Original subtitles

YO-O-O, JOE!

♪ HE'LL FIGHT FOR FREEDOM WHEREVER THERE'S TROUBLE ♪

♪ G.I. JOE IS THERE

♪ G.I. JOE

♪ A REAL AMERICAN HERO

♪ G.I. JOE IS THERE

♪ IT'S G.I. JOE AGAINST COBRA THE ENEMY ♪

♪ FIGHTING TO SAVE THE DAY

♪ HE NEVER GIVES UP, HE'S ALWAYS THERE ♪

♪ FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM OVER LAND AND AIR ♪

♪ G.I. JOE

♪ A REAL AMERICAN HERO

♪ G.I. JOE IS THERE

G.I. JOE IS THE CODE NAME

FOR AMERICA'S DARING, HIGHLY TRAINED

SPECIAL-MISSION FORCE.

ITS PURPOSE -- TO DEFEND HUMAN FREEDOM AGAINST COBRA,

A RUTHLESS TERRORIST ORGANIZATION

DETERMINED TO RULE THE WORLD.

♪ HE NEVER GIVES UP

♪ HE'LL STAY TILL THE FIGHT'S WON ♪

♪ G.I. JOE WILL DARE

♪ G.I. JOE

♪ A REAL AMERICAN HERO

♪ G.I. JOE

[ LASER FIRE ]

Serpentor: NO! THIS IS FUTILE!

WE'RE TOO EVENLY MATCHED.

WHAT USE IS A SIMULATION

THAT CAN'T GIVE US WHAT WE NEED MOST --

AN EDGE TO GRANT COBRA TOTAL, LASTING VICTORY?

I THINK WE MAY FINALLY HAVE JUST SUCH AN EDGE,

O GREAT SERPENTOR.

WITH WHAT? TOYS?

Dr. Mindbender: I'VE LEARNED THAT GENERAL HAWK IS FLYING TO EUROPE.

NOW IS THE TIME TO STRIKE.

IN CASE YOU'VE FORGOTTEN...

GENERAL HAWK IS ONLY THE APEX

OF THE G.I. JOE COMMAND STRUCTURE.

BENEATH HIM IS AN EQUALLY STRONG

AND COMPETENT CADRE OF LEADERS --

DUKE, FLINT, BEACH HEAD, SGT. SLAUGHTER.

AH, BUT WHAT IF I INFILTRATED

THE DEPARTMENT OF DEFENSE PERSONNEL RECORDS

TO PROMOTE THREE JOES TO THE RANK OF COLONEL?

AND HOW WILL THAT HELP COBRA

CONQUER THE WORLD FOR ME, DR. MINDBENDER?

I WILL CRIPPLE G.I. JOE

BY PROMOTING THE THREE JOES

MOST LIKELY TO UNDERMINE THEIR MORALE AND EFFICIENCY.

[ LAUGHS ]

SHIPWRECK, DIAL TONE, AND LIFELINE, EH?

PERFECT!

DR. MINDBENDER, UNLEASH YOUR SCHEME.

THIS I COMMAND!

UH, MY SATELLITE TRACKING SYSTEM

IS GOING TO BE PERFECT, MAINFRAME -- PERFECT.

UH, IF I WERE YOU, I'D DO A LITTLE MORE RE-ENGINEERING

ON SOME OF YOUR SUBSYSTEMS, DIAL TONE.

OH, MAINFRAME,

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO GO THROW COLD WATER ON EVERYTHING?

Mainframe: WELL, WHEN HOT AIR GETS OUT ON THIN ICE,

COLD WATER IS WHAT YOU GET.

HEY! LOOK OUT! UNH!

[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

LOOKS LIKE SPRING THAW CAME EARLY THIS YEAR.

FORWARD. FORWARD. JUST A LITTLE BIT FORWARD.

YOU JARHEADS KNOW WHAT "FORWARD" IS, DON'T YOU?

YEAH. IT'S THE WAY A S.E.A.L. BEHAVES ON A FIRST DATE.

AAH!

AAH!

[ BOTH GROAN ]

STUPID JARHEAD.

A BLOCK AND TACKLE IS TOO COMPLICATED FOR YOU?

