Original subtitles

Television, America's number one source for entertainment.

But in recent years, viewers have found themselves dissatisfied.

Even the sitcom, once the staple of the medium,

had, itself,turned into a bad joke.

While in Hollywood, the networks were slow to react

as they continued to produce the same tired programming as before,

leaving their audience bored.

But a few executives were ready to take up the challenge

experimenting with new shows for a new millennium.

Shows that provided a riskier fare,

something that seemed to capture the attention of a once,

uninterested America.

Although in certain quarters me have taken offense,

but in Hollywood, it's all smiles.

Producers are busy searching the world over for new talent

to provide new hits and new faces for a hungry nation.

Even such stalwarts as the nightly news

have had to adapt to this new landscape,

and television has been pleased to discover that ratings

have reached an all-time high.

But some are now beginning to ask if we have gone too far.

How did we get into this situation?

When did this descent into decadence begin?

We find out tonight ''On the Other Side.''

-God damn it! -What?

Jesus! Get dressed! There's a meeting in here right now!

Oh, no.

Come on! Hurry up! They'll be here in a second!

You are so full of it. Where are my panties?!

How would l know?

Banging you is the biggest misery of my life.

You know that? lt is getting me nowhere!

Just hurry up! For chrissakes!

You promised me my own show by now. Why don't l have it yet?

So, tell me, Doug. Why don't l have my own spin-off yet?

-What? -My show! Where is it?

Oh, Christ, Shannon.

You know it's not gonna happen while ''Best Buds'' is still on the air.

We've gotta wait.

l am sick of ''Best Buds'', and l am sick of waiting.

l want my show or it's the end of this.

-Baby -Don't ''baby'' me.

l did my part. You know that.

Now it's up to you. l want my show!

You're just gonna have to hang in there. Look. Believe me,

this show is not gonna be around too much, too much longer.

Yeah. l heard that one before.

Gentlemen! We were, uh, just finishing up.

Thank you for pointing that out to me. Good-bye.

Gentlemen, please. Sit.

Okay, Douglas.

What's the problem here? What the hell is this meeting all about?

Gentlemen, our problem is our hit TV show, ''Best Buds''.

And it looks like it's going to be a rather costly problem.

ls that virgin bitch stirrin' up more trouble?

She sure is. Take a look.

l can't believe he would do this to me.

l thought he was different, you know.

l thought l had finally found someone who wouldn't just use me.

You were so right about men.

That they're all a bunch of sex-driven, skirt-chasing pigs?

Yeah.

l love you, baby. l love you.

l want to spend the rest of my life with you.

Scott, l love you, too. But if you truly mean that,

then you know what you need to do.

-What? You mean, we have to be married to -Before we have sex. That's right.

-So, you're a, a... -Virgin.

Another one bites the dust.

All men love the idea of having a virgin,

but forget it means they won't get laid.

Randi, is it so wrong to wait for that special, perfect man?

Gentlemen, what we originally intended to begin as a farce

has turned on us.

Remember when we thought it'd be humorous

to introduce a virginal character to the show?

Huh? Bad idea. The longer Lori goes without sex

the more we're gonna get screwed.

That's right, sir.

Twenty-eight-point-two percent of the advertisers

have already pulled their spots from the show.

Of that twenty-eight percent,

sixty two-point-three percent

have even left the network altogether.

They say it'll continue as long as ''virgin fever'',

as they call it, is sweeping the nation.

Our advertisers use ''sex-sells'' techniques,

and our show directly conflicts with their marketing.

-lmpossible. -No, sir. Much worse.

This so-called ''virgin fever'' phenomenon

is running rampant in the real world.

lt seems as if women, by the millions,

are following the lead of Lori and shutting their legs.

We have received numerous complaints, even threats

from bar and restaurant owners, single guys you name it.

They're losin' out on a lot of trade.

Women just aren't putting out.

And it's all because of her.

Well, if that's the case, she must be stopped!

