Original subtitles

office could be friendlier, which is why I think wearing name tags with your

favorite movie on them is actually a great idea.

Oh, did I tell you I think I found an apartment?

You promised me that we were going to stand in awkward silence.

You're funny.

It's in this up-and-coming neighborhood called Muto.

Cute, right?

Muto is short for murder town.

Oh, so that's why the kitchen had drains in it.

Oh, finally. I hope these are worth the wait. Hi, I'll have two bear claws, a

chocolate scone.

everything.

Is there something cute in East Charm City?

Oh, near the cute insane asylum?

Or near the cute abandoned mannequin factory where all the pedophiles live? I

have to increase my price range.

Mm-hmm.

Anyone else stay in a hotel carved out of ice this weekend?

I flipped on a pile of clothes that my weed dealer's mom played.

Harrowing.

Anyway, I was in Iceland at the Wayne Industries manager's retreat. You were

in Greenland.

There was a lot of ice.

Anyway, our division has made a lot of noise because this one has whipped. you

all into shape.

I don't need to tell you why you should. I regretted it immediately.

They are green lighting your anti-rubble umbrella.

That's amazing!

The Rumbrella.

Strong, stylish, lightweight.

Just like you, Teddy. Thank you.

That's fantastic.

We will have it done by the end of the week.

Harper's gonna be like, what?

Who's this lot of badasses?

Let's give them more...

Or we could pick a reasonable time frame and Corbett's going to be like, what?

Who's the squad of sensible individuals who know how to achieve a work-life

balance? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What? I like Emily's idea better. Get cracking. Or as they say in Iceland,

What does that mean?

Sir, please don't urinate in the thermal hot springs.

I only remember it because I heard it a lot.

No one tells a Wayne where to pee.

They're having fun.

Hey, do you think they'd want to go, I don't know, bowling or something Friday

night? Definitely.

Oh, with you? No.

Okay, I know you're joking, but I'm still new in town.

I mean, I work all the time.

It can get kind of lonely, you know? Listen, you seem like a nice person, but

you're also their boss, and a boss can't be friends with their employees.

Well, this boss can.

And here we go. Here we go.

out the schedule for their umbrella. It's ambitious, but we're not afraid of

a little hard work.

Fantasy Superhero League update.

Hold that thought. If you've got the top pick, I'd shy away from Superman.

Sure, Supes can save an entire building full of people, but some weeks, he only

saves Lois Lane. And that's just one point.

Didn't Teddy pick him with his first pick last year?

Oh, I know he did. That was a rhetorical question. Look it, Teddy!

Fuck nothing, all right? It was the right pick at the time. Oh, yeah, the

right pick if you want to come in last.

Like a bitch. Ooh!

Yeah. Oh, Fantasy League, huh? Sounds like my kind of fun, mixing it up with

some friends. Fair warning.

I can bring the trash talk.

You do not want me coming for you on a group email.

Sorry.

League's full.

Oh, well, I am super busy anyways.

Otherwise, I would bring it. Like a bitch!

Did you just call yourself a bitch?

I am better over email.

Let's see where we're at on the rumbrella.

Okay, so there's a massive super battle above, but fortunately our customer is

holding her rumbrella. In my mind, it's my sweet grandma, and she's bringing me

soup. Nice touch.

Rubble starts to fall, and... Grandma!

Looks like we're going to be working late tonight.

It doesn't mean we can't have fun. Should we order pizza?

Jackie, what is wrong with this picture?

There are no women or minorities.

Be serious.

What is wrong is I am missing. You can only see my shoulder.

How did you let this happen?

I wasn't there when the photo was taken, Van, because you forgot your ivory

cufflinks and made me fly 3,000 miles to go and get them. So I'm supposed to wear

the gold ones two days in a row like some kind of certified pre-owned car

salesman? You know what? Maybe I asked too much of you. I agree.

Maybe if I want something done right, I should just do it myself.

I'd love that. I'm trying to say you are incompetent. You don't even feel shame

properly. Didn't make the dream team, huh, Van?

Hello, Samuel.

And you know that I did.

That... That is my shoulder.

Really? Well, that's my face.

See, usually people prefer to have those in pictures, which is why I'm on

Facebook and not Shoulderbook.

Hey, Van, how come you're not in that photo?

Oh, I like her.

Samuel Green, head of human resources and fully visible member of the Wayne

Dream Team.

If you need anything at all, you let me know.

Aw,

he seems nice.

So do chimps.

Until you dress them up and have them perform 12 Angry Men for your Yale

buddies.

Well, that happened.

Guys, I can't stress enough the importance of people's heads remaining

attached to their bodies. Have you just been playing that fantasy site?

Emily, we're creative people. We can't just grind away for 15 hours straight.

I totally get that you have a process, but corporate said they need this done

by Friday.

No, you said you need it done by Friday, which makes me think you don't fully

understand the meaning of the word need.

