Original subtitles

YO-O-O, JOE!

♪ HE'LL FIGHT FOR FREEDOM

♪ WHEREVER THERE'S TROUBLE

♪ G.I. JOE IS THERE

♪ G.I. JOE

♪ A REAL AMERICAN HERO

♪ G.I. JOE IS THERE

♪ IT'S G.I. JOE AGAINST COBRA THE ENEMY ♪

♪ FIGHTING TO SAVE THE DAY

♪ HE NEVER GIVES UP,

♪ HE'S ALWAYS THERE

♪ FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM OVER LAND AND AIR ♪

♪ G.I. JOE

♪ A REAL AMERICAN HERO

♪ G.I. JOE IS THERE

Announcer: G.I. JOE IS THE CODE NAME

FOR AMERICA'S DARING,

HIGHLY TRAINED SPECIAL-MISSION FORCE.

ITS PURPOSE -- TO DEFEND HUMAN FREEDOM AGAINST COBRA,

A RUTHLESS TERRORIST ORGANIZATION

DETERMINED TO RULE THE WORLD.

♪ HE NEVER GIVES UP

♪ HE'LL STAY TILL THE FIGHT'S WON ♪

♪ G.I. JOE WILL DARE

♪ G.I. JOE

♪ A REAL AMERICAN HERO

♪ G.I. JOE

[ WALRUSES GRUNTING ]

[ WOOD CREAKING ]

YE-E-E-E-HAH!

All: YO-O-O, JOE!

ROADBLOCK! GIVE ME A HAND AND HELP ME GET IT GOING!

YOU CRAZY, DUDE! THAT'S NO LIE!

GET OUT OF THERE BEFORE YOU FRY!

AAAAAAH!

NOW, THAT AIN'T NO WAY TO TREAT A LADY!

[ COUNTRY MUSIC BLARING ]

[ BEEPING ]

All: YO-O-O, JOE!

[ ALL GRUNTING ]

[ BEEPING ]

[ GRUNTS ] AH! UGH!

[ Panting ] CROSS COUNTRY, YOU OKAY?

Cross Country: NO!

THOSE SNAKES RUINED MY TAPE DECK!

MAN, THOSE TELE-VIPERS MADE CROSS COUNTRY MAD,

BUT ANYBODY WHO HATES COUNTRY MUSIC CAN'T BE ALL BAD.

[ LAUGHTER ]

SHOOT! THIS MEANS I GOT TO GET ME ANOTHER ONE.

[ METAL CLINKING, STATIC ]

[ CREATURE GROWLING ]

[ VIDEO GAME BEEPING ]

Dial Tone: COME ON, BABY. COME ON.

YEAH! GOTCHA!

Mainframe: Be quiet, Dial Tone.

You want somebody to hear us?

[ CHUCKLES ] Hey, that's one terrific game.

Let's play it again.

Nah, it's late.

We got to get up in a couple hours.

Low-Light: HAVE YOU SEEN MY NEW SCOPE, SCI-FI?

I CAN'T SEEM TO FIND IT ANYWHERE.

NO, CAN'T SAY THAT I HAVE.

HAVE YOU SEEN MY CALCULATOR?

NOPE. SCI-FI?

NO, THANKS.

WHAT IS THAT STUFF, LOW-LIGHT?

I DON'T KNOW, AND I AIN'T EATING IT UNTIL I FIND OUT.

SAY, LADY JAYE, WHO DOES YOUR HAIR?

DOES IT LOOK THAT BAD?

I WOKE UP THIS MORNING AND COULDN'T FIND MY HAIRDRYER.

UH, NO, THANKS. I'M ON A DIET.

COULDN'T FIND MY FLIGHT LOG THIS MORNING.

SEEMS LIKE EVERYBODY'S MISSING SOMETHING.

ALL RIGHT! THAT TEARS IT!

I'VE TAKEN A LOT OF RIBBIN' FROM YOU ALL,

BUT NOW YOU DONE GONE TOO FAR!

CROSS COUNTRY, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

MY TAPE DECK.

SOMEBODY STOLE MY TAPE DECK.

HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO RIDE INTO BATTLE

IF I CAN'T PLAY MY COUNTRY-WESTERN MUSIC?!

[ LAUGHTER ]

'TAIN'T FUNNY!

YOU'RE NOT ACCUSING YOUR

FELLOW JOES, ARE YOU?

WELL, I DON'T THINK ANY OF YOU ARE THIEVES.

Jaye: CROSS COUNTRY, DON'T BE SUCH A JERK!

WELL, LET'S SEE WHO NABS THE BAIT THIS TIME.

[ CREATURE GROWLING ]

[ BEEPING ]

Well, I'll be.

[ GROWLING CONTINUES ]

[ FOOTSTEPS CLANKING ]

[ FOOTSTEPS CLANKING ]

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

WELL, I GUESS THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO GET IT BACK.

[ GRUNTING ]

[ FOOTSTEPS CLANKING ]

[ BEEPING ]

[ Groaning ] OH, MY ACHING BACK.

[ GROANS ]

I GOTTA PUT IN A REQUEST FOR NEW CHAIRS.

HUH. OUT OF COFFEE.

STAY.

[ BEEPING ]

PHEW! WELL, NOBODY EVER SAID

PLAYING DETECTIVE WAS GONNA BE PLEASANT.

[ SIGHS ]

[ PEOPLE GRUNTING, MURMURING ]

[ ALL CHANTING ]

WELL, I'LL BE.

[ CHANTING CONTINUES ]

COBRA COMMANDER!

GREETINGS!

AND WELCOME TO THE FIRST CONGRESS

OF THE SECRET SOCIETY OF COBRA.

YOU HAVE ALL BEEN SELECTED TO WEAR THE SIGNET

OF THE NEW BROTHERHOOD KNOWN AS "THE COIL."

WE ARE ALL DEDICATED

TO THE EXTINCTION OF SERPENTOR

AND HIS DERANGED SCIENTIST SIDEKICK,

DR. MINDBENDER.

WE MUST RETURN COBRA'S POWER

TO ITS RIGHTFUL HEIR -- NAMELY, ME!

All: [ Chanting ] LONG LIVE COBRA COMMANDER!

I RECKON GENERAL HAWK WILL BE MIGHTY INTERESTED

IN OLD SNAKE BREATH'S REVIVAL MEETIN'.

[ GASPS ]

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ Cockney accent ] HEY, MATES! WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE?

[ Cockney accent ] IT MUST BE CHRISTMAS,

AND THIS IS OUR PRESENT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

DON'T GET ME RILED, BOY.

YOU WON'T LIKE IT.

[ Cockney accent ] HERE, MATE.

LET ME MAKE YOU REALLY HOT UNDER THE COLLAR.

[ LAUGHTER ]

[ GRUNTS ]

WHAT THE...? HE'S BLOOMIN' GONE!

COBRA COMMANDER HAS REALLY

GONE OFF THE DEEP END THIS TIME.

DO NOT BE SO QUICK TO JUDGE HIM, DESTRO.

HE HAS HAD MANY SUCCESSES OVER THE YEARS.

[ HURRIED FOOTSTEPS ]

AAH! UGH!

[ GROANS ]

HEY -- MY TAPE DECK.

INSOLENT FOOL!

I'LL CRUSH YOU LIKE A BOX OF CRACKERS!

SOME OTHER TIME, CHROME DOME!

UNH! UGH!

[ GRUNTING ]

HEY! AAH!

[ LAUGHTER ]

ANYONE REMEMBER TO BRING THE MARSHMALLOWS?

[ LAUGHTER ]

NOW I KNOW HOW GRILLED SIRLOIN FEELS.

[ BEEP ]

THIS FILE HAS BEEN ACCESSED

AND DELETED BY UNAUTHORIZED PERSONNEL.

HMM. LET'S TRY IT AGAIN.

UH-OH.

GENERAL HAWK, THIS IS MAINFRAME.

You better get down here quick.

Someone has violated our computer security section.

BE RIGHT THERE, MAINFRAME.

SERGEANT SLAUGHTER, YOU BETTER COME WITH ME.

WHERE ARE ALL MY VIPERS, DR. MINDBENDER?

