:13,070 --> 01:21:14,160 (GRUNTS) 1984 01:21:15,200 --> 01:21:16,870 Fuck me in the face. 1985 01:21:16,950 --> 01:21:18,620 BOY: Get him a body bag, Blaine! 1986 01:21:18,990 --> 01:21:21,370 Give us a minute, okay? Listen to me, man. 1987 01:21:21,790 --> 01:21:26,460 That guy, that guy has pummeled you again and again. 1988 01:21:26,630 --> 01:21:27,960 He made you his little bitch. 1989 01:21:28,130 --> 01:21:30,670 He's humiliated you, emasculated you. 1990 01:21:30,840 --> 01:21:34,340 The wheel of fate has stopped and dumped you here again, 1991 01:21:34,430 --> 01:21:35,720 utterly defeated. 1992 01:21:36,180 --> 01:21:37,890 None of this is helping me at all. 1993 01:21:37,970 --> 01:21:39,510 I know, it's coming. It’s coming right now. 1994 01:21:39,600 --> 01:21:40,600 Patience. 1995 01:21:40,680 --> 01:21:42,430 Maybe you're supposed to do something different. 1996 01:21:42,520 --> 01:21:44,770 What is this, girl talk? Let's go here, come on. 1997 01:21:44,850 --> 01:21:46,310 You're better than him. 1998 01:21:46,400 --> 01:21:47,650 America! 1999 01:21:47,730 --> 01:21:49,820 Maybe not by a lot, but a little. 2000 01:21:49,980 --> 01:21:52,490 You're the patron saint of the totally fucked. 2001 01:21:52,650 --> 01:21:56,160 You're completely toxic. There's nothing you can't kill. 2002 01:21:56,320 --> 01:21:58,120 You're the fucking Violator! 2003 01:21:58,200 --> 01:21:59,740 The moment's over. Let's go! 2004 01:21:59,830 --> 01:22:03,160 You can do this! You can get us the fuck out of here! 2005 01:22:03,330 --> 01:22:04,830 You can be the hero! 2006 01:22:05,000 --> 01:22:06,580 Enrique-fucking-Iglesias. 2007 01:22:06,670 --> 01:22:08,080 You love that song, don't you? 2008 01:22:08,170 --> 01:22:09,920 I love that fucking song! 2009 01:22:10,000 --> 01:22:11,840 Give me your best shot. Come on, buddy. 2010 01:22:11,920 --> 01:22:13,130 (HERO PLAYING) 2011 01:22:13,220 --> 01:22:16,130 MAN: (SINGING) I can be your hero, baby 2012 01:22:18,970 --> 01:22:22,430 I can kiss away the pain 2013 01:22:25,100 --> 01:22:28,900 I will stand by you forever 2014 01:22:30,770 --> 01:22:35,450 You can take my breath away 2015 01:22:36,360 --> 01:22:37,780 Shit. 2016 01:22:37,870 --> 01:22:41,330 God damn it! None of what you said worked at all. 2017 01:22:42,200 --> 01:22:44,160 Let's kick these guys' ass, get the shit and go home. 2018 01:22:44,250 --> 01:22:45,290 Done. 2019 01:22:45,370 --> 01:22:46,710 No, no! 2020 01:22:46,790 --> 01:22:48,210 (YELLING) 2021 01:22:54,760 --> 01:22:57,260 Fuck you! Feels so good! 2022 01:22:57,430 --> 01:22:58,630 The Chernobly. 2023 01:23:06,140 --> 01:23:08,560 (SPEAKING RUSSIAN) 2024 01:23:09,150 --> 01:23:10,650 (IN RUSSIAN ACCENT) Martina Navratilova. 2025 01:23:10,730 --> 01:23:12,060 NICK: Smirnoff Ice. 2026 01:23:12,230 --> 01:23:14,320 (SPEAKING RUSSIAN) 2027 01:23:14,400 --> 01:23:16,360 That's right, we are Russians! Spies. 2028 01:23:17,240 --> 01:23:18,820 Yeah, because I was just speaking Russian. 2029 01:23:18,910 --> 01:23:21,570 ADAM: He pulls that top, and this whole fucking place blows. 2030 01:23:21,740 --> 01:23:25,540 You guys count backwards from 50, then pull up the carpet and jump around. 