Original subtitles

This programme contains strong language.

This is fun, isn't it?

You OK?

If you don't look down, it's fine.

Can you slow down, please?

Look at the sea!

Can you slow down, please?

Yeah!

HORN BLASTS

Jesus Christ!

You all right?

Are you OK? Please stop asking me that.

And it would be great if you could not just tell everyone about it...

I'm not going to. I just don't want you to talk about it, OK?

I know. It's not like a story for everyone to enjoy. I know. OK.

Jesus!

GIRL SQUEALS

Look, a goat!

Wow. Did you see the goat?

DRIVER SPEAKS GREEK

What, sorry?

I didn't get... What did you say?

I think he's saying it's a bad omen.

Why are we doing this?

Because they are our friends and it's going to be fun.

Nothing fun ever happens when someone says, "It'll be fun."

GOAT BLEATS

Efharisto. Thank you. OK, guys.

Oh, my...

It's amazing, isn't it?

Yeah, it's beautiful.

SHE SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY

Hey, guys!

It's Zoe and Dan! Hi!

Yassou!

Ah, you made it!

Hey, Jess!

Oh, hi!

Hello, mate! Hi, man, how are you?

Hey, kids!

How are you doing? You look great. Thanks, man.

You too.

I mean, obviously you haven't been in the gym as much as I have.

THEY LAUGH

But that's fine. Hey, Solomon. Hey, stranger.

Oh, hey, guys! Hi!

This is all right, isn't it? I mean, look at the view!

It's amazing!

All right. Bye.

I'm away, I'm on annual leave!

I've missed you so much! Me too.

We're so shit at getting together.

It's crazy. We all live in the same city,

and we have to come to Greece to see you.

I know. I'm sorry. No, you're busy. We're all busy.

How are you?

Are you all healed up? Yeah, I'm good. Yeah. Yeah.

Er, rooms? Er, top of the stairs, blue door. Lovely.

Oh!

Ah. Yeah.

New nanny. Lea.

Had to hire her for the holiday when the full-time bailed.

She's French, so bilingual, which is great for Henry, obviously.

But, you know...

..tits out. Yeah.

Hello! ALL: Hi. Hello!

I want to welcome you to the house.

I hope that everything is good for you? Oh, thank you.

It's brilliant. Thank you so much.

Please do not drink the water.

And do not put the paper in the toilet.

The plumbing's very old on the island.

Please use the bins.

O...K.

Absolutely. For sure.

We'll definitely do that. Thank you.

I mean, it's a bit primitive,

but that's what makes it gorgeous, in a way.

Like Ibiza before everyone found out about it.

Which room is it?

Oh, er, I'll find it. Come on, kids.

Who's in that room?

I don't know.

I bet it's Sol and Jess.

Yeah, could be.

They always get the big room.

I think they got here early to bagsy it.

Well, we had to get the later flight, didn't we? Yeah, I know

we had to get the cheapest, shittest flight, thank you.

And Jess booked the villa, so...

Yeah - somewhere we can barely afford, and it's so typical of Jess

to make everyone split the cost, and then do the best out of it.

We can always swap in a few days.

No-one in the history of the world has ever swapped rooms

during a holiday.

Come on. Once the bag is on the bed, it's like a done deal.

I love this room anyway.

TOILET FLUSHES, PLUMBING GURGLES

Hey. Hey. Hi.

So our bedroom is basically a car door off the communal toilet.

We've done well with this room.

It's not the normal single friends shit twin. Yeah.

It's going to be good to be offline.

Don't have to respond to all those Hinge freaks.

Have you got any good ones for me to laugh at?

Oh, loads of bleak bathroom mirror selfies,

and one old man with his washing flapping in the background.

I'm like, "Sir, at least put your washing away

"for your profile pic, please!"

I think that sounds quite hot.

Oh, shall we do our cocktail bar this evening?

Yes, of course.

PHONE PINGS

Er, sorry, are you going to be on your phone the whole of the holiday?

No! You're going to have my full attention. Good!

