Original subtitles

Hit it. ♪ Hey-Oh, yah, hah ♪

♪ Oh, Hey-Oh ♪

Yeah, dance!

♪ Hey-Oh ♪ Yeah.

♪ Oh-Hey-Oh ♪

Cute and cuddly, boys.

Hmm.

No signs of forced entry, Skipper.

Oh!

Those demented mole men are clever.

Rico, taste report.

Nope.

Nuh-uh.

I just know they're using our tunnels.

Kowalski, dust for tiny, little fingerprints.

No sign of mole men or women.

Fire in the hole!

False alarm.

Gesundheit.

Kowalski, damage report.

Beak nearly fractured.

And there's that.

Boris, shush your belly.

How are you always so hungry.

Uh, that wasn't me.

Was it me?

No I think it was an earthquake.

That's not good.

The Earth spirits must be cranky.

We should make for them an offering.

But what?

Say, Mort, how'd you like to go visit the Earth Spirit?

OK.

Woo-hoo!

How about a banana instead?

But I like bananas.

The explosion occurred here.

If the cracks spreads to this junction here,

then everything above ground will

be, well, not so above ground.

Oh, dear.

Can you do something?

I'm a scientist.

Not a structural engineer.

Gentlemen, looks to me like we're gonna need.

You know what?

I'll tell you when we get there.

Beaver... nature's unlicensed contractor.

Knock-knock!

Anybody home?

Guys!

We have guests.

Hey, penguins.

What brings you to our lot?

Yeah, what's shakin'?

Well, that.

We need your help.

A subterranean mishap requires your structural proficiency.

Whoa, that's a lot of big words.

You understand them the most

You guys are in luck.

Our building skills are sick.

Sounds like the kind of job we can sink our teeth into.

Huh, huh?

Beaver humor, boys.

Get used to it.

Right this way.

Guys, guys, guys!

Badgers!

Ah!

Hi, Becky Hi, Stacy.

Whatever you girls want, the answer is no.

We're busy.

I could toss you near the beavers.

They are so boyfriendable!

One time, Stacy was going to say, hey, what's up?

But then she didn't.

Because I had this weird spot on my nose,

which was really just grape jelly.

But then Becky...

Well, I totally tried to say, hey, how's it going?

But I couldn't because I had a weird spot too.

Yeah, peanut butter.

Oh, right?

Lunch that day.

Let me skip to the end of your delightful story.

No, you can't meet the beavers now.

Those semi-aquatic rodents have an important job to do.

A zoo-saving job.

Please, please, please?

Rico.

Listen up, men.

Those girls are not to be anywhere near those beavers

until the job is done.

I want a guard on that channel 24/7.

Starting with you.

Oh!

Let go of my wife!

Silly me.

Badgers!

Sorry.

Just on the lookout in case of...

Badger attack!

Oh...

Told you it would work.

Thanks, Private.

That is awesome!

And way hot.

Awesome and hot.

These are words often used to describe me.

We have you surrounded.

Now step away from the beavers.

Private said it was OK.

Actually, he said it was

But we took that to mean "OK."

You knew I was scared of badgers

when you gave me the job.

C'mon, we got to get you out of flirty-flirt town.

In a rush.

Big time.

Aw, come on.

Ten more minutes.

No.

Later, ladies.

Hopefully sooner rather than later.

All right, put some tooth into it.

Let's go.

Badgers for the win.

Their fur.

It's so smooth and shiny.

I can almost see myself.

I know.

I can look at them and me at the same time.

And that's awesome.

Yeah.

Wait, what were we supposed to be doing here again.

Kowalski, what's wrong with the flat tails?

It appears they have a classic case of cute girl distractus.

Tell me there's a cure.

In theory, controlled amounts of badger exposure

might motivate the boy's natural work ethic.

Oh, like a dance party.

Yes.

That's pretty much what I was thinking.

Fine.

A short shimmy shaker and then back to work.

This dance is wicked!

Dope.

Yeah!

Party!

Raise the roof.

Hey, that's a really cool idea.

No, really.

Come on.

Let's raise the roof with some load-bearing timber.

Oh, this is delicious.

Hey, let's put down the food and pick up some wood.

What do you say?

Let's slow things down a bit.

Good call.

Stacy, want to dance?

OK.

Hey, back off.

I'm dancing with her.

Hey!

Stacy deserves to slow dance with the best-looking beaver.

Oh, and you're thinking that you...

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Bring it down.

You can both dance with her.

Kendall, let James have this one.

Fine.

Hey, Kendall.

I'll dance with you.

OK.

Oh, so now you're all about her?

Whoa, wait, wait.

What about me?

Back off!

She's mine.

But, Logan, I really wanted to dance with you.

Wait, what?

Boyfriend boy, Stacy?

Really?

He obviously wants to dance with me.

The Earth Spirits are getting angry at us.

And?

No, just give him more fruit.

Ugh, fine!

Except for the mangoes.

They just wouldn't appreciate the sweetness.

I'm out of here.

Later!

Ah, don't go.

