Original subtitles

This just in.

Atlantis, home of Aquaman and character actor William H. Macy, has been

attacked. Only a week before Sinking Day, the national holiday commemorating

the sinking of their ancient city.

Ron, I didn't know that you and William H. Macy are from the same place.

What are you talking about?

Oh, I'm from Atlanta.

I thought you said you were from Atlanta.

No, that's Donald Glover. And it might be racist that you heard that. Classic

white person making white person assumptions.

I'm half Filipino.

half philadelphia what the hell is half philadelphia all right let's just agree

that we're all racist we're not racist we just don't listen to each other

filipinos are notoriously bad listener what did you just say case in point

Emily, I just got the latest sales report. Tell me if you think that is

acceptable.

It says sales have gone up 35% since January.

Okay, cool. That's what I hoped it'd say.

I'm not a big chart guy, so I think that kind of effort deserves a reward.

Oh, thank you, Van.

Which is why I'm telling my father it's time I was promoted to the Gotham

office. Wait, what? Why would you get the promotion?

January is the month that I started.

Meaning what?

That's when sales started going up.

Meaning what?

I think we can point to one main reason.

Right. This guy.

Emily, you're great at your job. But you need to remember that I am the boss.

Which means that it is your job to execute my vision. And my vision is for

sales to go up. And they did.

So you're going to sit with your dad and honestly say you deserve a promotion?

Van Senior is on the board of Wayne Industries. A scratch golfer.

A devoted husband and a dedicated lover to several mistresses.

He doesn't have time to sit with me.

I was hoping to fly to Gotham and talk to him while we walked to where

Tessarosa was parked.

And I could.

Hey, Ron.

Hey, Alex.

Hey, boss.

Hey.

Why does Alex keep calling me boss? That's so annoying.

I mean, what do you mean? It's just a term of endearment. No, it's a

condescending thing to say to someone that you don't respect.

Hey, boss.

Pal!

There's something off about Alex. Yeah, Alex gets me off, too.

Wait, what did you say?

Breaking news flash.

A school bus full of children has just gone through the railing of the Charm

City Bridge and is teetering 400 feet above the bay.

Our own Marv Wolfman is on the scene. All right, boss, there's something I

need to attend to.

Looks like new guy has diarrhea.

Not so attractive now, huh, Jackie?

Nah, I'm still on.

What's this?

Coming out of the sky, a man in a golden helmet is lifting the bus to safety.

Now, we all just saw Alex run out of here and then... You don't think...

About him naked?

Yes, I do.

Okay, Ace Chemicals is going to be here in a sec. Let's run this one more time.

What is the greatest generator of supervillains aside from bad parenting?

Being bitten by things.

Laboratory mishaps. Losing a popular vote but somehow winning the election.

Hey, guys, come on. Ron, your line is...

It's people falling in to VAT the chemicals.

Do not give me a line reading, Emily. It is insulting.

Ace Chemicals is our biggest client. I want to make sure it is perfect.

But then my dad got them to drop the church.

We're still banned from Lake Havasu, you pieces of... Emily, let me introduce you

to this piece of... Right here, this is Royce Gaines. Nice to meet you. Ready

for the presentation, you pieces of...

Oh, my God.

I am so sorry. I just... You're just busting your chops.

All right, let's talk vats.

Okay, so last year, flaws in our safety grate resulted in roughly one clown

villain every three months. So we changed the material on the grate to an

acid-proof alloy. I'm a little confused.

We're not interested in mechanical grates. We want to upgrade to a force

field system. And I explained all this in my e-mail. Oh.

Now, well, it sounds like somebody dropped the ball. Who did you send the

email to?

You. Huh?

Oh. I probably got caught in my spam filter.

You responded, sounds good, with a gif of two dogs humping.

It does sound like me. You know, this isn't the first time that you've dropped

the ball. Normally, I let it go because our families are close.

But I've got a company to run.

I'm sorry, but we're going to Lexcorp.

I'll look.

That's it? I don't even get to say my line?

I mean, this is my sixth grade production of Anne Frank all over again.

You might have heard that we suffered a little setback. Little?

Jackie, how big was that account?

Seventy-five million annually.

One of many accounts.

Wayne Security, it's great that you can mess up and there's never any

consequences, but the rest of us don't have your dad to take care of us. How

dare you? I am a grown man. I'm not taken care of by my daddy.

Van, your father's helicopter just landed on the roof.

Daddy?

Here? In Charm City? Did he land angrily?

Oh, it's an honor to work with me?

Well, thank you, Bill and Melinda Gates.

Uh, hey, Dad.

Bye. I just got off the phone with the Canes. When I started here, this

division was nothing. So what did I do? I opened up the phone book. I started at

the beginning.

Guess which client I landed first.

AARP.

Triple A?

Aaron Brothers. It's Ace Chemicals. How can you not get that from the context?

Oh. I created that relationship.

For 30 years. And you just pissed it away.

You don't even like the Canes. You said yourself.

