All language subtitles for 09 - Powerless

Oh, you're watching him making a
supervillain? Finished the whole thing

last night. Well, do not tell me how it
is, but I think he's innocent.

Seriously? His name is Dr. Psycho.

Yeah, but his original name was Psycho
Wits. They forced him to change it at

Ellis Island.

The real villain is the criminal justice
system.

Oh, girl.

Idiots. Okay, he tied Wonder Woman to a
rocket ship. Oh, the DA said he tied her

to a rocket ship, but if that's the
case... Where's the rope, Daddy? Where's

the rope, Dad? Find it. Prove it. Oh,
I've seen this program.

I can't believe they found him innocent.

Dorothy!

You bitch!

Well, I'm glad that you're all excited
about the corporate retreat. A special

shout out to the legal department who
just settled the lawsuit from last

year's retreat.

I'm looking at you, Wendy. Miss Blackout
and Get Naked.

That is not the order it happened in.

No, it was not.

I hope everyone used my checklist of
what to bring.

I did. Oh, crap.

I forgot my positive attitude.

Lucky for you, I brought plenty for
everybody.

Anyways, I made sure the retreat will
have all of your favorite things.

Parasailing, rum tasting, sitting by the
pool and judging people.

That's when they're at their most
vulnerable.

And a little something for everybody,
karaoke.

Karaoke? More like carry-noki.

matching t-shirts with personalized
catchphrases i made for everybody i

don't have a catchphrase oh she's good
so let's go everyone on the buses

everyone except for my group we have to
wait for dorothy no why would you put

dorothy in our group okay you know she's
not gonna be an ass in the tug of war

i'll tell you that right now my job is
to look out for everybody oh uh dorothy

can ride in my chopper i mean she's so
old maybe i'll just drop her off in

heaven

Okay, the V-Man is on fire!

It just came to me. All right, but
seriously, she can't ride my chopper.

Jackie, can you come in here, please?

You wanted something?

No.

But an overweight man in Ohio wants that
shirt back.

It's from Talbots.

Hey, yeah!

Are they feeding you jokes via an
earpiece?

No. No?

All right, fine.

The corporate retreat is my only
opportunity to get FaceTime with the big

dogs. Gabe and Noah over here wrote for
the Harvard Lampoon, and they were

executive story editors on the sweet
life of Zack and Cody.

What a great use of a Harvard education.

We can't all go to Bad Life Choices
University.

That's right, I said it. I mean, they
said it, but they're like...

dreams are still you i know i'm
exhausted that's why i need this retreat

so bad i'm just gonna get there chill
out and make sure wendy sleeps on her

side why do you do so much for these
people they're like children oh they're

not so bad 189 200 emily we're out of
post

-its okay maybe they are a little like
children all the more reason why i need

to be the one who keeps the train
running Even though the Emily butt needs

her batteries recharged, I'm going to
let that go because you're tired.

Emily, when are we leaving? I want to be
a-floating on the lazy river.

And I have to pee, but I'm holding you
for the lazy river.

Lazy rivers are corny. I'm going to an
artisanal honey tape thing hosted by Ira

Glass. Oh, I'm your friend, and even I
want to beat you up right now.

Guys, we're a team. We have to wait for
Dorothy, even though she's super late.

Don't want to have to give away her
T-shirt.

She does say that a lot. Trust me, no
one needs to get out of this office more

than me. We just have to wait a few
more... Which alarm is that?

Zombie violence?

Alien invasion.

Giant spider robots from another
dimension where the Nazis won?

No, that one goes... It's a gas attack.

and documentary star Dr. Psycho has just
released an unknown toxic gas into Charm

City. The mayor urged citizens to stay
indoors as his limousine pulled away.

Scientists estimate that it will take at
least 12 hours for the gas to disperse.

Who would have thought someone named Dr.
Psycho would be capable of something

like this?

All right, everyone.

Dr.

Psycho. He went to medical school. We
should get on the bus.

It says that if the gas reaches critical
levels, the whole building will go into

lock... Emergency lockdown procedure
initiated.

Stay calm.

I'll take unknown gas attacks for 500,
Alex.

I

can't believe

they think it's going to take 12 hours
for the gas to disperse. That's what

they said when Jackie ate that vending
machine burrito.

In your face!

I can't believe this is happening.

I needed this retreat so bad.

Well, if it makes you feel any better,
Emily, this is all your fault. If you

didn't make us wait for Dorothy, we'd be
on a bus to Coast City right now asking

Wendy to stop drawing penises on
people's faces.

Then stop falling asleep.

Oh, my God, Dorothy.

Hey, what if she's stuck out there in
the gas?

Well, actually, she's already at the
retreat.

No.

Okay, this is officially the worst
retreat ever. Guys, I'm in charge. Don't

freak out, okay? Relax. Breathe in.
Breathe out.

Oh, my God. My chopper can't make it
because of the gas.

We're all going to be stuck in here
together. I'm freaking out.

I can't believe this is happening.

Okay, hold on. Hold on. I can fix this.

