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1
00:00:13,518 --> 00:00:14,810
Hey!
2
00:00:15,810 --> 00:00:17,643
- Look what I got.
- Wow.
3
00:00:17,726 --> 00:00:20,685
My old glove.
Oh, baby doll.
4
00:00:20,768 --> 00:00:22,810
- I had this when I was eight years old.
- Wow, man.
5
00:00:22,893 --> 00:00:25,077
Oh, my God. Do you know how
many errors I made with this glove?
6
00:00:25,101 --> 00:00:26,869
- Shit.
- Never should have played the infield.
7
00:00:26,893 --> 00:00:28,373
- I don't know why I did.
- Yeah, man.
8
00:00:28,434 --> 00:00:30,226
Yeah. Shortstop.
I can't play short.
9
00:00:30,309 --> 00:00:31,976
- Nah.
- I ran home, I'd go home crying.
10
00:00:32,059 --> 00:00:33,851
Making errors every,
every time I played.
11
00:00:33,935 --> 00:00:35,893
It's hard playing infield
with polio, you know?
12
00:00:35,976 --> 00:00:39,434
- I don't have polio, asshole.
- Every kid with those kind of gloves had polio.
13
00:00:39,518 --> 00:00:41,142
Well, you know what?
I'm throwing it out.
14
00:00:41,226 --> 00:00:42,601
Everything's going. My... I...
15
00:00:42,685 --> 00:00:44,202
Do you believe all this shit
my parents saved?
16
00:00:44,226 --> 00:00:46,243
I'm getting rid of all of it.
I can't stand it anymore.
17
00:00:46,267 --> 00:00:47,786
Should drop this shit off
at a nursing home.
18
00:00:47,810 --> 00:00:50,559
- Oh. Look at this thing.
- Oh, fuck.
19
00:00:50,643 --> 00:00:52,685
- My mother's mink stole.
- Shh...
20
00:00:52,768 --> 00:00:55,434
- Ooh, she loved this stole.
- Wow.
21
00:00:55,518 --> 00:00:57,535
- Fuckin' beautiful.
- Yeah. I can't throw this out.
22
00:00:57,559 --> 00:00:58,869
I'm sending it
to the dry cleaner.
23
00:00:58,893 --> 00:01:00,476
Those are making
a big comeback, too.
24
00:01:00,559 --> 00:01:01,976
- Comeback?
- Yeah.
25
00:01:02,059 --> 00:01:03,476
See, when they wore
those things,
26
00:01:03,559 --> 00:01:06,393
ladies and gentlemen carried
themselves a certain way.
27
00:01:06,476 --> 00:01:09,393
All the, all the guys called
the ladies "toots." "Hey, toots."
28
00:01:12,476 --> 00:01:14,202
- That's how they did it back in the day.
- What does that even mean?
29
00:01:14,226 --> 00:01:16,118
- Why would they say, "Poo-poo-be-doop"?
- It's a cute thing.
30
00:01:16,142 --> 00:01:17,542
It gets a rise out of guys
and shit.
31
00:01:18,768 --> 00:01:20,077
That would get a rise
out of you? A woman going,
32
00:01:20,101 --> 00:01:21,410
- "Poo-poo-be-doop"?
- Fuck, yeah.
33
00:01:21,434 --> 00:01:23,114
- If I lived in the fuckin' '40s...
- Yeah.
34
00:01:24,309 --> 00:01:26,935
I'd know I'm tappin' that ass.
35
00:01:27,017 --> 00:01:29,768
Ah. A text from Jeff.
36
00:01:29,851 --> 00:01:31,976
He's got... You know Clive
Owen? He's a new client?
37
00:01:32,059 --> 00:01:33,768
- Yeah, yeah.
- He's in previews now,
38
00:01:33,851 --> 00:01:35,952
and I'm going to his show
tonight. It's a one-man show.
39
00:01:35,976 --> 00:01:39,101
- I love that motherfucker...
- Yeah. He's like lost at sea or something.
40
00:01:39,184 --> 00:01:40,824
Oh, Jeff's very excited,
'cause, you know,
41
00:01:40,851 --> 00:01:42,434
he signed Clive Owen,
he's a big deal.
42
00:01:42,518 --> 00:01:43,952
Big fuckin' deal, man. Clive Owen, man.
43
00:01:43,976 --> 00:01:45,494
- I love that fuckin' dude, man.
- Let me get that.
44
00:01:45,518 --> 00:01:46,685
All right.
45
00:01:49,518 --> 00:01:51,393
Must have been nice.
46
00:01:51,476 --> 00:01:53,184
Tappin' that ass
back in the days.
47
00:01:53,267 --> 00:01:55,184
Fuckin' in black and white.
48
00:02:06,101 --> 00:02:08,518
Hey. Larry.
Got a package for you.
49
00:02:11,726 --> 00:02:13,559
Oh. Thanks.
50
00:02:17,976 --> 00:02:20,184
Have a nice day.
51
00:02:26,559 --> 00:02:29,101
- Hey.
- Trying to work me today, man.
52
00:02:29,184 --> 00:02:31,726
I got a package
from discreet shipping.
53
00:02:31,810 --> 00:02:34,101
The fuck could that be?
54
00:02:39,559 --> 00:02:41,476
- Oh, shit.
- An inflatable sex doll.
55
00:02:41,559 --> 00:02:44,226
- Wow.
- Huh? Is this your handiwork?
56
00:02:44,309 --> 00:02:46,226
Nah. That shit is old-school.
57
00:02:46,309 --> 00:02:48,077
That's like Mary Ann from
fuckin' Gilligan's Island.
58
00:02:48,101 --> 00:02:50,685
Oh. You know who sent this?
Freddy Funkhouser.
59
00:02:50,768 --> 00:02:52,142
It's Marty's half-brother.
60
00:02:52,226 --> 00:02:53,535
- Why would the motherfucker send you...
- I don't know.
61
00:02:53,559 --> 00:02:55,077
- What is this? Is this a joke?
- Yeah.
62
00:02:55,101 --> 00:02:56,768
It's an old-school
joke right here, man.
63
00:02:56,851 --> 00:02:59,077
The new ones, they got one that's
sensitive around the fuckin' neck.
64
00:02:59,101 --> 00:03:01,160
You could put hickeys on that
motherfucker if you wanted to, man.
65
00:03:01,184 --> 00:03:03,077
- I'm glad they're working on it.
- You should, it's fucking fabulous.
66
00:03:03,101 --> 00:03:05,976
Hey, do me a favor. Get rid of this,
okay? And this place...
67
00:03:06,059 --> 00:03:08,184
- What's happened to this place?
- Fuckin' mess, man.
68
00:03:08,267 --> 00:03:09,601
- It's a mess.
- Yeah.
69
00:03:09,685 --> 00:03:12,059
- So just throw this box out, will ya?
- Ha-ha-ha.
70
00:03:12,142 --> 00:03:13,744
- Will you take care of that? Huh?
- I got it, man.
71
00:03:13,768 --> 00:03:15,688
- I'll get rid of this shit for you.
- Thank you.
72
00:03:16,476 --> 00:03:19,226
- So, bathroom's gonna be over there.
- Yeah. Yep.
73
00:03:19,309 --> 00:03:21,101
- Two urinals.
- Mm-hmm.
74
00:03:21,184 --> 00:03:23,184
I got a lot of ideas
for the urinals.
75
00:03:23,267 --> 00:03:26,518
- You wanna redesign a urinal?
- Yeah. Exactly.
76
00:03:26,601 --> 00:03:30,226
The splashing, the puddles...
That has to be eliminated.
77
00:03:30,309 --> 00:03:31,589
- It's a big issue. Yeah.
- Okay.
78
00:03:31,643 --> 00:03:32,935
What I wanted, I want
79
00:03:33,017 --> 00:03:35,184
- two planks about this wide.
- Okay.
80
00:03:35,267 --> 00:03:37,869
- Going up, you walk up to the urinal. I'm walking...
- You want it elevated?
81
00:03:37,893 --> 00:03:40,893
- Elevated planks. Your feet never touch the ground.
- Right.
82
00:03:40,976 --> 00:03:43,851
- Why?
- That's where the puddles are.
83
00:03:43,935 --> 00:03:45,893
What if they get urine
on the planks?
84
00:03:45,976 --> 00:03:47,768
Well, that can't happen,
85
00:03:47,851 --> 00:03:49,685
because of this.
86
00:03:50,351 --> 00:03:52,393
That, my friend,
is the pee cube.
87
00:03:52,476 --> 00:03:53,935
- The pee cube?
- Yes.
88
00:03:54,017 --> 00:03:57,309
You pee into the cube,
and there's a chute that goes down.
89
00:03:57,393 --> 00:03:59,601
Maybe we can get a...
create a vacuum or something,
90
00:03:59,685 --> 00:04:01,226
sucking the urine
down the chute.
91
00:04:01,309 --> 00:04:03,017
- And then, so, two of these?
- Yeah.
92
00:04:03,101 --> 00:04:05,369
And then on the other side, I'll put
two or three floor toilets. Correct?
93
00:04:05,393 --> 00:04:07,643
No, there's no toilets.
94
00:04:07,726 --> 00:04:09,184
There's no defecation here.
95
00:04:09,267 --> 00:04:12,309
If a customer comes in here
and does want to defecate...
96
00:04:12,393 --> 00:04:14,768
- Mm.
- What do you expect them to do?
97
00:04:14,851 --> 00:04:17,101
- I expect them to go some place else.
- Okay. So...
98
00:04:17,184 --> 00:04:19,017
Look, there's no defecation
in the building.
99
00:04:19,101 --> 00:04:20,452
You want me to make it
so they can't?
100
00:04:20,476 --> 00:04:21,768
Could you do that?
101
00:04:21,851 --> 00:04:23,935
I could put a sensor on there
that detects a penis.
102
00:04:24,017 --> 00:04:26,976
- A little, um, penis sensor, if you will.
- Really?
103
00:04:27,059 --> 00:04:28,851
We can make it voice-activated.
It'll go...
104
00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:30,810
Doot-doot-doot.
"Penis detected." Woot.
