All language subtitles for uff 312

Angela. What?

That was a voicemail that
corporate left last night.

They did not get our tax forms.

Did you send them?

They arrived this morning.

Are you sure?

It is a big deal if...
Is it a big deal?

Is it, Kevin?

Do you really not know?

Because it is a big deal.

And y: Five of us transferred
from stamford.

There's two of us left.
Me and Karen.

It's like we're touring Willy
wonka's chocolate factory

and dropping off one by one.

Well, guess what?

I'm not falling in
a chocolate river.

Everything okay?

It's fine. You are in the clear.

Thank you.

I don't want those.

Dwight, care to join us?
Finally.

Thank you.

Hey, Dwight, pass the
tardy sauce.

Get it, Michael? Yes.

Okay.

Here is the dream team.

My sales dream team.

Today we are going to team up
for sales calls.

Andy, since this was your
idea, you get to pick first.

Well, let me think about
this for a minute.

Oh, I don't know. Michael Scott?

Phd. Doctor of sales.

Michael: Well, I appreciate
that. That's very gracious of you.

Well, it is very gracious of you
to accept. Well, thank you, sir.

Okay, now going by seniority.

Phyllis, our resident senior.

We're the same age.

And I'll pick Karen.

Oh, thanks.

Michael: Good.

Next up, the super fly
himself, Stanley. Pass.

You can't pass.
You gotta pick somebody.

I'll take the kid.

I'm very flattered.

I was his second
choice after pass.

So that just leaves
Dwight and Jim.

Okay, wait. Does anyone
want to trade?

Yeah, I'll trade.

Dwight and I used to go on
sales calls all the time.

In fact, I have a picture
to remember that time.

Oh, young Jim.

There'sjust so much I need
to warn you about

and yet, tragically, I cannot.

Sebring by Chrysler.

A heck of a motor carriage.

Dwight! Dwight: Yeah?

Here you go.

Yeah!

You want shirts on hangers?
Please.

He does your laundry?

Long story.

All right, everybody, circle up!

Michael: Here we go.

You know what this is?

This is the amazing race.

And you guys are retired marines,
and you guys are the mother-daughter,

and you guys are the gay couple,
and we are the firefighter heroes.

Are we ready to go? Karen: Wait.

Amazing race, like,
the biggest sale wins?

No. We're just gonna rush out,
do the sales thing and come back.

Is there a prize?
Just bragging rights.

Then how is this amazing race?

It's just...

It's amazing race,
Phyllis, okay?

We're in teams of two
and we're on a mission.

All right. So, on your Mark.
Get set. Go.

Letsdoit comeon!

Michael...

Do you have a pole?

Let's go get a broom.

Seriously, are you gonna
sit in the back?

Yeah.
It's the safest part of a car.

In the event of a crash, the
driver always protects his side first.

Here we go.

Andy: In order to take down
Dwight, I have to chip away at his ally.

In this case, Michael.

And here's the good news.

Every success I've ever had in
my job or with the lady folk

has come from my ability to slowly
and painfully wear someone down.

What's the deal with
Dwight doing your laundry?

That is a long story.

A couple of months ago, Dwight
tried to go behind my back with jan

and get my job.

And I am now having him
do my laundry as punishment.

Wow. That is a long story,
but quite well told, Michael.

I find it very interesting.

Especially the part about
Dwight going behind your back

and basically being,
like, a terrible person.

You know, if you want
your laundry done right,

I used to work at Abercrombie,
so...

Pretty good folder.

Hey, Pam.

Would you like to go with me
to grab a coffee?

Really? Yeah.

I thought you could use some
fresh air and it might be fun.

Okay. Sure.

Okay.

Why are we turning in here?
This is a beauty salon.

Hey, do you mind if I take
the lead on this one

and then you can
critique me after?

You want the lead?

Yeah, if you don't mind. Mind?

Nothing would delight me more.

Leave the keys.

You still do that thing?
Leave the keys.

I think that you have assembled
an amazing team at Scranton.

It's really a pleasure
to be a part of it.

It's like everyone has their
own special skill, you know.

Just like the super friends.

