All language subtitles for McMillan and Wife S01E01 Murder by the Barrel-1

Uh, could you stop,

just the way I, uh...
Uh, sir, I...

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

I haven't marked that one yet.

If you don't mind, lady,
this weighs a few pounds.

I'm sorry, you shouldn't
have picked it up so fast.

I'm about to drop it
even faster.

All right, I'm finished,
thank you.

Oh, that's beautiful, lady.
Early Halloween.

I've got another one here
for you, Mrs. McMillan.

Thank you.
Gee, what a nice ring.

Why, thank you.
It's a lodge ring.

Oh, it's still very tasteful.

Not large.
It's a lodge, lodge ring.

Although it is kind of large.

Oh, it's not large
for a lodge ring.

I've seen larger lodge rings.
It's very lovely.

- Well, I'd better get this on the truck.
- All right, come on, Logan,

- Let's move it.
- Excuse me.

Where do we
send the bill, Commissioner?

To you or to the city?

To me.
The city can't afford it.

Ah, well, in that case,
we'll try to finish on time.

You look awful.

Thank you.
Why do you say that?

Because you look awful.

Oh, well, as long
as you have a reason.

My reason is that
I've gone two whole nights...

...without any sleep.

I know. I'm sorry that my packing
kept you awake, Mac.

It's just that the movers
told me Friday...

...that we'd move
on Tuesday,

and Wednesday became Thursday,

and Friday became impossible...

- ...because of the extra...
- Sally, it's okay.

Promise me one thing
when we get in the new house.

Okay, what?

Get 'em to set up the bed first.

Absolutely.
I wouldn't have it

any other way myself

because there are certain initiation
rites expected in a new home.

Mmm-hmm.

And then
we'll get some sleep, huh.

- Goodbye.
- Bye.

Oh, hello there, Fred.

Morning, Commissioner.

Hey, lady.

Ain't you afraid he might end up
in the wrong house?

Pardon me?

You forgot to put
your mark on him.

You wanna bet?

Okay, lady. Okey-doke.

Sign right here, please.

Why? Are you leaving?

I haven't even
checked all these boxes.

Yeah. Well, I have.

We picked up 34,
we delivered 34.

Well, at least let me make sure

that they all have
my mark on them.

Lady, it's been a long day,

and I've gotta bowl
in 45 minutes.

And I'd like to put a little
something in here first.

Looks like somebody
already beat you to it.

Hey, I found one that
doesn't bear my mark!

Hey, wait a minute!

You forgot one of your barrels.

They don't only give
me the wrong barrel,

they give me a
barrel that's damaged.

Hello, there.

Sorry. I'm your new neighbor.

Mine isn't working,
I have to use yours.

Of course. Right down
the hall to the left.

Not the bathroom,
I need to use your telephone.

I'm sorry, it's right here.

- Do you want me to leave the room?
- No, don't leave me.

That's what I had in mind.

How about a drink?

I want the police.

Oh. You better do the dialing.

Lady, you look like
you've just seen a ghost.

It's no ghost.
It was the real thing.

I just unpacked a corpse.

A corpse?

Here, drink.

9223299.

Do you use this number often?

I try not to call
more than once a day,

but sometimes
I can't help myself.

Here, let me talk.

Commissioner McMillan, please.

I'm sorry, Mr. Deams.

The last three things I said
into your machine were lies.

You're sure they were lies?

Terrible lies.

Then you're an exceptional liar,
Commissioner.

It works fine
with your regular liar.

Yes, Anne.

Mrs. McMillan
on line two, sir. Urgent.

- Yes, Sally?
- Mac?

There's a dead man
in one of our barrels.

- What?
- It was horrible, Mac.

All my precautions,
and then they did mix 'em up.

It wasn't marked,
but it was seeping,

so I opened it,
and there he was, Mac.

In my barrel.

Well, in his barrel.

It wasn't my barrel,
it wasn't marked.

Uh, Mac, you better get home.

Where are you calling from?

I don't know.

- Next door.
- Next door.

All right, I'm on my way.
Listen to me.

Don't go back into that house
until I get there.

Get a squad car
over to the house right away.

Get my phones installed.

Is he always that nice?

I'd like to hang
on to that number.

Always. That's why
I married him.

Oh, I see.

Well, it'll take him
a few minutes to get here,

even with your connection.

Why don't you finish your drink?

If you don't like it,
I'll make a triple stinger.

Gloria Shaw, who lived in your
house, couldn't get through the day

without one of
my triple stingers.

Thanks anyway.
My husband will be here.

He always takes care
of everything.

I was afraid of that.

Hi, you all right?
I'm all right.

He's in the living room by the fireplace.
You can't miss him.

Yeah, we'll take care
of everything.

Mac?

Sally. Are you all right?

I'm okay. It's just kind of
hard to go back in there.

- Are you sure you're all right?
- I'm okay.

It wasn't one of
our barrels, Mac,

because it didn't have
my little mark on it.

That's reassuring.
Sergeant.

Oh, Mrs. McMillan,
is there another fireplace?

Another one?
No. I told you, it's right...

It was right there.

No.

It was right here.

Here's my book.

It was on top of the barrel
when I opened it.

It was right on top and then
it fell off like that.

How did you open it, Sally?

What did you use?

The poker.

And then I dropped it
right beside the barrel.

Is this the poker,
Mrs. McMillan?

Yes, this is what
I opened the barrel with.

And then I dropped it
right there.

I didn't put it back in place.

There was a barrel.

And it wasn't mine
because it wasn't marked.

It was seeping and it was damp.

All over this floor.

It was damp.