105
00:04:30,893 --> 00:04:33,017
The door will open up,
and then once the man is done,
106
00:04:33,101 --> 00:04:34,935
doot-doot-doot. Woot.
Slide down.
107
00:04:35,017 --> 00:04:36,851
- That's terrific.
- Hello, Larry.
108
00:04:36,935 --> 00:04:39,309
I'd like to introduce you
to Mr. Ted Danson.
109
00:04:39,393 --> 00:04:41,476
Mr. Danson has just become
110
00:04:41,559 --> 00:04:44,017
the newest financial backer
111
00:04:44,101 --> 00:04:46,351
of Mocha Joe's cafe.
112
00:04:46,434 --> 00:04:47,893
Well...
113
00:04:49,434 --> 00:04:52,184
You think you're up for
this fight, General Lee?
114
00:04:53,184 --> 00:04:54,643
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
115
00:04:54,726 --> 00:04:58,476
Yeah. I'm gonna look forward
to spiting your spite store.
116
00:04:58,559 --> 00:05:01,643
- You sure you wanna get into it?
- Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm highly motivated.
117
00:05:01,726 --> 00:05:04,309
Well,
I do declare. As I recall,
118
00:05:04,393 --> 00:05:06,976
General Lee was a loser.
119
00:05:07,059 --> 00:05:09,976
- Let's go, Mr. Danson. I think we've said enough.
- Yeah.
120
00:05:12,976 --> 00:05:15,393
Another week without wind.
121
00:05:15,893 --> 00:05:19,601
Before this journey,
my life was bereft of the wind of purpose.
122
00:05:19,685 --> 00:05:21,893
Now I have the purpose,
but without the wind.
123
00:05:21,976 --> 00:05:25,101
Now there are no days,
no nights.
124
00:05:25,184 --> 00:05:27,424
- Just the relentless slap of the wave.
- Wow.
125
00:05:27,476 --> 00:05:30,351
- He's great. Really great.
- I am completely alone.
126
00:05:31,142 --> 00:05:34,601
Even my parrot Lorita has perished.
127
00:05:36,935 --> 00:05:40,184
I give my last will
and testament to the waves,
128
00:05:40,267 --> 00:05:42,184
who refuse to weep with me.
129
00:05:42,267 --> 00:05:45,309
My final epitaph written
in the froth and the foam.
130
00:05:45,393 --> 00:05:49,476
- People are just sobbing.
- Goodbye, Kon Tiki.
131
00:05:49,559 --> 00:05:52,518
Really. Clive was so
good. I really loved the show.
132
00:05:52,601 --> 00:05:54,518
I really did. I'm...
I'm not just saying that.
133
00:05:54,601 --> 00:05:56,518
- No, I can tell. I loved it, too.
- Yeah.
134
00:05:56,601 --> 00:05:58,726
It was a great show.
People were sobbing.
135
00:05:58,810 --> 00:06:00,976
To a dramatic actor,
hearing sobs must be the same
136
00:06:01,059 --> 00:06:03,017
as a comedian
hearing big laughs, right?
137
00:06:03,101 --> 00:06:04,518
- I would think so.
- Do me a favor?
138
00:06:04,601 --> 00:06:06,243
- Yeah?
- Tell him, tell him how much I liked it?
139
00:06:06,267 --> 00:06:07,768
I got a better idea.
140
00:06:07,851 --> 00:06:09,309
You tell him
how much you liked it.
141
00:06:09,393 --> 00:06:11,518
Oh, no, no. Don't do that.
Don't... You're doing that?
142
00:06:11,601 --> 00:06:13,619
- Ringing. Ringing.
- I can't believe you're doing this.
143
00:06:13,643 --> 00:06:15,077
What are you doing?
144
00:06:15,101 --> 00:06:16,661
Clive:
Hey, it's Clive here.
145
00:06:16,685 --> 00:06:18,661
Um, please leave a message. Thanks.
146
00:06:18,685 --> 00:06:22,559
Oh, hey, Clive. This is, uh,
Larry David, a good friend of Jeff.
147
00:06:22,643 --> 00:06:25,351
Uh, I saw the show last night.
148
00:06:25,434 --> 00:06:27,851
I really enjoyed it.
Uh, good job.
149
00:06:27,935 --> 00:06:30,976
- There you go. I appreciate that.
- Matilda?
150
00:06:31,059 --> 00:06:33,142
- Miss Susie.
- Oh!
151
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:34,935
- You ironed the napkins!
- Yes.
152
00:06:35,017 --> 00:06:37,643
Jesus fucking Christ,
you're amazing!
153
00:06:37,726 --> 00:06:40,393
And I folded your laundry
by color and style.
154
00:06:40,476 --> 00:06:42,243
And today I'm gonna clean
your makeup brushes.
155
00:06:42,267 --> 00:06:44,184
You're gonna clean
my makeup brushes.
156
00:06:44,267 --> 00:06:45,685
Oh, my God.
157
00:06:45,768 --> 00:06:47,518
You're a fucking saint!
158
00:06:47,601 --> 00:06:49,726
I love this girl.
She's amazing.
159
00:06:49,810 --> 00:06:51,601
I'm telling you,
she takes initiative.
160
00:06:51,685 --> 00:06:54,101
I've never had a
housekeeper that does this.
161
00:06:54,184 --> 00:06:56,142
I am so completely jealous.
162
00:06:56,226 --> 00:06:59,434
- Why?
- My house is a, you know, I got... my house is a mess.
163
00:06:59,518 --> 00:07:02,976
Lar, she just told me
this morning
164
00:07:03,059 --> 00:07:04,976
her Tuesday-Thursday
moved out of town.
165
00:07:05,059 --> 00:07:06,976
She's got an opening
she's trying to fill.
166
00:07:07,059 --> 00:07:08,518
- Really?
- Yeah.
167
00:07:08,601 --> 00:07:11,226
- I'll... I'll take it.
- You'll be very happy.
168
00:07:11,309 --> 00:07:13,810
- But Monday-Wednesday is mine.
- Yeah, yeah. Of course.
169
00:07:13,893 --> 00:07:15,768
All right. She's yours.
I'm gonna go tell her.
170
00:07:15,851 --> 00:07:18,476
But keep Leon
away from her, please.
171
00:07:19,351 --> 00:07:21,351
That I can't guarantee.
172
00:07:21,434 --> 00:07:24,226
A sex doll? I, I...
What are you thinking about?
173
00:07:24,309 --> 00:07:26,267
- I don't even understand.
- Why?
174
00:07:26,351 --> 00:07:28,267
Why'd you send a doll
like that to my house?
175
00:07:28,351 --> 00:07:31,101
Hey, Freddy!
Where's my section?
176
00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:33,059
Uncle Moke,
just look around. You'll find it.
177
00:07:33,142 --> 00:07:35,768
Take a look around.
You'll find it. You like it?
178
00:07:35,851 --> 00:07:38,369
- A gag gift? You're sending me...
- No, no, no. It's a real gift.
179
00:07:38,393 --> 00:07:40,494
- You've never had one?
- You think I'm gonna fuck that doll?
180
00:07:40,518 --> 00:07:42,535
- Yeah, yeah. Have you ever played around with 'em?
- No!
181
00:07:42,559 --> 00:07:43,952
You cuddle it,
whatever your journey is.
182
00:07:43,976 --> 00:07:45,911
- No, no. I don't know.
- No, no. That's not my journey.
183
00:07:45,935 --> 00:07:48,535
- I don't know what it is.
- I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna fuck a doll.
184
00:07:48,559 --> 00:07:50,226
- You have one of these?
- Couple of 'em.
185
00:07:50,309 --> 00:07:52,869
- You've got a couple.
- I love it. I'm comfortable. I'm healthy.
186
00:07:52,935 --> 00:07:55,267
That's where we're at.
No disease.
187
00:07:55,351 --> 00:07:57,601
It feels good. It's something
you're connecting to.
188
00:07:57,685 --> 00:07:59,118
You got a good imagination,
same thing.
189
00:07:59,142 --> 00:08:00,661
The doll is whatever
you want it to be.
190
00:08:00,685 --> 00:08:02,142
Maybe you should
try necrophilia.
191
00:08:02,226 --> 00:08:03,706
Now you're picking
different hang-ups.
192
00:08:03,768 --> 00:08:05,285
I'm not saying that.
I'm saying the doll's...
193
00:08:05,309 --> 00:08:06,810
You're open to so many things.
194
00:08:06,893 --> 00:08:08,535
- I'm open to something that feels good.
- Fuck a dead woman.
195
00:08:08,559 --> 00:08:11,101
If I want to fuck a dead woman,
196
00:08:11,184 --> 00:08:14,309
I'll fuck the doll. Okay? And that way,
I don't have to fuck a dead woman.
197
00:08:14,393 --> 00:08:17,142
- You hear from Marty?
- He's in China. He's doing great.
198
00:08:17,226 --> 00:08:18,810
He met a girl,
a real girl, no doll.
199
00:08:18,893 --> 00:08:21,976
- Chinese girl?
- Yeah. He sent me a nice e-mail. He's lovin' it.
200
00:08:22,059 --> 00:08:24,059
- Excuse me. No browsing.
- I'm not browsing.
201
00:08:24,142 --> 00:08:26,410
- Put the magazine away or buy it, please.
- I'm not browsing.
202
00:08:26,434 --> 00:08:28,494
- Leave me alone.
- You have been here for at least ten minutes.
203
00:08:28,518 --> 00:08:30,198
No problem. He's
gonna buy it. I'm a buyer.
204
00:08:30,267 --> 00:08:32,535
- Oh, this is your father?
- Yeah, he's just looking. I'm a buyer.
205
00:08:32,559 --> 00:08:33,601
Moke.
206
00:08:34,226 --> 00:08:36,518
- You buying this? Of course I'm gonna buy it.
- Moke.
207
00:08:36,601 --> 00:08:39,476
All the free porn on the Internet.
Why stick with magazines?
208
00:08:39,976 --> 00:08:42,226
- It's on the Internet?
- Yeah. Do you have a computer?
209
00:08:42,309 --> 00:08:44,243
Yeah. My kids bought me a computer,
but I don't use it.