Except for Dwight, who's kind
of more of a super dud.

I mean, he'd be a super friend
if there was a super friend

whose super power
was always being late.

You know?

Hawkman.

My plan is taking longer
than I thought,

but I don't give up easily.

I have
walked two marathons, so...

Let's go.

The men's room was disgusting.

After you, sir. No, thank you.

I never let anyone
walk behind me.

Seven out of 10 attacks
are from the rear.

Okay. Well, that still leaves a 30%
chance that I'll attack you from the front.

Yeah, but it'll be
easier to stop.

I can always block the blow.
Or I can counter it...

Angela, you seem so happy.

I bet you wish you were
like this all the time.

This friend of mine...
Let's call her "Noel."

She missed this deadline turning
something into corporate in New York.

But then this gallant
gentleman, we'll call him "Kurt."

He drove all the way to new
York and handed it in for her.

That's... I don't know.

I guess he just really
likes her a lot.

Well, that's great.

Yes, it is.

Hello?

Hey.

Did you catch that up
at lake wallenpaupack?

Yeah.

You know, I used to go up
there all the time with my step-dad

and I never
caught anything that big.

Icaughtan
80-pound shark off montauk.

That's in the Hamptons.

My dad's got a 42-foot bayliner.

Sniped it with a rifle
from the crow's-nest.

Also shot a deer once.

You know what?
Let's get right down to it.

Dunder Mifflin may be just
two rooms and a warehouse,

but what we lack in flash,

we will make up for
with hard work and decency.

Okay, this is the
classic undersell.

Because you should know
we don't work out of a log cabin.

We trade on the New York
stock exchange. Ever heard of it?

It's in New York.

I have to say I'm a little wary of
getting involved with a big company.

We've had some
problems in the past.

And I think what Andy is
trying to express is that

while we have the resources
of a large company,

we will give you the care and
attention of a small company.

Man, that is like poetry.

I swear.

This guy could sell paper
to a tree stump.

I'm so sorry, man.

I really screwed that up.

I really...
No. Don't worry about it.

I really schruted it.

What?

I schruted it.

It's just this thing people say
around your office all the time.

Like when you screw something
up in a really irreversible way,

you schruted it.

I don't know where
it comes from, though.

You think it comes
from Dwight schrute?

I don't know. Who knows
how words are formed.

Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.

This is Pam.

I did?

Yeah, I did a watercolor of
Francis Willard elementary school

for a contest they were having.

They were calling
with the results.

And I won.

I won. My painting won!

So I'd like to thank my mom
for always encouraging me.

And I'd like to thank my dad for
buying me my first set of art pencils.

And I'd like to thank the
sixth-grade class that picked me.

It's a big order.

Thanks, Ken. Yeah, thank you.

Hey, how's Annie? She's great.

This is us last year in Bermuda.

Lovely place.
You ever been to Bermuda?

Julius: Stanley Hudson.
Julius, how's it going?

Great, great, great.
Stanley, so good to see you.

You, too.

I'd like you fellows to
meet Ryan Howard.

Hi. Yeah. I'm gonna
let Ryan do a little pitch

for you while I do my
crossword puzzle. Ryan.

Hi. Hi. Hi.

Hello, Ryan.

What do you have for us?

We can offer our biggest discounts on
30% recycled and ultra premium laser.

Okay. Okay.

Can I use your phone?

Yeah, sure. Go ahead. Thanks.

Let me talk to you about a few
of the other things we can offer.

Namely, we know that
tax season's coming up,

so by April 1st
we can have you fully stocked.

We have discount prices on
ink cartridges. Dwight: One.

Three.

And also any forms
that you're gonna need...

Seven. We can custom make them.

Hey, kev, guess what?

I won an art contest today.

How much did you win? $100.

I won 400 bucks on the
celtics game last night.

Cool. Congratulations.

Thanks.

It was so sweet.

And you just said, "hi! Hi! Hi!"

You sounded like my niece.

And she's six months old!

Well, I appreciate
what you guys are saying,

but it makes more fiscal sense
to go with one of the big guys.

Sure. That's true.

