Original subtitles

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On the way to the office, I'm going to buy you a little surprise.

Something we both always wanted.

All of that?

All of the new cordless, noiseless, all-pleasure vibrator, guaranteed not to

be heard during showers or by nosy husbands.

I just happened to have pulled a muscle, and it cramped up on me again.

You mean the old love muscle cramp?

Ma'am, this isn't getting us anyplace.

What's happening to us?

Why are we doing these things to each other?

I don't know.

I'd give anything to find out.

What would you do around here all day if you knew me?

I'd plan something special for us to do when I get home tonight.

Leon, you one-track bastard.

You're my wife.

Last night we almost couldn't get off. Now you want me to spend the day

planning an orgy?

Angelique, I just don't want you to give up on me.

Seems to me that you were the one giving up.

Angie, neither one of us is going to give up.

Plan a Roman orgy tonight just for the two of us.

with wine and fruits and all sorts of gourmet food i've never planned an orgy

before i don't know how to begin just start with something different okay i

got it i'll screw the gardener

Nobody here.

This is Leon Amesley. Who?

Leon. Leon?

Don't you remember me? Leon?

Oh, yeah, I thought you were dead, man. I'm married now. Yeah, you know.

Married?

That's worse.

I thought I might drive over.

Casey there? Hey, listen, man.

You know, no, this place is dead till at least four.

Yeah, no, Casey's got a new number every month. Yeah. I really gotta talk to her.

Hey, hey, look.

Look, just slow down.

Yeah. Get over here later on, you know, five or so. She'll be here. Be sure and

tell her I called. Yeah. Don't forget. Yeah.

Oh, hey, glad you're not dead. Thanks, Tanner.

It's open, Bruno. Come on in, honey.

Drive to the sports section, Casey.

Oh, thanks, hon. What do you want for breakfast?

Oh, I don't care.

Anything that won't scratch going down or coming back up.

I'd better just bring me some coffee, a couple Alka-Seltzer, and a cigarette

milkshake.

Hey, I thought everybody went home last night finally.

They did, honey. I asked those two to stay over a while.

I did?

Oh, I must have been more loaded than I thought.

I know I was more loaded than I thought.

Who are they?

Casey, for crying out loud, they're house guests. You invited them over for

the week. Don't you remember?

never drink again.

Well, how'd we do last night?

Well, it was an average night at the bar. We took in about 600.

Great night here, though.

How great?

Old Mr. Keller finally agreed with me about the property taxes.

He's going to meet with your lawyer this afternoon.

Damn right he agreed.

Where in the hell would those two old turkeys ever see any action if we didn't

throw him a little party now and then?

Oh, listen, Tanner called a while back. He said some guy named Leon was looking

for you this morning.

Leon who?

Ames something.

Tyler forgot to ask. He said you'd remember.

Ames?

Ames? Leon Amesley?

Why, I haven't seen him in over a year.

Friend of yours?

Yeah, as a matter of fact, used to be.

Special?

Not in the way you mean.

Leon Ainslie is one of the richest dudes around here. And also one of the nicest.

He did me a favor once.

Very thoughtful favor.

Last I heard, he got married.

Pretty girl, too.

But also young.

Can I get his number?

You know Tanner.

It was 10 o'clock in the morning. I'm surprised he even answered the

telephone. I think he told him to meet you at the bar tonight.

Right. Okay, let's get on down there.

It's good to see you.

Well, how about it? Know anybody who'd fuck a lady that smokes a different

load?

Smoking in bed's a bad habit, Kate.

Come on.

Sit down. I'll get you a drink.

Still no granddad?

Yeah, it's fine.

Good. I'll join you.

Tanner, go get me a grill.

So what's this all about?

Tanner said you were in a positive panic.

I was.

Only now it's going from an emergency to more of an embarrassment.

Oh, come on, Leon. This is old case.

Santa said you were looking for him.

Yeah, honey, sit down.

Brill, this is Leon Ainsley.

Leon, Brill Adams.

How about that, huh?

Now I've got my own private secretary.

Where does she keep her typewriter?

Under my bed.

Casey, I got things to do.

You might meet me later.

So what did the shrink say to all this?

Says I've been treating her like an object.

I should try to relate to her.

Relate?

Casey, I can't even get her out of the missionary position.

So watch what you're still doing.

You're not going to believe this.

I love her.

I believe it.

But it's ridiculous.

Now, look, Leon.

There you are, approaching 40 and having some sort of identity crisis.

You're just so scared shitless that you're going to become decrepit that you

go out and marry the youngest, prettiest girl you can find.

And bingo, you're impotent.

Well, what did you expect, marrying an infant? You don't need a shrink. You

need a babysitter.