210
00:08:44,267 --> 00:08:46,851
Well, Moke,
everything here
211
00:08:46,935 --> 00:08:48,726
is a click away on the Internet.
212
00:08:48,810 --> 00:08:51,059
Come on.
Don't kid me.
213
00:08:51,142 --> 00:08:52,702
- I'm not kidding you, Moke.
- You sure?
214
00:08:52,768 --> 00:08:54,568
- Moke, I am not kidding.
- Just don't kid me.
215
00:08:54,643 --> 00:08:56,893
- Check it out.
- Maybe I will.
216
00:08:59,810 --> 00:09:01,559
Thanks a lot.
217
00:09:04,476 --> 00:09:07,768
Now, Carol, what exactly
do you see in this man?
218
00:09:07,851 --> 00:09:09,643
What kind of question is that?
219
00:09:09,726 --> 00:09:12,059
- I think it's a good question.
- I think behind those...
220
00:09:12,142 --> 00:09:15,726
- dark clothes lies a...
- Very pretentious man?
221
00:09:15,810 --> 00:09:17,619
What's wrong with dark
clothes? I always wear black.
222
00:09:17,643 --> 00:09:19,683
He thinks people are aware
that he dresses in black.
223
00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:21,059
He thinks he's like Johnny Cash.
224
00:09:21,142 --> 00:09:22,661
- Why do you always wear black?
- Yeah. Why?
225
00:09:22,685 --> 00:09:24,702
I've been a comic 48 years,
and people expect me to be...
226
00:09:24,726 --> 00:09:26,226
Nobody gives a fuck.
227
00:09:26,309 --> 00:09:28,393
Is anyone else cold?
Are you cold?
228
00:09:28,476 --> 00:09:29,786
- A little chilly.
- I'm cold suddenly.
229
00:09:29,810 --> 00:09:31,685
I wish I'd brought
a cardigan or something.
230
00:09:31,768 --> 00:09:34,726
- We can turn on the heat lamp.
- Oh, yeah. That would be great.
231
00:09:34,810 --> 00:09:36,559
Um, excuse me.
232
00:09:36,643 --> 00:09:38,577
Do you have any problem
if we turn on the heat lamp?
233
00:09:38,601 --> 00:09:40,202
- She's very cold.
- We're hot over here.
234
00:09:40,226 --> 00:09:41,993
- We're fine. It's okay.
- We're good here. It feels great.
235
00:09:42,017 --> 00:09:43,702
- You know, the heat lamp's for both tables.
- Well, we have seven.
236
00:09:43,726 --> 00:09:45,702
Well, but we have seven
people here and we're fine.
237
00:09:45,726 --> 00:09:47,285
- You have three people there.
- You're outvoted.
238
00:09:47,309 --> 00:09:49,226
Yeah, I, I, I know,
but she's cold,
239
00:09:49,309 --> 00:09:51,017
and it's worse to be cold,
than hot.
240
00:09:51,101 --> 00:09:53,267
No, it's actually worse
to be hot than cold.
241
00:09:53,351 --> 00:09:56,327
- How do you figure?
- Because when you're cold, you can put more things on.
242
00:09:56,351 --> 00:09:58,191
When you're hot,
you can only take so much off.
243
00:09:58,226 --> 00:10:01,059
Okay, well, that's a good point,
if there are more things to put on.
244
00:10:01,142 --> 00:10:02,685
But there aren't more things
to put on.
245
00:10:02,768 --> 00:10:05,267
- Here. Have her wear that.
- Oh, that's funny, asshole.
246
00:10:05,351 --> 00:10:07,309
Look, we're not snowmen.
We need some heat.
247
00:10:07,393 --> 00:10:09,601
Hey. I just thought
of something.
248
00:10:09,685 --> 00:10:11,810
- My mother's old mink stole.
- Oh.
249
00:10:11,893 --> 00:10:14,118
I'm getting it dry-cleaned.
It's in my car. Let me go get it.
250
00:10:14,142 --> 00:10:16,893
- Thank you. No, that would be so nice.
- Yeah.
251
00:10:16,976 --> 00:10:18,726
I really appreciate that, Larry.
252
00:10:18,810 --> 00:10:20,327
- Oh, sure.
- Thank you, Larry.
253
00:10:20,351 --> 00:10:21,869
- Thank you, Larry.
- Wait till you see this thing.
254
00:10:21,893 --> 00:10:23,726
- It's a beauty.
- Thanks, Larry.
255
00:10:23,810 --> 00:10:26,577
- I mean, what a, what a bunch of douche bags.
- Oh, there he goes. Wow.
256
00:10:26,601 --> 00:10:28,559
- Is he going to get warm?
- My God.
257
00:10:29,559 --> 00:10:31,935
- There we go. Look at this.
- Aw.
258
00:10:32,017 --> 00:10:34,851
- Look, how beautiful.
- Huh? Do you like that?
259
00:10:34,935 --> 00:10:36,369
- Thank you.
- Beauty on beauty.
260
00:10:36,393 --> 00:10:38,476
- Real mink. Real mink.
- So sweet of you.
261
00:10:38,559 --> 00:10:41,017
You know what?
Actually, uh,
262
00:10:41,101 --> 00:10:42,601
this reminds me of
263
00:10:42,685 --> 00:10:45,059
a stole my mother had
when I was a little girl.
264
00:10:45,142 --> 00:10:46,452
- Wow. No kidding.
- Yeah.
265
00:10:46,476 --> 00:10:49,226
She used to wrap me up
in it to keep me warm.
266
00:10:49,810 --> 00:10:51,893
Yeah. And I remember
when I was 12,
267
00:10:51,976 --> 00:10:54,726
my dad and mom took me
to see La Cage aux Folles.
268
00:10:54,810 --> 00:10:56,202
- Oh, La Cage aux Folles.
- You remember that?
269
00:10:56,226 --> 00:10:57,869
Yeah, I remember.
That was on Broadway, yeah.
270
00:10:57,893 --> 00:10:59,952
It was such a great night.
And then when we came out,
271
00:10:59,976 --> 00:11:01,267
we, uh...
272
00:11:01,351 --> 00:11:03,476
yeah, we couldn't get a cab,
because...
273
00:11:03,559 --> 00:11:07,142
well, they were all taken,
so we decided to take the subway.
274
00:11:07,226 --> 00:11:08,643
But, um...
275
00:11:08,726 --> 00:11:10,351
on the platform, my, uh,
276
00:11:10,434 --> 00:11:12,059
my mom and dad
got in a really big fight,
277
00:11:12,142 --> 00:11:15,184
and they started pushing each other,
and...
278
00:11:15,267 --> 00:11:16,935
and the stole, it...
279
00:11:17,768 --> 00:11:19,476
it landed on the tracks.
280
00:11:20,559 --> 00:11:21,726
Oh, my God.
281
00:11:21,810 --> 00:11:24,142
I saw the lights
of the train, and I...
282
00:11:24,226 --> 00:11:26,935
I heard the...
the honk of the train,
283
00:11:27,017 --> 00:11:29,017
and my mom, she...
284
00:11:29,101 --> 00:11:31,685
she jumped onto the tracks,
just really quickly,
285
00:11:31,768 --> 00:11:33,810
just to grab the stole,
because...
286
00:11:33,893 --> 00:11:35,851
it meant so much to her.
287
00:11:35,935 --> 00:11:37,726
And then...
288
00:11:37,810 --> 00:11:40,643
she tried to get back up,
she tried to...
289
00:11:40,726 --> 00:11:42,851
- to scratch her way back up, but...
- Oh, come on.
290
00:11:42,935 --> 00:11:45,184
Oh, my God. What a story.
291
00:11:45,267 --> 00:11:47,893
Oh, my God. The horn. I just...
292
00:11:47,976 --> 00:11:50,017
The sound of the horn.
293
00:11:50,101 --> 00:11:52,643
- Oh, baby. I'm, oh...
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
294
00:11:52,726 --> 00:11:54,726
- I'm sorry!
- Geez. I'm so sorry.
295
00:11:54,810 --> 00:11:58,643
I just have
so little to remember her by.
296
00:11:59,768 --> 00:12:03,226
You know what, if it means
that much to you, I...
297
00:12:03,309 --> 00:12:05,059
I, I want you to have it.
298
00:12:05,142 --> 00:12:08,393
- I want you to have it. I want you to keep it.
- What?
299
00:12:08,476 --> 00:12:10,685
- Really?
- I'm positive. Carol, please.
300
00:12:10,768 --> 00:12:12,267
- Keep the stole.
- No, you take it.
301
00:12:12,351 --> 00:12:13,810
No, I'm giving it to you.
302
00:12:13,893 --> 00:12:16,118
- Really?
- She said she has so little to remember her by.
303
00:12:16,142 --> 00:12:19,893
- Keep the stole.
- Oh, that's so... That's really nice.
304
00:12:19,976 --> 00:12:22,226
- Thank you.
- Of course. If my mother were at the table,
305
00:12:22,309 --> 00:12:24,351
my mother would give
it to you, you know.
306
00:12:24,434 --> 00:12:26,810
- No, she wouldn't, but, you know.
- Thank you.
307
00:12:26,893 --> 00:12:29,434
Oh, I'm buzzing.
308
00:12:30,726 --> 00:12:33,643
Oh, guys, I gotta go to work.
I gotta go.
309
00:12:33,726 --> 00:12:36,101
- Oh, no.
- I didn't even get to have lunch.
310
00:12:36,184 --> 00:12:38,184
- Bye, baby.
- Take care, baby.
311
00:12:38,267 --> 00:12:40,142
- Thank you.
- Yeah, you're welcome.
312
00:12:40,226 --> 00:12:41,810
- Bye, you guys.
- Enjoy that stole.
313
00:12:41,893 --> 00:12:43,601
Bye-bye. I'll speak
to you later.
314
00:12:43,685 --> 00:12:45,142
Oh, my God.
315
00:12:45,226 --> 00:12:47,643
The poor thing. Imagine
being a 12-year-old girl,
316
00:12:47,726 --> 00:12:50,518
seeing your mother
get hit by a train,
317
00:12:50,601 --> 00:12:52,142
going after a mink stole, ugh!
