All language subtitles for Fawlty Towers - 204 - The Kipper and the Corpse.ENG

...and he loves pecans
and walnuts,

and he simply adores
those little cheese footballs,

don't you, my darling?

Oh, isn't he beautiful?

Very attractive little fellow.
What is he?

He's a little Shih-Tzu.

Is he really?

Oh, dear,
what breed is it?

They're lap-dogs,
aren't they?

A lap-dog?

Hard to imagine him stalking
a reindeer, what?

Major, can I get you
another one?

Why not?
Why not?

For you, Mrs. Chase?

Nothing for me,
thank you.

But Prince would like
a little saucer of warm milk.

- It's nearly our bedtime and...
- Yes, Manuel!

Manuel will attend
to its heart's desires.

I'm afraid I'm with
the people tonight.

Manuel, por favor,
el perro microscopico.

Good evening,
Dr. Price.

Good evening.

What can I get you?

Scotch, please.

I suppose it's too late to get
anything to eat? I missed dinner.

What did you
have in mind?

I rather fancy
some sausages.

I'm afraid chef would have
locked them away.

We could do you sandwiches...
ham, cheese, tomato?

Ham, thank you.

I'll just arrange it
for you.

- Basil?
- Dear?

Could you make
some ham sandwiches?

- Look, I'm...
- For Dr. Price.

Of course, yes,
one moment, Doctor.

There we are, Major.

Excuse me. Phone.

Found another draft,
have we?

We have to be very careful,
Mr. Fawlty,

he's not very strong.

Indeed, yes.
A rapid movement of air

could damage him
irreparably.

If only one could keep them
in airtight containers.

Wouldn't be able to breathe,
would he, Fawlty?

He could try, Major,
he could try.

Anything else
for you?

No, thank you, no, it's a bit late.
We'd better get upstairs.

Quite, quite.

Sorry to have kept you.

Doctor,
one round, two?

Just one, please.

My pleasure.

No, she was the one
he had with him the third time.

The first one
was the dowdy one,

then his wife, then her,
and now this red...

oh, yes, that must have
been lovely.

Number 12?
Let's see.

Thank you.

How very lovely...
yes, that was them.

Not much, they get less fussy
as they get older.

Sorry about this.

It couldn't matter less.
We're meeting in the morning anyway.

- You've had a long journey.
- Get a good night's sleep.

You're sure
you're feeling all right?

Fine, fine,
just a little...

Oh yes, of course.

You get straight to bed,
we'll pick you up here at 9:30.

We'll have coffee,
and go in to the M.D. At 10: 00.

Fine, thanks.
Okay, good night.

- Sleep well.
- Good night.

- Bye.
- See you in the morning.

See you at 9:30 then.

Sorry.

Harris? Oh, no,
on his own again.

Oh, no, I wouldn't
have thought so.

He watches the football.

- Number 8, isn't it?
- Thank you.

Are you feeling
all right?

Not too good, no.

Would you like
a little hot something?

No, fine, thank you.

- Well, If there's anything you need...
- Thank you.

That wasn't him,
that was a new one.

Good night.

I said, "Good night."

Oh, good night.

Didn't hurt, did it?

- Basil.
- Good manners cost nothing.

He's not feeling
very well, Basil.

He only had to say "Good night."
It's not the Gettysburg Address.

Basil, when you're
not feeling well...

Just two little words, dear,

that bring a little happiness
into the world.

Excuse me?

Yes, Mr. Leeman,
what can I do for you?

Do you think I might have
breakfast in bed in the morning?

- In bed?
- Yes.

- Of course, Mr. Leeman.
- Yes, we can manage that.

Yes, we can.
I'll call you back.

I'm sorry?

Most of our guests manage
to struggle down in the morning.

A full breakfast
or the continental?

Oh, I don't...

Our chef does a very good
full breakfast,

eggs, bacon, sausages,
tomato, fried bread...

The continental.

You wouldn't care
for kippers?

Fine, kippers,
thank you.

Toast,
butter, marmalade?

Thank you.

- Tea or coffee?
- Tea, thank you.

Newspaper?

- The Telegraph.
- Thank you, good night.

Rosewood,
mahogany, teak?

I beg your pardon?