I don't think it's that simple, Case.

I mean, even if I did marry her for that reason, it doesn't change anything.

I'm still in love with her, and I can't get it up half the time.

Have you tried talking to her?

It wouldn't work.

She'd probably think I didn't love her.

Bullshit. What you're saying is you don't want to talk about it.

Leon, why don't you stop all this mind-sucking?

Now, either you get up the balls to get it together with her, or you're just

going to sit around and watch your cute little marriage go all to hell.

I'm just trying to buy the whole time, Kate. And you think the whole thing is

your fault, right?

After all, you're the man of the world. All you have to do is get it up and your

erection will solve everything.

But you can't get it up.

So you walk around feeling guilty.

And lonely.

Well, that's what you get from marrying a fantasy.

Now, the first thing you have to do is find another fantasy to replace the one

that you turned into a reality.

I guess you're right, Keith.

What the hell am I going to do?

Trust Mother Fork.

I'm going to supply a few new fantasies for you.

An affair wouldn't get a case.

I'm not talking about a lunch break with your secretary, Leon.

You need to exorcise all the little demons in your head.

And he should know better than I how to do it, right?

Okay, for old eyes' sake, and maybe a few laughs, we've got to have some

ground rules.

Okay. First, I'll dispense them, you experience them. You just keep going on

with your regular routine.

Second, you must be responsible for anything that happens.

Third, if we have to involve your wife, we will. I told you, Kate, it's just me.

And one more thing.

I'm not God. I can't control events or people.

It could get a little hairy.

That's the kicks.

Tanner? We want something to drink.

Okay. Here's the bizarre express.

You got it. One-way trips everywhere.

Vaya con Dios.

Thongs of wedlock are so heavy it takes two to carry them.

Sometimes three.

You know who said that?

Alexander Dumas.

No, Dumas.

Man is so full of shit.

He's probably trying to explain his mistress to his wife.

You better help him home, Tanner. He's had a snoop full.

Yeah. Good thing he's driving.

He's too drunk to walk.

have you been?

Angie, honey, just take it easy, baby. You're never gonna believe this, but I

ran into an old buddy last night, and before we knew what happened, we tied

one on.

I was so drunk, I fell asleep in the driveway.

You believe me?

Really?

Honey, I'm sorry I spoiled last night.

What old buddy?

Casey Ranger.

I don't think you two have ever met.

Leon, Casey Ranger?

You're kidding.

She's notorious.

Everybody knows about her. She used to be a madam or something.

No, honey, it's nothing like that. Those stories are out of spite.

Casey's kind of a character, that's all. People don't understand her.

She's always been kind of a character.

I used to take her out years ago.

You used to what?

We were friends.

We are friends, that's all.

Honest, Angie.

Honest, Angie. I planned this whole silly orgy thing here, and you were out

all night with your girlfriend, probably touring her...

Angelique, you've got this whole thing completely wrong.

The hell I do.

Shit. I'm going fishing.

Nothing better than a little smoke and wine.

It wouldn't hurt to catch something.

What's the matter?

You're bashful.

Well, I'm certainly not.

I really like you.

Hey, why don't you come up to the house?

What house?

Her parents went to San Diego for the week.

We've got the house all to ourselves.

We could shower off all the sand.

Yeah, the fish aren't biting anyway.

Oh, but it's...

Hello, Case?

This is Leon.

Leon, where are you? No, I'm at the beach.

How's the vision? How do you think?

Listen, Case, I've got to see you. How about lunch? Lunch?

Okay, I'll be there in a half hour.

You must be out of condition.

I didn't say I wanted to try it all at once.

Yeah,

Santa told me about drill.

That was your own idea.

You're going to succeed.

Uh-oh.

Over there. Just beyond the porch.

Do you plan this, too?

You just ask it. They don't know anybody's watching them. I didn't set it

up. Didn't you?

You really don't know the real thing from the set-up.

Leon, this is going to come as a great shock to me, but everything in this

world is not necessarily planned for your benefit.

Brill wasn't a set-up either, and you didn't know it.

No wonder your marriage is so fucked up.

Oh, look at that now.

Ah, that's the most encouraging thing I've seen all week.

You mean you've been watching them for a week?

Uh-huh.

They've been a little slow getting to it, but it looks like it's going to be

good.

This is a hot-looking little thing, isn't it?

Bet you'd like a piece of that.

Jose, look at that now.

You are so hung up in the mind games you have to play to get off that you don't

know the real thing when you get it.

And your wife, poor baby.

She hasn't the faintest idea what to do for you or to you or how to do it.

You're a great team.

You all played out. She hadn't even been in the game yet. So what would you

suggest, genius?

Stop being so fucking selfish.