2031 01:23:25,700 --> 01:23:27,250 Or I’ll fuck you up. 2032 01:23:31,250 --> 01:23:34,250 Hi, Phil. Can we go back to the hotel, lodge? 2033 01:23:34,420 --> 01:23:36,090 Sure. Thank you so much. 2034 01:23:38,180 --> 01:23:40,340 Five, four, three. . . 2035 01:23:40,430 --> 01:23:42,800 Blaine, please stop counting. 2036 01:23:42,890 --> 01:23:46,020 Chaz, this is an Acorn 5 situation. 2037 01:23:46,100 --> 01:23:48,480 lf we stop counting, they're gonna blow us sky-high. 2038 01:23:48,560 --> 01:23:51,350 Look, if it is a bomb, they've got it with them, all right? 2039 01:23:51,440 --> 01:23:52,690 lf anyone's gonna blow up, it's them. 2040 01:23:52,770 --> 01:23:54,270 Chaz, stop! 2041 01:23:55,940 --> 01:23:57,400 How long did our talking just take? 2042 01:23:57,490 --> 01:23:58,740 I don't know. I wasn't keeping track. 2043 01:23:58,820 --> 01:24:00,780 Fuck it, let's risk it! 2044 01:24:00,860 --> 01:24:01,860 Move out! 2045 01:24:02,410 --> 01:24:04,990 LOU: Now that you're with me, you gotta cover up your belly. 2046 01:24:05,080 --> 01:24:06,290 NICK: Let's get the fuck out of here. 2047 01:24:06,370 --> 01:24:08,250 KELLY: What are you talking about? We only had sex once. 2048 01:24:08,330 --> 01:24:10,620 Let's go. Come on. Kelly, you can talk about it later. 2049 01:24:10,710 --> 01:24:11,710 You guys are all right? 2050 01:24:11,790 --> 01:24:13,210 ADAM: Thank you, Phil. Enjoyed it. 2051 01:24:13,290 --> 01:24:15,460 Have a good rest of your vacation. 2052 01:24:15,550 --> 01:24:19,220 We'd love to have you come back here to the Silver Peaks Lodge. 2053 01:24:19,300 --> 01:24:21,380 Thanks. Bye-bye. Thanks, Phil. Take care. 2054 01:24:21,470 --> 01:24:22,550 Be careful. 2055 01:24:22,640 --> 01:24:23,590 Hey, watch out! 2056 01:24:23,680 --> 01:24:24,800 (CAR HORN HONKING) 2057 01:24:26,060 --> 01:24:28,560 God, you guys see that? 2058 01:24:28,640 --> 01:24:30,230 Come on, man! 2059 01:24:30,310 --> 01:24:32,060 Why would you fucking take that from me? 2060 01:24:32,150 --> 01:24:33,850 I didn't take it from you. 2061 01:24:33,940 --> 01:24:35,270 You guys. . . 2062 01:24:36,320 --> 01:24:37,650 KELLY: Oh, my God! (ALL SCREAMING) 2063 01:24:37,730 --> 01:24:40,570 It happened! It happened! 2064 01:24:44,870 --> 01:24:47,990 Why the fuck are you laughing? Gross! 2065 01:24:50,830 --> 01:24:52,960 Man down, man down! Code 11. 2066 01:24:53,040 --> 01:24:55,840 All right, everybody grab your gear, we gotta move! 2067 01:24:57,840 --> 01:24:59,170 Later, Kelly. 2068 01:24:59,760 --> 01:25:02,220 Bye, Mom. Love you. Don't do drugs, okay? 2069 01:25:02,300 --> 01:25:03,720 Hey, bye. 2070 01:25:04,970 --> 01:25:06,100 Aren't you coming to my room with me? 2071 01:25:06,180 --> 01:25:07,220 No, I gotta take my clothes off 2072 01:25:07,310 --> 01:25:09,100 and get in a hot tub with these guys. 2073 01:25:09,520 --> 01:25:10,770 Then I’m totally over you. 2074 01:25:10,850 --> 01:25:12,850 Kelly, listen. It’s been an interesting trip. 2075 01:25:12,940 --> 01:25:15,230 You're my sister and I love you. 2076 01:25:15,560 --> 01:25:17,190 I love you, too. 2077 01:25:17,440 --> 01:25:19,690 And don't steal that Caboodle makeup thing from JCPenney 2078 01:25:19,780 --> 01:25:21,070 and you won't do any hard time. 2079 01:25:21,150 --> 01:25:22,740 I’ll see you in 20 years. 