What would you like
your breakfast tray made out of?

I don't really mind.

Are you sure?
Fine, you go along,

and have a really good
night's sleep, then.

I'm hoping to get
a couple of hours myself.

I'll be up in good time

to serve you
your breakfast in bed.

If you can remember to sleep
with your mouth open,

you won't even have to wake up.

I'll drop in small pieces
of lightly buttered kipper

when you're breathing
in the right direction,

if that doesn't
put you out!

Basil!

- Sausages, please.
- Just sausages?

Hmm, just sausages.

- Tea or coffee?
- Coffee, please.

- But is...
- No, not a saucer.

- Cômo?
- I said a bowl.

A ball?

Yes, and not cold like that.

That's too cold.
I said tepid, didn't I?

Mas grande, Manuel.
De agua caliente.

He could catch pneumonia
from that.

And bring another cushion.

He's not quite high enough.

Sausages on six, Terry.

- Coming up.
- Mas grande, Manuel.

Another car strike.
Would you believe it?

Put these kippers back,
would you, Basil?

We ought to get Butlin's
to run our car factories.

In the fridge.

These should have been eaten by...
when was the sixth?

Oh, that's all right.

It says
on the packet, Sybil.

They're all right,
Mr. Fawlty.

The sixth?

That's just
to cover themselves.

Eggs and sausages, Poll.

On the table,
on the table.

No!

That!

Now, put that
under him.

The cushion!
The cushion!

Sí.

Ow!

He bite me!

You frightened him.

Qué?

You make sudden
movements like that,

of course he's
going to bite.

Don't you have dogs
in Calcutta?

Excuse me,
but I have an order

for eggs and sausages
for this table.

Yes, the sausages
are for him.

What's the matter,
Manuel?

He bite me.

Cut them up
into little pieces.

No, not my eggs.
The sausages.

Oh, sorry.

Oh!

He bite Polly, too.
You see?

If dogs are allowed
in the dining room,

at least the staff should know
how to handle them.

I'll cut them up
in the kitchen, Mrs. Chase.

Little pieces.

Kippers ready.

He hurt you, Polly?

Basil, what
are you doing?

Do you know
when the sixth was?

Will you just
take it upstairs?

They're all right,
Mr. Fawlty.

Are they supposed
to be that color?

Basil, will you just take it up?
What's the matter, Manuel?

That hairy mosquito
just bit us both.

What?

It's not right
in dining room like that.

She pays extra
for the dog.

Basil, it's after 8:00.

Poisoning is still an offense
in this country.

Do get a move on,
we've got a busy day.

I've got the laundrymen coming.

The laundrymen.
My God!

A woman's work
is never delegated, is it?

What are you doing, Polly?

Just preparing
some sausages.

Bangers a la bang.

Good morning, breakfast.

Breakfast.

Here we are. Another car strike.
Marvelous, isn't it?

Taxpayers pay 'em
millions each year,

they get the money, go on strike.
It's called socialism.

If they don't like
making cars,

why don't they get themselves
another bloody job

designing cathedrals
or composing violin concertos?

The British Leyland Concerto,
in four movements, all of 'em slow,

with a four-hour
tea break in between.

I'll tell you why,
'cause they're not interested in anything,

except lounging about on conveyor belts
stuffing themselves with my money.

You don't mind if
I turn the light off?

Well, enjoy
your breakfast.

I'm sorry,
I didn't catch that.

Not at all, thank you
for mentioning it.

Unbelievable.
Un-be-lievable.

Not a single bloody word.

You get up at 5:30
in the morning

so they can lounge around
in bed till midday

and do you get so much
as a word of thanks?

- What's that?
- Forgot the milk.

Don't get talking to him,
you'll never get away.

Would you believe it?

I get him his breakfast,
I take it all the way upstairs,

I lay it in front of him,
hand him his newspaper,

I tidy the room, draw the curtains,
guess what he says?

I said,
"Guess what he says?"

Hmmm?

Nothing!

Your friend! The one in eight.
Nothing, not a word.

Are you listening?
Hello, can anybody hear me?

Have I ceased to exist?
Have I suddenly become invisible?

Sybil, Sybil, Sybil,
can you see me?

No.

