Original subtitles

YO-O-O, JOE!

♪ HE'LL FIGHT FOR FREEDOM WHEREVER THERE'S TROUBLE ♪

♪ G.I. JOE IS THERE

♪ G.I. JOE, A REAL AMERICAN HERO ♪

♪ G.I. JOE IS THERE

♪ IT'S G.I. JOE AGAINST COBRA THE ENEMY ♪

♪ FIGHTING TO SAVE THE DAY

♪ HE NEVER GIVES UP, HE'S ALWAYS THERE ♪

♪ FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM OVER LAND AND AIR ♪

♪ G.I. JOE, A REAL AMERICAN HERO ♪

♪ G.I. JOE IS THERE

G.I. JOE IS THE CODE NAME

FOR AMERICA'S DARING, HIGHLY TRAINED SPECIAL-MISSION FORCE.

ITS PURPOSE -- TO DEFEND HUMAN FREEDOM AGAINST COBRA,

A RUTHLESS TERRORIST ORGANIZATION

DETERMINED TO RULE THE WORLD.

♪ HE NEVER GIVES UP

♪ HE'LL STAY TILL THE FIGHT'S WON ♪

♪ G.I. JOE WILL DARE

♪ G.I. JOE, A REAL AMERICAN HERO ♪

♪ G.I. JOE

IN OUR LAST EPISODE, COBRA COMMANDER

LAUNCHED A DARING ASSAULT

UTILIZING HIS NEW WEAPON, THE BATTLE ANDROID TROOPERS.

BUT THE TIMELY ARRIVAL OF SERGEANT SLAUGHTER

GAVE GENERAL HAWK THE DIVERSION HE NEEDED TO TURN THE TIDE.

MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE TERRORDROME,

DESTRO AND DR. MINDBENDER

PLOTTED TO REPLACE COBRA COMMANDER WITH A NEW LEADER,

THE COBRA EMPEROR,

CREATED FROM THE DNA OF LONG-DEAD CONQUERORS --

A BIZARRE INSPIRATION GIVEN TO DR. MINDBENDER IN A DREAM.

BUT AS SERGEANT SLAUGHTER'S TRAINING

RESTORES THE JOES' FIGHTING SPIRIT,

SLIP STREAM INTERCEPTS A COBRA NIGHT RAVEN

CARRYING DR. MINDBENDER'S PLAN TO ZARTAN.

AND HAWK SENDS SERGEANT SLAUGHTER,

BEACHHEAD, AND LOW-LIGHT

TO UNCOVER THE WHOLE SECRET AT ZARTAN'S CAMP.

THERE, THRASHER CORNERS SERGEANT SLAUGHTER

IN HIS DEADLY THUNDER MACHINE.

AND NOW, TODAY'S CHAPTER OF "ARISE, SERPENTOR, ARISE!"

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR, YOU TWIT?!

THE ASSURANCE THAT I AM NOW A DREADNOK OFFICIALLY.

I SWEAR.

NOW EXTERMINATE THEM!

GET READY.

THIS SHOULD BRING SOME TEARS TO THEIR EYES.

Thrasher: TEAR GAS!

[ COUGHING ] YO, JOE!

OUT THE BACK DOOR!

WHAT BACK DOOR?!

THIS ONE!

[ CRASH ]

QUICK! THEY'RE ESCAPING!

NO ONE ESCAPES THE THUNDER MACHINE!

[ ENGINE REVS ] COBRA!

COO.

THEY AIN'T GONNA BE TELLING THEIR GRANDKIDS ABOUT THIS ONE.

COME ALONG, THRASHER.

YOU AND YOUR FELLOW DREADNOKS HAVE WORK TO DO.

I DON'T WANT HIM AROUND ME.

ZARANA ALMOST DESTROYED DR. MINDBENDER'S SECRET MESSAGE.

BUT THERE'S ENOUGH LEFT TO TELL US

COBRA'S GONNA BE HITTING HISTORICAL BURIAL SITES

ALL OVER THE WORLD.

THE TOMB OF NAPOLEON IN PARIS.