We're back, live, on ''The Other Side'',

the show that takes you deep into the lives of the famous

and the infamous.

And now, here's your host, Todd Matthews.

Right. We're here with Britanny Lox, the actress that plays Lori

on the hit show, ''Best Buds'',

and has single-handedly started her own sexual revolution.

l wouldn't say that, Todd.

lt's just about women and men respecting themselves

and one another.

And by ''respect,'' that means...

Respecting yourself enough not to just give yourself to anyone

and certainly not before marriage.

Oh, l may not agree with you, but millions of people really do.

l take pride and admiration,

um, till they're willing to wait until their honeymoon.

Right. We're on our privilege tour

which allows us to poke around celebrity's apartments.

We've seen your kitchen, your bathrooms, the study and this area.

But l think what most people'd really like to see is your boudoir.

Sure. Follow me.

My bedroom is right over here. Oh, l'm sorry.

That's just my email coming through on my fan mail website.

Well, should we read this one coming in right now?

Maybe whoever sent it is watching us now.

Oh. Okay. lt's probably just from one of my fans.

Oh, my God!

The joys of live television.

Well, there certainly seems to be a lot more to this story.

Please stay tuned.

We're going to get to the bottom of this.

See you...on ''The Other Side.''

Cut.

What the hell is that? (sighs)

How much time do we have?

They've gone to commercial. A few minutes.

All right. Just get the story.

You got it.

Brittany? lt's okay. lt's me. Todd. Can l come in?

Go away.

l want to help.

Look, l don't know what's going on,

but l'm sure that you're gonna want

to tell your side of the story.

Please. Let me in.

No cameras.

No cameras.

You okay?

lt's so hard.

lt's so hard to try and be perfect.

There's no reason in the world why you have to be perfect.

Not one. Just be yourself.

Todd my life is such a mess.

Everything is changing so fast.

l had, l had sex.

lt wasn't my fault,

but now l have to make up for my mistakes.

lt's okay.

Let it out.

Everything is turned so upside-down.

You know what the weird thing is?

l can't believe l'm telling you this.

Ever since l had sex, it's all l can think of.

l mean, it's the only thing on my mind.

lt's like l've been starving myself all these years,

and now l'm on this binge.

Yeah. Um

l see you all day,

and l just keep thinking about you

and l just want to ravage you.

Really?

So, are you married?

No.

Do you have a girlfriend?

No.

Gay?

No. Brittany, we're just on a commercial break, here.

Well, have 'em get a filler.

Todd? Brittany?

We'll be out in a while. Just run a filler.

Do we still have that tape of the crocodile eats a little boy?

No!

But we've got the one with the Hammerhead shark!

a Hammerhead shark

had been stalking the children of Mojigo Bay.

Welcome back to ''The Other Side'' with your host, Todd Matthews.

Please note, this next segment is rated 'R'

and may not be suitable for children or sensitive viewers.

Now, Brittany, what we just saw,

what most of America just saw,

what do you have to say?

First of all, l would like to apologize to all of my loyal fans,

especially those of you who have followed my example.

l crumbled in a moment of weakness, and l am sorry.

Now that that's said and done,

there is something else l would like to say. l was set up.

You say you were set up? By whom?

Wheeler, Knox and Kohn of the A.N.C. Network.

The network l work, worked for,

and Shannon Sloan, who l thought was my friend.

You say you were set up. Can you elaborate?

You have to understand,

because of me and the character that l played on ''Best Buds'',

they were losing a lot on skin revenue.

They tried everything in their power to break my contract,

but they had no legal recourse,

so they came up with the next best thing.

They set me up to embarrass myself.

These are rather weighty allegations.

What do you maintain they did?

For one thing, they added in a lot more sexual innuendoes

and love scenes during taping,

so that l was constantly surrounded by sexual energy.

They wanted it to be more palpable.

-Palpable? -Yes. More real.

This is what they did to me.