Now, there is no reason we can't have
fun and bond here. You know, I've got my

karaoke machine and... No!

So that's a maybe on the karaoke.

But give me 20 minutes, and I will throw
something together you guys will love.

I'd rather take my chances with the gas.
I think we'd all rather you did that.

Jackie,

could you get that microphone I just
dropped?

All right.

I didn't have a ton of time, and these
are my backup decorations, so go easy on

me.

Who wants a flaming volcano?

Yep. I guarantee you'll lava them.

If you want, I can get my guys to punch
that up for you.

And to pass the time, I have a bunch of
fun games. It'll be just like Ruther or

Tree. Is this kayaking? Well, no.

Pair of sailing?

No. Wakeboarding? No, and before anyone
asks another one, we are trapped in the

office. The limitations of which you are
very familiar.

What, what, rafting? Shut up, Teddy.

I'll tell you what we do have.

Kelly Clarkson's greatest hits on
karaoke.

No! Okay, back in the maybe pile.

You know, this might be the four
volcanoes talking, but I don't totally

hate this.

Yeah, I don't hate this either. I do
hate this, but not as much as I thought

I would. I'm being told this is a bad
joke area.

Anyway, I am also not having a hellish
time.

Guys, I think we owe somebody a big
thank you.

To alcohol!

To alcohol!

Well, who wants to play a game of Desert
Island Companion? Hmm.

Is that where you pick someone to go in
a closet with you for seven minutes to

suck face?

Because I choose Van.

Let's go.

No, no, no.

We have no confirmation that that is the
game.

That's not the game. That is not the
game, Wendy. That is not the game. You

pick one person you'd want to be paired
with if you were stranded on a deserted

island. It's a team-building game.

Jackie, who would you pick?

I'd go by myself.

Okay. Let's say if you went by yourself,
you would starve to death.

That's fine.

Oh. I'd pick Bam because he's rich and
people would probably look for him.

Also, I can tell by his brittle nails
that he has an iron deficiency.

So by day 10, I'd be able to overpower
him.

And then I'd eat him piece by piece
while he was still alive so that the

meat doesn't spoil and I could survive
long enough to be rescued.

Teddy, you're up. Well, team building is
super lame, but obviously if I had to

pick somebody, I would pick my boy, Ron,
because he's my boy.

Aw. Ron, what about you?

Oh, I know. I'd pick... Go ahead.

Um... Go ahead.

Jackie.

Awkward!

How are you not picking me?

It's just that Jackie's smart and
practical, and plus she's a mom, so you

know she keeps snacks in her purse.

Yeah, but we're best friends. If we were
doing practical, I would have picked

Emily. Aw.

But I don't want to spend time with
Emily. I want to hang out with my bro.

Fine. Look, if you must know, it's just
that nothing's ever good enough for you.

And if you're on a desert island, you
must remain positive. There's a reason

why Tom Hanks put a smiley face on that
volleyball.

Oh, come on. At best, that volleyball
looked non-plus.

He was bewildered. Well, I wouldn't
bring Teddy because he's too frail to

catch or be food.

Well, I would never bring you, Wendy.
And by the way, I have been blasting my

quads lately, and they are a healthy
dose of lean protein. Jackie, feel my

thigh. No. Feel the thigh. No. I told
you, I don't want to eat any of you

idiots. I just want to die alone.

Well, luckily for you, that is
definitely going to happen.

Don't finish that sentence if you want
to live.

Okay, guys, I think we're missing the
point of the game. You're supposed to

say something positive.

Well, I'm positive that Teddy couldn't
spear a fish to save his life.

The hell I can't. I bet you 50 bucks you
can't throw this tiki torch hard enough

to knock over that trash can. Again, not
the game. You're on.

Yes! I'll blow it in on his ass. Yes,
yes.

All right, give me some room. Give me
some room. Give me some room. All right,

all right, all right.

So that happened.

Gas freeze.

Follow me!

Gas freeze.

Gas freeze.

Gas freeze.

Good thinking, Wendy.

Okay, we should all get the gas masks.

Oh, they're out there.

What? Where?

Then why'd you bring us in here, then?

Because it has everything we need. A
particle accelerator, a quantum field

synthesizer, and a bucket where we can
go to the bathroom.

But there's no food or water.

Well, there's that karaoke machine you
love so much.

Oh, good.

Oh, it's broken.

No, it's right... I changed my mind. I'm
picking Teddy for that desert island

thing. Oh, look at that. Maybe Jackie's
my boy. How dare you, traitor.

Okay, okay. We are all a little
stressed.

Now, if we can get the gas masks, we can
get some... pies, and somewhere safe,

and... Who went in the bucket?

You gave me four volcanoes. I'm only a
man.

All right.

It's not a big deal.

One of us will go get the hazmat suit,
grab the gas masks, and come back.

Where are the hazmat suits?

Well, you planned a costume party the
first night of the retreat, so Dorothy

and Randy went as Walter White and Jesse
Pinkman.