Come on.

Like each other.

Or don't like each other.

I don't care.

Either way.

Get these tunnels finished.

I got a broken heart, man.

A broken... ah!

I know what'll turn that frown upside down.

Hard work!

What do you say?

Only if Becky will go out with me.

This Kendall likes you.

Let's go tell him how much more you'll

like him when he's working.

OK?

Like I would go for Kendall?

I like Logan.

Oh, of course.

Who doesn't?

OK.

Logan, have at it.

Hello, Becky.

That's Logan?

I meant Carlos.

Carlos, Becky is, quote, totally into you.

That's cool.

But I'm more into Stacey.

Stacey!

Go talk to Carlos.

He likes you.

Carlos?

Um, what about Kendall?

Kendall!

O-M-G!

I'm waving the white flag, Kowalski.

I mean I could crack an enigma code easier

than that fickle winds of young love.

Ah, and that's why I've made this chart

to easily follow who likes who.

It's a tangled, incomprehensible mess.

Whoops.

Wrong diagram.

That's the tunnel system.

Here you go.

We need an expert.

I'm glad you asked.

Not you.

Oh.

As we begin this journey of forgiveness and understanding,

let's remember that each and every one of your feelings

are valid.

And no matter what happens, you are

all, special beautiful people.

But, uh, especially me, right?

I... I don't want to play favorites.

All right, especially you.

That's what I'm talking about.

Hey!

OK, OK, OK.

And, um, especially everyone.

Now close your eyes.

Come on, guys.

Close both sides.

Hm.

Bunch of jokesters.

OK, by a show of hands, boys, which one of you likes Stacey?

Ah.

OK.

Who likes Becky?

Wait a minute.

How can that be?

I don't know how to say this.

The thing is...

Marlene...

You are so sophisticated and...

I like you!

Marlene!

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I'm just...

Oh, I understand.

Boyfriend stealer!

What?

Oh, no.

No.

Of course not.

That's it!

Two against one?

Uncool.

What is that supposed to mean?

Marlene is mine.

Oh, no you didn't.

Now knock it off, you numbskulls.

You're making things...

Skipper.

Worse.

OK, OK.

Give the Earth Spirit some mangoes, too.

I'm not a mango!

Seriously?

What?

I thought it was a win-win.

No?

There's no place to escape.

We're stuck in here.

With the boyfriend stealer?

Hey, oxygen hog.

Let's not panic.

Oh, but there's no escape.

We're doomed!

Listen!

I can't go down being mad at anyone,

or anyone being mad at me.

So I'm really sorry.

To everybody.

Yeah.

Me too.

Sorry!

Becky, look!

Dirt!

Everyone thinks burrowing is a gopher only thing.

It's so not.

Follow us.

Logan, Carlos.

Shore that side up.

James, get your flat tail over here and help me out.

They're doing it!

Good to go.

Sweet!

So, friends?

Friends.

Then my job here is done.

So, we're good, Kowalski?

The zoo is saved?

Yes, but there was still a small collapse, which

means somewhere up there is a rather large sinkhole.

Alice is bound to notice that.

Love my zoo bath.

Whatever.

Huh?

Oh, a loofa?

I'm exfoliating.

What's wrong with it, Skipper?

Something's blocking cable.

Well, what do you know?

It was my favourite crossbow.

You naughty scamp.

You've been looking for that for weeks.

Then today must be my lucky day.

Well don't that beat all?

Somebody left a tender mackerel back there.

So, Skipper.

It really is a lucky day.

Yeah.

Lucky...

As we enter hour four

of this uneventful police chase...

Wow!

Tanker explosion.

Folks, if you're just tuning in, lucky you.

Lucky.

Lucky.

Lucky.

This is Chuck Charles, and my teleprompter is stuck.

Lucky.

Skipper?

Aw.

Limp and flavorless.

Blah, I knew it was too good to be true.

Ah!

Flee!

It's out of control!

Delicately toasted with a smoky tang.

It's perfect.

Of course!

Chilled mackerel has the precise blend of cold and fish oil

to short up my errant missile.

That was amazing, Skipper?

No, Private amazing is my base level.

This is bigger.

Boys, I believe I'm pitching a perfect day.

What are you talking about?

Walk with me.

It's a rare phenomenon.

Common to pro athletes and penguin commandos.

A fusion of body, mind, and instinct in perfect harmony.

Ooo, heat-seeking missile!

Every move you make is flawless.

Every call is dead on.

Oh, my gosh.

I just heard this news story about baby kittens...

Did I hear someone has a baby kitten story?

You bet I do!

That one perfect day you literally cannot fail.

Undeniably impressive, Skipper, but how

can you be sure this is really...

Because I've pitched a perfect day once before.

It was a girl.

Tin of sardines.

Magic in the air.

It was glorious!

But seeing how I lost her phone number,

I think I'll do something else.

Get me Plan Omega Zulu!

Your mad scheme to break into the Danish consulate?

Danes.

How long have they hunt me for crimes

I may or may not have committed!