318
00:12:52,226 --> 00:12:54,393
Wouldn't you wake up
every morning, boom...
319
00:12:54,476 --> 00:12:56,101
The horns,
do you think of the horns?
320
00:12:56,184 --> 00:12:57,869
I mean, how do you even
go to work after that?
321
00:12:57,893 --> 00:12:59,976
What,
what... What does she... What does she do?
322
00:13:00,059 --> 00:13:02,476
She's a professional crier.
323
00:13:02,559 --> 00:13:05,142
What? A what?
324
00:13:05,226 --> 00:13:06,976
She's a professional crier.
325
00:13:07,059 --> 00:13:09,393
She's hired to cry at weddings,
326
00:13:09,476 --> 00:13:12,601
and funerals,
or sometimes TV shows.
327
00:13:12,685 --> 00:13:14,476
You know,
if there's a sad moment,
328
00:13:14,559 --> 00:13:16,810
she's in the background sobbing.
329
00:13:16,893 --> 00:13:18,226
Oh, my God.
330
00:13:18,309 --> 00:13:20,243
What's wrong with you?
What are you worried about?
331
00:13:20,267 --> 00:13:22,643
I'm worried I just got fleeced
for a mink stole.
332
00:13:22,726 --> 00:13:24,726
- You piece of shit. How dare you?
- Piece of shit?
333
00:13:24,810 --> 00:13:27,726
- How dare you?
- Are you kidding? I mean, think about it.
334
00:13:27,810 --> 00:13:29,619
You can hear that,
and say something like that?
335
00:13:29,643 --> 00:13:31,101
Hey, let me ask you something.
336
00:13:31,184 --> 00:13:33,601
Have you guys ever had
a disagreement of any kind,
337
00:13:33,685 --> 00:13:35,643
where perhaps
she started crying?
338
00:13:35,726 --> 00:13:37,226
- Yeah, a few times...
- What?
339
00:13:37,309 --> 00:13:39,160
- What was the disagreement?
- You know, dinner.
340
00:13:39,184 --> 00:13:41,226
She wanted Chinese,
I wanted Italian.
341
00:13:41,309 --> 00:13:43,351
- So she wept openly and...
- Oh.
342
00:13:43,434 --> 00:13:45,643
Yeah, and you went down...
And you had Chinese food.
343
00:13:45,726 --> 00:13:48,226
- Chinese, we did.
- Oh, my God. Come on!
344
00:13:48,309 --> 00:13:50,077
- This is unbelievable!
- Don't Perry Mason her.
345
00:13:50,101 --> 00:13:53,643
She fucking conned me out of
that mink stole. This is incredible!
346
00:13:53,726 --> 00:13:55,952
- I don't have to buy your defense on this.
- You saw it!
347
00:13:55,976 --> 00:13:58,101
You witnessed it.
She's a con crier.
348
00:13:58,184 --> 00:14:01,101
- So what do you want me to do?
- I can't believe I fell for that story.
349
00:14:01,184 --> 00:14:04,267
Oh...
the stole was on the subway!
350
00:14:04,351 --> 00:14:06,768
And the horn, the horn!
351
00:14:06,851 --> 00:14:09,101
I want that stole back, okay?
352
00:14:31,935 --> 00:14:34,893
- Mr. Larry! Hey!
- Oh! Hey!
353
00:14:34,976 --> 00:14:37,017
I clean all the windows
and all the mantles.
354
00:14:37,101 --> 00:14:38,309
- Oh.
- They were so dirty.
355
00:14:38,393 --> 00:14:40,073
- And I polished all the doorknobs.
- Good.
356
00:14:40,142 --> 00:14:41,869
- Thank you so much. Thank you very much.
- You're welcome.
357
00:14:41,893 --> 00:14:43,393
- You're welcome.
- Thank you.
358
00:14:43,476 --> 00:14:45,226
What, what is this, Mr. Larry?
359
00:14:45,309 --> 00:14:47,267
Oh. It's a...
360
00:14:47,351 --> 00:14:48,893
That's a doll.
361
00:14:48,976 --> 00:14:51,893
- What kind doll?
- Eh, you know, I collect them.
362
00:14:51,976 --> 00:14:54,685
They're like, uh,
big teddy bears. Yeah.
363
00:14:54,768 --> 00:14:56,267
You collect big plastic dolls?
364
00:14:56,351 --> 00:14:58,810
Yes, yes. I do. They, um...
365
00:14:59,810 --> 00:15:01,559
They normally come with clothes.
366
00:15:01,643 --> 00:15:03,476
- Yeah, she's naked.
- Yeah, it's naked, yeah.
367
00:15:03,559 --> 00:15:05,827
They forgot to send the clothes
for some reason. I don't know why.
368
00:15:05,851 --> 00:15:08,559
You know, they come with
a lot of different outfits.
369
00:15:08,643 --> 00:15:10,351
- Oh, like the, this American Girl.
- Yes!
370
00:15:10,434 --> 00:15:12,434
Like the American Girl!
Right, right.
371
00:15:12,518 --> 00:15:14,059
Yeah, they have
a nurse's outfit,
372
00:15:14,142 --> 00:15:17,059
they have a flight attendant,
a cheerleader.
373
00:15:17,142 --> 00:15:19,935
They even have,
um, a, a maid!
374
00:15:20,017 --> 00:15:21,559
Oh! So, you know what?
375
00:15:21,643 --> 00:15:23,410
Let me clean it,
'cause it's a little bit dirty.
376
00:15:23,434 --> 00:15:25,476
Oh, no. You know,
you don't, no. I...
377
00:15:25,559 --> 00:15:26,643
That's, uh...
you know,
378
00:15:26,726 --> 00:15:28,601
it's very delicate,
very delicate.
379
00:15:28,685 --> 00:15:31,125
Anyway, I just want you to know,
you're doing a fantastic job.
380
00:15:31,184 --> 00:15:33,101
Thank you.
I wanted to ask you,
381
00:15:33,184 --> 00:15:35,059
uh, I need to switch my days.
382
00:15:35,142 --> 00:15:36,862
- Mm-hmm.
- And I would like to work Mondays
383
00:15:36,893 --> 00:15:38,351
and Wednesdays for you.
384
00:15:38,434 --> 00:15:40,643
No, those are Susie's days.
385
00:15:40,726 --> 00:15:43,059
Oh, no. I'm not gonna be
working with Miss Susie anymore.
386
00:15:43,142 --> 00:15:45,184
- What? What do you, what do you mean?
- Her mouth.
387
00:15:45,267 --> 00:15:47,434
She's like "F" this,
"F" that. She's so vulgar.
388
00:15:47,518 --> 00:15:49,434
Like, F-bomb for everything.
389
00:15:49,518 --> 00:15:51,768
The thing is, I have
kind of an agreement with her.
390
00:15:51,851 --> 00:15:53,601
- I can't breach her.
- Well,
391
00:15:53,685 --> 00:15:55,365
all I can say is that
I have another family
392
00:15:55,434 --> 00:15:57,810
that I need to work with on
Tuesdays and Thursdays, so...
393
00:15:57,893 --> 00:16:00,160
- You're gonna leave Susie, regardless?
- Yeah, regardless.
394
00:16:00,184 --> 00:16:01,893
I am done with Miss Susie.
395
00:16:03,017 --> 00:16:04,226
Okay.
396
00:16:04,309 --> 00:16:06,434
- Yes? Okay.
- Ah.
397
00:16:06,518 --> 00:16:09,601
- See you next Monday. I'm gonna do the refrigerator.
- Bye.
398
00:16:09,685 --> 00:16:11,893
Hey, do anchovies
only go on pizza?
399
00:16:11,976 --> 00:16:13,434
- Or can you eat 'em loose?
- Hey.
400
00:16:13,518 --> 00:16:15,101
Come here, come here.
You blew it up?
401
00:16:15,184 --> 00:16:16,869
- Yeah, I blew the shit up.
- You're supposed to get rid of it.
402
00:16:16,893 --> 00:16:18,773
- Who, Sherry?
- Oh, Sherry? You gave it a name?
403
00:16:18,851 --> 00:16:21,410
Yeah, I mean, I got her out of
the box. Give her a little air and shit.
404
00:16:21,434 --> 00:16:23,476
- Oh, so you were, you were curious.
- Fuck, yeah.
405
00:16:23,559 --> 00:16:25,035
I wanna see what the fuck
she was working with.
406
00:16:25,059 --> 00:16:27,309
Yeah. And, uh...
407
00:16:27,393 --> 00:16:30,309
You didn't try and get a
little friendly with her, did you?
408
00:16:30,393 --> 00:16:31,851
What the fuck you trying to say?
409
00:16:31,935 --> 00:16:33,744
- Did you get a little friendly with her?
- I'm insulted.
410
00:16:33,768 --> 00:16:35,035
- That you would say some shit like that to me.
- Leon, did you get
411
00:16:35,059 --> 00:16:36,327
a little friendly
with her, Leon?
412
00:16:36,351 --> 00:16:37,434
- Nah. Not at all.
- Huh?
413
00:16:37,518 --> 00:16:38,702
Why do you always
look at me like this?
414
00:16:38,726 --> 00:16:40,285
I'm trying to look
into your fuckin' brain.
415
00:16:40,309 --> 00:16:42,494
- What is this? Yeah. Uh-huh.
- I'm lookin' into you. Yeah.
416
00:16:42,518 --> 00:16:44,351
You look down into
a motherfucker's soul.
417
00:16:44,434 --> 00:16:45,869
You think you're better
than me, Leon Black?
418
00:16:45,893 --> 00:16:47,393
- I know my character.
- Yeah?
419
00:16:47,476 --> 00:16:48,601
And when you accuse me
420
00:16:48,685 --> 00:16:50,142
of tappin' some ass like that...
421
00:16:50,226 --> 00:16:52,476
I wouldn't put it past you,
let's just say that.
422
00:16:53,851 --> 00:16:55,810
Get rid of that fucking thing.
423
00:16:57,184 --> 00:16:58,935
Be cool, Sherry.
424
00:17:02,101 --> 00:17:03,810
- Hey.
- How are you?
425
00:17:03,893 --> 00:17:06,685
- Good. Good.
- Well, guess what, ID?