It's like when I say I need to own a pet shark. I don't need one. I just really

want one.

Emily, don't worry about it, okay? We're going to finish this. We know how to

manage our time.

I think I'm going to go with the Flash this year. You always want to go with

the Flash. You always go with the Flash.

We can't even see what he's doing.

Why won't they listen? There has to be a way to motivate them.

There is.

It's called being a dick.

Yeah, but then they'll hate me.

What would that look like? Any different than this?

I'm sure you look at me and think she probably has a million friends.

No, not once, not ever. I never thought that. The other day I took the elevator

up and down just trying to meet people.

Oh my gosh, that's so sad.

Is there any footage of that?

Look, you're the boss.

You've got to be the bad guy.

Here then.

Little pinup of some beach bunnies, eh?

Inappropriate. That's just my daughter's swim team.

Makes for an uncomfortable work environment.

Get rid of it.

If you want people to do what you say, you've got to be the bad guy.

Or someone does.

What's your policy on people using company computers to play Superhero

Fantasy League? Usually we turn a blind eye unless it's causing a problem.

What if it is causing a problem?

Then things get fun.

Dan,

I think I know how to fix the photo situation.

Already done.

I'm solving this in a way that your little mind couldn't possibly

comprehend.

You're taking a picture of yourself to Photoshop it into the picture of the

dream team, and then you're going to mount that in the lobby instead.

Oh. Van, please let me help you before you do something very stupid.

Too late!

It's already done.

Jackie, I know what I'm doing. My daddy didn't have someone else raise a dog.

Come on, come on.

Hey, guys, how goes it? The fantasy site's not loading. Ron, can you get on?

No. It's blocked.

Blocked? You sure? Let me check.

Dang. Dang, it's a hell me too.

Guys, I was watching that sad YouTube video of Emily going up and down in the

elevator when that vaguely racist cartoon bandit came on my screen.

What? No, it's just a fantasy site, right? The entire internet's gone.

I'll check Susan's computer.

My God.

The only site we can get on is LinkedIn.

What monster did this to us?

I know who did this.

Guys, I'm sorry.

It was HR.

That HR did this to you.

This is a real bummer.

Dang. Well, I guess we might as well get back to work. Or we could figure out how

to get the Internet back. I mean, we're engineers. This is what we're paid to

do. Actually, your page... Yeah, no, no, no, no. Don't worry. We're going to put

everything else aside until we figure this out.

Emily, get in here.

Come on!

So, I think there was some sort of miscommunication. I just wanted the

fantasy site blocked. Now they're spending all their time trying to get

the internet back. So, if you could just put it back.

Emily, what do you think HR does?

Oh, well, you know, it's... HR does the...

It's human resources.

You have no idea.

And neither does anyone else.

So the only way for me to keep my job is if corporate sees me doing something.

Okay, but come on. Taking away the whole Internet seems a little unreasonable.

That's very aggressive language, Emily.

You're flirting with a six-hour anti-bullying video.

Did you want to say something?

Nope. Didn't think so.

This will cut off the heating, air conditioning, and sewage, but it might

get us our internet back.

Do it.

I should have peed first.

Hey, what are you doing coming from HR?

Were you making that whipping noise to other black people?

No, I was just trying.

To get the Internet back.

For you guys, because I knew you wanted it so bad.

What? You did that for us? I mean, nobody screws with Samuel.

I mean, to be honest, Ron even thought for a second that you were the reason

the Internet was shut down.

Ron! Hey, I had you all wrong. And I try not to use the word hero outside of a

sandwich context, but you just might be one.

You know what? We were being a little tough on you earlier.

What do you say about joining our fantasy league? Well, I thought you said

it was full.

Susan, you're out!

And don't give me that look, Susan. You knew this was coming.

Guys, let's get back to work on that room grill. But, Emily, you wanted it by

Friday? Did I say that? I don't even remember.

I think you said Monday.

Friday. Definitely Friday. I think. Whatever.

Beautiful.

You don't think the finger guns are a little much?

Hey, Vin.

Hey.

You tell me.

Know what the best part is? Yes, I do. But what do you think it is?

I did this on my own. I personally told the art department to do this for me all

by myself.

So instead of withstanding rubble, the umbrella needs to repel.

Did Van Photoshop himself into that?

Yes, he did.

And can we get the photo he used?

Yes, you can.

The team is back on track to finish their umbrella, and they invite me into

their fantasy league. Looks like I hit that friend-boss sweet spot. I don't

believe it. It doesn't exist.

Discard.

Van, are we friends?

Bosses cannot be friends with their employees. It is a myth, like the Yeti,

or the unconditional love of a mother.

And he has spent a lot of money in search of both of those things.

Although I am making progress on the Yeti.

What's with the finger guns?

Oh, you don't know. You're going to love this. Okay. Follow me.

Now that I'm a fully visible member of the dream team, everyone is giving me

props.

What the hell is this?

You've been memed. Hey, gunslinger.

