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1
00:00:52,019 --> 00:00:53,287
(GROANING)
2
00:00:54,755 --> 00:00:58,226
Oh, honey,
you don't look so good.
3
00:00:58,259 --> 00:00:59,827
You should stay home
from brunch.
4
00:00:59,860 --> 00:01:01,595
Are you sure?
Mmm.
5
00:01:01,629 --> 00:01:03,097
I really want to go.
6
00:01:03,131 --> 00:01:05,166
You stay and rest.
7
00:01:05,199 --> 00:01:07,735
You can see Grandma
when we get back.
8
00:01:45,573 --> 00:01:48,142
Thank you, Videobarn dumpster.
9
00:02:15,569 --> 00:02:17,738
Wanna fuck me, baby?
10
00:02:17,771 --> 00:02:18,906
(KNOCKING ON WINDOW)
Oh, yes. Yeah.
11
00:02:18,939 --> 00:02:20,608
You wanna fuck me?
12
00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:28,882
Hey, Erik. Do you know
if your dad still has
my clippers?
13
00:02:28,916 --> 00:02:31,752
I have no idea, Mr. Williams.
14
00:02:31,785 --> 00:02:34,655
All right. Go back
to what you were doing.
15
00:02:36,557 --> 00:02:38,592
(LAWN MOWER WHIRRING)
16
00:02:38,626 --> 00:02:40,428
You wanna fuck me, baby?
17
00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:46,300
Yeah.
18
00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,943
(WOMAN MOANING)
19
00:02:57,578 --> 00:02:59,713
Yeah. Fuck me, baby.
20
00:03:00,314 --> 00:03:01,449
Yes, please.
21
00:03:03,251 --> 00:03:05,386
Oh, do me, baby.
22
00:03:05,419 --> 00:03:06,554
Honey.
23
00:03:06,587 --> 00:03:08,689
Yeah, just like that.
24
00:03:08,722 --> 00:03:12,260
Oh, yeah!
So good, so good, baby.
25
00:03:12,293 --> 00:03:13,327
Oh, yeah!
26
00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:17,365
I told you I was paying.
27
00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:20,301
So what's the difference
if you forgot the coupon?
28
00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:21,935
Honey, she doesn't like
to waste money.
29
00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:24,372
There's no way
I'm letting you pay full price
30
00:03:24,405 --> 00:03:27,841
when there's a two-for-one
coupon sitting on the counter.
31
00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:28,909
I'll be right out.
32
00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:31,379
I'm coming, too.
Now I gotta pee.
33
00:03:31,412 --> 00:03:32,380
I'll check on Erik.
34
00:03:32,413 --> 00:03:33,581
ERIK: Oh, yeah.
35
00:03:33,614 --> 00:03:35,383
Oh. Oh, that's good.
36
00:03:35,416 --> 00:03:37,585
You like that?
I like that, too.
Oh, yeah!
37
00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:39,987
HARRY: Here we go.
38
00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:41,355
MOTHER: Okay, Mom.
39
00:03:41,389 --> 00:03:43,291
Harder.
Harder? Okay.
40
00:03:43,324 --> 00:03:44,191
Oh, yeah! So good.
41
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:46,026
Like this?
Yeah, right there, babe.
42
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:47,695
Like this? Like this?
Yeah.
43
00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:48,929
Baby, do me just like that.
44
00:03:50,364 --> 00:03:51,198
Okay, attagirl.
45
00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:54,868
From behind?
Oh, yeah, baby! Harder!
46
00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:57,271
Okay.
All right.
47
00:03:57,305 --> 00:03:58,906
You wanna cum for me, baby?
Oh, yeah.
48
00:03:58,939 --> 00:04:01,008
Yeah? Cum for me, baby.
I'm so close. I will.
49
00:04:01,041 --> 00:04:02,276
MOTHER: We're almost there.
50
00:04:02,310 --> 00:04:03,377
You're gonna cum for me?
51
00:04:03,411 --> 00:04:04,044
I'm about to. I'm about to.
52
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:05,946
That's it, baby.
53
00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:09,383
(SCREAMING)
54
00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:17,758
Grandma. Grandma.
55
00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:21,261
HARRY: Grandma.
56
00:04:23,731 --> 00:04:26,033
ERIK: And that's the day
my grandmother died.
57
00:04:26,066 --> 00:04:29,002
And it's pretty much the story
of my life. But let me back
things up a little bit.
58
00:04:36,544 --> 00:04:39,380
That's me. Not exactly
the life of the party.
59
00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:44,618
That's my buddy,
Mike Coozeman.
60
00:04:44,652 --> 00:04:48,489
Everybody calls him Cooze
'cause that's all
he's ever interested in.
61
00:04:48,522 --> 00:04:51,659
Cooze is a self-proclaimed
ladies' man and a legend
in his own mind.
62
00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:53,394
Sometimes his methods are...
63
00:04:53,427 --> 00:04:54,495
(GROANS)
64
00:04:54,528 --> 00:04:55,929
questionable.
65
00:04:57,765 --> 00:04:59,933
Very smooth.
66
00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:02,403
Oh, please.
I consider that foreplay.
67
00:05:02,436 --> 00:05:03,103
Where's Ryan?
68
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:04,372
I don't know.
69
00:05:04,405 --> 00:05:08,809
Last time I saw him,
he was dancing
with Stacey and Shelly.
70
00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:13,313
ERIK: That's my best friend,
Ryan Grimm.
71
00:05:14,382 --> 00:05:16,350
I don't know how he does it.
72
00:05:18,786 --> 00:05:21,655
See, I told you there was
enough for both of you.
73
00:05:21,689 --> 00:05:23,391
He moved here in second grade.
74
00:05:23,424 --> 00:05:27,361
Believe it or not, back then,
I was the one showing him
the ropes.
75
00:05:27,395 --> 00:05:28,696
Now he's the quarterback
of the football team,
76
00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:31,365
and the coolest guy in school.
77
00:05:31,399 --> 00:05:34,402
Hey, I brought you a vodka
and ginger ale so it won't
upset your stomach.
78
00:05:34,435 --> 00:05:36,537
Oh, thanks.
79
00:05:36,570 --> 00:05:40,374
That's my girlfriend, Tracy.
80
00:05:40,408 --> 00:05:42,376
We met in Biology,
junior year.
81
00:05:42,410 --> 00:05:45,813
TEACHER: Now make the first
incision into your frogs.
82
00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:49,383
Cut along the ventral side,
from the pelvic
to the pectoral girdle.
83
00:05:51,118 --> 00:05:51,919
Oh!
84
00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:55,556
I don't know what she saw
in me,
85
00:05:55,589 --> 00:06:00,160
but when I finally got up
the nerve to ask her out,
she said yes.
86
00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:01,462
No, it's okay.
87
00:06:02,730 --> 00:06:04,398
And for some reason,
she kept going out with me.
88
00:06:05,733 --> 00:06:07,801
It's like she totally gets me.
89
00:06:09,837 --> 00:06:11,805
And I try my best to get her.
90
00:06:18,612 --> 00:06:20,881
Come on. Take the low one.
It's easy.
91
00:06:22,783 --> 00:06:24,051
(SIGHING)
92
00:06:24,084 --> 00:06:25,419
Screw it.
93
00:06:27,555 --> 00:06:29,122
(HORSE NEIGHING)
94
00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:32,426
Oh!
95
00:06:35,763 --> 00:06:38,466
Are you all right?
96
00:06:38,499 --> 00:06:41,935
I don't know. Is it possible
to break your ass?
97
00:06:41,969 --> 00:06:46,574
Okay, I promise I'll never
make you ride a horse again.
98
00:06:46,607 --> 00:06:50,110
Looks like
she's perfect, right?
There's just one problem.
99
00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:58,519
Tracy's not ready
to have sex yet,
so that makes me a virgin.
100
00:06:58,552 --> 00:07:01,755
Now, being one of
the only virgins in school
is bad enough,
101
00:07:01,789 --> 00:07:03,957
but it's even worse for me.
102
00:07:05,693 --> 00:07:06,827
Yup.
103
00:07:07,495 --> 00:07:09,597
I'm a Stifler.
104
00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:12,099
My cousins are
the legendary Stifler boys.
105
00:07:12,132 --> 00:07:18,005
Steve, his brother, Matt,
and our other cousin, Dwight.
106
00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:20,207
You see, with my last name
comes responsibility,
107
00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:23,243
a reputation that I'm supposed
to live up to.
108
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:26,647
Unfortunately,
I've let down the family name
on more than one occasion.
109
00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:28,148
What's your problem, Erik?
110
00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:31,619
Your cousin would've helped me
steal this beer.
111
00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:35,055
Dude, a real Stifler
would have totally fucked
that goat.
112
00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:38,792
If you were really a Stifler,
you would have nailed Tracy
by now.
113
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:40,661
ERIK: Stifler.
114
00:07:41,562 --> 00:07:45,165
My name, my legacy, my curse.
115
00:07:49,770 --> 00:07:52,806
I can't believe
you killed your grandmother
from jerking off.
116
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:54,508
The coroner's findings
were inconclusive.
117
00:07:54,542 --> 00:07:57,545
Why are you still whacking it
to that dumpster porn?
118
00:07:57,578 --> 00:08:00,280
Yeah, why don't you just
go on the Internet
like a normal person?
119
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:02,516
Well, because my mom
put on that CyberNanny
120
00:08:02,550 --> 00:08:05,553
after you spent
the entire night looking up
German fetish porn.
121
00:08:05,586 --> 00:08:07,888
Man, you are pathetic.
122
00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:10,558
You know who I blame
for this? Tracy.
123
00:08:10,591 --> 00:08:12,259
What? Why?
124
00:08:12,292 --> 00:08:15,062
Because, if she would just
give up a little ass,
125
00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:19,066
then maybe you wouldn't be
killing your relatives
with your money shot.
126
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:26,006
Erik, you cannot graduate
a virgin. For Christ's sake,
you're a Stifler.
127
00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:35,916
Hey, sweetie.
How was your math class?
128
00:08:35,949 --> 00:08:38,586
It was all right.
How was English?
129
00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:40,721
Pretty interesting, actually.
130
00:08:40,754 --> 00:08:42,623
You know that kid
that I always tell you about?
131
00:08:42,656 --> 00:08:45,659
He was doing
that pencil thing all...
That's cool.
132
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:48,328
Are you okay?
133
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:49,763
Yeah, I'm fine.
134
00:08:51,331 --> 00:08:55,335
Erik, we've been dating
for two years. I know when
something's bothering you.
135
00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:57,337
Nothing's wrong.
136
00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,807
I don't know why you think
you have this psychic ability
to read me.
137
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:03,677
Because I do. What is it?
138
00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:06,346
You're gonna think
I'm an asshole.
Let's just forget about it.
139
00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:09,950
Come on, Erik,
you know you can talk to me
about anything.
140
00:09:11,752 --> 00:09:12,886
All right.
141
00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:19,760
It's the sex.
142
00:09:21,128 --> 00:09:22,229
I mean,
143
00:09:22,262 --> 00:09:25,599
we've been together
for two years.
Two years, Trace.
144
00:09:25,633 --> 00:09:28,168
I mean, when we were juniors,
it was one thing,
145
00:09:28,201 --> 00:09:29,870
but we're seniors now,
and this whole virgin thing
146
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:32,339
is starting to have
some serious consequences.
147
00:09:32,372 --> 00:09:34,141
I mean, people are dying.
148
00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:37,377
I told you, I'm not ready yet.
149
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,847
I am so ready.
150
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:42,182
Can't I be ready enough
for the both of us?
151
00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:44,184
It doesn't work that way.
152
00:09:44,217 --> 00:09:46,353
It should.
153
00:09:46,386 --> 00:09:48,756
I'm sorry, Erik. I know
how patient you've been.
154
00:09:48,789 --> 00:09:51,058
I know. It's just sometimes...
155
00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:53,060
What?
156
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:57,197
Well, you're a girl.
It's a lot easier for you
to be a virgin
157
00:09:57,230 --> 00:09:59,933
because the longer you stay
a virgin, the more pure
and innocent you seem.
158
00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:01,735
The longer I stay a virgin,
159
00:10:01,769 --> 00:10:04,838
the more I become
the laughingstock
of the entire school.
160
00:10:06,674 --> 00:10:08,742
I'm sorry, but... I mean...
161
00:10:08,776 --> 00:10:10,310
I'm sorry I brought it up.
162
00:10:10,343 --> 00:10:12,212
(BELL RINGING)
163
00:10:12,245 --> 00:10:14,748
I gotta go.
I'll see you after school.
164
00:10:16,684 --> 00:10:17,818
Okay.
165
00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:21,088
Bye.
166
00:10:25,092 --> 00:10:29,262
I'm telling you,
his dick was this big.
167
00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:31,665
NATALIE: What about Erik?
I bet he's got a big one.
168
00:10:31,699 --> 00:10:33,433
Well, Tracy wouldn't know.
169
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,869
Whatever.
170
00:10:35,903 --> 00:10:38,772
Yeah, I guess it's pretty hard
to figure out dick size
from dry humping.
171
00:10:38,806 --> 00:10:40,240
Brooke, that's mean.
172
00:10:40,273 --> 00:10:43,010
Just because I don't have
a catalog of the school's
dick sizes like you,
173
00:10:43,043 --> 00:10:45,178
doesn't mean I don't know
a thing or two.
174
00:10:45,212 --> 00:10:47,915
Okay, so how big is Erik's?
175
00:10:50,884 --> 00:10:51,919
See? Told you.
176
00:10:51,952 --> 00:10:53,721
Come on, Brooke.
177
00:10:53,754 --> 00:10:55,222
It's not like that with us.
178
00:10:55,255 --> 00:10:57,424
I mean, Erik's different.
He respects my boundaries.
179
00:10:57,457 --> 00:10:59,760
Well, you better give that boy
a reason to stick around,
180
00:10:59,793 --> 00:11:02,462
or he's gonna find a girl
with looser boundaries.
181
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:03,997
Erik would never do that.
182
00:11:04,031 --> 00:11:05,799
Yeah, that's what you said
about Trent.
183
00:11:05,833 --> 00:11:09,336
He broke up with you over sex,
and that was sophomore year.
184
00:11:09,369 --> 00:11:12,906
Yeah, this just isn't gonna
work without the sex.
185
00:11:12,940 --> 00:11:17,711
God, Trent is cute,
and I heard he just broke up
with Holly.
186
00:11:17,745 --> 00:11:22,215
Look, Tracy, we love you,
and we love Erik,
but let's get real.
187
00:11:22,249 --> 00:11:24,918
He's a guy,
and guys have certain needs.
188
00:11:24,952 --> 00:11:28,822
They really do. It's like
a caveman thing or something.
189
00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:32,059
Yeah, I can't believe
you've kept him tied up
this long.
190
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,195
Hey, Erik,
guess who I just talked to?
191
00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:36,864
Who?
192
00:11:36,897 --> 00:11:38,832
Your cousin Stifler
up at Michigan.
193
00:11:38,866 --> 00:11:40,200
Why are you talking
to my cousin Dwight?
194
00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:42,502
Oh, we talk all the time.
195
00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:43,804
What?
We have a lot in common.
196
00:11:43,837 --> 00:11:45,906
What's that crazy bastard
up to?
197
00:11:45,939 --> 00:11:49,977
He's in some fraternity,
and all those guys do is
drink and fuck.
198
00:11:50,010 --> 00:11:52,245
And it just so happens
that they're throwing
a monster party this weekend
199
00:11:52,279 --> 00:11:53,480
for the Naked Mile.