THE TOMB OF GENERAL XANUTH AMON-TOTH

IN EGYPT.

EVEN THE CRYPT OF VLAD TEPES --

BETTER KNOWN AS COUNT DRACULA.

THEN THERE ARE THE TOMBS OF SUN-TZU,

THE GREAT CHINESE STRATEGIST,

GENGHIS KHAN, MONTEZUMA,

ALEXANDER THE GREAT, IVAN THE TERRIBLE.

THE LIST IS INCOMPLETE,

SO THEY COULD HAVE TARGETED OTHER TOMBS, AS WELL.

THE QUESTION IS WHY?

ANYTHING WORTH STEALING

WOULD HAVE BEEN RIPPED OFF CENTURIES AGO.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT COBRA'S AFTER IN THOSE TOMBS,

BUT I DO KNOW IF WE DO NOTHING, WE'LL SURELY PAY FOR IT.

SO UNTIL WE GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS,

WE'RE GONNA SPLIT OUR FORCES

AND STATION A COUNTERSTRIKE UNIT

AT EVERY TOMB ON ZARTAN'S LIST.

HALT. HALT!

Hawk: SIR, WE'RE ON AN IMPORTANT MISSION.

PLEASE MOVE SO WE CAN PROCEED.

I WILL NOT, MONSIEUR.

I AM THE MAYOR OF PARIS!

I MUST PROTECT MY CITY.

WE'RE HERE TO GUARD NAPOLEON'S TOMB.

HOW, MONSIEUR GENERAL?

BY ROLLING YOUR BIG MACHINES THROUGH THE STREETS?

BY SHAKING THE FOUNDATIONS OF OUR MUSEUMS?

OUR VERY CULTURE?

SIR, FACING COBRA WITH LESS FIREPOWER THAN THIS

COULD PUT US AT A DISADVANTAGE.

THAT IS NOT MY CONCERN, MONSIEUR GENERAL.

NOW TAKE YOUR VERY EXPENSIVE TOYS SOMEWHERE ELSE.

WELL, WHAT NOW, MONSIEUR GENERAL?

WELL, SCI-FI, IF WE WERE COBRA, I'D SAY RUN HIM OVER.

BUT WE'RE NOT, SO WE WON'T.

BACK UP THE COLUMN!

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO DO THE JOB

WITH JUST A.W.E. STRIKERS AND RECON SLEDS!

Keep an eye out, Sci-Fi.

We need every advantage we can get.

I'VE GOT A PRETTY GOOD OBSERVATION POST, GENERAL HAWK.

WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER JOES?

We're doing just fine, Sci-Fi,

though I never thought the Russians

would welcome us in their territory.

When it comes to defending Ivan the Terrible's tomb

against Cobra,

THE SOVIET UNION IS PLEASED TO GET G.I. JOE HELP.

I'LL BE HAPPY TO TRADE WITH YOU, DUKE.

WE'RE CHOPPING OUR WAY THROUGH THE YUCATáN --

THE WORLD'S MEANEST SALAD.

WE'RE ABOUT AN HOUR'S MARCH FROM MONTEZUMA'S TOMB.

DOWN HERE IN EGYPT, GENERAL HAWK,

THINGS ARE GOING SMOOTH AS CAT FUR ON A MARBLE FLOOR.

WE GOT OLD XANUTH AMON-TOTH'S LAST RESTING PLACE

LOCKED UP TIGHTER THAN A -- UH-OH.

TROUBLE.

[ GROANS ]

HELP...ME!

MA'AM, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

MY FAMILY!

MY FATHER, MOTHER, AND LITTLE SISTER!

BACK IN THE NEXT VALLEY!

WE WERE ATTACKED BY COBRA!

WILL YOU HELP US, PLEASE?

YOU JUST SIT TIGHT, LADY.

WE'RE GONNA STOMP A WHOLE MESS OF SERPENT FOR YOU.

YO, JOE!

[ LAUGHS ]

SENTIMENTAL FOOLS!

WHERE'S COBRA?