And there was a man inside
and he was dead.

You believe me, don't you, Mac?

Don't you, Mac?
Don't you?

Remember how we found this?

Saturday afternoon,
walking through the woods.

It started raining,
couldn't find the car.

We found the barn,
hid in the hayloft, remember?

Under the hay, we found this.

Original Vanocer.

Today, in any gallery,

this painting would bring $10.

You do believe me about

there being a corpse here,
don't you, Mac?

We're checking
with the moving company

and with Missing Persons.

Now, would I do all that
if I didn't believe you?

Yes, you'd do it anyway.

You'd do it
to make me feel better.

How would you feel
if I didn't do it?

Terrible.

I feel better.

Mac, what was that?

I'll bet you it's somebody at the front door.

No bet, I don't want to win.

Oh, Sergeant Enright,
I'm glad it's you.

Thank you very much,
Mrs. McMillan.

Commissioner, I checked
with the owner

of that moving company.

He'd left, but I talked
to him on the phone.

- What did he say?
- He was quite upset, sir.

Said he didn't know how
such a thing had happened.

- We're to meet him at 8:00.
- Pick me up at 7:30.

What about Missing Persons?

Oh, I brought these along
to show Mrs. McMillan.

Here you are.

Thank you, Sergeant.

- Any luck with fingerprints?
- No, sir.

Those fresh fingerprints,
they all belonged here.

What about the van itself?

It did make
some other stops, sir,

but we'll have the list
in the morning.

Mrs. McMillan,

that corpse that wasn't here,

well, how long do you think
that man could have been dead?

Well, I don't know.

All I can tell you
is it looked yuck.

About how long is yuck?

It's not as long as yurghh.

But shorter than bleghh?

Oh, no, it wasn't bleghh.

I'd say he'd been dead
about a day, Sergeant.

Thank you, sir.

Ssh, listen.

Now, did you hear that or not?

Stand back,
Mrs. McMillan.

Sergeant Enright,
you're still here?

Warthheimer, are you still here?

Yeah. Well, you said
to check it out thoroughly.

Did you find anything, Sergeant?

As a matter of fact,
Commissioner,

I'm afraid I did.

Of course you did.
Now tell him.

You got serious trouble
with that water heater.

I don't like the looks
of the whole plumbing system.

I take it you didn't
find a body in the basement.

A body, sir? No.

But I checked everything,
including the furnace.

Now, that's a good furnace.

I'll take you to the station,

you can check our plumbing.

About that plumbing,
uh, I moonlight.

I can give you
a very good price.

And the work is guaranteed.

Thank you. We'll keep you in mind.

Now, honey, I know
this has been rough for you.

Your first day in our new home
and everything.

Try not to let it
prey on your mind.

You know you tend
to be superstitious.

I'm not superstitious.

Do you think we could get the lease
on this house annulled?

And how do you
get a lease annulled?

By not sleeping here, of course.

That way,
the deal isn't consummated.

Sally, if anything
should happen to me,

promise me you'll never, ever

go into real estate.

I promise.

Okay.

Then why don't we stop thinking

about the barrel
that didn't belong to us

and concentrate
on all these that do.

Right, I'm going to
forget about the barrels

and I'm going to
concentrate on dinner.

Good idea, I'll make us a drink.

Remember which barrel
you put the dinner in?

In the dinner barrel.

Good, where's the drink barrel?

Thanks, Mac.

For what?

Just thanks.

Mac!

- Yeah.
- Mac!

What's wrong?

It's missing. It's not here.

What? The dinner?

The barrel
with Aunt Sophie's china.

Do you realize what that means?

We eat on paper plates?

The killer got our china.
Don't you see?

We got his corpse
and he got our china.

Not necessarily.

That's one way to look at it,

but anyway we can't eat dinner
in our new home

without Aunt Sophie's china.

Sure we can.
We just won't tell her.

Well, that's not right.

We've always had our first
dinner in our new home

on Aunt Sophie's china
every time we've moved.

Well, as long as

you're not superstitious.

Mac, supposing that the killer...

wanted to put the body
in storage,

and it ended up
in our house by mistake,

then it stands to reason...

that our china is in storage
at the warehouse.

Possibly.

If the body was delivered
to us by mistake,

the dishes could
have been delivered

to any one of several clients
by mistake.

Then whoever got my china

must have realized
that I got his corpse.

Which proves there was a corpse,

since my china's missing.

Hi, Mac.

Oh, hi.

- Mac.
- Hmm.

If the killer was
having the corpse stored,

then how did he know
so quickly...

...that there had
been a mistake made?

He obviously had a connection...

...with the moving company.

Exactly.

You already thought of it.

Yeah, but we'll check out
both possibilities.

Someone intimately connected
with the moving company

or someone who might
have bribed a mover.

Do you know that sometimes
I think

you could get along
perfectly well without me.

I'd never risk it.

Why did you put everything back?

Oh, because of, uh,

"Hi, Mac."

Mac.

What did you say?
What's Pylant doing here?

He said he was going
to eat first and then bowl.

Good evening.

Well, hello, Commissioner.

I didn't recognize you
in your bowling shirt.

Yeah, I'm a little late.
I gotta run.

Are you aware
that a dead body was found

in our house, in your barrel?

Don't try to,

don't try to pin anything on me,

I just pick up and deliver.
Pickup and deliver.

And bowl.

Stick around, Pylant.

We want to talk to you
in the morning.

Yes, sir.

I thought you were worried
about your waistline.

I'm hoping
it'll go somewhere else.

If I were you,
I wouldn't change a thing.

I'm sorry the bedroom's not in order, Mac.

I know I promised.