We can't compete
with their prices.

But let me ask you something.

How important to you is
customer service? Very.

Electronic voice: Please keep
holding. Your call is very important to us.

That's one of the big guys.
Been on hold this whole time.

And this is dunder Mifflin.

Ke ll y: Dunder Mifflin
customer service. This is Kelly.

Hey, Kelly, it's Jim.

Oh, my god! Jim! How are you?
I wanted to tell you...

Here's my card.

It's got my cell number,
my pager number,

my home number
and my other pager number.

I never take vacations.
I never get sick.

And I don't celebrate
any major holidays.

All right. I get it.

We got a deal. All right.

Hey, Angela, I got
good news today, too.

I won an art contest.

That's great, Pam.

I like having these
little moments with you.

You know what? Sprinkles
recently had kittens.

I would like to offer you
the dominant male.

His name is ash.

I don't think so. But thanks.

My building manager is...

You understand.

Well then, have a nice day.

Thanks. That was fun.

Yeah. I really enjoy spending time
with you. You're a very nice person.

Thank you.

I'm so glad you're with Jim.

He was hung-up on Pam
for such a long time.

I didn't think
he'd ever get over her.

That's nice.

You can pay me back later
for the makeover.

Andy: Hey, boss. Got a minute?
Michael: Yes, Andy.

And y: I forget. Why did Dwight
say he was late this morning?

Michael.' he didn't say.
That's weird.

Because I was just walking
past his desk and I saw this,

which is a toll booth receipt
from New York City,

stamped really early
this morning.

Why would Dwight go to new
York without telling anyone?

You think he went to see jan?

That's not like him, is it?

Someone told me a story about
this... with like laundry and betrayal.

Did you betray Dwight and try
to steal his job or something?

You are remembering it wrong.

Dwight betrayed me once before.

So this is his strike two.

You know what they say?

"Fool me once, strike one.

"But fool me twice,

"strike three."

Jan: Dwight's name is on
the security sign-in sheet,

but I don't know
who he met with.

And where it asks to
state your business,

he wrote, "beeswax
not yours incorporated."

I knew it.

Oh, doggie.

Hey, you wanna grab a coffee?

Sure.

Look at you.

Yeah.

Beesly, coffee?

No, thanks, I had
some already. All right.

But, hey, jhn. Yeah?

I won an art contest today.

Yeah. No way!

All right, Pam.
Congraunafions thanks.

Which one was it?

I sent them one of
my watercolors. Cool.

It was a new one I did.
Are you ready, Jim?

Yeah. Canlseeit
whenlgetback? Yeah.

Congratulations. Thanks.

Big deal.

Hey! We nailed the sale.

Where were you this morning?

I overslept.
Damn rooster didn't crow.

Why do you lie, liar?
I'm not a liar.

You are lying right now.
Sure seems like he's lying.

Stay out of this, you!

I know that you went
to corporate this morning.

And I know that you
lied about it.

And given our history, I need
you to tell me right now

exactly what you
were doing this morning.

Michael, I cannot tell you
what I was doing there.

But you have to trust me.

I would never do anything
to hurt you or this company.

Okay, you know what?

I want you to think about your
future at this company.

I want you to think about it
long and hard.

That's what she said. Don't...

Don't you dare.

I want to know what you were doing
this morning by the end of the day.

It's gonna be okay.

How's it gonna be okay, Dwight?

Everyone will know our business.

Well, that's not the
worst thing in the world.

I'll just stand up in front of the
office and reveal our true love.

It won't be that bad.
Look at Kelly and Ryan.

I hate those two people more
than anything in the entire world.

Well, I don't have
a lot of choices.

Karen: So, let me ask
you a question. Okay.

Did you ever have
a thing for Pam?

Pam? Did I ever have
a thing for her? No.

Why? Did she say something?

I moved here from Connecticut.

Yeah.

Okay, here's the...

I had a crush on her
before I left.

And I told her about it and
she didn't feel the same way.

So it didn't amount
to anything and I left.

I'm really glad you're here.

Okay?

Okay.

May I have your
attention, please?

This will only take a
moment of your time.