DR. MINDBENDER: Now that you have entered the tomb, Zarana,

you will need to slide back the stone door

leading to the inner crypt.

[ GASPS ]

It is important

to watch out for booby traps.

NOW YOU TELL ME!

At this point, you should see the sarcophagus

of the great Egyptian general Xanuth Amon-Toth.

LOOKS LIKE THERE'S NOTHING FOR MILES

BUT MILES AND MILES OF NOTHING.

IF THERE WAS ANYBODY POKING ABOUT HERE,

THEY SURE DIDN'T LEAVE NO TRACKS.

Xanuth Amon-Toth's tomb

is one of the least spoiled in the Valley of the Kings.

MINDBENDER, YOU BLOODY DINGO!

You may also notice the spiked stone ceiling,

which finishes off victims trapped by the clamp.

PERSISTENT, AIN'T THEY?

WELL, IT'LL TAKE MORE THAN THAT TO SCARE OFF ZARANA!

Y'ALL BEEN HAD, DUSTY, OLD BUDDY!

THAT THERE GAL AIN'T ALL SHE CLAIMED TO BE.

BACK TO THE TOMB! DOUBLE PRONTO!

YO, JOE! YO, JOE! YO, JOE!

[ GRUNTS ]

HM. THE VERY LATE GENERAL AMON-TOTH, I PRESUME.

NOW, GENERAL, THIS WON'T HURT A BIT.

[ ZAPPING ]

[ WARBLING ]

[ ZAPPING CONTINUES ]

[ GRUNTING ]

LET'S HEAR IT FOR ME!

NOT SO FAST, ZARANA!

[ CHUCKLES ] YOU'RE DREAMING, JOE!

SHE'S GOING NOWHERE!

[ LAUGHS ] SO LONG, MORONS!

WE'VE GOT TO GET WHATEVER IT IS SHE TOOK FROM THAT TOMB!

THAT'S A BIG 10-4, GOOD BUDDY!

[ RUMBLING ]

[ ZARANA LAUGHS ]

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATION ]

SLIP STREAM, WHAT'S GOING ON OUT THERE?

Slip Stream: WE GOT A BAD SITUATION HERE, GENERAL.

Any sign of survivors?

DON'T SEE ANY.

[ TELESCOPE BEEPING ]

GENERAL HAWK, IT'S COBRA TIME.

IT'S COBRA, ALL RIGHT.

GET IN POSITION!

CO-O-O-BRA! CO-O-O-BRA!

DON'T GIVE THEM TWINS AN INCH OF ROOM!

GOT TO KEEP THEM SNAKES OUT OF BONAPARTE'S TOMB!

NIGHT RAVEN...

...GIVE US AIR COVER!

AT ONCE! AT ONCE!

TAKE COVER!

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO REGROUP AND DIG IN, GUNG-HO!

FINE BY ME, BUT WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO GET RID

OF THAT COBRA JET-JOCK FIRST!

HUH?

[ BELLS RINGING ]

STOP!

I CANNOT ALLOW THIS!

YOU MUST STOP THIS DESTRUCTION, YOU BARBARIANS!

BARBARIANS? BARBARIANS?

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

Both: TO NAPOLEON'S TOMB!

UN...DEUX...TROIS!

[ BEEP ]

NAPOLEON WON'T TAKE LONG.

[ ZAPPING ]

HE ALWAYS WAS A LITTLE SHORT.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

DNA...

"A"-OKAY.

[ LAUGHS ]

HOLD IT, YOU TURKEY!

HYAH!

YO, JOE! DON'T LET THEM GO!

CO-O-O-BRA! CO-O-O-BRA!

HERE! OVER HERE, GUYS!

I SEE THEM NOW, LIFELINE!

GET READY.

GOING UP!

ALL PRESENT OR ACCOUNTED FOR, SLIP STREAM.

WHAT'S THE WORD ON THAT LADY SNAKE?

NO SIGN OF ZARANA OR THRASHER.

THEY MUST HAVE DROWNED.

SCI-FI, I WANT YOU TO TAKE OVER.

I'VE GOT A RENDEZVOUS WITH ROADBLOCK.