PHONE PINGS

There's a swim window now. Just go out there and have a swim.

Hey, can you... Can you see it?

No. Not...really.

Honestly, it's going to be so good to be away.

Yeah. Yeah, you say that but...

..it's still us, though, isn't it?

Please just get out there into the pool and have a really good time.

Yeah? Yeah.

Hey-hey! Hey!

Hey! Hi!

You on the beers already?

Do you want one? Er, maybe in a minute. OK.

Hi. Hi.

How's the room?

It's great.

We can always swap if you... if you want?

No!

Oh, my God!

Avery!

She got so big! How did that happen? Yeah...

I don't know. She's beautiful.

She feels more like a sister now. It's so cute.

Only took me about ten years of negotiation with Lisa

to let her come. Mm.

That one's still small, though.

Small, but such a big energy.

Just had his birthday. Oh, how old is he? Three, four?

He's seven. No! Is he? Jacob!

You're his godfather!

SHE LAUGHS

Oh, you missed a bit there, mate. Sorry?

Just wondering who brought the ghost. Solomon!

I just... I just burn really easily.

How's the leg? Yeah, it's good.

What happened to your leg? He had an accident.

What kind of accident? Car.

How long ago was that now?

Six months? You were actually really lucky.

Thank God. Could have been so much worse.

Yeah. I guess you didn't die, right?

Yeah, that is good.

Does anyone else want something to eat or drink?

Oh, we haven't done a big shop yet.

But, er...I thought we'd just do a kitty for basics. Oh.

I mean, no nuts, obviously, because of Henry.

But if everyone just sticks in what, I don't know...

..200 euros for now?

Yeah, great. Yeah.

Then if everyone does just one big evening meal,

something that they want to do...

I mean, it's not a competition or anything.

But maybe something special.

Is that... Is that OK? Yeah, yeah, yeah! You sure? Of course, yes.

OK, great. Great.

Well, tomorrow we'll do a big barbecue.

Nice. Who wants to take on the first-night feast?

We can do it.

Yeah.

Dan's the master of the kitchen, as you know. Yeah.

So, yeah, we can do it. We want to do it.

Yeah. Ace.

The seafood here's meant to be unbelievable.

I bet, it's so fresh here. You could just do that!

That's a good idea. Yeah. We could just do that.

Yes! Seafood feast is tonight's special!

Mm.

It would be really great if you just wouldn't speak for me.

I know, I didn't mean to.

You don't always have to be the first to volunteer for everything.

I know that, but no-one else was stepping up.

I just, you know... I'm just saying.

OK.

Look at this! Wow. OK.

Gorgeous.

Do you know how to play backgammon?

No.

I'll teach you.

Hey, happy hour every day.

Come enjoy. It's right up the hill. No, thank you.

We're good, thanks, mate.

Thank you. OK. Maybe next time.

Do you think he's a refugee?

I don't know.

Sorry, is that 23 euro for one fish?

Er, I think so. Oh, fuck.

We'd need like four.

Well, look, no, they look pretty big.

We could probably get away with two.

We can't come back with a quarter of a fucking fish each, Zoe.

Well, get three, then.

But what's that, like, 70 euro!

Are we going to have anything left for the rest of the holiday?

We won't be doing every meal, will we?

We could just get a lobster. One lobster? Yeah.

One lobster between eight? What the fuck? Could you not...

Could you not shout, please? What? I'm not shouting! It's just...

It's just very hot.

We're in Greece in August! Of course it's hot!

That's why we came here. We didn't want to be cold any more.

Take this off.

Take it off.

Better? Yeah, thank you.

OK. Let's just take a look at it.

Oh, thank you.

Just looking.

This is all fucking rank.

No-one's going to know.

You're going to make something amazing

and everyone's going to love it.

Maybe you can do that thing.

Do you remember, with the diced potatoes? Do we have any paprika?

Cos that was amazing, what you did. We've only got two potatoes.

Hey, guys. Guys, hi!

Oh, look here! It's more of the Paradeisos gang! Hi.