"Although I love this company more
than almost anything in the world,

"I have decided to step down from my
post and spend more time with my family.

"I do not fear the unknown.

"I will meet my new challenges
head on and I will succeed.

"And I will laugh in the faces
of those who doubt me.

"It's been a pleasure working
with some of you

"and I will not forget
those of you soon.

"But remember,
while today it is me,

"we all shall fall."

In other words,
I'm quitting, so...

Oompa, loompa,
doom-pa-Dee-dawesome

Dwight is now gone,
which is totally awesome

why was he gone?

He was such a nice guy

no, he was not

he was a total douche

doompa-Dee-doom

I would like to give the rest of
my belongings to Michael Scott.

Just take it.

Except this.

Good luck. And this one.

Dwight will be missed.

Not by me so much,
but he will be missed.

Dwight from sales

was one of the most honorable
and efficient employees

this company has ever had.

Dwight: One of my life goals
was to die right here in my desk chair.

And today, that dream
was shattered.

Hey, man.

What happened
on your sales call?

Am I happy about
the way things turned out?

Oh, "happy's" such an ugly word,

but I saw what needed to be
done and I did it and now I'm thrilled.

So, it's pretty...

Hello?

Pretty good.

Dwight: I have left dunder Mifflin
after many record-breaking years,

and I'm officially on the job
market and it's very exciting.

For your convenience, I've
broken it down into three parts.

Professional resume, athletic
and special skills resume

and Dwight schrute trivia.

Dwight: I am ready to face any challenges
that might be foolish enough to face me.

How would I describe myself?
Three words.

Hardworking, Alpha male,
jackhammer.

Merciless, insatiable.

There's nothing on my horizon
except everything.

Everything is on my horizon.

I got this job to make some money
while I continue my employment search.

And it's fine for
the time being.

Break's over.

Big Turkey?

He rocks in the treetop
all a daylong

hoppin' and a-boppin'
and a-singin' the song

all the little birds on...

Is that you singing?

All four parts.
Recorded it on my computer.

Jim: Wow. Took me forever.

Nice job. Thank you muchly.

Oh rockin' Robin well you
really gonna rock tonight

every little swallow...

You gonna answer it?

Every little bird in
the tall oak tree

I called it myself.

Just thought you'd get a kick
out of the new ring.

Yikes.

Side note, just like to say I'm thrilled
to be working directly beneath you.

Cool. I feel I have a
lot to learn from you,

even though you're younger
and have less experience.

So here's to the future,
Andy and the tuna.

Andy and the tuna

oh, what a duo, magical
Andy and the tuna

I miss Dwight.

Congratulations, universe,
you win.

Yes, Dwight schrute has left the
company. More personnel turnover.

Cost of doing business.

Yeah, well, it is a big loss.
Dwight was the top salesman.

Was the top salesman.
I said "was."

Right, addition by subtraction.

What does that even mean?
That is impossible.

Yeah, you're right.

But there is some good news.
Oscar is back, addition by addition.

So we are going to have a big
party today to welcome him back,

and hopefully, that'll lift
everyone's spirits.

Hi, everyone.

Oh, hello, Oscar.
How was your gaycation?

That's very funny.

Yeah? I thought of that like
two seconds after you left.

Hi, Angela.

Oscar.

Hey, boss.
Michael: Hey, what's up?

Nothing.

Man. Tgi Wednesday.

Am I right?

Gonna go home, get my beer on,
get my lost on.

What're you doing later?
You wanna hang out?

Oh, I don't know, maybe.

Well, I'll take that as a maybe.

Where're you going? Bathroom.

Oh, I'm going to the kitchen,
I'll walk with you.

Things are going pretty good.

Getting a lot of
face time with the boss.

Oscar, I have a question.

Would you like to join
the party planning committee?

The committee with
all the women? Yeah.

Because I'm gay? No, no.

Certain events have transpired
and I've thought about certain things,

and I'm sorry for the way
those certain events transpired.

And I would just like to make
some changes about certain things.

And certain situations
and certain accounts.

Okay, okay. All right,
all right, I'll join. Pdloveto.

