Original subtitles

YO-O-O, JOE!

♪ HE'LL FIGHT FOR FREEDOM WHEREVER THERE'S TROUBLE ♪

♪ G.I. JOE IS THERE

♪ G.I. JOE A REAL AMERICAN HERO ♪

♪ G.I. JOE IS THERE

♪ IT'S G.I. JOE AGAINST COBRA THE ENEMY ♪

♪ FIGHTING TO SAVE THE DAY

♪ HE NEVER GIVES UP, HE'S ALWAYS THERE ♪

♪ FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM OVER LAND AND AIR ♪

♪ G.I. JOE A REAL AMERICAN HERO ♪

♪ G.I. JOE IS THERE

G.I. JOE IS THE CODE NAME

FOR AMERICA'S DARING, HIGHLY TRAINED SPECIAL-MISSION FORCE.

ITS PURPOSE -- TO DEFEND HUMAN FREEDOM AGAINST COBRA,

A RUTHLESS TERRORIST ORGANIZATION

DETERMINED TO RULE THE WORLD.

♪ HE NEVER GIVES UP

♪ HE'LL STAY TILL THE FIGHT'S WON ♪

♪ G.I. JOE WILL DARE

♪ G.I. JOE A REAL AMERICAN HERO ♪

♪ G.I. JOE

PLEASE, LET ME GO!

OH, PLEASE!

JUST WHAT DO YOU HAVE GOING ON HERE, DR. MINDBENDER?

PATIENCE, MY DEAR COMMANDER.

YOU SHALL SEE.

[ BEEPING ]

NO! N-O-O-O-O-O-O!

[ GASPS ]

GOR BLIMEY!

DID YOU SEE THAT?

I'M YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL.

THAT COMPLETES OUR COMPUTER SIMULATION.

VERY INTERESTING, MINDBENDER.

YES. THAT IS QUITE A DEMONSTRATION, DOCTOR.

BUT WHY WASTE OUR TIME IF IT DOESN'T REALLY EXIST?

AU CONTRAIRE.

MADAME VAIL, INTERNATIONALLY FAMOUS COSMETIC TYCOON

HAS PERFECTED THE FACIAL TRANSFERENCE MACHINE.

WHY SHOULD WE CARE ABOUT SOME BABBLING, SENILE WOMAN'S VANITY?

BECAUSE I WILL IT!

I MUST POSSESS THIS PROCESS!

ITS VALUE TO COBRA IS LIMITLESS.

YES. I COULD LEAD AN ASSAULT FORCE.

WE'LL BREAK IN AND STEAL IT.

NO NEED FOR ANY UNDUE HEROISM, COBRA COMMANDER.

SHE WILL SHARE HER SECRET FOR A PRICE.

I DRAW YOUR ATTENTION TO OPERATION HIGH FASHION.

MADAME VAIL NEEDS AN ABUNDANCE OF BEAUTIFUL YOUNG WOMEN

TO KEEP HER OPERATION GOING.

SHE WILL EXCHANGE HER SECRET

FOR THE MOST BEAUTIFUL FACES IN THE WORLD.

AND WE WILL SUPPLY THE FACES.

DIAL TONE, DARLING, DON'T CARRY SO MANY MAGAZINES AT ONCE!

SORRY. YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT EVERY DAY

I HELP A FAMOUS FASHION MODEL MOVE.

HEY, DIAL TONE, DON'T FORGET SOON-TO-BE-A-SUPERSTAR SATIN.

DON'T LIKE THIS NEIGHBORHOOD.

FULL OF PUNKS AND CRAZIES.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME, LOW-LIGHT.

YOUR LITTLE SISTER KNOWS ALL ABOUT PUNKS AND CRAZIES.

YEAH! SHE GREW UP WITH YOU, DIDN'T SHE?

WHAT'S THAT?

IT'S A LETTER, SATIN, WITH OUR NAMES ON IT.

SOMEBODY MUST HAVE SLIPPED IT UNDER THE DOOR.