They have no understanding of marina etiquette. They christened their yacht

with Corbel. You are a turd in my toilet and you can't even swim.

I can float.

I have overlooked a lot of your transgressions, kid.

But now it's time you face some consequences.

What are you going to do, take away the boat?

The ski-in, ski-out chalet?

Not the trust fund.

Oh, no.

Something much more important than that.

The last remaining shred of respect that I have for you.

What?

You wanted to see me?

In a way, I envy you, Emily.

Your father is a poor, so it doesn't matter if you have his respect.

Okay, you know what? You could learn a lot from my dad.

He had a flower shop, and through thick and thin, he kept it open. He always

said, put in the work, and the rest will come.

My dad always said, buy your mistress the same perfume as your wife.

Why am I here? You are going to help me regain my father's respect, and do you

know how we are going to do that?

No. How?

God!

Damn it.

Jackie, send Teddy in.

Hey, hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on! Why would you care what I think?

I only execute your vision, right?

I have no vision of my own.

I see.

What is happening here?

What do you want?

I want to be promoted to SVP of Research and Development.

And I want that mug.

But how will I know I'm the boss if I don't have the mug?

Look, you lost a big client. The only way to get your dad's respect is if you

go get another one.

And by you, you mean... It's the royal you.

Start making calls. Oh, yeah. I'm on it. You know, we Waynes didn't get to where

we are by being afraid of hard work.

We did it by leveraging a coal monopoly in the 1870s.

Same chin?

Same body type. I'm telling you guys, Alex is the Olympian. I guess the only

way to know for certain is for one of us to sleep with him.

Fine, I'll do it.

If you have the power of flight, you don't also decide to get an accounting

degree. You just fly around.

alter ego just like my theory that bruce wayne is really the flash and that

stephen baldwin is just a character played by alec baldwin okay i'm not

buying it but i'm very intrigued by the baldwin thing all right look if alex is

a superhero then he should be able to catch this hey oops oh look out boss

well i mean of course he's not gonna catch it we'll give him away my kid made

that mug you idiot

Daddy doesn't love me, I can ski in and out of the chalet, but not into his

heart. Ooh, that's good.

Not into his heart. What are you doing?

You're supposed to be making calls.

I tried, it was hard, so I took a break to jam. I found a sweet riff and then

you came in and messed up my flow.

I've been on the phone all day. Now, remember how Atlantis got attacked?

I called them. I didn't know when to call, though, because what time zone is

Atlantis in? Do they have daylight savings time? Do they even have

daylight? Does Atlantis have daylight, or is it always night?

Monkeys reel.

They want to hear our pitch.

We have a chance to supply security products to all of Atlantis. This is

huge. Way bigger than egg chemicals.

Yes, we did it!

God bless those weird little fish people.

That is actually very insensitive.

You know Ron is from Atlantis.

I thought he said he was from Atlanta.

Well, those are the guys from Atlanta?

And you're from the same place as them?

Crazy, right? Because they're so dour and I'm so cheerful.

Yeah. Yeah. Totally.

All right. We hooked them, so let's go reel them in.

Emily, underwater people do not like language like hooked or real man.

Good catch.

That's another one.

Okay.

Land people.

So, those are just a couple of the products we think could really help make

Atlantis safe, so you don't always have to rely on Aquaman to protect you.

You've given us a lot to think about.

We'll give you an answer in a couple of weeks. We need to head home for sinking

day.

It has been an absolute pleasure meeting you. If you have any questions at all,

you can email me directly. I love Sinking Day. I celebrate it every year.

I got to get my sink on. You celebrate Sinking Day?

Yeah. I throw a huge party. I'm famous for it. Aquaman drops by.

Do you know Aquaman?

We're very close personal friends. He always brings the seaweed salad.

I love to chill with A to the Q.

We would love to chill with A to the Q.

Could we celebrate with you tomorrow?

Yes! And meet Aquaman?

Yes!

Laughing's fun.

And that's why they call me the closer.

Move over, Kira Sedgwick.

Jackie, send me a gift basket.

You're sending yourself a gift basket?

Yes, it's called self-care, Emily.

Sam, follow my logic. You don't know Aquaman.

When the Atlanteans show up and Aquaman's not there, we're going to lose

the deal. We were already going to lose the deal, Emily. It's the first rule of

business. Never let them leave without a yes.

I'm pretty sure the second rule of business is don't make promises you

can't deliver.

If that was a rule, there would be no such thing as business, Emily.

We'll figure it out later, after we wow them with this party. How am I supposed

to wow them with a party tomorrow when we don't even know what sinking day is?

I provided the vision, which is for you to make it happen. You asked me to help,

and then you made me do all the work while you wrote a song.

You know, I worked every summer for my dad. Oh, God.

Tales from the flower shop.

Yeah. That's right.

That's where I learned hard work, and I was hoping I would end up working for

someone like my father, someone inspiring, a mentor.

Yet I ended up with you.

I'm starting to get where your dad's coming from.

