Original subtitles

Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth,

and nothing but the truth, so help you God?

So help me.

- Your name is William Smith? - It is.

You are the father of the plaintiff in this divorce case?

I am.

You have heard the testimony given in this case and find it true?

I have, and I do.

You were a witness at the time the defendant struck the witness?

I was.

Then you agree with the plaintiff that she should be granted a divorce?

I do not.

You do not think the plaintiff has grounds for divorce?

Oh, I suppose she has, legally.

The testimony given here in your hearing was the truth?

It was.

There was cruelty evidenced?

Downright brutality.

Then would you mind explaining why you think a divorce decree is not in order, Mr. Smith?

Well, Judge, I'm thinking of you, mostly.

- Of me? - Yes, sir.

I think you have a heck of a responsibility in a thing like this,

and I wouldn't want to see you go wrong.

You see judge? This isn't just one divorce case.

- It's about a million. - Your Honor, this is...

Just a minute.

What do you mean, "This isn't one divorce, it's a million?"

I mean, there's going to be a million more just like it,

and maybe if we could figure this one out,

it would save you and a lot of other judges a lot of time in the future.

Your Honor...

- Go on. - Have you got a minute?

Go on.

Well, when my kid there got married, she had known the boy only three days.

Now that doesn't mean she wasn't brought up right, or was silly,

or anything that was different from a million other nice girls in this country.

It simply meant that it was wartime, and they fell in love,

and he had only four days before being shipped out.

So they got married.

They had only a few hours together and he went off to war.

A year and a half later, he came back.

A year and a half later, mind you,

when they'd known each other only four days.

I went with her to meet the bus.

- Now drink your coffee. - It's practically due this minute.

- Well, you can still drink your coffee. - No, I'd choke.

- Don't do that, you know I don't like it. - I'm sorry.

Relax.

You don't seem to realize, Dad, I might not even know him.

- Embarrassing, eh? - Oh, that's right, be funny.

Oh, Dad!

- My arm is bleeding! - It's here!

Now take it easy. He may not even be on this bus.

Oh, he's got to be. I couldn't go through this again.

Dad!

There he is!

Nice-looking boy, isn't he?

What's he got on his face?

What is it?

A mustache!

Something new, huh?

I never saw it before in my life.

Well don't get sore about it.

Go get him.

- What do I say to him? - What did you say when he left you?

Goodbye, I guess.

Well, that wouldn't do now, would it?

You stay here.

- I'm not going anyplace. - You stay right here.

Hello.

Hello.

- It is Janie, isn't it? - Yes.

You look swell, Janie.

Aw, thank you.

So do you.

Uh, I knew you right away.

Oh, I knew you, too.

It was just that, uh...

You didn't do your hair like that before, did you?

No.

- You didn't have a mustache, either. - No.

I guess people can't expect to be the same.

You know, it's been quite a while.

Yes.

Yes it has.

I suppose the baby's changed, too?

I mean, in the pictures you sent me, he was such a little guy.

Well, he's still a pretty little guy, I guess.

I don't suppose you realize how funny it is having a baby you've never seen.

I don't suppose you've ever been in a spot like that.

Well no, I haven't.

Well, shall we go home?

I suppose your father that you told me about is still living with you?

Yes, he's right in there.

Oh.

There certainly are a lot of new things to get used to all at once.

Aren't there?

Yes, there certainly are.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry that we couldn't meet you in San Francisco because...

Well, on account of the gasoline rationing and everything...

Oh, the bus was swell.

Nice to have you home!

Oh, thank you, sir, it's nice to be home.

Yes, it certainly is.

I mean... It certainly is.

Home for good, huh?

Uh, well, sir, I don't know, I'm on a convalescent furlough.

I get my final checkup in about 30 days, and then I'll know, I guess.

Oh, oh, were you hurt very badly?

No, sir. Uh... No, ma'am.

Uh... No!

Well, well that's good, because you didn't write me anything about it.

Don't suppose you've ever seen your son.

You know very well he hasn't.

No, sir, you see, I wasn't there.

I mean, I've been away ever since.

- Uh, I mean I wasn't here. - You certainly weren't.

Fine thing to put me through at my age.

- Yes, sir. - Too bad about you.

Told Janie I wouldn't go through that again.

Made her promise she wouldn't have another baby till you came home.

Yes, sir, I suppose that would be better.

I mean, uh, you shouldn't have to go to all that trouble.

- I suppose he's too young to do any talking. - Who?

- Uh, Bill. - Oh, he talks. He says "Mama," and "Henry,"

and he calls his grandfather something, we haven't been able to make it out yet.

- Who's Henry? - Henry? He's our boarder.

So Andy came home

to a strange town, a strange house,

and to a girl he hardly knew,

who was nevertheless his wife,

and to a baby he'd never even seen.

Oh, Mr. Fairchild, this is my husband, Sergeant Anderson.

And, uh, well, this is Bill.

Oh, gee, he's swell-looking, Janie.

I suppose you'd like to hold him.

Would that be all right?

Oh, certainly.

- Be kind of careful, though. - Yeah.

Hiya, Bill.

There, there, now, Bill. There, there. He wasn't going to hurt you.

I guess he just doesn't remember you.

I better take him upstairs, he's awfully tired.

Sure.

- I'll be right down. - We won't be long.

He certainly knows his way around here, doesn't he?

- Henry? - Henry.

Henry's lived with us now for over a year. Helps with the expenses.

Henry's a very fine young man.

Oh, I'm sure of that.

He's a very fine young man.

You're going to get very sick of him.

- Good night, Janie. - Good night, Henry.

If you need me for anything, just call. I'll be awake, I won't be asleep.

Need you for what?

Oh, nothing, I guess.

- Good night. - Good night.

Gee, it's been wonderful.

What?

Oh, this last year, just you and me and your father and the baby.

It's been like my own home, Janie.

Oh, that's nice.

Like my own family.

Oh, good.

I suppose, now he's home, I better move.

Why?

Well, he's home.

Well, what's that got to do with you?

Makes things kind of crowded, doesn't it?

What I mean to say is, we've been such good friends.

Well, sure.

Well, sometimes people's husbands don't like them to have other friends.

Oh, that's silly.

Wha... What I want to say is that maybe people's husbands might notice that...

...people's friends are maybe in love with people.

Henry Fairchild!

Well, all right, I didn't know it myself until just now, when I,

when I saw him holding Bill downstairs. I don't know, I coulda...

- Well gee, he's Bill's father! - Of course he is!

Well do you suppose I like to think about that?

I've been Bill's father ever since he was born!

Now, all of a sudden, this guy comes along and...

Well, just because you knew him slightly a year and a half ago, he's Bill's father.

Well, if this isn't just about the silliest conversation I've ever listened to!

