All language subtitles for An.American.Abroad.2025.1080P.Dd20.Playweb.eng

What can I say about
Marcia?

She's a handful,

a lot of work, a lot of fun,

preposterous, presumptuous,
perfectly imperfect.

I-- I don't know.

To be honest, I'm not
really sure how I got here

or where is "here" exactly.

Oh, maybe I'll start where
most good stories start.

So I was a little
buzzed in Amsterdam,

and I think I said:

Gosh, you girls sound
like you're having fun.

Oh my God.

We're having so much fun.

Don't mind her.

And one thing led
to another, and--

Can I see you tonight?

I'm working.

You know what?
Do you mind coming down?

I've gotta be on
camera in 10 minutes.

You work in TV?

That's great.

I'm an entertainment lawyer.

I'm really not a bad guy.

Good, okay.

Well, bye.

I hope to see you again.

But my plans, along with
those of about 9 billion others,

got a little interrupted.

Yep, COVID.

So Marcia went to
live in Hawaii.

I stayed in Amsterdam.

And honestly, I
thought it was over.

I found out later that she
was still thinking about me,

and that she and her sister
were hatching up a plan.

What?

Don't dial and
daydream me, I hate that.

I just want my own life back.

I just want Arnold.

All right, my head is
gonna fricking explode.

Call Arnold.

Invite him to Hawaii.

If you don't, I'm
gonna board a plane,

come out there, and
slap you and fly home.

Really?

You'd fly out here to see me?

Bye.

They somehow convinced me

to travel during the lockdown.

I like to think that I
was wisely precautious.

Marcia didn't.

I just got your text.

I was on the way to the airport.

Yeah, my flight got in early.

I didn't wanna stay
in a public place.

So you're walking the
road all by yourself?

Uh, yep.

God.

No, no.

It's great to see you,
but six feet distancing.

You didn't fly this
far to quarantine.

Well, those are the rules.

Nice hair.

But you did the COVID test.

Yeah, but I flew on a plane.

When did complicity
become virtuous?

You're not wearing
two masks, are you?

Yep.

Never even took 'em
off to eat or drink.

But wait, that was
like eight hours.

And I am pretty
thirsty and hungry.

But I never had to use the
airplane bathroom though.

Did you come here to
sit in a room for 14 days?

Hey, we'll make this work.

Now, what's wrong?

I'm gonna sit in
the back for safety.

Well, I was there with
her, but not actually with her.

Even got to find out
a little bit about

what she's been doing for
the last 20 years or so.

New York City,
it was the 1980s,

and I was a lifestyle reporter.

Hi, we're here in New York
to ask about love in America.

We're finding out what
is the truth behind love.

I guess
she had a show.

Live from
the Starlight Room,

San Francisco's very
own late night show

with Marcia Kimpton.

I wanna hear
that rock and roll!

Or a few shows.

♪ Here we go ♪

Welcome to the Marcia,
Marcia, Marcia Show,

a little insight into my life,

kind of reality,
comedy, rock and roll.

I'm not sure how I
ended up on reality TV, but I
am.

Or more specifically,

a seemingly unending
series of breakdowns,

tirades, and whatever this is.

I found, with this
stupid reality TV show,

that with all the--
Cut, cut, cut.

You can't say that,
this is reality TV.

Yeah, but this is my reality.

So why can't I say the truth?

To understand her,

I had a lot of
catching up to do.

Welcome to Late Night
on Planet M from Amsterdam.

But she made
one thing abundantly clear:

her dream was to get back

to doing her very
own late night show.

Welcome to Planet M!

- I'm your host--
- The internet

interview show, right?

Yes.

No, I wanna hear you say it.

Say that you know that
Planet M is not a real place,

and that it's a set that you do

your internet talk show from.

Zach, of course
I understand that.

Okay, let-let's
take it from the top.

Thanks, Zach,
that's a great idea.

Back to the story at hand.

We were in Hawaii,
Marcia, me, and a mask.

You know what, let's
just take a deep breath.

Oh.

Do you smell the ocean?

Oh, I smell my breath.

Will you take off that mask?

Oh, it smells amazing.

God's grace.

I mean, look at this.

But that vacation
didn't last long.

I quickly realized that
although we had gotten

to know each other a lot in
a very little amount of time,

that I wasn't ready
to make a commitment,

and that her life had
a destiny of its own.

Good morning.

Wow, this is beyond stunning.

This makes you wanna
move here, right?

Yeah, it is beautiful.

I don't know, I feel
bad saying that.

I miss seeing people.

I miss my show.

I wonder, are we ever
gonna travel again?

Are we ever gonna
see a Broadway show?

Are we ever gonna go
to the movie theater?

Hey, this too shall pass.

In the meantime,
how about I make you

some breakfast right now?

Okay.

Hi, Martin.

Marcia, how are you?

Ready to get back to work.

That's exactly what
I wanted to hear.

Listen, I have an idea for
a spinoff of Amsterdam show.

It's called "An
American Abroad."

How do you feel about being
hired to travel the world?

I say that's pure joy.

So she went off
and did her show

while I kept being a lawyer

and tried to forget about her.

I couldn't.

Oh, and this is her
other house in Aspen

and her best friend Jen,

and a big mess that she made.

Oh, my God.

How am I gonna get this done?

There'll
be plenty of those.

Hey, you.

You ready to travel the world?

I'm ready to travel the world,

but I'm not ready
to get that flight.

Let's take a walk, okay?

- Sure, wherever you want.
- I'm gonna be

on that plane for 16 hours.

You didn't mention
anything.

You look amazing.

I lost the pandemic 10.

Arnold's not coming on the trip.

What?

A free trip around
the world with you?

This guy's got a
problem, Marcia.

You better dump him and then
just give me his number.

No, he's scared, like
everybody is, to travel.

I just hope he awakens to it.

I know.

You can't change a man.

So she set
off on her new show

in American Abroad.

Her first stop was
Cappadocia, Turkey.

We're at Love Valley
in Cappadocia, Turkey.

It's pretty cool, you know why?

Because everybody
gets married here.

They come here if
they're in love.

She had work
to do, but I like to think

I was still in her thoughts.

You look around the rocks

really make you think
about one thing.

Oh my God.

Hey, are you a tourist?

Are you guys on a honeymoon?

- No.
- No.

Are you in love?

- Yes.
- Okay.

Well, you're in the right place.

And we're with a
real Cappadocian.

As I understand, you
were born in a cave

and you live in a cave.

- Of course.
- I can't believe

these caves are 2000
to 4,000 years old.

Of course, yeah,
you have a caveman.

We got a real live caveman.

Did you guys hear that?

How are you?

You look really interesting.

I wanna tell you I love you,

and you look like
you're very, very smart.

You're not just a camel.

You don't smoke
cigarettes, right?

I'm Marcia Kimpton
here in Love Valley,

Cappadocia, Turkey.

Did we get it?

- Yep, that's it.
- Okay.

- I wanna take--
- That's a cut.

- Moving on, right?
- Yeah, no.

I wanna take a
picture for Arnold.

I can take a picture of you.

Yeah, totally.

I'm the camera guy,
that's what I do.

I got a brilliant idea.

You gotta pose like this.

You're a plane, and you're
flying around this whole place.

Trust me.

You gotta have
your-your-your mouth open.

Yay!

Come on,
Marcia, keep it classy.

Nevertheless, she
kept on her adventure

and even found some new ways
to keep her spirits high.

I'm gonna live, right?

Oh my God, oh my God, I
just got a phone call.

Is that okay?

Of course, okay.

Take your call.

It's the guy I really like.

I would never talk on a-on
a balloon in Cappadocia.

Okay, hold on a second.

Arnold?

Hey, what's going on?

Oh my God, I'm on a
balloon in Cappadocia.

Okay, I'm sorry
you can't hear me.

I'm on a balloon in Cappadocia.

What is-what is that sound?

It's a lot of
fire in a balloon.

We've gone up to about a
thousand feet right now.

I-- I would say I'm 10 feet.

I got 100 balloons behind me.

Can you believe that?

- So cool.
- Arnold,

can I call you later?

'cause, I mean, I'm working.

Can you believe I'm working?

Can you believe this
is my job, Arnold?

- I can't believe.
- Oh, I-- I love it.

But hey, I've been thinking
maybe I should come.

What?

Did you just say you wanna come?

Yeah, but yeah,
just call me later.

Enjoy.

God, I can't believe it.

Okay, nobody jumps
out of a balloon

when they find out
something really exciting

is happening in their life.

Arnold, you're here, oh my God.

Oh my God, you
boarded the plane.

You got to Turkey.

You're adventuresome guy.

I'm just so excited you're here.

Yeah, I know,
I-- I got your text.

What text?

You're trying to
tell me something?

My god, that was
the camera man.

He's such a jokester.

So I got to
help her make her show.

We had a ton of fun.

And I even got to go on
another balloon ride with her.

This time, in person.

Then the quirks came out.

I found out later
that she was more

than a little self-conscious
about our age difference.

It didn't bother me.

But along the way,
she was trying to cope

in her own Marcia sort of way.

Apparently, she
bought some magical

hair-thickening claw device
that she became convinced

needed to be applied somewhere
around every 10 minutes.

What are you looking at?

Just looking at you.

I'll be right back.

Oh.

Oh, shit!

Food came.

Cheers.

Cheers.

Bon apetit.

Oh, Leroy, I love your hotel.

It's so great.

- Uh, do you need any help?
- No.

Oh my God, what happened?

Oh my God.

Overkill.

If this
feels like a bit much,

just imagine how felt
sitting there that night.

I'd love to pretend
this was the last time

she obsessed about something
I just didn't understand.

But then that would be a lie.

Oh.

It's looking good.

Oh, thank you.

What have you been
doing in the bathroom?

Don't worry about it.

And that was a
wrap for Cappadocia.

After that, we took a
quick flight to Istanbul.

I was thrilled to be traveling
with Marcia on this trip,

but I wasn't used
to so much travel.

Jetlag is real.

Oh, man, this place
is incredible.

You don't seem that excited.

Gosh, travel takes
a lot outta you.

Okay, well, I have
a solution for that.

Okay, crew, we're
taking a brief second

to stop to do our
pick me up, you ready?