200
00:11:53,513 --> 00:11:55,015
What's the Naked Mile?
201
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,784
Oh, dude, it's this thing
where thousands of students
202
00:11:56,817 --> 00:11:58,185
run naked through campus.
203
00:11:58,218 --> 00:12:00,487
It's the way of blowing off
steam after exams.
204
00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:02,389
Thousands of naked chicks?
205
00:12:02,422 --> 00:12:05,525
Stifler says that this party
is gonna be epic.
206
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:07,527
Bottom line is,
this place is played out.
207
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,062
High school's over for us.
208
00:12:09,096 --> 00:12:11,531
It's time to plant our flag
in a new land.
209
00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:15,168
Porn, cumshot,
dead grandmother,
grounded for ever?
210
00:12:15,202 --> 00:12:16,870
Don't worry.
211
00:12:16,904 --> 00:12:19,907
Just tell your parents that,
you know, you're thinking
about going to school there.
212
00:12:19,940 --> 00:12:21,909
I don't know, man.
Oh, please.
213
00:12:21,942 --> 00:12:24,778
Your mom cried when
you told her you were going
to school in Boston.
214
00:12:24,812 --> 00:12:27,080
She'll probably help you pack
if she thinks it'll keep you
close to home.
215
00:12:27,114 --> 00:12:28,816
I'll help you pack.
216
00:12:28,849 --> 00:12:30,383
I'll make sandwiches.
217
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:31,218
Chicken salad?
218
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:32,886
Of course.
219
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:34,822
Are you gonna get a chance
to see your cousin?
220
00:12:34,855 --> 00:12:37,557
Yeah. We might stop by
and say hello.
221
00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:40,928
Now, there's someone you
should definitely look up to.
222
00:12:40,961 --> 00:12:43,063
I bet he doesn't have time
to blow his load
on his family.
223
00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:45,165
Harry, please.
HARRY: I don't understand.
224
00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:48,568
When I was your age,
I was up to my neck
in poontang.
225
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,904
I didn't have time
to spank my monkey.
226
00:12:50,938 --> 00:12:54,507
Thank you for that very
disturbing image, Dad.
227
00:12:54,541 --> 00:12:58,178
I mean, Stiflers do not fake
being sick to stay home
and pull dick.
228
00:12:58,211 --> 00:12:59,479
We cut class to get ass.
229
00:12:59,512 --> 00:13:02,049
Yes, I know. That saying is
on our family crest.
230
00:13:02,082 --> 00:13:03,984
Oh, don't let me forget
to pack the Imodium AD.
231
00:13:04,017 --> 00:13:05,252
You know,
just in case you get diarrhea.
232
00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:07,254
Mom.
I am so excited.
233
00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:08,421
Aren't you excited, Harry?
234
00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:09,923
I'm very excited.
235
00:13:11,058 --> 00:13:12,993
Don't you get excited.
236
00:13:13,026 --> 00:13:14,161
ERIK: It worked
just like you said.
237
00:13:15,428 --> 00:13:17,364
She's helping me pack,
and she's even making us
sandwiches.
238
00:13:17,397 --> 00:13:18,899
Chicken salad?
Yup.
239
00:13:18,932 --> 00:13:20,000
Sweet.
240
00:13:20,033 --> 00:13:22,335
See, I told you.
Never doubt me.
241
00:13:22,369 --> 00:13:26,306
RYAN: Man, this weekend
is gonna be tits.
I can't wait to see Stifler.
242
00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:29,509
Hey, how come
you never call me Stifler?
243
00:13:29,542 --> 00:13:31,144
You're more of an Erik.
244
00:13:31,178 --> 00:13:32,179
(BEEPING)
245
00:13:32,212 --> 00:13:34,381
Hold on.
246
00:13:34,414 --> 00:13:35,949
That's Tracy.
I'd better take it.
247
00:13:35,983 --> 00:13:36,984
All right, later.
248
00:13:40,220 --> 00:13:42,589
Hey, sweetie. Listen,
about today, I'm really...
249
00:13:42,622 --> 00:13:44,824
Erik, I wanna have sex.
250
00:13:45,458 --> 00:13:47,160
Excuse me?
251
00:13:47,194 --> 00:13:49,329
TRACY: I wanna have sex.
252
00:13:49,362 --> 00:13:50,597
Are you serious?
253
00:13:50,630 --> 00:13:53,000
Absolutely.
254
00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:55,903
Do you have me on a conference
call? Because if you do,
that is so not cool.
255
00:13:55,936 --> 00:13:57,404
Erik, this isn't a joke.
256
00:13:58,105 --> 00:14:00,140
I want to have sex.
257
00:14:02,042 --> 00:14:04,377
Yes! Yes, yes.
258
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:06,046
TRACY: Tonight.
259
00:14:06,079 --> 00:14:07,380
What?
260
00:14:07,414 --> 00:14:10,417
Tonight.
I wanna have sex tonight.
261
00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:11,651
How am I supposed to get
out of my house?
262
00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:13,586
That's up to you.
263
00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:17,357
But at midnight,
I'll be in my basement
264
00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:18,959
waiting to be ravished.
265
00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:20,593
I'll be there.
266
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,117
Hypocrite.
267
00:14:46,619 --> 00:14:49,189
So you get the beer
and the weed,
and I'll handle the nitrous.
268
00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:51,091
You got it.
What's Erik bringing?
269
00:14:51,124 --> 00:14:52,425
Sandwiches.
270
00:14:52,459 --> 00:14:56,096
Nice. Chicken salad
and college pussy.
271
00:14:56,129 --> 00:14:57,998
My favorite combination.
272
00:14:58,031 --> 00:14:59,566
Yeah, well,
at least you'll get to taste
the chicken salad.
273
00:14:59,599 --> 00:15:01,101
Ow.
274
00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:02,970
Hey, what do you think Erik's
doing right now?
275
00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:06,073
Probably beating off
to dumpster porn.
276
00:15:06,106 --> 00:15:09,376
No more beating off
to dumpster porn.
No more virgin jokes.
277
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:11,644
Tonight, Erik Stifler
becomes a man.
278
00:15:49,049 --> 00:15:50,583
Hi.
279
00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:00,093
All right, listen.
No.
280
00:16:01,061 --> 00:16:02,229
No talking.
281
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:09,102
(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
282
00:16:28,721 --> 00:16:29,756
Wait.
283
00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:31,124
What?
284
00:16:31,158 --> 00:16:32,592
Did you hear something?
285
00:16:32,625 --> 00:16:35,995
No. Don't worry,
my parents are passed out.
286
00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:41,434
Are you sure?
You know how my stomach gets.
287
00:16:42,369 --> 00:16:45,105
Here, I'll help you relax.
288
00:16:59,586 --> 00:17:01,654
You brought something, right?
289
00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:06,025
Oh, shit. I left it at home.
290
00:17:08,095 --> 00:17:10,197
I can run back and get it.
I'll be back in like five...
291
00:17:10,230 --> 00:17:12,265
No, no, don't worry.
I've got one.
292
00:17:16,236 --> 00:17:18,738
Do you wanna put it on
or should I?
293
00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:20,573
Let's put it on together.
294
00:17:38,458 --> 00:17:39,826
Are you ready?
295
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:41,761
Yeah.
296
00:17:41,794 --> 00:17:43,563
(DOOR OPENING)
297
00:17:43,596 --> 00:17:47,200
Shit. Someone's coming.
Quick, get behind the bar.
Now!
298
00:17:58,778 --> 00:18:00,747
Honey, what are you still
doing up?
299
00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:03,650
Yoga.
300
00:18:03,683 --> 00:18:05,252
I ate too much at dinner.
301
00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:06,486
Why don't you take
an Alka-Seltzer?
302
00:18:06,519 --> 00:18:08,521
Alka-Seltzer is for babies.
303
00:18:08,555 --> 00:18:10,123
I just need a nightcap.
304
00:18:10,157 --> 00:18:11,158
(FARTING)
305
00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:14,727
Excuse me.
306
00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:16,863
Sounds like you could use
an Alka-Seltzer.
307
00:18:16,896 --> 00:18:19,166
Daddy. Here,
let me get you your drink.
308
00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:21,401
No, that's okay, honey.
You go back to your yoga.
309
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:23,270
No, Daddy, I really want to.
310
00:18:23,303 --> 00:18:26,206
Sweetie, I'm a grown man.
I can make my own drink.
311
00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:40,187
(RUSTLING)
312
00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:42,789
What was that?
313
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:44,757
What was what?
314
00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:46,926
I didn't hear anything.
315
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:49,829
There was a noise
coming from the laundry room.
316
00:19:19,426 --> 00:19:21,294
I must be hearing things.
317
00:19:21,328 --> 00:19:24,264
See, Daddy? I told you.
Now, come make your drink.
318
00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:26,165
(FARTING)
319
00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:28,401
What the...
320
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:35,242
(GROANING)
321
00:19:37,344 --> 00:19:38,945
(SCREAMING)
322
00:19:44,784 --> 00:19:46,419
You all right, baby?
323
00:19:46,453 --> 00:19:47,920
I'm fine, Daddy.
324
00:20:01,901 --> 00:20:05,204
Oh, that sick bastard took
a shit in our dryer.
325
00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:08,207
I'm calling the police.
326
00:20:13,746 --> 00:20:15,648
(POLICE SIREN WAILING)
327
00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:26,393
Ryan? Ryan?
328
00:20:26,426 --> 00:20:28,328
Ryan, get up man. Ryan!
329
00:20:28,361 --> 00:20:29,862
What the fuck?
330
00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:31,764
It's me. It's Erik.
331
00:20:31,798 --> 00:20:34,401
Dude, why are you naked
in my room?
332
00:20:36,336 --> 00:20:38,405
And with a rubber
on your dick.
333
00:20:38,438 --> 00:20:41,408
Oh, yeah. Sorry about that.
334
00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:44,411
Look, I'm in serious trouble,
okay? I need your help.
335
00:20:44,444 --> 00:20:45,578
(SNIFFING)
336
00:20:46,379 --> 00:20:48,481
What's that smell?
337
00:20:48,515 --> 00:20:50,283
Did you step in dog shit?
338
00:20:51,318 --> 00:20:53,320
Yeah.
339
00:20:53,353 --> 00:20:56,589
Hey, man,
thanks for the clothes.
I'll get them back to you.
340
00:20:56,623 --> 00:20:59,492
No, thanks.
Why don't you just burn them?
341
00:20:59,526 --> 00:21:01,328
(POLICE SIREN WAILING)
342
00:21:01,361 --> 00:21:04,030
Wonder if I get a reward
for turning you in.
343
00:21:04,063 --> 00:21:06,299
NEWSREADER: If the alleged
improprieties are confirmed,
344
00:21:06,333 --> 00:21:08,568
it could be devastating
for the White House.
345
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:10,337
Sources near the
administration would neither
346
00:21:10,370 --> 00:21:12,705
confirm nor deny
the allegations.
347
00:21:12,739 --> 00:21:16,676
And in local news,
a masked burglar broke
into an area residence,
348
00:21:16,709 --> 00:21:20,880
defecated in the family's
dryer, and then exposed
himself to a teenage girl.
349
00:21:20,913 --> 00:21:22,582
Police are continuing
the search,
350
00:21:22,615 --> 00:21:25,318
but the whereabouts and
identity of the perpetrator
are unknown.
351
00:21:25,352 --> 00:21:27,420
What is wrong
with these people?
352
00:21:27,454 --> 00:21:28,521
And now, Dakota Snow
with the weekend forecast.
353
00:21:28,555 --> 00:21:29,756
I don't know.
354
00:21:38,398 --> 00:21:39,366
You scared me.
355
00:21:39,399 --> 00:21:41,468
Sorry.
356
00:21:41,501 --> 00:21:42,635
Listen, about last night...
357
00:21:42,669 --> 00:21:46,105
Yeah, you know,
I'd just really rather
not talk about it.
358
00:21:46,138 --> 00:21:49,409
I really think that we should.
359
00:21:49,442 --> 00:21:52,345
Erik, you took a crap
in my dryer.
360
00:21:52,379 --> 00:21:55,515
Your dad scared
the shit out of me.
361
00:21:55,548 --> 00:21:56,716
Wait.
You know, let's just...
362
00:21:56,749 --> 00:21:58,918
Let's forget about it, okay?
363
00:22:01,053 --> 00:22:03,656
Okay, but what about
the other thing?
364
00:22:06,593 --> 00:22:08,928
The sex?
365
00:22:08,961 --> 00:22:11,498
I'm taking last night
as a sign from above.
366
00:22:11,531 --> 00:22:13,366
But maybe... I mean, if your
dad didn't come down...
367
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:16,769
Erik, I love you. I'm just...
368
00:22:16,803 --> 00:22:18,337
I'm not ready yet.
369
00:22:19,005 --> 00:22:20,039
Really?
370
00:22:21,674 --> 00:22:23,142
Really.
371
00:22:23,175 --> 00:22:26,379
But I also realized
just how ready you are.
372
00:22:27,514 --> 00:22:29,482
I don't wanna break up
over sex.
373
00:22:29,516 --> 00:22:32,485
I don't think we have to.
374
00:22:32,519 --> 00:22:36,823
I'm not ready. You are.
It's selfish for me
to keep you tied down.
375
00:22:38,591 --> 00:22:41,093
So, this is what
I'm proposing.
376
00:22:42,695 --> 00:22:45,097
A guilt-free pass
for this weekend.
377
00:22:45,131 --> 00:22:48,435
That means you can do
whatever you want up there
378
00:22:48,468 --> 00:22:50,537
with no consequences.
379
00:22:52,472 --> 00:22:54,441
You're sure about this?
380
00:22:54,474 --> 00:22:57,777
I don't think love and sex
have to be tied to each other,
381
00:22:58,711 --> 00:23:01,080
so I'm okay with this.
382
00:23:01,113 --> 00:23:04,417
One weekend.
Get it out of your system,
383
00:23:05,685 --> 00:23:07,454
and come back to me.
384
00:23:09,021 --> 00:23:10,923
Is this some kind of a test?
385
00:23:12,191 --> 00:23:13,426
Not at all.
386
00:23:20,900 --> 00:23:22,669
RYAN: ...and one of bomb beer.
COOZE: Yes.
387
00:23:22,702 --> 00:23:23,803
See, this is perfect.
388
00:23:24,871 --> 00:23:26,673
Hey, we all set?
389
00:23:26,706 --> 00:23:28,508
I don't know.
390
00:23:28,541 --> 00:23:29,442
I told you he'd puss out.
391
00:23:29,476 --> 00:23:32,545
Tell me you at least
brought the sandwiches.
392
00:23:32,579 --> 00:23:34,581
What's the problem?
393
00:23:34,614 --> 00:23:36,583
There is no problem.
394
00:23:36,616 --> 00:23:38,718
Tracy just gave me
a guilt-free pass
for the weekend,
395
00:23:38,751 --> 00:23:41,187
which means I can do
anything I want.
396
00:23:41,220 --> 00:23:42,622
Anything?
397
00:23:43,723 --> 00:23:45,525
You mean...
398
00:23:45,558 --> 00:23:49,161
Yeah, she said
that love and sex
don't have to be linked.
399
00:23:49,195 --> 00:23:50,730
She wants me to get it
out of my system.
400
00:23:50,763 --> 00:23:56,703
Dude, your girlfriend just
went from the lamest
to the coolest in one shot.
401
00:23:56,736 --> 00:23:58,705
You guys think it could be,
like, some sort of a test?