Silly, but maybe the army doctor will find out he's all right.

Maybe he'll go away again.

Henry Fairchild! That's not a nice thing to say at all.

- Can I come in? - Yes.

- Oh, I'm sorry. - Yes, of course.

Did you finally get him into bed?

Yes.

Well, come in.

Gee, springs!

You know how long it's been since I slept on springs?

Bet you've got a mattress on it, too.

- You want me to warm Bill's bottle? - Oh, I'll do it.

You know how to warm bottles?

Well surely, I've been doing it ever since Bill was born.

Quite the mother's little helper, aren't you?

Uh, I'll just, uh, go and get it.

Did you want something?

No, I just thought I'd watch Bill till Janie got back.

Well I won't eat him. I'm not even hungry.

Oh, I didn't mean that.

Oh, what did you mean?

Well, nothing I guess.

Good night.

I hope the doctor finds out you're all right.

I'll bet you do.

- I hope you sleep well. - I'll bet you do.

- Janie. - Yes?

- I like your husband. - That's good.

What are you crying about?

You have the most ridiculous imagination, really.

Who's crying? I'm certainly not.

Sorry, I thought you were.

You can do more peculiar thinking, really.

I suppose you're also thinking it's easy having a brand new husband

you've practically never seen before.

And you hardly have a chance to speak to him

without people watching you all over the place

like you were exhibit A or something.

You know what?

I think Henry's in love with me.

Didn't you know that before?

- Did you? - I'm not blind.

Well, that's just fine, isn't it?

It's very simple. He can leave.

- Who? - Henry.

- Don't you love him, Janie? - Who?

- Andy. - Of course I do.

But how do I know? I hardly know him.

It shouldn't be sudden like this.

A person ought to have a chance to

sneak up on a thing like that...

Like this.

Why, it's ridiculous, that's all.

It's like going out and finding a perfect stranger.

- Janie... - Well, it's not your fault.

I married him, you didn't.

Janie.

Andy's an awfully nice boy.

Why don't you just talk to him? Explain it, you know.

Talk to him?

For heaven's sakes, I hardly know him.

Men don't understand anything, do they?

Oh, yes, they don't.

- Isn't it awful? - What's awful about it?

Nothing, oh, nothing. It's just like having a bomb in the house, that's all.

That you keep expecting to explode any minute, that's all.

- Oh, excuse me. - Excuse me.

Well, have you two fellas gotten acquainted?

Well, I think the mustache scared him, too.

Gee, it's nice to be home, Janie.

Oh, it's certainly nice to have you.

You're gonna stay long? I mean...

Oh, I know what you mean.

Well, you remember I told you about the med checkup and everything?

Oh, yes, of course you did. How stupid of me, I've forgotten.

Well, you probably had a lot on your mind.

I mean, about the baby and all.

Well, he is quite a mindful, I mean,

you have to think about him a lot.

I can imagine.

I, uh...

He's really swell, Janie.

Oh, I'm so glad you like him.

You see I didn't know whether you wanted a boy or a girl.

Oh, a boy.

Well, that's good because that's what you've got.

Oh, Bill's my father's name. Was that all right?

Oh, sure. Bill's swell.

I always think "Juniors" are silly anyway.

Oh, I do, too.

Well, um...

Well what?

Oh, I say that. I do that sometimes.

You know, I kind of talk to myself, I guess.

- You do? - Yeah.

You didn't know that about me, did you?

Well, I don't know much of anything about you, I guess.

No.

And that certainly goes both ways, too.

I mean, we certainly have been living different kinds of lives lately.

I mean, I've been taking care of a baby and you've been flying airplanes.

Certainly not anything alike at all, are they?

No, they're not.

I mean, the thought of flying a plane doesn't scare me a bit.

You mean you'd be scared to change a little old diaper?

Oh, I'd probably faint.

For heaven's sakes!

- Well... - There, you said it again.

- Said what? - "Well." You just keep saying "well."

I do?

I guess you don't get to be a very good conversationalist

with just a baby to talk to and your father.

What about Henry?

What do you mean?

Oh, nothing. I just said, "What about Henry?"

Can't you talk to him?

What about?

I don't know. Anything.

Oh.

Janie, you're going to freeze.

Oh, heavens! I'm not cold.

You forget I was born and raised in this climate. I'm used to it.

Why? Are you cold?

Me? No. I'm half Norwegian, remember?

Did you ever hear of a Norwegian getting cold?

What nationality are you?

Oh, well, Dad's Irish, of course.

And my mother was... Well, just California I guess.

Well, that sure makes Bill a fine mess, doesn't it?

Well the same mess most Americans are, I guess.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

- Janie. - Yes?

Why'd you jump like that for?

Well, you said "Janie" and I...

Well, I just wanted to ask you something.

Yes, that's what I thought you said.

I just wanted to ask you for a blanket.

A blanket? What do you want a blanket for?

To sleep on it.

You wanna sleep on it?

Yeah, the rug's too scratchy.

I tried it while you were downstairs.

The rug?

Well, springs and mattresses...

I'm used to the ground, I wouldn't sleep a wink.

Course, if you haven't got a blanket, just say so.

Oh, I have a blanket. We have some lovely ones.

We got them for our anniversary.

Oh, what anniversary?

Our first anniversary.

- After we'd been married for a year. - Oh!

- You weren't there. - No.

Uh, some of my friends gave us a party

and there was an empty chair at the table and that was supposed to be you.

- Did I have a good time? - Oh, you had a wonderful time.

Of course, you got a little tight, but then everybody expected that.

Well, this is terrific.

No rain.

No bugs.

No Japs.

Terrific.

Good night, Janie.

Good night, Andy.

I hope Bill isn't a light sleeper.

- Why? - I think he'd be ashamed of his old man.

Good night, Janie.

Good night, Andy.

Who is it?

- Andy. - Who?

Andy. Janie's husband.

Oh. Oh! Bless my soul. I forgot all about you.

- But just for a second, you understand. - Oh, sure. I understand.

Well, how are you, Andy?

- Okay. - Sleep well?

- Yes, sir. - Well, that's just fine.

- Andy... - Yes sir.

Janie's a woman.

And well, women are funny, skittish kind of people.

But don't think for a moment she's not in love with you.

- Oh, I don't think that. - She'll get used to having you around.

- Right now, it's kind of strange to her. - Well, Mr. Smith...

Last night, she wept all over my shirtfront.

Said it was like having a bomb in the house having you back again.

- She cried? - Well, sure.

Well, you see, she's had it her own way so long and,

well, she's been like an old maid.

But an old maid with a baby.

The way it looks like, women seem to think that's the ideal existence.

They've got their child, but they haven't got a husband to worry about or

get in the way around the house.

Well...

Do you know what I'm trying to say?

I think so.