Good, I'll go
and lie down then.

No I won't, I'll go
and hit some guests.

Poor little toma-woma-boy.

Oh, let me...

Dr. Price's sausages.

What is it, Polly?

He's dead.

- Dead, who?
- Number eight.

Leeman?
But Basil just took him his breakfast.

He's cold.

Oh, no.

What's the matter
with that dog?

He is dead.

He's certainly struggling
for life at the moment.

A dead dog in
the breakfast room.

Egon Ronay would knock off
a star for that.

No, no,
Mr. Leeman dead.

Well, that would
explain a lot.

No, Mr. Fawlty.

Really.
Poll just said so.

What are you on about?
I just took him his kippers.

Oh, my God!

Leeman's dead,
I'm getting Dr. Price.

I just put the milk down
on the tray...

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

I told her. I told her the sixth.
We could get 20 years for this.

What?

The kippers, the kippers!
Oh, my God!

Mr. Fawlty, he's been dead
for hours.

M. Fawlty, he's cold.
He's been dead for hours.

He must have died
in his sleep.

Mr. Fawlty!

What? What?

He hasn't touched those kippers.
Well, look! Feel him.

- What?
- Feel him.

- He's stone cold.
- Yes.

Oh, joy!
Thank you, God.

Oh, isn't it wonderful?
I'm so happy! Hooray!

Sad, isn't it?

May I ask who...?

Bit stuffy, isn't it?
I'll open a window.

Who...?

- Who found the body?
- Polly did.

I was bringing him
up the milk,

we'd forgotten it.

You brought the milk
with the breakfast?

No, the breakfast
was already up.

Who brought
the breakfast?

Who found him?

Oh, I brought
the breakfast.

- What's that?
- That's a bit of it.

- Bit of what?
- A bit of the breakfast.

You brought him
his breakfast?

Yes.

So you told her
he was dead?

Yes.

Then why did
you bring him...

Why did you bring him
the milk then?

- Why?
- Yes, why?

When he said
"Mr. Leeman was dead,"

I thought he said,
"He's still in bed."

He didn't exactly say
he was dead, Doctor.

I said he was pretty quiet.

- Quiet?
- Exactly.

What were you talking to him about?
Car strikes, was it?

Thank you, Sybil.

I don't understand.
He's been dead about 10 hours.

It's so final, isn't it?

Basil!

Wouldn't you say it was final?
I'd say it was pretty bloody final.

Do you mean to tell me
you didn't realize this man was dead?

People don't talk that much in the morning.
I'm just delivering a tray, right?

If the guest isn't singing,

"Oh, what a beautiful morning,"
I don't immediately think,

"There's another one
snuffed it in the night.

Another name in the Fawlty Towers
Book of Remembrance."

I mean, this is a hotel,
not a Burma railway.

Basil!

It does actually say "Hotel" outside.
Perhaps I should be more specific.

"Hotel for people who have
a better than 50% chance

of making it
through the night."

What are you looking
at me like that for?

Basil...

there's a kipper
sticking out of your jumper.

There it is.
I've been looking for that.

That's the other one.

We'll be downstairs, Doctor.

Shall I ring
the undertaker?

Would you, Polly?

I've been up since 5:30,
you know?

He was leaving today.
Some people are coming at lunchtime.

- We'll put them in another room.
- We're full tonight.

Oh, do put that away!

Get the body into the office
until the undertakers come.

Now?

When the doctor's finished.

- What are you doing?
- Making up his bill.

Who are you going
to give it to?

We'll leave it in his wallet,
they're bound to look there.

Better not charge him
for breakfast.

Mr. Simkins?
Fawlty Towers here.

I'm afraid somebody's died
during the night.

When could you collect the body?

Somebody, anybody, really.

Good morning,
good morning.

You're very cheerful
this morning.

Well, one of the guests
has just died.

You are wicked.

Manuel, Manuel!

Manuel,
we go and get the body.

Polly! Polly!

Yes, if you can.

Would it be all right
to move the...

Could I use the phone, please?
I have to call the coroner.

The coroner?!

I can't give him his death certificate,
I'm not his doctor.

I have to report his death
to the coroner.

I see, of course.
Come this way, Doctor.