402
00:23:58,738 --> 00:24:01,007
No, no.
No, no.
403
00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:02,742
Tracy's a smart girl.
404
00:24:02,775 --> 00:24:04,511
She's mature enough to see
that you're a man...
405
00:24:04,544 --> 00:24:06,846
Yeah.
...and you have certain needs.
406
00:24:06,879 --> 00:24:08,047
You think so?
407
00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:09,616
Absolutely.
408
00:24:10,550 --> 00:24:12,151
You're driving.
409
00:24:12,184 --> 00:24:15,522
Now get in the car
so we can go get you
some random pussy.
410
00:24:15,555 --> 00:24:18,925
Gentlemen,
it's Friday afternoon,
we've got a full tank of gas,
411
00:24:18,958 --> 00:24:21,628
a quarter ounce of weed,
three cases of beer,
412
00:24:21,661 --> 00:24:23,730
a ten-pound tank of nitrous,
we're underage...
413
00:24:23,763 --> 00:24:26,232
And I am too drunk to drive.
414
00:24:27,567 --> 00:24:28,601
Hit it.
415
00:24:29,602 --> 00:24:31,638
(HIGHWAY TO HELL PLAYING)
416
00:24:50,222 --> 00:24:52,291
You sure this shit's safe?
417
00:24:52,324 --> 00:24:56,095
It's as safe as
any other chemical
used to freeze-dry animals.
418
00:24:59,566 --> 00:25:00,967
Look at the size
of that fucking chicken.
419
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:02,635
Where?
420
00:25:02,669 --> 00:25:03,636
(TIRES SCREECHING)
421
00:25:05,304 --> 00:25:07,807
RYAN: Whoa, what the fuck?
What fucking chicken?
422
00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:09,942
Relax, he's hallucinating.
423
00:25:11,611 --> 00:25:13,680
Are you out
of your fucking mind?
424
00:25:13,713 --> 00:25:16,649
Yeah, Tracy.
What were you thinking?
425
00:25:16,683 --> 00:25:19,085
But you guys told me
I had to give him
a reason to stick around.
426
00:25:19,118 --> 00:25:21,020
Yeah, you give him a reason,
427
00:25:21,053 --> 00:25:23,690
not give him a free pass
to go have a weekend orgy.
428
00:25:23,723 --> 00:25:25,224
You've got to stop this.
429
00:25:25,257 --> 00:25:28,595
If he has sex this weekend,
what do you think's
gonna happen?
430
00:25:28,628 --> 00:25:29,762
That it will get it
out of his system.
431
00:25:29,796 --> 00:25:31,864
Oh, yeah. That's how it works.
432
00:25:31,898 --> 00:25:34,100
He's gonna go from
getting laid
back to dry humping.
433
00:25:34,133 --> 00:25:36,068
It's pretty risky, Tracy.
434
00:25:36,102 --> 00:25:40,306
Risky? It's a fucking
Pandora's box, literally.
435
00:25:40,339 --> 00:25:44,677
And once he's felt
the soft pink velvet
on the inside of the box,
436
00:25:44,711 --> 00:25:48,681
he's not gonna go back
to rubbing his dick
on the outside of the lid.
437
00:25:48,715 --> 00:25:50,316
Never thought of it like that.
438
00:25:50,349 --> 00:25:52,685
Tracy, men are like dogs
439
00:25:52,719 --> 00:25:55,588
that run around and hump
anything they see.
440
00:25:55,622 --> 00:25:58,224
Now go and get your dog
back on its leash.
441
00:26:14,907 --> 00:26:16,876
(CELL PHONE BUZZING)
442
00:26:21,380 --> 00:26:22,782
Come on, Erik.
443
00:26:29,355 --> 00:26:31,658
I knew it was
too good to be true.
444
00:26:37,229 --> 00:26:39,832
Sorry, kids.
It's for the best.
445
00:27:07,026 --> 00:27:07,894
Tracy?
446
00:27:09,128 --> 00:27:10,429
Oh, Mr. Levenstein.
447
00:27:10,462 --> 00:27:11,698
Hi.
Hi.
448
00:27:11,731 --> 00:27:13,666
You're back for more yoga.
449
00:27:13,700 --> 00:27:15,167
Well, my wife is hooked on it,
450
00:27:15,201 --> 00:27:19,939
and she thinks if I can be
a little more flexible,
we can try some new...
451
00:27:21,874 --> 00:27:25,644
Have you ever heard of a book
called the Kama Sutra?
452
00:27:27,179 --> 00:27:28,748
No.
453
00:27:28,781 --> 00:27:30,983
Oh, well, my wife just got it,
454
00:27:31,017 --> 00:27:34,721
and there's some stuff
in there that requires
some serious stretching,
455
00:27:34,754 --> 00:27:37,323
if you know what I mean.
456
00:27:37,356 --> 00:27:41,027
Are you okay, honey?
You look a little upset.
457
00:27:41,060 --> 00:27:44,163
Oh, you know,
just some boyfriend stuff.
458
00:27:44,196 --> 00:27:46,899
Oh, boyfriend stuff.
459
00:27:46,933 --> 00:27:50,436
Well, if there's
anything I can do.
460
00:27:50,469 --> 00:27:53,840
No offense or anything,
but I don't think
you'd understand.
461
00:27:54,774 --> 00:27:55,808
Oh, I see.
462
00:27:57,043 --> 00:27:59,746
You know, my son had
his fair share
463
00:27:59,779 --> 00:28:03,115
of relationship/sexual/
464
00:28:04,917 --> 00:28:07,253
pastry-related difficulties,
465
00:28:07,286 --> 00:28:13,425
and I think my advice
helped him over the years.
466
00:28:13,459 --> 00:28:16,863
Well, do you have any advice
for a girl dumb enough
to give her virgin boyfriend
467
00:28:16,896 --> 00:28:20,032
a guilt-free pass
for the weekend?
468
00:28:20,066 --> 00:28:23,803
I'm sorry, a guilt-free pass?
469
00:28:23,836 --> 00:28:26,773
That means he could do
whatever he wants this weekend
with no consequences.
470
00:28:26,806 --> 00:28:28,975
Oh my!
471
00:28:29,008 --> 00:28:32,511
Well, that certainly sounds
progressive,
472
00:28:32,544 --> 00:28:37,483
and a safe bet on
what is probably gonna be
a humdrum weekend.
473
00:28:39,418 --> 00:28:42,354
He's at the Naked Mile
this weekend.
474
00:28:42,388 --> 00:28:46,759
You gave your boyfriend
a guilt-free pass to the Naked
Mile? Are you kidding me?
475
00:28:46,793 --> 00:28:50,062
Tracy, the Naked Mile
is insane. You...
476
00:28:50,096 --> 00:28:53,532
From what I hear. I wouldn't
know from personal experience
477
00:28:53,565 --> 00:28:58,104
because I, you know,
I have nothing whatsoever
to do with it.
478
00:28:58,137 --> 00:29:00,907
But, look, Tracy,
479
00:29:00,940 --> 00:29:04,143
even if your boyfriend is
at this Naked Mile,
480
00:29:04,176 --> 00:29:06,946
it doesn't mean
he's gonna do anything.
481
00:29:08,347 --> 00:29:09,849
Really?
482
00:29:09,882 --> 00:29:12,819
Well, just because he can,
doesn't mean he will.
483
00:29:13,886 --> 00:29:16,956
Relationships are
all about trust.
484
00:29:20,226 --> 00:29:22,494
Yeah, I guess you're right.
485
00:29:23,462 --> 00:29:26,098
Well, namaste.
486
00:29:26,899 --> 00:29:28,000
Namaste.
487
00:29:46,018 --> 00:29:48,154
Hey, have you seen my phone?
488
00:29:48,187 --> 00:29:49,421
No.
489
00:29:49,455 --> 00:29:51,490
Maybe you left it
back at school.
490
00:29:51,523 --> 00:29:53,292
No, no, I thought
I put in my backpack.
491
00:29:57,563 --> 00:30:00,599
Hey, you wanna pull over
at that stop up ahead?
I gotta take a piss.
492
00:30:00,632 --> 00:30:03,002
Just piss in a can
or something.
493
00:30:04,603 --> 00:30:06,605
Man, I could cut my dick
on the lip.
494
00:30:06,638 --> 00:30:08,007
Well, piss out the window.
495
00:30:34,901 --> 00:30:37,970
Love that breeze off the lake.
496
00:30:50,983 --> 00:30:53,085
COOZE: This place
is incredible.
497
00:30:53,119 --> 00:30:56,255
Just think, next year
I'm gonna be going here.
498
00:30:56,288 --> 00:30:59,225
Yeah, thanks to Daddy
and his alumni connections.
499
00:30:59,258 --> 00:31:02,161
Fuck off. I told you,
I got in on my SAT scores.
500
00:31:02,194 --> 00:31:04,563
You scored five points
above being legally retarded.
501
00:31:04,596 --> 00:31:06,598
(RYAN AND ERIK LAUGHING)
502
00:31:06,632 --> 00:31:09,035
Whatever. Still got in.
503
00:31:10,269 --> 00:31:12,138
Hey, why does it smell
like piss back here?
504
00:31:15,441 --> 00:31:17,676
RYAN: This is it.
Beta Delta Xi.
505
00:31:17,709 --> 00:31:19,345
ERIK:This is the house?
RYAN: Yeah.
506
00:31:19,378 --> 00:31:20,479
Cool.
507
00:31:22,348 --> 00:31:23,382
Whoa.
508
00:31:30,022 --> 00:31:31,390
What's going on here?
509
00:31:31,423 --> 00:31:32,992
I have no idea.
510
00:31:41,100 --> 00:31:44,636
ALL: Drink. Drink.
Drink. Drink.
511
00:31:49,976 --> 00:31:51,710
Drink. Drink. Drink. Drink.
512
00:31:51,743 --> 00:31:52,979
Hold your drink!
513
00:31:56,715 --> 00:31:57,916
MAN: Whoa.
514
00:32:04,290 --> 00:32:05,958
MAN: Okay.
515
00:32:06,725 --> 00:32:07,994
Yeah.
516
00:32:11,998 --> 00:32:14,166
How you feeling there,
Stretch?
517
00:32:14,733 --> 00:32:16,035
Little dizzy?
518
00:32:17,436 --> 00:32:19,271
'Cause guess what?
519
00:32:19,305 --> 00:32:23,142
Stifler can drink this shit
all day long.
520
00:32:25,677 --> 00:32:26,945
(ALL CHEERING)
521
00:32:28,514 --> 00:32:29,982
ALL: Stifler!
522
00:32:31,583 --> 00:32:33,952
Your cousin is my hero.
523
00:32:35,154 --> 00:32:36,555
(MAN WHISTLING)
524
00:32:36,588 --> 00:32:39,158
All right, everybody freeze!
Oh, shit.
525
00:32:39,191 --> 00:32:40,959
Campus security.
526
00:32:41,760 --> 00:32:43,662
Nobody takes another drink...
527
00:32:48,134 --> 00:32:51,003
...till I got my bet down.
I got $200 on Stifler!
528
00:32:55,807 --> 00:32:58,744
Spanky, you had me going,
you silly son of a bitch.
529
00:32:58,777 --> 00:33:00,346
OFFICER: Let's do it. Do it!
530
00:33:00,379 --> 00:33:01,413
Yeah.
531
00:33:18,530 --> 00:33:22,101
You got steel nuts, my man.
I'll give you that much.
532
00:33:22,134 --> 00:33:23,335
But you're no match
for the Stif-man.
533
00:33:25,537 --> 00:33:27,005
Fuck you, Stifler.
534
00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:30,176
Yeah.
535
00:33:31,843 --> 00:33:32,778
Yeah.
536
00:33:36,215 --> 00:33:38,150
(ALL MURMURING)
537
00:33:38,184 --> 00:33:39,651
What's the matter, Boy Band?
538
00:33:39,685 --> 00:33:42,321
You need a little something
to settle your stomach?
539
00:33:44,423 --> 00:33:45,791
(BELCHING)
540
00:33:49,428 --> 00:33:51,063
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)
541
00:33:51,097 --> 00:33:52,531
(BLOWING)
542
00:33:52,564 --> 00:33:55,101
Yeah, take in
the Stifler essence.
543
00:33:55,434 --> 00:33:57,669
Mighty pungent.
544
00:33:57,703 --> 00:33:59,238
(ALL YELLING)
545
00:34:07,779 --> 00:34:08,880
Yeah!
546
00:34:08,914 --> 00:34:12,818
And still Heavyweight Drinking
Champion of the World,
547
00:34:12,851 --> 00:34:17,656
Dwight "The Iron Liver"
Stifler!
548
00:34:17,689 --> 00:34:19,091
(ALL CHEERING)
549
00:34:20,126 --> 00:34:23,162
I'm a bad motherfucker, baby!
550
00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:29,601
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
551
00:34:30,869 --> 00:34:33,105
He's okay. He's okay.
552
00:34:39,545 --> 00:34:41,647
Hey, cousin.
553
00:34:43,215 --> 00:34:45,117
How you doing?
554
00:34:45,151 --> 00:34:47,819
I'm fine, Dwight.
Are you okay?
555
00:34:48,520 --> 00:34:50,189
Oh, yeah, I'm fine.
556
00:34:50,922 --> 00:34:53,259
I'm fine.
557
00:34:53,292 --> 00:34:56,628
Hey, I heard that you killed
Grandma with your cumshot.
558
00:34:58,564 --> 00:35:00,199
That sucks, man.
559
00:35:05,271 --> 00:35:06,605
Should we take him
to the hospital?
560
00:35:06,638 --> 00:35:08,507
RYAN: No, he'll be fine.
561
00:35:08,540 --> 00:35:12,711
He told me he does this,
like, once a month.
562
00:35:12,744 --> 00:35:16,648
Okay, well,
you guys keep an eye on him.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
563
00:35:23,355 --> 00:35:26,292
(GIRLS GIGGLING)
Yes, I'm going.
It's the naked mile!
564
00:35:33,599 --> 00:35:36,168
So, when are we gonna
start partying?
565
00:35:36,202 --> 00:35:38,904
Oh, someone's feeling
a little frisky.
566
00:35:38,937 --> 00:35:42,140
Let's just say
I finally decided
to live up to the family name.
567
00:35:44,343 --> 00:35:48,514
Stifler? We got
a serious problem, man.
568
00:35:48,547 --> 00:35:51,383
Mike and the guys just got
arrested trying to steal
a monkey from the zoo.
569
00:35:53,385 --> 00:35:56,255
So what's the problem?
Just take the money
out of my bail fund.
570
00:35:56,288 --> 00:35:58,424
They're almost half
our football team.
571
00:35:58,457 --> 00:36:01,293
We gotta put a team
on the field, man,
or we're done.
572
00:36:01,327 --> 00:36:04,196
Why?
'Cause we're already
on probation.
573
00:36:04,230 --> 00:36:06,832
We gotta participate
in every intermural event
574
00:36:06,865 --> 00:36:09,268
or we're kicked
off campus, man.
575
00:36:09,301 --> 00:36:10,836
We're four guys short.
576
00:36:15,441 --> 00:36:16,475
I play football.
577
00:36:17,709 --> 00:36:19,745
I played freshman year.
578
00:36:21,347 --> 00:36:22,748
What about you?
579
00:36:23,782 --> 00:36:25,284
A little Nerf here and there.
580
00:36:25,317 --> 00:36:27,353
Good enough. Stifler?