Oh, no, no, no, you don't want to shop there.

The food's as ancient as the Acropolis!

Oh, yeah! No. We just got basics.

Well, phew! I'm Flick, and this is my husband James.

Kalispera!

We were just saying to your delightful friends

that we're the "locals", for our sins.

Yeah, we came here to tap into the creative energy of the place

and then just never left.

There's an incredible Arts and Crafts scene here.

Arachne weaves gorgeous things! All very artisanal.

Rough old ladies' fingers work silky things with a special magic,

don't they? Yes, they do. She'll fleece you, so beware.

SHE LAUGHS POLITELY You do have plenty of bottled water,

don't you? Er... Yeah, some.

There's no mains supply on this fair little isle.

Don't have the pipes.

They bring it out on a boat once a week, fill everyone's tanks.

It's so sweet. Can't drink it.

No, just don't, don't drink it.

Stock up like you're prepping for the apocalypse.

We're going to have a little soiree on Friday.

You know, just drinks and meze nibbles, all very Greek!

And we will insist that you join us.

THEY GIGGLE

I'm afraid we will insist.

That sounds lovely. Thank you.

Good. Wonderful.

Ya-hara, guys! Good to meet you. Lovely to meet you. Bye.

What the fuck?

I'm so sorry.

Oh, my God. You do know you're going to meze nibbles

on your own with them, don't you? Oh, stop!

They came and they never left.

How long have you been talking to them?

Oh, well, we were just walking out and they just accosted us.

LAUGHTER

Zoe!

Zoe?

Come on.

Lea!

Lea!

You have to have your eyes open when Henry's by the pool!

Guys, this is Will.

Jacob's friend. Hi.

Hi! Hi.

Great to see you! I didn't know you...

He's been island-hopping with friends. Yeah.

Sorry, I thought I'd come and say hi. Is that...? Yeah! Course.

I said he is more than welcome to jump in the pool.

Shall... Er, yeah.

Shall we open the cocktail bar now? Yes! Yes! Let's do it. Great.

Thanks.

I'll just get Will... I mean...

Yeah?

Sure. Yeah. Give him the tour?

OK, perfect. Great. OK.

Hey!

Is he staying for dinner? Er...

I might go for a swim. Do you want to go for a swim?

Not right now - maybe later.

Oh, for God's sake. They look fine!

So what do you do, Solomon?

I'm an actor. Oh, nice.

Have you been in anything I would have seen?

He's in loads of stuff. Yeah! You were in that...

That detective thing! My dad loves that show.

That was lots of fun.

But I wanted to explore other things.

What are you up to now?

An exciting project bubbling away, but I can't really say too much.

We really enjoyed your return to the stage. Yes.

We loved it. I cried a lot.

Oh, me too. It was so beautiful.

Yes, you're so alive on screen.

I'm an actress.

Great.

Look, we can pad it all out with the rice.

I thought we were doing potatoes?

We can do them as well.

You can't do rice AND potatoes. It's too much starch.

HE TAPS FISH

How the fuck am I going to defrost that?

Er...boiling water?

Sorry, can we just... Can you just get that outside, please?

No! Henry, shall we just...

Shall we just take that outside?

Give it back! Get off! I'll give it back in a second.

Sorry! Thought there might be a bit more space out here.

There you go, go and show your mum.

Come here, come here.

Stop it playing with that for the moment...

Excuse me, Henry, you do not hit me, OK?

I will not reward bad behaviour.

What do you do, Will?

I make online content.

What content?

Er, loads of different kinds of content.

I'm sort of figuring out what spaces I want to make content in.

How do you make the content? Do you write it or..?

It's a millennial job, Nat. I'm not a millennial. I mean, I can't talk.

Zoe is the only one here with a proper job.

Teaching in a comp is... It's hardcore.

She's at the coalface. It's true. I mean,

it makes running your own children's designer clothes business look easy!

I don't know how you do it, Zoe. Oh, God.

I don't know. I just... I'm actually Gen Z.