THEY'VE ONLY BEEN USING THEM FOR 10,000 YEARS.

I CAN HANDLE A BLOCK AND TACKLE.

YOU CAN'T SET THE BRAKE PINS PROPERLY.

I HEARD A CRASH. ARE YOU TWO OKAY?

NO, WE AIN'T OKAY!

WET SUIT HERE IS GONNA NEED A HOSPITAL IN ABOUT TWO SECONDS.

HEY! NOW, CUT IT OUT!

YOU DON'T WANT TO FIGHT EACH OTHER.

Both: THE HECK WE DON'T!

[ BOTH GRUNTING ]

HEY, YOU TWO! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE BROTHERS.

SAVE YOUR FIGHT FOR COBRA AND THE OTHERS.

NOW, WHO STARTED THIS?

Both: HE DID!

HE DIDN'T SET THE BRAKE PIN.

THAT WASN'T MY JOB! THAT WAS...SHIPWRECK'S!

[ SNORING ]

[ MEN GRUNTING ]

QUICK. ATTACH THE COMPUTER BYPASS.

[ PANEL BEEPS ]

TELE-VIPER SQUAD SIX TO DR. MINDBENDER.

READY TO INSERT BOGUS MESSAGES

INTO JOE DEPARTMENT OF DEFENSE COMPUTER TRAFFIC.

LIFELINE, DIAL TONE, AND SHIPWRECK?

Beach Head: THESE THREE? PROMOTED TO COLONEL?

THIS DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.

SHIPWRECK ISN'T EVEN IN THE ARMY.

TELL ME ABOUT IT.

I CONTACTED D.O.D. TWICE FOR CONFIRMATION

AND GOT THE SAME ANSWER.

BUT WHY THESE THREE PARTICULAR JOES?

WHY NOT ROADBLOCK OR SLIP STREAM OR -- OR ME?

YOU BETTER STOP WORKING ON THAT, DIAL TONE.

AW, BEACH HEAD. I'VE ALMOST GOT IT LICKED.

COLONELS DON'T HAVE TIME TO WASTE ON THAT KIND OF WORK.

COLONEL? OW!

Shipwreck: BACK OFF! COME ON, FELLAS. BACK OFF.

HEY! BACK OFF! QUIT SHAKING THE PILE!

Man: YOU STUPID SAILOR.

ALL RIGHT! AT EASE!

Beach Head: SHIPWRECK AND LIFELINE, FRONT AND CENTER.

[ Panting ] HUH?

I CAN UNDERSTAND HIM WANTING TO CHEW OUT SHIPWRECK,

BUT LIFELINE?

YEAH? WHAT'S UP, BEACH HEAD?

Beach Head: READ 'EM AND WEEP.

OH, NO! THIS IS TERRIBLE!

WHAT'S WRONG? BEEN TRANSFERRED?

NO. WORSE. I'VE BEEN PROMOTED.

BOTH OF US -- TO COLONEL!

BOY, OH, BOY, SOMEBODY FINALLY REALIZED MY POTENTIAL.

YOU SORRY SONS OF DOG FACES ARE GONNA REALLY SNAP TO

NOW THAT COLONEL SHIPWRECK IS HERE.

OKAY, YOU MANGY LANDLUBBERS.

[ MEN CHATTERING ]

ATTEN-HUT!

SHIPWRECK, DON'T THROW YOUR RANK AROUND.

THEY WON'T LIKE IT.

AH, THEY WON'T MIND.

BESIDES, THEY NEED A LITTLE DISCIPLINE.

WELL, ACCORDING TO THE DUTY ROSTER,

WE'RE SCHEDULED FOR DRILL ON THE ARMOR RANGE

AND TEST LOADING NEW WEAPONS.

UH, COLONEL DIAL TONE, SIR, I DON'T THINK

DUKE OR FLINT'S GONNA BE ALL THAT APPRECIATIVE

OF YOU MESSING WITH THE H.A.V.O.C. GUIDANCE SYSTEM.

LOOK, CROSS COUNTRY, SINCE I'M AN OFFICER,

I DON'T THINK ANYONE WILL OBJECT

IF I IMPLEMENT A FEW IMPROVEMENTS TO THE SYSTEM.