We had finished taping one afternoon in October,

and l was going over some wardrobe options.

l was in a little room adjoining the makeup room.

As l was about to leave, l heard some people enter the makeup room.

l looked up, and through a crack in the door, l saw Shannon Sloan,

the actress that plays Randi, and a man l had never seen before.

They were kissing passionately.

-Did you watch them? -Well, l... Yes.

l had never seen anyone make love before in person.

To be honest with you, l was quite fascinated by it.

l couldn't take my eyes off the two of them.

-What? -Shannon.

She was in on the whole thing. She just wanted her own TV show.

And that's not the worst of it.

-lt wasn't? -No.

They made me curious enough so that l would break,

and then they made their next step. Roll the tape, please.

l'd like to, but we have to be married first.

-Lori. -Hey, how was your blind date?

Oh, he's wonderful. He's a poet, an endangered species activist,

a pediatrician, he volunteered at the home for the handicapped,

hates watching sports, and get this. He's a professional model.

-Wow. He sounds perfect. -He is. But not for me.

-What? Why? -He's a virgin, Lori. A virgin.

Says he's waiting for the right woman.

l can't handle that kind of responsibility,

but l told him somebody who can.

-No. l'll go get him. -No.

No. No, wait. Don't open that door.

Hello. You must be Lori.

Randi's been telling me so much about you.

l've heard so many wonderful things.

l remember that episode.

Well, that's where they set me up, those conniving bastards.

They wrote in the perfect man.

-What happened next? -Well, you've seen the show.

He and my character experienced the ideal relationship.

But off-screen, that's where the trouble began.

How so?

When they cast the role of Danielle, they scoured the world.

They found Antoine Fernando, then they really got me good.

Can you tell us how? And remember, details are important.

After a few days of working together,

the producers suggested that Antoine and l have a private

rehearsal. Naively, l agreed.

They told me that the rehearsal would start

promptly at three-thirty P. M., but when l arrived, he said...

Oh, l thought you were coming at five.

Please excuse me while l finish my laps.

lt'll just be a minute.

l couldn't believe it when he took his towel off.

l watched, mes-merized, as he swam.

l barely heard him when he asked...

Why don't you join me?

l'm sorry. l didn't bring a swimsuit with me.

-Either do l. -Okay. Turn around.

Don't, don't look.

l don't why l agreed, but a strange feeling was growing inside of me,

and l liked it.

Now it appears as if those tapes have hit the internet.

Right.

By the end of the night,

millions of Americans will have seen you and Antoine...

Right.

Do expect to be fired from the network?

Right.

So, what are you gonna do now?

Well, let's just say l've got some exciting projects coming up.

Hm. We'll see about that.

We wish you the best of luck.

And please join us again next time on ''The Other Side'',

the unexpectedly revealing show

with all the scandal you can handle.

Good night.

Hm. We'll see about that. We wish you the best of luck.

And please join us again next time on ''The Other Side'',

the unexpectedly revealing show

with all the scandal you can handle.

Good night.

Nice show.

How on earth did you get her to open up like that?

Uh, you know, a magician never reveals his secrets.

Plus, if told you it was a fluke,

you wouldn't think l was a genius,

and then you wouldn't give me the raise l'm going to ask you

for on Monday.

Funny you should mention Monday. But you're not gonna be here.

l won't?

Nope l'm afraid not.

But l thought you liked the spicy new direction the show was taking.

l do.

So, where am l gonna be on Monday?

-We're takin' a trip. -Cool. For what?

Here. Take a look at these.

This is...

So, what do you think? Are people ready for this yet?

This is gonna be huge! Come on. Let's tape the show already.

Oh, God, it was terrible.

lt was the most disgusting thing l'd ever seen in my life.

lt's a story of love, lust and betrayal...

l think Genna's old enough to make her own decisions,

regardless of what others might think.

...in a world of deception...

What? l think it's disgusting. l mean, with his own daughter? Why?

...where nothing is as it seems... or is it?