OH! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

THIS IS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE!

LET ME SEE THAT.

"DEAR UNA AND SATIN, GLAMOUR GIRLS MAGAZINE SEEKS

"MOST BEAUTIFUL AND EXCITING NEW CELEBRITIES AS MODELS.

"PHOTO SESSIONS TOMORROW."

SOUNDS BOGUS TO ME.

LIKE, HOW CAN YOU BE SO TOTALLY UNCOOL, LOW-LIGHT?

ONLY EVERYBODY KNOWS GLAMOUR GIRLS

IS THE MOST PRESTIGIOUS FASHION MAGAZINE IN THE WORLD.

ONLY EVERYBODY!

STILL DON'T LIKE IT.

WELL, SATIN AND I ARE DOING IT, LOW-LIGHT, AND THAT IS THAT.

WATCH IT, RIPPER! THE BLOODY THING'S FALLING!

BE CAREFUL WITH THE EQUIPMENT, YOU BUMBLING FOOLS!

THE WHOLE OPERATION HINGES ON IT.

WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT, ZARTAN?

HERE -- LET ME SHOW YOU.

WE SEND SUBLIMINAL HYPNOTIC SUGGESTIONS

THROUGH THE CAMERA'S FLASH.

UH, HOW DO I LOOK, BOSS?

GREAT! JUST GREAT.

HOW DO YOU FEEL, TORCH?

OH, GREAT.

JUST GREAT, ZARTAN.

GOOD. THEN YOU WON'T MIND WORKING THROUGH LUNCH

AND LETTING ME HAVE YOUR SHARE OF THE BOOTY.

SURE THING, MATE.

I'LL GET RIGHT TO IT.

[ WHISTLING ]

GOR! HAS HE LOST HIS MIND?

[ LAUGHS ]

NO, HE'S MERELY HYPNOTIZED,

JUST AS OUR CELEBRITIES WILL BE WHEN WE --

TAKE THEIR PICTURES.

THEN THEY SHALL WILLINGLY BE TRANSPORTED

TO MADAME VAIL'S TROPICAL ISLAND.

[ LAUGHS ]

HOPE THEY DON'T MIND LOSING A LITTLE FACE.

WHAT?!

STILL NOT SET UP?

THE FIRST CELEBRITIES WILL BE HERE BEFORE YOU KNOW IT!

ZARANA, YOU TAKE OVER.

THE BARONESS AND I MUST ATTEND TO SOME OTHER MATTERS.

I'LL GET SOME WORK OUT OF THESE SHIFTLESS BUMS

IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO.

HOW IS THE WORK COMING, DR. MINDBENDER?

WONDERFULLY, MADAME VAIL.

YOUR TRANSFERENCE MACHINE WILL WORK LIKE A CHARM.

OF COURSE IT WILL.

I'VE INVESTED A FORTUNE TO PERFECT IT,

JUST AS I'VE SPENT A FORTUNE TO PERFECT ME.

DON'T YOU FIND ME ATTRACTIVE, DOCTOR?

YOU -- YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RAVISHING.

LIAR! UGH!

I AM OLD AND UGLY AND REPULSIVE.

BUT I OWN THE MACHINE THAT CAN RESTORE ME, DR. MINDBENDER.

AND COBRA SHALL NOT HAVE IT

UNLESS YOU FULFILL THEIR BARGAIN.

NO YOUNG BEAUTIES, NO MACHINE.

MADAME VAIL, LOOK AT THESE PHOTOS.

THESE CELEBRITIES ARE INVITED TO BE GLAMOUR GIRLS.

YOU SHALL PICK THE CREAM OF THE CROP FOR YOUR OPERATION.

PERFECT.

BEAUTY IS SO OFTEN WASTED ON THE YOUNG.

UNA, CUT IT OUT! YOU'RE MAKING DIAL TONE SICK!

OH, COME ON, LOW-LIGHT!

SATIN AND I DON'T WANT TO BE LATE FOR OUR APPOINTMENT

AT GLAMOUR GIRLS.

