Original subtitles

YO-O-O, JOE!

♪ HE'LL FIGHT FOR FREEDOM WHEREVER THERE'S TROUBLE ♪

♪ G.I. JOE IS THERE

♪ G.I. JOE

♪ A REAL AMERICAN HERO

♪ G.I. JOE IS THERE

♪ IT'S G.I. JOE AGAINST COBRA THE ENEMY ♪

♪ FIGHTING TO SAVE THE DAY

♪ HE NEVER GIVES UP, HE'S ALWAYS THERE ♪

♪ FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM OVER LAND AND AIR ♪

♪ G.I. JOE

♪ A REAL AMERICAN HERO

♪ G.I. JOE IS THERE

G.I. JOE IS THE CODE NAME FOR AMERICA'S DARING,

HIGHLY TRAINED SPECIAL-MISSION FORCE.

ITS PURPOSE-- TO DEFEND HUMAN FREEDOM AGAINST COBRA,

A RUTHLESS TERRORIST ORGANIZATION

DETERMINED TO RULE THE WORLD.

♪ HE NEVER GIVES UP

♪ HE'LL STAY TILL THE FIGHT'S WON ♪

♪ G.I. JOE WILL DARE

♪ G.I. JOE

♪ A REAL AMERICAN HERO

♪ G.I. JOE

[ TIRES SCREECH ]

[ INDISTINCT TALKING ]

HEY, SOME PALOOKA JUST DENTED THE BOSS'S CAR.

THEY WHAT?!

THE MAN WHO INVENTED THIS HAS A TRULY SICK MIND,

BUT THE BUSINESS SENSE OF A BABY.

HE SOLD IT TO ME FOR A SONG.

MAN: AND YOU WANT TO SELL IT FOR A FORTUNE.

BUT IS IT WORTH THE PRICE?

ONCE UNLEASHED, THE LIQUID BECOMES

A DEADLY NERVE-PARALYZING GAS.

ONE DROP ON YOUR VICTIM, AND HE'S HISTORY.

EXCELLENT.

YOU'VE JUST STRUCK A DEAL WITH CO--

I WOULDN'T SAY THAT DIRTY WORD IF I WERE YOU, DR. MINDBENDER.

I'D HAVE TO WASH YOUR MOUTH OUT WITH SOAP.

NOW BACK AWAY FROM THE TABLE, GENTLEMEN.

[ GRUNTS ]

I SAY, OLD CHAP, THAT HAD GREAT SENTIMENTAL VALUE.

MY AUNTIE GAVE IT TO ME.

LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!

LOST THEM.

[ ENGINE REVS ]

YOU MISSED HIM!

[ SPECTATORS SHOUTING ]

[ TIRES SCREECH ]

[ BOTH SCREAM ]

THE LAB TESTS SHOW THE LIQUID

IS AS POTENT AS YOU DESCRIBED.

THANK HEAVEN YOU WERE ABLE

TO RETRIEVE THIS WITCH'S BREW

BEFORE IT FELL INTO COBRA'S HANDS.

MAN: WE HAVE MR. BURKE TO THANK FOR THAT.

THE QUESTION IS HOW TO DISPOSE OF IT.

THAT IS EASY.

THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN CHEMICAL WEAPONS ARSENAL.

WELL, THE JOES ARE ON TRAINING MANEUVERS NEAR HERE.

WE'LL CALL OUT THE WHOLE G.I. JOE TEAM, IF NEED BE,

TO CHAPERONE THAT STUFF TO THE ARSENAL.

GENTLEMEN...I DARESAY COBRA

WILL BE WATCHING THIS AREA AROUND THE LAB.

THEY'LL BE EXPECTING US TO EMPLOY A LARGE FORCE,

AND THEY'LL BE READY FOR IT.

I SUGGEST WE SEND A SMALL,

UNOBTRUSIVE ESCORT MISSION OF FOUR TOP SOLDIERS

TO MOVE THE CONTAINER.

AND THE MISSION MUST BE TOP-SECRET.

NOT EVEN THE SOLDIERS GUARDING IT

SHOULD KNOW WHAT THEY'RE TRANSPORTING.

[ TIRES SCREECH ]

THE JOES PLAN TO MOVE THE LIQUID GAS

WITH A SMALL DETACHMENT INSTEAD OF THE WHOLE FORCE.