HAWK HERE!

REQUEST PERMISSION TO COME ABOARD!

YOU GOT IT, GENERAL.

WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU.

WE'RE RARING TO GO.

COBRA SHOULD LOOK OUT FOR G.I. JOE.

GOOD WORK, ROADBLOCK.

NOW LOCK COORDINATES WITH DUKE'S

AND WITH SERGEANT SLAUGHTER'S UNITS.

DUKE: Duke here. Do you read me?

Loud and clear, over.

WE'RE NEARING THE TOMB OF IVAN THE TERRIBLE.

THE SOVIETS HAVE SENT THE OCTOBER GUARD TO BACK US UP.

COLONEL BREKHOV AND DAINA SEND THEIR WARMEST REGARDS.

What about Horrorshow?

NYET!

YO, IVAN!

GENERAL HAWK, FLINT HERE.

MONTEZUMA'S TOMB IS DEAD AHEAD.

YEAH, AND WE'RE DEAD TIRED.

WE'LL RENEW CONTACT AS SOON AS WE'RE IN POSITION.

FLINT OUT.

[ HISSES ]

[ HOWLS ]

Beach Head: IT'S MIDNIGHT HERE IN TRANSYLVANIA, GENERAL HAWK.

WE EXPECT TO REACH VLAD TEPES' CRYPT AT 02:00.

OH, THIS WHOLE COUNTRY REMINDS ME

OF WHEN I USED TO TAKE MY KIDS TRICK-OR-TREATING.

[ HOOTS ]

A GREAT PLACE FOR A SINGLES WEEKEND, HUH, GUYS?

YEAH. WE COULD TAKE OUR DATES FOR A SWIM

IN THE EVER-POPULAR AZTEC POOL OF DEATH.

ALL RIGHT.

LET'S GET IN POSITION

AND WAIT FOR COBRA'S NEXT MOVE.

WHOO-HEE.

THIS IS ABOUT THE SCARIEST PLACE I EVER SPEND THE NIGHT.

HOW ABOUT YOU, LOW-LIGHT?

NAH. SEEN A LOT SCARIER.

CUT THE CHATTER, YOU GUYS!

COBRA'S OUT THERE.

I CAN FEEL THEM.

G.I. JOE IS HERE, I TELL YOU.

I CAN FEEL THEM.

THEN LET'S BASH THEM FAST,

SWIPE MONTEZUMA'S C-I-A, AND GET OUT OF HERE.

THAT'S D-N-A, YOU MORON!

WE CAN'T GO AFTER IT UNTIL WE'RE SURE OF OUR SITUATION.

BROTHER, LEAVE EVERYTHING TO ME.

[ BIRD CAWING ]

Man: YOU HEAR SOMETHING, DIAL TONE?

JUST A BIRD.

TWO OF THEM ON TOP OF THE GREAT WALL OF HIEROGLYPHS

AND ONE IN THE NICHE BELOW THE CEREMONIAL STAIRS.

WHO'S THERE?

[ GRUNTS ]

COMING, LOW-LIGHT!

DREADNOKS! THEY'RE HERE!

WHAT'S ALL THE --

SO GLAD YOU COULD JOIN US!

HYAH! WHOAAAAAAA!

DROP IN ANY TIME, ZARTAN.

THEY'VE GOT US BOXED IN!

TORCH, TURN UP THE HEAT!

[ ZARANA LAUGHS ]

Zarana: NOTHING LIKE A CHEERY BLAZE

TO WARM A DREADNOK'S HEART, EH?

[ LAUGHS ]

THINGS ARE GETTING A MITE WARM, FLINT.

LOOKS LIKE IT'S TIME FOR A LITTLE SWIM.

THAT WATER'S MUCH TO CHILLY FOR OUR FRIENDS, GENTLEMEN!

HEAT IT UP TO THE BOILING POINT!

[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

[ ZARTAN LAUGHS EVILLY ]

Zartan: MY SPECIAL RECIPE FOR G.I. JOE SOUP!