Under the circumstances,

I'll give you one more day.

Thanks.

Get a good night's sleep.

I know you need it.

Hmm, wow, is that bright.

Is that the moon or the sun?

I don't know. I'm new
in the neighborhood.

The new curtains
aren't ready yet.

I could get
the old ones tomorrow.

I'll just wait.

At least it's romantic.

I have an idea.

Mac.

- Mac.
- Hmm.

Somebody's out there.

Where?

He's gone.

At least somebody
just walking home late.

There was somebody
out there, Mac.

I believe you, honey.

Mac.

Did you hear that?

I heard you go, "Mac."

Well, did you hear
what made me go, "Mac"?

No.

Oh.

Are you cold?

A little, yeah.

Do you have any more blankets?

Not unpacked.

I could take it off the window.

You just hung it up.

Well, you got two options.

You could be warm
with light in your eyes

or you can be cold
with no light in your eyes.

Pick one.

Get the blanket.

Mac.

You know that man
who was going home late?

He's going home
a little later than you think.

He's still there.

There was somebody a minute ago.

Like to spend the night
at a hotel?

Of course not.

If you're nervous
staying here, say so.

There was a man out there.

I don't doubt that.

He probably takes a stroll
along here every night.

At this hour?

- Come on, Sally, let's go to a hotel.
- No, I'm fine. I can sleep now.

Yeah?

Swell.

First one asleep,
let out a whistle, okay?

Mac, there's definitely
something

or someone out there.

You want me to go down and look?

Please.

Sally.
What?

I think I've been struck blind.

Oh, I put that on you
so you can sleep better.

And then woke me to see
if it was working?

Maybe we better call the police.

How?

Phone hasn't been connected,
remember?

Here, put this on.

Take this, you might
need it as a weapon.

Thanks.

If I catch someone,
I'll hang them in the closet.

Good luck.

Are you all right, Mac?

There was no one
down there, Sally.

But I heard him, Mac.

You heard pressure in the pipes.

Warthheimer was right,

we have got a plumbing problem.

Why are you getting dressed?

Because we are going
to a hotel, period.

No, we're not.

This is our new home.
We won't be driven out of it

by a bunch of ghouls running
around playing musical corpse.

Go to sleep, Mac.

You're not going to hear another
sound out of me, I promise.

Mac.

Mac!

- Mac! Mac!
- What's up?

He ran out the door.

Here I go again.
I did see him, Mac.

What did he look like?

I don't know.
I was too frightened.

You all right?

What are we going to do, Mac?
It's so creepy here.

No luggage?

No luggage.

Mr. and Mrs.
Stewart McMillan. Funny.

Our police commissioner
has the same name.

That's funny.

Shall I get a boy to
show you to your room?

No thanks. We'll find it.

Yes, sir. I'm sure you will.

And I'd like to leave
a 6:30 wake-up call, please.

Oh, yes, sir.
Whatever you say, sir.

You know what that
clerk is thinking.

Hmm.

Nice, isn't it?

We ought to stay in
hotel rooms more often.

I'm not sure my reputation
could stand it.

We're married now.

Not as far as he's concerned.

Do you think we fooled him?
Isn't that great?

You remember how it used to be
before we got married?

Only then, hotel clerks
thought we were married.

Ha, ha, that's what you think.

Hello?

Yeah. Thank you.

That was our wake-up call.

Hello?

Oh, yes.
Good morning, Commissioner.

No, I was just about to go out.

Huh?

A hotel?

Yeah, sure.
I can pick you up. Yeah.

Oh, listen, Commissioner, there's a
side entrance to that particular hotel.

It's not used very much, and I.

I thought maybe you'd like to,

you know,
slip out quietly without...

The front door?

Okay, yeah.
I'm on my way. Bye.

We could make an adjustment,
Mr. McMillan.

- That's all right, how much is it?
- $24, sir.

Good morning, Commissioner.

Morning.

Hi, Sergeant.

Oh, Mrs. McMillan,
good morning.

You seemed surprised to see me.

Well, it is an early hour, Mrs. McMillan.

Sergeant, I would never
let my husband

Leave a hotel
at this hour alone.

What might people think?

Oh, no, not the Commissioner.

I mean, who would think
that he'd...

Yeah, you're right.

Should we drop Mrs. McMillan
off at the house, sir?

No, she's going with us. She's anxious
to find out if we can locate her china.

- What about our barrel was missing.
- I see.

- What have you found out, Enright?
- We're off to see Mr. Buchanan,

who runs
the moving company, sir.

We've searched both kinds
of barrels in storage there

and there's none
with a body in it.

What do you mean both kinds?

It seems here are
two kinds of barrels, sir.

There are storage barrels
and shipping barrels.

The barrels we received
are shipping barrels?

Right. I found it's not possible
to store a shipping barrel,

but a shipping
barrel you can store.

I'm not sure I follow that.

Let me simplify.
There are two kinds of barrels.

There are shipping barrels
and there are storage barrels.

A shipping barrel
you can store and ship,

but a storing barrel
you can only ship, I mean store.

You can ship a shipping
and store a shipping.

For storing you can
only ship. I mean, store.

You can ship a shipping barrel,
and store a storing barrel,

- but can't ship a storing barrel?
- Right.

No, you can store and ship
a shipping barrel,

but you can't ship
a storing barrel.

No, Mrs. McMillan, you have it twisted.

You can ship a storing barrel,

but you cannot store
a shipping barrel.

Why is that,
Mr. Buchanan?

Because shipping barrels are
not as sturdy as storage barrels.

So storage can be shipped
but shipping can't be stored.