581
00:36:27,386 --> 00:36:28,554
Mmm?
582
00:36:28,587 --> 00:36:31,457
Can you play?
583
00:36:37,396 --> 00:36:41,533
Don't ever
584
00:36:41,567 --> 00:36:43,469
ask if Stifler can play.
585
00:36:54,346 --> 00:36:55,247
I'm good.
586
00:36:58,684 --> 00:37:02,721
The team we're playing's
been undefeated
five straight years.
587
00:37:02,754 --> 00:37:05,291
These guys must be
pretty serious.
588
00:37:05,324 --> 00:37:07,493
Fucking-A-right,
they're serious.
589
00:37:07,526 --> 00:37:09,995
Lambda Pi Gamma.
590
00:37:10,028 --> 00:37:13,332
They're our arch rivals
in everything: Sports,
women, booze.
591
00:37:14,400 --> 00:37:16,935
These guys are fucking evil.
592
00:37:18,570 --> 00:37:19,905
MAN 1: Get ready!
593
00:37:19,938 --> 00:37:21,340
MAN 2: Come on!
594
00:37:21,707 --> 00:37:23,241
Down!
595
00:37:24,042 --> 00:37:26,378
Blue 42.
596
00:37:26,412 --> 00:37:27,513
They're midgets.
597
00:37:27,546 --> 00:37:28,714
Hut!
598
00:37:32,751 --> 00:37:34,820
Don't let their size fool you.
599
00:37:34,853 --> 00:37:38,657
These guys are
fucking animals.
600
00:37:38,690 --> 00:37:42,027
Did I do too much nitrous?
A midget fraternity?
601
00:37:42,060 --> 00:37:46,598
Those rich midgets from those
infomercials gave the school
some huge grant,
602
00:37:46,632 --> 00:37:50,336
and started a school
for the vertically challenged
and a fraternity.
603
00:37:50,369 --> 00:37:53,439
And this is where every midget
in America wants to be.
604
00:37:53,472 --> 00:37:54,373
Hot feet!
605
00:37:54,406 --> 00:37:55,407
DWIGHT: That's right.
606
00:37:55,441 --> 00:37:56,542
Breakdown.
607
00:37:56,575 --> 00:37:58,877
These guys are
the best of the best.
608
00:38:00,346 --> 00:38:02,681
ROCK: Well, well, well.
609
00:38:02,714 --> 00:38:06,718
If it isn't
the regular-size retards
and Captain Retard himself.
610
00:38:06,752 --> 00:38:09,555
You ready to get your ass
kicked again, Shitler?
611
00:38:09,588 --> 00:38:12,391
Get back to Oz there
before you get your ass
stomped, Toto.
612
00:38:12,424 --> 00:38:13,659
(LAUGHING)
613
00:38:13,692 --> 00:38:17,396
Toto was the dog,
you fucking idiot.
614
00:38:17,429 --> 00:38:20,732
Lick my balls,
big-wheel-riding,
midget motherfucker.
615
00:38:20,766 --> 00:38:23,034
It's little person, fuck-nut.
616
00:38:23,068 --> 00:38:26,705
This year, I'm gonna take
a chunk out of your other leg.
617
00:38:26,738 --> 00:38:28,340
You little...
618
00:38:28,374 --> 00:38:29,641
(ALL YELLING)
619
00:38:32,444 --> 00:38:35,414
You want it? You want it?
Come on.
Take it easy.
620
00:38:35,447 --> 00:38:37,082
Whoa. Whoa.
621
00:38:37,115 --> 00:38:38,784
Out of my way, assholes.
622
00:38:42,454 --> 00:38:44,456
ERIK: What's that guy's
problem?
623
00:38:44,490 --> 00:38:46,858
That's Rock.
He's fucking crazy.
624
00:38:46,892 --> 00:38:48,427
He plays dirty.
ROCK: You fucking idiot.
625
00:38:48,460 --> 00:38:50,996
Last year, he bit a chunk
out of my thigh.
626
00:38:51,029 --> 00:38:53,098
COOZE: Jesus!
627
00:38:53,131 --> 00:38:55,100
COOZE: Hey, his girlfriend's
pretty hot.
628
00:38:56,468 --> 00:39:00,672
Yeah. And what's with
that regular-size guy?
629
00:39:00,706 --> 00:39:05,010
Oh, it's Rock's cousin.
They had to let him in.
Legacy.
630
00:39:06,878 --> 00:39:09,648
What a douchebag.
631
00:39:10,549 --> 00:39:11,550
Can he play?
632
00:39:12,551 --> 00:39:15,487
No, he sucks.
633
00:39:15,521 --> 00:39:16,522
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
634
00:39:19,558 --> 00:39:21,126
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
635
00:39:26,765 --> 00:39:28,033
Hey, keep your head up.
636
00:39:28,066 --> 00:39:30,569
Whatever, they're midgets.
How bad can it be?
637
00:39:30,602 --> 00:39:32,003
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
638
00:39:40,045 --> 00:39:41,480
(SCREAMING)
639
00:39:41,847 --> 00:39:44,516
(GROANING)
640
00:39:44,550 --> 00:39:45,717
Holy shit!
641
00:39:55,461 --> 00:39:57,729
Keep your head up, bitch.
642
00:40:03,469 --> 00:40:06,938
I told you, man.
Don't underestimate
these little bastards.
643
00:40:08,507 --> 00:40:09,908
Down!
644
00:40:09,941 --> 00:40:11,409
Set!
645
00:40:11,877 --> 00:40:12,944
Hut!
646
00:40:16,615 --> 00:40:18,083
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
647
00:40:19,084 --> 00:40:20,886
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
648
00:40:31,497 --> 00:40:32,764
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
649
00:40:54,620 --> 00:40:56,688
(GROANING)
650
00:40:56,722 --> 00:40:58,657
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
651
00:41:15,541 --> 00:41:17,543
Beta!
Come on!
652
00:41:17,576 --> 00:41:19,611
Let's go, fellas.
Get on the line.
653
00:41:20,245 --> 00:41:21,947
Down!
654
00:41:22,313 --> 00:41:24,182
How you feeling, Stifler?
655
00:41:24,215 --> 00:41:26,785
I'm 6'1", Frodo.
How about you?
656
00:41:29,087 --> 00:41:30,055
Set!
657
00:41:30,889 --> 00:41:31,923
Hut!
658
00:41:34,893 --> 00:41:36,227
(SCREAMING)
659
00:41:36,261 --> 00:41:37,963
The little fucker's
biting me again.
660
00:41:38,730 --> 00:41:40,632
(SCREAMING)
661
00:41:45,637 --> 00:41:46,805
Not in my eye!
662
00:41:50,842 --> 00:41:52,578
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
663
00:41:55,346 --> 00:41:57,783
Funny, you don't look 6'1"
from here, shit stain.
664
00:42:06,024 --> 00:42:07,593
(I WISH PLAYING)
665
00:42:27,613 --> 00:42:28,814
DWIGHT: God,
666
00:42:29,715 --> 00:42:31,817
I hate that fucking guy.
667
00:42:31,850 --> 00:42:33,351
I'm getting killed out there.
668
00:42:33,384 --> 00:42:35,220
I can't get loose.
669
00:42:35,253 --> 00:42:38,223
They're so fast and small.
I don't know what to do.
670
00:42:38,256 --> 00:42:40,759
Quit crying, you bunch
of bra-wearing pussies.
671
00:42:40,792 --> 00:42:44,362
I just got a hunk
taken out of my leg.
You don't hear me crying.
672
00:42:44,395 --> 00:42:46,097
All right, then, let's put
our balls on the table.
673
00:42:46,131 --> 00:42:50,702
Let's go out there and show
these little sons of bitches
what being a Beta's all about.
674
00:42:50,736 --> 00:42:52,604
You understand
what I'm saying, fellas?
Yeah, yeah.
675
00:42:52,638 --> 00:42:54,940
All right, Beta on three.
676
00:42:54,973 --> 00:42:56,642
One, two, three, Beta!
ALL: Beta!
677
00:42:57,776 --> 00:42:58,910
Down!
Set!
678
00:42:59,410 --> 00:43:00,746
DWIGHT: Hut!
679
00:43:06,184 --> 00:43:07,252
Go!
680
00:43:11,189 --> 00:43:12,323
Go!
681
00:43:13,224 --> 00:43:14,592
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
682
00:43:17,262 --> 00:43:18,830
(ALL CHEERING)
683
00:43:57,736 --> 00:43:59,170
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
684
00:43:59,204 --> 00:44:00,171
Yeah, yeah. Let's go, boys.
685
00:44:01,840 --> 00:44:03,842
All right, we got
five seconds left, guys.
686
00:44:03,875 --> 00:44:06,712
If you're about to get
tackled, lateral it
to the nearest guy.
687
00:44:06,745 --> 00:44:08,980
It's our only chance.
688
00:44:09,014 --> 00:44:11,717
All right, let's go now.
Come on, Beta on three.
689
00:44:11,750 --> 00:44:12,818
Beta on three.
Who's with me?
690
00:44:12,851 --> 00:44:14,986
One, two, three, Beta!
ALL: Beta!
691
00:44:23,762 --> 00:44:24,830
Down!
692
00:44:28,199 --> 00:44:30,702
Set!
693
00:44:44,115 --> 00:44:45,216
Hut!
694
00:44:46,384 --> 00:44:48,086
(MY HERO PLAYING)
695
00:45:19,951 --> 00:45:21,252
(WHOOPING)
696
00:45:26,091 --> 00:45:27,826
(ALL CHEERING)
697
00:45:40,238 --> 00:45:41,773
(GROANING)
698
00:45:46,511 --> 00:45:48,246
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
699
00:45:48,279 --> 00:45:49,881
(CHEERING)
700
00:45:51,850 --> 00:45:53,151
WOMAN: We kicked your ass!
701
00:45:53,184 --> 00:45:55,186
(GROANS)
702
00:45:55,220 --> 00:45:57,856
You're still my bitch,
Stifler.
703
00:45:57,889 --> 00:45:58,957
Yeah!
704
00:45:59,858 --> 00:46:01,059
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
705
00:46:10,568 --> 00:46:13,571
I can't believe
we lost to midgets.
706
00:46:13,604 --> 00:46:16,908
Don't let those Oompa Loompa
bastards get to you.
707
00:46:16,942 --> 00:46:21,312
Right now, we have
more important matters
to tend to, gentlemen.
708
00:46:21,346 --> 00:46:23,514
From what I understand,
709
00:46:23,548 --> 00:46:26,918
my cousin has
a guilt-free pass
710
00:46:26,952 --> 00:46:29,955
to bang all the girls
he can find.
711
00:46:30,555 --> 00:46:32,057
That I do.
712
00:46:32,090 --> 00:46:36,427
Oh, that is good news.
713
00:46:36,461 --> 00:46:39,898
Christ, for a while
I was starting to think
you were adopted.
714
00:46:39,931 --> 00:46:41,566
(STUDENTS CHATTERING)
715
00:46:41,599 --> 00:46:43,401
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
716
00:46:49,407 --> 00:46:50,909
Gentlemen,
717
00:46:52,277 --> 00:46:55,914
welcome to paradise.
718
00:47:03,889 --> 00:47:05,857
Boys and girls,
719
00:47:05,891 --> 00:47:08,393
we have a celebrity
in our midst.
720
00:47:08,426 --> 00:47:12,230
The Heavyweight Drinking
Champion of the World,
721
00:47:12,263 --> 00:47:16,267
Dwight "Iron Liver" Stifler!
722
00:47:16,301 --> 00:47:18,003
(ALL CHEERING)
723
00:47:24,442 --> 00:47:26,511
(WHOOPS)
724
00:47:26,544 --> 00:47:29,580
All right, you pussy-wipes,
I'm gonna go find
some lady friends.
725
00:47:29,614 --> 00:47:32,918
Try not to blow your wad
in the first minute, huh?
726
00:47:35,286 --> 00:47:38,656
There is no way Allison's
party was better than Jimmy's.
727
00:47:38,689 --> 00:47:41,026
You're nuts.
Jimmy's party had two kegs
728
00:47:41,059 --> 00:47:44,362
and those two theater chicks
went down on each other
on the pool table
729
00:47:44,395 --> 00:47:46,031
in front of everybody.
730
00:47:46,064 --> 00:47:47,498
What the hell are you two
talking about?
731
00:47:47,532 --> 00:47:48,666
What?
732
00:47:48,699 --> 00:47:52,070
Two kegs, theater chicks.
Well, guess what?
733
00:47:52,103 --> 00:47:55,040
We're in a college bar
full of unlimited booze
and pussy,
734
00:47:55,073 --> 00:47:58,176
and we're sitting
at the bar talking
about high-school parties.
735
00:48:05,383 --> 00:48:09,054
Ryan? Ryan!
What's your problem?
736
00:48:09,087 --> 00:48:10,688
That Great Falls attitude.
737
00:48:10,721 --> 00:48:12,924
All you guys do is talk
about Great Falls
738
00:48:12,958 --> 00:48:15,260
like it's the end-all
and be-all of existence.
739
00:48:15,293 --> 00:48:18,696
The place is a fucking trap,
which is why
I'm going to California.
740
00:48:18,729 --> 00:48:20,331
I'm not gonna get stuck
like the rest of them.
741
00:48:20,365 --> 00:48:21,699
Yeah, I know.
I think that's great.
742
00:48:21,732 --> 00:48:25,703
Yeah, but don't you see?
That's what this weekend is
about for me.
743
00:48:25,736 --> 00:48:27,973
What do you mean?
To see if I can do it.
744
00:48:28,006 --> 00:48:31,309
If I can start over
and accept being low man
on the totem pole.
745
00:48:31,342 --> 00:48:32,978
Ryan, it's just
a weekend, man.
746
00:48:33,011 --> 00:48:35,580
Maybe to you, but to me
it's a lot more than that.
747
00:48:38,416 --> 00:48:40,051
Man, I sound like a chick.
748
00:48:40,085 --> 00:48:40,918
Mmm-hmm.
749
00:48:40,952 --> 00:48:42,553
I really need to go
get some pussy.
750
00:48:42,587 --> 00:48:43,955
Yeah.
751
00:48:47,058 --> 00:48:47,993
Oh, shit.
752
00:48:48,026 --> 00:48:50,261
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
753
00:48:50,295 --> 00:48:53,664
No, no, no, no. It's fine.
I can't believe I did that.
754
00:48:53,698 --> 00:48:55,066
Here, come with me.
755
00:48:56,134 --> 00:48:58,069
(STUDENTS CHATTERING)
756
00:48:58,103 --> 00:48:59,104
Quick, take off your shirt.
757
00:48:59,137 --> 00:49:00,371
Excuse me?
758
00:49:00,405 --> 00:49:02,974
Well, I just...
I wanna get the stain out.
Oh, yeah, right.
759
00:49:03,008 --> 00:49:04,275
I knew that.
760
00:49:07,778 --> 00:49:09,180
Are we allowed
to be back here?
761
00:49:09,214 --> 00:49:11,049
Oh, yeah, don't worry.
I used to bartend here.
762
00:49:11,082 --> 00:49:13,084
Cool.
763
00:49:13,118 --> 00:49:16,121
Look, I'm really, really sorry
about this. Right.
764
00:49:18,356 --> 00:49:21,092
Accidents happen.
765
00:49:21,126 --> 00:49:23,094
I'm Brandy, by the way.
I'm Erik.
766
00:49:23,128 --> 00:49:25,696
You know, any other
frat asshole would bite
my head off right now
767
00:49:25,730 --> 00:49:27,165
if I spilled a drink on him.