- All clear?
- All clear.

Is heavy.

Come on, come on!

Good morning, Manuel.

- Oh, good morning.
- Oh!

It's all right, leave it.
It's heavy.

It's quite all right.
I'll put them like that.

- Don't bother. We can manage.
- It's no bother.

No, no, leave it alone.

I know,
if I fold them like this...

Yes, go away.
Move, Manuel!

Move, move, move.

- I'll do it, Miss Tibbs.
- No, it's all right.

He's dead!

- Serves you right.
- Shh! Shh!

- O-oh, my God!
- It's all right, Miss Tibbs.

- Shut up, shut up!
- Oh, my God!

Slap her!
She's hysterical.

- Murder! Murder!
- Slap her!

Oh, spiffing!
Absolutely spiffing.

Well done.
Two dead, 25 to go.

Quick, Polly, Polly!

I just dropped my ring.

Oh, there it is.

Oh, sorry,
I'm in your way.

That's quite all right.

- Oh, is this your room?
- Yes.

It's lovely, isn't it?

Yes.

Did you enjoy
your breakfast?

Yes, thank you.
Excuse us,

do you think we could
go inside and get our...

Not really.

Pardon?

Well, it's being cleaned,
Mr. Fawlty's doing it.

But we want
to get our things.

We're going out,
you see?

Lt'll only take
a couple of minutes.

We're a little late,
excuse me.

Excuse me.
Mr. Fawlty?

- Mr. Fawlty?
- All clear?

- Mr. Fawlty?
- Anybody about?

Mr. And Mrs. White
want to come into their room.

Oh...

Wait a minute!

Hello.

Can we come in?

I was explaining that you
were doing the room.

Yes, won't be five minutes.

Couldn't you do it later?

Pick that ashtray up,
will you, Manuel, please?

The big one.
Could we do it later?

When we've got our things.

It'll only be
a couple of minutes.

Look, Fawlty,
we want our things!

Right, yes,
thank you so much.

He's locked it.

That's just a precaution.

Have you locked this?

Only slightly.

- Will you let us in?
- In a minute.

Get the coats,
get the coats.

What's going on?

He's a bit
of a perfectionist.

Ready!

What's been
going on in here?

We tried rearranging
the furniture,

but it didn't really work.
Manuel has your coats.

Oh-hh...

Oh-hh...

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh...

It's all right,
he's from Barcelona.

Oh-hh!

What's that noise?

Oh, it's just my back.

No, no,
that moaning.

Oh-hh...

Oh, yes. That's odd.

No, no, it's coming
from the cupboard.

Well, we'll get
some oil.

- Have a nice day.
- There's someone in there.

- What?
- Yes, listen.

No, no, no.

Oh, please...!

Good Lord, so there is.

- Let them out!
- Good idea.

- Right, well, um...
- Well, go on.

We're going to.
It's the next thing on the list.

If you do get a chance
to visit the museum...

Open it now, will you?

All right.
Yes, right.

Oh, it's locked.
Oh, damn.

- Where's the key?
- Yes, where is the key?

Do you have any idea,
Polly, Manuel?

I expect we've left it
downstairs somewhere.

Qué?

- Where's the key?
- Key's in your pocket.

- No, it isn't.
- Yes, it is.

Well done, Manuel.
Thank you very much.

Right, well,
we've got it now.

- Give it to me...
- All right, all right, I will. I will.

Oh, Miss Tibbs!

Now, I've warned you
about this before.

You can hide
in your own cupboard

but not in other people's!

I'm sorry about this,
you can't really blame her.

She doesn't have much in her life.
She has to make her own entertainment.

She has trouble
with her arm.

That's why she goes
in the cupboard.

- Exactly.
- Are you feeling better?

Her arm gets stuck there.

It's always
happening to her.

He's dead.

It's her husband.
She hasn't got over it.

Died 30 years ago.

She doesn't
mean any arm.

In the cupboard!

No more today,
you've had enough!

Oh, my God, look at that!

Thank you, Manuel.
Manuel, thank you.

That's enough.
Thank you.

Anything else
we can do for you?

It was so horrible,
Mrs. Fawlty.

- You've no idea.
- Oh, I know.

