Original subtitles

So you guys are going out on back-to-back nights. You must really

like this Hannah girl.

Well, she's funny.

She's gorgeous.

And like me, she understands mid-century design, but she's over it. Well, a

burrito toast to that.

This is just some charmed fishing.

You know what you should add to your fucking plan?

Skydiving!

I don't know today.

Well, most people go with thank you.

I'm going to say thanks because I'm not most people.

Oh, my God. We met Green Fury.

I guess we know what you're talking about over dinner with Hannah tonight.

Who?

Uh, excuse me?

Do you validate the parking?

Oh, no, that's not me.

I'm actually the Senior Vice President of Research and Development.

Oh, but you sit at the receptionist desk?

No, no, no, no.

That's the receptionist desk.

This is the Senior Vice President's desk.

I'll just get you the stickers.

I swear to God, if you do this, I will send my lawyer to your house to shave

your head in your sleep!

This is not a bluff, Mother!

Emily, have your parents ever done that thing where they turn your childhood

bedroom into a second butler's pantry?

No.

They kept me and my sister's room the same.

Bunk beds and all.

Bunk beds?

Were you raised in a prison?

Van, did you know I'm the only senior vice president in this building who

doesn't have a real office?

Emily. You thrive in the cubicles. You're like a tropical fish that lives

in the coral reef. But if you took that fish out and gave it its own office, it

would die.

What? Fish need water.

Van, it's hard enough getting people to take me seriously when they think I'm

the person who validates their parking.

I think at your age, being entrusted with parking stickers speaks to your

character. I know an office doesn't really mean anything, but to me, it's a

symbol of how hard I've worked to get here.

It's like the pride a butler feels when he gets his second pantry.

Oh,

I love that.

Yeah. Emily, nothing would make me happier than to give you your own

office. But?

No buts. However,

there's no space, so no can do.

Swim away, little fish. Seriously, get out.

Look, do I like Hannah? Yes.

But there's just something special about Green Fury.

Sure, she can fly and shoot fire out of her hands. But you said Hannah could

quote any Seinfeld episode.

Now that's special.

Seinfeld. So underrated.

It doesn't matter, because superheroes don't date regular people.

What about Lois Lane?

She won a Pulitzer.

You write satirical Yelp reviews.

As a hobby? This is silly. You're never even going to see Green Fury again.

I mean, unless you fall off another balcony.

Or she can't stop thinking about me either, and she's trying to find me.

I would go balcony.

Jackie!

Yeah?

I was upset when Mother sent me my childhood toys, but I am... I'm really

enjoying this trip down memory lane.

It seems like just yesterday that I was playing with my little pony.

Oh, my daughter loves hers. Won't put it down.

I put mine down.

Horse cancer.

Your meeting with Emily is about to start. She wanted to do it in her new

office. Emily doesn't have an office. Remember that room that you had sealed

off because you found a spider?

She opened Hell's Gate? She said that she had a meeting with a couple of execs

from the Gotham office and needed a space.

My, my, my.

Do you see what she's doing here?

No. But I'm very excited to hear what you think she's doing.

She's trying to cut out the middleman. First, it's the office.

Second, she's setting up meetings with corporate without me. The next thing you

know, she's going to be the one high-fiving Bruce Wayne in a threesome.

Well, I am going to put an end to this.

I can't believe I have my own office.

I've been dreaming about this ever since I was a little girl.

Wow, so you've been this boring your whole life?

Ooh, take a picture of me to send to my family. Ooh, okay.

Oh, no, that's not what I meant.

Okay.

Is that photo for your mugshot?

Because I'm looking at a criminal.

How did you get this office? You said there was no space, so I went to HR, and

they said I could have this office if I cleared out the spiders.

Which you did, Brad. I mean, there are no longer spiders in here.

Look, H.R. was mistaken. If you had talked to me, you would know that I have

huge plans to turn this into a storage room.

Are you kidding me? You have till the end of the day to get back into your

work pens.

Teresola! God, they jump at your face.

You know, it's not often you see such a modest dream crush so quickly.

Say cubicle.

He really thinks he can take my office from me and I'm just going to sit here

and watch it go down?

That's literally what's happening right now. If you're surprised by that, you

clearly don't understand the teetering house of cards that is Van's ego.

This is a man who won't let anybody see him sneeze because he thinks it's a sign

of weakness.