A SMALL, UNPROTECTED GROUP OF JOES, EH?

WITHIN 24 HOURS,

COBRA SHALL POSSESS THAT DEADLY GAS.

WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT, BEACH HEAD?

A ROUTINE ESCORT MISSION.

BEATS DESERT SURVIVAL TRAINING, DOESN'T IT?

I'LL SAY.

NO MORE SHAKING SCORPIONS OUT OF MY BOOTS.

YOU BE CAREFUL WITH MY LITTLE GIRL!

CROSS-COUNTRY, THEY'RE ONLY FLYING TO FORT HUACHUCA

TO GET THE H.A.V.O.C.'s TRANSVERSE ROD FIXED.

IT'S NO BIGGIE.

[ ENGINE RUMBLES ]

HEY, SINCE YOU GUYS ARE WITHOUT WHEELS

FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS, WHY NOT COME WITH US?

YEAH, HAWK'S SENDING US

ON SOME PENNY-ANTE ESCORT MISSION. PIECE OF CAKE.

WELL, I AIN'T GOT ANY REAL PRESSING ENGAGEMENTS.

YOU'RE ON.

QUIET.

TOO QUIET.

AW, SHOOT.

YOU'RE JUST TOO ALL-FIRED PARANOID.

HEY, YOU GOT A PACKAGE US JOES

ARE SUPPOSED TO DELIVER?

AIN'T I SUPPOSED TO SIGN FOR IT OR SOMETHING?

OKAY.

ANY HINT AS TO WHAT'S IN THAT THING?

THEY WEREN'T TOO TALKATIVE.

WELL, OUR ORDERS ARE CLEAR.

AVOID CITIES, STEER CLEAR OF HIGHWAYS, AND GET THE BOX

TO THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN CHEMICAL WEAPONS ARSENAL.

LADY JAYE: YO-O-O, JOE!

LET'S TRY THAT CANYON TRAIL.

NICE SCENERY.

YOU NUTS?

LADY JAYE: DEAD END.

LET'S CHECK OUR OPTIONS.

SWELL PLACE FOR AN AMBUSH.

MOTORCYCLE TRACKS.

I DON'T LIKE THE LOOKS OF THIS.

CLIMB ON BOARD!

TOO LATE NOW!

[ ENGINES RUMBLE ]

IT'S KIND OF HARD TO CIRCLE THE WAGONS

WHEN YOU ONLY GOT ONE ARMADILLO.

UGH! LOOK OUT BELOW!

I BETTER RADIO SLIP STREAM FOR AN AIR STRIKE.

YOU'LL BE CALLING NO ONE, MATE!

[ GROANS ]

LADY JAYE: DIAL TONE! DIAL TONE!

YOU KNOW, THIS HERE'S RIGHT PATRIOTIC,

LIKE CUSTER'S LAST STAND OR PICKETT'S CHARGE!

[ SCREAMS ]

KNOCK OUT THE CYCLES!

THAT'LL MAKE THE ODDS...

[ ENGINE REVS ]

...EVEN.

ENJOY YOUR WALK HOME, MATES!

[ LAUGHS ]

HIT THE DIRT!

GUESS WE DON'T GET TO RIDE HOME.

PINCH ME, FOLKS,

'CAUSE I THINK I'M SEEING ONE OF THOSE DESERT MIRAGES.

WHERE'D HE COME FROM?

WELL, WELL, WHO HAVE WE HERE?

LET'S GET HIM.

I THINK THESE CHAPS ARE DUE FOR A LITTLE TRIP.

[ BEEP ]

[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

DID YOU SEE THAT?

UGH! OOH!

NOW, THAT'S A RIGHT PURTY MANEUVER.

UH-OH.

WE'RE SITTING DUCKS!

I DON'T USUALLY SMOKE, BUT...

[ COUGHING ]

I CAN'T SEE!

THAT SHOULD KEEP THE DREADNOKS CONFUSED

TILL WE GET OUT OF HERE.

COULD YOU CHAPS USE A TOW?

[ LAUGHS ]

ANY ENEMY OF COBRA'S A FRIEND OF MINE.

BURKE. MATTHEW BURKE.

I'LL HAVE YOU HOOKED IN A JIFFY.

THERE. THAT SHOULD DO IT.

CARE TO RIDE WITH ME?

IT'S AIR-CONDITIONED.