Let's dance.

What is happening?

You need to join, come on.

- Action.
- So after you take

a boat ride, you
come to Sultanahmet,

you go to a great restaurant.

There's one thing missing left

in Istanbul that you have to do.

You gotta get the baklava!

It's amazing!

Cut.

Hi, how are you doing?

Do you wanna talk to me?

I guess you don't speak English.

Okay, sorry.

So what's your favorite
thing about Turkey?

History, everything, the food.

- The culture, the food.
- Yes, yes, absolutely, yeah.

Any tourist over
there wanna come over

from my reality show to
try to get travel going?

Come on all, jump
up and roam over.

Is that your wife?

No, that's my wife

- over there, for sure.
- Right, okay, come on.

Come on, wife.

Another beautiful
place, and the food?

Oh, my God.

- Kebab, kebab.
- Kebab.

Everybody's having a kebab.

It's like kebab here,
kebab here, kebab here.

I finally had enough kebabs.

I think I'm over the kebab.

But you know what I'm
not over is the baklava.

I love the baklava.

Pretty special, it's
exotic, it's erotic.

The food's great, the
people are wonderful.

You feel so safe.

Is there anything?

There's nothing I could
say wrong about Turkey.

What made you feel so
excited to get on a plane

and come to beautiful Turkey?

This is actually
my first time.

And I have to say,
it's just mesmerizing

to realize the history that
comes out of this country.

- Yeah.
- It's just amazing.

And the people are so kind.

People are really kind.

- You feel so safe.
- Absolutely.

You got it, you
got it, you got it.

- Yeah, that's it.
- Oh, my God.

It's fun to watch,
you're really funny.

Thank you.

I, uh, got you a
little something.

No!

What, you said you liked it.

I love baklava.

Need to get rid of it.

Will you hide it, please?

I can see it over there.

Just go away and eat it, please.

I already had some.

Just eat it.

Thank you.

If I even have one, then
I end up having 10, okay?

It's not good.

You know what, you need to take
notes about all my problems.

I'm serious, take out a phone.

I mean, I've got some issues.

Okay, I was just joking.

Starving, now that you
brought that baklava.

Let's go eat.

The whirling dervishes
were founded in the 13th
century

by the Mevlevi-Sufi Order.

Whirling is a learned skill
that is promising eternal life

in a way to get closer to God.

During the Ottoman
Empire, the Dervishes

had the greatest
influence on the social,

political, and economic
infrastructure.

- Cut!
- Yay, finally!

Hm, what is that?

These are my Stetzer filters.

It kinda helps get rid
of the dirty electricity.

Then I've gotta make,

we don't want the
phone near the bed.

So I have an alarm here,

so we don't have
to use the phone.

Oh, and this.

This helps me make decisions.

Goes back and forth,
let's just see.

Should we go to Greece?

Should we go to Greece?

So that's yes.

Well, don't we
have to for the show?

- I mean
- Oh my God.

Do you see how it's
going into a circle?

It's not sure if we
should go to Greece.

Oh my God!

Oh my God, I can't even deal.

We have to go to Greece.

Okay, let me show
you what else I have.

Just in case you wanna
catch up on what I'm doing,

99 tips on EMF.

And then I have a candle
that's only beeswax,

'cause you don't want chemicals.

Didn't realize you
were so into this stuff.

Okay, this onyx
pyramid ends up

absorbing all the EMF.

Okay, how does that work?

Well, just every,
all the electricity

and the wifi goes in there.

- There's more?
- Yeah.

The final thing is this, look.

So this, you can
actually stand on it

if you don't want any EMF

so you can walk around the city

and make sure it
just protects you.

But I put it underneath
my pillow every night.

It-it just-it protects you?

Yeah, and then this takes a,

it's 1000-year-old cedar.

It takes away all
the nanoparticle.

They cut down 1000-year-old
tree to make that stuff?

- Yeah.
- How come

you never busted
all this stuff out

in Lanai or Cappadocia?

Because you would
think I was strange.

Then I got you one of these.

It's the tin foil hat.

Just in case none of this
works, wear this today.

Are you serious?

You can join me.

You don't wanna have electricity
in your body or wifi.

It's not healthy, causes cancer.

I think I'll be okay
with everything else

- that you got set up there.
- Do you think this is sexy?

Not really.

I guess I'll sleep
with you anyways.

Oh, hey.

Yeah, I'm glad you
didn't do that before.

That would've been
really creepy.

Good thing you
liked me.

Sorry, just finished.

Gotta get some work
done while I'm here.

Look at the sunrise, God.

Beautiful.

Coffee?

Would you like to sip?

When you're in Turkey,
you gotta try the coffee.

You know what else
you have to try?

There's psychics that read
the grounds of the coffee.

I'm gonna arrange
it for the show.

- No.
- Why not?

Because we came to learn
about history and culture,

not fantasy.

It's all a part
of the history.

I'm having a guide set it up.

- Sorry.
- Great.

I had no idea
what I was getting into,

being with someone
who was on TV.

Oh, hi Verna.

I heard you're one of
the greatest psychics

- in Istanbul.
- Oh.

Just one of them.

Okay, well, I've been
to a hundred psychics,

but I've never had any kind
of reading where it's coffee.

Well, I'm gonna get set up.

Okay.

100 psychics?

Yeah.

Do you have a problem
with psychics?

I dated a girl years ago.

She saw a psychic and then
we mysteriously broke up.

Nothing's gonna happen to
us, don't worry about that.

I've gotta do the TV segment.

Set and action.

I'm so excited.

This is the ancient
tradition of tasseography.

And as you drink the coffee,

you have to try and get
in the right frame of mind

for fortune telling.

You're going to
drink the coffee.

- Okay.
- And as you drink it,

the fine ground sediments

are gonna fall to the
bottom of the cup.

Okay, I'm gonna
turn the cup over,

and you're gonna turn it
around your head three times.

Oh, other way.

Okay.

You're a global traveler,

and this TV show is
gonna be a huge hit.

Oh, great.

Well, put your finger in.

That's it.

What's your question?

Am I gonna marry Arnold?

Yes.

Okay, okay, enough of this.

- I-- I don't want
- Cut.

Sorry.

I-- I don-- I don't like this.

I get that you want
this for your segment,

but I don't want any
part of my life on TV.

Not a problem.

Um, we're gonna
get a new coffee.

This one's gonna blemish.

'Cause only unblemished
coffee can predict marriages.

Arnold, you're insulting
the ancient tradition.

I-- I just don't want
anyone predicting

if I'm going to marry or not
or--

Can't we talk
about this later?

I'm not ready to propose.

Okay, fine.

Marcia, are we
ready to move on?

Yeah, sorry, sorry.

So you're gonna need to
drink the second coffee

so that I can do a new reading.

Turn it over and
you will turn it

around your head
three times again.

Mm-hmm.

I don't know what you see
in there, I have to say.

It says, it says you're
going to get married very soon.

Actually, you're going to
have two marriage proposals.

- What?
- Mm-hmm.

And one is a Libra and
the other is a Pisces.

- A Pisces?
- Mm-hmm.

I'm sorry.

I just can't believe you asked

if we were gonna get married.

You know, I just did
it to make the TV good.

You know, it's good TV.

Yeah, but with everyone there
and all the cameras running-

Used to being on TV.

And I know you're not, so
I shouldn't have done that.

Thank you.

Random subject, no
particular reason.

What's your birthday?

March 14th, why?

You're a Pisces.

I don't see astrology as
a science, but enlighten me.

What's your sign?

I have to go.

Pick up.

Kat, call me.

Should I date a Pisces
or should I not?

No, let's see.

Should I date a Pisces?

That's yes.

Oh my god, okay, that's okay.

Oh my God, it is changing.

It's changing.

It's about time.

What's up, it's 4:00 AM.

He wants to know my sign, Kat.

So?

He doesn't know
I'm on the cusp.

You're calling me to
process you're a cusp baby.

I just read that the
cusp dates changed,

and the psychic said I was
gonna marry a Libra or a Pisces.

For the hundredth time,
stop listening to psychics.

Just tell him, I'm sure
Arnold's not gonna care

that you're on the cusp.

Kat, that makes it worse.

I thought you were my sister

and would understand
my struggles.

Just tell him.

I'm sure he'll be fine with it.

But if I'm a Capricorn,
as every recent chart says,

I don't get along with Pisces.

Just give him a
chance and let me sleep.

These relationships
always end, Kat.

When you know
something's gonna end,

you start looking for the signs.

Well, you'll know by
the end of your trip.

Just take a breath, tell
him, and you'll feel better.

What's going on?

You're gone a long time.

I have to tell you something.

What happened?

What's-- what's wrong?

I'm a cusp baby.

What's that?

I feel so much better now
that I got that off my chest.

Got what?

I don't know.

I'm a cusp baby, so I'm either
six hours into Capricorn,

but they changed
the calendar on me,

and now I-I could
be a Sagittarius

and the whole thing won't work.

So I need to be a Capricorn

and not a Sagittarius
for this to work.

So-- so the cusp is where the
astrological sign changes?

Yeah, and they changed
the calendar recently.

Well, just be
whatever you wanna be.

It's-- it's not that simple.

I believe in astrology.

I've been studying it for years.

Decide that you're
a Sagittarius.

They can't decide either, so.

But the psychic
said I was gonna get

two marriage proposals,

one from a Pisces
and one from a Libra.

Okay, first, the
psychic tells you

that we're gonna get married,

and now you're telling me
that we can't stay together

because of astrological
incompatibility?

I really like you, Arnold.

I think you should
start looking for a Libra.

I'm-- I'm just gonna
go take a walk.

Oh, hey man, where's Marcia?

There's so many
eccentricities, that one.

Yeah, she's pretty crazy.

It's kinda what
makes her awesome.

I-- I don't know
if I can handle it.

Yeah, you just
gotta ask yourself,

do I want a boring life or
an exciting one, you know?

That's how I get through.

I thought about it all and
kinda came to a conclusion.

If being fake in a
relationship is bad,

then being genuine is good.

And it was up to me to realize
that for all her quirks,

Marcia was being
very genuine with me.

And it's hard to
falter for that.

You ready for bed?

Yeah.