You're trying to say that Janie's been happier with me gone than with me here.

No, I didn't say that at all.

It's just that... Well,

nice women seem to have a mother complex or something.

A child seems to be necessary and natural to them.

Sort of fills up their whole life.

Now do you see?

Say, you're making this very difficult for me.

- I'm making it difficult for you? - Now, Andy,

there's nothing for you and me to quarrel about.

You've got enough on your hands with Janie.

Well, I'm out of here now.

What's the matter? Did you forget I was here, too?

- Well, as a matter of fact... - Go right ahead, the bathroom's all yours.

Oh, no. Not at all. We can both shave at the same time.

No, no. You go ahead. I'll wait.

Better not. Janie doesn't like us to be late for meals.

Throws her off schedule.

What schedule?

- Her work schedule. - She doesn't work.

She doesn't work? Say, listen.

6:00, she takes Bill up, dresses him.

6:30, she feeds him.

7:00, she washes the diapers.

8:00, she cooks breakfast.

8:30, she washes the dishes.

- 9:00... - What if you ate longer than half an hour?

Well, you couldn't, it would throw her all off.

9:00, she makes the formula, sterilizes the bottles.

10:00, she feeds Bill.

10:30, she takes him out for an airing.

11:00, she's gotta be back and start cooking lunch.

12:00, we eat lunch.

12:30, she washes the dishes again.

1:00, she cleans her and Bill's room.

And at 1:30, she gives Bill his bath and puts his sleepers on.

2:00, she feeds him again and puts him down for his nap.

Then between 2:00 and 4:00, while he's taking his nap,

that's when she cleans the rest of the house.

4:00, she dresses him and puts him in the buggy

and takes him downtown while she does the shopping for dinner.

And she's gotta be back at the house by 5:30 to start making dinner.

Then at 6:00, she feeds Bill again

and at 6:30, she puts him to bed.

Then at 7:00, we eat dinner.

At 8:00, she washes the dishes.

At 10:00, she gives Bill his last bottle,

and at 10:30, she goes to bed.

So you can see what it would do if you were 10 minutes late for a meal.

Yeah, it terrifies me.

It'd just throw her all off.

That might be good.

- What do you mean? - Oh, you wouldn't know.

Doesn't she ever go anyplace or have any fun?

Oh, sure. She and her dad go to the pictures now and again.

That sounds so exciting, I can hardly stand it.

Well, marriage is not supposed to be exciting.

No, what's it supposed to be?

Well, marriage is taking responsibility.

Building for the future.

Building what?

Well, if you were married, you'd know what I mean.

I am married.

Well, in a way, maybe.

What do you mean "in a way, maybe"?

Uh, don't take offense at this,

but you've never really been as much married to Janie as I have, for instance.

Go on.

I've been living here with her for a year.

How long have you been living with her?

You've never really been her husband.

Did you ever take the garbage out?

Did you ever wash the diapers?

You ever go for the doctor in the middle of the night and worry when Bill had the colic.

No, you haven't.

Well, I have.

Two minutes to make it. I'll see you at breakfast.

Yeah.

Judge, it was raining outside

and there was a storm brewing inside for Andy's first meal at home.

I told him how much trouble it would cause you if he was late.

Thank you, Henry.

He said it might do you some good.

It might, too.

Girl your age shouldn't be such an old maid.

Well, is organizing your day being an old maid, for heaven's sakes?

You have to when you're doing housekeeping, all the books tell you.

Maybe that's your trouble, Janie.

You learned to be a wife out of a book.

Therefore, you've become an automaton.

Too much schedule for a girl your age.

Especially now that Andy's here.

Of course, when he was away, it was all right.

But now, it's your duty to make yourself attractive to your husband.

- Attractive? - Yes. Attractive.

All this may seem very funny to you, but I don't imagine it is to Janie.

I don't imagine it's ever very funny to a woman

to suggest that she isn't attractive to a man.

Don't worry about it, Janie. See you at noon.

Didn't think he had it in him.

- Now look here, Janie, I didn't say... - You've said enough.

It's all very funny, isn't it? It's just terribly, terribly funny.

Well, anything I say now will probably make it worse.

See you at noon.

Oh, what's the matter with...

What's all this?

It's raining.

What, do you hang these things up every time it rains?

What is it? An old local custom?

I wouldn't admit being so ignorant about being a father if I were you.

Why the ice, Janie? Just because I'm late for breakfast?

Oh, no, no. It's nothing, nothing at all.

Your old lady got out of the wrong side of bed this morning, didn't she, Bill?

Well, at least she got out.

Hey, Janie.

Is it so major just because one meal is a little upset.

Well, let's skip it then, and go out for breakfast, huh?

Oh, I couldn't go out to breakfast.

Why, is there any law that says you can't?

Well, at 8:30, I have to start washing...

I know, at 8:30, you wash the dishes.

Well, what if you didn't wash the dishes till 9:30?

- 9:30, I have to... - What if you didn't wash them at all?

Would the world stop or something?

Well, no, Andy, I guess the world wouldn't stop, but...

Well, there's no use explaining, you just wouldn't understand, that's all.

I understand one thing, and that is that you're in a pretty horrible rut.

One of the dullest, deadliest ruts I've ever heard about.

You're young, Janie, for Pete's sake. And I'm young.

And when people are young, they have to have a little freedom and a few laughs.

They can't just be tied down by the necks like squirrels on a treadmill,

and go on doing the same thing day after day after...

The trouble with you, Andy, is that you're still flying airplanes,

you're still in the sky, you haven't come down to Earth yet.

I don't want to.

- You don't want to? - No, I don't want to.

Janie, it's more fun in the sky.

Well, of course, if you don't wanna even try.

Well, what about you trying?

Well, for heaven's sakes, what would I pin diapers on in the sky? A cloud?

Well...

You probably would pin 'em on a cloud at that.

I, uh, guess I'm a pretty dreadful disappointment to you, aren't I, Andy?

I guess I'm not what you expected at all.

No, you're not.

Well, you're not either, so I guess it goes both ways.

It's a good thing you came back, because...

So we could get a good look at each other.

This could have gone on for years and years and I...

never would've known how much you've changed.

That would've been pretty tragic.

I haven't changed.

Oh, I know exactly how you feel because I feel exactly the same way.

You see, you're not attractive to me anymore either, Andy.

And it's nobody's fault.

It's just that, well, we have absolutely no basis for being married, that's all.

And I want you to know that I don't feel badly about it and...

And I'm sure you'd be much more comfortable at a hotel or someplace.

Okay, Janie, that would suit me fine.

I was sure you felt that way about it and...

Anytime you want to see Bill is perfectly all right with me.

I, uh... I thought I'd come back. I forgot something.

Well, I'm awfully glad you did because Andy's just leaving me.