So then the body was probably
in a storage barrel, right?

I would say there would be no way
of knowing, without seeing the barrel.

In this case, the distinction
is rather irrelevant,

wouldn't you say?

Irrelevant, Mr. Buchanan?

It could indicate whether the
killer wanted to ship the body or not.

If they knew the difference
between shipping and storage barrels.

Actually, the whole thing
is hard to believe.

If it weren't
the Commissioner himself,

I would say it was
absolutely incredible.

I mean, there was a body,
but there isn't a body.

Mr. Buchanan, Mrs. McMillan
is a trained observer.

- Thank you.
- Compared to your average woman.

- Now, could we get on with it?
- Of course.

I have the names you requested.

We've been checking all morning.

Thank you.

Give these to the Commissioner.

Hi, Mac.

Oh, hi.

Kitty Winters.

Oh, you know my wife, Sally.

No.

Well, this is my wife, Sally.

How do you do?
How do you do?

How do you do?

The van with your goods

made a total of
seven deliveries yesterday.

We followed your instructions

and haven't contacted
any of the people involved.

You have the names
and addresses of the people

who had items stored yesterday.

As far as our drivers
are concerned,

your men have already
spoken to them.

We're running
a complete background check

on all of them now, sir.

Guido Barteloni.

I once defended
a Guido Barteloni.

He was a bookie.

You don't run across a name
like that very often.

Or a face like that.

He had a scar from his ear
right down to his chin.

Anything else I can do, Commissioner?

No, Mr. Buchanan.

We've taken up enough
of your time.

Thank you very much.

I'm sure we'll locate
your dishes momentarily, Mrs. McMillan.

If they come before dinner,
call me up. I'll pick them up myself.

I'll go get the drapes.

That's a good idea.

It always hurts when
I can't remember a face.

I know, dear.

Of course, I remember.
I defended her once in court.

What for?
Assault with deadly weapons?

Let's go see Barteloni.

Oh, life without a man.

I tell you, Commissioner,

no woman should be expected
to live through it.

I'll take that, sir.

When my Guido was alive,
he wouldn't even let me lift

so much as a sack of groceries.

He wouldn't let me go
to the Laundromat alone.

Mrs. Barteloni, how long
has Guido been gone?

I buried him last November.

What a man.
Never late for dinner.

I make gnocchi for him
every Thursday,

just like the old country.

Now, we never have gnocchi
on Thursdays.

How did he die?

He was murdered.

The mob got him
while he was on a trip.

The third machine on the left.

Here.

I'm sorry about Guido.
I, I always liked him.

He was innocent when
I defended him. I know that.

Oh, he was.

He didn't become a bookie
till later.

He learnt so much about
bookie operations from you,

- he decided to become one.
- From me?

Oh, the loneliness,
Commissioner.

The terrible loneliness.

And I hold you responsible.

If you hadn't done such
a good job defending Guido,

he'd be in prison now, safe.

Just put it in the expense account.

What'll I put?
"Laundromat, 25 cents"?

What did it cost?
That's what it cost.

Well, then put it down.
Okay.

Who else do we have?

Well, two pretty
good possibilities.

There's a Mrs. Sherman.

Her husband disappeared
some days ago.

And Jim Wainright,
the baseball player.

His roommate dropped
out of sight a couple of weeks ago.

Both had barrels on that truck.

Let's save time and split up.
I'll take Sherman.

I'll take Wainright.

Oh, thanks for letting me in, Mrs. Abernathy.

I'll get these drapes
back in a week.

- Maybe it'll help with the sale.
- Don't bother, Mrs. McMillan.

The house will probably
sell easier without them.

Watch out!

What's the matter with you?
The wind currents are murder.

Listen, what was in
that barrel that you lost?

My glove.

This chick helped me pack, she put
my glove with the stuff to be stored.

Dumb broad.

We're on our way to Venezuela.
Winter tour.

But I'm not going anywhere
without that glove.

Say, listen,

hey, I understand that you
roomed with Kenny Williams.

Yeah.

- Watch out!
- Hey!

Listen, didn't Kenny cut out a couple
of weeks before the season ended?

Look, none of that stuff
is true.

He's not running from gamblers.

Do you have a picture of Kenny
that I could have?

I don't carry one in my wallet
if that's what you mean.

But where could I get one?

Yeah. Take 25 cents

and your favorite box top,
and you...

Okay, I'll get you one.

Watch out!

We're not sure, Mrs. Sherman.

There's every possibility
it isn't your husband.

I'd like to know for sure,
either way.

If he's dead,
at least I know where he is.

Do you have a photograph of him?

No, as a matter of fact,
I don't.

Not even a snapshot?
Anything?

Anything?

Well, there he is.
That's Gustav.

I did say anything.

Personally, I think
it's too flattering.

That's the danger
with self-portraits.

May I borrow it for a while?

As long as you
bring it back tomorrow.

I understand. It means
a great deal to you.

Oh, you bet it does.
I got a buyer.

Mildred, you got a great pair of legs.

You know, I haven't thought
about them in years.

Think it's too late
to do anything with them?

We'll concentrate
on your legs tomorrow,

and think about your room today.

Forget about my room.

I'll sleep over at
my sister's again tonight.

She loves having me.

She's only got one room.
Where does her husband sleep?

Out. That's why
she loves having me.

Oh, Mildred, I don't think
these dishes are going to stay up.

You mean drapes.

I said drapes. Didn't I?

Uh-uh. You said "dishes."

Look, I know how you feel
about those dishes.

I had nice dishes once.

You can't get them
out of your mind.

You get your dishes,
you've got your home.