What,
you're joining me?

The trip was
progressing at a rapid pace.

So I started a journal in
order to always be able

to remember how it
felt in the moment.

And before I knew it, we
were off to Hydra, Greece,

a small and captivating
island just outside of Athens.

Hi, I'm Marcia Kimpton
in Hydra, Greece,

named after the sea-dwelling
mythological monster, Hydra.

In the 15th century, everybody
had to leave the island

because the pirates took over.

But now, it's the hot spot
for the rich and famous.

And the only way to
get here is by boat.

And the only way to get
around is by donkey.

So let's check out
heaven on earth.

- Petros, hey!
- Marcia, welcome.

Good to see you.

It's been so long.

I'm so glad we could
finally come to Hydra.

- This is Arnold.
- Hi, Arnold.

- How are you doing?
- He's practically the mayor,

and he has such great hotels.

Thank you so much.

- Can you show
- Hold up, hold up.

Did I mention that Marcia
likes wine, like a lot?

Is it possible that I've
been telling this story

for like half an hour and
that hasn't even come up yet?

Wow, this is beautiful.

Wow.

When I first came
to Hydra at 21,

I did not stay in
a room this nice.

Oh, no.

What, is that bad wine?

It's my favorite wine.

How could Petros do this to me?

Oh, he's terrible.

Yeah, I can't
stop drinking it.

I'm happy to help
make some disappear.

There's more in the mini bar.

Oh, those bottles are smaller.

That's not a problem.

No, that means there's
unlimited wine in this hotel.

Why did Petros
change the wine list?

Don't buy it.

Easy for you to say.

You live moderately, I don't.

I can't believe it.

On top of it all, it's
even cheaper than home.

Half the price.

This just gets
worse and worse.

Back home in America, I
spend $90 on this bottle.

So therefore, I can only
have it twice a week

'cause it's so expensive.

So it's 45 here times
2 times 52 weeks.

I've been spending $4,680 more.

Can you imagine what I
could do with that money?

- Buy more wine?
- Probably.

- You wanna be on camera?
- Hello, hello.

- Are you Greek?
- Yes, I'm from here.

So tell me what's
special about Hydra.

Firstly, I think
it's the view.

You know, it's very
traditional island.

The mayor!

The mayor, the mayor's here.

Oh my god.

As you can see, it's
a car-free island.

There are no motorbikes.

And it's a traditional island,

as it was back in
the 19th century.

It's exactly the same.

We feel so wonderful
and healthy here.

Here comes some tourists.

You're Americans?

- Yes.
- Yes.

This is called the American
Abroad Travel TV series.

Can we call it a day?

Please grab a shot.

Thank you, God, for
this amazing group.

We are traveling the world

doing this amazing reality
show to unite the world,

all religions, all cultures.

I feel so blessed to be
with this brilliant group.

I wanna make sure we're
safe, we're healthy.

All our families are healthy.

And my God, look at Hydra.

What a blessing it
is to be here today.

There we go.

Best prayer yet.

We should do prayers
like that again.

Okay, with the shot?

- Yeah.
- Okay, thank you.

And I get 50% off if
I become a minister.

- You?
- Yeah, when I buy my wine.

Yeah, I saw it with
the-- the Greek minister.

He was getting his wine off,
so I thought, "You know what?

When I get home, the
wine's not gonna be

the same price anymore,
so why not apply?"

It's so easy, you
just apply online,

you become a minister overnight.

Silly me, I thought
she was joking.

Hey, come on.

What are you doing?

I'm becoming a minister.

On your phone?

Yeah, it is so simple.

You just fill out
the form, pay it.

And I didn't have any
time before the service.

That wasn't a service.

That was your normal
prayer with wine.

No, because we added the
wine, it was a service.

Adding wine to your prayer
doesn't make it a service.

No, if you were a
minister, you'd understand.

You're not a minister.

Right now, I am.

Congratulations, you
are now a minister.

I stand corrected.

Hi, I'm Marcia Kimpton

for the American Abroad
Travel TV series,

and I'm here in Hydra, Greece.

Isn't this absolutely
spectacular?

Well, guess what?

This is where Jackie
Owen in the '70s

and Leonard Cohen made many
of his brilliant songs.

It's one of those places
that are so special

because there are no cars.

You have to take a donkey ride.

So come to Hydra.

- Great, wonderful.
- Except with the ending.

I'm not sure about
the ending there.

- No, that's nice.
- Okay.

Well, I've been thinking
about what you said,

and maybe it was a
little bit unethical

to become a minister.

So now I'm thinking
that if I just

take all my wine purchases

and apply it towards tithing,
then I'm okay, right?

That's fine.

You guys, this has
been a long day, okay?

I'm ready to dive in this ocean.

What are you doing?

They don't have
my favorite wine.

You could've just
went somewhere else.

You gotta be kidding,
look at this view.

This is beautiful.

And you can't enjoy it
without your bag of wine?

It wouldn't be
the perfect moment.

I think it's
pretty darn perfect.

Yeah, but it
wouldn't be perfect

if I didn't have
the perfect wine.

I guess you can't understand
'cause you're so content.

It's not a competition.

I'm not trying to
say it's a competition.

I'm just trying
to explain to you

why I need the perfect wine.

Cheers.

No.

I'm so sorry.

Did you not want any more wine?

No, no, no.

It's just that I'm
trying to pace myself.

Thank you, so sorry.

I'll get a towel.

You had to pull
your glass away.

He was gonna ruin
my perfect wine.

Just drink the Greek.

It's not that bad.

It's not that easy, okay?

You don't know
anything about wines.

I don't like doing this.

It's exciting.

It makes you feel
like you're a rebel.

I am not.

That's true.
Can you please

just don't embarrass
me and get caught?

I've done this so many times.

It's like I'm an expert.

Kind of like a professional.

Professional wine smuggler?

Shh, he's coming.

Thank you, you
were really quick.

Thank you.

It's not like we're not
paying for the Greek wine.

He's watching us.

He's a waiter, that's his job.

No, he knows what we're doing.

He's spying on us.

Just pour some of yours out.

No, I wanna drink it.

I know, but he's
gonna figure out

the wine bottle's
not going down.

Stop adding ice to yours
and then he won't notice

that your glass is
actually going up.

I don't like it warm.

It won't be a perfect
moment anymore.

You own this one.

This is on you.

Oh, hey!

What-- what are you doing?

So you told me to own it,
I did this all the time.

Stop doing that, I'll
just-- I'll drink it.

Cheers.

Faster, faster.

Are you all right, sir?

Yeah, just, it's
really good wine.

Can't-- can't stop drinking it.

I noticed your wine
glass never goes down.

Are-- are you unhappy
with your selection?

Oh no, no, it's great.

It's just, um, it's the ice.

You know, it's melty.

Yep, that-- that's
what ice does.

Okay.

Let me know if
you need anything.

Thank you.

So now we've
resorted to lying.

It's a white lie.

White wine, real lie.

I'm trying not to hurt him.

I mean, Greek wine is not
as good as French wine.

Just need a little bit more.

Oh!

♪ Take me out on ♪

I can't do this right
now.

What are you doing?

Um, I'm gonna get
a cup of coffee.

The ferry leaves
in five minutes.

I know, but I don't do lines.

They make me really anxious.

Don't do lines?

Oh, you're the
guy from last night.

Um, a cup of coffee
with cream, please.

Marcia, we have
to get the ferry.

I don't do lines.

I haven't done 'em in 20 years.

Are you serious?

Yeah, dead on.

I have never heard of this.

Well, have you
met anybody like me?

No, never.

It's just my thing.

I mean, it's like you look

for other people's socks
underneath hotel bedrooms.

I don't do lines.

I wasn't looking for.

Okay, those are two
completely different things.

We're gonna miss the ferry.

No, you can just go stand
over there at the line,

and I'll meet you in a minute.

No, they're starting to board.

Look, come on, just
skip the coffee.

There's still a
line, I can't do it.

Yes, you can.

No, I'm gonna break
my 20-year streak.

It's bad luck.

Nothing is gonna happen
if you break your streak.

It'll be fine.

I've survived this long.

Post office,
grocery stores, DMV.

How do you do anything?

Didn't make it difficult
living in New York City.

I'd see the line,
walk in, walk out.

So I actually had
to hire someone.

Who does that?

People do.

Oh gosh, great, thank you.

Can you get the bill, please?

We gotta go.

No, we don't
have time for this.

Just leave cash on
the table, let's go.

Do you have cash?

I don't, okay?

And there's still a line.

Four
people is a line?

Yeah, it's a
matter of perception.

Look, they're all on now.

- We're gonna--
- Here we go.

We don't have
time for that, okay?

Can you please hurry?

The entire country is
slow pace, what can I say?

Not the ferry.

Oh my God, I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

That was not my intention.

I didn't try to miss a ferry.

I just don't do lines.

I hope the coffee
is really good.

Let's see if Petros can
get us another room, okay?

That was a long night.

I was obviously frustrated.

I'm a guy that likes to
have a plan and execute it,

but Marcia has a way
of redeeming herself,

and it's usually because she's
generous and spontaneous.

We're not missing the
ferry again, Marcia.

I've got this
completely solved.

Hey, crew, follow me, please?

Just follow me.

Welcome to the Joker.

You rented a yacht?

Yeah.

How did you afford this?

I locked up my savings.

Why would you do that?

Because the crew has
been working so hard,

and they all had to be crammed
into one room last night.

Plus, there's no
lines at the Joker.

So you wiped out your
savings for your crew

and so you wouldn't
have to stand in line.

Exactly, I didn't wanna
break a 20 year streak.

Okay, come on.

So excited.

Hey.

Upgrade, huh?

Going for the expensive stuff.

My favorite wine
didn't make it.

Gonna be able to handle it?

Yes.

'Cause it's truly perfect.

Wow.

Across the
sea and over the waves,

her show took us to
another island of paradise.

I tried to get in my
remote work when I could,

but who would wanna work
in a place like this?

We are here in Patmos,
Greece,

where St. John wrote
the Book of Revelations

right here on this island,

one of the most spiritual
places on planet earth.

And everyone knows the
beaches in Greece are amazing,

especially in Patmos.