2080 01:25:23,030 --> 01:25:25,700 Uh. You're giving me a ride in the morning, right? 2081 01:25:28,700 --> 01:25:30,080 Hallelujah! 2082 01:25:31,290 --> 01:25:32,790 Cannonball! 2083 01:25:35,380 --> 01:25:37,540 Yeah! Let's get this party started! 2084 01:25:38,050 --> 01:25:39,460 Young blood. 2085 01:25:43,380 --> 01:25:44,380 Holy shit! (THUNDER RUMBLING) 2086 01:25:44,470 --> 01:25:45,640 ADAM: Hey, look, it's happening. 2087 01:25:46,050 --> 01:25:47,510 Here it comes! 2088 01:25:50,060 --> 01:25:52,850 Hurry up. I can see the '90s. 2089 01:25:52,930 --> 01:25:54,560 Why are you taking off your clothes? 2090 01:25:54,650 --> 01:25:56,810 I don't know, man. It just feels right, you know? 2091 01:25:56,900 --> 01:25:58,020 Fuck it. 2092 01:25:58,230 --> 01:26:02,150 Adam! Adam! I’m not gonna go! 2093 01:26:02,740 --> 01:26:04,610 What? I’m gonna stay! 2094 01:26:04,700 --> 01:26:06,740 Don't fuck around, Lou. Let's go! 2095 01:26:07,240 --> 01:26:08,990 I’m good here, man. 2096 01:26:09,080 --> 01:26:12,750 I had a good day! I beat the shit out of that guy, finally! 2097 01:26:13,000 --> 01:26:14,500 I fucked your sister! 2098 01:26:14,920 --> 01:26:16,710 I could be a good dad! 2099 01:26:16,790 --> 01:26:18,500 I love you, Jacob! 2100 01:26:18,590 --> 01:26:20,090 Fuck you! 2101 01:26:20,170 --> 01:26:21,300 (LAUGHING) 2102 01:26:21,380 --> 01:26:24,800 Little scamp. They say the damndest things, man. 2103 01:26:24,880 --> 01:26:27,760 Come on, Lou, let's go! We'll talk about it when we get home! 2104 01:26:28,100 --> 01:26:30,390 I was trying to kill myself! 2105 01:26:33,020 --> 01:26:35,310 I know, man. That's why we came here! 2106 01:26:35,390 --> 01:26:40,150 lf I go back, I’m just gonna kill myself all over again, man. 2107 01:26:40,230 --> 01:26:42,110 I can't. You're gonna stay? 2108 01:26:42,360 --> 01:26:43,940 JACOB: Guys, let's go. 2109 01:26:44,030 --> 01:26:45,700 All right, well, if you're gonna stay, I’m gonna stay! 2110 01:26:45,780 --> 01:26:47,320 You'd really do that for me? 2111 01:26:47,410 --> 01:26:50,280 We're best friends! lf you're staying, I’m staying! 2112 01:26:50,370 --> 01:26:52,160 Your bullshit's my bullshit, right? 2113 01:26:52,540 --> 01:26:54,120 I’m your best friend? 2114 01:26:54,200 --> 01:26:56,160 You are one of my best friends! 2115 01:26:56,250 --> 01:26:57,210 I’ll take that! 2116 01:26:57,290 --> 01:26:58,580 NICK: Where you going on me? 2117 01:26:58,670 --> 01:26:59,750 Thank you! 2118 01:26:59,840 --> 01:27:01,040 JACOB: Oh, my God! 2119 01:27:01,670 --> 01:27:03,550 All right, man. Come on! 2120 01:27:10,470 --> 01:27:12,140 (ALL YELLING) 2121 01:27:39,460 --> 01:27:40,540 (ALL COUGHING) 2122 01:27:47,090 --> 01:27:48,510 JACOB: Holy shit. 2123 01:27:48,930 --> 01:27:51,680 This better be the last time my ass travels through time. 2124 01:28:13,370 --> 01:28:14,410 Oh. . . 2125 01:28:15,120 --> 01:28:17,290 It is so good to see you. 2126 01:28:19,620 --> 01:28:20,920 LOU: Are we rolling? 2127 01:28:21,880 --> 01:28:24,040 Welcome back, bitches! 