I'll take care of these.

Oh, no. I'm going to stay
and help you.

Mrs. McMillan,
these drapes won't stay up

unless I can get
this rod reinforced.

It'll take time.

- I'll call Newman's Hardware.
- No phone.

Well, there must be a hardware store
in the neighborhood.

Yes. One block away,
right around the corner.

- I'll go. I can use some fresh air.
- Okay.

What's the matter?
I haven't got any money.

- Do you?
- One dollar.

- Charge it.
- We don't have a charge account.

Open one.

Right.
Oh, they'll want references.

Have them call me.

No phone.

Well...

Hope you can get 'em for $1.

Well, if it costs any more,
I'll use my good legs.

- Go look for your dishes.
- Okay.

I'm leaving, Mrs. McMillan.

Don't forget to get
your dishes. Goodbye.

Move it.

Why is your husband
lookin' for me?

Maybe if I knew
who you were, I could...

Barteloni!

Will you answer me?

Oh, he thinks that
you're the man in the barrel.

What?

Well, he thinks that you're...
Well, he thinks that...

It's very complicated.

- Who's the scooter?
- What?

The scooter,
the... the... the cop.

Sgt. Enright.

That's the kitchen?
Uh-huh.

Is there a back door
to it? Uh-huh.

Now, you keep your mouth shut.

Keep it shut.

Sergeant Enright.

There was a man
and he's got a gun.

- I'll take care of it.
- It's Barteloni!

- Barteloni?
- Barteloni.

- You're sure?
- Yes. Barteloni.

Guido Barteloni.

Sally, it couldn't
have been Barteloni.

Why? Why couldn't it
have been Barteloni?

- Because Barteloni's dead.
- Dead?

- Very dead.
- Buried last November.

That's dead.

That's why you had
a funny look on your face

and wouldn't say anything
until my husband got home.

You must have thought
I was crazy.

Well, I...

He did look like
Guido Barteloni, Mac.

He didn't say he was.

But he didn't say he wasn't.

And he had that, um...

Sally, I told you this morning
that Barteloni had a scar.

To a mind under strain, any man
with a scar could be Guido Barteloni.

The mind works
in very strange ways.

My mind's on overtime.

Maybe, I could help by going to
Headquarters and looking at mug shots.

Don't. We deliver.

Enright, order all shots of men with scars,
and get them back here as soon as you can.

I was going to the warehouse
and look for my china,

- but I'll stay here if you like.
- No. No, no.

It'll take a couple of hours
to pick the shots.

Why don't you take the car and driver.
I'll go with Enright.

Okay, thanks.
But before you go,

see if this picture
means anything.

Is this the man in the barrel?

No, but that picture
belongs in a barrel.

It's terrible.

- Who is it?
- Sherman.

- It's a self-portrait.
- Whoa, he must hate himself.

I don't know, Mac,
I can't tell from a painting.

Okay, how about him?
Was he in the barrel?

Hey, that's Kenny Williams!

Where did you get a picture
of Kenny Williams?

Was that the man
in the barrel, Sally?

No.

Uh, oh, I don't know.

Oh, Mac, I couldn't say for
sure, yes or no, on anybody.

I looked and I screamed.

And when you scream,
you scrunch up your eyes...

See? Where did you
get the picture?

Oh, from Jim Wainright.

Oh, I'm surprised
there aren't dart holes in it.

- What's that supposed to mean?
- Oh, Wainright hates Williams.

The only reason he'd have a picture of
him is if he wanted it for target practice.

They went at each other
last July.

Oh, it was fantastic.

Williams nearly took off
Wainright's head with a fastball

and that was only
batting practice.

And then Wainright
went at him with the bat.

He missed.

He never was much of a hitter.

He could be
costing us the pennant.

Thanks, Sally.
Go dish hunting.

Bye, Mac. So long, scooter.

What did she call you?

Oh, I think "snooker."

No. Scooter.

Yeah, scooter.

Barteloni called
cops "scooter."

So?

Oh, no, Commissioner,
Barteloni's dead.

Get a court order.

We'll exhume the body,
if there is a body.

- Can I use your phone, sir?
- No phone. In your car.

And, uh,

put a tail on Sally.

She's the only one
who can identify the corpse

and the killer might know that.

Right, sir.

Commissioner, it'll take
about an hour to get that court order.

Why don't we use the time
wisely at Sam's?

You could use some steam
and a rubout.

Rubdown. Sorry.

Mr. Pylant,
how was your game?

I didn't bowl very well,
as long as you ask.

I'm sorry I asked.

Will you get goin', Pylant?
We've got a schedule to make.

That's my foreman,
Mr. Dickerson.

This is Mrs. McMillan,
the Commissioner's wife.

Mrs. McMillan, well, your
dishes ain't here. We looked.

Would you mind if I looked?

We're way behind.

Your husband's people kept Pylant
down at headquarters for two hours.

I ain't got a man to spare
to go with you.

Well, I could do it. I'd know
my barrel in a minute.

It's got my little face on it.

Look, I got my orders
and I follow them.

No unauthorized personnel
allowed in the warehouse.

Orders? I thought that
you were the boss.

Him? No.

Bein' foreman don't
make you the boss.

- Grey is the head man.
- Who's Grey?

I thought Mr. Buchanan
was the owner.

Well, they're partners.

Buchanan takes care
of the office,

Grey runs the warehouse.

Where is Mr. Grey?
May I speak with him, please?

If you can find him, go ahead.

He isn't expected back today?

He's expected to be here
all the time.

But since he ain't
shown up for three days,

it ain't likely
he's going to be here.

He's missing?

No, he's not missing.