From the monastery to
the town below me, Scala,

this is the jewel of the
Aegean.

Come along for the
ride of a lifetime.

I'm Marcia Kimpton
for American Abroad.

And we're gonna take a nap.

That was great, we got it.

You need some sleep.

That's what they
say, eight hours a day.

That's important,
lack of sleep

can lead to health troubles.

That's the problem.

Society keeps on saying that
I need eight hours of sleep,

and that stresses me out.

Sleep stresses you out?

Yeah.

I just wish I had narcolepsy.

I don't think you do.

Yes, I do.

Oh.

God, I'm tired.

Narcolepsy.

All right, Marcia,
you ready to go?

- No.
- Oh, what's wrong?

Look at my hair.

- What's wrong with it?
- What's wrong with it?

I went to a great hairstylist
and she made my hair my age.

I don't even know your age.

You're never
gonna know my age.

But now I have to act my age.

Have you ever seen
my hair like this?

Looks like the '80s.

Oh, great!

Hi, I'm Marcia Kimpton
for American Abroad,

and I'm right in the center
town square of Scala in Patmos.

And we're interviewing
all these tourists

from all around the world,

and we finally found
some great people.

So they're willing to
go on camera with us.

Tell me what you think is so
special about this island.

It's marvelous, it's amazing.

It's the unique
island in the Aegea.

You know about the
history of St. John here?

- Not much.
- Okay, so St. John came here.

He was completely exiled
for following Christ,

and he ended up
alchemizing the island.

It really, really, you
feel stoned all the time.

Do you feel stoned?

Kinda.

- Not really, not much.
- How about no hangovers?

I don't get any
hangovers on this island.

Have you gone a hangover?

- Not really.
- Oh, good.

- Have you drank?
- Yes.

Okay.

And you've been to
the cave, right?

The cave, no, I haven't.

He hasn't been to the cave!

He hasn't been to the cave!

I've been to the
cave so many times,

I will never go
into a cave again.

My boyfriend, Arnold, I-I
told him, I'm done with caves.

I mean, caves could
fall in in five seconds.

Do you feel how kinda special
it is about St. John at all?

- Yes.
- Do you feel like it is?

It feels really
special, does it?

- Yes.
- American Abroad.

And that's what they
are, Americans abroad.

History,
baggage, past relationships,

we've all got our share.

Some people just
have a little extra.

I never told you about
the guy that I dated

who hunted Burmese pythons.

No, you never mentioned him.

Did this top the
Bigfoot researcher?

I didn't date him.

He was more of a liaison.

Couldn't see myself
spending time

looking for squatch
on the weekends.

His dream was to find Bigfoot.

Can't stop on the weekends.

It's called balance.

You ought to look into it.

I dated
a flat earther.

You set the bar pretty low.

Not even great company.

Slim pickings out there.

If a guy believes
the earth is flat,

that should be a deal breaker.

Have you ever seen
a flat earth map?

I only own globes.

Yeah, there's even
a flat earth society

with over a million views.

They explain what they
pretend is a secret.

If the earth was flat,

it would just be
lined with cats,

pushing stuff off
just to watch it fall.

Look it up, see what you think.

- Slovin!
- Hello.

Oh, my gosh!

This is Arnold, and
I had to bring him

to my favorite
restaurant in Patmos.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you too.

Do you have a table?

Of course, follow me, please.

Okay, okay.

- Thank you very much.
- Ah!

Okay.

Mmm.

- I'm sorry.
- For what?

We passed the mark.

What mark?

The mark when you
can eat like a slob

in front of your
boyfriend, okay?

Except for the time when
I was with Jim Tanner

and I ate three hamburgers
just to spite him.

Who is Jim Tanner?

He was my college boyfriend.

I mean, for five
years, he was a vegan.

He tried to change me.

He was one of those guys.

Sure hope I don't
become one of those guys.

No, you're great.

Can't be one of those guys.

What are you doing?

That's my metal detector.

- What?
- I just upgraded

to a digital one.

No more false signals.

Can't spend an entire
day on the beach

getting false signals.

You didn't bring
that out in Hydra?

Ah, no good beaches there.

God, I gotta call my
sister.

What do you want now?

Kat, why are you
answering the call?

You're not supposed to
have the phone next to bed.

You know, charging your head
with all those microwaves.

Did you wake me up to tell
me not to answer my phone?

I expected it to
go to voicemail.

Well, I'm awake
now, what's up?

He's one of those guys.

Arnold?

Yeah, Arnold.

Who else would I
be talking about?

Well, we have a long
list of one of those guys.

What did he do
that's so annoying?

It's 11-inch coil,
metal detector,

whatever that's supposed to be.

He scans the beach looking
for things that aren't there.

You gotta be kidding
me.

I'm dead serious.

He's beeping on the beach right
now in front of everybody.

And I'm ruining everybody's
beach experience.

Well, tell him to
turn the sound off.

He says that
takes away his joy.

He brought it all
the way from America.

Oh my God.

I'm watching this gorgeous
man look for junk on the beach.

That might be a deal breaker.

He can't be my soulmate.

My soulmate would never do this.

Does this mean
you're breaking up?

Over a metal detector?

I just have to accept
that this is his thing.

Nope, Marcia.

Remember, we said whenever
one of us is dating

one of those guys, it's goodbye.

Sayonara, bon voyage, dag.

Dag?

Dutch for goodbye.

Okay, I just have
to make an exception

with the 'one of
those guys' list.

Marcia, this is gonna
drive you up the wall.

I say bail now when it's easy.

You've only been dating
two months post pandemic.

I found one of those guys

that was willing to
travel the world.

He has a flexible job.

He listens to me,
unlike most men.

He's funny, and he
thinks I'm funny.

So no dag.

Then why are you calling me

if you already
made up your mind?

I made up my mind
right now talking to you.

I'm sticking with him.

But the beeping?

I don't know, buy
him some headphones.

At least everybody on the
beach won't have to hear.

Thank you.

You're not the only
linguist in the family.

Alright, bye.

- Find anything?
- Found a rock.

I guess that's worth what?

Um, for you, it's free.

Beautiful lady,
the rock is free.

Charming man.

I get close to this
monastery or St. John's cave,

and I just-I'm buzzed naturally.

Guess there's no need for
you to drink tonight then.

Oh, true, but I've gotta
take you to George's bar.

It's just, he has
the best drinks.

He's an alchemist.

Kind of like a
mixologist in America.

Oh, alchemist is a
much, much cooler word.

Wait, you didn't date
this guy, did you?

No.

Good.

Then we can go.

- Marcia.
- Oh, George.

This is Arnold.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, George.

Or should I call
you The Alchemist?

The Alchemist, I like that.

But I'll never tell my secrets.

Let's go.

You know, we have some
really good conversations

when we're not talking
about your exes.

I hope my quirks don't
get in the way of that.

Quirks are light
shining out.

Don't hold them back.

Or maybe that's
why I like you.

Your quirks are nearly blinding.

I don't have any quirks.

You are high.

Island hopping in
Greece was spectacular.

But Marcia told
me winery hopping

in France was unbelievable.

And I knew now never
to get between Marcia

and her wine of choice.

Hi, I'm Marcia Kimpton for
the American Abroad TV series,

and we're in the world
famous Bourgogne, France

in front of the Chateau
Clos de Vougeot.

And here is Chateau
de Marsannay.

They have the finest wine tour,

but they also are part
of the wine auction.

And that ticket is the most
difficult ticket to get in town.

And here in the historic
third century town of Beaune,

you'll have one of the
best meals of your life.

I'm ready to go and eat.

Are you?

All right, pause.

So what have we covered so far?

Marcia's worried about
her hair thinning.

She thinks coffee grinds and
stars can predict marriage.

EMFs seem to be a big concern.

She's addicted to
very specific wines

and addicted to
staying out of lines.

She has a long history
of dating weird dudes.

And perhaps the most
understandable, relatable,

and remarkable thing of all,

she's particularly stressed
about growing older.

I can relate.

And what does D-B-Y-H-B mean?

We'll get to that later.

Hadn't thought about
it until you texted me.

Not freaking out.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Thanks, Kat.

Now I'm freaking out.

Hi, I am here at The Hospice,

the hospital from 1443
trying to get some tourists.

Here we go.

Hey, how are you today?

Not today.
Not today, oh damn.

Hey!

You know, the French
don't have the same

sense of humor as me.

Why are you here in
Beaune right now?

To drink, like me?

Yeah.

It's the best wine in the world.

- Where are you from?
- Beaune.

Oh, you're from here.

I love your language.

I feel like it's poetry.

Oh, you guys look
like you would love

to be on camera, right?

- Where are you from?
- We're from France.

We're from Limoges.

You don't have a
very French accent.

Because I'm an
English teacher.

That's great.

Well, I love your country.

And you know what I love most?

The wine.

What's your favorite here?

I think it's
one from Bordeaux,

'cause we are living close to--

Did you hear that?

Take that, cut.

You can't, Bordeaux,
it's not here.

This is Bourgogne.

I think that's a wrap.

We got a friendly French person.

We don't have to do
anything else, right?

All right,
everything's loaded up, right?

What the frick?

Dude, load up the
sandbags, you guys.

This is taking way too long.

You guys ready
for wine country?

Yeah!

Okay, another day of drinking.

Another day of fun.

In that order.

Another day of getting old.

Oof.

Ah, place is incredible.

It's so bright.

Rebelling against
the sun today?

It doesn't help
how I look on camera.

I think you look great.

What?

You were gonna say,
for my age, right?

I wasn't.

Marcia,
we need you on camera.

Good luck.

Burgundy, France,
take one, mark.

Okay, one, two, three.

Hi, I'm Marcia Kimpton

for the American
Abroad TV series.

And we're in the
world class Bourgogne.

Or, as the ignorant
Americans say, Burgundy!

Pause.

You can't say that.

What?

I shouldn't call
Americans ignorant?

You know we are.

No, you shouldn't.

But why do we say Burgundy?

I don't know, Marcia.

I guess I should find
that out

before I call Americans stupid.

But there are a lot.

There's stupid people
everywhere, Marcia.

You I should say Bourgogne

is like Napa Valley
in California?

- Sure.
- Maybe I shouldn't,

because it's like burgundy.