YOU DON'T MIND THE DRIVE, DO YOU, DIAL TONE?

I-I GUESS NOT.

[ TIRES SCREECHING ]

WE'LL HANG AROUND AND DRIVE YOU HOME.

LOW-LIGHT, THIS SESSION COULD TAKE HOURS.

I'M A BIG GIRL, YOU KNOW.

BUT --

DON'T WAIT! I'LL CALL LATER!

OOH! WONDERFUL!

MARVELOUS!

[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ]

AREN'T THEY SIMPLY DIVINE, FRANCO, DARLING?

MAIS NATURALEMENT.

SUPERB!

NOW THERE IS JUST ONE MORE THING, DARLINGS.

WE ARE GOING TO GIVE YOU INSTRUCTIONS,

AND YOU WILL FOLLOW THEM. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

SURE. OF COURSE.

ABOUT TIME YOU FINISHED.

HEY! WHERE YOU GALS GOING?

WE'RE INVITED TO A PARTY.

YOU AIN'T FINISHED MOVING YET!

CIAO!

WOMEN.

[ LAUGHING ]

CAN'T LIVE WITH 'EM, CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT 'EM.

LET'S HOPE THEY'RE PROMPT.

THE HYPNOTIC SUGGESTION WEARS OFF EXACTLY AT MIDNIGHT.

CAN YOU BELIEVE OUR LUCK?

I COULD JUST DIE!

FABULOUS!

I FEEL JUST LIKE CINDERELLA.

[ BELL TOLLS ]

[ GASPS ]

I THINK I SPOKE TOO SOON.

UNA, I GOT A FEELING WE'RE NOT IN KANSAS ANYMORE.

GIVE IT A BREAK, MY MAN!

[ TIRES SCREECHING ]

BLAST IT, LOW-LIGHT!

THOSE WERE SUPPOSED TO LAST ALL WEEK!

[ GRUMBLES ]

HEY, LOW-LIGHT, PHONE CALL!

DIAL TONE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU.

SAYS IT'S IMPORTANT.

YO, DIAL TONE.

YEAH, LOW-LIGHT, I GOT ROBIN, UNA'S AGENT, ON THE LINE.

SHE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU.

YEAH.

YOUR SISTER HASN'T MADE A SESSION IN THREE DAYS.

WHERE ARE YOU HIDING HER?

DON'T ASK ME. YOU'RE HER AGENT.

I'VE GOT A DOZEN ART DIRECTORS SCREAMING AT ME!

YOU HELPED HER MOVE!

WHERE DID SHE SAY SHE WAS GOING?!

SHE DIDN'T. HAVEN'T SEEN HER SINCE SHE MOVED.

WELL, SHE AND HALF THE CELEBRITY MODELS IN THIS TOWN

MUST BE TAKING A POWDER.

I CAN'T GET ANYBODY ON THE PHONE!

YOU GOT ME, DIDN'T YOU?

YES. BUT I DON'T THINK YOU'D LOOK TOO GOOD

IN A STRING BIKINI!

[ LAUGHING ]

DIAL TONE, MEET ME AT MAINFRAME'S COMPUTER LAB.

NOW LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.

YOU WANT ME TO CHECK ALL THESE MAGAZINES

AND GIVE YOU THE NAMES OF EVERY MODEL WORKING IN THIS TOWN?

THAT'S RIGHT.

BUT THAT'LL TAKE WEEKS!

DO IT NOW!

SURE, PAL.

WHAT'S THIS?

JUST THE DARNEDEST MYSTERY I EVER LAID EYES ON.

SEE, LOW-LIGHT AND I HELPED HIS SISTER

MOVE IN TO A NEW APARTMENT.

YES, I'VE BEEN MEANING TO TALK TO YOU

ABOUT THE UNAUTHORIZED USE OF AN A.W.E. STRIKER.

FLINT, LISTEN TO DIAL TONE!

HE'S GOT SOMETHING IMPORTANT!

ALL RIGHT, DIAL TONE. IT'S ALL YOURS.