NOPE. NOPE. I'M NOT GONNA DO IT.

I REFUSE TO LET YOU DRIVE

ANY VEHICLES WITH WEAPONS ON THEM.

BEGGING YOUR PARDON, COLONEL LIFELINE,

BUT WE'RE A COMBAT UNIT.

HOW DO WE PRACTICE WITHOUT WEAPONS?

WELL, I SUPPOSE WE COULD DISMOUNT AND DISARM THE WEAPONS.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. SHAPE IT UP!

ESPECIALLY YOU TWO, LEATHERNECK AND WET SUIT.

YOU'RE MOVING THAT MAULER

LIKE TWO OLD LADIES IN A WHEELCHAIR.

I KNOW SOMEBODY I'D LIKE TO PUT IN A WHEELCHAIR.

OKAY, DIAL TONE. READY WITH THOSE ROCKETS?

YOU BET, SHIPWRECK.

Shipwreck: THEN FIRE!

SHIPWRECK, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

JUST A LITTLE ARMOR DRILL, LIFELINE.

DON'T WORRY. OUR TANKS CAN SHOOT THE ROCKETS DOWN.

NO, THEY CAN'T.

I ORDERED THE TANKS' WEAPONS SYSTEMS DISCONNECTED.

YOU WHAT?!

ALL MAULERS, EVASIVE ACTION. NOW!

LET'S CUT OUT OF HERE.

WHEW. THAT WAS CLOSE.

Dial Tone: SHIPWRECK, THIS IS DIAL TONE. THEY AREN'T SAFE.

I REPROGRAMMED THE ROCKETS.

Both: WHAT?!

[ EXPLOSIONS ]

[ GROANING ]

Shipwreck: LEATHERNECK, WET SUIT, COME IN! COME IN!

ROADBLOCK! OVER HERE!

KNOCK THE TURRET OFF THAT MAULER!

Roadblock: YO-O-O, JOE!

[ GRUNTING ]

[ GRUNTING ]

[ EXPLOSION ]

THEY'RE GONNA BE OKAY.

NO THANKS TO YOU, SHIPWRECK.

NO THANKS TO ME?!

I WASN'T THE ONE WHO REPROGRAMMED

THE H.A.V.O.C.'s GUIDANCE SYSTEMS

OR DISCONNECTED THE MAULERS' WEAPONS.

WELL, WHAT KIND OF GENIUS

USES LIVE AMMO ON A PRACTICE RANGE?

WE GOT A SAYING IN THE MARINES.

"THE MOST DANGEROUS THING IN THE WORLD

IS A GREEN OFFICER IN THE DARK WITH A BOOK OF MATCHES."

AMEN TO THAT, BROTHER. AMEN TO THAT.

[ SERPENTOR LAUGHS ]

YOUR PLAN HAS SUCCEEDED.

THE JOES ARE IN A COMPLETE STATE OF DISARRAY.

TRUE, O GREAT SERPENTOR, BUT THIS WILL LAST

ONLY UNTIL GENERAL HAWK RETURNS.

WE MUST CAPITALIZE ON THIS AT ONCE.

I AM READY, DR. MINDBENDER.

WE'LL USE OUR SUBMARINE TANKS

TO ATTACK THE BONNER RESEARCH INSTITUTE --

RIGHT IN THE JOES' OWN BACKYARD.

[ CROWD SCREAMING ]

Serpentor: USE THIS RESORT AS A BASE OF OPERATIONS,

THEN DISPERSE THE MOTOR-VIPERS

TO ATTACK BONNER RESEARCH INSTITUTE.

THIS I COMMAND!

Men: COBRA!

I HATE GOING BEHIND THE BACKS

OF OUR THREE NEW COLONELS, BEACH HEAD.

I KNOW, MAINFRAME.

I DON'T LIKE GOING OVER THEIR HEADS, EITHER.

I WAS THINKING MORE ABOUT HURTING THEIR FEELINGS,

BUT THEY'RE SCORING ZIPOLA

IN THE CONFIDENCE AND MORALE CATEGORIES.