Oh, and I'm starting to get where your dad is coming from, which is a flower

shop, because you won't shut the hell up about it!

That's right.

Congratulations on a good job, both to and from Van.

I know.

Come here!

Guys, I've been tracking Alex's bathroom habits very closely. That feels like an

HR issue, but continue. I believe that's where Alex changes into his Olympian

costume, for instance.

At 12.06 p.m., the Olympians stopped the mucking. Now, at 12.05, Alex went to the

bathroom for exactly two minutes, which is too long for a number one, yet too

short for a number two, which means... You're a crazy person.

Oh, am I? Well, I thought you might be skeptical, which is why I'm putting

Operation Fake Lady getting mugged into effect. What the hell is Operation Fake

Lady getting... Oh, my God!

Now put a camera into the bathroom so we can watch Alex change. Ron. Let him

finish. No, no, no. This is getting out of hand. He is not a superhero, okay?

And I don't want you to look more foolish than you already have.

What? Where'd Alex go?

It doesn't mean.

I'm sold.

Just to be sure, I think we should probably take a look at that footage of

Alex changing.

What do you think?

This is nothing like any sinking day party I've ever been to.

Oh, well, uh... It's way better.

Look at that sculpture of King Oren. He's even half-circumcised. Which is our

way.

Uh, so glad you like it. Wait until we bring out the tuna.

Ah, yes, the noble tuna. Our most valuable ally and trusted friend.

Oh, you have touched our hearts.

I guess the only question now is, where's Aquaman?

Ah, yes, well, you know, Aquaman is like... Aha, friends!

Welcome. A little fly in the ointment.

A to the Q can't make it.

Oh. But he sends this cognac grand champagne de la coiffure.

Lars, I believe you are a connoisseur.

There are only four bottles of this in the world.

And Albert, I understand you're somewhat of a film buff. For you, the complete

works of Brendan Fraser, the master.

Brendan Fraser?

He's revered in Atlantis for some reason.

And for Anthony, perfume for your wife and the second bottle of the same

perfume for whoever.

Oh.

To be honest with you, when we left that meeting, we were going to go with a

local company. Really?

Can you believe that, Emily? I'm just as surprised as you, Ben.

Oh, you know, gentlemen, why don't we crack open that bottle of Le Coiffure

and hammer out these details.

Sarah Coppert's room.

That's our rule of business.

Find out personal information about your clients and exploit it for your own

gain. I guess there are some things I can still learn from you.

Well, what do you say we go sign the biggest client? This division.

for hat.

You're not signing anyone.

I heard that Atlantis is interested and this is far too important for you to

screw up. But dad, I'll handle it.

Why did daddy pull off my butterfly wings?

I used to be a caterpillar and all I do is scream.

Daddy issues need some tissues.

Sam?

Don't come any closer.

I'm naked from the waist down.

It calms me.

Well, I just thought there was something you needed to hear.

You put in the work and did something great.

And do you know who would have respected the hell out of that?

My dad.

You never speak of your mother. Did you drive her to suicide with these stories?

Look, if you want your own father's respect, go in there and be da boss.

I am da boss.

Go.

Derek, go.

So I opened up the phone book, and I started at the beginning.

And guess who I landed first?

Father.

Mom's on the phone?

She's crying hysterically. She's outside the condo with a woman named Sasha?

Would you stop playing games? Now listen to me. No, you listen to me.

I'm the one who put this party together, sort of.

And I'm the one who lied and said that Aquaman was going to be here. And I was

the one who bought a middling bottle of cognac and had his secretary soak the

label in tea. So get out of my way, you therapy-inducing windbag.

This is my account to close.

Are you finished?

Yeah, yeah. Because I was about to tell you the Atlanteans only want to deal

with you and that Filipino woman.

Is that what she is?

I was also going to say that maybe for the first time in your life, I'm proud

of you.

You can say it now.

No. Moments pass.

Now get in there and close the deal, you piece of... Oh, Dad.

Don't touch.

Wait, so you really want me to walk you through all your prosperous expense

reports? Yes, very slowly.

Okay, well, let's get our spreadsheet on.

Yucky. The only thing this footage proves is that Gary from marketing

doesn't wash his hands.

Ew.

Well,

I mean, Alex must have changed the supply closet.

What I need to do is set up a series of cameras. For the last time, he's not a

superhero. He is.

You must believe in something bigger than yourself, or there is only

hopelessness. Where the hell did you get that?

That was my line in the sixth grade production of Van Frey, but I feel like

it applies.

And that's why I removed the remainder over. That's fascinating. I'm going to

get us some drinks. Don't go anywhere.

Hold my drink.

Okay.

Not a superhero.

Okay. Attention, everyone. We have an announcement.

Wayne Security has a new client. The lost city of Atlantis.

Daddy doesn't love you. You can ski in and out of his chalet, but not into his

heart. No, not into his heart.

Your daddy doesn't love you with his flower shop that you will not

stop talking about pop shop.

Whoa!

That's funny.