So you're just in time to say goodbye to him.

- Leaving where? - He's leaving here. Us. Me.

- Why? - I don't like your daughter, Mr. Smith.

- You don't? - No.

Of course he doesn't. You were the first to point that out, remember?

- Me? - And you made it very clear to me

that your daughter can do without me very nicely. So...

Oh, and she can, too, believe me.

Now look here, you leave me out of this.

And you, quit calling her my daughter and putting her in my lap.

- She's not my daughter, she's your wife. - Oh, no, Mr. Smith.

I left my wife in San Francisco a year and a half ago.

This girl isn't my wife.

She's your daughter and Bill's mother and Henry's landlady,

but she's not my wife.

Well, that's a great relief, because here I've been thinking...

She certainly is your wife. You married her, didn't you?

Did I know she was gonna change into a schedule?

The girl I married had stars in her eyes, Mr. Smith. This girl has soap suds.

And he wants to play around in the sky like he was a...

I don't know. He doesn't know the first thing about really living.

Well, if "really living" means that you have to be a garbage-toting, colic-worrying...

Shut up, both of you!

Now, there's nothing really wrong with either one of you.

Outside of the fact that you're both young.

And being young seems to be the cussedest, stubbornest,

blindest, orneriest thing that a person can be.

Now, if you two would just take time to sit down and look at each other...

- Heaven forbid! - I said shut up!

It's just that Janie has been married a year and a half, and she's too much married.

Yeah, she's wrapped up in marriage like it was an old bathrobe that she can't throw away.

- Oh, I can throw it away. In fact, I... - Shut up, will you?

And Andy, he hasn't been married at all.

I mean, he hasn't been working at it.

So, he's not married enough.

Oh, I'm married enough. Quite enough.

Well, there's one good thing. Marriage isn't as bad as some things.

At least you can get out of it.

Well, I'm glad to hear one good thing about it!

Now, don't you go talking that way!

Marriage is... Well, marriage is marriage.

And when you've got it, you've got to take care of it.

You can't just decide you don't want it.

- Why can't we? - Who says we can't?

Because you haven't any grounds for divorce to start with.

You can't just have a divorce because you're asking for it.

You've got to have a reason.

- Yeah, what kind of reason? - Yes. Give us one. Just one, just one!

Well, if you were the type of people that knocked each other about...

You mean, like this.

Janie!

Janie!

Janie Smith Anderson! You ought to be whaled for this!

Excellent suggestion, my dear father-in-law.

An excellent suggestion!

And he did, Your Honor, and here we are.

Why, Judge, they haven't even tried.

That's what I've been trying to tell you.

But if I just deny them a divorce, that wouldn't do any good.

They wouldn't live together.

I had an idea, Judge, I wish you'd make 'em try out.

That is?

I got a clue from Andy there.

He said he left his wife in San Francisco the day he sailed away.

Now, I contend he ought to go back to San Francisco and try and find her again.

I figure there must've been something that made these two kids get married.

But what's happened to it? Where is it?

I'd put it to them this way, Judge.

I'd make 'em go back to San Francisco and live those four days over again.

But that's crazy!

I don't think it's at all crazy.

I think it's an excellent idea, and I intend to abide by it.

Look here, Your Honor, this is the worst thing I ever heard about.

Go on a honeymoon with her,

and we don't even like each other anymore?

Why, it's not even decent.

I'm not going to say how I feel about it,

because, of course, I don't intend to do it.

Do you want a divorce?

- Of course I do! - Most certainly.

Then you'll do it my way.

You boys and girls think it's very romantic and exciting

to get married just because it's wartime.

You don't stop to think for a minute

that there's going to be an after-the-war time,

and a whole long life to be lived together.

You go ahead and bring children into the world

without the slightest thought that those children have parents coming to them.

- Two parents. - But, Your Honor...

And in order to have a re-hearing of your case,

you will first do as this young lady's father has been intelligent enough to suggest.

Intelligent. He's a traitor, that's what he is.

I didn't think a father of mine would betray his own...

Order. Order, please.

Sergeant and Mrs. Anderson,

you are to go to San Francisco

and, step by step, retrace your courtship and your marriage there.

Step by step. Do you understand?

Wherever you went, whatever you did, whatever you said.

And maybe along the way somewhere,

you'll find again what you've lost.

But, Judge, don't you see how insane it is?

How can people go on a honeymoon when they have a baby with 'em?

Certainly. Think of him.

It would be something he could never live down probably.

If it got around that his parents had him with 'em on their honeymoon.

How does that sound?

I hereby commend your son to the care of the juvenile court for...

You will not!

For the period you will be gone, Mrs. Anderson.

We have expert nurses. He'll be well taken care of. Don't you worry.

And your father will be here to oversee everything.

That will be a help.

At the end of this period, you will come back to me

and attest to and swear to the fact

that you have carried out the orders of this court.

I want to warn you

that any deviation from this order will constitute a contempt to this court.

And any attempt to falsify this report brought to me

will result in a charge of perjury.

Sergeant and Mrs. Andrew Anderson,

Sonora, California. Double or twin?

Uh, we want two rooms.

They should be next to each other but not connecting.

- They weren't connecting, were they? - Certainly not.

But aren't you married?

- Sure we're married. - As a matter of fact, we're on our honeymoon.

Oh, I see.

Fine.

Bellboy.

- Good evening. - Good evening.

204 and 206. Here.

Right this way, please.

Oh, well, we're not going up yet.

Oh, no. No, we're not even acquainted yet.

I mean, at this point, you see, I'd never even seen her before in my life.

It's only, uh, 6:00. We didn't even meet until 7:00.

Oh, I see.

Uh, no, you don't. But I really couldn't expect you to.

Of course not.

Well, she's nutty as a fruitcake.

You think I'd better not take 'em in?

Well...

Seems like a darn nice girl and it seems, uh,

a shame to toss her out when rooms are so hard to get.

And, and the fellow seems harmless enough.

Well, maybe he is and maybe he isn't.

Why do you suppose she don't want their rooms connecting if he's so harmless?

Ah...

You can't tell what a fellow like that is liable to...

You know, I feel... I feel sorry for that girl.

You know, I'm going to kinda keep my eyes on things tonight.

Thanks, Ben.

Well, this is it.

How do you suppose I ever thought this was beautiful? It's hideous.

Beautiful? You did?

I think I did, yes. Good heavens.

Well.

Well, let's see. I was sitting at the counter by myself and, uh...

Well...

If this doesn't make me feel the silliest, I...

Well, go ahead. Go ahead.

- I came in, didn't I, when I saw you sitting? - Yes.

You came in and you sat on the stool next to me.

And I dropped my bag accidentally.

That's your story.

And you picked it up and you said...

Do you remember what you said?