768
00:49:27,198 --> 00:49:27,999
I'm...
769
00:49:30,201 --> 00:49:32,037
I'm not in a fraternity.
770
00:49:32,070 --> 00:49:34,105
Oh, you're not?
So you're independent?
771
00:49:34,139 --> 00:49:34,939
What's that?
772
00:49:34,972 --> 00:49:37,642
You know,
a student who's not Greek.
773
00:49:37,675 --> 00:49:41,246
No, I'm just visiting
for the weekend.
I'm a senior in high school.
774
00:49:41,279 --> 00:49:42,213
High school?
775
00:49:42,247 --> 00:49:43,614
Yeah.
776
00:49:45,116 --> 00:49:46,751
(GIRLS LAUGHING)
777
00:49:46,784 --> 00:49:50,021
Really? Most girls slap me
or kick me in the balls
when I say that.
778
00:49:50,055 --> 00:49:52,023
Why? It's hysterical.
779
00:49:52,057 --> 00:49:54,392
That's what I say.
What are your names?
780
00:49:54,425 --> 00:49:56,261
I'm Jill and this is Alexis.
781
00:49:56,294 --> 00:49:58,796
Hey, this is my buddy Ryan.
782
00:49:58,829 --> 00:50:00,398
Hey, Ryan.
Hey, Ryan.
783
00:50:00,431 --> 00:50:02,733
Hey, ladies.
784
00:50:02,767 --> 00:50:07,172
Amnesty International.
Is that some kind
of rock band?
785
00:50:07,205 --> 00:50:10,241
It's an organization
that works to protect human
rights all over the world.
786
00:50:10,275 --> 00:50:11,742
Oh.
787
00:50:11,776 --> 00:50:14,011
MAN: Hey, get away
from our dates.
788
00:50:14,579 --> 00:50:17,115
Down here, asshole.
789
00:50:17,148 --> 00:50:18,383
What the hell do you want?
790
00:50:18,416 --> 00:50:19,584
Just what he said.
791
00:50:19,617 --> 00:50:22,053
For you two to get away
from our dates.
792
00:50:22,087 --> 00:50:24,155
In your dreams, Willow.
793
00:50:24,189 --> 00:50:27,158
There is no way
these girls are here with you.
794
00:50:29,227 --> 00:50:30,128
Are you?
795
00:50:32,730 --> 00:50:34,332
But why?
They're cool.
796
00:50:34,365 --> 00:50:36,501
And sexy.
797
00:50:36,534 --> 00:50:38,336
You gotta be fucking
kidding me.
798
00:50:38,369 --> 00:50:39,704
(GROANS)
799
00:50:39,737 --> 00:50:41,839
Ain't nobody kidding
around here, punk.
800
00:50:41,872 --> 00:50:44,109
If you got a problem,
we could settle this
right here.
801
00:50:44,142 --> 00:50:45,510
Oh, I would love to.
802
00:50:45,543 --> 00:50:48,579
Okay, stop it, you guys.
803
00:50:48,613 --> 00:50:52,717
Listen, it was really nice
meeting you two,
but we're spoken for tonight.
804
00:50:53,751 --> 00:50:55,653
Come on, baby, let's dance.
805
00:51:06,631 --> 00:51:08,666
That did not just happen.
806
00:51:13,538 --> 00:51:17,508
Time for a Stifler blowjob!
807
00:51:20,378 --> 00:51:25,082
Oh, get sexy, ladies,
I love it. Oh, I feel
a stirring in my loins.
808
00:51:30,688 --> 00:51:32,089
You've gotta meet my roommate.
809
00:51:34,292 --> 00:51:37,228
I would love to.
810
00:51:37,262 --> 00:51:39,864
Dude, the fucking midgets
just stole our women.
811
00:51:39,897 --> 00:51:41,132
RYAN: Yeah, those fuckers are
out of hand.
812
00:51:41,166 --> 00:51:47,138
I told you guys,
don't underestimate
those little bastards.
813
00:51:47,172 --> 00:51:50,275
That midget quarterback
stole my girlfriend last year.
814
00:51:52,377 --> 00:51:53,711
Slut!
815
00:51:53,744 --> 00:51:55,480
ROCK: Out of my goddamn way.
816
00:51:57,582 --> 00:52:00,185
Holy shit!
817
00:52:00,218 --> 00:52:03,588
I thought this place had
a no-loser policy. What are
you assholes doing here?
818
00:52:03,621 --> 00:52:05,756
Fuck off, Mighty Mouse.
819
00:52:05,790 --> 00:52:09,194
Man, don't take it out on me
because your ladies like it
short and thick,
820
00:52:09,227 --> 00:52:11,162
rather than tall and skinny.
821
00:52:14,399 --> 00:52:18,269
Rock, don't you know, baby?
This bar is like
a roller coaster.
822
00:52:18,303 --> 00:52:20,305
Yeah, it has
a height requirement,
823
00:52:20,338 --> 00:52:23,841
and I'm afraid you just
don't measure up!
Motherfucker.
824
00:52:25,843 --> 00:52:28,246
Easy! Easy! Easy!
Whoa!
825
00:52:28,279 --> 00:52:29,514
This isn't over, Shitler.
826
00:52:29,547 --> 00:52:31,416
Oh, you got that right!
827
00:52:33,351 --> 00:52:35,886
Never get in my way, woman.
828
00:52:44,229 --> 00:52:45,730
What's up?
829
00:52:50,868 --> 00:52:51,836
Bitch.
830
00:52:54,772 --> 00:52:56,674
BRANDY: That did not happen.
831
00:52:56,707 --> 00:52:59,377
I swear to God, I was running
through the streets
with nylons on my head
832
00:52:59,410 --> 00:53:01,746
and the condom still on.
833
00:53:01,779 --> 00:53:03,248
I can't believe
I just told you that story.
834
00:53:03,281 --> 00:53:04,982
I think it's great.
835
00:53:05,015 --> 00:53:08,486
I mean, think of it this way,
you'll never forget
your first time.
836
00:53:08,519 --> 00:53:10,388
Well, it wasn't...
837
00:53:10,421 --> 00:53:11,656
Technically...
838
00:53:11,689 --> 00:53:13,391
Oh, no, wait.
839
00:53:13,424 --> 00:53:17,528
You mean you didn't even
get to...
He came down too fast.
840
00:53:17,562 --> 00:53:21,899
Thank you. Thank you for
laughing at my misfortune.
841
00:53:21,932 --> 00:53:25,403
I think you're a sweetheart.
And you're really cute.
842
00:53:26,571 --> 00:53:27,805
This is me.
843
00:53:29,707 --> 00:53:31,576
So, are you guys
running the Mile tomorrow?
844
00:53:31,609 --> 00:53:35,280
I don't know. There's
something about running
naked down the street
845
00:53:35,313 --> 00:53:37,348
while you're still a virgin...
846
00:53:37,382 --> 00:53:38,583
Didn't stop you before.
847
00:53:38,616 --> 00:53:40,585
Touche.
848
00:53:40,618 --> 00:53:44,289
You never know,
that virgin thing,
849
00:53:44,322 --> 00:53:46,924
it could totally change
by the end of the weekend.
850
00:53:49,527 --> 00:53:51,296
Thanks for walking me home.
851
00:54:13,851 --> 00:54:16,387
What the hell happened
to you last night?
852
00:54:17,555 --> 00:54:18,823
What's up, fellas?
853
00:54:18,856 --> 00:54:20,090
What's up?
854
00:54:20,124 --> 00:54:24,061
What's up is we got
cock-blocked by some
midgets at the bar.
855
00:54:24,094 --> 00:54:27,432
Cooze, never mind that.
Where the hell were you?
856
00:54:27,465 --> 00:54:31,736
Well, Mother,
if you must know,
I was with a girl.
857
00:54:35,406 --> 00:54:37,308
Bullshit. What girl?
858
00:54:37,342 --> 00:54:40,378
Her name is Brandy.
She's in a sorority
and she's hot,
859
00:54:40,411 --> 00:54:42,313
and I'm supposed to meet her
at the Mile tonight.
860
00:54:43,381 --> 00:54:45,316
Dude, I don't get it.
861
00:54:45,350 --> 00:54:49,520
We come to college,
we get blown off
by chicks for midgets,
862
00:54:49,554 --> 00:54:52,490
and you're hanging out
with a sorority girl?
863
00:54:52,523 --> 00:54:55,460
What the fuck
is going on here?
864
00:54:55,493 --> 00:54:57,562
So, what are you gonna do?
865
00:54:58,729 --> 00:55:01,399
What do you mean?
He's gonna bang that chick.
866
00:55:03,401 --> 00:55:04,435
Aren't you?
867
00:55:04,469 --> 00:55:05,903
What?
868
00:55:08,406 --> 00:55:09,940
Yeah.
869
00:55:09,974 --> 00:55:13,544
Yeah, of course I will.
I'm on a guilt-free pass,
why wouldn't I?
870
00:55:13,578 --> 00:55:16,481
Why the hesitation, man?
871
00:55:16,514 --> 00:55:19,684
Oh, shit!
You're not gonna do it.
I said I'll do it.
872
00:55:19,717 --> 00:55:23,454
Erik, you've been given
a gift from above.
Don't fuck it up.
873
00:55:23,488 --> 00:55:24,489
I won't.
874
00:55:24,522 --> 00:55:25,756
Yes, you will.
875
00:55:25,790 --> 00:55:26,891
No.
876
00:55:27,758 --> 00:55:29,894
I... I gotta get out of here.
877
00:55:45,510 --> 00:55:46,777
(BEEPING)
878
00:55:49,547 --> 00:55:51,382
(PHONE RINGING)
879
00:55:51,416 --> 00:55:52,517
Hello?
880
00:55:52,550 --> 00:55:53,884
ERIK: Hey, it's me.
881
00:55:56,186 --> 00:55:58,088
Calling to see
how you're doing.
882
00:55:58,122 --> 00:55:59,424
I'm fine,
883
00:55:59,457 --> 00:56:00,691
I'm just studying.
884
00:56:00,725 --> 00:56:01,926
Okay.
885
00:56:03,193 --> 00:56:04,462
Cool.
886
00:56:05,730 --> 00:56:08,399
So, did you guys decide
if you're gonna run
in the Naked Mile?
887
00:56:08,433 --> 00:56:12,169
No, not yet. But you know me,
I'll probably just wimp out.
888
00:56:12,202 --> 00:56:13,738
I mean, you don't have to.
889
00:56:14,204 --> 00:56:16,674
Yeah, I know.
890
00:56:16,707 --> 00:56:18,843
Are you okay? I mean,
you sound a little weird.
891
00:56:19,444 --> 00:56:20,878
I'm fine.
892
00:56:21,879 --> 00:56:24,582
I'm fine. I just wanted
to call and say hello.
893
00:56:24,615 --> 00:56:29,454
Thanks, but you don't need
to check in. I mean, go,
have fun.
894
00:56:29,487 --> 00:56:31,556
That's what this weekend's
all about.
895
00:56:33,023 --> 00:56:34,124
You're the greatest.
896
00:56:40,230 --> 00:56:41,966
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
897
00:56:46,236 --> 00:56:47,805
Erik Stifler.
898
00:56:51,609 --> 00:56:53,978
Hey, Mr. Levenstein.
Hello, Erik, good to see you.
899
00:56:54,011 --> 00:56:57,582
Yeah. Wow, I haven't seen you
since my parents'
New Year's party, right?
900
00:56:57,615 --> 00:57:01,619
Yes, well, your folks really,
really know how to ring in
the new year.
901
00:57:01,652 --> 00:57:05,590
Look, I'm sorry about my dad
giving you that wedgie
in front of everybody.
902
00:57:05,623 --> 00:57:08,893
Well, your dad's been doing
that to me since we were kids,
903
00:57:08,926 --> 00:57:11,061
and strangely enough,
I enjoy it.
904
00:57:14,565 --> 00:57:16,834
So, what are you doing
up here?
905
00:57:17,935 --> 00:57:20,838
Oh, well,
I went to school here
906
00:57:20,871 --> 00:57:24,909
and, you know, I like to come
back every now and then
907
00:57:24,942 --> 00:57:26,343
and check out the campus.
908
00:57:26,376 --> 00:57:30,881
That's the only reason
I'm here. No other reason
that I can think of.
909
00:57:30,915 --> 00:57:34,051
And what about you?
What are you doing here?
910
00:57:34,084 --> 00:57:36,220
Actually,
it's kind of personal.
911
00:57:36,253 --> 00:57:38,523
Oh. Well, say no more.
Okay.
912
00:57:38,556 --> 00:57:39,824
Okay, listen, good seeing you.
913
00:57:39,857 --> 00:57:41,659
Yeah, for sure.
914
00:57:47,632 --> 00:57:50,034
Mr. Levenstein,
you were a counselor
915
00:57:50,067 --> 00:57:52,603
at Tall Oaks Band Camp
with my cousin, Matt, right?
916
00:57:52,637 --> 00:57:55,840
Yes. Yes, I was.
And your cousin Matt
needed some counseling...
917
00:57:55,873 --> 00:57:59,644
Yeah.
...I might add.
I gave him some advice.
918
00:57:59,677 --> 00:58:02,547
Advice. Do you think I could
919
00:58:05,015 --> 00:58:07,552
confide something in you?
920
00:58:07,585 --> 00:58:10,220
Well, sure.
Yes, Erik, anything. Anything.
921
00:58:10,254 --> 00:58:11,255
Okay.
922
00:58:12,289 --> 00:58:13,624
I'm a virgin.
923
00:58:13,658 --> 00:58:14,725
Okay, can I stop you there?
924
00:58:14,759 --> 00:58:17,995
You're a Stifler and a virgin?
925
00:58:19,597 --> 00:58:20,598
Yeah.
926
00:58:22,767 --> 00:58:27,004
Well, so you're a virgin.
What's the big deal?
927
00:58:27,037 --> 00:58:31,275
Well, the other night,
my girlfriend and I...
We tried to, you know...
928
00:58:33,578 --> 00:58:37,214
Right. But her father
came down before we had
the chance to.
929
00:58:37,247 --> 00:58:39,316
So she changed her mind
completely about the sex,
930
00:58:39,349 --> 00:58:42,553
but she gave me a guilt-free
pass for the weekend.
931
00:58:42,587 --> 00:58:44,822
You got the guilt-free pass?
932
00:58:46,591 --> 00:58:48,659
What do you mean?
933
00:58:48,693 --> 00:58:53,598
Well, I mean,
you've got the old
guilt-free pass dilemma.
934
00:58:53,631 --> 00:58:55,332
Yeah.
It's a tough one.
935
00:58:55,365 --> 00:58:57,902
I didn't think people your age
knew about that kind of stuff.
936
00:58:57,935 --> 00:59:00,771
I believe I know more
about this than you think.
937
00:59:02,673 --> 00:59:05,309
Good, because I just
don't know what to do here.
938
00:59:05,342 --> 00:59:08,946
I mean, I've got
this smoking-hot sorority girl
all over me.
939
00:59:10,014 --> 00:59:13,317
Well, you know, my son Jim
940
00:59:13,350 --> 00:59:15,686
went through kind of
a similar dilemma.
941
00:59:15,720 --> 00:59:17,588
He was going out
with this very attractive
942
00:59:17,622 --> 00:59:19,690
foreign-exchange student
named Nadia.
943
00:59:19,724 --> 00:59:23,060
Right, right, yeah.