THAT'S WHY I WAS SENDING THIS URGENT MESSAGE

TO GENERAL HAWK IN EUROPE.

WE NEED HIM BACK HERE PRONTO TO RESTORE ORDER.

[ BEEPING ]

Beach Head: OH, BROTHER!

COBRA'S ATTACKED THE BONNER RESEARCH INSTITUTE.

THAT'S PRACTICALLY NEXT DOOR!

GET THE HOVERCRAFT OUT.

WE'LL CUT ACROSS LAND AND JUMP THEM.

NO! TAKE THE H.A.V.O.C.s!

AFTER YOU BOLLIXED UP THE MISSILE GUIDANCE SYSTEMS?

NO WAY. THE HOVERCRAFT ARE BETTER.

NO! WE GOT TO TAKE THE TOMAHAWKS

AND RESCUE ANY CASUALTIES.

I TELL YOU, THE HOVERCRAFT ARE THE ANSWER.

YOU'RE WRONG. THE H.A.V.O.C.s CAN STILL DO THE JOB.

WE GOT TO PICK UP THE CASUALTIES.

SO WE USE THE TOMAHAWKS.

[ GROWLS ] OH!

COME ON, MEN.

[ GROWLS ]

FOLLOW ME.

YO-O-O, JOE!

Both: [ Monotone ] YO, JOE.

Men: YO-O-O, JOE!

Man 1: ALL RIGHT. MOVE IT.

Man 2: COME ON. HANDS OVER YOUR HEADS.

Man 3: LET'S GO. LET'S GO.

UGH. ALMOST TOO EASY, DR. MINDBENDER.

WHERE IS THE CHALLENGE?

MIGHT I REMIND THE GREAT COBRA EMPEROR

THAT THE WHOLE PURPOSE OF THIS PLAN

WAS TO WEAKEN JOE RESISTANCE.

WHY "WEAKEN"? WHY NOT "ELIMINATE"?

SERPENTOR, THE JOES ARE APPROACHING.

Dial Tone: ALL RIGHT, NOW! WE'LL TRY MY NEW PLAN.

SPLIT INTO THREE COLUMNS.

COLUMN "A," TAKE THE LEFT FLANK.

NO, I MEAN, COLUMN "B," TAKE --

WAIT! COLUMN "C"!

THEY'RE IN COMPLETE DISARRAY! CLOSE IN AND DESTROY THEM!

All: COBRA!

[ LASER FIRE ]

Man 1: LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!

Man 2: MOVE IT, YOU GUYS! Man 3: RUN FOR IT!

[ LASER FIRE ]

GOT ANY ORDERS, COLONEL SHIPWRECK?

YEAH, WE'RE GONNA HIT 'EM HEAD ON -- HARD AND FAST.

I HOPE YOU KNOW WHAT --

COBRA! HEADS UP, EVERYBODY!

BATs DEAD AHEAD!

Man 1: LOOK OUT! Man 2: THE WALL!

BATs, FINISH THE JOB!

WITHOUT OUR HOVERCRAFT, WE'RE DEAD MEAT!

FALL BACK TO JOE HEADQUARTERS!

[ EXPLOSION ]

BEGGING THE COLONEL'S PARDON,

BUT AREN'T WE GONNA STOMP SOME SNAKES, LIFELINE?

OKAY. UH, FIRE YOUR ROCKETS!

BUT A-AIM AHEAD OF THE STUNS.

WE JUST WANT TO DRIVE 'EM OFF.

OH, BROTHER!

THAT MUST BE LIFELINE IN CHARGE OF THOSE TOMAHAWKS.

THEY DIDN'T EVEN COME CLOSE.

STILL, NONE MAY FIRE ON SERPENTOR WITH IMPUNITY.

MOTOR VIPERS, SHOOT THEM DOWN!

[ COUGHS ]

WELL, SO MUCH FOR CREATIVE NON-VIOLENCE.

[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]

[ DR. MINDBENDER LAUGHS ]

Dr. Mindbender: LOOK AT THE DOGS RUN, SERPENTOR!

OUR RAID WAS A COMPLETE SUCCESS!