[ LAUGHTER ]

KEEP HEATING IT UP!

WE WANT TO BE SURE OUR JOE GOOSES

ARE PROPERLY COOKED!

[ LAUGHTER ]

COME, MONKEYWRENCH!

ON TO THE BUSINESS AT HAND.

[ BUBBLING ]

[ BOTH GRUNTING ]

[ SPIDERS SQUEAKING ]

Monkeywrench: OH, NO!

YOU NEVER SAID NOTHING

ABOUT NO BIG, HAIRY SPIDERS!

YOU WIMP!

ONE MORE OUTBURST LIKE THAT,

AND I'LL BURY YOU WITH MONTEZUMA!

[ ALL GASPING ]

I SWEAR I'LL NEVER EAT BOILED LOBSTER EVER AGAIN.

Monkeywrench: HANG ON, ZARTAN!

KEEP MOVING, OR I'LL GIVE YOU A BIG, UGLY HEADACHE!

COME ON. THIS COULD WORK OUT AFTER ALL.

Zartan: FINALLY, THE DREADED MONTEZUMA. [ SPIDER SQUEAKS ]

YOU -- YOU WOULDN'T HAPPEN

TO HAVE A B-B-BUG BOMB ON YOU,

WOULD YOU, ZARTAN?

OW!

AAH! AAH! UHH! UHH! WHEAHH!

[ WHIMPERING ]

[ ZAPPING ]

GOT IT. FASCINATING.

NOW LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!

I'M NOT SURE I UNDERSTAND WHAT WE JUST SAW, ZARTAN,

BUT YOU'LL HAVE PLENTY OF TIME TO EXPLAIN.

YO, JOE! YO, JOE! YO, JOE!

LET'S PLAY A LITTLE GAME, MATES.

I GO BANG. YOU ALL FALL DOWN!

I LIKE GAMES, ESPECIALLY RUGBY!

ZARTAN! HELP!

AAH! HEY, SPIDERS!

[ SCREAMING ]

COME ON!

Zartan: LOOKS LIKE NO GO, JOE!

[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]

[ WOLF HOWLS ] Mainframe: WHEN THIS IS ALL OVER, BEACH HEAD,

REMIND ME TO GET US A NEW TRAVEL AGENT.

THERE'S SOMETHING DEPRESSING

ABOUT BEING HERE DURING VAMPIRE SEASON.

VLAD TEPES WASN'T A VAMPIRE, MAINFRAME.

JUST A CRAZED TYRANT WHO KILLED PEOPLE FOR A HOBBY.

[ CHUCKLES ] KIND OF LIKE COBRA.

SPEAKING OF WHICH... [ RADIO CLICKS ]

ANYTHING SQUIRMING YOUR WAY, ALPINE?

NOTHING SNAKY SO FAR, BUT IF IT FLIES IN, IT'S HISTORY.

WHAT'S THE WORD FROM THE OTHER GUYS?

NOTHING GOOD.

AFTER PARIS, EGYPT, AND YUCATáN, IT'S COBRA 3, JOE NADA.

[ HOWLING, MOANING ] HUH?

YOU HEAR SOMETHING? NO.

[ HOWLING, MOANING CONTINUES ] I DIDN'T HEAR IT AGAIN.

AND I DIDN'T HEAR IT COMING FROM DOWNSTAIRS.

YOU'RE NUTS!

THE ONLY THING DOWN THERE IS DRACULA --

I MEAN, VLAD TEPES' CRYPT.

THERE'S PROBABLY A LOGICAL EXPLANATION

FOR ALL THIS SPOOKY JAZZ.

SURE.

WHEN THEY BURIED HIM, THEY LEFT HIS RADIO ON.

[ HOWLING, MOANING CONTINUES ]

IT IS COMING FROM THE TOMB.

THEN LET'S CHECK IT OUT.

[ DOOR CREAKS ]

OH?

[ GASPS ]

[ HOWLING, MOANING CONTINUES ]

AAH!

WHAT DO WE DO?

STAY HERE AND GUARD THE REMAINS, OR...

FOLLOW THE PHANTOM LADY?