It was pitch black in there,

and that thing...
with its hand.

Oh, I know.

Now you have
a little rest

and try to think
of something else.

But anything
could have happened.

Well, he was dead, dear.

A man is a man,
Mrs. Fawlty.

Oh, I know.

I shall speak
to him about it.

Speak to him?

To Mr. Fawlty.

We're his oldest residents.

Have a little rest first.

Frightening me like that.

I shall speak to him.

Have a word with him
in a little while

when you're feeling better,
hmm?

I see, yes, thank you.

It's all right, dear.
They've got rooms at the Seaview.

- Tonight?
- Yes.

Well, let's have a look at it.

Yes, and if that's no good,

we'll try the one up by
the Prophylactic Emporium.

Okay.

Is... very heavy.

Morning, Fawlty.

Hello, Major.

Any sign of the papers?

You've got it, Major.

Have I?
Oh, yes, so I have.

Oh, I say, Fawlty,
he doesn't look...

he doesn't look
quite the ticket.

Well, Major,

don't say anything to anybody,
but he's dead.

Ah.
Shot, was he?

No, no,
died in his sleep.

In his sleep?

Ah, well, you're off
your guard, you see.

Yes, yes.

Oh, Fawlty...

I shouldn't let him
lie around here.

No, the undertakers
are coming to get him.

Ah, 'cause they attract
the flies, you see.

Look, I've been waiting
in there.

- What?
- I haven't had any breakfast yet.

Oh, right, sorry.
Coming, coming.

It's only sausages.

Mr. Fawlty! Mr. Fawlty!

I want a word
with you, please.

Sorry about the delay, Doctor,

normal service has been
resumed as soon as possible.

More coffee?

Tea? Tea?

I'll turn the radio down.

Oh!

- Miss Tibbs.
- Oh, no.

Would you believe it?

What did you put him
there for?

He wouldn't fit in the safe
and all the drawers were full.

Come on, Manuel.

Wonderful, isn't it,
our guests?

They give us trouble
even when they're dead.

- Where are you taking him?
- Kitchen.

- Polly!
- Just a moment.

Hello!

He's seriously ill.

Oh, dear.

Don't just stand there.
Call a vet!

Right.

He's been poisoned.

On the table.

Sorry about that.
Bit overdone, I'm afraid.

We'll send 'em down
the crematorium.

You can't keep
a dead body in here,

where there's food.

- Can't we?
- Of course not.

Oh, sorry.
Manuel.

Put him in there,
in the basket.

- Not in here.
- What?

Not in the kitchen.

Oh, right.

Oh, um, Sybil!

I'm looking after
Miss Tibbs, Basil.

How are you feeling, dear?

Won't be
two minutes, okay?

Sorry about that, Doctor.

Wash your hands
first, please.

Oh, right.

And make sure
this area is scrubbed

before any more food
is prepared in here.

Absolutely.

Sausages excepted.
You may cook them immediately.

I'll take the risk.

But of course.
Toute suite.

Leave it.

- No, no, I take it.
- Leave it.

Is no time, please.
No, no, no, please.

I'm sitting here.

Is no lunch till 12:00...

I'm still having breakfast.

Is finish, all gone,
breakfast kaput.

I'm having sausages.

Is not allowed.

Put that back.
Look, I'm a doctor.

I'm a doctor,
and I want my sausages.

I tell you,
is finished.

Bye, bye, please.
Bye, bye.

Now look...

Is finish.

Give those to me.
Come on, come on.

No, is no possible.

- Is everything all right?
- He want to eat now.

I've been trying to sit down
and he keeps moving things from my table.

I'm so sorry.

He doesn't understand
that I haven't finished breakfast.

Manuel...

Manuel,
let me explain.

- Ow-ww!
- All right?

You understand?
Good.

They'll be ready
in just a couple of minutes.

There we are, Mr. Ingrams,
number eight.

Top of the stairs
on the right.

Excuse me not
coming up with you,

one of our guests
has been taken ill.

Thank you.

- Excuse me?
- In the office.

- Excuse me?
- Yes?

We have an appointment
with Mr. Leeman.

Do you know
where he is?

Where he is?

Let me think.

Would he be
in the dining room?

Might he be
in his room?