We find out tonight on ''The Other Side'',

with all the scandals you can handle.

Now here's your host, Todd Matthews.

ln the perfect town, lives the perfect family, the Olsons.

-Hi Mum, Dad. -Good morning, sweetheart.

l made your favorite. Pancakes.

Thanks, Mom, but l'm really not hungry.

What? Not hungry?

Now, those are two words that should

never be uttered in the morning.

What's the matter, darlin'? ls this about a boy?

Yeah? Well that's somethin' l know a thing or two about.

Now, what's the problem, baby?

Well, there's this boy, Brad,

and he asked me to go to the... to go to the,

-And this the one with the motorcycle?

The good-looking one?

Yes.

Now, you know how we feel about motorcycles.

lt's just not worth the risk.

Now, what if we were the parent, and we were the kid?

What would you tell us?

That motorcycles are too dangerous?

-That's right. -So, do we have an understandin'?

Yes, Daddy, you're right.

He can just take some other girl to the prom.

ls this the kiss that started it all,

or did it begin much sooner?

''The Other Side'' goes deep into the Olson family...

...the family that loved...

a little too much.

l feel better, now.

Look, any way you cut it,

she's the daughter,

and he's the father, period.

Hello! lt's only a TV show.

This is not real life.

lndeed, it is ''only a TV show.

But the recent events on the hit, ''What a Family'',

have Americans in a veritable tailspin.

l have people coming up to me every day,

asking, how l could sleep with my father.

l mean, can't they realize that we're not related at all?!

We're actors?!

Clearly, American's cannot divorce fiction

from reality when it comes to their favorite TV family.

So to shed a little light

on the hot and scandalous action

behind the scenes,

''On The Other Side'' shows you the personal interviews.

Well, l first came on the show when l was just a kid.

We all, you know, bonded really well.

And when you spend so much time with people,

you can't help but develop a relationship with them.

And Peter and l just became really great friends.

That's Peter Henslow,

the actor that plays your father on the show.

Uh-huh.

And now you've gotten to be really good friends.

Now, how did that come about?

Well, you know, it's kind'a hard to say,

but, um, about a year or so ago,

Peter started confiding in me about his marriage

and some problems he was having,

and l was a friendly ear.

And....

And as time's gone by, l've been there for when he needs me.

All l know is,

the last time we met was the first time we, um...

l understand. Now, how did that come about?

Details?

Remember, our viewers demand details.

Okay. Well, here's what happened.

We were in-between takes,

and l had a bunch of time to kill,

so l, l did what l normally do,

and when to hang out in Peter's dressing room.

As l saw him l could tell something was wrong.

l mean, l'd, l'd never seen him so devastated.

He confided in me about everything,

his wife's infidelities, everything.

lt was sad.

You know, l was so taken by him that

l don't know what made me do it,

but l leaned over,

and l kissed him on the lips.

And then we went back to work.

And all during that taping

l couldn't stop thinking about that kiss.

l mean, l was, l was jumping inside.

And then what happened?

Well, later, we had a night to remember.

and then we found each other.

And the next thing l know,

l'm sitting here with you,

and suddenly l'm a social pariah.

l mean, it's... it's just not fair.

Now, on the show, you play a sixteen year old.

-How old are you in real life? -Twenty-one.

-Ah. And do you love this man? -l would do anything for him.

What would happen if l was to tell you that he'd been unfaithful?

Oh, to his wife? Yeah, sure, l know. l mean, l...

-l will admit that, but, you know.. -Not, not to his wife.

-Oh, un-un-unfaithful to who? -To you.

To me? With who?

With me? That's ridiculous.

Preposterous. We're working professionals.

l categorically deny having any sexual relations with that man.

Then, how would you describe your relationship with Peter Henslow?

We're friends and co-stars on a major television show.

l play his wife.

We socialize occasionally, have the odd game of tennis. That's all.

-Nothing more? -Nothing more.

And if there were, l certainly wouldn't blab

about it on television.