Which may or may not involve an evil puffin

and the minister of open-faced sandwiches.

You know, you never actually told us

exactly what happened in Denmark.

Details aren't important, Mr. Nosey Beak.

Well, yes, but they are interesting.

What's interesting is this vault

on the top floor of the consulate.

Inside is my security file.

Everything the Danes have on me.

Everything?

Destroy that file and you'd be...

Free as a pretty song bird.

You know, we could even take that Nordic cruise

that Rico won't shut up about.

Huh?

But, Skipper, Plan Omega Zulu is impossible.

One slip up and we'll be rotting in some Copenhagen animal

gulag.

Not a gulag!

Do you even know what a gulag is?

Um, no.

Can I still be terrified?

Perfect day, Kowalski.

There won't be any slip-up.

All right.

If you can do everything perfectly today, do this.

Convince us.

All right.

I'm convinced.

Go Skipper!

Kowalski, building security brief.

Air tight and impregnable.

Thank you.

That was brief.

All right, Omega Zulu is a three-unit operation.

Unit one... surveillance.

Kowalski, you'll be our eyes on the outside.

Surveillance in position.

Unit two... heavy equipment.

Rico, Private.

You're manning the Danish diversion device.

Hi, Skipper.

Hi, Skipper.

That leaves the diciest job for unit me... infiltration.

No conventional entry point.

Looks like I'll be riding the tube.

You mean the subway?

No, I do not.

Ah, but Skipper, I believe

you're leaving out the most perilous peril of all.

No, I'm afraid I was saving the worst for last.

Danish security.

Don't expect a pack of mustard-stained rent-a-cops

here, boys.

The weather's cold in Denmark, and so are their souls.

You will talk now for me, please?

There was a penguin.

A penguin?

Why did we all have the same flashback?

In Denmark, we know of this commando penguin.

It was a big scandal.

Many good sandwiches were lost that today.

Uh...

No, Ulysses.

Today, we hunt for penguin!

I'm in.

Copy, Skipper.

You'll need to take a restricted access

elevator to the vault level.

It's 25 yards from your position,

but the guards are as thick as risalamande...

the traditional Danish rice pudding.

This ain't a cultural exchange, Kowalski.

Tell me how to get my diversion team inside.

Oh, problematic.

On your far left, there's a security station

with a red button for buzzing in visitors.

It appears to be fingerprint coded, which means you'll have

to trick the guard into pressing it himself.

Oh, nice throw.

Perfect throw, and I'm just getting started.

Skipper! The guard.

You... you can't...

Can.

Doing it.

Perfectly.

Skipper, behind you.

Okie dokie.

And what time is it?

11:36.

Why do you...

What is...

Oh.

Now where's my Danish diversion device?

In position, Skipper.

Engage.

Who likes Danishes?

Halt!

There is no such thing as a free Danish.

Sad, sad for you, penguin.

Your clever subterfuge is for not.

They're pinned down, Skipper.

I can't find them an exit!

Leave that to the perfect day mojo.

Rico, Private?

Move out on my mark.

And this is my mark!

Penguins!

The plan's in chaos, Skipper!

Your perfect day must have expired.

Negative, smart guy.

It just bought me an elevator ride.

Follow their position and keep me posted.

I'm going after my file.

They're in the Northeast hallway.

Boys, take the right hand corridor.

Count to two and open the first door on the left.

1-2 count.

Skipper, how did you...

Perfection doesn't rest with jibber-jabber, Private.

Move out.

Wow!

That is a big vault.

With an electronically coded

keyhole shielded by six layers...

Oh, 86 the lecture professor turtle neck Von elbow patches.

Just follow that chase.

I'm trying, but this rig wasn't designed to... gah!

It's overheated Skipper.

I've lost visual contact.

We're in the kitchen.

They'll be cooking a pot of lingonberry jam.

Knock that over and break for the South stairway.

OK.

Now, Kowalski.

Pop the control panel on your rig.

Connect the blue wire to the anterior anode

and remove the voltage limiter.

Wow, your perfect day even extends

to electrical engineering?

Nope.

Just an uneducated guess.

Of course Electric shock.

Hi, Kowalski.

Get them!

Over there!

I can get them

Skipper!

Can't talk.

Building static.

Have to shock the lock.

Ah, yes.

Well, the thing is we're in a bit of a pickle here, actually.

Can that pickle.

I've got this.

Trust me.

All right, Skipper.

We know you'll make a right call.

Yes, I will.

Look at these quivering dainties.

Such wobbily cheap cowards can not be the penguin I seek.

Where is the one that legends call Skipper?

Right behind you.

What?

Ready to start some stuff!

Skipper, your file?

You... you didn't get it?

Eh, nobody's perfect.

Except me today.

Hua!

Plan Omega Zulu complete.

Asta la vista, Danish record.

Don't I at least get to know what you were accused of?

You have precisely 6.2 seconds.

Finally.

All the secrets of Skipper's past revealed in... what?

There's no pictures at all.

It's just a bunch of words I can't read.

Time's up!

Rico.

Perfecto.