426
00:17:06,768 --> 00:17:09,184
- What?
- I did what you wanted me to do.
427
00:17:09,267 --> 00:17:11,476
- And it didn't work out.
- Oh.
428
00:17:11,559 --> 00:17:13,017
And Carol broke up with me.
429
00:17:13,101 --> 00:17:16,059
- Really?
- I went over there, I asked for your mink back,
430
00:17:16,142 --> 00:17:17,393
she wept openly,
431
00:17:17,476 --> 00:17:19,035
- and kicked me out of her life.
- Oh, she wept openly.
432
00:17:19,059 --> 00:17:20,494
That's how she got the mink
in the first place.
433
00:17:20,518 --> 00:17:22,202
Yeah, well, you ruined
another woman for me.
434
00:17:22,226 --> 00:17:24,452
I could've had a baby with this
woman and maybe become a father.
435
00:17:24,476 --> 00:17:26,935
A baby? You're 200 years
old. You're gonna have a baby?
436
00:17:27,017 --> 00:17:28,810
Do me a favor.
Just stay out of my affairs.
437
00:17:28,893 --> 00:17:31,518
Meanwhile, she still has the mink,
okay? And I'm gettin' it back.
438
00:17:31,601 --> 00:17:32,893
- No, you're not.
- Yes, I am.
439
00:17:32,976 --> 00:17:34,518
Aah, bullshit.
440
00:17:35,267 --> 00:17:37,267
What the hell is that?
441
00:17:37,351 --> 00:17:39,226
Ah, it's a... It's a sex doll.
442
00:17:39,309 --> 00:17:41,726
- A sex doll.
- Yeah. Her name's Sherry.
443
00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:43,810
Come on.
I'll introduce you to her.
444
00:17:43,893 --> 00:17:45,351
You breached.
445
00:17:45,434 --> 00:17:47,643
You made a solemn
promise, a vow,
446
00:17:47,726 --> 00:17:50,059
and you fucking
breached, asshole.
447
00:17:50,142 --> 00:17:52,601
She was quitting!
She wasn't working for you
448
00:17:52,685 --> 00:17:54,685
on Mondays and Wednesdays,
that was it.
449
00:17:54,768 --> 00:17:57,393
She doesn't wanna work here.
She can't stand you!
450
00:17:57,476 --> 00:17:59,118
- Oh, that's nonsense!
- You're a vulgarian!
451
00:17:59,142 --> 00:18:01,267
You use disgusting language
around her.
452
00:18:01,351 --> 00:18:02,851
She's a strict Catholic girl.
453
00:18:02,935 --> 00:18:05,434
- Okay...
- Hold on a second, here.
454
00:18:06,017 --> 00:18:08,059
She make you biscuits?
455
00:18:08,142 --> 00:18:09,726
- Yeah.
- Ridiculous.
456
00:18:09,810 --> 00:18:11,351
- My God.
- Well, I'm gonna tell you
457
00:18:11,434 --> 00:18:12,619
a little something
what you're gonna do.
458
00:18:12,643 --> 00:18:14,184
When those biscuits are warm,
459
00:18:14,267 --> 00:18:16,559
you're gonna
get out some tin foil,
460
00:18:16,643 --> 00:18:17,911
You're gonna wrap
those babies up,
461
00:18:17,935 --> 00:18:19,452
and you're dropping 'em off
at my office.
462
00:18:19,476 --> 00:18:21,267
And when you drop off
those biscuits,
463
00:18:21,351 --> 00:18:23,951
you're gonna pick up my laundry
and take it to the Fluff and Fold.
464
00:18:24,017 --> 00:18:27,309
- All right?
- Yeah, I have a movie star coming over here, Larry.
465
00:18:27,393 --> 00:18:31,434
And look at me, I'm putting out
premade fuckin' salads from Metzler's.
466
00:18:31,518 --> 00:18:33,243
- Metzler's? You got Metzler's?
- Yeah.
467
00:18:33,267 --> 00:18:34,911
- Yeah, I got Metzler's.
- Fanta... I love Metzler's!
468
00:18:34,935 --> 00:18:36,518
Yeah. And then
I gotta clean up myself.
469
00:18:36,601 --> 00:18:38,601
I don't know how to do
this fucking shit!
470
00:18:38,685 --> 00:18:39,935
- You know what?
- What?
471
00:18:40,017 --> 00:18:41,142
I'll help you clean up.
472
00:18:41,226 --> 00:18:43,434
- Oh, please.
- I'm a fantastic dishwasher.
473
00:18:43,518 --> 00:18:47,559
Did you know that? I can put my
hands in boiling, scalding water,
474
00:18:47,643 --> 00:18:49,226
and I don't feel anything.
475
00:18:49,309 --> 00:18:51,518
- I don't need gloves!
- Let me see those hands.
476
00:18:51,601 --> 00:18:54,476
- I'm really good.
- You've never washed a dish in your life.
477
00:18:54,559 --> 00:18:56,319
Well, I haven't washed 'em
in a while, but...
478
00:18:56,351 --> 00:18:58,518
You've watched somebody else
wash and went,
479
00:18:58,601 --> 00:19:01,702
- "Oh, I could be good at that. I could do that."
- I know I'm a great dishwasher!
480
00:19:01,726 --> 00:19:04,351
- You've never washed!
- Don't tell me I haven't washed, Jeff!
481
00:19:04,434 --> 00:19:05,952
- You never washed.
- What? I haven't washed?
482
00:19:05,976 --> 00:19:07,786
- And your hands are soft.
- I'll tell you what I'll do.
483
00:19:07,810 --> 00:19:10,494
I'll stick my hands in the sink right
now. Put it on as hot as you want.
484
00:19:10,518 --> 00:19:12,786
- You don't have special hands!
- I do have special hands!
485
00:19:12,810 --> 00:19:14,786
- You do not have special hands!
- I do. They're very special.
486
00:19:14,810 --> 00:19:17,017
I'll stick 'em under any
hot water you can find, okay?
487
00:19:17,101 --> 00:19:18,726
That's insane!
488
00:19:20,726 --> 00:19:22,226
Listen to me.
489
00:19:22,976 --> 00:19:24,267
Clive's coming over.
490
00:19:24,351 --> 00:19:25,976
- Yeah.
- The voicemail you left.
491
00:19:26,059 --> 00:19:28,393
Clive seems to think
it was insufficient praise.
492
00:19:28,476 --> 00:19:30,768
- What? Insufficient praise?
- Yeah.
493
00:19:30,851 --> 00:19:32,518
Yeah.
You weren't enthusiastic.
494
00:19:32,601 --> 00:19:35,726
- That's ridiculous.
- No. You gotta... When you talk to these people,
495
00:19:35,810 --> 00:19:37,726
you gotta almost give
your own performance
496
00:19:37,810 --> 00:19:39,577
about how much you loved it.
497
00:19:39,601 --> 00:19:41,351
All right. You know what?
That's him.
498
00:19:41,434 --> 00:19:42,643
Okay?
499
00:19:43,226 --> 00:19:46,142
And by the way,
you're doing the dishes when we're done.
500
00:19:46,226 --> 00:19:48,351
- Great. Great.
- Yeah, good. Good for you.
501
00:19:48,434 --> 00:19:51,601
- Susie, I brought you a movie star.
- Ah, bravo!
502
00:19:51,685 --> 00:19:54,685
- Hey!
- Bravo! What a performance.
503
00:19:54,768 --> 00:19:56,851
- Oh, thank you.
- Oh, my God.
504
00:19:56,935 --> 00:19:58,768
- Thanks for inviting me over.
- Movie star.
505
00:19:58,851 --> 00:20:00,518
- Larry David.
- Hey.
506
00:20:00,601 --> 00:20:02,226
Fantastic.
507
00:20:02,309 --> 00:20:05,309
So, just dig in. We went
to this new sandwich place.
508
00:20:05,393 --> 00:20:07,309
- What's the name of it, Lar?
- Yeah, Metzler's.
509
00:20:07,393 --> 00:20:09,744
- Metzler's. So, they're supposed to be fantastic.
- Yeah, it looks great.
510
00:20:09,768 --> 00:20:13,142
In the UK they have, uh,
cucumber sandwiches, right?
511
00:20:13,643 --> 00:20:16,393
- Just, just cucumbers?
- No, there's cream cheese in there.
512
00:20:16,476 --> 00:20:19,017
- Oh, there is?
- Yeah, we have a lot of different sandwiches.
513
00:20:19,101 --> 00:20:20,518
Yeah.
514
00:20:20,601 --> 00:20:22,851
Hey, Clive. Uh, I...
515
00:20:22,935 --> 00:20:25,893
You know, I want
to apologize if, um...
516
00:20:25,976 --> 00:20:29,059
my, my voicemail,
my message
517
00:20:29,142 --> 00:20:31,768
- offended you in any way.
- A little weird, no?
518
00:20:31,851 --> 00:20:34,059
- You know, I'm not good at voicemails.
- Really?
519
00:20:34,142 --> 00:20:36,059
Yes. When I would leave
a message on, on,
520
00:20:36,142 --> 00:20:38,062
on a woman's phone,
I would always get in trouble
521
00:20:38,142 --> 00:20:40,601
and the relationship would
be over. I'm just no good at it.
522
00:20:40,685 --> 00:20:42,202
Yeah, but the weird
thing is, you know,
523
00:20:42,226 --> 00:20:44,066
if you go and see a play
and you don't like it,
524
00:20:44,142 --> 00:20:46,059
you kind of don't leave
a message, do you?
525
00:20:46,142 --> 00:20:48,726
- No, but I did like it. I... That's, that's...
- Really?
526
00:20:48,810 --> 00:20:51,059
- Yes.
- "Hi. This is Larry David."
527
00:20:51,142 --> 00:20:56,017
I just want to say I really
enjoyed the show. Good job."
528
00:20:56,101 --> 00:20:59,768
Yeah. Like I said, I'm not,
I'm not good with... If it was in person,
529
00:20:59,851 --> 00:21:02,267
- I would have been much more effusive.
- Really?
530
00:21:02,351 --> 00:21:04,226
- Yeah.
- So...