Certainly not on a low-rent tabloid show like this.

-Oh, really? -Really.

lt's shows like this that are destroying America.

And yet, you agreed to be on this show.

Yes.

l agreed to take this interview so that l could tell you to your face

what l think of you and your puny little program. lt stinks!

You make journalistic integrity sound like an oxymoron.

Why don't you get yourself a real job?

Au. And yet, there is one thing a show like this is good for.

Exposing hypocrisy in people. You, ma'am,

spout your religious and moral convictions from your radio

and TV show, but in real life,

you live quite the opposite, don't you?

Excuse me. l don't have to listen to an ingrate like you.

Miss Martins, thank you for making my job so easy.

What are you talkin' about?

l'm not gonna feel bad at all about rolling this tape. Bob?

Here we see our favorite TV mom and dad after a tennis match.

Did they say good-bye and go to the showers?

No, siree. His attention turns to the lovely Miss Martins,

all footage courtesy of one vigilant paparazzo.

You and your lousy lowest-common denominator show can go and take

a flying kiss at my ass!

l'm going to sue you and this show for so much cash,

you're going to need a loan just to pay attention! You got that?!

Well, all things considered, that went pretty well.

When we broke the news to Genna, she was less than pleased.

However, she made a revelation that none of us could have anticipated.

That dirty, rat bastard!

She probably used the same lines on Peter that she did on me.

What do you mean?

That woman, Helen, is a real witch.

l mean, the only reason she slept with Peter was to get back at me.

How so?

Helen knew how l felt about Peter, and she couldn't stand it.

l mean, she tried

everything to stop the two of us from getting together. Everything.

-Like what exactly? -Oh, nothing.

Nothing in particular. Just, you know,just lot's of stuff.

Genna, l can tell you're in pain right now.

Feel free to let it out, to get it off your chest. You'll feel better.

No, l, l, l can't. l can't.

This woman hurt Peter. Hurt you. Hurt her fans.

Heck, she's even trying to hurt me and my show.

Are you going to let her get away with what she did to you?

How do you know she did something to me?

Reporters' intuition. Protect her?

Well, l, l guess not. Okay.

Well, we'd just finished taping a long episode, and

we were hanging around the set long after everyone else had gone home.

We'd been talking and drinking for hours.

Am l even allowed to talk about this?

You can say anything you want.

Go on. Please.

Next thing l know, we're giggling like school girls

and l was getting really disoriented.

You wouldn't believe what happened next.

Gen, you are really beautiful. Do you know that?

l could barely stop giggling, but l found myself replying.

You're the most beautiful woman l've ever seen in my whole life.

And then, well, l can leave the rest to your imagination.

For once, l'm the one that's surprised.

How did you feel afterwards?

Well, it was kind of weird, you know, but

exciting at the same time.

Now, what do you thing about the future of ''What a Family''?

Oh, jeeze, what family could survive this? l don't know.

And about Peter?

Now's the time for some real healing.

Although ''What a Family'' has been canceled,

Peter and Genna have signed on to play opposite one another in a racy

sitcom about a May-September romance set in Queens.

As for Helen Martins,

she was recently turned down for a series of hemorrhoid infomericals.

With all the scandal that's fit to handle, l'm Todd Matthews.

Good night.

Thank you very much.

-You were charming, young lady. -Thank you.

Best of luck to you.

Thanks, Jim. Good show?

So what do you think? Was that a great show, or what?

Uh, yeah, it was a great show, Todd.

l need you to come to my office right away.

Come on, Dee, stop being so serious.

Come on, let's go out and paint the town.

That's not a good idea. l, l really need to talk to you.

You know what? l'm gonna take off my makeup,

we're gonna jump in my car, and we're gonna go celebrate.

Todd, you've been fired.

l'm sorry.

There you are.

l've been looking all over for you.

-Do you want to talk? -Talk?

One minute, l'm the host of the hottest

investigative show on television, and the next, canned.