What is happening here?

Samuel.

what they've done to me. Sam, come on.

It was just a joke.

Oh, just a joke.

Well, I have a joke of my own.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

A six-hour anti-bullying video you'll all be watching this weekend because I

have just written you up.

You are being ridiculous.

You mean as ridiculous as you asking me to stop them from playing their fantasy

league? Wait, what?

What's he talking about?

Guys, let's be honest. We were bullying. We need to just take our punishment and

walk away and not listen to anything else anyone says.

Emily betrayed you.

I didn't take away your internet for no reason. She asked me to.

I'm just going to go ride the elevator up and down for a while.

And the longest draft ever because Emily had her internet taken away. Susan!

Thanks, guys. I really appreciate you letting me back in. Susan, you're only

here so we can kick out Emily.

Guys, I'm sorry.

I should have been straight with you from the beginning instead of going to

HR. Are we cool?

No, we're the opposite of cool. You're on the very short list of things that

upset me. It's you and the shockingly high price of shark ownership.

It's not all my fault. I wouldn't have done what I did if you guys would have

just finished their umbrella, which is, I don't know, your job?

we would do it. We bitch and we procrastinate because that's what we do,

but we would have gotten it done at the absolute last possible minute. You said

you had our backs, but then you went behind our backs. Yeah, just like all

our other bosses, except for I think I can fly Tom.

He never had the chance.

Relax, Emily. We'll get it done by Friday. You'll look great. Corporate

will love you.

I swear to God, if I open my eyes and you're wearing that scream mask, I am

going to literally piss myself. Just open your eyes, Van.

I told you I was there. I knew it.

The photographer cropped you out because you were being a dick, so I told him you

were dying and I needed this for your funeral.

My God.

Did the doctor say how long I have?

If you never give me another raise, your face right now is payment enough.

I must feel so smug right now that you handled this when I couldn't.

It's rubble time.

Are you ready, Emily? Sorry, I'm too busy narking on my friend because I

think I'm better than everybody.

You're not better than everybody, Emily!

I'm sorry.

Please don't write me up. I've been working really hard.

I'm here to inform you that the internet is back on and you don't have to watch

the anti-bullying video.

What happened?

I'm not at liberty to say.

I see that open-toed shoe, Susan. This is a place of business. We're not in the

club.

So if I do this, none of them have to sit through it, right? As long as the

six-hour anti-bullying video gets watched four times, my quota is filled.

It can't be that bad. Oh, I've seen it break Navy SEALs.

There's a 75-minute song about name-calling performed by a puppet.

24 hours?

She told me not to tell you, and I wasn't going to, but then she started

twitching. Yep, there it is.

Uh-oh, let's get her out of there.

If a bully's being mean, I'll always intervene.

Being kind and friendly's part of my daily routine.

Hey, it's over.

You're safe now.

Thank you for taking that bullet for me.

At least I could do. I'm sorry I screwed everything up. I was trying to be a boss

and a friend, but I guess I ended up being neither.

Emily, that's not true.

Really? Of course.

You're definitely our boss.

And definitely not our friend.

That played out differently than I thought it was going to.

It is that we barely know you. Well, we could get to know you. I mean, we still

haven't finished our fantasy draft.

All right, Emily, it's the 10th pick. You're up.

Should I take Batman or Crimson Fox? I met Crimson Fox.

Well, you gotta go with who you met. Everyone knows that.

Okay, Crimson Fox.

Not even Crimson Fox would pick Crimson Fox. Well, I bet your grandma would.

What does that even mean? I don't know.

Jackie, I just realized I left those cufflinks in Greenland. I need you to

hop on a red-eye and have them back in time for my dinner tomorrow night. Do

you mean these cufflinks?

Thank you.

Didn't polish them.

Totally different cufflinks.

I can't believe you've put up with him all these years. He always remembers my

birthday. He got my really dumb kid into a really good school. And when my dog

needed super expensive surgery, he paid for a guy to come to my house and put

him down.

Well, that's sweet.

So, let's take a look at that finished umbrella.

All right, Ron's grandma is rolling down the street. The Flash, my number one

pick, throws Professor Zoom into a building because the Flash is the man.

And this happens.

It worked!

I mean, obviously it worked because these guys are the best. The rubble

bounces off, but it destroys everyone around it. Uh-uh-uh.

Not if they have rumbrellas, too.

Everyone has to have one.

Ooh, the rumbrella taketh, but boy, does it giveth.

Breaking news.

Oh, hey, guys, check this out. Super villain Sinestro just imprisoned the

Flash in the Phantom Zone, so it looks like the Scarlet Speedster is going to

be out all year.

Hey, Teddy, did you pick the Flash like a...

And Crimson Fox just saved an entire cruise ship. So if you were crazy enough

to take her, you're feeling pretty good about yourself.

Oh, snap.

I own all of you.

I don't need to tell you. Yep, immediately regretted it.

That's funny.