UM, UH, ANYWAY, SHE AND SATIN GOT THIS INVITATION

TO POSE FOR A FASHION MAGAZINE CALLED GLAMOUR GIRLS.

NOW UNA AND SATIN HAVE DISAPPEARED

ALONG WITH THESE OTHER CELEBRITIES.

MODEL CANDY HUNTLY, SINGER SHERRY EASTMAN,

ACTRESS TARA DAWSET,

AND MODEL CAROL LEAGUES JUST DISAPPEARED TODAY.

SOUNDS LIKE A JOB FOR THE POLICE, NOT G.I. JOE.

CHECK OUT THAT MAG. LOOK WHO OWNS GLAMOUR GIRLS.

EXTENSIVE ENTERPRISES.

YOU COPIED MY DRESS!

YOUR DRESS?!

OH, TYPICAL MODEL.

SOME CREEP LOCKS US IN A DUNGEON,

AND THEY ARGUE ABOUT FASHION.

ARE THE SUBJECTS SATISFACTORY?

THAT ONE THERE -- UNA.

I LIKE HER. SHE HAS SPIRIT.

SEE THAT SHE'S THE FIRST ONE IN THE TRANSFERENCE MACHINE.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

OH, WHO COULD THAT BE?

YES! MAY I HELP YOU, DARLING?

YEAH.

LIKE, I'M, YOU KNOW, ALANA, AND THIS IS, YOU KNOW, TATANYA.

HI.

BUT THERE MUST BE SOME MISTAKE.

I DON'T THINK SO.

ROBIN FROM THE AGENCY TOLD US TO COME OVER

AS SOON AS WE FINISHED OUR FASHION WORLD MAGAZINE SHOOT.

UH, LET ME TALK TO FRANCO FOR A MOMENT.

NATASHA IS FAKING.

FASHION WORLD MAGAZINE WENT OUT OF EXISTENCE YEARS AGO.

LET'S CHECK THE FILES.

LOOK AT THIS -- PICTURES OF THE MISSING GIRLS,

INCLUDING LOW-LIGHT'S SISTER!

SOMEONE'S COMING.

BONJOUR, LADIES!

NATASHA TELLS ME THERE IS SOME CONFUSION OVER YOUR APPOINTMENT.

LIKE, YOU KNOW, IF IT'S A MAJOR HASSLE, WE CAN --

TUT, TUT. NO HASSLE,

AS YOU AMERICANS SO CHARMINGLY SAY.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, YOU'RE BOTH JUST THE TYPE

FOR A JOB I'M PHOTOGRAPHING RIGHT NOW.

C'EST MAGNIFIQUE!

TRULY, YOU ARE TWO OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MODELS

I HAVE EVER PHOTOGRAPHED!

PERFECT!

WONDERFUL!

BALONEY.

WELL, AT LEAST COVER GIRL AND LADY JAYE ARE OKAY.

BUT THE BUG I PLANTED IN LADY JAYE'S PURSE

IS PICKING UP SOME STRANGE ELECTRONIC SIGNAL.

HOLD IT RIGHT THERE.

PERFECT!

[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ]

GOOD. KEEP MOVING.

MARVELOUS!

BEAUTIFUL!

LOVELY!

WONDERFUL. PERFECT. JUST WHAT I NEEDED.

AND NOW NATASHA WILL SHOW YOU OUT.

BUT REMEMBER, DARLINGS, THE PARTY TONIGHT --

WE INSIST ON SEEING YOU.

OH! LIKE, RIGHT.

WOULDN'T MISS IT FOR THE WORLD.

BYE.

HEY, TOOK YOUR OWN SWEET TIME.

SORRY, LOW-LIGHT.

IT'S CLEAN -- JUST A REGULAR PHOTOGRAPHY STUDIO.

HEY! DON'T YOU WANT TO RIDE WITH US?!

THANKS, DIAL TONE, BUT WE'VE GOT A PARTY TO GO TO!

HOLY --

THAT'S WHAT UNA AND SATIN SAID BEFORE THEY DISAPPEARED.