That's... thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

Can ijoin, too?

Neven

you sell those two printers
this morning? Nice work.

Child's play. Give me
something hard to sell.

Wow, what is wrong with
this thing? It looks terrible.

Do you want me to ask
the night cleaning crew

if they stopped watering it?

Yeah. Oh, you know what? Ask
them about the toys on my desk, too.

They always used to arrange the
toys on my desk in a very pleasing way.

It used to brighten my morning.

Oh, that wasn't the night
crew. That was Dwight.

Really?
That was very nice of him.

We need more attitude
like that around this office.

Feel you, dawg. Yeah, do you?

Absolutely. What did I say?

You said...

Which is like... right on. Pam
was like, "blah, blah, blah,"

and you're like, "yeah."

Nailed it.

Wow.

Love that Andy, right? Solid
fellow. Seems smart enough.

Likes me a lot.

A lot? Too much.

Like a crazy person a little.

Not super crazy, just...

There's something about him
that creeps me out.

I can't really explain it.

He's always up in my biznezz,

which is ebonics for being in my face
and annoying the bejesus out of me.

I don't understand how someone
can have so little self-awareness.

I really have no preference. We
don't even have to have a party.

No, hey. Hey, don't be ridiculous.
Of course we're going to have a party.

The celebration of Oscar.
Oscar night.

And I wanted to be
Oscar specific.

Michael... no. No, I mean,
not because you're gay.

Your gayness
does not define you.

Your mexicanness is what
defines you to me.

And I think we should
celebrate Oscar's mexicanity.

So, Phyllis, I want you to
go find firecrackers

and a chihuahua.

Pam, in the frozen food section,

Swanson makes a
delightful Chimichanga.

Why don't you have me riding in
on a donkey into the office, Michael?

Would that be good? A burro.

Of course, if Oscar wants
a donkey, let's get him one.

Need any help?

Oh, no, thank you.
I'm just looking.

Great.

I will literally be standing right
here if you need anything at all.

Think I could go for some
tuna fish right about now.

Got my rod here.

Click, click, click, click.
Click, click, click, click.

Click, click, click, click.

Hey. Hey.

Hey, so Andy is in
rare form today.

Yeah, you should not
encourage him.

Encourage him? I'm the
victim, okay? He's fishing for me.

We gotta do something.

Look, I've got like 15 new clients
that I've inherited from Dwight

and each file is password protectedwith
a different mythical creature, so...

I'm sorry. I can't.

Fine.

Party pooper.

Michael: Who's that
sportscaster that bit that lady?

Mar-something?

Andy is like mar-something.
Great sportscaster, big weirdo creep.

185-pounder. Check it out.

Hey, guys.

How's the workload?

All of Dwight's old accounts.
Handling it okay?

Sort of.
He had a lot of clients.

Yes, he did.

Have any of you
talked to Dwight?

Oh, sure, we talk all the time.

Really? No.

Don't do that. It's not nice.

What about you, Phyllis?
You and Dwight were close.

No, sorry.

Dwight had a big personality
and I have a big personality.

And a lot of times when two people like
that get together, it can be explosive.

Really coming down out there.
The commute's gonna be hell.

I have snow tires and chains,

plus exceptional
hand-eye coordination.

So, where were you
working before this?

Dunder Mifflin.
What kind of company is that?

Paper company.

We're only one of staples'
top competitors in the area.

I never heard of them.

Oh, really?
Have you heard of paper?

It's gonna be like that, huh?

I don't like him, his giant
head, or his beady, little eyes.

That's all I got to
say on the matter.

In your head

in your head

zombie, zombie

zombie

in your head

would you like to pull
a prank on Andy?

I'm kind of in the middle...
Yes, please.

Okay, good. Stay right here.

Zombie

in your head

sorry about that.
Oh, smooth move, tuna.

Nice one.

Are there any messages?

So weird.

Nice to have Oscar back.

Yeah.

He rocks in the treetop
all a daylong

hoppin' and a-boppin'
and a-singin' the song

large tuna, have you seen
my cell phone device?

'Cause someone is
calling right now. No.