2128 01:28:24,210 --> 01:28:25,380 Is that Lou? 2129 01:28:25,550 --> 01:28:27,960 What took you so long? All right, zoom out. 2130 01:28:28,050 --> 01:28:29,550 JACOB: Yeah, that's a weird hair choice. 2131 01:28:29,630 --> 01:28:32,220 Uh-oh. Look what Daddy did. 2132 01:28:32,470 --> 01:28:33,550 He looks like a lion. 2133 01:28:34,720 --> 01:28:36,810 Oh, hi. Didn't see you there. 2134 01:28:37,720 --> 01:28:38,720 Here's a question. 2135 01:28:38,810 --> 01:28:41,810 Was it morally wrong for me to exploit my knowledge of the future 2136 01:28:41,900 --> 01:28:43,650 for personal financial gain? 2137 01:28:43,730 --> 01:28:45,060 Perhaps. 2138 01:28:45,150 --> 01:28:46,690 Here's another question. 2139 01:28:46,780 --> 01:28:48,280 Do I give a fuck? 2140 01:28:48,360 --> 01:28:49,400 That's my father. 2141 01:28:49,490 --> 01:28:51,650 LOU: Hey, check out my girl. 2142 01:28:51,740 --> 01:28:53,490 You burned the fucking crab cakes again. 2143 01:28:53,570 --> 01:28:57,030 LOU: No, I didn't burn them because I Like them that way! 2144 01:28:57,120 --> 01:28:59,080 I fucking hate you, Louis. 2145 01:28:59,160 --> 01:29:00,500 LOU: I hate you, too, baby. 2146 01:29:01,410 --> 01:29:03,000 I love that woman, man. 2147 01:29:03,080 --> 01:29:04,630 Those are my parents. 2148 01:29:04,710 --> 01:29:06,500 But seriously, a lot has changed. 2149 01:29:06,590 --> 01:29:10,630 So, whatever happens, stay the fuck calm. 2150 01:29:11,420 --> 01:29:12,840 It'll all make sense soon. 2151 01:29:13,090 --> 01:29:14,260 (KNOCKING AT DOOR) 2152 01:29:22,810 --> 01:29:23,850 Good morning. 2153 01:29:23,940 --> 01:29:26,190 Holy shit, Phil, you got both your arms. 2154 01:29:26,270 --> 01:29:28,110 Oh. Yeah, I do. 2155 01:29:28,190 --> 01:29:29,360 That's incredible. 2156 01:29:29,440 --> 01:29:32,740 Yeah, what happened was a snowplow came along 2157 01:29:32,820 --> 01:29:34,530 and it took my arm right off. 2158 01:29:34,610 --> 01:29:37,450 But the ski patrol came along and they put it on ice. 2159 01:29:37,530 --> 01:29:39,830 Blaine and Chaz. Blaine and Chaz saved his arm! 2160 01:29:39,910 --> 01:29:42,040 We got 15 minutes before that thing dies, all right. 2161 01:29:42,120 --> 01:29:43,580 We're gonna put that back on you! 2162 01:29:43,670 --> 01:29:45,250 PHIL: I'm pretty happy. 2163 01:29:45,330 --> 01:29:46,380 It looks great. 2164 01:29:46,460 --> 01:29:48,880 Anyhow, I have instructions on how to get home. 2165 01:29:48,960 --> 01:29:50,250 We know how to get home. 2166 01:29:50,340 --> 01:29:51,710 Yeah. We know. . . 2167 01:29:51,800 --> 01:29:54,630 Mr. Dorchen anticipated that you might say that, 2168 01:29:54,760 --> 01:29:57,600 so I took the liberty of printing up some Lougle maps for you. 2169 01:29:57,800 --> 01:29:59,560 You mean "Google"? PHIL: Lougle maps. 2170 01:29:59,640 --> 01:30:01,770 What's the matter with you guys? 2171 01:30:01,850 --> 01:30:03,310 (LAUGHING) 2172 01:30:05,150 --> 01:30:06,270 NICK: Fuck me. 2173 01:30:06,350 --> 01:30:09,400 So, Phil, if you wanna find, you know, like porno 2174 01:30:09,480 --> 01:30:12,280 or a restaurant review or anything like that, you use Lougle? 2175 01:30:12,530 --> 01:30:13,690 Correct. 2176 01:30:13,990 --> 01:30:16,160 I bet he's on the Statue of Liberty and shit, too. 2177 01:30:20,490 --> 01:30:22,120 You want me to go in there? 