That's the one he blew his
load too early with, right?
944
00:59:23,093 --> 00:59:24,328
Yes.
Twice.
945
00:59:24,361 --> 00:59:25,830
Yes.
Over the Internet.
946
00:59:25,863 --> 00:59:27,732
Yes, that's the one.
Yeah.
947
00:59:27,765 --> 00:59:30,835
Well, blowing loads aside...
948
00:59:30,868 --> 00:59:32,269
Yeah.
949
00:59:32,302 --> 00:59:34,739
The next summer Nadia came
to visit Jim at the beach,
950
00:59:34,772 --> 00:59:35,940
and he turned her down
951
00:59:35,973 --> 00:59:40,678
because he had fallen in love
with Michelle,
952
00:59:40,711 --> 00:59:45,650
who he later married,
and is now the mother
of my grandchild.
953
00:59:45,683 --> 00:59:49,820
So you're saying
I shouldn't hook up
with this sorority girl?
954
00:59:49,854 --> 00:59:52,823
I'm saying I think
only you know the answer
to that, Erik.
955
00:59:55,760 --> 00:59:56,827
Well, gotta run.
956
01:00:00,364 --> 01:00:03,734
Oh, Erik, I was sorry to hear
about your grandmother.
957
01:00:22,753 --> 01:00:24,655
Last night was amazing.
958
01:00:25,355 --> 01:00:27,424
Yeah, it was.
959
01:00:27,457 --> 01:00:30,795
The three of us should
do it again sometime.
960
01:00:30,828 --> 01:00:31,896
Definitely.
961
01:00:34,198 --> 01:00:35,733
Definitely.
962
01:00:42,973 --> 01:00:46,877
Hey, buddy. You know how
to get to Murray Street?
963
01:00:46,911 --> 01:00:50,047
Oh, yeah, man.
Just go right down Maryland,
down to...
964
01:00:50,848 --> 01:00:52,082
What the...
965
01:00:54,284 --> 01:00:55,452
What is this?
Enter the Midget?
966
01:00:55,485 --> 01:00:58,322
It's little people, asshole.
967
01:01:00,024 --> 01:01:01,692
Come get some.
968
01:01:02,492 --> 01:01:04,929
Come get some, baby!
969
01:01:05,730 --> 01:01:07,164
(SCREAMING)
970
01:01:13,303 --> 01:01:15,706
(PANTING)
971
01:01:15,740 --> 01:01:17,407
Midgets jumped Stifler.
972
01:01:17,441 --> 01:01:18,776
What?
What?
973
01:01:19,744 --> 01:01:22,246
The midgets jumped Stifler.
974
01:01:22,279 --> 01:01:23,781
He's in the hospital
right now.
975
01:01:28,886 --> 01:01:30,087
Oh, shit.
976
01:01:30,120 --> 01:01:31,822
Holy shit.
977
01:01:33,057 --> 01:01:34,959
Man, he is fucked up.
978
01:01:35,893 --> 01:01:37,494
First Grandma, and now this.
979
01:01:37,527 --> 01:01:38,929
All right, we gotta get
those fucking midgets.
980
01:01:38,963 --> 01:01:40,330
Yeah, man.
981
01:01:40,364 --> 01:01:43,801
Jesus, Ryan, keep it down,
will you? I got a huge
fucking headache.
982
01:01:43,834 --> 01:01:45,836
We thought this guy was you.
983
01:01:46,937 --> 01:01:47,805
Fuck, no.
984
01:01:49,139 --> 01:01:50,240
I don't know what happened
to that pussy.
985
01:01:51,408 --> 01:01:53,377
Hey, man,
what the hell happened?
986
01:01:53,410 --> 01:01:57,181
Rock and his boys jumped me,
wearing all black
and ski masks.
987
01:01:57,214 --> 01:01:58,448
Like I wouldn't know
it was them.
988
01:01:58,482 --> 01:02:01,919
Are you all right?
Are you gonna be able
to run in the Mile?
989
01:02:01,952 --> 01:02:04,188
Doesn't look like it.
990
01:02:04,221 --> 01:02:07,792
Doc says the Stif-man's
gonna be laid up for at least
a couple of more days.
991
01:02:07,825 --> 01:02:10,060
Hey, don't worry. We will find
those little fuckers.
992
01:02:10,094 --> 01:02:15,432
No. I appreciate it, okay?
Stifler'll think of something.
993
01:02:15,465 --> 01:02:19,003
Now you guys are up here
to do two things: Have fun,
994
01:02:19,036 --> 01:02:21,171
and run naked
995
01:02:21,205 --> 01:02:25,209
with hundreds of hot,
big-breasted, horny women.
996
01:02:25,242 --> 01:02:26,310
You understand?
997
01:02:26,343 --> 01:02:27,577
Yeah.
Yeah.
998
01:02:27,611 --> 01:02:31,281
Good. Now get the fuck
out of here so I can get
some sleep.
999
01:02:36,586 --> 01:02:39,023
Hey, Erik,
stick around for a second.
1000
01:02:39,056 --> 01:02:39,890
Yeah.
1001
01:02:41,291 --> 01:02:44,194
Listen, I know
what you're going through.
1002
01:02:44,228 --> 01:02:47,431
You do?
Sure, yeah.
I had the same problem
1003
01:02:47,464 --> 01:02:50,167
when I was in middle school.
1004
01:02:50,200 --> 01:02:53,437
But living up to
the family name
is not an easy thing, man.
1005
01:02:53,470 --> 01:02:55,973
Yeah. What did you do?
1006
01:02:58,375 --> 01:03:01,812
Well, I whipped out
my dick in class,
stole the principal's car,
1007
01:03:01,846 --> 01:03:03,380
and then I fucked
a lunch lady.
1008
01:03:03,948 --> 01:03:05,515
Oh.
1009
01:03:05,549 --> 01:03:06,951
But, hey, that's me.
1010
01:03:08,018 --> 01:03:10,320
What do you think I should do?
1011
01:03:10,354 --> 01:03:15,092
It's not for me to decide
or advise. You gotta figure
that out on your own.
1012
01:03:15,125 --> 01:03:19,329
But I will say this. We got
a pretty fucked-up family,
1013
01:03:19,363 --> 01:03:21,798
and it's nice having
a guy like you around.
1014
01:03:25,402 --> 01:03:27,004
Now, seriously, go.
1015
01:03:31,375 --> 01:03:32,977
(STUDENTS CHATTERING)
1016
01:03:38,215 --> 01:03:40,150
All I have to say is,
1017
01:03:40,184 --> 01:03:43,553
thank you, Dad,
for getting my dumb ass
into this school.
1018
01:03:49,593 --> 01:03:52,829
Gentlemen, we have officially
arrived at our destination.
1019
01:04:03,307 --> 01:04:06,010
ROCK: Look who decided
to show up.
1020
01:04:06,043 --> 01:04:08,012
I didn't think you guys
would have the balls for this.
1021
01:04:08,045 --> 01:04:09,346
I guess I was right.
1022
01:04:09,379 --> 01:04:12,616
Check it out. They still got
their clothes on.
1023
01:04:15,953 --> 01:04:20,857
Where is old Shitler? I guess
the king of the Naked Mile
didn't make it this year.
1024
01:04:21,959 --> 01:04:24,929
Nobody starts this fucking
Naked Mile without me!
1025
01:04:25,595 --> 01:04:27,097
(ALL CHEERING)
1026
01:04:37,374 --> 01:04:41,278
The king has arrived!
Bring out your titties!
1027
01:04:45,049 --> 01:04:48,518
You really think that little
beating you gave me
could keep me away?
1028
01:04:48,552 --> 01:04:51,421
You and the Lollypop Guild
punch like a bunch
of five-year-olds.
1029
01:04:51,455 --> 01:04:54,224
This is my fucking school.
1030
01:04:57,561 --> 01:04:59,997
Guys.
1031
01:05:00,030 --> 01:05:02,967
Right, screw those guys.
We're here to have fun, right?
1032
01:05:03,000 --> 01:05:05,402
Oh, fucking-A-right,
we're here to have some fun.
1033
01:05:06,971 --> 01:05:11,075
Hey, why the hell
do you guys still have
your clothes on?
1034
01:05:11,108 --> 01:05:13,077
Listen, Stifler,
we were talking and...
1035
01:05:13,110 --> 01:05:14,911
Hey, Stifler. I like your IVs.
1036
01:05:16,981 --> 01:05:18,215
DWIGHT: Hello, ladies.
1037
01:05:19,416 --> 01:05:21,952
Looking sexy as always.
1038
01:05:21,986 --> 01:05:24,021
Heard you were
in the hospital.
1039
01:05:24,054 --> 01:05:26,423
Just a little beating
by a bunch of midgets.
1040
01:05:26,456 --> 01:05:28,058
Hey, Cooze.
1041
01:05:28,092 --> 01:05:32,029
Jill the Thrill.
Back on the Cooze radar.
1042
01:05:32,596 --> 01:05:34,965
(IMITATING RADAR BEEPING)
1043
01:05:36,433 --> 01:05:37,634
Hey, Erik.
1044
01:05:38,468 --> 01:05:39,603
Hey, Brandy.
1045
01:05:39,636 --> 01:05:41,571
Ryan.
Alexis.
1046
01:05:41,605 --> 01:05:44,041
So, you ladies ready
to run this Mile
1047
01:05:44,074 --> 01:05:47,244
and get extra fucking sexy?
1048
01:05:47,277 --> 01:05:48,545
Hell, yeah!
Hell, yeah!
1049
01:05:48,578 --> 01:05:50,047
What about you guys?
1050
01:05:50,080 --> 01:05:52,349
Yeah, what are you guys doing
still dressed?
1051
01:05:52,382 --> 01:05:54,551
Well, we figured
we'd just watch the Mile
1052
01:05:54,584 --> 01:05:56,220
and then meet you guys
at the party afterwards.
1053
01:05:56,253 --> 01:06:00,124
That's too bad 'cause this
Naked Mile is gonna be crazy.
1054
01:06:00,157 --> 01:06:02,359
Really crazy. Right, Brandy?
1055
01:06:02,392 --> 01:06:04,061
Absolutely out of control.
1056
01:06:21,211 --> 01:06:24,181
Yeah! That's what I'm
fucking talking about, boys.
1057
01:06:24,214 --> 01:06:27,651
Set the cocks free!
1058
01:06:27,684 --> 01:06:30,120
Let's huddle up over here.
Come on, fellas.
1059
01:06:31,188 --> 01:06:32,522
Cock huddle.
1060
01:06:32,556 --> 01:06:34,424
All right, bitch tits.
1061
01:06:34,458 --> 01:06:36,493
I got a little surprise
for you fuckers.
1062
01:06:36,526 --> 01:06:37,661
What do you got?
1063
01:06:39,129 --> 01:06:41,998
Just a little pharmaceutical
delight for later.
1064
01:06:43,300 --> 01:06:46,070
JACKSON: Stifler!
You uncircumcised twat!
1065
01:06:46,103 --> 01:06:48,372
Jackson, you little-dicked
motherfucker.
1066
01:06:48,405 --> 01:06:49,706
What is this?
1067
01:06:49,739 --> 01:06:50,774
It looks like some kind of E.
1068
01:06:50,807 --> 01:06:53,477
Should we take it now?
He said save it for later.
1069
01:06:53,510 --> 01:06:56,146
Fuck that! I'm about to run
naked through the streets.
1070
01:06:56,180 --> 01:06:58,115
I need all the drug-induced
courage I can get.
1071
01:07:01,085 --> 01:07:02,419
I'm so glad
you guys decided to run.
1072
01:07:02,452 --> 01:07:04,521
You must work out.
1073
01:07:04,554 --> 01:07:06,523
Yeah, well, I play football.
1074
01:07:06,556 --> 01:07:09,093
I love football players.
1075
01:07:09,126 --> 01:07:11,128
Did anybody ever tell you
that you have a nice ass?
1076
01:07:12,096 --> 01:07:13,530
That guy's a prick!
1077
01:07:13,563 --> 01:07:15,832
Hey, Stifler, is this supposed
to be some pretty good E?
1078
01:07:15,865 --> 01:07:17,767
What E?
1079
01:07:17,801 --> 01:07:19,569
The pills you gave us.
1080
01:07:20,437 --> 01:07:22,572
Oh, shit! You retards.
1081
01:07:22,606 --> 01:07:25,709
That's not E.
It's that fucking four-hour
hard-on drug.
1082
01:07:25,742 --> 01:07:27,644
Oh, shit.
DWIGHT: I scored some
at the hospital.
1083
01:07:27,677 --> 01:07:30,380
I thought you limp-dicked
bitches could use some.
1084
01:07:30,414 --> 01:07:32,149
Oh, God.
Holy fuck, you didn't...
1085
01:07:32,182 --> 01:07:34,518
Holy shit!
1086
01:07:34,551 --> 01:07:38,722
I don't think I can talk
this one down, man.
It's got a mind of its own.
1087
01:07:38,755 --> 01:07:41,858
Hey, do not run
behind me. Okay?
1088
01:07:41,891 --> 01:07:44,494
It's... It's just that
we thought that it was...
1089
01:07:44,528 --> 01:07:47,131
Honey, don't apologize.
1090
01:07:47,164 --> 01:07:49,199
Yeah, you guys are running
with us.
1091
01:07:49,233 --> 01:07:53,437
Oh, man! This is going to be
the best Naked Mile ever!
1092
01:07:53,470 --> 01:07:54,871
Good evening...
1093
01:07:54,904 --> 01:07:56,840
(FEEDBACK SCREECHING)
1094
01:07:57,274 --> 01:07:58,842
(BEEPING)
1095
01:07:58,875 --> 01:08:00,177
Who is that guy?
1096
01:08:00,210 --> 01:08:04,881
That is big,
bad Noah Levenstein.
1097
01:08:04,914 --> 01:08:09,253
The craziest bastard
this campus has ever known.
1098
01:08:09,286 --> 01:08:10,487
My bad. My bad.
Welcome to the Naked Mile.
1099
01:08:10,520 --> 01:08:12,122
(ALL CHEERING)
1100
01:08:16,293 --> 01:08:19,163
Yes, you know, when I started
this race many, many...
1101
01:08:19,196 --> 01:08:21,231
Christ, he started this whole
thing back in the '60s.
1102
01:08:21,265 --> 01:08:24,534
...many years ago.
It was just...
Just a passive protest.
1103
01:08:24,568 --> 01:08:28,505
Just a way to "stick it
to the man," so to speak.
1104
01:08:29,939 --> 01:08:32,576
Right on. Right on.
1105
01:08:32,609 --> 01:08:36,413
But over the years,
it's become somewhat
less political.
1106
01:08:36,446 --> 01:08:39,649
And now, it's just
1107
01:08:39,683 --> 01:08:42,852
some sort of Roman orgy,
1108
01:08:42,886 --> 01:08:45,855
which I'm down with,
by the way.
1109
01:08:45,889 --> 01:08:48,525
But let's keep
one thing in mind.
1110
01:08:48,558 --> 01:08:53,363
This is about
showing the world
your youthful exuberance,
1111
01:08:53,397 --> 01:08:56,733
and your unabashed commitment
to higher learning,
1112
01:08:56,766 --> 01:08:59,303
and having fun
while you're doing it,
1113
01:08:59,336 --> 01:09:03,173
which is where
the naked part comes in.
1114
01:09:03,207 --> 01:09:04,841
ALL: Yeah!
1115
01:09:09,213 --> 01:09:11,881
And being completely naked is,
of course,
1116
01:09:11,915 --> 01:09:14,184
a perfectly natural thing.