I DO NOT KNOW, GREAT COBRA EMPEROR.

I DID HEAR A RUMOR OF COBRA FLU, BUT --

DO NOT GET FLIPPANT WITH ME, MINDBENDER.

WHERE IS COBRA COMMANDER?

WHY, WHEN I LAST SAW HIM,

HE SPOKE OF SOME URGENT MATTER THAT NEEDED HIS ATTENTION.

FIND MY VIPERS AND BRING COBRA COMMANDER TO ME -- AT ONCE!

THIS, I COMMAND!

YES, SERPENTOR. RIGHT AWAY.

WHAT A SPOILED BRAT I HAVE CREATED.

[ LAUGHTER ]

Destro: FIREFLY, LOOK OUT!

HE'S GOING TO TOPPLE THE STATUE!

[ LAUGHTER CONTINUES ]

YAHOO-O-O-O!

[ GRUNTS ]

WHEW-EE!

THIS PLACE REMINDS ME OF AUNT HAZEL'S KITCHEN --

AIN'T BEEN CLEANED IN A COON'S AGE.

WELL, I'LL BE.

[ WHEEZING ]

[ ALL GROANING ]

[ COUGHING ]

[ GROANS ]

UGH!

YAH!

WE ARE BEHIND SCHEDULE, DESTRO.

I NEED MORE GOLD TO FINANCE THE COIL.

BUT, COBRA COMMANDER,

THESE PEOPLE NEED FOOD AND REST.

THEY HAVEN'T HAD A BREAK IN THREE DAYS.

Cross Country: THEY'LL GET PLENTY OF REST

ONCE G.I. JOE PUTS YOU SNAKES OUT OF BUSINESS.

[ RUMBLING ]

AAH!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

I DON'T CARE, DESTRO.

I WANT PRODUCTION INCREASED BY 100%,

NO MATTER WHAT THE COST!

WITH THE COIL, WE WILL ELIMINATE

BOTH SERPENTOR AND G.I. JOE IN ONE FELL SWOOP.

Cross Country: YEEHA-A-A-A-H!

All: UGH!

[ GROANS ]

WELL, THIS IS RIGHT EMBARRASSIN'.

A NUMBER OF PERSONAL ARTICLES

HAVE BEEN LISTED AS MISSING

OVER THE LAST COUPLE OF DAYS.

TODAY WE LEARNED SOMEONE ACCESSED OUR MAIN COMPUTER

AND RETRIEVED TOP-SECRET INFORMATION.

CROSS COUNTRY WENT AWOL AT ABOUT THE SAME TIME

THE COMPUTER REGISTERED THE REMOVAL OF THE FILE.

IF ANY OF YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION ON HIS WHEREABOUTS,

PLEASE COME FORWARD.

WELL.

I CAN SEE THAT G.I. JOE

ISN'T RECRUITING FOR INTELLIGENCE.

YEAH? AND COBRA'S HARDLY NOTED FOR GOOD LOOKS, EITHER!

INSOLENT WORM!

[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

ENJOY IT WHILE YOU CAN, FANG BREATH.

COMMANDER, WE TAPPED JOE'S SECRET FILE.

WAIT! NOT HERE.

BRING IT TO THE COMMUNICATIONS ROOM.

[ METAL CLICKING ]

[ INDISTINCT TALKING ]

[ PANTING ]

[ GRUNTS ]

HUNH!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

[ GASPING ]

THIS MUST BE AN E-TICKET RIDE.

[ PANTING ]

[ GASPING ]

Cobra: GOOD RIDDANCE TO BAD RUBBISH.

NOW, WHAT'S THIS ABOUT A JOE SECRET FILE?

IT SEEMS THAT ONE OF DESTRO'S RATTILLOS GOT LUCKY.

Destro: YES. RESEARCH AND DEVELOPMENT DOES PAY OFF.

NEVER MIND THAT, DESTRO.

HAVE YOU BROKEN THE CODE?

IN A MINUTE, COMMANDER.

LET ME KNOW WHEN THE ROCKET SCIENTIST HAS SOMETHING.

ROCKET SCIENTIST, INDEED.

GOT TO WARN THE JOES.