No, Bourgogne, see?

I just did the American thing.

Well, you are an
American,

and this is the American
Abroad, so I think it's fine.

No, I can't compare
Napa Valley, California

to the finest wine in the world.

French think their
wine's the finest.

Others think theirs
is the finest.

- I don't know.
- But I'm in France.

I should be talking about the
wine I'm standing in front of.

- Yeah.
- But you gotta tell me,

why do we call it Chardonnay?

I mean, the French named it
after the region or the terroir.

But we name it after the grape.

Honestly, I
don't know, Marcia.

You guys, can we take a break?

I-- I need some wine
to calm myself down.

It's a little early
for wine.

Marcia bickering
with her cameraman

honestly turned
into one of the most

entertaining parts of the trip.

But in this case,
I had a feeling

there was something more
important hiding under the rant.

Something, well, you'll see.

Hey, why are you stopping?

I bought this phone at
the local mobile company,

and it doesn't work.

What's the problem?

I can't bypass this no
texting and driving slogan.

I'm riding a bike.

Don't think it can hear you.

Yeah, and they call
these smartphones.

My god.

Here, I'll get it.

No, I've got it.

You think I'm too old
to operate a phone?

Oh, my God.

So it wants me to
sign this pledge

just so I won't text and drive.

I mean, what idiot
came up with this idea?

Like that's gonna
stop me from doing it

even if I know it's wrong?

I'll do it.

And you deal with it.

Here, I fixed it.

Now you can drive and
text, ride and text,

whatever, without being alerted.

Oh, thank you.

Have a fun crashing.

Wait, are you saying I'm old

and that's the reason
I'm gonna crash?

Saying you're gonna
crash because you're texting.

No, I'm not crashing, okay?

Watch me!

Just keep going.
Heads up, car's coming.

That's okay.

Oh God, maybe you're right.

Damn it, oh, shit.

You all right?

Okay, you're right, it's
dangerous riding and texting.

But you can't tell me
you've never done it before.

Oh, I don't.

What do you do when you get
a text while you're driving?

I don't, I have
my phone set up

so I don't receive
texts when I'm driving.

I can set your phone up too.

Oh, no way, I am not
signing the pledge,

and there's no way in
hell I'm doing that.

I care about you.

I don't want you to do it.

When someone starts
texting and calling me

and I don't wanna respond,
it's just easier to text,

even though I know
it's not right.

You just respond when
you're done driving.

You make it sound so simple.

It is.

Let's go to lunch.

Why don't they make a
pledge

that says no
drinking before five?

Let's see how that goes.

Okay, I created the pledge.

What?

I'm the idiot who created
the pledge campaign,

and I was really proud of it.

Why didn't you
tell me earlier?

Well, I wanted an honest
reaction, and I got one.

No, no, I mean,
that was just me.

You know, I like doing
the opposite thing.

A lot of people do.

You should have read
all the comments we got.

I'm so sorry, but I
thought you were a lawyer.

Yeah, I am.

I worked for a
mobile phone company

and I helped create the pledge

to shield them from liability.

Other mobile phone companies
liked it and adopted it,

because texting and driving
really is a big problem.

You know what it is?

Okay, I see those guys
going down the street

and they're winding
like they're drunk

and instead, they're
holding their phone.

Right?

Yeah, your-your
pledge is really good.

Kind of, but people
hate it.

Stop.

My favorite wine place,

I cannot believe that they
make my favorite wine here.

This is wild.

It's like Marcia Disneyland.

Yeah, even better.

So let's go for
the first wine.

- Okay.
- So we're going to try

the [indistinct].

Okay.

That's excellent.

You like this type of wine?

I like it so much I can't
stop drinking it.

So I have my lovely
guide Uri over there.

He's made a suggestion for me
to spit out my favorite wine.

Not gonna happen.

Mm.

Excuse me, excuse me.

Come on.

I took you in this
special vineyard

never thinking you would
get drunk in a wine tour.

Oh, sorry, sorry.

I love the wine.

Great, cut.

Moving on.

I'm going to pour
some wine to the crew.

- Marcia, please.
- I'm so sorry.

- It's time to go now.
- I'm not-- I'm not drunk.

I have to do my standup.

Alright, slate in, please.

Burgundy, take one, marker.

Bourgogne, God.

Hi, I'm at Domaine de Charles,

and they have tons of wine,
and it's all really good.

And I had some.

You know, there's good
wine in the entire world.

There's good wine in
Turkey, I think Greece.

You know what,
Marcia?

Let's just try it again.

Get that magic.

Big old me, take two, marker.

What?

Okay, I need some
wine, please, Shannon?

You know what?

They're totally out of wine,

but I'll get you
some water, okay?

How could they be out of wine?

Look at how much wine there is.

- It's France.
- Think every barrel's empty.

But there's that.

Oh my god, even water is good.

Okay, I am definitely not
texting and riding my bike.

Yeah, we're not riding bikes.

The car should be here soon.

Oh, I'm not-- I'm not driving.

Correct, that's
why we have a driver.

Goodnight!

Good.

Good stay.

Oh God, it's a nap that
goes through the night, guys.

I love you.

You're the best crew

that anybody could have
in the entire world.

I gotta stop.

Are you okay?

You seem to be
having a tough day.

Yeah, I am so
sorry for earlier.

It's just one of the
toughest days of the year.

What, why?

It's my D-B-M-H-B.

I'm not following
you on that one.

The day before
my half birthday.

Yeah, yep,
everybody hates that.

No, I feel like
I'm getting old.

Yeah, but why the day
before your half birthday?

Because there's singing
and-and it's-- it's fun.

Everybody celebrates it.

But it's the day before,

you feel like you're
getting older.

People will sing to you
on your half birthday?

Yeah, it's a family tradition.

We do jokes and it's a blast.

It's just, you know,
it's so obvious

on your actual birthday.

Oh my God, I gotta sleep.

Where is that car?

Hey, just-just
give me one sec.

Okay.

I'll meet you in the lobby.

Don't move the sign, please.

You need a reminder?

Yeah.

Obviously, it isn't working.

- Hey, bonjour.
- Marcia.

I love you [indistinct].

Merci.

I love you too.

So good to see you back.

I'm off to dinner.

I'll see you later.
Okay, see you in a while.

Bye-bye, Marcia.

I can't believe it, not
one message from the crew

from my half birthday.

You just said you
didn't wanna be reminded

of getting older.

Yeah, but Nick
could have texted me.

You never know.

Day's not over.

Here we are, watch your head.

Surprise!

♪ Happy half birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy half birthday to you ♪

Thank you, you remembered.

Aw!

Surviving a birthday

is a big milestone
in a relationship,

and we had done it, well,
for half of one at least.

Thank you so much

for putting this surprise
half birthday together.

I've never had
that happen before.

Don't think many
half.

All right.

Now that dealt
with the age issue,

until next week, we were
off to South Africa,

a place I'd never been to
but was eager to explore.

See if you can guess what
Marcia found to fixate on
there.

Hi, I'm Marcia Kimpton for
the American Abroad TV series,

and we're here at
Boulder's Beach,

often called Penguin Beach.

Go figure.

Look at them.

And here at the
Cape of Good Hope

where the Atlantic and
the Indian Ocean meet,

you're reminded of all the boats

that never made it
around this point.

If you want luxury,

the presidential suite at
12 Apostles is perfection.

Nelson Mandela
never stayed here,

but he did change South
Africa and the world forever.

Whoever eat ostrich?

I heard they're good.

Why are you eating like that?

Counting.

Counting what?

How many times I chew.

Why?

The chewing diet.

Ah, yes,
the chewing diet.

Not to be confused with--

I did the brussels
sprouts and egg diet.

Oh, and then I did the
cayenne and goats milk diet.

I did the bagel diet.

Don't want that either.

I had to go to the doctor.

I couldn't move my jaw.

He told me I was
chewing too much.

That is not a good diet.

Yeah, but it works.

When you can't chew,
you don't need bagels,

you don't need anything,
you lose a ton.

Hi, I'm Marcia
Kimpton for the American Abroad
TV series,

and we're here at the
Cape of Good Hope.

And the reason why it's called
that is because every boat

hoped it would make it
around this ferocious tip.

Normally, it is so windy here,

and many boats didn't make it.

One of the most famous
boats that we know about

is the Flying Dutchman,
and the legend has it

is there are ghosts out there

and people have seen
these seamen out there.

So I have to say that I
have never in my entire life

seen such a stunning
coast as this.

And let's go and explore.

Cut.

Uh, you good?

Marcia, you sure you
don't wanna say sailors

instead of sea men?

I guess, should
we do it again?

Thought that was good.

Let's go take a look
at the next shot.

We are in the Indian
Ocean at Mussel Bay,

just outside Cape
Town, South Africa.

Yeah, we are gonna
see the great whale!

I couldn't
believe Marcia was gonna get

into the water with
a great white shark.

Oh god, here it
is, here it is!

- No, no.
- Nope.

It doesn't seem safe.

Arnold, can you go?

What?

You-you just said it
doesn't seem safe.

It's just not safe for me.

- Oh yeah.
- All right, that'll be good.

Okay.

You okay, Arnold?

When I saw you down
in that shark cage,

I lost my love for meat.

I mean, if I ate shark,
I'd literally be eating you

if a shark ate you.

God.

The odds of eating a
shark that ate a person

are probably really small.

Doesn't matter.

I can't risk being a cannibal.

Okay, so what diet now?

Well, I'm thinking vegetarian.

How am I gonna eat all
these beautiful plants?

Eat the ugly
ones like carrots.

I know, but they
all have energy.

I mean, maybe they feel it.

Plants don't feel.

Actually, plants do
feel when you rip 'em out.

- What?
- What?

Yeah, look it
up, carrots scream.

My God, I hope he's wrong.

Did you know the carrot scream?

Yeah, like plants and
vegetables, I think.

Did you just hear that?

Did you just hear that?

Marcia, it's on the internet.

It has to be true.

Not everything on
the internet is true.

Not true.

It's not true, camera man.

I'm impressed
you're not drinking.

Yeah, you're really taking
this diet thing seriously.

Yeah.

So what are you gonna eat?

I don't know.