1117
01:09:14,218 --> 01:09:17,854
There's not one part
of one's body
1118
01:09:17,887 --> 01:09:20,224
one should be ashamed of,
1119
01:09:20,257 --> 01:09:25,195
be it one's pubic region
1120
01:09:25,229 --> 01:09:27,764
or one's breasts,
1121
01:09:27,797 --> 01:09:30,200
as in the case
with you young ladies...
1122
01:09:30,234 --> 01:09:31,701
(ALL CHEERING)
1123
01:09:34,538 --> 01:09:37,807
...and a couple
of you young men.
1124
01:09:40,377 --> 01:09:43,847
But you should all just revel
in the glory of being seen
1125
01:09:43,880 --> 01:09:46,250
as the people you are.
1126
01:09:46,283 --> 01:09:47,751
Incidentally,
if anyone has anything...
1127
01:09:47,784 --> 01:09:49,786
Come on,
let's fucking do this!
1128
01:09:53,290 --> 01:09:55,325
I second that motion,
young man.
1129
01:09:55,359 --> 01:09:57,827
Okay, everybody ready.
1130
01:09:59,929 --> 01:10:01,565
Get set...
1131
01:10:31,328 --> 01:10:32,662
Still going?
1132
01:10:32,696 --> 01:10:34,598
You know it, baby. Hell, yeah!
1133
01:10:35,599 --> 01:10:37,467
You love the Boss Hogg!
1134
01:10:39,303 --> 01:10:40,937
(WHOOPING)
1135
01:10:54,718 --> 01:10:58,355
All right, yeah. Look at this.
Look at all these teats.
1136
01:10:58,388 --> 01:11:02,326
I'm adrift in a sea
of boobies, and my balls
are scraping the pavement.
1137
01:11:02,359 --> 01:11:03,427
Oh, heads up.
1138
01:11:07,631 --> 01:11:09,466
Look, it's the boner guys!
1139
01:11:10,567 --> 01:11:12,436
Nice cocks.
1140
01:11:12,469 --> 01:11:14,504
Oh, you got that right, sexy.
1141
01:11:14,538 --> 01:11:16,440
Dude, you have serious issues.
1142
01:11:59,449 --> 01:12:01,685
Hey, naked people only!
1143
01:12:01,718 --> 01:12:03,019
(LAUGHING)
1144
01:12:35,885 --> 01:12:37,554
Are you all right?
1145
01:12:37,587 --> 01:12:39,423
I'm fine.
1146
01:12:39,456 --> 01:12:41,391
Come on, sweetie.
Let's finish this thing.
1147
01:12:51,568 --> 01:12:54,438
I'm standing at the finish
line of a very proud,
but strange tradition
1148
01:12:54,471 --> 01:12:55,839
called the Naked Mile.
1149
01:12:55,872 --> 01:12:57,407
Ever year after exams
1150
01:12:57,441 --> 01:12:59,943
hundreds of students
run a mile through campus
1151
01:12:59,976 --> 01:13:01,778
in nothing more
than their birthday suits.
1152
01:13:03,179 --> 01:13:04,981
(LAUGHING)
1153
01:13:06,115 --> 01:13:09,453
This is the greatest
thing ever!
1154
01:13:09,486 --> 01:13:11,488
Hell, yeah!
We did it!
1155
01:13:11,521 --> 01:13:13,690
I can't believe we did this!
1156
01:13:13,723 --> 01:13:17,527
Yeah! Naked Mile, baby!
1157
01:13:17,561 --> 01:13:19,596
Beta House fucking rules!
1158
01:13:26,636 --> 01:13:30,507
Come on, marathon men.
Let's get ready for the party.
1159
01:13:32,041 --> 01:13:33,810
I did it. I really did it.
1160
01:13:35,912 --> 01:13:38,648
Way to go, Coz.
That's my cousin.
1161
01:13:42,952 --> 01:13:45,154
Some people call it
lewd behavior,
1162
01:13:45,188 --> 01:13:48,057
but the students say it's just
a good way to blow off steam.
1163
01:13:48,091 --> 01:13:48,992
And maybe,
1164
01:13:53,597 --> 01:13:55,231
find love.
1165
01:13:55,264 --> 01:13:57,467
This is Hal Michaels,
reporting from the Naked Mile.
1166
01:14:08,612 --> 01:14:10,446
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
1167
01:14:33,903 --> 01:14:36,740
Stifler has arrived!
1168
01:14:43,613 --> 01:14:45,081
(HOWLING)
1169
01:14:45,749 --> 01:14:47,651
Yeah! Yeah!
1170
01:14:49,018 --> 01:14:51,621
Holy shit! Is this even
the same house?
1171
01:14:56,059 --> 01:14:59,028
I think I had a wet dream
that started like this.
1172
01:14:59,062 --> 01:15:00,096
It's those guys.
1173
01:15:05,334 --> 01:15:06,836
And ended like that.
1174
01:15:06,870 --> 01:15:08,271
Wow, taking those pills
1175
01:15:08,304 --> 01:15:11,207
might just be the best thing
you guys ever did
for your social lives.
1176
01:15:11,240 --> 01:15:12,909
Oh, yeah.
1177
01:15:12,942 --> 01:15:14,978
You wanna dance?
1178
01:15:15,011 --> 01:15:18,314
Is my dick hard? Of course
the Cooze wants to dance.
1179
01:15:18,347 --> 01:15:19,749
(SCREAMS)
1180
01:15:21,585 --> 01:15:23,152
Are you gonna dance, sexy?
1181
01:15:23,186 --> 01:15:25,321
Or are you one of those
football players who's
too cool to dance?
1182
01:15:25,354 --> 01:15:28,558
Oh, baby, they don't call me
the White Shadow for nothing.
1183
01:15:34,263 --> 01:15:35,732
Come on, cutie.
1184
01:15:36,633 --> 01:15:38,001
What a bastard.
1185
01:15:38,034 --> 01:15:41,605
I told you to call off
that stupid guilt-free pass.
1186
01:15:41,638 --> 01:15:44,040
I'm so sorry, honey.
1187
01:15:44,073 --> 01:15:46,610
Is there anything
we can do for you?
1188
01:15:46,643 --> 01:15:48,745
No, I think I just want
to be alone.
1189
01:15:48,778 --> 01:15:52,048
No way. We are not
leaving you alone
so you can beat yourself up.
1190
01:15:52,081 --> 01:15:54,918
Yeah, but I told him to do it.
I mean, I can't get mad
about it now.
1191
01:15:54,951 --> 01:15:57,987
Would you quit being so
logical, Tracy? We're girls.
1192
01:15:58,021 --> 01:16:00,123
Boys should know better
than to trust us
to be rational.
1193
01:16:00,156 --> 01:16:01,324
It's not in our nature.
1194
01:16:01,357 --> 01:16:02,992
It's really not.
1195
01:16:03,026 --> 01:16:06,763
So, you are going
to get dressed.
1196
01:16:06,796 --> 01:16:09,232
Then, we're going
to Allison's party.
1197
01:16:09,265 --> 01:16:11,367
That will get your mind
off of Erik.
1198
01:16:11,400 --> 01:16:13,603
I don't want to.
1199
01:16:13,637 --> 01:16:16,773
Well, you don't have a vote
in this. Now get dressed.
1200
01:16:29,252 --> 01:16:32,388
Check out our boy.
Think he's going
to lose it tonight?
1201
01:16:32,421 --> 01:16:36,325
Nope. Bet he screws it up
and ends up jerking off
in the bathroom.
1202
01:16:36,359 --> 01:16:37,994
I'll bet 20 bucks says
he nails her.
1203
01:16:38,027 --> 01:16:39,095
(SCOFFS)
1204
01:16:39,128 --> 01:16:40,163
Oh, you're on.
1205
01:16:43,700 --> 01:16:46,002
Hey, hard-on brothers.
1206
01:16:46,035 --> 01:16:49,372
Do you guys have any idea
how much everybody here
has been talking about you?
1207
01:16:49,405 --> 01:16:51,007
I was getting that feeling.
1208
01:16:51,040 --> 01:16:51,941
Yeah!
1209
01:16:53,209 --> 01:16:55,645
Okay, listen up,
'cause I got a plan
1210
01:16:55,679 --> 01:16:59,615
that's gonna make
you guys legends.
1211
01:17:05,855 --> 01:17:08,157
Ladies and gentlemen!
1212
01:17:08,191 --> 01:17:12,729
Give a big Beta House welcome
to Ryan "Steel Rod" Grimm
1213
01:17:12,762 --> 01:17:17,400
and Mike "Everhard" Coozeman!
1214
01:17:17,433 --> 01:17:19,402
Yeah, Cooze!
1215
01:17:19,435 --> 01:17:20,804
(ALL CHEERING)
1216
01:17:23,406 --> 01:17:27,043
Tonight is the dawning
of a new era
1217
01:17:27,076 --> 01:17:29,245
in meaningless
male competition.
1218
01:17:29,278 --> 01:17:33,817
The Heavyweight Hard-On
Championship of the World!
1219
01:17:39,255 --> 01:17:41,925
For the first phase
of the competition,
1220
01:17:41,958 --> 01:17:45,695
a bucket will be hung
on the dong of each
of our contestants.
1221
01:17:45,729 --> 01:17:48,998
That bucket will be filled
with a pitcher of beer.
1222
01:17:49,032 --> 01:17:52,836
First person to drop
the bucket is the loser.
1223
01:17:52,869 --> 01:17:54,804
(ALL BOOING)
1224
01:17:54,838 --> 01:17:56,706
So let the penis games begin!
1225
01:18:08,451 --> 01:18:11,821
Commence the pouring!
1226
01:18:17,861 --> 01:18:19,095
You like that?
1227
01:18:19,128 --> 01:18:20,463
Oh, yeah, baby!
1228
01:18:22,766 --> 01:18:24,100
(GROANING)
1229
01:18:36,012 --> 01:18:39,115
Oh, I am so sorry about that!
1230
01:18:43,086 --> 01:18:44,320
Still good.
1231
01:19:01,570 --> 01:19:03,940
Next competition.
1232
01:19:06,442 --> 01:19:08,812
The ring toss.
1233
01:19:08,845 --> 01:19:10,914
Let's have it, girls.
Come on.
1234
01:19:15,251 --> 01:19:17,553
That's right! On that penis!
1235
01:19:17,586 --> 01:19:19,823
Come on, baby,
just like Six Flags.
1236
01:19:22,892 --> 01:19:23,960
Wrong head!
1237
01:19:28,564 --> 01:19:30,133
Ring around the cocksy.
1238
01:19:32,301 --> 01:19:34,270
You needed
an extra inch on that one.
1239
01:19:44,213 --> 01:19:45,849
Can you believe this?
1240
01:19:46,549 --> 01:19:48,117
Do not let Cooze win.
1241
01:19:52,956 --> 01:19:54,924
Next competition!
1242
01:20:01,130 --> 01:20:03,900
I got a nine-inch strike zone,
baby.
1243
01:20:03,933 --> 01:20:05,935
You cocky prick.
You can't miss it!
1244
01:20:11,908 --> 01:20:13,576
It's a hardball, son!
1245
01:20:13,609 --> 01:20:14,944
Hey, boner, boner, boner.
1246
01:20:15,344 --> 01:20:16,612
Swing, boner!
1247
01:20:16,645 --> 01:20:18,314
Deep center, baby!
1248
01:20:24,187 --> 01:20:25,821
Foul ball!
1249
01:20:40,069 --> 01:20:40,904
Bunt.
1250
01:20:51,948 --> 01:20:54,951
That is it.
We're calling it a tie.
1251
01:20:54,984 --> 01:20:57,386
Your Co-Hard-on Champions
of the World,
1252
01:20:57,420 --> 01:21:01,324
Ryan "Steel Rod" Grimm
and Mike "Everhard" Coozeman!
1253
01:21:01,357 --> 01:21:02,926
(ALL CHEERING)
1254
01:21:17,974 --> 01:21:22,245
Fifty-six, fifty-seven,
fifty-eight, fifty-nine...
1255
01:22:49,132 --> 01:22:51,034
BROOKE: Boys are
a bad influence.
1256
01:22:51,067 --> 01:22:54,070
I mean, you have no idea
what he's doing
or who he's doing it with.
1257
01:22:54,103 --> 01:22:57,240
This guilt-free pass thing?
Completely ridiculous.
1258
01:22:57,273 --> 01:23:01,144
The bottom line is this.
You two will never be
on the same level again.
1259
01:23:01,177 --> 01:23:05,114
You're a virgin and he's not.
It's just not gonna work.
1260
01:23:05,148 --> 01:23:07,183
So, what? I'm supposed
to break up with him?
1261
01:23:07,216 --> 01:23:10,019
No, but you need to get back
on the same level.
1262
01:23:11,387 --> 01:23:14,057
You need to sleep
with somebody. Tonight.
1263
01:23:14,090 --> 01:23:16,325
Brooke.
Shut up, Natalie.
1264
01:23:16,359 --> 01:23:19,062
It's the only way.
Imagine a month from now,
1265
01:23:19,095 --> 01:23:20,696
you decide to do it with Erik.
1266
01:23:20,729 --> 01:23:25,368
All you're going to be
thinking is that he's already
had sex with some other girl.
1267
01:23:25,401 --> 01:23:28,071
The relationship will not be
equal unless you do this.
1268
01:23:28,104 --> 01:23:30,339
Oh, look. There's Trent.
1269
01:23:32,241 --> 01:23:34,143
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
1270
01:23:36,245 --> 01:23:37,313
Perfect.
1271
01:23:48,124 --> 01:23:50,426
Hey, cool. A pool table.
Do you play?
1272
01:23:51,794 --> 01:23:53,762
Sometimes.
1273
01:23:53,796 --> 01:23:55,498
Well, what do you want
to play?
1274
01:23:55,531 --> 01:23:57,200
I don't care.
1275
01:23:57,233 --> 01:24:01,604
Okay. Well, how about
nine-ball? Look, nine-ball.
1276
01:24:01,637 --> 01:24:05,341
It's... It's easy. You just
have to get the balls in order
from one through nine.
1277
01:24:05,374 --> 01:24:09,812
I'll show you.
I'll break right now.
You'll be good at it.
1278
01:24:12,415 --> 01:24:14,183
Erik.
Yeah.
1279
01:24:14,217 --> 01:24:15,218
(CRASHING)
1280
01:24:16,852 --> 01:24:18,087
Come here.
1281
01:24:33,536 --> 01:24:38,141
This is special to you, right?
I mean, this weekend,
this night?
1282
01:24:39,175 --> 01:24:40,709
Erik?
Yes?
1283
01:24:40,743 --> 01:24:43,146
This is sex, not Shakespeare.
1284
01:24:44,913 --> 01:24:48,184
Are you sure you want to?
Because I doubt
I'll be very good.
1285
01:24:48,217 --> 01:24:51,120
Don't worry. I know how
to handle guys like you.
1286
01:24:52,288 --> 01:24:53,722
Guys like me?
1287
01:24:53,756 --> 01:24:55,591
Virgins.
1288
01:24:55,624 --> 01:24:57,826
I can take care of virgins.
1289
01:24:59,295 --> 01:25:02,265
You mean,
I'm not your first virgin?
1290
01:25:02,298 --> 01:25:04,333
I have a bit of a confession.
1291
01:25:05,701 --> 01:25:08,337
Some girls like blonds,
some like muscles.