WHY, SURE.

LET'S MOVE IT!

TALLYHO!

BLAST THAT SMOKE!

THEY'VE GOT AWAY.

OH, IT'S NO USE.

THERE'S NOT ENOUGH LIGHT TO SEE WHAT I'M DOING.

WISH I COULD HELP,

BUT THEY SCORED A DIRECT HIT ON OUR FLASHLIGHT.

WHAT ABOUT TORCHES? GOT ANY MATCHES?

NO GO. NONE OF US SMOKE.

NOR DO I, BUT I FOUND SOME IN THE CAR.

FORTUNATELY, I ALSO CARRY THESE FLARES.

WHY, HOW THOUGHTFUL.

HANG ON, YOU'VE GOT A BIT OF A SMUDGE ON YOUR NOSE.

I MUST LOOK A MESS.

[ CHUCKLES ]

ON YOU, A DAB OF GREASE LOOKS AS GOOD AS ROUGE.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

IF WE CAN GET BACK TO WORK?

BY ALL MEANS.

JUST TRYING TO BE HELPFUL.

IS THAT WHAT YOU CALL IT?

IT'S MY GUESS YOUR ATTACKERS WILL TRY AGAIN IN THE MORNING.

NO MATTER WHAT COBRA TRIES,

ONE OF US HAS TO COMPLETE THIS MISSION.

SPEAKING OF WHICH, I'D BETTER TAKE THE FIRST WATCH.

OH, PLEASE, LET ME. I--

NO. NO. YOU'VE DONE ENOUGH ALREADY.

GOODNIGHT, MATT.

"MATT"? LOOK, WHO ARE YOU?

LET'S JUST SAY AN ALLY IN YOUR FIGHT WITH COBRA.

AND NO DOUBT LADY JAYE COULD USE A NICE CUP OF COFFEE.

OH, AND, FLINT, I'M REALLY NOT TIRED.

I'LL TAKE THE SECOND WATCH.

[ GRUMBLES ]

SORRY TO LEAVE YOU AS COBRA BAIT,

BUT THE SAFETY OF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE COULD BE IN JEOPARDY.

IF COBRA GOT HOLD OF THIS...

[ SIGHS ]

WHERE'S THAT BOX?

W-WHY, THAT DIRTY, LOW-DOWN SKUNK!

[ SIGHS ]

FLINT?

MR. SAVOIR FAIRE SWIPED THE BOX

WHEN HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE GUARDING IT.

HE'S STARTING HIS CAR RIGHT NOW.

THAT BOY'S DOG MEAT WHEN WE FIND HIM!

[ HELICOPTER BLADES WHIR ]

BACK INSIDE!

COME ON! PUT YOUR BACKS INTO IT!

THE ARMADILLO'S STILL OUT OF COMMISSION.

THEN LET'S PUSH IT BY HAND.

BURKE GAVE YOU A BOOK OF MATCHES LAST NIGHT.

DO YOU STILL HAVE THEM?

YEAH. HERE.

WE'VE GOT TO GET TO THIS MOTEL

AND PICK UP A CLUE TO BURKE'S TRAIL.

MAYBE THERE'S A BACK EXIT.

AND IF THERE ISN'T?

I'LL MAKE ONE.

END OF THE LINE.

LET'S RETRACE OUR STEPS.

I SAW ANOTHER TUNNEL BACK--

WAIT. LOOK! DAYLIGHT!

OH, FRESH AIR.

HEY, GUYS, TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.

MAN: LOOKS LIKE HALF THE COBRA ARMY.

THERE MUST BE SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT

IN THAT BLACK BOX.

SO, YOU WON'T COME OUT AND PLAY, EH, MATES?

THEN WE'LL JUST HAVE TO COME IN!

OH, GLAD YOU FOUND THAT EXIT, LADY JAYE.

LOOK.

THOSE TWO MOTOR VIPERS LOOK LONELY.

MAN: WELL, THEN, LET'S GO DOWN AND INTRODUCE OURSELVES.

BOTH: YO-O-O, JOE!

LADY JAYE, YOU AND DIAL TONE TAKE ONE OF THOSE STUNS.

FIND THAT DESERT DUNES MOTEL

AND SEE IF YOU CAN GET A LEAD ON BURKE.

WE'LL KEEP COBRA OFF YOUR BACK.