If Angelique is a female eunuch, it's nobody's fault but your own. She's a

stranger to her own body. And if I try to change her, I'm going to lose her.

Maybe. But you've got to know where you're going to get back there.

As naive as she is, she's going to fall in love with the first young stud that

comes along, the type that'd fucking open the door, and she'll leave.

Sure as hell, Leon.

So what you're saying is I haven't even got a choice. No matter what I do, I'm

probably going to lose her.

Not if she locks you away from Stephanie, Doug, and not if you really

love her.

Oh, Leon, don't make her stop fooling around behind your back. No deal, Casey.

She'd freak out at one of your setups.

Oh, hell, Leon, not if you were there.

Remember that little party you foiled?

Mm-hmm. I thought you would.

Make it up to her.

Take her to a real orgy. Where the hell am I going to find a real orgy? Saturday

night, after nine, casual dress.

You remember that turkey from the county assessor's office, Keller?

Uh-huh. Well, he finally came through with that tax break for me on my

property. So now and then, I throw him a little party.

Well, Keller's quite a voyeur.

Poor dear, can't hardly get it up at all no more.

And to him, a little party is all the screwing he can watch.

Look, you don't know Angelique. She would flip out.

You might be surprised.

You can get to most anybody one way or another.

Only one thing, though. If you bring her Saturday night, it has got to be as a

free agent.

If you're going to be a possessive mother all night long, it's not going to

work. That's how you can make it up to her for the party you ruined.

One night of complete sexual freedom. No hassles, no guilt, no bitching, just

fun.

What's the matter? You afraid?

Because if you are, don't come.

Honey. He's in the house.

Angelique.

Angelique, are you over there?

Angie, why didn't you answer me?

I want to apologize.

I want to make it up to you.

No, I don't like you coming in.

There's an expression for horse racing for handling horses after a race. It's

called cooling out. I think that's what's been going on with us.

Racing each other for some big sexual moment that never seems to happen.

I just cooled out.

As I said, I want to make it up to you.

What do you have in mind?

We're going where?

I knew you wouldn't be able to handle it, but I was going to take you to a

real orgy.

Take it easy.

Maybe later.

A couple of years.

Hey, forget it.

Do you mean to tell me that you went to see that Casey Ranger just to plan an

orgy? I ran into Casey by accident.

I used to date her years ago.

I'll bet.

God damn it, Angelique.

I'm going to try to explain it to you for the last time.

We got drunk together.

I told her a little bit about us, and she said it sounded like we were making

a big deal out of nothing.

She's having a party Saturday night for a bunch of her friends.

She suggested that we come.

She figures that if we watch other people doing what they want to do, it's

going to help us to get rid of our inhibitions and other shit.

Look, I told her you wouldn't go for it.

But just forget it.

whatever they wanted to.

Told her you'd never go for it.

And what about later?

Well, that's part of it. No grudges or hard feelings. It's like having a free

night. That's the deal.

Free expression with no guilt.

And if I don't want to stay, I don't have to?

Right.

I think the whole thing is silly.

But I'll go as long as I can leave whenever I want to.

some big boy here oh no i just like to watch some people enjoy themselves

oh hi guys and girls sorry i'm tardy

he'd be late to his own funeral

i understand his mother had a 12-month pregnancy

is attractive.

Angelique, I'm Katie.

And I want you to meet Tanner Hill and Brill Adams.

This is Angelique. Tanner, why don't you take Angelique down and see if you can't

find her a little drink?

Don't look so worried. She'll survive.

Brill, why don't you lay down and see if you can't find a little drink for

yourself?

Why don't you?

Let's get away, Rob.

parties are always a little theatrical and bizarre.

You've got to take this.

Oh, this reminded me of a combination of Italian movies and American circus. What

about you?

It's a ride squad show, Daphne. I mean, paddy wagons from here to the beach. Oh,

no, according to the law.

In this state, anything sexual between consenting adults is legal.

But the law doesn't have anything to do with taste.

Now, if it read anything between consenting adults is legal, as long as

it's in good taste, the whole case would be out of business.

Business? Mm-hmm.

Leon told me this is just the way she lives.

Oh, it is.

Business is kind of an expression, but don't ever use it around Casey.

How long have you known Casey?

A couple of years, I guess.

Leon told me he's known her for several years.

That's what Casey told me when Leon used to be around a couple of years ago.

Stop checking up on your old man. He's a good guy.

He would have kept her on a leash.

Very funny.

I'm beginning to think this whole idea was just pretty idiotic.

You know, you sound just like a father.

You better loosen up a little bit or you're going to strangle her.

I'm right, you know.

I'll get up and let her go.

I hear she's the dirtiest thing in town.