1292
01:25:09,738 --> 01:25:11,174
I like virgins.
1293
01:25:13,776 --> 01:25:16,111
Are you ready
for a special night?
1294
01:25:18,347 --> 01:25:20,283
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
1295
01:25:32,561 --> 01:25:36,832
Hey there, beautiful.
Didn't expect to see you
here tonight.
1296
01:25:36,865 --> 01:25:39,768
I came to apologize.
I heard about what happened,
1297
01:25:39,802 --> 01:25:43,239
and I wanted to let you know
that I didn't know
anything about it.
1298
01:25:43,272 --> 01:25:45,741
You're not just here
to set me up?
1299
01:25:45,774 --> 01:25:49,178
I would never want
to let anything happen
to that gorgeous face.
1300
01:25:51,614 --> 01:25:55,251
You sure you're supposed
to be dancing on enemy
territory like this?
1301
01:25:55,284 --> 01:25:58,887
I dance where I want,
with who I want.
1302
01:26:00,456 --> 01:26:02,258
I like your style.
1303
01:26:03,992 --> 01:26:05,828
And your ass.
1304
01:26:19,375 --> 01:26:21,710
You know,
I don't usually go for
1305
01:26:21,744 --> 01:26:24,813
suburban, jock,
Abercrombie clones,
1306
01:26:24,847 --> 01:26:27,716
but there is something
about you.
Yeah?
1307
01:26:27,750 --> 01:26:31,254
Well, I tend to have
that effect on pacifist,
vegan bisexuals.
1308
01:26:42,298 --> 01:26:45,368
This guy's got good taste.
1309
01:26:45,401 --> 01:26:48,404
You sure you're up for this
after that little incident
downstairs?
1310
01:26:48,437 --> 01:26:53,242
They don't call me "Everhard"
because I've only got
one bullet in the chamber.
1311
01:26:53,276 --> 01:26:55,544
But just to be sure...
1312
01:26:55,578 --> 01:26:57,846
Should you be taking
more of that?
1313
01:26:57,880 --> 01:27:01,350
More? I didn't take it
the first time.
1314
01:27:03,552 --> 01:27:05,821
You mean...
That's right, baby.
1315
01:27:05,854 --> 01:27:08,357
We're gonna have
a good time tonight.
1316
01:27:10,293 --> 01:27:14,797
Now get your worthless ass
on the bed, you peasant.
1317
01:27:15,698 --> 01:27:17,400
Excuse me?
1318
01:27:17,433 --> 01:27:19,268
I said, get on the bed
1319
01:27:19,302 --> 01:27:22,405
you worthless peasant!
1320
01:27:22,438 --> 01:27:25,341
What is your problem?
Whoa, what's that? What...
1321
01:27:25,374 --> 01:27:28,277
Oh, God!
I said, get on the bed,
1322
01:27:28,944 --> 01:27:30,846
and I meant it.
1323
01:27:32,515 --> 01:27:35,884
Oh, yeah, baby. I get it.
1324
01:27:37,320 --> 01:27:38,721
And I'm into it.
1325
01:27:39,522 --> 01:27:41,056
Shut up!
1326
01:27:41,089 --> 01:27:42,625
(SCREAMING)
1327
01:27:44,393 --> 01:27:46,595
All right! All right!
All right!
1328
01:28:04,480 --> 01:28:05,881
Brandy.
1329
01:28:07,416 --> 01:28:11,420
Look, I can't do this.
I'm really sorry, okay?
1330
01:28:11,454 --> 01:28:13,556
I mean, you're really gorgeous
and really cool,
1331
01:28:13,589 --> 01:28:16,058
and I'm sure that every single
guy on this planet
1332
01:28:16,091 --> 01:28:19,362
would love to sleep with you,
including me.
1333
01:28:19,395 --> 01:28:20,796
But I just can't.
1334
01:28:23,065 --> 01:28:24,333
I'm in love.
1335
01:28:27,936 --> 01:28:30,706
I hope this girl knows
how lucky she is.
1336
01:28:30,739 --> 01:28:32,307
I seriously doubt that.
1337
01:28:43,752 --> 01:28:46,655
Got to say it again.
It's a very nice surprise.
1338
01:28:47,923 --> 01:28:49,425
What can I say?
I'm full of them.
1339
01:28:49,458 --> 01:28:50,726
So, what about Erik?
1340
01:28:51,894 --> 01:28:54,597
We're on a weekend
guilt-free pass.
1341
01:28:54,630 --> 01:28:57,533
We can do anything we want.
1342
01:28:57,566 --> 01:28:59,535
Anything?
1343
01:28:59,568 --> 01:29:00,636
Anything.
1344
01:29:00,669 --> 01:29:01,937
I like the sound of that.
1345
01:29:19,021 --> 01:29:20,155
Is this your room?
1346
01:29:20,188 --> 01:29:22,991
Why, yes, it is,
my diminutive goddess.
1347
01:29:24,593 --> 01:29:28,531
Good, because we are
going to need
1348
01:29:28,564 --> 01:29:29,932
a little bit of privacy.
1349
01:29:34,637 --> 01:29:36,472
(MOANING)
1350
01:29:41,143 --> 01:29:45,548
That's it, you pathetic slave.
Keep doing that.
1351
01:29:45,581 --> 01:29:48,016
Don't you think this is
getting a little out of hand?
1352
01:29:48,050 --> 01:29:50,853
Oh, you haven't even seen
"out of hand" yet.
1353
01:29:50,886 --> 01:29:52,821
I didn't mean we had to stop.
1354
01:29:52,855 --> 01:29:56,425
Oh, we're not stopping.
We're just getting started.
1355
01:29:57,560 --> 01:29:59,194
You ready to get kinky?
1356
01:29:59,227 --> 01:30:01,430
Whoa, this isn't kinky yet?
1357
01:30:02,465 --> 01:30:03,732
Not even close.
1358
01:30:07,970 --> 01:30:09,672
What is that noise?
1359
01:30:11,774 --> 01:30:12,808
(MOANING)
1360
01:30:15,511 --> 01:30:17,179
(ENGINE SPUTTERING)
1361
01:30:17,212 --> 01:30:18,614
What the hell?
1362
01:30:24,687 --> 01:30:26,722
You got to be kidding me.
1363
01:30:47,576 --> 01:30:48,644
(HORSE SNUFFLING)
1364
01:30:56,218 --> 01:30:58,621
So, you wanna go upstairs?
1365
01:31:01,223 --> 01:31:03,692
Yeah, I do.
1366
01:31:11,600 --> 01:31:12,835
(DOORBELL RINGING)
1367
01:31:16,905 --> 01:31:18,907
(PANTING)
1368
01:31:18,941 --> 01:31:22,611
Hi, Mr. Sterling.
Is Tracy home?
1369
01:31:22,645 --> 01:31:24,813
Hello, Erik. No, she's not.
1370
01:31:24,847 --> 01:31:27,716
She's gone to a party
with Brooke and Natalie.
1371
01:31:27,750 --> 01:31:28,817
Oh.
1372
01:31:29,852 --> 01:31:32,988
Okay. Well,
sorry to disturb you, then.
1373
01:31:33,021 --> 01:31:34,089
Have a good night!
1374
01:31:38,894 --> 01:31:40,629
Crazy little fucker.
1375
01:31:46,101 --> 01:31:48,671
We gotta find Tracy.
We gotta find Tracy.
1376
01:31:48,704 --> 01:31:51,740
We gotta find Tracy.
Where the fuck is Tracy?
1377
01:31:51,774 --> 01:31:54,910
I don't think sex has to be
just one-on-one.
1378
01:31:54,943 --> 01:31:56,078
(HORSE NEIGHING)
1379
01:31:56,111 --> 01:31:57,512
What the hell?
1380
01:31:59,347 --> 01:32:02,250
Tracy!
1381
01:32:03,986 --> 01:32:04,820
Hey!
1382
01:32:08,624 --> 01:32:10,225
Trace!
1383
01:32:10,258 --> 01:32:11,694
What the hell
are you doing here?
1384
01:32:11,727 --> 01:32:13,829
And on a horse!
1385
01:32:13,862 --> 01:32:16,164
Where's Tracy?
I have to see her.
1386
01:32:16,198 --> 01:32:18,701
We think it's best
if you just leave her alone.
1387
01:32:18,734 --> 01:32:20,569
What? Why?
1388
01:32:20,603 --> 01:32:23,572
Because we know about
your little sorority slut.
1389
01:32:23,606 --> 01:32:27,776
What are you talking about?
She saw you
kiss that girl on TV.
1390
01:32:27,810 --> 01:32:31,614
Shit. Wait a second. So what?
I was on a guilt-free pass.
1391
01:32:31,647 --> 01:32:33,916
Wake up, Erik.
There is no such thing.
1392
01:32:35,183 --> 01:32:36,518
Where is Tracy?
1393
01:32:36,551 --> 01:32:40,155
Oh, we gave Tracy
a guilt-free pass,
and she's using it right now.
1394
01:32:44,292 --> 01:32:46,294
Tracy! Trace!
1395
01:32:51,133 --> 01:32:54,002
Hey, hey. Tracy Sterling.
Have you seen her?
1396
01:32:54,036 --> 01:32:57,005
I think she went upstairs
with Trent a little...
1397
01:32:57,305 --> 01:32:58,573
Tracy!
1398
01:33:00,208 --> 01:33:01,710
Tracy.
1399
01:33:06,081 --> 01:33:07,850
(WOMAN MOANING)
1400
01:33:07,883 --> 01:33:11,086
Trace, can you hear me?
Are you in there?
1401
01:33:11,119 --> 01:33:13,922
Trace, if you can hear me,
I am sorry.
1402
01:33:13,956 --> 01:33:16,224
I am really sorry
about everything, okay?
1403
01:33:16,258 --> 01:33:19,695
I know you gave me this pass,
but I didn't use it.
1404
01:33:19,728 --> 01:33:22,064
I mean I did use it,
but it was only
for a few seconds.
1405
01:33:22,097 --> 01:33:25,267
I couldn't go through with it,
so I came here looking
for you, okay?
1406
01:33:25,300 --> 01:33:29,271
Look, I don't care
about the sex. I really don't.
1407
01:33:29,304 --> 01:33:32,708
It's not the most important
thing. You are.
1408
01:33:32,741 --> 01:33:34,677
Trace, I love you.
1409
01:33:36,111 --> 01:33:37,846
Can you hear me? I love you!
1410
01:33:37,880 --> 01:33:40,382
Do you mind?
I'm trying to get laid here.
1411
01:33:43,719 --> 01:33:45,654
TRACY: You rode
a horse for me?
1412
01:33:54,863 --> 01:33:57,966
When I heard her, I thought...
1413
01:33:59,067 --> 01:34:00,769
I couldn't do it, either.
1414
01:34:04,707 --> 01:34:06,108
I love you, too.
1415
01:34:19,822 --> 01:34:21,389
(ALL CHEERING)
1416
01:34:34,069 --> 01:34:35,270
Should we?
1417
01:34:50,452 --> 01:34:52,921
(BIRTHDAY SONG PLAYING)
1418
01:35:28,523 --> 01:35:29,792
(VIBRATOR BUZZING)
1419
01:35:45,373 --> 01:35:47,509
I'm telling you, man.
I parked the car right here.
1420
01:35:47,542 --> 01:35:51,179
Well, obviously, you didn't,
because then it would be
right here.
1421
01:35:52,047 --> 01:35:53,982
Where the hell is Erik?
1422
01:35:54,016 --> 01:35:57,385
Dude, I don't even know
where my underwear is.
1423
01:35:59,254 --> 01:36:00,789
Somebody call a taxi?
1424
01:36:00,823 --> 01:36:02,157
Where the fuck did you go?
1425
01:36:02,190 --> 01:36:03,291
To get some breakfast.
1426
01:36:03,325 --> 01:36:05,227
Oh, sweet.
I'm starving.
1427
01:36:10,833 --> 01:36:12,868
(GROANING)
1428
01:36:12,901 --> 01:36:14,269
I take it you guys
had a good night.
1429
01:36:14,302 --> 01:36:16,371
Oh, completely
out of hand, bro.
1430
01:36:16,404 --> 01:36:18,006
Where are the girls?
1431
01:36:18,040 --> 01:36:22,177
They all split this morning.
Said they had to drive
to State for some big party.
1432
01:36:22,210 --> 01:36:24,046
That must make you feel
pretty special.
1433
01:36:24,079 --> 01:36:26,348
"Special"?
Who cares about special?
1434
01:36:26,381 --> 01:36:28,583
All I care about is the sex.
1435
01:36:28,616 --> 01:36:32,921
And, baby, I had plenty. Yeah.
1436
01:36:32,955 --> 01:36:36,058
And just how out of hand
was this sex, Cooze?
1437
01:36:36,091 --> 01:36:38,293
I don't wanna talk about it.
Ever.
1438
01:36:40,929 --> 01:36:45,467
Speaking of which,
did you seal the deal
with that Brandy chick?
1439
01:36:48,070 --> 01:36:49,437
No.
1440
01:36:49,471 --> 01:36:52,107
I told you. Pay up.
1441
01:36:52,140 --> 01:36:54,943
But I did have sex
with Tracy last night.
1442
01:36:59,247 --> 01:37:00,248
What are you talking about?
1443
01:37:00,282 --> 01:37:02,284
Tracy.
1444
01:37:02,317 --> 01:37:04,987
I drove home
in the middle of the night,
I ran out of gas,
1445
01:37:05,020 --> 01:37:08,090
stole a horse, rode over
to Allison's party...
1446
01:37:08,123 --> 01:37:10,425
We had sex in the guest room.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
1447
01:37:10,458 --> 01:37:12,194
You stole a horse?
Yup.
1448
01:37:12,227 --> 01:37:14,096
A real horse? Like the kind
you ride and shit?
1449
01:37:14,129 --> 01:37:15,898
Yeah, a real horse.
1450
01:37:15,931 --> 01:37:17,099
That's fucking fantastic.
1451
01:37:17,132 --> 01:37:19,101
I didn't think you had the
balls for something like that.
1452
01:37:19,134 --> 01:37:21,569
Neither did I.
Where did you find a horse?
1453
01:37:21,603 --> 01:37:23,605
Are there horses
in Great Falls?
1454
01:37:26,008 --> 01:37:27,175
Proud of you,
1455
01:37:28,110 --> 01:37:29,444
Stifler.
1456
01:37:31,279 --> 01:37:33,949
Thanks, man. I appreciate it.
But call me Erik.
1457
01:37:43,258 --> 01:37:45,994
RYAN: So, how do you feel?
Best night of my entire life.
1458
01:37:46,028 --> 01:37:48,330
COOZE: See you in a year,
college pussy!
1459
01:38:04,446 --> 01:38:06,248
Mail call, bitches.
1460
01:38:07,715 --> 01:38:08,917
Scooter.
1461
01:38:10,085 --> 01:38:11,419
Scratchy.
1462
01:38:12,454 --> 01:38:13,922
Tripod.
1463
01:38:19,094 --> 01:38:20,262
What the hell?
1464
01:38:20,295 --> 01:38:21,663
What is it, man?
1465
01:38:22,597 --> 01:38:23,966
I don't know.
1466
01:38:36,044 --> 01:38:37,946
Smile for the camera, baby.
1467
01:38:46,688 --> 01:38:48,991
Oh, man. That is fucked up.
1468
01:38:52,127 --> 01:38:53,628
Stifler!
1469
01:38:54,462 --> 01:38:55,998
(MY HERO PLAYING)
101336
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