LIFT-TICKET, LADY JAYE AND COVER GIRL

ARE UNDER SOME KIND OF HYPNOTIC SUGGESTION.

RELAX, LOW-LIGHT.

I'M FOLLOWING THE TRACER LADY JAYE HAS IN HER PURSE.

ALL RIGHT, YOU BLEEDING DINGOS --

PUT YOUR BACKS INTO IT!

[ GRUNTING ]

HEY, MATES, WHAT SAY WE MAKE ZARANA TAKE ORDERS FROM US, EH?

FIRE AWAY, MATE.

LOOK AT THE BIRDY!

THAT'S DELICATE EQUIPMENT, MONKEY BRAIN.

[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ]

SAY CHEESE!

STOP TAKING ME BLOOMIN' PICTURE!

[ GLASS SHATTERS ]

NOW, YOU BUMS -- ARE YOU GONNA WORK,

OR DO I HAVE TO SLAP YOU AROUND SOME MORE?

AW, NO, YOU AIN'T GONNA HURT US, ARE YOU, ZARANA?

WHY -- WHY, NO.

I'D NEVER HURT YOU CHAPS.

YEAH, BOYS, LET'S HAVE SOME FUN.

AIN'T YOU GOT SOMEPLACE TO BE, HMM?

OOH! YOU'RE RIGHT. I'VE GOT A PARTY TO GO TO.

[ LAUGHING ]

THE MAGIC OF PHOTOGRAPHY.

[ LAUGHING ]

THERE THEY GO.

WHAT KIND OF PARTY COULD THEY BE HAVING ON A TUGBOAT?

EXACTLY.

A COBRA MORAY.

COME ON, LADIES.

MUSTN'T KEEP MADAME VAIL WAITING.

HEY! WAIT UP!

YOU CAN'T LEAVE WITHOUT ME!

IT'S ZARANA.

WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT?

WHO CARES?! LET'S SHAKE 'EM DOWN!

All: YO-O-O JOE!

COBRA!

COBRA STUNS!

SCATTER!

FIND SOME COVER!

LOOKS LIKE WE'RE TRAPPED...

BETWEEN THE DEVIL AND THE DEEP BLUE SEA.

LET'S SEE HOW YOU DO IN THE DARK!

WATCH IT!

YAAH!

[ ALL GRUNTING ]

[ GRUNTING ]

WHO'S GONNA TELL THE BOSS ABOUT ZARANA?

DON'T WORRY. JUST TREAT IT LIKE A JOKE.

YOU WHAT?!

WE JUST MEANT IT AS A JOKE, GOVERNOR -- HONEST!

HYAH!

UNH!

HYAH!

OHH!

HYAH!

OW!

YOU BLASTED FOOLS!

WHAT IS IT, ZARTAN?

THOSE MORONS, THE DREADNOKS,

HYPNOTIZED ZARANA AND SENT HER TO MADAME VAIL!

AH, YES, ZARANA.

WHAT A PLEASANT SURPRISE.

MADAME VAIL LIKES HER FACE VERY, VERY MUCH.

SET HER FREE!

I DEMAND IT!

OH, NO, ZARTAN.

THE TRANSFERENCE MACHINE

IS FAR MORE IMPORTANT THAN MERE FAMILY TIES.

AAAAAAAAAAH!

[ LAUGHS ] TA-TA!

NICE TALKING TO YOU, ZARTAN.

ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE RELIEVED. I'M TAKING OVER NOW.

BUT I NEED AUTHORIZATION FROM COBRA COMMANDER.

THERE HE IS. ASK HIM.

HYAH!

HEH. SO MUCH FOR TEAM SPIRIT.

ZARTAN!

YES, AND I'LL RELEASE YOU UNDER ONE CONDITION --

YOU RESCUE MY SISTER, ZARANA.

LOOK, JOES DON'T BARGAIN WITH COBRA.

THIS TIME, YOU MUST.

YOUR SISTER AND MINE ARE IN GREAT DANGER.