Well, do we even have to remember the words?

You heard the man, didn't you? You want a divorce, don't you?

- I do. - Uh...

Well, you said that you thought it was nice that I didn't think you were fresh.

I did?

- You were there, weren't you? - Yeah.

- You sure I said that? - Well...

It was something like that. That's near enough anyway.

If this doesn't make me feel like a complete idiot...

Hello.

- Hello. - What'll it be?

Oh, a cup of coffee, I guess.

Cream?

It doesn't matter. I'm only going to use it as a prop anyway.

What'll it be, soldier?

Oh, uh, coffee, I guess.

- Cream? - I don't care. I'm not going to drink it.

Oh, I didn't come in here for coffee, you see.

I just came in to pick her up.

Well, let's get it over with.

Accidentally.

I like it the way you don't think I'm fresh.

Now look, bud, I'm patriotic as the next one, see.

But we don't go along with pickups in here.

If you want to howl, go outside and find somebody.

I have to pick her up.

Oh, no, you don't have to do no such thing.

- Yes, he does. It's the law. - The what?

I mean, if he wants a divorce, he's got to.

Oh...

One of them professional correspondents, eh?

Well, don't you go starting such a business in here, girly...

Will you please keep out of this?

You don't think we're enjoying it, do you?

I can certainly think of nicer ways to earn a living.

Why don't you get an honest job?

- There's lots of openings... - I don't want a job.

It's women like you that are tearing down the war effort.

- Let me point out... - Look, Joe!

Look, I couldn't anyway, you see, because I've got a baby.

- You see? - Sure.

So, you've got a baby?

Well, well, well.

And who's looking out for that baby

while you're hanging around places pickin' up soldiers so they can get divorces?

He's the ward of the juvenile court this week.

Now look, bud.

I'd imagine after running into a wrong dame like this one,

you'd realize you've got a pretty nice wife at home

and you wouldn't want to get a divorce.

She's my wife.

- Who? - Me. That's who.

You're his wife?

Is it so unusual for people to have wives?

Well then, what're you doing coming in here

like you never saw her before, trying to pick her up?

We told you, it's the law.

For heaven's sakes, if he's going to be so stupid, let's go.

Well, where do we go from here?

Do you remember?

Uh, up on that hill and back to the bridge.

Why?

Well, do I have to even remember that?

I don't suppose you'd remember that you bought me a corsage.

Corsage?

I did not. It was a gardenia.

And I don't suppose I told you at the time

that the smell of gardenias make me very, very ill.

Why do you suppose we picked a windy, miserable place like this?

- You said you liked wind. - I did?

I hate wind.

Well, then... Then you were a liar besides.

It's possible you did a little exaggerating yourself.

- Yeah? About what? - About us, if you'd like to know.

Yeah? What did I say?

Well, it would sound too utterly silly.

Okay, skip it.

You said you wanted something to fight for.

Well, what's so "utterly silly" about that?

Oh, for heaven's sakes, it sounded silly to me at the time.

Oh, it did? Well, I don't remember you mentioning it.

Well, I was probably so glassy-eyed,

I didn't actually hear what you were saying.

Glassy-eyed? About what?

Oh, let's go.

For heaven's sakes!

There isn't any law that says that people have to freeze to death to get a divorce, is there?

Well, is that all we did up here?

No, there was one other little item.

- You, uh, proposed to me. - Oh yeah. Yeah.

So I did.

I don't remember my reaction exactly.

I must've said yes. We're married.

Your reaction I remember perfectly.

You were appalled by the fact that there was a law that said we had to wait three days.

What an insulting thing to say!

Nevertheless...

Well I was probably so cold my brain was numb.

Well, you apparently never got thawed out, that's all I know.

I don't think you could thaw anybody out anyway.

You haven't a very good memory, have you?

I just wish I had it all to do over again.

That's all I wish.

Well, you have.

Well, I'm going. I don't know about you.

I have to go with you whether I like it or not, don't I?

Well, it's only for four days. If I can put up with it, you can.

Well, are you coming?

- Oh, I, uh, I just remembered something else. - What?

I kissed you.

Well, for heaven's sakes!

There's no use overdoing it, is there?

I mean, couldn't we just tell them that, that we...

And get put in jail for perjury?

Oh, yeah, that's right.

Well, okay.

It's just for the record.

Yeah, sure.

Like you say, it's safer to be on the safe side.

204 and 206, please.

Oh...

- Good evening. - Good evening.

Well, I see you got acquainted.

Oh, yes. That's what we went out for.

Yes. Well, I'm glad you got together.

Oh, it wasn't difficult. We knew right where we'd be.

Yes, well,

- good night. - Good night.

Well, I...

guess we were pretty lucky to get

two rooms in a hotel in times like these.

Yeah, I call that darn lucky.

Yes, indeed.

Do, uh... Do you remember why we wanted two rooms next to each other?

Why...

- No, do you? - Sure.

Sure, it was so we could talk to each other through the walls.

Now do you remember?

Oh, yes. Yes, we had a code. We knocked on the walls.

That was certainly childish, wasn't it?

Yes, imagine, having a code.

I, uh...

I don't suppose you, uh,

you remember it?

No, of course not.

- Why, do you? - Me? Nah.

Well, uh...

Well, I...

- Good night. - Oh, good night.

You know, that's your room and this is hers.

Yes, we know.

You know, there's no baths in these rooms.

- Baths are down at the end of the hall there. - Yes, we know.

- Well, good night. - Good night.

Well, I...

I guess you won't sleep on the floor tonight.

Well, I'll try the bed and if it throws me, it throws me.

I, uh...

I guess it would seem kind of funny

going to bed without having the baby right there.

Oh. Yes, I never have.

Well, this... This won't take very long.

No, only four days.

Oh, I hope he's all right.

Well, good night.

Good night, Janie.

- Oh, Janie. - Yes.

Here's your key.

Oh, thank you. Good night.

Good night.

She got a baby, eh?

We've got a baby.

I see.

And you're on your honeymoon?

Well, technically, of course, we're not even married yet.

I mean, we get our license in the morning.

Oh, I see.

Like fun you do.

Yeah, you're a nice girl.

Why, thank you.

Yeah, don't you worry, we're right behind you every minute.

Thank you.

I'll be... I'll be right here.

Right outside your door all night,

and if there's anything you want, you just call us.

Well, that's very nice, but...

Oh, why all the service? Aren't there any other guests in the hotel?

Oh, yes, there's...

There's one in every room.

And in some rooms, there's two.

But you won't need them.

I'm on duty here all night long.

Thank you.

Yes?

What seems to be the trouble, son?

Trouble, about what?

Well, can I do something for you or something?

Why?

Well, you're making a lot of noise.

Oh.

- Oh, oh, that. - Mmm.