Well, if he hasn't been here
for three days

and you don't know
where he is...

Well, he's just like that, lady.

He takes off sometimes.

And nobody cares?

Buchanan cares.

He'd fire him
if he wasn't a partner.

Thank you.

What did I say to get
her acting like that?

Brady here.

Sam's? Okay. Thank you.

Mr. McMillan's
secretary called.

He's at Sam's if you need him.

That's where we're going.
Who's Sam?

It's a steam room a couple
of blocks from Headquarters.

Have I met Sam?

I don't think so.
He's been dead several years.

Well, that wouldn't stop me.

Mac.

Mac.

Mac.

Where are you?

Sally, what are you doing here?

I just came from the warehouse.

Guess who's missing.
Buchanan's partner.

Guess who's in front of you.
Sgt. Enright.

Oh, I didn't see you, Sergeant.

I'd like to keep it that way.

You're right, of course.

Uh, maybe I could
get you a towel.

That is my towel.

Oh, uh, out. Out.
That's what I got to do.

Which is the way out, Mac?

- Through the door.
- Through the door.

You're always right, the door.

It was nice
to see you, Sergeant.

Uh, I didn't mean that.
I didn't mean that.

It's after 6:00, sir.
They're probably closed.

We'll see.

Mr. Davidson,
what are you doing here?

Oh, a little of this,
a little of that.

Oh.

This is our new neighbor,
Mr. Davidson.

This is my husband,
Commissioner McMillan.

You're 9223299.
I never forget a number.

Excuse me.

He won't bother me anymore.

Here. Let me give you a hand with that.

I need a little help
with mine, too.

Commissioner.

What are you doing here?

I was thinking of asking
all of you the same thing.

Uh, uh, Mr. Wainright
and Mrs. Sherman called me

after you interviewed them.

They wanted to look
through their stored things.

Mr. Wainright wanted
a baseball glove.

A baseball glove.

And why are you here,
Mrs. Sherman?

I'm looking for my husband's
gold-plated baby shoes.

When it comes to sentiment,
I'm a regular dishrag.

Car phone.

Mr. Buchanan, we just passed
our new neighbor, Mr. Davidson.

Do you know him?

Davidson?
He's our accountant.

I'd like to see a picture
of Mr. Grey.

- Bob Grey?
- Your partner.

Oh, may I ask why you want
to see a picture of Mr. Grey?

Yes. You may ask.

Do you have one?

Oh, if you're thinking that...

Well, it just couldn't be.

I spoke to him this morning,
from Mexico City.

It's okay at the cemetery, sir.

I'd like to see the picture,
Mr. Buchanan.

Certainly. Certainly.

No, it wasn't Grey.

I know he didn't have a beard.

Anyway, how could he have been in
the barrel, if he was in Mexico City?

Have Communications
check that call.

You didn't believe him?

I don't believe anybody
in a murder case.

- I believe you. You don't believe me.
- I believe you.

He believes you.
It was me that didn't believe you.

- You do now?
- I believe so. Yes, ma'am.

Sergeant Enright.
Your court order.

That's the casket.

Okay. Open her up.

- No body.
- No body.

No body.

Nobody.

Well, I guess that's it.

We'll cover it up
in the morning.

That's all for tonight.

So Barteloni is alive
and well and living,

and we don't know where.

My apologies.

My acceptance.

There's someone
over in those bushes.

You sure?

Pretty sure.

There's something under me.

A body!

Don't panic.

It's moving!

Sally, it's me.

Oh, Mac.

No offense, but this
is one of the few things

I don't want to share with you.

- Stay down. You'll be safe.
- Are you kidding?

I wouldn't be caught dead here.

Where are you going?

To help Enright.
Now, stay down.

Ssh.

Ssh.

Oh, Sally, it's me.

It's going to be all right.
Stay down there.

My knees won't bend.

Enright. He's headed toward the mausoleum.

Enright!

Oh, Mac,
I'm so glad you're back.

I'm sorry, sir,
but I think we've lost him.

Mac, are you all right?

Yeah, I'm all right.
You all right?

Yes, I'm all right.
Enright, are you all right?

Yes, I'm all right.

Well, anyway,

everyone's all right.

Well, where do we go from here?

As far away as possible.

The trouble with this case is, all
we know is what we don't know.

- What don't we know?
- We don't know who shot at us

and who was in the barrel,
and why Barteloni played dead.

And why Grey, Sherman, and
Kenny Williams are missing.

We do know we have
3 suspects, don't we?

Right. Mrs. Sherman, Wainright,
and what's-his-name at the warehouse.

- Buchanan.
- Buchanan.

The interesting aspect about this case is
that it's not your conventional who-done-it.

What we have here
is a who-did-they-do-it-to?

If we could find out who they did
it to, we could figure out whodunit.

That makes sense.
Casket splinters.

You're lucky you got yours

where you got 'em.

Would you like to join us
for dinner, Sergeant?

Oh, no, thank you,
Mrs. McMillan.

I think I'll go home
and fall into bed.

I'll have dinner in the morning.

Oh, good night, Sergeant.

- Good night, Sergeant.
- Good night.

- Oh, Commissioner?
- Yeah?

About those splinters, sir.

They were shooting at her.

- I believe so.
- The killer's nervous.

He thinks Sally
can identify the body.

We were right
to have a tail put on her.

- Have a good night's rest, Sergeant.
- Thank you. Nothing could stop me now.

- Good night.
- Good night.

It's another one
of Mildred's famous missives.

"Hiffle, gone to Massachusetts.

"Grapes upon the broom.

Phoo neck." First one:

"Hiffle,
gone to Massachusetts."