Hi, welcome back.

Nice to see you again.

Is it?

Uh, what can I get you?

Um, I don't know.

Arnold, will you go first?

I'll have the salmon, please.

Great.

And I'll have the rib eye.

Oh, oh, oh, wonderful.

Wow, the steak?

What kind of diet is that?

No, you know what?

Don't even tell me.

I'm just glad you
figured it out.

Here we go.

You really like
the smell of that.

Smells so good.

Are you gonna eat it or--

No, I'm just gonna smell it.

I'm on the air diet.

It's kinda like a breatharian.

I have no idea what
either of those things are.

It tricks the mind
into thinking you ate,

and then I don't have to
eat any animals or plants.

But they still had to kill
that cow to make the steak,

and they had to pull
those vegetables.

I didn't think about that.

Desperate times call
for desperate measures.

So I got a little sneaky
and called her sister.

That's new.

No, it's not funny.

I'm worried she's gonna starve.

She won't starve.

When she gets hungry
enough, she'll eat.

You should be worried
about how sick she'll get

when she loses her will and
eats everything in sight.

It's not pretty.
- Great.

Just don't indulge her.

Eat everything she likes
right in front of her.

- She'll break.
- Thanks.

Good luck.

Good morning.

No, it isn't.

I can't believe you're gonna eat

that big breakfast
in front of me.

Oh no, no, I just wanted
to give you something good

to smell this morning.

Smelling diet didn't work.

I'm a fruitarian.

Oh, no?

Perfect.

A fruitarian only eats fruit
that has fallen off the tree.

Did that banana fall off?

- Yes.
- No, it didn't.

I can tell by the
way you said that.

It could have.

I mean, maybe a monkey
knocked it off the tree.

Doubtful, so because
I'm not gonna eat,

let's just go see the ostriches.

Can you believe ostrich meat

is the number one selling
meat in this country?

- Is it?
- I don't know.

I gotta get my facts straight
and get my head right,

and I'm gonna go get an
outfit for the ostriches.

I should have been a doctor.

How long did we have left?

My gosh.

Holy cow, take a look at that.

I guess this is Marcia

without a whole week's
worth of food, huh?

Cameron, I'm ready.

Hi, we are at the Cape
Town Ostrich Ranch,

where the ostrich
just showed up.

Oh, look at them.

I just wanna give you
a few facts about them.

They are the largest bird
with the largest eye.

Let's see.

They have three stomachs.

I'm sure they're full,
but not empty like mine.

It's a myth that they put
their head in the sand.

They don't.

Uh, let's see, what else?

What else?

Can't remember.
Marcia.

What?

They just look like big
steaks to make me feel like

I need to eat them, and
I don't even eat ostrich.

Can you believe it?

Who would ever eat an ostrich?

Marcia.

You guys, I think it's great.

We'll just edit together.

Do you have any fruit?

Uh, certainly.

What kind would you like?

Well, just fruit that has
fallen off the tree or the vine.

Not any that's been
picked, please.

Uh, I'll go check.

It's all right.

If they don't have anything,

you can smell my ostrich burger.

These would be yours.

They fell, right?

Yes, I asked.

And the machine that
gathers the cherry

actually shakes the tree and
then picks up what falls.

They shook the tree?

I mean, the tree
must have hated that.

As much as I'd love to have 'em,

could you please take 'em away?

You guys go ahead.

Eat.

Mm, thank you, Marcia.

♪ You got my attention, baby ♪

♪ I can't make a move ♪

♪ Like a child ♪

Mm, hell, yeah.

It's good, right?

♪ I cry a river ♪

So good.

I thought you said you'd
never eat an ostrich?

They taunted me.

You know what?

They're so dumb.

I'm only gonna eat
dumb things now.

Better watch out, Reggie.

Huh?

Okay, no more diet
stories.

Instead, bucket list time.

We got to go on a real
life African safari,

which I was so stoked about.

It was the best.

I was also really
happy to believe

that I was finally over the
hump

and that I had made peace with
Marcia's quirkiest of quirks.

Instead, they led to
one of the biggest,

most public arguments
we'd ever had.

- There you are, I--
- Shh.

- Sorry, I, uh--
- No, not quieter.

Stop talking.

I'm trying to
channel the pleidians

so I can become enlightened.

The what?

Shh.

Pleiadians
are multidimensional spiritual
beings

that come here to planet
Earth to assist us humans

in our spiritual transformation.

So you have easier
access to the portal

because you are
enlightened as a pleidian

in a previous life?

Exactly.

If you're enlightened, you're
not supposed to come back.

There goes your whole theory.

Are you ready, Marcia?

Oh, uh, let me just
check my makeup real quick.

It doesn't upset me.

I have complete bags
underneath my eyes.

That's very enlightened.

One way to solve it.

Okay, I'm ready.
Right over here.

You always wanna
interview locals.

And we have Timothy.

He's a hotel guest relations.

Is it Aquila or Aquila?

- It's actually Aquila.
- Well, you know,

I make problems all
the time on camera.

- Thank you, Aquila.
- Well, yeah.

Aquila's basically
just the Latin word

for the true black eagle.

Now, have you heard
of the pleiadians?

Yes, actually I have.

- Actually, I have heard of it.
- Oh!

A little bit.
Where's Arnold?

Where's Arnold?

I wanna come back to
Africa every year.

Every year, guys, it's safe.

Oh, look at this
exotic creature.

You wouldn't often see one
of these out here on Safari.

I can't tell, but
it may be dangerous.

Yeah, that's
definitely dangerous.

But I'm still oddly
attracted to it.

I think I'm gonna
risk it and approach.

Ah, that's a bad idea.

Okay, I'm a lioness.

- You know that.
- Oh, yeah?

Who told you that?

Oh, I don't know.

I just feel it.

What, enlightenment?

Ooh, look.

Oh my God, it's
looking straight at me.

Well, you are an
attractive lioness.

You know what I'm doing?

I'm gonna direct it over
there where I saw the water.

Let's see.

How are you gonna do that?

With my pleiadian
energy light.

I thought you
said enlightenment

didn't give you special powers.

No, sometimes it does.

Quiet.

See, it totally works.

Okay, that was cool but--

No, buts.

Accept it, have faith.

Us Pleiadians can
connect with animals.

Okay, Marcia,
you're not a Pleidian.

Not now, but I was.

Okay.

Pleiadians, pleiadians.

Oh.

Oh.

Pleiadian.

I hate the pleiadians.

Thank you.

Arnold, I'm telling you.

The Pleiadians
visited last night.

I know it happened.

Okay, lucky for you.

But if-if they visit again,

please tell them
not to visit me.

I need sleep.

Just tell the
pleiadians, pleiadians,

whoever they are, to
just leave us alone.

I have no control over this.

If I travel there or they visit,

I live in the fifth dimension.

I live in the third dimension.

But if you wanna fly off to
the fifth, that's fine by me.

No, it's not about flying off.

It's about bringing the
fifth dimensional light

into your body and
holding it like a portal.

So if I wake in the
middle of the night,

you'll still be there?

- Yeah.
- Thank it.

Arnold, it's true.

Ah!

Oh my God, they have
this beautiful peacock

here in Aquila to open up.

Could you-could you just
turn a little bit more?

Arnold, where are you?

That's plenty of energy.

Oh, thank you, thank you.

- Morning, guys.
- Hey, Marsh.

Morning.

I'll tell you
more in the jeep.

You mind if I join you, guys?

Hey, man, hop in.

What?

Why aren't you
going into the jeep?

Marcia, don't make
a big deal of this

in front of everybody.

Are you testing
my enlightenment?

Because if so,
that's really rude.

No, no, I just need space.

Why?

Later, everybody's watching.

No, not later.

I-this is gonna
screw up my filming.

Let's just go in
our separate jeeps

and then we can talk after.

No, I am not moving
until you tell me why.

Okay, you wanna do this
in front of everyone?

Sure.

Alright, everybody, listen up.

I don't believe in pleiadians,
stargates, portals,

fifth dimensions, whatever.

I don't care who else believes.

I am not gonna change my mind.

And I honestly hope I never
hear about pleiadians again.

You happy?

I tell you my pleiadians truth

about enlightenment
to enlighten you,

and this is what I get?

I have given you every
polite hint I could muster.

But you will not stop
talking about them.

You talked about 'em in
your sleep, for God's sakes.

So they did visit.

Marcia.

Okay, go to the jeep.

I'm sorry.

Never would talk about
pleiadians ever again.

Don't worry, they don't exist.

You don't know what it's like!

You don't know what it's
like to love somebody.

To love somebody.

Like I love you.

What is it like?

It's exhausting.

Have fun.

But it's really fun.

Most of the time.

Sometimes.

There's something
about getting into nature

that makes me realize just
how timeless the world is,

while simultaneously,
how much of a blip we are

in the history of the cosmos.

I may think the
pleiadians are a joke,

but I suppose that
doesn't make me right.

Ultimately, I suppose it's
those types of challenges

that I find rewarding
in life and in love.

I'm really sorry.

I'll never bring up
the pleiadians again.

I'm sorry too.

I was-- I was just tired.

I shouldn't have lashed out.

I think it's great

that you're trying to
be more enlightened.

Aw, thanks.

I was
pleasantly surprised

how quickly we recovered

from one of our
biggest arguments yet.

But I soon found
out that the battle

for enlightenment
was far from over.

Welcome to Pafuri.

This is Devon, your guide.

Nice to meet you.

- Welcome, Marcia.
- This is--

- Welcome, Arnold.
- So beautiful.

I can't wait for
tomorrow.

I don't know how
anything can top Aquila,

but, man, actually
walking the bush

with nothing separating you
and the animals and nature,

gonna be incredible.

All right, I'm gonna go
get cleaned up for dinner.

I'll catch you there.

Okay, see you in a bit.

Yep.

Gosh, I feel like I
could just look at the elephants

all day long.

Well, aren't you
excited for tomorrow?

- Not really.
- Okay.

Honestly, I just
wanna stay at the lodge.

That's what I need to do.

I don't get it,
you've been so excited

to film The Walking Safari.

Yeah, I don't feel it anymore.

I think you have to.

Do I?

Who decided that?