531
00:21:05,476 --> 00:21:08,226
I mean, it's hard to do now.
Bec... You know, it's...
532
00:21:08,309 --> 00:21:11,601
It's like doing an impression for somebody.
It's hard to just do it on command.
533
00:21:11,685 --> 00:21:14,768
- You do impressions?
- Yeah. I do a lot. I can...
534
00:21:14,851 --> 00:21:17,101
I can do Raymond Massey
from, uh, doing Lincoln.
535
00:21:17,184 --> 00:21:19,017
Raymond Massey as Lincoln.
You never see that!
536
00:21:19,101 --> 00:21:22,851
"A house divided against itself
cannot stand."
537
00:21:25,101 --> 00:21:27,434
Well, I was so moved, Clive.
538
00:21:27,518 --> 00:21:29,726
The pathos of this character.
539
00:21:29,810 --> 00:21:33,768
- The triumph and the disgrace of his...
- Thank you.
540
00:21:33,851 --> 00:21:37,726
- Thank you.
- Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm-mmm!
541
00:21:37,810 --> 00:21:41,142
Oh, my God. Oh.
This is unbelievable!
542
00:21:41,226 --> 00:21:43,768
This Metzler's?
Best, the best.
543
00:21:43,851 --> 00:21:46,643
You see that?
That is genuine praise.
544
00:21:46,726 --> 00:21:48,810
I do a fucking play
for 90 minutes,
545
00:21:48,893 --> 00:21:50,893
digging deep and doing
everything I can,
546
00:21:50,976 --> 00:21:52,476
and you give that
for a sandwich.
547
00:21:52,559 --> 00:21:54,726
So you do do praise,
just not for me.
548
00:21:54,810 --> 00:21:57,976
You know, that, that kind of thing,
that's not for people.
549
00:21:58,059 --> 00:22:01,643
That's for sandwiches,
a well-struck iron,
550
00:22:01,726 --> 00:22:03,577
- a good golf shot.
- Do you know what it takes?
551
00:22:03,601 --> 00:22:06,643
Stand up there for 90 minutes,
on your own, a one-man play?
552
00:22:06,726 --> 00:22:09,810
- Mm.
- A serious subject like that. Do you know what it costs?
553
00:22:09,893 --> 00:22:11,726
Must be quite grueling.
554
00:22:11,810 --> 00:22:14,059
One wonders why
somebody would do it.
555
00:22:15,726 --> 00:22:16,851
Is he for real?
556
00:22:16,935 --> 00:22:19,685
No, I'm just saying.
It seems...
557
00:22:19,768 --> 00:22:21,351
a little crazy.
558
00:22:21,434 --> 00:22:23,554
That's what you thought
when you came to see the play?
559
00:22:23,601 --> 00:22:25,643
You thought it's crazy
that someone would do this.
560
00:22:25,726 --> 00:22:27,434
Well, kinda.
561
00:22:28,142 --> 00:22:29,851
- No, Clive.
- Clive, Clive!
562
00:22:29,935 --> 00:22:32,017
- Clive, Clive!
- Clive! Come on!
563
00:22:32,101 --> 00:22:33,768
- Clive!
- Clive!
564
00:22:42,267 --> 00:22:43,935
Hi. How you doin',
Lionel?
565
00:22:44,017 --> 00:22:45,768
How you doin', there,
Mr. Danson?
566
00:22:46,601 --> 00:22:48,726
Just need your signature
real quick.
567
00:22:48,810 --> 00:22:50,768
- How's it going today?
- Good.
568
00:22:50,851 --> 00:22:52,976
You're friends with
Larry David, right?
569
00:22:54,434 --> 00:22:56,059
Yeah, I suppose.
570
00:22:56,142 --> 00:22:58,643
He's fucking a doll.
571
00:22:59,142 --> 00:23:00,351
What?
572
00:23:00,434 --> 00:23:03,434
I delivered a blow-up
fuck doll to his house.
573
00:23:04,559 --> 00:23:07,101
How could you possibly
know that?
574
00:23:07,184 --> 00:23:10,393
The package said,
"Do not puncture. Discreet delivery."
575
00:23:10,476 --> 00:23:12,142
Mailmen know.
576
00:23:13,726 --> 00:23:14,851
Have a great day.
577
00:23:26,976 --> 00:23:28,643
- Hi.
- Hey.
578
00:23:29,101 --> 00:23:32,059
- I'm still a little pissed off, but I come as a friend.
- Of course.
579
00:23:32,142 --> 00:23:35,434
- Okay, thank you.
- I just have some information I think you ought to know.
580
00:23:35,518 --> 00:23:38,643
Your ex-husband,
he's fucking...
581
00:23:38,726 --> 00:23:41,601
a sex doll,
just so you know.
582
00:23:41,685 --> 00:23:45,267
He's basically sticking
his penis in a balloon.
583
00:23:45,351 --> 00:23:47,017
Good to see you.
584
00:23:56,017 --> 00:23:58,226
- Larry! How are you?
- How do you do?
585
00:23:58,309 --> 00:23:59,976
- How do you do?
- How do you do?
586
00:24:00,059 --> 00:24:02,393
I do well. I do well.
587
00:24:02,476 --> 00:24:05,356
- Do you want to come in, or...
- No, I don't think that'll be necessary.
588
00:24:05,393 --> 00:24:08,017
I've been thinking
about the stole.
589
00:24:08,101 --> 00:24:10,976
- Thank you. It reminds me of my mom. It's beautiful.
- Yeah.
590
00:24:11,059 --> 00:24:14,101
You know, you got so emotional.
I felt so terrible.
591
00:24:14,184 --> 00:24:15,726
I had to give it to you.
592
00:24:15,810 --> 00:24:17,601
- I appreciate it so much.
- Yeah.
593
00:24:17,685 --> 00:24:20,518
Of course, I have since
learned that...
594
00:24:20,601 --> 00:24:24,309
you're actually a professional
crier. You do this for a living.
595
00:24:24,393 --> 00:24:28,726
- Yeah? So?
- And so what I can't quite figure out is...
596
00:24:28,810 --> 00:24:32,267
did I give that stole to...
real Carol?
597
00:24:32,351 --> 00:24:36,935
Or did I give it to,
you know,
598
00:24:37,017 --> 00:24:38,768
the professional crier?
599
00:24:38,851 --> 00:24:42,059
'Cause that would be bad. 'Cause
then I would feel like I was duped.
600
00:24:42,142 --> 00:24:46,601
You know. Who knows what
else you've cried your way into.
601
00:24:46,685 --> 00:24:50,017
The couch, the coffee table,
the painting.
602
00:24:50,101 --> 00:24:52,893
- Maybe the house.
- Okay. Those...
603
00:24:52,976 --> 00:24:57,059
Those tears were real,
Larry. And I...
604
00:24:57,142 --> 00:24:59,810
I obviously cry
in real life, too.
605
00:24:59,893 --> 00:25:01,309
- I'm a real person.
- Yeah. Sure.
606
00:25:01,393 --> 00:25:03,685
You think that I'm...
607
00:25:03,768 --> 00:25:07,059
I made up a story
about my own mother...
608
00:25:07,142 --> 00:25:09,685
- You see, there.
- To get your stole?
609
00:25:09,768 --> 00:25:11,309
There, there, there it is.
610
00:25:11,393 --> 00:25:13,017
See?
611
00:25:13,101 --> 00:25:14,935
- That's very difficult.
- I lost my mom!
612
00:25:15,017 --> 00:25:16,559
No, you're very good at this.
613
00:25:16,643 --> 00:25:18,494
- If in fact you're making...
- I'm sorry.
614
00:25:18,518 --> 00:25:20,685
- Can't quite...
- Larry, please.
615
00:25:20,768 --> 00:25:22,267
- Larry, get out!
- Oh, oh!
616
00:25:30,685 --> 00:25:32,976
Larry! Larry!
617
00:25:33,059 --> 00:25:35,434
- Hey, Freddy!
- I was just about to call you.
618
00:25:35,518 --> 00:25:36,998
- Really?
- You created a real problem
619
00:25:37,059 --> 00:25:38,579
with Uncle Moke
with the Internet porn.
620
00:25:38,643 --> 00:25:40,601
Ah, you know, it's,
it's better than,
621
00:25:40,685 --> 00:25:42,351
than paying money
for those magazines.
622
00:25:42,434 --> 00:25:44,327
No, it's all day. It's a
problem. It's all he does.
623
00:25:44,351 --> 00:25:46,267
And he is paying.
He's doing the chat rooms now.
624
00:25:46,351 --> 00:25:49,393
I'm so sorry. I don't know. I was just
trying to save the guy some money.
625
00:25:49,476 --> 00:25:51,226
It's addiction.
You gotta do something.
626
00:25:51,309 --> 00:25:53,643
- Do something? What can I do?
- Whatever it is,
627
00:25:53,726 --> 00:25:55,577
you kind of started it off.
I think you should step in.
628
00:25:55,601 --> 00:25:57,786
- All right, I'll think about it.
- No, don't think about. Do whatever it is.
629
00:25:57,810 --> 00:25:59,619
I gotta think about it. I don't
know what to do. I gotta, you know,
630
00:25:59,643 --> 00:26:01,160
- I gotta think about it.
- Okay, that's good.
631
00:26:01,184 --> 00:26:02,464
Hey, did you hit
the doll up yet?
632
00:26:02,518 --> 00:26:05,184
- N-No.
- Take a shot at the doll.
633
00:26:07,976 --> 00:26:10,059
And...
634
00:26:10,142 --> 00:26:13,059
voilĂ , the pee cube.
635
00:26:13,476 --> 00:26:15,226
- I like it.
- You sure do.
636
00:26:15,309 --> 00:26:16,935
- Yeah.
- Take her for a spin.
637
00:26:17,017 --> 00:26:19,226
- Sure.
- Get on in there, huh?
638
00:26:19,309 --> 00:26:21,393
- There you go. Look at that.
- Mm-hmm.
639
00:26:21,476 --> 00:26:23,267
- How does that feel?
- Feels pretty good.
640
00:26:23,351 --> 00:26:25,184
Shit. Got the prototype done,
huh?
641
00:26:25,267 --> 00:26:26,869
- Yeah, you wanna give it a try?