You know, I'm a Zoomer.

Zoe, come and sit down.

Oh, yeah. Please. OK. Sorry.

Hey, is Dan all right with the...? Yeah! All good. Yeah.

Does he need any help? What? No!

No.

I'm a Zoomer too.

No, you're not, babe.

Yeah, I'm right on the cusp.

I'm always getting ID'd when I buy drinks.

People think you're under 18?

No, hold on. Listen. That happened once!

OK. About five, maybe six years ago. I'm the baby of the group.

OK? I didn't go to university with this lot.

We met years later, after his first marriage -

which is why he has the teenage daughter.

Er...

..and we fell in love.

Agh!

Lea! Sorry, would you mind taking him?

I'm just... I'm going to have a shower.

And also is it all right for you not to smoke in front of the kids?

Zoe! Oh! Just a sec...

Zoe? Jesus Christ!

It's all fallen apart.

I need to start again, but I can't, can I,

because we don't have any fucking more!

OK...

I don't even know where to start with that. OK.

Let's just get all this in here.

Zoe, no! It's...

You cannot serve that to people.

There's a tail there. Amazing. Yeah.

I think we can make a spine here...

No, there's so many bones... There's so many bones.

Yeah, but fish have bones, it's fine.

They're going to expect that.

I think it's good.

And we've still got the rice and the potatoes.

Er...I think the kids are hungry.

Voila.

I love rustic.

But I'm sorry, this villa is not four stars.

Mm. Three at best.

Where even are we?

In the middle of nowhere, like in the sea.

Peaceful, though, isn't it?

Shall I just wear this?

Huh?

Shall I not bother with a dress tonight?

Do it. You look lovely.

I told you we shouldn't have bought Henry that bloody car.

I promise there's no cheese on that one.

Nice work with Will!

But do his mummy and daddy know he's here?

HE LAUGHS

He's 23.

No, I get it. He's fit. How did you meet? Online.

And he just showed up?

Yeah. I know.

Did you invite him? No.

Er, not really.

He just happened to be in Greece at the same time?

Yeah. I mean, well, I did tell him I was coming here,

but I don't think that was the reason.

Is he staying the night?

I don't think so.

I mean, there isn't really the bed space...is there?

No.

There is that bed in the kitchen/bedroom area.

The farmer used to sleep on it with the animals, apparently.

Mmm.

Hi. Just going to have a shower.

LAUGHTER

JESS AND SOLOMON CHATTER

"She floated gently above wild flowers,

"and with a single flutter, hundreds of butterflies rose around her

"like a living rainbow. The air sparkled."

Theo. "The air sparkled with magic."

No, I've not spoken to Dad about the stuff in the attic,

but if he hasn't wanted it for 20 years, he probably...

OK, Mum. I could message him if you want?

LAUGHTER AND CHATTER OUTSIDE

It's really beautiful here.

No, yeah. You go and do that. Sorry.

Yes. I'll call you tomorrow.

Lots of love.

LAUGHTER

..that dance you did.

Oh, my God! That was so intense.

My God. Dan, do it!

Come on.

THEY CHANT

Oh, come on! How drunk do we have to get you?

I think we'll leave the dancing up to you.

I think I maybe just saw a scorpion?

Oh... Oh, I don't think you did.

Yeah, I'm not sure.

Do you know if the Greek ones are poisonous? No.

There don't have scorpions here.

But if you saw one, they... They probably do.

Sorry, is it an underscore or a hyphen? The Wi-Fi password.

It's on the box.

Yes, thank you. I've looked on the box, and it's ambiguous.

Well, Dan's cooked us a banquet!

And you need to play catch-up. Yeah. Get that down you. Thanks.

Did you turn it down?

Huh?

Did you turn the food down?

Yeah.

I just...

Just going to...

It's just fresh fish. Some fresh fish.

Wonderful. It's burnt.

I'm sorry about that.

No, it's not. Would anyone like some potato salad?

They're local Greek potatoes from the ground.

Is it hake?

I think so. I thought it was sea bass, from the market?