Martin, your producer,
the Dutch billionaire

who funds your show
in American Abroad?

Okay.

I'm scared.

I told you now, okay?

Are you happy?

No.

But there's nothing
to be scared of.

What happened to enlightenment,

trusting the universe, all that?

But this is Africa
in the wild walking.

I think I was a nurse
before in the boar war,

and I was eaten by lions.

Lions are really
hard to spot out here,

so it probably
won't happen again.

But they are there.

Let's just
enjoy the dinner.

All righty, guys.

Two minutes, ready to go?

I'm sorry, the pleiadians
didn't visit last night,

and I'm just not
feeling enlightened yet.

Hey, hey, no.

You don't need the pleiadian.

You're the most
enlightened person I know.

But you don't have to try
so hard to be enlightened.

It's giving you anxiety,

and that is the opposite
of what you're going for.

Like you bring light
to everyone around you.

The crew, the people
you interview,

they all leave
laughing and brighter.

And this show is gonna reach
millions and do the same.

I know you've made me better.

Really?

Yeah.

You have brought me more
joy and light than anybody.

Aw.

That's so nice of
you, thank you.

All right, let's go.

No.

Wait, you're-- you're
still not going?

No.

I-- I can't believe this.

What do you want me
to tell the crew?

It's beautiful out there.

Just take some scenic shots,

and I'm gonna go meditate on it.

Have fun.

- Hey.
- Hi.

How'd it go?

Oh, it was incredible.

So cool.

I did miss having
you out there though.

- Mm.
- How about you?

Did your meditation go well?

Mm.

Are you coming tomorrow?

I'm coming.

Hey, yeah, that's great.

So it worked, your
meditation changed your mind.

Sort of.

What do you mean?

Well, cameraman
called the producer,

and now I have to go because
they found out I wasn't going.

Hey, trust me.

No matter what, you
won't regret it.

This is so beautiful.

It's amazing!

So you do like it?

Yes!

Why would I never wanna go?

Let's snuck it into that.

Yeah, but I missed
a whole entire day.

You should have convinced me.

I, uh.

Thank you, Africa.

Hi, I'm Marcia Kimpton,

and we're here at the
Kruger National Park.

And let me tell you,
this place is so large,

it is almost the size of Israel.

And I am about to
do a walking safari

with an amazing guide
named Devon Myers.

And he's from
African-- born safaris.

Normally, when you
go on a safari,

you have the expectation
of seeing the big five.

And that's in a
fenced region, okay?

It's a game reserve.

Not here in Pafuri.

This is all the wild.

Every animal is free,

and you don't know
where they're gonna be.

They travel between
three countries:

South Africa, Zimbabwe,
and Mozambique.

And last night,
we saw a leopard.

So come to Pafuri!

Did I get it, guys?

That was great.

Marcia, are you-

Oh, sorry.

- It's okay, you can talk.
- Really?

You always shush me when I
interrupt your meditation.

Not anymore.

Talking, nothing.

Honestly, nothing
bothers me anymore.

- Really?
- Yeah, 'cause I did it.

And you got enlightened again?

Yeah, this time for real.

Last time, I was just close.

Is that hat part of
your enlightenment?

Oh, I completely
forgot I had it on.

Why are you wearing
a watch on safari?

I don't know, I like it.

Seems kind of unnecessary.

This doesn't disrupt
your peace, does it?

No, no, it doesn't
bother me, I'm fine.

Why do you keep on
looking at that?

We're on safari.

The beauty's out there.

Can't help it.

It's amazing how many
steps we're taking

and how many calories
we're burning.

Your watch tells you that?

Yep.

How?

Uh, sensors.

They measure your
steps and heart rate.

Who cares?

Oh, I do, I have a minimum
I need to meet each day.

According to who?

The watch.

Can't you just feel it
with your own body and brain

instead of looking
at that watch?

Yeah, of course,
but it wouldn't be as accurate.

Radiation is pulsating
through your body.

We're electrical beings.

Our cells are affected
by electricity.

It's like I'm walking
around with my own antenna.

Oh, cool.

You'll always know
you have cell service

- when you're with me.
- Oh my God.

That's why I'm not
sleeping at night.

I've got my own EMF tower
next to me, lying in my bed.

Is this bothering you?

No.

No, it's not
bothering me at all.

I'm just-- I'm just
looking out for you guys.

Alrighty, guys, welcome back.

Well done.

- Thank you, Devon.
- Thank you.

It was amazing.

I just have a boyfriend

that's an electrical
tower next to me.

Yeah, anyone
needs cell service?

Just come this way.

Anyone but you.

Mm, this food is amazing.

I know, I told
you the Pafuri camp

has the best meals ever.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

What's wrong?

Ah, nothing, I'm just done.

But you just said
the food was amazing.

Yeah, it is.

So why are you
leaving one bite?

I didn't burn enough
calories to eat it.

What?

We were walking all day.

I ate a lot.

And my food intake
needs to match

the calories that
I've worked off.

Okay, it's one bite.

It's a big bite.

Are you full?
Well, sort of.

I mean, you're either
fat or you're not fat.

You just look in the mirror.

You don't need that watch
telling you how to feel.

This is a great tool.

Will you just eat
that bite for me?

Hmm, so good.

What are you doing?

I'm just burning the
rest of my calories.

You're doing that all
because of one bite?

Not just that, but yeah.

Can't you just walk it off?

In the safari at night?

True.

Gotta burn enough calories
to match my food intake.

And done.

Okay, didn't even
take that long.

You know, you could
have fooled around

and burned calories that way.

Didn't really
think about that.

Would've been a lot more fun.

And then you could
have had dessert tonight.

Oh yeah, maybe I'll just
have a big breakfast tomorrow.

We had been through
enough ups and downs at this
point

that I felt our relationship
had moved to the next level.

After she stole my watch,
I decided it was my turn

to see if she'd put
up with my crap.

It was a risk, but there's
no sense in delaying

the inevitable and not
showing her who I really was.

You look happy today.

I am.

Why were you
late this morning?

Oh, yeah, I couldn't
find my shoes.

Yeah, you need shoes
for a walking tour.

How many calories did
you burn?

I don't know, I
haven't even looked once.

I know you don't like it,
and I want to honor that,

because you are such
an amazing woman.

Aw.

Oh, no, you can do it.

It doesn't bother me.

Really?

Yeah, nothing
bothers me anymore.

That's right.

Qualities of enlightenment.

All right, I'm gonna
hold you to that.

And so we've been
walking for over three days.

It's been stunning we've
seen so many animals

and we feel so safe.

It is one of the
safest things to do.

I highly recommend this.

I just have to ask you
one important question.

How many steps do
you think we take?

Not sure, probably
about 10,000 per
morning, maybe 15,000.

Okay, do you really need
a watch to figure that out?

No, not really, no.

I wear a watch, but it
only tells the time.

Okay, great.

Got it, guys?

Oh, this isn't disrupting
your piece, is it?

No.

Oh boy, yeah.

I gotta get a lot more steps in.

Excuse me.

What is he doing?

He's counting calories.

You can do that
on these things?

I just play video games.

Okay, you guys.

You guys, let's
move on, come on.

And back out, all right.

Yeah, look, it's
really good.

Hey, what's wrong?

Nothing.

I am so great.

Oh, me too.

Loved that lunch.

Yeah, I could tell
you really loved it.

You ate half of mine.

I'm exhausted though.

Hmm, well, you should be.

You've ran in circles
half the time.

I don't think I
slept well last night.

What makes you say that?

I lost my watch while I was
sleeping, so I don't know.

You're wearing it right now.

Well, I have one
watch for when I'm awake

and then one watch
for when I sleep.

What?

Who has a separate sleep watch?

Well, my wake watch charges
while I wear sleep on.

Arnold, just take it off.

Then I won't know how I slept.

Arnold, I'm tired.

Why don't you come to bed?

No, no, I'm not
sleeping until I find it.

It's gotta be here somewhere.

Fine, I'll help you look.

I found it.

What, where was it?

It was just over there.

It must have fallen off.

Huh.

Could have sworn I
looked over there.

Not hard enough, apparently.

Well, you found
that really quickly.

Enlightened people kind of,

you know, they're
highly intuitive.

Just figured it out.

Did you take my watch?

Yes.

Hey, it's okay.

What?

I know you took my watch.

- What?
- Come on.

Nobody can sleep through that,

and you are anything but quiet.

I saw you looking
at your watch all day,

going in circles,
eating all of my food.

Hey, you stole my watch.

I'll steal both
of them next time.

What if I had thrown it away?

I didn't think you would.

And if you did, I got a backup.

You're not funny at all.

Yeah, little bit.

If it really bothers you so
much, I'll get rid of it.

Would you
be willing to get rid

of your metal detector?

No, no way.

Fine, keep 'em.

But next time, I get
to eat your dessert.

Deal.

My watch would probably tell
me not to eat it anyway.

Have you seen
my watch charger?

No.

And thus ended
the great watch debacle.

I was being a punk, sure.

I couldn't let her
have all the fun.

But let's wrap
this up, shall we?

We are approaching the
end of our trip, sadly,

and would have to part
ways after Lisbon.

We are here in the stunning
city of Lisbon, Portugal,

where it reminds me a lot of
San Francisco with the hills,

the trolley, the wind, and
the gorgeous bridge behind me.

And the history here
is quite impressive.

But you know what I love most
about Portugal are the people.

They always have such
a friendly smile.

So we were finally

on the last leg
of our adventure.

So much travel, so
many different hotels,

and so many room numbers.

Oh, good God.

Things not working
out with Arnold?

No, great.

I just-- I thought
this was my room.

You don't know where
your room is, huh?

You know how many hotel rooms

we've been in and
how many cities?

- I mean--
- You can go down

the front desk and
figure it out though.

No, I'm finding Arnold.

Hey, is everything okay?

Oh, I just-I
can't find my room.

Reggie?

Uh, do you need something?

Uh, no, I'm fine.

I just-- I don't know
my room, but have fun.

Ugh.

- Oh God.
- Marcia, come on.

Oh, look, I write the
number of the room

right here on the key sleeve.

I feel like San
Francisco almost copied from
Lisbon,

but I-- I think the
bridge maybe in San Francisco--

Yeah, the Golden Gate Bridge.