2178 01:30:22,200 --> 01:30:24,460 NICK: That's what it says on the map. 2179 01:30:27,040 --> 01:30:28,250 Call me later. 2180 01:30:31,000 --> 01:30:32,130 Hello. 2181 01:30:36,800 --> 01:30:38,890 Welcome back, Mr. Webber. How was your time away? 2182 01:30:40,680 --> 01:30:41,810 Uh. . . 2183 01:30:43,640 --> 01:30:46,730 Hey, how was the trip? 2184 01:30:47,020 --> 01:30:50,110 (ONCE IN A LIFETIME PLAYING) 2185 01:30:51,520 --> 01:30:52,690 Good. 2186 01:30:53,030 --> 01:30:55,150 MAN: (SINGING) Letting the days go by 2187 01:30:55,240 --> 01:30:57,320 Let the water hold me down 2188 01:30:57,410 --> 01:30:59,280 Letting the days go by 2189 01:30:59,370 --> 01:31:01,450 Water flowing underground 2190 01:31:01,530 --> 01:31:03,490 Into the blue again 2191 01:31:03,580 --> 01:31:05,450 After the money's gone 2192 01:31:05,540 --> 01:31:07,500 Once in a lifetime 2193 01:31:07,580 --> 01:31:10,330 Water flowing underground 2194 01:31:10,420 --> 01:31:11,710 Motherfucker. 2195 01:31:12,880 --> 01:31:14,050 Nick? 2196 01:31:14,510 --> 01:31:17,720 Baby, how was your weekend? I wasn't expecting you today. 2197 01:31:19,590 --> 01:31:22,550 Baby. Baby. I got something to tell you. 2198 01:31:22,890 --> 01:31:25,680 I know about what you did with a guy named Steve. 2199 01:31:26,890 --> 01:31:29,600 Steve? Our receptionist? 2200 01:31:29,770 --> 01:31:31,730 That Tyrese-looking motherfucker out there? 2201 01:31:31,900 --> 01:31:35,070 Baby, wait a minute. What are you talking about? 2202 01:31:35,240 --> 01:31:36,820 You think I’m fooling around? 2203 01:31:36,900 --> 01:31:39,700 First of all, I would never screw around. 2204 01:31:40,070 --> 01:31:43,780 And you remember I told you about that crazy wrong number I got when I was nine. 2205 01:31:43,870 --> 01:31:45,370 That man was so. . . I love you, Courtney. 2206 01:31:45,450 --> 01:31:47,160 I love you so much. 2207 01:31:47,250 --> 01:31:49,370 I love you, too, Nick Webber. 2208 01:31:50,080 --> 01:31:51,290 Nick Webber? 2209 01:31:52,090 --> 01:31:53,250 That's your name. 2210 01:31:54,380 --> 01:31:56,090 Yeah, it is my name. 2211 01:31:56,670 --> 01:31:57,670 Yeah. 2212 01:31:57,760 --> 01:31:59,930 You know my name. Say it again. 2213 01:32:00,010 --> 01:32:01,180 Nick 2214 01:32:01,260 --> 01:32:02,680 Webber. (CHUCKLES) Yeah. 2215 01:32:03,720 --> 01:32:05,600 Grab that. I’ll take this one. 2216 01:32:06,100 --> 01:32:07,890 Hey, Mom. I made you a drink. 2217 01:32:08,180 --> 01:32:09,690 Is there alcohol in that? 2218 01:32:09,770 --> 01:32:11,440 Yeah, I believe there's still alcohol in scotch. 2219 01:32:13,480 --> 01:32:14,980 Talk about your lost weekend, huh? 2220 01:32:15,070 --> 01:32:16,940 I know, right? Man. 2221 01:32:17,650 --> 01:32:19,650 Hey, family. 2222 01:32:20,950 --> 01:32:22,570 What are you faggots talking about? 2223 01:32:22,740 --> 01:32:24,620 My two handsome men. 2224 01:32:24,780 --> 01:32:26,700 Let me get you another drink, Dad. 2225 01:32:27,450 --> 01:32:29,080 Daddy's little buddy. 2226 01:32:30,790 --> 01:32:32,420 You know what I can't believe? 2227 01:32:32,790 --> 01:32:34,420 I can't believe we're all here. 2228 01:32:34,590 --> 01:32:36,130 I can't believe we all made it. 2229 01:32:36,630 --> 01:32:37,800 Made it together. 