"Hiffle": Hi, folks.

"Gone to Massachusetts"...
Massachu... Mach... Ch...

My sister's.
Gone to my sister's.

"Grapes upon the broom."

"Grapes upon the broom."
I know.

- Drapes are in the bedroom.
- How did you know that?

"Hiffle" is always
"Hi, folks."

As for the drapes,

that's what Mildred and I
were working on today.

I think you're bluffing.
All right, "phoo neck."

Let me see it.
Let me see it.

"Phoo neck. Phoo neck.
Phoo neck. Phoo..."

The phone's okay.
The phone's okay.

The phone's working.

Good, let's go to bed.

Mac.

What were you
and Sgt. Enright

whispering about?

Oh, we weren't talking
about anything.

Mac, you can tell me.
I won't be nervous.

We think
they're trying to kill you.

Don't tell me.
I'll be nervous.

Sit down.

Everything's gonna
be all right, Sally.

Put it in writing.

Okay.

- There it goes again.
- Wait a minute. Let me get it.

That way, I'll learn how to handle it
till we get a new heater.

Mac, which one of
these thingamajigs do you turn?

Mac! Mac!

What?

Barteloni! He's dead.

- Barteloni's alive.
- Somebody killed him. Look!

Look!

I won't answer you.

I don't have to, I'm off duty.

Yes, I have to. I'm a cop.

I wish I were a doctor. Then I
wouldn't have to answer you.

Hello.

Yes, Commissioner, this is...

Oh, yes, sir.
Of course I'm awake.

In fact, I was doing my pushups.

What?

Yes, sir. I'll be right over.

What were you doing here, Guido?
What happened?

I'm waiting for you.
I hear steps.

Then someone comes up
from behind me.

Next, you're carrying me up
from the basement.

About what time
did you get here?

What time?

About 7:00.

That was just before
we went to the grave.

I'm sorry. Who died?

You did, Guido.
We were digging you up.

Well, it's all over.

It was nice while it lasted.

Why were you dead?

Camouflage.
The mob was after me.

I didn't want to make book
any more. I'd had it up to here.

I figured once I was dead, everything would
be easy, you know, for the missus and me.

Once I was dead, life could begin
all over again. Huh. Huh.

But the Commissioner had
to come and look for me.

And I had to come around and look for you
to tell you to lay off. Commissioner.

Can you give a description
of the man who attacked you?

He was not too tall,
not too big, not too wide.

Just your average
run-of-the-mill attacker.

Yeah.

Commissioner.

Yeah.

You were right, sir. The previous
owner must have built a wine cellar.

Guess the maid
was a booze hound.

- Anything else?
- Yeah. Barrel marks, rust.

Killer couldn't get away
with the barrel the first time.

So must have hid it down there.

And he must have
come for it tonight.

Commissioner,
I hate to ask this, but,

can I go home to bed?

See you in the morning.

- Thanks.
- Good night, Sergeant.

Good night.

Good night.

If you don't need me any more...

We were about to have dinner.
Have you eaten?

Lady, I've just been choked.

- Would you join us?
- It would be too much trouble.

No trouble.

- Dessert?
- Why not?

Uh, waiter, do you have
any of that bisque tortoni?

It's good for the throat.

No, sir. We don't.

Well, then skip it.

May I have the check, please?

What are you staring at?

Uh? Oh.

His ring.

His ring. The guy that choked
me had a ring like that. I remember.

- Waiter!
- Was it gold, with a red and blue design?

Remember if it looked
like something

he might have had in college?

Logan had a ring like that.

Hello. Yes,
this is Sgt. Enright speaking.

No, Commissioner,
I'm not asleep.

I'm wide awake, sir.

Logan? Yeah?

Yes, sir. That's... That's, uh,
that's very interesting, sir.

Seems to me that
the question really is,

who is Logan working for? Huh?

Yes. Yeah.

I think that would be
a very good idea, sir.

Excellent.

Yeah, so, I'll tell you what I'll
do. I'll, uh, I'll find out where...

where Logan lives,

and then I'll pick you up.

Yes, sir. In about 20 minutes
or so, okay?

Right, Commissioner.
I'm on my way.

Mac, do you think it was Logan?

- I didn't say that.
- You're thinking that.

A ring is kind of slim evidence.
But things are beginning to fit together.

- Such as?
- Such as, if it was Logan,

he was in the house to get his barrel.

Nobody saw the barrel
being taken out

because no barrel was taken.

Of course. He hid it
in the wine room.

When he came back for it he
stumbled into Barteloni and slugged him.

There are two men on duty,
you'll be okay. Go to bed.

Where are you going?

To see Logan. Enright's
coming after me. Go to bed.

After what I've just heard and
what's happened in this house,

I only go to bed in that bed
when you're in bed.

Sally.

- You made good time.
- Yeah, but I got a ticket.

Did you find out
where Logan lives?

- He's at the airport.
- You got him in time.

No, we got him
just after his time.

He's dead.

But at an airport? Now, what
would he be doing at an airport?

Sally, if you had a body...

I mean, if you wanted
to get rid of the body,

- where would you dump it?
- In the ocean.

The middle of the ocean.

Mac.

My china.

They didn't dump my china
in the ocean by mistake?

Not in the Pacific?

There's obviously been
some kind of mistake.

Oh, my china.
Fishes eating off my china.

What do you make of this, sir?

Found not far from the body.

- Pylant!
- What?

That belongs to a guy
who used to work with Logan.

His name is Pylant.

Morning, Sergeant.
Where did you find him?

We picked him up
on his way to work

at about 7:00
this morning.