NO! NOT COMPLETE!

THERE IS ONE THING I MUST DO TO MAKE THIS NIGHT PERFECT --

ATTACK JOE HEADQUARTERS

AND ERADICATE THEM UTTERLY FROM THE FACE OF THE EARTH.

THIS I COMMAND!

BRILLIANT INSPIRATION IS MY DIVINE RIGHT!

AND I AM INSPIRED TO TRACK G.I. JOE DOWN

AND WIPE THEM OUT!

Beach Head: KEEP UNDER COVER. COBRA MIGHT POP UP ANY SECOND.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT -- SHOOTING TO MISS!

WELL, YOUR DIRECT FRONTAL APPROACH DIDN'T WORK.

AND NEITHER DID ALL YOUR FANCY MANEUVERS, DIAL TONE!

Beach Head: HOLD IT!

FINE OFFICER MATERIAL YOU ALL TURNED OUT TO BE.

THIS IS THE WORST DISASTER G.I. JOE HAS EVER FACED!

YOU CLOWNS, YOU BETTER MUSTER UP SOME LEADERSHIP QUALITIES

BEFORE COBRA DECIDES TO --

Man: COBRA!

Man: HERE THEY COME! Beach Head: QUICK, EVERYBODY!

BACK TO THE MAIN HEADQUARTERS BUILDING!

Serpentor: SEE HOW THEY RUN!

[ SERPENTOR LAUGHS ]

FINALLY, DR. MINDBENDER,

VICTORY IS MINE!

[ Grunting ] THIS DOOR WON'T HOLD LONG.

I WONDER IF IT'S TOO LATE TO START NEGOTIATING.

COBRA ONLY UNDERSTANDS

ONE THING, LIFELINE -- FIREPOWER!

AND I KNOW JUST WHERE TO GET SOME.

[ COMPUTER BEEPING ]

THIS OUGHT TO CLEAN A FEW SNAKE SKINS!

[ TOWER WHIRS ]

WHAT? SOMEBODY'S ACTIVATING THE PARTICLE BEAM GUN

WITHOUT PREPPING IT!

WHO COULD BE THAT STUPID?

WELL, YOU'RE HERE, SO THAT LEAVES...

All: SHIPWRECK!

SHIPWRECK! DON'T FIRE THAT PARTICLE BEAM GUN!

WHY NOT? THIS'LL ELIMINATE OUR PROBLEM ONCE AND FOR ALL!

[ COMPUTER BEEPS ]

[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]

[ ALARM BLARING ]

WHAT THE BLOODY BLUE BLAZES WAS THAT?

WHO CARES? THE WAY IS OPEN FOR TOTAL VICTORY!

COBRA, ATTACK!

[ SHIPWRECK COUGHS ]

Shipwreck: SOMEBODY! GET ME OUT OF HERE!

Beach Head: I TRIED TO WARN YOU, SHIPWRECK.

THE PARTICLE BEAM GUN WAS NEVER DESIGNED

AS A CLOSE-SUPPORT WEAPON.

NOW YOU TELL ME!

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THESE THINGS?

YOU'RE AN OFFICER NOW, SHIPWRECK.

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO KNOW THESE THINGS.

YEAH, COMES WITH THE TERRITORY.

All: COBRA!

COBRA'S BATTERED DOWN THE DOOR! THEY'RE INSIDE THE BUILDING!

THEN LET'S GO!

HEY! WHAT ABOUT ME?!

TOO MANY OF 'EM! FALL BACK!

WE'RE SURROUNDED!

Beach Head: NOW WHAT? A COBRA JET?

NO, IT'S A NATO JET!

Beach Head: IT'S GENERAL HAWK!

YO, JOE!

All: YO-O-O, JOE!

GENERAL HAWK! JUST IN TIME!

ARE WE GLAD TO SEE YOU!

COBRA'S TAKEN THE FIRST FLOOR.

I NEED A SQUAD TO GO DOWN THROUGH THE AIR SHAFT

AND CUT 'EM OFF.

THE REST OF YOU, FOLLOW ME.

YOU GOT IT! COME ON!

LET'S GO!