Yes. We're not sure.

What? Yes, we are. It's really fresh.

Which one's the one we're not supposed to have now?

Cod? No, I think cod's fine now, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, that's fine.

But this is hake?

Mmm. The fisherman probably wouldn't have told you

if it was one of the bad ones, though, would he?

He's a local guy with a little boat,

it's not big commercial fishing. Exactly. Probably line-caught.

You know we should all be eating mussels now.

They've got all the protein you need and they actually clean the seabed.

Oh! I heard the sea's going to be dead in like five to ten years.

Mm.

Shit. Oh, I'll stick to veggies.

What?

I'm basically plant-based. Seriously?

I'm pretty much vegetarian now. Just eat chicken and fish.

Then you're not a vegetarian. But I do want to be.

Yeah, you're like me. Emotionally I am. I mean, I was.

But you're not now? I kind of don't like to label myself.

Eat the fish, then.

I'll have a teeny bit. Just not the eye, please.

Yeah, I'm OK for the eye as well, thanks.

I wouldn't eat an octopus either. Cos they're as clever as a dog.

They're all just fucking fish! They're idiots! Just eat them!

I'm on the paleo.

Pretty much all meat.

But I am trying to cut down on red meat.

That's the really bad one, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah.

This was yummy. Well done, guys.

Yes, so good. Yes, well done, Dan.

Well, thank you both. It was delicious.

Well, it wasn't.

But, hey. That's, er, to be expected, I guess.

I propose a toast!

To all of us. To friendship.

And good times. Friendship and good times.

To getting through the bad times!

Oh! Buzzkill alert!

This is getting a bit serious now.

Yeah, like we've been through a war or something. Yeah, right.

Well, I think it's all relative, isn't it?

Maybe some of us have had a really bad time and it's OK to say that.

Sorry, mate. He's fine.

You went through something traumatic.

No! It's fine. He's fine now. You're doing great.

I'm not sure he really wants to... Something like that

can really make you appreciate things, can't it?

I mean, it puts everything into perspective, doesn't it?

And you're back working full-time now.

I do not know how you managed to keep your business going.

Really, hats off. When you were in the hospital

and you weren't even allowed visitors,

we were all imagined the worst. I was so scared.

But look at you now. It's amazing, really.

You... You are amazing. Yes.

He's doing great.

Really great. No. I'm not doing that great, really.

Sorry about that, guys.

So the business went to shit.

Went bust.

Just FYI.

I'm sorry to hear that, mate.

Thanks. Yeah.

That was before...

It's a... It's a bit of a...

You know?

Because I wanted to do something with my life, you know,

something big that meant something.

But I fucked it up.

I mean, of course I did, right?

But...but the thing is that it made me think, what is the point?

Of me? What am I...for?

And I couldn't...

I couldn't really work that one out, unfortunately.

So I...

I mean, you could call it whatever you want to call it. I...

I sort of went mad.

I went to the dark side! Into... Into a big black hole.

Down to the fucking bottom!

As far as you can go.

It wasn't an accident.

I didn't have an accident.

But I didn't die.

Which is...good.

So, yeah, here I am. I'm a... I'm a mad, skint loser.

But I'm here.

Which is something. Isn't it?

So, yeah, maybe I should feel grateful for that.

Maybe I should feel lucky.

But I can't honestly say that I feel great.

Cheers, everyone!

DISTANT BELL RINGS

That's really beautiful, isn't it?

Yeah. Really, really lovely.

God, I'm so sorry.

Why didn't you tell me?

I mean, it's...

It's been quite difficult. But I didn't want to worry you,

and I also didn't want to spoil the holiday, you know?

Yeah, I get that. Is he talking to someone?

Er, he won't go.

Oh, I love you. How are you so lovely?

You're always looking after everyone.

Coming to this island was your idea.

You're the glue that holds us all together.

You're totally the glue.

Guys, I'm basically, I'm just so happy.

It's OK if you're not. No, I am!

We're all here together - what's not to be happy about?!

Right?