So you lost your job.

lt's not like it's the end of the world.

l mean, yeah, sure, you,

you exposed a love triangle on a network's

number-one show, and it gets dropped,

and they lose millions of dollars in advertising.

So you'll never get a job at a major network again.

ls that such a bad thing? lt could be worse.

lt doesn't get any worse than that.

You're not really helping.

Well, you've gotta get up and move forward.

Make a new start for yourself.

l'd rather kill myself.

Come on, Tee. This is a time of opportunity and challenge for you.

Opportunity will come a-knockin, and you've gotta be

prepared to reach out and grab it, and, and let it in.

Now's the time for you to make calls and, and

look up contacts and old

friends, and, and, and scour the trades. l mean,

look for, look for new opportunities.

Take danger and uncertainty by the...

by the hand and, and relish in its mystery.

-Will you please shut up? -Excuse me?

Marty P. can't find leading man.

''Producer Marty P. unable to cast leading man for next feature''.

Knock, knock, knock.

Oh, my God. What?

Do we still have that package we got from, um,

that crazy woman. What's her name?

Yeah. Why?

Oh, would you please do me a favor

and, and just, one last favor and get it for me?

Todd, l would be fired. l, l can't do this.

Oh, please, please, please?

Oh, l don't know. l, l, l can't. l'm sorry.

Ah. You're right.

lt probably wouldn't work anyway. Just forget about it.

Okay. Sure.

You know what? l want you to know

l really loved working with you. You're amazing. Thank you.

You know, l, uh,

l never told you this because we were working together and all, but

l've never met a woman like you.

lf things were different,

if we weren't working together, l always thought that maybe you and l

l'm so sorry. -Todd?

We're not working together anymore.

You're right.

So, maybe you wouldn't mind if l did this.

-No. -Or how about this?

-Not at all. -Or maybe this.

Oh, l know what you're up to, mister.

Who me?

l thought l told you never to come here.

Yeah, well, l thought l told you l was in love with you.

Shhhh. Please, you've got to go.

No, l can't. And l won't.

Not until you tell me you're in love with me.

My husband's downstairs with eight of his closest friends,

and you want me to tell you that l love you?

l'm not scared. l don't care who hears me!

Cut!

Where'd you find this guy?!

What is her problem?

All right, everybody!

Let's take five. Now what?

Him! That, that thing over there practically sucked out my uterus!

Honey, sweetie, actually l think it was going quite well.

He sucked!

Look, Melinda,..

-...can we just go through that... -No!

Moo-moo, we're supposed to start shooting tomorrow.

l've got one more day of screen tests.

Can we please, just please,

can we just try to give it

-...one more time? How could you?!

How could you just stand there and let your own wife

be violated like that?!

Find someone else.

-But, baby... -Baby this!

Hey, you okay, there?

You. Get the hell outta here.

Get off my set!

You're never gonna work in this town again.

Cecilia, don't you have somewhere to be?

Mr. Plant, l, um....

Get outta here!

Yeah, l know you're busy, sir, and l, l really just...

Hey-hey-hey! Do l get the guards?

Get the hell off my stage!

Sir, if you'll just take a look at my head shots, l really think

Look, you sorry son-of-a-bitch,

you think you can come in here on the worst day of my life....

l got news for you, you know. This just isn't gonna...

Whoa.

Here's what l was thinkin'.

l was thinkin' that maybe we could just take a little....

l thought l told you never to come here.

And l thought l told you l was in love with you.

Shhh. Christ. Please, you've gotta go.

l can't. l won't.

Not until you tell me that you love me, too.

My husband's downstairs with eight of his closest friends,

and you want me to tell you that l love you?

l'm not afraid anymore of anyone.

You're the center of my universe.

l would rather die a thousand painful deaths

than take one more breath without you.

l'm going to go on to the rooftops and scream out my love for you.

l don't care who hears.

Yeah. All right, that's a cut!

Lights!

All right. That's a keeper.