Where were you, Pylant?

I told him 14 times.
I was bowling.

You know, bowling.

Three fingers in the ball
and two out.

Until 7:00 this morning?

I don't believe you.

You gotta know where I was?

You want to be charged
with Logan's murder?

All right, I was,
I was with a woman.

I'm a married man.
I'm not married to that woman.

We have to know her name
and address.

No. I got pride.

Well, swallow it.
Now, where were you?

I'm telling you the truth. Look,
I get along good with Logan.

- I get along good with everybody.
- Book him.

- Let's go, Pylant.
- All right. All right. All right.

All right. You got me.
Right in the pride.

Ann Georgette Sylvester,
506 Dartmouth.

Waitress at the Red Moon.

Call her.

Yes, sir.

Has my wife got to know?

Only if you tell her.

I do, and I'll never bowl again.

Tell me. How did you
get along with Grey?

Well, we were,
you know, buddies.

When did you see him last?

A couple of days ago,
just before he left for Mexico.

Why did he go to Mexico?

Well, he said he was
going on business.

You know, he always does, but,

to tell you the truth,
I think he was gonna...

...play around with
the girls, you know.

He thought he looked 10 years
younger after he shaved.

Personally, I liked him better
with the beard.

He shaved his beard, huh?

Yeah. There's nothin' illegal
about that, is there?

We have to show this to Sally. I
think this is our man in the barrel.

What about that phone call
from Mexico?

Can't locate it because it doesn't
exist. I bet Buchanan lied about that.

- Anne, get Mrs. McMillan for me right away.
- Yes, sir.

Get a car with two men. Find out
where Buchanan lives and pick him up.

Yes, sir.

The line's busy, sir.

Keep trying.

When you reach her,
tell her I'm on my way.

And get me a squad car.

Yes, sir.

Hello.

Hello, Mrs. McMillan.

This is Mr. Buchanan
from Movers Emporium.

Um, I have some
good news for you.

We've located your china.

That's wonderful,
Mr. Buchanan.

When can you deliver it?

Uh, first thing Monday morning.

Monday?

Yes. You see,
today is Saturday.

We're closed.

I wish I could get it
to you sooner.

Maybe I could come
and pick it up myself.

Well, I don't see why not.

As a matter of fact, I'm at
the warehouse right now.

If you're coming right away,
I can meet you personally.

I'll be right there.

Fine. I'll be waiting,
Mrs. McMillan.

Thanks a lot, Mr. Buchanan.

Thank you, Mrs. McMillan.

Hi, Fergie, how you doing today?

Fine, Mrs. McMillan.
Where are you going in such a hurry?

Oh, I'm going to the warehouse
to get my long-lost

ever-loving Aunt Sophie's
blue-stained Wedgwood china.

You want to come with me?

Against regulations,
Mrs. McMillan.

I'll be right behind you.

Then you can help me load.

I'll be glad to help.

Car Five. We have your home now, sir. Over.

Thank you.

- Sally?
- Mildred. Who's this?

You sound like
you're calling from a tunnel.

No, Mildred,
I am not in a tunnel.

Yes, Mildred, I'm in a tunnel.
And you're a witch.

Oh, by the way, I was just
talking to the drapery man.

The new drapes are ready
and I'm gonna hang them today.

Fine. Put Mrs. McMillan on.

You'll be thrilled to know she's
on her way to the warehouse.

Mr. Buchanan called and said
they found her dishes.

Get me Ferguson,
tailing Mrs. McMillan.

Quickly.

904, Code 3.

Excuse me, Mrs. McMillan.

- I have to answer a call.
- Ok.

Hi, Mr. Buchanan.

Hello, Mrs. McMillan.
Step in.

Thank you.

I'm so excited.
Where is it?

Right over there.

Where did you find it?

It was sent to the airport
by mistake.

You want to check the barrel?

Oh, no, I can tell it's mine.
It's got my little face right on it.

Right, sir. Right.

Mrs. McMillan. Mrs. McMillan.

Who's that?

Oh, my husband put a tail
on me. Wasn't that sweet?

We're in here, Fergie.

Stay right where you are,
Mrs. McMillan.

Don't move, Mrs. McMillan.

Turn around, Mrs. McMillan.

I'd really rather not.

It's against my better judgment.

Nevertheless, I do recommend it.

I hope this isn't
gonna hurt too much.

Mac!

Where's my wife?

In a barrel.

Which one?

On the conveyor belt.

Sally!

Sally.

Mac!

Sally.

Mac, where are you?

Sally.

It's okay, Commissioner.
We got him.

We got him.

We got him, Sally.

Oh, that's good. Where am I?

Halfway to Istanbul.

But I'm not dressed
for Istanbul.

Embezzling?

Buchanan'd been at it for years, apparently.

Grey finally caught up with him.

What with his temper and all,
it was kill or be killed.

So, Logan was working
for Buchanan.

Buchanan had to kill him
because he knew everything.

If you two can forget the case
for a minute,

how about a nice round
of applause

for the maid who glued
the china together?

Well, I don't know
about you two,

but I'm going to my room
and shave my legs.

If you've got 'em, flaunt 'em.

Well, at least
we had our first meal

on Aunt Sophie's china.

Oh.

And our last.

Well, it's okay.
We only needed it

to give the place
a proper start.

Then no more superstition?

Absolutely none.

We just can't move anymore.

We might just as well
consummate our lease.

I'm game.

Even with barrelitis, I'm game.

I will draw the new drapes.

Are you sure
you're not too tired?

Uh-uh.
And then we'll sleep.

Is that dark enough?

Uh-huh.