[ COUGHS ]

[ Panting ] LIGHTHOUSE.

WELL, JUST MIGHT WORK.

[ DOOR CREAKS ]

[ SHIP HORN BLOWS ]

[ SHIP HORN BLOWS ]

Sailor: CAPTAIN! LOOK AT THIS!

[ BEEPING ]

WHAT THE...?

SON OF A GUN.

GENERAL HAWK, THIS IS MAINFRAME.

I just got the weirdest message from Cross Country

via a Polish cargo ship.

[ HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING ]

THERE IT IS!

AND THERE'S CROSS COUNTRY!

[ TIRES SCREECH ]

OKAY, WE'RE GONNA DO THIS BY THE BOOK.

[ PICKAXES CLANKING ]

[ GROANS ]

GET UP -- QUICKLY -- BEFORE THEY SEE YOU.

GET UP! GET UP!

[ Cockney accent ] IF HE CAN'T WORK, LET HIM FRY!

UGH!

GRAB HIS KEYS!

YOU! GRAB THE KEYS!

[ HANDCUFFS CLINK ]

RRAH!

UGH!

HUH. LOOKS LIKE WE ONLY HAD TO SET THINGS IN MOTION.

UGH!

[ GRUNTING ]

SCI-FI, LOW-LIGHT, ROUND UP THE PRISONERS.

Both: YO!

[ ALL CHEERING ]

Cobra: WELL, NOW, DESTRO. STILL HAVING TROUBLE?

I THINK I ALMOST HAVE IT, COMMANDER.

THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID HOURS AGO!

[ CHEERING ]

COMMANDER, LOOK!

[ CHEERING CONTINUES ]

Cobra: N-O-O-O-O-O-O!

THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!

COMMANDER, WE MUST EVACUATE!

THE FIRE HAS SPREAD THROUGH THE TEMPLE!

IDIOTS! I'M SURROUNDED BY INCOMPETENT IDIOTS!

COME ON.

I KNOW YOU'RE IN HERE SOMEWHERE.

WELL, NOW.

WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE?

[ CHUCKLES ]

I KNOW SOME PEOPLE WHO MIGHT LIKE TO HAVE THESE RETURNED.

HALLELUJAH!

MY TAPE DECK!

DIGGING IN THE TRASH, CROSS COUNTRY?

ONE OF DESTRO'S LESS-INSPIRED IDEAS --

MUTANT PACK RATS.

THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO STEAL VITAL JOE SECRETS,

AND ALL THEY STOLE WAS JUNK.

AND MY TAPE DECK!

WELL, IT'S NOT A TOTAL LOSS.

WE HAVE YOU FOR A PRISONER.

GUESS AGAIN, YOU DAG-BLAMED REPTILE!

[ GRUNTS ]

AAH!

UGH!

OOMPH!

WELL, IF YOU REALLY WANT TO PLAY ROUGH...

[ BOTH GRUNTING ]

GO! THIS IS GETTING TOO HOT, MATES.

RIGHT! LET'S CHECK OUT WHILE WE CAN!

[ GRUNTING ]

[ COUGHS ]

[ Panting ] HAD -- HAD ENOUGH?

RRAH!

AGH!

SMOOTH MOVE, JOE.

BUT IT WILL AVAIL YOU LITTLE.

[ RUMBLING ]

YO, JOE!

Cobra: QUICK -- TO DESTRO'S ESCAPE POD!

WELL, FOR AN IMPROMPTU RESCUE MISSION,

THIS DIDN'T TURN OUT TOO BADLY.

I'LL SAY! I FOUND ALL THE STUFF THAT GOT STOLEN!

OOPS.

[ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ]

SORRY ABOUT THAT.

Lift Ticket: WHILE YOU WERE OUT CHASING SHADOWS,

MAINFRAME RADIOED TO SAY HE FOUND OUT WHAT FILE WAS MISSING.

WHAT WAS IT? ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?

[ LAUGHS ] IT WAS A VIDEO GAME!

SOMETHING MAINFRAME AND DIAL TONE COOKED UP.

ALL THIS FOR THAT?

SOME NIGHTS, IT JUST DON'T PAY TO GET OUT OF BED.