Let me think.
Where is he?

We've come
to collect him.

- We're taking him...
- I'm sorry?

We've come
to collect him.

Oh, you've come
to collect him!

Yes.

I'm sorry,
I didn't realize.

- Modern dress.
- What?

Your dress is very modern.

I didn't realize
women did it.

- Did what?
- Shh-hh.

He's downstairs?

No, no,
in the basket.

I beg your pardon?

He's in the basket.

- In the basket?
- Yes. Hello.

What's he doing
in the basket?

Well, not much.

What are you
talking about?

Don't you believe...?
Look, look.

Oh, my God, he's gone.
Where is he?

- Fresh laundry.
- They've taken him!

Stop! Stop!

Basil!

If you could just hang on
a couple of minutes.

If you could just hang on
a couple of minutes.

Sorry to keep you.

It's all right. It's all right.

We've sorted it out.
He's in this one.

The doctor didn't want him
in the kitchen,

- so we put him in the basket.
- It's more hygienic.

Basil!

- Yes?
- You do work here?

Yes.

We'd like to speak
to the manager.

I'm the manager.
Is there a problem?

He is, really.

There seems to be
some misunderstanding.

We've come to collect
one of your guests,

a Mr. Leeman,

to take him into town
for a meeting.

- Meeting?
- Yes, a meeting.

With our managing director.

Oh, I see.
Mr. Leeman.

Yes.

We thought you said...
the linen.

Brilliant!
Sorry, sorry, that's it.

- Sorry to keep you.
- Hello, my sweet.

- What are you doing, Basil?
- It's a bit involved, dear,

but we thought that
these gentlemen thought

- that we thought...
- No, no, no...

No, they were coming
for Mr. Leeman,

and we thought they
were coming to collect the linen.

Mr. Leeman?

So, if you just sort
that one out, dear,

I'll take the linen
upstairs.

I see.
Thank you, Basil.

Not at all.

Would you mind coming
into the office for a moment?

Another one, Fawlty?

No, same one, Major.

Ah.

Oh, sorry, sorry.

- They've gone into the town.
- In there.

Oh!

Sorry, wrong room.

Estoy muy... cansado.

- Back in the basket.
- I can't lift.

- Come on, come on.
- No, too tired.

There's somebody coming.

Mr. Fawlty, I no want
to work here anymore.

- Open the basket.
- No.

Open the basket!

Now, inside.

Not you.

- I quit.
- Get out!

- I on strike.
- I'm warning you.

I stay here, is nice.

You see this? You're next!

Really, I'm so sorry.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.

- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.

Goodbye.

- Yes?
- Could I get my hat?

Your hat?

Yes, it's just there.

Yes, I'll have it sent on.

Do you have a card with your address?
I'll send it on.

Well, could I just get it?

Do you have to have it now?

Well, yes.

Supposing you lose it?
It is windy today.

I'd like to have it.

Oh, right.

- Manuel! Manuel!
- He's in the basket.

Polly, would you
get Manuel

out of the basket,
please?

Manuel?

Yes, come on, girl.
What's the matter?

- He isn't in there.
- Yes, he is.

- He isn't.
- He is. Look for him.

Oh, sorry.

You big scab.

See?

Manuel, will you get
this gentlemen his hat, please?

- Where?
- There.

On the rack.

- Sorry. What color was it?
- Brown.

- Brown.
- No, that's not it.

Thank you.

Mr. Fawlty,

I want a word with you
in your office.

When would be
convenient for you?

I'm 79.

What on earth
is going on here?

Sorry about the eiderdown.
It got a bit caught.

My baby, my baby's dying.
They've poisoned him!

Your baby?

- Sybil!
- He said he'd call for a vet.

- A vet?
- Sybil!

I've just cooked these sausages myself
and they're off.

They should have been eaten
by the third.

There you are, dear.
You do look nice.

Ladies and gentlemen,
ladies and gentlemen.

Laundry's ready!
Ladies and gentlemen,

there have been a lot
of cock-ups this morning.

You all deserve an explanation,
and I'm happy to say,

that my wife will give it to you.
Thank you so much.

What's going on,
old boy?

Basil!

Basil! Basil!

Basil! Basil!