- Nah, fuck that, man.
642
00:26:26,893 --> 00:26:28,434
That shit ain't deep enough.
643
00:26:28,518 --> 00:26:29,993
- What do you mean?
- What are you talking about?
644
00:26:30,017 --> 00:26:31,494
Any motherfucker that
come up to that shit,
645
00:26:31,518 --> 00:26:33,726
with a little-ass penis,
of course it works for them.
646
00:26:33,810 --> 00:26:36,452
But you got a big-ass johnson,
you gotta stand a little further back, see,
647
00:26:36,476 --> 00:26:38,142
so your johnson don't overshoot
648
00:26:38,226 --> 00:26:40,369
and hit the back of that
motherfucker. I'm not bragging and shit,
649
00:26:40,393 --> 00:26:43,101
but I had a lady give me a wedgie
with my own goddamn johnson.
650
00:26:43,184 --> 00:26:45,518
Okay. Are we done here?
Uh, can you get...
651
00:26:45,601 --> 00:26:47,619
- Can you get to work on this thing right away?
- Yeah, of course. Yeah.
652
00:26:47,643 --> 00:26:50,101
- Yeah. I'll get right on it.
- Hey. Let's talk timeline.
653
00:26:50,184 --> 00:26:52,202
- Oh, okay. Yeah.
- Prototype is pretty fuckin' good, though, man.
654
00:26:52,226 --> 00:26:54,866
- Thanks, man. I appreciate that.
- You do goddamn good work.
655
00:26:55,351 --> 00:26:56,559
Hmm.
656
00:26:57,184 --> 00:26:58,685
- Hey.
- Hey.
657
00:26:58,768 --> 00:26:59,935
- Hey.
- What are you doing?
658
00:27:00,017 --> 00:27:01,059
What are you doing?
659
00:27:01,142 --> 00:27:02,422
What brings you
to Latte Larry's?
660
00:27:02,476 --> 00:27:05,434
Uh, Clive Owen.
He's a mess.
661
00:27:05,518 --> 00:27:06,935
Ever since you left him
that message
662
00:27:07,017 --> 00:27:08,309
and the other day
at the house...
663
00:27:08,393 --> 00:27:10,476
- What, at lunch?
- He's lost all confidence.
664
00:27:10,559 --> 00:27:13,017
His shows are not as good.
It's affecting his performances.
665
00:27:13,101 --> 00:27:16,351
- Really?
- Yeah. People used to weep. Nobody's weeping.
666
00:27:16,434 --> 00:27:18,267
And we open in two days,
667
00:27:18,351 --> 00:27:21,059
and I'm scared that the
critics are gonna kill him.
668
00:27:21,810 --> 00:27:23,017
Oh, boy.
669
00:27:23,101 --> 00:27:25,685
I gotta do something,
and I don't know what.
670
00:27:26,726 --> 00:27:28,142
Oh.
671
00:27:28,226 --> 00:27:30,184
- Lewis's girlfriend.
- Yeah?
672
00:27:30,267 --> 00:27:31,476
- Carol.
- Yeah?
673
00:27:31,559 --> 00:27:33,184
She's a professional crier.
674
00:27:33,267 --> 00:27:34,810
- Yeah?
- Hire her for opening night.
675
00:27:34,893 --> 00:27:37,017
Let her sit in the audience,
she'll sob away.
676
00:27:37,101 --> 00:27:38,518
- Really?
- Once she starts sobbing,
677
00:27:38,601 --> 00:27:40,535
everyone else will start
sobbing. Sobs are contagious.
678
00:27:40,559 --> 00:27:43,199
- You can never have enough criers. No.
- Abs... I know. You can't.
679
00:27:43,226 --> 00:27:45,059
What the hell is that?
680
00:27:46,226 --> 00:27:48,476
That, my stout friend,
681
00:27:48,559 --> 00:27:51,434
is a urinal revolution.
682
00:27:51,518 --> 00:27:53,601
She's a good ship,
the Kon Tiki.
683
00:27:53,685 --> 00:27:55,768
I named her Kon Tiki
684
00:27:55,851 --> 00:27:58,601
in memory of
the Peruvian sun god.
685
00:27:58,685 --> 00:28:00,017
And here I am,
686
00:28:00,101 --> 00:28:02,810
following in Tiki's footsteps.
687
00:28:02,893 --> 00:28:06,351
My only companion was a parrot
688
00:28:06,434 --> 00:28:09,351
that had snuck aboard.
689
00:28:11,184 --> 00:28:14,101
- He's not doing good.
- Used to be a tough school.
690
00:28:14,184 --> 00:28:16,810
Those first few weeks...
691
00:28:16,893 --> 00:28:18,935
in the Humboldt Current.
692
00:28:19,017 --> 00:28:20,786
- Which one is she?
- Before this journey,
693
00:28:20,810 --> 00:28:22,518
- my life was...
- Oh, there she is.
694
00:28:22,601 --> 00:28:24,434
She's got my mother's stole on.
695
00:28:24,518 --> 00:28:26,226
She's wearing the stole.
696
00:28:26,309 --> 00:28:28,518
I have the purpose,
but not the wind.
697
00:28:30,601 --> 00:28:34,476
Now there is no day,
no night, just the relentless...
698
00:28:34,559 --> 00:28:37,559
Ah. There.
She's gonna start.
699
00:28:37,643 --> 00:28:40,810
I am completely alone.
700
00:28:41,643 --> 00:28:44,726
Even my parrot Lorita
has perished.
701
00:28:53,976 --> 00:28:55,434
Perished.
702
00:28:59,518 --> 00:29:01,059
Lorita.
703
00:29:01,142 --> 00:29:02,476
Perished!
704
00:29:05,434 --> 00:29:07,976
Look out.
It's really catching on now.
705
00:29:08,059 --> 00:29:11,810
I give my last will
and testament to the waves
706
00:29:11,893 --> 00:29:13,935
who refuse to weep with me.
707
00:29:14,017 --> 00:29:18,017
My final epitaph written
in the froth and the foam.
708
00:29:18,101 --> 00:29:21,309
Pity the man, who thought
709
00:29:21,393 --> 00:29:23,685
he could go back in time.
710
00:29:26,810 --> 00:29:28,267
Goodbye, Kon Tiki.
711
00:29:28,351 --> 00:29:30,059
No!
712
00:29:38,309 --> 00:29:40,935
From a distance,
could it be?
713
00:29:41,017 --> 00:29:42,935
It's land!
714
00:29:43,017 --> 00:29:46,851
Oh! Praise be, Tiki!
715
00:29:49,017 --> 00:29:51,476
Praise be!
716
00:29:55,393 --> 00:29:56,810
Yeah! Yeah!
717
00:29:56,893 --> 00:29:58,851
Bravo! Wow!
718
00:30:05,518 --> 00:30:08,309
- Yes! Yes! Yes!
- Yeah.
719
00:30:08,393 --> 00:30:10,935
Thank you. Worked like
a charm. She did great.
720
00:30:16,017 --> 00:30:18,393
Excuse me.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
721
00:30:18,476 --> 00:30:21,476
Hey, Carol. Carol.
722
00:30:21,559 --> 00:30:22,976
Oh, Larry, hi!
723
00:30:23,059 --> 00:30:24,184
- Hi.
- How are you?
724
00:30:24,267 --> 00:30:25,643
Good. So, um...
725
00:30:25,726 --> 00:30:27,810
I just wanted to
congratulate you on that...
726
00:30:27,893 --> 00:30:29,351
magnificent performance.
727
00:30:29,434 --> 00:30:31,476
Oh. It was a very
emotional play.
728
00:30:31,559 --> 00:30:33,351
Yeah, it was really special.
729
00:30:33,434 --> 00:30:35,643
I really got to see you
do your thing.
730
00:30:35,726 --> 00:30:38,184
- Mm-hmm.
- And the more I watched you,
731
00:30:38,267 --> 00:30:40,184
the more I'm convinced
732
00:30:40,267 --> 00:30:43,726
that what you did at the table
at lunch that day
733
00:30:43,810 --> 00:30:45,685
was total bullshit.
734
00:30:45,768 --> 00:30:49,101
- Wow.
- Your mother didn't fall into the subway tracks.
735
00:30:49,184 --> 00:30:51,559
That's a cock-and-bull story
if I ever heard one.
736
00:30:51,643 --> 00:30:53,285
- Give me the stole back.
- You're just being rude.
737
00:30:53,309 --> 00:30:55,518
- Carol, give me the stole.
- Get... Larry!
738
00:30:55,601 --> 00:30:57,726
Hey.
739
00:30:57,810 --> 00:31:00,017
- Hey, hey, hey. What's the problem?
- Larry, this is...
740
00:31:00,101 --> 00:31:01,726
What's going on?
741
00:31:01,810 --> 00:31:03,726
Okay. She's
a professional crier,
742
00:31:03,810 --> 00:31:07,267
and she conned her way
into getting that stole off me.
743
00:31:07,351 --> 00:31:10,393
- It's my mother's stole.
- Excuse me. Officer, he is mocking me.
744
00:31:10,476 --> 00:31:13,351
He gave me this stole.
My mother passed away.
745
00:31:13,434 --> 00:31:15,976
And this stole
reminds me of her.
746
00:31:16,059 --> 00:31:17,661
- And this is all I've got.
- Okay. You see?
747
00:31:17,685 --> 00:31:19,452
- This is the same story.
- This is the only thing I've got
748
00:31:19,476 --> 00:31:21,535
- to remember her by.
- She told me the same story about,
749
00:31:21,559 --> 00:31:23,351
about being in a subway.
750
00:31:23,434 --> 00:31:24,893
But she took that stole from me.
751
00:31:24,976 --> 00:31:26,494
That's my mother's stole.
752
00:31:26,518 --> 00:31:27,893
She... I inherited that stole.
753
00:31:27,976 --> 00:31:30,893
- She gave it to me.
- You can't take it back!
754
00:31:32,851 --> 00:31:35,327
Stop. Stop it. Hey. Hey, guy.
755
00:31:35,351 --> 00:31:37,452
- Hey, what are you doing?
- I want my stole!