WHERE?!

MADAME VAIL'S ISLAND RETREAT!

I'M RISKING MY LIFE BY PROVIDING YOU WITH WEAPONS AND A MORAY.

SAVE ZARANA!

THIS IS FOR UNA.

OHH! UNH!

MADAME VAIL WANTS UNA FIRST.

GET HIM, GIRLS!

UNH!

LET GO OF ME!

TO THE TRANSFERENCE MACHINE WITH HER!

THAT WILL BE QUITE ENOUGH, LADIES.

I THINK THEY'VE WON THIS ROUND, GIRLS.

All: YO-O-O JOE!

HEY!

LET'S GET GOING!

COBRA!

TOO LATE. WE'VE GOT COMPANY!

VIPERS -- THEY'RE ALWAYS FUN.

OH, BOY -- TARGET PRACTICE.

GOOD SHOOTING!

JUST GET US TO MADAME VAIL'S ISLAND!

HURRY UP! UNA'S IN A LOT OF TROUBLE!

I'M TRYING!

IT'S ALWAYS SO EASY IN MY MOVIES.

LET ME OUT OF HERE!

ACTIVATE THE TRANSFERENCE MACHINE!

YES, MADAME!

AAAAAAAAH!

IT'S NOT WORKING!

I MUST HAVE HER FACE! TRY IT AGAIN!

WHAT HAPPENED?!

GOOD WORK, TARA.

YOU SHORTED OUT THE ENTIRE ELECTRICAL SYSTEM.

JUST LIKE IN ONE OF MY PICTURES!

GEE!

LET ME OUT!

UH-OH. BETTER HURRY.

ALERT THE VIPERS! THE CELEBRITIES HAVE ESCAPED!

[ ALL GASP ]

No weapons!

We want them unharmed!

YOU HEARD DR. MINDBENDER, BOYS.

HE SAID NOT TO HARM US.

UNFORTUNATELY, THOUGH, WE CAN HARM YOU.

[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING ]

AND NOW FOR EVERYONE'S FAVORITE -- MOVE NUMBER 8!

YAAH!

UNH!

WHAA!

WANT ME TO SHOW YOU MOVE NUMBER 7?

[ PANTING ]

YOU GOT HERE JUST IN TIME!

THE WOMEN ARE ESCAPING!

HEY, YOU'RE NOT --

UH-OH.

AAAAAAH!

OKAY, LET'S FIND THE GIRLS!

All: YO-O-O JOE!

UNBELIEVABLE!

NICE OF YOU GUYS TO DROP IN.

WELL, UH...GLAD YOU LADIES ARE ON OUR SIDE.

ALL RIGHT, REPTILE -- UNA --

WHERE IS SHE?

I-IN THE LAB.

LOW-LIGHT, WAIT!

HURRY!

PUT ME THROUGH THE TRANSFERENCE BEFORE THE JOES GET HERE!

PULL THE LEVER NOW!

THE TRANSFERENCE -- DO IT NOW!

HERE'S ONE FOR LADY JAYE.

UNA, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

YES!

COOPER, LOOK OUT!

YAAAH!

NOW! DO IT NOW!

[ GROANS ]

UNA, SHIELD YOUR EYES!

[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLING ]

DIAL TONE, GET SOME LIGHT.

UNA. UNA, ARE YOU OKAY?

I -- I THINK SO.

WHERE'S MINDBENDER?

I THINK SOMEBODY SLIPPED BY IN THE DARK.

I GUESS -- GOOD LORD.

LOW-LIGHT, DID YOU REACH UNA IN TIME?

OH!

OH, NO.

IT'S HORRIBLE!

LET ME SEE MY FACE!

[ SOBBING ]

THERE'S NOTHING TO LOOK AT. NOTHING AT ALL.

[ SCREAMING ]

MY FACE!

MY FACE!

[ SOBBING CONTINUES ]

SEE WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR HER.

I'LL TRY.

BUT THERE'S NOT MUCH TO WORK WITH.