Let's go to lunch. l'll be in my trailer.

Where did you come from?

A good friend of your husband's.

Mmm. Come to my trailer later. Let's run lines.

Come in.

Mmm. You ever seen a star wagon before?

Not one like this.

You read the script yet?

Not yet.

No loss. lt's really a piece of crap,

but my husband'san incredible director, so,

he'll make it great.

But you wanna know why it'll really do well?

All it's sex!

Really?

Really.

ln fact,

there's one scene in particular that's gonna drive people nuts.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah. And that's the scene l want to rehearse with you.

Mm-hm.

lf we expect our audience to believe in our passion,

then we're gonna have to believe in it ourselves.

For real.

Don't you agree?

l agree. What's the script about?

lt's about a kept woman

who meets and takes a strange man

all the while knowing her husband's right around the corner.

lt's about discovery.

lt's about awakenings.

lt's about sex!

l think l'm gonna like this script.

Just one more.

Three times wasn't enough?

More.

Oh, no. l'd love to,

but,uh, the last couple of days have been really intense,

so,you know, l just, l need to get some sleep.

You need to learn your lines. Five pages.

No, l gotta go. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Jesus Christ!

Hey, kid! You're a little jumpy there, aren't you?

-Mr. Plant, l, uh... -lt's Marty.

The old battle ax got you running lines already?

Uh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. She's a stickler for rehearsals.

She wants it over and over and over again.

l think you know what l'm talkin' about.

She never knows when to quit.

Yeah.

Hey, uh, get those pictures for me?

Right here.

Negatives, too?

All there.

Yeah, jeeze if my wife knew l was screwing around,

she'd Bobbit me for sure.

l think we both got what we wanted today.

Yeah, maybe a little more than we bargained for.

Anyway, l'll see you tomorrow. Bright and early.

Five A. M.

Up with the sparrows. Bye.

Bye. All right.

There's a note for you.

Oh, Cecilia, now what?

Oh, Jesus Christ.

l want to see Claire now. Where is she?

Well, let's go.

Hello! Sweet cakes?

Your boobie is here.

Come on, nookie-nook.

Daddy has something he wants to give you.

You?!

Yeah.

Who were you expecting? Santa Claus? (laughs)

Actually, who were you expecting?

Shut up, Marty.

Did you find another actor today?

Oh, you betcha l did.

That's what l want to talk to you about.

Well, earlier this afternoon,

l must admit, l had some evil thoughts about you.

How to get rid of you.

How to kill you.

What? Well, what, why?

Because someone showed me these.

And l couldn't imagine who.

And then l thought to myself, ''self,

why would Stacy want to hurt me?''

Why would Stacy send our private photos

to some national tabloid show?

And then l remembered

because Stacy wants to see me beg.

Because Stacy wants to bring me to my knees.

You want to hurt me, don't you? '

Don't you?!

Yes!

Yes, l do!

Your game's gone too far.

Oh, yeah?

On your knees, worm.

Mr. Hotshot Director. You're going down.

l'm gonna take you down.

Beg, or you'll never feel my mercy.

Do it!

Please. Madame Stacy, please, don't hurt me.

Please don't.

But you know what?

You didn't get the better of me,

because l found the perfect actor.

You've been a bad boy.

So, then, how would you describe your transition

from the small screen to feature films?

Oh, you know, Lee, it's interesting that you mentioned that.

You see l've moved on.

l found my true calling.

You know, l used to do little TV shows

and salacious things like what you're doing now,

leeching onto the real world, but l'm proud to say,

l've moved on.

Oh, is that so?

You see, and when l look back on it,

my success is really,

it's based on hard work

and, l'm not afraid to admit it,

natural talent.

You see, in this town, they say it's not

what you know, but who you know.

Now, l don't buy that.

l think it's really a matter

of how well you do it.

Really? Or would that be, who you do it to?

Excuse me?

May l draw your attention to the monitor.

We have some very interesting footage

on how you landed this role.