Oh, hey.

Thanks for dinner.

It was great. You're very welcome.

My friend's dad killed himself

so I really know what you've been going through. Oh.

God. I'm... I'm sorry to hear that.

Thanks.

Men should talk about their feelings more, you know?

Have you got enough glasses?

Shot time, lads.

Hi! Hey.

Shot? Yes, please.

Have you seen Avery? She went to bed. Oh, God. Thank you.

Christ.

Erm...I brought this.

Oh! It's mushroom oil.

How'd you get that through customs?

It's not even really that illegal. It's mushrooms. It's from nature.

And it's not been up some child gang member's bum.

They make it in Kent, so...

I mean, no-one has to, but... I'll do if you do it.

Er...

No, I don't know.

Go on. It'll be fun!

Like days of yore.

I mean, if everyone's up for it?

I mean, I think if one of us does it, we all have to do it.

I'll do it. I'm OK, thanks.

Oh, come on, don't be boring. I can be straight for the kids.

Sol, how often do we get to do this?

Look, you do what you want to do, all right?

HE SIGHS

Let's do it.

Yes!

Let's do it.

Let's do it now. Yeah? OK...

How do you do it?

Like... Like one or two drops.

I mean, it's easy for us to think that we want what you've got,

but look what you have to go through being married!

It's so weird, isn't it?

And I'm like, do I even want a baby?

Do I see one in my future?

I just really wanted them

but now I can't remember if I did really want them

or if I just thought I did. You know?

I'm actually really happy being single.

Because when you're happy being single,

that's when you meet someone, right?

So true.

Like I'm so glad I did...

..but also I'm not sure if I am, sometimes.

We promised each other we'd have a baby together

when we were 40, didn't we?

But should you even bring more children

into this fucked-up world, you know?

I love them so much.

But it's too much.

It's dark.

It's bittersweet, isn't it? Because one day you'll die,

and that's the best scenario, if you die first.

But one day you will definitely be separated.

I remember when Theo was born.

I just looked at him and I thought,

"This isn't going to end well."

SHE LAUGHS

Let's have some more of that oil, Will!

Coming up!

THEY LAUGH

Let's jump in the pool! Yes!

THEY SQUEAL AND SHOUT

DANCE MUSIC PLAYING

SHRIEKING AND WHOOPING

Come on!

CHEERING

No way.

MUSIC STOPS

DISCORDANT MUSIC

CHEERING

WHISPERING

SCISSORS SNIP

WHOOPING AND LAUGHTER

No, wait! OK, OK, OK. Tell me every last detail.

Tell me what happened.

Oh, wait...

Night.

Um, night.

Hello, you still there?

Yeah, sorry, yeah, my dad walked in.

Er, yeah. So annoying.

DANCE MUSIC PLAYING

Oh, yes.

Shall I get some more beers? Yeah! Wait for me, I'll get snacks.

Hurry, hurry!

Oh!

Look at the moon!

God, it's like you could just reach out and touch it.

Yeah.

It's like you could just let go of the Earth and just float up.

Cos nothing's actually holding you down, you know what I mean?

I'm going up there.

What? Yeah.

Come on.

What? Come on!

Wait!

What are you doing?

Oh, shit!

CRASH

Jesus! Careful!

Oh, my God.

God! Be careful!

Get up here. Come on!

Wow.

Whoa.

Wow.

It's amazing.

Sit down.

SHE GROANS

Whoa!

SHE SQUEALS

I can't believe you made me do this.

What? This is all your fault. How is it my fault?

Because you... I don't know, you're so...

What?

You know how to have a good time!

You make me feel how I used to feel.

I've worked out the Wi-Fi password.

It was a hyphen and a small E.

We can leave this till tomorrow, can't we?

Are you OK? Yeah. I'm fine.

I might have to go to bed. I'm passing out.

Is that OK? Yeah.

Night, then.

LAUGHTER CLOSE BY

HE SNORES GENTLY

MUSIC: Mia Fotia Stin Ammo by Stelios Rokkos