BE CAREFUL. YOU KNOW ME.

LET'S GO, CROSS-COUNTRY.

WE'LL CIRCLE AROUND AND GIVE THEM A BIG SURPRISE.

YO-O-O, JOE!

NOW!

THAT'S ONE OF OUR STUNS!

BEING DRIVEN BY A JOE!

COME ON!

YOU IMBECILES!

THE JOES ARE BEHIND YOU!

THEY'RE ESCAPING!

THEY'RE GAINING ON US.

WELL, THEN, WE'LL JUST OPEN UP THE WELCOME WAGON.

HOWDY, NEIGHBOR!

[ GROANS ]

BAD NEWS.

CROSS-COUNTRY, GET BACK TO THAT TAIL GUN AND COVER US.

BACK OFF, ZARTAN!

I WANT THEM!

CONTROL YOURSELF, THRASHER!

NOBODY GETS AWAY WITH

WHAT THOSE JOES DID TO ME YESTERDAY AND LIVES!

THEY'RE MINE!

JUST HOLD HER STEADY, FLINT,

GOOD BUDDY, AND I'LL-- BLAST!

THE BARREL'S JAMMED WITH SHRAPNEL!

JUMP CLEAR! I'LL TRY TO SHAKE THEM.

NEGATORY, GOOD BUDDY.

WE'RE IN THIS TOGETHER.

I'M IN CHARGE OF THIS MISSION, AND THAT'S AN ORDER!

DON'T TAKE THIS AS DISOBEDIENCE, FLINT,

BUT FIRST, I GOT TO FIX SOMETHING.

EAT THIS, CREEP!

HEY! YOW!

[ ALL SCREAM ]

YOU'LL GET YOURS, MATE!

GOOD JOB, CROSS-COUNTRY.

NOW LET'S FIND THAT MOTEL.

NO SIGN OF LADY JAYE OR DIAL TONE.

LET'S LOOK AROUND.

FLINT. OVER THERE.

FLINT: WELL, WELL, IF IT ISN'T LOVER-BOY.

PARDON ME, MA'AM,

BUT HAVE YOU GOT A MATTHEW BURKE STAYING HERE?

SWANKY DANG FOREIGNER?

HIGH-ROLLER? YEAH, IN ROOM 103.

THANKS. THIS'LL PAY FOR ANY DAMAGES

TO THE ROOM IN ADVANCE.

READY?

NOW!

BOTH: WHOA!

[ CACKLES ]

RIGHT ON TIME, BOYS.

YOU'RE JUST AS STUPID AS I THOUGHT YOU'D BE.

SEIZE THEM!

WHAT PATSIES YOU JOES ARE,

LETTING YOURSELF BE USED LIKE STOOGES.

ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MATTHEW BURKE,

TOP-SECRET AGENT.

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON THE SAME SIDE,

BUT ZARANA TOLD US IT WAS HIS IDEA

TO KEEP THE PURPOSE OF THIS MISSION SECRET FROM YOU.

HIYA, SPORTS.

HAVE A NICE DAY.

[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

NOW THAT WE'RE ALL ACQUAINTED,

I'LL TAKE THAT BLACK BOX.

BLACK BOX? WHAT BLACK BOX?

LET'S SEE IF YOU'VE HIDDEN IT AS INEPTLY

AS YOU'VE DONE EVERYTHING ELSE.

TELL THE DREADNOKS TO SEARCH HIS CAR.

WITH PLEASURE.

THERE. ALL DONE.

AND NO BLACK BOX.

BURKE MUST HAVE HIDDEN IT ELSEWHERE.

UNLESS...

OH.

MY POOR, POOR CAR.

IT HAD GREAT SENTIMENTAL VALUE.

IT WAS A GIFT FROM AUNTIE.

ONCE UNSEALED, THE LIQUID BECOMES

A DEADLY NERVE-PARALYZING GAS.

GO ON AHEAD AND CALL SERPENTOR.

TELL HIM TO SEND A SQUADRON OF STRATO-VIPERS

TO PICK US UP.

BOTH: COBRA!

NORMALLY, I'D HAVE YOU SHOT,

BUT WE'VE HAD SO MUCH FUN TOGETHER,

I'VE DECIDED TO LET YOU LIVE.

AT LEAST UNTIL YOU WITNESS

HOW COBRA MAKES USE OF MY NEW WEAPON.