He won't even kiss me because he says it's against company policy.

What a pussy.

If I could give you just one piece of advice, don't just march in there and...

She's gone.

Another outstanding shot, sir. Thank you for your vanilla commentary, Steve, but

the only reason you are here is to walk the arrows back. Oh, snag me another

ring pop, this one's down to the bone.

Van, I want my office back.

Emily, once the space opens up, I'll be happy to give it to you. But now, I'm in

the middle of something very...

Important.

Oh! Better luck next time, sir. That is where I was aiming. You don't!

Oh, green arrow dart.

I used to have this game as a kid. You any good?

I haven't lost a match in my life.

Well, neither have I.

I wonder who's better.

You know what, Emily?

Once you throw down that gauntlet, it cannot be unthrown.

I don't want to unthrow it.

Good, because you can't.

Good. Good. Good.

Steve, what the hell, Meg? Pick your moments.

I'll tell you what.

Why don't we play tomorrow during lunch? If I win, your storage room goes back to

being my office.

Ha! Steve!

Ha! If you win, you can turn it into a unicorn stable for all I care because

that is a fairy tale.

Ha! Ha!

Now it is on!

Hey, Teddy.

What you up to, buddy?

What wizard did this to you?

Pretty convincing, huh?

Now I just gotta set this trap, dig a snare, and reel in the bait.

I don't know anything about hunting. Oh, Teddy, is it possible that you've built

up this encounter because a beautiful woman literally came out of the clouds

and saved your life?

Nah, she was into me, dude.

Careful, citizen. The Olympian might not be there next time. Yeah, thanks a lot.

Uh, you seem disappointed.

No, no, no. Yeah, I'm alive, man. That's great. Awesome. Thanks, man.

Thanks. Thank you.

Dick.

Put down that tiny bow. You cannot beat Van.

Oh, no, I can.

I am pretty good.

Let me rephrase. You ought not beat Van.

He took my office from me. She's dreamt about that since she was a really boring

child. Look, honey, we all think you deserve that office.

But there's something bigger at stake here. I think there's something you need

to see.

Employee of the month?

I didn't even know we had this room.

Oh, it's one of the many things we keep from you. Like the secret bathroom on

the sales floor that's always empty.

Does not exist. I don't know why I said that.

We make sure Van wins every month because there was one time he didn't.

Recognize this lady?

No. Exactly.

Kate won her first month here. So, when Van caught her taking a company

croissant from a staff meeting home with her, he fired her on the spot.

And after he demanded a recount, it turned out Van actually won.

I don't know.

Yeah!

So you guys give him this every month just to stroke his ego?

Oh, no, no, no. We do it to survive.

If you beat Van, it won't just be bad for you. It will be bad for all of us.

which is why you're going to throw this game.

Fine. Van's ready to destroy you.

Do you enjoy being his little bitch?

It's called a squire, Emily.

Van, are we going to do this or what?

And now, please welcome the one.

I hope you say goodbye to your loved ones because I'm going to skin you alive

and wear you to your own funeral.

All I can do is try my best and hope for a positive outcome.

Where did you learn to trash talk? At the puppies and rainbows school for

sunshine?

Dang. Great shot!

Not... Boo!

Hey, Emily, could you run and get me eight hours' worth of parking stickers,

because I could do this all day!

Looks

like

I just needed to get a little warmed up.

Are you doing? You fed this monster's ego for far too long.

I'm giving him a dose of reality.

Look at him. You are the greatest. I know that. You are the strongest.

I am aware. You are the fastest.

Does that look like a man who wants to face reality?

Excellent bone structure. Keep it above the waist. Above the waist. When I get

this, and I will, I get my office back.

different about the office today?

Yeah. Why am I so, like, comfortable?

We got new chairs!

Hey!

Good morning!

What a beautiful day, but stones will make it better, wouldn't you say?

You can say thank you if you will. Hey, grab one.

Bear claw, good choice. Rebecca, that's right. I learned your name.

Even though you lost the match and the office is mine to do with whatever I

want, I'm going to give it to you anyway.

Because that's the kind of guy I am.

Did you hear that, gang?

I love you, man.

Kay, Lee, Malcolm, Zoe, Simon.

Puffy-haired guy. Look at that.

Now, normally we just roll over and he leaves us alone.