756
00:31:37,476 --> 00:31:39,101
- I want... Aah!
- Hey, hey.
757
00:31:39,184 --> 00:31:40,643
Hey, what are you doing?
758
00:31:40,726 --> 00:31:43,142
- Crying?
- No, that's crying. That's not crying.
759
00:31:43,226 --> 00:31:45,142
- No, she's not!
- I'm crying!
760
00:31:45,226 --> 00:31:46,935
I'm crying, Larry!
761
00:31:47,017 --> 00:31:49,285
- I paid her to cry like this!
- All right, let's walk it off.
762
00:31:49,309 --> 00:31:52,118
- Walk it off? She's a, she's a bullshit artist!
- Let's take a walk. I know.
763
00:31:52,142 --> 00:31:55,017
- I know. Come on. Let's walk it off.
- Thank you, Officer.
764
00:32:00,559 --> 00:32:02,351
Excuse me.
765
00:32:03,017 --> 00:32:05,476
- Oh. Hi.
- Hi.
766
00:32:05,559 --> 00:32:08,309
I, uh... I couldn't help
noticing you out there.
767
00:32:08,393 --> 00:32:10,935
You seemed very moved.
It was very inspiring.
768
00:32:11,017 --> 00:32:13,810
Oh, I mean, you inspired me.
Your performance was incredible.
769
00:32:13,893 --> 00:32:16,476
Honestly, you were...
It was amazing.
770
00:32:16,559 --> 00:32:19,142
- Wh-what's your name?
- I'm Carol.
771
00:32:19,226 --> 00:32:20,893
I'm Clive.
772
00:32:20,976 --> 00:32:22,685
I know.
773
00:32:24,685 --> 00:32:25,893
Leon!
774
00:32:25,976 --> 00:32:28,476
Leon, where's my jacket?
775
00:32:29,559 --> 00:32:31,059
Leon!
776
00:32:36,059 --> 00:32:37,226
Leon!
777
00:32:37,309 --> 00:32:39,101
Leon! What the hell's going on?
778
00:32:39,184 --> 00:32:40,726
You said you were
going to deflate it.
779
00:32:40,810 --> 00:32:43,476
You know what? I didn't
get around to it. I'll...
780
00:32:43,559 --> 00:32:45,393
- Slipped my mind.
- Slipped your mind.
781
00:32:45,476 --> 00:32:47,285
- It was there, then the shit was gone.
- You know what I think?
782
00:32:47,309 --> 00:32:49,577
I think you gave it a name.
You're keeping it around the house.
783
00:32:49,601 --> 00:32:52,035
You can't get rid of this thing.
You're fuckin' her, aren't you?
784
00:32:52,059 --> 00:32:53,702
I'm not gonna sit here and let
you do this shit to me right now.
785
00:32:53,726 --> 00:32:54,966
- Oh, you're not?
- No, I'm not.
786
00:32:55,017 --> 00:32:56,393
Okay.
Well, you know what?
787
00:32:56,476 --> 00:32:58,243
Say goodbye to her,
'cause I'm deflating her right now.
788
00:32:58,267 --> 00:32:59,810
- Fuck you, Larry.
- Fuck you, Leon.
789
00:32:59,893 --> 00:33:01,059
Fuck you, Larry.
790
00:33:01,142 --> 00:33:02,601
Be good, Sherry.
791
00:33:21,267 --> 00:33:22,893
Mr. Larry!
792
00:33:23,017 --> 00:33:25,851
I found your jack...
793
00:33:29,518 --> 00:33:30,685
Asco!
794
00:33:30,768 --> 00:33:32,309
- No. No. Basta!
- Oh!
795
00:33:32,393 --> 00:33:34,309
- Eres un pervertido.
- No, no, no!
796
00:33:34,393 --> 00:33:36,601
I quit! You're worse
than Miss Susie!
797
00:33:36,685 --> 00:33:38,518
No, I'm just deflating her!
798
00:33:38,601 --> 00:33:40,601
No! Wait! No!
799
00:33:40,685 --> 00:33:42,142
Aah!
800
00:33:44,434 --> 00:33:46,518
Oh, my God!
801
00:33:48,059 --> 00:33:49,643
Larry.
802
00:33:50,559 --> 00:33:51,851
Oh, God.
803
00:33:51,935 --> 00:33:54,518
God.
804
00:33:58,518 --> 00:34:00,851
- Ha-ha.
- So, here's to the play.
805
00:34:00,935 --> 00:34:02,309
- Yes!
- Kon Tiki.
806
00:34:02,393 --> 00:34:04,518
- Cheers. Cheers.
- Fantastic.
807
00:34:04,601 --> 00:34:06,059
- Kon Tiki.
- Cheers.
808
00:34:06,142 --> 00:34:07,685
God, that was just...
809
00:34:07,768 --> 00:34:09,226
Hey, do me a favor.
810
00:34:09,309 --> 00:34:10,851
Just the one line
from the review.
811
00:34:10,935 --> 00:34:13,184
- Oh, no.
- Read it! Yes!
812
00:34:13,267 --> 00:34:15,142
- Come on, man.
- You should be proud!
813
00:34:15,226 --> 00:34:18,518
Want to
hear it in your beautiful, dulcet tones.
814
00:34:18,601 --> 00:34:19,851
Okay, here we go.
It says,
815
00:34:19,935 --> 00:34:22,935
"Clive Owen's portrayal
of Thor Heyerdahl
816
00:34:23,017 --> 00:34:26,059
"is as nuanced, varied,
and moving
817
00:34:26,142 --> 00:34:28,017
as the ocean he traversed."
818
00:34:28,101 --> 00:34:29,559
- Oh.
- Fuck, yes!
819
00:34:29,643 --> 00:34:31,059
- Fuck yes!
- So good!
820
00:34:31,142 --> 00:34:32,619
Thank you, honestly.
821
00:34:32,643 --> 00:34:34,726
Thank you for
making it all happen.
822
00:34:34,810 --> 00:34:36,993
- I've had the best time, honestly.
- I've had the best time.
823
00:34:37,017 --> 00:34:39,017
Best reviews I've ever had.
824
00:34:39,101 --> 00:34:40,101
And also, you know,
825
00:34:40,184 --> 00:34:42,559
it's introduced me to the most
826
00:34:42,643 --> 00:34:44,893
- beautiful, amazing woman.
- Oh.
827
00:34:44,976 --> 00:34:46,685
Thank you, Clive.
828
00:34:46,768 --> 00:34:48,935
Have some more.
829
00:34:49,017 --> 00:34:51,643
Mm. Oh, sweetie, actually, no.
I have to go to work.
830
00:34:51,726 --> 00:34:53,661
- Oh, you're leaving so soon?
- Oh, my God.
831
00:34:53,685 --> 00:34:55,267
I've been so consumed,
832
00:34:55,351 --> 00:34:56,702
I haven't even asked you
what you do.
833
00:34:56,726 --> 00:34:58,976
I'm a professional crier.
834
00:34:59,059 --> 00:35:00,851
Bye, baby.
Bye, guys.
835
00:35:00,935 --> 00:35:03,476
- Thank you for everything.
- Bye, Carol.
836
00:35:10,893 --> 00:35:12,434
Carol.
837
00:35:13,351 --> 00:35:15,768
- Hey, baby.
- A professional crier. What the fuck is that?
838
00:35:15,851 --> 00:35:18,643
I get paid to go to, you know,
TV shows, commercials.
839
00:35:18,726 --> 00:35:21,351
- Funerals sometimes.
- You get paid to go to funerals and cry?
840
00:35:21,434 --> 00:35:23,827
- Yeah, it's my job. It's what I do. Sometimes...
- The play.
841
00:35:23,851 --> 00:35:26,702
When you were crying in the play,
was that, was that a job or was that real?
842
00:35:26,726 --> 00:35:29,184
No. No, it was real.
I mean, it was 10% more,
843
00:35:29,267 --> 00:35:31,035
- because that's what I'm paid, but I would have cried...
- Did somebody pay you?
844
00:35:31,059 --> 00:35:32,601
- It was...
- Did Jeff pay you?
845
00:35:32,685 --> 00:35:35,601
- No. Honestly, I'm not gonna have...
- So all of this is fake.
846
00:35:35,685 --> 00:35:37,017
None of this has been real.
847
00:35:37,101 --> 00:35:38,643
No, no, it isn't fake,
actually, Clive.
848
00:35:38,726 --> 00:35:40,476
- Isn't it?
- Yes, okay, it is fake!
849
00:35:40,559 --> 00:35:42,518
Is that what you
want to hear? It's fake!
850
00:35:42,601 --> 00:35:45,226
You... Don't go!
851
00:35:45,434 --> 00:35:46,893
Get... Leave my...
852
00:35:53,810 --> 00:35:56,059
Carol, no! Carol!
853
00:36:06,309 --> 00:36:07,935
Enjoy.
854
00:36:09,184 --> 00:36:11,226
Stay off the Internet.
855
00:37:33,059 --> 00:37:34,810
Leon! Leon! Where are you?!
856
00:37:34,893 --> 00:37:37,184
- I'm back here!
- Look what I got!
857
00:37:37,267 --> 00:37:38,142
Ooh!
858
00:37:38,226 --> 00:37:39,410
We're gonna have some fun!
859
00:37:42,559 --> 00:37:45,476
I'm having a surprise party
for Jeff for his birthday.
860
00:37:45,559 --> 00:37:47,479
- People hate surprise parties.
- No, no, no, no.
861
00:37:47,559 --> 00:37:48,851
- That's fun? That's fun?
- Yes.
862
00:37:48,935 --> 00:37:50,267
Nobody's doing...
863
00:37:51,393 --> 00:37:52,393
Why did you pass me?
864
00:37:52,434 --> 00:37:53,754
Did you hear
footsteps behind you?
865
00:37:53,810 --> 00:37:56,267
I heard footsteps and then,
whoosh! Right past me.
866
00:37:56,351 --> 00:37:58,160
You should've moved over
to the right to let me pass.
867
00:37:58,184 --> 00:37:59,327
You should've given me one
of these.
868
00:37:59,351 --> 00:38:02,810
- He's here!
- Surprise!
68654
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