FAREWELL, SUPER AGENT BURKE.

[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

THERE, NOW-- THAT FEELS BETTER.

QUICKLY, MATT.

COME ON. LET'S GO.

THEY CAN'T BE FAR AWAY.

WELL, SORRY, DIAL TONE, OLD CHAP.

DR. MINDBENDER JUST SEALED THE TUNNEL BEHIND HIM.

YOU SET US UP, YOU DANG BLASTED FOREIGNER.

I'M GONNA CLEAN YOUR CLOCK!

NOW, CROSS-COUNTRY, DON'T DO SOMETHING YOU...

[ GRUNTS ]

[ GROANS ]

...MIGHT REGRET.

WE HAVE A MISSION TO COMPLETE,

AND WE BETTER WORK TOGETHER

TO GET THAT CONTAINER BACK FROM COBRA.

GEE, LOOK WHAT THEY DID TO HIS CAR.

THERE'S A SMALL AIRSTRIP JUST NORTH OF HERE,

IN THE FOOTHILLS.

OH, THANKS, MATT.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

DR. MINDBENDER MUST BE TAKING OFF FROM THERE.

DIAL TONE, YOU AND CROSS-COUNTRY FIND SOME WAY

TO CONTACT HEADQUARTERS

AND GET JOE REINFORCEMENTS TO THAT AIRSTRIP.

TAKE THE STUN. COBRA'S CUT THE MOTEL PHONE LINES.

YOU GOT IT!

AND HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO TRAIL MINDBENDER

WITHOUT TRANSPORTATION?

I THINK THE ANSWER TO THAT

IS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER.

YES, AUNTIE'S ALWAYS THERE WHEN YOU NEED HER.

FLINT: OH, GET IN. I'LL DRIVE.

THERE IT IS. LADY JAYE: WE'RE NOT TOO LATE.

WITH THIS VIAL, COBRA CAN RULE THE WORLD.

COME ON, JOES, WHERE ARE YOU?

IF THEY DON'T GET HERE SOON,

WE'LL JUST HAVE TO TACKLE THEM OURSELVES.

[ ENGINE RUMBLES ]

ALL: YO-O-O, JOE!

HANG ON!

DESTROY THEM!

JUMP CLEAR!

I'M SETTING THE CAR ON AUTO-DRIVE

TO RAM THAT NIGHT RAVEN!

FLINT: JUMP, LADY JAYE!

HERE'S A LITTLE PRESENT FROM MY AUNTIE, DR. MINDBENDER.

FLINT, HE'S GOING TO RAM IT HIMSELF!

WEAR IT IN GOOD HEALTH!

HE'S CRAZY!

NICE JOB, MATT.

YES. HOW AWFULLY GALLANT OF YOU.

[ HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING ] WHAT'S THIS?

BOTH: YO-O-O, JOE!

G.I. JOE! RUN!

LOOK OUT!

TAKE COVER!

LEAVING SO SOON, DR. MINDBENDER?

MY LIFE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THIS LIQUID.

AND YOUR LIVES ARE HISTORY!

RUN! I'LL SMOTHER IT!

FLINT!

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

A GALLANT GESTURE, OLD CHAP, BUT TOTALLY USELESS.

THE, UM, "GAS" IS ACTUALLY CREAM SODA.

BOTH: CREAM SODA?

WE KNEW ZARANA HAD INFILTRATED OUR MEETING

DISGUISED AS A SECRETARY,

SO WE USED YOU FOUR AS A DECOY.

BOTH: DECOY?

THE REAL LIQUID GAS CONTAINER

REACHED THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN CHEMICAL WEAPONS ARSENAL

SAFELY YESTERDAY.

WELL, AT LEAST WE CAPTURED DR. MINDBENDER.

OH, NO! NOT AGAIN!

THE WHITE HOUSE ANNOUNCED A SPECIAL PRESIDENTIAL

COMMENDATION TO INTERNAT SPECIAL AGENT MATTHEW BURKE

FOR SINGLE-HANDEDLY STOPPING A RECENT COBRA ATTEMPT

TO UNLEASH POISON GAS.

"SINGLE-HANDED"?

THAT-- THAT RAT!

BE MY GUEST.

[ LAUGHS ]

NOW, THAT'S WHAT I CALL ONE TOUGH TV CRITIC.