2230 01:32:38,130 --> 01:32:39,470 A toast. APRIL: A toast. 2231 01:32:39,550 --> 01:32:41,880 Approximately three days ago, or 20 years, 2232 01:32:41,970 --> 01:32:44,800 depending on your understanding of the time-space continuum, Jacob, 2233 01:32:45,850 --> 01:32:48,520 sitting here with you guys would have been my worst nightmare. 2234 01:32:48,600 --> 01:32:49,850 It’s true. 2235 01:32:49,930 --> 01:32:51,770 But I can honestly say right now 2236 01:32:52,230 --> 01:32:56,070 I’m very happy to be right here in this moment with you, 2237 01:32:56,440 --> 01:32:57,980 my best friends. APRIL: Hear, hear. 2238 01:32:58,070 --> 01:32:59,110 To friends. 2239 01:32:59,190 --> 01:33:00,240 And family. 2240 01:33:00,700 --> 01:33:01,820 ADAM: All right. Cheers! 2241 01:33:01,990 --> 01:33:03,360 To past, present and future. 2242 01:33:03,660 --> 01:33:05,410 ALL: Cheers! 2243 01:33:05,490 --> 01:33:06,450 JACOB: So, "Lougle," huh? 2244 01:33:06,530 --> 01:33:07,580 Yeah. 2245 01:33:07,660 --> 01:33:11,000 Lougle. Just this multibillion-dollar thing I did for a while. 2246 01:33:11,790 --> 01:33:15,000 My real passion's music, though. So pissed the band broke up. 2247 01:33:15,170 --> 01:33:17,500 Band? What band were you ever in? 2248 01:33:18,460 --> 01:33:20,550 (HOME SWEET HOME PLAYING) 2249 01:33:29,310 --> 01:33:32,680 (SINGING) You know I'm a dreamer 2250 01:33:32,850 --> 01:33:36,060 But my heart's of gold 2251 01:33:36,310 --> 01:33:39,270 I had to run away high 2252 01:33:39,360 --> 01:33:41,900 So I wouldn’t come home Low 2253 01:33:42,030 --> 01:33:45,110 Just when things went right 2254 01:33:45,200 --> 01:33:48,120 Doesn't mean they were always wrong 2255 01:33:48,450 --> 01:33:52,660 Just take this song and you’ll never feel 2256 01:33:52,830 --> 01:33:54,710 Left all alone 2257 01:33:54,790 --> 01:33:57,840 Take me to your heart 2258 01:33:58,170 --> 01:34:00,800 Feel me in your bones 2259 01:34:00,880 --> 01:34:03,170 Just one more night 2260 01:34:03,260 --> 01:34:07,850 And I'm coming off this Long and winding road 2261 01:34:10,850 --> 01:34:16,520 I'm on my way 2262 01:34:16,600 --> 01:34:20,070 Home sweet home 2263 01:34:21,070 --> 01:34:23,320 Tonight, tonight 2264 01:34:23,490 --> 01:34:28,990 I'm on my way 2265 01:34:29,200 --> 01:34:32,240 Home sweet home 2266 01:34:35,920 --> 01:34:38,880 You know that I've seen 2267 01:34:39,040 --> 01:34:41,670 Too many romantic dreams 2268 01:34:42,510 --> 01:34:43,920 Up in Lights 2269 01:34:44,010 --> 01:34:47,720 falling off the silver screen 2270 01:34:48,390 --> 01:34:50,850 My heart's Like an open book 2271 01:34:51,260 --> 01:34:54,060 For the whole world to read 2272 01:34:54,520 --> 01:34:58,690 Sometimes nothing keeps me together 2273 01:34:58,770 --> 01:35:00,520 at the seams 2274 01:35:00,610 --> 01:35:06,530 I'm on my way 2275 01:35:06,610 --> 01:35:10,370 Home sweet home 2276 01:35:11,450 --> 01:35:12,700 Yeah 2277 01:35:13,620 --> 01:35:16,120 I'm on my way 2278 01:35:16,290 --> 01:35:18,960 Just set me free 2279 01:35:19,130 --> 01:35:24,130 Home sweet home 165485

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