[ GRUNTING ]

Beach Head: GENERAL HAWK, ARE YOU A SIGHT FOR SORE EYES.

NO TIME FOR SMALL TALK NOW, BEACH HEAD.

I WANT YOU TO RAPPEL FOUR MEN

DOWN THE BACK OF THE BUILDING AND STEAL A STUN.

WELL, COLONEL LIFELINE AND COLONEL DIAL TONE, I PRESUME?

GENERAL HAWK.

Dial Tone: BOY, ARE WE GLAD TO SEE YOU.

BUT I THOUGHT YOU WERE IN EUROPE. HOW --

BEACH HEAD SENT ME A MESSAGE ABOUT YOUR PROMOTIONS.

I CAME BACK TO SQUARE THINGS. FOLLOW ME.

COBRA IS UNDER THAT FLOOR UP AHEAD.

LOW-LIGHT, SCI-FI, WE NEED AN OPENING.

LOOK!

[ ALL SHOUT ]

OKAY, MEN. FORWARD!

All: YO-O-O, JOE!

ALL RIGHT, COBRA!

SURRENDER WHILE YOU'VE GOT A CHANCE!

DON'T FIRE! WE SURRENDER!

WE GIVE UP! WE GIVE UP!

THIS WAY! AFTER ME!

Beach Head: JUST WHAT THE GENERAL ORDERED.

LET'S GO!

Serpentor: WHAT? THEY RETREAT?

HOW DARE THEY?

ATTACK! ATTACK!

USE THE STUNS!

YO, JOE!

All: YO-O-O, JOE!

NO! ATTACK!

THEY SHALL PAY FOR THEIR INSOLENCE!

GET THEM WITH OUR LASERS!

STICK CLOSE TO THE TRENCH, MEN!

COBRA CAN'T DEPRESS THEIR GUNS LOW ENOUGH TO SHOOT AT US!

CRUSH THEM WITH OUR TREADS!

THIS I COMMAND!

IT'S TIME FOR COBRA TO SAY GOODBYE!

WHEN THIS GOES OFF, THEY'RE GONNA FLY!

AAH!

WHAT? I DON'T BELIEVE THIS!

O GREAT SERPENTOR, I SUGGEST

YOU RETREAT IN HASTE AND DOUBT AT LEISURE!

COBRA, FALL BACK!

AREN'T WE GONNA CHASE 'EM, SIR?

WITH WHAT, DIAL TONE?

YOU BOYS PRETTY MUCH EXHAUSTED OUR RESERVE.

OH, UH, YEAH...RIGHT.

ALL PROMOTION REQUESTS HAVE TO COME THROUGH ME,

SO I KNEW COBRA HAD TO BE BEHIND

YOUR RAPID RISE THROUGH THE RANKS.

BUT WHY? WHAT DID COBRA HOPE TO GAIN?

EXACTLY WHAT THEY DID GAIN -- UTTER CONFUSION.

THEY HAVE YOU THREE PEGGED PERFECTLY.

FOR INSTANCE, LIFELINE,

YOU HAVE THE ABILITY TO BE AN EFFECTIVE OFFICER,

BUT NOT THE DESIRE.

THAT'S AFFIRMATIVE. I'D MUCH RATHER STAY A HUMBLE MEDIC

THAN BE RESPONSIBLE FOR LEADING OTHERS.

DIAL TONE HAS THE DESIRE, BUT NOT THE ABILITY.

DON'T FEEL BAD, SON.

NOT EVERYONE'S CUT OUT TO BE A LEADER.

AND AS FOR SHIPWRECK, WELL, WHAT CAN I SAY?

HE HAS NEITHER THE DESIRE NOR THE ABILITY.

Shipwreck: OKAY, OKAY!

[ Grunting ] YOU PROVED YOUR POINT!

NOW CUT ME LOOSE!

YOU RECKON WE OUGHTA?

WHY, SURE.

AFTER OUR COFFEE BREAK.

[ BOTH WHISTLING ]

Shipwreck: OKAY, OKAY. A JOKE'S A JOKE.

NOW CUT ME LOOSE!

YOU HEAR ME? CUT ME LOOSE!

T-THAT'S AN ORDER!