Can we focus? We just need someone to
hold their breath and go out there and

get the mask.

We don't know what that gas will do to
my skin or my white linen suit.

Well, I shouldn't go.

I'm a bit of a wild card. You can't
trust what I'll do out there.

Yeah, and we've already established that
I'm totally useless in a survival

situation, so... Okay, well, that's
fine, because I am perfectly happy

staying here and dying alone.

Check, please.

So that happened.

Wait, I already said, so that happened.

Noah's more of the joke guy. I write the
heart moment.

Anyway, he got stuck out in the gap. The
joke guy's dead?

Oh, well, well, well.

Looks like the joke fan's running on
empty.

Brett Rowe.

Damn it.

Brett Rowe?

Guy? Where's Emily?

I just need a helmet.

Oh.

This isn't the bathroom bucket, is it?

No, it's another bucket.

Good save.

How do I get these masks down?

Hold on. Teddy's checking the manual.

Okay, this manual is a mess. Who wrote
this abomination?

John Grisham? Not even John Grisham is
saved from your wrath now? This is why

you're not on my desert island. You know
what? I wouldn't want to be on an island

with you, the pelican brief, and your
phony positive attitude.

Guys, can you stop bickering for one
second and focus? I'm running out of

oxygen. And I'm pretty sure this is the
bathroom bucket.

It is.

Over.

You guys are useless.

Because he lets me live in his mother's
basement. Her sandwiches are delicious.

Emily, Emily, okay, whatever you do,
don't... Breathe in.

Emily, honey?

Are you okay, sweetie?

Am I okay?

How nice of you to ask.

Oh, she's fine, guys.

Because in all the time I've worked
here, not one of these selfish bastards

have expressed any interest in how I
feel.

I am like the mother bird who vomits
into your mouths to keep you alive. And

what do I give back?

Bitching, whining, moaning, when all I
wanted was to sing a little karaoke and

to wear cute and thoughtful magic
t-shirts. Well, if you're too cool to

match, then you're too cool for matching
gas masks.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

I'd like to recant my earlier
assessment.

I feel like it's some kind of anger gap.

Hey, Van.

I have a question for you.

Do you wipe your own ass?

Because I've never seen you do anything
by yourself.

You know, I hope Wendy does eat you.
Because then at least you'd serve some

purpose, you entitled, iron-deficient
son of a bitch.

For the record, I do wipe myself.

I have since I was a little over 30.

You found her.

Star Labs has confirmed the mysterious
fog is truth gas.

Well, that's not so bad.

Exposure to the gas for more than two
hours will, however, cause the nervous

system to shut down, resulting in death.

Now for some sports scores. From that
lying piece of crap who will never leave

his wife, Rock Donovan.

You guys probably didn't hear this, but
Emily said if she died, I'd get all her

stuff.

Emily, honey?

Okay, you got to come in here. The gas
is going to kill you. You know what's

killing me? That none of you ever say
thank you.

You know, you complained about how every
retreat sucked, so I busted my ass to

find one with a tisinal honey tasting.

You know, coughing all over other
people's face does not mean you have any

teddy. Your tracksuits make you look
like Daft Punk without the helmet.

Her mind is gone. I mean, she's talking
nonsense. Right, Jackie? Emily is not

coming in.

Someone's going to have to go save her.

Normally that'd be Emily.

So are you going to do it? I came up
with the idea, so I've done my part. And

I also have a good reason.

Damn it.

You guys don't want to be adults about
this? Maybe duck, duck, goose?

All right.

Okay.

Now if you get into any trouble, two
tugs and we'll pull you out.

Lure her in with this cherry Danish.

Would you like a cherry date?

We'll be back in days.

You got it. You got it.

I'm help, but...

Bucket's gone, and Emily's about to die.
We need to fix one of these things.

You know, I'm not usually one for making
speeches, but... Do you remember what it

was like before Emily came here?

We were all just a bunch of strangers
working in the same office.

But then a funny thing happened.

A lady named Emily arrived. She taught
us how to love. She taught us how to

care. By taking care of all of us. Is he
doing an accent?

Yeah. But she made us a family, and
family means doing.

Even if you're doing something you might
not want to do, but doing it, we're

going to do.

And not just for us, for Emily!

That was beautiful.

And look at the instrument I had to
play.

Guys, Van slash Gabe is right.

I think we know the sacrifice we need to
make to get Emily back in here.

Oh.

Here's the thing, we started out great.

It was cool, but it was all pretend.

Yeah, yeah.

Since you've been gone.

You dedicated, you took the time.

It wasn't long till I called you mine.

So you really don't remember anything?

No. It's a complete blank.

So, even though we never made it to
Coast City, you guys really think it was

the best retreat you've ever had?

Oh, for sure.

And it was all thanks to you, Emily.

Thanks, Emily.

Well, guys, come on. You don't need to
thank me.

Sure.

You know, we appreciate how much you do
for us, but, like, you don't have to.

You're family.

We love you no matter what.

Plus, we hate for you to go all psycho
on us.

Ha,

that's funny.