Well, uh, that's... That's just a way

I figured how to say, "I love you."

Well, that's mighty nice of you, son.

Yes, that's mighty nice and I appreciate it.

And now that we understand one another,

how about you go into bed like a good fellow, and don't be afraid of that bed.

It won't throw you.

Just hang on tight and you'll be all right.

Well, uh, thanks. Thanks a lot.

- Well, good night. - Good night.

- Good night. - Good night.

- Poor kid. - Who?

Oh, he's all right now.

I handled him fine.

When he told me he loved me,

I never even batted an eye.

Silly thing.

- Now, look here. - Now, you look here.

Why don't you go away and let me alone?

Why don't you go to bed nice and quiet like I told you?

I have been quiet.

You've been raising a rumpus around here.

I heard you. I ain't deaf.

You've been hammering on the walls like a raving maniac.

Why... I didn't mean that, son.

I have not been hammering on the walls.

Is this the only wall in this hotel?

Am I the only person staying here?

Now, maybe he was knocking on his wall.

Or maybe she was knocking on her wall.

Hey.

Maybe...

Maybe she was.

Wait, now don't go throwing...

Don't go throwing the blame on her.

You know, she's not to blame. She's a nice girl.

She wouldn't go around hammering on hotel walls.

Well, sometimes, nice girls will surprise you.

No, you don't.

Not with Benjamin L. Pidgeon on the job.

- Janie? - What?

Did, uh...

Did you knock on the wall last night?

I... I just thought I heard something that sounded like...

What wall?

How can I answer a question that says, "Have you been married before?"

Well, have you?

Did you?

Did I what?

Knock on the wall.

What wall?

I can't answer these, they're just too silly that's all.

Raise your right hand.

- Could I help you? - No. No, thank you.

We've filled them all out before anyway.

- Oh, you were married before? - Yes.

Both of you?

- Well, naturally. - We are now, to each other.

So you see, we didn't come here to be married at all.

Why should we?

Then why are you here?

We're trying to get a divorce.

If people would just stop mixing us up, maybe we could get somewhere.

Well, you have the wrong department.

The divorce court is down the hall.

This is the marriage license bureau.

We know that perfectly well.

What do you think we are, blind or something?

Well, let's go.

We've been here, at least we can swear to that.

Sure, that ought to be all that's necessary.

Sometimes, I don't know where I'm going to get the strength

to go through three more days of this.

Four.

We can't get married for three days,

and, uh, then there's the day after that.

Oh, you don't have to wait three days. They've changed that law.

You can get married right away.

And get arrested for perjury?

No, thank you.

Would you mind not sounding like a hay rabbit.

Hmm?

Put out your light and go to sleep, will you, Henry?

All right.

Put out my light but... you can't expect me to go to sleep.

Why can't I?

- Mmm, I keep thinking. - Yeah, I know.

Two days they've been gone now.

Yeah, two days more.

I don't think there's anything selfish about my thinking, you understand,

but gee, I just feel so sorry for Janie.

Sorry for her?

Well, yes. I know what she's going through.

I think it's terrible that she has to be humiliated like this.

It's tough.

That's just wishful thinking, my boy.

Just plain wishful thinking.

Well, she cried when she left. She didn't want to go, did she?

That was two days ago.

You think she might change in two days?

I have a great deal of faith in the American army, Henry.

A great deal of faith.

Well, you can still dance.

So can you.

- I haven't danced since. - Since when?

Since the night we were married.

Doesn't Henry dance?

I don't know.

Doesn't he ever take you out any place?

Well, why should he?

Oh, he takes out the garbage, and I just thought maybe...

What did you say?

Oh, Janie, I didn't mean that the way it sounded,

I... I just meant that he...

Well, he sits with the baby when your father takes you out,

and I just thought maybe he sat with you when the baby took your father out.

I... I didn't mean that.

Look at that pretty thing.

And convoyed by just a plain little old staff sergeant.

I suppose you'll marry Henry after you get a divorce from me.

Why do you suppose that?

Well, you're used to him and everything.

Yes, I am used to him.

I suppose he's... He's been a better husband than I've been?

Well, he's been around and you haven't, if that's what you mean.

Well, is that my fault?

Well, is it mine?

I didn't start this war, did I?

Well, did I?

You know, I...

I don't guess anybody our age would start a war.

Well, I...

I guess it's a certain type of person who hasn't anybody that always starts war.

What they don't count on is how hard people who do have somebody will fight back.

Janie,

you know, I've thought a hundred times, I guess...

Uh, Sergeant, don't you know that hording is unpatriotic.

Hey!

- You're not married or anything, are you? - Well...

Well... Well, I don't know what you mean by "or anything."

I will rephrase the question.

You're not married, are you?

- She is. - She is not.

You forget, Sergeant, I only met you night before last.

No, kiddin'. Well, that's not much of a head start.

He, uh... He has proposed to me.

And been accepted.

You do work fast, don't you?

Not that I blame you.

Thank you.

Well, I don't want to spoil anything, but she hasn't mentioned that she has a baby.

You're not old enough.

See.

- Nevertheless... - Well, I love babies.

Well, I'm certainly glad to hear that some men do.

Did I ever say that I didn't love babies?

I really don't remember discussing the fact with you.

Well, I love babies.

Does she look like you?

It's a he and he looks just like me.

- Why? - Because he's my kid, that's why.

And you only met her night before last?

Brother, you do work fast.

Look, do you want a poke in the nose or will you go quietly?

- Would you mind repeating that remark. - I'd be glad to.

What do you want him to repeat it for? It sounds so ridiculous

- in the first place. - If you are a soldier.

- Of course he's a soldier. - Where's your collar insignia.

He lost them. He told me all about.

They were gone when he got out of the hospital.

That's what he told you. Now look, pretty thing,

let's you and me just pretend that the boy scout never happened.

- Oh. - You put your arm around her once more

- and you won't use it again, I'm telling you. - Is that so, brother?

- No! No! - Wait...

What's going on here, Sergeant?

- Well, it seems... - I was dancing around with...

- Now! Now, just a minute! - Me and my girlfriend...

This sergeant here has been very fresh, Mr. MP.

And I'd like to know why a girl can't spend the evening

with her husband without being annoyed.

With your husband? You told me you just met him night before last, I don't...

You, uh... You better get back over the fence.

- Don't you think, Sergeant? - Thank you.

Come on, darling.

Women.

You, uh, might as well learn it young.

Yeah.

Thanks.

For what, for heaven's sakes?

For admitting in public that I'm your husband.

Must have been quite a strain.

Well, I'm strong. I can stand it.

- Andy? - What?

What did you mean when you said you

thought about a hundred times that...

Did I say that?

Maybe you didn't, maybe I only thought you did.

Thanks.