But I guess the real... trick is to put up a fight but ultimately let him

humiliate you okay first of all i wasn't even trying until halfway we all got

what we wanted here he got a win you got the office and i don't have to make his

coffee he's doing it himself wow

he's trying anyway the point is you got what you wanted so who cares how it

happened

Are you sure you should be shining a 20,000 watt light into the night sky?

Uh, ever heard of the bat signal?

It's actually kind of a genius plan. She's going to see her trademark GF

flame in the sky.

Zip on down.

Next thing you know, she's wearing me like a backpack and we're halfway to

Tokyo for some Wagyu beef.

Well, this is certainly a good story to tell the woman you actually end up

marrying. Okay, speaking of picking up on signals, I'm sending a pretty clear

one for you to beat it. Ron, wait.

No, no, no, no, no. Oh, shoot.

You know what?

Maybe I should call Hannah.

Yeah.

Get her some flowers.

Nice.

Does this look straight to you?

Van, I want a rematch. No, he won fair and square. Come on. No.

Emily, all a rematch would do is rob you of what is clearly a much-needed lesson

in how to lose a little class.

Oh, and you're going to teach it to me.

No, of course not. I've never lost at anything.

The closest I've come to failure is when I spelled it to win the regional

spelling bee.

Failure, F-A-L-U-R-E.

Failure.

That's right, Emily.

That's how it's spelled.

Emily, don't feel bad. There is a long list of some very talented people who

have fallen at the feet of Vanderveer Wayne.

You beat Dr.

Dre in a rap battle? He had me on my heels until I hit him with, Dr.

Dre, man, you gay.

Now, you've got to remember, this was the 90s, and that kind of casual

homophobia was commonplace.

Oh, best bod, Daytona Beach, 1998.

hot dog eating champion the same year?

Delish. Oh, my God, how deep does this go?

Somebody pull the fire alarm!

People have been letting you win your whole life, so you would never have to

experience F-A-I-L-U-R-E.

What is that, the French spelling?

Your family and everyone in your life have been going to insane lengths to

make you think you're a winner.

That is not true.

Oh, yeah? Ask Jackie whether or not you've really been employee of the month

for the past four years.

Oh. But I guess I'm not telling you anything you didn't already know because

you were most perceptive baby of 1971.

Get out.

Get out!

Both of you, get out!

Was that even you, Dr. Dre?

Are you even a doctor?

you haven't moved on warning it's like watching an iguana oh well

you broke them emily that's not the way a man who wants to live sneezes trust me

this is better for everybody in the long run we can't keep tiptoeing around his

ego his ego you're the one who eviscerated a grown man because he

couldn't handle losing a kid's game it's possible i don't like losing

But it was more about the principal.

That you deserved your own office.

Yes. Which he had already given to you before you did that to him.

It's really good to see you, Hannah.

I'm glad I figured out that snafu where my phone was dropping calls and couldn't

send texts.

I'm assuming you fixed it by switching it off in BS mode.

You're cute.

believe this is yours?

Oh, hey, you're the guy from the balcony.

You guys out on a date?

No.

You look great.

That looks like you're out on a date.

Hey.

Cool. Cool.

I'm gonna.

Great.

Hey, boss.

How we feeling?

You're right. There is an I in failure, and it's I.

Me. Me. My. I don't... I can't even grammar properly.

It's all a lie.

Was I actually prom king? And did my date really like me? Or was she just

another flunky on the Wayne payroll?

Oh, well, she seemed... nice.

Who is this fella?

Oh, that's her uncle, Filky Valentine. He was our chaperone. Oh, my God.

She was whole.

No one has ever loved me.

Okay, that's not true.

Your parents put an obscene amount of time and effort into making sure you

never experienced even one moment of disappointment.

They must have really cared about you.

You know, you haven't lost at everything. You did beat me at the Green

Arrow game.

All by yourself.

That's right.

I did.

See? There you go. I destroyed you! It was very close.

We don't need to be squaring off like this. We are on the same team. And if we

both refuse to lose, then we can accomplish great things. You're right. I

don't need to be threatened by your wins. Because your wins are my wins.

And your losses, I can just blame on you.

That's not exactly what... Emily!

I am back!

Now get out of my office. I'm about to sneeze.

Oh. I'm going to sneeze.

Get out!

Oh, good. It's gone.

That wasn't that bad.

That's funny.