WELL, TEPES AIN'T GOING NO PLACE.

AFTER HER.

Iceberg: LOOK, MAN, THIS IS MY KIND OF CLIMATE!

WHY CAN'T THEY HAVE WEATHER LIKE THIS DOWN IN WACO, TEXAS?

FACE IT, ICEBERG, YOU WERE BORN IN THE WRONG HOMETOWN.

HAWK: Come in, Duke! General Hawk calling!

What's the word from Siberia?

THE WORD IS "FROSTBITE," GENERAL.

MY HOT COCOA JUST TURNED INTO A FROZEN POPSICLE.

NOTHING ELSE TO REPORT.

UGH. I THOUGHT I COULD TAKE A PRETTY GOOD CHILL,

BUT YOU OCTOBER GUARDS PUT ME TO SHAME.

BEAUTIFUL SPRING DAY, YES, JOESKI?

MAYBE LATER WE CHOP THROUGH ICE, GO FOR SWIM.

THERE'S COBRA...

WITH MORE OF THEIR BATTLE ANDROID TROOPERS!

MARCH FORWARD!

COBRA!

PUSH THEM BACK!

YO, JOE!

YO, IVAN! YO, IVAN! YO, IVAN!

Man: WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE THOSE THINGS?!

B.A.T.s -- ROBOT SOLDIERS THAT COBRA'S CONJURED UP!

THEY'RE OVERRUNNING OUR POSITION!

[ INDISTINCT SHOUTING, YELLING ]

IT'S NO USE!

THERE ARE TOO MANY OF THEM!

HANG ON, GUYS!

SHE'S GOING INTO THAT ROOM.

ENOUGH HIDE AND SEEK. LET'S GET HER!

OKAY, CINDERELLA. IT'S PUMPKIN TIME!

ILL-MANNERED, AMERICAN OAF!

IS THAT ANY WAY TO TREAT A LADY?

HYAH!

UGH! UHH! WEAHH!

MAINFRAME, GET ME OUT OF THIS THING!

IT WAS A DECOY! BACK TO THE CRYPT!

STAY BACK. I WARN YOU.

YOU CAN'T TAKE BOTH OF US, BARONESS.

I WON'T HAVE TO, DARLINGS.

[ RUMBLING ]

QUICKLY, BEFORE THE OTHER JOES GET HERE!

WE HAVE WHAT WE CAME FOR.

COBRA! RETREAT!

[ RUMBLING ]

THEY'RE UNDERCUTTING THE FOUNDATION!

WE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE!

TOO LATE! LOOK OUT!

TUNE IN TOMORROW WHEN COBRA'S PURSUIT

OF THE PRECIOUS DNA FROM LONG-DEAD CONQUERORS

LEADS FROM THE SNOWY STEPPES OF RUSSIA

TO THE DEPTHS OF THE MEDITERRANEAN SEA.

AND SERGEANT SLAUGHTER BECOMES THE UNWITTING DUPE

OF THE NEFARIOUS DR. MINDBENDER.

ALL IN THE NEXT EXCITING EPISODE

OF "ARISE, SERPENTOR, ARISE!"

WHAT'S THIS STUFF?

SUNSCREEN. IT BLOCKS THE SUN'S HARMFUL RAYS.

WANT SOME?

NO. I'M GONNA STAY OUT ALL DAY AND GET A GREAT TAN.

LOOK AT YOUR BACK -- IT'S AS RED AS A LOBSTER.

I DON'T FEEL SO GOOD.

HEY STELLA,

YOUR FRIEND'S BEEN OUT IN THE SUN WITHOUT PROTECTION.

LEATHERNECK!

NEXT TIME, USE THE SUNSCREEN, WEAR A HAT AND A SHIRT,

AND LOOK FOR SOME SHADE WHEN IT'S REALLY SUNNY.

A BAD SUNBURN COULD MAKE YOU SICK

AND EVEN PUT YOU IN THE HOSPITAL.

NOW WE KNOW.

AND KNOWING IS HALF THE BATTLE.

♪ G.I. JOE