"Andrew Anderson,

"Sonora, California.

"Balance of your furlough is revoked, effective immediately.

"You are directed to proceed without delay to this hospital.

"Reporting upon arrival to commanding officer Jones Comandy.

"Letterman General Hospital, San Francisco."

I don't know what to do.

Well, there's only one thing to do.

Let's get in touch with Anderson right away.

Yes, but they're just getting married today, Henry.

You think the army cares about a little detail like that?

When they say report immediately, they mean report immediately.

Yes, but to take him away now...

If there's ever any chance of them getting together again...

What good would it do him to get together

if he's going to spend the rest of his life in the guard house.

I guess you're right.

Certainly I'm right.

Hello, give me San Francisco, Polly.

Yeah, the Hotel Miller, right away.

"Balance of your furlough is revoked..."

Hello?

Hotel Miller?

Is Sergeant Andrew Anderson registered there?

Why?

Why?

Because if he is, I want to speak to him, that's why.

Do I know him?

He's my son-in-law.

Say, what is this?

Yes, I'm Mrs. Anderson's father.

Oh, I'm so glad to hear from you.

I really felt that I couldn't take the responsibility on myself much longer.

I felt that I should do something about it but I feel so sorry for the boy.

And I want you to know that your daughter has been wonderful.

But...

Yes, I'm listening.

Well, he was injured. I've got a telegram right here that...

Yes, maybe so.

Well, thank you very much.

Certainly, I will.

- What's the matter? - Well, Andy is apparently gone kind of insane.

- If I'm to believe that bumbling idiot. - Insane?

Maybe something about this. That does happen, you know.

You can't blame the boy, he's ill.

We better get right to San Francisco, Henry.

Well...

This is the day, isn't it?

Yeah.

We went from here right to the ministers, didn't we?

Yeah.

Well, so, you're in again.

Ah, just keep away from us, will you?

Look, we just came in to get our marriage license and that's all.

So, leave us alone, will you, please?

What marriage license?

You didn't even fill one out.

Oh, we know that.

- Well, what do you want? - Nothing.

Oh, come on, let's go get married, for heaven's sakes.

Well, we certainly are different.

I mean, with most people, getting married is the beginning.

That's right.

With us, it's the end.

That's right.

Well, we certainly are different, I guess.

Well, aren't you ever going to ring the bell?

Sure, I'm gonna ring the bell.

- How do you do? - How do you do, sir?

Come in. Mother!

Now uh... Oh, come in. Please do.

Look, you don't have to call anyone.

But we have to have a witness. You have your license?

- Uh, not with us, no. I... - Oh, I'm so sorry.

You see, I can't marry you without it.

Well, we don't want you to marry us.

- You don't? - You already did, once.

- I did? - Yes, you see, we...

Well, we just had to come here.

Oh, I see. Well, now, I think that's very nice of you.

Won't you sit down and have a cup of tea?

Mother! Mother! Come here a moment.

Come in, please.

You know, this has never happened to me before.

Boys and girls come here and get married,

and then just take their happiness and disappear.

I've so often wished that I might know how they came out, so to speak.

Mother, these young people have come to see us.

They were married here and they've come back to see us.

Well...

Why, I remember them.

This is Jane. And um...

Andy.

- Am I right? - Yes, right.

- You know how I remembered them? - No.

My husband was terrified to marry you...

Oh, but, but...

Because you'd only known each other a few days.

Wasn't that right?

- Three. - Yes.

And I told him he needn't be because I knew you were the kind of people

you could absolutely build the future on.

- That's right. - I'm so glad I was right.

They're going to have a cup of tea with us, Mother.

Oh, I'll get two more cups.

Sit down, do.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, that's all right.

Now tell me, how long ago was it?

Ah, a year and a half.

A year and a half? My gracious.

Any family?

Ah... Yes. Yes, we have a son.

Oh! Mother! Mother!

- Yes? - What do you think?

- What? - They have a son!

Why, of course they have a son.

I could have told you that, too.

- Will you have sugar and cream? - No, thank you.

- You? - No, thank you, sir.

There you are.

And yours.

Oh, wait a minute, I'll fix it for you.

There. How's that?

Fine, thanks.

You see, since the war,

we've seen so many marriages entered into without any thought of the future at all.

It got so we were quite frightened to marry anyone.

Youngsters seem to think that marriage is just all for tonight and moonlight.

They don't seem to realize that there's a tomorrow morning, too.

They don't wait to find out, like you did,

that it's after the honeymoon that's the best about marriage.

The children. And the living together and the understanding together.

And the knowing that there's someone beside you always.

Ready to take your part against the world.

Never to be lonely.

- Uh... - Oh, must you go?

- Oh, do you have to? - Yes, sir. Yes, we do.

Sorry. I can't tell you how happy your coming to see us has made us.

- Yes. - Thank you very much.

- Yes, indeed. - Thank you very much.

- Do come to see us again sometime. - Yes, do.

Yes.

- Goodbye. - Goodbye.

Who said that dreams don't come true?

Who said that skies aren't blue?

Who said the wishes we make are always in vain?

Who said that love isn't all?

Who said that stars never fall?

Who said that roses don't bloom

Down Lovers' Lane?

Whoever said all those things must have been lonely

I pity the fool, what a shame

He probably must have been lonely

'Cause he never had a dream to his name

Who said that dreams don't come true?

I'll cling to my point of view

I know for certain they do

Whenever I look at you

How old do kids have to get before they start to walk?

Why, uh, different ages.

Why, uh, I suppose Bill might start anytime now, huh?

Oh, he can... He can stand by himself already.

Why?

Well, I was just thinking it's one of the things kids do that...

One that's important.

You know, the first time they walk.

Well, I wasn't there when he cut his first tooth, was I?

Or when he started to talk?

Well, I was just thinking that,

now I won't be there when he starts to walk.

That's all. I was just thinking.

Oh, sure.

I mean, now we're married, we can get divorced.

Sure.

Well, this is practically over.

Yeah.

That's swell, isn't it?

Yes, it's swell.

Well, we'll certainly fool that judge, wont we?

I mean, he probably thought that...

Well, you know, he's kind of old, like your father.

And they believe all that old-fashioned stuff.

You know, like... Well, like all those things he said to us.

Sure.

I bet he'd be the most surprised person in the world

when we walk in there, laugh right in his face and say,

"Well, we did it. Now, give us a divorce."

I bet he will.

Yeah.

Well, we might as well order.

Well, we... We have.

- Have what? - Ordered.

- We have? - Yes.

For heaven's sake!

Don't know what in the world I was thinking about?

Remember last time?

Boy, were you sick.

Remember...

...how disgusted the doctor was?

Yeah, he said, "What kind of people would eat fried shrimp

"on their wedding night?"

Yes.

What's the matter?