How do you say a Lisbon person?

- Lisboa, Lisboa.
- Lisboa.

Yeah, like the cuisine
and also the architecture

and everything around.

This arch and
the architecture.

That looks like a
traditional costume.

Wanna go over there
and give them a hug?

How you doing?

Oh my God, there you are.

Hi!

Isn't it a little hot in there?

- Of course it's hot, yeah.
- You'll be hot all day

to make people smile.

Look, I love people like you.

You're my type of person.

- Thank you.
- Tell you, it's so great.

I'm not
sure what I expected

out of this last
leg of the trip,

but what did happen was more
than I could have hoped for.

Don't fall in your head.

I gotta take this.

What's up?

I can't believe
I'm gonna say this.

You went shark diving
and you lost an arm?

Arnold lost an
arm, he lost a leg.

- No.
- Arnold turned vegan.

You're fighting over
your love of meat.

Something's wrong with you.

I am many things.

All right, I'm out of
guesses, what's up?

I'm in love with Arnold.

Did you just say the l-word?

Yeah, I can't believe
it.

You know how hard it is
for me to open my heart.

It's only happened
twice in your life.

Jim, Christian, and now Arnold.

Yeah.

Why does his name
have to be Arnold?

Stop.

Have you told him?

No, that's the hard
part.

He has to say it first.

Yeah, good call, careful.

Love's a funny thing.

You think you're in love,

then they don't turn
their socks right side out

when they put 'em
in the laundry.

What?

Can I give you
some advice for, no,

after Arnold tells
you he loves you?

You are so much
better at relationships than me.

Don't marry him.

Why?

Should only get
married for the kids.

Stop taking a romance

out of this amazing
moment in my life.

You think you love
all these tiny quirks,

then all of a sudden, he's
partying on you all night long.

You fantasize about
getting a divorce,

then you wanna be a lesbian.

Kat, you gotta stop
projecting on me.

I mean, this is the
biggest emotional step

I've taken in a long while.

I'm sorry, this
pandemic is getting to me.

Being with the same person
24/7, especially a man.

Stop, freeze.

All right, I better
get back to him.

We're in this amazing
city of Lisbon,

staying at this
great hotel, Torel.

Take a picture.

Can't wait to meet
him in 10 years

when this quarantine is over.

Mmm.

Are you enjoying
the ice cream?

So good.

So you would
say you'd love it?

That's definitely some
of the best I've had.

I love it.

Oh, good.

Glad we got some.

So many tiles going to
making this building.

Yeah, a lot of
love went into it.

It's a lot of
work, but totally worth it.

So you love it?

It's great.

This is interesting neon art.

It's lovely.

Do you love it?

Yeah, I think it would
look great on a wall.

What's-- what's going on?

It's just that
I just got a text.

Oh, it's from my sister.

What's happening?

What'd she say?

She's coming to Portugal.

Oh my gosh, that's great.

- Mmm.
- Or not?

Yeah, no, it's-- it's
gonna be great.

I wanna see her.

I-- I thought she was staying
locked down for COVID.

She was.

What made her change her mind?

She wants to meet you.

Wow.

Can't believe that got
her out of the house.

Kind of a lot of pressure.

No, you'll be fine.

Yeah, sure I'll love her.

Feel like we've grown
a lot on this trip.

Yeah, it's been great
and I'm so glad you came.

Kind of sad it's
all gonna be over.

I love the show and
I love traveling, but--

Yeah, not a late night show.

No, and I feel so ungrateful
saying that, you know?

You talk about how grateful
you are for it every day,

but a dream is a dream.

Yeah.

You never know
what could happen.

And hey, I get to meet
your sister tomorrow.

How great is that?

Oh!

Hi.

- Oh.
- Hi, Kitty Kitty.

Oh, don't call me
that, I hate that.

- I know.
- It's a pleasure to meet you.

Oh.

Oh, good firm hug.

Works out, symmetrical
face, sort of.

Thanks.

Good to meet you, Arny.

It's Arnold.

Arny didn't work out.

Well, that's a
point against you.

Kat!

What, sorry.

So what are your
intentions with my sister?

She's joking.

You know, she's
really funny, right?

So funny.

Speaking of which,
Marcia used to interview

our parents' friends.

Everyone thought she
was so funny and clever.

She's weird.

I know.

Okay, you guys have
some fun here, okay?

I have to go up to the
room, I forgot something.

You know I rubbed that
weird claw thing on your head?

- Maybe.
- Uh-huh.

So seriously, what
are your intentions?

Then came
the interrogation.

- Share bathrooms.
- Yes.

- Do you do your own laundry?
- I can.

Do you turn your
socks right side out

before you put 'em
in the laundry?

Of course.

You weird things
in your sleep?

I don't know
'cause I'm sleeping.

Can you cook,
you do the dishes?

Clean kitchen
is very important.

How do you feel
about astrology?

- Nonsense.
- Psychics?

I think they're
just making it all up.

Are you lying right now?

Because if not, you
should marry me instead.

N-- no.

No, you won't marry me
or no, you're not lying.

Uh, both.

Aren't-aren't-aren't
you married?

Yes, that was a test.

Ah, sorry.

Um, yeah, I got-- I just gotta
take this real quick, sorry.

Who is it?

It's, uh, just work stuff.

I'll be right back.

Hey.

Yeah.

No, just let me see.

What'd you do to him?

Nothing.

He's on a "work" call.

What's for the air quotes?

He hesitated when
I asked who it was.

Are you sure he's not married?

I assume so.

I never asked him.

Always ask.

Kat, you gotta stop.

I know you wanna
protect me, okay?

But it's a fine line
between protecting

and sabotaging my relationship.

I'm not sabotaging.

What'd you do, grill him?

Isn't that why you
went to the bathroom?

Yeah, so?

He's great.

So great, in fact, I
asked him to marry me.

- What?
- It was a test.

He passed, he said no.

I hope so.

Would you fly here
just to judge him?

What do you think?

He could be great for you.

But maybe not.

That's the worst advice
I've ever heard of.

Well, he's sweet and
he totally adores you.

But you guys are living
in a fantasy world.

You're just going
from hotel to hotel

and everything's paid for.

What happens when
real life hits?

It's very different.

Well, maybe this is
the life that I'll have

and it'll continue.

I've seen you open your
heart and have it get broken.

I know you love him,

but that's only
gonna make it harder

if this doesn't work out.

Don't say anything until
you're real life tested,

and until you find out what
that phone call is all about.

Alright, cool.

Yeah, I'll talk to you then.

Um, Marcia, you go in.

I'll be right there.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Hello.

I just love the
Portuguese food.

This restaurant looks amazing.

He'll-he'll-he'll
know what I mean.

Okay, and tell him to
please, please keep quiet.

I-- I don't want her to know
anything until we're...

I gotta go, bye.

Tell me what's going on
right now or so help me,

I will kick you in the balls.

You shouldn't
have told me that

'cause now I'm just
gonna defend myself.

It's not funny.

Where's Marcia?

Checking out the restaurant?

You have three seconds to
tell me what's going on.

Good, 'cause I need
your opinion on something.

It's a little late.

I-- I'll try to come
back tomorrow.

What is going on?

Every time I leave the two
of you guys, he's gone.

You can tell him.

Tell him what?

The L word, if you want.

What, what?

What did he say?

Oh, it's killing me.

- I can't tell you.
- Yeah, you can.

And we'll just pretend
he doesn't know.

No, no, you guys are
going out for a nice dinner.

He has a surprise
and it is awesome.

Oh, come on.

Why did he tell you?

I threatened to
kick him in the balls.

You gotta stop doing that.

It works.

- Come on, get ready.
- Oh, God.

No, really good.

- Leopoldo.
- Hello.

- Hi.
- Your table is there.

- Thank you.
- Enjoy.

Hey, tell me.

I-I wanna know this.

I've been waiting for so long.

Okay, I know you
don't love Martin.

Oh, that's putting it lightly.

You love doing this show
but it's not your dream.

So I was thinking,

maybe I could help you
get your dream back.

A late night show?

That is your dream, right?

Yeah, um, that's so sweet,

but Hollywood and most of
the world think I'm old.

Have you seen some of
the men that do late night?

I'm a woman.

Have you seen any of them?

That's true, but they also
would say a woman like you

couldn't do a show like this,

and "An American
Abroad" is killing.

Yeah, but I have a
contract and I have no time.

We can do the show, the
late night show in Amsterdam,

and then when we're shooting
"An American Abroad,"

we can go to the best
rock and roll clubs

and shoot your late night show.

All I wanna do is interview.

- Totally.
- Oh my God.

But it costs money.

You know, I spent all my savings

when I put the crew
on a yacht to Patmos.

We don't need your money.

I wanna fund your show.

What?

Arnold, you can't quit your job.

I'm so sick of legal work.

I will happily give that up.

Look, I know a lot of people

and I've made a lot of calls
and run all the numbers.

I mean, why-- why do you
think I've been dodging you

on my phone for the past week?

Are you serious?

I'm as serious
as I am about you.

I love you, Marcia.

Oh my god.

Arnold, I love you.

Excuse me, here you go.

You know what?

Can we get a bottle
of champagne?

What kind of champagne?

- Your finest.
- Okay.

Uh, no, second finest, please.

- Very well.
- That's why

I have savings and you don't.

To your late night show.

To our late night show.

So that was it.

We produced and delivered

the first episode
of her dream show,

and we did it in one of
her favorite locations,

South Africa.

Welcome to Bright
Lights Late Night.

I'm your host, Marcia Kimpton.

Let's get this party started.

It was great
getting to see her shine.

She got to do interviews
with artists and musicians

and writers and other people
who just love to create

and make the world
a better place.

And I got to have a part in
that

and spend my life with
her while she did it.

What more could I ask for?

I've had this dream for
a very, very long time,

and my dream was always
is to showcase artists,

'cause I'm an
artist, and it shows

that there are no boundaries

between race, culture,
religion, nothing.

We are all united through
the arts and it's eternal.

So let's end with some music.

Let's do it.

♪ Thursday night[indistinct] ♪

♪ Trouble passed these dudes ♪

♪ But a man in the
Car is saying no way ♪