There is a call.

Well you really
gonna rock tonight

every little swallow...

Angela.

Is everything okay?

He rocks in the treetop...

What's going on?

What're you talking about?

Where is my freaking phone?

Love to hear the Robin goin'...

You know what?
Maybe it's in the ceiling.

You know what?
Maybe you're in the ceiling.

Okay.

Andy:
I don't trust you, Phyllis.

Every little swallow,
every chickadee

I wanted to let you know that
Dwight was late that morning

because he had to drive to new
York to drop off the quarterly tax forms

that I forgot to send.

Why would Dwight
do that for you?

I think I know why.

Because Dwight
loves this company.

Do you think that anyone else out
there would've driven to corporate for you?

None of them.
Especially not Andy.

Oh rockin' Robin well you
really gonna rock tonight

Pam, I have a mission to accomplish.
Make sure this party gets rolling

and I will be back shortly.

Where are you going?
Want me to come with?

Listen, I forgot to tell you
the plan for this Saturday.

You, me, bar, beers, buzzed.

Wings, shots, drunk.
Waitresses, hot.

Football, Cornell, hofstra.
Slaughter.

Then, quick nap at my place
and we hit the tizzown.

No.
I don't wanna do any of that.

Duh. Which is why I
was joking about doing it.

No, just stop. Stop.
Just stop doing it.

You're going to drive me crazy.

Fine, I'll just go sit at
my desk and be quiet.

Sorry I annoyed you
with my friendship.

Excuse me.

He rocks in the treetop
all a daylong

and I'm also sorry that a lot of people
here for some reason think it's funny

to steal someone's personal
property and hide it from them.

Here's a little news flash.

It's not funny!

In fact, it's pretty
freaking UN-funny!

Every little swallow,
every chickadee

god!

The wise old owl
and the big black crow

flapping them wings...

That was an overreaction.

Gonna hit the break room.
Does anybody want anything?

Pam, you good?

Yeah. Sure? Okay.

Dwight: Well, that
question is meaningless.

Just go with the copy paper,
it's your funeral.

See how that works out for you.

Hey.

What's up? Hey.

Same old.

It takes a big man to admit his
mistake, and I am that big man.

Angela from accounting
told me what you did.

Oh, my god, she told you?
Yes, she did.

And, Dwight,

if you were willing to do something
like that for some random co-worker,

then clearly, I misjudged you
from the beginning.

And I apologize.

Accepted.

How's this place treating you?

My boss isn't funny.

I don't get to wear my ties. No.

Sure. So...

So maybe you should come back.

You should come back. Please.

I don't wanna do
your laundry anymore.

We can talk about that.

All right.

Oh, my god.
That's half-inch dry wall.

I think we broke his brain.

Jim: "It's not freaking funny!"

You really enjoying your
fiesta? Actually, yeah.

I didn't think I would
but turns out it's great.

Ladies and gentlemen, may
I present Mr. Dwight schrute.

Welcome back. Thank you.

Okay, Dwight, you can let go of
her hand. You're gonna break it.

Notbad, huh?

You did this for me?

Guilty.

Hey.

Do you still have
feelings for her?

Yes.

And now, ladies and gentlemen,
the big finale.

Sir, would you do the honor?

Oh, man.

No, no, no, no. Ldontneedit

Michael: It takes a big man to
admit his mistake and that's what I did.

The important thing is,
I learned something.

I don't want somebody
sucking up to me

because they think I'm going
to help their career.

I want them sucking up to me
because they genuinely love me.

80 Michael had a little chat
with corporate

and they decided to send me
to management training.

Anger management, technically,
but still, management material.

This whole thing's supposed
to take 10 weeks.

I expect to be done in five.

How? Name repetition, personality
mirroring and positive reinforcement

through nods and smiles.

So don't worry about old
Andy Bernard. I'll be back.

Just like Rambo.

Oh, hi, you must be Andy.

Oh, hi. Yes, I am,
and you must be Marcy.

That's right, it's so
good to meet you.

It's so good to meet you.

Yeah. Thanks. Well, you
ready to have some fun?