Nothing.

Well, sure there is.

No, there isn't. Really.

I feel terrible.

You're kidding.

I think I better go.

206.

What's the matter?

Hey, hey. What have you done to that poor little girl?

I didn't do anything to her.

Don't be so modest, darling. You know you poisoned me.

Oh, sure, I forgot. This is Friday.

My husband poisons me every Friday.

Mind your... Own business.

I'll call a doctor right away.

She had a doctor last time this happened and he just made her sicker.

Well, how do you feel now?

Oh, much better, thank you. Now since those hiccups are over.

Well, I think I better go along, let you get a little rest or something.

Oh, no.

I mean, well, you didn't.

No, I... I didn't.

That was because we didn't have much time left together.

I was shipping out in the morning.

Well, we haven't this time either.

We're getting divorced in the morning.

Yeah.

Doesn't it seem to you that this has gone awfully fast?

Yes, uh,

maybe we skipped a day someplace.

No.

No, we did everything.

Janie...

Yes?

Oh, dear.

Do you want a glass of water?

No, thank you. No, I...

I just put a pillow in front of my face, shut the air out for a minute.

It seems to help.

You see, what you don't realize is that I can make beds better than you can.

And I can do a washing in a helmet. Try that.

In a helmet?

You mean a hat?

I mean a hat.

Oh, for heaven's sakes.

Yeah, we learned how to keep house and spend some time in the sky, too.

It can be done, see.

Oh, I don't... I don't ever wanna keep house again.

I... I just want to live in the sky.

Oh, Janie, people have to keep house.

But... But if they could keep their feet in the house and their hearts in the sky,

well, that'd be kind of a terrific combination, don't you think?

Yes.

I guess I just didn't know how.

Well...

Neither did I.

Well, there isn't any law that says that people can't learn things, is there?

I mean, uh... People can grow up, too, can't they?

Anyway, we're surely contempting the court.

- Why? - Well, last time...

By this time, we were certainly busy planning our future, weren't we?

- Janie... - Weren't we?

Oh, Janie.

Well, somebody had to be the first to say it,

and if you wanna be deaf and dumb all your life...

Janie, I wanted to say it ever since I...

Well, I mean, the fried shrimp and everything. And I...

Well, for heaven's sakes, I always eat fried shrimp on my wedding night, don't I?

Oh, Janie.

Oh, wouldn't I...

I guess hiccups aren't very romantic, are they?

Yes.

- Sorry, no rooms. - I don't want a room

I'm Mr. Smith, Mrs. Anderson's father.

- Oh, thank goodness! - Well, he's poisoned her.

- He's what? - Poisoned her?

Sure! That's what I said, he's poisoned her!

- I don't believe it! - She wouldn't have us send for a doctor.

You see, apparently, it's happened before.

- Where is she? - In her room. But he's with her.

And he's locked the door!

- You wait here, Henry. - What do you mean, wait here?

What do you think I'm made of?

I don't care what you're made of, you wait here.

This thing has got to be handled carefully.

You two wait out here. Let me handle this.

Anyway, I don't believe it.

Andy!

Hello, Andy.

Well, what are you doing here?

Look Andy, I've got something for you.

Did you have to come right this minute?

We were just getting everything all settled.

Now, take it easy, son. Take it easy.

Everything's going to be all right, see?

It's for you, boy.

Now, read what it says.

What are you acting like such an idiot for?

Now, Janie, there's no use carrying loyalties to a point of where you're a darn fool!

- Hi, bud. - Well, what's Henry doing here?

Oh, I just brought them. I didn't think you ought to be left up here...

Hey, what is all this?

You see, nice little soldiers don't go around making trouble for hotels

and poisoning nice little girls.

- Oh, that was a joke! - What a fine joke!

- Of course it was! He was only trying... - No, no, no, Janie.

When I opened the door a little while ago,

he had a pillow over my daughter's face, trying to smother her.

- She had hiccups. - Sure. And when people have the hiccups,

there's nothing left to do but shoot them, is there?

- Come on, boy. Let's go. - No, wait a minute, wait a minute, guys.

I've got to go to the hospital. It says so right here.

Well, now, isn't that a coincidence.

It's right where we're taking you. Come on.

Oh, wait! I have to get my hat.

Oh!

I'm sure sorry a thing like this had to happen, honey.

- Certainly a good thing we got here. - How are you feeling, Janie?

I'm sick.

Well, you'll be pleased to know that Sergeant Anderson

has passed his physical with flying colors and has been ordered out again.

Oh.

Oh, that's fine.

Of course, you're pleased.

He isn't here now, that's definite?

Well, according to his orders,

he has only a few more hours left on his pass before he leaves.

- Oh, I see. - You don't know where he is?

No, I don't.

I see.

I don't understand why Andy would disappear like this.

You don't?

How would you like to be married to a person whose relatives

have you arrested on your wedding night for being a maniac.

Well, you'll receive a card when your husband has reached a destination

saying he arrived safely.

Thank you.

Now, I'm married to a card that's arrived safely.

Dad, do you mind if I go in alone?

You sure you won't need me?

Well, it'll be nice to know you're right here if I do.

Got any children?

Eight.

Worry about 'em?

Why should I?

They're young.

Well, from what I've seen of them, that's what's good about 'em.

Meaning what?

Young 'uns have got courage and they got clear heads.

They ain't live long enough to know there are things to be scared of,

things that can cross 'em up and get 'em muddled.

Too bad they have to get to our age

and lose all those good things.

Thanks.

So, I don't want a divorce.

- Then it worked? - Yes, it worked fine.

I may never see my husband again.

But... Well, he's my husband.

And that's all there is to it.

You see, what you people don't seem to realize is

that it's the after the honeymoon that's the best about marriage.

It's the living everything together

with your feet in the housekeeping and your hearts in the sky.

And... And it can be done.

It can even be done in a hat.

So, I don't want a divorce.

Ever.

Now, I want my baby.

He's at home waiting for you, Mrs. Anderson.

He's been there right along,

where he belongs.

Oh, thank you. Goodbye.

Thank you.

Come on. Bill, here, here.

Come on, walk over here to your old man. Come on.

Come on, just a couple of steps.

Oh, come on, Bill. Come on. Hey, hey, come on.

Come on. Come on.

Come on, it's a cinch. Hey, you're walking the wrong way.

Come on over here.

Bill. Hey, Bill, here. Come on.

Come on, come on. Attaboy, come on. Here.

Come on, take a little stroll over here...

Oh, Bill.

Mama.

Yeah.

I... I went right back to the hotel, as soon as I could.

I was at the hospital.

Oh.

Janie... Bill, he can walk.

See if he'll come to me.

Mama!

Can I come, too, Janie?

Oh, for heaven's sakes, do you need an engraved invitation?